Hayley Kiyoko asks about Victorian love stories

The incredible Hayley Kiyoko asks a question about queer love stories on today's episode of Handsome! Plus a recap of Ginger's birthday party, Handsome facelifts, and a mantra for Mae! Don't forget to get tickets to our May 4 Live Show in LA https://www.ticketmaster.com/netflix-is-a-joke-presents-handsome-los-angeles-california-05-04-2026/event/0900642CE31BB7C3! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:05Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:36Mae Martin?

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• 1:20Mae Martin?

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• 1:49Fortune Feimster?

  Cheers.

• 1:51Tig Notaro?

  Welcome to the handsome pot. It's your dear, dear friend Tig Notaro, sitting here with my two very handsome co-hosts.

• 1:59Fortune Feimster?

  I'm Fortune Feimster.

• 2:01Mae Martin?

  And I'm Mae Martin.

• 2:03Fortune Feimster?

  Yay.

• 2:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 2:05Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 2:06Fortune Feimster?

  We're drinking our coffee, May.

• 2:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah, we are, girl.

• 2:10Tig Notaro?

  I'm drinking my water.

• 2:12Fortune Feimster?

  Look, I forgot. A lovely fan made me this coffee mug, and look what it says.

• 2:18Mae Martin?

  It says cooter on it.

• 2:21Fortune Feimster?

  It does say cooter.

• 2:22Tig Notaro?

  That is awesome. What does that say?

• 2:26Mae Martin?

  Fortune Marie.

• 2:27Fortune Feimster?

  Fortune Marie.

• 2:29Tig Notaro?

  Oh, boy. That is, that is a real nice mug.

• 2:33Fortune Feimster?

  It's a handsome listener who, who made this herself.

• 2:37Mae Martin?

  That's really nice.

• 2:38Tig Notaro?

  What's it called? She didn't find it in a store?

• 2:44Fortune Feimster?

  Good one.

• 2:47Fortune Feimster?

  What do you call it when you make stuff out of pottery, with pottery?

• 2:51Tig Notaro?

  Pottery.

• 2:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah, pottery, yeah. Ceramics?

• 2:54Fortune Feimster?

  No, but is there a word for it?

• 2:56Tig Notaro?

  Pottery?

• 2:57Fortune Feimster?

  Throw it? No, not throw it.

• 2:59Mae Martin?

  You turn it? You throw it?

• 3:00Fortune Feimster?

  Turn it?

• 3:01Mae Martin?

  You turn it, and then you?

• 3:02Tig Notaro?

  Smack it, flip it.

• 3:03Fortune Feimster?

  Rub it down. Uno.

• 3:07Mae Martin?

  And then you drop it like it's hot.

• 3:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you do. You gotta drop it like it's hot.

• 3:13Fortune Feimster?

  At some point, I'm gonna put some stuff on my wall here that some of our lovely handsome listeners, you know, give us various things at times that they make, and I want to have a little thing here.

• 3:26Tig Notaro?

  A handsome wall?

• 3:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 3:29Tig Notaro?

  That will fill up fast.

• 3:31Mae Martin?

  I have like, from touring and these meet and greets, I have like a suitcase full of these magical items people are giving me, and like handmade, amazing things, and I'm scared to ever get rid of them. So I think when I have?

• 3:45Tig Notaro?

  Scared, scared?

• 3:46Fortune Feimster?

  Cause of, cause of the magic that comes with them?

• 3:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like?

• 3:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 3:50Mae Martin?

  Cause people are, one person was like, this is a key that I found when I was seven, and it's like so spiritually powerful, or someone gave me like voodoo things from a voodoo priest.

• 4:02Tig Notaro?

  Voodoo things.

• 4:03Mae Martin?

  One person gave me a necklace made from a possum's tooth, and they go, oh yeah, we made, we harvested it today. I was like, what do you mean? How'd you get the possum? And they, and they were like, I don't know. I don't know if they're scouring for roadkill or what.

• 4:20Fortune Feimster?

  You have interesting fans on your side.

• 4:23Mae Martin?

  Hey, we have interesting fans. This is our fans.

• 4:25Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but none of those, none of those particular fans are coming to me with a possum tooth.

• 4:30Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, they're just bringing their cooters directly to Fortune.

• 4:34Fortune Feimster?

  It is funny how people respond to us differently based on our own personality.

• 4:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I think all of May's stuff is directly tied to the kinks.

• 4:47Fortune Feimster?

  Do you?

• 4:48Tig Notaro?

  Or the animals.

• 4:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah, or just mysticism and I'm gonna have to like, open a museum or something after this tour.

• 4:55Tig Notaro?

  For sure you'll have to.

• 4:57Fortune Feimster?

  That was gonna be my next suggestion was a museum.

• 5:00Mae Martin?

  Well, I did, someone was like, where are you gonna keep it all? And I said, well, I might have to build like a shed or something.

• 5:07Tig Notaro?

  Definitely build a shed. That would be the museum. Would you build it on your own?

• 5:13Mae Martin?

  Oh, that would be cool. I've never.

• 5:14Tig Notaro?

  Ooh, the three of us could do, the three of us could build your shed, put it on the list, Thomas.

• 5:20Fortune Feimster?

  I'll put it on the list, but just know I am so not handy.

• 5:24Mae Martin?

  Well, Fortune, you can do, you can trim the bushes with your weed whacker or whatever.

• 5:31Fortune Feimster?

  That's right. Tig gave me that for our holiday show that we did Holly Bob's Tig.

• 5:39Tig Notaro?

  How much have you used it?

• 5:41Fortune Feimster?

  I, I actually, I wish I had it with me yesterday because I was at my old house or about to sell it. And I needed a tree to trim the tree.

• 5:51Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 5:51Fortune Feimster?

  And I had to use this like, hand trimmer. And I thought about how much I desperately wished I had your, what do you, what do you call it? Weed?

• 6:01Mae Martin?

  Weed whacker?

• 6:02Fortune Feimster?

  It's not a weed whacker, but it's a hand, hand.

• 6:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like.

• 6:06Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I don't know what it's called.

• 6:08Mae Martin?

  Saw.

• 6:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 6:11Mae Martin?

  Hedge trimmer, that's it.

• 6:13Fortune Feimster?

  Hedge trimmer, thank you.

• 6:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:15Fortune Feimster?

  Weed saw is the, you know, slang term.

• 6:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:19Fortune Feimster?

  But I wanted it so bad because that would have taken me, what took me an hour took, um, would have taken me five minutes.

• 6:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:27Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, well, you should travel with it in your trunk. I should, yeah.

• 6:31Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 6:32Fortune Feimster?

  You never know. Whenever I see anything that needs trimming, it'll pop out of my car.

• 6:37Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, you could give haircuts with it, yeah.

• 6:40Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you go first.

• 6:43Mae Martin?

  I've been cutting my own hair on tour and then, um, I had to host the, or had to, I hosted the Junos like two nights ago.

• 6:51Fortune Feimster?

  How'd it go?

• 6:52Mae Martin?

  Girls, it was crazy.

• 6:54Fortune Feimster?

  Girl, tell us.

• 6:55Mae Martin?

  Tell us. I was in an arena and, um, I don't know, I was, I was actually less nervous than I thought, but it was wild, like Joni Mitchell, I met Joni Mitchell.

• 7:06Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that's awesome.

• 7:07Mae Martin?

  I, I met Sarah McLachlan, I was like, real fan energy.

• 7:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 7:13Mae Martin?

  Like, and I think that's, I think that was nice and I felt really grateful and patriotic to be in Canada.

• 7:19Fortune Feimster?

  To be a Canadian.

• 7:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:22Fortune Feimster?

  I bet you did.

• 7:22Mae Martin?

  Cause I flew from Philadelphia from tour and airport was full of ICE agents and, uh, and then like landing in Canada was like, oof, yeah, crazy. I haven't seen ICE agents up close like that and they're like caricatures of those, just like chest puffed out and just like, okay, let's keep moving. I was like, oh, man, trying not to make eye contact, crazy. But the award show was crazy and I wore a nice suit and I got my dad involved and his puppet.

