Caleb Hearon asks what meal Handsome would be

The hilarious Caleb Hearon is asking today's question... and Handsome really makes a meal out of it! This episode's got it all, from an impromptu modeling session, to fact-checking Tik Tok skydiving memes, to the three hosts talking Chili's triple dipper (not a sponsor)! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:05Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the program before sitting down to enjoy a school play? I'm in shambles. Turns out there's no intermission during this three-hour Shakespeare adaptation, and I really need to go to the bathroom.

• 0:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 1:03Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website.

• 1:21Fortune Feimster?

  With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time. Squarespace makes it easy, so easy we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes.

• 1:54Mae Martin?

  So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Handsome. Chat to my friends on the Handsome Pod. Chat to my friends on the Handsome Pod.

• 2:17Tig Notaro?

  Cheers.

• 2:18Mae Martin?

  Welcome to the handsome pod. You're hearing a voice at the moment and the voice belongs to Mae Martin.

• 2:25Tig Notaro?

  And it's me, your friend Tig Notaro.

• 2:29Mae Martin?

  Yes, it is.

• 2:29Fortune Feimster?

  And it's me, Fortune Famester.

• 2:34Tig Notaro?

  It's all three of us together again.

• 2:36Mae Martin?

  Together again.

• 2:38Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, you're still in Atlanta.

• 2:40Fortune Feimster?

  I still am filming, yeah.

• 2:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 2:43Fortune Feimster?

  This movie, you know, ma- making the Hollywood magic here in Atlanta, or as the locals call it,

• 2:51Tig Notaro?

  Hotlanta.

• 2:54Mae Martin?

  Is that what they call it?

• 2:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 2:55Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know if the locals call it that. I think people that don't live here actually call it that.

• 3:00Tig Notaro?

  The locals probably are annoyed by that.

• 3:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:03Fortune Feimster?

  Well, it gets, you know, crazy hot in the south in the summer.

• 3:06Tig Notaro?

  And is it hot right now? Is it hot?

• 3:08Fortune Feimster?

  No, right now it's pretty good. I got my hoodie on because it was raining.

• 3:11Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that's so snuggly and cute.

• 3:14Mae Martin?

  It does look cozy.

• 3:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 3:16Fortune Feimster?

  It's very good. I got this at the, I performed in Roanoke.

• 3:19Tig Notaro?

  Well, congrats.

• 3:20Fortune Feimster?

  Thank you. They gave me-

• 3:21Tig Notaro?

  Why are you just now bringing this up?

• 3:23Fortune Feimster?

  They gave me this sweatshirt, you guys.

• 3:25Tig Notaro?

  Good for you.

• 3:26Fortune Feimster?

  And I'm repping, I'm, I'm shouting out Roanoke because the lesbians in town, did I tell you, were very upset with me?

• 3:34Mae Martin?

  Oh, of course. Yeah, the big drama.

• 3:36Fortune Feimster?

  I think I might have told May, but I happened to schedule my show on the same night as Melissa Etheridge.

• 3:43Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I heard about this.

• 3:44Fortune Feimster?

  And yeah, they were not happy that I divided the community. So here I am being extra gay for Roanoke on our show today.

• 3:52Tig Notaro?

  And do you think Melissa was dealing with the same backlash?

• 3:56Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think she even probably knew I was in town.

• 4:03Tig Notaro?

  That's not true. I bet she caught wind.

• 4:06Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe, but yeah, I, I told the lesbians, like, look, she doesn't go on till 30 minutes after my show, from what I hear.

• 4:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 4:16Fortune Feimster?

  So I, at the end of the show, I said, let's treat all of this like, I said, all the straights in the audience. Act like we're on a plane. Our plane's been delayed and we gotta let passengers off the plane first.

• 4:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 4:30Fortune Feimster?

  If there's a lesbian near you.

• 4:33Mae Martin?

  Looking stressed.

• 4:34Fortune Feimster?

  Let that lesbian get out of the theater first and run to Melissa's show.

• 4:40Mae Martin?

  They should have done that on the Titanic. Any lesbians, please.

• 4:44Fortune Feimster?

  All the lesbians for the Melissa Etheridge concert. Throwing people in the raft.

• 4:49Tig Notaro?

  That's true. Well, cuz they're.

• 4:52Mae Martin?

  Organized? Oh, right.

• 4:54Tig Notaro?

  Handy, hardy women.

• 4:55Fortune Feimster?

  They were boosting people onto those rafts. It was the straight guys like putting the rafts into the water before anybody was in the boat.

• 5:01Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 5:02Fortune Feimster?

  And the lesbians are like, what are you doing?

• 5:04Tig Notaro?

  You're gonna cause a real division.

• 5:08Mae Martin?

  History, baby. This is fact. This is a.

• 5:10Fortune Feimster?

  This is a fortune fact. Means it could be true, could not be true.

• 5:15Tig Notaro?

  I had a show, um, I don't know if it was last night or the night before, but I was, um, walking into the venue and this guy walked by and he was like, hey, have a good show tonight. I'm heading, I'm heading in right now and I'm also a pretty little lady.

• 5:28Mae Martin?

  Oh, I love that. I love that.

• 5:31Fortune Feimster?

  That's awesome.

• 5:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. So whoever you were, sir, I have not forgotten. I even mentioned him when I was on stage. He just was so chill, cool, like, what's up? I'm a pretty little lady and heading on in.

• 5:43Fortune Feimster?

  That's amazing.

• 5:44Mae Martin?

  I love that.

• 5:45Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it was pretty great.

• 5:46Mae Martin?

  Hey, guys, um, knock, knock.

• 5:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh, hey, May.

• 5:51Fortune Feimster?

  Who's there?

• 5:52Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 5:54Mae Martin?

  Hey, May.

• 5:56Tig Notaro?

  Oh, look, it's May. May's at the door. Um, who's there?

• 6:01Mae Martin?

  I eat mop.

• 6:03Tig Notaro?

  I eat mop who?

• 6:06Fortune Feimster?

  Ew, Fortune Marie.

• 6:10Tig Notaro?

  Good. Man, May, that's a good one. Where did that come from?

• 6:14Mae Martin?

  Thank you. Uh, I think, I think Max and Finn would like that. Um, I don't know where that came from. It just came from, I, I must've heard it somewhere cuz it just suddenly was in my mind and I needed to get out.

• 6:25Tig Notaro?

  You didn't write that joke.

• 6:26Mae Martin?

  Absolutely not. I wish.

• 6:27Tig Notaro?

  But you're touring with it. You're touring with it.

• 6:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, big time.

• 6:30Tig Notaro?

  It's your closer.

• 6:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:32Fortune Feimster?

  Where did all the, where do all these jokes that like, if you go on the internet and you're like, you know, typing like dad jokes or 50 best jokes, no one gets credit for them. They're just out there.

• 6:42Mae Martin?

  Who, where's the source?

• 6:43Fortune Feimster?

  Came up with these knock, knock jokes to begin with?

• 6:45Mae Martin?

  I like to think it's Santa Claus. The OG sort of dad joke.

• 6:51Tig Notaro?

  Do you still believe?

• 6:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:54Tig Notaro?

  And I believe.

• 6:56Mae Martin?

  Proof otherwise, yeah.

• 6:58Tig Notaro?

  Now, May, are you, um, are you working on new stand up? Or are you just mainly neck deep in music right now?

• 7:05Mae Martin?

  I'm vaguely working on new stand up. Yeah, I'm putting some stuff together.

• 7:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 7:09Mae Martin?

  And, uh, it's slowly getting there. Yeah, I just paused for so long and then, and then I do so much like improvised stand up based on the questions and then, yeah, so I'm gonna, but I'm starting to think about it.

• 7:22Tig Notaro?

  Is it feeling good or are you like, ah, I'm really enjoying this music pocket I've been in?

• 7:27Mae Martin?

  They feel like totally separate parts of my mind. It feels like I'm legit, like polyamorous where I'm like, listen, love is infinite. I love them both, you know, something like that.

• 7:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 7:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:39Fortune Feimster?

  Why have just one when I can have them all?

• 7:41Mae Martin?

  Exactly.

• 7:43Tig Notaro?

  I'm, I'm really curious because, you know, after doing the Andrea, I mean, yeah, the Andrea Gibson and Megan Faley documentary, um, I've been, I've been really kind of creeping into that world.

• 7:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And thinking like, well, you've got to do what excites you most in the moment. Like there's no point just being on a conveyor belt of like creativity is gonna flow.

• 8:08Tig Notaro?

  I have this new documentary idea that I pitched to somebody important and special, um, who love the idea and I just, the subject is a person that it would be.

• 8:26Mae Martin?

  What?

• 8:27Tig Notaro?

  Just, uh, we'll see.

• 8:29Mae Martin?

