#578 - Inbetwosses, 8 Great Whites and The Pressures of Seagull Parents

John’s having a nightmare because of a rapidly approaching admin hill AKA a holiday. He’s forgotten to count his t-shirts (but does it in his mind at the start of the show, don’t worry), and then his phone goes off mid-record. All this plus Dave’s confiscated his custard cream brownie until he starts behaving. Elis on the other hand is buzzing due to an impending trip to Lisbon for the return of his favourite tournament: The Nations League. And he’s had a jazz epiphany. The Rapid Response Unit is fired up to find out how many t-shirts our listeners own, and we discover why John only listens to Metallica on the toilet. As announced in the show, we’re now welcoming emails on ANY topic. So send in whatever you fancy to [email protected]. Plus, the Patreon video experience has been upgraded! Listen to the rambly Ringfence section for more (some) details. For lots of exclusive EJJR #content, join our Patreon at patreon.com/elisandjohn. For weekly visual highlights, head to youtube.com/@elisandjohn. For everything else, head to elisandjohn.com. The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Before we start this episode, we want to invite you along to the adventures of Ellis and John.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  If you head over to patreon.com/ellisonjohn, you can join us on our monthly escapades, including

• 0:10Speaker 00

  Miniumpicks.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  It's the strangest legal jump in the history of long jump.

• 0:14Speaker 00

  Birdwatching.

• 0:15Speaker 02

  My two favourite things are birds and football.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  And you can watch our latest episode now, where we tackle an escape room.

• 0:22Speaker 03

  So John is absolutely flying here. Well, Ellis is there as well.

• 0:26Speaker 01

  Ellis is there as well, Dave.

• 0:27Speaker 02

  We did the first three, Dave, for complete chill.

• 0:32Speaker 00

  So for adventures and so much more, head over to patreon.com/ellisonjohn now.

• 0:40Speaker 04

  Cheers to fall savings at Whole Foods Market, home of higher ingredient standards. This Halloween, share chocolates and candies made without that spooky high fructose corn syrup. Throwing a party? Make it easy with a berry chantilly cake. Ready to cook pizza? No antibiotics ever chicken wings. And sushi made fresh daily. Fall gatherings never tasted better. Save through November 3rd at Whole Foods Market.

• 1:08Speaker 05

  I've got big news. I switched to Verizon and got the new iPhone 18 Pro. Shh. I can keep my old phone and I also get the latest iPhone every year. Shh. Anything else? Verizon let me choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on them. Everybody, listen up. Shh. Switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone 18 Pro now. No trade in needed. And the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus, choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on us. Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for Watch or iPad required. Additional terms apply for all offers.

• 2:01Speaker 00

  Hello and welcome to this latest episode of Ellis and John. I'm here with Dave, who's looking extremely relaxed, and John, of course, for whom his t-shirts are a canvas.

• 2:13Speaker 01

  Oh, big. I forgot to count how many t-shirts I've got.

• 2:16Speaker 00

  John!

• 2:17Speaker 01

  I can do it in my mind now. I can do it in my mind now.

• 2:19Speaker 00

  No, that's not fair! That's of ages and, you know.

• 2:22Speaker 01

  No, I could do it in my mind really quickly.

• 2:24Speaker 00

  It's not great broadcasting.

• 2:25Speaker 01

  Well, I can make it great.

• 2:27Speaker 00

  Go on then. Can you?

• 2:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:28Speaker 00

  But then now I want to hear. So I need you to broadcast and count t-shirts in your mind, although we won't know how accurate it is. Like, I could say, yeah, I can count my t-shirts and just pluck a number out of thin air.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I would never, ever, ever do that.

• 2:40Speaker 00

  No?

• 2:41Speaker 03

  So what are you gonna do here, just so, just so we know?

• 2:44Speaker 01

  Eight Great Whites.

• 2:45Speaker 03

  Eight Great Whites?

• 2:46Speaker 01

  Three White Freddy's.

• 2:48Speaker 03

  That's okay, it's 11.

• 2:49Speaker 00

  11.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  Okay, so you keep the total.

• 2:51Speaker 03

  Oh, all right. Let me give my, let me give my calculate.

• 2:53Speaker 00

  This is bad broadcasting.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  You're bad broadcasting.

• 2:56Speaker 03

  This is good!

