Melissa McCarthy & Ben Falcone ask about comedy bits

The iconic comedy couple Melissa McCarthy & Ben Falcone asks about tricky comedy bits on a hilarious episode of Handsome, plus Mad Libs return, #sexyAF, and more! Handsome is hosted by Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune FeimsterFollow us on social media @handsomepodMerch at handsomepod.com http://handsomepod.com/Watch Handsome on YouTube http://youtube.com/@handsomepodThis is a Headgum https://headgum.com/ podcast. Follow Headgum on Twitter https://x.com/headgum, Instagram https://www.instagram.com/headgum/, and Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum. Advertise on Handsome https://gumball.fm/shows/handsome via Gumball.fm http://gumball.fm/. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  This is a HeadGum Podcast.

• 0:05Mae Martin?

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• 0:55Mae Martin?

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• 1:11Fortune Feimster?

  Chatting with friends on the Handsome Podcast. Cheers.

• 1:20Tig Notaro?

  Hey, it's your friend Tig Notaro.

• 1:23Mae Martin?

  And your friend May.

• 1:25Fortune Feimster?

  And your friend Fortune.

• 1:27Tig Notaro?

  And you're listening to the Handsome Podcast.

• 1:31Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah, baby. The band's back together.

• 1:36Tig Notaro?

  That's right.

• 1:37Fortune Feimster?

  Looking as handsome as ever.

• 1:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah, looking very handsome. Both of you in collars, collared shirts.

• 1:44Fortune Feimster?

  You noticed, May?

• 1:47Tig Notaro?

  And you, May, in a hoodie. What's the special occasion?

• 1:51Fortune Feimster?

  Sexy hoodie.

• 1:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 1:54Tig Notaro?

  I actually have a full... I'm wearing the jumpsuit that I wore in Army of the Dead.

• 2:02Fortune Feimster?

  Mmm.

• 2:02Mae Martin?

  Oh, no way.

• 2:03Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's the full jumpsuit.

• 2:06Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, let's see it. Oh.

• 2:07Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 2:08Fortune Feimster?

  My loins are feeling things.

• 2:13Tig Notaro?

  You're cooter.

• 2:15Tig Notaro?

  Big Fortune Marie.

• 2:19Mae Martin?

  Are you gonna, are you gonna keep any wardrobe from Star Trek? You gonna keep your?

• 2:23Tig Notaro?

  I know, I think about shows like that where it's like, uh, oh Fortune, you're, go to YouTube right now. Go to YouTube and look at-

• 2:32Mae Martin?

  I'm fingering-

• 2:34Tig Notaro?

  Star Trek.

• 2:35Mae Martin?

  Star Trek.

• 2:36Tig Notaro?

  Fortune's trying really hard.

• 2:38Mae Martin?

  To do live long and prosper that. May does it so effortlessly. Wait, you can't do it Fortune? No.

• 2:45Tig Notaro?

  Oh, I mean, look at her.

• 2:49Tig Notaro?

  I barely can. Like when I go through, um, you know, doing press for the show and everybody's doing that, I'll be like,

• 2:58Mae Martin?

  Oh, well, you got, you got it.

• 3:00Tig Notaro?

  I, I, I do, but it takes me a beat to get there.

• 3:03Mae Martin?

  Do you think people have not gotten hired on that show because they can't do this? Yeah. Like, is that part of your audition? Oh, wait, look. Oh, my God, you guys look. There you go.

• 3:13Tig Notaro?

  Go to YouTube. Go to YouTube. Seriously, go to YouTube. Oh, my God, you gotta get rubber bands.

• 3:19Mae Martin?

  Yeah, just get some duct tape. I think it's real good that-

• 3:22Tig Notaro?

  Do you know what's funny? Speaking of duct tape is my character from the old series that I did, Star Trek Discovery.

• 3:29Mae Martin?

  Janet Reno.

• 3:30Tig Notaro?

  No, no, Jet.

• 3:33Mae Martin?

  That's not your character's name?

• 3:34Tig Notaro?

  Jet Reno. Um, but I have a line where, cause I'm an engineer. And somebody does something and I say, I could fix that with duct tape. And so my character kind of is known for, um, you know, saying that and trying to fix things with little, you know, like with my gum, I'll like, you know.

• 3:58Mae Martin?

  I think that's like a really Canadian quality. Cause duct tape is very versatile. You could fix a canoe. You could, you can make a wallet. That was the big thing in high school, making a wallet fully out of duct tape.

• 4:08Tig Notaro?

  Oh.

• 4:08Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 4:09Tig Notaro?

  Well, you know, I have to be honest, duct tape also has reached the States.

• 4:16Mae Martin?

  Wait.

• 4:16Fortune Feimster?

  In Canada, we love duct tape.

• 4:18Mae Martin?

  Wait, why do I thought, why did I think it was purely Canadian? It's not, eh?

• 4:22Fortune Feimster?

  No.

• 4:23Mae Martin?

  Whoa.

• 4:24Fortune Feimster?

  Have you seen all the kidnappers in the States with duct tape?

• 4:27Mae Martin?

  You're right. You're so right, actually. Yeah.

• 4:29Tig Notaro?

  That is such a funny thing that you thought you invented duct tape.

• 4:34Mae Martin?

  I know. It's like, guys, you gotta check this shit out.

• 4:38Fortune Feimster?

  Our greatest export, duct tape.

• 4:42Tig Notaro?

  What were we, what did you say about Star Trek? I felt like I was gonna say something about...

• 4:46Mae Martin?

  Keeping your costume.

• 4:48Tig Notaro?

  Oh, oh, right. Hmm. Yes. Um, no, I won't be keeping my costume.

• 4:54Mae Martin?

  Good, I'm glad we...

• 4:55Tig Notaro?

  My spacesuit. Well, I, I was thinking when I was on set the other day about how there are those types of TV shows where your wardrobe is not something that you ask if you can take home or if, and anybody, the director's not like, hey, you know, on, on Little House on the Prairie, they weren't like, hey, you can take that bonnet home. Although I would love a bonnet.

• 5:19Fortune Feimster?

  You know, I love a bonnet.

• 5:21Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 5:22Fortune Feimster?

  Can I take this nightgown?

• 5:25Tig Notaro?

  Send this candle.

• 5:28Tig Notaro?

  But I did, I love the jumpsuit from Army of the Dead.

• 5:32Mae Martin?

  It really suits you.

• 5:33Tig Notaro?

  Well, thank you. And if, if you're not aware, I did go viral for being sexy.

• 5:38Fortune Feimster?

  A sex symbol.

• 5:40Tig Notaro?

  I know. I don't mean to compete with you here, May, but I, some, some people found me sexy during that window of time.

• 5:47Mae Martin?

  I feel wildly unsexy at the moment.

• 5:50Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, really? I feel so sexy right now.

• 5:52Mae Martin?

  I'm like ordering chicken nuggets at, you know, 3 a.m. I'm not in a sexy place.

• 5:59Fortune Feimster?

  Hello.

• 6:00Mae Martin?

  Hello.

• 6:01Fortune Feimster?

  Chicken nuggets at 3 a.m.

• 6:04Mae Martin?

  Are you feeling sexy, Fortune?

• 6:06Fortune Feimster?

  Um, yeah.

• 6:08Fortune Feimster?

  I sure am.

• 6:09Tig Notaro?

  Oh, look at all these little poses.

• 6:11Fortune Feimster?

  I'm never feeling sexy. I'm always feeling silly, but I remember, I remember when Tig broke the internet. It was, um, we were in the pandemic, right?

• 6:20Tig Notaro?

  Oh, yeah. You'd think it would have launched us out of the pandemic.

• 6:23Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I thought the vaccine was coming on the heels of that.

• 6:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 6:27Fortune Feimster?

  Um, but yeah, we were all at home, collectively at home.

• 6:32Tig Notaro?

  While I was going viral.

• 6:34Fortune Feimster?

  You were going viral on the old Twitter.

• 6:37Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 6:37Fortune Feimster?

  And Instagram. What was it like? Did someone call you up and say, Tig, you're gone, you've gone viral?

• 6:43Tig Notaro?

