Alanis Morissette asks about being brave... IN PERSON!

This is HUGE! Alanis Morisette joins Handsome in-studio to recap her Handsome interactions and ask an *iconic* question about Tig, Fortune, and Mae's bravest moments. We're still stunned this actually happened! NEW MERCH at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepod and Hulu https://www.hulu.com/series/b583d0bc-eeb0-4560-8b2b-5c8ae0248a19?play=false&utm_source=shared_linkThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:05Fortune Feimster?

  Let's talk about the fall. The weather's getting cooler, the holidays are on their way, and I want to get cozy. That's where Homaglow makes such a difference. Handsome is supported by Homaglow. Homaglow is a top-rated home service platform dedicated to making your space clean and tidy. It has online booking capabilities that allow you to instantly schedule a cleaner in your area for a special occasion, party, or regularly to help take something off your plate.

• 0:31Tig Notaro?

  My Homaglow cleaner has been a total game changer. With cleaning covered, it opens up my schedule for all the things I want to do, including spending time with my friends and family this fall season.

• 0:42Fortune Feimster?

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• 1:13Tig Notaro?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking my spice rack before I try a fancy new recipe? I'm feeling salty. I'm out of paprika and I don't think cinnamon is going to be a good substitute.

• 1:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Handsome Pod. Chat with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chat with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers. Welcome to the Handsome Pod. I'm Fortune Feimster.

• 1:57Tig Notaro?

  I'm Tig Notaro.

• 1:58Mae Martin?

  And I'm Mae Martin.

• 2:00Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you guys, we're in studio together. One of our favorite things to do is to be able to touch.

• 2:07Tig Notaro?

  Touchin' each other.

• 2:09Mae Martin?

  We're touchin' each other. Do you feel how I'm vibrating?

• 2:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you are vibrating.

• 2:13Mae Martin?

  Vibrating with energy.

• 2:14Fortune Feimster?

  What's up with you?

• 2:15Tig Notaro?

  But it's my shaky paw.

• 2:17Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, it's your shaky paw.

• 2:18Tig Notaro?

  You do have a shaky paw, yeah.

• 2:19Mae Martin?

  You have a medical reason. Guys, I'm gonna go rogue.

• 2:22Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 2:23Tig Notaro?

  What?

• 2:23Mae Martin?

  I think we should get to our question.

• 2:25Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 2:25Tig Notaro?

  Wait, hold on, what time is it?

• 2:27Fortune Feimster?

  It's so fast.

• 2:27Tig Notaro?

  I literally just said, "Welcome to the Handsome Pod." Yeah, and I just showed, uh, we just cut to my shaky paw cam.

• 2:33Mae Martin?

  You don't think that's electric enough?

• 2:35Fortune Feimster?

  That's pretty electric. What's, what are you jumping the gun for?

• 2:38Mae Martin?

  Well, it's unorthodox for sure.

• 2:41Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 2:41Mae Martin?

  But I think all is gonna become clear to you. Today's question asker is a Canadian-American artist and advocate who has sold more than 60 million records.

• 2:51Fortune Feimster?

  That's a lot of records.

• 2:51Tig Notaro?

  Is that a lot?

• 2:52Mae Martin?

  That's a lot, dude.

• 2:54Fortune Feimster?

  Dude.

• 2:54Mae Martin?

  Won seven Grammy Awards. That's also a lot.

• 2:57Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, more than I have.

• 2:59Mae Martin?

  14 Juno Awards and has been nominated for two Golden Globes and a Tony.

• 3:03Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 3:04Mae Martin?

  Her current LA residency, Butterfly with a Machete, runs through November 11th. I'm going, I got my tickets. She's a member of the Songwriters Hall of Fame and is, simply put, one of our favorite musicians of all time. Alanis Morissette is today's question asker and first ever in-person guest.

• 3:23Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 3:24Mae Martin?

  What?

• 3:25Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God.

• 3:26Fortune Feimster?

  Please welcome, Alanis Morissette. Oh, come on. This is so fancy. Our first guest ever.

• 3:36Tig Notaro?

  Oh, oh.

• 3:38Fortune Feimster?

  What is that, anniversary paper? I know, right?

• 3:42Tig Notaro?

  This, this tipped over.

• 3:45Fortune Feimster?

  Please, well, here you go, welcome.

• 3:47Tig Notaro?

  Come on in.

• 3:47Fortune Feimster?

  Over here. I spilled all my sparkling water and...

• 3:51Tig Notaro?

  Onto electronics.

• 3:52Mae Martin?

  Oh, great, so...

• 3:53Fortune Feimster?

  We're a mess.

• 3:54Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 3:55Fortune Feimster?

  Welcome.

• 3:56Mae Martin?

  I'm so...

• 3:57Tig Notaro?

  Nothing is going normally so far.

• 4:00Mae Martin?

  I'm...

• 4:00Tig Notaro?

  Nothing.

• 4:01Mae Martin?

  I've never seen us this jittery. I'm so overexcited.

• 4:04Fortune Feimster?

  I'm jittery, too.

• 4:05Mae Martin?

  Are you?

• 4:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 4:06Mae Martin?

  Okay, good. Against one?

• 4:08Tig Notaro?

  Three, one.

• 4:09Fortune Feimster?

  So you've heard the podcast?

• 4:10Tig Notaro?

  Four.

• 4:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 4:11Mae Martin?

  You have.

• 4:12Tig Notaro?

  Okay. Because some people, they don't know...

• 4:15Mae Martin?

  We should just get rid of those people.

• 4:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we should.

• 4:17Fortune Feimster?

  I like your style.

• 4:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we don't even need to talk about that. I also love your shoes.

• 4:22Tig Notaro?

  My strange footwear.

• 4:24Fortune Feimster?

  Is it okay that there's just a pile of sparkling water?

• 4:30Tig Notaro?

  Now, you pointed out Alanis' shoes, but no one cares about my new, as Stephanie calls them, camping shoes.

• 4:36Mae Martin?

  Those are new?

• 4:37Fortune Feimster?

  Those are pretty great.

• 4:37Tig Notaro?

  They're hiking shoes.

• 4:38Mae Martin?

  Do you shovel them on purpose now to be hipster?

• 4:41Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, right.

• 4:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, extra $400. Yeah. For some dirt. Yeah. No, all our shoes are great. Can I see your shoes?

• 4:49Tig Notaro?

  Oh, there's Mr. Thomas.

• 4:50Fortune Feimster?

  Here we go, Thomas.

• 4:51Tig Notaro?

  Thomas saves the day.

• 4:53Fortune Feimster?

  First time I ever went out on a date with a girl back in the day.

• 4:56Tig Notaro?

  Was you?

• 4:57Fortune Feimster?

  I spilled my tea everywhere.

• 5:00Mae Martin?

  On yourself.

• 5:01Tig Notaro?

  Girl, you spilled tea.

• 5:02Fortune Feimster?

  Girl.

• 5:03Mae Martin?

  I sure did on that date.

• 5:05Fortune Feimster?

  I sure did, so this reminds me of that.

• 5:07Mae Martin?

  It's always good.

• 5:08Fortune Feimster?

  But you're way cooler. That date sucked ass.

• 5:10Mae Martin?

  Tell me about it. Tell me why.

• 5:12Fortune Feimster?

  Get into it, girl. I'd just come out of the closet and I...

• 5:15Mae Martin?

  What year was this? Do we know?

• 5:16Fortune Feimster?

  2005. I was a late bloomer.

• 5:19Mae Martin?

  Oh, I would've blown them out. Three years after UnderRug Swept came out.

• 5:22Fortune Feimster?

  And, uh...

• 5:23Mae Martin?

  So that precipitated.

• 5:25Fortune Feimster?

  Keep bringing it back to... I didn't know how to talk to women. I was scared of them.

• 5:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, they're pretty scary.

• 5:29Fortune Feimster?

  So you were...

• 5:30Mae Martin?

  Now I love them.

• 5:31Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe I can help you.

• 5:31Mae Martin?

  Now you can't stop talking to them.

• 5:33Fortune Feimster?

  Stop talking and touching them, all the things.

• 5:35Mae Martin?

  With no consent?

• 5:36Fortune Feimster?

  That's, well, no.

• 5:37Mae Martin?

  Always consent.

• 5:38Fortune Feimster?

  The vibe's always right.

• 5:39Mae Martin?

  Well, dude, you are so going to jail.

• 5:43Mae Martin?

  The vibe's always right.

• 5:44Fortune Feimster?

  The vibe's good, come on, no?

• 5:45Mae Martin?

  Oh, come on. Is it implied to us?

• 5:47Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I have a, I have a demeanor like that.

• 5:51Mae Martin?

  Or, I mean, your demeanor spells safety.

• 5:53Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 5:53Mae Martin?

  Your perception, I'd be like...

• 5:54Fortune Feimster?

  Aw, thank you.

• 5:56Mae Martin?

  Someone thought that was an insult 25 years ago. They said something about love and safety, and they were like, "Oh, that sounds really boring. You just called me boring." And I was like, "No, I called you safe."

• 6:06Fortune Feimster?

  No, they need to interrogate that.

• 6:08Mae Martin?

  They need to stop talking.

• 6:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 6:09Mae Martin?

  They interrogate.

• 6:10Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 6:11Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna self-interrogate.

• 6:12Fortune Feimster?

  They need to figure out why that seems...

• 6:14Tig Notaro?

  Guys, thanks for being on the Canadian couch together.

• 6:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, this is the Canadian couch.

• 6:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah, solidarity.

• 6:21Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 6:21Fortune Feimster?

  We love Canadians.

• 6:23Mae Martin?

  Why?

• 6:23Fortune Feimster?

  Um, because y'all just...

• 6:25Mae Martin?

  Why?

• 6:25Fortune Feimster?

  Y'all just feel so nice. You're really nice.

• 6:28Mae Martin?

  So we snap.

• 6:29Fortune Feimster?

  And you say pasta.

• 6:30Mae Martin?

  I don't.

• 6:31Fortune Feimster?

  You don't snap?

• 6:31Mae Martin?

  I need help with that.

• 6:32Fortune Feimster?

  With your rage?

• 6:34Mae Martin?

  Well, not to suddenly get deep, but yeah, I need help accessing anger.

• 6:39Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I thought you were saying you have rage.

• 6:41Mae Martin?

  Your music has helped me do that.

• 6:42Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, good.

• 6:42Mae Martin?

  That's like...

• 6:43Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:44Mae Martin?

  So you sublimate and you implode? Yeah, I guess so. I feel like, I feel like it's, it's, is there an emotion that's hard for you guys to access?

• 6:52Fortune Feimster?

  Sexy.

• 6:53Mae Martin?

