Pretty Little Episode #30

Fortune and Mae talk bedazzled body parts, childhood misconceptions, and more on a P. L. E. to remember! Handsome is streaming LIVE from Austin April 12! Get your tickets here https://www.squadup.com/events/handsome-streaming-live-from-austin. Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterSubmit questions to speakpipe.com/handsomepod http://speakpipe.com/handsomepodFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:05Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the program before sitting down to enjoy a school play? I'm in shambles. Turns out there's no intermission during this three-hour Shakespeare adaptation, and I really need to go to the bathroom. Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings

• 1:19Mae Martin?

  with a premium, professional website.

• 1:21Fortune Feimster?

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• 1:54Mae Martin?

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• 2:17Fortune Feimster?

  Pretty little episode.

• 2:19Mae Martin?

  Hello and welcome to a pretty little episode. I'm Mae Martin, joined by the bedazzling.

• 2:27Fortune Feimster?

  Fortune Feenster. I'm bedazzled.

• 2:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah, why did I say, I should have just said dazzle, because bedazzled means you've actually stuck gems to you, right?

• 2:36Fortune Feimster?

  Which could happen.

• 2:38Mae Martin?

  I don't know.

• 2:39Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe I've got jeans right now that are full of rhinestones.

• 2:45Mae Martin?

  That was such a thing for a while. And vajazzled?

• 2:49Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that's for your vajayjay.

• 2:52Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 2:52Fortune Feimster?

  The ladies would put little, I don't know, stars or things around.

• 2:58Mae Martin?

  That was one of those things that was like, every standup comedian had a vajazzled punchline or something. Yeah, right?

• 3:06Fortune Feimster?

  I've never seen them in person on anyone.

• 3:10Mae Martin?

  No, and I want to.

• 3:12Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe they'll make a comeback.

• 3:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:14Fortune Feimster?

  This seems like hot glue.

• 3:16Mae Martin?

  I know, like, are they super glued on? Like, how do you, yeah?

• 3:20Fortune Feimster?

  Gotta be a hot glue.

• 3:22Mae Martin?

  A hot glue. Have you ever done any, like, candle wax sexual things or anything?

• 3:29Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, god, no.

• 3:34Fortune Feimster?

  I'm assuming that means you have.

• 3:37Mae Martin?

  I have, but I've done with regular candles and then I've done with candles specifically for that, where they're, where like the wax.

• 3:45Fortune Feimster?

  Like an oil or something?

• 3:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like it doesn't get too hot or something, but.

• 3:49Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. How did the regular candle work out?

• 3:52Mae Martin?

  Better, actually. There's something that, the, the specific candles, it's like, because it's not really painful. It's just like an annoying feeling. Like, it's like almost painful and it just makes you want to slap the person. Because you're just like, ah, stop.

• 4:07Fortune Feimster?

  And what do you do? You're just pouring wax on?

• 4:09Mae Martin?

  You know, you tie someone up, you're dripping wax on them. I don't know, or vice versa.

• 4:15Fortune Feimster?

  Wow, we have very different situations.

• 4:20Mae Martin?

  I mean, you know, I'll try anything.

• 4:22Fortune Feimster?

  But you know what? Why not?

• 4:24Mae Martin?

  Why not?

• 4:24Fortune Feimster?

  I like that you explore. I think it's great.

• 4:27Mae Martin?

  Thank you. And as you can see, my love life is very happy and I'm very fulfilled. JK, JK.

• 4:37Fortune Feimster?

  What I do see is you in a, it looks like you're in a new space.

• 4:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm in my new house.

• 4:42Fortune Feimster?

  Wow.

• 4:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's really still coming together. I'm like weirdly, cause they're building, I'm like crouched on the ground here.

• 4:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I was worried about you getting a, your leg falling asleep or something.

• 4:55Mae Martin?

  It did, it did. And I powered through.

• 4:59Fortune Feimster?

  Are you enjoying this new space?

