54 Minutes on How to Build Self Esteem and Confidence

In this episode of the GaryVee Audio Experience, we're throwing it back to when I sat down with Aubrey Marcus, CEO of Onnit in 2019. We talk about where confidence can take you and how to build your self-esteem.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Go pay attention to this. Go watch a, go to a basketball game. Watch the home team go on a terrible run and pay attention to who boos and who cheers. Very interesting insight and that's what happens. When you sent that email, there were people that booed.

• 0:12Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 0:13Speaker 00

  And then there were the real fans that cheered.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  Yup.

• 0:15Speaker 00

  And that's how I see it. And so, why is everything that's happening in your life the definitive end score? It's a process. This is the Gary Vee Audio Experience.

• 0:29Speaker 01

  Gary, what's up my man?

• 0:31Speaker 00

  Life is good, brother.

• 0:31Speaker 01

  It is good, isn't it?

• 0:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  That's one of the fucking things that, you know, I've had the opportunity to get to know you, not only in the professional context, but also just as a homie. And people always ask me like, "What's he like? What's he like?" And I have to say, man, you're fucking happy. Like, there's no doubt about that.

• 0:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 0:50Speaker 01

  You know, you were like one of the busiest and happiest people. Like, if you would turn the dials of both of those things up, a lot of times those things don't coincide, but for you, they do.

• 0:59Speaker 00

  And I think the thing that I'm conscious of is, off the screen, I'm real happy too, right? Like, you know, I think, something, one thing that's really been interesting is, as, as awareness around an individual grows, a level of responsibility comes along with it. I'm definitely am at a point right now where I'm, really am being thoughtful of like, look, there's a lot of eyes on me and a lot of people who are not happy are putting their eyes on me and I'm helping them through that. And I need to be hyper sensitive in my own self of articulating things that I'm unhappy about.

• 1:37Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:38Speaker 00

  And, but what's been really interesting is I've been really on this kick for six or nine months. I'm struggling to be unhappy because I've come to realize it's unbelievable how simple my life is. If I genuinely wake up in the morning and eight to 10 people are actually still alive, I'm just struggling to be upset about stuff. I don't know what else to say. I struggle with, my perspective on life is very simple, which is, it's such a blessing. It's so rare, you know?

• 2:17Speaker 00

  Last time we were here, I made a video with you guys. And in there, I talked about the 400 trillion to one. And in that micro piece of content, which I've chopped up and used, it's one of my most successful piece of content ever. Happened in this building a couple of years ago. And I've really, I've always internalized it. I finally articulated it a couple of years ago. And I continue to internalize it, which is, I am happy because I'd like to understand, I'd like somebody to sell me on what to be upset about.

• 2:47Speaker 01

  Well, it's a failure of perspective when you're upset.

• 2:49Speaker 00

  It's a failure of perspective.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  It really is. And if you can keep perspective like you are in line, you are happy.

• 2:55Speaker 00

  I'll tell you what's really emerged. Entitlement.

• 2:59Speaker 00

  I was parented in a really, and my circumstances put me in a place where I just don't think anybody owes me anything. Not society, not the government, not people I do nice things for. That's a killer.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:14Speaker 00

  People struggle so much when they do something nice for somebody. They think that person owes them something. I'm desperately trying to give more value to every person I ever crossed paths with and never ask for anything in return. That is literally the framework of my life. My great hope is that I can bring more value to people than they bring to me. And I'm never in a dire situation where I ever have to ask for anything in return.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Well, you keep yourself in that abundance state, right? So you're not in need, you're not desperate. You don't have the expectation, oh, I'm giving this transactionally so that I receive this. And then when those expectations aren't met, then you have the hangover of that expectation, the sadness that comes from chasing that thrill of hoping to get something and then it failing. Instead, if you just give and have the act of giving be the gift itself, like, oh, I helped this person.

• 4:02Speaker 00

  And I'm in that in a lot of ways. That's right. And then it's the same reason I'm an entrepreneur. Being an entrepreneur is the win. And I believe we're living through a great era right now where people are looking for the money and the things you can buy with the money from entrepreneurship. And that is why I believe that in the next decade, there will be an enormous conversation of people being unhappy entrepreneurs during this generation.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:28Speaker 00

  Because it is so in the air in your Instagram stream, success and the perception of success. And I've really started to articulate something that feels really true to me, which is, how do I?

• 4:46Speaker 00

  You know, I can only be responsible for myself. I hope it encourage others, but how do I start making happiness? The true north star, not money. I don't know what to say, like not stuff like.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Well, anything that you place outside of yourself for happiness is going to be a dead end street, right? Because that thing is something that you'll have to constantly chase. That'll be the rabbit that keeps you on the Greyhound track. Always running around. Oh, if it's money, well, then you're going to need more money when you get money and you're going to need more and more and more. And you'll keep feeding this thing rather than recognizing that happiness lives within us as soon as we acknowledge it.

• 5:21Speaker 00

  And for everybody who's watching right now, do not confuse this for a lack of ambition. I'm ambitious as fuck. I just, you know, I just am really happy with the process. And, and I'm also super weirdly happy with losing.

• 5:39Speaker 01

  Cause that's the process.

• 5:40Speaker 00

  I lost to you in pool and in what is that thing again?

• 5:44Speaker 01

  Sauce.

• 5:45Speaker 00

  Sauce. I beat you in free throws and darts. I'm sitting here and I only want to play sauce and pool.

• 5:54Speaker 00

  And I think there's something in that, right? The Rangers, New York Rangers and the Yankees have won world championships during my fandom. The Knicks and Jets have not. I do not watch the Rangers and Yankees anymore. I'm diehard on the other two. I'm in it for the process. Like I watch, I watched, I was at the airport. I took a, I told you off camera. I took a red eye, which I'm trying not to do for my own body and like rest and all that, but I did. And I was in San Francisco and the Warriors game is on. And I actually just don't consume a lot of like stuff in general, but like I was watching this Warriors game. And I grew up in the kind of like tech boom of 2005 through 11 and I'd go to San Francisco a lot.

• 6:38Speaker 00

  And when I tell you not one fucking human in San Francisco knew who the Warriors were in 2005 to 11, not one. And I'm watching this game. It's the end of the game and I'm watching these fans celebrate. And there was just this wild feeling going through my body of almost like.

• 6:57Speaker 00

  A really funny mix of like, I don't know, I find it crazy when people become bandwagon fans and think that they're successful through their team's success.

• 7:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, they use the word "we" when they're talking about a pro team.

• 7:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I do that as well, you know, so I don't want to be a hypocrite, but I'm literally talking about you don't like the team or care about it, then they start winning championships and you're going to games and then you're making fun of like hardcore Houston Rocket fans and I watch this play out on social and like in culture and I'm like, I don't know, I just, I think a bandwagon sports fan is one of the great tells of somebody who's insecure and it's just something that has always run through my mind. Literally, when I think about the Bulls fans and the Cowboy fans of my high school years in New Jersey when they were good, just a lot of those bandwagon fans in my school are not happy or successful.

