Jackie Kashian asks about handsome superheroes

Hilarious stand up Jackie Kashian makes us laugh *hard* with her question on a superhuman Handsome! Plus "business goose", Fortune LLC, figuring out bra sizes, and more! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepod and Hulu https://www.hulu.com/series/b583d0bc-eeb0-4560-8b2b-5c8ae0248a19?play=false&utm_source=shared_linkThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:05Tig Notaro?

  Spring cleaning is well and good, but you know what's underrated? The fall clean. Handsome is sponsored by Homaglow. Homaglow is a top rated home service platform dedicated to making your space clean and tidy.

• 0:21Mae Martin?

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• 0:39Tig Notaro?

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• 1:24Tig Notaro?

  or what your friends are saying when you leave the party. For plenty of people, that's not just anxiety, that's OCD. And most of them have no idea OCD is not the organizing stereotype.

• 1:37Mae Martin?

  Real OCD is persistent, unwanted, intrusive thoughts that feel totally out of character. Along with mental or physical behaviors, you feel driven to do to get relief even when it never actually comes. These thoughts can feel very real, which is what makes them so upsetting. The good news is that OCD is highly treatable with the right kind of specialized therapy. It needs ERP, Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy, proven to be the most effective treatment.

• 2:02Tig Notaro?

  NoCD is the world's leading provider of OCD treatment, covered by insurance for over 138 million Americans. Licensed therapists specialize in ERP therapy in live face to face virtual sessions with support between sessions so you're never facing OCD alone. If you're struggling with OCD or unrelenting intrusive thoughts, NoCD can help. Book a free 15 minute call to get started at nocd.com.

• 2:46Fortune Feimster?

  Cheers.

• 2:46Tig Notaro?

  What was that?

• 2:47Fortune Feimster?

  Welcome to the HandsomePod.

• 2:51Fortune Feimster?

  I'm Fortune Beamster.

• 2:52Mae Martin?

  I'm Mae Martin.

• 2:53Tig Notaro?

  And I am Tig Notaro.

• 2:56Mae Martin?

  Yes, you are.

• 2:57Fortune Feimster?

  And we're together, you guys, in the same room.

• 3:01Tig Notaro?

  We sure are. And you're singing our song of our "In the Same Room" song.

• 3:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we're in the same room.

• 3:08Mae Martin?

  Together again.

• 3:09Fortune Feimster?

  Get out your broom.

• 3:11Mae Martin?

  Did you know they call a witch's garage a broom closet?

• 3:15Fortune Feimster?

  Ah, nice.

• 3:16Mae Martin?

  So as you can see, I'm back in a big way.

• 3:19Fortune Feimster?

  Well, it is October, the month of Halloween.

• 3:21Mae Martin?

  Spooky month, yeah.

• 3:23Tig Notaro?

  You know, I was pointing out different words to my sons that are really funny when you think about what they were named.

• 3:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:32Tig Notaro?

  And that's what broom closet, it didn't kind of fits, but fireplace.

• 3:43Mae Martin?

  Fireplace.

• 3:43Tig Notaro?

  That is a fireplace for your fire.

• 3:46Mae Martin?

  That's really good.

• 3:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, make no mistake, this place is where your fire goes. It's your fireplace.

• 3:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah. What's another thing like that?

• 3:55Tig Notaro?

  Broom closet.

• 3:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 3:57Tig Notaro?

  I mean, it kind of works, but you see where.

• 3:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm trying now. I'm going to be trying to think of them.

• 4:02Fortune Feimster?

  Not me.

• 4:04Mae Martin?

  You're not going to try to think of any. You've moved on already.

• 4:08Fortune Feimster?

  Not one.

• 4:09Tig Notaro?

  There, you know, there's, there's probably many, but I just remember looking at a fireplace once and being like, that is so funny that that is.

• 4:18Mae Martin?

  A penguin in Japanese, penguin translates to business goose.

• 4:23Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I love a business goose.

• 4:25Mae Martin?

  Don't Google it. I might be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that it's not pretty good.

• 4:29Fortune Feimster?

  It should be.

• 4:30Mae Martin?

  Isn't it good?

• 4:30Tig Notaro?

  Business goose.

• 4:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 4:32Tig Notaro?

  If we start a company called Business Goose LLC.

• 4:37Mae Martin?

  And the logo's three little penguins.

• 4:39Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, look at that.

• 4:40Tig Notaro?

  No, there's not a single penguin.

• 4:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah, okay.

• 4:44Tig Notaro?

  It's a goose with a briefcase.

• 4:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 4:46Fortune Feimster?

  I love that.

• 4:47Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. Well, that we'll figure it out.

• 4:50Mae Martin?

  We'll figure it out. We'll workshop it.

• 4:51Tig Notaro?

  We have time.

• 4:52Fortune Feimster?

  We are an LLC. We just need to change our name.

• 4:56Mae Martin?

  Oh, great. Are we? Oh, yeah, handsome.

• 4:57Tig Notaro?

  We are.

• 4:59Mae Martin?

  Is a company?

• 5:00Tig Notaro?

  We are a company.

• 5:01Mae Martin?

  Fortune's on top of that.

• 5:04Mae Martin?

  You're the business mind of the trio.

• 5:06Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. Yeah. You guys, don't worry. I got us.

• 5:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, thanks, dude.

• 5:10Tig Notaro?

  So if Fortune's a business mind, what are you, you're like the, the sort of what?

• 5:19Mae Martin?

  Anxious slut?

• 5:21Fortune Feimster?

  Did you say anxious slut?

• 5:24Tig Notaro?

  I love it.

• 5:25Mae Martin?

  That came from the heart. That's how I, that's how I.

• 5:27Fortune Feimster?

  You're an anxious slut. An anxious slut. There's another t-shirt.

• 5:31Mae Martin?

  Always happen.

• 5:32Tig Notaro?

  I'm an anxious slut.

• 5:34Fortune Feimster?

  Nobody wants a t-shirt that says, I'm the business mind. They want the anxious slut.

• 5:39Tig Notaro?

  Also, I love that a slut, I love that somebody so anxious could be a slut. Like you would think that that would stop the whole process.

• 5:48Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that they're a little freer.

• 5:50Mae Martin?

  And their sluttiness makes them more anxious and then the anxious.

• 5:53Tig Notaro?

  They have regrets. Yeah.

• 5:54Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no, not regret.

• 5:58Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 5:58Fortune Feimster?

  I shouldn't have been sluttin' around so much. Have regret.

• 6:01Mae Martin?

  But then the way they ease their anxiety is just slut around some more.

• 6:04Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. It's a vicious cycle.

• 6:07Tig Notaro?

  A vicious one.

• 6:08Mae Martin?

  So what are you?

• 6:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. What am I? I'm not an anxious slut.

• 6:12Fortune Feimster?

  No, you're not anxious slut.

• 6:14Tig Notaro?

  I am not the business mind, but I am.

• 6:17Mae Martin?

  You're an easy rider, easy cowboy, easy.

• 6:21Tig Notaro?

  Easy Tig.

• 6:22Mae Martin?

  Easy Tig.

• 6:23Tig Notaro?

  Here's the thing, is my friend when I was little, not too little, I was in seventh grade and I told you about my friend, maybe John, he was a drummer. He passed away.

• 6:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:36Tig Notaro?

  He would talk about me all the time when we first met in seventh grade. And he'd be like, yeah, Tig, and Tig and I are going to go here and we're doing this. And his mom goes, Tig, huh? You mean easy Tig? And she.

• 6:49Fortune Feimster?

  What does she mean by that?

• 6:51Tig Notaro?

  She goes, every school's got one. At mine, it was easy Susan.

• 6:56Mae Martin?

  No.

• 6:56Tig Notaro?

  And John was like, Mom, you don't understand.

• 7:00Mae Martin?

  She thought you were an anxious slut.

• 7:02Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, she thought I was an anxious slut because I was the only girl running around with all the little rock and roll guys.

• 7:07Mae Martin?

  That's funny.

• 7:08Tig Notaro?

  And so, and I remember to this day, this Barbara's, his mom Barbara's, the girl at her school was easy Susan.

• 7:16Fortune Feimster?

  Easy Susan. Easy Susan makes sense to me.

• 7:19Mae Martin?

  It sounds like lazy Susan.

• 7:21Fortune Feimster?

  Not easy Tig doesn't roll off the tongue as much as easy Susan.

• 7:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 7:25Mae Martin?

  You know, like when you put subtitles on a video or the, or AI does it automatically. So someone posted, and it's very in keeping with this, they screenshotted like.

• 7:36Tig Notaro?

  How'd you know there was a phone under that pillow?

• 7:38Mae Martin?

  You just found the phone. I put it there. They screenshotted so an episode of Handsome, I guess the video, they, they, AI had done the subtitles and so, but they got our names wrong.

• 7:52Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 7:52Mae Martin?

  And this is what they, what they thought they were, it said, hi, I'm Mate Wharton.

• 7:58Fortune Feimster?

  Mate Wharton.

• 7:59Mae Martin?

  And you went, I'm Chick Notaro. And then Fortune, you go, oh, you guys, I'm Fortune Beam, I'm Fortunate Beamster.

• 8:07Fortune Feimster?

  Fortunate Beamster.

• 8:09Tig Notaro?

  Fortunate.

• 8:10Mae Martin?

  Fortunate Beamster.

• 8:11Fortune Feimster?

  Beamster is one of my favorite cheeses.

• 8:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah, me too.

• 8:14Fortune Feimster?

  It's a, they have an aged gouda that's delish.

• 8:17Mae Martin?

  It's got these little salt crystals.

• 8:19Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, Beamster.

• 8:20Tig Notaro?

  Good trying to get off topic. Sorry. I am Chick Notaro. But why did they get Notaro right and not?

• 8:29Fortune Feimster?

  That honestly doesn't make any sense.

• 8:31Mae Martin?

  Maybe we mumbled more.

• 8:33Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I definitely mumble often.

• 8:35Mae Martin?

  Mumble jumble?

• 8:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I'm a mumbler.

• 8:37Tig Notaro?

  I'm a drawler. Am I? Yeah, drawler.

• 8:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 8:43Tig Notaro?

  I don't feel like easy Tig fits since you're anxious slut.

• 8:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, it's too much of a crossover.

• 8:49Tig Notaro?

  And we would have hooked up by now.

• 8:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Oh, my God, you're right. Easy Tig and anxious slut. Or that's the perfect combo.

• 8:55Tig Notaro?

  Over and over and over again.

• 8:56Fortune Feimster?

  Ain't nobody scissoring on the HandsomePod.

• 8:59Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie, wouldn't that chat with friends? Wouldn't that blow your mind if you found out May and I had been?

• 9:06Fortune Feimster?

  I would not know how to process that.

• 9:08Mae Martin?

  And that's why I'm so anxious all the time because I'm having to keep it a secret.

• 9:12Tig Notaro?

  Also, we're having trouble in our relationships. And we bring it to you and we're like, we, this has been happening for two and a half years.