  Well, Stephanie and I were, um, we were in the editing bay for our movie, Am I Okay? And my phone, yeah, starts going off and, uh, I didn't know or I forgot that the trailer came out. Oh, yeah. And whatever it was of not remembering or didn't know, I, I, everybody was like, oh, my God. You're, you're, you're going viral for being sexy, for being sexy AF. Um, I think I told this story and then I, I turned to Stephanie and I was like, I am so, I don't understand. People are texting me that I'm like viral for being sexy as AF. Is what I said to Stephanie.

• 7:26Fortune Feimster?

  Did you know what AF was?

• 7:28Tig Notaro?

  No, no, had never heard of it in my life. And, um, and that's why I said to Stephanie, people are telling me I've gone viral for being sexy as AF. And she said, oh my God. She said, it's not as AF, it's sexy AF. And she said, it's like saying you're, you've, you're sexy at, wait, what is it? What is?

• 7:50Fortune Feimster?

  Sexy as a fuck?

• 7:52Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, uh, yeah, something like that. I don't know. Um, but, uh, I, I went viral in 2012 for being sickly. And then, uh, whatever, 2022.

• 8:04Fortune Feimster?

  So you've done sickly, sexy. What's next? Silly?

• 8:08Tig Notaro?

  I don't know. I'd love to go viral for silly.

• 8:12Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God, that would be good.

• 8:12Tig Notaro?

  I love silliness. I'll be honest.

• 8:15Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, start like go to some major event and throw banana peel on it.

• 8:20Tig Notaro?

  Wait, let me write this down. This is a good one. This is a good idea. Hold on.

• 8:24Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 8:24Tig Notaro?

  Throw banana peel.

• 8:27Mae Martin?

  Go to the Olympics, slip on a banana peel and go.

• 8:34Tig Notaro?

  I do love, um, now hear me out. I do love littering.

• 8:38Mae Martin?

  No.

• 8:39Tig Notaro?

  I do. I've been talking about this in my stand up, but I like littering in front of people.

• 8:46Tig Notaro?

  But I'm not really littering. I like throwing, I like throwing trash down on the ground to

• 8:52Mae Martin?

  Just to see.

• 8:53Tig Notaro?

  startle people. And, uh, so now that I have kids, they want me to litter. So we were on a hike. We were in the mountains on a hike and they're, and they call me mayor and they were like, mayor, here comes some people litter.

• 9:12Tig Notaro?

  And so we're like in this pristine, just beautiful area and I, and I take my to go coffee cup that I'm carrying and I'm like, oh my God, guys, it is so beautiful out here. And then I just toss my coffee cup on the ground.

• 9:27Mae Martin?

  Did they, did they like, their eyes go so?

• 9:29Tig Notaro?

  People want to kill me. And then I act like, I act like it's because they shoot me this look that I pick up my trash. And then my favorite thing was, you know, when you're in the mountains, people are so healthy and active and even elderly people are just out there trekking around and, um, and so this is my absolute favorite. So my kids are like, mayor, here, here comes somebody. And it's this woman has to be in her seventies, just fit as a fiddle. And I do the same thing. I look around and I mean, we're like, it's not like Runyon Canyon in Los Angeles. It's like packed full of people

• 10:13Tig Notaro?

  hiking around dog poop. It's like pristine beauty. Every now and then someone passes you.

• 10:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 10:22Tig Notaro?

  So I take my coffee cup and I go, guys, look at that mountain. And I just throw it and, and, um, and the woman in her seventies, she goes, ha! It's funny and points at me.

• 10:37Mae Martin?

  What?

• 10:38Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. And I said, oh my God, yes, it is. I'm joking. And I was like, I get it.

• 10:45Mae Martin?

  That's funny.

• 10:45Tig Notaro?

  I get it.

• 10:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Ghost of Christmas future.

• 10:49Tig Notaro?

  I mean, I love this.

• 10:51Mae Martin?

  Incredible.

• 10:52Tig Notaro?

  Old bat. Loved her.

• 10:53Mae Martin?

  You're gonna go viral for littering for sure.

• 10:55Fortune Feimster?

  I think so. That's what I was thinking, May. We're gonna, we're gonna open up an app and it's gonna be like comedian Tig Notaro litters.

• 11:02Mae Martin?

  Litters.

• 11:03Tig Notaro?

  Well, and I littered one, I was with Kristen Schaal, you know, the comedian Kristen Schaal? We went to a Tegan and Sara concert and there were 10 billion lesbians in line to get in.

• 11:14Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 11:14Tig Notaro?

  And I littered right there in front of them.

• 11:17Mae Martin?

  Oh my God.

• 11:18Tig Notaro?

  And they all got whiplash, just swinging their heads around like.

• 11:26Fortune Feimster?

  A collective gaffes from all the gays.

• 11:29Tig Notaro?

  We almost lost 10 billion lesbians that day. And I was on a flight and I sat next to Tegan and Sara. It was one of the gayest moments that have ever happened, has ever happened.

• 11:39Mae Martin?

  Gay flight.

• 11:40Tig Notaro?

  And I told them that I'd been talking about them on stage and, um, and it was about this littering thing, how I littered at their concert. And keep in mind, I don't leave litter on the ground. I do it.

• 11:52Mae Martin?

  As a bit. It's a Tig bit.

• 11:54Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's a Tig bit. I, I, I like to, I like to shock, startle.

• 11:59Mae Martin?

  Shock and awe, ruffle feathers.

• 12:02Tig Notaro?

  Ruffle, like in a fun way. Okay. I, I'm having fun and so did that, that woman. But yeah, so I'm telling them, and it was so funny, um, Sarah Quinn of Tegan and Sara, she is so, she was so uncomfortable. And she was telling me how she loves when people do uncomfortable things, but she cannot. Like, like when she thinks about doing anything like that, it just, ooh. And I was like, I'm here for you. I will do this. I, this is my job in the universe.

• 12:38Fortune Feimster?

  You're gonna sit in that uncomfortability and draw it out.

• 12:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 12:42Fortune Feimster?

  Oh my God.

• 12:43Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 12:43Tig Notaro?

  So I do love to litter.

• 12:45Mae Martin?

  My favorite thing that maybe you could, you'd enjoy this one is, is like if you're sitting near a window, or actually you don't have to be by window, but ask someone for a piece of gum and then they, they go all through their bag and they're rifling through and they dig out the gum and take some ages and as soon as you get it, you just throw it away. Like throw it out the window or just, it's really good.

• 13:04Tig Notaro?

  I, I'm happy to do that.

• 13:06Mae Martin?

  Yeah, yeah, let's do it.

• 13:06Tig Notaro?

  You know what I never got to do?

• 13:08Mae Martin?

  What are y'all doing to people over there?

• 13:11Tig Notaro?

  You know, because there's not video stores anymore, right? You can't really rent videos. I always wanted to rent a bunch of videos and then immediately return them in front of the people that, that like drive, just because there was a video store near my house that had the Dropbox right at the end of the counter. And so I wanted, yeah, I wanted to rent like five movies and then just drop them in the return thing and then just walk out the door.

• 13:45Mae Martin?

  I love that.

• 13:46Tig Notaro?

  One more thing I have to tell you, this, this I want to do so desperately, but it, it, it is a form of littering that is, that is delayed. It is delayed littering.

• 13:58Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 13:59Tig Notaro?

  Um, and that is, um, when you set a balloon free.

• 14:03Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 14:04Tig Notaro?

  That's just litter like one town over, you know?

• 14:07Mae Martin?

  It's gonna go in an ocean somewhere.

• 14:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but here is my big dream. I want to go to Disneyland with my family.

• 14:16Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 14:17Tig Notaro?

  And you know those people that are holding those balloons that have, um, Mickey Mouse in the balloons?

• 14:22Mae Martin?

  Those $50 balloons?

• 14:24Tig Notaro?

  Yes. I want to buy the whole bundle. I want to be like, how much for all of them? And buy all the entire bundle of.

• 14:32Mae Martin?

  They're like $10,000.

• 14:34Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. Buy the bundle and then just stare them in the face and let them go. Just let them go right there.

• 14:43Tig Notaro?

  I do it.

• 14:44Fortune Feimster?

  Look at you, you prankster.

• 14:46Tig Notaro?

  I want to do it.

• 14:47Mae Martin?

  Bring a pair of scissors to Disney and just walking down the main strip, just snipping everybody's balloon strings.

• 14:52Fortune Feimster?

  What's happening with you two today?

• 14:54Tig Notaro?

  I don't think we could get through security, in their security at Disneyland?

• 14:58Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 14:59Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it'd be like, I'm gonna bring a butcher's knife.