  Sexy is hard for you?

• 6:55Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you're doing great right now.

• 6:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're, it's radiating off of you.

• 6:58Tig Notaro?

  Girl, I've seen your gams. I've seen your sexy gams.

• 7:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Fortune has great calves.

• 7:04Fortune Feimster?

  I do.

• 7:04Mae Martin?

  We're gonna just objectify little tiny pieces.

• 7:07Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. What is your emotion that's hard?

• 7:10Tig Notaro?

  An emotion that's hard for me is, um, well, you know, I can feel this emotion, but it doesn't feel great, is shame.

• 7:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:21Tig Notaro?

  Shame is not fun.

• 7:22Mae Martin?

  That comes very easily to me.

• 7:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and I'm, I'm exploring that in my therapy these days. It's like, I, um, what, wait, are we really getting into this?

• 7:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah, wait, wait, wait. Let's rewind for a second.

• 7:34Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 7:35Mae Martin?

  Because I do want to get into it.

• 7:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I do, too.

• 7:37Mae Martin?

  But we don't have it. But, um, do you know that you have a very important place in this podcast lore?

• 7:43Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we talk about you a lot.

• 7:45Mae Martin?

  She knows it. Well, I did hear there were some logistical problems that turned into... And I'd like to make good and sort of tie that bow and repair our conflict.

• 7:54Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we're gonna, we're...

• 7:55Mae Martin?

  We have no conflict with you.

• 7:56Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really?

• 7:57Mae Martin?

  Fortune and I...

• 7:57Fortune Feimster?

  It's more internal. The podcast almost imploded over me getting to sing with you and May not. Honestly, it was one of the greatest days of my life. Let me just get that out.

• 8:07Mae Martin?

  No, we had a moment. That was amazing.

• 8:08Fortune Feimster?

  It was incredible.

• 8:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was great. Sorry.

• 8:10Tig Notaro?

  And then, and then...

• 8:12Mae Martin?

  And then the aftermath.

• 8:14Tig Notaro?

  And then...

• 8:15Fortune Feimster?

  You looked into my soul when I was singing to you. That was unreal.

• 8:19Tig Notaro?

  And then I was minding my own Tig business in this world, and I get a text from Patty Guggenheim.

• 8:24Fortune Feimster?

  I know Patty as well.

• 8:26Tig Notaro?

  And you, I think, if I understood what happened, you filmed Taylor Dane?

• 8:30Mae Martin?

  Yes, who's unbelievable.

• 8:32Tig Notaro?

  Do you like her?

• 8:33Mae Martin?

  I love her.

• 8:34Tig Notaro?

  Doesn't she have a great...

• 8:35Mae Martin?

  No, there's something. And then also, now, extra love, because, there you go, you go.

• 8:39Tig Notaro?

  Well, yeah, so I didn't quite understand Patty's text for a second, because I was like, wait.

• 8:44Mae Martin?

  What?

• 8:45Tig Notaro?

  Does Patty think this is Alanis? And it was, I, I didn't, I don't really remember what the text said, but I, I got a text of, of Taylor Dane from Patty, and it turned out from you.

• 8:57Mae Martin?

  From me.

• 8:58Tig Notaro?

  And then I only...

• 8:59Mae Martin?

  I filmed Taylor Dane, and then I said, "Please send this to Tig."

• 9:04Mae Martin?

  That was the whole thing.

• 9:05Tig Notaro?

  Just to push it even further, you should have gotten my number and directly texted it to me and then just pushed May over the edge.

• 9:13Mae Martin?

  No, listen, let me, allow me to explain.

• 9:15Fortune Feimster?

  We're not there yet.

• 9:15Mae Martin?

  Let me explain.

• 9:17Fortune Feimster?

  Okay. And it's like, back to her.

• 9:19Mae Martin?

  There's something to explain. I don't want to just drag it out, May. The reason it was interesting to me was I, so we both went to your show. We were so excited. We both, uh, came backstage. We...

• 9:30Fortune Feimster?

  Thought you had an equal impact on it.

• 9:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah, exactly. And then, of course, for, like, of course, Fortune gets asked to go up and sing, and I was shocked at my own, it was more, what was interesting to me was I was like...

• 9:42Fortune Feimster?

  I was imploding.

• 9:43Mae Martin?

  Wow, I'm not capable of being happy for my friend. I was like, this is a really dark side of me. And then that was interesting to me. And because Fortune had to Google the lyrics, and I was like...

• 9:53Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 9:53Mae Martin?

  I would not have had to.

• 9:54Fortune Feimster?

  Listen, listen.

• 9:55Mae Martin?

  Shame?

• 9:56Fortune Feimster?

  No, no, no. Let's just, let's just clear the air. I got nervous. Of course I know the lyrics. I've been listening to you. I mean, the, oh, come on, ironic is like iconic.

• 10:09Tig Notaro?

  Iconic ironic.

• 10:11Fortune Feimster?

  I got nervous.

• 10:11Mae Martin?

  You were check, I get it. I, listen, I get it.

• 10:13Fortune Feimster?

  I got nervous.

• 10:14Mae Martin?

  It was more that I was surprised by my own hate.

• 10:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:19Mae Martin?

  Hate.

• 10:19Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, and it was palpable. It was palpable. I was like, my heart's like, hates my guts right now.

• 10:23Tig Notaro?

  Our podcast almost ended.

• 10:25Fortune Feimster?

  I can't. But honestly, I was will, I was willing to put our podcast at jeopardy to sing with you.

• 10:29Speaker 04

  That's a risk, I think, was a fun one to take, if not really dangerous for your heart.

• 10:34Fortune Feimster?

  I don't regret a second of it.

• 10:35Speaker 04

  Oh, God, nice.

• 10:35Mae Martin?

  There is, there's footage that my girlfriend filmed from the audience of, because I went up side stage and filmed Fortune under the guise of a supportive friend and.

• 10:46Speaker 04

  Also, maybe you would be singing the next day. You don't know.

• 10:48Mae Martin?

  I'm like, I just want to be seen.

• 10:49Fortune Feimster?

  I thought you would at last minute be like, oh, you too.

• 10:52Speaker 04

  No, I got you. Get out of here. Honestly, that was like, I had to see. Had I been given permission to do that, I would have done that.

• 10:58Mae Martin?

  I was like, just trying to beam energy.

• 11:02Fortune Feimster?

  Your tour manager was like, Alanis usually sings with children, so she's probably.

• 11:06Mae Martin?

  So this is appropriate.

• 11:06Fortune Feimster?

  She's probably gonna grab your hand and lead you out on stage and just look into her eyes when you sing. That's what the kids do. And I go, you got it.

• 11:14Speaker 04

  I know what the kids do.

• 11:15Fortune Feimster?

  So you grabbed my hand and I like went on stage like a five year old. And then I started singing and I turned to look into your eyes and then your soul grabbed me. And I was, we were locked in.

• 11:26Speaker 04

  It was a full she-occupy pot.

• 11:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, and then after.

• 11:28Tig Notaro?

  Now you're rubbing it in again.

• 11:30Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 11:30Speaker 04

  But we do have to address the unrest.

• 11:32Fortune Feimster?

  Well, I did want to tell you, I did cry after, oh, I got off stage.

• 11:36Mae Martin?

  It's a lot, right? Listen, I'm, we're making this all about us. And the truth is, it was an incredible concert, deeply powerful.

• 11:42Speaker 04

  But I'm still not done.

• 11:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but.

• 11:44Tig Notaro?

  Does anyone care? I was stuck in a space suit filming Star Trek when all this was going on.

• 11:49Speaker 04

  You couldn't come, yeah.

• 11:50Tig Notaro?

  And I was just.

• 11:50Speaker 04

  It was fun.

• 11:51Fortune Feimster?

  I was working in Toronto and the whole, like, next two weeks, everyone and their mother came up to me, being like, I saw you sing. Sorry, I'm at Alanis' concert.

• 11:59Mae Martin?

  No, listen, I, I promise you, I'm not, I'm more shocked at myself, at my, at my inability to be.

• 12:07Speaker 04

  Cruelty.

• 12:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like, they really surprised me. I was like, I am hap, intellectually, I'm happy.

• 12:13Fortune Feimster?

  On the next, the next episode.

• 12:15Mae Martin?

  Emotionally, emotionally, but then, it wasn't our moment, you know?

• 12:19Tig Notaro?

  But this is, and now we can.

• 12:21Fortune Feimster?

  I'm on the Canadian couch together.

• 12:23Tig Notaro?

  Ironic, right now.

• 12:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you taught generations about the word ironic.

• 12:28Tig Notaro?

  I ruined everything again.

• 12:31Mae Martin?

  But wait, how do you, um, when you're touring, we're always touring, Fortune always touring, how do you keep your energy up? Like, yeah, how do you do that?

• 12:42Speaker 04

  Uh, I know how to rest.

• 12:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 12:44Tig Notaro?

  How do you rest? What is that like?

• 12:46Speaker 04

  Poros don't tell us, yeah.

• 12:46Fortune Feimster?

  Girl, tell us.

• 12:47Mae Martin?

  Girl, tell me.

• 12:48Fortune Feimster?

  We want to do a wellness weekend.

• 12:50Tig Notaro?

  Get into it.

• 12:50Speaker 04

  A wellness weekend?

• 12:51Mae Martin?

  We keep talking about a wellness weekend.

• 12:53Tig Notaro?

  We need to bring Alanis to our wellness weekend.

• 12:54Speaker 04

  I don't do wellness. I do wholeness.

• 12:56Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:57Fortune Feimster?

  Call it, come over.

• 12:58Mae Martin?

  All of us know the difference.

• 12:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 13:00Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 13:01Tig Notaro?

  What is the difference between wholeness and wellness?

• 13:03Speaker 04

  Well, wellness is some vision of perfection of, once I reach this point of wellness, then my hormones and my minerals, everything's gonna be perfect. No, uh, wholeness is also the dark stuff and the grief and the shame and the beauty and the upliftment and the expression. So I don't want to be half.

• 13:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:21Speaker 04

  And well. I want to be whole and whole.

• 13:24Tig Notaro?

  Well, okay, well, I want to be whole too.

• 13:27Speaker 04

  Weekend like that.

• 13:28Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, of course. I want all of that.

• 13:30Fortune Feimster?

  Cause I like that.

• 13:31Mae Martin?

  Me too.

• 13:31Fortune Feimster?

  I like that better than the wellness weekend.

• 13:33Speaker 04

  Wellness scares me because how?

• 13:35Fortune Feimster?

  Honestly, I've been very hesitant for the wellness weekend.

• 13:37Tig Notaro?

  Okay, wholeness.

