Trixie Mattel asks about party invitations

The delightful Trixie Mattel (RuPaul's Drag Race) pops Handsome a question about parties! Plus Tig gets so serious it's funny, Fortune's new TV obsession, Mae's plan to sneak into the Oscars, and more! Don't forget to get tickets to our May 4 Live Show in LA https://www.ticketmaster.com/netflix-is-a-joke-presents-handsome-los-angeles-california-05-04-2026/event/0900642CE31BB7C3! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Fortune Feimster?

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:04Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I brought my sunglasses before driving west at the end of the day? A learning moment. I'm gaining confidence in my driving, but it helps when I'm not blinded by the sun beaming directly into my eyeballs.

• 0:18Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 0:35Mae Martin?

  Handsome is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace is the all-in-one platform designed to help you stand out and succeed online with a handy, handsome website you can be proud of and show off to all your friends, clients, and loved ones. With Squarespace, you can scale up your business, claim your domain, and showcase your offerings with a premium, professional website. With Squarespace's cutting-edge design tools, you can build a gorgeous online presence that perfectly fits your brand or business. Their SEO tools help your ideal audience find you. Since every dream needs a domain, Squarespace makes it easy to find the best name for your business at one fair, all-inclusive price. No hidden fees, no required add-ons. Squarespace offers countless extras like built-in donation tools for fundraising, and online payments and invoicing to help you get paid on time.

• 1:19Mae Martin?

  Squarespace makes it easy, so easy, we even made a handsome website ourselves in less than 20 minutes. So what are you waiting for? Get started on your dream website today. Head to Squarespace.com/handsome for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use offer code HANSOME to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Handsome. Chat with friends on the Handsome Pod. Chat with friends on the Handsome Pod. Cheers.

• 1:50Tig Notaro?

  Hey, it's your friend Tig on the Handsome Pod, sitting here with my co-host.

• 1:56Mae Martin?

  Mae Martin.

• 1:57Fortune Feimster?

  I'm Fortune Feimster.

• 1:59Tig Notaro?

  Together again.

• 2:01Fortune Feimster?

  Together again.

• 2:03Tig Notaro?

  Three handsome friends.

• 2:05Fortune Feimster?

  They said we couldn't do it, and we did.

• 2:09Tig Notaro?

  We said we wouldn't do it after April. But we kept doing it after April.

• 2:19Tig Notaro?

  We need to put that song on our website.

• 2:21Fortune Feimster?

  Has anyone looked at our website in a while?

• 2:24Mae Martin?

  Has anyone ever looked at our website?

• 2:26Fortune Feimster?

  Honestly, that jam, that Christmas jam we did was delightful. I'm gonna pat ourselves on the back for that.

• 2:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 2:36Fortune Feimster?

  Because we do have a handsome band now.

• 2:39Mae Martin?

  Maybe we should do like an Easter jam, like, like, he has risen.

• 2:46Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 2:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, that's a bit of a curve ball.

• 2:50Fortune Feimster?

  Welcome to the Christian handsome pod.

• 2:53Mae Martin?

  That would be really unexpected. It'd be really.

• 2:56Fortune Feimster?

  Where we love the Lord and we talk about our love of the Lord.

• 3:02Mae Martin?

  I never even, it doesn't occur to me, but there's like a whole other entertainment industry that's just Jesus based, right? Like there's bands that are massive.

• 3:12Fortune Feimster?

  Big money.

• 3:13Mae Martin?

  There's like stand ups. There's all kinds of people that just, it's like, we don't cross paths with that world, but they're filling out. Oh, sorry. Of course. You're at Hillsong every Sunday.

• 3:24Fortune Feimster?

  Over here in the Christian handsome pod, we, we know exactly what's going on.

• 3:28Tig Notaro?

  You know it's up.

• 3:29Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Well, they have all those songs that you'll be like, I'll be driving in the Midwest, you know, from one city to another, and some song will come on the radio and it's like, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my life. And it's like a jam. And I'm like, oh, this is gorgeous. And then it's like, Jesus. Like, oh.

• 3:50Tig Notaro?

  You got me.

• 3:51Fortune Feimster?

  I thought this was a love song to a lady friend.

• 3:55Tig Notaro?

  That's like Maria Bamford's joke about how like, those churches will be like, kind of in disguise and they'll be like, come on in. There's free coffee and, and live music right now. And she's like, oh my gosh, that's so great. And then you wander in and, and it's like, ah, they got me. This is a church. And, um, and that happened to me and Stephanie when we were in Austin, the last time we were with Max and Finn and walking down the street. And, and we were like, whoa, look at this, like 10:00 in the morning rocking out. I'm like, this is awesome. And, uh, and it said free coffee and, you know, snacks. And I was like, what is this all about? I love this vibe.

• 4:40Tig Notaro?

  And then it was like, ah, they got me.

• 4:43Fortune Feimster?

  Not that you can't love the Lord. No. Oh, totally. No shade of that. It's just, uh, quick luring us in with coffee.

• 4:52Mae Martin?

  It'd be a real pivot for this podcast, for sure. My best experience, like, dropping into a place of worship was, uh, you know, in The Baz Luhrmann Romeo and Juliet, Leo wears this, like, knight costume, you know? So I ordered one online, like, from a woman in Germany, and then...

• 5:12Fortune Feimster?

  Of course you did.

• 5:13Mae Martin?

  It somehow got...

• 5:14Fortune Feimster?

  Love to order from that woman in Germany.

• 5:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that woman who, and it was a gay woman in Germany making Leo costumes for lesbians, I guess. And then, so I ordered it, and then I had to pick it up from a guy who was coordinating it, and he was like, "Can you meet me at my, my temple, my, like, Hindu temple?" It was... So I showed up, and it was like, everyone quietly in prayer, and this beautiful temple, and this is in London on the outskirts, and I go, I'm like, "Should I come in?" And he's like, "Yeah, come in and meet my family." And then he's like, "Oh, yes, this person's getting a knight's costume." And then I went into, like, they took me all around. I was in there for, like, 90 minutes. There was beautiful snacks, and, yeah, it was really nice. That was good.

• 5:56Fortune Feimster?

  The Lord, the Lord's inviting you for coffee. Come on in, rock and roll. I can see you wearing that costume. That seemed like a, a good fit for you.

• 6:09Mae Martin?

  I wore it and feel good. Uh, yeah.

• 6:12Fortune Feimster?

  Oh.

• 6:12Mae Martin?

  I was just trying to make my dreams come true. So transparent, just being like, "Can I think of a reason why I'd have to wear this knight costume?"

• 6:23Mae Martin?

  How are you guys?

• 6:24Fortune Feimster?

  Funny.

• 6:24Mae Martin?

  Are you filming, Fortune?

• 6:26Fortune Feimster?

  I am filming. Everything's going really good. It's been, um, going well. It's long days, but we're moving fast, and, um, I'm having, I'm having a good time with the gals.

• 6:39Mae Martin?

  Have you come up with any games that you're into in between takes, like, uh?

• 6:44Fortune Feimster?

  The game is have Kim Kardashian tell us as many fun stories as possible. Yes.

• 6:50Mae Martin?

  Is she a good storyteller?

• 6:51Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, there are many good stories. Oh, my. She must have seen it all, too. She's seen it all. And always is a fun to listen to.

• 7:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 7:02Tig Notaro?

  We gotta leak some of those on the pod.

• 7:04Fortune Feimster?

  Never. I cannot. You're a vault. I'm a vault. Otherwise, you don't get fun stories.

• 7:10Mae Martin?

  I know.

• 7:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 7:11Mae Martin?

  Are you trading, are you giving her something too? You're telling her about when you dressed up as Alf?

• 7:16Fortune Feimster?

  I did tell her the other day. I said, I apologize that none of us have anything fun to give you in return. We're all very boring in comparison.

• 7:25Mae Martin?

  Hey, don't talk about my co-host that way.

• 7:28Tig Notaro?

  Exactly. My point, May.

• 7:30Fortune Feimster?

  I just don't have any crazy stories like that. She's just got so, and she's just lived out here forever. They know everyone.

• 7:39Tig Notaro?

  What about your meetup days? You don't want to tell her about?

