Pod Insights Hamish & Andy 2025 Ep 283 - Will Jack Play Fair or Play Foul? About this episode Will Jack use his position of power to play fair or play foul when it comes to the Golf Buggy competition? Andy watched a news story about a house that was built on the wrong block, and the guys have so many questions. Hame is dubious about the validity of a battery ad he saw, and the ‘Up There Cazaly’ song sleuth is back with a major development.
1. Fair or Foul - How many competition tickets for Jack?
2. House built on the wrong block
3. Proving Up There Cazaly is an Australian anthem
4. Energizer Bunny
Transcript 7,420 words · 15 speakers
0:02 Speaker 00 A Listener Production.
0:07 Speaker 01 Activate your internet, because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts in three, two...
0:17 Speaker 01 Sorry, it's still buffering. One.
0:23 Speaker 02 Ahoy to me paldron.
0:25 Speaker 03 Hamish.
0:26 Speaker 02 Okay, we're mispronounced. Things that witches use.
0:32 Speaker 02 I think you might be a crumstick, Jack.
0:35 Speaker 03 No. Ahoy to me grieve, Jack.
0:39 Speaker 02 Ahoy.
0:40 Speaker 03 I would say, I mean, witches of the past, this was around during witchy times.
0:48 Speaker 02 Yeah, not a historical period, by the way, but I know.
0:50 Speaker 03 No, witchy times, understood.
0:52 Speaker 02 Yes. 1600s-ish.
0:54 Speaker 03 Ahoy to me visor. So the paldron, the grieve and the visor.
0:59 Speaker 02 Types of hat.
1:01 Speaker 03 Types of hat.
1:02 Speaker 02 Types of people in the king's court.
1:05 Speaker 03 Pieces of armour.
1:06 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
1:07 Speaker 03 Good one again.
1:09 Speaker 02 Visor, well done, visor.
1:11 Speaker 03 She's so relieved.
1:12 Speaker 02 She's feeling this. Shoulder protection, ham, the paldron is what's the armour. Leg protection is the grieve, Jack.
1:20 Speaker 03 You need those.
1:20 Speaker 02 You need those. And a visor. You can go in with it, but if you're hunky.
1:25 Speaker 03 If you're good enough.
1:26 Speaker 02 And for a movie, you generally take it off and let your long locks and sweat.
1:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, open face, open face.
1:32 Speaker 02 And if you're good enough, you wouldn't let, you wouldn't let the sword get anywhere near your face in the first place.
1:37 Speaker 03 That's right.
1:39 Speaker 02 I will say this, though, a special shout out to anyone that knew that fact or knew those three. Think about the kind of person that would know the specifics of armour and what they're called and how furious they would be hearing us not name it.
1:55 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:56 Speaker 02 And how sad they would be that this wasn't brought up in a public arena where they could yell out, I know it, I know it, I know it, I know the names of armour.
2:04 Speaker 03 Well, I did get a text from Mike, Radio Podcast Mike.
2:07 Speaker 02 Oh, so did I. I'll say it, I, of course, did it where he goes, I did think many times about the Lion King one.
2:14 Speaker 03 Yeah, he tried, he said, he said, it was easily, the first to show back, he's like, it's the hyenas from the lions, I did think about that.
2:20 Speaker 02 I got it straight away. I think he's trying to make us believe that the extra 20 hours we couldn't account for for his week, that he claimed he was using to think of the three things. He's like, yeah, you don't know how many got to draft eight.
2:32 Speaker 03 Yeah.
2:33 Speaker 02 And I just failed at the market research phase. I had labs and labs of the three things.
2:39 Speaker 03 Ahoy also to Megan, who left a message at the very easy to use system at hamegane.com.
2:46 Speaker 04 Ahoy, boys. Megan Quinn here from day four of the Milford Track in New Zealand's South Island. Yesterday, we descended a thousand metres down McKinnon's Pass Mountain. And when we arrived, very dishevelled at Dumpling Hut.
3:00 Speaker 03 Yum.
3:00 Speaker 04 We opened up the visitor book and saw a message saying, ahoy and gusto to all. Still haven't lost touch with the common man. So big shout out to Amy, Mark, Nate, Karen, Matt, Isaac and Ben for leaving us that message. It definitely gave us the gusto required to go and make our dehydrated meal for the night. Cheers, boys.
3:21 Speaker 02 Couldn't love it more.
3:22 Speaker 03 Couldn't love it more.
3:23 Speaker 02 Couldn't love it more.
3:24 Speaker 03 Can we start, can we start a little bit of a, of message books around the world?
3:28 Speaker 02 Well, I was gonna say, I know a lot of people would use social media or maybe Reddit or maybe like the comments on Spotify podcasts, not us. You wanna leave a comment for the show? You climbed the Milford Track. You head out to the Milford Track in the southbound of New Zealand. That is where the show's feedback book is. You serious about leaving a comment?
3:46 Speaker 03 What about any guest book? What about any guest book in the world?
3:49 Speaker 02 Okay, I'll relax the rules. It has to be a multi-day hike or at least something that would, a hard to get to visitors book. Is where I would like to see most of the show comments, positive or negative, left. I like it. You got a negative comment? Then it's definitely a multi-day hike one.
4:07 Speaker 03 Hey, we must jump into this.
4:09 Speaker 02 What, what a week it's been.
4:11 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:11 Speaker 02 What a week it's been. So many people talking to me this week about. What's going on?
4:15 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:15 Speaker 02 Um, you know, what do you think Jack's gonna do with the golf cart?
4:18 Speaker 03 What's he gonna do?
4:19 Speaker 02 What's he gonna do with the golf buggy? Do you think it is gonna go to a listener? I say, well, I hope so. That's the, that's the intention that the company had when they sent us an extra golf cart.
4:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, buggy.
4:30 Speaker 02 Golf buggy, sorry. Just to be really clear, we're talking, I explain this to my wife this way, right? The golf cart, sorry, with the one you drive around.
4:37 Speaker 03 Hmm.
4:38 Speaker 02 Like if you work at the White Lotus, you transport guests around in the golf cart.
4:41 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:42 Speaker 02 Or on a golf course. The golf buggy is just the little trolley that takes your bag.
4:46 Speaker 03 Hmm.
4:47 Speaker 02 My wife refers to, you know, she'll drive past the golf course and be like, do you have one of those prams? And I say, no, I don't. I don't have a golf pram. I really want one. One's on its way.
4:56 Speaker 03 Yes, one's on its way.
4:57 Speaker 02 But I don't have one.
4:57 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:58 Speaker 02 So that's what we're talking about here. And they've got, they're motorized now. So you have a remote control in your hand. You never have to touch your buggy at all. And you get the experience as if someone else is driving it for you. The full pro experience. That's what you want, isn't it, Jack?
5:10 Speaker 03 That's right, because a pro on tour would have a caddy that's carrying their clubs for them. We obviously can't have a caddy go every time we play golf, but we can have a motorized buggy.
5:20 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm surprised you haven't tried for a caddy and we'll see where this adventure takes us. Now, of course, all week, um, the extra buggy that got sent to us has been open for listeners of this show to get for themselves or for a loved one that enjoys the game of golf. They're worth some thousands of dollars, aren't they?
5:40 Speaker 03 Yeah, I was surprised actually at the, at the price. They're, they're, depending on which one it is, but yeah, five grand, seven grand. So yeah, the buggies are sought after and people have realised that at hamishshane.com, they've gone, they've registered. They want the opportunity to, uh, to win golf buggy. We said to Jack though, we're gonna give you an opportunity to still win it, but take it.
6:03 Speaker 02 Yeah.
6:03 Speaker 03 We're gonna have a draw of some description.
6:06 Speaker 02 Yeah.
6:06 Speaker 03 We'll find out how many tickets people will be in it. At the moment, there is 10,866 people that have registered to win the golf buggy.
6:17 Speaker 02 Just shy of 11,000, Jack. 10,866 have said they would like the buggy.
6:22 Speaker 03 You check for double ups? Check for double ups.
6:24 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, it has to be registered with your phone number and your email.
6:26 Speaker 03 Okay.
6:27 Speaker 02 So as we said to you last week. You are in a position of power on this show and with great power comes the ability to abuse that power. Um, we said, would you like this to fairly go for the raffle? Or would you like to seize it? You chose seize, as we all heard. We then said, no, you can't seize it, but you showed your cards in that instance. You showed that you were willing to play a devious game to get your mitts on the buggy.
6:51 Speaker 05 It felt like a victimless crime because if a buggy came in and no listener got it, listeners weren't aware that they could even win one.
6:59 Speaker 02 Yes, even though we discussed it at length.
7:01 Speaker 05 Yeah, yeah, but like, you know, they never, it's not like now they've got skin in the game, whereas before it was just conceptual. It was like a hypothetical.
7:07 Speaker 02 Understood. So we've asked people to register, then we're going to give you the opportunity to add as many tickets into the barrel as you like. There's 10,866 at the moment. I, I just want to mathematically explain something to you here, Jack.
7:23 Speaker 02 If you add one vote for, for Jake Post, if you put one entry in, 10,867 would be the total amount and everyone in the pool would have a fair chance.
7:35 Speaker 05 Fair.
7:36 Speaker 02 Exactly equal chance of getting it. That would be the democratic way. If you decided to add two votes, you would now have twice as many chances as the next person.
7:47 Speaker 05 Oh, that, that's just the same as somebody and their partner going like, you know, oh, my partner doesn't play golf, but go in the raffle for me. Will you go in the Hampshire Andy Raffle? That's the same as that.
7:56 Speaker 02 Well, before we get into- I'm just saying one, I'm just saying one is fair. Plus one, any number above one, you would have to say, Ando, is foul.
8:06 Speaker 05 Yeah.
8:06 Speaker 02 He's playing foul.
8:07 Speaker 05 Playing foul.
8:08 Speaker 02 Fair or foul? Anyway, Jack, before you make a decision, some people with their entry decided to leave voice messages of how much the buggy would mean to them. So it's probably fair, not foul, probably fair to play that for you.
8:24 Speaker 06 My beautiful girlfriend is due to give birth to our first baby in the next couple of months, so I really need to speed up my golf rounds.
8:31 Speaker 07 Hey guys, it's Magic Mike here and I believe I deserve the in golf and utility buggy because Jack never gave me back my three quarter zip jacket. The only way we can really iron that out is if I get Jack's buggy.
8:42 Speaker 08 This golf buggy would just mean so much to me as I have been to work at Jack's golf club. And I think after he tried to take it off the people, I think myself and the people will get so much satisfaction knowing that Jack is so close to his golf buggy, yet he can't use it.
8:59 Speaker 09 I want to give this buggy to my grandfather to help him play golf for a few more years to ease the strain caused by carrying around the clubs.
9:06 Speaker 10 I would love to win the brand new golf buggy for my partner's 82-year-old Nana. I want to win the golf buggy for my mum. I think she really deserves it. Not that long ago, she drove her own into the pond at the local golf club. And Maureen, a good friend of hers, took off her pants and walked in to fish it out. She's become the laughing stock of the local golf club and this story gets brought up at every single family dinner. She would love a brand new golf buggy to soften the blow. She loves playing golf, but she recently broke her shoulder and she's devastated she can't play. This buggy would be a great help to her when she gets back on the course.