  Be difficult?

• 8:30Tig Notaro?

  It will see because it's a, it's a well-known person with a very personal, personal story. And that they're out in the open about, but do they want us coming into their life to film?

• 8:43Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 8:43Tig Notaro?

  And it's, and it's, um, a really beautiful story.

• 8:47Fortune Feimster?

  You want to direct it?

• 8:48Tig Notaro?

  I don't know.

• 8:50Mae Martin?

  Produce it?

• 8:51Fortune Feimster?

  Produce it.

• 8:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I want to produce it, but man, I'm, I'm feeling really inspired and excited. Um, I was also approached to be involved with this other documentary that I'm meeting with, um, some people about and it's.

• 9:07Tig Notaro?

  It's such a funny feeling to have worked in entertainment as long as I have and then try and pivot and feel like when I'm taking these meetings and Zooms that I'm trying to break into the industry again. You know what I mean? Did you feel that way with music?

• 9:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, I definitely felt like starting from scratch a little bit. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

• 9:32Tig Notaro?

  It's an interesting thing, but I feel excited.

• 9:36Mae Martin?

  Oh, I love that.

• 9:37Fortune Feimster?

  It felt going into modeling.

• 9:40Tig Notaro?

  Modeling that hoodie.

• 9:43Mae Martin?

  Well, you're rocking it smoothly.

• 9:45Fortune Feimster?

  I'm the new girl in town.

• 9:49Tig Notaro?

  You could model.

• 9:50Fortune Feimster?

  Who, me?

• 9:51Tig Notaro?

  Absolutely. Well, both of you, sure. I'm even talking to Thomas, but you specifically, Fortune.

• 9:57Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, sign me up, baby.

• 9:59Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 10:01Mae Martin?

  Well, you're already a beauty influencer with the depuffer.

• 10:04Fortune Feimster?

  My depu- I've had people asking me lately, do you have your depuffer on the road with you?

• 10:10Tig Notaro?

  And what is the answer?

• 10:12Fortune Feimster?

  I don't, I keep forgetting it.

• 10:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I have an idea for a documentary that you could make, Tig.

• 10:17Tig Notaro?

  Ooh.

• 10:18Mae Martin?

  So this is a-

• 10:19Tig Notaro?

  If it's really good, we're gonna have to bleep this out so nobody takes it, but go on. And if it's really bad, we'll let it fly.

• 10:26Fortune Feimster?

  May's already backpedaling.

• 10:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like, I'll see it, I'll hear it out, hear it out.

• 10:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 10:32Mae Martin?

  Okay, so this is a story that I saw on a meme. Okay, and I thought someone's gonna tell this story and maybe it's you, Tig. In 1999, Joan Murray fell 14,500 feet when her parachute didn't open during a skydive.

• 10:49Tig Notaro?

  God.

• 10:50Mae Martin?

  Guys, she landed on a pile of red ants. The red ants' bites shocked her heart into cardiac arrest and the jolt saved her life.

• 11:01Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 11:02Mae Martin?

  So she hit the ground, died, then all these ants-

• 11:07Mae Martin?

  Bite her at once, swarm her and the and the jolt jolts her heart.

• 11:13Tig Notaro?

  Heard you the first time. This is true?

• 11:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I think so.

• 11:18Tig Notaro?

  What do you mean you think so? Where did you read this?

• 11:21Mae Martin?

  On a meme on Instagram. I haven't Googled it, but Thomas.

• 11:25Tig Notaro?

  But Thomas, can you help us out? Um, do you want to co-direct this with me?

• 11:30Mae Martin?

  I'd love to. Yeah. And I could even do like a sort of reenactments.

• 11:35Tig Notaro?

  And she's still alive?

• 11:37Mae Martin?

  I don't know. It was 99.

• 11:38Tig Notaro?

  Well, she did die of the poisoning after she was revived.

• 11:43Fortune Feimster?

  I was about to say, it sounds like one of those Final Fantasies, is that those movies?

• 11:47Mae Martin?

  Final Destination?

• 11:48Fortune Feimster?

  Final Destination, yeah.

• 11:50Mae Martin?

  Like she cheated death and then death got her.

• 11:52Fortune Feimster?

  She cheated death and it's gonna find her somehow.

• 11:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:54Tig Notaro?

  What do you have for us?

• 11:55Speaker 04

  It seems like this person really did survive the fall, but I'm not.

• 12:02Mae Martin?

  You're not seeing about the ants?

• 12:04Speaker 04

  The part about the fire ants saving her life is harder to, um.

• 12:09Fortune Feimster?

  To prove?

• 12:09Mae Martin?

  Hang on, let me get on Google.

• 12:11Fortune Feimster?

  There was, I think there was another, um, story of a girl surviving a plane crash over the Amazon.

• 12:21Mae Martin?

  Yes, that was Werner Herzog made a documentary.

• 12:24Tig Notaro?

  That's right.

• 12:25Mae Martin?

  Here we go. Yeah, she landed on a mound of fire ants. Doctors believe that the intense shock of being stung 200 times released a surge of adrenaline that kept her heart beating. Now that I just found on a TikTok. So again.

• 12:42Fortune Feimster?

  Well, didn't, um, Ashley Judd break her leg in the middle of some like crazy remote area and had to be like carried through a jungle for days to get to a hospital?

• 12:55Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 12:56Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 12:56Tig Notaro?

  What, this last week?

• 12:58Fortune Feimster?

  No, it was like two years ago.

• 13:00Tig Notaro?

  I have never heard that, nor have I heard the person being bitten by ants coming back to life.

• 13:07Fortune Feimster?

  So far, we've confirmed none of the stories that we've told.

• 13:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 13:11Mae Martin?

  But how crazy that, that, wouldn't you, how would it make you think about your life if you'd had that crazy accident? And then the ants saved you? You'd be devoted to ants.

• 13:22Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh. Ants are so fascinating.

• 13:25Mae Martin?

  Aren't they?

• 13:26Tig Notaro?

  I mean, absolutely.

• 13:29Fortune Feimster?

  I do love Honey, I Shrunk the Kid.

• 13:31Tig Notaro?

  Oh, boy.

• 13:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that fight scene between the aunt and the kids is terrifying.

• 13:36Tig Notaro?

  And then May just wanders off into your aunt's story over mine. I wanted to talk about actual aunts.

• 13:44Fortune Feimster?

  No, please tell us more about aunts.

• 13:45Tig Notaro?

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 13:46Fortune Feimster?

  No, I'm sorry to bring up a hilarious Rick Moranis movie.

• 13:50Tig Notaro?

  You go back to your modeling.

• 13:52Fortune Feimster?

  No, I want to hear about your aunt's story.

• 13:56Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm. Thomas, have you come up with anything that we can confirm?

• 14:00Fortune Feimster?

  My Ashley Judd story is true.

• 14:03Tig Notaro?

  You is Ashley Judd true?

• 14:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 14:06Tig Notaro?

  Fortune pipe down.

• 14:07Fortune Feimster?

  Broke her leg and she didn't have medicine or anything.

• 14:11Mae Martin?

  Oof.

• 14:11Fortune Feimster?

  So she had to be in pain, being carried through.

• 14:14Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 14:15Fortune Feimster?

  Like the jungle.

• 14:16Mae Martin?

  We are so resilient human beings. There was a guy, an Arctic explorer, and he was stuck by himself and his appendix was gonna burst. He did surgery on himself. He took his own appendix out. Yeah.

• 14:31Tig Notaro?

  What? How did he know that that's what it was and it wasn't just gas?

• 14:35Mae Martin?

  He was a doctor, I think. Like he knew.

• 14:38Tig Notaro?

  This makes more sense.

• 14:39Fortune Feimster?

  That's a, that's an important part of this.

• 14:41Tig Notaro?

  I mean, if I was just like on a walk or a hike and I'm like, I feel like my appendix is gonna go and I just start cutting into myself.

• 14:49Mae Martin?

  Oh, God. And then you're like, oh, it wasn't just gas. Yeah.

• 14:52Fortune Feimster?

  You'd be dead.

• 14:54Tig Notaro?

  It's just gas.

• 14:57Fortune Feimster?

  I just had to tune.

• 15:00Tig Notaro?

  Fortune.

• 15:01Fortune Feimster?

  Now I don't have an appendix and I'm bleeding out. Yeah.

• 15:05Tig Notaro?

  And you're just lying there in the hospital and they're like, well, what, what made you, how, what on earth?

• 15:13Fortune Feimster?

  They're like, you've never heard of gas sex?

• 15:16Tig Notaro?

  Or calling 911?

• 15:20Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, guys.

• 15:22Tig Notaro?

  I keep looking at Thomas, hoping he's gonna chime in with, I found this, but.

• 15:26Fortune Feimster?