• 15:05Fortune Feimster?

  Look who's joined us.

• 15:07Mae Martin?

  Hi, Biggie.

• 15:08Tig Notaro?

  Oh, precious animal. Oh, my God, I gave Biggie a kiss from my office in Los Angeles.

• 15:15Fortune Feimster?

  You did?

• 15:16Tig Notaro?

  I did. I just, oh.

• 15:19Fortune Feimster?

  He's like, what's up?

• 15:21Fortune Feimster?

  There he is up close.

• 15:22Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, look at him.

• 15:24Tig Notaro?

  Biggie, go to our YouTube channel right now and see Biggie's dead eyes.

• 15:32Tig Notaro?

  That is the epitome, that is what Biggie, Biggie has dead eyes.

• 15:36Fortune Feimster?

  He, they light up when he sees a carrot.

• 15:41Tig Notaro?

  Barely.

• 15:42Fortune Feimster?

  Or food, his, his toy carrot or food and the eyes come alive.

• 15:48Tig Notaro?

  That's the charm.

• 15:49Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's a simple life, yeah.

• 15:51Tig Notaro?

  It's just dead eyes.

• 15:52Fortune Feimster?

  If you guys came to my home, he is a lot more animated.

• 15:57Tig Notaro?

  I don't need it.

• 15:57Fortune Feimster?

  Well, not in this moment on my desk, but like downstairs.

• 16:01Mae Martin?

  He's in your home right now.

• 16:02Fortune Feimster?

  I know, but like playing and you'll see the, the.

• 16:06Tig Notaro?

  I would love to see him playing with dead eyes.

• 16:09Fortune Feimster?

  No, Tig, his eyes are full of life.

• 16:19Fortune Feimster?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking for hybrid coffee shop concepts before I visit a new area? I missed out. Coffee in plants, coffee in books, coffee in vintage model trains. The opportunities are endless, but I have to remember to take advantage.

• 16:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome, so check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 16:49Tig Notaro?

  The handsome Holly Bob season is fast approaching and I'm realizing that we haven't hosted friends and family for a few months. Looking around my home, it's in need of a bit of a festive refresh. For all things hosting, Wayfair delivers high-quality, customer-trusted products for your home so you can host and celebrate without the stress.

• 17:11Fortune Feimster?

  Wayfair helps you create a Home that stands up to real life with quality products, great value and trusted reviews. Products are hand vetted by a product specialist using a 10-point quality inspection. They've got options for every style and budget. I'm more into the classic holiday look with multicolor bulbs, tinsel, you name it. Wayfair has all of that. I use Wayfair to decorate my fireplace this season and it looks so cozy and festive. I love everything. I've gotten on Wayfair and I know you will too.

• 17:40Tig Notaro?

  When refreshing your home this holiday season, Wayfair delivers exactly what you need. Head to wayfair.com to shop all things home. That's W A Y F A I R dot com.

• 17:53Speaker 00

  Wayfair, every style, every home.

• 17:56Fortune Feimster?

  There's nothing quite like having pieces in your closet you love and know that you can count on for any occasion, except maybe giving someone else that same feeling. This holiday season, Quince is where I'm finding those pieces. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials like Mongolian cashmere, organic cotton and premium stretch denim.

• 18:16Tig Notaro?

  Let me tell you about my jeans. I got a pair of the Luna Stretch Slim Straight Jeans for only 50 bucks compared to that $235. Compare that to $235 at traditional retail. They're quickly turning into my favorite thing to cover my legs with. I'm gonna pick up some more pairs because Quince has tons of color options as well.

• 18:40Fortune Feimster?

  Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was handsome. It's the best way to support the show.

• 19:01Tig Notaro?

  That's his charm.

• 19:02Fortune Feimster?

  Well, because he's like, what are you doing to me right now? Why are you putting me up in this Zoom? He knows what a Zoom is and he has no interest in it.

• 19:10Tig Notaro?

  My cat knows what sunshine is. Every morning when I come down, Fluff will meow at me. And I'll say, Fluff, where's your sunshine? Where's your sunshine? And she goes over and she lays down in a little sun patch in the kitchen and I pet her. It's so cute.

• 19:28Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, that is cute.

• 19:30Mae Martin?

  Have you, have you seen those things where it's like a, a pad with words and the dog can step on the words to communicate and it's like,

• 19:38Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 19:38Mae Martin?

  Take me outside, or it's like, I want toy. And, and the dog is basically making sentences.

• 19:45Tig Notaro?

  This is unnatural.

• 19:47Fortune Feimster?

  The dog is standing, standing on a woman's pad?

• 19:53Mae Martin?

  What? Fortune.

• 19:55Fortune Feimster?

  Fortune. Like a tampon pad?

• 19:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah, the dog is standing on.

• 19:59Tig Notaro?

  Pads are not, you sound like a man.

• 20:02Mae Martin?

  You do, you're like.

• 20:03Fortune Feimster?

  No, I know what a tampon is, but I'm, I'm saying like the adjacent version of the tampon, the pad.

• 20:10Tig Notaro?

  Yo bro, you mean like a tampon pad?

• 20:12Fortune Feimster?

  Those pads, those giant pads with the wings.

• 20:15Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, my, my chick wears those.

• 20:18Fortune Feimster?

  Can I, can I reveal a secret? Biggie's very familiar with pads because he has one in his diaper.

• 20:26Mae Martin?

  What? Wait a second.

• 20:28Tig Notaro?

  Why does he have a diaper?

• 20:30Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 20:31Fortune Feimster?

  You're making me reveal all of Biggie's secrets.

• 20:33Mae Martin?

  I don't think anyone made you.

• 20:35Tig Notaro?

  No, you really wedged it in there.

• 20:37Fortune Feimster?

  Twist my arm, I'll tell you.

• 20:39Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 20:40Fortune Feimster?

  Biggie has a, what's called a belly band and it's a diaper that goes around this back section here of a male dog. And it's, it's a diaper. And so, cause you know, male dogs like to mark everywhere. And so if we don't want Biggie to mark, if we take him somewhere and we don't want him to mark, we put a belly band on him. It's essentially a diaper, but we put a woman's pad in there.

• 21:08Mae Martin?

  The indignity.

• 21:09Tig Notaro?

  You don't even have to say woman's pad.

• 21:13Tig Notaro?

  That's like, that's like when a guy will say, I am a male nurse. It's like, okay.

• 21:21Fortune Feimster?

  But wait, also. He's got a pad in there. And so we go to the dollar store to get him his pads.

• 21:30Mae Martin?

  Is, but is the diaper not enough? Like he needs a diaper and a woman's pad?

• 21:35Fortune Feimster?

  The diaper is enough.

• 21:36Tig Notaro?

  She wants to humiliate him more.

• 21:37Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. The diaper's enough, but you just have to wash them a lot more frequently. But I have been in an airport holding his belly band with a woman's pad or pad.

• 21:50Fortune Feimster?

  Just flowing in the wind.

• 21:51Mae Martin?

  With the help of a male nurse.

• 21:53Fortune Feimster?

  It looks like I'm just holding a pad in the airport.

• 21:57Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 21:58Fortune Feimster?

  We were like, you psycho. Yeah, he, he is well potty trained, so he doesn't need it often. It's more in just new places where Jack wants to.

• 22:08Mae Martin?

  You stop.

• 22:12Fortune Feimster?

  So, yeah, anyway, pads.

• 22:14Tig Notaro?

  Women's.

• 22:15Fortune Feimster?

  Speaking of pads, it makes me think of the word mad, um, which makes me think of the word Mad Lib.

• 22:22Mae Martin?

  Oh, don't.

• 22:24Fortune Feimster?

  What a great transition, right?

• 22:25Mae Martin?

  How good. The response to our Mad Lib was electric.

• 22:29Fortune Feimster?

  It was electric, May. You knew what the people wanted.

• 22:32Mae Martin?

  I'm so pleased that people.

• 22:34Tig Notaro?

  We'll have to do it at a live show sometime.

• 22:37Mae Martin?

  I know. I didn't know how much I would be delighted. I was like giddy from it. I was, I got high from it.

• 22:43Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. I'll tell you the thing people didn't like, May.

• 22:46Mae Martin?

  What?

• 22:46Fortune Feimster?

  They didn't like that, um, we didn't give you a chance to do one.