• 9:21Fortune Feimster?

  That would be a mind boggling situation for me.

• 9:24Mae Martin?

  Would you help us work through it or would you say this is?

• 9:27Tig Notaro?

  Good question.

• 9:27Fortune Feimster?

  I would, for the sake of the pod.

• 9:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Not for the sake of us as people.

• 9:31Fortune Feimster?

  Not for y'all's people, but for our LLC.

• 9:33Mae Martin?

  Classic business minds.

• 9:35Tig Notaro?

  Business minded. Yeah, yeah.

• 9:38Fortune Feimster?

  Guys, we can't let down the LLC.

• 9:41Tig Notaro?

  And classic anxious slut is like, well, would you help us work it out?

• 9:44Mae Martin?

  Because I don't want this to end.

• 9:45Fortune Feimster?

  I would sit us all down and we would have, yeah, I would mediate.

• 9:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:50Fortune Feimster?

  And I would say, you guys, I don't think this relationship's worth pursuing in the way that you guys are doing.

• 9:55Tig Notaro?

  Yes, it is.

• 9:56Fortune Feimster?

  A, you're married.

• 9:57Mae Martin?

  But easy Tig would be like, whatever. Either way, you'd be like, I'm fine either way.

• 10:02Tig Notaro?

  Okay, so easy Tig, is it more of like my chillness rather than my sluttiness?

• 10:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's like, like, like easy rider cowboy style.

• 10:12Tig Notaro?

  I see. Okay.

• 10:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah, take it easy.

• 10:14Tig Notaro?

  Easy Tig.

• 10:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Well, how are you guys?

• 10:18Tig Notaro?

  Um, good.

• 10:19Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I had my first therapy appointment today.

• 10:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you did.

• 10:24Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you guys.

• 10:25Tig Notaro?

  Good for you.

• 10:25Fortune Feimster?

  Was it our last?

• 10:26Tig Notaro?

  Wait, first ever in your life?

• 10:28Fortune Feimster?

  No, I went to therapy for like three years.

• 10:32Tig Notaro?

  Straight.

• 10:33Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, yeah, three years straight. That was about like 12 years ago when I realized I had to work through some childhood issues.

• 10:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 10:40Fortune Feimster?

  And then I went to, during the end of my marriage, couple therapy, and then also started individual therapy at that point as well. I did that for a bit and then that just sort of subsided.

• 10:52Tig Notaro?

  You got fixed.

• 10:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. You were fixed. And then once I started crying on the pod several times, you both gently went, maybe, maybe it's time for therapy.

• 11:04Tig Notaro?

  We say this with love.

• 11:05Mae Martin?

  Listen, keep crying on the pod.

• 11:07Tig Notaro?

  Follow up texts.

• 11:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, there were.

• 11:10Fortune Feimster?

  I know, I knew it was all done out of love. There was nothing about it, other than y'all were like seeing a friend.

• 11:17Mae Martin?

  We're just like, you're dealing with a lot. You've got a lot on your plate.

• 11:21Tig Notaro?

  It's such, I think, I mean, hopefully, is it your same therapist from before?

• 11:25Fortune Feimster?

  No, this is a new one. I just wanted to, yeah, change it up.

• 11:30Mae Martin?

  Did you feel lighter after? The first one's always, you gotta do your whole life story.

• 11:33Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you're getting a whole bunch out. So I feel like the first couple actually will just be like getting to a baseline.

• 11:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:40Fortune Feimster?

  And then I feel like the real stuff starts. So the first couple will be, I think, just more like, this happened and this happened and this is going on.

• 11:48Tig Notaro?

  I wouldn't do it like that.

• 11:50Mae Martin?

  Not like a robot?

• 11:51Tig Notaro?

  No. Here is what went wrong and I feel hurt. This is what happened to me and this is why I'm crying all the time. Also, I want to make it clear. Our encouragement around therapy does not mean that this is not a safe place for you to have some boos.

• 12:07Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. No, I didn't think that at all. No, you guys were just like, you know, there are things that I can't talk about. We've talked about that in the last pod to everyone at the moment of what's going on with me. But I obviously confided in my friends and you guys, there was just a long list of things happening that you guys, and that I would also recommend to any of my friends.

• 12:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 12:30Fortune Feimster?

  That I would be like, yeah, this is a lot. You need, might need some.

• 12:33Tig Notaro?

  Also, that long list, we put on the list.

• 12:36Mae Martin?

  That's right.

• 12:37Fortune Feimster?

  We put it on the list.

• 12:38Tig Notaro?

  That's right.

• 12:39Fortune Feimster?

  So, yeah, I was happy to start them.

• 12:41Mae Martin?

  That, sorry, I'm so sorry to interrupt. I know you're talking about important things, but that non-alcoholic beer says Easy Does It on the side.

• 12:49Tig Notaro?

  Easy does do it.

• 12:50Fortune Feimster?

  Tig, grab this non-alcoholic beer out of the fridge.

• 12:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, this is not an ad.

• 12:54Mae Martin?

  No. It really is not an ad.

• 12:56Tig Notaro?

  I thought it would be funny to have a non-alcoholic beer and then I forgot to have it.

• 13:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. It is called Easy Does It.

• 13:03Tig Notaro?

  Don't touch it. There's a hair on it.

• 13:06Fortune Feimster?

  So, it has a ponytail. It looks like my hair, but I didn't get anywhere near that.

• 13:11Tig Notaro?

  That's good.

• 13:12Fortune Feimster?

  It has a ponytail. Do you like non-alcoholic beer?

• 13:16Tig Notaro?

  Um, well, I don't drink.

• 13:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, true.

• 13:19Tig Notaro?

  Um, and sometimes I like a beer flavor with, um.

• 13:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, the burgers.

• 13:25Tig Notaro?

  Well.

• 13:26Mae Martin?

  Vegan burger.

• 13:27Tig Notaro?

  Vegan burger.

• 13:28Mae Martin?

  You know, with your burger.

• 13:29Tig Notaro?

  Like.

• 13:32Tig Notaro?

  You know, with your bacon cheeseburger. Of course, vegan.

• 13:37Tig Notaro?

  Like I'm gonna lash out.

• 13:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:39Tig Notaro?

  I mean, of course.

• 13:39Fortune Feimster?

  Easy Tig, you're fine.

• 13:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah, sorry.

• 13:44Tig Notaro?

  I'd like it with certain, like, I love beer with Asian food.

• 13:47Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:48Fortune Feimster?

  Love it.

• 13:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, with the curry even.

• 13:51Fortune Feimster?

  I don't like beer. I'm not a beer gal.

• 13:54Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 13:54Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 13:55Tig Notaro?

  Okay, well.

• 13:56Fortune Feimster?

  I'm just, I'm just piping in.

• 13:58Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 13:58Fortune Feimster?

  We're chatting with friends.

• 13:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we're chatting with friends on the Handsome Pod.

• 14:02Fortune Feimster?

  Easy does it.

• 14:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, business. Can we just call you LLC?

• 14:07Mae Martin?

  Yes, LLC.

• 14:09Fortune Feimster?

  What's up LLC? What's happening in the handsome biz today?

• 14:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's good.

• 14:14Tig Notaro?

  Okay, so our new merch is anxious slut LLC and Easy Tig.

• 14:20Mae Martin?

  And every, every trio of friends has one. It's like, yeah, the Spice Girls, you got it.

• 14:24Tig Notaro?

  Every trio of friends has an LLC.

• 14:27Fortune Feimster?

  Someone that's capitalizing on the friendship.

• 14:33Tig Notaro?

  You got yourself into therapy to keep the podcast going.

• 14:36Fortune Feimster?

  That's right, that's right, yeah.

• 14:37Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 14:38Mae Martin?

  Are you in town for a while now?

• 14:40Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 14:40Tig Notaro?

  What about me?

• 14:41Mae Martin?

  Sorry, you too. Are you here?

• 14:43Fortune Feimster?

  Tig, are you also in town? I'm, um.

• 14:45Tig Notaro?

  You go first.

• 14:46Fortune Feimster?

  My next two months are pretty busy because I'm filming my special.

• 14:49Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 14:50Fortune Feimster?

  In mid-November, um, so.

• 14:52Tig Notaro?

  Where are you filming it?

• 14:53Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, in Denver.

• 14:54Tig Notaro?

  Oh, you told me that, the Paramount. Awesome.

• 14:56Fortune Feimster?

  Um, so I'm kinda hitting the road hard for a bit. Um, yeah, so I'm, I'm out, so I'm out of town again for shows, but then I'm home all next week.

• 15:07Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's good. I want to hear about that your new diagnosis.

• 15:10Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, you had a medical discovery.

• 15:12Mae Martin?

  Right before we started recording.

• 15:14Tig Notaro?

  Um, I, but I'm also.

• 15:17Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, are you in town for a while?

• 15:18Tig Notaro?

  I'm not.

• 15:20Mae Martin?

  Oh, you're, you're out of town too?

• 15:21Tig Notaro?

  I'm going on a vacation with my family.

• 15:23Mae Martin?

  Oh, where are you going?

• 15:24Tig Notaro?

  Um, well, my family left today. They went to Buffalo, New York.

• 15:29Fortune Feimster?

  I'm sorry, your family left?

• 15:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you seem remarkably.

• 15:33Tig Notaro?

  I'm handling it pretty well.

• 15:34Mae Martin?

  Easy Tig.

• 15:36Tig Notaro?

  Um, I'll call LLC and cry to her later, but, um, it's, um, tomorrow is the Buffalo Bills' first home game. And Stephanie.

• 15:47Fortune Feimster?

  She's a huge fan.

• 15:49Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I don't know if you understand.

• 15:51Fortune Feimster?

  No, I, I knew she was like a crazy Buffalo Bills fan.

• 15:53Tig Notaro?

  She's a big Buffalo Bills fan and it now runs in the family. So Max and Finn are.

• 15:59Fortune Feimster?

  But like, what a team. They, don't they break your heart all the time?

• 16:03Tig Notaro?

  If I were deeply invested.

• 16:06Mae Martin?

  So you're like along for the ride?

• 16:07Tig Notaro?

  I'm just, I eat chips.

• 16:10Mae Martin?

  Soak up the vibe.

• 16:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, like I'm sitting there.

• 16:12Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, are y'all one of those fans that like help shovel the snow out of the stadium?

• 16:17Tig Notaro?

  Again, like, I think I know more about the Bills. I have never, I've never been, um, to a Buffalo Bills game.

• 16:26Mae Martin?

  Okay, gotcha.

• 16:27Tig Notaro?

  Um, but also my sons are big Buffalo Bison fans.

• 16:33Mae Martin?

  What's that?

• 16:33Tig Notaro?

  Bison. It's the minor league baseball team in Buffalo. So we're going to that as well. So we're going to the first home game of the Buffalo Bills tomorrow night. They're playing Detroit.

• 16:45Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 16:46Tig Notaro?

