Pod Insights Fin vs History Going Back In Time To Smush Hitler’s Cheeks | The Battle of Little Big Horn (Part 4/4 About this episode Join us for our final part in our epic Battle of Little Big Horn series. Apologies to anyone named Matty listening.
The Battle of Little Big Horn (Part 4)
The show for people who like history but don't care what actually happened.
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Chapters:
00:00 - oi oi shaggants
06:27 - Mug Of Cum
11:57 - Don’t Kill Yourself
18:30 - #CancelCrazyHorse
24:12 - The Custard Avengers
27:26 - Bad man
33:00 - Gun Down A Busker
36:48 - The Travelling Circus
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Transcript 0:01 Speaker 00 Low energy, unfocused, foggy, you might be dehydrated. Whether it's hot yoga, over 100 degree weather, or too much sun. Gator Light, with a specialised blend of five electrolytes, was scientifically designed to help move fluids into the body faster for rapid rehydration. Shop now at retailers nationwide. Gator Light, hydrates faster than water. Is it in you? Symptoms noted are signs of mild to moderate dehydration. Consult a healthcare professional if symptoms persist.
0:30 Speaker 01 Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid, and risked 350,000 Virginians' healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes, and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com. Not authorised by any candidate or candidate's committee.
1:11 Speaker 02 Welcome back, fatties.
1:16 Speaker 02 To part four of our Custer series.
1:20 Speaker 03 We're here with Neverfall, throwing poo.
1:24 Speaker 02 You joined me. I'm throwing poo poo. Eating pies, throwing poo, and specky four-eyes. We're here, and Custer's been slain.
1:32 Speaker 03 Yeah, Colonel Mustard's gone.
1:34 Speaker 02 Colonel Mustard's been.
1:35 Speaker 03 He's been hit by a candlestick.
1:36 Speaker 02 In the conservatory of the council, up his arse. And it's the aftermath of the Battle of Little Big Horn. And it's, listen, America's got a bloody nose.
1:45 Speaker 03 And they always.
1:47 Speaker 02 They overreact.
1:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, they don't react well to a bloody nose.
1:50 Speaker 02 No, they really don't. Why are they so fucking tetchy?
1:52 Speaker 03 They are tetchy.
1:53 Speaker 02 So jumpy.
1:54 Speaker 03 I think it just doesn't really work with their view of themselves.
1:56 Speaker 02 Basically, this is America, you poke them, they go, fuck what?
1:59 Speaker 03 Yeah, 10 years of war.
2:01 Speaker 02 Exactly. So this is the long road to Afghanistan, Iraq, Iwo Jima. You know, it's all, it's all. Starts here.
2:10 Speaker 03 Who's Iwo Jima? Oh no, sorry.
2:12 Speaker 02 No, Iwo Jima is not a, no, that's an, that's an island in the Pacific.
2:15 Speaker 03 Okay.
2:15 Speaker 02 Don't get too excited for our World War Two Pacific series, my god.
2:18 Speaker 03 It's a while away. We're working our way through.
2:20 Speaker 02 Let's get through the west and front first. Anyway, um, we're talking about, uh, the aftermath of Little Big Horn and what happens after Custer's death. Now, Charlie, you've Googled Native American swear words. Um, what have you found? Um.
2:34 Speaker 03 I like Munya.
2:35 Speaker 02 White person?
2:36 Speaker 03 Munya means white ass.
2:38 Speaker 02 Munyaow.
2:39 Speaker 03 Munyaow Chihuahua.
2:39 Speaker 02 Munyaow Chihuahua is, um.
2:41 Speaker 03 White ass.
2:42 Speaker 02 Is that slang for white ass? Is that, is that, am I feeling, am I feeling racially biotated?
2:46 Speaker 03 I hope, I hope so. Wouldn't that be amazing?
2:48 Speaker 02 I'd love to feel that. I'd love to feel.
2:50 Speaker 03 I think we're forcing it a bit though.
2:51 Speaker 02 Yeah, it genuinely just bounces off me.
2:53 Speaker 03 The M word.
2:54 Speaker 02 The M word. Munyaow. Oh.
2:57 Speaker 03 He said it with a, with a hard W.
2:59 Speaker 02 W. Munyaow. Oh, but Squaw is a young woman. That's like, sort of little, little piece.
3:06 Speaker 03 Squaw.
3:07 Speaker 02 Or cunt. Squaw. Or Shagans means shitheads. Shagans means shitheads. Alright, Shagans.
3:13 Speaker 03 Oi, oi.
3:14 Speaker 02 Classic Shagans. There he is.
3:15 Speaker 03 Good. Sponge and Shagans.
3:16 Speaker 02 Oh, apparently Squaw is a racist and prejudiced, uh, slur, is it?
3:20 Speaker 03 Well, I don't want to hear any more of it.
3:21 Speaker 02 Sorry. Can I just take a minute to apologize to all the Native American listeners?
3:26 Speaker 03 Should we do a land acknowledgement?
3:27 Speaker 02 Let's do a land acknowledgement. Yes.
3:29 Speaker 03 Where are we? So we're in South London.
3:31 Speaker 02 Yeah.
3:32 Speaker 03 So.
3:32 Speaker 02 Uh, I would like to acknowledge that this is the land that I rent and I'm British, so I live here and it's mine. Um, anyway, we're talking about how, uh, after the battle of Little Big Horn, Custer is dead. And the news reaches the, uh, New York a couple of days afterwards and it's pandemonium.
3:52 Speaker 03 Right.
3:52 Speaker 02 Their, their hero, their celebrity has been butchered and, and the aura of impregnability has been shattered.
3:59 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:00 Speaker 02 By the Native Americans. Uh, President Grant says, I regard Custer's massacre as a sacrifice of troops brought on by Custer himself.
4:08 Speaker 03 Yeah, the, the public opinion split, right?
4:11 Speaker 02 People say Custer was arrogant and reckless.
4:13 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:14 Speaker 02 Other people think he's like a martyr, romanticising him. You know, this is the era of manifest destiny, manifesto.
4:20 Speaker 03 Well, the New York Times, I guess, because New York Times is always trying, framing the conversation of the time it's in.
4:26 Speaker 02 Yes.
4:26 Speaker 03 They're not, they're not wokeys at this point.
4:28 Speaker 02 At this point, no, they're not.
4:29 Speaker 03 They believe in manifest destiny, they're fucking.
4:32 Speaker 02 That's the editorial policy of the New York Times, manifest destiny.
4:34 Speaker 03 Exactly, it's about, you know, settler colonialists, right?
4:38 Speaker 02 So, now Libby, his widow, whose poem was called Miss Lizzie.
4:44 Speaker 02 Excuse me, very, very moving story. Libby, whose poem was called Miss Lizzie, she now becomes a professional widow.
4:54 Speaker 03 She's paid for it.
4:55 Speaker 02 Basically, she writes Custer's biography, she mythologises him, she makes him into an American hero, she writes three books, goes on speaking tours.
5:03 Speaker 03 I'm obsessed with these women, I think it's such an interesting career almost, because I went to see Singing in the Rain.
5:11 Speaker 02 Fucking hell.
5:12 Speaker 03 You know Singing in the Rain?
5:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:14 Speaker 03 It was presented by Gene Kelly's wife.
5:16 Speaker 02 Right.
5:16 Speaker 03 Right, but then she was about 60 years old.