  That did happen to me once where I thought I was having heart issues and I, and I was in pain. And I thought, God, this must be the end. It wouldn't go away. I got acupuncture and everything. And it just turned out I had like acid reflux.

• 15:45Tig Notaro?

  And you, and did you attempt surgery?

• 15:49Fortune Feimster?

  No, but I think I did in the, I did acupuncture first because duh. And then I think I went to urgent care.

• 15:57Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. You're on a gurney next to people that are actually in a real medical situation.

• 16:04Fortune Feimster?

  You just have gas and acid reflux.

• 16:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, go walk it off, weirdo. You're gonna free up your gurney for someone who actually needs it.

• 16:17Fortune Feimster?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I've got a little snack with me before I leave the house? My stomach and I are grumbling. I thought I'd be able to grab a bite in between meetings, but now it's getting late and I could really use a candy bar.

• 16:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 16:46Tig Notaro?

  The handsome Hollybob season is fast approaching and I'm realizing that we haven't hosted friends and family for a few months. Looking around my home, it's in need of a bit of a festive refresh. For all things hosting, Wayfair delivers high-quality, customer-trusted products for your home so you can host and celebrate without the stress.

• 17:08Fortune Feimster?

  Wayfair helps you create a home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value, and trusted reviews. Products are hand-vetted by a product specialist using a 10-point quality inspection. They've got options for every style and budget. I'm more into the classic holiday look with multicolor bulbs, tinsel, you name it. Wayfair has all of that. I used Wayfair to decorate my fireplace this season and it looks so cozy and festive. I love everything. I've gotten on Wayfair and I know you will too.

• 17:36Tig Notaro?

  When refreshing your home this holiday season, Wayfair delivers exactly what you need. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com.

• 17:52Fortune Feimster?

  There's nothing quite like having pieces in your closet you love and know that you can count on for any occasion, except maybe giving someone else that same feeling. This holiday season, Quince is where I'm finding those pieces. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton, and premium stretch denim.

• 18:13Tig Notaro?

  Let me tell you about my jeans. I got a pair of the Luna Stretch Slim Straight Jeans for only 50 bucks compared to that $235. Compare that to $235 at traditional retail. They're quickly turning into my favorite thing to cover my legs with. I'm gonna pick up some more pairs because Quince has tons of color options as well.

• 18:37Fortune Feimster?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was handsome. It's the best way to support the show.

• 18:58Tig Notaro?

  All right, Thomas just sent us something that if one of you could read.

• 19:02Fortune Feimster?

  May do the honor.

• 19:04Mae Martin?

  Okay, the actress and humanitarian Ashley Judd, 53, shattered her right leg in four places during a hike through a forest in the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

• 19:14Tig Notaro?

  Whoa.

• 19:15Mae Martin?

  February 2021. Judd said that she barely survived the 55-hour rescue and was in immense pain.

• 19:22Tig Notaro?

  That is...

• 19:23Fortune Feimster?

  55 hours, no medicine.

• 19:27Tig Notaro?

  I can't believe I didn't hear this. Stephanie is the biggest Ashley Judd fan alive.

• 19:34Fortune Feimster?

  Clearly not. Where was she?

• 19:36Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. I need to ask her about it. And we need to get Ashley Judd on this podcast. I'm glad she survived that. That's a living... I fractured my femur.

• 19:48Tig Notaro?

  In one place and it was one of the worst pains I've ever felt in my life.

• 19:55Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 19:56Tig Notaro?

  And the fact that she fractured her leg in four places.

• 20:00Mae Martin?

  You're in a hike.

• 20:01Tig Notaro?

  That is, that's brutal.

• 20:04Mae Martin?

  The juds, man.

• 20:05Tig Notaro?

  Cause when you're like, I told you I didn't want to go on a hike.

• 20:09Mae Martin?

  Oh my god, can you imagine?

• 20:10Tig Notaro?

  You're always making me do things I don't want to do. Oh my god, that is the worst.

• 20:15Mae Martin?

  I hate that feeling. Yeah, where you plan something usually for like a parent or something and then they, they're, they're not enjoying it and you're, and they almost slip and.

• 20:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that whole, see, this is.

• 20:27Fortune Feimster?

  It also happened to Hannah Gatsby.

• 20:29Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 20:30Fortune Feimster?

  Hannah was in Iceland or somewhere like this. They, they went on a hike. And in like the most inconvenient place, like on a, where there's like a big cliff and there's only like one way in and one way out and it's very narrow. Hannah fell and shattered something or broke something like a knee or a leg or something.

• 20:51Tig Notaro?

  Recently?

• 20:52Fortune Feimster?

  This was again, like two years ago, everything in my mind.

• 20:56Mae Martin?

  A lot was going on two years ago.

• 20:58Tig Notaro?

  I fractured my leg three years ago, so it sounds about right.

• 21:01Fortune Feimster?

  And Hannah was like, I thought I was gonna die. Like this is it. There's no way anyone's gonna be able to come get me.

• 21:05Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 21:07Fortune Feimster?

  Hannah's partner, I think, was able to go find help.

• 21:10Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 21:11Tig Notaro?

  Gosh.

• 21:12Mae Martin?

  But it makes you think about the impulse to, to power through. Like you gotta not give up. Like, uh, yeah, I sometimes think if I, if I was on a, on a life raft and I suddenly saw the sharks circling, I might just, the fear alone might just make me kind of jump in the water and die. Like I might just think I can't face this fear. So I'd rather just feed those sharks, but.

• 21:37Tig Notaro?

  It's funny that they're called life rafts, right?

• 21:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 21:40Tig Notaro?

  It's just a raft.

• 21:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 21:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 21:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:45Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 21:46Mae Martin?

  Well.

• 21:50Tig Notaro?

  I mean, anytime you're in a raft, it's a, it's a life raft.

• 21:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're right. When I went on that hike recently, um.

• 21:57Tig Notaro?

  Don't tell me you fractured your leg.

• 21:59Mae Martin?

  I didn't shatter. The way we've been using the word shattered too, to shatter a bone. But I just was, uh, walking and then there was a brook there and I thought, I've probably said this before, but I thought it's crazy that only brooks and babies babble. Not many other things babble.

• 22:16Tig Notaro?

  Well, I know some adults that babble.

• 22:20Mae Martin?

  That's true.

• 22:21Tig Notaro?

  To no end. I mean, babble, babble, monologue, babble. It is. I mean, that, it's rough.

• 22:31Fortune Feimster?

  You don't like it when people talk too much?

• 22:33Tig Notaro?

  I mean, just with the monologuing, when they don't check in, they're not reading the room or connecting. Yeah, they're not connecting with you. They're just talking, talking.

• 22:44Mae Martin?

  I find that like physically painful sometimes.

• 22:46Tig Notaro?

  Where do you feel the pain?

• 22:48Mae Martin?

  Oh, in my femur. No, just like, like in my chest, kind of just, especially when you know how they're, you know, how the sentence is gonna end. And so you wanna be like.

• 23:01Tig Notaro?

  Wait, what do you mean you know how a sentence is gonna end?

• 23:03Mae Martin?

  Like when someone's telling you something and you know where they're headed and you want, and you, you wanna help them get there.

• 23:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:10Tig Notaro?

  Oh, so you'll chime in early and be, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:14Fortune Feimster?

  I have to say that to my mom sometimes.

• 23:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 23:17Fortune Feimster?

  Like, get to it.

• 23:18Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 23:19Fortune Feimster?

  Get to the meat of the story. Just to paint the whole picture.

• 23:23Tig Notaro?

  So Fortune, when you said you don't like when people talk a lot, do you enjoy?

• 23:27Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, it depends on the person and if they're interesting. If it's like a fascinating person with amazing stories, please, by all means.

• 23:35Tig Notaro?

  And if they're monologuing at you?

• 23:37Fortune Feimster?

  If they're talking at you, it is exhausting. I'm an energy person.

• 23:42Fortune Feimster?

  So I, that would, that would wear me out.

• 23:46Mae Martin?

  I do, I admire though, that quality that some people have of just, they don't talk a lot, but then suddenly at the sort of end of a dinner party, everyone's sipping their aperitif and then someone will say, you know, something happened to me one time. Then they'll beautifully tell a story. I love that. And everybody's on the edge of their seat.

• 24:05Fortune Feimster?

  Is that how you pronounce aperitif?

• 24:07Mae Martin?

  How would you, how do you?

• 24:09Fortune Feimster?

  I always said aperitif.

• 24:11Mae Martin?

  Aperitif.

• 24:12Tig Notaro?

  I never said it. And I refuse to.

• 24:15Fortune Feimster?

  I honestly don't know.

• 24:16Mae Martin?

  I don't think I've said it till, till just then.

• 24:18Fortune Feimster?