• 7:43Mae Martin?

  The Craigslist days?

• 7:43Fortune Feimster?

  What are my meetup? Oh.

• 7:45Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, when you first moved to LA.

• 7:47Mae Martin?

  Or what about when you went by yourself on a Sound of Music tour?

• 7:51Fortune Feimster?

  You guys, she would be riveted by all of these things.

• 7:56Tig Notaro?

  I'm sure she did the same.

• 7:58Fortune Feimster?

  In the very beginning, she like, I couldn't tell when I was joking. So she would kind of like, look at me and she like, you're joking, right? I'm like, yeah.

• 8:09Fortune Feimster?

  But now she's like, just starts laughing. So.

• 8:12Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's good.

• 8:13Tig Notaro?

  Oh, success.

• 8:14Fortune Feimster?

  She's starting to figure me out.

• 8:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 8:16Mae Martin?

  Now, one day, you're gonna come in and say something really sad and she's gonna be cackling away.

• 8:22Tig Notaro?

  I remember one time going to a party, meeting people, and they were like, um, where were you? And I was like, oh, um, there was a lot of traffic. There was an accident and, uh huh, and what?

• 8:38Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 8:39Tig Notaro?

  Well, no, it was like 10 car pileup and, okay, and?

• 8:44Fortune Feimster?

  There she goes.

• 8:45Tig Notaro?

  No, not, not everything's a joke. Like, I really am late because there was an accident.

• 8:51Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God. Well, in their defense, you do set up jokes in that way.

• 8:56Tig Notaro?

  I, look, I'm not, I'm not saying I'm right.

• 9:01Tig Notaro?

  I'm rarely saying I'm right. Yeah. I'm oftentimes. Wrong even. Yeah, yeah. Not, not often.

• 9:08Mae Martin?

  I can't think of a single time.

• 9:10Tig Notaro?

  That I've been right. Wrong. Wrong, oh, right, right, you're right. Right, wrong. You're right. Right. Tig, how are you? Well, um, as you know, I've been, uh, dealing with some, uh, some, you know, tough stuff over in Kitty City. Yes. And, um, but we're, we're stand positive. Um, poor little Fluff has been going downhill for a few weeks and we just, we kinda, may ha- I can't remember, have you had animals or no? Like growing up, yeah. Yeah, yeah, it's just, it's like. It's a family member, yeah. You know how they behave. Yeah, you know, you know their vibe and you're like, something's off.

• 9:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, like Fluff is always a part of Kitty City and going upstairs, downstairs, eating with the other cats and then it just started to seem like she was a little lethargic, you know? Even though, yes, cats sleep all day and night. There was still, even the way she was lying down seemed oddly lethargic. Anyway, this past week, really, uh, things took a turn and then, man, last night really took a turn and Stephanie was like, I feel like we need to go right now to the emergency room. And so we did, we went to this place, so great, um, it's called Mash, I had never

• 10:36Tig Notaro?

  heard of it, but it's an ER in LA. Thomas said he used it for, uh, his pup and, um, so they gave her, we had had a vet, this is a boring story, but. But now I'm imagining you at a party telling it and people going, yeah? Yeah.

• 10:53Tig Notaro?

  Well, a week ago, we had a vet come over and check her out and he took her blood and urine sample and all that and we were waiting on that. But in the meantime, it just, like I said, took a turn. And so they gave her, they kept her overnight, gave her an IV and some steroids and some medication to help her stop throwing up. And so now we're just waiting on the scans that should be in by the end of the week. And man, are we just hoping for the best.

• 11:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:28Tig Notaro?

  Cause like right now, we just went and picked her up this afternoon and she ate when she got home, but then she immediately got into Finn's dirty clothes basket, which that's not where she goes.

• 11:42Mae Martin?

  Like hiding.

• 11:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 11:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 11:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:46Tig Notaro?

  They hide when they're not doing well. So anyway, it's been

• 11:52Mae Martin?

  Fingers crossed.

• 11:53Tig Notaro?

  Thank you. Fingers, paws, toes, everything crossed. But also simultaneously, when I got good news of being nominated for the Oscar for Come See Me in the Good Light.

• 12:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's incredible.

• 12:11Tig Notaro?

  Which has been

• 12:13Fortune Feimster?

  Man, I, to be fair, always believed that you guys were gonna get nominated.

• 12:17Mae Martin?

  I, I know.

• 12:18Tig Notaro?

  Did you really?

• 12:19Mae Martin?

  Oh, 100%.

• 12:20Tig Notaro?

  Like 100%.

• 12:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah, cause I've never had a more

• 12:22Fortune Feimster?

  But then you were like, no, it's so hard. And we were both like, no, I think.

• 12:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you were like, I've never had a more affecting experience watching a documentary. So I was like, any of those voters who see it, there's no way.

• 12:36Tig Notaro?

  I hear that and I appreciate it so much. If you ever make a documentary with Ryan White, the director, he will be sure to let you know, there's no chance in hell the project you're working on is going to get nominated or win anything. So I've just been in, it's not actually, it's not him being negative. He really gave me some insight into how this process works.

• 13:01Fortune Feimster?

  Right, the politics of it.

• 13:02Tig Notaro?

  The politics behind it. He said, you know, the past few

• 13:08Tig Notaro?

  Oscars, there's been no American films nominated in this category. Just, there's a lot going on.

• 13:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 13:16Tig Notaro?

  And, and I could sit and talk to you about it for like an hour, like into even more detail.

• 13:22Mae Martin?

  But, girl, we want to know, where were you when you got the call? What did, did you get giddy? Were you freaking? Like, that is, it's, it's, it's the childhood fantasy.

• 13:32Fortune Feimster?

  I saw you on a Zoom, a Zoom picture with no shirt on.

• 13:36Tig Notaro?

  Yes, yeah, well, that'll happen. Especially when you're looking for it.

• 13:42Fortune Feimster?

  Did you at least have Ponties on?

• 13:43Tig Notaro?

  I had Ponties on.

• 13:44Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 13:45Tig Notaro?

  But the night before, we had a Zoom call with all the producers and everyone and Meg and Ryan again was like, so, you know, I've, we've been on the shortlist for the Oscar nominations a few times before. And he said, the morning it's announced, it's on oscars.com. They go onstage in a theater in front of a live audience and just list off the nominees just one after the other in every category. And he said, and I've set my alarm for 5:00 AM to watch this happen. And only to not hear my project called. And he said, you know, and it's, it's a bummer. He said, I'm, I'm not sure if I'm going to actually set my alarm tomorrow.

• 14:29Tig Notaro?

  And I originally thought maybe I would. And then after he said it like that, and then he was like, and there's not been any American documentaries nominated for the last few years. I was like, oh, I don't know if I can handle. I don't know if my heart can take not hearing

• 14:47Mae Martin?

  The anticipation.

• 14:48Tig Notaro?

  This documentary announced because it's really the first time I have campaigned and really given something my all in that kind of way. And I think it's because it was easier because I'm not the star of it, you know? And because I believe in this project and my friends and all of that stuff. So, anyway. When Stephanie and I went to bed, she said, are you going to set your alarm? And I said, I don't think I am. I think I'm just gonna go to bed and I'll just hear when I hear. She was like, alright. So I put on my, my eye mask and my earplugs and I-

• 15:25Fortune Feimster?

  Your breathing machine. Yeah. Your doctor mask.

• 15:28Tig Notaro?

  Snuggle into my R2-D2 suit. And, um, and then, yeah, I went to sleep and Stephanie woke up at five and she was like, oh, I'll, I'll just watch this, even though Tig isn't. So she watched it in bed next to me.

• 15:45Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my god.

• 15:46Tig Notaro?

  While I was snoozing up a storm. And she said, when they said, um, you know, feature documentary, film, or, yeah, feature, feature-length documentary. And then they said, come see me in the good light. She said it was that feeling of like, thinking you're crazy and you're misunderstanding something. And she was like, okay, wait, hold on a second. This says documentary film, best documentary film. Yep, that's, that's a category, right? And come see me in the good light. Yeah, that's it. That's the name of the, and Tig, right, that's her lying next to me. And so she's like, Tig, oh my god, you got the nomination.

• 16:30Tig Notaro?