5:21 Speaker 02 Nice.
5:21 Speaker 03 So it was like, this is a film that came out in the 50s, I believe.
5:25 Speaker 02 Nice, Kelly was a dog.
5:27 Speaker 03 Everyone was sitting there just thinking, how does this work? We're just working out the time period.
5:32 Speaker 02 Just doing maths in your head.
5:34 Speaker 03 And he died like 10 years ago, and basically, she was his third wife. And she married him when she was in her twenties, and he was, I think, 82. And so, and she was only with him for the last three years.
5:49 Speaker 02 She wanted that gig.
5:50 Speaker 03 Yeah, and now she's been touring his film for the last 15 years, taking it around. But she was a massive superfan as well.
5:56 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:57 Speaker 03 So she was basically just like one of our patrons.
6:00 Speaker 03 Coming through, and so you're on your deathbed, you have a patron basically wanks you off to your grave.
6:04 Speaker 02 Yeah.
6:05 Speaker 03 And then takes all your archive round with him, you know, for the next 20 years.
6:09 Speaker 02 What, we're doing a Q and A speaking tour after the podcast ends, when I'm dead?
6:13 Speaker 03 Well, you're like 80.
6:14 Speaker 02 Right.
6:14 Speaker 03 We've been doing this podcast.
6:15 Speaker 02 And I marry a patron.
6:19 Speaker 02 Who's wearing a tuxedo t-shirt at the wedding ceremony, wanking me off in a deathbed.
6:23 Speaker 03 Wanking you to death.
6:24 Speaker 02 Yeah.
6:25 Speaker 03 Because you're right at the end.
6:26 Speaker 02 And I'm surrounded by Nazi memorabilia that the patron have given me. By the way, I've been offered him as milk jug.
6:33 Speaker 03 Oh, you.
6:34 Speaker 02 I'll have to see some photos.
6:37 Speaker 02 I mean, how often do you get offered him as milk jug?
6:38 Speaker 03 Send jugs.
6:42 Speaker 03 But yeah, I imagine then he would take your archive, the Finn Taylor Estate.
6:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
6:47 Speaker 03 And sort of do like-
6:48 Speaker 02 Christ, the Finn Taylor Estate.
6:49 Speaker 03 For 20 years, he's taken it around. He's technically Finn's husband.
6:53 Speaker 02 I'd like to do a presidential library, kind of thing.
6:56 Speaker 03 Right, so you invest in like a public?
6:58 Speaker 02 Public records.
6:59 Speaker 03 Well, like a park, the Finn Taylor Park.
7:01 Speaker 02 No park, no. People like Charlie will shit in it. I don't know a park. A presidential library. Or it's a library where you can't be quiet, you have to shout. So it's really hard to work in. Right, so Custer had left Libby with a lot of gambling debts because he was a big gambler, which I don't know if we talked about or not, but you know, the rest of history did fucking 11 episodes on this.
7:20 Speaker 03 Yeah, because he also like, he tried his luck in the stock exchange, blew loads of his money. So when he was going out, part of the reason he was under such urgency to get Little Big Horn done as well is because he needed a big win, he needed to make his money back.
7:31 Speaker 02 Yes, he wanted a win so he could go and speak as the hero of the American Indian Wars.
7:36 Speaker 03 Yeah.
7:36 Speaker 02 So that he can make money.
7:37 Speaker 03 He'll be Blair in Kazakhstan.
7:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, totally, yeah.
7:41 Speaker 03 God, the Blair Dock's so good.
7:42 Speaker 02 Oh, the Blair Dock's so good.
7:43 Speaker 03 It's so, fuck, it fires me up.
7:45 Speaker 02 Thank you.
7:46 Speaker 03 When he rolls his sleeves up and he goes into Kosovo, god.
7:50 Speaker 02 And you can just see the monster, like you can see the ego escape from him. What's this? Is this, or what's going on here?
7:57 Speaker 03 Is this Marlon Brando?
7:58 Speaker 02 Brando and, yeah. When he sent her up. So this is an Oscar where Brando accepted the Oscar by sending up a, she's called Sachin Littlefeather. And she's an Apache.
8:12 Speaker 03 Apaches are the most brutal ones, or was that the Comanche? The Comanche are the most violent ones, I think, no?
8:16 Speaker 02 I don't actually know. She looks lovely. She does, yeah. She doesn't look violent.
8:21 Speaker 03 Well, they wouldn't send an ugly one up, I think.
8:22 Speaker 02 No.
8:23 Speaker 03 Because it, yeah.
8:24 Speaker 02 No, but I mean like violent ones. They wouldn't send rattling bag lady up.
8:29 Speaker 04 Low energy, unfocused, foggy, you might be dehydrated.
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8:58 Speaker 01 Now, more than ever, we need someone on our side. But Rob Whitman? Whitman's votes drove up costs, cut Medicaid and risked 350,000 Virginians' healthcare to pay for tax breaks for himself and his donors. He's not on our side. Shannon Taylor will fight corruption, cut taxes and bring down costs. This November, vote for Shannon Taylor. She's for us. Paid for by HMP, the House Majority PAC dot com. Not authorised by any candidate or candidates committee.
9:28 Speaker 05 He built the first planet-wide media empire. He monetised the paranoia and resentment that led to Donald Trump and Brexit. He ruined his own family in his obsessive quest for money, power and legacy. This is the story of Rupert Murdoch, the real-life succession. Join me, Dorian Linsky. And me, Ian Dunst, for season 10 of Origin Story, the show that uses the past to explain the present. That's Origin Story, kicking off with a two-part special on Rupert Murdoch on all podcast platforms now.
10:00 Speaker 02 Custard is in debt when he dies, so Libby just becomes a professional widow and essentially mythologises him. She alone makes him-
10:09 Speaker 03 She tours his estate.
10:10 Speaker 02 Yeah, basically, as we've said. Right, what have you found? Come on then, come on.
10:14 Speaker 06 Uh, Leslie Lemon.
10:16 Speaker 02 A World War II veteran from Aylesbury credited his long life to eating custard and Reubach daily.
10:22 Speaker 06 And he believed in eating it cold or in a trifle, often stating that you can't beat it. He passed away-
10:27 Speaker 03 Offenstern.
10:28 Speaker 02 He passed away only last year.
10:30 Speaker 03 To be fair, you can't say, "Stop eating all that custard." If you're 106, it's like, "Do whatever you've been doing."
10:35 Speaker 02 Mug of custard, every day. 106. Fuck me.
10:40 Speaker 03 Do you think he's gonna have a young wife who's touring his estate?
10:44 Speaker 02 What?
10:44 Speaker 03 Like a 21-year-old piece who, you know, is with him for the last three years.
10:48 Speaker 02 The custard estate.
10:49 Speaker 03 Yeah.
10:50 Speaker 02 God, imagine sucking off Leslie Lemon, though.
10:54 Speaker 03 Tastes like custard.
10:55 Speaker 02 Well, yeah, it must do, actually.
10:56 Speaker 06 Fuck me.
10:57 Speaker 03 It's probably been sucked off right now.
11:00 Speaker 02 Imagine having this custard in your mouth. Christ.
11:03 Speaker 03 Jesus.
11:03 Speaker 06 Does come change as you get older? Or is it always, is it the cum of a 25 year old man?
