331 - "Like a Palm Tree in a Tornado" 💨🌴

In the hope of winning Bec’s approval to include it in her and Andy’s wedding, the boys continue preparing for the ring ceremony rehearsal, with Horgs tasked with chipping a golf ball down the aisle. Hamish brings a real-life conundrum involving his mum to the boys, while Andy accuses Bec of something that sees Hamish step in as her lawyer. Plus, the boys hear some hilarious Extreme Empaths and, after a long hiatus, Incredible Drops makes its return! 1. The Wedding Rehearsal Plan & Celebrant’s Words 2. Extreme Empaths 3. Hamish’s Mum’s Lunch Ruined 4. Incredible Drops 5. The Court of Andy Lee

• 0:02Speaker 00

  A Listener Production.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Activate your internet because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three, two...

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Sorry, it's still buffering. One.

• 0:23Speaker 02

  Ahoy to me Doric. Hamish.

• 0:27Speaker 03

  Ye, uh, ahoy. Ahoy. I... God, that word does ring a bell. It's something to do with shipbuilding.

• 0:35Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 0:36Speaker 03

  No, it's not, but it's something. There's something.

• 0:38Speaker 02

  I've genuinely never heard that. Ahoy to my Ionic. Jack.

• 0:44Speaker 03

  I'm going to take back my shipbuilding guess.

• 0:48Speaker 02

  And I am the Corinthian.

• 0:49Speaker 03

  Oh, it's archers. It's archers. Is it archers?

• 0:52Speaker 02

  Wow, gosh, you're really close here.

• 0:54Speaker 03

  Or is it pillars?

• 0:55Speaker 02

  He's got it. He's got it.

• 0:56Speaker 03

  Pillars.

• 0:56Speaker 02

  What a player.

• 0:58Speaker 03

  Pillars often used in a shipbuilding temple where the builders would pray before going down to build their ships in ancient Grecian times.

• 1:08Speaker 02

  There's three types of columns or flash pillars.

• 1:11Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:12Speaker 02

  For classical architecture. Yeah, Doric is the oldest and the simplest style. There's no base on that one.

• 1:17Speaker 03

  No, you didn't.

• 1:18Speaker 02

  Just go straight up.

• 1:19Speaker 03

  No need.

• 1:19Speaker 02

  Fast and loose.

• 1:20Speaker 03

  Fast and loose pillar. It'll do its job, but it's not flashing around.

• 1:24Speaker 02

  Ionic, more slender and elegant than the Doric, has a base. And then the Corinthian is the most ornate.

• 1:31Speaker 03

  Show off.

• 1:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, a bit of tall, thin and very detailed at the top.

• 1:35Speaker 03

  They're the pillars you think about in your, you know, your pan, your big stuff. Trump would have them in the ballroom.

• 1:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, a bit too ornate. I agree. I'd prefer, I'd prefer to be on Ionic, I think. Ionic is iconic.

• 1:47Speaker 02

  Uh, we are the three pillars of which this show is based on.

• 1:51Speaker 03

  Very good, Andy.

• 1:52Speaker 02

  And ahoy to the listeners would be the fourth pillar. And Andre has hit us at hamishandandy.com to tell us what she has been up to. Ahoy, boys, and gusto be with you.

• 2:03Speaker 04

  On this fine day, thought I would check in to give you an update on my husband's new painting obsession, as he might call it.

• 2:10Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 2:10Speaker 04

  We've been married for three years now, so naturally my husband has fallen into the world of painting. Suddenly, everything in life is about painting and I too see him trying to practise his brushstrokes throughout the house. Friday nights, suddenly see him in bed by nine thirty so he can get up and be first in line at the paint store. Because no one likes to get stuck behind big groups of paintings when you're a man on a mission. Thoughts and prayers to all the wagogs out there, which of course is wives and girlfriends of golfers.

• 2:37Speaker 03

  Not golfers.

• 2:38Speaker 04

  Gusto be with you.

• 2:38Speaker 03

  Not golfers, painters.

• 2:40Speaker 02

  Painters.

• 2:41Speaker 03

  Painters, painting fans. Well, he sounds like a wonderfully enthusiastic artist and I.

• 2:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, look forward to seeing some of his pictures that he puts together, whether they be watercoloured or just a simple sponge or brushstroke.

• 2:52Speaker 03

  It sounds like, and the more you practise your painting, better you are, as Da Vinci would always say. When young painters would come to him saying, I keep painting with a slice, you've just got to paint a bit more from the inside and you'll figure it out.

• 3:06Speaker 02

  Watch a YouTube clip, that'll sort you out.

• 3:09Speaker 03

  Simply need a painting aid that you can buy off Instagram and that will fix your paint, you keep painting slices.

• 3:16Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 3:17Speaker 03

  Painting off the right side of the canvas. Uh, hey, Ando, we've got on the horizon, um, come out, we, we agreed on this a couple of weeks ago to do the rehearsal or to do the test for one of your big wedding ideas.

• 3:33Speaker 02

  Well, not my wedding ideas, it was your wedding idea.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  It's your wedding.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it's my wedding.

• 3:37Speaker 03

  And all ideas in your wedding. Well, it was your idea because you had to introduce it through your mouth.

• 3:42Speaker 02

  That's right, Beck poo-pooed this one. I think you're talking about, uh, this is Hogs, who's also a groomsman, people know from the show. Uh, he, when the rings are going to be presented, he walks down the middle aisle, pulls out a fifty-six degree wedge, I think it was.

• 3:56Speaker 03

  He said a pitching wedge, for those of us.

• 3:58Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 3:58Speaker 03

  For the art fans wondering what paintbrush he uses.

• 4:00Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 4:01Speaker 03

  Which is a lower lofted paintbrush.

• 4:04Speaker 02

  And he was going to.