9:41 Speaker 11 If you end up with this buggy, Jack, just know that you'll be walking away with possibly the last little bit of golfing joy I have left. I think it actually might be my last hope.
9:51 Speaker 05 Wow, just a selection, just a random selection.
9:55 Speaker 02 People are leaving nothing in the tank there.
10:00 Speaker 05 I didn't like the emotional, that, I didn't like that.
10:03 Speaker 03 I could see Jack's face for people, we had the beauty of Jack is scrunching up his face and feeling the whole.
10:10 Speaker 05 Because I do care like the Nana with the shoulder or, I didn't care about Magic Mike being in there, like.
10:15 Speaker 02 You still have your jacket, you should care the most about that.
10:17 Speaker 05 If you're Magic, make your golf bag levitate down the golf course or something, you're not getting it. And he should be taken out of the pool.
10:26 Speaker 02 To remove someone. You know, I saw him yesterday, I actually played golf with him yesterday, he really wants to win it.
10:35 Speaker 03 10,866 people are in it. Tickets in the barrel.
10:41 Speaker 05 And in theory, you're giving me, you're letting me put however many ruffled tickets I want for myself.
10:47 Speaker 03 Jack, the ultimate decision, the ultimate decision is up to you. You can put as many as you like. One would be fair. Yep. Probably anything above that would be.
10:56 Speaker 02 You'd have to say.
10:58 Speaker 03 Foul. Foul. It would be foul.
11:00 Speaker 02 Here we are again.
11:01 Speaker 12 Here we are again. Can you believe this?
11:03 Speaker 02 Another huge decision today.
11:05 Speaker 12 Will he? Will he? Will he play fair?
11:08 Speaker 10 Or play foul?
11:09 Speaker 05 There's hundreds of people who listen to the show who don't even like golf and it makes more sense to come to me.
11:14 Speaker 10 His track record is atrocious.
11:16 Speaker 05 It would be one of the worst I've ever seen. 100% I would like to take it for myself. So we are here to find out.
11:23 Speaker 02 Play fair.
11:24 Speaker 10 Or play foul.
11:25 Speaker 02 Gimme gimme gimme, all for Jack. I remember. The question is.
11:30 Speaker 10 Will he play fair?
11:31 Speaker 02 Or play foul? The number you pick is up to you. And then we will give you the choice of how many tickets you would like to add into that. Will he play fair?
11:42 Speaker 05 I should have like 80% of tickets. Is that legal? Of course it's not legal.
11:47 Speaker 02 Or play foul?
11:48 Speaker 12 Legal? No. Effective? Absolutely.
11:51 Speaker 02 This is a huge decision. A moment is coming for him.
11:54 Speaker 03 Will he play fair this time or is he gonna play a little bit naughty? The decision is all his.
12:03 Speaker 02 Over to you, Jacko. Ooh, a little bit naughty. It's on the table.
12:09 Speaker 05 I will say this. I came here today preparing to take millions of tickets. I didn't even have a, I didn't even have a number in my head. I just, I just thought, go, go as high as possible.
12:22 Speaker 02 100 billion zillion.
12:24 Speaker 05 Feel it in the moment and feel the highest number you can feel and take that many tickets. Be the villain.
12:29 Speaker 02 Yep. Because it would just be a bit of short-term pain for ultimately a guaranteed.
12:34 Speaker 05 Yeah.
12:35 Speaker 02 Buggy.
12:35 Speaker 05 Not necessarily. I mean, imagine that.
12:37 Speaker 02 Imagine that.
12:37 Speaker 05 A billion, a billion and one shot that Jack has been.
12:40 Speaker 02 And it's Magic Mike.
12:43 Speaker 05 Then I would smell a stinky fish if something like that happens. How about, after hearing the messages, if you, if you take Mike out, I don't want him winning. If you take Magic Mike out of it.
12:58 Speaker 05 I think it's fair, knowing the high number that I was gonna go for. If I said even, I'll have 50% of total tickets, so give me 10,800 tickets to myself.
13:11 Speaker 02 Well, that's less than 50%, 10,865 would be your magic number, minus magic.
13:18 Speaker 03 I mean, can we, sorry, just quickly, because there's terms and additions. Can we take someone out?
13:22 Speaker 02 We probably have to call Mike, we probably have to call Mike.
13:24 Speaker 05 All right, Mike, Mike can be in it.
13:26 Speaker 03 Okay, Mike.
13:26 Speaker 05 Mike can be in it. But I will give myself.
13:28 Speaker 02 Please win now, Mike, please win now.
13:32 Speaker 05 I will give myself 10,865 tickets, giving.
13:36 Speaker 02 66 now that Mike's back.
13:38 Speaker 03 66.
13:40 Speaker 05 Wow, and that feels really generous for me, giving the listeners a 50% chance of winning it. Wow, I'm shocked even saying it out loud.
13:52 Speaker 03 Well, it actually does. I don't know how he's trumped my brain.
13:55 Speaker 05 Yeah, but it gives them.
13:57 Speaker 03 It's a 50/50 chance.
13:58 Speaker 02 It does until you imagine, like, say this was a, like a fundraising night, like for Netball Club or something, and someone's going around the room selling tickets. It does feel generous until, you know, everyone's there holding their one ticket and Jack's holding 10,000.
14:16 Speaker 02 66 tickets, and you know, he was the guy with the booklets.
14:22 Speaker 02 But, but I suppose, I suppose if he had 10 billion, if he had 10 billion tickets and he was being crushed under the pile of tickets, that would look, that would, so it's more, definitely more, way more generous than that by a factor of millions.
14:34 Speaker 03 Yes.
14:35 Speaker 05 Well, I actually, it feels generous and it feels like, you know what, 50% feels like if I put my name in the barrel, like the Nona with the, um, bad shoulder and Maureen with the no pants and stuff, you got a chance still to win.