  Tomato, tomato, right?

• 24:19Tig Notaro?

  And you, you went in with confidence.

• 24:21Mae Martin?

  Aperitif. Yeah, I really did. I think I've heard my dad say it a lot because he writes about wine.

• 24:27Fortune Feimster?

  Again, I'm not a fancy gal, so I'm not sure.

• 24:31Tig Notaro?

  But you are a model.

• 24:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:32Tig Notaro?

  This is fact.

• 24:35Fortune Feimster?

  I haven't been paid for it yet, but that's okay.

• 24:39Tig Notaro?

  I'm gonna Venmo you. I'm gonna Venmo you cash. Everyone Venmo Fortune and see what kind of cash we can round up for. Look at this. If you are enjoying this show on YouTube, start Venmo-ing all of your cash if you want to see more of this modeling session.

• 24:59Mae Martin?

  Sultry Fortune. Wait, one of your eyes just kinda glitched out there.

• 25:06Mae Martin?

  Did you guys ever watch America's Next Top Model?

• 25:08Tig Notaro?

  Yes, in the beginning.

• 25:11Mae Martin?

  I watched it so much and it was so insane, the makeovers on that show. Cause I think they were trying to get the girls to have a nervous breakdown. Cause they'd take someone with long blonde hair and they'd go, we're gonna make you over and we're gonna shave your head and we're gonna, I think one girl, they put, they put like a gap between her teeth or something. And I think it got that extreme. And yeah, yeah, it was pretty crazy.

• 25:36Tig Notaro?

  How do you put a gap?

• 25:37Mae Martin?

  File it down.

• 25:38Tig Notaro?

  Oh my God, no. What?

• 25:40Mae Martin?

  I might've made that up, but I have that memory. But they definitely would like cut people's hair really short or like.

• 25:46Tig Notaro?

  Cause they were like, this is the look to make you distinct.

• 25:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah. They're like, trust us, we know. But it was often, I think they just wanted a dramatic thing.

• 25:54Tig Notaro?

  A moment. That's where I learned how to smize.

• 25:57Mae Martin?

  Oh, that was where smizing was born was.

• 25:59Tig Notaro?

  What is that? Oh, smile with your eyes?

• 26:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. So you're not really smiling with your mouth. You're just, wait, can I try?

• 26:07Tig Notaro?

  Well, of course you can. Hello YouTube.

• 26:09Mae Martin?

  Did it work?

• 26:10Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. Are you smiling with your eyes? I mean, I saw your face.

• 26:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you saw it. I don't know.

• 26:16Tig Notaro?

  Okay, let me try and smize.

• 26:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And it's hard to not make your mouth smile. No, it's sort of scary.

• 26:23Tig Notaro?

  There's a, it's hard, you guys. I'm just gonna tell you it's hard.

• 26:27Mae Martin?

  It's hard out there for a model.

• 26:29Tig Notaro?

  It's not easy. Us models have had to learn this over the years. Oop, I just got a really great idea. We need to put out a sexy calendar for handsome.

• 26:41Mae Martin?

  I swear we've had that idea. I swear that's on the list somewhere.

• 26:45Tig Notaro?

  Okay. All right. Well, we need to make some sort of attempt at knocking these things off the list.

• 26:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:51Tig Notaro?

  I will say though, if, if we're gonna do a sexy calendar for next year, we would have to get it on the pictures like.

• 26:59Mae Martin?

  Like soon.

• 27:00Tig Notaro?

  At some point.

• 27:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:02Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Okay.

• 27:03Fortune Feimster?

  But there's 12 months and there's three of us. There's some solo opportunities, some group opportunities.

• 27:12Tig Notaro?

  We could also throw Thomas in for a month.

• 27:14Mae Martin?

  Yep.

• 27:14Tig Notaro?

  Put him in a, um.

• 27:16Fortune Feimster?

  A Burt Reynolds, like a Burt Reynolds, uh, throwback. On that rug, you know?

• 27:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 27:22Fortune Feimster?

  That would be Thomas's.

• 27:24Tig Notaro?

  What about a Thomason awkwardly standing in a banana hammock?

• 27:29Mae Martin?

  What's a banana hammock? Oh, like a thong?

• 27:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 27:31Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my lord. When the Burt Reynolds on the.

• 27:33Tig Notaro?

  I don't know.

• 27:34Fortune Feimster?

  He's like this on the rug?

• 27:36Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. Whatever. Thomas, would you be willing to, I know you would be willing to do this.

• 27:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, it sounds like I need more than one month if I'm gonna do all these looks.

• 27:46Mae Martin?

  True.

• 27:46Tig Notaro?

  Thomas is game for anything.

• 27:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I'd go cowboy, I guess, a little cowboy.

• 27:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, of course.

• 27:52Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know what my sexy thing would be.

• 27:55Tig Notaro?

  Roanoke hoodie.

• 27:57Fortune Feimster?

  Duh.

• 28:00Fortune Feimster?

  Spray myself with a fire hose.

• 28:03Tig Notaro?

  You're just like a drowned rat.

• 28:06Mae Martin?

  Well, you'd have to get your gams.

• 28:08Fortune Feimster?

  Topless.

• 28:09Mae Martin?

  Topless.

• 28:13Fortune Feimster?

  Y'all both could be topless.

• 28:14Tig Notaro?

  Why wouldn't you be topless?

• 28:16Fortune Feimster?

  Um, hello.

• 28:18Tig Notaro?

  Hi.

• 28:19Fortune Feimster?

  Y'all.

• 28:19Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 28:20Fortune Feimster?

  Come on, I'm shy.

• 28:23Mae Martin?

  But you gotta get your gams out, for sure.

• 28:25Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:26Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you're right, May.

• 28:27Tig Notaro?

  One million.

• 28:29Fortune Feimster?

  You're right.

• 28:29Mae Martin?

  People want those gams.

• 28:31Fortune Feimster?

  It's just gonna be all egg.

• 28:32Tig Notaro?

  How about you start sending in Venmo for the handsome calendar?

• 28:40Fortune Feimster?

  We don't know to where, just send it.

• 28:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, just send it. Send it to Fortune. Send it to Thomas. We just gotta round up cash to save up.

• 28:49Fortune Feimster?

  Make this calendar. I think a handsome calendar would actually fly off the shelves.

• 28:54Tig Notaro?

  Yes, indeed. We gotta make that for merchandise next.

• 28:57Mae Martin?

  Guys, should we?

• 28:58Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 28:59Mae Martin?

  I'm excited about our question asker.

• 29:01Tig Notaro?

  Let's do it.

• 29:01Mae Martin?

  Our question asker is one of the first people I. Hung out with in LA, like got to know in LA, but I haven't seen him in way too long. Today's question asker is a comedian, a writer, actor and podcast host. He starred in the film I Used to Be Funny, directed by Ali Panku, my, my good friend, and is best known for hosting the So True podcast. Caleb Hearon is asking today's question.

• 29:23Fortune Feimster?

  He's so funny.

• 29:24Speaker 05

  Hello handsome pod. It's me Caleb Hearon. Thank you for letting me ask you a question. My question for you is this, if you were to be any meal, what meal would you be and why?

• 29:35Fortune Feimster?

  I just did Caleb's podcast. What a treat. He is, uh, his podcast is so funny. He's so funny. He's like selling out shows everywhere, doing his podcast live. He did just did the Chicago Theater.

• 29:50Mae Martin?

  His stand up is great. He's very quick, perfect for podcasting, very.

• 29:54Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, very quick with it for sure.

• 29:57Mae Martin?

  What meal would we be? We've touched on this in a mini-sode.

• 30:00Fortune Feimster?

  So in the mini-episode, we were asking what food we would be, which is very similar, but a meal isn't necessarily just, it could be like a Happy Meal. It doesn't have to be just a food item.

• 30:15Mae Martin?

  I mean, is it like starter, main and dessert?

• 30:18Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, I think it's.

• 30:19Tig Notaro?

  We can do whatever we want.

• 30:20Fortune Feimster?

  This is our show.

• 30:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Happy Meal is a really sweet idea. Cause you get a little toy.

• 30:28Fortune Feimster?

  Because Caleb and I talked about it, I bet he and I would have a similar answer. So I'm not going to say what I think his answer would be.

• 30:36Mae Martin?

  Okay. I think I might be a, um, corn.

• 30:42Mae Martin?

  Corn thing.

• 30:43Fortune Feimster?

  Go for it.

• 30:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 30:44Fortune Feimster?

  A corn thing.

• 30:45Mae Martin?

  Like a polenta with maybe some, I'm, I don't know. Um, yeah, corn has to be involved. Uh, maybe a.

• 30:53Fortune Feimster?

  Street corn? Is corn your favorite food?

• 30:56Tig Notaro?