• 4:04Speaker 03

  He's confident with it.

• 4:05Speaker 02

  Chip a container with the rings in it, so it's in a ball-shaped container to, uh, am I catching on my brother?

• 4:12Speaker 03

  No, Cam, best man.

• 4:13Speaker 02

  Your brother is catching it.

• 4:14Speaker 03

  I will be there as a sort of a slips fielder in case the chip is a bit off.

• 4:18Speaker 02

  And I'll be on the other side. And you were meant to get the case. How's that going? Cause that was when, that was the first step before.

• 4:24Speaker 03

  So we had a very, very lovely listener with the show reach out and go, hey, we do, me and my dad run a business. We fabricate materials for this, not this exact reason.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  You're our first ever customer.

• 4:35Speaker 03

  You wouldn't believe, there's a bit of a backlog. Several years waiting list for the golf ball case, cause everyone wants them for their wedding.

• 4:43Speaker 02

  We might be able to. Bet you off the waiting list.

• 4:46Speaker 03

  It is a well worn tradition at weddings these days that the rings are presented in this way. And he said, look, you know, it's the kind of thing we do, we'd love to have a crack. The quote came back this week and I just said, great. Pause before we build this for the rehearsal.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 5:03Speaker 03

  Because it's, I think this is a beautiful gesture for the wedding. And I think all the wedding guests would like to see it. I think you think it's a beautiful gesture, but I think we do need to run a full rehearsal to prove that it's a $2,600.

• 5:18Speaker 02

  Oh, wow. $2,600 for this the case.

• 5:23Speaker 03

  It is. Let's just mark that to one.

• 5:28Speaker 03

  I'm sure there's some corners we can cut there.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:31Speaker 03

  Or if needs be, an actual golf ball, we can cut in half to produce it to make our own case. But I think it's important that we get the heart and soul of this idea across first. And that's what the rehearsals, that's what the test is about in the next couple of weeks.

• 5:47Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 5:48Speaker 03

  With your permission, Ando.

• 5:50Speaker 02

  But wait, wait, don't we need it for the test or are we just going to test with a real golf ball?

• 5:54Speaker 03

  Our golf ball. I mean, the whole point is you'd be using the rings. You know, the rings go in, I mean.

• 6:00Speaker 02

  You'll mime unscrewing a golf ball.

• 6:02Speaker 03

  Yes, okay, okay. Do you know what I mean? And the whole point is it will be the exact dimensions and weight of the golf ball anyway. So we can use one for the rehearsal. I think what we want to achieve when we do this dry run, and I'm thinking we find a venue that we can have aisles of chairs.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 6:17Speaker 03

  We can have you at the front, Ando. Did Jack, we say that you're going to be wearing a wig being Beck?

• 6:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think we might have said that. Yeah.

• 6:25Speaker 03

  Did I imagine that or did we say that?

• 6:27Speaker 02

  That'd be good. I think if Jack's there as Beck.

• 6:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:30Speaker 02

  In the wedding dress?

• 6:31Speaker 03

  Nah. I dressed. Can't see it before the day. Or do you want to be the celebrant, Jack?

• 6:36Speaker 02

  No, I'm happy. Actually, celebrant makes more sense. You'd be.

• 6:39Speaker 03

  Well, because I've written up a bit of a script here, not that I'd. Dare write your wedding vows or tell the celebrant what to say, but they celebrants do have a script.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:49Speaker 03

  So I thought, tell me if I'm in the right ballpark here, Ando.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  Great.

• 6:53Speaker 03

  For, um, you know, for writing what will be said in the rehearsal.

• 6:58Speaker 02

  Cause the whole. Just for this little bit of the ceremony.

• 7:01Speaker 03

  Just for this bit of the ceremony, cause we wanna show Beck this.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  How can we?

• 7:04Speaker 03

  We wanna film this and show it to her and go, listen, it maybe was getting lost in translation when you just heard it, but now that you've seen it, how beautiful is this as a moment?

• 7:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, great.

• 7:14Speaker 03

  So with that in mind, you know, I've obviously very conscious here that Beck's the audience.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 7:21Speaker 03

  So I've, I've sort of jazzed it up a bit.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  Right.

• 7:24Speaker 03

  As to make it as Beck friendly as possible.

• 7:26Speaker 02

  So you're the celebrant at the moment in this.

• 7:28Speaker 03

  I'll read this now. But then obviously on the rehearsal, I'll need to be in a catching position as well. Uh, cause I'm the backup catcher.

• 7:36Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 7:36Speaker 03

  Cause the other groomsmen, Cam, it's Cam's meant to take the catch. But if it, the, the ball, God forbid, sprays.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 7:44Speaker 03

  I'll need to be in a catching position as well. And does Beck have, who's her maid of honour?

• 7:49Speaker 02

  Uh, I think it's her sister Poppy.

• 7:51Speaker 03

  Okay, so I've just seen, I'll just quickly put this in the script now.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:54Speaker 03

  I've thought if we can include Poppy in a catching position as well.

• 7:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, she's pretty short.

• 7:59Speaker 03

  I'm not sorry. So just remember what I'm saying here, I'm not saying this is, we're not really making a real sports team, it's just to show Beck.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  We don't, we don't now have to go and play cricket together after this.

• 8:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay.

• 8:14Speaker 03

  But it's to show Beck that we, this isn't just all about you, cause it's meant to be the, the, your rings.

• 8:19Speaker 02

  That's good, you want, you want her as incorporated as you.

• 8:22Speaker 03

  Okay, sure, sure, all right, um. Cause it's both of your rings. I've added one other bit. Do you wanna know about it now, or do you wanna kind of halt the, the reading if, if you don't like how it comes up?

• 8:35Speaker 02

  Let's just halt the reading and see if I'm feeling it.