  And then, um, we're going to the minor league baseball game. And Stephanie just sent me a video that I'll have to show you after. She said the whole plane to Buffalo was just full of crazy Buffalo Bill fans.

• 17:01Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 17:02Tig Notaro?

  And she said Max yelled, um, "Go Buffalo!" And then the whole plane would go, "Buffalo!"

• 17:08Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. No way. That's gonna be a core memory.

• 17:12Tig Notaro?

  And here's something, made me tear up when I saw it.

• 17:16Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 17:16Tig Notaro?

  Because I was like, this is, Stephanie lived there as a kid.

• 17:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:20Tig Notaro?

  And she's such, her whole family, they're so in deep with the Buffalo Bills. And the fact that we're bringing them to where she, you know, partly grew up and go see her house and her school and where she played softball and basketball. And then go see these teams.

• 17:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 17:38Tig Notaro?

  And that they're like all in on Buffalo.

• 17:41Mae Martin?

  The dream of having kids, that they're just into what your life and what you're into and like care, like that's so great.

• 17:48Tig Notaro?

  Don't you care about Evel Knievel?

• 17:50Fortune Feimster?

  Are y'all gonna show them Niagara?

• 17:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 17:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Oh, that's great.

• 17:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we have, anything you can possibly do in Buffalo, New York, we're gonna be doing.

• 17:59Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 17:59Mae Martin?

  Oh, man.

• 18:00Fortune Feimster?

  No chicken wings, though. That's not for your family.

• 18:03Tig Notaro?

  No, but, um, Stephanie and I, I think we went to Buffalo together. Yes. And we had vegan Buffalo wings.

• 18:11Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:12Mae Martin?

  There you go.

• 18:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, nice.

• 18:13Mae Martin?

  I can't believe a whole baseball-themed vacation. That's wild.

• 18:17Tig Notaro?

  And baseball and football. The Bills are football.

• 18:20Mae Martin?

  Oh. I didn't know that. Buffalo Bills are American football.

• 18:25Fortune Feimster?

  Talking sports with the two of you is so funny to me.

• 18:28Mae Martin?

  Okay, okay.

• 18:30Tig Notaro?

  And we, we probably look like, you know, we probably know a little something.

• 18:34Mae Martin?

  Something about something.

• 18:36Tig Notaro?

  We do not.

• 18:40Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking that I get enough pizza for everyone before calling in an order? Mama mia. I did my pizza math wrong and now we're completely out of pies, but not completely full.

• 18:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. They could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 19:10Mae Martin?

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• 19:56Mae Martin?

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• 20:33Tig Notaro?

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• 20:59Mae Martin?

  Treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shapewear on the market. Use our exclusive link to save 20% off Honeylove at honeylove.com/handsome. That's honeylove.com/handsome. After you check out, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show. Tell them we sent you. Experience the new standard in comfort and support with Honeylove. Do you think the Buffalo Bills were pissed when Sons of the Lambs came out and that?

• 21:24Fortune Feimster?

  Buffalo Bill?

• 21:25Mae Martin?

  And Buffalo Bill is the serial killer in that?

• 21:27Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, see, I didn't know that.

• 21:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm up on my serial killer, my fictional serial killer.

• 21:31Fortune Feimster?

  Maybe they were like, hey, how dare you?

• 21:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 21:35Mae Martin?

  When you go to Niagara, you could tell the boys about Charles Blondin, who tight-rope across Niagara. He was obsessed by it and he, he kept having to up his, the stakes. Because, yeah, and then he, he took a, because people, he could just do it so easily. And then he took a wheelbarrow with a tiger in it.

• 21:54Fortune Feimster?

  No, that's someone who's not easily satisfied.

• 21:58Mae Martin?

  Not well in the head.

• 21:59Tig Notaro?

  We are not here to judge, but you know, that'd be.

• 22:01Fortune Feimster?

  Don't tell kids you're.

• 22:01Tig Notaro?

  And how else was the tiger gonna get across the water?

• 22:05Fortune Feimster?

  It'd be a tough person to be married to.

• 22:07Mae Martin?

  Oh, can you imagine? Like any of those like climbing guys.

• 22:12Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God, climbing. Climbing guys, no thank you.

• 22:14Mae Martin?

  No thank you, free climbing, like, yeah, no, no, no.

• 22:18Tig Notaro?

  But I mean, how awesome is it to watch?

• 22:20Mae Martin?

  Very exciting.

• 22:21Tig Notaro?

  Had, did you see Free Solo?

• 22:22Mae Martin?

  Yes, insane.

• 22:23Fortune Feimster?

  Did you see that?

• 22:25Mae Martin?

  But he must have a, you didn't.

• 22:27Fortune Feimster?

  I did, I did, but I think rock climbing is crazy. And then you add the like, not being hooked on anything. And I just think that's, it's a recipe for disaster.

• 22:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah, they have a death wish, it's crazy.

• 22:38Fortune Feimster?

  And I know you, you did some rock climbing back in the day, right?

• 22:41Tig Notaro?

  No, I didn't do any rock climbing.

• 22:43Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, for some reason.

• 22:44Tig Notaro?

  I was in, I lived in Colorado.

• 22:47Tig Notaro?

  It's like, as soon as I came out of the closet, everyone thought I was a vegetarian. It wasn't ever, but I became vegan, you know, a decade ago.

• 22:56Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know why I felt that.

• 22:59Tig Notaro?

  Well, I did go bouldering once.

• 23:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, maybe, I like that. I do that in Echo Park sometimes, there's an indoor bouldering.

• 23:04Fortune Feimster?

  Thanks.

• 23:05Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 23:06Fortune Feimster?

  Ugh.

• 23:06Mae Martin?

  The annoying thing is the guys there who come up and give you unsolicited, they're like, yeah, what you're gonna wanna do is, you know, let.

• 23:13Tig Notaro?

  They work there?

• 23:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah, no, and just the, the scene, like, these guys and they're, and I didn't ask for, I just wanna tinker around and they're like.

• 23:21Tig Notaro?

  So wait, you go to a bouldering place?

• 23:23Mae Martin?

  I've been like, three times in Echo Park. Usually on dates.

• 23:27Tig Notaro?

  Dates?

• 23:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah, back in the.

• 23:29Fortune Feimster?

  That's a terrible date for me.

• 23:30Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 23:31Fortune Feimster?

  You'd be pissed. Someone's like, we're going bouldering, I'm like, oh my god!

• 23:37Tig Notaro?

  But what if you were so in, what if it was like, uh, like.

• 23:42Mae Martin?

  Like you were obsessed with this person?

• 23:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it was somebody that you had like, had your eye on, she finally gave you the time of day and was like,

• 23:50Fortune Feimster?

  I would be like.

• 23:51Tig Notaro?

  Let's go bouldering.

• 23:52Fortune Feimster?

  I'd go, no, then I guess I'd go no matter what, but I wouldn't be happy about it.

• 23:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you'd mope.

• 23:58Tig Notaro?

  Well, I guess I'll go no matter what, but I'm not gonna be happy about this.

• 24:02Fortune Feimster?

  Great, uh, we'll do that, and then, well, I'll bring a charcuterie board for after.

• 24:06Mae Martin?

  Bring it to the bouldering place.

• 24:09Fortune Feimster?

  As long as there's snacks involved, I can get down with anything.

• 24:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:12Tig Notaro?

  I hear ya.

• 24:13Mae Martin?

  In your little pouch where they have chalk for their hands, you could, you could have a couple.

• 24:17Fortune Feimster?

  Little fun dip in there?

• 24:21Mae Martin?

  Fun dip, fun dip.

• 24:23Tig Notaro?

  I wonder if ever, like, pool sharks use their chalk like that, like, you know?

• 24:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, in a little belt.

• 24:29Tig Notaro?

  And like, overdo it a little much?

• 24:31Fortune Feimster?

  Do you think that they're still, like, uh, you know, shooting pool used to be so popular back in the day? And so there were a lot of pool sharks, do you think that's still a thing?

• 24:42Tig Notaro?

  Well, can I tell you something that will blow your mind?

• 24:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 24:45Tig Notaro?

  I dated a man who was a pool shark.

• 24:49Mae Martin?

  Wait, what? Sorry.

• 24:50Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, I didn't know you ever dated a man.

• 24:52Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh. Like briefly, briefly.

• 24:55Fortune Feimster?

  Because I felt you like, went on some dates with boys when you were like, young, but you're saying man?

• 25:00Tig Notaro?

  I mean.

• 25:01Fortune Feimster?

  Like adults, you were an adult.

• 25:03Tig Notaro?

  I was, I was, uh, 18 and he was 23. I thought he was like, 900. I was like, whoa.

• 25:10Mae Martin?

  And he was an actual, like, he would.

• 25:12Tig Notaro?

  Full blown.

• 25:13Mae Martin?

  And pool shark means like, you kind of pretend you're okay and then you've aced.

• 25:17Tig Notaro?

  He was like, this is how he walked around a pool table, go to UHaul.com to watch this. But this is how he walked around the pool table, he had his.

• 25:28Mae Martin?

  Whoa, fast strike.

• 25:31Fortune Feimster?

  And probably got it in too, right?

• 25:33Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Well, fortunately, I don't know if you're listening, but.

• 25:35Fortune Feimster?

  He's a pool shark.

• 25:36Mae Martin?

  Pool shark! Wow, I can see why you, and did you know that when you, is that why you started dating him?

• 25:42Tig Notaro?

  No, um.

• 25:44Fortune Feimster?

  For that big ween?

• 25:49Tig Notaro?

  I refuse to be.

• 25:53Fortune Feimster?

  I couldn't help it.

• 25:55Tig Notaro?

  You can help it.

• 25:57Fortune Feimster?

  I really couldn't.

• 25:58Tig Notaro?

  You can, no, you can.

• 25:59Fortune Feimster?

  Because like, how often do you talk about.

• 26:01Tig Notaro?

  You are a grown.

• 26:02Fortune Feimster?

  Why you went out with a dude?

• 26:03Tig Notaro?

  Grown wom- there, there's more to men.

• 26:06Fortune Feimster?

  I'll work on it in therapy.

• 26:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, great, great, great.

• 26:10Tig Notaro?

  Anyway, I don't know if there's pool sharks still.

• 26:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, because I just feel like it's not as probably prevalent in bars, I mean, there's like, a pool table, but.

• 26:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, there must be still pool halls, but now we all know about pool sharks.

• 26:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, because there used to be, like, pool halls, yeah, that's a big thing, but I don't know if that's a thing anymore.

• 26:28Tig Notaro?

  I got asked to prom by a guy at my school.

• 26:31Mae Martin?

  Alright, prom was popular, you'd already dropped out.

• 26:36Tig Notaro?

  Exactly.

• 26:36Mae Martin?

  Oh wow, that would've been crazy.

• 26:38Fortune Feimster?

  They went seeking out Easy Tig.

• 26:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:41Tig Notaro?

  I, I, yeah, I, I went to school with him.