  And I'm like pulling all my gear off my face. I'm like, huh? What? And she was like, you got nominated. I was like, no, no, we didn't. No, we did not. And she was like, yes, you did.

• 16:42Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that's the best feeling.

• 16:45Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it was really wild. And all of you very kindly reached out and congratulated.

• 16:51Fortune Feimster?

  I was up at 6:30, so I gave you a early morning shout out.

• 16:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, you did. And it was very much appreciated. And then our producers wanted to get on a, a Zoom first thing in the morning. And I was like, still lying in bed, um, in my Ponties. And so I got on topless. Um, yeah.

• 17:11Fortune Feimster?

  You got to.

• 17:12Tig Notaro?

  Cause I'm a pro.

• 17:19Mae Martin?

  Fortune Zootopia 2 also nominated. Yeah.

• 17:22Tig Notaro?

  What do you mean Fortune? It's the three of us.

• 17:25Mae Martin?

  That's right.

• 17:26Tig Notaro?

  I mean, we're the stars.

• 17:27Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah, sorry. Yeah, we're all nominated for.

• 17:29Tig Notaro?

  Do you go to the Oscars?

• 17:32Fortune Feimster?

  I don't, I don't know. I haven't heard yet. I don't know where the cutoff is. I don't know how many tickets they get.

• 17:39Mae Martin?

  But aren't you the first gay beaver in a Disney?

• 17:43Fortune Feimster?

  Well, you know, no.

• 17:45Mae Martin?

  No one's sexuality.

• 17:47Tig Notaro?

  Yes, we do. Yes, we do.

• 17:50Fortune Feimster?

  I've done a couple of Oscar things for them. They want, they wanted me to do more, but I'm filming and I unfortunately not be, being able to, to be a part of it. So I don't know. I have no idea if I get to go or not. If I do, amazing. If not, I'll be, that's fine, too.

• 18:08Tig Notaro?

  I could take you as my date to the Oscars.

• 18:10Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. I'm sure somebody would love that.

• 18:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 18:14Mae Martin?

  I'm gonna appear as one of the waiters or something. You're gonna, you'll, you'll go to the bathroom and I'll be the bathroom attendant.

• 18:20Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 18:21Mae Martin?

  Guys.

• 18:21Fortune Feimster?

  I've never, I went as a journalist to the Oscars back in the day in the press room, but I've never been.

• 18:27Mae Martin?

  Wait, what? You were a journalist?

• 18:30Tig Notaro?

  Um, yes, ma.

• 18:31Fortune Feimster?

  For seven years.

• 18:33Tig Notaro?

  And talked about it for the first seven years of our podcast.

• 18:36Mae Martin?

  Wait, how did I, did I really, I, I missed this.

• 18:39Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. That was my day job for seven years. I interviewed every celebrity in Los Angeles.

• 18:45Mae Martin?

  I don't know how I didn't know that.

• 18:47Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. I definitely talked about it, right, Tig?

• 18:50Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. Yes, if I know and I remember.

• 18:53Mae Martin?

  I'm so sorry.

• 18:54Tig Notaro?

  It is something.

• 18:56Fortune Feimster?

  It was, it was my day job, like, I started it part-time while I was an assistant and then it led to a full-time position. And I did it till 2010. Uh, and it was for newspaper, a bunch of newspapers. And it was when online stuff was becoming a thing, like news online was just becoming a thing. Uh, it was syndicated. So you'd write it and it would go to like hundreds of newspapers.

• 19:25Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 19:26Fortune Feimster?

  And then, um, Uh, yeah, so I've, I would interview, uh, it was entertainment journalism. So I would interview like actors on the phone, writers, directors. I would go to premieres. I would go to award shows and I would be the person on the red carpet or in the press room.

• 19:40Tig Notaro?

  Do you feel like a lot of journalists would wanna be in entertainment outside of journalism?

• 19:46Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 19:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, like, oh, it's gonna be me up there.

• 19:48Fortune Feimster?

  No, a lot of the people I knew were like, if I had wanted to be a journalist, I would've had, that would've, I would've made it. That was a really cool job.

• 19:57Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 19:58Fortune Feimster?

  Um, but it just, they, and I worked for these amazing people, the, this, uh, my boss Stacy knew I wanted to be a comedian. So, uh, she was very supportive of that and like,

• 20:10Tig Notaro?

  That's nice.

• 20:11Fortune Feimster?

  I was taking Groundlings classes at the time at night. So that, it was like the perfect job to like, have to pay my bills and it was cool and it was adjacent to what I wanted to be doing.

• 20:22Tig Notaro?

  Right, right.

• 20:22Fortune Feimster?

  So I still got to learn a lot about the business.

• 20:25Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 20:26Fortune Feimster?

  I run into publicists to this day.

• 20:28Tig Notaro?

  Who knew me as a journalist?

• 20:31Fortune Feimster?

  It's pretty trippy.

• 20:32Tig Notaro?

  That's funny.

• 20:33Mae Martin?

  What if I am undercover? I'm actually a journalist writing an expose on you guys and I've done, this whole podcast has been research undercover.

• 20:42Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah? Okay.

• 20:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I wouldn't doubt that.

• 20:44Fortune Feimster?

  A lot.

• 20:45Mae Martin?

  I'm playing a long game.

• 20:47Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. It's a really long game.

• 20:49Fortune Feimster?

  It is a long game.

• 20:50Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 20:51Fortune Feimster?

  How much longer do you? Why do you career go in for someone?

• 20:54Tig Notaro?

  I know.

• 20:55Fortune Feimster?

  Just trying to be a journalist?

• 20:56Mae Martin?

  But that's why I was going, this is not gonna go past April, right? They're going state.

• 21:01Tig Notaro?

  I gotta get back to work.

• 21:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 21:03Tig Notaro?

  Well, and, and what's funny, uh, is, um, I, I forgot to, I'm realizing this is mid-February that this is coming out. We're taping it a little early and I will have just been at the Independent Spirit Awards. So I wonder if I won?

• 21:21Mae Martin?

  I wonder if you won.

• 21:22Fortune Feimster?

  I've never been to that one either, but that one looks like a cool, like a fun one.

• 21:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that one looks cool.

• 21:28Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 21:28Mae Martin?

  So, I mean, imagine if we were all three of us hosting the Oscars and you were nominated, you're sprinting between your chair and the stage and...

• 21:36Tig Notaro?

  Whatever has to be done, you know?

• 21:38Fortune Feimster?

  We still need to get on our tap dancing lessons for whenever that day comes.

• 21:43Tig Notaro?

  Maybe I'll wear tap shoes to the Oscars and then if I win.

• 21:48Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, Tig.

• 21:51Tig Notaro?

  Maze into this. And then I just start tap dancing on stage.

• 21:58Mae Martin?

  God. I mean.

• 22:00Tig Notaro?

  While everyone's giving these heartfelt Andrea Gibson speeches, then I'm just like tap dancing in the background.

• 22:07Mae Martin?

  Andrea would get, would get that.

• 22:09Tig Notaro?

  Andrea would love that.

• 22:11Mae Martin?

  The temptation to do a bit on such a global stage like that is so.

• 22:16Fortune Feimster?

  Do you think Andrea is whispering in voters' ears?

• 22:20Tig Notaro?

  I hope so. But you know, I have to say, and maybe I've said this to you guys before, of course, I've heard a million times, people say, oh, it's an honor to be nominated.

• 22:32Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 22:33Tig Notaro?

  Not that I wasn't honored in any other nomination. This particular category is mind bending.

• 22:44Mae Martin?

  Yeah. Have you seen the other documentaries?

• 22:47Tig Notaro?

  I've seen some of them. I'm still in the process, but man, this is, and not, not to take away from like scripted or any, any other jobs in, in this

• 22:59Tig Notaro?

  business or awards or whatever, but documentary filmmakers that are working on passion projects for years, raising money independently and, and being in the scene, because I've been on this massive, you know, press tour and festival tour and just meeting all these people. They're so interesting and talented and highly intelligent and it's, it's, it's, it's like, man, whoever wins.

• 23:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 23:35Tig Notaro?

  It's sincere congrats.

• 23:37Mae Martin?