• 13:38Mae Martin?

  What do you have planned?

• 13:39Tig Notaro?

  Well, I want to spend a weekend with my co-host to bond and get even closer and, and watch the sun come up and meditate and eat, you know.

• 13:50Speaker 04

  Snacks.

• 13:51Tig Notaro?

  Well, vegan food.

• 13:53Speaker 04

  Great.

• 13:53Tig Notaro?

  And, um, you know, swim.

• 13:56Speaker 04

  Well, they don't have to eat vegan food.

• 13:57Fortune Feimster?

  Thank you, Alanis.

• 13:57Tig Notaro?

  Yes, they do.

• 13:58Mae Martin?

  We'll see this.

• 13:59Speaker 04

  So now there's some control.

• 14:00Tig Notaro?

  Now there's some control coming up.

• 14:02Mae Martin?

  Now we're, and it's not wholeness.

• 14:03Speaker 04

  But if it's your weekend.

• 14:05Tig Notaro?

  I can't barbecue ribs for you guys.

• 14:08Mae Martin?

  I don't need you to.

• 14:09Speaker 04

  You don't have to.

• 14:09Mae Martin?

  They're gonna sneak in their jerkies.

• 14:11Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 14:11Fortune Feimster?

  Sneak in our jerkies.

• 14:13Mae Martin?

  But I, I love that.

• 14:14Tig Notaro?

  Journaling.

• 14:16Mae Martin?

  Journaling.

• 14:17Tig Notaro?

  Journaling, listening to some vinyl.

• 14:19Mae Martin?

  Y'all listening to vinyl. I'm, I'm up for it.

• 14:21Fortune Feimster?

  But then where do we, but then can we?

• 14:23Tig Notaro?

  Snuggling as we fall asleep.

• 14:25Fortune Feimster?

  I don't mind that.

• 14:26Speaker 04

  A spoon is life.

• 14:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but then where do we, are we gonna add wholeness to it?

• 14:30Mae Martin?

  Like, we don't have to add it. It just is there.

• 14:33Fortune Feimster?

  No, I want to.

• 14:34Tig Notaro?

  What would you do on a wholeness weekend?

• 14:35Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, what would you add to?

• 14:36Mae Martin?

  Can we add like primal scream or like?

• 14:38Speaker 04

  Anything.

• 14:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:39Speaker 04

  You can physicalize so much.

• 14:41Tig Notaro?

  Watch the sun go down.

• 14:42Speaker 04

  Yes, answer your, answer each other's questions through movement and not words.

• 14:46Mae Martin?

  Oh, whoa, I like the sound of that.

• 14:48Speaker 04

  A lot of holding, though.

• 14:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 14:49Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I like that.

• 14:50Tig Notaro?

  Three spoons.

• 14:51Speaker 04

  Oh, man, three spoons is life.

• 14:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 14:53Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 14:54Tig Notaro?

  But four spoons.

• 14:55Speaker 04

  Ten spoons.

• 14:56Tig Notaro?

  No, you're the fourth.

• 14:57Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, we.

• 15:00Speaker 04

  Do you want me to be part of the sort of curricula? Yes, please.

• 15:03Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, because you, because we know that you, we know that you speak a lot on wholeness. You, for like 15 years, you've been doing, um, conferences and things like that.

• 15:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:14Fortune Feimster?

  And then you also lead meditations.

• 15:16Speaker 04

  Yes, and workshops.

• 15:16Fortune Feimster?

  All the time. So this is your thing.

• 15:18Speaker 04

  It's so my thing. I live for it.

• 15:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 15:20Mae Martin?

  Will you, can I do it all? Will you loop me in?

• 15:23Speaker 04

  We're doing a workshop in March.

• 15:25Mae Martin?

  Are you really?

• 15:25Speaker 04

  Where?

• 15:26Mae Martin?

  I'm so on board.

• 15:27Speaker 04

  In Austin.

• 15:27Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, amazing. And what does that entail?

• 15:30Speaker 04

  Um, everything. It's, it's sort of this sort of academia scholar, straight up psychological developmental, all of it.

• 15:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 15:38Speaker 04

  And then because we keep them small, I get to really dive in with people. And the starting point, portal entry in is like, it could be that you have a mosquito bite that's getting on your nerves. Or it could be that you haven't eaten in three days, or that you're divorcing, or whatever's going on. That's the entry point.

• 15:54Tig Notaro?

  Here's my question for you.

• 15:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:56Tig Notaro?

  Were you always interested in that? Because oftentimes I feel like, like for myself, I was drawn to wholeness.

• 16:07Tig Notaro?

  Because I needed it so desperately.

• 16:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:11Tig Notaro?

  After, I, I got in touch with that part of myself where I was like, oh, I did need this wake up call. I do feel lucky.

• 16:21Mae Martin?

  And, yeah.

• 16:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, after I got really sick and, and felt like I lost so much of my life and I, I, I was like, if, if this isn't what can, what's gonna wake me up and shift my life.

• 16:32Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 16:33Tig Notaro?

  What else would I wait for? And I, it, honestly, I can say fully, I, I was so out of touch with myself. I was so disconnected in ways and I'm not a perfect person still.

• 16:46Speaker 04

  No, you're perfect now.

• 16:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:48Tig Notaro?

  I'm all fixed.

• 16:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:49Tig Notaro?

  But, so I'm acknowledging that I had to have this massive.

• 16:55Speaker 04

  Crisis or.

• 16:56Tig Notaro?

  Crisis in my life.

• 16:58Mae Martin?

  That's classic hero journey stuff.

• 16:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, to draw me to it. And so, did you have that? Um, or did, did, was it kind of a part of you before?

• 17:09Speaker 04

  I was always obsessed with the human condition and what made relationships work. And I remember reading Keeping the Love You Fine by Harville Hendrix at 15. And it explained why we picked people we picked who were wrong for us or, um, would just exacerbate the wounds. With the idea of relationship being something that can ultimately heal, but a lot of us don't get there. Cause we get all infatuated, we're all over each other, can't get our hands off each other. Then the second phase is, oh, this is a nightmare. I'm with the wrong person. And most people, I think, jump ship during that.

• 17:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:41Speaker 04

  And then the third promise in my imagination is that both people would kind of actively participate in each other's healing.

• 17:47Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 17:48Speaker 04

  And then it gets sexier.

• 17:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:50Speaker 04

  And that's when things would start for me, but I'd get dumped all the time during the second phase. Cause, well, we're fighting and we, and I'm like, yeah, that's where it gets interesting.

• 17:59Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 18:00Speaker 04

  And that was not interesting to most.

• 18:02Mae Martin?

  Well, I feel like my, I, I'm so.

• 18:05Tig Notaro?

  So I'm sorry, but what point in your life did you, you're, you're saying that was always there in you?

• 18:10Speaker 04

  Always obsessed with what makes us tick. Uh, and I'm also, um, just like people. I mean, I hate us too.

• 18:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 18:18Speaker 04

  But I love people. I could just sit and watch people for hours and be so happy.

• 18:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 18:27Fortune Feimster?

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• 20:50Tig Notaro?

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• 21:09Mae Martin?

  I'm like inundated with, um, cause I'm deeply addicted to my phone and then I'm inundated with like memes of psychology and there's so much talk about like going no contact and narcissists and, and uh, avoidant people and, and there's not a lot of emphasis on repair and connection. And yeah, it's so, it's like, well, okay. Like, so we're all just gonna be alone in our baths.

• 21:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, let's get good at conflict resolution and also see conflict as just growth trying to happen. Like, why are we making this so precious and cataclysmic? Like, it's a conflict and you resolve it.

• 21:41Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 21:42Speaker 04

  That's two people who can take responsibility, though.

• 21:44Mae Martin?

  Right, right.

• 21:45Speaker 04

  Two people that can go, oh yeah, my bad.

• 21:46Mae Martin?

  You have to know when someone just doesn't also have the capacity to do that and then you bounce. Yeah.

• 21:52Tig Notaro?

  I had a very, and I went on a retreat recently.

• 21:55Speaker 04

  Was it a wellness retreat?

• 21:56Tig Notaro?

  It was a whole retreat.

• 21:58Speaker 04

  A whole retreat? Tell me more.

• 22:01Tig Notaro?

  I went on a retreat recently and I, this is not groundbreaking at all.

• 22:06Speaker 04

  But I do wanna hear it.

• 22:08Fortune Feimster?

  No, we are new.

• 22:09Tig Notaro?

  But there were so many different types of people with so many different types of belief, beliefs.

• 22:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:17Tig Notaro?

  And I think sometimes I, I can have this, you know, like, no, this is right. This is...

• 22:28Speaker 04

  Our stancefulness of certainty.

• 22:30Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm. Like, this is, like, emotionally, politically, this is, this is, this is what's right. This is what's good and I can't bend on this. And I went into the retreat saying to myself, what if you put all of that away?

• 22:47Speaker 04

  And you just beginners minded it?

• 22:49Tig Notaro?

  And you just put all that aside and you just sit down and get to know people that you know have very deeply different views.

• 22:59Speaker 04

  Ooh.

• 23:00Tig Notaro?

  And it was...

• 23:01Speaker 04

  Tell me everything.

• 23:03Tig Notaro?

  Well, I, that's really it is I, there was one person in particular that really challenged me and I, I found all of these connecting points that, um, allowed me to get to know her.

• 23:21Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 23:22Tig Notaro?

  And I really liked her and I found her really smart and very talented.

• 23:28Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 23:30Tig Notaro?

  But I know she has very different beliefs than I do.

• 23:34Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 23:34Tig Notaro?

  And it made me walk away, I don't know what my big answer is, other than I do wanna apply it a little more.

• 23:43Speaker 04

  Well, it's a good hack when we're dealing with people who relationally we're not connecting with. I just go, okay, so I'm across from a malignant narcissist whom I actually love, maybe family member.

• 23:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 04

  And then I go, where do we bond? We bond talking about Italy.

• 23:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:57Speaker 04

  We bond talking about whatever, movies.

• 24:00Mae Martin?

  Cars.

• 24:01Speaker 04

  And that's what I'm gonna talk about with them. And we get along like a house on fire as long as we avoid the prohibited areas.

• 24:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:07Tig Notaro?

  Well, and it did really, um, not that I've never been able to talk to somebody with different views or something, but it was, I had nothing invested in this person.

• 24:19Speaker 04

  That's amazing.

• 24:20Tig Notaro?

  And that's what was interesting to me.

• 24:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's great.

• 24:24Tig Notaro?

  And it also showed me how you can probably make more progress when you're not...

• 24:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:34Tig Notaro?

  So shut off.

• 24:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:36Tig Notaro?