• 26:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:44Tig Notaro?

  He was a, a dear friend.

• 26:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:47Tig Notaro?

  I had dropped out.

• 26:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:49Tig Notaro?

  And he asked me to go to prom, I said, no, but you can meet me at Slick Willy's if you'd like.

• 26:55Fortune Feimster?

  Slick Willy's?

• 26:55Mae Martin?

  After prom, meet me at Slick Willy's.

• 26:57Tig Notaro?

  And he did.

• 26:58Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa, in his tux?

• 27:01Tig Notaro?

  Yes, and he was somebody, um.

• 27:03Fortune Feimster?

  He really liked you.

• 27:05Tig Notaro?

  He also sadly passed away, and he was, he kind of got weird fame, he lived in Austin.

• 27:10Mae Martin?

  Uh huh.

• 27:11Tig Notaro?

  And he was known as Larry, or Larry the Leopard.

• 27:14Mae Martin?

  The cable guy.

• 27:14Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 27:15Mae Martin?

  Larry the Leopard?

• 27:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, his whole body, he was tattooed head to toe like a leopard.

• 27:21Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 27:22Tig Notaro?

  And he was.

• 27:23Mae Martin?

  Leopard.

• 27:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 27:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:24Tig Notaro?

  And I think he was like, maybe book of world record or something?

• 27:29Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 27:30Tig Notaro?

  I don't know, but yeah, I, uh, I almost went. Huh?

• 27:34Mae Martin?

  What was his deal, what makes you do that?

• 27:37Tig Notaro?

  I think he maybe got into some drug stuff and maybe was without a home here and there.

• 27:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:43Tig Notaro?

  He was somebody, just the sweetest guy in the world, he was, he was like, full blown nerdy nerd nerd town.

• 27:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:51Tig Notaro?

  And, um, my friends and I sat with the nerd table.

• 27:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:56Tig Notaro?

  In junior high school.

• 27:57Mae Martin?

  Mm-hmm.

• 27:58Tig Notaro?

  And we're like, these guys are awesome.

• 28:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:03Tig Notaro?

  And, um, and then Larry kind of started to break out of his, like, kind of nerdy vibe.

• 28:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:13Tig Notaro?

  And started partying a little bit, getting a tat.

• 28:17Mae Martin?

  Nothing more dangerous than an ex-nerd, like.

• 28:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 28:20Mae Martin?

  Comes out of the gate.

• 28:21Tig Notaro?

  Is that how you identify?

• 28:23Mae Martin?

  An anxious slut, but ex-nerd, no, current nerd, I think.

• 28:26Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I think.

• 28:28Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 28:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I, I could see Larry wanting to be cool and fit in, kind of like what you would hear a parent say, you don't have to do that to be cool. And, and then it really took a, a crazy turn.

• 28:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:41Tig Notaro?

  But, um, but the nicest, nicest guy.

• 28:45Mae Martin?

  Mm-hmm.

• 28:47Tig Notaro?

  You wanna get to my diagnosis?

• 28:49Mae Martin?

  I'm dying, since you said it, I'm like, what does this mean?

• 28:52Tig Notaro?

  Well, I just got back from the doctor.

• 28:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:54Tig Notaro?

  I have had a tremor in my hand for three years and.

• 29:00Mae Martin?

  Three years?

• 29:01Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm, yeah.

• 29:02Fortune Feimster?

  I never noticed it.

• 29:03Mae Martin?

  Me neither, and persist, like, consistent or it just comes and goes?

• 29:07Tig Notaro?

  No, no, it's consistent, but it's, it's sometimes more elevated than not. And I, you know, Googled myself to death.

• 29:14Fortune Feimster?

  No, you can't hit your hand, it's not tremory.

• 29:17Tig Notaro?

  Well, it's in between my, uh.

• 29:18Fortune Feimster?

  It's in your cooter right now.

• 29:20Tig Notaro?

  Fortune Marie! But I was scared I had Parkinson's.

• 29:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 29:25Tig Notaro?

  You know?

• 29:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 29:26Tig Notaro?

  And, um, and so that's why my family's gone and I'm here, is because.

• 29:33Mae Martin?

  Oh, gotcha.

• 29:33Tig Notaro?

  I could not let go of this doctor appointment.

• 29:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:35Tig Notaro?

  And, because it took months.

• 29:37Fortune Feimster?

  I thought it was because of us.

• 29:40Tig Notaro?

  LLC.

• 29:41Fortune Feimster?

  I can't miss that.

• 29:42Tig Notaro?

  LLC. But yeah, so she checked me out and, um, I'm fine, I just have, uh, an essential tremor is what it's called.

• 29:51Mae Martin?

  Essential tremor?

• 29:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's, it's shaky paw, which is what Stephanie and I call it at the house. Yeah, I'd be like, oh, I'm having trouble with that, I have shaky paw. And, um, but like, Katherine Hepburn had it, as I was telling you before the.

• 30:06Fortune Feimster?

  Which I had no idea, because famously Katherine Hepburn had the kind of, this voice.

• 30:11Tig Notaro?

  That's right.

• 30:12Fortune Feimster?

  I did not know it was because of a tremor.

• 30:14Tig Notaro?

  And I think also, she had shaky paw.

• 30:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 30:18Tig Notaro?

  But, uh, not everybody gets it in their voice.

• 30:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 30:21Tig Notaro?

  And, um, but it was a huge relief, I mean, it's not great, it's not a blast to have a shaky paw.

• 30:28Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 30:29Tig Notaro?

  But, um, and sometimes it's worse than other times, but.

• 30:32Mae Martin?

  But that is a relief.

• 30:33Tig Notaro?

  Massive relief, because I was just like, ugh, well, I'm old parent, you know, I've, I've done everything in my power to like. And honestly, part of my hike this summer was like, in my mind, I was like, if I have Parkinson's, I want to, I wanna do this now. I want to do this now.

• 30:55Mae Martin?

  Does the essential tremor, is it progressive, like, will it?

• 30:58Tig Notaro?

  My doctor said she doesn't think it's going to progress much.

• 31:03Mae Martin?

  It hasn't really.

• 31:04Tig Notaro?

  Well, she said at my age, like, getting it after 50, it's not as likely to progress to like, a point where, you know, it's, um.

• 31:16Mae Martin?

  Katherine Hepburny.

• 31:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 31:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 31:19Tig Notaro?

  But I guess we will see. She said, you know, it's, it's individual people, obviously, have, have different stuff, but now, I'm just, it's one of those things where it's, again, like, eh.

• 31:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 31:32Tig Notaro?

  Don't necessarily want that, but thank god, I don't have anything worse, you know?

• 31:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, my grandpa had Parkinson's, it's such a wild thing.

• 31:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I mean, people, all of the, I mean, I'm just blown away by people.

• 31:48Mae Martin?

  All the things people have.

• 31:49Tig Notaro?

  Truly, what people are navigating every day.

• 31:52Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 31:53Tig Notaro?

  Privately, publicly, stuff, it's just, you know, things you have to go to therapy for.

• 31:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 31:59Tig Notaro?

  It's just, it's, you know.

• 32:01Fortune Feimster?

  Well, they just recognized Michael J. Fox at the Emmys, because he is park, he has Parkinson's.

• 32:06Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 32:08Fortune Feimster?

  I didn't know that he was diagnosed at 30.

• 32:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:11Fortune Feimster?

  I'm like, dang. Yeah, like that, to have been living with that for this long and to start as so young.

• 32:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:19Fortune Feimster?

  Man.

• 32:19Tig Notaro?

  And I think, I think, and I could be wrong, but I think it is that thing of getting diagnosed young, it potentially progresses.

• 32:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 32:30Tig Notaro?

  Rather than like, one certain, I also might not know what I'm talking about. Because also, I have a lot of, I have massive Google head.

• 32:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:41Tig Notaro?

  So, everything I've read about essential tremor and Parkinson's and even MS, because for a while, I was like, oh gosh. Like when Thomas and I went and saw Paul Simon a few, oh, when, handsome, remember when we were performing in Austin?

• 32:57Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah!

• 32:58Tig Notaro?

  Thomas and I went to see Paul Simon.

• 33:00Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:01Tig Notaro?

  And I was like, I don't, I don't know, I have something, something's going on.

• 33:05Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 33:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so now I know for sure.

• 33:09Fortune Feimster?

  It's like a bridge over troubled water.

• 33:12Tig Notaro?

  Ew! Come on! On fire, LLC!

• 33:19Tig Notaro?

  Bridge over trembly water. Rough waters.

• 33:22Fortune Feimster?

  That's good.

• 33:23Tig Notaro?

  It's not that good. I like shaky paw.

• 33:26Fortune Feimster?

  Shaky paw is perfect.

• 33:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. So if you ever want to check in on my shaky paw.

• 33:30Fortune Feimster?

  I will.

• 33:31Tig Notaro?

  Well, now I will occasionally look over to see what the paw is doing.

• 33:33Fortune Feimster?

  Feel free.

• 33:35Mae Martin?

  So my friend, you know, my friend Joe, who's usually staying with me often from, from England. And, um, so he was having, he, the other day, a couple of nights ago, I've been away, but he's been staying in my house. And he was, I think on a date, or he was having kind of an intense relationship conversation with this girl he's been seeing. And it was kind of a few hours of processing and talking. And then he was like, you know, I'm, okay, let's, it's late, like, let's park this conversation. Well, let's hang out in a couple of days and pick it up. And we're just going in circles. She was like, okay. So then he goes out, it's like 2:00 AM and he's standing on the street, uh, waiting for his Uber. And, um, and then she texts him and is like, just come, come, just sleep over, like, we'll stop talking. He's like, okay.

• 34:20Mae Martin?

  And so he goes back, rings the doorbell and, or she, he's waiting for her to come down in her apartment building. And, um,

• 34:27Tig Notaro?

  What kind of stairway does she have?

• 34:29Mae Martin?

  It's a squiggly slide. Waiting for her to come down the slide.

• 34:34Tig Notaro?

  Go to U-Haul.

• 34:34Mae Martin?

  Go to U-Haul. And so he's waiting there and a fully naked man with no socks and shoes, like completely naked bald man, just walks by him confidently and goes, you want to suck my dick?

• 34:50Mae Martin?

  Suck my dick and keeps walking by him and walks away into the darkness. And then the, like 30 seconds later, the girl opens the door and is like, hey, like still, and he's like, and he's like, I just saw a fully naked man. And she's like, oh, okay. Well, anyway. And he's like, no, I'm sorry. I can't like,

• 35:09Fortune Feimster?

  That ruined it for me. Like, I gotta go.

• 35:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And like, he was the only witness to this.

• 35:14Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Yeah. Like you had, that he still had much to process.

• 35:19Fortune Feimster?

  He said, I, I need to leave and figure this out.

• 35:22Mae Martin?

  But what a crazy, he said, the guy didn't look unhoused or anything. He just looked so confident being naked, just walking down the street.

• 35:28Fortune Feimster?