  Like I'm, I met a documentary filmmaker who'd been making a documentary about a kid who, but it was following him for 10 years. It was following him from age 10 to 20. And it was like, they would do a couple of weeks every year, basically, but yeah, like a passion project, no funding, just like everyone doing it because they know they're making something amazing. And I just watched that documentary, Secret Mall Apartment on Netflix. Have you seen it? Group of artists, they are kind of trying to make a statement about like corporate, like this mall that bulldozed a bunch of old buildings in their town and like took over. And so they are really interested in this mall and they have all the plans to the mall.

• 24:18Mae Martin?

  And they find like a little pocket in the mall that you can access via one.

• 24:25Tig Notaro?

  Well, I guess May went back to their, um, their investigative job.

• 24:31Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, whoever May has been called to hire things.

• 24:37Fortune Feimster?

  That was wild.

• 24:38Tig Notaro?

  That was wild.

• 24:39Fortune Feimster?

  It's like you're talking, you're saying too much.

• 24:43Tig Notaro?

  We told you not to ever reveal. You signed an NDA.

• 24:49Mae Martin?

  Oh, okay. I'm back.

• 24:53Mae Martin?

  Wifi went out. Um, they build an apartment in the mall, but I mean, with electricity, with they somehow smuggle like a couch that they have to break into pieces and get up there. And they have it for four years where they are like living in the, I won't ruin it, but.

• 25:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 25:11Mae Martin?

  What?

• 25:11Tig Notaro?

  And this is all top secret? Nobody knows they're living in the mall?

• 25:16Mae Martin?

  No, and there's close calls with security and all this stuff.

• 25:20Tig Notaro?

  And that would be exciting.

• 25:21Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 25:22Fortune Feimster?

  That would stress me out.

• 25:23Mae Martin?

  So stressful. But the magic of it is that they're like. We're just doing this as art, like for no audience, no money. And they're like, life as art, like, like a big scale prank like that almost.

• 25:36Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 25:38Mae Martin?

  And they remember it forever. And you've got to watch it. It's really inspiring.

• 25:41Tig Notaro?

  I would love to see it.

• 25:42Mae Martin?

  Really good. Yeah.

• 25:43Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 25:44Fortune Feimster?

  I too am watching inspired television.

• 25:47Mae Martin?

  What are you watching?

• 25:48Tig Notaro?

  Sounds like, sounds like maybe Fortune is not watching.

• 25:52Fortune Feimster?

  It's called Tell Me Lies and it's on Hulu and it's a bunch of people banging and being awful to each other in college.

• 26:00Mae Martin?

  Reality TV?

• 26:01Fortune Feimster?

  No, it's a real, it's scripted.

• 26:04Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 26:04Fortune Feimster?

  And it'll, it'll really hook you.

• 26:08Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 26:09Fortune Feimster?

  It's, they, they are so horny.

• 26:12Mae Martin?

  Oh.

• 26:13Fortune Feimster?

  And also so awful to each other.

• 26:19Fortune Feimster?

  And I don't know why, but you like, start watching and you can't stop.

• 26:23Mae Martin?

  You love it?

• 26:24Fortune Feimster?

  I love it.

• 26:28Tig Notaro?

  And it's called what?

• 26:29Fortune Feimster?

  It's called Tell Me Lies and there's a bad boy, there's a bad boy named Steven, who is, you will hate more than any character on television you've ever hated.

• 26:39Mae Martin?

  Really?

• 26:40Fortune Feimster?

  Um, but he loves to bang.

• 26:42Mae Martin?

  Yeah, he's a hot bad boy.

• 26:45Fortune Feimster?

  He's a bad boy that just, um, knows how to put it down. You know what I mean?

• 26:50Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 26:52Tig Notaro?

  What did he put down? His wiener?

• 26:55Mae Martin?

  He knows how to put his wiener down.

• 26:57Fortune Feimster?

  Put his wiener down.

• 26:58Tig Notaro?

  And you're saying the other contestants do not know how to put their wiener down?

• 27:01Fortune Feimster?

  Contestants, it's, it's, it's like a TV show scripted.

• 27:05Tig Notaro?

  Oh, oh, oh, whatever, contestants.

• 27:09Fortune Feimster?

  And he has a, he has a girlfriend that he breaks up with for another girl and then they're passionate and they love each other. And then he screws her over and gets back with the other one. And then they're all lying to each other and they're mean and they're.

• 27:22Tig Notaro?

  Look at Fortune's act out.

• 27:24Fortune Feimster?

  I'm just saying, you guys, I've also watched important stuff.

• 27:28Tig Notaro?

  And what do you suppose that, like, what do you think? Sparks that interest for you where you're because I'm not saying I wouldn't be interested if I watch it. I'm just curious with you having you having seen it.

• 27:42Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. It's like one of those shows where you're you can't really describe why you're into it, but you can't stop watching it. I recommended it to another lesbian friend and she and her wife could not stop watching it.

• 27:54Tig Notaro?

  Really?

• 27:54Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 27:55Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 27:56Fortune Feimster?

  I don't know. I don't know.

• 27:57Tig Notaro?

  Would Thomas like it?

• 27:59Fortune Feimster?

  Honestly, I don't know. Give one episode a try and see if you get hooked. If you're not hooked on one, you're probably not going to be into it.

• 28:06Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 28:07Fortune Feimster?

  Like you know right away if you're into this vibe or not.

• 28:09Tig Notaro?

  It's called Tell Me Lies.

• 28:11Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 28:12Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 28:13Fortune Feimster?

  Grace Van Patten is the star of it.

• 28:16Tig Notaro?

  Is the theme song, Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little.

• 28:19Fortune Feimster?

  No, but they do.

• 28:20Tig Notaro?

  Tell me, tell me lies.

• 28:22Fortune Feimster?

  So it starts in modern day, but modern day for them is like 2015. And then it goes back seven years to when they were in college.

• 28:31Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 28:31Fortune Feimster?

  And so they they have a really good music in this show, but it's covers of songs that were super popular in the 90s. And that's really fun, too.

• 28:43Tig Notaro?

  I like that.

• 28:44Fortune Feimster?

  Can I say not 90s, 2000s, like Mr. Brightside and stuff.

• 28:48Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yes.

• 28:49Fortune Feimster?

  So I don't know. I'm into it. And it made me realize that I was very boring in college.

• 28:55Tig Notaro?

  Well, and so you're saying this is more inspiring than like Come See Me in the Good Light?

• 29:00Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, in a different, different kind of way.

• 29:05Tig Notaro?

  Because what I feel like my documentary has going for it is like positivity and hope in the world.

• 29:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, this is not that.

• 29:15Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 29:16Mae Martin?

  This is tantalizing, scintillating.

• 29:20Fortune Feimster?

  Dark, horny bitches.

• 29:26Tig Notaro?

  Sounds like that is your spin off podcast.

• 29:30Fortune Feimster?

  Dark horny bitches.

• 29:31Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And it's just you.

• 29:37Fortune Feimster?

  Welcome to Dark Horny Bitches.

• 29:40Tig Notaro?

  With your host Fortune Feimster.

• 29:44Fortune Feimster?

  Wow. Yeah. Listen, I'm just saying, I'm not comparing the two like apples to apples. More like apples to oranges.

• 29:52Tig Notaro?

  Apple TV to orange TV is what this is.

• 29:55Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, but we're very excited for you.

• 29:58Tig Notaro?

  Well, thanks. I appreciate the support and it's gonna be interesting.

• 30:05Fortune Feimster?

  It sure will.

• 30:06Tig Notaro?

  And, you know, when you said it's a childhood dream, I can't say I imagined I'd ever be doing anything that would call for an Oscar nomination, but it feels, it feels good. And it feels like everybody that worked on this film did exactly the right job to make this exactly what it is.

• 30:30Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 30:31Tig Notaro?

  So.

• 30:31Fortune Feimster?

  It was an inspired doc.

• 30:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, about living.

• 30:36Fortune Feimster?

  Man, the in memoriam at this Oscars is gonna be, we just lost Catherine O'Hara.

• 30:42Mae Martin?

  I know, I know. Very sad day for Canadians. Well, for everyone, but yeah, so awful. I'm, speaking of documentaries, I'm excited. There's a documentary coming out about the.