14:49 Speaker 02 Yes.
14:50 Speaker 05 And I've got a chance to win. Yeah, okay, so I had to do it.
14:53 Speaker 02 10,866 chances.
14:55 Speaker 05 How do you want to, I think, getting an actual barrel with
14:58 Speaker 02 What about this?
14:58 Speaker 05 21,000.
14:59 Speaker 02 Well, do you know what? Because it's essentially a coin toss. Like on one, like heads is Jack. Well, heads is Jack, tails is everyone else. And then you draw the number. Like then you'd like randomize the number using a program or whatever. What about to make it fun? We could just do a roulette wheel. And you go red or black Jack.
15:16 Speaker 05 Yeah, I'll take all black. Yep, and the listeners could be red.
15:19 Speaker 02 And the black.
15:21 Speaker 05 Black Jack.
15:21 Speaker 02 Black Jack. And then all listeners are red. And then if it lands on red, then we just go into a, the actual, you know, you use a raffle drawing.
15:29 Speaker 05 Yeah, okay, great.
15:30 Speaker 02 System. What? But if it lands on black, we know Jack's won it. Here's the thing, though.
15:34 Speaker 05 Hmm.
15:35 Speaker 02 It's not exactly 50 50 on a roulette wheel. Who gets zero?
15:41 Speaker 05 Green zero. All right.
15:42 Speaker 02 Your choice, Jack.
15:43 Speaker 05 Would you like?
15:43 Speaker 02 Do you get zero? Or do you donate it to Mike?
15:48 Speaker 05 No, no. Thing?
15:57 Speaker 05 No, if it lands on zero, one of the things will be I get to keep Mike's jacket and no one ever says that that's his jacket anymore. I also get the buggy.
16:09 Speaker 02 Mm hmm. So it's actually a jackpot.
16:12 Speaker 05 It's a jackpot.
16:12 Speaker 02 It's a jack jackpot.
16:15 Speaker 05 Okay, done. And what about, and?
16:17 Speaker 02 Oh, he's just adding things to the zero, mate.
16:20 Speaker 05 And you'll get more instant cans.
16:23 Speaker 05 Nah, and, and the company, out of the goodwill of their own heart, they will give another buggy to.
16:29 Speaker 02 No, we're not doing this again.
16:32 Speaker 05 Okay, just, just the buggy to me then.
16:35 Speaker 02 What casino in the world goes, and what would you like zero to be? Yep, and then I, and everyone in my family is for free, any buffet for 12 years.
16:50 Speaker 02 Guys, watching Channel 9 the other day. It's been not be sponsored. No, it's not sponsored, it's not sponsored. An ad came on for a Karen Affair. Yep. Have a listen to the ad and tell me whether you would go on to watch a Karen Affair or not. Okay.
17:07 Speaker 13 They bought the perfect spot for their dream home, then built on the wrong block. Join me at seven.
17:14 Speaker 02 Wow. I mean, it's not, I mean, it's not you and Beck, is it? Because if that is the wrong spot, that has been quite the kerfuffle. Imagine filling in that hole. I think neighbours have been complaining. What is your problem, neighbours? That is our property, the hole. You should have complained louder. So I was just intrigued. I mean, it made me laugh to think that this has happened. So I did, I sat down. Yeah, I would assume, my guess is it's two vacant blocks. And you've just got it wrong because they've pegged it out. It's very hard to build on a property that has an existing house on it and get that wrong. That's true. Let me step you through.
17:57 Speaker 02 Was it a peg out, was it a pegging out issue? It was one of the issues what's a pegging out issue. Yeah, you'd assume. To save you having to go back on 9 now, not sponsored, but to save you having to go back. I don't think you even can. Can you go and watch old? You can't do catch up episodes of Karen Affair, can you? You can do it on everything. I thought you could do everything, yeah. Can you really? Who's going back for the news? You can't go back for the news. I go back for the news most nights. No, no, but not. Not days later. Surely it falls off 24 hours later. Sorry, yeah, I'm not. You'd be like, well, we were away camping in January, so I wouldn't, I wouldn't mind finding out what happened in the first week of Jan. Exactly, no spoilers. Where were we, darling? 25th of Jan, okay.
18:40 Speaker 02 Don't tell me how many SES volunteers were sent out to a storm in Jan.
18:44 Speaker 03 No, but we pick things up with Ellie Langdon, of course. She always sets up the story. She wasn't on the ground for this one. She only goes out for the super important ones, but she sets up the story.
18:54 Speaker 13 Dave and Melanie bought the perfect piece of land, then designed and constructed their perfect home. There was just one problem. It was built on the wrong block.
19:04 Speaker 02 I've got through the whole thing.
19:06 Speaker 03 It's there, it's there.
19:07 Speaker 02 This is, this is so, have you double checked yours?
19:11 Speaker 03 I've double checked mine. We're on the wrong block. We're on the right block, sorry.
19:14 Speaker 02 Oh.
19:16 Speaker 02 Okay, so they've done the whole thing. They built the whole house.
19:19 Speaker 03 The house is there, right? So like, how does this happen?
19:22 Speaker 02 Same size block? Are they next door? Or are they completely in the wrong?
19:26 Speaker 03 They're next door.
19:27 Speaker 02 Next door, because you can't go, oh my God, I'm so sorry. You know, I've built it in Turack.
19:34 Speaker 03 Yeah.
19:34 Speaker 02 Turns out we bought it in Terrelegon. Now that's our bad.
19:38 Speaker 02 Since we've done it.
19:39 Speaker 03 That's right, Barkin Street, Turack. And on Barkin Street, Terrelegon, yeah.