• 22:50Mae Martin?

  But I got a lot of joy out of giving it to you guys. I'm a very generous lover.

• 22:55Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we can say that May has given it to us.

• 22:58Fortune Feimster?

  May, you gave it to us so good.

• 23:00Mae Martin?

  I'm a giver.

• 23:01Fortune Feimster?

  And you're such a giver. Well, Thanksgiving is upon us.

• 23:05Mae Martin?

  Uh huh.

• 23:06Tig Notaro?

  My favorite holiday.

• 23:07Mae Martin?

  Is it really?

• 23:08Fortune Feimster?

  Is it your favorite holiday?

• 23:09Tig Notaro?

  Yes, stunned faces.

• 23:12Fortune Feimster?

  I love it too.

• 23:13Tig Notaro?

  I love it so much. I love.

• 23:16Fortune Feimster?

  Food.

• 23:17Tig Notaro?

  And friends and family bringing their little weird dishes and.

• 23:21Mae Martin?

  Little weird dishes.

• 23:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, I mean.

• 23:24Mae Martin?

  I'd come by and be like, I brought one shrimp.

• 23:26Fortune Feimster?

  I forgot, May, do you go to visit your American friends' Thanksgivings?

• 23:32Mae Martin?

  I've never, I mean, I did a Canadian Thanksgiving type of thing here.

• 23:37Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 23:37Mae Martin?

  This year, I'm not sure. What, when is it again? November 20?

• 23:41Fortune Feimster?

  9th or something?

• 23:42Tig Notaro?

  It's the last Thursday. Yeah, I don't know if I'm gonna get off work because I'm working in Canada.

• 23:48Mae Martin?

  Oh, right, yeah.

• 23:49Tig Notaro?

  They don't celebrate it, so.

• 23:51Mae Martin?

  Hmm, how dare they?

• 23:52Tig Notaro?

  I might be working on my favorite holiday.

• 23:55Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I think it might be my favorite holiday too, because it's just all the food and, and you're giving thanks, saying what you're grateful for.

• 24:04Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, when we took Max and Finn to Austin one year, we spent Thanksgiving, we have. On my, my stepfather's side of the family, all boys, like, I think it was like 15 boys had been born, not one girl, until my brother just had a girl, um, like, a year ago. So we were all there and giving thanks for whatever, going around the table. And Max and Finn were three at the time. And when we got to them, I think one of them said, monster trucks.

• 24:39Mae Martin?

  That's what they're grateful for?

• 24:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, thankful for monster trucks. It's everybody's like, you know, I'm so thankful for my health and what I got through last year. And we will miss this person and that person. And then, monster trucks.

• 24:54Mae Martin?

  Yeah. I went to an ex's Thanksgiving once with her whole family. I hadn't met her family yet. And we're all sitting around and they're, you know, the great grandmother goes, you know, for these and all his mercies, God's holy name be praised. Amen. And we all say it. And then it goes to, uh, and then this two year old angel, sweet child, is just like babbling away and then starts going around the table and going, like, she's been kind of eyeing me up. And then she's going, well, Lindsay's a girl, mommy's a girl, daddy's a boy. And I'm like, here we go. And there's all these like grandparents, great grandparents, and everyone's silent. And then gets to me and is like, grandma's a girl. And then points at me and goes, what's May?

• 25:37Tig Notaro?

  And what did you answer?

• 25:38Mae Martin?

  I was like, well, you know, it's a spectrum.

• 25:42Tig Notaro?

  So everyone at the table had that accent?

• 25:45Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 25:46Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 25:46Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it was like, well, for these and all his mercy.

• 25:49Tig Notaro?

  Are you good at, you know, Stephanie's really good at, um, saying prayers.

• 25:55Mae Martin?

  Oh, yeah. I kind of clam up. I get, everyone expects, like, do you find this? Like, expects you to be good at toasts and things because you do comedy?

• 26:03Tig Notaro?

  She doesn't do it in a real way. She, she can do it like, like she's a A pastor who just breaks into prayer out of nowhere.

• 26:15Fortune Feimster?

  Who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

• 26:17Tig Notaro?

  No, like she can riff.

• 26:19Fortune Feimster?

  Thy kingdom come.

• 26:20Mae Martin?

  Whoa, like.

• 26:21Tig Notaro?

  Free form.

• 26:21Fortune Feimster?

  I will be done.

• 26:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 26:23Mae Martin?

  Like, uh, we give thanks for the spirit of the Lord pouring down upon us.

• 26:26Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 26:27Mae Martin?

  Oh, wow, cool.

• 26:28Tig Notaro?

  Yes, like when you do a show with her again, a live show, ask her to do a free form prayer.

• 26:34Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God.

• 26:36Tig Notaro?

  Die laughing.

• 26:38Mae Martin?

  I will. Can she do this?

• 26:40Fortune Feimster?

  The Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord lift his hand to shine upon you.

• 26:53Tig Notaro?

  Thankfully not. Thankfully not.

• 26:57Mae Martin?

  I feel like if you had been in your prime in like the 1930s or 40s, you would have had an unironic career as a singer, like a.

• 27:05Fortune Feimster?

  A chamber singer.

• 27:07Tig Notaro?

  A housewife.

• 27:08Fortune Feimster?

  I would have been the spinster that sings at church.

• 27:11Tig Notaro?

  No, you would have been married and spent your whole life thinking, something feels off.

• 27:17Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I feel different.

• 27:21Fortune Feimster?

  But I sing to the Lord.

• 27:26Tig Notaro?

  Keep going, keep going.

• 27:27Fortune Feimster?

  And all is good. That's it.

• 27:35Mae Martin?

  Wait, are we gonna do a Mad Libs?

• 27:36Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's do it. Who's ready? This is a Mad Lib called Oh My Thanksgiving Pie.

• 27:44Tig Notaro?

  And this is just for May?

• 27:46Fortune Feimster?

  It's you, May and you.

• 27:48Tig Notaro?

  Yes.

• 27:48Fortune Feimster?

  I'll let you know whose turn it is. All right, you ready?

• 27:53Mae Martin?

  I'm already like giggling.

• 27:55Tig Notaro?

  We've been ready.

• 27:55Fortune Feimster?

  Are you ready?

• 27:57Tig Notaro?

  For the Lord.

• 27:59Fortune Feimster?

  For the Lord.

• 28:03Fortune Feimster?

  Okay.

• 28:03Tig Notaro?

  I'm still preparing.

• 28:05Fortune Feimster?

  One of the best parts of Thanksgiving is-

• 28:07Speaker 04

  Wait, uh, Fortune, Fortune. So you just ask for a noun? Like, you don't tell them the thing?

• 28:11Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, Jesus.

• 28:12Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God, Fortune.

• 28:15Fortune Feimster?

  Yo.

• 28:16Tig Notaro?

  Okay, you have to keep that in, Thomas.

• 28:18Mae Martin?

  Please keep that in.

• 28:20Fortune Feimster?

  You guys, I told you I didn't know what nouns were.

• 28:23Tig Notaro?

  Well, now you're proving it.

• 28:25Fortune Feimster?

  And I'm like, why do I need to know this when I know about the Lord? It's hard to read. Okay, uh, May, give me a noun.

• 28:35Mae Martin?

  Uh, brisket.

• 28:37Fortune Feimster?

  All right, Tig, give me another noun.

• 28:39Tig Notaro?

  Um, Secretary of State.

• 28:44Fortune Feimster?

  God, that took forever.

• 28:46Tig Notaro?

  But it was worth it.

• 28:48Fortune Feimster?

  May, give me-

• 28:48Mae Martin?

  The Lord.

• 28:50Fortune Feimster?

  May, give me another noun.

• 28:52Mae Martin?

  Uh, butt plug.

• 28:53Fortune Feimster?

  Whoa.

• 28:54Tig Notaro?

  Classic.

• 28:55Fortune Feimster?

  Uh, Tig, give me an adjective.

• 28:58Tig Notaro?

  Fluffy.

• 28:59Fortune Feimster?

  Okay. May, another noun.

• 29:01Mae Martin?

  Uh, uh, water wings.

• 29:04Fortune Feimster?

  Okay. Wow, this is gonna be a real treat. Uh, Tig, give me, um, a family member. Any family member.

• 29:15Tig Notaro?

  Um, godfather.

• 29:17Fortune Feimster?

  Mmm, good one.

• 29:19Mae Martin?