• 2:57Speaker 01

  This is what people want.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  The t-shirt stuff from Tuesday, yeah. I found very entertaining when I listened back to it. It was good stuff.

• 3:04Speaker 00

  I'm not sure about this, though. I'll give him an opportunity.

• 3:06Speaker 01

  Where are we up to, Dave?

• 3:07Speaker 00

  Because I love the guy and I've known him since 2005.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  I can remember all my t-shirts left to right. I mean, Eight Great Whites.

• 3:13Speaker 00

  Eight Great Whites.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  Three White Freddy's.

• 3:15Speaker 03

  Three White Freddy's, plus three.

• 3:18Speaker 01

  Three Bean Salad White.

• 3:19Speaker 00

  Imagine if I did this.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, one.

• 3:21Speaker 03

  Right, you've got to put the number before each one, John.

• 3:23Speaker 01

  Well, if I just say, if I just say singular, so Three Bean Salad White.

• 3:27Speaker 03

  It's annoying that it starts with a number, though, because I just.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  I see, yeah, fair enough.

• 3:31Speaker 03

  No, it's good. Go on.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  Comedian Cinema Club White.

• 3:34Speaker 03

  That's a one.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  Two Off-White.

• 3:39Speaker 00

  If I did this.

• 3:40Speaker 01

  You couldn't, you couldn't dream this up in a million years.

• 3:47Speaker 00

  Yeah?

• 3:48Speaker 03

  You're at two Off-White, just in case you're wondering.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, Geese White.

• 3:52Speaker 03

  One.

• 3:54Speaker 01

  Frank Zappa White.

• 3:55Speaker 03

  One.

• 3:56Speaker 01

  Frank Zappa Black.

• 3:57Speaker 03

  One.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  Frank Zappa Red.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  One.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  Frank Zappa Black again.

• 4:01Speaker 00

  We can't put this out.

• 4:03Speaker 03

  It's not the Five Live TX, it's fine. This is a free hit.

• 4:08Speaker 01

  Have I got Geese Black?

• 4:09Speaker 00

  This is one for the fans.

• 4:10Speaker 03

  You can't ask me to be remembering at the same time as.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, I can. You're writing them down.

• 4:13Speaker 03

  No, but I'm just pointing one.

• 4:14Speaker 01

  Oh, I see, right.

• 4:15Speaker 03

  I'm just, all I'm doing is this. I'm just.

• 4:17Speaker 01

  Geese Black.

• 4:17Speaker 03

  Okay, well, you might have already, who knows at this stage? Go on, carry on.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Chavinia.

• 4:21Speaker 03

  Beg your pardon?

• 4:21Speaker 01

  Chavinia.

• 4:23Speaker 03

  I don't just make words up, John.

• 4:24Speaker 01

  Grey. Black. Black.

• 4:28Speaker 03

  Hold on, this is vague now.

• 4:30Speaker 01

  No, no, no. They're just on, they're just plain black.

• 4:32Speaker 03

  Oh, okay, fine.

• 4:33Speaker 00

  Self-esteem sexual.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Self-esteem sexual, yes.

• 4:37Speaker 03

  Yeah!

• 4:38Speaker 01

  Pulp.

• 4:40Speaker 00

  Oh, the one from 96?

• 4:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:42Speaker 03

  Just the one, Pulp?

• 4:43Speaker 01

  Yeah. I thought, I chucked the other one. Well, I gave the other one to charity because it was just slightly too big. Um, Bonnie Prince Billy Orange Two.

• 4:54Speaker 03

  Hold on, what does that mean, two? Two of them?

• 4:56Speaker 01

  That's two, yeah.

• 4:56Speaker 03

  Start with the number, please, John.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  Okay. Two Bonnie Prince Billy Light Blue. Two Bonnie Prince Billy Pink. These are duplicates that I bought from a guy who had access to his house.

• 5:07Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 5:08Speaker 01

  With permission.

• 5:08Speaker 03

  What?

• 5:11Speaker 03

  Access to his house is an odd way of saying it. Go on.

• 5:17Speaker 01

  Bonnie Prince Billy White.

• 5:19Speaker 03

  I think you said that.

• 5:21Speaker 01

  No, I said two blue, two orange and two pink.

• 5:25Speaker 03

  Okay. I mean, there's.

• 5:26Speaker 00

  Trump and Xi are meeting on US soil. What's at stake? I've got to offer something different to the listener.