19:42 Speaker 02 Do we just stay? Do we just stay? No, but next door, I mean, you'd be fingers crossed. When you figure this out, I mean, I don't know what happened in this story, but you'd be absolutely fingers crossed to go, if it's the same size block and we've just, we've just built next door, do you hope the next door neighbours go, this is so funny, let's just do a straight.
20:02 Speaker 03 Like sitting in the window seat and it's not your seat. You're like, oh, I'm already here. Do we actually, do we get up?
20:07 Speaker 02 Do you know what, Jake, it's not even that. You'd hope that it's one of the plain configurations with four middle seats. You're not on an aisle. You're in one of the middles and you've made the mistake of the other middle.
20:17 Speaker 03 Yeah.
20:18 Speaker 02 I mean, middles are interchangeable. But still just as annoying to get out to the toilet.
20:23 Speaker 03 Well, I think it was Bill and Melanie, but for them, they clearly knew a current affair was coming out there. So right off the bat, I felt like they'd had a bit of a brainstorm for the kind of one liners that might resonate with an occurrence affair type audience.
20:39 Speaker 08 This isn't real estate. This is unreal estate. This was going to be our forever home. And now it's our never home.
20:47 Speaker 02 We might just grab one more and then we've got three options for the promo.
20:54 Speaker 02 It was meant to be the sale of the century, it's the sale of the week.
20:59 Speaker 02 Because, you know, we're not having it as long. I mean, that one doesn't work as well as the others. I'd go for forever never. Anyway, you've got options, you've got options.
21:07 Speaker 03 Anyway, they came out swinging. They were the first two things we heard him say.
21:11 Speaker 02 You're great.
21:12 Speaker 03 Then the reporter had to do that thing where he got confused about the blocks, even though obviously he's gone out there. He knows the story.
21:22 Speaker 02 That's the whole point of the story.
21:24 Speaker 03 You'll pick it up with the reporter chatting to Bill.
21:27 Speaker 14 So this is your block? No, this is our block. That's your block? Yep. So why is your house on that block? Uh, it's a long story.
21:36 Speaker 02 Well, it's actually simple. If you've come out to do the story, the easy way to go is the one with the house on it is not their block. That's the, that's the other block.
21:45 Speaker 03 Turns out it was a bit of a council mistake. That's, that's, that's the reason that the council went out to sign off on it all, signed off on it. They've signed off on the wrong.
21:52 Speaker 02 Our council signed off.
21:53 Speaker 03 Yes. So this is, this is, this is Bill's explanation of what's been going. Actually, I think it might be Melissa.
21:59 Speaker 14 In 2021, Dave and Melanie purchased the five acre block. An existing house and paid a contractor to move it on site. Happy days until the council told them about the mix up.
22:12 Speaker 00 We didn't think it was true because the council signed off on everything.
22:16 Speaker 03 Yep.
22:17 Speaker 00 So we thought it was a scam.
22:18 Speaker 03 So it was Dave and Melanie.
22:21 Speaker 02 Yeah. See how easy it is to even, you know, get the wrong block, the wrong name. Mistakes can happen at a human level.
22:26 Speaker 03 Sorry, Dave. Sorry, Melanie. Um.
22:28 Speaker 02 Can I just ask here, did, are they saying that it was a pre, it was a prefab home? So it's been made.
22:33 Speaker 03 So what happened?
22:33 Speaker 02 They bought.
22:34 Speaker 03 Is it scoopable? They bought a whole house.
22:38 Speaker 02 It sounds like a scoopable. Is it scoopable?
22:40 Speaker 03 They bought an existing house?
22:42 Speaker 02 Yeah.
22:43 Speaker 03 It got delivered, then it got fully stumped in like, like, you know, leveled out. And then it's got to like connect to pipes and stuff.
22:50 Speaker 02 It's always easy to just lift it. I understand. I understand houses. I've played SimCity. You have to connect them to services.
22:57 Speaker 03 Yes.
22:57 Speaker 02 I'm just saying you un-stump it, unhook it, then you scoop it. You don't scoop it while it's connected.
23:03 Speaker 03 Yes. Well, the scooping is going to cost a considerable amount of money. And that's the problem with Dave and Melissa, their names. And so.
23:12 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm not using, we're not using, we're not protecting their identity anymore with Andy's.
23:17 Speaker 03 Um, Dave.
23:19 Speaker 02 Has a solution though. Okay, so have a listen.
23:22 Speaker 14 This whole dilemma could be sorted if the house could be moved from that block, the wrong block, onto the right block. But it's already cost $500,000 and that move would cost an extra $200,000, money which Dave and Melanie do not have. But Dave says there's another solution. Someone else pays for it.
23:43 Speaker 02 That is smart, yeah.
23:45 Speaker 05 I nominate Hamish.
23:48 Speaker 02 Well, I'll tell you what, the first thing I'd want to do is look at that scooping quote. Because $200,000 to scoop sounds very round. That sounds like a very round number from, you know, A1 scooping. It sounds like they haven't even, it sounds like they haven't even looked at the house.
24:02 Speaker 05 Have you gone after three independent contractors?
24:05 Speaker 02 220 with GST. So what, it comes to do exactly $200,000, does it? On the nose. No, no, I would, I reckon to scoop. Jack, you're the one that loves throwing out building quotes, like with Andy's tunnel. How much, let's say it's a three-bedroom house. How much, you could scoop that front of $200,000.
24:24 Speaker 05 You could scoop it for 50 grand.
24:27 Speaker 02 What a quote. Yeah, that's who we needed on the story. Local building quantity surveyor, Jack Post. Armchair quantity surveying expert says you could scoop it for a quarter of that price.
24:39 Speaker 05 This is what I heard. A neighbour of ours has got one of those intention to do works on their house signs out the front. And I heard from another neighbour, they, all they wanted to do is move the property over a metre to fit a driveway in.