• 7:53Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah?

• 7:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was.

• 7:55Fortune Feimster?

  What do you mean? How was your dad involved?

• 7:57Mae Martin?

  Well, I had this joke where I said, I'm so excited my parents are here and then the cameras cut to Joni Mitchell and the Prime Minister.

• 8:05Fortune Feimster?

  As though those are your parents?

• 8:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 8:07Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, okay.

• 8:08Mae Martin?

  No one had briefed Joni Mitchell on this joke and she just looked dead.

• 8:12Fortune Feimster?

  She's just like, what?

• 8:14Tig Notaro?

  All the better.

• 8:15Fortune Feimster?

  I wonder if they knows I'm not their mom.

• 8:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and the Prime Minister had to like nudge her and be like, this is about us. And then, so later on, I was like, oh, yeah, that's Prime Minister Mark Carney's not my real dad, but my real dad is here and he brought his puppet that used to teach me math. And then, so my dad's puppet was in it and it was really nice.

• 8:34Tig Notaro?

  His puppet used to teach you math?

• 8:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Zoltan, the beast from hell. Yeah.

• 8:38Fortune Feimster?

  The beast from hell?

• 8:39Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:40Fortune Feimster?

  I saw you got your it's been.

• 8:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I did it. It's been.

• 8:44Fortune Feimster?

  And how did it go?

• 8:46Tig Notaro?

  Wait, wait, wait, wait. Explain it. Tell me. Tie it up.

• 8:49Mae Martin?

  Well, so, you know, I mentioned on the podcast, my

• 8:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah, joke about it's been. So I, and I've noticed like on tour, people are yelling that in the crowds. Like, it's really taken off. And then, so I said, it's just nice to be back in a country where people know what I mean when I say it's been. And thank God it went well because I was pinning all my hopes on that joke.

• 9:11Tig Notaro?

  Oh, that's amazing.

• 9:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 9:13Fortune Feimster?

  I love it. Your suit looked nice.

• 9:16Mae Martin?

  Thanks, man.

• 9:16Fortune Feimster?

  Looked like you had a couple suits, right?

• 9:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I had one for the red carpet that looked a little Prime Ministry-y, like a little

• 9:23Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 9:24Mae Martin?

  I just didn't, I forgot that all the musicians are so stylish and edgy and like, it was a very classic suit. So then I had a kind of a more like

• 9:32Fortune Feimster?

  That one looked that edgy, not edgy, but you know.

• 9:37Mae Martin?

  You know what's cool? Like, the stylist and everyone is like, oh, the, the future of menswear is like embracing the feminine. Like, a lot of these hot men, like Paul Meskell, and they're wearing these kind of feminine suits. And I'm like, oh, for fuck's sake, like, can I, like, I just want to wear classic menswear. Because when I wear a femme suit, people are like, oh, phew, that's a girl. And I'm like, no. You know, so.

• 10:03Fortune Feimster?

  Like, I'm, I'm trying to get away from that.

• 10:05Mae Martin?

  Exactly, yeah.

• 10:07Fortune Feimster?

  Funny.

• 10:07Mae Martin?

  It was really fun. And I, afterwards, I had 20 nuggets. I went to bed. I ate 20 chicken nuggets. And then I went straight to bed.

• 10:14Fortune Feimster?

  From Mickey D's?

• 10:15Tig Notaro?

  And you were counting them?

• 10:17Mae Martin?

  Well, a box of 20 polished them up.

• 10:19Tig Notaro?

  Oh, oh, oh, oh.

• 10:20Fortune Feimster?

  One.

• 10:21Tig Notaro?

  I know.

• 10:23Tig Notaro?

  That's so interesting. That's a lot of nuggets.

• 10:27Mae Martin?

  It's a lot.

• 10:28Fortune Feimster?

  That is a lot of nuggets.

• 10:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's a good, a good amount of nuggets.

• 10:31Mae Martin?

  I was too nervous to eat.

• 10:33Fortune Feimster?

  Are you a sauce person?

• 10:35Mae Martin?

  Oh, hell, yeah, yeah.

• 10:36Fortune Feimster?

  I'm a sauce gal.

• 10:37Tig Notaro?

  What are the sauce flavors that you're into?

• 10:39Mae Martin?

  Fortune, what are your, what are your picks?

• 10:41Fortune Feimster?

  Well, every place has a sauce that I like and that's not all the same. But if I'm going nugs at McDonald's, it's definitely barbecue sauce.

• 10:52Mae Martin?

  Yeah, nugs.

• 10:53Tig Notaro?

  Nugs, nugs.

• 10:56Fortune Feimster?

  I'm definitely going barbecue sauce at Mickey D's.

• 11:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I'm going hot mustard or, and barbecue. And yeah, it was embarrassing. Like after the show, they're like.

• 11:09Tig Notaro?

  No ketchup?

• 11:10Mae Martin?

  No, no, no.

• 11:11Fortune Feimster?

  Not on your nugs?

• 11:12Tig Notaro?

  Okay, okay.

• 11:13Mae Martin?

  Not on your nugs.

• 11:14Tig Notaro?

  My apologies for suggesting such a thing.

• 11:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, they were like, what can we get you? Like they had like champagne and stuff. And I was like, I would love 20 nuggets. And they were like, oh, we'll see if, if the kitchen can. I was like, no, no, from, from McDonald's, please.

• 11:32Mae Martin?

  And then I passed out and then last night.

• 11:35Tig Notaro?

  From the nuggets?

• 11:36Mae Martin?

  Probably, yeah. And last night I got to sleep in my parents' basement. That was really nice. They, you know, they have a Murphy bed down there.

• 11:44Fortune Feimster?

  I got to sleep in my parents' basement.

• 11:48Tig Notaro?

  You had to host the Juno Awards. I had to host the Juno Awards.

• 11:53Fortune Feimster?

  I slept in a Murphy bed in a basement of my parents' house.

• 11:55Tig Notaro?

  And then I got to sleep in the basement. Bring you back down to earth after being.

• 12:02Fortune Feimster?

  What a week you've had, bud.

• 12:04Mae Martin?

  Dude, what a month, like I realized I haven't had a home cooked meal in a month. So my dad made like roast chicken and potatoes and brocc. And then I slept like a baby. Yeah, brock.

• 12:19Mae Martin?

  Nugs and Brock.

• 12:21Tig Notaro?

  Nugs and Brock.

• 12:22Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 12:23Tig Notaro?

  That is so funny.

• 12:25Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, so you just need a little TLC.

• 12:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, then tonight is, aside from seeing your beautiful faces, this is my first day off and I'm, I, girls, I'm having a spa night in my hotel room.

• 12:36Tig Notaro?

  Girl, what are you doing?

• 12:38Mae Martin?

  I got bath salts, I got creams.

• 12:41Tig Notaro?

  Oh, it's your own little private spa? You don't have someone coming in, you know, slapping you, rubbing you?

• 12:47Mae Martin?

  That would be nice. I wouldn't mind getting slapped and rubbed. Um, no, I got all the gear and this nice bathtub here and I'm gonna just like, I got my paints, I'm gonna paint and.

• 12:58Tig Notaro?

  What hotel are you in?

• 12:59Mae Martin?

  Not the Shangri-La. Oh, I should leave a note.

• 13:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, of course you should.

• 13:06Mae Martin?

  Oh, I'm in room 716.

• 13:08Tig Notaro?

  716.

• 13:10Mae Martin?

  There's a painting of a penguin that is.

• 13:12Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yes, got to.

• 13:15Fortune Feimster?

  That seems perfect.

• 13:16Mae Martin?

  Begging to have something hidden behind it.

• 13:17Fortune Feimster?

  It looks like a nice room.

• 13:19Mae Martin?

  Oh, it's so, I'm so happy to be off the bus. Yeah.

• 13:23Fortune Feimster?

  I'm so glad you're gonna have bath salts and a, do you have a bath bomb?