• 5:32Speaker 01

  I don't want to hear about that.

• 5:33Speaker 00

  UK warned of a ballooning debt costs and slower growth ahead of budget.

• 5:36Speaker 03

  We're a sanctuary away from that, Ellis. They'd rather hear the t-shirt counting.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  Okay, now we begin with the queens.

• 5:47Speaker 03

  Well, you already, okay, you've done Freddie.

• 5:48Speaker 00

  Magella Lawson is icing on the cake, TV critics say as she enters Bake Off tent.

• 5:53Speaker 01

  Queen. Two Queen Red. Two Queen Black.

• 5:57Speaker 00

  Off sick, you need to phone your boss back to work, adviser says.

• 6:00Speaker 01

  Queen Black.

• 6:01Speaker 03

  One.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. Queen, another Queen Black.

• 6:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:06Speaker 00

  BBC weatherman announces he's walking away from the world after 30 years.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  You're making this, how are you making this worse?

• 6:14Speaker 03

  He's offering weird balance.

• 6:15Speaker 00

  It is weird, but I'm going to the BBC News website.

• 6:18Speaker 03

  You are, you are.

• 6:19Speaker 01

  Niko Case Grey.

• 6:22Speaker 03

  Are we wrapping up now?

• 6:23Speaker 01

  No. Big Thief Black.

• 6:25Speaker 00

  Are you wrapping up?

• 6:26Speaker 01

  Big Thief Black.

• 6:27Speaker 00

  Wrapping up yourself.

• 6:28Speaker 01

  I'm counting my t-shirts. It's done when it's done.

• 6:30Speaker 00

  Okay. Chris Mason from Inside the Room, how Burnham survived first Trump meeting.

• 6:35Speaker 03

  I've already read that.

• 6:35Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 6:36Speaker 03

  Interesting stuff.

• 6:37Speaker 00

  I don't have a buoyancy aid.

• 6:39Speaker 01

  Well, I'm losing, I'm losing, I'm losing track now.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  The world's a go, right?

• 6:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:44Speaker 00

  And this is public service broadcasting, remember?

• 6:46Speaker 03

  It's unbelievable.

• 6:47Speaker 01

  This is public service broadcasting. Bed t-shirts, six.

• 6:54Speaker 00

  What if almost one for every day of the week?

• 6:55Speaker 01

  Almost one for every day.

• 6:56Speaker 03

  Did we agree bed t-shirts on Sunday?

• 6:58Speaker 01

  Yes, because they're t-shirts.

• 6:59Speaker 00

  On the Lord's Day.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Two Mayber t-shirts.

• 7:02Speaker 00

  Who?

• 7:03Speaker 01

  There, it's a brand called Mayber, Dave.

• 7:05Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 7:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  I'm completely neutral about them.

• 7:08Speaker 00

  Well, they made Barcelona's legendary kit in the 80s and 90s. The Barcelona ship Maradona won, Ronald Koeman, that was a Mayber kit.

• 7:14Speaker 03

  It's just interesting that he's just decided to throw in brands at, you know, at t-shirt number 17.

• 7:18Speaker 01

  Well, that's how, that's how I'm distinguishing them from the other plain t-shirts.

• 7:21Speaker 03

  Okay, all right, okay.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  Frank Zappa Long Text Black.

• 7:25Speaker 03

  And who makes that one? Just out of interest.

• 7:26Speaker 01

  Fruit of the Loom.

• 7:28Speaker 03

  I bet you've got so many.

• 7:29Speaker 01

  It is actually Fruit of the Loom.

• 7:30Speaker 03

  I bet John's got so many Fruit of the Loom t-shirts.

• 7:32Speaker 01

  I'm a big Fruit of the Loom guy. Jake Zerxi's Fussel Tea.

• 7:36Speaker 00

  Never seen that one.

• 7:37Speaker 01

  Yes, you have. I've worn it on this show probably five times. It's got a turtle on it.

• 7:41Speaker 00

  He sounds like somebody who plays in the Bundesliga.

• 7:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:47Speaker 03

  No, it's a nice t-shirt. Go on.

• 7:48Speaker 00

  Australian Bundesliga.

• 7:50Speaker 03

  Theme music's run out.

• 7:51Speaker 01

  Oh, this is embarrassing. London Marathon Finishes t-shirt.

• 7:55Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, well done.