• 30:53Tig Notaro?

  Melania?

• 30:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah, can't wait. No, the, this production of Godspell in the seventies in Toronto. Yeah, that had like Martin Short and Catherine O'Hara and Gilda Radner, Eugene Levy, Dan Aykroyd. They were all in this one.

• 31:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 31:10Mae Martin?

  So that'll be good. And also what I was gonna say before, and now it's not relevant, but when I first moved to England, I was so bad at comedy and I did musical comedy and all I had was I rewrote Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies to Feed Me Pies, Feed Me Chickenee Pies. It was bad.

• 31:27Tig Notaro?

  Chicken, chicken pies.

• 31:28Mae Martin?

  Feed me, feed me.

• 31:30Tig Notaro?

  And you just sang that on stage and people were kinda like, huh?

• 31:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 31:34Tig Notaro?

  Or did the crowd go wild?

• 31:36Mae Martin?

  No, it was very much huh. Yeah.

• 31:38Tig Notaro?

  And when, how long did you do that and then go, ah, I think I'm gonna move beyond chicken pot pie humor?

• 31:46Mae Martin?

  I mean, it was this good six months. I was thinking, they're just not getting it, but I'm gonna.

• 31:54Fortune Feimster?

  I'm gonna keep giving it to them.

• 31:56Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 31:56Tig Notaro?

  Well, you should record it and we'll release it on the website. Am I right?

• 31:59Mae Martin?

  How did it go? I feel like it was just that joke. It was just, "Feed me pies, feed me chicken."

• 32:04Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, we have an entire website that can just be dedicated to any song you feel like putting out there.

• 32:09Mae Martin?

  Oh, great. Yeah.

• 32:11Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 32:11Mae Martin?

  Around Easter time, you know what I'm doing.

• 32:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, you're gonna be singing to the Lord.

• 32:15Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:21Tig Notaro?

  Happy Easter. He is risen. Should we get to our question?

• 32:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 32:25Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, we should. Tig?

• 32:28Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 32:29Fortune Feimster?

  Well, today's question asker is a hugely famous and popular drag queen and musician who won season three of RuPaul's Drag Race All-Stars and served as a judge on Queen of the Universe. She produced and starred in the docu-series Trixie Mattel and launched her own cosmetics brand, Trixie Cosmetics, which that line is ginormous as well. Trixie Mattel is asking today's question.

• 33:01Fortune Feimster?

  I love Trixie. I don't think Trixie's in drag for this question.

• 33:06Mae Martin?

  Trixie is so witty.

• 33:08Fortune Feimster?

  Trixie's drag makeup is incredible.

• 33:13Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 33:13Fortune Feimster?

  That would take hours to put on.

• 33:16Tig Notaro?

  Not for me.

• 33:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 33:18Tig Notaro?

  I could just slap that right on.

• 33:20Mae Martin?

  You could do that in the car on the way to work?

• 33:21Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:22Mae Martin?

  One hand while you're driving?

• 33:23Tig Notaro?

  Slap, slap, slap. There it is.

• 33:26Fortune Feimster?

  I think Trixie is one of the best drag queens there is.

• 33:31Mae Martin?

  Definitely.

• 33:31Fortune Feimster?

  And Trixie has a podcast with Katya and their podcast is very popular as well.

• 33:36Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:37Fortune Feimster?

  Um, and I could watch clips of the two of them all day long. They are so funny.

• 33:43Tig Notaro?

  Well, you gotta turn off, uh, Tell Me Lies for just half a second.

• 33:47Fortune Feimster?

  I know. It's hard to break myself away from all those horny, dark, bitches.

• 33:57Mae Martin?

  It's sounding like Gossip Girl to me, like that vibe.

• 34:00Fortune Feimster?

  Um, it's way hornier than that.

• 34:03Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 34:04Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I don't know. They're just always doing it and they're always lying to each other. That hints, tell me lies. Their podcast, Trixie's podcast is called The Bald and The Beautiful with Trixie and Katia. A very, very funny pod.

• 34:17Tig Notaro?

  Well, let's hear it. Give it to us.

• 34:19Speaker 03

  Hello, folks. Over at Handsome, I am Trixie Mattel, at least I usually am. Hello. I know all of you separately, but not all of you together. I've been thinking about this a lot. Last summer, I had a pool party and I put on the invitation two to five. And everybody was like, damn bitch, jump in the water and get wet and leave, huh? But I don't think it's rude when you invite people to something to add an end time. Do you guys think that's rude?

• 34:41Mae Martin?

  I have strong feelings. I, I love an end time because it means that people will arrive on time because they know that it's not like, oh, it says start at two, but you know, people won't get there till four. It's like, you know, get there at two and then get out.

• 34:54Tig Notaro?

  May's ready to party.

• 34:56Mae Martin?

  I'm ready to party. And then you could tell a select group of people, hey, I said on the invite five, but stick around after, you know what I mean?

• 35:03Fortune Feimster?

  I know.

• 35:03Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I know what exactly what you mean.

• 35:06Fortune Feimster?

  You do do that.

• 35:07Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 35:08Fortune Feimster?

  By the way, are you back to doing that again?

• 35:11Mae Martin?

  What, orgies? No, it has to happen organically.

• 35:15Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 35:16Mae Martin?

  But yeah, I am in that era again, I would say.

• 35:18Fortune Feimster?

  You're in that era again. Okay. Cause I know you have a.

• 35:21Mae Martin?

  I'm still not. Yeah.

• 35:23Fortune Feimster?

  You're not in, I know I'm, I can't do that either. Um, I know that you have a, like, this is the, this is the party, the beginning party, and then there's a late party.

• 35:33Mae Martin?

  Well, you're thinking about that one party you came to that became an orgy after you left.

• 35:40Fortune Feimster?

  No, no, no. I was not at that party, but I came to the party a few weeks later where I was told, did you know what happened at the last party? And I was like, what? And then I heard tell that. I don't know. I don't know if you did it again. Maybe you did it again.

• 35:54Tig Notaro?

  I don't think I was even invited to any of these parties or orgies.

• 35:58Fortune Feimster?

  Not in the orgy.

• 36:02Tig Notaro?

  My, my wife is invited to these parties.

• 36:05Fortune Feimster?

  No, you were invited. You were invited. You just don't go.

• 36:09Mae Martin?

  No, I, I'm not at every party, like doing, telling people to stay after for an orgy, but I do. If, if you don't give an N.

• 36:17Fortune Feimster?

  You send out little personal invitations.

• 36:20Mae Martin?

  No, as they come in, I slip a little card in their pocket. No, I don't, but.

• 36:24Fortune Feimster?

  I was like this jig at the party.

• 36:28Mae Martin?

  Fortune's.

• 36:29Fortune Feimster?

  Seeing what was about to go down.

• 36:31Tig Notaro?

  I feel like that's you at any party. I've seen you at a party where you just kind of peek around and then you're like, I gotta go.

• 36:38Fortune Feimster?

  I got, yeah, cause when, when things are, when it starts to get salacious, I do have to leave.

• 36:45Mae Martin?

  You're, you have to bounce.

• 36:46Fortune Feimster?

  Fortune and I are, I can't sit and watch that.

• 36:49Tig Notaro?

  Fortune and I are bolting out the door.

• 36:52Fortune Feimster?

  I do not want to be the old woman in the corner.

• 36:56Tig Notaro?

  That's me.

• 36:59Mae Martin?

  That wouldn't happen though. It wouldn't, it wouldn't start if there were two people who didn't want to be there just standing against the wall.

• 37:06Fortune Feimster?

  So, so when it happened, there were no spectators. Everyone was involved.

• 37:11Mae Martin?

  Are we, we're back to the, we're back to being instructed in the orgy.

• 37:14Fortune Feimster?

  That's a fair question.

• 37:15Tig Notaro?

  Seems like Fortune's interested in orgies after all.

• 37:19Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, you are. Yeah, girl. I do, no, this is a lights off body. Um, and that cannot happen in one of these situations. Um, I don't want, I don't need people looking at me while this is happening. You know what I mean?

• 37:33Mae Martin?

  Everyone's just worried about themselves, looking, you know, and looking all around at the, at the whole.

• 37:38Tig Notaro?