• 13:27Mae Martin?

  No, just.

• 13:28Tig Notaro?

  Good question, Fortune.

• 13:29Fortune Feimster?

  Thank you. They sell them at the, um, what's the drugstore there?

• 13:34Mae Martin?

  Chopper's Drug Mart.

• 13:35Fortune Feimster?

  Chopper's Drug Mart.

• 13:36Mae Martin?

  Shout out.

• 13:38Fortune Feimster?

  They have, you can actually get a package of bath bombs for only like six bucks.

• 13:43Mae Martin?

  Oh, God, I love Canada. I'm sure you can get that in America too.

• 13:47Fortune Feimster?

  It's in the Epsom salt bath area.

• 13:50Mae Martin?

  Okay. Yeah, I'll check it out. How are you guys? What's going on? You're back from the South, Fortune?

• 13:57Fortune Feimster?

  I'm back for a minute and then I start my tour this week. That's coming back up and then I'm going to take a little trip to Amsterdam.

• 14:09Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 14:09Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I'm doing a show, but I also have some like work stuff I gotta do and then also a couple of days of. Um, just lollygagging around.

• 14:19Tig Notaro?

  Work stuff in Amsterdam?

• 14:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 14:21Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm. And you finished your movie?

• 14:24Fortune Feimster?

  I did. I'm done with that. And so now it's all touring again.

• 14:28Tig Notaro?

  Cool.

• 14:29Mae Martin?

  Amsterdam, the art galleries there are so good. Would you ever, would you ever smoke a joint there in Amsterdam? Fortune?

• 14:37Fortune Feimster?

  I, I'm not, I mean, I would if the, if it made sense, but I probably won't.

• 14:43Tig Notaro?

  What do you mean if it made sense?

• 14:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:45Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, if like, well, it doesn't make sense to smoke drugs right now.

• 14:49Tig Notaro?

  I don't know.

• 14:50Fortune Feimster?

  Like. I was in a cafe and it was like, I don't know, the opportunity presented itself in a, in a safe way.

• 15:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah, an organic.

• 15:01Fortune Feimster?

  Not like a stranger handing me a joint, but uh, it's not really my thing. So more than likely I will not be doing that.

• 15:09Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 15:10Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 15:11Mae Martin?

  And uh, is, is Ginger coming?

• 15:13Fortune Feimster?

  No, no. She will not be there. She might be coming to the, I have to go back to Europe.

• 15:21Mae Martin?

  Oh, right.

• 15:22Fortune Feimster?

  For a run of shows, the end of May, early June, and she might be coming to a few of those cities.

• 15:28Tig Notaro?

  That'll be fun.

• 15:30Fortune Feimster?

  But we did just have her 80th birthday party.

• 15:33Tig Notaro?

  Girl dish.

• 15:34Mae Martin?

  Dish. What's the goss? Oh my god.

• 15:37Fortune Feimster?

  So happy. It went as good as she said she hoped it would. She says, "The best party ever."

• 15:46Mae Martin?

  Oh man. What food did you have?

• 15:48Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, it was so.

• 15:50Tig Notaro?

  Nugs and Brock?

• 15:51Fortune Feimster?

  It was such an old lady, southern old lady menu.

• 15:55Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 15:56Fortune Feimster?

  It was not for me, but she loved it. It was egg salad sandwiches and pimento cheese sandwiches.

• 16:04Tig Notaro?

  Of course.

• 16:05Fortune Feimster?

  Broccoli salad.

• 16:07Tig Notaro?

  Broccoli salad.

• 16:08Fortune Feimster?

  Pasta salad, potato salad.

• 16:12Fortune Feimster?

  Fruit and ham biscuits. And then at the end, she got worried that there wasn't-

• 16:20Tig Notaro?

  What do you mean, what is that? It's ham and a biscuit.

• 16:22Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, you know, like a biscuit, but not the cookie.

• 16:26Mae Martin?

  Like a scone almost.

• 16:28Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you know what a southern biscuit is, right?

• 16:30Mae Martin?

  I feel like we've talked about this and I've tried to understand.

• 16:33Fortune Feimster?

  Someone's calling your room.

• 16:35Tig Notaro?

  Somebody is calling the landline in my office.

• 16:39Mae Martin?

  You, well, you have a-

• 16:40Fortune Feimster?

  I did not think you- I could not think that someone's house had a landline.

• 16:47Mae Martin?

  A landline?

• 16:48Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and it says spam risk. And Stephanie makes fun of me because I'm always like, hmm, spam risk, hello?

• 16:57Tig Notaro?

  But, uh, yeah, we have a landline so our kids can, uh, call if there's an emergency.

• 17:02Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, okay.

• 17:03Tig Notaro?

  Or if somebody wants to spam us.

• 17:06Fortune Feimster?

  I thought it was for sure May's room saying they had bath bombs.

• 17:09Tig Notaro?

  No, it was me.

• 17:15Fortune Feimster?

  So, southern biscuits are like-

• 17:18Mae Martin?

  Yeah, let's go back to ham biscuits.

• 17:20Fortune Feimster?

  It's like, you know, it's not a scone, it's like, I don't know how to describe them.

• 17:26Tig Notaro?

  I love when May seems like an alien.

• 17:29Fortune Feimster?

  It's a breakfast food that, you know, like we eat biscuits and gravy, like a dense bread.

• 17:37Mae Martin?

  I don't know why you're rebelling so much on the scones thing. To me, very similar, no?

• 17:42Fortune Feimster?

  But not, I guess, yeah, like a savory scone.

• 17:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:45Fortune Feimster?

  But, but plain, and then it has ham in it.

• 17:50Mae Martin?

  Cooked into it or like-

• 17:51Tig Notaro?

  That makes sense.

• 17:52Fortune Feimster?

  Just placed into it.

• 17:54Mae Martin?

  Placed into it, yeah.

• 17:54Fortune Feimster?

  With like, uh, some mustard and then she was worried there wouldn't be enough food and I also was like, what the fuck is this menu?

• 18:04Fortune Feimster?

  Because this was dinner time too. This seems like a ladies' luncheon in the South. This is dinner time. And so she added nugs.

• 18:12Mae Martin?

  No way.

• 18:13Fortune Feimster?

  She added nugs at the end, which was the only food I was into.

• 18:17Tig Notaro?

  From McDonald's?

• 18:18Fortune Feimster?

  No, just from the caterer, but, um, I like, I, I was like, what is this food? This is so weird. And she was like, that, the food was amazing. And I was like, great. Because all that matters is that she was happy.

• 18:33Tig Notaro?

  Right.

• 18:34Fortune Feimster?

  Um, and all her old friends also loved it. And then, uh, my brothers and I threw the party together. So they were, um, very, it was cute. The three of us were just kind of going around, talking to all her friends for the whole time.

• 18:50Tig Notaro?

  Old friends, as you said earlier.

• 18:52Fortune Feimster?

  Well, any friends, some happen to be old. And then we have like a ton of family come, like.

• 18:58Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 18:58Fortune Feimster?

  Like almost 20 cousins and.

• 19:00Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 19:01Fortune Feimster?

  From all over came, like, we hadn't all been together since I was probably like 12. So that was really cool.

• 19:08Mae Martin?

  Eighty's a big deal. That's.

• 19:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 19:10Mae Martin?

  Joni Mitchell, eighty.

• 19:12Fortune Feimster?

  And with her being sick, I think, you know, people were just like, this is a rare opportunity for everyone to be together.

• 19:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:19Fortune Feimster?

  And we should.

• 19:20Mae Martin?

  Tell her you love her and yeah.

• 19:22Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, cuz you know, a lot of times people don't gather like that until someone's actually like at a funeral.

• 19:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 19:28Fortune Feimster?

  And how, what a treat to get to like have everyone together while you're alive.

• 19:34Tig Notaro?

  And how was she feeling at the party?

• 19:36Fortune Feimster?