24:53 Speaker 02 The building, the whole building?
24:54 Speaker 05 They want to move the whole house.
24:56 Speaker 02 A scoop.
24:57 Speaker 05 They want to move the whole house over a metre so they can fit a driveway in.
25:00 Speaker 02 And a golf cart?
25:01 Speaker 05 And that was, and that was going to cost them $30,000.
25:04 Speaker 02 Oh.
25:05 Speaker 05 So I said 50,000, that's a little bit of pocket money for whoever's doing the scoop.
25:09 Speaker 02 I mean, one metre across, it's such a small amount. There's a part of me that would be tempted to not even undo the pipes.
25:18 Speaker 03 See how bendy they are.
25:20 Speaker 02 Because I think there'd be a metre of flex. Maybe you'd have to, you would have to unstump it, but your piping, you wouldn't have any undoing pipe goss.
25:28 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, I would.
25:29 Speaker 02 I mean, all your drains would be straining and a bit, like a bit tilted, like the bottom of the shower would be angled because it's now got a metre of stretch underneath the house.
25:39 Speaker 03 Options, options, but the, the, all are saying, Dave and Melanie, obviously it's a terrible situation for you. I think the straight swaps should be available.
25:48 Speaker 02 So do I. That, that next door neighbour's got to come to the party.
25:50 Speaker 03 It's been subdivided into four lots, just so you guys know, it's a big paddock, four lots. None of them have been built on. Dave and Melanie were the first ones out there. So I would hope there's a straight swap.
26:00 Speaker 02 If you're looking at 200, AKA 50 for a scoop, like 50 real price for a scoop. You just, when you just go to them, "Hey mate, we'll give you 10 grand for a straight swap."
26:08 Speaker 03 Yep.
26:08 Speaker 02 We'll have, but we'll, we'll fly you to Bali, Bali holiday.
26:12 Speaker 03 Yep.
26:12 Speaker 02 Who's not taking that?
26:13 Speaker 03 Um, so good luck to Dave and Melanie.
26:15 Speaker 02 Hell, I do want to see the scoop though now, so I wonder if. We started Kickstarter just to see the scoop.
26:21 Speaker 03 Oh.
26:21 Speaker 02 See if we can scoop it.
26:28 Speaker 03 Hey, last year, Stefan emailed us from the UK with an absolute bombshell of a song sleuth. It was to do with the song Up There Cazaly.
26:43 Speaker 03 Big AFL football song.
26:45 Speaker 02 Beloved, the waltzing Matilda of the AFL.
26:48 Speaker 03 Yes.
26:49 Speaker 02 If you don't follow the AFL. So it's not, not the official anthem, but um, beloved.
26:53 Speaker 03 And, and must be included at every grand final function, including the grand final itself every year. To Stefan's um, shock, he went to the Derby Football Club's um, in England, a game. And at Derby Stadium in their inaugural match, a song was played where the whole ground, everyone in the whole stadium stood and belted out. It was called Steve Bloomer's Watching.
27:28 Speaker 03 So he's there, he tries to raise it with his girlfriend's dad that, hang on, this is an Australian song. They're not having it.
27:37 Speaker 02 No, no.
27:37 Speaker 03 They are saying, no, this is important to us, this song.
27:40 Speaker 02 And from memory, wasn't, hasn't Steve Blumers watching been around for some time? And not as long as Up There, cause they, but like 20 years or 30 years.
27:47 Speaker 03 Yeah.
27:48 Speaker 02 Part of a, Steve Blumer being a club great, was he?
27:51 Speaker 03 Yep. And it's part of the fabric of that club, right? So there was a bit of an argument between the two of them. They actually didn't have phone reception. They couldn't settle it there. But of course, when they got home, Stefan settled it.
28:04 Speaker 03 Stefan's girlfriend has weighed in, just obviously the daughter of, of, of the dad who had the argument. She said, Stefan wrote to you last year about the iconic song Up There Cazaly and how it played a role in a rather memorable encounter with my English family.
28:19 Speaker 02 Hmm.
28:20 Speaker 03 She relates the context. She said, he's, fast forward to now, my mum and dad are now coming to Australia next month and myself and Stefan are taking them to the MCG to watch the Collingwood Carlton game. We thought it would be fair if you could arrange for Up There Cazaly to be played at the game.
28:38 Speaker 02 Yeah.
28:38 Speaker 03 Do you know, it doesn't happen every game, just so we could really understand the gravity of this song and what it means to Australians and put another P
28:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
28:47 Speaker 03 on the scales and Stefan's side.
28:49 Speaker 02 No, it'd be, it'd be a nail in the coffin. It'd be an absolute nail in the coffin. For, for the, this, this English father-in-law who doesn't recognise Up There Cazaly as an Australian asset, to be at the MCG and to witness the love that Australia has for that song. And rightly so, cause an Australian wrote it and it is an Australian song.
29:10 Speaker 03 We don't know how hard it is to get a song played before a match. I mean, Collingwood Carlton's one of the biggest matches of the season.
29:15 Speaker 02 There'll be a hundred thousand people there. So love the request, but it doesn't, to our knowledge, it, it, it's not an easy thing. Like you can't just request track. It's not a part of football.
29:28 Speaker 03 You can't take a hundred thousand requests.
29:29 Speaker 02 Yeah. And for those that don't go the footy regularly, it's just not a thing that's done. You don't go scan your ticket and they don't go, and what song would you like to hear?
29:38 Speaker 02 You know, there's a department that takes care of it and you're very much there to just enjoy whatever they choose to put on. There is just no interactive feature.
29:46 Speaker 03 But the people show as we are, Hamish and Andy Podcast, this is something that I tagged as, let's look into it.
29:52 Speaker 02 Could we pull a string?