  He could have been sleepwalking.

• 35:29Mae Martin?

  Oh my God, imagine.

• 35:31Fortune Feimster?

  There are people that just legit sleepwalk like that and have no idea.

• 35:35Mae Martin?

  Well, he, he's got a meeting tomorrow with like a Netflix exec.

• 35:38Tig Notaro?

  The naked guy?

• 35:39Mae Martin?

  I said, imagine if it's that guy in a suit.

• 35:41Tig Notaro?

  I thought you were saying he for sure does. So it's like, what is he pitching?

• 35:44Mae Martin?

  With like a producer.

• 35:47Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, right?

• 35:49Fortune Feimster?

  Come on, you guys.

• 35:50Mae Martin?

  If you missed that, that was,

• 35:51Tig Notaro?

  So clear.

• 35:52Mae Martin?

  What is he pitching? A tent?

• 35:53Fortune Feimster?

  That was good.

• 35:54Tig Notaro?

  Thank you. I'll be here all episode.

• 35:57Mae Martin?

  But then I'm writing a, a zombie.

• 36:02Tig Notaro?

  Listen, I'm open to being made fun of for shaky paw.

• 36:09Tig Notaro?

  You go on. Sorry, man.

• 36:10Mae Martin?

  I don't know. I forget where I was going with it.

• 36:12Tig Notaro?

  No, you said you have a meeting. Wait, no, a pitch.

• 36:15Mae Martin?

  He is, no, Joe has a pitch. And I thought it'd be funny if he showed up and it was the guy, the naked guy, but in a suit. Just not acknowledging what had happened.

• 36:23Tig Notaro?

  I'm gonna let go.

• 36:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 36:26Mae Martin?

  That's enough now. That's enough of that.

• 36:29Fortune Feimster?

  Taking our touching each other, for those of you not watching.

• 36:32Tig Notaro?

  U-Haul.

• 36:34Tig Notaro?

  Do you think we're gonna get U-Haul sponsorship?

• 36:37Mae Martin?

  I hope so.

• 36:37Fortune Feimster?

  Fingers crossed.

• 36:38Tig Notaro?

  I mean, it makes so much sense anyway.

• 36:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 36:41Tig Notaro?

  You know?

• 36:42Mae Martin?

  They should be targeting that market.

• 36:44Fortune Feimster?

  So many fun commercials for U-Haul.

• 36:47Mae Martin?

  Please let us do, that's not on the list. We want to be the face of a big brand.

• 36:52Tig Notaro?

  We're begging to do more ads.

• 36:54Mae Martin?

  To do more ads.

• 36:55Fortune Feimster?

  The handsome pod on the side of people's U-Haul.

• 36:59Mae Martin?

  Like, let's find an ethical company and just,

• 37:02Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, U-Haul.

• 37:03Tig Notaro?

  On the back of the, each truck, it could be the three of us waving and it says, follow me to the handsome pod.

• 37:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 37:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 37:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we'll workshop that.

• 37:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Thought you were gonna have like a dirty joke.

• 37:16Fortune Feimster?

  No, no.

• 37:17Tig Notaro?

  No, no, cleaned it up.

• 37:19Fortune Feimster?

  I'm in therapy.

• 37:20Tig Notaro?

  Change.

• 37:22Mae Martin?

  Therapy makes you like,

• 37:25Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, super boring?

• 37:26Mae Martin?

  Like you never say cooter anymore.

• 37:28Fortune Feimster?

  No, I will always say cooter.

• 37:29Mae Martin?

  I will always say.

• 37:30Tig Notaro?

  You just did.

• 37:31Fortune Feimster?

  I know, and I will continue to.

• 37:36Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium professional website. With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time.

• 38:20Mae Martin?

  Squarespace makes it easy. So easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes. So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/hansome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. I got more.

• 38:41Fortune Feimster?

  Give it to us.

• 38:42Mae Martin?

  So I've been traveling and I, so I was writing down things to tell you guys.

• 38:46Fortune Feimster?

  I love that.

• 38:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah. And so then, first of all,

• 38:50Tig Notaro?

  You have shaky paw?

• 38:51Mae Martin?

  I got shaky paw. Second of all, you think they call it luggage? Cause you lug it around. That's another thing.

• 38:58Fortune Feimster?

  Lug, luggage.

• 39:00Mae Martin?

  You just lug it around and someone went luggage?

• 39:02Fortune Feimster?

  Luggage, yeah.

• 39:03Mae Martin?

  Okay, so that's one.

• 39:05Fortune Feimster?

  Did you write that down or that, you did write that down?

• 39:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's in here.

• 39:10Tig Notaro?

  And did you circle it and highlight it?

• 39:12Fortune Feimster?

  And you were like, don't forget to bring this up.

• 39:16Tig Notaro?

  Do not even try to do the episode without, oh.

• 39:21Fortune Feimster?

  I know that you're like, I got more. We're gonna need to get, we need to get to this one.

• 39:25Tig Notaro?

  You know, when, it reminds me of when I'm on flights and I see the little print on the, um, well, storage or stowage.

• 39:34Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 39:35Tig Notaro?

  When they say, you know, for stowage.

• 39:38Mae Martin?

  So they say stowage?

• 39:40Tig Notaro?

  On some planes.

• 39:41Mae Martin?

  Ah, cause you stow it.

• 39:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but it could be storage.

• 39:47Fortune Feimster?

  Could be.

• 39:48Tig Notaro?

  Write that down.

• 39:49Fortune Feimster?

  Check my friends.

• 39:50Tig Notaro?

  Stowage.

• 39:51Fortune Feimster?

  Chat with friends on the handsome pod. Chat with friends on the handsome pod.

• 39:56Mae Martin?

  Okay, I got, it's cause I knew I wanted to tell you about what happened to my friend Joe.

• 40:00Tig Notaro?

  Oh my gosh, we should do an episode where we reference notes in our little journals.

• 40:04Mae Martin?

  This is humiliating. I can't believe this.

• 40:07Tig Notaro?

  Why is that humiliating?

• 40:08Fortune Feimster?

  No one can be humiliated on this pod.

• 40:10Tig Notaro?

  I thought you were gonna say, no one can see it, but people are going to U-Haul.com.

• 40:14Fortune Feimster?

  Well, this is a safe pod.

• 40:17Tig Notaro?

  You can cry, you can read your notes.

• 40:18Fortune Feimster?

  The Mountains have cried on this pod.

• 40:23Mae Martin?

  I see, I cry like empathetically, like I cry if someone else cries, I cry, right? Is that what happens?

• 40:28Tig Notaro?

  Uh huh.

• 40:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 40:30Tig Notaro?

  Always? You never have your own?

• 40:32Mae Martin?

  My own tears.

• 40:32Tig Notaro?

  Your own tears?

• 40:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah, no, I have a lot of those.

• 40:35Tig Notaro?

  Okay, so you have empathy. That's good.

• 40:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Okay. So I knew I wanted to tell you about, about the,

• 40:40Tig Notaro?

  Little finger pointing.

• 40:41Mae Martin?

  About the naked guy. And then I, um, Joe was telling us that story. And then my friend Matt and his wife live in my back house and she's from China and she chimed in and she goes, well, did you know in ancient China, like Kung Fu masters would, to achieve the highest level, you, they would be eunuchs. Like you would, they would cut off their dicks.

• 41:03Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa.

• 41:04Mae Martin?

  And then she goes, it's a funny story. This guy was like really, it's, I think this is a joke she was telling, but she goes, he,

• 41:11Tig Notaro?

  What's happened?

• 41:11Mae Martin?

  Sorry, my pen.

• 41:12Tig Notaro?

  I thought that was a new tattoo.

• 41:14Fortune Feimster?

  Man has evil over their hands.

• 41:16Mae Martin?

  This is what happens when you get a notebook and a pen out. My pen's exploded, ink. This is a mess. Anyway, the point is, she said,

• 41:23Tig Notaro?

  Keep all this in, Thomas.

• 41:24Mae Martin?

  She said, uh, if you, uh, this guy, he wanted to be a Kung Fu master.

• 41:30Fortune Feimster?

  You haven't lost us for a second, by the way.

• 41:32Tig Notaro?

  We're hanging, we're hanging in right with you.

• 41:34Mae Martin?

  There's like an ancient text that tells you how, and on page one, it says, to achieve the highest level, you have to cut, you have to chop your dick off.

• 41:41Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 41:42Mae Martin?

  And so,

• 41:43Tig Notaro?

  Is this true?

• 41:44Mae Martin?

  So this part's a joke. But the, but it is true, but then this part's the jokes. And then he does it and then he turns and on page two, it says, page two, if you don't want to do the dick part, you don't have to.

• 41:55Tig Notaro?

  Oh no.

• 41:57Mae Martin?

  That's pretty good.

• 41:58Tig Notaro?

  Oh no.

• 41:59Fortune Feimster?

  Oh no.

• 42:00Tig Notaro?

  You didn't have, I like how casual it is.

• 42:05Tig Notaro?

  Also, do you only hang out with people that you exchange facts with?

• 42:10Mae Martin?

  You know, the people who's, who last in my life are often ones that can throw a fact in there.

• 42:17Tig Notaro?

  I have music facts.

• 42:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, any, any kind, or like a little juicy parable or something.

• 42:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 42:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 42:24Tig Notaro?

  What does fortune bring to this?

• 42:26Fortune Feimster?

  Um, the business mind.

• 42:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, the LLC.

• 42:28Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna figure out a way to monetize this.

• 42:31Tig Notaro?

  Monetize the facts.

• 42:36Fortune Feimster?

  Should we get to our question?

• 42:37Tig Notaro?

  I think we should.

• 42:38Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 42:39Mae Martin?

  Today's question asker is an actor and a stand-up comedian. Her latest special, Aftercation, is now out on YouTube. Her podcast is The Dork Forest. Jackie Kation is asking today's question.

• 42:54Speaker 04

  Tig, Fortune, it's me, Jackie Kation.

• 42:58Tig Notaro?

  Oh no.

• 42:59Speaker 04

  Handsome folk.

• 43:00Tig Notaro?

  And May.

• 43:01Speaker 04

  Here's my question. My question is,

• 43:04Fortune Feimster?

  I got that one.

• 43:06Tig Notaro?

  Never have.

• 43:08Speaker 04

  Yeah. Uh, my question is, is if you could be in the Marvel universe, cinematic, TV, or just even write a comic book, what character would you want to be?

• 43:23Tig Notaro?

  This isn't, this, we'll take this one.

• 43:27Mae Martin?

  There's a lot to work through here.

• 43:30Fortune Feimster?

  We, when we had Bowen Yang, he said,

• 43:34Mae Martin?

  He said Tig and May?

• 43:35Fortune Feimster?

  Tig and May.

• 43:35Mae Martin?

  Well, Jackie?

• 43:36Fortune Feimster?

  It does happen every now and then.

• 43:38Tig Notaro?

  It hasn't happened to me.