  Nobody's thinking about you. They're just thinking about their own privates.

• 37:42Fortune Feimster?

  It's still not for me. I don't want that.

• 37:44Mae Martin?

  There was one spectator, uh, who said.

• 37:47Tig Notaro?

  Was it my wife?

• 37:51Tig Notaro?

  Was it my wife?

• 37:53Mae Martin?

  There was one spectator. No, there was, there was someone who said, um, I, I don't.

• 38:00Tig Notaro?

  I don't want to keep her on a tight leash or anything. It's fine if she was there peekabooing, but go on.

• 38:05Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Who was this per, you don't have to tell us the name, but who was this person?

• 38:09Tig Notaro?

  What's her name?

• 38:11Mae Martin?

  A friend of mine and, and she was like, I, yeah, I'm not, I don't think I'm, she'd been in the last orgy. She was like, I don't think I'm going to get involved, but I'm going to, um, be here to help. Like if anyone needs me to pass them lube or whatever, or like just needs.

• 38:24Tig Notaro?

  Fortune's thing. You didn't, wait, that is the shocking part?

• 38:30Fortune Feimster?

  That that's used in an orgy. We're just like, oh, wow. Well, this has gone a little too far. Too much. I'm going back to the Christian pod we started with. He is risen. Oh, my God. That's the name of your other pod is He Is Risen. I guess that's that person can stay around and watch only because they did participate before.

• 38:53Mae Martin?

  No, anyone could stay and watch if they're, well, I don't know. I mean,

• 38:57Fortune Feimster?

  I don't think anyone can stay and watch. What does this have to do with? Don't open the door. What is, what does any of this have to do with?

• 39:07Mae Martin?

  Should we get an amber last party ending?

• 39:09Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I think it has everything to do with it. Yeah, fair enough. If you have an end time, you either.

• 39:14Mae Martin?

  That's good because the people that you don't want just hanging around, leave at the end time you've given.

• 39:20Fortune Feimster?

  Those fuggos.

• 39:21Mae Martin?

  No, no, come on.

• 39:23Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, what, what'd you say? The fuggos, get an end time, Tig. Okay. They don't get to be part of the, do you know what fuggos is? I don't. Like, like. That's horrible. Fucking ugly. That's horrible. Fortune Marie. What? I can't believe you call people that. Given, I would be given an end time. I'm included in this.

• 39:49Mae Martin?

  No.

• 39:50Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, I'm not, I'm not ripping on anybody else. I'm ripping.

• 39:54Mae Martin?

  How did this question become about me excluding people that on it for an orgy?

• 39:59Fortune Feimster?

  Well, not everyone can be there. I was just making a joke. Everyone's beautiful. That was a joke. Well, I mean, I don't get it. It's funnier to say fuggos than the, than the longer. That is a fun word and it's familiar. But when you make me say it. Say it again. That's not as nice. Say it again and tell us what it means again. I don't want to.

• 40:23Mae Martin?

  Do you guys want to play a game?

• 40:25Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 40:25Mae Martin?

  Okay. So are you giving end dates, end times for your kids' birthday parties and stuff?

• 40:31Fortune Feimster?

  I'm up into a game. Why do you really want a game?

• 40:33Mae Martin?

  Okay, the game is just, and then you can decide. I'll put a big gulp of water in my mouth. Wait, Tig's taking her headphones out.

• 40:40Fortune Feimster?

  Not participating? Wow. Wow. All right, I'll listen. I'll listen. How about a little yes and over here? Go ahead, May. No, but. I'm sorry, my friends are being a fuggo.

• 40:53Fortune Feimster?

  It's just funny.

• 40:54Tig Notaro?

  You can, you can, you can just fuck off.

• 40:58Fortune Feimster?

  Very good.

• 40:59Tig Notaro?

  Fuck off. Fuck off. Also, when do we talk about the end of the party?

• 41:06Fortune Feimster?

  I just tried asking.

• 41:07Tig Notaro?

  Trixie. Okay, go out, do your game.

• 41:09Fortune Feimster?

  It's not even good, but.

• 41:11Tig Notaro?

  No, who cares?

• 41:11Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, no.

• 41:12Tig Notaro?

  No game is good.

• 41:13Fortune Feimster?

  I stood up for you.

• 41:15Mae Martin?

  Okay, if I put a, I put a big gulp of water in my mouth and then you guys, one by one, say, you say one word out loud and, and, and try to make me laugh and spit the water out.

• 41:26Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 41:27Mae Martin?

  Yeah?

• 41:27Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 41:28Mae Martin?

  So it's one word and neither of you say fuck off, please?

• 41:30Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that was my word.

• 41:31Mae Martin?

  I know it was.

• 41:32Tig Notaro?

  That's not mine.

• 41:33Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 41:34Mae Martin?

  Okay, I'm really gonna try not to spell it.

• 41:36Fortune Feimster?

  Don't hurt your mic.

• 41:38Tig Notaro?

  Pony rides.

• 41:40Fortune Feimster?

  Wait, we said it at the same time?

• 41:41Tig Notaro?

  Pony rides.

• 41:43Fortune Feimster?

  Cooter rides.

• 41:48Fortune Feimster?

  Cooter rides is good.

• 41:50Tig Notaro?

  Uh, go to YouTube. Uh, this is the most handsome I've ever seen, May.

• 41:55Fortune Feimster?

  Mm-hmm.

• 41:56Tig Notaro?

  Uh, oh, I got a word for you.

• 41:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 41:58Tig Notaro?

  Lube.

• 41:59Fortune Feimster?

  Ah. Butthole lube.

• 42:05Fortune Feimster?

  The, we gotta laugh, but no water spilled.

• 42:08Tig Notaro?

  God, we're not good at this. Or May's really good at this.

• 42:13Fortune Feimster?

  Tiggle.

• 42:14Tig Notaro?

  That's why I hate games.

• 42:15Fortune Feimster?

  Tiggle bitties.

• 42:16Tig Notaro?

  Hmm.

• 42:17Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm. Do you have?

• 42:18Tig Notaro?

  I would keep saying.

• 42:20Fortune Feimster?

  Yep.

• 42:21Mae Martin?

  I swallowed the water.

• 42:22Fortune Feimster?

  Should we put it back in? I think we lost, no? I think we just lost.

• 42:25Tig Notaro?

  This is a terrible game.

• 42:28Fortune Feimster?

  You almost.

• 42:29Tig Notaro?

  I got close with Cooter Rides.

• 42:30Fortune Feimster?

  You almost had me at Cooter Rides. I know, Cooter Rides was good.

• 42:34Mae Martin?

  That was really good. I felt like I would've, I would've gone.

• 42:37Fortune Feimster?

  On a Cooter Ride?

• 42:42Fortune Feimster?

  All right, Tig, we've been dying to know about your thoughts on the end time of a party, yes or no?

• 42:48Tig Notaro?

  Yes, absolutely.

• 42:50Mae Martin?

  End times, right?

• 42:52Tig Notaro?

  Um, yeah, yeah, I think so. Um, I don't know if it was on here or another podcast I was doing. Who knows? We talk for a living, right? We have no idea what we're saying ever.

• 43:03Mae Martin?

  No idea.

• 43:04Tig Notaro?

  Um, so I used to have like a big blowout, you know? I used to have like big parties.

• 43:11Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah. Cause your birthday's coming up.

• 43:13Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I'm done. I'm done.

• 43:15Mae Martin?

  You're not gonna do it? What do you mean?

• 43:17Fortune Feimster?

  I don't like that you're done, because I never got to go to any of these parties. Because I was always out of town.

• 43:22Tig Notaro?

  Invite you.

• 43:23Fortune Feimster?

  You did, but I was out of town.

• 43:25Mae Martin?

  I've never been invited.

• 43:26Tig Notaro?

  I, you know, maybe some weird thing will happen and I'll do it again. But like, I would go wide, big and wide with the party.

• 43:36Fortune Feimster?

  What does that mean?

• 43:37Tig Notaro?

  Just like bartenders and food and like every, like if I knew you on some level.

• 43:44Fortune Feimster?

  You weren't invited.

• 43:46Tig Notaro?

  To some degree. I mean, it's like, it's hard to invite everyone because.

