“You’re Too Sensitive” Isn’t Helpful — Here’s What Is, with Dr. Sasha Hamdani

Dr. Becky and Dr. Sasha Hamdani get into the fine line between a kid being “dramatic” and a kid whose body is telling the truth, how rejection sensitivity quietly turns into people-pleasing, and what to do the next time your own kid rejects you.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Here's something that surprises a lot of parents. Imagination isn't some fixed trait. It's a practiced skill. It's a muscle you can help your kids build. And these days, there is so much competing for your kids' attention. And so imagination can get crowded out. But when your kid listens to a story, they get a chance to picture the characters and the setting and to fill in all the details with their imagination. That's why I'm excited to partner with Tonys. The Tony Box 2 and the Tony Box Lite are audio players designed for kids. Kids can pop a Tony on top of their Tony Box to listen to stories and songs from their favorite characters. The kid-friendly controls let them choose and explore independently.

• 0:43Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And because there are no screens and no ads, you can feel comfortable with what they're listening to. This holiday, give a gift that turns off screens and turns on imagination all season long. Get 20% off your purchase of $80 or more with the code DRBECKY20 at tonys.com. That's T-O-N-I-E-S.com. There are some people who are more sensitive to rejection than others. And please, if that's you, keep listening because I actually think you're going to find this episode so validating. I get it. You just heard me say that and you think, oh, my goodness, does Dr. Becky know who I am? Oh, my goodness. Is that a bad thing? And this is the exact process so many of us go through. And it happens all the time as adults.

• 1:27Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Maybe there's a group text and we ask people if they want to make a plan on a certain day and nobody responds for two hours. And in those two hours, we made up a whole story about how they're all side texting and they don't even want to be friends with me. And maybe you see this with your kid. Maybe your kid hears a tiny shift in your voice and they tell you, you're yelling at me. You wish I wasn't even your kid. And you think, how did we get there? My guest today is Dr. Sasha Hamdani. She's a psychiatrist specializing in ADHD and RSD. Rejection, sensitivity, dysphoria. And I promise you, in this conversation, you're going to have so many of those moments of, oh, my goodness, I feel like I make sense. My kid makes sense.

• 2:11Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  All the dots are connecting. And in understanding this in a new way, you're also going to have new ways to intervene. It's going to feel better for everyone. So let's jump in.

• 2:24Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So Sasha, you gave a TEDx talk on attention and focus, you're calm and composed. You walk offstage, seeming calm, get to the lobby. You tell your own story from there. It's your story.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  I got to the lobby and I had agreed ahead of time that I was going to meet my husband in the lobby because he wasn't able to come backstage. And just for like a little bit of context, I give this TED Talk. Halfway through the TED Talk, I kind of trip mid TED Talk. And I don't really remember much of what happened after that. I know I got through it, but like, I don't. So I was already, oh. And then I get offstage, like, take off my mic, go find him in the lobby. Like, he gives me a big hug. He's sweating and I'm like, okay, why are you sweating?

• 3:20Speaker 01

  And he's like, I guess I was just nervous for you. And I was like, okay, that's, that's enough. That was a horrible response. And so then, then my brain started spinning out and I was like, he was nervous because he thought it was bad. He thought I did a bad job. That trip was so embarrassing. Like, now I'm going to have no credibility in the medical field. Like, I just spun out.

• 3:44Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  If I'm in the lobby and I don't know you or your husband, but I'm just close enough to notice what's happening, what do I see just on the surface?

• 3:53Speaker 01

  You would see a sweaty man embracing his panicked wife and his wife, for seemingly no reason, being very angry with him and confrontational and seen.

• 4:14Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah, I'm just thinking if I pause the moment, like, wow, that seems like a lovely, supportive husband.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 4:21Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And this seems like someone who just went through something where her nervous system on high alert and she's coming down. And each person is kind of going through something reasonable.

• 4:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:33Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  But something happens in the combination and you started it. But the story in your head fast forwards so far beyond the moment.

• 4:42Speaker 01

  Within minutes, within like one minute.

• 4:45Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 4:45Speaker 01

  I had convinced myself that I was just a laughing stock and I wouldn't be a doctor much longer.

• 4:52Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And just worth mentioning, this disaster talk is like over 2 million. It's just, just worth mentioning. I don't want to, I actually don't want to say that to invalidate your experience. What happens, it just has to be said. So it just has to be, it's just another piece of data.

• 5:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:06Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Okay. Is there anything your husband could have said to you in that state that would have felt good?

• 5:11Speaker 01

  Say I hug him.

• 5:12Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Okay.

• 5:13Speaker 01

  And he's sweating. I, I'm telling you, because I was in that moment.

• 5:19Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yes.

• 5:20Speaker 01

  I don't think there was anything he could have said that could have convinced me out of that moment because my, my body was already responding. My brain was already responding.

• 5:31Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And in a way, and you can call me out, you're like, Becky, you're leaving the witness. But I don't know why, like, are you saying, I feel like you're saying this, like, I was primed to look for evidence of what, like, what?

• 5:41Speaker 01

  Failure. Failure. I was like, I need to, this is what my body is telling me happened. So now every interaction I'm going to have from this moment forward is going to be through that lens.

• 5:56Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Okay, I don't know why I'm like envisioning, I hope not in a creepy way. And in my experience, you could tell me if it's creepy. I'm picturing inside your body, like, what's going on? Okay. Is you walk out, you notice the stumble, you're hype, you're, you're someone who's attuned to things, you're hyper attuned to how this talk went. You'd spent a long time building it. The moment happens, it's, it's, um, there's a megaphone on each moment in your head in a different way than for everyone watching, but that's just all true. And you're like, oh my God, that moment, that moment, that stumble, I don't know what happened next. I wish I didn't stumble. And like, I guess what I picture is like antenna, just like going up.