• 8:37Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah. All right, so I'm the celebrant, um, you've done your vows and.

• 8:42Speaker 02

  Okay, okay.

• 8:43Speaker 03

  There's some nice music playing.

• 8:46Speaker 03

  We now come to the most sacred part of the ceremony, the exchanging of the rings. Rings around, you hear this a bit from time, time up weddings. Rings around as they are a symbol of eternity, both into the future and where the couple has come from.

• 9:01Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 9:01Speaker 03

  I'm seeding in the idea of golf here. But let's not start with golf. Let's start with Beck, is what I'm thinking.

• 9:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, good.

• 9:10Speaker 03

  Beck, a huge part of your life has been your love of dogs. That's why, to symbolize this, the rings are being presented in this life-size cast of your preferred dog breed, a Scottish terrier. So that's a new bit I've added.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  So Hogs is hitting a dog at?

• 9:29Speaker 03

  No, he's not hitting a dog. He's not hitting a dog. He's not hitting a dog. He will now walk down the aisle and there'll be a cast, because your dog is a terrier. Just listen, Jake. Your dog's a terrier.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:41Speaker 03

  And she's also had terriers before, hasn't she? That doesn't have to be a specific.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  We're doing. Oh, okay. So there's a dog waiting next to the grass patch where Hogs has to grab.

• 9:50Speaker 03

  Well, I was thinking, we get a plaster cast made of a terrier.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 9:54Speaker 03

  Okay, like, can just be white, doesn't have to be colored in.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 9:56Speaker 03

  Hogs pulls that down. It could be on wheels. The feet could have wheels.

• 10:00Speaker 02

  Walking the dog.

• 10:01Speaker 03

  He can walk the dog down halfway through. So it's like, okay, that's a nice bit for Beck, because it symbolizes her love of these dogs.

• 10:08Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 10:08Speaker 03

  The dog then splits in half. So you take the top half off the dog.

• 10:16Speaker 03

  Back to the celebrant. We will now open the terrier and take out the rings.

• 10:24Speaker 02

  This is not helping. Not helping.

• 10:29Speaker 03

  You have to believe that this is special.

• 10:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know, but I don't.

• 10:36Speaker 03

  We will now open the terrier and take out the rings in their custom, small golf ball case and place them on the red ceremonial turf to begin their exciting journey to the couple. Okay, so Hogs puts the ball down. Oh, sorry. Before that, sorry, I've skipped a line. Andy, a large part of your life has been your love of small ball golf. Andy has said how much he often talks about how he enjoys the space and quiet of the golf course. So he can think deeply about his love for Beck.

• 11:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, I do. When I'm out there, it's often.

• 11:10Speaker 03

  So right. So we put that in too. Okay. So now we're seeding the idea of golf and why Andy likes golf so much because it gives him time and space to think about his love.

• 11:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:18Speaker 03

  We'll now open the terrier, take out the rings, cuffing golf ball, blah, blah, blah. Put them on the turf to begin their exciting journey to the couple. Groomsman Michael Horgan will now chip the rings to best man Cam, symbolizing the role that supporting friends play in both Beck and Andy's lives. Hamish and Poppy will assume a backup catching position to further symbolize this.

• 11:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's lovely. Yeah.

• 11:42Speaker 03

  Hogs, Michael, please chip the rings.

• 11:51Speaker 03

  And I think Hogs does that solemnly. Ideally, Cam catches them. There's a round of applause during that applause. Hogs quickly puts the terrier back together and then, you know, stagehands take away the turf and he comes and rejoins back on the stage.

• 12:06Speaker 02

  Mike, and it's great for the rehearsal. And so the idea being we will rehearse this in a couple of weeks. We'll film it all and then we'll put it in front of Beck as a final last ditch attempt to see if she'll say yes.

• 12:18Speaker 03

  Now, of course I added the dog bit in there, but as I was writing it, I just thought that maybe her resistance was like, this is just so golfy.

• 12:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:26Speaker 03

  And it's not about us. It's about Andy's favorite pastime. So we've, we've, we're framing golf as the place you go to think about her.

• 12:33Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  And we're also going in half of, Andy, not the only one that gets a special ring carrier.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 12:39Speaker 03

  What about that dog box?

• 12:42Speaker 02

  Yes. Yeah, I'm not sure that she'll come at the dog box. Does it have to split in half? Can you take the rings off the dog collar or something?

• 12:51Speaker 03

  That's not a bad idea.

• 12:52Speaker 02

  That's nicer, isn't it?

• 12:53Speaker 03

  That's better.

• 12:53Speaker 02

  Yeah. Okay.

• 12:55Speaker 03

  Is it a splitting in half that, no, no good.

• 12:57Speaker 02

  I just think she'd love, like, loves the dog so much. And when you said, now split the dog in half.

• 13:03Speaker 02

  I think that that did did kind of jar, I would say.

• 13:08Speaker 03

  So, yeah, we'll go, okay, when instead of going, we'll now open the terrier. So we'll now simply take the golf ball from around the terrier's, the helpful terrier's neck.

• 13:18Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 13:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, great. That's great. That's exactly why you have a line read before the rehearsal.

• 13:23Speaker 02

  Um, yeah, so let's book ourselves into debt this done and then we'll get it in front of Beck. And I can't, I can't see her saying no. Well, when you see it, like in theory, I can see how she goes, oh, it's maybe it's a bit naff.

• 13:38Speaker 03

  But when she thinks we'll be giggling and mucking around a lot, when she sees how deeply respectful we are, and you could chuck a few bows in there too. Like a few solemn head nods.

• 13:46Speaker 02

  What we're gonna need though is we're gonna need cardboard cadets of guests on the chairs within the aisles. Like so one for like dad or mum, whatever, just to say if Hogs accidentally hits one of the people, we can just assess how important that person is.