  So, um, she was a little tired that day. She had to sit down at different times cuz she said she was having dizzy spells. Um, but people just came up to her and chatted with her and she took a lot of pictures and she had on a cute yellow dress and.

• 19:51Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 19:51Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I think she's still beaming about it. She just said she had the best time.

• 19:56Mae Martin?

  That's so nice.

• 19:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 19:58Mae Martin?

  Joni Mitchell's speech was so hilarious and she's, yeah, she's like eighty and, and so she said in her speech, just the one thing I liked was she goes, she's like, I had an aneurysm 11 years ago and it was the best thing that ever happened to me because, she goes, I always lived with men or I toured with men and, or I lived with boyfriends and stuff. And she's like, now I live with all these nurses. I live in a house full of women and she goes, I am happy, happy, happy, happy. She said happy like 12 times. Yeah, I just love it. She's like, I love living with women now. It was awesome. Yeah.

• 20:35Fortune Feimster?

  Women are the best.

• 20:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah, the best.

• 20:40Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I like women.

• 20:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:44Fortune Feimster?

  There's some rotten ones out there, but I like women.

• 20:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:49Fortune Feimster?

  We're all just like, we like women.

• 20:52Mae Martin?

  We like them.

• 20:52Fortune Feimster?

  There's some rotten ones out there.

• 20:55Mae Martin?

  No, bring back the. Yeah, bring back the matriarchy. That's what we're all yearning for.

• 21:01Fortune Feimster?

  I'm telling you, I've told y'all many times, even though y'all have never watched this show, which is hurts my heart, but my dream is like a Golden Girls situation.

• 21:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:11Fortune Feimster?

  Where it's just a bunch of women in the house living together in our old age, um, eating cheesecake. I mean, preferably I'm sleeping with one of those women, you know?

• 21:23Mae Martin?

  So you don't want, you don't want to.

• 21:24Tig Notaro?

  Maybe you could hang out with your mom's old friends.

• 21:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:28Fortune Feimster?

  I'm not ready for it. Yeah. I'm talking about down the road.

• 21:31Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay.

• 21:32Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 21:33Tig Notaro?

  Well, as you know, I've hit that age where I can, I can start moving on into that world.

• 21:40Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Although you're, you can get your senior drink and you can move into, um, a retirement community.

• 21:48Tig Notaro?

  That's right.

• 21:51Tig Notaro?

  I didn't go get my senior drink. I need to.

• 21:53Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you do.

• 21:54Mae Martin?

  Tig, what, have you had your eye thing yet? What's going on?

• 21:57Tig Notaro?

  No, my, um.

• 21:58Fortune Feimster?

  Tig, what's happening with your eye?

• 22:00Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:00Tig Notaro?

  What, is it, is it closing right now?

• 22:02Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 22:03Tig Notaro?

  A little bit.

• 22:04Mae Martin?

  A little bit.

• 22:04Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah.

• 22:05Fortune Feimster?

  A little bit.

• 22:05Tig Notaro?

  Poco. Yeah, it's, it's been delayed because another doctor wants to look at it because this particular condition that I have might be directly related to it. So they just want to like check things out and be a little more thorough.

• 22:23Mae Martin?

  Um, I think I want to get a facelift.

• 22:27Tig Notaro?

  Are you serious?

• 22:28Fortune Feimster?

  No, you are too young for that.

• 22:30Tig Notaro?

  No, I was actually going to suggest it. It's so interesting that, that it came to you.

• 22:36Fortune Feimster?

  What are you talking about, little cowboy?

• 22:39Mae Martin?

  I think I just, from, maybe I'm just tired, but like these days like I catch sight of myself. I got what they call tech neck, which is like from looking at your phone, you got like creases in your neck. And I'm like, maybe I'll just get a little.

• 22:52Tig Notaro?

  No, not, you're not ready for that. And certainly don't stop looking down.

• 22:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, that's what I, yeah.

• 23:01Tig Notaro?

  Get a facelift.

• 23:02Mae Martin?

  Surgical procedure.

• 23:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 23:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah, but maybe all three of us could get one one day and then recover together and we could, we could podcast from.

• 23:12Tig Notaro?

  Put it on the list, Thomas.

• 23:14Mae Martin?

  Facelift.

• 23:15Fortune Feimster?

  Facelifts together, what?

• 23:19Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my Lord.

• 23:21Fortune Feimster?

  That is not where I thought the handsome pod was going.

• 23:23Tig Notaro?

  Listen, I see pictures of myself or on camera where I'm like, good Lord.

• 23:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:30Tig Notaro?

  Good Lord, time's moving on, but you know.

• 23:34Fortune Feimster?

  What about just start with like lasers right now? Oh, yeah. Aren't lasers supposed to tighten stuff up?

• 23:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:42Tig Notaro?

  I don't know.

• 23:43Mae Martin?

  I like, I, I've heard that in the old days actresses or actors would just tape, they'd put tape under their hairline just to pull, that's it. Why do we do that?

• 23:52Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I was talking to an actress.

• 23:54Fortune Feimster?

  Some people do do that still.

• 23:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I was talking to an actress at, um, at one of the, um, Oscar parties and she goes, oh, oops. And I was like, what? And she goes, oh, my tape, my neck tape just, um, or some tape that was, I don't know what it was doing, but I had never heard of that. But she had that and it like popped or something and like she had to adjust that.

• 24:18Mae Martin?

  That's unfortunate.

• 24:19Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I didn't, I, I was, I had not heard of that. Um.

• 24:24Mae Martin?

  Like imagine if you were accepting an award or something and the, the tape popped mid-speech and you're like, oh, boy.

• 24:31Tig Notaro?

  I have a fantasy of like, I always think about when, um, people get a charlie horse, you know, in their leg. And I, I thought it'd be funny, like if you're running up to get your Oscar or something and then a charlie horse kicks in while you're going up the stairs. You're like, ow.

• 24:47Fortune Feimster?

  I get those quite a bit. I feel like my, I'm too tight or something.

• 24:52Mae Martin?

  You got, that's dehydration too.

• 24:54Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, is it? I feel like I drink a lot of water, but.

• 24:58Tig Notaro?

  Little bit more.

• 24:59Fortune Feimster?

  Sometimes I'll be in bed in the morning and I'll like stretch and it will like hit my leg and I'll be like

• 25:06Tig Notaro?

  Yes, sir.

• 25:07Mae Martin?

  It's the worst.

• 25:08Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, so painful.

• 25:11Tig Notaro?

  Guys, oh, go ahead.

• 25:13Mae Martin?

  I was just gonna say that the Junos was live. It was live. I've never done that. And so I was really worried something would happen live. And then the only thing that happened was Nelly Furtado's earring fell off when she was accepting an award and she was so smooth about it. It just fell off onto her shoulder. And then she was like, anyone need an earring? And then just kept going. It was like, it was really good.

• 25:33Tig Notaro?

  Completely seamless.

• 25:35Mae Martin?

  She was so awesome. They did a

• 25:36Tig Notaro?

  We love Nelly.

• 25:37Mae Martin?

  She's inducted into the Canadian Hall of Fame. So they did like a montage of like all these different performers singing her hits. And you just forget like how many hits.

• 25:48Fortune Feimster?

  She's got some bangers.

• 25:49Tig Notaro?

  Do you know her personally? Cause I know she did the podcast.

• 25:53Mae Martin?

  Yeah, she did the question. And then when I saw her in the audience, we did a little bit where I was like, can, can, what can I remake Promiscuous Girl into Promiscuous They Them or something? She was like, she seemed like we were old friends. She was like, oh, my God, hi. And then she said, I'm so nervous. And then, and then when I asked her that, she was like, yeah, that's hot. Let's do it. She was so nice. Yeah. She was crying during when everyone was doing the, her songs.

• 26:18Fortune Feimster?

  I bet. That's so cool.

• 26:20Mae Martin?

  What a nice person. Her daughter was there.

• 26:22Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I love that. She's got some jams for sure.

• 26:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Girl, you know, you act so tough, tough, tough in the turn of the life. You remember that?