• 6:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:31Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And I just know and I'm in that state. It's my husband, my mom, my best friend. Like, if someone looks to the side, if they blink twice and I don't know, but I am so primed to find confirmation of my fear. That's my fear.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:49Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  But as soon as I can find even the tiniest bit of evidence of the real world, I'm like, oh, this is what you're saying.

• 6:57Speaker 01

  I knew it.

• 6:57Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I knew it, right?

• 6:59Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 7:00Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Okay. If I take all that, and then I want to go to this term, and you talk a lot about this and you write about this rejection, sensitivity, dysphoria.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:11Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  My brain is like working hard to say all that. We're going to call RSD. It's a mouthful. It's a lot.

• 7:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know.

• 7:16Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Okay. Um, what is that?

• 7:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. So this is this extremely robust, emotional, sometimes physical, but mostly emotional response to rejection or criticism. It's literally your nervous system is having this gigantic cascade of alarm chemicals because of this real or even perceived threat of rejection or criticism.

• 7:44Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And it's interesting, even the perceived one, what we're saying in your experience, I know this is true for me too. And I have a kid, definitely has a lot of this, these deeply feeling kids that I talk about. What's real probably, I don't know if we can measure it, is how real their fear of failure is inside of them.

• 7:59Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 8:01Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And so even if it's not real, that, I think we forget, that's real. That's like running as a track in their mind.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 8:08Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And their body. Okay. But we're going to get a little nerdy. I'm going to mention some other words that are complicated, some other acronyms, you know, ADHD, dopamine irregularities, and overactive amygdala, just nerd out and explain all this and how it comes together.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  Love, love, love. So basically, ADHD stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. And I hate the name. I think it's stupid. It has, I don't feel like it correctly encapsulates most of the population that lives within that diagnosis. I feel like really, when you look at ADHD, what you should be looking at is that this at its base is a regulation disorder. It is something that not only is it attention, but you also have to look at energy and motivation and emotions. When you look at all of this, because when you look at it comprehensively, then you're able to actually get your arms around it so that you can actually treat it and, you

• 9:06Speaker 01

  know, obviously diagnose it, first treat it and figure out what to do with it.

• 9:10Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  So ADHD at its base being a regulation disorder, you think about what's causing this regulation disorder. And it is a neurodevelopmental condition. It's something that you are born with. And then as your brain grows and develops, we've found that, and obviously it's more complicated than this, but one of the greatest regulators in the brain is dopamine. And dopamine is in charge of motivation and alertness and reward. And all of these different functions in the brain that are all tied together to help you achieve goals, executive function tasks, really utilize and lean on that dopamine to let those things happen. So when you are

• 9:56Speaker 01

  You know, getting diagnosed or being treated with, uh, for ADHD. Really what you're doing is you're hoping to regulate those pathways.

• 10:04Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Hmm. And how do those come together? Explain why those kids have that more, you know, more of that sensitivity to rejection.

• 10:12Speaker 01

  I love this question.

• 10:13Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I just wanted to throw you a little softball.

• 10:15Speaker 01

  I love it. Well, I think, I think in order to understand that, it's so a lot of RSD. RSD was originally coined and discovered, I would say, um, by Dr. William Dodson, who wrote the foreword of my book. Um, he, I know, he's so nice. But he, he discovered this within the ADHD population. And the, these were people that felt things quickly and deeply.

• 10:42Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yes.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  For a long time. And when he was looking at that population, and when we do look at these highly emotionally sensitive people, we look at two big areas of the brain. And the first one is looking at the amygdala, that emotional threat detector. There's this little almond shaped structure in your brain. And that is what tells your brain, is this dangerous? Is this not, is it threatening? Is this not? And that is hyperactive. And then you look at the prefrontal cortex directly under your forehead. That is in charge of judgment and decision-making and processing. And this is the most logical part of your brain. And then that is underresponsive. So now you have this hyper-responsive emotional center and this underresponsive logical center.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  And so when you feel these big, heavy, scary feelings, it's hard to logic and rationalize your way out of them.

• 11:36Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Hmm. And when you talk to parents, what do they see on the surface? Cause this is not the, this is not the way it looks. What, what does this look like in practicality?

• 11:46Speaker 01

  So I think when you look at it without that lens, without that understanding of this is neurobiological. This is something that's happening in their brain. There is this dysregulation that is happening truly from a neurobiological standpoint. You can see this reaction that went from zero to 60, that maybe was completely out of proportion to the trigger. Like this wasn't what I, coming from the standpoint, cause right what you know. I, you know, I am coming from this from both being a provider and a psychiatrist, but also being a patient to be having ADHD and experiencing RSD. So that lens and that viewpoint, I have gone through these experiences.

• 12:30Speaker 01

  And I have been told, you know, you're being too sensitive. This isn't that big of a deal. You should get over it. Just calm down. But in that moment, I can tell you that my entire brain and body are consumed with this big emotion that I don't know how to navigate through.

• 12:46Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah. I think that's really, really important because I think there's so much overlap here. And again, it's just about having labels and frameworks that help you help your kid or yourself, right? So these deeply feeling kids, they're often labeled drama queens. Drama queen, right? Because, you know, they, they notice more in their environment. More comes into their body. They feel it more deeply. They reach that bucket being full, you know? Like you said, right? Their regulation isn't as developed. So that combination means more comes in, more flows out, more often, for longer, more intensely. All of it. And for an adult who's just trying to get through their day.

• 13:25Speaker 01

  I know.

