340 - Risking Bec’s Life for an AirPod

Andy turns private investigator when his AirPods lead him on a stakeout through a notoriously dicey LA suburb. Hame interviews for the job of 'office's worst employee', and there's a shocking reveal in the ongoing Fisiocrem saga after a decade of the boys calling it "the world's number one creme." Plus, Upset Andy is back for a special international edition, and there's a huge (but top secret) update from the Hame's Hives world. 1. Risking Bec’s Life for an AirPod 2. Worst Employee 3. Historical Bombshell - Fisiocrem / Sudocrem 4. Upset Andy - International Edition 5. Bee World non-update

• 0:02Speaker 00

  A Listener Production.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Activate your internet because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three, two.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Sorry, still buffering. One.

• 0:24Speaker 02

  Ahoy to my id, Hamish.

• 0:26Speaker 03

  Are we parts of the brain, the ego, the id, the superego, superid?

• 0:31Speaker 02

  That's it.

• 0:32Speaker 03

  Is that us?

• 0:32Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 0:33Speaker 03

  Oh mate, there we go. Parts of the psyche, is it Freud?

• 0:36Speaker 02

  It's the three parts of the personality according to Freudian psychology. You're right, id, you'd be my ego, Jack, and I'd be superego. Id is impulses and desires, so I reckon that matches up quite nicely.

• 0:48Speaker 03

  You are id, oh yeah.

• 0:50Speaker 02

  There used to be a cop-

• 0:51Speaker 03

  With the Wizard of Id over there.

• 0:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, the Wizard of Id, and I always thought he was the Wizard of ID until much, much too late into my adulthood.

• 0:58Speaker 03

  I'm four, can you get me into a club? There's only one man that could make a fake ID for a four-year-old, the Wizard of ID.

• 1:07Speaker 02

  So id is, I want it now, that's that part of your brain.

• 1:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, working on curbing that.

• 1:15Speaker 02

  Yes, the ego, the practical decision maker. How can I get what I want in a realistic way?

• 1:22Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:23Speaker 02

  That's you, Jacko, according to this order. Superego, your internal sense of right and wrong, what is the right thing to do?

• 1:30Speaker 04

  They all match very well.

• 1:32Speaker 03

  They do match very, I mean, actually kind of like freakishly well.

• 1:35Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:36Speaker 03

  Maybe that's why the show works.

• 1:39Speaker 03

  All perfectly represent the three parts of the psyche.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  Also, ahoy to Clancy, who went to hamishnewy.com. Anyone can head there and just upload an audio message of what they've been up to and you've got a chance to be on the show.

• 1:53Speaker 05

  Ahoy, Hamish, Andy and number six. I'm coming to you with a public service announcement, if you will, in particular for those Gis enthusiasts. My partner is not a Gis enthusiast. In fact, he is the polar opposite of fast and loose when it comes to his toilet habits. He likes to take, I would say, a good 10 to 20 minutes when doing a number two. Recently, we were in Adelaide for a wedding and we're on a bit of a pub crawl. We didn't have much time, so he decided to attempt his first giss. He did it.

• 2:32Speaker 03

  Right.

• 2:32Speaker 05

  However, he did feel a little bit of discomfort at the time.

• 2:35Speaker 03

  It will happen.

• 2:36Speaker 05

  Fast forward now, a week on, and he's currently in surgery to have a perianal abscess drained. So not saying that it was caused by the giss. However, I don't think it's a coincidence that he only felt the pain after his first giss. So I just wanted to let everybody know out there, all of those giss enthusiasts or the potential giss enthusiasts, just be sure that you're gissing safely.

• 3:04Speaker 03

  Great message. Okay, there's a lot to unpack there and not just in the sense of pus and, you know, and infection from a bum. First of all, you know, of course, we all love to spend 20 minutes on the toilet. This, I'm not doing Gone in 60 Seconds at home. No, no. This is when, if and when needs be, you have to evacuate your bowels in under 60 seconds to confuse passersby to think you couldn't have possibly pooed that fast. Yep. You must have done a wee. Therefore, even just going into the bathroom after, you'd be like, well, it wasn't that guy because he was barely in here. Yeah. So that's really the point of a giss. Now, of course, that's why I've made the instructional tapes and it's a 12, I think it's 12 cassettes in the set. You, you can't just go, oh, I'm going to have a crack at that and blow it out as hard

• 3:49Speaker 03

  as you can because that's what happens. We've seen someone now, a man, get injured because he tried to do a professional level

• 3:55Speaker 02

  Which is good to hear about the losses. You know, you always hear, you always hear about the wins, like camel head.

• 4:02Speaker 03

  And it's like social media. It's like, people are only putting up the fastest poos they did. What about the ones that blew, what about the ones that blew their rings apart? You know, no one shows you that side of their life, but of course it's happening and so it's good to see it.

• 4:15Speaker 02

  Guys, I wanted to the start of the show.

• 4:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, what have you done?

• 4:18Speaker 02

  Because I've been accused of risking Bec's life.

• 4:21Speaker 03

  Oh, my gosh.

• 4:22Speaker 02

  Which I believe.

• 4:23Speaker 03

  By Beck or by a passerby?

• 4:25Speaker 02

  Well, pretty much everyone I've told the story. No one's been on my side yet.

• 4:28Speaker 03

  Oh, boy. Well, good luck. We'll try our best.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  I think my AirPods got stolen in America. I may have misplaced them. That's it. Doesn't matter.

• 4:39Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 4:40Speaker 02

  The matter is, you can do on Find My Devices.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 4:44Speaker 02

  Yep, where your stuff is, you know, whether it be your phone or.

• 4:47Speaker 03

  Do you have to register that?

• 4:48Speaker 02

  No.

• 4:49Speaker 03

  Does it just automatically happen?

• 4:50Speaker 02

  Automatically does it.

• 4:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, right. Because I'm not doing it if you have to register it.

• 4:55Speaker 02

  No, automatically does it.

• 4:56Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 4:57Speaker 02

  So we had a high car. Beck and her parents were staying on. In L A, I was off to the airport. We had to check out early, so I dropped them at their new hotel.

• 5:07Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  And I had a couple of hours to spare. So I looked up on Find My Devices and I'm like, hmm. I know where these, my AirPods are. They're in a suburb called Gardina, I think it's called. It's alongside Compton to.

• 5:23Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 5:23Speaker 02

  Give you perspective.

• 5:25Speaker 03

  Kids that grew up in the nineties, we only know from Boys in the Hood, the Ice Cube film. But we know it as a, you know, back in the nineties could be a dangerous place. Not sure what it's like now.

• 5:35Speaker 02

  Not a tourist destination.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 5:37Speaker 02

  Traditionally.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  Could have been gentrified. I don't know.

• 5:39Speaker 02

  So I said, guys, I'll leave you to it. I'm going to go get to the airport early.

• 5:45Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 5:46Speaker 02

  And Beck said, are you going to go try and find your AirPods? And I said, yes, I am. She said, I think that's really dangerous. You shouldn't go.

• 5:54Speaker 03

  Were they in the high car? Oh, they've just, so someone's just picked them up, you think, and?