• 7:51Speaker 01

  Well, when you attach your identity to some other thing and then that identity makes you good whether or not that thing is successful or not. So if your identity is a sports fan of X team and you only feel good about yourself when X team is there because it's like you had some fucking insight that made you smarter, or made you better, or made you, something that your ego can latch on to is like I am superior to something else. And if you're in it for that, well, you might get a thrill every once in a while, but you're gonna have a lot of fucking heartbreak. Rather than being in it, as you were saying, being in it for just being a fan. Whether you're winning or losing, the joy of being a fan is being a fan, not the fucking win.

• 8:26Speaker 00

  It's crazy, while you were just talking, where my mind went. It went to people's social media profiles versus their actual truth. I am petrified that everybody is a PR version of themselves on social and that it's now a thing, like a sports team.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  Hmm, yup.

• 8:43Speaker 00

  It was really interesting where my mind just went. I'm like, fuck, that's what's happening.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  Those likes and those followers and that stuff, like you really meditate on that? I mean, the amount that you get out of that, the dopamine validation?

• 8:53Speaker 00

  People are not posting because they're petrified for it not to hit the metric of their prior post. Look, literally, humans are not sharing stuff with other humans, which is like the core thing of why this all worked. Because they're worried that this picture of this coconut shake is not gonna do as well as the picture of them hiking, and so they're literally not posting. I mean, to live a life predicated on your success and happiness is predicated on likes or followers in a social network is a very vulnerable state, but has always been our vulnerable state.

• 9:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:29Speaker 00

  Do not confuse this. This is not a social media problem. This is a human problem. It's the same reason that people buy Mercedes that they can't afford, or buy homes that they can't afford, or wear sneakers that they can't afford. Or, I mean, high school never really ends for 99% of people.

• 9:45Speaker 01

  Well, that was that initial tribal impulse, that evolutionary biology that said, "Get along with the tribe. Make sure the tribe likes you. You won't get exiled, and then the tribe will take care of you." But now, there's no actual tribe that's hunting for food and foraging for fucking berries, but we've universalized it to social media and the entirety of the world, so it can become this paralyzing thing that our brains, which were used to the Dunbar number, which was 150 people, the maximum amount of people that you could actually give a shit about in your tribe, really is what the psychologists assume. But now, it's like, everybody. And that's kind of fucking overwhelming. And I don't think we've really adapted, and I don't think people are really keen to how much of that social pressure actually affects us.

• 10:28Speaker 00

  And the modern-day parent is blaming the network, not the way they're parenting their child.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  Right. With extraordinary forces.

• 10:35Speaker 00

  I want to stay on this, I apologize. This is a very big thing for me. There is no social network. It's a platform. Everything on Instagram was done by a human. People are like, "Gary, I'm so crippled by this bullshit." And I'm like, "Delete Instagram."

• 10:54Speaker 00

  I'm really, really, really passionate about accountability. We need to, we need to, we need to put, we need to put it in the right place. We don't need to look the other way where there's systematic issues. There are, but we have to put accountability on a pedestal.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 11:11Speaker 00

  Back to lack of entitlement. Accountability, much of a kissing cousin of lack of entitlement, is such a driver for me. Every time something happens bad, I'm like, that's my fault. And that makes me happy, not sad. It makes me feel empowered. Hey, everybody, I hope you're enjoying the podcast right now. Make sure you follow the podcast. That's why I'm interrupting. Let's keep going on this show, but follow the podcast. It'll make my mom super happy. I just really, really, really want people to stop blaming Instagram.

• 11:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:41Speaker 00

  There is no Instagram. There's you. You don't like it? Don't consume it. It's free.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, just the same as don't, don't blame the wine.

• 11:50Speaker 00

  Don't blame the wine.

• 11:51Speaker 01

  You're the one who uncorks it.

• 11:52Speaker 00

  A hundred percent.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  You're the one who drinks it. And I understand that there's pressures and I understand that there's addictive tendencies and I understand the way that the brain works. I understand it's not easy and some people may have it rougher than other people. And all that's understood, but fundamentally, it's your hand, it's your bottle, it's your corkscrew. You know, you can make, you can make a different choice. And if you need help making that different choice, fucking go get help making that different choice. It's still though, like we, I agree with you with that accountability. Like we have to remember that this isn't about nerfing the whole world and saying, oh, video games and fucking Instagram, it's all bad and it's ruining the kids. Like, no, these are extraordinary forces. So let's acknowledge those and let's just teach and coach and like help people out.

• 12:31Speaker 00

  Sugar is an extraordinary force.

• 12:33Speaker 01

  It is, it is.

• 12:34Speaker 00

  Right? Like, like I think, I think that's right, but I think, I think right now we're in a very convenient state and everybody's throwing around judgment and blame like it's free. And we need to, I feel a huge sense of responsibility to articulate accountability, lack of entitlement and positivity because I believe in it.

• 12:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:57Speaker 00

  And I underst-, by the way, there's a, you know, it's funny, there's a very interesting thing going on here right now, which is there's an extraordinary amount of people that are content or happy, they just don't communicate.

• 13:08Speaker 00

  Right, like negativity by nature is louder, has always been. Your grandmother, who's miserable, was louder than your grandfather, who's content. The problem is now words are being documented at scale. This has always been the way. There's nothing different right now. It's just that we can't look at our grandmother's tweets. Fuck, if we could. I mean, my grandmother was one of the most super negative people I've ever come across in my life. In my life. Just unbelievably negative. Everything was negative.

• 13:51Speaker 00

  Every good thing that happened was a conspiracy theory. And, and I used to be mad at her. And then I had to remind myself as I got older and more thoughtful, I'm like, this is a woman who lived in the Soviet Union, who went through World War II, and you know, who saw some shit, and who lost her husband, and who had a, because I knew my great grandmother too, had a negative, negative mother. And like, you become more empathetic as you become more thoughtful, but it doesn't take away from the fact that my grandma would have been spitting fucking venom on Instagram if that shit was around in 1957. You know, and so, like, I think we need to get into some real conversations, and right now, the conversations are lazy. Social media is bad. It's Apple's job to restrict it.

• 14:36Speaker 00

  And that's cool, I'm like, fine with a, a level of like, platform and government involvement, I'm fine with that, but like, you'll always be disappointed. If you think some big force is gonna save you. You'll always be disappointed. So just solve it for yourself.

• 14:52Speaker 01

  That's what we, but that's, people make money off that idea as well, which is one of the things that in the health world is, is really challenging to look at, when people give some kind of diagnosis for every little thing and give some magical cure that's outside of someone's control.