  And when you keep the conversation going. I'm not saying I have an answer, I landed in a perfect place, but I was like, my brain has been spinning since then of like, whoa.

• 24:48Speaker 04

  What does this mean about what I'm gonna be open about next?

• 24:50Tig Notaro?

  Exactly. Yeah.

• 24:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we've been vicious.

• 24:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 24:55Mae Martin?

  Bridge building.

• 24:56Tig Notaro?

  Uh-huh.

• 24:57Speaker 04

  What were you gonna say?

• 24:58Mae Martin?

  Just like building bridges but without draining yourself. Like, we are, am I crazy? We're in a particularly...

• 25:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 25:05Mae Martin?

  Insane moment.

• 25:06Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 25:06Speaker 04

  Pretty fragile.

• 25:07Mae Martin?

  It's pretty fragile.

• 25:08Speaker 04

  Pretty fragile.

• 25:09Mae Martin?

  And I, yeah, so how are you coping with that? As someone who's very tuned into injustice and your, your music awakened that in me. Like, it was, I'm like emotional.

• 25:22Speaker 04

  Good. Yay. Can I consent to hold you up for a second?

• 25:26Mae Martin?

  How are you coping with, like, like at your show when you had all the stats?

• 25:30Speaker 04

  Hmm. And they're all updated now and it's not that exciting.

• 25:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:34Speaker 04

  Um, as an empath, you mean? Like, as a highly sensitive?

• 25:39Mae Martin?

  And with like, like our, yeah, um, yeah, just the sort of lack of consequences and injustice for these...

• 25:46Speaker 04

  Humans.

• 25:48Mae Martin?

  Humans.

• 25:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:51Speaker 04

  We're temporarily hanging in this.

• 25:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:53Speaker 04

  While we're hanging in this, so much is moving.

• 25:55Mae Martin?

  Yes, you're right.

• 25:56Speaker 04

  Being mobilized and everything's gonna be fine.

• 26:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we have to stay positive.

• 26:02Speaker 04

  But right now, what I notice is that we all love looking at the bad news car wreck.

• 26:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:07Speaker 04

  As though that's gospel. I'm like, these are just interpretations built by some white patriarchy that I actually technically don't resonate with at all. So, I'm good with not reading the bad news. Do I wanna stay in touch with what's happening-ish in the world? Yeah. Enough to participate, enough to show up, enough to comment. But I'm looking over here. I'm looking here. This is where the juice is. This is where the intelligence and the collaboration and the reinvigorating of community, because the nuclear families are dying under the pressure of a two-parent household. It's never meant to be that way.

• 26:41Mae Martin?

  Right. You need community and you're immediate.

• 26:44Speaker 04

  Community and connection and conflict resolution. Kinda quick, repair that shit as fast as you can, if you can.

• 26:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:49Speaker 04

  You know? And then also using our, our unique multiple intelligences in different contexts. We don't have to be told what to be.

• 26:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:57Speaker 04

  We just tune in to who we are and then we go, well, I could do those seven jobs in the community. Which one's needed?

• 27:01Mae Martin?

  I like how you're even, you're diversifying the mediums you're working in now, right? Like, you're doing this show and you're doing, and the Christmas album and stuff and that kind of speaks to, yeah, feeling inspired to expand in that way. It's cool.

• 27:13Speaker 04

  And be multi-ish, whereas in the nineties, the credo very much was if you have sort of this multi-disciplinary thing, you have 31 ways of expressing, we want one and we want you to stay there.

• 27:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:26Speaker 04

  So that was really hard. And then now it's a beautiful free-for-all.

• 27:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:31Fortune Feimster?

  When do you think, when did you start branching out onto other things and what sort of was the catalyst for that?

• 27:37Speaker 04

  Uh, I think someone at the record company, when I directed and danced in a video for So Pure, they turned to me and they said, this whole like hyphenate thing is suicide for your career.

• 27:47Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 27:48Speaker 04

  And I went, well, tell Spike Jonze and all those guys that. Because they seemed to be enjoying themselves.

• 27:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:54Speaker 04

  Um, it was at that point that I thought, oh, there's an actual violence against someone being whole. Um, but now, now it's just fun. Cause all the archetypes are welcome. In some contexts, they're not needed, but they stand by and jump in.

• 28:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:08Speaker 04

  Just rehearsing for Butterfly with a Machete right now, too. It's just like rehearsing, memorizing, moving, writing, stopping. Working with Patty Guggenheim is my life joy.

• 28:18Mae Martin?

  She, you guys are friends, right?

• 28:20Tig Notaro?

  I know Patty.

• 28:21Fortune Feimster?

  She's in the hall with me.

• 28:22Speaker 04

  Oh, no, no, she's in. In which he calls his balls my name.

• 28:25Mae Martin?

  Does he?

• 28:26Speaker 04

  Yeah. So we're working in a little response in Machete.

• 28:29Mae Martin?

  Oh, crazy.

• 28:31Speaker 04

  Cause one might need to respond.

• 28:32Tig Notaro?

  I just, yes, I am friend, friends with Patty. I can't claim that she's my closest friend, but we have each other's numbers enough to...

• 28:41Speaker 04

  That counts in LA.

• 28:42Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 28:43Speaker 04

  You know what I like to do is when you exchange numbers, just immediately start following their location.

• 28:46Mae Martin?

  That's really good. And then bump into them every text. I know where you are.

• 28:51Speaker 04

  Funny and creepy and you can delete it.

• 28:56Mae Martin?

  I'm going to the show on November 11th.

• 28:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, what's it, what's... Is that gonna be our ironic moment?

• 29:01Mae Martin?

  Is it?

• 29:02Speaker 04

  I don't know. Is it? Should we? Maybe that's it. I mean, we're gonna have a compensatory moment, aren't we?

• 29:07Mae Martin?

  At some point. And it's gonna be perfect and organic and...

• 29:09Fortune Feimster?

  I think it should never happen.

• 29:11Speaker 04

  I hate you. Painful poetry of neviness.

• 29:14Mae Martin?

  I'm kidding.

• 29:15Speaker 04

  I think it should never happen is the most toxic thing.

• 29:18Mae Martin?

  I'm totally kidding.

• 29:19Speaker 04

  I like the undercurrent of hate, though. It feels really real.

• 29:21Mae Martin?

  Know to keep the lore going.

• 29:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's true. It's true. But yeah, we'll, we'll come up with something.

• 29:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, definitely. What's the rehearsal process like? And is it like a, a narrative show or what? I don't know anything about it, really.

• 29:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's, um, everything expressed through music and comedy and storytelling, narrative, narrative, physicalized narrative, choreography, uh, video, bits, scenes, uh, costumes.

• 29:51Mae Martin?

  Has it been in your brain for a while, swimming around and then this?

• 29:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, I wanna do a one-person play in nine or 10 years. And when it came time to do the Vegas show a year ago, all of a sudden I just, I said to Kevin, who I work with, I said, please find me a writer who would be a wonderful match for me. Really smart, really kind, really empathic.

• 30:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 30:13Speaker 04

  Patty! Uh, and then we started writing the show and it, and even my bandmates came up to me a couple of times going...

• 30:20Mae Martin?

  What are we doing?

• 30:20Speaker 04

  And I was, you know, with my heart beating quickly, I was just like, have I ever led you somewhere terrible?

• 30:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 30:26Speaker 04

  And they were like, no. I said, and I will not again.

• 30:29Tig Notaro?

  Why nine?

• 30:31Speaker 04

  Years?

• 30:31Tig Notaro?

  Or 10 years?

• 30:32Speaker 04

  Yeah. I just, when I'm older, when my kids are older, when I have perhaps more to say, but there's so much to say right now.

• 30:39Mae Martin?

  There's so much to say.

• 30:40Speaker 04

  I'm dying. I'm exploding with things to say.

• 30:42Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you're so deep, but you're so funny. Like, I love how funny that you are, like, from early days, like, I don't know. You just always had that silliness to you as well?

• 30:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think comedy is, don't tell the musicians, but.

• 30:57Mae Martin?

  Well, we feel that way about musicians. Yeah, like Tig doesn't know any celebrities except musicians.

• 31:02Tig Notaro?

  Music is my jam.

• 31:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 31:04Speaker 04

  Whose name would you drop right now, other than mine, of course?

• 31:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 31:07Tig Notaro?

  Musicians that I enjoy?

• 31:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, and who are like, your friends and you text.

• 31:12Mae Martin?

  You're like, I'm not telling you that.

• 31:13Fortune Feimster?

  That'd be amazing, one of my best friends.

• 31:15Speaker 04

  Oh, really?

• 31:15Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 31:16Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 31:17Fortune Feimster?

  From the chicks.

• 31:18Tig Notaro?

  I mean, well, first of all, just like in a total rock star, I don't ever need to meet you way, I love Chrissy Hynde.

• 31:26Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 31:27Tig Notaro?

  Love the Indigo Girls, I, Edie Bruchel.

• 31:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:33Tig Notaro?

  But even, like, loved Van Halen, Willie Nelson, Gladys Knight. All of these people, I just, there's so many incredible, incredible musicians and singers and.

• 31:47Speaker 04

  But it's comedy and music usually for me.

• 31:49Tig Notaro?

  Well, they usually want to be the other.

• 31:50Mae Martin?

  Well, that's why I love how the Beatles were like, their movies were so funny and they kind of, they would say they wanted to be like Monty Python and stuff. There was a.

• 31:58Speaker 04

  The mutual admiration with the self-deprecating genius.

• 32:01Mae Martin?

  Totally.

• 32:02Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Who do you like?

• 32:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah, who did you, in your teens?

• 32:05Speaker 04

  Music or comedy?

• 32:06Tig Notaro?

  Music and comedy. Give us everything you got, Alanis.

• 32:10Mae Martin?

  Like, who'd you have posters of on your wall?

• 32:12Speaker 04

  Oh, Madonna.

• 32:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:15Speaker 04

  Whitney Houston.

• 32:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:18Speaker 04

  I love Shaka Khan.

• 32:19Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God.

• 32:19Speaker 04

  And I've reached out to her to see if she wants to sing with me on Christmas on the Dance Floor, which is one of the songs I wrote for the new Christmas.

• 32:27Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, I can't wait for this.

• 32:29Tig Notaro?

  Do you know Shaka Khan?

• 32:30Speaker 04

  You know.

• 32:31Tig Notaro?

  Shaka Khan?

• 32:31Speaker 04

  No, but I will.

• 32:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:33Speaker 04

  I hope.

• 32:34Fortune Feimster?

  I feel like you're a manifester. I feel like you're someone that sets your sights on things and you make it happen.

• 32:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:41Fortune Feimster?