• 5:57Speaker 02

  Well, you don't know because all you see is the little. For the last three days, they've been driving around, they're being used, they're being recharged. They're sometimes out in this guy's ears or girl's ears, and then they're back in their case. And they seem to be going back to the same location each night.

• 6:11Speaker 03

  I mean, there's nothing, to be fair to this person that found your AirPods. What are you meant to do if you find a pair of AirPods?

• 6:19Speaker 02

  You can't return them.

• 6:19Speaker 03

  Get them back to the, it doesn't go, this is this person's email address. Like.

• 6:23Speaker 02

  No.

• 6:23Speaker 03

  You just enjoy them.

• 6:24Speaker 02

  Yeah. That's where I think, I think they've been stolen.

• 6:27Speaker 03

  What should this person do?

• 6:29Speaker 02

  Well, I think they hand them in. If I had left them at the airport, they should have handed them in.

• 6:33Speaker 03

  You probably, what if you left them on the seat of a cafe?

• 6:36Speaker 02

  Leave them at the cafe. So I can go back.

• 6:39Speaker 03

  I just think you go, look, chances of someone coming back are pretty low. I think that, okay.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  Anyway, so Bec's dad said, don't, please don't go to this place to get the AirPods. I said, it'll be fine, it'll be fine. He said, let's ask the, the bellhop who was just taking their bags out of the car. He said, would you ever go to Gardena? And he's like, why would you go there?

• 6:59Speaker 03

  To confront a thief.

• 7:03Speaker 02

  And I said, oh, my AirPods. He goes, mate, just leave them.

• 7:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:06Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, okay. I'll leave them. I was never gonna leave them. You know, you know this with me. It was just itching at me, like I can go and confront this person.

• 7:16Speaker 03

  But you also like to get to the airport early, so you must be between two worlds.

• 7:20Speaker 02

  I had plenty of time, Jack. I had plenty of time. So I go to the car, Bec chases me down and she says, you're, you're going, aren't you? I said, yeah, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna go and just see if I can find. She goes, I wanna come with you. So her dad's not happy with me for this. We're off on this adventure to find the AirPods.

• 7:37Speaker 03

  Cute.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  They.

• 7:38Speaker 03

  Cute, cute in the way that taking a human shield can be cute.

• 7:44Speaker 02

  So we drive out to Gardena.

• 7:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:47Speaker 02

  It's a, it's like a 20 minutes from the airport. It's not too far.

• 7:50Speaker 03

  Nice. Anything. Quite like the efficiency. Even if we do get shot at, this has, at least it hasn't been too far out of our way.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  So we're going down and we're tracking them, you can, cause you can get it to like the nearest 10 metres.

• 8:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, great.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  And so we pull up in the street and there's a lot of people looking at us and there's a bit of, what are you up to? So we get out and this guy comes out and goes, what do you want? To me. And I said, I'm looking for my AirPods.

• 8:18Speaker 03

  Tough guy.

• 8:19Speaker 02

  They tracked to this kind of area. Like, I mean, have you seen, have you seen any AirPods? Said, no, I haven't seen any AirPods. I said, okay.

• 8:28Speaker 03

  See ya.

• 8:30Speaker 03

  Well, we tried.

• 8:32Speaker 02

  So then you can press a button.

• 8:35Speaker 03

  Oh, you can make them go di, di, di, ding.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  That makes them ding.

• 8:38Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 8:40Speaker 02

  So I'm like, okay, cool. And I press the button and we think we hear something, but it's not from his house.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  And I'm like, okay, thanks very much. And he said, man, I wouldn't be doing this. It's AirPods. Just get some more. This other neighbour.

• 8:57Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, they told that. That's registered. I've decided I'm gonna go down a different path. Across the road, there's a set of apartments, flats. This guy hurries out, backpack on, AirPods in his ears. And he starts walking and I look at the tracker.

• 9:15Speaker 03

  I mean, you are in California, the home of Apple.

• 9:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:17Speaker 03

  There is gonna be more than one AirPods around.

• 9:20Speaker 02

  So.

• 9:21Speaker 03

  You look at the tracker, you think?

• 9:23Speaker 02

  The tracker, it, it, it looked like it was on the move.

• 9:25Speaker 03

  Moving at his pace.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. So I, I ran up to him and said, hey, hey, hey, mate, mate.

• 9:30Speaker 03

  Citizen's arrest.

• 9:31Speaker 02

  He, he pauses and takes an AirPod out. I said, hey.

• 9:36Speaker 03

  That looks exactly like my AirPod.

• 9:39Speaker 04

  Where's Beck at this stage? In the car?

• 9:41Speaker 02

  She's loitering close to the car to be able to get back into it. Not thrilled that.

• 9:46Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  I've tried to make a citizen's arrest. So I said, hey, mate, just wondering, just looking for my AirPods. Have you seen, have you had any AirPods in your ears in the last 10 seconds?

• 9:57Speaker 03

  Would you, would you, would you have one in your hand right now?

• 10:00Speaker 02

  He said, these are my AirPods.

• 10:01Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  And then he took them out of his ears and he did have a lot of wax on them, but you could do that. It'd been three days.

• 10:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:07Speaker 02

  You see, they're pretty old, da, da, da. And I said, oh, do you mind if I see the case? Because on my case, I have a printed out label that says Andy's AirPods.

• 10:16Speaker 03

  That's right. Didn't you do this to stop Beck taking your AirPods?

• 10:19Speaker 02

  Yes, but, and, but it's obviously got another opportunity.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  God, this is where, this is where Andy's just neat and practicalness meets. This could be life threatening for you.

• 10:31Speaker 02

  He pulls out the case. It's one of those custom coloured cases.

• 10:34Speaker 03

  Ah, it's like a rubber, like a silicon.

• 10:36Speaker 02

  And it's not, it's not mine.

• 10:38Speaker 03

  How do you know he's not hiding it in that case?

• 10:39Speaker 02

  No, no, it had like, it, it was.

• 10:41Speaker 04

  Well, they did like a colour run.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, colour run on the case.

• 10:44Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  And I went, I'm really sorry. And he said, that's all right, man. No problems. And he walks off. And we watch it and I'm sitting there going, could be in his backpack. No. He leaves, but it doesn't keep tracking. It's still right there.

• 10:59Speaker 02

  We're out in front of the house.

• 11:00Speaker 03

  Okay, so how many apartments are in this building? So this is where you're like, okay, now I just need to lay siege to these apartments for only two weeks. I mean, people must come out.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's about 12. House next door, huge signs saying, dog will attack.

• 11:14Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 11:15Speaker 02

  Don't come on the trespass. So I was like, okay, we're not going in there back.

• 11:17Speaker 03

  Nothing compared to what Andy could do.

• 11:20Speaker 02

  I press the button again to play it.

• 11:22Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  And we hear the little sound.

• 11:24Speaker 03

  Geez.

• 11:25Speaker 02

  Just a little. And then this man on the third floor balcony.

• 11:30Speaker 03

  Peaks.

• 11:31Speaker 02

  Peaks.

• 11:33Speaker 02

  And then like a tortoise.

• 11:36Speaker 03

  Okay, that is a guilty peak.

• 11:38Speaker 02

  And I said, hey.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  And at this point, Beck's like, no, no, no, no, let's, let's, let's go. I was like, hey.