• 5:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm like unpacking boxes that I've actually been in boxes for years that I never unpacked at previous places. And I'm finding, I'm finding like, things that I guess two years ago, I was like, this is so important. And it's like, a little clay sculpture that I did of a man. I don't know. It's, but it's nice to have my personality around me, you know, and be more settled. But it's all covered in like dust and sheets right now. And yeah.

• 5:31Fortune Feimster?

  I find in the beginning, like when I bought my first house, it's so exciting. Cause you're like, this is mine. It's my space. It's permanent. I mean, as permanent as you end up making it. But as far as like, you're not renting, you can do whatever you want to the walls or whatnot. But there is this pressure you feel to just get it all done.

• 5:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 5:52Fortune Feimster?

  In one go. And just know that you don't have to have your entire house.

• 5:57Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 5:58Fortune Feimster?

  Fixed or decorated. It can be a year before it's all done.

• 6:03Mae Martin?

  That's so true. I'm like, I'm, I'm too pumped envisioning like dinner parties and stuff. So I'm trying to get everything done. But you're right. Sometimes you have to live in it first and see what you.

• 6:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, cause it will change what you want to do.

• 6:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:15Fortune Feimster?

  And, and you can go room by room. I always say, start with the den and the. But and your bedroom.

• 6:22Mae Martin?

  Yes, yeah, well, I bought um houseplants for the first time ever, like real, real ones.

• 6:29Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 6:29Mae Martin?

  They came, I found this company online and they came like. I ordered four plants and they're gonna get delivered already potted and everything.

• 6:37Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 6:37Mae Martin?

  This company over communicated so much. I had texts, I had emails, I had like. Yeah, just being like, well, I'm in traffic, but I'll probably be there in forty five. I'm like, okay, and then. Well, so have you ever had plants before?

• 6:51Fortune Feimster?

  You could just go to Home Depot and buy some plants.

• 6:53Mae Martin?

  I should have, but also now I'm really like. You know, on Instagram, I see a lot about how you've got to talk to plants and they're magical and they respond to love. So I've been like. Like the first night with these plants, I was like, guys. You know, I know it's probably been stressful to get here, but like, we're gonna have a really good year.

• 7:13Fortune Feimster?

  Doing it.

• 7:14Mae Martin?

  And then I said out loud, I was like, I'm gonna take really good. Care of you, just like, tell me what you need and like, we'll take care of each other. And then I thought, imagine if I was the plant, I'd be like. They want us to tell them what we need, like, we can't speak, what do you mean, just water and sun. Yeah. And they're like, wait, you want us to take care of you as well? How? Like so needy.

• 7:39Fortune Feimster?

  Scared at all there by yourself, or it feels pretty comfy cozy?

• 7:43Mae Martin?

  I'm scared, of course, yeah. I've got um a big gate, but it is scary being alone in a house for sure.

• 7:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 7:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and I hear little noises and things and. Yeah, but there's a possum that I saw that lives around me and um it was nice to meet him and I hope I made a good impression, because. I think he'd be a good ally.

• 8:04Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 8:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah, do you have any wildlife living around you that you, do you ever feed birds or anything?

• 8:10Fortune Feimster?

  I sure don't.

• 8:11Mae Martin?

  Well, you got biggie. You don't need the possum to be on your side.

• 8:14Fortune Feimster?

  Big like crows around, they're a nuisance. You think you wanna put out a bird thing, but it would attract the, the, those birds and they're. A real pain in the ass.

• 8:24Mae Martin?

  Really? Well, just because they're loud and. Aggressive?

• 8:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 8:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:29Fortune Feimster?

  At my old house, we had a large fountain in the front yard. And they would like murder each other in this fountain.

• 8:36Mae Martin?

  Seriously?

• 8:39Mae Martin?

  Like to the death?

• 8:40Fortune Feimster?

  Like to the death.

• 8:41Mae Martin?

  Oh, my god.

• 8:43Fortune Feimster?