• 15:07Speaker 00

  Like apple fucking vinegar, or fucking celery fucking vinegar, like, I see all this shit, I'm like, what the fuck?

• 15:12Speaker 01

  Well, in anything, it's like, this thing is out of your control, you can't fix it. Oh, you're having a little trouble focusing? Don't. We got you covered like you're broken, you're broken like all the messaging coming across is you're broken, we can fix you, you're broken, we can fix you.

• 15:24Speaker 00

  You know? Somebody, the end.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 15:27Speaker 00

  And I'm like, you're not broken.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  You're not broken. That's the secret. Nobody here is broken.

• 15:33Speaker 00

  Nope. We all suck shit at a ton of shit. We all are actually good at a couple of things. Spend all your fucking time trying to figure out what you're good at. And if God forbid, one of those things is something you actually like too, you're off to the fucking races.

• 15:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:48Speaker 00

  And if, and if, and in 2019, when you can make a podcast or an Instagram account or a Shopify store around Dragon Ball Z and make 73,000 a year doing that, that's real. What I just said is real. That's fucking crazy. That if you go pot committed, you have a job that you don't like, paying college debt that you're pissed about, but instead of coming home and having a beer and watching Netflix and playing fucking Fortnite to escape, I get it. You want to escape, I get it. What I'm saying is just take a step back, listen to me for a second. Come home and start building your Dragon Ball Z eBay account by buying shit on Craigslist and flipping it. Start a podcast and go Dragon Ball Z, episode one, here we are, duh, duh, duh.

• 16:33Speaker 00

  Start an Instagram account around Dragon Ball Z. Build, build, build, build, build, build, build, build, build. If you fucking did that around somewhere 12 years ago, loved Black Panther, somebody did. It was a rare comic book. It wasn't the biggest of the world, but somebody loved it. But they didn't think that they could build a business about Black Panther. What they didn't know was 10 years later, Black Panther was going to be made a feature film that was going to completely penetrate culture. If she or he had a podcast and Instagram account that really was the nichiest of niche Black Panther fans, which made no fucking sense 10 years ago, but it had its 43,000 people that fucked with Black Panther.

• 17:13Speaker 00

  When that movie came out and had that huge marketing budget, that motherfucker would have gotten 50,000 bucks to market the fuck out of that movie on his Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, podcast blog.

• 17:25Speaker 00

  And that same person right now is still sitting in their cubicle making seventy-nine thousand a year hating life. I'm fascinated by that.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  It's interesting, you know, like, it's almost like we all have the chance to drill our wells. And we drill our wells through our effort, through our sweat, through our focus, through our intensity, but the water table may be at three hundred feet. So if we don't go deep enough, you know, if we're just kind of casually fucking with Black Panther instead of really going deep and continuing to dig, we won't ever hit the water of being lucrative or the water of success. We may pull up at two hundred feet, we may pull up at two hundred fifty feet and not get any water.

• 17:58Speaker 00

  And so there's no confusion, somebody's gonna go four hundred feet. The great thing is that we could all do it. The bad thing is we can all do it. So now you're competing with the world. You know, there's a lot of people that started wine videos in two thousand eight after mine popped. Every liquor store in America started their wine show. They just weren't good enough. Right? There's a lot of people trying to do Gary Vee videos on Instagram every day. A whole, whole, whole lot. A lot more of those than wine shows in two thousand eight. But they're not good enough because it's not true.

• 18:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:31Speaker 00

  Like, the only way to really win is to be true.

• 18:34Speaker 01

  You gotta be it, man. You gotta fucking be it. You know, I had an interesting thing happen last night, so. Yesterday I was out shooting hoops so I could hopefully beat you today, which failed. I lost.

• 18:42Speaker 00

  By the way, when we replay the tape, I genuinely think after you drilled that first one, the subtle, like, way I passed it back to make you move.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  And then I laughed.

• 18:52Speaker 00

  I really believe in that shit. I believe the majority of victories that I've had in physical sports things have been completely mental victories, non-physical ones.

• 19:02Speaker 01

  Well, this is all right. So Gary throws the ball with the wrong spin, so I have to go reach for it. But I deftly actually soccer kick it back to myself. And actually what fucked with me too was, all right, I see Gary playing that trick, I know what it's supposed to do, but look at how smooth I was with that soccer kick. So I'm fucking patting myself in the back and I'm on my head.

• 19:18Speaker 00

  Because the brain, the brain is the operating system. And what happened was, I stopped the ebb and flow of what was naturally gonna happen. And then you are so in the brain too, that you almost overcorrected and away we go. And I pull off a stunning victory.

• 19:33Speaker 01

  Well, in my efforts to try and prevent that from happening, I'm out there shooting hoops in my backyard and I've lived at this house for almost seven years. And in the front of the house, there's a drainage ditch and the drainage ditch has some embankments and it has some places where like the drain kinda has a tunnel. And I just would think, alright, this is the drainage ditch in front of my house. I never thought another thing about it. Well, yesterday, there's a kid on a BMX bike and I'm out there shooting hoops and he is just ripping through my drainage ditch, jumping over the things, hitting the embankment, riding it like a vert ramp. And then, and then going back and like peeling out and I was like, whoa. I never saw the front of my yard as a BMX fucking terrain park. But he did, because that's what he does. Like, he was clearly like, he is that dude.

• 20:15Speaker 01

  He was the dude who could see that as a terrain park. And whoever you are right now, wherever you are, you're the dude that sees something that someone else doesn't see, that the owner of the fucking house never saw once. I had no idea. I was like, that's just the annoying part that if I fall off the driveway, I'll get stuck. But I didn't see it as a BMX terrain park, but we all have that ability. We all have something there.

• 20:36Speaker 00

  I'm such a fan of what you just said. Honestly, you know, usually when I go on podcasts or things of that nature, I'm like trying to answer the questions. I'm thinking, I've already done it once here. I'm listening, so I'm thinking of new things to say. That really stopped me dead in my tracks and I'm gonna tell you why. I'm obsessed with perspective. Like, I genuinely believe you find what you're looking for. If you're looking for bad right now, it's a piece of cake. If you're looking for good right now, it's a piece of cake. I'm just asking you, what the fuck are you looking for? Like, please, it's just a very simple question. Like, and by the way, I, I hate, in a lot of ways, I hate the way I talk. Because it's super simple and I'm sitting right now thinking about the kid who's listening to this

• 21:19Speaker 00

  and she or he is in her room right now, ear pods in, listening to this. And they're miserable because their dad's an alcoholic or their mom's this, or like real shit, you know, like tough stuff. And they're like, ugh. It's so, like, fuck you. It's not that simple. Yet it is. Like, you know, one thing I don't do well is talk about my problems. It, which manifests in many ways. It manifests in being taken for granted in my real life and in my collective life, my outward life. And I got fucking problems. I got lots of problems. Real ones. I grew up with lots of this stuff. Like, lots and lots and lots of stuff. I just am not capable of going into it. Like, I don't, I don't get going. Like, I can't get there and so...