• 13:26Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Right? And like, what is this? Right? And at the same time, those kids, they don't know yet how to harness something really powerful in them. But they have something really powerful in the way they experience the world, right? Talk about that a little bit.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  So I always tell people, because I, I think this conversation generally starts with the negatives, right? You know, that's, that's just how it's broached. But I tell people, I don't want to be less sensitive. I think my sensitivity is beautiful. I got it from my dad. I like, I really enjoy that. So I don't want to be less sensitive. I want to be more in control.

• 14:05Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Oh, yeah. I don't want to be less sensitive. I want to be more in control. I want the sensitivity to be a very important part of me, but not take over my driver's seat.

• 14:14Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 14:16Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  But it's a, it's a really important passenger.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  It's a, it's a vital passenger because I think that it, it locks you in to this incredible well of empathy. It helps you with creativity. If you feel things deeply, you can express things deeply. I think it makes you just have the capacity to be more authentic, which is just a beaut. I, I feel like the people that you, that feel things deeply, I find them very magnetic. Like I love that.

• 14:46Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  There's so many different things to anchor to.

• 14:49Speaker 01

  So, yeah.

• 14:50Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Like you can throw out a line and there's so many anchors. That's right. There's a lot to them.

• 14:54Speaker 01

  It's wa, it's wonderful. And it feels like a very safe place for you to be able to be authentic. So I think that there's so many incredible things. And I think that sensitivity has made me a better parent and a better physician, a better partner, a better person. So I, I, I love that part. It, it was just navigating it.

• 15:15Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Do you have a kid who has this type of sensitivity as well?

• 15:17Speaker 01

  I have two.

• 15:18Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Two. So give me an example, just to bring to life. And I'll give an example from my home too. This, this rejection sensitivity, like any, anything really specific that you know, oh, that's where, that's where it comes alive.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  In myself or in my kids?

• 15:31Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  In your kid.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  In my kids. So it's interesting because I have a boy and I have a girl. And I think they present a little bit differently.

• 15:38Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Oh, tell.

• 15:39Speaker 01

  And so, you know, when my boy, who's the younger one, and he is just a soft, sweet soul. But when he gets, he's so sensitive to tone. So tone and like, even if, you know, you're, you're, and I was so guilty of this, but you know, I'm working on the computer and I'm fielding calls and I'm responding to patient messages. And he's trying to talk to me and, you know, you, you're short with them. What? You know, that, that tone, he would immediately hear the tone and like just, whatever he was holding in his hands, it could be a full glass of milk.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  He would drop, let go of in the moment and run off and start crying. And it was just like, you're looking at this response. And like, it took us a second to figure out like, what, what brought that on? This is so robust. And then my girl is actually a little bit, um, she's a teeny bit older. She's a year and a half older. And when she feels it, if we give our son a compliment or we give a peer a compliment, am, am I not good enough? Am I?

• 16:55Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Such a good example.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. What, what about me? I, I just don't want to do it anymore then. He's so good at it. I don't want to play basketball.

• 17:02Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Actually, I want to, I want to, this is, I think, and I just like, actually really want to talk. I just got activated. I'm like, want to talk this out with you. Cause this is a good example.

• 17:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:09Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Let's say someone listening is thinking, oh, that happens with my daughter, my son, whichever one it is. It's like a positive comment about a sibling.

• 17:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:16Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Sends them into this spiral of like, oh, oh, so you, so you just wish you had him. And you're like, I'm sorry, what? Like I just, I just said, I liked his drawing. This, I said, I liked his drawing. Do you tell the parent, try not to make so many comments about your other kid in front of your daughter, because you know, she has that sensitivity? Or is it, you need to know she has that sensitivity. This is kind of the world she lives in. And here, here's how you can respond when she has that reaction. Like, are we then, because if we, if someone says, my kid is like this, do I try to avoid situations? Or is there a different approach you recommend?

• 17:53Speaker 01

  So for me, I feel like what we've done in our house and how we've kind of navigated is, because the end, end game is we want to help raise a resilient kid, right? So if we're constantly avoiding situations where she might be activated in those situations or might feel strongly and might, um, feel threatened in that moment. I feel like I'm doing her a disservice because I want her to experience those things, but I want her to have that safe ground to navigate those in real time. So when this last, this literally happened this week, that this was happening.

• 18:31Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 18:32Speaker 01

  And I, I, she responded really quickly to that and then left. I don't want to play basketball anymore. Went inside the house. But I went inside, you know, I gave her a couple of minutes. I went inside because, you know, I was like, okay, maybe if I give her a little bit of time, delay that response, let that amygdala stop firing as much. Let her calm down a little bit. I'm going to come back in. I came back in and all I did is I started the conversation with a compliment about her. Like, you know what I actually noticed? And, and I try to phrase it in kind of like a non-threatening because she's also smart.

• 19:16Speaker 01

  Like she'll pick up and she'll be like, I know what you're doing.

• 19:18Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  A hundred percent.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  What I said to her is, you know, it was actually really smart. There's like this backboard part of our hoop that just keeps randomly falling off because we don't know how to assemble anything. She found a way to move that and prop it in between our recycling and our trash can. So it was out of the way. So I was like, you know what? That was actually so smart that you did that because I constantly trip over that. And that's a perfect place for it. And so then it kind of like, oh, we're not talking about what's happening. And this seems unrelated. And then we kind of ease into, okay, well, you know, um, I noticed that you really enjoy playing basketball. What happened? Why did you go inside?

• 20:03Speaker 01

  And then she's like, well, I thought that, you know, you felt like Vince was a better player and you didn't want me to play anymore and I'm not going to be as good at him. And so then I was like, oh, okay. Well, you know, I was complimenting Vince because he did something good. Just like I kind of complimented you on this thing. I call it as I see it, but you know what I did notice? I noticed that you are, every time you try, you get a little bit better. And so if you want to keep practicing and doing that, I'll help you. Do you want to go out and play another game? And so then we went back outside.