  Dead crows on the reg in this thing. And we're like, what's happening? There's enough water for all of you.

• 8:50Mae Martin?

  That's so dark.

• 8:51Fortune Feimster?

  I know, but in the South, though, my grandmother had like a bird bath or bird feeder. And you would get these really beautiful little birds and it's just all crows.

• 9:01Mae Martin?

  I I knew a guy who was, this is in my teens, and this guy was like a pretty big coke head. And he had, he had pet budgies and he was so kind of, I don't know, cocaine, I think warps your moral compass. It makes you a little sinister sometimes if you do enough of it. And he fed these budgies turkey, he kept feeding them meat of other birds. And they became like, they got a taste for it and they became really aggressive and animalistic.

• 9:28Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 9:29Mae Martin?

  It was really, it was really dark.

• 9:31Fortune Feimster?

  The things coke will do.

• 9:33Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 9:34Fortune Feimster?

  The trickle down effect.

• 9:36Mae Martin?

  And then one night, one morning, I found him fully clothed in the bathtub, no water in the bath. And I said, what are you doing in the bath? And he went, didn't you put me in the bath?

• 9:48Mae Martin?

  That was pretty funny.

• 9:49Fortune Feimster?

  You're like.

• 9:50Mae Martin?

  Dark times, dark times.

• 9:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, dark times.

• 9:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:53Fortune Feimster?

  But guess what? You're in, you're in happy times, you're starting anew and I love it for you.

• 9:59Mae Martin?

  Thank you, I feel that. Yeah, it's, there's a lot of sunlight in the house. And I'm excited to have people over to paint animals and hang out.

• 10:06Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, put your friends to work.

• 10:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, exactly. No, no, just to paint whimsical paintings of animals.

• 10:11Fortune Feimster?

  I thought you meant. Paint my bedroom.

• 10:16Fortune Feimster?

  Which I have had friends do. They're like, I'll make dinner and provide booze if you can help me like paint my fence or something.

• 10:24Mae Martin?

  I like that. That gives me, you a sense of community.

• 10:26Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 10:27Mae Martin?

  I won't do that to you, don't worry.

• 10:28Fortune Feimster?

  All right. I was coming for the food.

• 10:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, hang out.

• 10:33Fortune Feimster?

  Let's get to some questions.

• 10:35Mae Martin?

  Let's do it.

• 10:36Speaker 05

  Hi, ansomes. My name is Chelsea. I'm a pretty little lady from Winnipeg in Canada. Big fan of the podcast. Shout out to May. I've been a fan of yours for a while. You're the reason I started listening to the podcast, so thank you so much. My question to you is, with the exception of stories that get told around the holidays. What is something that you were told as a kid that you believed to be true? That ended up not being true, but you believed it for an embarrassingly long time?

• 11:06Mae Martin?

  Oh, man. True love?

• 11:10Mae Martin?

  I mean, I, I, I think we were all sold a kind of lie about romance and love.

• 11:16Fortune Feimster?

  Rom coms, dude.

• 11:17Mae Martin?

  Yes, because we always see these like, sort of toxic, passionate things.

• 11:23Fortune Feimster?

  Like a guy stalking a girl or something?

• 11:26Mae Martin?

  Like, um, yeah, You've Got Mail is so toxic and like Romeo and Juliet and we, we thought that that's what love was, these big fireworks.

• 11:34Fortune Feimster?

  The passion, right?

• 11:34Mae Martin?

  Yes, yeah, but actually.

• 11:36Fortune Feimster?

  I do think it tainted people in that, that you, if your relationship isn't full of that kind of passion, you think it's bad or wrong?

• 11:44Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 11:45Fortune Feimster?

  And I'm like, no, actually it's pretty normal not to have that level of passion because that passion leads to other, like you said, toxic things.

• 11:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and also it puts so much emphasis on just connection and chemistry, which is like, th- that's great, but relationships are also, it's a choice. It's like, you know, it's making that decision every day and like putting work into it. And like, there's never a movie about that, about the day to day, like.