• 7:55Speaker 00

  Well done.

• 7:56Speaker 01

  Thanks.

• 7:58Speaker 00

  I didn't know you'd done the marathon. You should have gone on about it more.

• 8:03Speaker 01

  Right, we're on to the running top stage.

• 8:05Speaker 00

  Are we?

• 8:07Speaker 01

  Cue the run.

• 8:08Speaker 03

  Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold your horses there, tiger.

• 8:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:12Speaker 03

  We did say it's only cotton t-shirts.

• 8:14Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, fair enough. Remove the London Marathon. I'm sorry for mentioning the London Marathon finishing.

• 8:19Speaker 00

  That's not a cotton t-shirt, is it?

• 8:21Speaker 01

  It's, no, it's like a sort of.

• 8:23Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  And golf is no because of the collar.

• 8:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, agreed, agreed.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  Okay, so let me just do a last mind scan.

• 8:31Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 8:31Speaker 01

  Of my t-shirts.

• 8:38Speaker 03

  It's like Minority Report in here.

• 8:42Speaker 01

  Queen White.

• 8:44Speaker 03

  Are you sure you've not said Queen White?

• 8:46Speaker 01

  Three Freddie Whites.

• 8:47Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  And a Queen White.

• 8:48Speaker 03

  Right.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  I'm pretty sure.

• 8:53Speaker 03

  That's the final episode of this podcast.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  But that's it.

• 8:57Speaker 03

  We ran out of ideas.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  I reckon I'm, I reckon I'm within 10%.

• 9:00Speaker 03

  Okay, that's right. You've got the 10% contingency. Shall I hit equals and see what happens? My phone might explode. Well, how many do you reckon, John?

• 9:10Speaker 01

  I reckon 40.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  Ellis, how many do you?

• 9:13Speaker 00

  I was gonna say 40.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  56.

• 9:14Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 9:15Speaker 00

  56 t-shirts.

• 9:17Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 9:18Speaker 03

  Now, unbelievably, we have more t-shirt counting later in the episode.

• 9:21Speaker 01

  I know, that's why I did that. I'm not mad. I'm always thinking ahead.

• 9:26Speaker 03

  You are. You are. 56. Well done, John.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 9:30Speaker 00

  I've got some t-shirts that I don't like, but that I will wear under a jumper. Because I wouldn't wear a jumper without a t-shirt. But I know that because it's cold in the winter months, I'm not gonna remove the jumper.

• 9:42Speaker 03

  This is what I'm doing right now. This is just an all my friends t-shirt, but I don't wanna wear that.

• 9:45Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 9:46Speaker 03

  So I've just got it under me jumps.

• 9:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've got a few of those that are just not good enough to be, you know.

• 9:52Speaker 01

  So you wouldn't wear a jumper without a t-shirt?

• 9:55Speaker 00

  No, even though oddly, although oddly, I actually think it looks better on me, wearing a jumper without a t-shirt. But I wouldn't because of the sweat. Why did your phone go off there, John?

• 10:06Speaker 01

  Because I.

• 10:07Speaker 00

  You've had a nightmare. You've forgotten to count your t-shirts and you haven't turned off your notifications.

• 10:12Speaker 01

  I have a rapidly approaching admin sort of hill that I'm gonna die on. So it's just, you know, I'm getting notifications.

• 10:22Speaker 00

  Okay, what's your admin hill?

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Well, just travel. Just travel, brackets, general.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  Oh, nice. Okay.

• 10:29Speaker 01

  And, you know, travel used to be easy. I'm reading lots of books from the 50s. You should turn up at the airport with a passport that anyone could.

• 10:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, anyone could forge.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  And you'd get a stamp and then you'd walk on the plane with your Kalashnikov and your gold bullion and your Semtex.

• 10:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 10:46Speaker 01

  And then you would get off without causing any trouble because you had a sense of common decency.

• 10:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, nothing, nothing biometric in the 50s.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  Now you've got to queue for a thousand hours to have a system that doesn't work, fail.

• 11:01Speaker 00

  Enjoy your holiday, though.

• 11:04Speaker 03

  You know, when you get to the passport control and they're always so moody, you know, the ones behind the glass.

• 11:08Speaker 01

  Well, it's because you're not allowed to smile in your passport photo.