• 11:47Speaker 02

  And he comes back out.

• 11:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  I said, hey, how's the day going? He's like, good. I said, have you seen any AirPods? And he just shakes his head and walks back inside. I was like, hey, excuse, sorry, sorry.

• 12:00Speaker 03

  He keeps coming out.

• 12:01Speaker 02

  And he comes back out again.

• 12:02Speaker 03

  He does have the opportunity. He's a bad turtle because you've got your shell.

• 12:05Speaker 02

  Go in the shell.

• 12:05Speaker 03

  Don't keep coming, popping your head out of the shell.

• 12:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, but he's on the third floor of these apartments.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  So he feels pretty confident. That's when Andy pulls out his grappling.

• 12:17Speaker 02

  So I said, sorry, just, just can I grab a couple of moments? Like, it may have been by accident because at this stage, I'm like, there's no set, like he's obviously taken them. So it's gonna, how am I gonna convince him that it's okay to give them back?

• 12:31Speaker 03

  You probably took the meaning to give them back to the owner. Great news.

• 12:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, that kind of thing. I said, have you seen them? And he goes, no, no. And then walked back inside.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 12:45Speaker 02

  I then see, which you can see on the device, the AirPods taken out of the case.

• 12:51Speaker 03

  He's having one last look.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  Like, go down with the pods.

• 12:55Speaker 03

  All right, listen, we're surrounded. I love you. I've never had sound like this. You ever been out of four AirPods? They usually just have wired $20 headphones. Let's do it. Let's play Queens of the Stone Age one last time. Full bore.

• 13:11Speaker 02

  And then he comes back out. And I go, hey, have you just taken the AirPods out of the case? He's like, no, I don't have the AirPods.

• 13:22Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 13:23Speaker 02

  I went, all right.

• 13:24Speaker 03

  He's got a pretty solid position here. I mean, he's got the opportunity to just keep denying.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  Yes. So I go, okay.

• 13:31Speaker 03

  I'm setting my girlfriend up. Is this the bit where you respect life? I bet you this young woman's life, you do have them.

• 13:39Speaker 02

  So I go to Beck, hey Beck, I'm just gonna go and up and knock on the door.

• 13:44Speaker 03

  Have a chat.

• 13:45Speaker 02

  Have a chat. She's like, please don't, please, please, please don't. Like, I feel, I don't feel comfortable.

• 13:50Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 13:50Speaker 02

  I said, you don't come up. You stay here. I'll see if I can just get the tortoise out of your shells. And she's like, please, please don't. And I look across at the original guy that I'd asked for the AirPods. And he's there with a rake in his front yard and his dad's now beside him.

• 14:08Speaker 03

  Doesn't sound like boys in the hood.

• 14:12Speaker 02

  And that guy just looks at me and shakes his head.

• 14:17Speaker 03

  Shakes his head.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  He just, and I thought at that point, hmm.

• 14:22Speaker 03

  Do you think he was shaking his head like, don't listen to Beck?

• 14:28Speaker 02

  No, I think it was, I wouldn't, I wouldn't head on up there.

• 14:32Speaker 03

  Yep. And your girlfriend literally saying to your face, please don't do this.

• 14:37Speaker 02

  Yes. So.

• 14:38Speaker 03

  But it was the man with the rake that finally made you turn around?

• 14:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was the man with the rake.

• 14:42Speaker 03

  Rake guy's not thinking about it. Maybe Beck's got a point.

• 14:45Speaker 02

  The rake guy knows this guy better than Beck does.

• 14:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:48Speaker 02

  That's good intel. So we went back to the car and we left. And this is a few weeks ago now, but once a week at least. I look it up.

• 15:00Speaker 03

  You were there. Yeah, okay.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  And it's still in the same spot and they're charged. They went to Manhattan Beach the other day.

• 15:07Speaker 03

  They're having a good life.

• 15:09Speaker 02

  They are having a good life.

• 15:10Speaker 03

  AirPods are never meant to be yours forever. Mine certainly aren't.

• 15:14Speaker 02

  You get a year out of them.

• 15:15Speaker 03

  Mine, I've told you this, I've got a case in my bag that has no AirPods in it.

• 15:20Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 15:20Speaker 03

  But I still keep the case wondering, maybe I'll see him again one day. Cause I'm sure I'll find him in the pockets of a jacket or something like that.

• 15:26Speaker 02

  You realize you could do, or not anymore, they'd be under charge, but you could have done fine mine.

• 15:30Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, they've probably been through the wash a few times in an, in an, in an area that I don't know about. I mean, I know this is.

• 15:38Speaker 02

  This, this, I'm, I'm outing myself here for a giant must be nice. But when your AirPods connect to your phone, you know, you can name them or they just give themselves a name.

• 15:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:49Speaker 02

  Mine are AirPods, Hamish's AirPods, number five.

• 15:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, Bianca's up to three.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  So, yeah, they're not, you never truly own an AirPod, Andy. You merely look after it for the next lucky person that finds them.

• 16:04Speaker 03

  I can come to terms with that.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, he's having a good time.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  Because a mate of mine has just had a gut full of one of his coworkers.

• 16:15Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 16:16Speaker 02

  And I'm not doing that thing where, you know, a mate of mine, it's actually, I'm talking about me.

• 16:20Speaker 03

  It's Jack Post.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  Not Jack Post. We have a bloody great time in here.

• 16:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, and we're not workers.

• 16:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:27Speaker 03

  So we can't be classified as hacker, you coworkers, that doesn't do any work.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  That's true, um, co-hobbyists, no, but even within the greater team.

• 16:35Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 16:36Speaker 02

  What a team.

• 16:37Speaker 03

  What a team.

• 16:37Speaker 02

  But I can imagine it is super annoying to work in one of those kind of nine to fives.

• 16:44Speaker 03

  And we've talked about this before, like, we know we live a completely charmed life because I have never, apart from like casual jobs we had at uni, but since the age of like 21, we've never not worked with our best friends.

• 16:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:59Speaker 03

  Like, we've never had to turn up to a workplace where you're like, oh, great, Daryl's here. Yeah, I hate him, but I have to work with him.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  And it seems to be the gripe of my mates that do work in that environment, they do have a person that's just a P in the A.

• 17:11Speaker 03

  I mean, we had, we had a situation back on our team where one of our team members asked to have another one fired because he didn't like it.

• 17:20Speaker 02

  That's why, back in the day, yes, we have.

• 17:23Speaker 03

  There's enough more to go on, have we talked about that before?

• 17:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I.

• 17:26Speaker 03

  We don't need to bring names back into it, but we know who we're talking about.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:29Speaker 03

  So said, yeah, look, unfortunately I've tried to get on with him and I find him annoying, so. Uh, could you let him go?

• 17:36Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 17:36Speaker 03

  And we had to say, well, he's actually not employed by us. He just works here at the station.

• 17:40Speaker 02

  And we don't find the same thing annoying.

• 17:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:43Speaker 02

  But yeah, so that's the thing. So my mate, he had a guy that every time we caught up for a beer, he'd be complaining.

• 17:51Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  About this guy Dave. Oh God, Dave did this, Dave did that, that's annoying, Dave never files up, et cetera, et cetera. Dave got fired.