  Street corn named Desire?

• 30:58Mae Martin?

  Street corn named Desire is the name of the meal.

• 31:01Tig Notaro?

  I just came up with a great. Um, food truck.

• 31:06Mae Martin?

  Street corn named Desire. That's really good.

• 31:09Tig Notaro?

  Cut that out. I might want to use that in my real life, uh, my next business.

• 31:14Mae Martin?

  Um, I just identify with corn. I like, I just am drawn to it energetically.

• 31:19Tig Notaro?

  I listen, I love corn. I'm just curious.

• 31:22Mae Martin?

  I've been told my head looks like a kernel of corn.

• 31:24Tig Notaro?

  I love cornbread.

• 31:26Mae Martin?

  Love cornbread.

• 31:27Tig Notaro?

  Cornbread? Get out of my way.

• 31:29Fortune Feimster?

  I love cornbread too.

• 31:31Tig Notaro?

  I love you too.

• 31:32Mae Martin?

  I might be a peach, cause uh, brews easily. You know what I mean?

• 31:35Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I do.

• 31:37Fortune Feimster?

  I like uh, corn pudding at Thanksgiving. Have you ever had that?

• 31:42Mae Martin?

  No.

• 31:42Tig Notaro?

  I've had corn ice cream.

• 31:44Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 31:45Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 31:46Fortune Feimster?

  Corn pudding is like a casserole with corn, cornbread mix, a can of corn, sour cream, cheese. You like mix it all together and bake it and it's so good.

• 31:57Mae Martin?

  Oh yummy.

• 31:58Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 32:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm, I'm gonna say like a, a sort of polenta thing and then maybe at the starter would be like a shrimp cocktail or something. Cause I, I'm, I'm, I'm thinking about my essence and like, I feel very like pink and peeled and uh, exposed and twisted up like a little shrimp and then corn sort of is more positive maybe.

• 32:21Fortune Feimster?

  You do always describe yourself in a shrimp way.

• 32:23Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 32:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's how I see myself.

• 32:26Fortune Feimster?

  Let's dig into that.

• 32:27Tig Notaro?

  You're not shrimpy.

• 32:29Fortune Feimster?

  You're definitely not putting off a shrimpy thing to me.

• 32:32Tig Notaro?

  No, not to me either.

• 32:34Mae Martin?

  What would it be like if you, what would a stare say?

• 32:37Fortune Feimster?

  But to me, a shrimp implies like a, like a runt, a little person. Is that how you see yourself?

• 32:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:47Fortune Feimster?

  Small?

• 32:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, maybe. Like, I mean, I know intellectually that I'm not, I'm not a ti- a runt.

• 32:56Tig Notaro?

  Right.

• 32:57Mae Martin?

  But like.

• 32:57Tig Notaro?

  That's good. That's a good start.

• 32:59Mae Martin?

  But I don't know, shrimpy like, yeah, like uh, I don't know if it's a, yeah, I guess it is very telling. I feel like I.

• 33:10Speaker 00

  I have layers where like, like I, I know I can present like very confidently in the right environment and then underneath that I'm shrimpy and insecure, but then underneath that I'm like secretly confident, you know, deep down, but then there's like a deeper layer where I'm like, no, but I am a piece of shit. And then underneath that I'm like, no, I'm good.

• 33:27Tig Notaro?

  Don't talk about my friend like that.

• 33:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's different layers. Depends when you catch me.

• 33:32Tig Notaro?

  You're like a, you're like a seven-layer dip.

• 33:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:34Tig Notaro?

  Ooh, with corn.

• 33:37Speaker 00

  With corn.

• 33:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 33:39Speaker 00

  Yeah. What about you? What, what food are you? What meal are you?

• 33:42Tig Notaro?

  I think I would be the last supper.

• 33:48Tig Notaro?

  That's the meal I am.

• 33:50Speaker 00

  That's a big meal.

• 33:50Tig Notaro?

  That is a big meal and I want every one of them sitting around that table.

• 33:55Speaker 00

  You're in the center.

• 33:56Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:57Speaker 00

  Who betrays you?

• 34:00Speaker 00

  Thomas.

• 34:01Tig Notaro?

  Judas.

• 34:02Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 34:08Speaker 06

  Hi, I'm Beck Bennett. I thought I was Beck Bennett. No, no, no, no. I'm Kyle Mooney. Yes, exactly. No, all good, all good. Thanks, buddy. Yeah, and we host the show, what's our podcast here on HeadGum? This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace.

• 34:21Speaker 00

  Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform designed to help you stand out and make you look like a kick-ass person online.

• 34:28Speaker 06

  Like you're skateboarding through the internet or you're like you're surfing through the web.

• 34:32Speaker 00

  Squarespace gives you everything you need to claim your domain, showcase your offerings with a professional website, grow your brand and get paid all in one place.

• 34:40Speaker 06

  I like that it's all in one place.

• 34:41Speaker 00

  I know.

• 34:42Speaker 06

  I like that I don't have to go around, you know, like different stores or something. It's just all in my website.

• 34:46Speaker 00

  Well, it's like, oh, do I need to go to like, do I need another type of website to like find the right pictures or like another type of website to upload the like?

• 34:53Speaker 06

  It's all in one place.

• 34:54Speaker 00

  The video or the audio or like, no, I want, it makes it easy, make it easy on me, please.

• 34:59Speaker 06

  Yeah, so you can do all those things, photos, videos, changing fonts, you know, I mean, the designs are amazing. They're catering to all your different needs. There are SEO tools, which I know what those are, and there are custom domains.

• 35:11Speaker 00

  Oh, let's come up with a domain right now. Let's see, I wonder if it exists.

• 35:14Speaker 06

  WWW dot.

• 35:16Speaker 00

  Friends meeting.

• 35:18Speaker 06

  Friends.

• 35:19Speaker 00

  Friends meeting friends.com.

• 35:21Speaker 06

  That's an original thing that we came up with, friends meeting friends. Anyway, so check out Squarespace.com/HeadGum for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HEADGUM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Hell, sounds easy. Anybody could do it.

• 35:39Mae Martin?

  I'm going to see, I just booked tickets to Jesus Christ Superstar at the Hollywood Bowl.

• 35:43Fortune Feimster?

  Jesus Christ.

• 35:44Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 35:44Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, Cynthia Erivo.

• 35:46Mae Martin?

  Yes, playing Jesus and Adam Lambert playing Judas.

• 35:50Fortune Feimster?

  Wow.

• 35:52Mae Martin?

  I can't wait.

• 35:53Tig Notaro?

  Are you going alone?

• 35:55Mae Martin?

  I bought two tickets and I haven't chosen who's gonna come with me. So if you guys wanna come, you better start being nice.

• 36:01Fortune Feimster?

  We should have chatted about it. We could have bought a handsome box.

• 36:04Mae Martin?

  Well, it's not too late.

• 36:07Fortune Feimster?

  Well, your tickets might, are they in a box?

• 36:09Mae Martin?

  Uh.

• 36:11Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, we're not gonna, we're not gonna sit up, we're not gonna sit up in a.

• 36:15Mae Martin?

  If you buy a box, I'll sell my tickets.

• 36:17Fortune Feimster?

  We're not gonna sit there in the stands. They're gonna sit in a box, you know what I mean?

• 36:21Mae Martin?

  I don't, I've never sat in a box at the Hollywood Bowl.

• 36:23Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, they're the best. I mean, they're expensive, but they're the best.

• 36:26Mae Martin?

  Should we splash out?

• 36:28Tig Notaro?

  I mean, if I'm in town. But I'm sorry, I'm confused. Did you get a box or did you not get a box?

• 36:32Mae Martin?

  I got two seats, so I didn't get a whole box, but.

• 36:36Fortune Feimster?

  Not a box.

• 36:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I don't know if they're in a box.

• 36:38Tig Notaro?

  Sounds like you're up in the area. Fortune would never sit in. You know what I'm saying?

• 36:45Mae Martin?

  Do you, do you guys care about Jesus Christ Superstar?

• 36:48Fortune Feimster?

  Jesus Christ.

• 36:49Tig Notaro?

  I thought you were saying, do you guys care about Jesus? Are you guys psyched about the new Pope or what?

• 36:55Fortune Feimster?

  I care about Jesus. Um, I actually am kind of, I'm, I'm digging the new Pope. He's.

• 37:01Tig Notaro?

  Oh, me too.

• 37:02Fortune Feimster?

  Chicago.

• 37:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 37:04Fortune Feimster?

  I was saying, it's kind of odd though, that like, in my opinion, we shouldn't know very much about the Pope. You know, he should seem very mystical.

• 37:11Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:11Fortune Feimster?

  Like God.

• 37:12Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 37:13Fortune Feimster?

  Uh.

• 37:13Tig Notaro?