• 22:02Speaker 00

  One of the things that I, you know, that I try to remind kids, I'm like, "Take me out of the equation." Like, "Don't even use me when I'm saying these things." If you know of one person that has ever gotten to a happy place that dealt with your circumstance, there is a blueprint. The end.

• 22:19Speaker 00

  There have been people... Night Train Lane, legendary football player, was thrown in a dumpster the second he was born. Went on to be one of the great football players of all time, dated every actress in the game, was Red Fox's bodyguard, iconic gentleman. Dumpster. Like, like, there's all sorts of circumstances.

• 22:39Speaker 01

  Yep. And we all have our fucking dumpsters.

• 22:42Speaker 00

  Everybody's got a dumpster, bro. And you know who has dumpsters, I apologize? You know who has dumpsters? Kids that have too much. You want to talk about who I'm actually getting hit up by? It's not the kid in the hood that saw me with, you know, Gunna, and they think I'm cool now, and they're like, "How do I get other..." It's kids that are trust fund babies who are sick. Listen, and I know this, I never judge somebody that comes from a shitty circumstance. I'm a cheerleader, I'm an underdog guy, right? I cheer that. I see, I, I meet you and we're friends, and then like, we're at a dinner party, and my friend comes over and goes, "You know who that is, right? Like, that's the grandson of fucking Howard Hughes." I immediately judge that person. Nothing that person ever achieves, I'll give credit to. That's me, that's actually how I see the world. I will not fully give credit to my own children because of that reason.

• 23:27Speaker 00

  I really, I'm being very transparent here. I would much rather, in a world of the internet, where the internet doesn't care who you are, I would much rather in 2019, come from too little than come from too much. Not in 1984, because there was no internet, and all those relationships and all that money really mattered. But I believe that we're living in a very funny time. We're clout, reputation, work ethic, a lot of different things are starting to be put on pedestals, not just money, and earning your keep, and who you are, and what you're giving to the world, and... I think we're living in a very interesting transition.

• 24:04Speaker 01

  Whatever you have, it changes your start position and that can be overwhelming, right? It's all about what you do with what you have from where you begin.

• 24:10Speaker 00

  And by the way, it's all perspective, right? For me, as somebody who takes so much pride in the process, I wouldn't have wanted to start on third and a half base. Somebody else listening right now is like, "I'm pretty cool with it. Pretty pumped, pops."

• 24:22Speaker 01

  Well, you just...

• 24:23Speaker 00

  You know, and that's fine.

• 24:24Speaker 01

  If you start on third and a half base, you better fucking hit it 500 feet and keep killing it, right?

• 24:28Speaker 00

  By the way, but here's where it's really fun. Here's where it gets super, like, interesting. Or not. And guess what? Who the fuck are all of us? You're on third and a half base and you end up on second and a half base, and what? You're gonna... And this is actually the punchline. I want... Like, actually, if somebody's listening right now, if you're somebody who's like 50, 60, 70, and you started on third and a half base and ended on second and a half base, but you're pumped as fuck and happy for real, please email me. I'm really, like, I just want to know that insight, because I actually think it's the reverse of me. What hap... Excuse me, I think it's similar to me, which is, what actually happens when you can calibrate judgment? I believe one of the biggest reasons that I'm one of the forefront bases of all this is because I can handle the judgment. How much hate I have? There's a video right now of a young woman doing a motivational speech.

• 25:13Speaker 00

  She crushed it. It's going a little viral on Twitter. I'm getting destroyed by the comments. They're like, "Yeah, fuck that Gary V guy. I know that's who you're freaking making fun of." That hurts! And most people are folding their chairs when they get judged like that. I'm not, because I know every one of those people who said that have never met me. I can handle judgment if you don't know me. If Caleb and Nick Dio thought I was a dickface, then I would have a real problem.

• 25:39Speaker 01

  Well, then it's a truer reflection. But even still, it's not the truest. Like, we ourselves are the truest mirror of ourselves. If we actually are fair and we actually look without the biases that we all bring, then we're the only ones. I mean, Bodie Miller was someone who taught me that, right? He was like, "If someone pumps your tires, they don't know you. If they congratulate you on that..." Like, he would get congratulated on finishing a race, and he didn't like the race, he couldn't take that. He's like, "Well, I didn't fucking ski at my best." And he would ski his best sometimes, crash or not finish well, and everybody like, "Oh, sorry, man." He'd be like, "Fuck you, man. Like, I fucking skied my best." You know what I mean?

• 26:13Speaker 00

  Man, honestly, like, that just got me fired up about Bodie. I'm the same way, man. Like, it's unbelievable how I just...

• 26:22Speaker 00

  I do not take the accolades and I do not take the hate. I'm just fucking in the middle. I'm in my own head.

• 26:28Speaker 01

  It's really a reflection of who's saying it. It's not even a reflection of you. It's their projection of you.

• 26:32Speaker 00

  You'll appreciate this. It doesn't even go that far, bro. Honestly, I've got ear pods in 24/7. Can't hear shit. From my mom to a stranger, just don't hear it. I don't know what else to tell you. I'm in a very fucking place, a very interesting place on this. You know what it's driven by? Empathy. I know they don't know me. They don't know me. They, they just can't fucking begin to know me. Like, I hate Scottie Pippen. I don't know Scottie Pippen. So I understand it. I fucking hate Scottie Pippen. I, I despise Tom Brady. And, and I actually know a lot of people that know him and it sounds like he's a fairly solid dude. I still fucking hate him. And so like, if I'm willing to do that, then everyone's willing to do that.

• 27:14Speaker 01

  And everybody gets permission to do that.

• 27:15Speaker 00

  And so like, but, but I think judgment is on tilt. Judgment is like fucking, I'm telling you, man, like, that's all we're doing now. People are just fucking hot-taking each other 24/7, 365, casting judgment at scale. Judgment is on tilt. Judgment is, has momentum. Judgment is the, is the, is the undertone right now. And honestly, I want to push so against it or calibrate it.

• 27:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:41Speaker 00

  You know, like, I'm just, I, I've lost so much momentum in judging somebody, you can't imagine in the last five years. Everybody does it. It's a human trait, but like, mine doesn't get going anymore. Like, I'm just like, I don't know anything about anybody.

• 27:54Speaker 01

  That's true. It's hard enough to know ourselves, let alone fucking somebody else. Like, to really have a clear view of us who is looking in the fucking mirror back at us, like, to really see that shit? I mean, that's hard enough work, let alone somebody else, another entire human being and all of the pressures and all the urges and all the things.