• 14:04Speaker 03

  I, I think, cause you're right, so much of this is about the stunt really, the accuracy he's able to have, like chipping a ball down the aisle without it hitting the back of someone's head. Or let's face it, the front of their head, because people will turn around to watch.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  Do we, do we go, you've got one shot at this Hogs, and if you hit someone in the head, it's over? Do we go, we want you to see, we want you to do this 10 times and you have to make all of them? If he doesn't have to make all of them, what's an acceptable level of error? Do you know, like?

• 14:32Speaker 02

  I think he has to do it once. Cause that's the pressure on the day. Yeah.

• 14:37Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 14:37Speaker 02

  And maybe the most valued guest could get a helmet or something for like the parents.

• 14:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:43Speaker 02

  Probably, yeah, just one. We can only afford one helmet.

• 14:48Speaker 03

  And we will now do the reading. Maybe we can add that in script. We will now do the reading of who has been deemed helmet worthy. Mark Lee, you have got one. You've got a full face.

• 15:03Speaker 02

  But I don't think Beck's mum should get one.

• 15:05Speaker 03

  Michael Lee.

• 15:05Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 15:05Speaker 03

  No helmet?

• 15:06Speaker 02

  She'd take mouth guard.

• 15:16Speaker 03

  Hey, we've found a little community that come to our show now when they feel deep empathy for an object and they want to tell us about it because they know others that listen also have the same deep feels. Extreme Empath is the name of this segment and we have an opener which includes every single song ever made, so no song feels left out.

• 15:40Speaker 02

  Beautiful stuff.

• 15:43Speaker 03

  Maddie, Maddie is the first cab off the rank today.

• 15:49Speaker 03

  And she, a lot of, sometimes I feel like the kitchen is the place where people, we have a lot of kitchen based ones, where people kind of like start, whether it's food or like we had that one about the grape that rolled under the fridge.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 16:00Speaker 03

  And then because they couldn't get it out, so they rolled another grape under there so they could have a friend. I think the kitchen is a place where people do imagine that the stuff is coming alive. She's been feeling for her oven and the reason for this is, since the rise of the air fryer in my household and many other households must be super hard for the ovens of the world to watch. Because the ovens have been there for bloody 100 years.

• 16:26Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 16:27Speaker 03

  Really unchecked.

• 16:28Speaker 02

  Oh, microwaves would have.

• 16:29Speaker 03

  No, I don't think they can.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  Oh, I think when the microwave came along, the ovens would have been feeling really intimidated by that.

• 16:36Speaker 03

  Wobble, but not really when you feel, no one's cooking a roast in a microwave. No, no. So as the oven, they would have felt, no, no, you can't get rid of me. Nothing can double.

• 16:47Speaker 02

  The best meals, yeah.

• 16:48Speaker 03

  But air fryers, of course, are up to the task.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  Can you cook a roast in an air fryer?

• 16:54Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 16:55Speaker 02

  Really?

• 16:55Speaker 03

  And, and a good way to do it. Anyway, her oven is, she said, look, I, I find it hard for the old guy. Despite it being less efficient and a bit more messy, today I chose to cook my hash browns in the oven and I kept the air fryer on the bench rather than putting it back in the cupboard. I thought it would be a good confidence booster for the oven. So not only does he feel like he's being used, but he can see that I had the choice of using the air fryer and he's reminded, hey, you're actually still important. You came with the house and you've been doing this long before that guy.

• 17:33Speaker 02

  I like it. This is from Brody. "Ahoi, boys. I'd like to share how I displayed extreme empathy, not towards an inanimate object, but towards my own eyeballs."

• 17:43Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 17:44Speaker 02

  "If I see something unpleasant, for example, I'm travelling in a car and I see a dead kangaroo, or I'm watching Grey's Anatomy and I see a gruesome surgery scene, I tend to feel sorry for my eyeballs and always make sure that I look at something lovely straight after it, like a flower or my dogs."

• 18:02Speaker 02

  Keep up the gusto.

• 18:05Speaker 03

  I mean, it makes sense, except for the part where you think it's your eyeballs passing on their mood to you.

• 18:14Speaker 03

  Because, I mean, you can feel down seeing something uncomfortable, so you want to see something better. But it isn't your eyes going, "I'm sad. Now you're sad because you caught my sadness. So make me happy and I'll make you happy."

• 18:29Speaker 03

  But I do, we like kind of get it. This is from Jake. "My wife and I enjoy watching building and design shows. However, she gets a bit concerned when we watch the show Grand Designs. We often comment on the unique and interesting homes that are featured, but my wife worries that our own home will feel a bit betrayed."

• 18:50Speaker 03

  "To address this issue, my wife compliments our house every time she says something nice about the other houses. Last night she said, 'I love what they've done with the kitchen layout,' followed by, 'But I think our kitchen is beautiful too.'"

• 19:07Speaker 03

  He does go on to say, "When Ravenswood Andy's home is finally finished, probably have to go and book a night in a hotel to look at the pictures just because I don't think the house can handle hearing the jealousy."

• 19:19Speaker 02

  A home from Sarah. This one confronting a little bit. "The other day I had some ruthless IBS motions and farted approximately twice every second."

• 19:32Speaker 03

  I'd even run that far.

• 19:38Speaker 02

  "As I got changed at the end of the day, I found myself cradling and apologising to my G-string."

• 19:46Speaker 03

  For having to withstand all of that action right up there where the front

• 19:53Speaker 03

  Hang on for dear life, like a palm tree in a tornado. You know, it's probably not going to get ripped out, but it is getting battered out there.