  So I think this is gonna happen.

• 32:43Speaker 04

  There's some manifestabilities.

• 32:44Tig Notaro?

  What about comedians? Who are you into?

• 32:47Speaker 04

  Okay, so John Ritter, when I first moved to LA, obsessed, I've seen every Three's Company episode five times each. And when I first moved to LA at 19, I was on a bicycle at what was probably Equinox or something. And he sat down on the bike next to me and I just did one of these and he was the first celebrity I'd seen in Hollywood and it was the one person I would have loved to have met. So I froze. And then about six years later, I ran into him at Starbucks and he was like, Alanis. I was like, joke. And then he goes, coffee, let's go for coffee.

• 33:21Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that's awesome.

• 33:21Speaker 04

  And so we, and he was the greatest.

• 33:25Fortune Feimster?

  Aw, he's been like a lovely soul.

• 33:27Speaker 04

  Yes. But I love all you.

• 33:31Tig Notaro?

  Oh, but I mean, like, when you were coming up and like, yeah, it's very nice.

• 33:35Mae Martin?

  Actually, the comedians were the ones that I was like, everything's gonna be okay.

• 33:40Mae Martin?

  I was.

• 33:40Tig Notaro?

  Except for the comedians.

• 33:42Speaker 04

  Except for, I mean, they're not gonna be okay. But the messaging is gonna be impactful enough that everything will be okay.

• 33:52Fortune Feimster?

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• 34:14Tig Notaro?

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• 34:32Fortune Feimster?

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• 34:58Tig Notaro?

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• 35:20Fortune Feimster?

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• 35:49Tig Notaro?

  When refreshing your home this holiday season, Wayfair delivers exactly what you need. Head to Wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W-A-Y-F-A-I-R dot com.

• 36:05Fortune Feimster?

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• 36:25Tig Notaro?

  Let me tell you about my jeans. I got a pair of the Luna Stretch Slim Straight Jeans for only 50 bucks compared to that $235. Compare that to $235 at traditional retail. They're quickly turning into my favorite thing to cover my legs with. I'm gonna pick up some more pairs because Quince has tons of color options as well.

• 36:50Fortune Feimster?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Handsome. It's the best way to support the show.

• 37:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, we don't care about the people serving, we just want what they're serving.

• 37:14Mae Martin?

  I was deep into Kids in the Hall growing up and SCTV.

• 37:18Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 37:18Mae Martin?

  We got some good people.

• 37:20Speaker 04

  No shame.

• 37:20Tig Notaro?

  You know, there's a documentary coming out.

• 37:23Mae Martin?

  About SCTV, I can't wait.

• 37:24Speaker 04

  Oh, geez.

• 37:24Mae Martin?

  The Martin Short documentary was really beautiful. Isn't that like on how to live a good life?

• 37:29Speaker 04

  I had to be a really great person.

• 37:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 37:31Speaker 04

  He's, I did a song with him on the Christmas record.

• 37:33Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 37:34Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God, right.

• 37:36Speaker 04

  We were both pretty obsessed with Judy Garland. I had done some Shakespeare with Marty, if I can call you Marty. He's like, no, don't call me Marty. I'm like, okay, Marty.

• 37:45Tig Notaro?

  Isn't that what people call him though?

• 37:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 37:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think, yeah, he was just wrestling with me.

• 37:50Tig Notaro?

  I see, I see.

• 37:52Speaker 04

  That happens.

• 37:52Fortune Feimster?

  Well, in true Handsome fashion, this is around the time where we do have our guest ask us a question.

• 38:00Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 38:00Fortune Feimster?

  And that will, you know, we'll continue with that tradition and keep talking about other things as well.

• 38:06Tig Notaro?

  Way to keep things on track, Fortune.

• 38:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, your sequencing capacity is very impressive.

• 38:11Tig Notaro?

  I didn't know what was happening. I was still going, wow, Alanis Morissette is on our show.

• 38:16Fortune Feimster?

  That's still continuing. Alanis is not leaving.

• 38:18Mae Martin?

  That's your, your energy. We have nicknames and Fortune is LLC because she just keeps saying.

• 38:23Tig Notaro?

  I'm Easy Tig.

• 38:24Mae Martin?

  You're Easy Tig.

• 38:26Tig Notaro?

  I don't know, actually.

• 38:27Speaker 04

  That's what I know.

• 38:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. You don't know what?

• 38:28Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know.

• 38:29Speaker 04

  Enneagram number?

• 38:29Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I don't, I've never.

• 38:31Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 38:31Tig Notaro?

  I don't hear what you're saying.

• 38:33Mae Martin?

  Enneagram. It's like a personality test.

• 38:36Speaker 04

  It's a test, like all the others.

• 38:37Tig Notaro?

  What are you? I'm Easy Tig, you're?

• 38:39Mae Martin?

  I'm Anxious Slut, but I regret that.

• 38:41Tig Notaro?

  Anxious Slut.

• 38:41Mae Martin?

  That's a self-appointed nickname, but I kind of feel like I need to evolve past it.

• 38:46Speaker 04

  Just add a word.

• 38:46Mae Martin?

  Anxious empowered slut.

• 38:48Speaker 04

  Anxious really smart slut.

• 38:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, great. Anxious smart slut, yeah.

• 38:52Speaker 04

  Cause slut fighting.

• 38:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you're right.

• 38:54Speaker 04

  Anxious is like, duh.

• 38:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 38:55Speaker 04

  Just throw in a new one.

• 38:58Fortune Feimster?

  Alanis.

• 38:59Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 39:01Fortune Feimster?

  My duet partner, my bestie.

• 39:04Speaker 04

  My Shakti Putt.

• 39:05Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 39:05Speaker 04

  Blast receiver.

• 39:09Tig Notaro?

  Shock, blast receiver.

• 39:10Speaker 04

  Oh, Shakti Punch is even better.

• 39:12Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 39:12Speaker 04

  Shakti Putt.

• 39:13Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 39:14Speaker 04

  It's like this big blast of.

• 39:16Mae Martin?

  I bet you can do that. You can choose when to turn it on and off.

• 39:20Speaker 04

  Well, it's just connection.

• 39:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 39:21Speaker 04

  Right.

• 39:22Fortune Feimster?

  You just gotta stare in her eyes.

• 39:23Mae Martin?

  I know, I'm scared too. I know.

• 39:26Speaker 04

  We need to make good on this, this torture chamber of moving.

• 39:30Mae Martin?

  Thank you.

• 39:34Speaker 04

  Maybe this is a big karmic lesson for me. I need to keep, I need to step in front and push her off the stage.

• 39:41Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, the karma lesson is coming full circle and you're gonna have.

• 39:44Tig Notaro?

  Your moment with Alanis, you're literally sitting on a couch. How does it feel to sit in the middle of like a podcast that talks about you every episode?

• 39:53Mae Martin?

  Well, I feel like I need to be here.

• 39:55Tig Notaro?

  Well, that's why you're here.

• 39:57Mae Martin?

  To mediate.

• 39:58Tig Notaro?

  We put out a bat signal and you came.

• 40:00Speaker 04

  You guys manifest really bigly as well.

• 40:03Mae Martin?

  Up until you walked in the room, I thought this was all a prank that they had done, that you weren't here.

• 40:08Speaker 04

  They got an Alanis from Las Vegas.

• 40:10Mae Martin?

  Yes, yeah, yeah. But it does feel manifesty. For me, it feels very surreal.

• 40:16Tig Notaro?

  Or do you mean Alanis Vegas? I'm sorry.

• 40:18Speaker 04

  Oh, you had to.

• 40:19Mae Martin?

  You know why? We're here now. We're not invited. Wait, sorry, I interrupted your question.

• 40:25Speaker 04

  Yes, LSC.

• 40:25Tig Notaro?

  What is your question for us?

• 40:27Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. What is the bravest thing you've ever done? Ooh. And I assume you've done many brave things, maybe even today, but you know, one of them.

• 40:38Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 40:39Speaker 04

  Oh, wow.

• 40:40Tig Notaro?

  I can tell you, I don't know if it's the bravest. Can it be one brave?

• 40:45Speaker 04

  One of billions, yeah.

• 40:47Tig Notaro?

  It was, it's not gonna sound like a big deal, but it was for me, so everyone relax.

• 40:56Tig Notaro?

  So, when I was first with my wife Stephanie, before we were married, I felt for the very first time in my life that I wanted to marry somebody.

• 41:08Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 41:09Tig Notaro?

  And I, it, I truly was always like, why would anybody want to marry someone? Like, I didn't, I truly did not understand.

• 41:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:18Tig Notaro?

  And then when I was with her, I was like,

• 41:22Speaker 04

  You're like, oh.

• 41:23Tig Notaro?

  I don't know how to not be married to this person.

• 41:27Speaker 04

  Oh, I love that.

• 41:28Tig Notaro?

  And we went out to eat, and we were a month into our relationship. And, and I feel like I always had a tendency to play it cool and not put myself or feelings on the line in certain ways. And I thought, you know what? People have been vulnerable with me.

• 41:52Speaker 04

  And you shamed them and, you know, judged them for that, so probably best to not say.

• 41:58Tig Notaro?

  No, it was like, I needed somebody to make a move or tell me that they liked me. Or, I needed that safety because I was so insecure.

• 42:08Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:09Tig Notaro?

  And I was sitting there at dinner with Stephanie and I just thought, you know what?

• 42:13Speaker 04

  Damn the torpedoes.

• 42:15Tig Notaro?

  I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna do it. And I, and I said, I have something crazy to tell you. And this was, again, a month into our relationship.

• 42:26Speaker 04

  My heart's beating really quickly.

• 42:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, same. I'm really, I'm there.

• 42:29Speaker 04

  This is a lot.

• 42:30Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 42:30Speaker 04

  A month in.

• 42:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but I, man, did I know it.

• 42:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 42:34Tig Notaro?

  And I was like, I have something crazy to tell you. And by the way, tomorrow's our 13th anniversary. Aww. But anyway, I said, I have something crazy to tell you. And she said, what is it? And I said, I feel like I want to be married to you.

• 42:53Speaker 04

  Oh, wow.

• 42:54Tig Notaro?

  Thank you.

• 42:55Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 42:55Tig Notaro?

  And she said, yeah, that's how I feel.

• 42:59Speaker 04

  Oh, perfect answer.

• 43:00Tig Notaro?

  And I was like, what? I said, I was so prepared to hear that I was moving too fast or that she didn't feel the same way. And I was okay with that. And I just wanted, I didn't want that.

• 43:13Speaker 04

  You had to get it out.

• 43:13Tig Notaro?

  But I was like, I, man, this is how I feel and I'm just gonna put myself out there. And even though it landed well and better than I could have ever, ever hoped, it was

• 43:27Speaker 04

  A risk.