• 28:11Speaker 00

  And the amount of hypocrisy people spit, like, just like...

• 28:16Speaker 00

  Oh fuck that guy, look what he just did. And like, literally, they did that shit yesterday. Like, I just see it every day. It's crazy. Like, I'm just shocked by people's ability to be such insane hypocrites.

• 28:27Speaker 01

  Well, the ego needs to put them in a position where they feel superior. The ego only judges itself in relative positions. So no matter what, if someone's uncomfortable with their relative position, they'll have to make a fucking adjustment.

• 28:38Speaker 00

  We have to fucking redefine ego. Because for some reason, a lot of alphas like to think ego's decent. Let me just explain this very clear to everybody, straight up, from one man's point of view. Ego is insecurity with makeup on. So like, we need to redefine ego. Because when people hear ego, 40% of it like, "Yeah, but the fucking ego." Like, they think there's a lot of good with that. Do not fucking confuse confidence with ego. Ego is fucking insecurity. It is not confidence. It's fucking insecurity.

• 29:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, always. Because it's always trying to put yourself in, as I said, not absolute position. Not where you absolutely know who you are and absolutely know what you're doing and you're not phased by other people. It's all relative. It's all based on some fucking delusional Wizard of Oz, you know, sorcerer game where you're trying to create some structure and some rulebook for life itself in which this person is below you, or this person had this advantage, or this person had this disadvantage, you know? Playing up your disadvantages is also another game like, "Oh, well, I'm in the most disenfranchised group of the disenfranchised group of the disenfranchised group, so basically, I can't lose." And you were in this enabled group. I mean, that's something that I get all the time. My dad was a successful commodities trader.

• 29:50Speaker 01

  He went insane before On It was ever successful, and I never got a dime from him. But some people will go look up my father, "Oh, he was a commodities trader. Look at this fucking rich boy. Of course he created On It." And then that's a way that they can put themselves above me.

• 30:02Speaker 00

  I built a huge business for my parents. I fucking took 22 to 34, gave up my entire... This is insane to me in hindsight. Gave up my entire best dude years to spend every minute in a liquor store to build a business for my parents, left at 34, had no money, so much so that VaynerMedia started in the conference room of Buddy Media because I had no fucking money to even pay rent. And all that, you know, and a, and a small percentage of people, anytime I say anything's like, "But daddy's liquor store," or, you know, and then it manifests, or, "He was given four million dollars." Like, I read this shit sometimes and I'm like, and honestly, I mean it, I'm like, "Fuck, man, I feel bad." Like, for that person to like, want to say that,

• 30:47Speaker 00

  because it makes them feel better that they're not willing to put in the work, or they're unhappy, or whatever is going on for them, that makes me feel like, you know, sympathy. Like, honestly, like, this is what I'm trying to tell people. This is a good topic. There's a lot of you out there that are happy, that are successful, and you're, and one of the things that's happening is you're putting out stuff, and you're being crippled a little bit by the comments, and you get angry. And, and we've created this term trolls. I don't look at it as trolls, I really don't. A lot of my friends, back in the day, were like, "Why do you feed trolls?" I'm like, "Because I respect other people's points of view and I want to learn from conversation." Like, everybody now is just like trolls, trolls, trolls, and any negative thing you get, people dismiss as hate, haterrade, trolls. I fucking read that shit.

• 31:32Speaker 00

  I read it, because I would never want to become a caricature of myself. I need to make, you know, I need, I need to calibrate it. It definitely doesn't bring me down. I want to understand it. It allows me to adjust, and I have to adjust. We all have to adjust. I just think there's a lot of things going on in the system, but I, but I really want to get people's minds more quiet, because it is just one big game of, are you valuing other people's opinions? Or are you valuing your own process?

• 31:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:57Speaker 00

  And just the validation from others is a, is a no-win game. And I don't know what happened. I mean, I know what happened. Parenting and circumstance and environment. In hindsight, my ability to navigate high school without peer pressure, which is what I did, straight up. Like, it's been fun for my high school friends to be hitting me up on Facebook and stuff of that nature, you know? They're just like, "Yeah, you really did do that shit." Like, I just didn't give a fuck. I was selling baseball cards, and by sophomore year, you said something in the gym. You're like, "I was into Magic."

• 32:25Speaker 01

  So into it.

• 32:26Speaker 00

  And then you're like, "And then I gave it up." And I literally, where my brain was, I'm like, "Yeah, cuz you're a good-looking dude and you got to high school." You're like, "I'm not getting fucking bitches if I play Magic."

• 32:33Speaker 01

  No, I, Gary, let me tell you how it actually went happen. I was playing, I had my little, I had my little Magic circle out in California. I used to play at this fucking Johnny's Pizza. And there was this one fucking kid who would just always beat me and take my cards. Whatever, I would battle him, I would sweat, and we'd listen to Rolling Stones, and I'd usually lose. But nonetheless, I was fucking feverish about it, and I was in it from the drop. And then, when my parents were like, "Hey, we're moving to Texas," I was like, "No, we can't." Nobody plays Magic there in Texas. Like, my circle, I was like, 8th grade, and I was wrecked.

• 33:04Speaker 00

  This nerd Aubrey is my favorite, this is my favorite Aubrey.

• 33:06Speaker 01

  I was fucking wrecked, because then, there wasn't like internet, there wasn't like a, an app that I could go like,

• 33:11Speaker 00

  It was over.

• 33:12Speaker 01

  Find the Magic the Gathering circle near you, or some fucking Tinder for Magic the Gathering player. No, there was nobody, and I got to fucking wrestle.

• 33:18Speaker 00

  Dude, I went to college and lost every friend I had. Like, we didn't have phones, like, you didn't, like, it was over. Like, these kids don't get it, like, it was over.

• 33:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:27Speaker 00

  And that's, and that's when, so you came here and what happened?

• 33:30Speaker 01

  No players.

• 33:31Speaker 00

  So what happened?

• 33:31Speaker 01

  And then, slowly, yeah, leaned into basketball, leaned into girls, also did, did for sure come. But nonetheless, like, I probably would have stayed contiguous.

• 33:41Speaker 00

  I didn't give up baseball cards for girls, cuz I was quiet. I was like this, and like, and to that point, it's really funny, though.

• 33:49Speaker 00

  I, I gotta be honest with you, there's something happening with me in the last 3 to 4 weeks, where I'm starting to get ambitious. I am starting to see the fruits of my labor. I am starting to see young, alpha dudes start to throw around words like gratitude and empathy and kindness, and it's really starting to really make me feel good, and it's like, really fucking with me. It really is exciting and I do think, you know, much like, you know, you do, there's a real interesting reason that I gravitate towards you. You have some strong points of view that are not fully accepted, you, Ferris, others, and I don't consume a lot of content, so I don't need, I'm gonna tread lightly here because since I don't really, it's very top of line, right?