• 20:09Speaker 03

  Okay, this is from Zach. He's in DC, Washington DC. So I was walking to one of the big museums like recently, I really had to use a toilet. So I stopped at another brackets mediocre museum on the way. However, I did feel bad making that museum feel like it was just a bathroom stopped me. So I spent a good 30 minutes looking around and nodding before I continued on.

• 20:43Speaker 03

  Guys, you know the familiar um conundrum format? Or might even just be that, you know, the familiar conundrum where it's like, you know, someone's rushed into were into hospital, surgeon says, I cannot operate on this boy. He's my son or something. And you go, okay, how could that, what's going on there? You know, that's, you like a conundrum. I love a conundrum. I've got a real life one. A real life conundrum. And I thought I'd play it for you guys now, with you guys now. This is the real life bit. I was with my mum at a cafe. Near, is this pertinent information? Yeah, I'll give it to you anyway. Near the kids cross country carnival at a park, you know, not the school nearby.

• 21:28Speaker 03

  Between the year three and the year six event, we had enough time to go and have a sandwich and a coffee. Okay. So I'm on I at this cafe near the park. My back is facing the door. She is sitting across from me. Suddenly the blood seems to drain from her face. And her, she doesn't drop her fork. I think she was having a um green goddess bowl. She doesn't drop her fork, but her hand goes limp. Okay. She just caught it. So she's in shock. Okay. And she goes, oh God, what do these guys want?

• 22:07Speaker 03

  Who had come in behind me?

• 22:14Speaker 02

  Parking inspectors?

• 22:16Speaker 03

  No, because I don't think she'd be scared of them in, they wouldn't be coming in trying to get her.

• 22:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:22Speaker 03

  You know, they don't, they're not really allowed to flex any authority that's non vehicular.

• 22:26Speaker 02

  That's true. They, they, they do everything at the car. They never, they never meant to combat a human.

• 22:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:31Speaker 02

  They only combat metal cars.

• 22:34Speaker 03

  They never yell into their like walkie talkies, officers proceeding on foot.

• 22:40Speaker 03

  We're going to tackle this guy.

• 22:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:42Speaker 03

  And, you know, we'll hunt you down across any border. You are not safe globally.

• 22:46Speaker 02

  They can't. What, what, what if it was, Jack, I'm jumping in twice. I, I'll have a go. I think it's, uh, just teenagers who look like hoodlums.

• 22:55Speaker 03

  No. Yeah, right. E-bike gang off their bikes. Again, off the non vehicular. Uh, oh God, what are these guys want? Yep. Good guess. Kind of thing. My mum actually to her credit, and the defence has never voiced concern about e-bike gangs, but it's the kind of thing where if she brought it up to me, I could imagine her being worried about e-bike gangs.

• 23:15Speaker 02

  I think, Jack, it is two of the operators slash staff runners of the event, the cross country.

• 23:26Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 23:26Speaker 02

  Hmm. And so they've come in and Kerry's thinking, oh no, they've tracked us down because there's been an accident with one of the kids.

• 23:36Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 23:36Speaker 02

  And she's saying.

• 23:37Speaker 03

  That's not where my head went.

• 23:38Speaker 02

  She's saying, oh gosh, what do these guys want? Meaning, oh no, they're going to give us bad news. Why do they want us to go there?

• 23:46Speaker 03

  Teachers, what do these teachers want?

• 23:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:48Speaker 03

  No, um, my head initially in that scenario went to, because the year three racer had run and the year six was coming up. I was doing a lot of, um, car loading strategies for the kids. And I gave one of the children an energy gel, non caffeinated, but an energy gel that you would normally use for, you know, I suppose being a endurance.

• 24:11Speaker 03

  Um, maybe, and I did tell mum about that and then maybe mum was worried that that constituted doping or something.

• 24:17Speaker 02

  Oh, bastard.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 24:22Speaker 03

  Oh, they've done, they've done blood sugar checks.

• 24:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, one child's blood was all sugar. No, it wasn't them.

• 24:32Speaker 02

  Is it someone she knew?

• 24:34Speaker 03

  No, but it was from a group she does not like. Um, now that could get dangerous, but I think there was three or four of them.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  A group she doesn't like?

• 24:43Speaker 05

  Oh, cyclists, clip clopping in their lycra.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  I know, it's just a group everyone doesn't like.

• 24:50Speaker 03

  No, no, they have, they've good, good on for getting out there and trying their hardest.

• 24:57Speaker 02

  A group she doesn't like?

• 24:59Speaker 03

  Can I tell you? Cause it is hard. I mean, conundrums are hard. They're meant to give you a ha moment at the end. I, the way she said it, I thought it was bikies.

• 25:06Speaker 05

  Right, yeah.

• 25:07Speaker 03

  I thought it was not e-bikies, but motor bikies.

• 25:09Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 25:10Speaker 03

  Um, I was like, oh jeez, is it like, is it, is it like, it sounded like, she was really like, oh god, what are these guys wants? Like we're in the wild west.

• 25:17Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 25:18Speaker 03

  And, you know, the notorious baddie had come to the saloon.

• 25:21Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 25:21Speaker 02

  Health inspectors? So she's worried about what she's eating as a salad?

• 25:24Speaker 03

  Yep. Good, again, very good guess. It was four pigeons.

• 25:34Speaker 05

  We could have played all day, all day and not got that.

• 25:38Speaker 03

  Because I turned, I was like, oh shit. In my head, I was like, I wonder if I could even look or if it'd be too obvious. Because she, mum does not like birds inside. And so, and I went, she said it so seriously. I'm gonna have to have a turn, have a look. I have to protect my mum from bikies here, you know, calm the situation down.

• 25:58Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 25:58Speaker 03

  But I turned around with my eyes scanning at human eye level.

• 26:01Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 26:02Speaker 03

  And I'm like, there's no one here. And then I dropped and saw, and pigeons do strut, like, and they do strut, like they're kind of crime bosses.