• 26:33Tig Notaro?

  I don't.

• 26:33Mae Martin?

  Wow, that was, that was

• 26:36Fortune Feimster?

  Elsman.

• 26:37Mae Martin?

  Elsman.

• 26:39Tig Notaro?

  Now, I just

• 26:40Fortune Feimster?

  Say Tig.

• 26:40Tig Notaro?

  Well, I was gonna say, I won't be in Toronto as much anymore because Starfleet Academy was canceled.

• 26:48Mae Martin?

  Oh, no. What?

• 26:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 26:50Mae Martin?

  When did you hear that?

• 26:51Tig Notaro?

  Gosh, when did I hear that? Maybe a week and a half ago? Something like that?

• 26:56Mae Martin?

  That's sucks.

• 26:59Tig Notaro?

  It's all, it's okay. I mean, I feel bad for the crew and, and, um, and, uh, you know, the cast. There's a lot of, um, actors that hadn't worked before. And, uh, so we filmed two seasons. They aired the first season. Then they announced that they were canceling it, but then they're gonna still air the second season.

• 27:21Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, good.

• 27:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 27:23Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's it.

• 27:24Fortune Feimster?

  You had a good run. How many seasons was it?

• 27:26Tig Notaro?

  Well, it's just two.

• 27:27Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, for some reason I was thinking it was several, more than that.

• 27:31Tig Notaro?

  Well, I was on Star Trek Discovery before that.

• 27:34Fortune Feimster?

  That's what it was.

• 27:35Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. So the new, the new show was canceled, um, right after the first season.

• 27:41Fortune Feimster?

  So no Toronto for a bit?

• 27:43Tig Notaro?

  I mean, no Toronto for TV. I mean, I'm a free agent now. Huh?

• 27:48Mae Martin?

  Maybe Toronto for fun?

• 27:50Tig Notaro?

  Maybe Toronto for fun. Um, Toronto definitely for stand up.

• 27:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 27:55Tig Notaro?

  I will not be going back and forth. Um, uh, I, I, I love Toronto. I love Canada. I loved, um, going out there to work, but, um, uh, you know, maybe my next gig will be in Los Angeles.

• 28:11Mae Martin?

  Oh, that would be nice too. Yeah.

• 28:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 28:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 28:13Tig Notaro?

  That's, it's a fat chance, but wouldn't that be nice?

• 28:16Fortune Feimster?

  I will, well, I just filmed two things back to back in LA. It was unbelievable.

• 28:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's really, really nice.

• 28:22Fortune Feimster?

  To be in my own bed and drive myself to work. It was amazing.

• 28:27Mae Martin?

  Like, there is something nice about being away from home in a little bubble where you're making something, but then increasingly I'm like, I don't know that I need that anymore. I'd like to be home.

• 28:37Fortune Feimster?

  It's hard. It's hard to be away for that long. Cause especially, uh, Toronto's so far from LA.

• 28:44Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 28:45Fortune Feimster?

  Also like in another, being in another country, there's just certain like errands you aren't able to do.

• 28:50Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm.

• 28:51Fortune Feimster?

  Because you're not a citizen.

• 28:53Mae Martin?

  Oh, right, right. Yeah. I just like to go to shop for drug market. Oh yeah, the bank. You got, you can't go to the bank.

• 28:59Tig Notaro?

  I haven't touched cash in a few years.

• 29:04Fortune Feimster?

  What?

• 29:04Mae Martin?

  I don't know what to say to that. What do you mean a few years?

• 29:07Fortune Feimster?

  You don't have any money in your pocket ever?

• 29:10Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 29:11Mae Martin?

  Okay, well, for the apocalypse.

• 29:13Fortune Feimster?

  Tipping valet?

• 29:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, Venmo. They all take Venmo.

• 29:17Mae Martin?

  But what about if, for the apocalypse, you should have some cash stored?

• 29:21Tig Notaro?

  I have, I have some cash. I just haven't touched it. I haven't touched it.

• 29:26Fortune Feimster?

  You open your wallet and you're like, grab, just grab something.

• 29:30Tig Notaro?

  Well, it's just like my, my credit cards on my phone, you know? Like I just, uh, Venmo people. I just haven't touched cash in a long time. Which is great for a germaphobe.

• 29:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 29:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 29:44Mae Martin?

  My dad gave me $500 cash today and it was like.

• 29:48Tig Notaro?

  Why?

• 29:49Mae Martin?

  I, exactly. So it was because there, they have a book that's come out, my parents, and, and they were like, we want to send the book to people and it, you know, when, it was like their logic was like, we gotta send it to people in America. But we don't have an Amazon American account. We want you to send it from your American. And I was like, there's a way to do this, guys. Like we can, let me in there. I can do it on your account. You can still send stuff to America, but they were like, no, it won't work. They were like, we'd rather give you the cash. And it was this whole convoluted process.

• 30:21Tig Notaro?

  I understand that nervousness of, uh, international, God only knows if, yeah. I mean, your parents are getting up there maybe.

• 30:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 30:33Tig Notaro?

  I mean, but they're not terribly old, but.

• 30:36Mae Martin?

  They're like 70 and my mom's going to Paris today to do, to look in some, they're such history buffs. She's looking in some archives because she wants to write about this person and she's going with her friend who's 72 or something. This woman's such a badass. She's going for three months to Paris, this woman, Barb. And she's only, she's only bringing a backpack, guys.

• 30:57Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa, classic Barb. She's gonna have to wash her panties. Yeah.

• 31:02Mae Martin?

  She is, yeah.

• 31:03Tig Notaro?

  In the coffee maker.

• 31:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:05Tig Notaro?

  That's so gross. Let's not get people doing that.

• 31:08Mae Martin?

  No.

• 31:10Tig Notaro?

  Well, best of luck to Barb on her travels.

• 31:13Fortune Feimster?

  Barb has an amazing time.

• 31:15Tig Notaro?

  Yes, we love Barb.

• 31:21Tig Notaro?

  Well, should we get to our question?

• 31:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 31:24Mae Martin?

  Let's do it. Today's question asker is a singer songwriter, a writer, an actor, an LGBT advocate. Her novels Girls Like Girls and Where There's Room For Us are New York Times bestsellers. She also directed the film adaptation of Girls Like Girls, which comes out this June. She does it all. Haley Kiyoko is asking today's question.

• 31:43Fortune Feimster?

  She's busy.

• 31:47Speaker 04

  Hey, handsome podcast. I'm so happy to be here. Okay. My question is, if you could take any classic Victorian love story and make it queer, which one would you do and why?

• 31:59Mae Martin?

  And can we admit that the reason we haven't done this question yet? And we've had it in the bank for a while is because none of us know Victorian love stories.

• 32:07Fortune Feimster?

  We don't know Victorian love stories.

• 32:09Tig Notaro?

  I would assume that May would and maybe even second place Fortune.

• 32:14Fortune Feimster?

  Honestly, I don't know a lot. Although is Wuthering Heights Victorian?

• 32:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 32:21Fortune Feimster?

  That just came out, the redo.

• 32:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Like, when I think about it, I just didn't know what's Victorian and what's not. But Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre, anything by Thomas Hardy.

• 32:33Fortune Feimster?

  It's so funny, people are obsessed with those books and then thus eventually movies. They don't do a lot for me.

• 32:41Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I've never been deep into period drama, love stories.

• 32:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 32:47Mae Martin?

  But actually, weirdly synchronistic. I, in the Junos, I did a shout out to my grade four music teacher, Carla Silver. And I was, I didn't think she'd ever see it. And then her daughter messaged me and was like, she saw this. And then my teacher emailed me. And you know how there's stuff that you don't remember? And in her email, she was like, am I right in remembering that the principal of the school was like trying to punish your grade seven class? And the punishment was you weren't allowed to go out at lunch and you had to watch Pride and Prejudice. And I've forgotten about that. And it was just my principal's weirdly specific obsession. She loved Pride and Prejudice.

• 33:28Fortune Feimster?

  And just wanted to watch it?