• 43:39Fortune Feimster?

  It hasn't happened to you, no.

• 43:42Mae Martin?

  Jackie, I'm sure we'd be friends.

• 43:45Fortune Feimster?

  I think y'all actually would be friends. Jackie's a very, very funny stand-up, uh, very smart into, and, and with a podcast called The Dork Forest.

• 43:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 43:55Mae Martin?

  That sounds right up my street.

• 43:56Fortune Feimster?

  Right up your alley. So y'all just need to meet and,

• 43:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:59Fortune Feimster?

  There's no way Jackie would forget you after that.

• 44:01Mae Martin?

  Thanks, Fortune.

• 44:02Fortune Feimster?

  You're welcome.

• 44:03Tig Notaro?

  In fact, Jackie will be like, ow.

• 44:07Mae Martin?

  That's a good impression. I go, ow. No, listen, it happens.

• 44:11Fortune Feimster?

  Man, oh.

• 44:15Mae Martin?

  This is my kind of question, and actually, we have on the screen, because none of us really know.

• 44:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, well, I was gonna ask if either of you are big Marvel fans. We never talked, we've never talked about Marvel, so I kind of think no.

• 44:28Mae Martin?

  I haven't seen the Avengers or any of those. Yeah, I, yeah, I'm not not into it, but I'm not into it.

• 44:35Fortune Feimster?

  I'm definitely not into it.

• 44:37Mae Martin?

  You're definitely not into it?

• 44:38Fortune Feimster?

  No, it's not my thing.

• 44:39Mae Martin?

  I know, to be honest, it leaves me pretty cold.

• 44:41Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, listen, if I were to get an opportunity to be in one of the movies.

• 44:45Mae Martin?

  In a heartbeat.

• 44:46Fortune Feimster?

  I'm just, first of all, first of all, I'm reading this.

• 44:49Mae Martin?

  This is a list of Marvel heroes.

• 44:51Tig Notaro?

  Okay, these are all the heroes, because I was like, are these all the movies?

• 44:55Fortune Feimster?

  I also get them confused with like, the DC Comics, but this is...

• 45:00Mae Martin?

  So we, there's people here I've never heard of.

• 45:02Fortune Feimster?

  I have seen Deadpool, and I never saw the Hulk, never saw Iron Man. I watched one Avengers.

• 45:09Tig Notaro?

  Did you watch the Hulk as a kid?

• 45:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, as a kid, I watched the Hulk cartoons.

• 45:15Tig Notaro?

  I watched the live action.

• 45:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Oh, oh, yeah, with Lou Ferrigno.

• 45:20Mae Martin?

  I feel like as anxious slut, I gotta be Iron Fist.

• 45:26Fortune Feimster?

  Iron Fist, wait. Is May being dirty?

• 45:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 45:31Fortune Feimster?

  And May doesn't get a memory?

• 45:33Mae Martin?

  It's, you expect it from anxious slut.

• 45:35Fortune Feimster?

  Don't look at me like that.

• 45:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, May's an anxious slut.

• 45:40Mae Martin?

  Um, these are great.

• 45:42Fortune Feimster?

  I haven't heard of half of these.

• 45:43Mae Martin?

  It would be fun to be Spider-Man. I mean, they're all kind of tortured emotionally.

• 45:47Fortune Feimster?

  Doctor Strange, that was a cummerbatch, right?

• 45:50Mae Martin?

  That was, yeah.

• 45:50Fortune Feimster?

  Daredevil, that was a bust, I believe.

• 45:54Mae Martin?

  A bust?

• 45:54Tig Notaro?

  Thor, uh... We don't have to start, you know, judging movies.

• 45:58Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I did love Black Panther. That was a great movie. Oh, I did like the Wolverine movies.

• 46:05Tig Notaro?

  Look at who is a Marvel gal.

• 46:08Fortune Feimster?

  No, I mean, it's just part of the culture, you know?

• 46:10Mae Martin?

  I didn't realize that X-Men are Marvel heroes, so in that case.

• 46:14Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 46:15Mae Martin?

  There's a lot of great X-Men.

• 46:16Tig Notaro?

  Where's Superman?

• 46:17Mae Martin?

  Uh, he's DC.

• 46:19Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's DC.

• 46:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 46:21Tig Notaro?

  I was kidding. Oh.

• 46:24Mae Martin?

  I would want to be...

• 46:25Tig Notaro?

  I think I would go Spider-Man.

• 46:29Mae Martin?

  Would you?

• 46:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Um, and I'll tell you why.

• 46:33Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, is Spider-Man part of this?

• 46:35Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 46:35Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, right up there where it says Spider-Man.

• 46:37Fortune Feimster?

  I see it now, okay.

• 46:39Tig Notaro?

  Uh-huh.

• 46:40Fortune Feimster?

  Which Spider-Man, a particular actor, or just Spider-Man in general?

• 46:44Tig Notaro?

  Don't care.

• 46:45Mae Martin?

  It would be Tig's version of Spider-Man.

• 46:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, got it. Um, I would just need the suit and the, um, superpowers, because...

• 46:53Fortune Feimster?

  I could see Tig being Spider-Man.

• 46:54Mae Martin?

  I could too.

• 46:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. Well, but I got shaky.

• 47:00Fortune Feimster?

  This hand, this hand would be like...

• 47:01Mae Martin?

  I'd be like, whoa! Yeah, that would be a disaster.

• 47:06Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa!

• 47:07Tig Notaro?

  Um, yeah, I, when I stay, did I tell you I request under the third floor, when I say at hotels?

• 47:17Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, because of potential fires?

• 47:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I don't like being up high, and I'm also claustrophobic.

• 47:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, right, right.

• 47:24Tig Notaro?

  So it kind of triggers all that in me, and you know, a lot of hotel windows do not open.

• 47:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's stressful.

• 47:30Tig Notaro?

  It's so stressful. I always look out to see, okay, if I could get out, is there a parking structure below? Is there another building?

• 47:38Fortune Feimster?

  That's fair.

• 47:39Tig Notaro?

  Um, and just side note, what I have learned about breaking a window?

• 47:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 47:44Tig Notaro?

  That doesn't open, is people typically go towards the middle, but you're better luck, you have better luck hitting where it's closer to the wall.

• 47:53Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 47:54Tig Notaro?

  To the frame, yeah.

• 47:55Mae Martin?

  And you just, what would you do? Wrap a towel around your hand, probably?

• 47:58Tig Notaro?

  Well, that I don't know.

• 47:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:00Tig Notaro?

  Uh, maybe pick up a chair.

• 48:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that sounds better.

• 48:02Tig Notaro?

  You know?

• 48:03Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah, don't be using your...

• 48:04Tig Notaro?

  I'd definitely go Fist.

• 48:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:06Tig Notaro?

  Uh, well, you're Superman, Iron.

• 48:08Mae Martin?

  I'm Iron Fist.

• 48:08Fortune Feimster?

  Pick up an actual iron.

• 48:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:11Tig Notaro?

  Um, so I like to, or even a tree, if I see a tree below my window, I'm like, well, I'll just jump on that. I'll take the, like, stab and, you know?

• 48:21Mae Martin?

  But as Spider-Man?

• 48:23Tig Notaro?

  That's exactly right. Thanks for keeping me on track.

• 48:25Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:26Tig Notaro?

  As Spider-Man, I could just put on my little suit. Uh-huh. And, um, and, well, I'd still need to get out the window.

• 48:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but you're Spider-Man.

• 48:36Tig Notaro?

  I know what I'd do. I would use my web to pull the window.

• 48:41Fortune Feimster?

  Shaky web.

• 48:41Mae Martin?

  And then...

• 48:42Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, my shaky web, yeah.

• 48:44Mae Martin?

  I think you have some super strength type.

• 48:45Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I think so too.

• 48:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah?

• 48:47Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:48Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 48:48Mae Martin?

  You got a six-pack.

• 48:49Tig Notaro?

  So that's, that's what I am, is I'm escaping from fires and stuff.

• 48:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I like that.

• 48:55Tig Notaro?

  Thank you.

• 48:55Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:56Tig Notaro?

  So you're Iron Fist?

• 48:57Mae Martin?

  Well, I think I want to change. Top right, Iron Fist.

• 49:01Fortune Feimster?

  And I, I don't, not familiar with this character. Do we know anything about it? Has that character, Luke Cage? Has that character been played in a recent movie?

• 49:12Mae Martin?

  I don't think so, but he's about to, because I'm gonna play him.

• 49:17Fortune Feimster?

  Well, the abs on this guy are very impressive.

• 49:19Mae Martin?

  He looks pretty camp.

• 49:20Fortune Feimster?

  Look like a bee at the top part.

• 49:23Mae Martin?

  Okay, I, I guess I could be Iron Fist, but I'd like to be Professor X, because he can read thoughts, he can communicate with people.

• 49:30Tig Notaro?

  That's right up your alley.

• 49:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah, just listen to what's everybody saying about me.

• 49:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 49:35Mae Martin?

  Uh, Jean Grey is very powerful as well.

• 49:39Tig Notaro?

  Jean Grey?

• 49:40Mae Martin?

  She turns evil. She was, she's an X-Men, and, and I think her powers are so strong that she ultimately maybe kills Professor X.

• 49:46Tig Notaro?

  This is in this world?

• 49:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Professor X.

• 49:49Fortune Feimster?

  Has anyone played Jean Grey before?

• 49:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 49:52Fortune Feimster?

  Who?

• 49:52Mae Martin?

  I want to say Fem K. Jensen. I'm probably all wrong.

• 49:58Tig Notaro?

  Wait, so you do know Marvel?

• 49:59Mae Martin?

  I know X-Men. I didn't realize they were Marvel.

• 50:01Tig Notaro?

  Wow.

• 50:02Fortune Feimster?

  I hope that Professor X is an X-Men. That was, uh, what's that guy?

• 50:06Mae Martin?

  It was Patrick Stewart.

• 50:07Fortune Feimster?

  Yes.

• 50:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:08Tig Notaro?

  Jackie, if you're listening, this is right up our alley.

• 50:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and there's probably a lot of...

• 50:14Fortune Feimster?

  We're like the worst of this stuff.

• 50:16Mae Martin?

  We're annoying a lot of people at Comic-Con.

• 50:18Tig Notaro?

  I remember the thing. He's like, full of rocks.

• 50:22Mae Martin?

  That's pretty cool.

• 50:23Fortune Feimster?

  This might be the least amount of something we've ever known.

• 50:27Mae Martin?

  I just feel like all of these people have tortured lives, like, none of these, these superpowers help, that they're ultimately, they're... Actually, I just heard a quote that said, "All your flaws are just intensifications of positive aspects of your personality too." Like, like, for instance...

• 50:46Tig Notaro?

  Uh-huh.

• 50:47Mae Martin?

  Like, I'm, one of my positive aspects is my intensity or my sensitivity, but then, if that gets dialed up too much, that's one of my flaws, you know? But, anyway, and it's the same maybe with these guys, like, they're, uh...