• 34:33Speaker 00

  But like, everything's cool in moderation, as a simplification of me melding, like, I think you're talking about things that are gonna really show that you're historically correct, and I think you're gonna help people. You're giving people permission, and as somebody who was super affected also by his mother on the Nancy Reagan kick, and has never fucking done a single drug in his life, never done anything, anything, I'm inspired by it. I mean it.

• 35:00Speaker 01

  Well, thank you, brother.

• 35:01Speaker 00

  I mean it, cuz I'm seeing you do shit, again, you know, cuz I don't really consume, I'm very, I'm very funny in my process, but I know you're up to something that is a different thing, it's a different category of things. You know, one thing you've touched on in the past that has hit my radar, I think, I think I'm talking about parenting and insecurity and truths that people are uncomfortable with. I think America's unbelievably uncomfortable with sex and like, you know, like, and drugs, and I know that you're playing a little bit in that space, and I'm really-

• 35:35Speaker 01

  That sounds really fun, but it's a little less, little less fun, but yeah.

• 35:38Speaker 00

  It is less fun. You're doing it from a far more thoughtful, uh, really, really thoughtful, like, mental place, in my opinion.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, from a, from a soulful place, you know, and what we're talking about is psychedelics and open relationship, right?

• 35:52Speaker 00

  And I think you're talk, and I think you're creating safeness. That's what I think you're doing.

• 35:58Speaker 00

  And that's what I'm trying to do. I think we have an entire generation of people that are trying to be successful, and I have enormous ambition to redefine it. I just really want people to be happy. It's so much more fun to be happy. It's so fun to be happy. It's super fun to be happy, bro. And, and, and I don't mean pretending to be happy, and I don't mean what everybody's doing, which is spending all their time to appear happy. And so, I'm a, yeah, I'm really in it right now. I'm in a zone.

• 36:32Speaker 01

  And you know what, like the thing, the key, one of the keys that I find to happiness is when happiness lives in the moment, in the moment you're in. And really happiness is acceptance of the moment you're in and like whatever process that might be and just recognizing that. And whenever you're doing something for some other reason and projecting, it's harder to be happy. There's a good example of this this morning. This morning, I'm taking a fucking selfie in the sun. I don't do that often. I was like, ah, nice sun. It's important day. I'm gonna take a fucking selfie.

• 36:59Speaker 00

  Cool.

• 36:59Speaker 01

  And there was a butterfly that came, well, I don't get a lot of butterflies in my backyard. This butterfly comes wafting by me and I was like, ooh, sweet, I can get a selfie with the butterfly, right? And, and so I spend this time moving myself around and there was this magical moment where there's this butterfly fluttering around me. The sun was just shining. I could have just breathed and enjoyed myself, but instead I'm fucking chasing this butterfly around with my fucking selfie camera. And then I wake up and go, that was really stupid.

• 37:26Speaker 00

  Or was it?

• 37:26Speaker 01

  I don't know. I felt like it was. I could have enjoyed the butterfly.

• 37:30Speaker 00

  I'll be honest with you. What you just said is something I'm thinking a lot about, which is we're, we're, not that we're, and you didn't demonize it, but society is starting to demonize, like, live in the moment. Right? There's this photo that went viral as fuck like four years ago with the Pope and everyone's taking a photo and there's that like 88 year old lady. And she's just looking at it and everyone's like trying to make it to be this great thing. And I was like, she didn't have a fucking phone. Like, like, like, like, why are we making letters? On a, like, if I send you a really nice three sentence text tomorrow of like how much I enjoyed today, right? Which now I'm not gonna do because I've said it out loud, but like, like, why does putting it on a piece of paper and sending as a note, because what?

• 38:15Speaker 00

  Because it made it seem like I put an extra two minutes into it? Like, like, we're, we're starting to do things where I think it's awesome that you chased around the butterfly. I think it's funny. I think it's funny and interesting and like, like, I don't know, like, I don't wanna fucking stand there and just take in the butterfly. Like, like, like, I think it's fun to chase it with the camera. That was just fun from a game standpoint. Butterflies fucking move quick. Like, that shit was hard. Like, you know, so like, I don't know, I, I, again, this goes to like, the currents that we live in society, where like, right now, like, everyone's like, "Just take it in." I don't know, I wish I had photos of me at baseball card shows. Do you know how fucking pissed I am? Um, let, let me say this right now. Do you know how sad I am, that I don't have photos, from 1989 to 1992,

• 38:58Speaker 00

  at the 87 different baseball card shows, that I have, because I'd like to see them. I'd like to see them. So like, cool, I'm glad that everybody's demonizing selfie sticks and all this shit, but I promise you, in 39 years, while you were making fun of those people, they're gonna be thrilled to look at it, and their kids are gonna be very thrilled to look at it. And I'm super sad, because I don't have jack shit, of my childhood. Like, my Throwback Thursday game is whack as fuck, because I got nothing. Because us rushing, we didn't really take photos, and so like, you know, like, again, there is a ying and a yang to everything, and we should be the judge and jury of it, and back to your point, if it was cool for two minutes to chase it with a selfie, cool, and then if you're like, "Fuck it, I'm an idiot, let me take this in," cool,

• 39:39Speaker 00

  and like, that's you, and that's it, but everybody's taking everybody else's, like, I'm watching people like,

• 39:46Speaker 00

  like, like, see one piece of content, and be like, "Yeah, that's what I'm doing now. I'm gonna sell my phone and write letters," I'm like, and, and they do it to me in the other way, right, like, Gary's right, I'm gonna do this, no, I'm putting out my perspective, filter that through you, take the good that works for you from that, lea- like, leave the shit that you don't like. Most people aren't as competitive as I am. What's that fucking hockey thing called again? Sauce. Dude, I'm like, still kind of like, in it, like, I wanna go back and play Sauce again. Yeah. Like, you know, like, not everybody's that com- like, that's why I love this. I love competing, and business for me is competing, and I wasn't built enough to be in the league, and by the way, all those years where I was sad that I wasn't an athlete, now I'm the happiest that I'm an entrepreneur, not an athlete.

• 40:29Speaker 00

  Now that I'm really in the game and the world, um, I feel bad for these athletes. You're super competitive, that is your high, that is what gets you excited, and, and when you're a rock star, you could, like, Mick Jagger's still doing it, but when you- Kobe's not playing what he was meant to do. He's a child, still.

• 40:49Speaker 00

  And look where he's going to the business world to get that fucking feeling. So I don't know. I don't know.