  Like Thomas.

• 37:14Fortune Feimster?

  And you know, this Pope's brother is being interviewed on the, on the news, like, yeah, it's pretty cool. My brother's the Pope. And you're like, this feels too modern.

• 37:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 37:23Mae Martin?

  I saw a video that, it felt real, that was a, a girl showing her mom the, the news of who the Pope was, and the mom's crying, laughing and screaming, and it turns, she goes. The new pope is my mom's situationship from when she was 19. Like, they used to hook up.

• 37:40Fortune Feimster?

  See?

• 37:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 37:41Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 37:41Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 37:42Tig Notaro?

  Leo.

• 37:43Fortune Feimster?

  He's got, he's got his nephew on TikTok being like, my uncle's the new pope.

• 37:48Tig Notaro?

  This is hilarious.

• 37:49Fortune Feimster?

  Game. They had, found footage of him in a White Sox game back in the day. I'm like, I shouldn't know these things about the pope.

• 37:57Mae Martin?

  I think it's best to know.

• 37:59Tig Notaro?

  I think he's gonna shake things up in a, in a good way with.

• 38:02Fortune Feimster?

  You think?

• 38:03Tig Notaro?

  I, I do. Like, with the current administration, I think it's gonna be interesting to have these two leaders in the US, you know?

• 38:14Mae Martin?

  I think he's got like a, a mixed past on some issues, right?

• 38:18Fortune Feimster?

  Like, sure. He's considered a centrist. He's aggressive in certain ways.

• 38:24Tig Notaro?

  Please do not mistake me for thinking this is Barack Obama coming in, you know, as pope.

• 38:35Mae Martin?

  So you would be the Last Supper with, with like a Eucharist cracker or like, or no, what did they even eat? Do we know what they ate at the Last Supper?

• 38:43Fortune Feimster?

  unleavened bread?

• 38:44Tig Notaro?

  I don't know what they're eating. I was just going for the joke.

• 38:47Fortune Feimster?

  Wine?

• 38:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Water then wine. And what about you, Fortune?

• 38:53Fortune Feimster?

  I'm trying to think of, um, because I've talked, I said what food I would be before, but at an actual meal, I'll, I have, we've talked about how much fun progressive dinners are, right?

• 39:06Mae Martin?

  Progressive dinners?

• 39:07Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I've talked about them. I don't know if it was with you. I just assumed that.

• 39:11Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. I can't remember if we talked about them on here or not, but I love a progressive dinner where, um, I mean, you kind of have to live in the same area as people that you do it with. There's like three different houses you go to for a meal.

• 39:25Mae Martin?

  I love that idea.

• 39:26Fortune Feimster?

  Start at a, uh, someone's house for apps and drinks. So, uh, an aperitif or an app. What do you call it?

• 39:35Mae Martin?

  Aperitif?

• 39:35Fortune Feimster?

  Aperitif. You start there. So, so like, everything's kind of like a different vibe. And like, uh, so yeah, it's someone who's good at cocktails or what, you know, they got that part. Then y'all get in, you know, responsibly, Uber or wherever, to the next house, which is the, the dinner.

• 39:57Fortune Feimster?

  Have your dinner there, then you end up at the last house for desserts and coffee. I would love to be that meal.

• 40:07Mae Martin?

  Desserts and coffee?

• 40:08Fortune Feimster?

  But all of them.

• 40:09Mae Martin?

  Oh, you want to be all of them?

• 40:10Fortune Feimster?

  I want to be a progressive dinner.

• 40:12Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 40:13Mae Martin?

  And are there all the locations, different homes that you own?

• 40:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I own all the homes.

• 40:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 40:22Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know, I, I haven't, I don't know what, if this describes my personality, but um, maybe it does because I have different sides of my personality, like, oh, like, uh, the, the drinks and the apps is fun and you're, it's the start and like, that's the fun part of my personality. Like, it's all, like, uh, we're gonna have a ripper night. And then the dinner is like,

• 40:47Mae Martin?

  Deadly serious.

• 40:48Fortune Feimster?

  Let's get to know about each other, like, for real, for real.

• 40:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 40:52Fortune Feimster?

  Let's like dig in. Yeah. And let's cut the crap. We're just gonna like,

• 40:57Tig Notaro?

  No crap at this dinner.

• 40:58Fortune Feimster?

  Let's just be real and connect.

• 41:01Tig Notaro?

  And leave your crap at home.

• 41:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 41:04Fortune Feimster?

  And then dessert, um, what would that be? Everyone kiss?

• 41:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah, great.

• 41:11Tig Notaro?

  What do you may?

• 41:12Mae Martin?

  The key party?

• 41:13Fortune Feimster?

  No, no, that would not be part of my personality. The dessert, I just love dessert, so it would be, um, it would be more of just like, um, everyone would be saying what they love the most about the night so far.

• 41:27Tig Notaro?

  And it's also like the dessert, you're like stuffed, you're satisfied, you're like out of energy. And that's always fun to think about is like how the night starts and how the night ends. When you're like hungry and everyone's excited to eat and then like at the end of the night, you're like, yes, that was so good. It's such a different scene.

• 41:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you're feeling good because you feel like you just had the most fun night, but you've also connected with, in, in ways with people you didn't expect to, and you're walking away closer to these friends.

• 42:00Mae Martin?

  It appeals to me because,

• 42:01Fortune Feimster?

  In a meaningful way.

• 42:02Mae Martin?

  Because there's kind of, yeah, I like the activity aspect of it, like, like that you kind of get to have a little reset each time you move. Like you don't get stuck in a rut talking to the same person or so, you can shuffle it up.

• 42:14Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, so I'm a progressive. How far away are these houses? I would be helpful if they're in the same neighborhood, you know, which is hard in LA. But it's a, I like the idea of being a progressive dinner because we're growing and, um, and doing different things as we move through this meal. And I'm sorry to back up, the first one is cocktails. So everyone loads up and gets on the road drinking and driving?

• 42:39Fortune Feimster?

  I said Uber. Okay, okay. Or walking. We're walking because that's what would be helpful about being in the same neighborhood. Okay, alright. And what about you? You already said yours, little cowboy?

• 42:51Mae Martin?

  I, I don't even remember what I said.

• 42:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yours is a corn dish?

• 42:54Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:55Fortune Feimster?

  Couldn't you land on what the corn dish was? You said a polenta.

• 42:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm gonna go with, um, I'm gonna go with street corn named Desire.

• 43:04Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 43:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 43:06Fortune Feimster?

  Like in a Lotte type situation?

• 43:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah, there's a little spice to it. It's a brightly colored, I don't know. Uh, what about, and Tig, you're the last supper?

• 43:19Fortune Feimster?

  I am the last supper.

• 43:20Mae Martin?

  I'm happy with these.

• 43:21Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, yeah.

• 43:22Mae Martin?

  I was gonna say, I mean, it's different to saying your favorite meal. It's like, what meal are you? Or would you, or do you, yeah, my favorite meal is.

• 43:29Fortune Feimster?

  What is your favorite meal?

• 43:31Mae Martin?

  Well, I'd like a, an omakase Japanese meal with like all different tiny little things coming and, and.

• 43:38Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, and you're surprised you don't know what they're bringing, right?

• 43:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah, just super fresh seafood, just tiny little things.

• 43:43Fortune Feimster?

  I've never done an omakase situation.

• 43:46Mae Martin?

  Oh, it's so good because it's just whatever's fresh and then they, yeah. Or like a really good lamb roast with like Yorkshire pudding and, you know.

• 43:55Fortune Feimster?

  Very British of you.

• 43:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah, roast potatoes and.

• 43:58Fortune Feimster?

  What is the Yorkshire pudding exactly? I know the name, but I don't think I know what it is.

• 44:03Mae Martin?

  It's a baked, it's, it's, they take batter and they put it in hot tins. It's like a fluffy savory pastry.

• 44:12Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, it's like bread?

• 44:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but more like, not, how would you, more like cake, but savory.

• 44:18Fortune Feimster?

  Sunday roasts are really popular in England. Were you into that?

• 44:23Mae Martin?

  Oh, man, every Sunday in a different, a different pub. Oh, so good.

• 44:27Fortune Feimster?

  It's in pubs?

• 44:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah, in pubs, yeah.

• 44:29Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 44:30Mae Martin?

  It's the best.

• 44:31Fortune Feimster?

  Huh, how about that?

• 44:32Mae Martin?

  Should we hear Caleb's answer?

• 44:34Fortune Feimster?

  Of course we should. That's why we do the podcast. I think it's gonna involve, uh, chilies.