• 33:29Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and that was her punishment.

• 33:31Tig Notaro?

  And how wild that your teacher, have you talked to your teacher since she was your teacher?

• 33:37Mae Martin?

  Not really. I don't, I think a couple of emails, but she was my teacher and very influential. She cast me as Charlie Brown in grade four.

• 33:46Tig Notaro?

  Oh, nice.

• 33:47Mae Martin?

  Which was very gender euphoric for me. I was like, this is who I'm meant to be.

• 33:54Tig Notaro?

  This is it. Do you identify as Charlie Brown in ways?

• 33:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Well, I said in the June, I was like, yeah, an existentially disturbed little boy. Yeah, definitely. I love, you know, he's in love with Peppermint Patty and he's just like always pining for someone and yeah.

• 34:12Tig Notaro?

  I played Peppermint Patty in my fourth grade play.

• 34:15Mae Martin?

  No way.

• 34:16Tig Notaro?

  I could see that, you and your old T. Of course I did. Your old T was.

• 34:19Mae Martin?

  And you're a good man, Charlie Brown?

• 34:21Tig Notaro?

  I believe so. Yeah. I mean, I don't really remember very much, but I do remember I was Peppermint Patty. But it was, you know, it made sense that I was the character. However, I remember I had to wear a dress.

• 34:41Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no. Peppermint Patty had to wear dresses?

• 34:44Tig Notaro?

  It was a pink dress with sandals and then I wore a baseball cap. And I was like, this is not quite it.

• 34:52Mae Martin?

  I think you would have made.

• 34:53Fortune Feimster?

  It was as close as they could get in that time.

• 34:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it was just like, we gotta put all the girls in dresses.

• 34:59Mae Martin?

  See, that was the benefit of, I went to an all-girls school until grade nine, so I got to play all the boys because I had short hair.

• 35:05Tig Notaro?

  Ah, yes.

• 35:06Mae Martin?

  So that was good. I was the closest thing they had.

• 35:09Tig Notaro?

  Of course, of course.

• 35:11Mae Martin?

  Okay, Victorian love stories to make gay.

• 35:14Fortune Feimster?

  I gotta Google more Victorian love stories.

• 35:18Mae Martin?

  I am a big Thomas Hardy fan, so Tess of the D'Urbervilles is, I mean, that is really depressing. That's like.

• 35:25Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know what that is.

• 35:27Mae Martin?

  It's really heartbreaking about a woman whose life is kind of ruined. Uh, but so I don't know if I want to inflict, I don't want to inflict that on queer characters. So maybe Jane Eyre, which is like a.

• 35:43Mae Martin?

  A young governess is looking after these kids. She's hired to look out to, it's kind of like Sound of Music. She's hired to look after these kids and then everyone's like, don't go in that tower. You're not allowed to go in that one tower. And I think she finds out that the wife of the boss man is locked in that tower because she went nuts.

• 36:04Fortune Feimster?

  I think this question just made me realize how I'm aware of all these movies, but I don't know what any of them are about. Wait, is Little Women, is Little Women, that's, well, it's not really a love story. That's not really Victorian. Is Little Women Victorian? How's this episode going?

• 36:23Speaker 05

  It's the Victorian era.

• 36:28Mae Martin?

  Well, Pride and Prejudice, the thing is like, all these ones are so straight because they're about like, you know,

• 36:34Fortune Feimster?

  It's about being promised to a man, right?

• 36:37Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like they're all about.

• 36:39Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, well, that one, that one British show kind of had that lady acting all, you know what I'm talking about?

• 36:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, what was that? I know what you mean.

• 36:48Fortune Feimster?

  Gentleman Jack.

• 36:51Mae Martin?

  It was this like.

• 36:52Fortune Feimster?

  That's kind of a gay version of a Victorian love story, but, but did any gay stuff happen in that show?

• 36:58Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, a lot of gay stuff. Yeah, it was about like a butch, uh, woman.

• 37:05Fortune Feimster?

  See, I like that. See, that's what I can imagine then. If you're going to turn a Victorian love story gay, then you're going to have the person in the tuxedo and the top hat, be the person that's being promised the, the wife. And, um, but, but in, in our gay version treats the wife really well.

• 37:27Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 37:28Fortune Feimster?

  Not just as a piece of property, you know?

• 37:31Mae Martin?

  So like in Jane Eyre, if it's like a sort of woman in a suit who locked her ex-wife in a tower, then it would be like, oh, actually she was into that. Like it, or like, then they all hook up or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:47Fortune Feimster?

  I'm going to go with Pride and Prejudice. You would have, you would have the more romance involved, like the soft touch and the.

• 37:56Mae Martin?

  Like, I don't want to.

• 37:58Fortune Feimster?

  You know, it's always, nice act out.

• 38:04Mae Martin?

  Like, I don't want to have it be all like forbidden gay love. It's like, I want to remake one of these where it's like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:11Fortune Feimster?

  You would be the, you would be the, the lesbian person would be the landowner.

• 38:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that would be cool.

• 38:17Fortune Feimster?

  And like the gentleman Jag and like, you know.

• 38:20Mae Martin?

  Like, it's an alternate universe where that's just cool in Victorian times.

• 38:24Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, like there are women in this town who are also business people and well to do and, you know, now has their lover who's also a lady. And no one, and no one thinks twice about it.

• 38:40Mae Martin?

  Are there any like modern movies and stuff? Like, I always wanted to make a queer Stand By Me with a bunch of little androgynous, non-binary. Like, I would love to.

• 38:51Fortune Feimster?

  See that.

• 38:51Mae Martin?

  Imagine, I want to play River Phoenix in Stand By Me so bad.

• 38:55Tig Notaro?

  I'd want to be in it too, just because growing up, I was Huckleberry Tig. And it feels like I would really, really thrive in that environment.

• 39:04Mae Martin?

  See, I think you would be.

• 39:06Fortune Feimster?

  More like Chunk and Goonies.

• 39:12Mae Martin?

  You'd be great in any of those movies.

• 39:15Fortune Feimster?

  That's the Truffle Shuffle.

• 39:17Mae Martin?

  And Tig, you could be the kind of rebellious Corey Feldman character in, um, in Stand By Me. Who's like, my dad stormed the beach in Normandy.

• 39:26Tig Notaro?

  I'll be honest, I haven't seen the movie, but I do know that, you know, they get leeches on them and stuff, and I got leeches on me as a kid.

• 39:35Mae Martin?

  Did you?

• 39:36Tig Notaro?

  I did. I was playing in a sewage ditch, of course, like little girls do.

• 39:41Fortune Feimster?

  Disgusting.

• 39:44Tig Notaro?

  And, uh, yeah.

• 39:46Mae Martin?

  When you pull them off, did they stick or are they pretty easy to pull off?

• 39:50Tig Notaro?

  I don't have a great memory of it. I just remember when I surfaced, my legs surfaced. I was like, what the hell is this? Like, I was so confused because I was only nine, you know?

• 40:04Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 40:04Tig Notaro?

  And I don't remember how they got off of me, but I'll never forget Thomas's face right now.

• 40:10Mae Martin?

  Yeah, Thomas is really struggling with.

• 40:14Speaker 05

  I got leeches too when I was a kid and I just have like a visceral memory of my dad, like trying to get them off of me.

• 40:20Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I don't, I really don't remember how. How'd you get leeches on you?

• 40:24Speaker 05

  A ditch.

• 40:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 40:30Tig Notaro?

  Boy, did we wander off from our question.

• 40:34Mae Martin?

  But you got to.

• 40:35Fortune Feimster?

  That's because none of us know Victoria's Love Stories.

• 40:41Mae Martin?

  You should see, you should see Stand By Me. Can we put that on our wellness weekend? Can we all watch it?

• 40:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, to watch it. I haven't seen it since I was a kid, so sure.

• 40:50Mae Martin?

  I think it's flawless.

• 40:51Tig Notaro?

  Whatever gets me out of Pilates, am I right?

• 40:55Fortune Feimster?