11:07 Speaker 03 Yeah, at the end it comes out like dust.
11:10 Speaker 02 Yeah. Someone had a joke about how, uh, just when you really get to 80, it's like a little white flag comes out and surrenders. Yeah, supposedly.
11:18 Speaker 03 It's like when you, if you smack a tube cushion really hard.
11:21 Speaker 02 Oh, what? The Bakaloo line?
11:23 Speaker 03 Yeah.
11:23 Speaker 02 And just fucking centuries of dust comes out.
11:28 Speaker 02 Um, but I wouldn't know, Charlie. I wouldn't know.
11:31 Speaker 06 Nor would I.
11:31 Speaker 02 The only cum I've tasted is my own by mistake.
11:35 Speaker 03 Have you tasted your own cum?
11:36 Speaker 02 Well, no. But I've, you know, I've, I've, uh.
11:40 Speaker 03 I've had a double.
11:41 Speaker 02 I've, I've, I've kissed, I've kissed women after they've been down there truffling and you get, you get a sense of what it might taste like.
11:48 Speaker 03 So you've got a sense of it?
11:49 Speaker 02 I've got a sense of it. Also, there's those bushes that smell like cum and I can put two and two together.
11:54 Speaker 03 You've actually tried your own cum.
11:55 Speaker 02 Whereas you've actually drunk the stuff. You're Leslie Lemon, but for cum, you're drinking custard every day.
11:59 Speaker 06 A mug of it.
12:00 Speaker 02 Yeah, a mug of cum every day and you go, you can't beat it.
12:03 Speaker 06 I'm gonna live to 106.
12:05 Speaker 02 You can't be a mug of.
12:06 Speaker 03 I mean, I wouldn't be surprised if you lived to 106.
12:08 Speaker 02 So you can't be a mug of cum every day.
12:09 Speaker 06 Mug of cum every day.
12:10 Speaker 03 You can't beat it.
12:15 Speaker 02 It's just you, 106 podcast veteran in a chair, drinking a mug of cum every day.
12:19 Speaker 03 Still producing this pod.
12:20 Speaker 02 Yeah. Anyway, what became of the 7th Cavalry? Crucially, crucially. Now, the 7th Cavalry had been decimated, of course, but it was brought back into service, uh, just a few months later. Uh, and Terry, Terry, our friend John Terry, needs a recruitment drive to hunt down the Lakota along the little Missouri River. Now, quite quickly after the battle, the Americans, the Native Americans scatter, but very quickly they then separate. And if they had stayed as a village, they might have had some kind of nego leverage.
12:53 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, they would have delayed the inevitable by about two years, probably.
12:55 Speaker 02 Yeah, because.
12:57 Speaker 03 Together Strong.
12:58 Speaker 02 Yeah. Well, who's that?
12:59 Speaker 03 On Own Weak.
13:00 Speaker 02 Together Strong wasn't there yet. We'll come into the story later. So the, at some point, they go back to Washington, the army, and they're like, we need a fucking, we need everyone, we need the whole army to come and take down these.
13:16 Speaker 03 Nuke the cunts.
13:17 Speaker 02 Nuke the cunts now. Nuke Peru. That's where they're from. Fuck it.
13:22 Speaker 02 So the, the life of the Sioux basically just becomes, uh, get these fuckers onto a reservation. So in August 1877, uh, the government added the sell or starve clause to the Indian Appropriations Act.
13:35 Speaker 03 Right.
13:36 Speaker 02 Which nullifies the Fort Laramie Treaty, which had been void anyway, with the Black Hills thing. It stops rations on, to the Sioux reservations until they stop fighting and surrendered the Black Hills. So what I didn't quite realise is that you've got people who are just like minding their own business, roaming about, shooting bison. And they're forced to go to centre parks and to live off the rations that the American government. Which is very weird for like a libertarian country to be like, no, you have to live off the state. And we're also not going to provide one for you.
14:05 Speaker 03 Yeah.
14:05 Speaker 02 It's mad.
14:06 Speaker 03 But also, I mean, not to get too political, but it's like, the, the support of Israel, it is like, obviously, America needs to back that. Because it's the, the same methods that they, they've used.
14:18 Speaker 02 I think it should leave politics out of this.
14:19 Speaker 03 Sorry, yeah, of course.
14:20 Speaker 02 Things are relevant.
14:21 Speaker 03 Irrelevant.
14:23 Speaker 02 The US government, after, uh, the Battle of Little Big Horn, they go for a policy of total annihilation. Uh, native children are taken from their families and made to follow strict rules. Children are given white names, which is very sad.
14:37 Speaker 03 Yeah.
14:38 Speaker 02 Because these guys have some of the best names on the planet.
14:39 Speaker 03 They've got the best names.
14:40 Speaker 02 So, you know, si- sitting on, sitting on.
14:42 Speaker 03 Standing Rock is fucking John, John Sam's.
14:45 Speaker 02 Sitting, sitting on man's face becomes, you know, Neil. And it's just not.
14:49 Speaker 03 Yeah, Nigel.
14:50 Speaker 02 Nigel.
14:51 Speaker 03 Nigel Williams.
14:52 Speaker 02 That's not very, that's not a very gay name though.
14:55 Speaker 03 Oh, right. Oh, to, what do you mean, the gay white name?
14:57 Speaker 02 Yeah.
14:58 Speaker 03 Well, there's not really gay white names, because gay white people, they go.
15:01 Speaker 02 Matty.
15:02 Speaker 03 Matty's pretty, but normally it's like, I'm no longer Matt, I'm Estevan. Do you know what I mean?
15:08 Speaker 02 What?
15:09 Speaker 03 It's always like they always go. Um, yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm new now. I'm actually Jose. I'm not Joe, I'm Jose.
15:14 Speaker 02 It's funny, you mentioned, you just reminded me, when I went, I went to that wedding.
15:17 Speaker 03 I'm Nigel.
15:18 Speaker 02 I went to a wedding, I got sat next to a gay man called Diego, bit of fun, whoever did the seating plan. Anyway, lovely guy, didn't, you know, he didn't click, but he was a nice enough guy. He didn't know anyone. You know when you get stuck next to someone who doesn't know anyone? So you're like, okay, right. Anyway. We were getting on.
15:34 Speaker 03 Getting off?
15:34 Speaker 02 We were getting on, it was nice. And then I, I had a lot, he wasn't drink, he wasn't drinking. I wasn't getting off with Diego. He, we, we, I, he wasn't drinking and I was absolutely hammering it. Cause we got, we got all these shots in between.
15:48 Speaker 03 What are you saying? He took advantage of you?
15:49 Speaker 02 Wait, we got all these shots in between courses for the speeches and I did all of his because he, he wasn't drinking.
15:56 Speaker 03 Bet you did.
15:57 Speaker 02 And anyway, it got to the pudding, right? And my lizard brain kicked in and I, I was just so drunk and hungry that I, I ate the pudding in essentially like two bites. And while I'm eating it, like faster than anyone else is eating their pudding, he's looking at me, you know, the way, um, you know, the way Zane Lowe looks at Fred again?
16:16 Speaker 02 Like that. I'm just like, oh, man, he's there like, oh, oh God, oh, fuck, oh, wow.
16:24 Speaker 03 Let him cook.
16:25 Speaker 02 Everyone's looking at me like, fuck me, you're eating that quickly.