• 43:28Tig Notaro?

  For me. I know some people

• 43:31Speaker 04

  That's not their risk.

• 43:32Tig Notaro?

  That's not their risk. For me, it was so massive and I got lucky. I got very lucky.

• 43:38Speaker 04

  So happy.

• 43:39Tig Notaro?

  That she received it the way she did.

• 43:41Speaker 04

  That does take a lot of bravery, though.

• 43:42Tig Notaro?

  Well, they always say you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Yeah. And so your hope is that, you know, they feel that way. But it is scary to put yourself in that vulnerability. Yes, sir. Because the wrong person would be like, whoa. You need to back up, weirdo. Yeah.

• 44:03Speaker 04

  Nah, that's good that she knew too.

• 44:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. That is brave.

• 44:08Speaker 04

  That's very brave.

• 44:09Tig Notaro?

  It was for me. It was for me. Especially to, to, to insert the word marry in there. It wasn't just like,

• 44:16Speaker 04

  I want to be with you forever.

• 44:17Tig Notaro?

  I'm in love with you. Or I, you know, it was like,

• 44:19Speaker 04

  I want you to be my wife.

• 44:21Tig Notaro?

  And when your feelings are that strong, if they let you down, what a But I, I thought about, you know, there's been disappointment in previous exchanges and relationships and moments that I didn't allow myself to be vulnerable. And, and I was just like, what is that getting me? Right.

• 44:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:43Tig Notaro?

  And again, that was after I was sick. It was like part of opening up and trying to grow and change.

• 44:50Speaker 04

  And to see where we're not being relational. I mean, those survival strategies were so genius when we were younger. And then if they keep us disconnected, it's,

• 44:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 45:00Speaker 04

  That's a good reason to look at it, but not all of us look at it. So, pretty brave.

• 45:04Tig Notaro?

  Well, thanks, Alanis Morissette.

• 45:06Speaker 04

  You know what? You're welcome, Tig.

• 45:08Tig Notaro?

  No taro.

• 45:09Speaker 04

  No taro.

• 45:10Mae Martin?

  How about you, Fortune?

• 45:11Speaker 04

  Yes, taro.

• 45:12Tig Notaro?

  Um, I have two. One, I'm just gonna like say quickly because I don't want to talk about details of it. Uh, I, I think leaving my marriage was a tough one and it felt, uh, now that I'm far away from it, feels brave now. Uh, because we'd been together 10 years and things changed seemingly overnight. And, you know, it just, uh, it was good for a long time until it wasn't. And then, you know, you sort of grapple with like, how long do you stay in, in this?

• 45:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and starting over like that. You have to relearn how to be a person.

• 45:49Tig Notaro?

  What can, you know, what should you put up with and what should you not? Like, is this good for me? Is this good for her? Yeah, like, um, you're just trying to like make the right decision. And the biggest fear is like, you know, pulling the plug too soon or whatnot, so. Um, so, yeah, I have not ever talked about that. And I probably won't for, maybe ever, I don't know. Um, but just, uh, yeah, I was proud of myself for like uncovering, unturning all the stones to make that decision, like, so that, so that I wouldn't have regrets when we got there. Uh, so I felt like that was pretty brave. Um, and then just moving to LA to begin with.

• 46:31Speaker 04

  From where again?

• 46:32Tig Notaro?

  From Belmont, North Carolina, a little small town outside of Charlotte.

• 46:35Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 46:36Tig Notaro?

  About 12,000 people. And, uh, you know, I, I had an opportunity to come out here to like, like assistant work or whatever, but, you know, I had no money. I had like $25 once I got here. I slept on a friend's couch and just that whole, you know, that story that you hear.

• 46:54Speaker 04

  And so it began.

• 46:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, of just like, sort of the naivete. It was maybe more naivete than bravery of just like, yeah, I'll figure it out.

• 47:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:02Tig Notaro?

  Um, but, and where I sit now, I go, man, I can't believe I did that.

• 47:05Speaker 04

  But trust in something, right?

• 47:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 47:07Speaker 04

  Like, trust in what?

• 47:08Tig Notaro?

  Just hoping that like my journey is leading me here for some reason.

• 47:12Mae Martin?

  You must have had a gut feeling.

• 47:13Tig Notaro?

  I've always kind of felt like I've had this path laid out in a weird way. And I, I just have to do the work, obviously, but kind of show up and, and sort of trust the path and follow the path.

• 47:23Speaker 04

  That's it.

• 47:24Tig Notaro?

  And, uh, and so I've kind of been leading my life in that way. Like, it becomes very clear to me at times when it's time to make a move or do a thing, like it's

• 47:34Speaker 04

  And is it your body? Are you just like a big yes?

• 47:36Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, like I feel it in my gut. Um, I feel it in my gut when it's time to make a big decision, uh, when you're at a crossroads. It doesn't make it any easier.

• 47:46Speaker 04

  No, it's still torture.

• 47:47Tig Notaro?

  But it just feels like there's something, I'm always drawn to like, I think my path is leading me here. I don't know why. Um, and so I, I trust in that. But then when I do it later on, I look back and I go, holy cow, I can't believe I did that.

• 48:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, wow.

• 48:01Tig Notaro?

  I want to say yes, brave to leave a marriage. Yeah.

• 48:08Speaker 04

  Very brave.

• 48:09Tig Notaro?

  It's not easy. No. For sure. No. I mean, no. I, I, and obviously I'm not speaking from experience, but I've seen people go through it. And it is, you know, from a distance, you can just think, wow, they split. Mm-hmm. Yeah, right. And then you don't follow that thought through. Why would you? Um, but like really, when you get inside that, it's, it's so massive. It's such

• 48:36Speaker 04

  Because it's everything, right? You're looking at every, your value system, your sexuality, your identity, your, what you want your lifestyle to look like, like how much time you want to spend together. It's, it's monolithic.

• 48:49Tig Notaro?

  And it's, it's, it's so starting over in such a crazy way. And you have this image of where you think life is going to be.

• 48:58Speaker 04

  For sure.

• 48:59Tig Notaro?

  And that you're on this track. And then it's like, Yeah. Yeah, because, you know, Clean slate. When I got married, I, like most people, I'm sure, you think this is forever. And you kind of picture your life as that. And, and then suddenly that's like shattered and, and there was some shame, I guess, in that of like,

• 49:18Speaker 04

  It was like it failed or was it a fail word?

• 49:20Tig Notaro?

  My parents are divorced. I was like, really didn't want to be that statistic as well. And then that, the marriage equality of it all, you like want to be like, oh, we finally got this.

• 49:30Speaker 04

  I know, I know.

• 49:31Tig Notaro?

  I like, wish we could make this work. But also you just, if it's not right. And I know, and it was right for a long time until it wasn't.

• 49:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:38Tig Notaro?

  And so then, you know, you have to be willing to pivot when that happens, I think.

• 49:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 49:44Tig Notaro?

  It's, it's, yeah, it definitely falls in the brave over shame. But I get the, the shame that you're talking about, but shame isn't fun.

• 49:52Speaker 04

  Well, shame, you know, there's some different theories about shame, but I just feel like shame is there for like, it's, it's a personal thing. Like if I steal one of your mugs, which I really want to do, they're great. Um, shame, um, you know, the shame experiences. And I have spoken with Dick Schwartz, who, who founded IFS, and he does not agree with me at all. He thinks shame is completely unnecessary. I think shame, and I call it healthy shame, and that's, I think, the term that

• 50:22Speaker 04

  Dick Schwartz did not like, but I think of it more like if you steal your brother's burrito and you get caught and your tail goes between your legs, maybe not dwell there and let your whole life be about the tail between the legs, but you know, it's a little moment of and if it's a glimpse, I'm like, oh, that's just an indication. Like, don't steal your friendship.

• 50:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, right.

• 50:43Speaker 04

  But when it turns into this really intense, life corrosive shame, that's when it's dangerous.

• 50:49Tig Notaro?

  Where it's like taking hold of you.

• 50:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:50Mae Martin?

  Where you feel like an unworthiness or like you're, there's something wrong about you. Or, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:56Tig Notaro?

  What about you, May?

• 50:58Mae Martin?

  I don't know. LLC.

• 51:02Tig Notaro?

  LLC, keeping us going.

• 51:03Speaker 04

  Keeping on track.

• 51:04Mae Martin?

  I think, um, I keep going back and forth. I think probably I, I, I got kicked out when I was like 16 and, and then was like dating a lot of older men, living with older men. And then I think A, like getting myself out of that situation and getting clean. I stopped doing drugs or doing the really bad ones. And then, and then also later in my late twenties confronted a couple of those guys and that felt really good. And actually did feel like some kind of closure. So that felt, yeah, I guess that I think getting so getting, I went to rehab and, you

• 51:45Mae Martin?

  know, I, that was my own impulse to do that. And so, yeah, probably that. And that feels like an ongoing, everyday thing of like, I know that it, it's always, it's always there.

• 51:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 51:59Tig Notaro?

  That's so massively brave confronting those guys.

• 52:02Mae Martin?

  Thanks.

• 52:03Tig Notaro?

  I mean, seriously, yeah. Like, and what was the response?

• 52:06Mae Martin?

  Well, I'll be honest, there's only one of them that I did talk to and two of them I still do think about, but I had a relationship with this guy in his late twenties when I was 16 and, and I still up until, kind of up until me too, was like, yeah, we were in love and we, and that, but.

• 52:24Speaker 04

  Something was off?

• 52:25Mae Martin?

  There was so much that was off. Yeah. Like, I didn't want that relationship.

• 52:28Speaker 04

  Well, he had a child living in his house.

• 52:30Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 52:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:32Mae Martin?

  And I, and so it took a lot, and, because I did love him, you know, as a person. And, and I think he had love for me as well as a person. So it was a really emotional and nuanced conversation, but I had enough clarity to be like, I don't want to be in touch with you anymore. And I, and I, as soon as I said that, and we stopped being in touch, then I was able to be like, I wish him the best. Like, and I really think I did.

• 52:57Tig Notaro?

  And you said you have not talked to him since?

• 52:59Mae Martin?

  Not really since I, no. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. There's a couple other conversations I want to have, but yeah.

• 53:08Tig Notaro?

  Well, that was a lot of big stuff to also deal with at such a young age between jugs and drugs and.

• 53:13Mae Martin?

  Drugs.

• 53:14Speaker 04

  Drugs. First of all, you have to contend with your jugs.

• 53:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 53:20Mae Martin?