• 12:11Fortune Feimster?

  The, the actual work it takes.

• 12:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 12:14Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Yeah, because it's all, it's all romanticized. You're seeing the best versions of people falling in love.

• 12:21Mae Martin?

  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

• 12:22Fortune Feimster?

  Not like, um, hey, we got bills to pay.

• 12:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:27Fortune Feimster?

  Or tired.

• 12:29Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, we're tired, yeah. What about, um, I, my mom told me that, and we, they told me everything, like they didn't, they never let me believe in Santa, like they told me.

• 12:40Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really?

• 12:41Mae Martin?

  No, they said that's a lie and they said there's no God, like they were really, like wildly, like, I was really jaded as a kid, but they, um.

• 12:50Fortune Feimster?

  You don't seem jaded to me now.

• 12:52Mae Martin?

  Thank you.

• 12:54Fortune Feimster?

  Well, no, you said you were jaded when you were young. So when do you think that that evolves into not being jaded?

• 13:02Mae Martin?

  It was more like I had too much information at a young age, I think. Like I I knew too much about like the adult world and but I remember still wanting to believe in Santa and being like, no, I still want to leave cookies out for him. And my parents being like, but you know, it's just us. We're just gonna eat the cookies. And I was like, let me live.

• 13:21Fortune Feimster?

  That's fine.

• 13:22Mae Martin?

  That's fine. Let me write the letter to Santa.

• 13:25Fortune Feimster?

  Let me have some magic.

• 13:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. What about you? Were you like a whimsical child that believed in like magical things and creatures?

• 13:35Fortune Feimster?

  Um, yeah, I believed in Santa, but I was always trying to get to the bottom of how much Santa paid for things.

• 13:42Mae Martin?

  Right. The logistics.

• 13:45Fortune Feimster?

  I always was trying to like, look for price tags on, and I'd be like, there's a price tag on this.

• 13:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:51Fortune Feimster?

  And my mom would be like, get off my back.

• 14:01Fortune Feimster?

  So, yeah, I was like, wanted the magic, but also wanted to know like, the logic of it.

• 14:07Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 14:07Fortune Feimster?

  Like, so I had both sides.

• 14:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:10Fortune Feimster?

  But I did love looking in the sky and trying to see Santa and whatnot. Um, but I I believed in that stuff to the proper age. And then at whenever that age is that you're like, okay. I, the only thing I can think of, there's nothing that's coming to my brain as far as like beliefs.

• 14:31Mae Martin?

  Hmm.

• 14:31Fortune Feimster?

  Um, but my mom, we weren't very forward when talking about like, the human body or sex or anything like that. Like, we just didn't talk about it. So my mom would call, this is so embarrassing. My mom would call the vagina a boom boom.

• 14:52Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. Why isn't Tig here?

• 14:57Fortune Feimster?

  I just called it a boom boom for like so long, like

• 15:02Mae Martin?

  Like into high school?

• 15:03Fortune Feimster?

  And I think may- maybe till like

• 15:06Mae Martin?

  Middle school?

• 15:07Fortune Feimster?

  Junior high, yeah.

• 15:07Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 15:09Fortune Feimster?

  And I said it in front of my friend's mom, like, and she, and my friend's mom was like, what? And I go, you know, your boom boom.

• 15:17Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 15:18Fortune Feimster?

  And, um, they, my friends started dying laughing and I'm like, what? That's what it's called.

• 15:26Mae Martin?

  You got your boom boom and your bum bum.

• 15:28Fortune Feimster?

  I was like, ew.

• 15:29Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 15:32Mae Martin?

  Let's face it, like vagina is not a great word.

• 15:35Fortune Feimster?

  It's not a great word.

• 15:36Mae Martin?

  It's not fun to say.

• 15:39Mae Martin?

  Boom boom is pretty badass, yeah.

• 15:42Fortune Feimster?