• 11:11Speaker 03

  No, I know. Well, I'm allowed to be moody. They can be chirpy. They're the ones that are just looking through your passport.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  To set an example for passport photos. And when you go into the booth, you get into that headspace. Oh, I'm going through customs. I look like I've been bereaved.

• 11:25Speaker 03

  But then why is it when they ask you, where have you come from? You can't remember and you panic? Because you just, it's almost like all forest. My mother's womb. I'm not sure. I think, hold on, was it Ross? No, it was, hold on, give me a second. No, it was Manchester two day, no, five days ago. No, one day ago. It's nerve wracking.

• 11:41Speaker 00

  My son is always terrified that they're gonna go, that's not you.

• 11:46Speaker 00

  Look at his passport and go, that is not you. Now get back on the plane.

• 11:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:52Speaker 00

  I'm going to Portugal to watch Wales play tomorrow. Fingers crossed. Because he's got a very bad headache, so I might not go if she's unwell.

• 12:00Speaker 03

  What city are they in?

• 12:02Speaker 00

  Lisbon.

• 12:02Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 12:04Speaker 00

  And we're gonna get absolutely battered because all of our best players are injured. So I'm looking forward to the game. Can't wait.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  What's, what's it for?

• 12:11Speaker 00

  Nations League, which I love.

• 12:13Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:14Speaker 03

  No, it's not a lie.

• 12:15Speaker 00

  It's not a lie. I was defending the Nations League on some Facebook today. I'll defend it.

• 12:24Speaker 00

  Don't you ever, ever, ever criticize the Nation? It wasn't you doing it in the first place.

• 12:28Speaker 03

  No, and you're playing Portugal.

• 12:30Speaker 00

  We are playing Portugal. We're in Nations League A. We're in a difficult group against Portugal, Denmark and Norway. And I think we're gonna lose every game.

• 12:36Speaker 03

  How are you in A?

• 12:37Speaker 00

  Because we got promoted from B because we're too good for B, but we're not good enough for A. So we go up from B, lose all the games and then we're relegated again.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  So you need an A minus. You're Wolves.

• 12:47Speaker 00

  That is exactly what we need. I would love there to be a Nations League A minus, but unfortunately the big wigs at UEFA are not responding to my emails. I went to Ronnie Scott's on Saturday to watch some jazz.

• 12:59Speaker 01

  Oh, lovely.

• 13:00Speaker 00

  I, I mean, you get everything from me, don't you?

• 13:03Speaker 03

  We do. You're not around her.

• 13:04Speaker 00

  I FaceTimed my mum. You get everything from me.

• 13:06Speaker 03

  From Ronnie Scott's?

• 13:07Speaker 00

  Not from Ronnie Scott's. It was too loud and there's very little signal. But yeah, my friend Dave Ulmer's performing, the jazz drummer, so I went to watch him. Excellent. And I did think to myself, if I'd had a completely different life and I devoted myself to jazz, this would be my scene. But unfortunately, I'm not technically good enough on any level and so.

• 13:27Speaker 01

  What, to perform?

• 13:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:29Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. I always feel.

• 13:31Speaker 00

  I suppose I could scat. That always looks quite easy.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  I kind of feel.

• 13:35Speaker 03

  Anyone can get away with that.

• 13:36Speaker 01

  A bit sorry for jazz musicians and classical musicians as well because they're like, they've put in more hours than Kurt Cobain did on guitar.

• 13:47Speaker 00

  Absolutely. Yeah, I thought this was on Saturday, actually.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  Where they're the musically the best musicians in the world.

• 13:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, a friend of mine.

• 13:55Speaker 01

  And they're probably not making hefty dollar.

• 13:58Speaker 00

  A friend of mine, she's in an orchestra as a flautist and she is unreal at the flute.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  After grade eight, you should get basically a state pension.

• 14:09Speaker 00

  Well, you get your letters after. There's, there's one after, you know, you can go after grade eight and she's done that.

• 14:13Speaker 01

  Okay, so if you go one after grade eight, you should get a stipend from the government.

• 14:16Speaker 00

  At the age of 24.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  To promote culture.

• 14:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, I agree because the graft. But unfortunately, apart from, who was the guy with the golden flute? Was that James Galway? Was that his name? The Irishman who used to? But, you know, I suppose he was making hefty dollar at the flute. But it's not something that happens very often. Jethro Tull.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it did, it didn't signal a, you know, a rise in big time flautists. I mean, I'm sure more people took up the flute as a result of Galway.