29:53 Speaker 03 So joining us right now is the head of PR for the AFL, Jay Allen. Jay, ahoy to you, mate.
30:00 Speaker 12 Hi, Andy. Hamish, how are we?
30:03 Speaker 02 Great, Jay. Thanks for taking our call.
30:05 Speaker 12 No dramas, boys.
30:06 Speaker 02 We know this is a It's a unique request. I don't think you get song requests very often. I mean, we've worked in radio for a long time. We get a lot of song requests, but you probably don't get song requests ever, or at least this far out from a game. But that's what we're here to deal with today.
30:23 Speaker 12 I think ever.
30:24 Speaker 03 Ever.
30:24 Speaker 12 Hey, I'm normally dealing with, you know, play certain player issues, et cetera, but not song requests.
30:30 Speaker 02 Yeah, it would be a good way to distract people's attention. Like if there's a controversy with a player, you could go, look, that's fine, but who'd like to hear Hell's Bells this weekend?
30:43 Speaker 12 No, I'm like, we're good, we're good, hey, but we're not that good.
30:48 Speaker 03 How would we go about getting a song? Who's in charge of the DJ set pre-game at a match?
30:56 Speaker 12 Great question, Andy. So are we talking, are we, basically the home team is in charge of all their sort of pre-game and in-game theatrics?
31:04 Speaker 03 Right, great.
31:05 Speaker 12 So what game are we aiming for?
31:07 Speaker 02 Collingwood Carlton. I think it's a Collingwood home game, April 3rd. It's a big, it's a big one.
31:12 Speaker 12 I was gonna say, of all the games, you've chosen the second biggest game of the year behind Anzac Day.
31:18 Speaker 02 Yeah, but have they submitted their playlist?
31:22 Speaker 12 I haven't got the top 10 countdown songs for Collingwood yet.
31:25 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's good. So we don't know if, there could be some airspace for free.
31:29 Speaker 03 So it's a Collingwood home game, isn't it?
31:32 Speaker 02 Yeah.
31:32 Speaker 12 It is.
31:33 Speaker 02 I mean, you could have probably pulled some strings there, Andy, if it was Carlton. But the I'm sure we got, I actually know, I know a Collingwood board member, but anyway, by the way, let's say if we put our case to Collingwood, right?
31:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
31:45 Speaker 02 And said, how early does the music start? Like, what if we wanted to play a track three hours out from the bounce? I mean.
31:52 Speaker 03 Yeah, when do they get licence to the DJ?
31:55 Speaker 02 Yeah, when do they get access to the speakers?
31:57 Speaker 12 Two hours before when gates open.
31:59 Speaker 03 Okay, okay. So as soon as gates open, there's.
32:02 Speaker 12 As soon as gates open.
32:03 Speaker 03 Okay. So we would have to go through. Yep.
32:06 Speaker 02 It's slightly off topic, Jay, but I don't know if you heard before what we were talking about. Have you, are you across this song Steve Blumer's watching? Um, that the, that is played in England, that is the exact rip off of Up There, Cazaly?
32:18 Speaker 12 Yeah, I haven't heard it, but I just, I find it hard to believe that, you know, we think that Mike Brady, who isn't a legend, was sort of one day just downloading some songs on LimeWire and come across this song and decided to rip it off. Like, this is ridiculous.
32:33 Speaker 02 No, no, we definitely got to it.
32:35 Speaker 03 But they've got the counter argument. They can't believe that it came from Australia, um, because it's so ingrained in them, Jay. That's hence, we want to kind of stamp our mark, um, in, in front of Stefan's father-in-law. Um, so you're saying that we, so it's not out of the question, we just have to make good with Collingwood.
32:53 Speaker 12 We, we need to get in touch with, with, with the pies.
32:56 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
32:57 Speaker 12 And then I feel like this is big enough that we need to get this as close to the bounce as possible. So that's my love, that's 90,000 and they're seeing all.
33:04 Speaker 02 I, I think something along the lines of, and now ladies and gentlemen, please stand for beloved Australian original song.
33:11 Speaker 03 Yeah, original.
33:12 Speaker 02 Original, original song, Up There, Cazaly. And, you know, and even if we could say, and if Steve Blumer is watching,
33:22 Speaker 02 I, I, I hope, I hope he enjoys it too, or just something like that. Something that most, you know, most of the crowd be like, what's that about? But at least we've got something in there.
33:30 Speaker 03 Yeah. Um, Jay, thank you. I, I, I think that's all we need. We just need to go to Collingwood now.
33:36 Speaker 02 Collingwood's the end.
33:37 Speaker 03 And I think we've got ins there. So we might circle back, Jay, if we need more help.
33:42 Speaker 12 Absolutely.
33:42 Speaker 03 Thank you for your time today.
33:44 Speaker 02 Good to know too, here DJs the games. Appreciate that. Thank you, Jay.
33:48 Speaker 12 Well, good luck, boys. I'm looking forward to hearing it in a few weeks.
33:50 Speaker 02 Great. Thanks, Jay.
33:51 Speaker 12 All right.
33:51 Speaker 02 Okay, good.
33:52 Speaker 03 I know, well, we all know the crowd announcer for Collingwood Games at the MCG. He used to work with us at the radio station.
34:00 Speaker 02 Who?
34:01 Speaker 03 Steve Tobone.
34:03 Speaker 02 Steve T-Bone does it.
34:04 Speaker 03 You don't.
34:05 Speaker 02 No, of course they do. Jack just said we all know him.
34:09 Speaker 03 Do you remember Steve?
34:10 Speaker 02 S T, yeah, T-Bone.
34:12 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, that was his nickname, T-Bone.
34:15 Speaker 02 Well, I couldn't have bossed it up, mate. Andy, how could I have guessed that from T-Bone?