• 51:01Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, interesting.

• 51:03Tig Notaro?

  Well, what we have to remember is we have listeners, and we've been staring at a screen going, oh...

• 51:11Fortune Feimster?

  Well, usually, one of us knows a lot about something that, even if the other two don't. This is a rare time that the three of us have been stumped, although May knows a little bit.

• 51:21Tig Notaro?

  I think I've heard of eight of these.

• 51:25Mae Martin?

  Fortune, we need your answer, though.

• 51:26Fortune Feimster?

  It's just not my, this, you know, for whatever reason, the, like, the superhero world is not, I'm just not into it.

• 51:34Tig Notaro?

  Make it your world. Make it your world.

• 51:37Mae Martin?

  I like Batman quite a bit.

• 51:38Fortune Feimster?

  I am not, I, I've actually never seen a single Tom Holland Spider-Man movie.

• 51:43Mae Martin?

  Same.

• 51:44Fortune Feimster?

  It's just not my thing, but I know they're humongous. Black Widow was Scarlett Johansson, right?

• 51:50Mae Martin?

  Uh, couldn't tell you.

• 51:52Fortune Feimster?

  I think so. Um, I don't know, the little Rocket Raccoon looks cute.

• 51:57Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah.

• 51:58Fortune Feimster?

  What does that guy do?

• 51:59Mae Martin?

  Guardians of the Galaxy.

• 52:01Tig Notaro?

  I have seen...

• 52:01Fortune Feimster?

  Does he have a gas tank?

• 52:03Mae Martin?

  It looks like he's got a weapon. He's got a gun.

• 52:05Fortune Feimster?

  He's just, um, fun.

• 52:08Tig Notaro?

  No, he doesn't. If that showed up at your door, you'd be like, well, you look fun.

• 52:14Fortune Feimster?

  Well, Rocket Raccoon has a fun personality, doesn't he?

• 52:17Tig Notaro?

  Is it, you know there's a Rocky Raccoon?

• 52:20Fortune Feimster?

  Came into his room.

• 52:22Tig Notaro?

  Beatles.

• 52:22Fortune Feimster?

  Is Vin Diesel Rocket Raccoon or is he Groot?

• 52:26Tig Notaro?

  Are you saying Rocky or Rocket?

• 52:28Mae Martin?

  Rocket Raccoon is, um, Bradley Cooper.

• 52:31Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, and that's a fun one.

• 52:33Mae Martin?

  Um, okay, so we got our answers. Uh, I'm, I, I am Professor X.

• 52:38Fortune Feimster?

  We're all like this. Oh, this might be our worst answers we've ever had.

• 52:44Mae Martin?

  No, I like it. You're, I like the idea of Tig as Spider-Man solely to break out of a hotel room that is making you claustrophobic. I, I'm, Rocket Raccoon, I'm less sold on.

• 52:54Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, well, then, listen, who, who would you say for me?

• 52:58Mae Martin?

  I think you are...

• 53:00Fortune Feimster?

  Black Widow, because I'm sexy AF?

• 53:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 53:03Fortune Feimster?

  Or Hawkeye?

• 53:06Mae Martin?

  Ant-Man.

• 53:08Fortune Feimster?

  Agent Coulson? That sounds boring.

• 53:11Tig Notaro?

  Well, you know, does it not make sense that somebody who hosts the Dork Forest?

• 53:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 53:17Tig Notaro?

  Is asking us such a thing?

• 53:19Fortune Feimster?

  It does make sense. Maybe I'm She-Hulk.

• 53:21Mae Martin?

  I mean, I'm such a fan of so many things.

• 53:24Fortune Feimster?

  Look at these guns.

• 53:25Tig Notaro?

  Jackiecation. Do you ever take a day off?

• 53:28Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think Jackie.

• 53:30Tig Notaro?

  Jackiecation?

• 53:31Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think so, and Jackie's gonna be sorely disappointed in our discussion about...

• 53:37Tig Notaro?

  Not as disappointed as May is, being left out by Jackie.

• 53:40Fortune Feimster?

  I know. Will you ever get over this?

• 53:42Mae Martin?

  I'm over it already.

• 53:43Tig Notaro?

  I don't believe it. Your face did not give an authentic look.

• 53:48Fortune Feimster?

  And I, by the way, I don't see one chubby gal in this whole situation, so I'm...

• 53:54Tig Notaro?

  Ooh, I think you should be Storm on the bottom left corner.

• 53:56Mae Martin?

  Storm can control weather, that's good, come on.

• 53:59Fortune Feimster?

  That would be nice, especially in global, this day of global warming.

• 54:02Tig Notaro?

  Storm looks gay as hell.

• 54:04Mae Martin?

  Storm does look pretty gay, yeah.

• 54:07Fortune Feimster?

  And look at those knockers. I wouldn't mind a set of those.

• 54:10Tig Notaro?

  In your, uh, knockers-out tub.

• 54:12Mae Martin?

  What would you do?

• 54:13Fortune Feimster?

  A Tito hot tub.

• 54:15Mae Martin?

  What would you do if you had, like, a giant?

• 54:17Fortune Feimster?

  I would not want...

• 54:18Mae Martin?

  You wouldn't want it, right?

• 54:19Fortune Feimster?

  Big old knockers, no.

• 54:20Mae Martin?

  Okay, I'd like to see it.

• 54:22Fortune Feimster?

  You want me to just...

• 54:24Mae Martin?

  Big old...

• 54:25Fortune Feimster?

  Big ol' knockers in my honey love bra.

• 54:32Fortune Feimster?

  I'm in a weird in-between of like, I don't really-

• 54:36Tig Notaro?

  You're not in-between.

• 54:37Fortune Feimster?

  Well, no, as far as like, I don't want to not have anything personally, but then I don't want to get a lift because that would just be weird for me to just have big old perky titties. And so just sort of have these weird like, little, like saggy-

• 54:55Tig Notaro?

  Exhaustitant.

• 54:56Fortune Feimster?

  I got little saggy As, saggy As or saggy Bs, I'm not sure where I'm at. I think I'm right between the two.

• 55:02Tig Notaro?

  What is double A? Is that really small?

• 55:05Mae Martin?

  Oh, no, double A is-

• 55:06Fortune Feimster?

  Double A is bigger.

• 55:07Mae Martin?

  Maybe after all the single letters, they go to double A.

• 55:11Fortune Feimster?

  Battery.

• 55:12Mae Martin?

  Maybe. We don't know. This is another thing we really-

• 55:14Tig Notaro?

  Not our thing.

• 55:16Fortune Feimster?

  We could also go into discussing bra sizes.

• 55:19Mae Martin?

  What is double A?

• 55:21Tig Notaro?

  Guys, remember, we've won podcast of the year.

• 55:27Fortune Feimster?

  We should submit this episode for a sum for women's trash.

• 55:32Mae Martin?

  Contribution to the community.

• 55:35Mae Martin?

  Should we hear Jackie?

• 55:37Fortune Feimster?

  If anyone tuned in for the first time on this one, they would be like, what is this podcast?

• 55:42Tig Notaro?

  Even if this is their 300th time listening.

• 55:46Fortune Feimster?

  You guys, we can't win them all.

• 55:48Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 55:48Mae Martin?

  We tried. We might get new listeners who are massive Marvel fans and they hear the question. They're gonna be pissed.

• 55:55Fortune Feimster?

  So dumb about this world.

• 55:57Mae Martin?

  You know, my one Spider-Man thing that I know is that in the Tobey Maguire movie, um, you know, the scene where he catches, someone trips and all their lunch goes flying and he catches it all on the tray.

• 56:08Fortune Feimster?

  I did see that movie.

• 56:09Mae Martin?

  And they did it for real. It's not a special effect. So he did it like 50 times.

• 56:13Tig Notaro?

  Well, do you remember I worked for Sam Raimi?

• 56:15Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah.

• 56:16Tig Notaro?

  I'm right here.

• 56:18Mae Martin?

  So did, was that a-

• 56:20Tig Notaro?

  I don't know.

• 56:20Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 56:22Fortune Feimster?

  They have the infamous upside down kiss in that movie.

• 56:24Mae Martin?

  That was hot, yeah.

• 56:25Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I like that. Yeah, I want-

• 56:28Tig Notaro?

  Have you ever upside down kissed?

• 56:29Mae Martin?

  I was just trying to think.

• 56:30Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-mm.

• 56:31Mae Martin?

  I think only sort of-

• 56:32Tig Notaro?

  Want to do it right now?

• 56:33Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 56:34Mae Martin?

  To imitate the, remember when people would hang upside down and draw face on their chin? That's good.

• 56:40Tig Notaro?

  That was such a slumber party thing to do. Put it on the list, Thomas, Thomas.

• 56:45Mae Martin?

  Upside down chin face.

• 56:46Fortune Feimster?

  Smooching.

• 56:47Tig Notaro?

  Upside down chin face.

• 56:49Mae Martin?

  Or you put the eyes here, I guess.

• 56:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I know.

• 56:51Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we need to do it.

• 56:52Tig Notaro?

  And you put your glasses.

• 56:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 56:54Tig Notaro?

  You put glasses over your chin. God.

• 56:58Mae Martin?

  Oh, God.

• 56:58Tig Notaro?

  Oh, what a pot. We just create work for ourselves.

• 57:01Fortune Feimster?

  Our list is long and not getting chipped away at.

• 57:05Mae Martin?

  Should we hear Jackie's answer?

• 57:07Fortune Feimster?

  Let's do it.

• 57:08Mae Martin?

  I'm hoping in the answer she goes, oh, I forgot, by the way, to say May.

• 57:11Fortune Feimster?

  You never know. We'll find out.

• 57:12Tig Notaro?

  She won't.

• 57:13Speaker 04

  Fortune.

• 57:14Tig Notaro?

  What if Jackie just-

• 57:15Speaker 04

  I would like you somehow to be in the circus of crime and I would want you to be Princess-

• 57:23Mae Martin?

  Wait, she's saying who we would be?

• 57:24Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I'm so worried you're not gonna be part of this.

• 57:28Speaker 04

  Pets. Uh, she is from North Carolina. I know you are not from, you are from South Carolina. I would like you to have Madame Mask, who is a crime lord and, but very pragmatic. And that is what I love about her because, uh, she isn't ever coming up with crazy, wild ass plans for how to take over the world.

• 57:51Mae Martin?

  Please say me, please say me.

• 57:52Speaker 04

  I need to make several million dollars this month because I have a very expensive bill coming up. And then I would like to be in this Howard the Duck. Uh, I want to be Mo Dot. I thought, what the heck? Put it in mind. Mo Dot is, uh, the mental organism designed only for talking. As opposed to Mo Doc, who is a mental organism designed only for killing. Uh, this one is a talk show. He controls all the talk shows. And I am Chatty.

• 58:25Fortune Feimster?

  Jackie doubled down.

• 58:27Tig Notaro?

  Jackie doesn't know about you.