• 17:58Speaker 03

  Oh, he'd be so happy.

• 17:59Speaker 02

  So I caught up with him and I said, hey mate, how are things? He goes, Dave got fired. I was like, oh, fantastic. And he goes, yeah, not really. I said, why? He goes, it's really put me on notice now that I'm not the worst. And I think I had a level of comfort being at work, knowing that if there was anyone going to be fired, it was going to be Dave.

• 18:20Speaker 03

  Yep. He was the heat shield.

• 18:22Speaker 02

  He goes, it was actually, I'm actually now more anxious at work because there's no dunks.

• 18:27Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 18:27Speaker 02

  In the office.

• 18:28Speaker 03

  If you were impalas in the wild.

• 18:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:31Speaker 03

  And there was a notoriously slow and limpy impala. You'd always feel good because if you're like, next time the lions come, it's not me. Then when that guy got eaten, you'd be like, okay, now we gotta be on alert here.

• 18:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:44Speaker 03

  Because we've lost Steve, limpy Steve.

• 18:46Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 18:47Speaker 03

  Now it could be any of us.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  Could be any of us. And so I said to him, oh, do you, so do you think that you're performing worse? He goes, yeah, I think I'm performing worse with the anxiety that I, I'm not better than anyone in the business. I said, well, do you think the company should employ someone just to be the worst, to make other employees feel better about their performance? And he said, yeah, that'd be a good idea. And we wondered how that would work.

• 19:12Speaker 02

  Come in. How's it going? Is this the position for the worst employee in the office? Yes, you're an hour late. Great, and I intend to be most days. Right, will it be consistently an hour? Uh, well, sometimes 20 minutes, but sometimes up to four hours, you never know. Impressive start.

• 19:28Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 19:28Speaker 02

  Will you tell people that you're going to be late?

• 19:31Speaker 03

  No.

• 19:32Speaker 02

  Will there be any explanation as to why you're late?

• 19:34Speaker 03

  I will usually just say it was a personal matter, which just means no one can ask questions and it makes them feel a bit awkward too.

• 19:41Speaker 02

  Very good. Now, the purpose of the job is to make others feel better about what they're doing.

• 19:45Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 19:45Speaker 02

  So that'll require you to have a sloppy appearance.

• 19:48Speaker 03

  Can do.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  To never meet deadlines.

• 19:49Speaker 03

  Absolutely not.

• 19:50Speaker 02

  To send passive aggressive emails.

• 19:52Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 19:52Speaker 02

  So are you gonna note any of this down?

• 19:54Speaker 03

  No, no, I don't do notes. I usually just do stuff verbally, so then later on, when someone goes, "You didn't tell me about that," I'll go, "Yeah, we talked about this," and it makes them feel silly, so you don't leave a paper trail.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, great. Now, this is a tough one. The boss plays golf. What do you think that means to you?

• 20:10Speaker 03

  That works well for me. I also play golf, so I can lad it up with him when he's in town and he'll usually take my side on disputes.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 20:17Speaker 03

  I might also actually, sorry, further to that, if I ever go to a golf tournament, I'll buy him some specific merch and I'll present it to him in front of the others, just to get a bit of favour.

• 20:26Speaker 02

  That's exactly the type of brown nosing we need in the job.

• 20:28Speaker 03

  No.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Quickfire questions now.

• 20:30Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 20:30Speaker 02

  Do you need a desk?

• 20:31Speaker 03

  Definitely, yes.

• 20:32Speaker 02

  Will you use it?

• 20:33Speaker 03

  No.

• 20:34Speaker 02

  Will you talk loudly across the office?

• 20:35Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 20:36Speaker 02

  Will you put your hand up for extra work?

• 20:37Speaker 03

  Uh, yes.

• 20:39Speaker 02

  Ooh, will you do any of that work though?

• 20:40Speaker 03

  Never.

• 20:41Speaker 02

  Great. Are you open to feedback?

• 20:43Speaker 03

  Absolutely not.

• 20:43Speaker 02

  Will you shoot down ideas without offering solutions?

• 20:46Speaker 03

  Absolutely, yes.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  Great. Will you gossip?

• 20:48Speaker 03

  Oh, all the time.

• 20:49Speaker 02

  Create factions of conflict?

• 20:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's fun.

• 20:51Speaker 02

  Get hung up on small things that slows down any team progression?

• 20:54Speaker 03

  I'm very, very nitpicky.

• 20:56Speaker 02

  Great. Are parking spaces not allocated to you?

• 20:58Speaker 03

  Well, I sort of feel like all spaces are allocated to me in a way.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  And finally, never once clean your dirty dishes or offer to unpack the office dishwasher?

• 21:07Speaker 03

  No, never have, never will. You know the sign I saw out there, you go, "We don't have cleaning ferries in this office." I actually think there are cleaning ferries. Yeah, looking forward to meeting them.

• 21:15Speaker 02

  I think you're perfect for the role.

• 21:16Speaker 03

  I think I am.

• 21:17Speaker 02

  Do you wanna start at 9am tomorrow?

• 21:18Speaker 03

  Oh, absolutely not. I could be in tomorrow, it could be the next day, but it certainly won't be 9am on any day.

• 21:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:23Speaker 03

  Thanks, mate. What was your name?

• 21:24Speaker 02

  Daryl.

• 21:25Speaker 03

  Don't care.

• 21:27Speaker 02

  He's gonna be great.

• 21:34Speaker 03

  And I want to take your memory back and Jack come along as well.

• 21:37Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 21:38Speaker 03

  Cause you were there.

• 21:40Speaker 03

  Way back when we started playing Tell Someone We Haven't Thought Of.

• 21:43Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 21:44Speaker 03

  We had a dud hat.

• 21:47Speaker 06

  Yes, yes, I remember.

• 21:48Speaker 03

  A purple hat.

• 21:48Speaker 06

  Physio creme.

• 21:49Speaker 03

  Physio creme.

• 21:50Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 21:50Speaker 03

  Uh, and it was terrible. No one wanted the physio creme hat and we, maybe we pushed it. We were like, this is the worst hat.

• 21:56Speaker 06

  It's the worst hat. I'd still to this day, the worst hat that I've ever come across.

• 21:59Speaker 03

  It would just have a really low F at hat.

• 22:02Speaker 06

  And it made us wonder whether they didn't care about the company or they put so much effort into the creme.

• 22:07Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 22:07Speaker 06

  That the hat was an afterthought, which would make better sense.

• 22:10Speaker 03

  Yeah. If you're a fan of physio creme and, um, it's, you know, used in sports and kind of, um, physiotherapy settings. They choose to shun all traditional spelling. Cause it's F I S I O.

• 22:22Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 22:23Speaker 03

  Instead of P H.

• 22:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:24Speaker 03

  And then creme, C R E M. Instead of cream. So what is it? It's a cream for physios. How do we say it?

• 22:32Speaker 06

  Physio creme.

• 22:33Speaker 03

  So we would often refer to it as the world's number one creme. Um, and I think here's a few, I went back through the archives and here's a few examples.

• 22:41Speaker 06

  Physio creme, world's number one sports creme and world's number billion hat.

• 22:47Speaker 03

  That was a terrible hat.

• 22:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:49Speaker 03

  The physio creme. Wonderful creme, terrible hat.