• 26:11Speaker 05

  Yep.

• 26:11Speaker 03

  And so it was four pigeons just strutting in, chests out. And they, because it's sort of like a bigger, open, more open door, it's not an open and closed door, it's like a wide open door to come in. So these pigeons would know, we come in here and we get cookie crumbs and toast, like we know what we're doing in here. Mum obviously saw that attitude in them and was just like, oh god.

• 26:31Speaker 05

  Oh gosh.

• 26:32Speaker 03

  No, no, no.

• 26:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, but would any of us have ever got?

• 26:36Speaker 03

  Ever got that conundrum? I wondered if you'd remember the story, Ando, about mum calling the cops when there was a bird in her house.

• 26:45Speaker 03

  I did. And they said, that's not, even no matter what crime he's committed, we don't do bird stuff. Even if it's trespassing, even if he's, yeah, just intimidating you, stalking, we still can't really lay anything on a bird. You had to call her brother. Um, there we go. No points.

• 27:07Speaker 02

  Jack, you got a drone in there somewhere? Have you got like something to add to the suspense? Cause Sam, you won't believe what I'm bringing to the show today.

• 27:16Speaker 02

  It's a segment that just sits there, waiting to be filled with good enough examples. Do you know what I'm talking about?

• 27:27Speaker 03

  There's an interpretation of what you've said that could be gone in 60 seconds.

• 27:32Speaker 02

  No, it's not. You know what I'm talking about. Incredible drops. We haven't done it for a long time.

• 27:39Speaker 03

  But you know what? We're sensible boys. We're sensible boys with this segment because normally shows get a great segment and you drive it into the ground. But from the get go, we realised incredible drops is too good. This is a very, very precious animal.

• 27:57Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 27:57Speaker 03

  Or flower, like those flowers that only flower every 10 years or whatever.

• 28:00Speaker 02

  Did we do one last year, Carl's at all? Incredible drops? Nah. It feels like we haven't done one in years. Because what it does is people-

• 28:05Speaker 03

  Sometimes that's the way.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  People submit them and we go, that's a good one. But they, you don't want to just do one. You want a few of them in a row, normally three.

• 28:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:14Speaker 02

  And so you sit there waiting for another one, good enough. The most, the first one was the guy that was walking along with a long neck of Mel and Bitter, I believe. And he dropped it on-

• 28:23Speaker 03

  Slipped out of his hand. Well, after he was, sipped it and as it was returning to its like carrying position, because of the condensation on the bottle.

• 28:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:32Speaker 03

  Slipped out of his hands, rocketed towards the concrete. Oh, there goes my beer. Wrong.

• 28:37Speaker 02

  It bounced off the concrete, slipped straight back into his hands.

• 28:40Speaker 03

  Incredible drop.

• 28:43Speaker 03

  You do not need the catching element of that, but that always stands out in our mind as the gold standards. I'm like, all right, everything has to be in that, that realm for incredible drops.

• 28:51Speaker 02

  I was at the cafe with Henry out of the dog. A guy called Scott came up to me, asked me for a dollar. And I didn't have one, so I gave him a bow. And then he said, just by the, by the way, I've submitted an incredible drop. I'm not sure if it's good enough. I went, okay, well, I'll, I'll look for it. And I, and I went and it was on my side of the fence. And I found Scott's incredible drop and it was good enough. And then the waiting game happened because this was some months ago. But Scott joins us now. How are you, Scott?

• 29:20Speaker 06

  How are you gents? How are we?

• 29:21Speaker 02

  Lovely to be here.

• 29:22Speaker 03

  Great.

• 29:22Speaker 02

  To bump into you again.

• 29:23Speaker 03

  As someone that's seen Andy's bow in the wild, was it stiff and a little weak?

• 29:31Speaker 06

  Oh mate, it wasn't, it wasn't too weak, but mate, I, I saw him at his local cafe getting some pesto. Or getting some, something at the cafe there, mate. And I was like, you know what, I'll go up to him and I'll ask for, uh, ask for a dollar. But I got a bounce there, mate. So it was good.

• 29:46Speaker 03

  Yep. Okay. Probably getting pesto for the dog. It is a very spoilt dog.

• 29:52Speaker 03

  Scott, you've got a photo, but I'd like to hear your story first and then I'll reveal the photo to Hamish and Jack.

• 29:59Speaker 06

  All right, perfect. All right. So I was at home, I was watching, uh, the Swans versus the Blues. Um, but mate, my partner called me from the couch into the other room. So I start walking, um, from the couch, realising I've got the remote in my hand, right hand, decides without even thinking, throw it back over the left hand side to my left shoulder.

• 30:21Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 30:22Speaker 06

  Long way spinning, hits the couch, then from the couch, and, and that's actually part of the incredibleness. Is that I actually managed to even hit the couch.

• 30:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:32Speaker 06

  It's then hit the couch, bounced. Blown over onto the coffee table, basically started on the coffee table, slid and landed basically on the edge of the coffee table, precariously positioned on the corner, facing the TV, perfectly ready for me to come back and keep watching the footy.

• 30:50Speaker 02

  Now, have a look at the photo now, guys. This is what's incredible about its position. Oh, geez. It's really precarious.

• 30:57Speaker 03

  It's on, it's actually like on the teeter point.

• 31:00Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 31:00Speaker 03

  Of balancing on, like, it's, it's exactly what happens in movies when a bus is hanging off the edge of the cliff. And everyone's like slowly walking back at the bus and make the bus like lean back the other way.

• 31:11Speaker 02

  Perfectly counter levered from the heavy battery pack at its base, allowing a lot more of the front of the bus, the remote, to be hanging over the edge. Scott, did you call your partner in to see it?