• 44:39Speaker 05

  My answer, I think I would be. I would be an appetizer sampler from a dive bar with a Dr. Pepper. And for those who aren't familiar with a bar appetizer sampler, it's like chicken wings, mozzarella sticks, a fried pickle. Um, you know, just any, any good like fried bar food. Maybe some queso chips, perhaps some salsa. They'll just throw it on a little platter and call it um, an appetizer sampler.

• 45:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yes.

• 45:06Speaker 05

  Or maybe I'd be a triple dipper from Chili's.

• 45:08Fortune Feimster?

  Hey.

• 45:08Speaker 05

  Kind of a similar vibe. Um, and that's because I'm eclectic. Um, you know, I'm warm and I get the job done.

• 45:18Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 45:18Speaker 05

  Okay, y'all.

• 45:19Fortune Feimster?

  That's so funny. I love apps. Yeah, me too. It's the best part of the meal. I'm an app. Sometimes I'll go to a restaurant and just order two apps as my meal. Yeah, yeah, you get some crab cakes, you get some.

• 45:32Tig Notaro?

  I love chips and salsa.

• 45:34Fortune Feimster?

  I love chips and salsa.

• 45:36Tig Notaro?

  Try to pull me off a chip or a salsa.

• 45:39Fortune Feimster?

  I won't pull you off of that, my friend.

• 45:41Tig Notaro?

  Thank you, thank you.

• 45:42Fortune Feimster?

  Cause you could also, a Lotte, it goes well with chips and salsa as well. I wonder if, if I went on Uber Eats tonight for dinner, which I will. Oh, I'm hungry. Appetizer platter. Do you think someone would deliver me like an appetizer? Chili, you could, the triple dipper that Caleb mentioned, it would. Really? Because a triple dipper, um, I would like to go on record by saying that I have been a fan of Chili's. My whole life. Uh, it was the only restaurant, uh, game in town when I was growing up that was considered fancy. And they have had something called a triple dipper that I've been obsessed with again my whole life. Cause it's, you can pick three apps.

• 46:24Tig Notaro?

  Well, you can't have a fancy restaurant without something called a triple dipper.

• 46:28Fortune Feimster?

  That's right, you know? And uh, at Chili's, they had this triple dipper. So on TikTok, like a year ago, suddenly the internet has discovered chili triple dippers. And everyone's losing their minds over them.

• 46:41Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 46:42Fortune Feimster?

  Like they've just discovered this new thing. And they're like, can you believe triple dipper? I'm like, yeah, bitch. I've known about them since I was a kid.

• 46:52Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, calm down. Oh my god, you're gonna have a stroke.

• 46:55Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. Cause I'm an OG triple dipper lover. And now you got these kids on TikTok being like, oh my god, mozzarella sticks and it's got a cheese pull. This triple dipper is the most amazing thing I just discovered.

• 47:07Mae Martin?

  Okay, I'm gonna get one tonight.

• 47:09Tig Notaro?

  Are you one of those people, Fortune, where if you discovered talent, you would be like, don't forget?

• 47:15Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 47:16Tig Notaro?

  Don't forget where you came from.

• 47:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I made you.

• 47:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I made you.

• 47:21Fortune Feimster?

  I would be so happy for them. I don't, I don't need people to give me credit, but I would remind people.

• 47:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. I think you're one of those. You're one of those.

• 47:31Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't know that person was gonna be successful.

• 47:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Well, this is why it's important to go on record about things early. You've gone on record now about, about Chili's.

• 47:41Fortune Feimster?

  I talked about Chili's in my special, Sweet and Salty, that came out in, uh, 2020, January of 2020. And, uh, so I did express my love for it before all of this, uh, bandwagon stuff.

• 47:55Tig Notaro?

  Naturally find that out, Fortune. You don't have to throw in everyone's face that you discovered triple dippers before the TikTok did.

• 48:05Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. And Chili's was so grateful for my shout outs, cause they weren't, now, now the triple dipper is the most ordered thing at Chili's. It has increased their sales by like 30%.

• 48:17Tig Notaro?

  Because of your special?

• 48:18Fortune Feimster?

  No, because of TikTok.

• 48:21Mae Martin?

  Your tone of voice there when you were going, I mean, now, now it reminded me of like, when a kid gets home from school and you're just like making their dinner or something and they're just talking to you about something and they're in the kitchen going, but now, I know, but I think that you're like, mm-hmm, yeah.

• 48:34Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. So, yeah, so Chili's, when I talked about it on Sweet and Salty, we're like, oh my god, thank you.

• 48:42Tig Notaro?

  And wait, did they thank you?

• 48:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, they sent me a big ass gift card.

• 48:47Tig Notaro?

  And what is in a triple dipper?

• 48:49Mae Martin?

  Mozzarella sticks. What else?

• 48:51Fortune Feimster?

  Well, it's a whole list of apps that you can choose from. You can choose three.

• 48:56Mae Martin?

  Oh, I see.

• 48:57Fortune Feimster?

  So it's anywhere from, uh, sliders, yum. Chicken tenders, but there's different types of tenders. You can get plain, you can get honey chipotle.

• 49:05Tig Notaro?

  See, a little vegan like myself couldn't wander in there and get a triple dipper.

• 49:10Fortune Feimster?

  Southwestern egg rolls to die for.

• 49:12Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah, nice.

• 49:13Fortune Feimster?

  The mozzarella sticks are the big thing right now because they have a Nashville hot one that people are into.

• 49:19Tig Notaro?

  All right.

• 49:19Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, there's other, I can't remember all the different, uh, boneless buffalo wings, buffalo wings.

• 49:25Tig Notaro?

  And then do the, is this also a place that has? Ooh, I'll take it. Now, is this a place that, um, does Chili's have the fried pickle situation?

• 49:35Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I believe so.

• 49:37Mae Martin?

  I never had one.

• 49:38Tig Notaro?

  I think that's a newer sitch. I would like to just order one fried pickle to be delivered to my house, please.

• 49:47Fortune Feimster?

  Are you allowed to eat a fried pickle? Is that anything in the batter that's?

• 49:52Tig Notaro?

  Well, it depends on, you know, there's vegan fried, but I don't imagine Chili's doing that.

• 50:00Tig Notaro?

  All right, well.

• 50:01Fortune Feimster?

  One fried pickle, that would be an expensive fried pickle.

• 50:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 50:05Mae Martin?

  I mean, it's a pretty good challenge. Like, I feel like I've logged that now for some future birthday of yours take. I'm gonna try and.

• 50:12Tig Notaro?

  I like pickle chips.

• 50:14Mae Martin?

  Oh, I love a dill pickle chip. Oh, my God. Do you guys know any knock-knock jokes?

• 50:19Tig Notaro?

  Ooh, good question, May. Wow. I, I'm gonna go ahead and call that a May fact. Even though it wasn't.

• 50:27Mae Martin?

  Well, the, the fire ants was a May fact.

• 50:29Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm. Was that this episode?

• 50:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 50:32Tig Notaro?

  Are you serious?

• 50:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was. That was this episode. That was earlier this episode.

• 50:38Fortune Feimster?

  It was, yes.

• 50:39Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 50:40Mae Martin?

  How time flies. How time flies.

• 50:43Tig Notaro?

  How it flies.

• 50:44Mae Martin?

  Um, like, you know, you hear about people like falling off of ships and then like a dolphin will save them or something?

• 50:49Tig Notaro?

  No, I haven't heard that once. You have?

• 50:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I just feel like that happens and that, but the ants, they saved her in a different way. I'm back on the ants.

• 50:57Fortune Feimster?

  I believe there was a guy in San Francisco who, um, spoiler alert or trigger warning?

• 51:03Tig Notaro?

  Not spoiler alert.

• 51:06Fortune Feimster?

  Spoiler alert, trigger warning, you're very different.

• 51:08Mae Martin?

  Spoiler alert, you're about to be triggered.

• 51:10Fortune Feimster?

  He jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge.

• 51:12Tig Notaro?

  Oof.

• 51:13Fortune Feimster?

  And um, they think like an um, one of the an- animals in the thing like brought him up to the surface.

• 51:22Tig Notaro?

  Animals in the thing?

• 51:23Mae Martin?

  Like a seal or a sea lion?

• 51:26Fortune Feimster?

  Like a sea lion or a seal or something brought him up and he ended up living and he lived.

• 51:32Mae Martin?

  Wow. I mean, you, you, you, uh, I've been seeing a lot of these things of like, um, you know, a giant sea turtle will go to a kayaker and then lead the kayaker to where another animal's in trouble. So the kayaker can help the other animal.

• 51:47Tig Notaro?

  But hold on, are you seeing this on Instagram or those kinds of stories? Cause people put those stories together to pull your heartstrings, right?

• 51:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's that and in my, and in my dreams, I'm seeing them all the time.

• 52:00Tig Notaro?

  How real are most of those, you know, cause I have a friend that sends me a lot of these uh, animal stories and it's always the same song that they play.