• 43:51Fortune Feimster?

  Not everyone from the orgy is getting an invite.

• 43:53Tig Notaro?

  No. Do you find it hard? I think we've talked about this, like having moved so many times in life and being the ages that we are and the different professions that we've had of like keeping in touch with everyone.

• 44:08Fortune Feimster?

  It is hard.

• 44:09Mae Martin?

  It's really hard and it's unnatural to have to be carrying on like a hundred conversations at once on your phone. Like I, yeah, yeah. And different time zones. It's, it's really hard.

• 44:19Tig Notaro?

  It's so hard.

• 44:19Mae Martin?

  But that's why parties are good, because you got everyone in one place. You see them once a year, you know?

• 44:24Fortune Feimster?

  I know. I don't think you should give up on parties. You can like not have one this year, but then revisit it at some point.

• 44:31Tig Notaro?

  Thank you.

• 44:32Mae Martin?

  Could we throw you one?

• 44:33Tig Notaro?

  Uh, you could, you could. But after the Oscars and everything this year, I, this is when I'm having my first plastic surgery operation.

• 44:41Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God, yes. Getting those tits back on, are ya?

• 44:45Tig Notaro?

  On my eyes. I get my dumpster tits.

• 44:49Fortune Feimster?

  Somebody found them in the dumpster.

• 44:51Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 44:51Fortune Feimster?

  Coming back.

• 44:52Tig Notaro?

  Couple of rodents hanging off of them, but they're getting sewn on too.

• 44:57Fortune Feimster?

  They both have ornaments on.

• 45:00Tig Notaro?

  But yeah, I have my, um, we should podcast some night when I'm so exhausted because I am Popeye face like nobody's business. My eyelid, the muscle of it cannot open at all.

• 45:16Mae Martin?

  Podcast when you're recovering from the surge?

• 45:18Tig Notaro?

  Oh, for sure.

• 45:19Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that would be fun.

• 45:20Tig Notaro?

  I would love to show everyone.

• 45:22Fortune Feimster?

  Some kind of hill.

• 45:24Mae Martin?

  Yeah, with an eye patch.

• 45:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 45:26Fortune Feimster?

  Hello, everyone. It's your old sea captain Dig.

• 45:31Tig Notaro?

  That's a really good impression of me.

• 45:35Fortune Feimster?

  It's me, you with an eye patch because it's me who would be a sea captain.

• 45:39Tig Notaro?

  Well, I'm for sure going to get on and as long as I'm feeling okay, you know, because apparently can take a couple of weeks to like really feel like you're back in your body. Hopefully it'll be sooner, but um, I am more than willing to get on here and be like, this is my new Hollywood face.

• 45:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah, I, I really want you to show up and you've, you've, you've had a couple of other things done too, just, just for fun.

• 46:07Tig Notaro?

  Like what?

• 46:07Mae Martin?

  Like botox so that you, I mean, not, not that you're like making crazy faces all the time as it is, but botox. So you're really still.

• 46:17Tig Notaro?

  I did botox once for my, I have bad like head stuff.

• 46:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 46:22Tig Notaro?

  And, and I was told that maybe botox can help and um, Stephanie was teasing me the other night about that, those few months that I had botox. And how she goes, um, she was like, that was, um, she said, you were one of those examples of like, you looked like a completely different person.

• 46:46Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 46:47Tig Notaro?

  And I just said, um, please don't ever bring that up again. That was a mistake I made.

• 46:52Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 46:53Tig Notaro?

  Um, but yeah, it's, uh, I, I don't know if I can do that again, but it also didn't help my head at all.

• 47:01Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 47:02Tig Notaro?

  But, um, we all have our problems, right?

• 47:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 47:05Tig Notaro?

  But yes, get out of my house by 5pm. I also love an early thing. What I do enjoy more than a huge party is just a dinner party.

• 47:16Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, I love a dinner party.

• 47:18Tig Notaro?

  Eight to 10 people.

• 47:19Fortune Feimster?

  Love that.

• 47:20Tig Notaro?

  And you hang out, start early.

• 47:24Fortune Feimster?

  Like five?

• 47:25Tig Notaro?

  Honestly, yes. You have hors d'oeuvres and drinks and you just chat and then you move into the food when you're ready, listen to some tunes. I could do that until the cows come home.

• 47:37Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 47:38Tig Notaro?

  But like a million people running around my house and property, like

• 47:42Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's stressful.

• 47:44Tig Notaro?

  It's so stressful and you don't get to sit down and talk to people one on one. And I just, I love that so much more. And if you add, like, the party ends at eight, but you're having a good time, you're like, guys, by the way, I wasn't sure if you'd be a fun bunch in a big group together, we can go till eight thirty.

• 48:04Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 48:05Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 48:06Fortune Feimster?

  I, I do love an end time. I do not mind an end time at all. And I will say if Trixie's friends are a little bit right in that, like, two to five for a pool party does seem short.

• 48:19Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 48:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you know what?

• 48:20Tig Notaro?

  That's enough time to tread water.

• 48:22Fortune Feimster?

  I would have added one more hour, one to five.

• 48:25Mae Martin?

  Yeah, and pool party feels like it should be able to get a little wild.

• 48:31Tig Notaro?

  What, like cannonballs? What are you talking about?

• 48:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you gotta be doing cannonballs.

• 48:35Tig Notaro?

  What if you had ruined the whole part? Everybody was looking for a chill day and you're just like, belly flop.

• 48:43Fortune Feimster?

  I, yeah, I think I threw one pool party years and years and years ago and it was so much work and I was like, never again. I'm not great at throwing, I don't throw a lot of parties personally.

• 48:55Tig Notaro?

  Oh, but you want me to throw my big?

• 48:57Fortune Feimster?

  I did, I, I did in my, from thirty to thirty-five, I threw myself a lot of birthday parties. I did do that.

• 49:05Mae Martin?

  Six a year?

• 49:06Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, one, one a year, you know?

• 49:07Tig Notaro?

  I was gonna say, more than five in that window of time.

• 49:12Fortune Feimster?

  And I had some good ones. I had one at the gay country western bar. I had one at a piano, the piano bar was really fun. Uh, I had one at my house. Um, I had one, uh...

• 49:27Fortune Feimster?

  I don't remember, but I had some good B-day parties back, back in my single days.

• 49:31Mae Martin?

  I miss the days where it's your birthday and you know, I just gotta invite everyone in my class. Just the 25 kids in my class and there's no hierarchy. It's just, yeah, I went to a kid's birthday party on Sunday and there was a bouncy castle and pizza and then all these-

• 49:47Tig Notaro?

  Did you know anyone there?

• 49:48Mae Martin?

  No, I just was walking by. So it looked fun. Uh, yeah, it was Sabrina's son's birthday and all the parents were there and it is weird that they don't know each other and they all have to socialize because their kids are there together. And then someone said to me, hey, a lot of these kids love the Beatles. You want to grab a guitar and play a Beatles song? And I, a part of me was like picturing this magical moment and all the kids singing along. And then I thought about what it would really be like and how I'd bomb and the kids wouldn't really want to listen and the parents would be like, what is this? And I get the, I get the lyrics wrong and it would seem like I wanted attention and-

• 50:22Fortune Feimster?

  You didn't do it?

• 50:23Mae Martin?

  I didn't do it. I didn't do it.

• 50:24Fortune Feimster?

  You just go, "Well, I've had myself in times of trouble."

• 50:29Tig Notaro?

  That's Bob Dylan singing the Beatles.

• 50:33Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 50:34Fortune Feimster?

  Speaking little- This very world is a wizard, let it be.

• 50:42Mae Martin?

  Should we hear, um, Trixie's answer?

• 50:45Tig Notaro?

  Yep.

• 50:46Speaker 03

  I personally don't think that's rude. I think it gives everybody an idea of when things are meant to wrap up. Quality over quantity. Come over for lunch doesn't mean you should be here at 10:00 PM. Do you guys think that's crazy?

• 50:57Fortune Feimster?

  Fair, fair point.

• 50:58Mae Martin?

  Fair, yeah.

• 50:59Fortune Feimster?

  Well, because there are people that don't read the room.

• 51:02Tig Notaro?