16:27 Speaker 03 So when you say your lizard brain.
16:29 Speaker 02 My brain.
16:32 Speaker 02 My fat brain kicked in and I just ate pudding like so, like it was antisocial how quickly I ate pudding. And he was looking at me like, we've just been having a polite conversation then fuck me.
16:44 Speaker 03 Like a dog.
16:44 Speaker 02 Like an animal come out. Like he looked away and he looked back and there was a golden retriever there. Yeah.
16:54 Speaker 02 And then he let me eat his pudding.
16:56 Speaker 03 I bet he did. I fucking bet he did.
16:59 Speaker 02 Not to euphemism. I did not eat someone's arse.
17:02 Speaker 03 You mean mine ain't yours?
17:03 Speaker 02 No. Anyway, so the, yeah, the Indian kids are given white names. Very sad. They're banned from using native languages.
17:11 Speaker 03 Very sad becomes John Smith.
17:13 Speaker 02 Very sad, sorry. Very sad is now John. Boys had to have their hair cut and they were sort of cut off from their family. And by the time they returned home, the children can only speak English and they're alienated from their tribes. Um, and, you know, the children are subject to sexual abuse. I don't know why that's relevant, Phoebe. I don't know why you put that in there. It's a comedy podcast, Christ, so.
17:34 Speaker 03 And that happens here. That's just normal.
17:35 Speaker 02 That's our thing. That's our thing. Yeah. We're trying to get them to be Protestant.
17:39 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's a boarding school.
17:40 Speaker 02 It's called being white. It's a white boarding school. Just fagging. It's a bit of a fagging.
17:44 Speaker 03 Make us the man.
17:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, exactly. Kill the Indian, kill the Indian and molest the boy. So you, uh, the Dawes Act, 1887, this basically, uh, turns all native owned land into plots, as in farm plots for individual native families.
18:02 Speaker 03 Right.
18:02 Speaker 02 So they're trying to stop them being nomads and start them being farmers. Put some roots down. And these guys are like, but we're not, we don't have roots. We're digital nomads.
18:10 Speaker 03 And this is during your favorite period of racial science, but this is so, because what's often forgotten because of World War II is that social Darwinism as a philosophy was massive in America, right? It gets a bit washed because they were anti fascist during World War II.
18:26 Speaker 02 As we discovered.
18:27 Speaker 03 They said all that stuff. They put it into the Nazis because we all agreed Nazis are bad.
18:31 Speaker 02 Yeah.
18:31 Speaker 03 But America was like the king for that shit.
18:35 Speaker 02 Do not forget, there was charity eugenics foundations. You would be running a marathon.
18:41 Speaker 03 You'd do charity gigs a lot more.
18:42 Speaker 02 I would do charity gigs every day of my life for the American Eugenics Foundation.
18:46 Speaker 03 You did a charity gig last night. Who was it for?
18:47 Speaker 02 Uh, a children's hospice.
18:50 Speaker 03 Fuck off.
18:50 Speaker 02 Yeah, I know. Gay. Um, in the 18, in the 1890s, you would be running a marathon. Who are you running it for? Oh, it's this little charity that wants to sterilize people with Down's syndrome. Let me sponsor you. I'll sponsor you a hundred pounds. You're doing the Lord's work.
19:09 Speaker 03 Yeah.
19:10 Speaker 02 You know, that's what a charity meant.
19:11 Speaker 03 Fun run, you know?
19:12 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's a fun run. You know, this, this is what charity meant in the 1890s. And obviously, as we discussed in the Eugenics episode, series, the Nazis copy and paste some American Eugenics policies and that, that becomes the Nuremberg laws. So we must not forget that.
19:33 Speaker 03 The moral justification for this, it's not even a moral justification, it's just sort of like a historical inevitability, right? That they're like, the bigger race kills smaller race.
19:42 Speaker 02 Civilization wins out over the less civilized, in their words.
19:45 Speaker 03 Because it's pretty hard to like, they are just, you know, hunting on the plains and it's kind of hard to justify it. Apart from the fact that it's like, well, we're going to build trains.
19:53 Speaker 02 Yeah.
19:54 Speaker 03 And you have to get out of the way.
19:55 Speaker 02 Get out of the way of the trains.
19:55 Speaker 03 Sorry, brother.
19:56 Speaker 02 Yeah.
19:57 Speaker 03 Which is bad, but also historically is kind of sort of true.
20:02 Speaker 02 Train, train, the train will.
20:04 Speaker 03 The train, they're not going to stop. They're not going to build trains around the.
20:08 Speaker 02 No.
20:09 Speaker 03 It's coming, brother.
20:10 Speaker 02 Get out of the way of the train.
20:11 Speaker 03 Yeah.
20:12 Speaker 02 Don't stand on the platform. I hate it when people jump in front of a train. It's rude.
20:16 Speaker 03 Christmas time.
20:17 Speaker 02 Kill yourself at home.
20:19 Speaker 03 Yeah. Or at least not at peak times. Like, that's fucking.
20:24 Speaker 02 No, because part of the, well, yeah, don't kill yourself. Just, just fucking do it somewhere else. If you want my pity for killing yourself.
20:30 Speaker 03 Be like a cat. Take yourself off into a forest and die.
20:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah. Or don't kill yourself or whatever. You know, just don't get in my way.
20:39 Speaker 03 Someone's gone soft. He's lost his touch.
20:42 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:43 Speaker 03 Don't kill yourself.
20:47 Speaker 03 Being a father's changed you.
20:48 Speaker 02 It has. You know what? It has. I'm a big softie now, telling our listeners not to kill themselves. So the Doors Act, now the officials believed that natives wouldn't make good use of the land, so they gave them shit land, saving the better land for the white guys.
21:03 Speaker 03 Huats.
21:04 Speaker 02 The Huats. To be fair, the Huats knew how to farm.
21:08 Speaker 03 Right.
21:09 Speaker 02 They opened boarding schools that are for Indian kids, Native American kids, and basically try and make them American to quote, "Kill the Indian and save the man."
21:18 Speaker 03 Right.
21:19 Speaker 02 Not my words. Also my words, sometimes.
21:24 Speaker 03 Regularly.
21:26 Speaker 02 So native ownership of land is reduced from 138 million acres in 1887 to 48 million acres in 1934. Still sounds like quite a lot.
21:36 Speaker 02 But the combined, the near extinction of the buffalo in 1880 means that the Sioux's way of life is, you know, in 10 years is just gone.
21:44 Speaker 03 So the use of the buffalo and the bison interchangeably, but they are different, right?
21:49 Speaker 02 They mean bison.
21:50 Speaker 03 Okay.
21:51 Speaker 02 But the Americans call them buffalo.
21:52 Speaker 03 In the same way Indians are not Indians.
21:54 Speaker 02 Not Indians, yeah.
21:55 Speaker 03 It's the exact same thing.
21:56 Speaker 02 Yeah.
21:57 Speaker 03 That's a big cow.
21:58 Speaker 02 Exactly, yeah. No, Americans as we know.
22:00 Speaker 03 Look at that Indian on that cow.
22:01 Speaker 02 Exactly. The Americans can't name anything, that's why all their cities are New York or Hampshire, New Hampshire.
22:07 Speaker 03 Yeah, Christ. Yeah, all his miserable places.
22:09 Speaker 02 Make your own fucking name. Yeah, why have you picked the worst places?