  Can I replace water wings?

• 29:20Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 29:21Mae Martin?

  Okay.

• 29:21Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, God, the ad lib police, Mad Lib police. May, give, give me an adj- uh, adjective.

• 29:29Mae Martin?

  Slippery.

• 29:30Fortune Feimster?

  Tig, give me a plural noun.

• 29:33Tig Notaro?

  A plural noun, how about, um?

• 29:38Fortune Feimster?

  I'm bored.

• 29:40Tig Notaro?

  Fortune, that's my joke. A plural noun, jelly beans?

• 29:48Fortune Feimster?

  Sure, bud. Another noun, May.

• 29:51Mae Martin?

  Mystery.

• 29:52Fortune Feimster?

  Tig, give us an a- an adjective.

• 29:54Tig Notaro?

  Why don't I ever get nouns?

• 29:57Fortune Feimster?

  Dude.

• 29:58Mae Martin?

  All you got was nouns in the beginning.

• 30:00Fortune Feimster?

  Sneaky.

• 30:02Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that's good.

• 30:02Fortune Feimster?

  All right, May, give us another family member.

• 30:06Mae Martin?

  Um, uncle. Actually, I'll say ankle. Isn't that like the non-binary version of uncle and aunt? Ankle?

• 30:13Fortune Feimster?

  I know, I think that's a part of your foot.

• 30:16Mae Martin?

  Right. I'm gonna go with ankle, though.

• 30:18Fortune Feimster?

  It's an aunt uncle, uncle aunt?

• 30:20Mae Martin?

  Yeah, it's like a non-binary aunt uncle. I've made it up, but I think that's what it is.

• 30:24Fortune Feimster?

  Okay. What's that say, a number? Can you read that, Thomas?

• 30:28Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my god.

• 30:29Mae Martin?

  I thought you guys Googled.

• 30:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm trying to figure.

• 30:31Tig Notaro?

  This is a nightmare. How dare you? This is a nightmare.

• 30:36Fortune Feimster?

  If I, if I could show you this picture of this Mad Lib, it's so blurry.

• 30:41Tig Notaro?

  Do you know people have paid

• 30:42Speaker 04

  Verb.

• 30:43Tig Notaro?

  good money to listen to this free podcast?

• 30:47Fortune Feimster?

  Give us a verb.

• 30:48Tig Notaro?

  Um, what is a verb again?

• 30:50Mae Martin?

  You dumb bitch. Like, like an action word.

• 30:56Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, remember, I'm the one without an education. I have a seventh grade education.

• 31:01Fortune Feimster?

  We're all like, wait, what's an adjective?

• 31:05Tig Notaro?

  Verb, um, hop? Is that a verb?

• 31:09Mae Martin?

  Yeah, hop.

• 31:10Tig Notaro?

  Get off my ass.

• 31:12Fortune Feimster?

  Get, eat my ass. Noun, May.

• 31:16Tig Notaro?

  Oh, there you go, the noun.

• 31:18Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 31:19Mae Martin?

  Gouda.

• 31:20Fortune Feimster?

  Gouda, okay. Take a number?

• 31:22Tig Notaro?

  Hmm, eighty-eight, my favorite one.

• 31:25Fortune Feimster?

  May an adjective?

• 31:26Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 31:27Fortune Feimster?

  An adjective?

• 31:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 31:28Fortune Feimster?

  Whiny. Take a family member?

• 31:31Tig Notaro?

  Godmother.

• 31:32Fortune Feimster?

  And may another noun?

• 31:34Mae Martin?

  Jockstrap.

• 31:35Fortune Feimster?

  Take a plural noun?

• 31:37Tig Notaro?

  Singers.

• 31:39Fortune Feimster?

  And lastly, may a noun?

• 31:42Mae Martin?

  Ooh, uh, who?

• 31:48Fortune Feimster?

  You said it. All right. Now what? Now what happens?

• 31:53Tig Notaro?

  Now we read it and we

• 31:58Fortune Feimster?

  Now this story, it's a, this is a Mad Lib.

• 32:01Tig Notaro?

  Is it true?

• 32:03Mae Martin?

  Is it a true story?

• 32:03Fortune Feimster?

  It's a tru-, it's a tru-, based on a true story. Some of the names of our people have been changed to protect their identities. But this is called, oh my, Thanksgiving pie. Hold on to your ponties.

• 32:20Mae Martin?

  I'm so excited.

• 32:21Fortune Feimster?

  You ready?

• 32:21Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 32:22Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, we're ready.

• 32:23Fortune Feimster?

  One,

• 32:25Fortune Feimster?

  one of the best parts of Thanksgiving is having pie for dessert. My favorites are brisket and Secretary of State pie.

• 32:37Fortune Feimster?

  Though I know lots of people like butt plug pie. And even fluffy water wings pie. My godfather makes their own pie crust using slippery jelly beans and mystery. And it tastes so sneaky. Ankle hops pies in the gouda for 88 minutes and it comes out smelling whiny. I like to have godmother's jockstrap pie with vanilla singers on top. Or fresh whipped poo.

• 33:19Tig Notaro?

  And I'm sorry, it's godmother's what pie? Cause I'm gonna make-

• 33:23Fortune Feimster?

  Godmother's jockstrap pie.

• 33:25Tig Notaro?

  I'm making that a yearly tradition with my family.

• 33:29Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 33:29Mae Martin?

  Oh my god.

• 33:30Fortune Feimster?

  You have to hop a pie in gouda for 88 minutes to make it.

• 33:36Mae Martin?

  That one was all recipes. That was really-

• 33:39Fortune Feimster?

  What a Mad Lib.

• 33:41Mae Martin?

  What a Mad Lib.

• 33:47Mae Martin?

  What a Mad Lib.

• 33:48Fortune Feimster?

  May, I'm so glad you got to participate.

• 33:50Mae Martin?

  To be honest, I realized I like being in control more.

• 33:53Fortune Feimster?

  Hmm, we have discovered something. Well, the next time we do a Mad Lib, you're in charge, boss.

• 33:59Mae Martin?

  I'm a Mad Lib, um, Dom.

• 34:01Fortune Feimster?

  You're welcome. May's gonna Dom, uh, Tig and I, we're gonna be, uh, top from the bottom.

• 34:09Tig Notaro?

  I'm not playing next time.

• 34:11Mae Martin?

  Yeah, next time Tig will go get a coffee.

• 34:15Fortune Feimster?

  All right, well, I think the only thing left to do is go to our today's questionnaire.

• 34:20Tig Notaro?

  We teed that up perfectly.

• 34:23Fortune Feimster?

  Today's questioners are a married couple who have brought you films like Thunder Force, Life of the Party, and Tammy. One of them is Oscar nominated for her role, uh, for her roles in Bridesmaids and Can You Ever Forgive Me? They have a new podcast called Hildy the Barback and the Lake of Fire, in which Melissa stars as Hildy, an unlikely hero from the land of Golgara.

• 34:51Mae Martin?

  That sounds right up my street. I'm gonna love that. Yeah, Hildy from Golgara, I'm, I'm in.

• 34:57Fortune Feimster?

  Melissa McCarthy and Ben Falcone are asking today's questions.

• 35:03Tig Notaro?

  Nice.

• 35:04Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, man, Melissa, I love Ben and Melissa. I've known Ben and Melissa both for many, many years from The Groundlings.

• 35:11Mae Martin?

  Oh, really?

• 35:12Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, they were both in Main Company. And as I was coming up, I would watch them both in these shows at the theater. And then Melissa started doing Gilmore Girls and, and was really busy. And, but Ben started, um, directing a bunch of shows and everyone that had him as a director just loved, loved, loved Ben, so obsessed and.

• 35:33Tig Notaro?

  Was he a teacher too?

• 35:35Fortune Feimster?

  He was a teacher too. And Melissa would come back and I remember she had a bunch of wigs and like,

• 35:41Mae Martin?

  Oh my God.

• 35:42Fortune Feimster?

  stage glasses and jewelry. And she's like, if anybody needs any of this, you know? And I was like, oh my God, because that stuff was so expensive. And so we were like, yes, this is awesome. And she would come watch shows and both are just so lovely, but so funny. Her role in Bridesmaids.

• 36:00Mae Martin?