  Do you go to Pilates?

• 40:57Tig Notaro?

  No, for our wellness weekend, I felt like you were gonna make me do something like that. I'm not gonna have you do Pilates. We're just gonna meditate and watch a sunrise and eat healthy food and listen to vinyl and journal and hold hands.

• 41:15Mae Martin?

  Oh, the vinyl, the vinyl part is very cool. That's really cool. Do you meditate, guys? We've talked about this before, but do you?

• 41:23Tig Notaro?

  I do.

• 41:23Mae Martin?

  Are you currently?

• 41:24Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I meditate in the morning for 20 minutes. I've wanted to incorporate a second meditation in my day, but I'm the person with the terrible excuse of like, I'm so busy. But what the surprising thing about meditation is, is it actually creates more time in your day.

• 41:44Mae Martin?

  Ah, well, because it just settles you and makes you able to tackle the day more efficiently?

• 41:49Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, and you kind of become more aware of your, your time and what you're doing. And I don't know, it's, it's, it's kind of, it's an odd thing that I'm aware of. And when I was doing a twice a day practice, I was like, I totally have time for this.

• 42:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah, like even five minutes. I did, I tried the other day. I did five minutes. And my, my problem is that I want to sleep, like as soon as my nervous system relaxes and I realize it hasn't for like 10 years or something, then I'm just like, and I can't.

• 42:25Tig Notaro?

  Do you have a mantra?

• 42:27Mae Martin?

  No, I want you to give me one.

• 42:29Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 42:30Fortune Feimster?

  I want you to give me one.

• 42:32Tig Notaro?

  Maybe we could ask our listeners to submit mantras.

• 42:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 42:37Tig Notaro?

  And you can choose a mantra.

• 42:38Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm.

• 42:39Mae Martin?

  Fortunes will be.

• 42:40Fortune Feimster?

  I have a good, I have a good chair. I have a perfect chair for meditating. I just need to sit down in it and do it.

• 42:47Tig Notaro?

  Is it a massage chair?

• 42:49Fortune Feimster?

  No, it's an. It's one of those Eames chairs.

• 42:52Tig Notaro?

  What is that?

• 42:53Mae Martin?

  What's Eames?

• 42:54Fortune Feimster?

  I'll show you, you'll know what I'm talking about.

• 42:57Mae Martin?

  I want one of those chairs that's just fabric that hangs from the ceiling and it's like a little cocoon and you.

• 43:02Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 43:03Mae Martin?

  That'd be nice.

• 43:04Tig Notaro?

  I feel like my hips would break.

• 43:06Mae Martin?

  Right.

• 43:06Tig Notaro?

  But anyway.

• 43:07Fortune Feimster?

  Well, it's this.

• 43:09Tig Notaro?

  Oh, okay, yeah. It's like you go visit your therapist type chair.

• 43:14Fortune Feimster?

  One of those.

• 43:15Mae Martin?

  That looks nice.

• 43:16Fortune Feimster?

  That's a great chair for meditation and I just haven't.

• 43:21Tig Notaro?

  And are you interested in meditation?

• 43:24Fortune Feimster?

  Um.

• 43:25Tig Notaro?

  What else can we talk about to get away from the Victorian love stories?

• 43:32Fortune Feimster?

  I can't believe you don't have a Victorian love story right off the dome.

• 43:37Tig Notaro?

  I said, I said Pride and Prejudice. I'd do that one.

• 43:41Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but do you even know what it's about?

• 43:43Tig Notaro?

  No more questions.

• 43:43Fortune Feimster?

  You don't even know what it's about.

• 43:47Fortune Feimster?

  Literally don't know what one of these stories is about.

• 43:50Mae Martin?

  But I think that we're not. Mr. Darcy.

• 43:52Fortune Feimster?

  I think that we weren't probably like into those because it was so antiquated.

• 43:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 43:58Fortune Feimster?

  You know?

• 43:59Tig Notaro?

  And we're not smart enough, right, guys?

• 44:01Fortune Feimster?

  And that too.

• 44:03Mae Martin?

  I think that's why Haley Kiyoko's interested in like re-telling these things.

• 44:07Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah. In a way we can relate to.

• 44:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's cool.

• 44:12Fortune Feimster?

  I could, that's why I brought up little women, I could, but they're all sisters, so what a bummer. But I could relate to a house full of women reading books.

• 44:23Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 44:24Fortune Feimster?

  And one of them. Shun's the, the boy because she's not interested. I mean, I'm into that.

• 44:31Mae Martin?

  I always related to like the little boy characters in, in Charles Dickens, like Great Expectations, or Oliver Twist, like I was, when I'd go see plays or something of those, I'd be like, put me in there, coach. Let me be that Oliver Twist.

• 44:55Tig Notaro?

  I love John Fogerty.

• 44:56Fortune Feimster?

  I could see y'all, I could see both of y'all playing one of these Victorian people in the tuxes in a movie.

• 45:03Tig Notaro?

  Why not you?

• 45:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah, what about you? I could see the little bonnet.

• 45:07Tig Notaro?

  You want to be a pretty little lady?

• 45:08Fortune Feimster?

  I want to be the damsel in distress.

• 45:12Tig Notaro?

  Okay, so we'll do Pride and Prejudice and Fortune is the daughter.

• 45:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 45:20Tig Notaro?

  And I am the charming liar.

• 45:23Mae Martin?

  Mr. Darcy?

• 45:24Fortune Feimster?

  Mr. Darcy is that Pride and Prejudice?

• 45:26Mae Martin?

  Or Mr. Wickham is, is, I think I know more about this than I think.

• 45:30Fortune Feimster?

  Where's Mr. Darcy? Which movie is that from?

• 45:33Mae Martin?

  That's Pride and Prejudice.

• 45:34Fortune Feimster?

  Sense and Sensibility?

• 45:35Mae Martin?

  No.

• 45:36Tig Notaro?

  No, it's Pride and Prejudice.

• 45:38Fortune Feimster?

  Which one is Kate Winslet in where she, does she show boobs?

• 45:42Fortune Feimster?

  I like it when she's in things and she shows boobs.

• 45:45Tig Notaro?

  What's the Victorian love story where they, somebody shows her cooter? That's the one Fortune wants to be in.

• 45:51Fortune Feimster?

  Now we're talking. Now we're talking cooters.

• 45:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I want to, I, I'd like, I, I think the three of us can be in Pride and Prejudice.

• 46:01Fortune Feimster?

  It'd be kind of like that show Bridgerton.

• 46:03Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:04Fortune Feimster?

  But, um, which I also don't watch.

• 46:07Tig Notaro?

  Oh, good.

• 46:08Fortune Feimster?

  But of just a bunch of lesbians, that could actually be pretty fun.

• 46:13Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:13Fortune Feimster?

  Like a modern day Bridgerton, all gals.

• 46:17Tig Notaro?

  All the ladies.

• 46:19Fortune Feimster?

  Or, or, or ladies, ladies and ladies.

• 46:23Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:24Mae Martin?

  I do like the, uh, the BBC ones. They always have like amazing cast, like just those. British character actors are so good. It's like Imelda Staunton and these people being like, I cannot feign to deny.

• 46:38Fortune Feimster?

  I cannot feign to deny. Are you saying you would like me to be in this movie with an accent?

• 46:44Tig Notaro?

  You gotta do.

• 46:45Mae Martin?

  We've all gotta do accents, yeah.

• 46:48Fortune Feimster?

  So I'm going Australian. I'm going razor blades, Jennifer Lopez. G'day. No.

• 46:56Mae Martin?

  No.

• 46:57Fortune Feimster?

  No. I feel like we really nailed this.

• 47:00Mae Martin?

  Let's hear, should we hear Kaylee? Should we hear?

• 47:05Fortune Feimster?

  I hope Haley has a much clearer picture of what this world looks like.

• 47:09Mae Martin?

  I almost said Kaylee Cuoco.

• 47:11Tig Notaro?

  We should get a question from Kaylee.

• 47:14Mae Martin?