• 22:51Speaker 06

  What is physio creme, you ask? It's the world's number one pain relieving creme.

• 22:55Speaker 03

  Creme.

• 22:55Speaker 06

  They have produced what can only be described as the absolute bottom of the barrel. If the creme is on top, this is from the bottom of the barrel. This is the dregs.

• 23:03Speaker 03

  Sediment.

• 23:03Speaker 06

  Of the hat, of the hat world.

• 23:05Speaker 03

  Physio creme, the world's most famous creme.

• 23:07Speaker 06

  I do write it physio creme. Love it. Still, very bad hats.

• 23:10Speaker 03

  Physio creme. They are the world's number one creme, the world's number 5,000 hats.

• 23:15Speaker 06

  Great creme.

• 23:16Speaker 03

  Great creme. Name a better creme.

• 23:19Speaker 06

  Have you ever used?

• 23:21Speaker 03

  Physio creme. I've had it used on me by a physio. I can't say I've bought physio creme.

• 23:25Speaker 06

  I don't think I've used it.

• 23:26Speaker 03

  Again.

• 23:26Speaker 06

  My number one creme.

• 23:27Speaker 03

  In an episode with you, like just not sponsored.

• 23:30Speaker 06

  No.

• 23:30Speaker 03

  I mean, physio creme, I had it on good authority. I remember meeting someone that knew someone at head office going, what you've done for the creme is huge. Oh, really? I would have thought it was a negative thing. Cause when I, when I.

• 23:40Speaker 06

  But they're not selling hats, Jack.

• 23:42Speaker 03

  But when I'm in a physio and I see physio creme, all I can think is you do bad hats. Hmm. But that's not, that doesn't bother them. That's not what they're trying to do. Their mission statement. It's not a two pill admission statement. They only care, I think about muscle relief.

• 23:56Speaker 06

  Yep. Yep.

• 23:57Speaker 03

  Here's the crazy thing I realized the other day. We spent years, and I've always said, I've stood by our assertion that it's the world's number one creme. Cause I didn't know of any other creams. I couldn't think of another creme. Jack, I'm very annoyed at me for this. I'm only a little bit angry at Jack for this and he'll give you a pass. Pseudo creme.

• 24:23Speaker 03

  It's not pseudo cream. You know the thing you put on babies for nappy rash?

• 24:26Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 24:27Speaker 03

  It's not pseudo cream. It's pseudo creme. It was like for anyone that's changed nappies, like when babies get nappy rash.

• 24:34Speaker 02

  It's like a pseudo creme.

• 24:35Speaker 03

  You wouldn't have done some, you wouldn't have done some pseudo creme on the bums. I mean, what do you spend in nappy world? Two years, year and a half.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  We were definitely calling it pseudo cream though.

• 24:44Speaker 03

  Always pseudo cream.

• 24:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, cream.

• 24:45Speaker 03

  Always pseudo cream. We had, I was looking for a bit of pseudo cream the other night because it's like, we had something behind our knees, like an itchy thing. I was like, put some pseudo cream on it. I'm sure we still have a tub or something like rattling around the bathroom drawers. I get it out, like, well, I'll be damned. It's actually creme. It's pseudo creme. I was like, all these years of thinking there was only one creme commercially available to us as Australian consumers. And physio creme, just this complete free run of, they would have known.

• 25:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:15Speaker 03

  This huge free run of just being known as the world's number one creme. So then I'm like, hang on a sec. What have we done? What have we done? We've been, we didn't look into this.

• 25:24Speaker 02

  And you would have used studio.

• 25:25Speaker 03

  Using pseudo creme.

• 25:26Speaker 02

  Pseudo creme.

• 25:27Speaker 03

  Yeah. Five, six times a day when you're in the nappy world.

• 25:30Speaker 02

  And you've had physio creme on you once.

• 25:32Speaker 03

  Once and I didn't buy it.

• 25:33Speaker 02

  Applied by someone else.

• 25:34Speaker 03

  Bought so much, it's like a Maltesers, Maltesers situation. We've just always thought it was cream. Anyway, so I go, how bad is the damage we've done here? Yes, it is, there is another creme and I didn't know about this creme. Maybe the other things we've said stack up. Maybe physio creme still could be the number one creme.

• 25:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:56Speaker 03

  You know, so do a bit of a deep dive. Now, first of all, I'm like, what other creams have we missed? Good news is, according to my research, a little bit of chat on thinking mode. So not, don't just give me a quick answer.

• 26:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:09Speaker 03

  Twenty six seconds of thinking, can't find any other creams.

• 26:13Speaker 02

  Outside of world, worldwide.

• 26:15Speaker 03

  Worldwide in the pharmacy.

• 26:16Speaker 02

  Oh, so it's two creme, right?

• 26:17Speaker 03

  There's two creams. Physio creme, pseudo creme. One relieves pain, one relieves itching.

• 26:22Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 26:23Speaker 03

  Okay, I don't go into the details to chat and I go, listen, I've made a big error, but don't make me feel better. I've been telling people that Physio Cremes and more than I said, look, between the two of them, who's selling more units?

• 26:36Speaker 02

  Great.

• 26:37Speaker 03

  Thinking, thinking, thinking, does about forty seconds of thinking. They're owned by various conglomerates.

• 26:42Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 26:44Speaker 03

  But it's like, look, even conservatively, Physio Cremes are kind of localized to Australia.

• 26:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:51Speaker 03

  Pseudo Crem is global.

• 26:53Speaker 02

  And it's on babies every day.

• 26:55Speaker 03

  By a factor of almost twenty to one.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:58Speaker 03

  I'm sorry, sorry.

• 26:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, I believe it.

• 27:00Speaker 03

  Have got it wrong.

• 27:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:02Speaker 03

  Pseudo Crem, though this whole time was by far the world's number one Crem.

• 27:08Speaker 02

  Yep. So we stubborn and we're gonna keep, because you know, we're living in a world now where you can just say something enough and people believe it, or are we gonna be mad enough?

• 27:16Speaker 03

  I think you gotta own up. I think you gotta, except I think you gotta cut your mistakes. And I think it would be after all the free advertising for the last ten years that, that Physio Cremes got as the world's number one Crem.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  Now, number two.

• 27:29Speaker 03

  They should do a pamphlet in this. They don't have to change their packaging, but they should do a little, they should do the retraction to be like, look, because they would know.

• 27:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:38Speaker 03

  If you're in a category of two creams and you hear these guys calling you the number one Crem and you know for a fact you're not the number one Crem, they would have known we're getting illegally branded.

• 27:47Speaker 02

  It's not on them.

• 27:48Speaker 03

  But let's make it on them. I think they should do a retraction and go, like a, not a product recall, but a slip just to go in the tubes.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  Saying that, but I don't think it's upon them because then anyone can say anything about a company and it's on the company to do their retraction in a pamphlet within their box.

• 28:05Speaker 03

  All right. Well, I'll, I'll give them the opportunity to go, you knew full well what was going on. You chose to be crowned the world's number one Crem. They never reached out to us to correct it.

• 28:13Speaker 02

  We now know, Physio Crem, do, does any spokesperson there wanna come forward, please contact the show and, and make a statement. We'd love to read it out.