22:11 Speaker 03 Yeah, Newport Smith.
22:13 Speaker 02 Yeah, Christ, imagine. Manchester by the sea.
22:17 Speaker 03 Yeah, Christ, don't try and class up.
22:20 Speaker 02 The Act also made it possible for Native Americans to get citizenship if they accept the land allotments and they adapt to civilized life.
22:29 Speaker 03 Yeah.
22:30 Speaker 02 Right? So this also introduces a blood quantum, which means people have to prove that they're more than half native by blood to be declared Indian. So what happens to our friends Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull? Crazy Horse surrenders himself to the army, and now his story is quite sad. So he refuses to go on a reservation, he will not go to Centre Park, this cunt, and rather, he's like me actually, I'd rather just hand myself to the army, I'm not going anymore. It was very stressful. And he's in custody and then someone grabs him from behind trying to restrain him to take him, I think they're gonna take him, send him to Florida maybe? Then he has a little knife and he attacks his guard and then a US guard just bayonets him in the back.
23:15 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:16 Speaker 02 And then they're like, why don't you lie on the bed? And he's like, no, I'm not lying on the bed, I'm gonna lie on the floor. And he just bleeds out on the floor, because on the floor, he's not like their property on the bed, you know?
23:26 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's very moving and poetic. He said, bury me at wounded knee, he must have, because that's that book about this whole thing, it's called Bury Me At Wounded Knee.
23:33 Speaker 02 Well, we'll get to wounded knee. So Sitting Bull does the opposite of that, he becomes an Instagram influencer.
23:40 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:41 Speaker 02 He goes to Canada.
23:42 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:43 Speaker 02 Because in Canada, and this makes me feel proud actually, Canada, they call the grandmother's land.
23:47 Speaker 03 Right.
23:48 Speaker 02 Queen Victoria.
23:49 Speaker 03 Nice.
23:50 Speaker 02 They go to the British Empire where they'll be treated better.
23:51 Speaker 03 Yeah, because they, this is one of the few things where we're like the good guys in this, because compared to the Americans.
23:56 Speaker 02 You say this a lot, and it's more than a few things by this point.
23:58 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:59 Speaker 02 You know?
24:00 Speaker 03 But like, they had time for Queen Victoria.
24:02 Speaker 02 Yeah, the Native Americans. They got it. So he returned from Canada in 1881 because they ran out of food and he surrenders. They just gives up and in 1885, and this is extraordinary, he joins Buffalo Bill's Wild West, which is like a travelling circus, right? And so he rides around the arena in a horse and gets paid $50 a week, which is about $1,800 today a week. It's pretty good money. It's decent. And he gives most of it to the poor idiot. Woke. Woke nonsense. At the opening ceremony of the Northern Pacific Railway, he allegedly told the audience, quote, "I hate all white people, you're thieves and liars. You've taken away our land and made us outcasts." Well, that's racist. That is racist and if I was in that audience, I'd be tweeting saying, "Cancel Crazy Horse",
24:46 Speaker 02 or whatever it's called, Sitting Bull, the other one. The translator changed the speech to praise the railroad and the crowd loved it. Clever.
24:55 Speaker 02 Should have got this guy at the BAFTAs. Now, in the late 1880s, he's on a reservation and he hates it because at this point, food's running out, the government aren't sending, it's like really cold. He can't ride a tandem bike. He can't ride, yeah, I mean, you know, there's like an elephant and a lion and he's like, "What the fuck am I doing?" So they then, he then hears that there is hope finally, you know, his way of life's getting decimated and then he hears of this weird mad cult movement called a ghost dance. Like a flash mob. Sort of. It's basically like a sort of Christian Native American crossbreed. Right. Religious revival. Collab. It's led by a prophet named Wavoka or Jack Wilson.
25:39 Speaker 02 He has this revelation in 1889 where he claimed he had, he was died and was taken to the spirit world where the dead native people were all living happily and the land was once again teeming with bison and he met God who told him that war and suffering was ending and everything was going to go back to how it was. It's very sad, actually. He also, they start dancing and they, he got given a set of instructions to bring back the living and to like, you know, recapture the life they had. And there's something about how they all well wore white shirts and the white shirts would stop bullets. Right. So, and this is how you do the dance, right? The people must perform a ghost dance for five consecutive days and nights every six weeks to ensure the arrival of the new world. It's like, it's like a millenarian religious cult.
26:26 Speaker 02 Right.
26:26 Speaker 03 Well, so five days in a row in six weeks on, that's a lot of time.
26:31 Speaker 02 Now, the original vision said you have to be pacifist towards the white settlers.
26:35 Speaker 03 Right.
26:35 Speaker 02 So you're not allowed to hurt anyone, and they must not lie, steal or fight with one another. So the Lakota, who were living under very oppressive conditions, they interpret this with a sort of like defiant edge, where they're actually a bit more violent towards the white man.
26:51 Speaker 03 Right.
26:51 Speaker 02 And they say, so the shift from like Wavoka's whole thing about, you know, internal renewal to sort of physical protection against the army. And then the media at this point are, the American media are like trying to find a villain for the last, the last bit of the Indian fight. So they're trying, they're basically, they try and make this out to be a, like a guerrilla campaign.
27:17 Speaker 03 Right.
27:18 Speaker 02 You know, this is at the end of 40 years of like, boys growing up, hearing about the American Indian wars and like the savagery of the frontier and stuff.
27:28 Speaker 03 This is the final.
27:29 Speaker 02 And by this point, the 7th Cavalry is like a new generation of men who haven't fought at all, but they've heard all these stories. And so they're like, oh brilliant, there's a new bunch of mad cunts that we can go and mess up. So Sitting Bull gets arrested for, because they're scared he's going to join the Ghost Dance Movement. But his son, Crowfoot, mocks him for surrendering. Anyway, a follower of Sitting Bull who's called Catch the Bear, shoots a police officer who's called Bullhead. Is he called Bullhead? A police off, well, a Native American police officer. They had police officers.
28:06 Speaker 03 Yeah.
28:07 Speaker 02 Really?
28:08 Speaker 03 It's like when the, the black police officers who were involved in the violence in LA.
28:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
28:13 Speaker 03 It's the same sort of vibe.
28:15 Speaker 02 Right, so Bullhead. He gets shot by Catch the Bear and Bullhead falls and fires at Sitting Bull. And then Red Tomahawk shoots Sitting Bull in the back of the head. And so there's this mad gunfire that follows and Crowfoot gets killed as well. Along with Shiny Head and Sawfoot and Big Dick.
28:36 Speaker 03 Headbone off.
28:37 Speaker 02 Headbone off and all that. Bareback. Bareback, uh, Bareback dies. So Sitting Bull dies in December 1890. And following his death, Chief Bigfoot, that's his actual name, sounds like I'm making that up.
28:51 Speaker 03 Yeah.
28:52 Speaker 02 They flee towards the Pine Ridge Reservation. It's funny, reservation makes, they do sound like Center Park Lodges. They all say.
28:59 Speaker 03 Pine, they all sound like, yeah, Pine Ridge.
29:01 Speaker 02 They sound lovely, actually. Pine Ridge Reservation. Um, now they get intercepted by the Seventh Cavalry, Custer's old regiment. Now, it should be said that, um, they're sorry, they escort them to a camp at Wounded Knee Creek. Right. It should be said that just after Custer's death, they, uh, they start a force called the Custard Avengers.