• 52:12Fortune Feimster?

  Is it the Sarah McLachlan song?

• 52:13Tig Notaro?

  No, it's like.

• 52:17Tig Notaro?

  No, but it's along those things. It's a long, that's a good song.

• 52:21Mae Martin?

  That's a great song.

• 52:23Fortune Feimster?

  When they played it too much with that dog, saving the dog.

• 52:27Mae Martin?

  There was like an R S B C.

• 52:28Fortune Feimster?

  Joke.

• 52:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:29Tig Notaro?

  That's true.

• 52:30Mae Martin?

  But on Instagram, it seems like there's four songs that they cycle through. There's like a happy song, there's a sad song, there's.

• 52:36Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, what is the sad song? Cause I feel like whenever my friend sends those, it's this one, it's like you find a little baby deer on the side of the road and it's covered in mud.

• 52:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 52:50Tig Notaro?

  And then you get into your car. And I cannot believe how much this, and I love animals, I love them to be saved. But I feel like I can sniff out that maybe things were cobbled together.

• 53:05Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, and it didn't really happen that way?

• 53:08Mae Martin?

  Turns you off so much that you're like, let that deer die.

• 53:10Tig Notaro?

  No, no, I'm just like, oh, this, they're just storytelling and maybe it's not a real story.

• 53:17Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 53:18Tig Notaro?

  You know?

• 53:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 53:19Tig Notaro?

  But.

• 53:20Fortune Feimster?

  My friend falls for it every time.

• 53:23Mae Martin?

  I mean, welcome to my life. Half the facts I'm saying.

• 53:26Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 53:27Mae Martin?

  I'm just falling for them.

• 53:28Fortune Feimster?

  You're just absorbing them and spitting them back out there.

• 53:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah. I gotta make some space in my brain for other things, you know?

• 53:35Fortune Feimster?

  Like love.

• 53:36Mae Martin?

  Like love. I gotta stop just absorbing trivia.

• 53:41Tig Notaro?

  Are you open to love?

• 53:42Mae Martin?

  I'm very open to love. Always. Always loving. I am actually going on Who Wants to be a Millionaire?

• 53:50Fortune Feimster?

  You are. Nice.

• 53:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm going on as a-

• 53:53Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know what that has to do with love, but I love that for you.

• 53:56Tig Notaro?

  And has anyone ever said no thank you to that question? Who wants to be a millionaire?

• 54:01Mae Martin?

  Oh, someone's gone, "No, I'm good."

• 54:03Tig Notaro?

  No, hard pass.

• 54:04Fortune Feimster?

  Have you been thinking about who your phone of friends is gonna be?

• 54:08Mae Martin?

  Well, it's not my choice. I'm Chelsea Peretti's plus one. And so we're a team. And so whoever she wants to call, um, will call-

• 54:16Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't know it was played in teams.

• 54:18Mae Martin?

  Well, I guess it's like celebrity for charity. Yeah.

• 54:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I was asked to do it and sadly, I mean, I'm excited to go to Tribeca, but I, I really wanted to do it, but-

• 54:28Mae Martin?

  It's gonna be, I mean, I'm so scared. She's chosen me because I said I'm good at trivia.

• 54:33Tig Notaro?

  Oh, no.

• 54:33Mae Martin?

  And now the pressure is on. What if I-

• 54:36Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no. Does, does Chelsea know that we're not sure what of your facts are facts?

• 54:42Mae Martin?

  No, I haven't told her that.

• 54:43Tig Notaro?

  And they're very little known facts, I would say.

• 54:46Mae Martin?

  Well, I'm brushing up. I got the app and I'm practicing and I, uh-

• 54:50Tig Notaro?

  They're may facts.

• 54:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and I've been memorizing all the, all the capital cities of the world. I know all the countries. I'm trying my best.

• 54:56Tig Notaro?

  Finn can help you with those.

• 54:58Fortune Feimster?

  I'll tell you this. I played Celebrity Jeopardy and it was one of the most nerve wracking experiences of my life.

• 55:04Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 55:05Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God. And that buzzer is diabolical.

• 55:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 55:09Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I have never been more uncomfortable.

• 55:13Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 55:13Fortune Feimster?

  I knew some things and, and some stuff I was so stupid about. And then other things I did really know it and I was trying so hard to get the buzzer timing right and I could not.

• 55:24Mae Martin?

  Ah, I'm like-

• 55:25Fortune Feimster?

  Because if you buzz in two, you have to wait till he finishes. The last word and then hit the buzzer. And if you go even a millisecond too soon, it locks you out.

• 55:36Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 55:37Fortune Feimster?

  It is such a timing thing. It stressed me out.

• 55:41Tig Notaro?

  I am so sorry.

• 55:42Fortune Feimster?

  Thank you.

• 55:42Mae Martin?

  There was a big scandal in England where there was somebody who won, who wants to be a millionaire. And then when they rewatch the tapes, they realized there was someone in the audience coughing to like, so, because he was thinking out loud, he'd go, well, it could be A, and then you'd hear, which meant no or something. And then, so he had someone in the audience

• 56:00Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God.

• 56:00Mae Martin?

  helping him. It was like they'd arranged it. And then it was this big trial and he claimed, yeah, obviously that he didn't cheat. Yeah.

• 56:08Tig Notaro?

  And who won?

• 56:09Mae Martin?

  I think he had to give the money back. It was, Matthew McFadden played him in a, in a movie. It was great. Yeah.

• 56:19Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I'm excited to hear how you do.

• 56:21Mae Martin?

  I'm scared I'm gonna just freeze up. Like, I was on a British trivia show called Eggheads and I, I lost on a question of, of, uh, oh, fuck, what was it? It was something, it was, it was, oh, it was about the, the, the painting of, of God and the two fingers. Where is that painting? And I said, in the cathedral in the Vatican. I just couldn't fucking think of Sistine Chapel.

• 56:45Tig Notaro?

  Chapel.

• 56:46Mae Martin?

  Couldn't think of Sistine Chapel, just from the.

• 56:48Tig Notaro?

  Hmm. This is a very religious episode.

• 56:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, very.

• 56:57Fortune Feimster?

  Just, that has to do with Jesus, but.

• 57:00Tig Notaro?

  Well, guys.

• 57:01Mae Martin?

  This has been a real hoot.

• 57:02Fortune Feimster?

  Been a real hoot and holler. I'm sorry we didn't come through with a knock, knock joke for you.

• 57:06Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 57:07Mae Martin?

  Maybe next time. Who's there?

• 57:09Fortune Feimster?

  Uh.

• 57:10Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 57:12Fortune Feimster?

  Hold on.

• 57:13Tig Notaro?

  See you next episode.

• 57:14Mae Martin?

  See you next episode.

• 57:16Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, promote?

• 57:18Mae Martin?

  Promote who?

• 57:19Fortune Feimster?

  Yourself.

• 57:20Mae Martin?

  Okay. Well, thanks for asking. Uh, coming up, I'm, uh, going on tour, doing some music. June 10th, I'm in San Francisco. June 12th, I'm in Portland. June 13th, I'm in Vancouver. And you can go to maymartinmusic.com for tickets. I'm doing meet and greets and playing tunes. So come along.

• 57:37Fortune Feimster?

  This weekend, uh, I have a 4pm show in Kansas City at the Midland Theater. I would love people to come. It's a great time to see a show. You can go to dinner after. And then my Wichita folks, I'm going to be there on Sunday in Kansas, Las Vegas, Lexington, Kentucky, Knoxville, Tennessee. And then some fun ones coming up like Atlanta, Cincinnati, Chicago, San Jose, Charlotte, North Carolina. Get your tickets at my website, fortunefeamster.com.

• 58:11Tig Notaro?

  Love it. The documentary Come See Me in the Good Light is going to be at the Tribeca Film Festival this weekend. Several different screenings. I'll be at Largo on June 13th. I'll be at Dynasty Typewriter June 21st. I'll be in P-Town August 23rd, two shows. And we also have so many screenings of Come See Me in the Good Light. Look online for any other dates and then also tignotaro.com.

• 58:42Mae Martin?

  Well, in that case, it feels like the only thing really left to do is keep it handsome. Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. And please follow us on social media @handsomepod.

• 59:06Speaker 04

  What a podcast!

• 59:12Mae Martin?

  That was a HeadGum Podcast. Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that my outfit matches the vibe of the evening before heading out the door, I regret everything. The night called for a black t-shirt, but I wore a white one instead, and now everything's out of alignment.

• 59:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate, North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 59:43Speaker 07

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 59:45Speaker 08

  And Hannah Simone.

• 59:46Speaker 07

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog-

• 1:00:08Speaker 08

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 1:00:20Speaker 07

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 1:00:32Speaker 08

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.