• 31:24Speaker 06

  Oh mate, I was running around, I was running around the apartment going, this is unbelievable, I have to submit this. But then part of the incredibleness is I'm going down to get a coffee and I run into you, Ando, and I'm like, this is meant to be.

• 31:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:37Speaker 03

  Also, it was, it was within like, you know, that day or the, like a couple, you know, that timeframe.

• 31:43Speaker 06

  Mate, I submitted it on the Sunday night, I think it was, and I ran into Ando on the Monday.

• 31:48Speaker 02

  Monday morning, yeah.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  I mean.

• 31:51Speaker 06

  Mate, it was meant to be.

• 31:52Speaker 02

  That is meant to be. Scott, well done. Thank you for incredible drop. You've kicked, uh, kicked off the segment again after a long layoff. We move from Scott to CJ. CJ, how are you?

• 32:04Speaker 07

  How are boys, Gusto, to you?

• 32:05Speaker 02

  And to you. And also to you. Thank you CJ. Um, take us through the setting for the drop.

• 32:11Speaker 07

  So it's, it's the middle of the day. I'm looking to have some lunch. So I decided, you know, I'm going to head to the kitchen, make myself a bit of eggs on toast. So I've popped some toast in the toaster, started to fry up some eggs, get out the hollandaise sauce, bit of smoked salmon. You know, I'm really trying to indulge myself here.

• 32:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, sure.

• 32:30Speaker 07

  Now, while everything's happening, everything's sort of cooked right, I've decided, you know, I've turned myself to the fridge, get myself a glass of juice, let's make it a full meal. Now, during this time.

• 32:40Speaker 02

  I say, let's just, time for a bit of CJ time. That's it. It's party.

• 32:44Speaker 07

  Exactly right, exactly right. Now, now I preface this, our toaster is no- To be a bit temperamental and sometimes doesn't want to toast anything and will kick it out of the toaster.

• 32:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:55Speaker 03

  So it has like a hair trigger, like it.

• 32:58Speaker 07

  Exactly right. It will just, for whatever reason, whether it stops on the timer or decides in the middle of it, it's just gonna send it. Now, what happened next shocked the hell out of me to the point where I almost snapped my neck.

• 33:11Speaker 03

  Thank God.

• 33:12Speaker 07

  I'm opening the fridge and I look over because I hear it pop. So I'm just making sure it hasn't gone on the floor or anything. I look over and then I look back immediately because the toast is standing completely upright on the edge of the toaster.

• 33:27Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 33:30Speaker 03

  My god.

• 33:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:32Speaker 03

  First of all, smeg toaster must be nice. Second of all, so two slices of bread, one has failed in its task and it's just flopped in the regular kind of

• 33:43Speaker 07

  Yes.

• 33:44Speaker 03

  Fashion that we're all used to seeing a piece of bread on its side. Then we see something that we, I can't think that I've ever seen, which is one slice of it looks kind of like a Hellgaz or an Abbott's bread. On its end, standing proud.

• 34:00Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 34:00Speaker 03

  On the rim of the toaster.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  Yep, stone hands like everyone wondering how it got there.

• 34:06Speaker 07

  It's not even being supported by the toast.

• 34:09Speaker 03

  Behind it.

• 34:10Speaker 07

  Photos through, there's a couple mill behind it.

• 34:14Speaker 03

  That'd be my question, yeah, because the other bit of toast is lying there next to it. So it's no bracketing effect.

• 34:18Speaker 07

  No, no bracketing whatsoever, no support. It is lone free on the edge.

• 34:23Speaker 03

  It must have looked to you like when people do that funny thing where they jump into a pool, but then play the video in reverse.

• 34:31Speaker 03

  It's like a real life one of those.

• 34:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:34Speaker 07

  I stood there looking at this thing for that long. The fridge was left open and the fridge started beeping.

• 34:41Speaker 03

  A gentle reminder that even in the face of a miracle, life must go on.

• 34:49Speaker 03

  CJ, well done. Thank you for submitting. I really appreciate it.

• 34:54Speaker 07

  Thanks, boys. Appreciate it.

• 34:56Speaker 03

  Got time for one more. Ben, you've got an incredible drop. You submitted this, how long ago did you submit this?

• 35:02Speaker 02

  Oh, it was towards the end of last year.

• 35:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay.

• 35:05Speaker 02

  November, something like that.

• 35:06Speaker 03

  Talk us through your incredible drop.

• 35:08Speaker 02

  So the family and I.

• 35:10Speaker 07

  We're enjoying a nice family day at Heelsville Sanctuary. My sister and I, uh, my sister Michaela and I, uh, decided that we, we needed icy poles for ourselves and the kids.

• 35:21Speaker 03

  And go hot up there.

• 35:21Speaker 07

  And unlike me, uh, she wasn't as careful with her icy pole. It was a cyclone. I don't know if you remember those ones.

• 35:28Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 35:29Speaker 07

  Just such, such a good icy pole. Anyway, so Michaela opens up the icy pole, drops it in the dirt. But it lands stick down, facing vertically with the icy pole completely free of any dirt. She just picked it up and ate it. Off you go.

• 35:46Speaker 03

  Unbelievable. The, the chances of the weight distribution too on the cyclone, because look, as much as the manufacturer can't remember it's streets or Peters. Would love to tell you that the stick is inserted right through the center of gravity. It isn't. You often get a lopsided icy pole. So for that to land and stick is amazing.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  I would have thought it would have kind of took, so for people who don't know this icy pole, um, it always, obviously a standard Christmas tree with a stalk at the bottom. And then the, the icy pole at the top of it, but it is circular the all the way, all the way around.

• 36:17Speaker 03

  Cylinder, yeah. And two colors twist around the outside.

• 36:20Speaker 02

  You would expect it to torpedo heavy side down if anything. So the fact that.