  So that was highly embarrassing when they realized I did not know the medical, um, term vagina.

• 15:50Mae Martin?

  That's really good. A boom boom. So she would be like, did you wash your boom boom? Or like?

• 15:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 15:58Mae Martin?

  Ow, I, I fell right on my boom boom.

• 16:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 16:01Mae Martin?

  Oh my god. I love that. What did she call a penis?

• 16:06Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I don't recall.

• 16:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 16:10Fortune Feimster?

  I guess.

• 16:11Mae Martin?

  Ask your brother, I bet there was something weird. Like a, like a dong, dong dong.

• 16:16Fortune Feimster?

  So yeah, that was very embarrassing. So thanks for the memory.

• 16:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 16:23Mae Martin?

  My mom told me that she was Pippi Longstocking and that the books were based on her because she had red hair. And, uh, it used to infuriate me because on, on some level, I knew it wasn't true, but there was a slight possibility it was. And it would just drive me insane. I'd be like, no, you're not. She'd be like, I am.

• 16:44Mae Martin?

  Well, thanks for that question. Wait, I want to hear this answer from, uh,

• 16:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, from Chelsea.

• 16:49Speaker 05

  So one time I was with my dad and my brother and we were at a local golf center. And to enter this building, there was a revolving door. And we were on our way out. My dad was paying, I think, for the time we had been playing mini golf or something. And my brother and I were just kids and being bratty and we were running around through the revolving door. And my dad told us to quit it. And when I asked why, he sort of said, that's because you could suffocate in there. So I believed until well into my, I think, early twenties that if you spent too much time in a revolving door, or if you went through it too slowly, that you would in fact suffocate due to lack of oxygen. And when I finally learned that that wasn't true, not only was I so embarrassed, but I was shocked at how long I went thinking

• 17:34Speaker 05

  that that could be true.

• 17:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:38Mae Martin?

  That's really good.

• 17:39Fortune Feimster?

  It worked. I probably didn't spend too much time in one of those revolving doors.

• 17:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And I guess if you spent tons, like, maybe you could one day suffocate if you spent like a month in there.

• 17:51Fortune Feimster?

  But you know, when you're a parent and you just don't want your kid to do something, you throw that stuff out. Like, hey, you don't, you know.

• 17:57Mae Martin?

  Do you remember, like, an urban myth about somebody flushing the toilet on an airplane while sitting down?

• 18:05Fortune Feimster?

  Suck you down out of it?

• 18:06Mae Martin?

  It would suck your guts out, your bum.

• 18:08Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I heard of that one.

• 18:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 18:10Fortune Feimster?

  I think I still get weird about flushing.

• 18:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah, me too, me too, yeah.

• 18:15Fortune Feimster?

  In an airplane.

• 18:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Should we hear another one?

• 18:18Speaker 06

  Hi, Ansem Pod. This is Cristella from Austin, Texas. May, Tig, Fortune. Love you guys as a trio and love you guys individually. Here is my question. Is there a name that you've always liked? Maybe you thought you would change your name to that someday, or you would have a child name that someday? And do you like it?

• 18:38Mae Martin?

  Great question.

• 18:40Fortune Feimster?

  It's great.

• 18:41Mae Martin?

  It's great. Uh, I would love to, I've always thought I would like to name my son Bugs or Buster.

• 18:50Fortune Feimster?

  Bugs.

• 18:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Buster after Buster Keaton.

• 18:53Fortune Feimster?

  I like Buster.

• 18:55Mae Martin?

  You do? And how do you feel about Bugs?

• 18:58Fortune Feimster?

  Bugs is, I mean, listen, to each their own. It's a little more out there.

• 19:03Mae Martin?

  Like Bugs Bunny, like.

• 19:04Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 19:05Mae Martin?

  Bugs Bunny always comes out on top.

• 19:07Fortune Feimster?

  Bugs, to me, seems like a pet name. And it could be because of Bugs Bunny.