• 28:21Speaker 03

  Why didn't you pull us up on it? You damn well you weren't the number one. Damn, damn well.

• 28:27Speaker 02

  They might have thought you were going for a subjective number one. Like, to me, it's the world's number one Crem.

• 28:32Speaker 03

  Inquire. Send me an email. Check.

• 28:42Speaker 03

  Ando, we get so many upset Andys coming in, but occasionally, yeah, I know you do. So I know only see half, so I do say.

• 28:50Speaker 02

  Apologies to those people.

• 28:51Speaker 03

  Send them twice would be my, send them three times and you're a chance to land on my side of the fence.

• 28:56Speaker 02

  What we should point out though, is there is a catch system. Carly does review emails from both sides.

• 29:02Speaker 03

  She does. She's the only person who gets to see both patterns.

• 29:04Speaker 02

  She's like the council.

• 29:05Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 29:05Speaker 02

  You and I are neighbours and we tend to toss things either side of the fence, but she comes past and really neighbourhood watch. Make sure that nothing's been missed.

• 29:13Speaker 03

  Just send them three times anyway. We get some international ones from time to time and I like to collate them because of the time difference though.

• 29:20Speaker 02

  Very hard to get on.

• 29:21Speaker 03

  I like to go, okay, reach back out to people and go, give us your upset Andy. If you live not in the time zone we're recording this in Australia, would love it as a voice memo.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 29:30Speaker 03

  We have an international edition of upset Andy.

• 29:46Speaker 03

  Now we talked about doing an international version opener, but that would please you.

• 29:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, that wouldn't be.

• 29:50Speaker 03

  So to upset you, we do the normal opener, even though it doesn't fit the segment.

• 29:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's fair.

• 29:56Speaker 03

  Got you.

• 29:57Speaker 02

  I mean, I had, there was a please Andy from me the other day when we're doing your TV show.

• 30:01Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  Where it involved me having a sponge with paint in it.

• 30:04Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 30:05Speaker 02

  And I yelled out my system to you both.

• 30:08Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 30:08Speaker 02

  About how I had different colours in different corners to blend and I could flip the sponge around and stuff. And I could see both of you.

• 30:15Speaker 03

  You just lost these.

• 30:16Speaker 02

  Lost attention fading away rapidly.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  I don't remember.

• 30:19Speaker 02

  Both at the time went, great mate.

• 30:22Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 30:22Speaker 02

  Thanks heaps with a thumbs up. And that was a morale boost at the time, but I realised that you guys didn't care.

• 30:27Speaker 03

  No, then I turned around, I was like, great, cool. I've wasted time listening to that. So now I'm have to go even faster and listen to what I'm doing. No time to think. Um, Jack, you mentioned you've got one and I'll allow it because you have Dutch heritage.

• 30:39Speaker 04

  Thank you. Or I could be representing Australia.

• 30:42Speaker 03

  This is Jack from the Netherlands, Andy.

• 30:45Speaker 04

  Hello, Andy.

• 30:45Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 30:46Speaker 04

  Does this upset you?

• 30:47Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 30:47Speaker 04

  I bought a cheaper alternative for my electric toothbrush heads online. And when they came. They didn't fit on the toothbrush properly.

• 30:58Speaker 03

  Awesome. But I bet if you squashed them.

• 30:59Speaker 04

  If you squish them, they still vibrate and you get maybe thirty or forty seconds before they vibrate off. And I'm through my, and I'm on now my second toothbrush head of twelve.

• 31:10Speaker 02

  No, no, that is a huge upset. Yeah.

• 31:14Speaker 03

  You get twelve in a pack.

• 31:15Speaker 04

  You got twelve in a pack. Yeah. For roughly the same price as the two pack of the branded version.

• 31:20Speaker 03

  I, I have an electric toothbrush too, and you, Zoe buys the refill every now and again. That, cause I know when I'm onto the last head, I'll then have to remember to buy the other pack, which I see never happening. I like more like the idea of having one spare in the bathroom. I will run that first one till it's like one bristle left. Like a guy with a one hair comb over, just rattling around in my mouth, just so I don't have to change it.

• 31:45Speaker 02

  How do you guys go about shopping lists?

• 31:48Speaker 03

  I don't do one. Sometimes Zoe will send me a shopping list and I, cause she doesn't do it in the order you walk through the aisles. I'm bouncing around all over the shopping centre or the supermarket. It's just known in our house that one to four items, ten percent won't be got. But I'll get thirty percent bonus things that you were never expecting me to get.

• 32:08Speaker 04

  I'm in charge of refills. So anything that is refilled, toothbrush heads, bin bags, et cetera, sponges, that's my job.

• 32:16Speaker 02

  And how do you go about remembering it?

• 32:17Speaker 04

  I'm actually pretty good, except for times where I try to buy the cheaper alternative and it doesn't.

• 32:22Speaker 02

  Yeah. How does Bianca feel about the?

• 32:24Speaker 04

  She hates the toothbrush because she's on the same toothbrush heads and she's hating squishing it on. Where for me, it's very easy.

• 32:29Speaker 03

  What about a blue tack?

• 32:30Speaker 04

  Nah, I wouldn't be strong enough.

• 32:31Speaker 03

  Liquid nails?

• 32:32Speaker 04

  International one. Yeah, that could work, but then hard to get off.

• 32:35Speaker 03

  That's a down the track problem, though.

• 32:39Speaker 03

  All right, here we go. International upset Andy's. First, this is Jesse from the UK.

• 32:45Speaker 07

  Ahoy to the big three. It's Jesse calling from the UK. I'm currently sitting in my car, which has broken down. So I thought I would use this time fruitfully to tell you about an annoying Andy.

• 32:57Speaker 02

  That annoys me.

• 32:57Speaker 07

  I have three bank cards, each with a unique PIN, but I can never remember which PIN goes with which card. But this presents no problem to me because each card allows you three attempts when you enter your PIN. And so inevitably, one of the three I put in is going to work with every single card. So happy days.

• 33:18Speaker 03

  No need to change this, is it? And what a little bit of excitement to build into your day to go, oh, it's gonna be a good day. I got it on the first try. It seems like you've hit a little jackpot.

• 33:28Speaker 04

  I run the same, essentially the same thing with passwords. I've got three different passwords that rotate and I never know which ones is which account. But you're eventually gonna get it.

• 33:37Speaker 02

  Oh gosh, no, I don't like that. I'd be straight on the, the appropriate app corresponding to my bank to make sure that I knew what PIN it was.

• 33:45Speaker 03

  No one's got the time. This is Grace from Sweden, could be Aussie, could be Swedish.

• 33:51Speaker 00

  Hey, hey, Miss and Andy, it's Grace here, Australian, living in Sweden. I've an upset Andy for you. Uh, so my boyfriend hates it when the towels on the back of the door in the bathroom or in the kitchen fall off the hook. So he has cut a hole in every single towel that we own, including all the tea towels. So we don't have that problem anymore.

• 34:13Speaker 03

  No dramas.

• 34:14Speaker 02

  Don't hate it.

• 34:15Speaker 03

  Except I know full well you do hate it because he's cut it rough for sure.

• 34:20Speaker 02

  He's cut it rough.