• 20:32Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So beautiful.

• 20:32Speaker 01

  And so it was, it was just an exercise in, I think, rather than avoiding the situation, if you understand that's the lens that she's seeing the world through, and then help her in that moment, de-escalate and give her free rein to kind of talk about it without kind of shaming her or causing her to shut it down.

• 20:54Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 20:54Speaker 01

  Like, it's not that big of a deal. Like move on. It's not, because it was a big deal for her.

• 20:58Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 20:58Speaker 01

  If you can understand what's behind their behavior.

• 21:02Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 21:03Speaker 01

  I think you can better handle it in a way that again, is promoting resilience.

• 21:09Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Tell me about RSD in adults and what you see there.

• 21:12Speaker 01

  RSD in adults, I think is an interesting phenomenon because like whenever I talk about this on social media, like inevitably underneath the video, all, there will be five plus comments, which are, this had a name. So people, you know, this is a phenomenon that many people have been experiencing, did not know there was a name for it, did not know that this is a neurobiological phenomenon that is happening, that something is quite literally making their brain fire differently. And so I think when you look at it and you're starting to pick it up in adulthood, again, you're looking at patterns over time, but when you pick it up over adulthood,

• 21:56Speaker 01

  you also see a lot of compensatory behavior. So things that adults do to avoid rejection. So you see a lot of people pleasing and you see a lot of perfectionism. And you see a lot of, you know, I'm not going to delegate that out. I'm going to do it myself because I need this to be done correctly because I cannot afford someone criticizing me or rejecting me or not putting me up for that promotion.

• 22:20Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 22:20Speaker 01

  And so you see a lot of people that, you know, for a lot of their lives, they're being celebrated for this. And it's really that they're compensating for something that is wounded.

• 22:39Dr. Becky Kennedy?

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• 23:27Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You know that feeling when your brain is at full capacity, right? I mean, you have a reminder from the dentist in your email, a birthday party invitation on the fridge and your kid just texted you about a soccer game they forgot to mention until that moment and you just cannot remember one more thing. That's where Skylight Calendar comes in. It's an all-in-one digital smart calendar that syncs with Google, Apple and Outlook to help your whole family see the days and weeks ahead. And I really love the tasks feature, which is designed to help your kid build routines around things like homework and chores. And when your kid can do those things independently, it's a huge win for everyone in the family. Skylight Calendar is so much more than just a calendar.

• 24:10Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  It's something you can add to your routine to help your family work together. And right now Skylight is offering our listeners $30 off their 15-inch calendars by going to myskylight.com/becky. That's M Y S K Y L I G H T dot com slash V E C K Y for $30 off your 15-inch calendar. Myskylight.com/becky.

• 24:44Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  The things that can be really painful for us inside, sometimes we externalize, right? So if I feel, oh, I just don't know if I'm making mom friends in this new preschool. And I feel, I don't know, do I, by the way, do I even like them? Are they my people? I don't know. It's on my mind. And, oh, they don't want me at that lunch. It's so much easier in some ways to say, to externalize the rejection or to look for it in others. A different way of thinking about that situation is, okay, hold on. What's going on for me? What do I care about? Does this feel tender? Was I left out in middle school? Then yeah, of course I'm going to feel, you know, a little bit of nervousness at some degree, making mom friends in preschool is just middle school all over again. Let's be honest.

• 25:29Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, I know.

• 25:30Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah. And so we carry those wounds. But again, and, and the reason I'm bringing this up is there's, there's a real situation that I want to walk through with you. And I was talking about this with one of my friends where this is a mom in my life and she's in this new soccer team that her kid just made, young kid. But a lot of these moms have kind of known each other and, you know, they spend, it's like, you know, on these teams, three practices a week, weekend tournaments. Like this, she's like, this is my new social group, whether I wanted to be or not. Like this is where we're spending time. And I needed someone to carpool.

• 26:02Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 26:03Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Text one of the moms and she just writes back, okay, that's fine. Okay, that's fine. And my friend calls me spinning, spinning out. Should I, oh my God, she doesn't, does she not like my kid? Is my kid rude? And did she not like me? Like, oh my God, oh my God, that's fine. Like she's like, and, and again, the story gets so far. So what might be happening for her? A, you know, an adult woman who's totally high functioning. Like what's going on in that moment? Cause we're all.

• 26:34Speaker 01

  We've all been there.

• 26:35Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  We've all been there.

• 26:36Speaker 01

  We've all been there. So, you know, and this is one of the perils of having so many different forms of communication. And like, there is only.

• 26:45Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Sasha, yes.

• 26:46Speaker 01

  One, for me, there's only one correct way that you can punctuate an emoji, a sentence for me to be pleased with it. Because if you are sending me something and the message is like short or not punctuated properly, or, you know, if, if you are.

• 27:05Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I wanted the punctuation for you. What do I have to do when I text you?

• 27:07Speaker 01

  Well, listen, if you are ending something with a period, I'm, I'm assuming that I have hurt you in some way and that we're no longer friends.

• 27:18Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I'm pissed. I hate you. Sasha, episode is going to be released tomorrow, period. You're like, oh, Becky hated our episode.

• 27:25Speaker 01

  Yeah. Give me an exclamation mark. You psycho. Like no, don't do period. I, yeah. Um, so I don't, um, I, I feel like we have all these different internal mental metrics that we have now had these invisible things, check marks of like, this is indicating tone for us.

• 27:51Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 27:52Speaker 01

  So for me, I, I feel like the speed of how they respond, that how excited the response sounds, that's indicating how they feel about the statement before.