• 40:54Speaker 01

  I think, I think what you're saying is a really good point though, because there's a way that you can put a hierarchy of value, value in your life and valuable situations, right? And saying that if you're taking a selfie, that is of no value because you should be taking the present moment, which is instead, it's still a judgment. It's still you putting a hierarchy together instead of just going out even further and bursting out of that and being like, there's no judgment for any of this shit, as long as you're not hurting anybody.

• 41:19Speaker 00

  You want to hear a secret thought in my mind that I'm desperately hopeful will happen? This is a very weird thing I'm about to say. I've never shared this. There's a very big part of me and a conversation I consistently have with myself that secretly, though I won't force it. This is where I really know how to like play with myself.

• 41:38Speaker 00

  I secretly hope I wake up one day and don't want to buy the Jets anymore and don't want to work the way I want to work and want to do something else completely left field. And I can't wait to wake up, look in the camera and be like, I'm out and leave and not give a fuck what anybody says. Oh, he figured out that he couldn't do it, so he did this. Or see, see, you can't work like Gary Vee. He got burned out. Like, don't give a fuck. If I genuinely in my soul feel it, I can't wait to go build fucking sandcastles in Peru for the rest of my life. And that's empowering. You see where I'm going?

• 42:10Speaker 01

  It's so fucking empowering, man, because we get trapped by the identity that we've formerly created.

• 42:15Speaker 00

  Tom Bell you said it. He pegged it for me in a podcast, on my podcast. He flipped it on me. He goes, you know what your superpower is? I'm like, what? He's like, you don't judge yourself. I'm like, fuck, you're right. And that's what that was. This is why I'm so hot in this judgment thing. The great blessing of my life is that I don't judge myself. I hold myself accountable. Like, it doesn't mean you go and be reckless. I'm not delusional. When I fuck up and I suck, it's just that I just don't over judge it. Everyone's tearing themselves down. The fuck are you doing that for? Everybody else is doing it for you. Stop beating yourself up. Like, what?

• 42:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's like we have this idea of what we should be, what we're supposed to already be. Look, whoever the fuck you are right now, whoever you are today is tomorrow's idiot. Like tomorrow, you're going to look back at yourself of yesterday, last week, last year and be like, oh yeah, I was still just figuring it out. And you're always going to be in that fucking position forever.

• 43:07Speaker 00

  And parents, if you're listening right now, because you know that to be true, stop being a dick. Because you know that you're 57 and you don't have anything figured out, the fuck are you pressuring your 19 year old to figure it out? Can we just fucking eliminate that? Like, honestly, maybe we can do it right here. You'll get a lot of listens to this if this is the true moment in society where we eliminate figuring it out. There is no fucking figuring it out. There is no out. It doesn't end. The fuck are you talking about? What, getting a job in an accounting firm when you're 23, you figured it the fuck out? Getting married at 29, you figured it... What the fuck are we talking about here? There is no figuring it out.

• 43:42Speaker 01

  It's an endless, infinite loop of figuring.

• 43:45Speaker 00

  And so if you're a 57-year-old and forcing your 22-year-old to figure it out because you want to look good to your friends that your child figured it out, not you want your kid to...

• 43:54Speaker 01

  Ah, the secret. The ego gets activated again because you can shit on those other parents whose kid...

• 43:59Speaker 00

  You should know better. You love your child, you should tell them to never figure it the fuck out. Just live.

• 44:06Speaker 00

  And you know what? Can we take another turn?

• 44:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:08Speaker 00

  Another big thing that is through... Because it's funny where my body just went with that. Like, all this talk leads to me getting hot on people not buying things.

• 44:19Speaker 00

  Like, I feel people are unbelievably good at trapping themselves in unhappiness because of things they buy based on a lot of things we just talked about. Like, I don't know. Like, I don't want people to buy the kind of homes and cars they're buying that puts them into a place where they have to then take a job or stay at a job they don't want to. I'm really hot on this right now. I really, really, really, really want people to stop buying homes or homes they can't afford. Like, one of the funniest moves, because I've said it once and I got inundated, and I did it, and I see everybody doing it. Almost everybody on their first home buys something that completely stretches the living shit out of them. Like, to the bare.

• 45:04Speaker 00

  And then meanwhile, there's like usually five rooms in that thing that they don't even use. Like, I wish that there could be a new rule. Somebody a little bit more in the trenches in home buying, can somebody create a rule that like leave 35%? Like, whatever it is, like, go 35% down so you're not so stretched. Because what happens is the next day, everyone celebrates you. You have a new home, you're all set. You're now fucking golden handcuffed like a motherfucker. Like, nothing can happen to you financially, or you can't make your mortgage payments and live the same lifestyle that you like.

• 45:37Speaker 01

  And if you tried to make a switch and go to your passion, go to something that you really wanted to do, build fucking sand castles in Peru, guess what? Well, that means that you have to get rid of your house really quick or change this, all this momentum, all of this debt, all of this accumulation, all this depreciation, is actually gonna restrict your freedom. And freedom, it has to be one of the highest things that we can put.

• 45:58Speaker 00

  Number one.

• 45:59Speaker 01

  Number one, right?

• 46:00Speaker 00

  I think purebred entrepreneurs love freedom. Number, I love freedom, number one. When people say to me, what does success look like? And I get sassed a lot. I always say the same thing pretty consistently for a long time. Being able to wake up and do whatever the fuck I want, whenever I want. The end. That to me is number, freedom is number one, two, three, four, five. Maybe, this is the first time I've ever made this connection. Maybe it's because I was born in not a very free place that subconsciously wired some way into me. That, I mean, freedom, bro. By the way, that's why candor and transparency are at my core. That's freedom too.

• 46:36Speaker 01

  That is hundred percent freedom. Imagine if you were trying to hold some shit secret. Like I just published a newsletter and it was called Five Uncomfortable Truths. And it was the middle of the night and I was like, you know what? There's some shit that people don't know about me.

• 46:47Speaker 00

  Boom.

• 46:47Speaker 01

  And then, so I just fucking put that out. Like, here we go. Ha, isn't that nice? And everybody, feel free to tell the truth. It's okay. And if you don't like me because of my truths, oh yeah, one of my truths is, is that I've been addicted to sleeping medication for the last year. And I run a fucking human optimization company.

• 47:03Speaker 00

  Good for you.

• 47:04Speaker 01

  That's tough. It's tough to admit that, you know?

• 47:06Speaker 00

  Tough?

• 47:06Speaker 01

  But it's the fucking-

• 47:07Speaker 00

  Dude, you know how many people you just helped with that? Dude, that's incredible. Dude, I'm really proud of you, bro.

• 47:12Speaker 01

  Well, thanks, brother.

• 47:13Speaker 00

  It takes enormous amount of strength to do something like that.

• 47:15Speaker 01

  But it's so liberating. That's the thing.