29:19 Speaker 03 Right.
29:19 Speaker 02 The Custard Avengers. The Seventh Cavalry are looking for revenge this whole time.
29:24 Speaker 03 Yeah.
29:25 Speaker 02 So at this point, it's the end of December 1890. This is what 14 years after Little Big Horn. We should place this.
29:33 Speaker 03 1890, so this is, this is after Jack the Ripper.
29:35 Speaker 02 This is just after Jack the Ripper.
29:37 Speaker 03 And it's before.
29:38 Speaker 02 Hitler's an infant. Hitler's 18 months. If we're, if we're, Hitler is just learning to walk.
29:42 Speaker 03 So it's before Hitler's second birthday.
29:44 Speaker 02 It's before Hitler's second birthday.
29:46 Speaker 03 Hmm.
29:48 Speaker 02 Lovely.
29:49 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's not too bad.
29:49 Speaker 02 A toddler Hitler. You know, he's exploring things with his mouth.
29:54 Speaker 03 So if you were gonna go back to kill, if some, if there's been time travelers who have gone back to kill baby Hitler, they might be around at this time.
30:01 Speaker 02 Yes.
30:01 Speaker 03 It's in the window that someone would go back to kill.
30:03 Speaker 02 A steampunk nonce has gone back to 1890.
30:07 Speaker 03 And then said, I can't.
30:08 Speaker 02 I can't look at him. He's so, get baby Hitler up. Look how cute he is. Look how cute he is.
30:13 Speaker 03 Because baby Hitler's done nothing wrong.
30:14 Speaker 02 Done nothing wrong.
30:14 Speaker 03 You can't kill a baby.
30:16 Speaker 02 And do you think what he's gonna, think what he's gonna, look at him. That's, that, that must, that could be, that kid looks about 18 months.
30:23 Speaker 03 Yeah.
30:23 Speaker 02 That could be from 1890, that photo.
30:25 Speaker 03 Pretty much, yeah.
30:26 Speaker 02 Click on that, let's find out where that photo's from.
30:29 Speaker 06 Blub, blub, blah, blah.
30:30 Speaker 02 Blub, blub, blah, blah.
30:31 Speaker 03 Blub, blub, blah. Eighteen, eighteen, oh.
30:34 Speaker 02 He's born in eighty-nine. Oh no, he's two, no, he's born in eighteen eighty, no, he's born in eighty-nine. No.
30:39 Speaker 06 He's born in eighty-nine.
30:40 Speaker 02 Yeah, April eighty-nine, so in, in...
30:42 Speaker 03 This probably is.
30:43 Speaker 02 Yeah, he's about eighteen months.
30:44 Speaker 03 So this is what Hitler looks like at the point of wounded knee?
30:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
30:49 Speaker 03 Adorable.
30:49 Speaker 02 Adorable. Absolutely, you just wanna smoosh his cheeks, don't you? Blub, blub, blub, blub. Um, do you know what Hitler's first word was?
30:58 Speaker 06 The ultimate goal must be, definitely be the removal of the Jews altogether.
31:01 Speaker 03 That's his first written statement.
31:03 Speaker 02 No, the ultimate, no, that's his first written statement in nineteen ninety.
31:07 Speaker 03 Yeah. But I mean, if it was his first word, that's pretty impressive.
31:10 Speaker 02 It'd be much easier for the time to have to kill baby Hitler if baby Hitler was saying, "The ultimate goal must definitely be the removal of the Jews altogether." Yeah, no, um, I think he, I think he grew into his antisemitism.
31:22 Speaker 03 What would you, what would Hitler's Native American name be?
31:25 Speaker 02 Uh, it's a good point, actually. What would it be?
31:27 Speaker 03 Gas Jews or?
31:29 Speaker 06 Little Tash.
31:31 Speaker 02 Little, it could be Little Tash, yeah.
31:33 Speaker 03 Or Angry Tash.
31:34 Speaker 02 Angry Tash.
31:35 Speaker 03 Bad, bad man.
31:36 Speaker 02 Bad man. Real bad man. Um, yeah, Angry Tash is nice.
31:40 Speaker 03 Yeah.
31:41 Speaker 02 Yeah, um, that's not actually how Hitler comes into this story. That's, that's just a byproduct.
31:45 Speaker 03 That's just for free.
31:46 Speaker 02 That's for free, that one.
31:47 Speaker 03 Join the Patreon, uh, I feel we're owed, to go in these, these pro bono sort of freebies out.
31:54 Speaker 02 I know.
31:55 Speaker 03 It's ridiculous.
31:55 Speaker 02 Crazy. So let's get to wounded knee massacre. Um, December twenty-ninth, eighteen ninety. Uh, the Seventh Cavalry attempt to disarm Bigfoot's band. The atmosphere is very tense.
32:07 Speaker 03 Hmm.
32:07 Speaker 02 That's what Phoebe's written. How does she know?
32:09 Speaker 03 You wouldn't know.
32:10 Speaker 02 Should we do a soundscape? We haven't done a soundscape for a while.
32:12 Speaker 06 Yeah.
32:13 Speaker 02 Okay, so bear in mind, uh, there's red Indians, there's, uh, there's no cowboys. Actually, cowboys come after this, interestingly. Found that out yesterday.
32:21 Speaker 03 Oh.
32:21 Speaker 02 The cowboys only come in when the Indians have been decimated. So cowboys...
32:25 Speaker 03 Cowboys, farmers, sort of, yeah.
32:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so it's very tense and the scuffle breaks out when a deaf tribesman called Black Coyote, was reluctant to surrender his rifle. So...
32:36 Speaker 03 Blub, blub, blah, blah, blah. Because he's like, he's deaf as well, doing it.
32:39 Speaker 02 Well, no, he'd be doing that.
32:41 Speaker 03 Would he?
32:44 Speaker 03 Would he? I think it'd be like, it just wouldn't sound right. It'd be like.
32:53 Speaker 02 Well, if it's. It'd be. Cause he, but he wouldn't get the pitch right. Yeah.
32:59 Speaker 02 Well, no, because he's not going.
33:04 Speaker 02 That's a disabled red Indian.
33:08 Speaker 02 That's a disabled red Indian.
33:09 Speaker 03 Right.
33:11 Speaker 03 Right.
33:11 Speaker 02 A deaf one is probably.
33:17 Speaker 02 That's a gay one. That's a gay.
33:19 Speaker 03 He's just shoving it in his mouth.
33:27 Speaker 03 That's sitting balls putting crazy horse cocks. Licking his mouth.
33:33 Speaker 02 Yeah. Brilliant.
33:35 Speaker 03 Sorry about that.
33:36 Speaker 02 No, brilliant. Great stuff. So anyway.
33:39 Speaker 03 Anyway.
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35:11 Speaker 02 Anyway, no, this is, this is actually very bad.
35:14 Speaker 03 Yeah.
35:14 Speaker 02 This is bad form.
35:15 Speaker 03 Yeah. Very sad.
35:17 Speaker 02 The Americans, they encircle the, you know, it's, was it 300 Lakota, mainly women and children. They encircle them and they have these machine guns that are like Gatling guns, but they're called something else. And they just fucking, they just have at them. Hotch kiss mountain guns. Hot kiss. Is that what it's called?