• 19:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:13Fortune Feimster?

  Buster, I can see being a little kid.

• 19:15Mae Martin?

  Bugs could be the nickname of Buster.

• 19:18Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm.

• 19:19Mae Martin?

  I also really like, um, the idea of Benny for a girl, like Benny and the Jets?

• 19:24Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm. I've never wanted kids, so I've never spent too much time thinking about what my invisible kids' names were.

• 19:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah. What about if you were trans, what would you want your boy name to be?

• 19:38Fortune Feimster?

  I feel like sometimes you take whatever your name is and make it the masculine version of it.

• 19:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:44Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know what Fortune.

• 19:46Mae Martin?

  Like.

• 19:47Fortune Feimster?

  Would equate to.

• 19:48Mae Martin?

  Frank.

• 19:50Fortune Feimster?

  Frank. I definitely wouldn't want Frank.

• 19:53Mae Martin?

  You wouldn't? Frank Feimster's pretty good.

• 19:56Fortune Feimster?

  I know. I do like the alliteration.

• 19:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah, alliteration's key. Like, I'd have to be.

• 20:01Fortune Feimster?

  Fort, Fort?

• 20:02Mae Martin?

  Fort.

• 20:03Fortune Feimster?

  And I'd just be called Fort?

• 20:04Mae Martin?

  Furt.

• 20:06Fortune Feimster?

  Fortford.

• 20:08Fortune Feimster?

  Fortford.

• 20:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah, what other?

• 20:10Fortune Feimster?

  If I was gonna be a boy, my mom was gonna name me Alex, Alexander.

• 20:15Mae Martin?

  That's nice.

• 20:16Fortune Feimster?

  And call me Alex for short. That would, that would have been fine.

• 20:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's nice.

• 20:20Fortune Feimster?

  My favorite name is Fortune. I, I've told this before, but I grew up going by my, my first name, Emily.

• 20:27Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 20:28Fortune Feimster?

  And Fortune's my middle name and an, an old family name and very, um, much. My grandmother was very proud of the Fortune name. It was her mother's maiden name and there was a bunch of Fortunes in her family. So she really wanted me to be named Fortune, but I also genuinely liked the name Fortune.

• 20:50Mae Martin?

  It's incredible. Yeah. And Fortune Feimster, like, you gotta be famous with that name.

• 20:57Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. Who wants to listen to Emily Feimster do comedy? No one.

• 21:01Mae Martin?

  Emily Feimster? Actually, truly, I'm changing the channel.

• 21:06Mae Martin?

  I, uh, I was, I, I took my mom's maiden name or they, or she gave it to me. My brother got my dad's and then my mom just does like a feminist thing. I think was like, I want one of the kids to have my name and then. And then like the alliteration says.

• 21:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you have it too.

• 21:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, I like it. Should we hear Cristela's?

• 21:25Fortune Feimster?

  Mm hmm.

• 21:26Speaker 06

  I always liked the name Tabitha. I thought I would have a child named that someday, or maybe change my name to that. Uh, because that was the name of Samantha's daughter on Bewitched. And I've since had a daughter. That is not her name, and I have no desire to change my name to that, but that's okay. Thanks for all the laughs, guys, and see you in Austin in April.

• 21:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Wait, so Cristela's just totally gone off her own idea there? She's like, I always wanted to do this, and now I haven't done it and I don't want to.

• 21:58Mae Martin?

  But Tabitha's cool. I think those are coming back in style, sort of old timey names, like your Agathas, your Tabithas.

• 22:06Fortune Feimster?

  Agathas and Tabithas are really making a comeback.

• 22:10Mae Martin?

  Eleanor.

• 22:12Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. My grandma's name was Evelyn.

• 22:14Mae Martin?

  Oh, Evelyn's a great name.

• 22:16Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I like the unique names, like the ones you don't hear often.

• 22:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah, me too. So Bugs it is.

• 22:25Fortune Feimster?

  So much Bugs.