  Let's hear what Haley Cuoco has to say.

• 47:18Speaker 04

  My answer would be, of course, Pride and Prejudice. Like, I thought I was Darcy when I was watching it, and also Little Women, and that obviously inspired my new book, Where There's Room For Us. So I'm pretty much obsessed. Love you all so much. Thanks for having me.

• 47:34Fortune Feimster?

  So her book is in that vein?

• 47:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 47:37Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 47:37Mae Martin?

  Oh, I can't wait to read it. Also, yeah, you were on point with Little Women.

• 47:42Fortune Feimster?

  I'm telling you, strong gals.

• 47:45Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:46Fortune Feimster?

  Not interested in men. Hell, yeah.

• 47:48Tig Notaro?

  That's me.

• 47:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 47:50Fortune Feimster?

  You just described me. I only remember it from the, I mean, the, um, well, there was the Timothy Chalamet version with, uh, Cerosi.

• 48:02Mae Martin?

  Cer-cheron?

• 48:03Fortune Feimster?

  Cerosi. Cerosi. But then I love the version, why, the Winona Ryder version from Our Youth.

• 48:13Mae Martin?

  That's the one I'm, I'm nostalgic, partial to.

• 48:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's Our Youth.

• 48:17Mae Martin?

  That's our shared youth.

• 48:18Fortune Feimster?

  So that one, even, again, they're sisters, but why does it feel very gated?

• 48:26Mae Martin?

  It's because they're always like in bed together, reading, reading their books.

• 48:30Fortune Feimster?

  I know. I love a cozy bed situation.

• 48:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah. We were talking about on the tour bus before bed doing reading hour where we all sit and read for an hour quietly. It hasn't happened yet. We've been busy watching Survivor. We're gonna start watching the new season of the comeback. They've never seen the first two seasons, the people I'm on the bus with, so we're gonna watch those.

• 48:54Tig Notaro?

  Now, I told you that my family does, um, reading time.

• 49:00Mae Martin?

  I think that might be why I pitched it to them. Yeah.

• 49:04Tig Notaro?

  Well, I was gonna say it's, and part of the fun is for each person to share what they were reading.

• 49:10Mae Martin?

  I love that.

• 49:10Tig Notaro?

  And then it creates a bunch of conversation and thoughts and feelings and such.

• 49:15Mae Martin?

  And you, but you're not reading out loud, right? You're independently reading.

• 49:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we all are just in the same room lounging around reading, but we only do it for fifteen to twenty minutes.

• 49:24Mae Martin?

  That's good, though.

• 49:25Tig Notaro?

  Cause we, we just, we have little cubs, you know?

• 49:28Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 49:28Tig Notaro?

  Love it.

• 49:29Mae Martin?

  All the proof about like how reading, yeah, regulates your nervous system and all this stuff, it's pretty good for you.

• 49:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 49:38Mae Martin?

  And all this stuff is coming out about how bad like short form videos, like scrolling, how bad that is for your attention spend.

• 49:45Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. For sure. Wow.

• 49:49Mae Martin?

  Well, guys.

• 49:51Tig Notaro?

  We did it again. We started this a few years ago and we're still doing it.

• 49:55Fortune Feimster?

  We're still doing it, y'all.

• 49:58Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 49:59Fortune Feimster?

  Thomas wrote, we made it to April. This is April.

• 50:03Tig Notaro?

  We did.

• 50:04Fortune Feimster?

  Another April.

• 50:05Tig Notaro?

  Is this our third April?

• 50:07Fortune Feimster?

  How many Aprils? Second April?

• 50:09Tig Notaro?

  That is wild.

• 50:10Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, is it our third?

• 50:11Tig Notaro?

  No, no, no, cause we started in May.

• 50:13Fortune Feimster?

  We started in, no, we started in August.

• 50:16Tig Notaro?

  Okay, or that.

• 50:19Fortune Feimster?

  So this is our second April.

• 50:22Mae Martin?

  Thomas says third.

• 50:23Tig Notaro?

  Well, either way, will we make it to the next April?

• 50:28Fortune Feimster?

  Well, we've put out a quarter, two hundred and twenty-two episodes. That's a lot.

• 50:33Tig Notaro?

  That is a lot of chatting.

• 50:34Fortune Feimster?

  We're amazing.

• 50:35Tig Notaro?

  We are top notch.

• 50:38Mae Martin?

  What a podcast.

• 50:39Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast.

• 50:42Fortune Feimster?

  Come on now.

• 50:44Tig Notaro?

  I'm going to tell you where you can find me and that is Newtown, Connecticut, Portland, Maine, Brooks, California, San Luis Obispo, California, Albany, New York, Peekskill, New York, Clayton, New York, Rochester, New York, Spokane, Washington, Eugene, Oregon, Colorado Springs, and the list goes on at tignotaro.com. And always check back because sometimes dates get moved or canceled due to other work. Very much looking forward to seeing everyone on this tour.

• 51:16Mae Martin?

  I am still on tour. Please go to maymartin.net. Phoenix, Arizona, where I've never been, April 16th, and then San Diego, and then Vegas. I'm doing two shows. Still tickets for both of them. And then we just added a late show, April 21st in San Francisco. Still tickets there. And Seattle, there's a late show. And Portland, Oregon, then Vancouver and Calgary.

• 51:41Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Um, I'm finally getting out to San Antonio, Texas, April 17th. Two shows there.

• 51:48Mae Martin?

  Finally, girl.

• 51:48Fortune Feimster?

  Finally. I had to reschedule it a couple of times. Sorry, you guys. But it's happening. Dallas, Texas as well. Des Moines, Toronto. Going to be there in May. Redding, Pennsylvania. Just added that. And then our European handsome listeners, I would love for you guys to come to a show in May. I will be in, late May, Berlin, Stockholm, Oslo, Copenhagen, London at the Hackney Empire, and Dublin. So those are coming up. Then Rochester, Minnesota, Cedar Rapids, Iowa, and Omaha, and Portland, Maine, and Detroit. So a lot of places. You can go to my website for tickets.

• 52:27Tig Notaro?

  Solid cities, but also, May 4th, Los Angeles at the Wiltern Handsome Live.

• 52:36Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 52:37Tig Notaro?

  With the cast of The Hunting Wives. That is going to be off the hizzy.

• 52:43Mae Martin?

  I can't wait to see you guys in person.

• 52:46Tig Notaro?

  It's gonna be, it's gonna be so fun.

• 52:49Fortune Feimster?

  This is the first big theater show we've done in Los Angeles. We, we usually do our, our fun Dynasty Typewriter holiday show. So this is a big, fun theater. It will not be streamed. So if you can make it out to LA for, uh, the Netflix is a Joke Festival, there's a lot going on that week. So it would be a fun trip if anybody's looking for something to do.

• 53:10Tig Notaro?

  Absolutely. And please rate and review, uh, our podcast and also subscribe. And if you want to see more, um, flexing of our muscles, go to YouTube and subscribe there. And, uh, all of that stuff helps keep this podcast going every April to each.

• 53:32Fortune Feimster?

  Every April.

• 53:33Tig Notaro?

  Each April that we get to. It is because you rated, reviewed, subscribed, and also share your favorite episode with your loved ones. Let's keep building this community. Yeah, y'all. Oh, wait, we also have merch. Get your party kisser merch and your, um, cheese in my pocket.

• 53:52Mae Martin?

  Cheese in my pocket. Yeah.

• 53:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And, uh, until next time, I say we.

• 53:58Fortune Feimster?

  Peanut butter bitch.

• 53:58Mae Martin?

  Sorry.

• 53:59Tig Notaro?

  Keep it handsome.

• 54:05Mae Martin?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Mae Martin, Tig Notaro, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected] and please follow us on social media at HandsomePod.

• 54:20Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast.

• 54:26Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 54:28Speaker 06

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris. And Hannah Simone. And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl Rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is

• 54:53Speaker 07

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 55:06Speaker 06

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 55:17Speaker 07

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.