35:37 Speaker 03 I mean, it's not cricket. We'll say that much.
35:39 Speaker 02 It's baseball.
35:40 Speaker 03 Yeah.
35:40 Speaker 02 It's baseball and it's not as fun to watch and it doesn't need the same skill.
35:44 Speaker 03 No.
35:45 Speaker 02 Yeah, they, they just mow them down and they actually, because they're in a circle, they kill some of their own soldiers. 25 soldiers died from friendly fire.
35:53 Speaker 03 Fuck me.
35:53 Speaker 02 It's very sad.
35:57 Speaker 03 So all the 25 Americans died from Americans, the Indians.
36:00 Speaker 02 They're encircling them in a circle and they're just firing guns.
36:04 Speaker 03 Christ, that is.
36:05 Speaker 02 You know, and so 300 women and children.
36:07 Speaker 03 During a ghost dance, is this?
36:09 Speaker 02 Yeah, no, there are ghost dancers there and they've got white shirts on, but it turns out the white shirts don't stop bullets.
36:17 Speaker 03 Right. So is the ghost dance sort of like Gandhi with rhythm?
36:24 Speaker 02 I don't know much about Gandhi.
36:25 Speaker 03 Yeah, but like the non-violence, it's about resistance via like resilience and non-violence. But instead you're, you're body popping, doing the caterpillar.
36:34 Speaker 02 Yes.
36:35 Speaker 03 Right.
36:36 Speaker 02 Don't shoot me. Yeah. And you're wearing a big white shirt.
36:40 Speaker 03 Breathe.
36:41 Speaker 02 Yeah. I mean, if I had a Gatling gun and I saw that, I'd gun him down.
36:44 Speaker 03 Diversity.
36:45 Speaker 02 Oh, man.
36:46 Speaker 03 Good diversity brings Got Talent final.
36:48 Speaker 02 I would mow that down. My God. I'm watching.
36:53 Speaker 03 Elevator, can't breathe.
36:55 Speaker 02 Yeah. If that's happening, I'm in like a gun nest, like Germany's on D-Day.
37:01 Speaker 03 You can't, it's Ashley Banjo. Look at this.
37:03 Speaker 02 No, no, Banjo's getting his head torn. Look at this.
37:05 Speaker 03 Even the little kid, flipping out of a rucksack.
37:07 Speaker 02 No, they're all dead. They're all torn, torn.
37:12 Speaker 02 Sorry, um, no, they ma- they kill about 300 women and children.
37:16 Speaker 03 Yeah, there's no kind of, yeah, you can't, there's no two ways about it.
37:20 Speaker 02 Yeah, the ghost dance wasn't affected against the Hotchkiss.
37:23 Speaker 03 Yeah.
37:23 Speaker 02 Uh, the Hotchkiss gun, and it's, this sort of ends.
37:26 Speaker 03 It's a tough way to, you know, revisionist this one, to be honest.
37:29 Speaker 02 Well, at the time, they caught-
37:31 Speaker 03 They were asking for-
37:32 Speaker 02 Well, yeah, I mean, the guy, the guy was asked to put his gun down several times.
37:37 Speaker 03 Yeah.
37:37 Speaker 02 And he kept sort of, oh, whatever.
37:45 Speaker 03 I guess if you, the only way you can view it favorably of the Americans is a hatred of breakdancing.
37:51 Speaker 02 Yes.
37:51 Speaker 03 That's sort of like-
37:52 Speaker 02 I completely understand that.
37:53 Speaker 03 That's the only way you could frame this.
37:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
37:55 Speaker 03 For the Americans are the heroes.
37:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, is that they're doing their best to stop the scourge of-
38:00 Speaker 03 Flash mobs.
38:01 Speaker 02 Public flash mobs and breakdancing and buskers.
38:05 Speaker 02 God, I'd love to gun down a busker.
38:07 Speaker 03 Yeah.
38:08 Speaker 02 I'd love that.
38:09 Speaker 03 How would you do it?
38:11 Speaker 02 I'd, I'd machine gun them.
38:13 Speaker 03 Right.
38:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
38:14 Speaker 03 But in the tube?
38:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, anywhere.
38:16 Speaker 03 Tube, you'd be at the top of the escalator and you'd chuck a grenade that perfectly bounces down and-
38:21 Speaker 02 Dun, dun, dun.
38:22 Speaker 03 And lands into his hat.
38:26 Speaker 03 Like, that would be the most satisfying way.
38:27 Speaker 02 As he's shredding. No, I don't, I don't, I like the shredding guys.
38:30 Speaker 03 Yeah, some of it, some of it's good.
38:32 Speaker 02 Accordion underground is a fucking hate crime.
38:34 Speaker 03 Whereas wounded knee-
38:36 Speaker 02 Wounded knee, wounded knee was a battle. So wounded knee kind of ends, you know, the, the ghost dance is, is shown to be what it is, load of nonsense. And, um, this kind of ends all resistance from the, uh, the Sioux.
38:52 Speaker 03 But it's sort of symbolic of the entire conflict, right?
38:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
38:54 Speaker 03 It's the final thing.
38:55 Speaker 02 But at the time, they call it a battle, the Battle of Wounded Knee, the army, uh, used to call it a massacre, but all the, the media, who had basically drummed, they'd made the ghost dance into, uh, something it wasn't, this like rebel force.
39:06 Speaker 03 Right.
39:07 Speaker 02 They start calling, calling it a battle and the army are like, no, this was a massacre, we need an inquiry and stuff, so.
39:12 Speaker 03 Oh, wow.
39:13 Speaker 02 So the, at all times, the army is like, this is not cricket.
39:16 Speaker 03 Interesting.
39:17 Speaker 02 And yet the civilians, the media, uh, who are with the army, reporting- On it, trying to make it into a sensational like tabloid story.
39:26 Speaker 03 No, it was fucked up what he did. No, seriously. No, it was great.
39:28 Speaker 02 No, it's brilliant. Just as a little coda to the story for our thick fat listeners. The US government's tactics against the Native Americans are have an admirer across the pond. By this point, he's man, he's flesh and bone, he's no longer a toddler and Hitler.
39:46 Speaker 03 Sort of Elvis to the Beatles, wouldn't you say?
39:48 Speaker 02 Hmm. Yes, yeah.
39:49 Speaker 03 Taken from the States and maybe making it a European take on.
39:53 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's Beatles and Cliff Richard almost there. So 2028 Hitler states that the US has gunned down the millions of Redskins. Hitler, that's not the.
40:02 Speaker 03 Hitler.
40:03 Speaker 02 Hitler, Adolf.
40:04 Speaker 03 Adolf.
40:05 Speaker 02 Native American, please.
40:06 Speaker 03 Thank you.
40:06 Speaker 02 Indigenous.
40:07 Speaker 03 Christ.
40:08 Speaker 02 Sorry, I apologize for Adolf's language here. He is not of this time. Okay. Hitler, the US has gunned down the millions of Redskins to a few hundred thousand and now keep the modest remnant under observation in a cage.
40:20 Speaker 03 Now, what's interesting about that is that very quote will be said by someone from Novara Media, maybe not the Redskins. But he's saying that as a compliment.
40:28 Speaker 02 Yes.
40:29 Speaker 03 Which is quite interesting. The US has gunned down millions of Redskins to a few hundred thousand and I keep the modest remnant under observation in a cage. That sounds like you're saying it's a bad thing.