  I forgot that she got nominated for an Oscar for that, as she should. Like, I just saw a clip of it where, um, she meets Kristen Wiig for the first time and. She's like, and she gets a question where she goes, hey, how are you? And she goes, well, I'm on the mend. And it's just like, you know, people like that who open, she's like, I took a hard, violent fall off a cruise ship. So good.

• 36:20Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, so good.

• 36:21Mae Martin?

  I met her once. I was having dinner with Lisa Kudrow and they know each other and they bumped into each other and I was like vibrating at the table. I couldn't, couldn't speak, but she was so nice and funny and warm.

• 36:32Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, my God. She's the best.

• 36:34Tig Notaro?

  She is speechlessly funny.

• 36:38Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah. Good people, always just trying to make people laugh and do good things and.

• 36:44Tig Notaro?

  Haven't succeeded yet, but good luck to them.

• 36:47Fortune Feimster?

  Still trying.

• 36:47Tig Notaro?

  Wish them the best.

• 36:50Speaker 05

  Hello, handsome. This is Melissa McCarthy. This is Ben Felko. Uh, we're so excited about our podcast, Kill the Barback in the Lake of Fire. We're shamelessly plugging it. We're so excited about it. Well, yeah, but we also have a question. You, what is the trickiest bit, joke, story, something that you had to like work and rework, but you knew, you knew it was there? You knew there was something to it. But you had to like battle it to the ground. That's just our neighbor who's building a house. Don't worry about it.

• 37:19Fortune Feimster?

  That is so funny. A comedic bit that you had to work.

• 37:25Mae Martin?

  Something that you knew, you were like, the conviction that it was funny was so profound and it just was not working. That's a great question.

• 37:34Tig Notaro?

  Wait, so, oh, I'm sorry. I missed that. And it, and does it not ever work? Or does it finally work out?

• 37:40Fortune Feimster?

  I think it finally works, right?

• 37:42Tig Notaro?

  Okay, okay.

• 37:43Fortune Feimster?

  Could do. Yeah.

• 37:44Tig Notaro?

  I feel like for myself, I'm, I've had so many of those. I don't even know where to begin. Just that out on a ledge feeling where you're like, this is a real leap here.

• 38:01Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 38:02Tig Notaro?

  I had this concept of thinking it was really funny. You know, you of course see babies taking baths, but I thought it would be so funny to see an infant taking a shower.

• 38:21Tig Notaro?

  I just.

• 38:23Fortune Feimster?

  Okay, talk us through it.

• 38:25Tig Notaro?

  Well, that's really it. It really, there was like, nothing funnier to me than opening a shower curtain and seeing a wobbly baby that doesn't even know, like can barely stand, is in a shower, taking.

• 38:40Fortune Feimster?

  And being like.

• 38:41Tig Notaro?

  But just being like, like, no, like really unstable, wobbly, you know, because they, they can't really, they can't really stand or walk very well, but yet they're standing there taking a shower. To me, that concept was really funny. And I see it's really tickling both of you.

• 39:01Fortune Feimster?

  Now, has it, yeah, has it worked yet?

• 39:03Tig Notaro?

  Oh, it's long, long past. It was on my first album called Good One.

• 39:10Fortune Feimster?

  And made it onto an album.

• 39:11Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah, because I do an act out. I do an act out.

• 39:15Fortune Feimster?

  And the crowd went wild?

• 39:16Tig Notaro?

  Well, I mean, I do it. It wasn't a taped special. It was years ago where it was just an audio album. But, um, but yeah, I, I really believed in this bit. And then, um, and then I, I act out the, the awkward, unstable infant actually showering.

• 39:38Fortune Feimster?

  Well, that part's probably funny, which it's a shame it's on an audio.

• 39:45Fortune Feimster?

  Cause I'm like seeing you wobble.

• 39:48Tig Notaro?

  As an infant.

• 39:49Fortune Feimster?

  As an infant.

• 39:50Mae Martin?

  See it in your mind, see how you're like, see the infant in the shower in your mind. Cause I bet it's like the specific shower and the specific wobble.

• 39:58Tig Notaro?

  Also just seeing the little fat baby thighs and legs and, you know, the creases of fat on like an infant. It's just so cute to like, picture that little unstable chubby body with, in the bit, I say with stupid little two inch feet. So like.

• 40:19Fortune Feimster?

  The hot seat, I like that.

• 40:20Tig Notaro?

  Barely anything to stand on to support that body, you know?

• 40:25Mae Martin?

  Stupid little two inch feet, I like as a phrase a lot.

• 40:27Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 40:28Mae Martin?

  I like the idea of seeing infants in incongruous situations, like a, like a baby in a suit, working in an office is, that's good to me.

• 40:35Tig Notaro?

  Well, yeah. And that's the, what begins a day is the infant takes a shower, you know?

• 40:40Mae Martin?

  Right, right, right. Okay, okay. Yeah.

• 40:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. So anyway, it took me a while to.

• 40:46Tig Notaro?

  To get that.

• 40:48Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 40:49Tig Notaro?

  But that's the, that's the fun of it all of like, as a comedian, you're trying, you have your ideas and your concepts, your jokes, your thoughts and feelings. And then you have to, when they're a little weird like that, you gotta get the masses on board. You have to get that to translate. And that's like such a fun leap.

• 41:09Mae Martin?

  I can think of two small things. One was when we were making Feel Good. It was in my head, it was really funny that my roommate was, he's from LA, but he always says he's from Hollywood. And then that the, my British girlfriend gets really shy every time she says the word Hollywood. Like she thinks she can't, she's not allowed to say it even. And so she's, no one liked it. The crew didn't like it. The director didn't get why it was funny. The actors were like, where's the joke here? And the line was just her going, well, you'd understand, Phil, because you're from, and then him going, you can say it, Hollywood.

• 41:45Mae Martin?

  No one thought it was funny, but I was like, that's funny. A British person being shy to say Hollywood. I don't know.

• 41:51Tig Notaro?

  Well, it must be very directed to some sort of feeling or thought that you have around Hollywood.

• 41:57Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 41:57Tig Notaro?

  Which is what?

• 41:59Mae Martin?

  Maybe it's like embarrassing to say, like you would never say like, I live in Tinseltown. Like, yeah, you'd say, I live in Los Angeles, you know?

• 42:06Fortune Feimster?

  I say the biz.

• 42:08Mae Martin?

  The biz? Okay.

• 42:09Fortune Feimster?

  Someone asked me at Bloomingdale's the other day, we're at What I Did For A Living. And I said, I work in the biz.

• 42:17Mae Martin?

  Oh, my God. And they were like, what biz? They had no.

• 42:22Fortune Feimster?

  May not one follow up question. I'm dealing with a crazy person.

• 42:29Tig Notaro?

  My friend, when I moved to LA with some childhood friends and like maybe two days after we got to LA.

• 42:40Tig Notaro?

  My friend Leslie goes to order a pizza for us.

• 42:48Tig Notaro?

  She's on the phone with the, um, the person taking the order. This is how long ago it was that we moved, that you actually call and talk to a person to order pizza. And, um, don't you do it all online now?

• 43:01Mae Martin?

  Mostly except for some Thai places.

• 43:04Tig Notaro?

  So Leslie calls to order us a pizza. And then the, the, the woman asks what Leslie's address is. And, uh, what part of town she's in? That's what it was. And Leslie goes, and she earnestly felt this way, like, oh, she goes, um, Hollywood? Cause we'd only lived in town like three days. And to her, it was just like, whoa, we live here.

• 43:34Tig Notaro?

  Hollywood.

• 43:36Mae Martin?

  The other one is this stand up bit I was doing pretty recently, like a couple of years ago about bees communicating through the power of dance and things. I was doing this bit in, in England and it was like, I was like, this is like a really well structured joke. And it was always bombing, like just there would be sort of chuckles. And I was like, what's going on? And then finally someone shouted out, that's an Eddie Izzard bit. And I was like, what? And, and then it was a bit that I have seen from one of his specials that I loved when I was about 13, 14. And my brain just, it was almost verbatim. Yeah. It was really scary because I was like, fuck, I could like, yeah, I fully stole it without knowing. And I was like, oh my God, this just came to me so fully formed.

• 44:21Mae Martin?

  This is like,

• 44:22Fortune Feimster?

  It's wild.

• 44:23Mae Martin?

  So embarrassed. And I was like, thank you for saying something finally, like what must people think? He's, or she is so famous in, um,

• 44:31Tig Notaro?