  That was the second. Well, that's the thing I did is I got top surgery. Yeah. That was the second bravest thing I did. Yeah. Getting top surgery and being like, I'm, I'm non-binary. And yeah, because I had thought about it every day since I was 12. And I thought everyone did. I was like, everyone wants to get rid of those tits, but they don't. Yeah. So it took, I was like 30, 30, was I older than that? I was 35, 35. Yeah. And it changed my whole life. I'm so much happier. It was like, I really, it was like I was walking around with like a piece of broken glass in my shoe and I didn't know. And now I feel so much better. So that, yeah.

• 53:57Tig Notaro?

  That's awesome. Yeah.

• 53:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 53:59Tig Notaro?

  Beautiful.

• 54:00Mae Martin?

  But yeah, it was how I came out of the conversation with the clarity.

• 54:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 54:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 54:05Speaker 04

  Right.

• 54:06Mae Martin?

  It's also good. We got really deep. Do you have this effect on people though?

• 54:09Speaker 04

  I think, yes, small talk is very painful for me.

• 54:12Mae Martin?

  Same, same, same.

• 54:14Tig Notaro?

  Lannis and I usually get right to it.

• 54:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, we just hit the ground.

• 54:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 54:19Speaker 04

  On stage, off stage?

• 54:20Tig Notaro?

  That's right. All the place. In podcast, off podcast.

• 54:23Speaker 04

  Couch, on couch, under couch.

• 54:24Tig Notaro?

  Yes, wellness. Well, we do. Sorry. We do have all of our guests also answer the question that they ask.

• 54:31Speaker 04

  Ooh, LLC, keeping it on track.

• 54:34Mae Martin?

  But also I would love to hear.

• 54:36Speaker 04

  Okay, so the bravest thing?

• 54:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 54:37Speaker 04

  I think if tenacity can be inside the brave thing, it would be the perseverance, the cockroach-like perseverance and tenacity of just continuing to keep going.

• 54:49Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 54:50Speaker 04

  When there are millions of reasons to not.

• 54:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 54:54Speaker 04

  I think that's brave.

• 54:56Tig Notaro?

  Yes, it is.

• 54:57Mae Martin?

  And did you always feel like there was this sort of path for you? And so?

• 55:01Speaker 04

  Very vocational, very like, I, it, it really crystallized after Jagged Little Pill came out and the fame thing was not my thing, super not relational. And then I noticed what was happening with the music. I noticed that, that the music was uplifting or empathizing or validating. And then I thought, well, this is interesting. Cause then that's not about me. If it had to stay about my narcissism, I'd probably want to puke all the time. But, but I saw that it was relational, the impact of the songs being listened to, and then it was personalized by them.

• 55:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 55:33Speaker 04

  Like, this is a good reason to stay.

• 55:35Mae Martin?

  And that's when, and then Thank You India and all. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:38Tig Notaro?

  That song is a masterpiece.

• 55:41Speaker 04

  God bless you.

• 55:42Mae Martin?

  I was trying to, in the car on the way, see if I know all the things that you think. I, I don't know if I do.

• 55:48Speaker 04

  Did you dance it?

• 55:49Mae Martin?

  Oh, wow. How would I act out consequent?

• 55:52Tig Notaro?

  It seems like there also wasn't a lot of, it seems like at that time you were coming up, there wasn't a lot of other women to look to.

• 56:00Speaker 04

  Girls who like pants.

• 56:01Tig Notaro?

  At least in your.

• 56:03Speaker 04

  There were no, all the comedians were.

• 56:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 56:05Speaker 04

  My love bugs, my improv peeps, but, um, rock and roll. No, no. In the nineties, it was very much, the thought was so scarcity riddled because it was like, there's one throne.

• 56:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 56:16Speaker 04

  And whoever's on that throne, we must kill her.

• 56:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 56:18Speaker 04

  As opposed to, oh, it was like 8.3 billion thrones. So yeah, I go, yours is right there.

• 56:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 56:23Speaker 04

  Um, but you know, we believe a lot of weird shit.

• 56:26Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 56:27Speaker 04

  A lot of constructs that we were taught hundreds and hundreds of years ago that are really due to be looked at one by one and.

• 56:33Tig Notaro?

  Still. Do you think it's gotten any better in the, at least in the music industry?

• 56:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, people are more careful.

• 56:39Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 56:40Speaker 04

  But in terms of like really supporting artists and really getting inside, there's few and far between in the industry.

• 56:46Mae Martin?

  I still, I, I have my partner's daughter's eight and I, and every young girl in my life, I show them, I think you're in Tokyo or something. It's a Jagged Little Pill concert.

• 56:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 56:57Mae Martin?

  And you're sitting in this like t-shirt and jeans and you're belting it out. And I just want to be like, there's another way. Like, and you can see they're like enraptured.

• 57:06Speaker 04

  Another way to what?

• 57:07Mae Martin?

  Another way to be in the world and, and be unapologetic and have feelings and, and also.

• 57:13Speaker 04

  To be thinking and feeling and sensual and angry and scared and totally vulnerable and like crazy powerful all at the same time.

• 57:21Tig Notaro?

  Well, it's also brave to be at the helm of the ship. You were on a huge, you still are this huge ship and that requires a lot of bravery.

• 57:30Speaker 04

  It's a type of leadership.

• 57:31Tig Notaro?

  Your charge. Yeah.

• 57:32Speaker 04

  Yeah. And I actually.

• 57:33Mae Martin?

  Love it.

• 57:33Speaker 04

  Yeah. I love leading all the different styles. Like if I don't, if I'm not needed, I lean out. If I'm really needed, I'm right there. I love it. Leading is cool. So many ways too. Different styles.

• 57:44Tig Notaro?

  Because you were, you, would you say you're introverted?

• 57:47Speaker 04

  For sure.

• 57:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 57:47Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 57:48Speaker 04

  Oh, my God.

• 57:49Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 57:50Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 57:50Mae Martin?

  I kind of.

• 57:51Tig Notaro?

  But then.

• 57:52Speaker 04

  Oh, me too.

• 57:54Tig Notaro?

  Which I was more of an energy thing, but how does that like, how are you so confident in the like speaking, the conferences, the onstage?

• 58:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:04Mae Martin?

  Thanks.

• 58:04Speaker 04

  Yeah. Introversion doesn't stop us from thinking. It may stop us from being excited about a forward-facing, public-facing role. And one of my main goals in life is to support people who are highly sensitive and empath, introverts to be in positions of leadership, but to do it on, on their terms. Because it's the patriarchal demand that we all be extroverted, that we all value what we're told to value. And then all these other nuanced, subtle things like the sensitives and the priestesses and the warlocks and the visionaries and the execution of beauty everywhere. I mean, you know, for that to be relegated

• 58:44Speaker 04

  out of any kind of sort of educative curricula or approach to how we fluff the growing humanity and these new generations that I'm so in love with. Um, I just think it's, we're due for some expansion. And I really want to validate those of us who are terrified of change. It is scary, but you know, we're still here.

• 59:04Mae Martin?

  I just watched a documentary on AI and I thought that all we have that they don't is our, is like spirituality and, and some other.

• 59:13Speaker 04

  Connectivity.

• 59:14Mae Martin?

  Yes, exactly. So we have to foster that. And maybe it'll, that pressure to, will lead to some kind of step in our evolution as, as.

• 59:23Speaker 04

  The pressure to what?

• 59:24Mae Martin?

  The pressure to, um, not be replaced by robots or to, to show what we can do that they, that they can't. Cause they're so much smarter than, they're, I mean, in terms of like.

• 59:34Speaker 04

  Intelligent, like logic and numbers.

• 59:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah, exactly. So maybe we'll have to foster the parts of us that are.

• 59:40Speaker 04

  Quirky and.

• 59:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 59:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but can they freeze each other's bras at a wellness wholeness weekend? I don't think so.

• 59:46Mae Martin?

  Why are we freezing bras?

• 59:47Speaker 04

  Cause it's just fun.

• 59:48Tig Notaro?

  We don't, we don't have tits.

• 59:51Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:52Tig Notaro?

  So you'd just be freezing your own bra.

• 59:56Speaker 04

  How about undie pants?

• 59:57Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:58Speaker 04

  Wait, cause Atlantis is coming to our wholeness weekend.

• 1:00:02Tig Notaro?

  We're gonna freeze each other's bras, Atlantis.

• 1:00:04Speaker 04

  First of all, where are we going?

• 1:00:06Tig Notaro?

  Um.

• 1:00:07Speaker 04

  Lake Aragon.

• 1:00:08Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, Lake Aragon, that's nice.

• 1:00:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:10Speaker 04

  Oh, that's pretty like Lake Mead jet ski.

• 1:00:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, or Joshua Tree. I don't.

• 1:00:14Speaker 04

  Oh, I'd go to the desert.

• 1:00:15Tig Notaro?

  I want to know though, what, real quick, to go back to Thank You. I mean, that song makes me wish I could sing. What? What was there?

• 1:00:26Speaker 04

  There's a lot of hate in there too.

• 1:00:27Tig Notaro?

  No. Atlanta, there's no hate. Okay, okay, okay. Total envy. I mean, it is really like one of those songs. I really think I'm.

• 1:00:37Speaker 04

  No, I love that song.

• 1:00:38Tig Notaro?

  I think it's a masterpiece. And what was the, and Thank You for writing that and performing it. What, what?

• 1:00:44Speaker 04

  What was going on?

• 1:00:45Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, what was going on?

• 1:00:46Tig Notaro?

  I mean, it's so, I feel like it's such a song that is connected to what you've revealed about yourself and your interests. But what was the?

• 1:00:56Speaker 04

  Um, I think after the Jagged Little Pill tour finished, I just wanted to go somewhere where I thought I could have a minute where no one would recognize me. And for some naive reason, I thought India would be perfect. And I'd always wanted to go. And then I went for a month and so much happened during that time, but I just meditated fiercely. I'd just sit anywhere and sit there for four hours and so much clarity came. And then when I got home, I wrote the song and everyone ascribed its themes to the India trip. But it was this trip. It was this trip.

• 1:01:29Tig Notaro?

  And it was off of Jagged Little Pill that sent you?

• 1:01:33Mae Martin?

  Off the craziness of that time and the tour.

• 1:01:35Speaker 04

  And everyone saying, you know, you must repeat yourself. You must not repeat yourself. When's your next record coming out? And I'm just like, wow.

• 1:01:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:42Speaker 04

  I don't know yet, but um.

• 1:01:44Mae Martin?

  That's so crazy about the creative process. Once it's being commodified like that, where it's like.

• 1:01:50Speaker 04

  The expectation.

• 1:01:51Mae Martin?

  And the anticlimax, you put out something that you care about, you worked on, it's like, great. What's next right away? Yeah, it's crazy.