• 28:03Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  That's me. Cause I, I talked about this with my friend for a while and I just remembered it when I was getting ready for this episode. I was like, I want to talk this through. Took her a while to respond and it was, okay, that's fine. Period.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  Okay. So let me tell you what is happening in my brain.

• 28:15Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Okay.

• 28:16Speaker 01

  Um, the, took a long time to respond. She's thinking about how to get out of carpooling and then, okay, that's fine. She's agreed. It's fine. She doesn't have a good enough reason to get me out, but she doesn't want me in this carpooling. Now, what, what should be happening is in that moment, you should look at that and be like, there's a million different reasons this could be the case. I mean, she still is saying, that's fine. We can do carpooling. She's probably busy. She's probably holding 50 different things. She might be voice recording it and this is just the response you got. So instead of tying a value to it, it, it might be, do you send another text message and just kind of assess tone to see how things are?

• 29:01Speaker 01

  Do you call this person? Do you, you know, just kind of, kind of trying to assess? Or do you just accept what's happening because she said it's fine? And you know, more than likely you're a mom also and you're busy. Probably is fine. And then move on from that.

• 29:16Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And so, okay, because I, this is such a nuance where we want our kids to trust themselves.

• 29:23Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 29:24Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And to pay attention to the signals in their body.

• 29:26Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 29:28Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  But our signals aren't always a perfect one to one with anything in reality.

• 29:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:33Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  But that doesn't mean they're dramatic. I'm just, we're just trying to make sense of this, right? And so, okay, my friend and I, I've known this person forever, right? Um, okay, she's freaking out. My goodness. Like she probably texted all the other moms. This is what she said to me and we're like, can you believe this new woman is just like already doing this? And they're like, oh my God, sorry you have to do that. And then she's like, okay, well, I guess I'm just gonna, right? Okay, that's fine, you know, and yeah, but like that, she was so convinced and this was happening. It's been a little bit since then. For what it's worth, she was completely wrong. Like she, I don't think she ever fact checked with the woman because she's like, I don't really think we're at that level either. I don't want to scare her away forever, but she just agreed to be like, maybe I don't know, maybe I don't know. Right?

• 30:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:14Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And one of the questions, I'm curious, this is useful. How she for adults who resonate is just, okay, my body signal is very real. I'm worried. I'm worried. I'm nervous. There's this story I'm telling myself. What do I know? What do I know about myself? Do I tend to have some rejection sensitivity? Is my body in part reacting just to, yeah, I, this circuit is well practiced. I've been down the ski slope a lot, somewhat ambiguous, and I go to the worst version. There are biological reasons. I don't mean that to be mean to myself, but just in empowering way. Do I know that about myself? Like, is that useful to go through?

• 30:51Speaker 01

  For me, I feel like if you understand your brain through that lens and you are understanding, you know what? I am highly emotionally sensitive. That is something where I feel things very deeply, very quickly, very intensely. That is something that I think that's an extra layer of information that you have to kind of assess. Now, that, that could be a wonderful thing in the situation, or it could be, you know what? This reaction that I'm having is not proportional to what's happening, but it's going to take me a second to figure out what to do with it.

• 31:28Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  And then it's just how to navigate it.

• 31:30Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I think trying to say that to myself, I'm not really sure what it means yet. I know it's real.

• 31:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:33Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  But exactly the different pieces that I would pull out, maybe, maybe, maybe a little bit of time to figure it out. And something I try to say to myself is like, what do I know about the moment? And what's the story? The story could be, right? I give myself full permission to be like, I knew it. How lady friggin hated me. But, but, but for now, it's just a story.

• 31:52Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 31:53Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And, and right? And that difference at least gives me a way to categorize things.

• 31:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, I agree. I agree. I think that that's an important distinction to make.

• 32:02Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And so if we go to the parents listening, because you say, oh my goodness, double whammy here. I am this person.

• 32:12Speaker 01

  And my kid's this person.

• 32:13Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And my kid is this person. And when my kid says, I wasn't invited to that sleepover, I think she hates me. I'm kind of like, yeah, I think, I think she hates you. What a bitch, you know, like, and that, but I don't know if that's so useful. Like what happens when it all happens together? And can we use the fact that we have that similarity as a superpower in our relationship?

• 32:32Speaker 01

  So to me, I feel, I think because I'm going through this, I'm a sensitive person, I have sensitive kids. We're all co-regulating and navigating together. And I think that one of the most beautiful experiences that we've had as a family is that we have this safe place where we can talk about things. And you know, even when my son was really young, um, he, it was hard because he still does, he did the same thing where he would throw down the glass of milk. He would feel things. But sometimes we would see the milk, we wouldn't see the response, we would hear him. And so we got into the habit of asking like,

• 33:13Speaker 01

  is your heart hurt or is your body hurt? Like what is hurting right now? And, and so it was, sometimes it, it, he was able to tell even at that early age, you know, like, no, it's my heart. Something hurt my heart. And then it would open up a dialogue that way.

• 33:30Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah. And you know, something else that I have found, because I think with these kids, if you think about them, right? These kids who are sensitive, these deeply feeling kids who have an antenna for the world. And because they're like that, I think part of the rejection sensitivity is they, they, they go to the worst scenario. Cause they're trying to protect themselves. Like if that's true, I know myself. I'm a pretty deeply feeling person. I need to kind of assume that's true because if it is true, it's going to be bad. So I'm gonna get there first. I might as well get there first and not be caught by surprise, which I also hate. Cause I think deeply feeling people hate being surprised. Good surprise is bad. It's just a lot.

• 34:05Speaker 01

  It's, it's, it's shocking to the nervous system either way.

• 34:09Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  A hundred percent. And so I think about the parent who's like, okay, it's me and it's also my kid. And I just think about what a superpower it is to be able to say this from a place of truths, you know? I do this sometimes.