  What is the bit?

• 44:31Mae Martin?

  In the UK.

• 44:33Tig Notaro?

  I wanna, I'm looking for new material.

• 44:34Fortune Feimster?

  Cause I don't know this bit.

• 44:36Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, but I, I need a closer for my new hour.

• 44:39Mae Martin?

  You gotta try the bee bit. Try Eddie's bee bit. It's, um, it's just that bees. Communicate through dance and I can't remember what, oh yeah. And then how depressing it would be if they have to communicate something sad and they're like, oh, Steven died or whatever, but they're, I don't know. Cause they do communicate through dance. Did you know that?

• 44:59Fortune Feimster?

  I did not know that.

• 45:00Tig Notaro?

  Well, I had heard it through Eddie, but um.

• 45:04Mae Martin?

  How embarrassing though. Like what if Eddie got wind that I was just verbatim?

• 45:08Fortune Feimster?

  Just doing this.

• 45:09Mae Martin?

  Doing this bit.

• 45:10Fortune Feimster?

  Doing this bit. Yeah.

• 45:12Mae Martin?

  God. Isn't that terrifying when you don't know if, like, we don't know if we steal something?

• 45:18Fortune Feimster?

  I mean, that is, so much stuff is coming in and out of people's ears and, and eyes these days that you are like, is this a unique thought or did I hear this?

• 45:29Tig Notaro?

  But that's why it's always like helpful when you use personal stories because, you know.

• 45:34Mae Martin?

  You know what? I learned my lesson because that's like one of the only observational bits I've ever done. And I was like, oh wow. It's also from one of my favorite comedians from one of my favorite specials. Like how, is my brain just corroded and Swiss cheese?

• 45:50Tig Notaro?

  Like, I'm pretty sure, um, I would be a little suspicious if some, if you told me somebody was out there doing like a 15 minute long Taylor Dane bit.

• 46:00Mae Martin?

  Completely.

• 46:00Tig Notaro?

  Oh, you know.

• 46:02Mae Martin?

  Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah.

• 46:03Fortune Feimster?

  Something to tell you.

• 46:04Tig Notaro?

  What is it? Is it something about bees?

• 46:07Fortune Feimster?

  No, I've been doing a 15 minute Taylor Dane bit and it's crushing. I guess I have two, two ones. One was a stand up thing and one was a groundlings thing. And the stand up one, um, was now it's a bit that people often shout for me to do, but it took me a long time to figure out how to make it funny. Um, but it started by me doing a, I was doing a show in my home, um, in Charlotte, which is 30 minutes from my hometown. And someone in the audience was just like, remember when you were on the swim team? And I was like, I do remember that. And that was it. And I was like, yeah, I was on the swim team and I wasn't very good.

• 46:52Fortune Feimster?

  And they were like, yeah, you weren't very good. And I was like, okay, calm down. And it made me remember that when I joined the swim team, I didn't know how to do the butterfly. So I would run across the pool and do the motions of the butterfly with my hands. But your feet were walking along the bottom. And so they liked the visual. They thought that was funny, but then I didn't know. I go, that's it. I don't know, you know, what else to tell you about that. And I kept being like, there's something to that. Like, that is funny, a funny visual. A kid can't swim, so they're running across the pool,

• 47:35Fortune Feimster?

  trying to do the butterfly with their hands. But I could not for like, two years, figure out how to turn it into a story. And I just, I was like, I'm not giving up on this story. And I just kind of kept adding like, a sentence at a time of just like, I'm going to keep telling this like, boring story until I can build it better. And then now, and then at the end of that, like, two and a half year tour, it is one of my best bits. I love that. Yeah.

• 48:09Tig Notaro?

  You did it.

• 48:10Fortune Feimster?

  I did it. You never know.

• 48:12Tig Notaro?

  We did it.

• 48:13Fortune Feimster?

  We did it. And then the Groundlings one was, I would always start with a wig that I thought was funny. And I was like, oh, this short gray haired wig is kind of like, I'm in. I like the idea of this. And a sparkle jacket. And I was like, I'm going to base a character just around this like, This outfit. And so I came up with a lounge singer.

• 48:37Mae Martin?

  The Lord.

• 48:40Fortune Feimster?

  And I was like, I don't know if this is like could not, I was just like, I know this is a funny look and a funny costume, but I don't know what she does other than she's a lounge singer. Um, so I finally, uh, I would kind of do it. And there was like, not much to it. Cause just seeing a woman like that sing is kind of like, well, okay, but what, what about that is funny besides she just looks funny? So then I start, then I came up with a thing where she has a signature cocktail. And, uh, I would say, hello, my name's Tita Martin. I have a sunrise sunset signature cocktail named after me, Tita Martin.

• 49:22Fortune Feimster?

  Then I would play a piano. And then, so the bit became over time that she would sing and then stop herself to say, I noticed nobody ordered my Tita Martin sunrise sunset signature cocktail. That's okay. We've got time. And I would just keep coming back to this cocktail. And I go, and I would say, well, maybe you need to know what's in it. And I'd be like, gin, vodka, tequila, Sprite, cranberry juice, pomegranate seeds, and a whole banana.

• 49:57Fortune Feimster?

  So it just became this stupid bit, but it, it ended up being funny, but by a lot of trial and error.

• 50:05Mae Martin?

  I would like to see it when it was just singing, just singing the songs.

• 50:09Fortune Feimster?

  I would just be like, you are my sunshine, my only sunshine.

• 50:12Mae Martin?

  And that was it.

• 50:13Tig Notaro?

  You know what I would have done with her?

• 50:15Mae Martin?

  What?

• 50:16Tig Notaro?

  Since she was a lounge singer, I would have made her always lounging around.

• 50:21Fortune Feimster?

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:23Mae Martin?

  Like horizontal.

• 50:24Tig Notaro?

  Just like when she, she knows she's singing as a lounge singer, but then when she's off stage, man, she is just lounging in the chairs and the booths backstage.

• 50:37Fortune Feimster?

  She needed you.

• 50:38Tig Notaro?

  Lounging. Like you can't stop this woman from lounging around.

• 50:43Mae Martin?

  I have a character that nobody likes as well.

• 50:45Tig Notaro?

  Ooh, let's hear it.

• 50:46Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, let's hear it.

• 50:47Mae Martin?

  A character that nobody likes. It's basically a standup comedian who after every punchline, their bit is, or their like, catchphrase, I guess, is they yawn as if they're bored. So they go. And that's why they call it fair play.

• 51:05Mae Martin?

  After every punchline, they go.

• 51:08Tig Notaro?

  I like it.

• 51:09Mae Martin?

  Thanks.

• 51:09Tig Notaro?

  Yeah. I remember the first time I was doing TV, doing standup on TV. I was backstage getting ready to be called out. And I just started yawning. I got so tired. And the producer was like, are you really this tired? And I was like, I don't know. I think I don't know what's happening, but people told me later that that can happen with nerves.

• 51:36Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 51:37Tig Notaro?

  That like you just kind of shut down.

• 51:40Mae Martin?

  I used to yawn in doctor's offices a lot, you know, because I'd be nervous.

• 51:45Tig Notaro?

  Yeah.

• 51:45Mae Martin?

  But then would you ever have an observation that you think is universal and then it bombs?

• 51:50Tig Notaro?

  Cause.

• 51:50Mae Martin?

  All the time. Yeah. Like, do you think that the only food that gets stuck in your kind of nasal cavity is carrot? Like when you're chewing a carrot and a little piece of carrot just flies up into your nasal cavity?

• 52:06Tig Notaro?

  Oh, God.

• 52:06Mae Martin?

  That doesn't happen with any other food.

• 52:08Tig Notaro?

  I've never had that happen.

• 52:09Fortune Feimster?

  I haven't either.

• 52:11Mae Martin?

  Are you serious?

• 52:12Tig Notaro?

  No.

• 52:13Mae Martin?

  Thomas, are you with me?

• 52:13Tig Notaro?

  Two against one, if not three against one.

• 52:15Speaker 04

  I kind of know what you're saying.

• 52:16Mae Martin?

  Yes.

• 52:17Tig Notaro?

  I don't think he does. He's trying to make you feel better.

• 52:20Mae Martin?

  Tape. It's a duct tape thing, but yeah, you don't, you've never had that thing where you're like, I think a bit of carrot is stuck in my nose?