• 1:01:57Tig Notaro?

  I'm sorry for the men that hurt you, but I'm not sorry for the songs that came from it.

• 1:02:02Speaker 04

  That's kind.

• 1:02:02Tig Notaro?

  Those are pretty amazing. Did it make you want to be a lesbian at any point?

• 1:02:07Speaker 04

  I'm pansexual, so yeah.

• 1:02:09Mae Martin?

  Nice.

• 1:02:09Speaker 04

  I get everything.

• 1:02:10Mae Martin?

  I made it through coming.

• 1:02:13Tig Notaro?

  Wait, you're not really pansexual, are you?

• 1:02:14Speaker 04

  I am.

• 1:02:15Mae Martin?

  I guess I would describe myself, I guess me too over here at Atlanta.

• 1:02:18Speaker 04

  Well, we're doing a lot of me too.

• 1:02:21Tig Notaro?

  How did I not know that? Did you know that? I did not know that.

• 1:02:24Speaker 04

  People.

• 1:02:25Tig Notaro?

  You're supposed to come into the Handsome Podcast leading with, I'm pansexual.

• 1:02:29Speaker 04

  You know, I like to leave it for the epilogue.

• 1:02:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, baby, come on now.

• 1:02:33Speaker 04

  I like to confuse people on the way out.

• 1:02:36Tig Notaro?

  You do know you're the first in-person guest we've ever had.

• 1:02:40Speaker 04

  That's amazing. Have there been some precedents set here that you like?

• 1:02:43Tig Notaro?

  Um, I don't know that anyone can top you.

• 1:02:46Speaker 04

  I don't mean the guest itself. I mean, like, oh, we're never going to do this again.

• 1:02:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh, not only do I want to do it again, I want you to come back again. And I'm trying to figure out.

• 1:02:54Mae Martin?

  The wholeness thing.

• 1:02:55Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:02:55Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:02:56Speaker 04

  Can I bring the kayaks?

• 1:02:57Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 1:02:58Tig Notaro?

  Even if there's no water, bring kayaks.

• 1:03:01Speaker 04

  Honestly.

• 1:03:02Tig Notaro?

  You've got to bring the kayaks.

• 1:03:03Speaker 04

  Bring the fucking kayaks.

• 1:03:04Tig Notaro?

  And then just teasing us?

• 1:03:06Speaker 04

  I'm not.

• 1:03:07Tig Notaro?

  You would go to Wholeness Weekend with us?

• 1:03:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, let's not make it too far.

• 1:03:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we don't want to go.

• 1:03:12Speaker 04

  Like maybe not like.

• 1:03:12Tig Notaro?

  Wherever you need it to be.

• 1:03:14Speaker 04

  Malibu or something.

• 1:03:15Tig Notaro?

  We need to be able to drive to it. Oh, my gosh, this is such a dream. I've been one to rope these two in. It feels like you're part of the pod now.

• 1:03:24Speaker 04

  I, yeah.

• 1:03:25Mae Martin?

  I've been on board as well.

• 1:03:26Tig Notaro?

  I know, but I've just been really pushing hard for wellness, which is now Wholeness Weekend. And to have, hold on, to have Alana say she's going to come spend the weekend with us and meditate and watch suns go up and down. That's huge.

• 1:03:40Speaker 04

  That's huge.

• 1:03:41Tig Notaro?

  And allow for ribs to be cooked. I don't need ribs, we just, just like me, I won't do meat, maybe vegetarian for me.

• 1:03:48Speaker 04

  Also, you guys can sneak off.

• 1:03:50Tig Notaro?

  Well, Alana, don't.

• 1:03:52Speaker 04

  Grab snacks. Oh, you want them all vegan?

• 1:03:55Tig Notaro?

  I know, I mean, that's what Tig's going to do, but. I was. I would like some treats.

• 1:04:00Speaker 04

  Oh, I'll get treats.

• 1:04:00Tig Notaro?

  All right. There's treats, we'll figure it out.

• 1:04:02Speaker 04

  We're going to get such high nutrient.

• 1:04:04Tig Notaro?

  My tour's almost over soon, so I'll have a lot more time.

• 1:04:08Speaker 04

  To Laning and Ojai.

• 1:04:09Tig Notaro?

  I have three more weeks of tour. Okay.

• 1:04:11Speaker 04

  Where are you going?

• 1:04:11Tig Notaro?

  Where are you? Uh, oh, this is a perfect segue to our promo. What's, when does this come out?

• 1:04:18Speaker 05

  November 3rd.

• 1:04:19Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I'm in LA, November 7th at the United Theater.

• 1:04:22Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 1:04:23Tig Notaro?

  Uh, I am in Palm Springs, uh, and then Greeley, Colorado, Denver, Colorado, and Nashville, Tennessee. And then that's it for this tour. Wow. Unbelievable.

• 1:04:33Speaker 04

  Unbelievable.

• 1:04:34Tig Notaro?

  I'm going to tell you, I'm going to be in Colorado Springs. I don't really remember where I'm going to be, but Colorado Springs, Fresno, you heard it first. Yeah.

• 1:04:45Tig Notaro?

  I don't remember where else I'm going to be, but there's a lot of. A lot of places.

• 1:04:50Mae Martin?

  I'm going to be.

• 1:04:50Speaker 04

  That's so exciting.

• 1:04:51Mae Martin?

  Watching Butterfly with Machete.

• 1:04:53Speaker 04

  At your shows.

• 1:04:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. We also have a Handsome live show that we're doing a live stream on December 12th.

• 1:04:59Speaker 04

  And where are you going to do it?

• 1:05:00Tig Notaro?

  Uh, Dynasty Typewriter. It's sold out, but you can get your tickets online. Tickets and they last till the end of the month, so it's going to be pretty fun. We highly recommend people have a Handsome Hollybob's party. Yeah. Invite your friends. Yeah. That's going to be a good time.

• 1:05:14Speaker 04

  Bring your helmets and your diapers.

• 1:05:16Tig Notaro?

  What would you like to promote, Alana?

• 1:05:18Mae Martin?

  Butterfly with Machete, residency in LA.

• 1:05:22Speaker 04

  Those shows.

• 1:05:22Mae Martin?

  November.

• 1:05:24Speaker 04

  November 5, 6.

• 1:05:26Mae Martin?

  5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 kind of thing.

• 1:05:28Speaker 04

  You know what? Oh, check my website.

• 1:05:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah, check the website.

• 1:05:32Tig Notaro?

  Check your website.

• 1:05:33Mae Martin?

  I'll be there on the 11th.

• 1:05:34Speaker 04

  There's more shows.

• 1:05:35Tig Notaro?

  Check my website too.

• 1:05:36Speaker 04

  10 and 11, November 10 and 11, November 5 and 6.

• 1:05:40Tig Notaro?

  And your Christmas album's coming?

• 1:05:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, the Christmas album.

• 1:05:42Tig Notaro?

  Or is it out?

• 1:05:42Speaker 04

  That's November 6th.

• 1:05:43Speaker 05

  Can we remind folks to vote? Cause today is election day.

• 1:05:47Speaker 04

  Ooh.

• 1:05:48Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:05:49Speaker 04

  All right, let's vote.

• 1:05:50Tig Notaro?

  Listen, you guys, it's election day. Don't forget to vote, uh, very important. You gotta, you gotta show up.

• 1:05:57Mae Martin?

  Very important, participate in the process. Don't get paralyzed by hopelessness. Get out there and vote.

• 1:06:03Tig Notaro?

  Yes. Vote your face off.

• 1:06:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:06Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 1:06:07Mae Martin?

  I'm at Largo on November 12.

• 1:06:09Speaker 04

  And worlds.

• 1:06:09Tig Notaro?

  It sure does. I was listening.

• 1:06:13Mae Martin?

  I'm at Largo on November 12th.

• 1:06:15Tig Notaro?

  Doing what you do. Well, this is incredible. Alana, it's been incredible.

• 1:06:19Speaker 04

  Thank you for having me.

• 1:06:20Tig Notaro?

  We could ask you 5,000 more questions.

• 1:06:21Mae Martin?

  I have so many more questions.

• 1:06:24Tig Notaro?

  Well, that's why wellness, no, Wholeness Weekend at your place in Ojai is going to be a gosh darn.

• 1:06:30Speaker 04

  And we can. Can I bring Patty?

• 1:06:32Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, of course. We can open up more because it's for us, so you can tell us all your secrets.

• 1:06:36Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, I'm going to be so safe, I'll tell you everything.

• 1:06:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:39Speaker 04

  I love it. Into your lapel.

• 1:06:40Tig Notaro?

  Okay. Our blazers.

• 1:06:42Speaker 04

  Air blazers.

• 1:06:44Tig Notaro?

  Well, we would love for you to sign off with us, uh, if you're willing to give her. But before we do that, we should tell people, if you like this episode, share it with a friend. Make sure to subscribe, rate and review.

• 1:06:55Speaker 04

  No, you don't want to be raided.

• 1:06:57Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I do. I really.

• 1:07:00Speaker 05

  And new merch.

• 1:07:00Tig Notaro?

  Oh, merch.

• 1:07:02Speaker 05

  Handsomepod.com, brand new merch.

• 1:07:03Tig Notaro?

  Brand new merch for the Hollybob. Brand new merch for Hollybob.

• 1:07:07Speaker 04

  Can I buy some brand new merch?

• 1:07:08Tig Notaro?

  You're not, we're going to get you some Handsome merch. She needs to buy it.

• 1:07:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:12Mae Martin?

  We'll give you a promo code.

• 1:07:14Tig Notaro?

  Help us sign off, Alana.

• 1:07:16Speaker 04

  Until next time.

• 1:07:17Mae Martin?

  Keep it handsome.

• 1:07:21Tig Notaro?

  That was so fun. That was so fun. Handsome is hosted by me, Fortune Feimster, Tig Notaro and Mae Martin. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Wolet. Email us at [email protected] and follow us on social media at HandsomePod. What a podcast.

• 1:07:42Mae Martin?

  What a podcast.

• 1:07:47Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 1:07:49Tig Notaro?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking the pattern on my shirt before heading out the door? I've created a controversy. Luckily, some people are delighted by my fashion nonsense, even if a certain someone is critical. Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 1:08:20Speaker 06

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 1:08:22Mae Martin?

  And Hannah Simone.

• 1:08:23Speaker 06

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing, every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl and we really get into it. Like we get up in there, we get up in there, you know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea, we react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dogged.

• 1:08:45Mae Martin?

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 1:08:58Speaker 06

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield and Damon Wayans Jr. and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 1:09:09Mae Martin?

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.