• 34:27Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I don't have full information and I really care a lot about my relationships. And so I may be nervous. I didn't do well on something at work. And if someone just says, how was work? I'm like, oh, you're saying I didn't do well at work?

• 34:41Speaker 01

  What do you know?

• 34:42Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  What do you know? Right? Or someone writes me a text and they say something like, it's fine. And my brain tells a story. And you want to say to your kid, anyway, that ever happens to you? I get it. Like, yeah, we, we can both look at this thing together. Cause I always think the worst thing for a kid is to feel like the only one in a family. My family's so regular, they're so perfect. They always handle a thing well and so well. And I'm just the one with the huge reactions. It's so hard to work on something in any system when you feel like someone has it all together and you're the only one. I, I don't think I've ever learned anything, whether it's soccer or cooking or my emotions from anyone who does everything perfectly.

• 35:25Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So I think when parents have this, sure, we don't want to act that all out all the time. But if you even can say in a calm moment to your kid, I'm working on this. Then I think immediately your kid has less shame because they literally know, oh, I'm not the only one.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  Yes. And it's fine to have, and it's fine to navigate in real time.

• 35:45Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yes.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:46Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  That's right. You know, my, my deeply feeling kid, I remember saying to her a while ago, because this was such an interesting moment, right? We live in New York City and we're going to get our car in a garage. New York City garages, no one loves like the smell. It's not like the aroma of choice for anyone. But my deeply feeling kid was like, I'm a very, not the smell. And she described it in the garage. And meanwhile, it wasn't like, it was some smell. Okay. I didn't smell that. And I chose to believe her, right? Like that wasn't going to be a situation like you have to go in, I believe you. And I started saying, you know, look, you're really a super sensor. You actually smell things other people don't smell. I think you notice things other people don't notice. Like she always heard my husband coming home from work in the hallway.

• 36:31Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  When I was like, there's no jingling of the keys. Like you, you're, you're very attuned to your environment. And that, I don't know about you, but I think like the Nate Bargatze's and the Jerry Seinfeld's of the world. These people who are like the most incredible situational comedians, they notice things. And as soon as they connect the dots, you're like, of course, right? But you, you didn't realize it. I have a feeling they were these deeply feeling kids. Yeah. And there are people who learn how to harness it instead of be overwhelmed by that.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 37:02Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And so to be able to say to your kid, you are a super sensor and when you're young, that's a lot. It's a lot on your body. And like, we're going to figure it out. But I just think it's kind of the opposite of

• 37:15Speaker 01

  Shut it down.

• 37:16Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And I'm just looking at the title of your book.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:18Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You're too sensitive, which we say usually as like a

• 37:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, a dig. Yeah.

• 37:25Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  As a dig. Tell parents the best parts of being sensitive in your life now that you've been able to harness. Cause I think parents need that long-term view.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  I, I mean, I will tell you, the amount of joy that I get being able to truly feel on a level that is similar to my kids. When they feel things and when they experience things, it is like their joy is my own. And I feel things so deeply, so fully. And that it, it, I can't even, I can't even describe that feeling because it is like, I mean, I wish I could just bottle that up. Take it with me because it's so, um, for whatever negatives that you have to kind of navigate through, those positives make it all kind of worth it.

• 38:17Speaker 01

  And if, if part of writing this book and this entire experience of writing this book is, you know, it starts with the neuroscience, then it gives you kind of an assessment to see where you fall on that emotional sensitivity spectrum. And then it gives you tools and then it gives you real world examples. But as I was going through and coming up with the tools and coming up with the examples, every single one, I, I was thinking about, these are great tools to get through the moment, but the positives of being sensitive and having those, like, once you pair those difficult moments with skills, you can get to those joys and get to really kind of experience them.

• 38:56Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Have you already started to see that arc in your own, one of your own kids of like, oh, the harnessing of the skills? Or how this is really working for them? Or do you feel like, which is, would be really honest too, we're not quite there yet. And I feel like I see it down the road.

• 39:11Speaker 01

  I think we're getting closer. I think we're getting closer. And I think one of the most wonderful things that I've seen in this transition is that they are starting to reach for tools and think about tools before they're getting into a spot of complete meltdown and chaos. And to me, I feel like that's probably a preliminary step to get to where they can actually kind of pull out of these like deep emotional moments and start to see some of that sweetness on the other side.

• 39:42Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So just the other night I was talking to my, you know, deeply feeling sensitive kid. And again, the superpower of noticing her environment, she was sharing with me to some of the social hierarchy dynamics. She was noticing now that she's in middle school and just like what happens to certain kids alone? What happens when they're in groups? How their behavior changes? And even saying like, I don't like that. And I'm just thinking about

• 40:10Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  How powerful that is that she's been able to harness that, which she could have never if she wasn't that sensitive, super censor kid, where now instead of just being overwhelmed by it, it wasn't like, I hate those kids, they're bad kids. She was like, Mom, here's what I see. I don't like some of it.

• 40:25Speaker 01

  Yeah. Pattern recognition.

• 40:27Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Exactly. Okay. Question for you.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:30Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Rejection sensitivity and people pleasing and easy kids and especially girls.

• 40:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:36Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah. Just chat on that for a second.

• 40:40Speaker 01

  So you know, when we, you know, I wish like for girls, this is just the way of the world. Socially, we're just primed differently. We are expected to toe the line and to behave and not get in trouble and not go out of line and not assert our needs and wants and things like that. So when you are feeling things so incredibly deeply and you're highly emotionally sensitive and you may have rejection sensitive dysphoria where you are terrified of rejection or criticism because of that emotional response it's going to have that could potentially devastate you, you pair that with this social priming of like, I can't get in trouble. And

• 41:24Speaker 01

  then the only option at that point becomes, okay, well then I'll do what you want. I'll, I'll become the perfect kid. I'll become the kid who preempts that. I'll become the kid who can tell if the teacher is sighing that she's going to be frustrated soon. So I need to start picking up the papers or working with my peers.