• 36:25Speaker 07

  Yeah, that's what you'd think. And, and she, as soon as it happened, I just froze in place. Cause I couldn't believe what had just happened. And then she, she asked me what the hell I was doing. Because of course I, I got my phone out straight away to start writing down incredible drop.

• 36:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:40Speaker 07

  And, uh, yeah, I was, I was blown away. Couldn't believe it. Perfectly, uh, unharmed icy pole.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  Looked like a little, little garden patch growing those cyclone icy poles. That's what.

• 36:50Speaker 03

  I'm just trying to think if the, the aerodynamics of the cyclone around the side, if it gave it some sort of stabilizing effect. That it was twisting in the air, like a bullet spinning like through, cause it's rifled.

• 37:01Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 37:02Speaker 03

  It's.

• 37:03Speaker 02

  The great drop. Well, it's incredible drop.

• 37:05Speaker 03

  Incredible drop.

• 37:05Speaker 02

  Thank you, Ben. Appreciate it, buddy.

• 37:07Speaker 07

  Thank you, gentlemen. Gusto to you.

• 37:13Speaker 02

  In a lot of crime dramas, Ham.

• 37:15Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 37:15Speaker 02

  There's often a very unprepared lawyer walking very fast into a courtroom. And they're normally representing someone that can't afford legal representation.

• 37:26Speaker 03

  Gotcha. Flustered lawyer.

• 37:28Speaker 02

  They're getting past all the details and then they're straight into the court and they're having to defend someone.

• 37:33Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 37:35Speaker 02

  I'm about to accuse Beck of something. I want you to be her lawyer and you're going to hear this as it happens.

• 37:41Speaker 03

  Great.

• 37:41Speaker 02

  And I've got Beck standing by. Hello Beck.

• 37:45Speaker 00

  Hello. I can't believe I've been roped into one of these again.

• 37:48Speaker 03

  I don't know why you answered Beck. As your lawyer, I would have advised you not to, young lady. But you're here. The judge has seen you and we would like to, before we even hear what the charge is, we'd like to say how offended we are that the charge has been brought and that we plead absolutely not guilty.

• 38:06Speaker 02

  Hey Beck.

• 38:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:08Speaker 02

  You know how your car got robbed and the garage buzzer for our apartment got taken?

• 38:16Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 38:17Speaker 03

  You don't have to answer that. You don't have to answer that Beck.

• 38:19Speaker 02

  I couldn't find my garage buzzer in my car this morning. So, did you take that?

• 38:27Speaker 00

  Um, yes. Yes, I did.

• 38:30Speaker 03

  Again. May we approach the bench?

• 38:34Speaker 00

  Sorry.

• 38:34Speaker 03

  It feels like we might have just had an admission.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  So, were you going to give that back or?

• 38:42Speaker 03

  Irrelevant.

• 38:45Speaker 02

  As another question, when you did get robbed several weeks ago and I said, please talk to the building manager about getting another remote.

• 38:54Speaker 02

  Have you?

• 38:55Speaker 03

  Objection, pestering. My client does not wish to be pestered.

• 39:00Speaker 02

  Well, I'll rephrase. Have you asked the building manager for a replacement remote control for you?

• 39:07Speaker 00

  No, because I've got yours.

• 39:10Speaker 03

  It sounds like you're the kind of guy that since you've got all these great ideas about the remote control, we would like to suggest to the court that since Bec is the victim of crime here and is reeling from that, and you seem to be the one with all the great remote control ideas, why doesn't her remote, yeah, why doesn't it stay as hers and you get a chance to first hand do all these cool ideas you've been coming up with about how to get more remotes?

• 39:36Speaker 05

  Well, if you mind, if I ask your client, was that your expectation, Bec?

• 39:42Speaker 03

  Never. She never would have done that.

• 39:45Speaker 00

  I really didn't get through.

• 39:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:48Speaker 00

  No, but Kay makes a very good point. That's why I'm paying him the big bucks.

• 39:53Speaker 05

  When I get home, for instance, now what I have to do is park on the street, go down the elevator, manually open the garage, run back up and try and get down in the time it takes for the roller door to go up and down.

• 40:09Speaker 03

  Your Honour, and I assume you're the judge here.

• 40:12Speaker 05

  You would have to do.

• 40:13Speaker 03

  Your Honour, my client is suggesting that Bec, a young woman, would have to leave the safety of her vehicle and run this gauntlet. Also, I'd like it to be known that the prosecution, Mr Lee, has a history of enjoying games and sports.

• 40:27Speaker 05

  I actually thought the same thing. It seems like something he would like to challenge himself over.

• 40:33Speaker 03

  My client has inadvertently handed him extra entertainment in his day for which we would like the sum of $50.

• 40:39Speaker 05

  All right, Bec, so am I going to the building manager because you remember?

• 40:46Speaker 03

  Yes, you are. You're going to the building manager, Bec's keeping the remote and you're giving her $50 for giving you a fun new game.

• 40:51Speaker 00

  Thank you so much.

• 40:52Speaker 03

  Total pleasure. That's why I got into this game.

• 40:56Speaker 00

  I'm glad I answered this phone call. He's got ready's number, sweetie?

• 41:03Speaker 05

  I know. I'll call him. I already know who it is because I went and got mine recalibrated. So it matched the new remote signal because yours got stolen and everyone in the entire apartment building had to get theirs recalibrated. And I thought you.

• 41:16Speaker 00

  That is not my fault.

• 41:18Speaker 03

  Sounds like another fun game you were given. $100 please to the defendant.

• 41:22Speaker 05

  See you, Bec.

• 41:24Speaker 00

  Bye. Thanks, eh?

• 41:26Speaker 03

  Total pleasure.

• 41:29Speaker 01

  Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.