• 22:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:27Fortune Feimster?

  I'm so glad she's coming to that show in Austin. Um, that's gonna, that show's like almost 3,000 people.

• 22:34Mae Martin?

  It's gonna feel pretty electric, I think.

• 22:36Fortune Feimster?

  And then the Ryman is a huge theater too, but it's such an iconic theater.

• 22:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:42Fortune Feimster?

  You talk about being a musician. When you go through, have you ever been to the Ryman?

• 22:48Mae Martin?

  Never.

• 22:49Fortune Feimster?

  Go a little bit early and just walk through the halls and go into the rooms. There's all these really cool posters. You see the history of the place and all the musicians who play there. It's pretty special.

• 23:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I love that kind of thing. I like feeling, I, I feel like theaters especially, not to get all like woo woo, but I feel like they have like an energetic echo of all these audiences that have been there over the years and all this like, all these good vibes. I don't know. Yeah, I love an empty theater and like, uh, yeah, being in that space like that. Also, I went to, there's this weird museum in London that has like, Like curiosities and like odds and ends. And they have all this stuff that I guess cleaners at different concert venues have taken from green rooms after bands have been there. And they have, yeah, and they have, uh, used condom from the Rolling Stones.

• 23:47Mae Martin?

  And they have the poo of Kylie Minogue.

• 23:50Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 23:51Mae Martin?

  In a jar.

• 23:53Fortune Feimster?

  Why do they have that?

• 23:54Mae Martin?

  I don't know. It must have been unflushed, which I'm like, really? Kylie would flush? I think this has gotta be bullshit.

• 23:59Fortune Feimster?

  She seems like a flusher.

• 24:01Mae Martin?

  Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm like, was this just an immersive art thing?

• 24:04Fortune Feimster?

  That's gotta be.

• 24:05Mae Martin?

  But it felt real.

• 24:09Fortune Feimster?

  I would be mortified if I found out that was in a museum.

• 24:14Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. I'd go sign it, but, uh, yeah, that would be humiliating. What would they find in our green room after we left? It'd be so tame. It'd be like.

• 24:23Fortune Feimster?

  Our last green room in Toronto had a little charcuterie board, which, um, I always ask for those because I love them.

• 24:30Mae Martin?

  Yes, and it had some whiskey.

• 24:32Fortune Feimster?

  And we had a pizza.

• 24:33Mae Martin?

  And we had those bonnets that someone in the audience gave us.

• 24:37Fortune Feimster?

  I'm so stoked. It's so fun to go to these, uh, live shows because people have such a great energy, but to get to bring them to other places, other states, very exciting.

• 24:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:49Fortune Feimster?

  Well, awesome. Well, keep, uh, sending in your questions at speakpipe.com/handsome. If you, uh, have anything you want to know, ask us, but also we're here to give advice as well. Don't shy away from that.

• 25:04Mae Martin?

  Oh, that would be cool. Relationship advice, or you've got a problem at work, or.

• 25:08Fortune Feimster?

  We can't promise it's great advice, but we'll give it.

• 25:11Mae Martin?

  You can check out maymartinmusic.com to see, uh, if I've got any, any tour dates. I'm in, I'm in LA, Toronto, New York, and London, playing my album. And then also I'm always at Largo in LA doing new stuff. And yeah, what about you, Fortune?

• 25:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I'm at, uh, the Irvine, uh, California Comedy Club, working on my material, as well as the club in Huntsville, Alabama. And then my tour starts in Savannah, Georgia, Charleston, South Carolina, Albuquerque, Phoenix. Rockford, Illinois, Greensboro, North Carolina, and Roanoke, Virginia.

• 25:48Mae Martin?

  I guess until next time, all there remains is keep it pretty handsome.

• 25:55Fortune Feimster?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro, and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Woolett. Email us at [email protected] and follow us on social media at HandsomePod.

• 26:11Speaker 06

  What a podcast!

• 26:17Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.