40:36 Speaker 02 Yeah.
40:36 Speaker 03 He's like, brilliant.
40:37 Speaker 02 But pray.
40:38 Speaker 03 That's fantastic.
40:39 Speaker 02 Yeah. And he said that the treatment of Native Americans was a model for his labors round policy.
40:44 Speaker 03 Great album.
40:45 Speaker 02 Labors round policy.
40:46 Speaker 03 Yeah, that was, that was one of the, yeah.
40:50 Speaker 02 So also what's, what's also should be said that now some of the Native American survivors are wounded knee. They get, maybe they're not even survivors, some people who are.
41:05 Speaker 02 They're, they're Indian. Anyway, they get, they say, they say rather than go to jail, you have to join the Buffalo Bill Wild West Show. And then they fucking get made to tour Europe.
41:16 Speaker 03 Fuck, it is diversity.
41:18 Speaker 02 But isn't it mad how it's like the end of the war is to basically make it into a circus?
41:24 Speaker 03 But that's America, right?
41:25 Speaker 02 Yeah.
41:25 Speaker 03 That's the American story.
41:26 Speaker 02 Exactly.
41:26 Speaker 03 Is you have all these like tribal things where you view the earth, mother, mother nature, and you get captured by fat blokes with guns who make you dance in a circus. Like the difference in the cultural understanding of America.
41:37 Speaker 02 It's the gift shop.
41:38 Speaker 03 And also the, you know, Montana being this beautiful part of the world, being wasted on. Fat idiots at a circus, you know what I mean?
41:46 Speaker 02 Totally.
41:47 Speaker 03 You know, these people had complete respect for their landscape.
41:49 Speaker 02 It's the gift shop at the 9/11 memorial. We're gonna, we're gonna, you're gonna do this to us and then we're gonna fuck your country up. And then after 10 years of war, it's gonna go back to how it was. But we'll be making money from the site that you initially desecrated in our land. You know, crazy. Huh?
42:06 Speaker 03 Crazy Horse.
42:07 Speaker 02 Crazy, sorry, not Crazy Horse, he's dead, Crazy Horse.
42:09 Speaker 03 But what's Crazy Horse's link to Wounded Knee then?
42:12 Speaker 02 Uh, he doesn't have one.
42:13 Speaker 03 He does. He says bury me at Wounded Knee.
42:16 Speaker 02 No, he didn't say that. They buried him at Wounded Knee. After the, after Wounded Knee.
42:22 Speaker 03 Because?
42:23 Speaker 02 That's like the symbol, the symbolic end of the resistance, I think. Anyway, 1980, um, representative of the Sioux bought a legal case against the US government in the Supreme Court for the violation of the Fort Laramie treaties. And the court voted in favor of the Sioux and awards them a financial settlement of $102 million, which is would be over a billion in today's money. Uh, but the Sioux refused the money. Idiot, what are you doing?
42:48 Speaker 03 Take the money.
42:49 Speaker 02 Take the money. God, it's like watching Who Wants to be a Millionaire? They won't take half a mi- take it.
42:55 Speaker 03 But they're not playing to get more, are they?
42:56 Speaker 02 Oh my God, it's so frustrating. They don't get it.
42:59 Speaker 03 Yeah.
43:00 Speaker 02 So the Sioux refused the money and remain committed to protesting their rightful ownership over the Blackhe-. It's gone, mate. Take the money, buy some new hills.
43:07 Speaker 03 Yeah, start, set up a casino.
43:08 Speaker 02 Oh, man. Do you know, it's just, we've done four parts and they're just, they're not learning.
43:13 Speaker 03 They don't get it.
43:13 Speaker 02 They don't get it. Anyway. Um, so that leads us to, well, that leads us to now where, uh, it's the long road to the Native American casino.
43:23 Speaker 03 Type in Native American casino, let's have, let's get some visuals.
43:26 Speaker 02 It also should be said that there was a, a show in Glasgow, Wild West Buffalo Show, where all the actors left and then a Native American stood, stayed on the stage and told the audience that actually what actually happened at Wounded Knee. And it was a massacre and it wasn't, because they, they made them re-
43:43 Speaker 03 So where was this?
43:44 Speaker 02 This is in Glasgow. They made them reenact Wounded Knee with these Native American actors. And then one of them stayed on after they'd left the stage and told the audience what actually happened. But, because he was speaking in his own language, everyone was like, ah, get to fu- oh, fuck off.
43:57 Speaker 03 Fuck off.
43:57 Speaker 02 Fuck off. And then just threw tomatoes at him, whatever.
44:00 Speaker 03 Right.
44:01 Speaker 02 Which is a nice little code at the end of the story, isn't it?
44:04 Speaker 03 But even the fact that Native Americans are now casino owners, it just, it always like- Symbolically, it all kind of, you know, they're fucking running slot machines for people in fucking mobility scooters now. So I mean.
44:17 Speaker 02 Yeah. Well, slot machine and mobility scooter.
44:20 Speaker 03 Well, that's what modern Native Americans are called now.
44:22 Speaker 02 Well, that's what I mean. They're running the casino.
44:23 Speaker 03 It's gone from fucking crazy horse, sitting ball, now it's fucking.
44:27 Speaker 02 To fat, fat mobility scooter. And chubby, chubby slot machine. Anyway.
44:32 Speaker 03 Anyway.
44:33 Speaker 02 Listen, that's the end of our Custer, Crazy Horse and Native American series. If you would like more, um, do we have, look, do we have any, Charlie? Do we have any sense of the fattest Native American baby ever?
44:45 Speaker 06 Well.
44:45 Speaker 03 Yeah, I was surprised.
44:46 Speaker 06 I did try and find that.
44:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
44:48 Speaker 06 But it's unclear. There are.
44:50 Speaker 03 I guess they don't, there's an oral history.
44:51 Speaker 06 There is, there is, a lot of people have been sending me on Instagram, a lot of listeners, this new baby that's just been born about three weeks ago in New York.
45:01 Speaker 03 Okay, new big baby just dropped.
45:02 Speaker 06 He's, yeah, new big baby just dropped. He's a 13 pound baby boy.
45:04 Speaker 02 He didn't drop, he fucking erupted out of his mum there.
45:07 Speaker 06 13 pound baby boy and he already requires clothes for a six month old.
45:11 Speaker 02 Fuck. Straight nought to six months?
45:13 Speaker 06 Yeah.
45:13 Speaker 03 Guys, I was 12 pounds.
45:14 Speaker 02 Fucking hell.
45:16 Speaker 03 I was 12 pounds.
45:17 Speaker 02 Yeah. 13 pounds isn't that much.
45:21 Speaker 03 I mean, I was fucking huge, but, but if they're making posts about that, that bums me out because that basically means I'm.
45:28 Speaker 02 You're a freak.
45:29 Speaker 03 I was big enough to be a Facebook post.
45:31 Speaker 02 You were big enough for Charlie to bring you up if we, if we deal with Sussex in the 90s.
45:37 Speaker 03 I must be up there.
45:39 Speaker 02 Anyway, if you'd like more, we're on the Patreon. We are delving into the history of Mormonism. Lots of fun. But if not, we'll see you next week for a brand new topic. This has been Finn versus History. Goodbye for now.
45:51 Speaker 03 Bye.
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