• 34:20Speaker 03

  You would hem it.

• 34:21Speaker 02

  I would, I would hem it.

• 34:22Speaker 04

  And even if you cut it smooth, it's gonna fray.

• 34:25Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 34:25Speaker 03

  Not the way I cut.

• 34:27Speaker 02

  If you could, you could do a punch.

• 34:29Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 34:29Speaker 02

  Material punch and then a hem.

• 34:31Speaker 03

  Is that a special tool, a material punch?

• 34:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, you got, you got material punch.

• 34:35Speaker 03

  Like a hole punch.

• 34:36Speaker 04

  Like a hole punch.

• 34:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, like a hole punch, but you get, there's, there's ones for material, there's one for belts. Have you seen those ones that you, you, you?

• 34:40Speaker 03

  I just use a drill.

• 34:44Speaker 03

  So much faster. I've used that, the, I've tried to use a belt hole thing before and it's like, it hurts your hand and you're getting sweaty and it's getting frustrating.

• 34:52Speaker 02

  Most of you're blunt one.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  Get a, get a drill, you're not gonna regret it.

• 34:56Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 34:57Speaker 03

  And I don't wanna put belt hole punch people out of business. We had a similar thing the other day with Rue's, her little school jumper, bit tied around the cuffs.

• 35:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:05Speaker 03

  And I was like, oh, you know, cause you do have that, you know, lot of hands, is that a hem cuff? I suppose, like that line of sewing around the head, around the wrist. And she's like, I don't like it. It's too tight. And I'm like, you gotta wear your jumper. I said, listen, come here. We have good scissors. The one, you know, the ones that can cut a chicken bone?

• 35:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:22Speaker 03

  And so I get them out of the knife block. Let's go look. No one's gonna know about this. Just snip, snip, snip. Just cut that hem a little bit.

• 35:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:29Speaker 03

  Just to let out the tension. A little bit.

• 35:32Speaker 02

  That didn't quite work.

• 35:34Speaker 03

  But same principle. I mean, it eased it off a bit, but then I was like, what have you done to the jumper?

• 35:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:40Speaker 03

  It's been a dark on dark. You can barely tell. I think for player comfort, you can allow that.

• 35:45Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, again, going back to my dad, he would do that, but then properly hem it.

• 35:50Speaker 03

  No time.

• 35:51Speaker 02

  Okay, next one.

• 35:52Speaker 03

  Jason, Jason from the U S.

• 35:55Speaker 04

  Jason from New York here. I've just turned forty, which means I'm at a phase of my life where I've got to take all sorts of vitamins and supplements and stuff. And it's a lot. It's a handful of pills. It's four different powders in four different glasses of water. And there's all these rules about like, when you're supposed to take them. You're supposed to stagger them out across the day and eat before them or something. I don't know. I wasn't really listening. I'm a busy man, moving too fast. So what I do every morning in the office kitchen is I just mix them all together and chug it down all at once. It's just a lot faster and more convenient. Unfortunately, it does give me mild but immediate diarrhea every single time. But that's okay.

• 36:39Speaker 04

  Off to the office bathroom, a quick squirt, and then I can get on with my day.

• 36:44Speaker 03

  Cost of doing business.

• 36:45Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 36:46Speaker 04

  What does he mean? I'm well over forty and I'm not taking anything.

• 36:49Speaker 03

  Well, I guess he's doctors. You know, this is doctor's orders.

• 36:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:52Speaker 03

  He's, he's, he's going for longevity here, but I do like that.

• 36:55Speaker 02

  I don't think the order is we need you to do a small amount of diarrhea every morning.

• 36:59Speaker 03

  I've fallen for the same trap. Like you get fed this thing to be like, hey, listen, if you wanna, you know, live a long time, starts now in your forties.

• 37:05Speaker 02

  Absolutely the kind of guy that would have all these supplements.

• 37:08Speaker 03

  But then you buy, so you go, yes, I will do this.

• 37:11Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 37:11Speaker 03

  And you buy a three month supply. And then on the third morning, you're like, wait a second, every day for the rest of my life?

• 37:18Speaker 03

  I'm gonna spend my whole life taking this powder. I can't do this. I think I'm not doing this anymore. And then three months later, the next one arrives, because you realize you subscribe to save thirty seconds. I've got, now I've got six months minus three days worth. And I'll just put that in the very, very top shelf. Think about that when we move.

• 37:36Speaker 02

  Um, last one.

• 37:37Speaker 03

  Last one, Josie from the UK.

• 37:40Speaker 07

  Ahoy, boys. Josie here, an Aussie living in the UK. My upset Andy happened at my second job. Yes, very in touch, I know. Working at a pub. So one of my coworkers was asked to cut the lemons and limes into wedges. Obviously to garnish the drinks. But I don't think he understood or knew what wedges were because as I went to grab one from the tub during rush hour, I noticed they were literally all cut in just randomly shaped large and small chunks, like picture. Two thirds of a lemon cut into a rectangle.

• 38:21Speaker 07

  Um, I'm usually fast and loose, but I had a hard time convincing most customers that this was an acceptable addition to their drink. Um, love the pod. It's a nice taste of home to listen to, but what would be even better is an old mate's pub in London. I would definitely have loved to work there and cut lemons and limes evenly.

• 38:43Speaker 03

  Your mate won't get employed. Um, thanks, Josie. What a legend.

• 38:46Speaker 02

  She attached a picture.

• 38:47Speaker 03

  That does bother me. That does bother me.

• 38:50Speaker 02

  It looks like, that looks like the way you would cut it if you were using the communal juicer at a, at an airport lounge.

• 38:57Speaker 03

  I don't even, I actually feel like cutting it that different makes, requires effort. I was like, that someone's, it's, it's, it reminded me of like, it's the variety of pieces you get in Tetris. You go, okay, well, it's always four squares, but how many combinations? Unique shape. How many combinations you give it four squares? Like it's always the maximum amount of shape variations you could make out of a lemon.

• 39:18Speaker 02

  It is a budget holiday puzzle that your dad would give to you and say recreate the lemon.

• 39:24Speaker 03

  If COVID had gone on for another year, that would have been like, oh guys, we're playing lemon quest again. Now make it back up into a lemon.

• 39:37Speaker 03

  Look, I know I said we're going to leave this lie for a bit, but there's been some developments in Hame's Hives, in the bee world, beekeeping world, largely.

• 39:48Speaker 02

  So has any developments in Hame's Hive?

• 39:50Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 39:51Speaker 02

  Or just a development in the beekeeping world?

• 39:54Speaker 03

  Both.

• 39:55Speaker 02

  That you're going to tell us about and you're going to say it affects Hame's Hives even though you've done nothing?

• 39:59Speaker 03

  Bit of both.

• 40:00Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 40:00Speaker 03

  Okay. Have a huge announcement. Remind me not to let this episode finish without telling you about the huge announcement.

• 40:06Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 40:08Speaker 02

  Great fun.

• 40:11Speaker 03

  Huge announcement will be at the end of this update.

• 40:14Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 40:14Speaker 03

  Um.

• 40:14Speaker 02

  Great.

• 40:16Speaker 03

  Celebrity beekeeping seems to be booming. I think we mentioned last time that-

• 40:20Speaker 02

  Did you mention this last time?