34:24 Speaker 02 How could I have guessed T-Bone from T-Bone? I obviously know the guy.
34:28 Speaker 03 What does he look like?
34:29 Speaker 02 You're getting bogged down in who's Steve T-Bone. We all know him. Let's get back to what Jack said. Should we talk to T-Bone?
34:36 Speaker 03 Yes, I imagine he knows the DJ. Is he, just quickly, is he employed by Collingwood or is he barrack for Collingwood?
34:45 Speaker 05 No, he, this is why I know, because he used to barrack for Essendon like I do. And he, I keep seeing him with the Collingwood logo on and saying, hey, you've, you've abandoned us.
34:55 Speaker 03 He's got the job. He won't want to jeopardise it.
34:57 Speaker 02 I'll just message him now.
34:59 Speaker 03 I do have his number if.
35:01 Speaker 02 Steve. Okay, no, Steve Curry, Steve Driver L.A.
35:09 Speaker 02 Ross Stevenson, that's weird. Where's T-Bone? Maybe it might be under T-Bone. T-Bone, T-Bag, no. This is so strange. What, what else would I have him under here?
35:24 Speaker 03 All right. I just, all I'm saying, Jack, is they're coveted. The ground announcer roles are coveted.
35:30 Speaker 05 Hmm.
35:30 Speaker 03 And I mean, enough for him to switch clubs.
35:33 Speaker 05 Yes, he, he worked his way up. He start, I'm pretty sure he started in North Melbourne.
35:37 Speaker 03 I'm not sure if he wants to, he's going to be the guy to rock the boat.
35:40 Speaker 02 No, no, but he would enjoy, I think he would, he'd definitely be our way. He'd know how the process works.
35:44 Speaker 03 He would know the process, but he, I don't think he would have the confidence to raise it with upper management.
35:49 Speaker 02 I, do you actually know him, Andy? Cause I remember T-Bone as a very confident guy. Maybe Andy's the one that doesn't remember Steve T-Bone.
35:58 Speaker 03 He is confident.
35:59 Speaker 02 Oh, no, Jack. Andy, he's a confident guy and he's a cool guy. And you do well to remember it, mate.
36:07 Speaker 05 Oh, you don't want to talk to him, Andy. We could talk to him. I'm just saying that.
36:12 Speaker 02 You want to do it off air.
36:12 Speaker 05 Well, yeah, I'm just not sure he, I think.
36:15 Speaker 02 Jack and I'll take him out for a steak.
36:17 Speaker 05 Andy's in the same, like, break just now to say, I know a board member of the Collingwood Football Club and we're going with T-Bone.
36:25 Speaker 02 Which we should.
36:25 Speaker 05 An employee.
36:26 Speaker 02 Well, he's our close friend.
36:30 Speaker 02 No, your bell's not working, is it? We're still talking.
36:38 Speaker 02 There's an ad floating around that you guys might have seen billboard or a bus stop ad. That I think someone needs to just mention that we know what's going on. Okay. Seems like a convincing ad at first. It's for Energizer batteries. A good battery. Would you say? Top two. What's? Top two. That's what I was gonna say. You never really know who to believe. The rabbit or? Or. The Energizer battery itself. And therein for me lies a bit of the problem. Yeah, who's the rabbit? Duracell. That's Duracell, yeah. And Ever Ready, is that still going? That's gone, yeah. Really gone? Well, sorry, they're not gone. I'm sure they still do a good job. But I don't think then you don't see him around competing for that top two spot.
37:21 Speaker 02 It's like Formula One, they're middle of the pack now, they're not trying to get podiums. Yep. And they're happy with that. They're sure they're still ever ready. This might not be ready for as long as the other guys, if you believe their marketing. Here's the Energizer ad.
37:36 Speaker 02 It just goes, world's longest lasting double O battery, case closed.
37:41 Speaker 02 Okay, okay. But the battery, who is their mascot, the Energizer battery, is dressed up as a detective, like a trench coat and a detective hat on. Suspicious. So it's him closing the case. Yeah, yeah, that doesn't work. Which really, it screams a little bit Elon Musk to me. Like, we'll investigate government departments. What about the ones that are doing contracts for SpaceX? Don't worry about them, they're all good. Case closed. We're looking at the other departments. Oh, okay. It just seems like, can we believe this detective? I mean, one of the classic things in cop shares is you're too close to the case. Yeah. Now, this guy is the battery. Way too close.
38:22 Speaker 02 I just feel like, and I know what they're trying to do. Yes. You know, they want us, they've obviously done studies or whatever. I don't think you can even, I think you have to have done a study to make a claim like that.
38:33 Speaker 03 Yep.
38:33 Speaker 02 But don't get the battery to tell us.
38:35 Speaker 03 Or just having watched.
38:37 Speaker 02 I mean, if you really want a huge coup, get the Duracell bunny to tell us.
38:42 Speaker 03 Yeah, that would be.
38:42 Speaker 02 I mean, that like, that would be like a shameful admission. Like the rabbit has to go.
38:46 Speaker 03 Well, that would be an informant. So I think that's where the, the Energizer would have to use their informant because there's no way the, the Duracell bunny is going to come out publicly.
38:55 Speaker 02 No, I know. I'm just saying, and it's never going to happen. I'm just saying in an ideal world, we're going to believe if the Duracell bunny came out and said, look, it is Energizer. They got the win on this occasion. You'd absolutely believe that. The fact that the Energizer battery itself is saying we're the winners. You take it with a grain of salt, even though they've dressed him up as a detective.
39:16 Speaker 03 Well, I mean, you've heard that. I agree with you, Ham. You heard it here first on the best podcast in the world. Case closed.
39:22 Speaker 02 Case closed.
39:28 Speaker 01 Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return next week. Catch up or contribute at hamishandandy.com.
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