• 47:17Speaker 00

  It's Eminem's last scene in the movie, bro. This has been figured out a long time ago. It was called Eight Mile, the movie. Go watch it. It's a rap battle. That is life itself. You're up against it. First move? Shit on yourself in perpetuity that nothing else is left to anybody else. You've now won. Because when he makes that transition to, "But there's something I know about you, Clarence." That's how I live life. When people judge me, I'm like, "What's going on in your life?" The reason I don't judge anybody is I don't want people to do that to me. That's the real game. That's the 1% game. When people spit hate, I'm like, "But what's going on in your life? What are you up to?" And what I...

• 48:01Speaker 00

  The reason I called my brand Empathy and the reason some of my friends have helped me through this feedback, why I realize a lot of times it's actually sympathy, not empathy. And I'm trying to learn all these things. You know, my mom has a Russian saying and basically it translates to, "Everybody's got some shit in their chicken hen." Russia was fucked up. But I believe in that. And I think the fact that you can do that, what you understand is a lot of things, but one of them is, you got... I said it earlier. Everybody sucks at a lot of things.

• 48:34Speaker 01

  No doubt, man.

• 48:35Speaker 00

  I mean, who's this fucking perfect person?

• 48:37Speaker 01

  And it's just about embracing that. Embrace the fact that you suck and enjoy the suck.

• 48:41Speaker 00

  Aubrey, let me tell you something that I think you and I represent, and we're not all the way there yet, but I have a real interesting observation. I believe that everybody thinks things are super fucked up and I think this is the beginning of an incredible century of human behavior. I believe what we're living through right now, that when we look back at this video and we're like, "Fuck, we were so young. Fuck, we looked good." And we're gonna watch this exact video in 60 years and we're gonna be like, "Fuck, this was right." I'm so positive about what I'm about to say. This level of lack of privacy, some people like you and I are starting to understand it so well that we're leaning in the other direction. There's always a reaction and a counter reaction. I believe that everybody's about to figure out that there's nowhere to hide,

• 49:26Speaker 00

  which is gonna lead for everybody being more transparent, which is gonna lead to people realizing they can't hide, which is gonna eliminate... So much of the hypocrisy. And once everybody understands that the skeletons in our closet are actually going to be exposed anyway. We're going to start transforming into a lot of the radical. What people think are, when you say your stuff, like open relationships, I laugh, I'm like, that's going to be the norm in a hundred years. Cause the shadows were what enabled.

• 49:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, the ability to hold privacy, to keep secrecy, to not get caught, that allows these games, these games of, these games to exist.

• 50:03Speaker 00

  The reason I think my voice can be unique at times is because positivity often becomes delusional.

• 50:12Speaker 01

  Well, it becomes, you become the one who is positive. And when you become the one who is positive, when you have those negative thoughts bubbling up from the shadows. You better stuff those motherfuckers away in a drawer somewhere because you're the one who's positive all the time. Like, share your whole fucking journey. And if you're mostly positive, fucking great. And if you're mostly negative, don't blame it on other people. Just say, "Hey, I'm in a fucking tough spot, world, but I'm figuring it out. And I appreciate all of you positive motherfuckers too."

• 50:39Speaker 00

  That's another thing. Everybody thinks everything that we share is the final score.

• 50:44Speaker 00

  When you're sharing that you're struggling at night, I view that as the other team just went on an 11-0 run.

• 50:49Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 50:50Speaker 00

  But it's still a second quarter.

• 50:52Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 50:52Speaker 00

  And I know you called a timeout and the home crowd booed you. But the true fans didn't.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:58Speaker 00

  Go pay atten- this is such a good analogy. Go pay attention to this. Go watch a, go to a basketball game. Watch the home team go on a terrible run and pay attention to who boos and who cheers. Very interesting insight. And that's what happens. When you sent that email, there were people that booed.

• 51:13Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 51:14Speaker 00

  And then there were the real fans that cheered.

• 51:16Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 51:16Speaker 00

  And that's how I see it. And so, why is everything that's happening in your life the definitive end score? It's a process. Some chapters are good, some, if I was, like, I would have wished I could have watched my content from when I was in school. Those were dark times for me. I hated school, bro. I hated the fuck out of school. Like the anxiety I had every fucking two months that I had to be punished because my mom would ground me back to This is where she did it great. I think one of the reasons I'm happy is my mom made me accountable for the ramifications even if it wasn't like like I was I was in school like even though she knew that wasn't going to dictate my life she punished me and I fucked with me. Who likes being punished like

• 52:02Speaker 00

  getting Nintendo taken away for two weeks fucking blows when you're 14.

• 52:06Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 52:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, man.

• 52:07Speaker 01

  That would have fucked with me bad.

• 52:08Speaker 00

  Dude, especially when you're just getting your Tecmo game going, you know? I was just getting good at Tecmo Bowl and then three weeks off the grid and I come back and everyone's fucking schooling me Bo Jackson style. I'm like, fuck mom, see? You know, like, so, I don't know. I, uh, I think that's right. I think people lack perspective.

• 52:25Speaker 01

  That's it, man.

• 52:25Speaker 00

  You know, one of the things that absolutely I've been sharing that has really been valuable is when I meet 57-year-old homies and I keep reminding them like you do know that you're gonna live for another 40 years.

• 52:37Speaker 00

  And like, why are you wrapping shit up? Oh, because your grandfather did and that's what you saw.

• 52:43Speaker 01

  Conditioning.

• 52:44Speaker 00

  Correct. News alert, it's not 19 fucking 73 anymore.

• 52:48Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 52:49Speaker 00

  Right? Like, I'm sitting here, I'm 43 and I'm like, fuck, man. Yes, I know and everybody loves, you could get hit by a bus. I'm like, cool, and then I won't care. But if not, like, if I'm going for another 55, if I'm going for another 65 with modern medicine, like

• 53:06Speaker 00

  late second quarter.

• 53:07Speaker 01

  You're just getting started.

• 53:08Speaker 00

  I can handle 11-0.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  Just getting started, baby.

• 53:10Speaker 00

  But it's real.

• 53:10Speaker 01

  It is.

• 53:11Speaker 00

  It's real and like, I really want that. Like, people, you know how many people think they're fucked up if they don't have shit figured out at 30? Like, really fucked up.

• 53:20Speaker 01

  It's too late. It's too late. I ruined it. I went left when I should have gone right and here I am and it's all fucked.

• 53:25Speaker 00

  I should have taken that job. My friend from Michigan State took that job and he's got a nice house in the suburbs. I fucked up. I, I thought I was gonna be a rock star. I'm like, dude, you haven't even started. You haven't even started.

• 53:36Speaker 01

  Yes, sir.

• 53:37Speaker 00

  You know? Hey, everybody, if you enjoyed this podcast, please go back and look at the prior episodes. They're loaded. I appreciate your attention and, uh, thanks for being part of this journey. See you later.