• 52:27Tig Notaro?

  I can't say no enough times.

• 52:30Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, I'm gonna go with my original answer of no, never happened.

• 52:35Mae Martin?

  Well, let us know if you agree. Yeah, me too, except I don't like the risk. So I'm gonna get a.

• 52:40Fortune Feimster?

  I know.

• 52:40Mae Martin?

  And no other food does that to me.

• 52:42Fortune Feimster?

  Interesting.

• 52:44Mae Martin?

  Anyways.

• 52:45Tig Notaro?

  Well, that's the end of this episode.

• 52:48Fortune Feimster?

  Let's hear Melissa Ben's answer.

• 52:49Tig Notaro?

  Right, right.

• 52:51Fortune Feimster?

  I love their outfits, by the way. You'll have to go on YouTube to see these.

• 52:56Speaker 05

  I know mine is, was in the box. There was one really long joke that my brain was ahead of.

• 53:02Speaker 06

  My mouth and I kept saying, I know it. I know it. I can't, but I couldn't say it. And I kept like stuttering, sammering. It took like eight or nine times. But it's all about these badges and women being underappreciated. And all this crazy stuff. And finally, finally it worked out. And I just remember feeling like a none of that.

• 53:19Speaker 05

  Finally, the elixir of profanity was just perfect.

• 53:24Speaker 05

  See, I stay out of your way too. Let you do it.

• 53:28Speaker 06

  A lot of tongue work.

• 53:33Fortune Feimster?

  She just added, added profanity. Is that what she said? Their neighbor's construction was.

• 53:40Mae Martin?

  Yeah, that house was getting built.

• 53:42Fortune Feimster?

  Of their punchline.

• 53:43Tig Notaro?

  Mm hmm. Mm hmm. It's hard to imagine. I think that, you know, when somebody is just so outrageously funny as Melissa McCarthy, it is hard to be like, you struggled with anything?

• 53:59Mae Martin?

  Yeah.

• 54:00Tig Notaro?

  Anything? Like anything? It seems impossible. It's like funny just runs through her bones. It's so crazy.

• 54:12Mae Martin?

  And was she saying it was a, a long phrase about women being underappreciated? Yeah, I'm into it.

• 54:20Tig Notaro?

  I love it. Mm hmm.

• 54:22Mae Martin?

  Do you ever bomb with your kids, Tig? Were you really?

• 54:24Tig Notaro?

  All the time. That's the only thing I do is bomb with them.

• 54:28Mae Martin?

  Oh, that's so good. When you really go out on a limb with something bold.

• 54:31Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. That's my entire relationship with them. They look at me like I am the most annoying loser who shares a house with them. And I, I push, like every part of my personality as a comedian disappears when I'm around them. And I, oh my God, I push so hard. I am so desperate.

• 54:57Fortune Feimster?

  I will win them over.

• 54:59Tig Notaro?

  Oh, my God. I'm like, I, I try so hard. I.

• 55:04Mae Martin?

  So none of that dry, where it's all like, hello, my darling.

• 55:08Tig Notaro?

  Hello, my darling. I love you, Jesus.

• 55:11Fortune Feimster?

  You got a treasure chest of props.

• 55:17Tig Notaro?

  Hey, and I'm just, I'm just disturbing them.

• 55:22Mae Martin?

  Oh my god, that's so funny.

• 55:23Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's really wild.

• 55:25Fortune Feimster?

  Wondering they're gonna be like, you're a professional comedian?

• 55:29Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, yeah. But I do, I have to remind myself to just take a deep breath, chill out, just act normal.

• 55:39Fortune Feimster?

  If you build it, they will come.

• 55:41Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, it's, it's so interesting to see that side of me come out because it doesn't come out with anybody else aside from them. I want them to think I'm the funniest person and I, I, I don't trust myself. I don't trust that they will know that just by me being myself. But yet I trust it as I tour the world with strangers.

• 56:08Mae Martin?

  That's amazing.

• 56:09Fortune Feimster?

  What a podcast.

• 56:10Tig Notaro?

  Yeah, what a podcast.

• 56:12Fortune Feimster?

  Um, I would like to say, mark your calendars, December 3rd.

• 56:17Tig Notaro?

  Okay.

• 56:18Fortune Feimster?

  My Netflix special, Crushing It, yes, is premiering and I'm super pumped. I'm in a pink suit.

• 56:26Mae Martin?

  Yes, I was gonna say, you teased that you were really happy with your outfit for it and I didn't know what it was. And I, I sort of in my mind thought suit, some, but it's electric. It's beautiful, uplifting, pink. It's so beautiful.

• 56:39Fortune Feimster?

  I'm so proud of this one. It's my, my third Netflix special. Um, I just want people to watch it and enjoy it. So I'll remind you on that week of, but yeah.

• 56:50Tig Notaro?

  Well.

• 56:50Fortune Feimster?

  Mark your calendars.

• 56:51Tig Notaro?

  I'm sure people are gonna watch it and enjoy it and I cannot wait to see you looking handsome.

• 56:56Mae Martin?

  Thank you.

• 56:57Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 56:58Tig Notaro?

  I'm still out in Toronto filming Star Trek and will be through February. So, um, check my, um, website. I am doing two to three shows a week at Comedy Bar, working on

• 57:13Fortune Feimster?

  That's cool.

• 57:14Tig Notaro?

  new material. I mean, I basically live there. So check that out. And then I have, you know, sporadic dates here and there.

• 57:23Mae Martin?

  You could come see me at Largo on December 4th and Stephanie Allen will be doing improv and I'm gonna try and get her to do a Free Form Prayer.

• 57:31Tig Notaro?

  You have to.

• 57:32Mae Martin?

  I really can imagine it. I really want to.

• 57:35Tig Notaro?

  She's good.

• 57:35Fortune Feimster?

  That is funny.

• 57:36Mae Martin?

  And I've got great surprise guests. It's gonna be super fun. Um, and yeah, we'll, I'll be riding high off watching Fortune Special.

• 57:44Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah.

• 57:45Mae Martin?

  Probably doing some of your jokes for Baitam, please.

• 57:48Fortune Feimster?

  I have a whole new tour starting. I think it goes up on sale this week. So, uh, check out my Instagram for all those dates.

• 57:55Tig Notaro?

  Subscribe to the podcast and subscribe to our YouTube channel. That way you're not going to miss any Biggie appearances.

• 58:03Fortune Feimster?

  That's right.

• 58:04Tig Notaro?

  Um, you're not going to miss anybody going sexy, viral, AF, or whatever. Um, but, um, yeah, thanks for listening. And until next time, I mean,

• 58:16Fortune Feimster?

  Keep it handsome.

• 58:18Tig Notaro?

  Handsome is hosted by me, Tig Notaro, Mae Martin, and Fortune Feimster. The show is produced, recorded, and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at [email protected]. Follow us on social media, at HandsomePod. What a podcast!

• 58:43Speaker 00

  That was a HeadGum Podcast.

• 58:45Tig Notaro?

  Handsome's the audio version of my comedy special Hello Again is available everywhere just in time for the holidays. Go to TigNotaro.com to get a copy for you and a loved one now.

• 58:58Mae Martin?

  Checking Allstate first could save you hundreds on car insurance. Not checking whether I have enough tickets before getting in line for a ride at the fair? Tilt a whoopsie. I waited in line for so long only to be turned away at the gate. Maybe I'll have more luck whacking a mole.

• 59:13Fortune Feimster?

  Yeah, checking first is handsome. So check Allstate first for an auto quote. It could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary. Subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate, North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 59:28Speaker 05

  What's going on? It's Lamorne Morris. And Hannah Simone. And we host The Mess Around, a New Girl rewatch podcast on HeadGum. Now, here's the thing. Every single week, we chat about an episode of New Girl, and we really get into it. Like, we get up in there. We get up in there. You know, we reminisce about our times on set. We share behind the scenes tea. We react to rewatching episodes that we haven't seen in years. We talk about how Jake Johnson is dog- That's not true. We talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars- On the planet, I'm talking Prince, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo. We're just two BFFs having a good old time. Okay. Sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like Zooey Deschanel,

• 1:00:11Speaker 05

  Jake Johnson, Max Greenfield, and Damon Wayans Jr. And your dad. We talk to your dad on this show as well. Make sure you subscribe to The Mess Around wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop every single Tuesday.