  Yes. God, and it's never who you want to stay.

• 51:05Fortune Feimster?

  It's never, the, there's always one person that shows up like 10 minutes before the party starts and then, and you're still like putting things out and they're just there not helping and staring at you.

• 51:16Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 51:16Fortune Feimster?

  And then there's always a person you don't want to stay late is not leaving.

• 51:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 51:21Fortune Feimster?

  So it's the time, the time, um, book, uh, bookends helps with the people that aren't as self-aware.

• 51:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Well, and that's the problem with being so jacked up on drugs and alcohol.

• 51:37Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's-

• 51:39Tig Notaro?

  So, we'll end there.

• 51:40Mae Martin?

  That you don't pick up on cues?

• 51:43Tig Notaro?

  I'm just assuming, like if you're trashed and you're just like, woo.

• 51:48Fortune Feimster?

  Party continues.

• 51:49Tig Notaro?

  Did I tell you about when I went to that party years ago? It was like- Nick Kroll, Jason Sudeikis, Olivia Wilde, they had done like some film and they were like, "Hey, we're at the director's house. Um, come over and hang out." And I went over there and it was very intimate and like maybe 10 people.

• 52:14Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 52:15Tig Notaro?

  And then, then I said to the friends of mine in the cast, I was like, "Okay, when you guys leave, I'm just gonna hang out at your director's house and act like I don't pick up that it's time to leave." And so they all left and I was just sitting at his kitchen table and I was like, "Man." So that was really fun.

• 52:39Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God.

• 52:39Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, you actually went through with the bits.

• 52:42Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I did it. I did it. And he was like, "Yeah," you know, and he was like cleaning up and you could tell he was like, "What in the hell is happening?"

• 52:51Mae Martin?

  You thought you were trying to bang.

• 52:53Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but to this day, when I see him every now and then, um, we have a laugh about that.

• 52:59Fortune Feimster?

  You love a bit. Oh, my God.

• 53:01Tig Notaro?

  Well, I love an awkward bit. Wouldn't you want to see that? Wouldn't you want to see me?

• 53:07Fortune Feimster?

  I couldn't put myself through the pain of that.

• 53:09Tig Notaro?

  Okay, but wouldn't you want to watch me doing it?

• 53:12Fortune Feimster?

  I would want to watch you do it, but it would be painful to be the person doing it.

• 53:16Tig Notaro?

  I need to have a prank show.

• 53:17Mae Martin?

  Yeah, you do. There's no audience for that. Your friends have left. It's just you and him.

• 53:21Tig Notaro?

  Well, yeah, it's just, I do so many bits just for me and then I share them. So.

• 53:27Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that's great. That's my nightmare.

• 53:30Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm.

• 53:31Fortune Feimster?

  Being in an awkward situation, you thrive.

• 53:34Tig Notaro?

  I love it. I love it so much.

• 53:37Mae Martin?

  I have something really related to that, which is I took, uh, Parv's daughter, Ama, to the Muppets premiere. And so I kept bumping into people I knew and I was so excited. It was just me and Ama.

• 53:47Tig Notaro?

  Like Kermit?

• 53:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah, my buddy Kermit. No, like friends who were coming up. And then Ama was like, "Jeez, like, people keep distracting us from talking." And I was like, "Yeah, it's, uh, people keep coming over." And she was like, "Are they your friends?" And I was like, "Some of them, but, uh, I said, "Actually, sometimes people come over and I don't really even want to talk to them. I don't really know them that well."

• 54:07Fortune Feimster?

  They just know you from your IMDb score.

• 54:09Mae Martin?

  I said, "Ama, you could say, you could make up a riff, go, 'Oh, May, you, we gotta go over here. We gotta, you know, you distract me.'" And she was like, "Okay, got it, got it." And then this guy came over not five minutes later and was like, "May, hey." And I was like, "Hey." And she goes,

• 54:23Fortune Feimster?

  May told me they don't want to talk to people at this party and that they want me to make up an excuse to get them out of the conversation. I was like, oh, well, she's referring to something else.

• 54:34Mae Martin?

  Yeah, not you, not you.

• 54:38Fortune Feimster?

  That is so funny. That was really good. She was doing a bunch of bits, actually. In the bathroom, she goes, "May, I flushed my hairband down the toilet." I went, "What?" And she goes, "Yep, it fell in. I flushed it right down." I was like, "She's doing a bit." She goes, "Come in and look." I go in, it's nowhere to be found. And then she'd hidden it behind the door. But she really committed for a long time.

• 55:01Tig Notaro?

  Oh, she got you.

• 55:02Fortune Feimster?

  She got me good.

• 55:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. She and I need to have a prank show.

• 55:06Fortune Feimster?

  Yes, oh my god.

• 55:07Tig Notaro?

  What if that was my story? I was like, "And after everyone left, I hung my hairband on his bathroom hook by the door."

• 55:17Fortune Feimster?

  You've been tigged.

• 55:19Tig Notaro?

  And he didn't know it.

• 55:22Fortune Feimster?

  Well, what a podcast. What a podcast, y'all. Well, before we get into promotions, I want to say really quickly that the Handsome Pod is doing a live show. It has been a minute since we have gotten to, um, we did our Dynasty Typewriter Holly Bobbs, um, but this will be our next one in May. May 4th, as part of the Netflix Is a Joke Festival. It'll be at the Wiltern. Um, we've got a really cool guest, Molly Nockerman and Brittany Snow from The Hunting Wives.

• 55:53Tig Notaro?

  Yep.

• 55:54Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, so get your tickets. This is gonna be a really fun, big show. And it will not be live, live streamed, so.

• 56:01Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's gonna be a grand old time. Grand old time. You have to get your tickets right now.

• 56:07Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, that's right. The link is on our, uh, social media pages.

• 56:11Tig Notaro?

  Mm-hmm. And, um, you can also go to tignotara.com if you want to come see me live on my tour or doing LA dates and.

• 56:20Tig Notaro?

  Final push, check out Come See Me in the Good Light on Apple TV. It is a documentary full of hope and life, even though it seems like it won't be. And a lot of humor in there, too. So it's so beautiful. Please check it out. You can also sign up for Apple for a trial subscription. If you're like, I don't have Apple TV, trial, trial subscription.

• 56:46Mae Martin?

  I'm going on tour real soon. If you go to maymartin.net, there's still tickets left. And I'm going to Oklahoma first at the end of February. And then I'm going to Texas and I would love to see everyone there. I want to sell it out. It's selling really well, but then there's some random cities that aren't, that aren't, I mean, I've never toured before, so I'm talking about this like this. It's crazy. Some cities don't sell and some do. But please come and see me, maymartin.net. It's going to be very, very joyful.

• 57:17Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Have a grand old time.

• 57:20Fortune Feimster?

  I'm in San Diego, March 7th. And then the rest of my tour picks back up in April. All those dates I had to reschedule are definitely happening. Oklahoma City, Fayetteville, Arkansas, Little Rock, San Antonio, Des Moines, Toronto, Rochester, Minnesota, Cedar Rapids, Omaha, Portland, Maine, Detroit. Those are all coming up soon.

• 57:40Tig Notaro?

  Love it. And please, love you too. You as well, May. Rate, review, subscribe to this podcast and the YouTube page. And please share your favorite episodes with friends and let's keep building this community. Also, we're up for a GLAD Award.

• 58:02Fortune Feimster?

  Hey.

• 58:02Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we are. Yeah, for best podcast of the year. Hey, hey, hey. So that's also why you should share the podcast. Cause we are the best. We're number one.

• 58:15Fortune Feimster?

  In your hearts.

• 58:16Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, in our hearts. So until next time.

• 58:20Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome.

• 58:24Tig Notaro?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin and Fortune Theme Store. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. Follow us on social media at HandsomePod.

• 58:42Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast.

• 58:48Speaker 03

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 58:50Speaker 04

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris.

• 58:52Speaker 05

  And Hannah Simone.

• 58:53Speaker 04

  And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind-the-scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog-

• 59:15Speaker 05

  That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet. I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo.

• 59:27Speaker 04

  We're just two BFFs having a good old time, okay? Sometimes, we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel, Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr., and your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well.

• 59:39Speaker 05

  Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.