• 58:30Mae Martin?

  She doesn't know that I am-

• 58:31Tig Notaro?

  Jackie's the problem.

• 58:33Fortune Feimster?

  Jackie doubled down.

• 58:34Tig Notaro?

  Jackie is like the stand-up comedy version of Alanis.

• 58:39Mae Martin?

  Oh. She's, yeah, you're right.

• 58:42Tig Notaro?

  No, Alanis knows.

• 58:44Mae Martin?

  Alanis knows, she's just not interested.

• 58:46Fortune Feimster?

  But it's so funny that it started with your name being left out.

• 58:50Mae Martin?

  And we thought, oh, well.

• 58:51Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, well, moving on.

• 58:52Tig Notaro?

  I'm over it.

• 58:54Fortune Feimster?

  Jackie's like, alright, Fortune.

• 58:56Mae Martin?

  Went to the, she went to the trouble.

• 58:58Tig Notaro?

  Jackie was like, I am going to make sure.

• 59:02Mae Martin?

  That they know.

• 59:04Tig Notaro?

  Now-

• 59:04Mae Martin?

  Wow.

• 59:05Fortune Feimster?

  You need to hold my hand.

• 59:06Mae Martin?

  Thanks, bud.

• 59:07Fortune Feimster?

  I got you.

• 59:08Tig Notaro?

  Do you want me to hold your boob?

• 59:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, hold it up. My honey love bra needs a little-

• 59:12Tig Notaro?

  Do you want me to hold up your honey love?

• 59:14Mae Martin?

  Do you have Jackie's number?

• 59:15Tig Notaro?

  I do.

• 59:16Mae Martin?

  Should we call her and see what-

• 59:18Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I don't have my phone.

• 59:19Mae Martin?

  No.

• 59:20Fortune Feimster?

  I don't have Jackie's number.

• 59:21Mae Martin?

  See who, what superhero she thinks I should be.

• 59:24Fortune Feimster?

  Were we, say Jackie- Just FYI, we, we do have a third podcast host.

• 59:31Tig Notaro?

  Now, I also do want to make sure that, of course, it would have been nice for you to be included in our episode.

• 59:38Mae Martin?

  That would have been nice, but I'm okay with it.

• 59:40Tig Notaro?

  You're okay.

• 59:41Mae Martin?

  Oh, a billion percent.

• 59:42Fortune Feimster?

  And at least it wasn't about something you're super pumped about.

• 59:44Mae Martin?

  Oh, totally, yeah.

• 59:45Tig Notaro?

  And we also, um, well, we for sure found out Jackie's not a fan of the show.

• 59:51Fortune Feimster?

  You never watch the handsome pod.

• 59:53Tig Notaro?

  Okay, but also, I want to make sure that the handsome community, which are wonderful people.

• 1:00:01Fortune Feimster?

  Lovely folks.

• 1:00:02Mae Martin?

  Don't come for Jackie.

• 1:00:03Tig Notaro?

  Don't come for Jackie.

• 1:00:05Mae Martin?

  Do not come for Jackie. If anything, I respect, this is cool.

• 1:00:09Tig Notaro?

  A very funny-

• 1:00:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:13Tig Notaro?

  Jackie's-

• 1:00:13Mae Martin?

  An honest mistake.

• 1:00:14Fortune Feimster?

  Jackie's so sweet and lovely.

• 1:00:16Tig Notaro?

  And a really great stand-up, by the way, if you're not familiar with her stuff. And she, um, tours with Maria Bamford. She's Maria's, uh-

• 1:00:24Mae Martin?

  I'm just thrilled this is now part of the lore of our show.

• 1:00:27Fortune Feimster?

  I know, it is.

• 1:00:28Mae Martin?

  That I've been forgot, you've been forgotten. Take your-

• 1:00:30Fortune Feimster?

  An honest mistake.

• 1:00:31Mae Martin?

  You are do a forget, but I have a feeling it won't happen.

• 1:00:34Tig Notaro?

  I mean, who's gonna forget me?

• 1:00:35Mae Martin?

  I know, that's the thing.

• 1:00:36Fortune Feimster?

  This is impossible. You've not been forgotten yet.

• 1:00:39Tig Notaro?

  I'm drop dead cute.

• 1:00:40Fortune Feimster?

  I have been forgotten, May's been forgotten. Not you, my friend.

• 1:00:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, must be a quiet burden to bear.

• 1:00:49Mae Martin?

  We might have to have like a follow-up, like get, get Jackie to chime in on what superhero she thinks I am.

• 1:00:55Tig Notaro?

  Well, we have to tell her about you first.

• 1:00:58Fortune Feimster?

  First tell her who I am.

• 1:00:59Tig Notaro?

  We have to have her listen to one of us.

• 1:01:01Mae Martin?

  Send her my, my, my-

• 1:01:02Fortune Feimster?

  Your star meter and your star meter rating.

• 1:01:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you're the number one star in the world.

• 1:01:08Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 1:01:09Tig Notaro?

  You were the number one, uh, yeah, I was laughing the other day thinking about, do you remember when we were talking about that our star meter was solely people trying to figure out our gender?

• 1:01:21Mae Martin?

  A hundred percent. I still stand by that.

• 1:01:23Tig Notaro?

  But all of us.

• 1:01:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah. What is that? It's anytime one of us has something come out.

• 1:01:29Tig Notaro?

  We shoot up the charts because we were like, what the hell did I just see?

• 1:01:33Fortune Feimster?

  What am I looking at?

• 1:01:36Tig Notaro?

  It ran across the screen real fast.

• 1:01:38Mae Martin?

  Yeah, what's that?

• 1:01:40Fortune Feimster?

  This tickled me, I'm not gonna lie.

• 1:01:42Mae Martin?

  This really did tickle me as well.

• 1:01:44Tig Notaro?

  It was so incredible. And did, um, Bowen, in his episode, realize you were part of it?

• 1:01:50Mae Martin?

  Never. Never has. As far as he knows.

• 1:01:54Fortune Feimster?

  We've never met, the two. Or no, have I met Bowen? I can't, I don't think so.

• 1:01:59Tig Notaro?

  Well.

• 1:02:00Mae Martin?

  And if you brought it up, it would be hard to convey that you found it funny. It would seem like you were bringing it up.

• 1:02:04Fortune Feimster?

  Like I was, yeah, you're like, hey, you sent a question. I thought it was hilarious as well.

• 1:02:08Tig Notaro?

  Well, and the way you said, do you have Jackie's number? Can we call her now? Does seem like maybe you're not taking it well.

• 1:02:15Fortune Feimster?

  We need to get to the bottom of it.

• 1:02:17Mae Martin?

  I thought it'd be funny.

• 1:02:18Tig Notaro?

  Anybody have Jackie's number? I think we should call her.

• 1:02:20Fortune Feimster?

  Let's get her on the front, hurry.

• 1:02:23Tig Notaro?

  And just put you on FaceTime and be like, do you know who this is, Jackie?

• 1:02:26Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 1:02:29Mae Martin?

  She'll be like, what is that?

• 1:02:31Tig Notaro?

  What is that? And then all of a sudden your star meter goes, shoot, shoot.

• 1:02:35Fortune Feimster?

  Well, man, that was fun.

• 1:02:37Mae Martin?

  That was a fun app. That really was.

• 1:02:39Tig Notaro?

  It was a blast.

• 1:02:40Fortune Feimster?

  Such a blast. Well, I am on the last leg of my Taking Care of Biscuits tour. Um, and coming up, I have got, uh, a bunch of West Coast shows, uh, starting in mid-October. Oakland, California, Bakersfield, Santa Barbara, San Luis Obispo, uh, LA, Palm Springs. Um, and then I also added Athens, Georgia.

• 1:03:07Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 1:03:08Fortune Feimster?

  And then I finished my tour up with Denver, uh, and Nashville. And then that's it for my tour.

• 1:03:13Tig Notaro?

  Awesome. That sounds fun.

• 1:03:16Mae Martin?

  I'm just at Largo in LA on, uh, October 8th. Um, and other than that, I'm just writing and, uh, yeah, check out whatever, you know?

• 1:03:27Tig Notaro?

  Probably doing some squirreling around too.

• 1:03:29Mae Martin?

  Doing some squirreling.

• 1:03:30Tig Notaro?

  Anxious slutty.

• 1:03:31Mae Martin?

  Always anxiously slutting it up.

• 1:03:32Tig Notaro?

  And if anybody cares to see old Shaky Paw on the road, I will be in Chico. Uh, I'll be in, um, Olympia, Washington, Fresno, Napa, Wilmington, Delaware, Tarrytown, New York, New London, Connecticut, Colorado Springs, Steamboat Springs, Basalt. And, uh, always got my Largo and Dynasty Typewriter local shows. So come on down, see what kind of squirreling around I'm gonna do.

• 1:04:01Fortune Feimster?

  Down.

• 1:04:02Mae Martin?

  Come on.

• 1:04:02Fortune Feimster?

  And we'll be announcing or putting it up on sale soon, uh, but we are going to be doing a Holly Bob show.

• 1:04:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we are.

• 1:04:09Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, December 12th at Dynasty Typewriter.

• 1:04:12Mae Martin?

  It's gonna be the best one. Yeah, this is the longest-

• 1:04:15Fortune Feimster?

  The longest runway that we've had, uh, for that show.

• 1:04:20Tig Notaro?

  It's a long runway.

• 1:04:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I have some ideas.

• 1:04:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, and it will be live streamed, so folks can, uh, tune in from anywhere on a Saturday. Um, and at a time where people can have, uh, Holly Bob's handsome party.

• 1:04:33Mae Martin?

  Yes, please. And check out handsomepod.com? Is that what it is?

• 1:04:39Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, sure.

• 1:04:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:42Mae Martin?

  And, uh, we love you.

• 1:04:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we do.

• 1:04:44Tig Notaro?

  Make sure you subscribe also on, um, YouTube.

• 1:04:49Fortune Feimster?

  Tig's adamant about that.

• 1:04:50Tig Notaro?

  Well, it does help the show.

• 1:04:52Mae Martin?

  It does too.

• 1:04:52Tig Notaro?

  I mean, it really does. It makes a huge difference if you subscribe and if you, um-

• 1:04:57Mae Martin?

  Rate and review.

• 1:04:58Tig Notaro?

  Rate and review, share episodes with friends, build our community. It's going great. Let's keep doing it.

• 1:05:05Fortune Feimster?

  Let's do it.

• 1:05:06Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:07Fortune Feimster?

  All right.

• 1:05:08Tig Notaro?

  Until next time.

• 1:05:09Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome.

• 1:05:12Tig Notaro?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Themester. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. Follow us on social media, at HandsomePod. What a podcast. What a podcast.

• 1:05:36Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 1:05:39Tig Notaro?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking if the glasses I picked out have a specific vibe before buying them? Oops, apparently they're reminiscent of a famous horror novelist's iconic look and now I'm getting teased.

• 1:05:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.