• 41:44Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Get ahead of it.

• 41:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:46Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Get ahead. You know, you know, I just had this new thought when you were talking because I'm obsessed with these kids and the, you know, obsessed with like the people pleaser in the making.

• 41:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:55Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Like my own inner child work, you know, going back. I have another session on that.

• 41:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm on it.

• 42:02Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And the new that I just had was um, these strong little kids, because I have a kid like that, too.

• 42:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:07Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Zero. If you can have negative people pleasing, he has negative people pleasing.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 42:12Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  It was really interesting when I think about this rejection sensitivity, in a way, my strong little kid, his rejection sensitivity is to himself.

• 42:20Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:22Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  If I feel like my individuality or my freedom is being threatened, if I just even smell the tiniest bit, I will use this as an opportunity to show you I'm going scorched earth. You know what I mean?

• 42:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:35Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And like so obsessed with like, in some ways can be like with what I want. And the opposite is the people pleasing, which like so obsessed with what you want.

• 42:47Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 42:48Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Right? Um, and, and they're both versions of this big reaction.

• 42:53Speaker 01

  Protecting sensitivity.

• 42:54Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Protecting sensitivity.

• 42:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:57Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Exactly.

• 42:58Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 42:59Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Um, like those two kids, can you guys just like figure out a happy medium? Just like give a little take a little 20%, 20%.

• 43:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:07Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  All right. One more rejection question. For the parent who's listening who knows, okay, this sounds like me too. I'm thinking about how many moments when our kids are young, our kids just, and, and old, what am I thinking? How, how many moments are kids reject us?

• 43:20Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 43:20Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Reject us. No, mommy, just daddy. Daddy does the fun bath or hey, leave me alone. Like, I don't want to do this whole family movie night thing anymore. I'm 14, whatever it is. You're like, oh, yeah, exactly. How, how do you help us think through that?

• 43:35Speaker 01

  It hurts my feelings every time. It does. Um, I've recently been traveling so much for this book. And then, you know, when I come home, I mean, I'm fully expecting like a full parade when I get home. Like, I want them to be so happy.

• 43:52Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Let me know how that goes for you, Sasha.

• 43:54Speaker 01

  Poorly.

• 43:55Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I don't know.

• 43:55Speaker 01

  Poorly.

• 43:56Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Poorly.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  Poorly. Because by then, they have like, well, we want to go to Aunt Chrissy's house and you know, she has fun snacks. And I'm like, but I'm here finally.

• 44:07Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And maybe they're mad at you.

• 44:08Speaker 01

  They're a little mad.

• 44:09Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Where'd you go?

• 44:10Speaker 01

  They're a little mad.

• 44:11Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  And so this, this feeling of, and I feel like for me, and it's a weird area to be in as a parent, my people pleasing kicks in too, because then I want to suck up to my kid. And so it's just like, okay, well, if you hang out with me, we'll go and get ice cream. Like, no, wait, no, we're not doing that because you're going to be a nightmare bedtime. No, like, so.

• 44:36Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah. So how are you preparing for that? Because here's the thing. And I think because working parents are listening to this, non-working parents, either way, we leave our kids. And when I said your kids are mad at you, to be clear, I don't think you did anything wrong. They can just both be true. I'm doing this thing. I love my book. It's important. I want to get out in the world. That lights me up and my kids can have feelings about it. Doesn't mean anyone needs to do anything differently. They just both might be true. So I'm coming home. I would like a full parade, by the way.

• 45:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:01Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So would I. So if you do get that, I'm just, I'm doing everything wrong.

• 45:05Speaker 01

  I'll text you.

• 45:05Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So just text me with an exclamation mark.

• 45:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:07Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Or a period, whichever one you feel.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  Always exclamation.

• 45:11Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And we want this parade. We're excited to see them. Maybe I think about that antenna.

• 45:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:19Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Because I think of the powerful question, say, what do I have an antenna up for? I mean, what am I nervous about? What would I hate to feel like the environment is confirming about me?

• 45:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:30Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Because I'll probably find those things so fast and they'll feel true. So I know for me, what would I hate to find any confirmation of after a work trip is like, you care about work more than you care about your family. You miss this important thing. You're no longer the parent I want at bedtime because we got used to someone else for so many nights. Like, those are, those live inside me way before I go see my kids as fears.

• 45:54Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 45:55Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  As guilt stories.

• 45:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:58Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And, and the unfortunate thing I think you're showing us too, is our guilt stories and our fears, we have the biggest antenna for, which means we're going to be the most likely to use anything in our environment as, look, I was right.

• 46:08Speaker 01

  A validation.

• 46:09Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Oh, okay. So what are your fears? I know your wish is the parade. I've already noted that.

• 46:15Speaker 01

  I want that parade. Okay, noted.

• 46:16Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I've never gone to a parade. What's the, what are, what are your, what are your fears? What would you hate to have confirmed?

• 46:22Speaker 01

  My biggest fear, especially with this, and I think this also is piggybacking off of in 2024, my dad passed from lung cancer and I was gone a lot.

• 46:37Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Oh.

• 46:38Speaker 01

  And so I feel like what, when, when I'm having to be gone, I worry about two things. Number one, very selfishly, I'm like, I'm being replaced. Like someone else is going to take my role and they're going to want this stand-in mom more than regular mom.

• 46:55Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Yeah.