• 40:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, Ryan Maloney.

• 40:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:22Speaker 03

  Tony. Barnsy? Did I tell you about Barnsy? Guess who else is in? Buddy Franklin.

• 40:28Speaker 02

  Really?

• 40:28Speaker 03

  Buddy's in.

• 40:29Speaker 02

  That was in the last update as well.

• 40:30Speaker 03

  No, I don't think Buddy's fresh. And guess who else is in?

• 40:33Speaker 02

  I'm pretty sure Buddy was in the last update.

• 40:35Speaker 03

  Nicole Richie. Nicole Richie just joined the beekeeping world.

• 40:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay.

• 40:40Speaker 03

  That's a new one.

• 40:41Speaker 02

  So so far, one bit of information is new.

• 40:44Speaker 03

  Just saying, Nicole Richie, nice to have someone who's not bee, like, like, I think, like, you know, Hame's Hives, Blake's bees, Barnsy's bees, like, anyone with a bee in their name, it just seems very tempting. Nicole Richie, you believe her because it's not an immediate brand. It's not immediately catchy.

• 40:59Speaker 02

  Yep. Are they all selling honey or some of them are just keeping bees privately?

• 41:03Speaker 03

  No, these are all, these are all commercial operations, I believe. There's two big announcements for Hame's Hives.

• 41:10Speaker 02

  Plus, plus the huge announcement?

• 41:12Speaker 03

  Oh, sorry. One of them's, I'm obviously categorizing a huge announcement as it's big.

• 41:16Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 41:18Speaker 03

  Do you want the biggest?

• 41:22Speaker 03

  The biggest announcement or do you want the second biggest?

• 41:25Speaker 02

  Have we, have we heard 75% of it before? And one of your previous announcements, like just this new one we just had or?

• 41:31Speaker 03

  No.

• 41:31Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 41:31Speaker 03

  Build up to it.

• 41:32Speaker 02

  Give us this, give us the not as big one and finish with the huge. Give us the big and we'll finish with the huge.

• 41:38Speaker 03

  Okay, got a legitimate email that came to my side of the fence. I can only imagine how many have been coming to your side of the fence that have not passed on.

• 41:47Speaker 02

  I would pass them on, but there's a very small flow.

• 41:50Speaker 03

  Well, I just know someone.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  The same amount of honey that you're creating, that's about the flow speed.

• 41:54Speaker 03

  I actually had a suggestion from someone, which I don't mind for when we do later on in the year, the price is correct. Someone said, would it be possible to do a V I P, V I B section for people that are subscribed to Hames Hive? So maybe I could have five seats that I could.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  No, no, remember mixing streams. We've talked about this. Don't mix the stream.

• 42:14Speaker 03

  What if I paid as a sponsor?

• 42:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, maybe.

• 42:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, he can.

• 42:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, Andy immediately has got a million dollars.

• 42:22Speaker 02

  Well, we need us.

• 42:23Speaker 03

  You do need some sponsorship. So we'll see if Hames Hive could afford to sponsor one or two seats in the audience and then give that to a Hive member.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 42:31Speaker 03

  Okay, I'm sensing some reluctance there, but that's nothing new on the beekeeping front. Got a contact by someone who said, please don't use my name.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 42:40Speaker 03

  But I am a category manager slash purchasing manager, Australia wide for Woolworths, watching Hames Hives closely.

• 42:50Speaker 03

  Sorry, Coles.

• 42:51Speaker 02

  Cole. So you don't even see. So it's from Coles or Woolworths?

• 42:57Speaker 03

  It's from Coles.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  Doesn't matter. Well, I'm not using their name. So you can only imagine that as soon as Cole, either or, as soon as someone else hears this, I'll be like.

• 43:06Speaker 02

  Of course, they, it's all they're using you, you and this show is an opportunity to get a mention on the show.

• 43:13Speaker 03

  Well, we're backfired because I mentioned the competitor.

• 43:17Speaker 03

  And that's just, you want to do business with us?

• 43:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:20Speaker 03

  That's how we roll.

• 43:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay, cool.

• 43:21Speaker 03

  Uh, once the honey starts flowing, just interesting to know that already shelf space is being made for the honey.

• 43:28Speaker 02

  Well, what have they said?

• 43:30Speaker 03

  She said, we're watching very closely.

• 43:33Speaker 02

  Is that one of the big announcements?

• 43:34Speaker 03

  That is a big announcement. Jack, that's a potential Australia wide deal.

• 43:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it hasn't promised anything.

• 43:39Speaker 03

  Yeah. How can you, well, I think watching closely is a great first step.

• 43:43Speaker 02

  Yeah. I mean, do you know how much output you have to do to service like a supermarket? Like obviously with Timmy's and Jenny's, the amount of decisions we have to make.

• 43:54Speaker 03

  You are not in the mood for the biggest announcement.

• 43:59Speaker 03

  You know what, I'm not even going to tell you the biggest announcement because you've just, you're not in the mood.

• 44:05Speaker 02

  Give us a clue.

• 44:06Speaker 03

  You're not in the mood.

• 44:06Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, can we have it?

• 44:08Speaker 03

  No, it's marketing based and you don't care and we're ending the show. I will tell the Hames Hives community who we have on a mailing list in their own time.

• 44:15Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 44:16Speaker 03

  And you will be left out of this exciting announcement, but.

• 44:20Speaker 02

  Come on, what do we need to do to try and get it out of you? What do you need?

• 44:22Speaker 03

  We're out of time, we're out of time for the episode.

• 44:24Speaker 02

  We've been the time.

• 44:27Speaker 03

  Ding ding ding ding.

• 44:28Speaker 02

  You don't have a huge announcement.

• 44:29Speaker 03

  I do have a huge announcement, I can't really say it.

• 44:31Speaker 02

  He doesn't have one, Jack.

• 44:32Speaker 03

  I probably is better, I don't want to give the competitors, my competitors a jump on this.

• 44:37Speaker 02

  Nicole Ritchie. Go Buddy Franklin.

• 44:39Speaker 03

  I don't want Buddy, I don't want Barnsy knowing about this because I'm going to catch him flat footed, but we'll come back to this app. You'll see the thing when we launch the honey.

• 44:47Speaker 02

  So easy to retrofit though.

• 44:48Speaker 03

  You'll see the thing we've launched the honey and you go, that's pretty brilliant, Hamish, is that the thing you were talking about back in July?

• 44:53Speaker 02

  Give us the initials.

• 44:55Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  Of what you're talking about now.

• 45:00Speaker 02

  You can't have a think of an idea and then go, that's what I was talking about. Cause I'm not convinced you have an idea.

• 45:06Speaker 03

  This isn't, I can't actually think of a better two words for this, but it is BS. It's not BS, but it is.

• 45:13Speaker 02

  BS.

• 45:14Speaker 03

  The first word is B, the second word is S. We'll come back to and you'll go, brilliant, was that what you were talking about?

• 45:21Speaker 02

  I'm sorry, we've got you in the wrong mood.

• 45:23Speaker 03

  Well, it's not, I'm always excited about the honey. I'm just sad to see that you guys continue to resist this potentially million dollar idea.

• 45:32Speaker 02

  They gotta get me one of those bells.