• 46:55Speaker 01

  But then the other thing that is my fear is that they're going to feel abandoned like they may have felt back in that time, which again, was not confirmed and they were young and you know, but it was, that was my biggest fear then. And it just kind of pops back up when I'm away from home for too long.

• 47:14Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  So this, this is useful to play through because I think it's such a good example. And again, your, thank you for sharing all that. I'm so sorry about your dad.

• 47:22Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 47:24Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And so going home, when you do go home after this, you know, book tour, number one, one of my fears is I'm going to be replaced. So if you are the bath time mom, or if you are the rose, the one bud mom at bed, whatever it is, like if my kid even says like, oh, I do that, I do that with dad now. The story that gets confirmed is so much bigger than bath.

• 47:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:47Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I'm being replaced.

• 47:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:48Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Okay. So that's one. And the other one is I, I fear my kids feel abandoned. And so if one of the first things they say is, we had this thing at school that ended up happening, everyone's mom was there and you were in New York City, this frigging Dr. Becky woman, silly podcast, like get your priorities in order. I felt like I had nobody there.

• 48:10Speaker 01

  Oh, are you my eight-year-old?

• 48:15Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  And I don't know about you, but I'm just curious. Like, I think sometimes that's the best it gets, like to know what situations could happen in my very real life in my home that could evoke the stories I most fear in my own body. Because then in some ways, there's a part of us that wants the parade, but there's a part of us that can do something very different. It's like we're, I call it emotional vaccination. Like, let me just get ready. That might happen. It's true. My, for me, it might be, my husband's now done bedtime how many nights in a row. So it is a change. For my kid, they might just say, I've gotten used to dad. For me, I hear that as you've lost your spot forever.

• 48:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:56Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  That's a big gap. But because I think then, and you tell me, if my kid does the bedtime thing, and if I'm able to say, I knew this could happen, it.

• 49:07Speaker 01

  Takes off some of that sting.

• 49:08Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Some, some, some. And that's, that's the best, for a sensitive person, and we love that about you, and you do too, that, that's probably the best it gets is the sting is an eight out of 10 instead of a 10 out of 10.

• 49:19Speaker 01

  I'll take it.

• 49:20Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Right?

• 49:21Speaker 01

  I will take it. I think, I think for me, that, that concept of emotional vaccination is number one, incredibly important because I think it also helps me, it, it just mentally kind of prepares. And then sometimes I'm pleasantly surprised when it doesn't happen. I'm like, great. And then the other thing about this entire concept is I think for a long time I did not do that. And I think it's because once that negative thought got in there, it was almost too big to look away from, like, or, or dig into. So I didn't want

• 50:03Speaker 01

  to dig into it. I didn't want to like provide any sort of alternative interpretation because what if I couldn't find any? As I became more in tuned with number one, I am emotionally sensitive. These are going to be big and I, I'll just have to, it'll take a little bit more time to navigate through. It started to soften, but it was a practice.

• 50:26Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I just love how real that is. Thank you. Well, look, thank you. Thank you for this conversation, for your work, for your book, Too Sensitive: Rejection, Resilience, and the Science of Feeling Deeply, Dr. Sasha Hamdani. This is incredible and we're so lucky to have you in this. So thank you.

• 50:43Speaker 01

  Thank you so much.

• 50:51Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  All right. So where do I want to end on this one? Well, after we stopped filming, Sasha and I stayed in nurse chairs for about 30 more minutes. And we actually got more and more into what I talk about as deeply feeling kids. One of the things I love talking with Sasha about was how we weren't in the mode of, is it this or this? Is it ADHD or deeply feeling kids? Is it RSD or deeply feeling kids? We both got excited about, holy moly, there are just these kids that are wired a little differently. They perceive everything in their environment. So yeah, they're a little more hypervigilant. Could that person be laughing at me? Could that go wrong? Which means, yes, they are more likely to have what Dr. Hamdani calls RSD.

• 51:34Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I want you to know that if this is your kid, you don't have to choose. Is it RSD or ADHD or DFK? So many acronyms. The most important thing is that you feel like you actually have an understanding of what's going on for your kid. You get why they're like this. You get what's going to be helpful. You get what actually is going to make things worse. And then you feel like you can help them build the skills they don't have without feeling like you're walking on eggshells. Anyway, if that sounds like you and your kid, please know I'm truly obsessed with our deeply feeling kid program. I think it's maybe the piece of work I've put out to the world that I'm most proud of. And I've just watched family after family say that the trajectory of their kid's life

• 52:18Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  around this rejection stuff, around the dysregulation, has really changed and been made better. I'll put a link to it in the show notes, and I just wanted to make sure you knew it was there. All right, let's end the way we always do. Place your feet on the ground and your hand on your heart. And let's remind ourselves, even as I struggle on the outside, I remain good inside.

• 52:43Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  I'll see you soon.

• 52:51Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  You know, parents carry a lot. In fact, data show that most parents spend every waking hour caring for someone else. So if you feel exhausted and stretched thin, you're not alone, and that makes sense. And look, I also know from experience what a relief it is to find caregiving support. Finding a babysitter you trust and your kids will have fun with. That makes it so much easier to go back to work or travel or, yeah, even go on one date with your partner. Care.com makes it easier to find trusted, background-checked caregivers with search and hiring tools you won't find on social media. Whether you need full-time help or just part-time help with morning drop-off or after-school care,

• 53:35Dr. Becky Kennedy?

  Care.com can help you find nannies, sitters, and daycares. And you can find the expertise that matters to you. Think homework help, CPR training, or experience with multiple kids. And if you're considering daycare, you can search, compare, and request tours and could even get a discount on daycare tuition as a Care.com member. If you need more support, Care.com can help. For a limited time, you can use the code BECKY35 to save 35% on a Care.com membership. When it's not you, it's Care.com.