• 14:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:50Speaker 03

  It was James Galway I'm thinking of, wasn't it? The man with the golden flute. The man with the golden flute. It's very Bond-esque, isn't it? The Bond, the Bond film that was never made.

• 14:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, but then you could keep a gun in the flute, couldn't you?

• 15:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, he looks like James Bond as well in the picture.

• 15:03Speaker 00

  No, he doesn't.

• 15:04Speaker 03

  Wow, he's got a dinner jacket on.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  He looks like Father Christmas, Dave.

• 15:11Speaker 00

  He looks like Father Christmas at a corporate event.

• 15:18Speaker 00

  How's your week been, John?

• 15:20Speaker 01

  Oh, well, I'm very full, so I can't really remember anything.

• 15:26Speaker 03

  Also, the word remember.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  I ate too much lunch just before we came in and then I'm rationing a custard cream brownie.

• 15:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:36Speaker 01

  So there's a lot going on, really.

• 15:38Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course.

• 15:39Speaker 03

  Is this your admin hill that you're dying on?

• 15:40Speaker 00

  No.

• 15:41Speaker 01

  No, I'm also, I think probably at time, this is the buffest I've ever been in a record. Because I went to the gym this morning. I've never been to the gym before, record.

• 15:49Speaker 00

  Also, you've got the pump.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  I've got the big, Dave, feel my pump.

• 15:55Speaker 03

  Blimey, heck.

• 15:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:56Speaker 03

  That's firm stuff.

• 15:58Speaker 01

  I think I did 70, 100 press ups.

• 16:01Speaker 00

  Oh, well done.

• 16:02Speaker 03

  7000.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  700, 7,000 press ups, Dave. And like 120 calories on the rower.

• 16:12Speaker 00

  Oh, well done.

• 16:13Speaker 01

  And some sit ups.

• 16:16Speaker 03

  Well, that's great.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:17Speaker 03

  And you feel, because a lot of people kind of come out of the gym feeling, you know, energized and pumped.

• 16:23Speaker 00

  No, you don't look it.

• 16:25Speaker 01

  Straight back into the torture chamber. But I felt very, you just felt, you feel taut.

• 16:31Speaker 00

  You feel taut.

• 16:32Speaker 01

  It was very shouldery. It was very bicep-y today. Nothing really on the legs.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  And, but I prided myself on being quite a good rower. But it was a partner workout and the, the woman I was partnered with, gosh, she was absolutely beast-ing the rower. Do you know when you see someone really, like, properly take it seriously as you're meant to? Like really push themselves until they've got nothing left.

• 16:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:59Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 16:59Speaker 00

  Like Steve Redgrave in that doc when he falls off.

• 17:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there are people at CrossFit who do that. And I'm like, I've never even really got to about 70% probably because it makes you really out of breath.

• 17:10Speaker 03

  Okay, that's good.

• 17:11Speaker 01

  But I'm sort of looking, I'm thinking, God, maybe I should be like doing that. And then I just sort of pootle along as if I'm punting.

• 17:18Speaker 00

  You have though, because during the marathon, when I met you at mile 21 and gave you a hug, in my ear, you whispered, I'm absolutely [BLEEP].

• 17:27Speaker 03

  Did he?

• 17:29Speaker 01

  But that's a different type of, imagine if you, someone was sprinting the marathon.

• 17:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  Because you're only doing these for short periods of times in CrossFit, so I should maybe push myself a bit harder.

• 17:40Speaker 03

  Well, no, it's fun. I'll just do what you gotta do. Because you'll still be getting the fitness up, even if you're just taking yourself a bit slower than the ones that are absolutely caning it.

• 17:48Speaker 01

  The guy who runs the gym, who's lovely, Jeremy, I, I didn't, I didn't complain. I just pointed out that quite often the music is quite aggressive. Like there's often.

• 18:00Speaker 00

  What are we talking? Are we talking classic gym music?

• 18:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, and the sort of music that it would be in the. Not quite.

• 18:12Speaker 01

  I mean, sometimes, it's just like, sometimes it's quite aggressive rap music.

• 18:16Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  And just sometimes it's quite misogynistic and there's a lot of swearing. And I think people are just sort of, they block it out. So you don't actually listen to the lyrics. But I said, do you reckon we could have a song that isn't sort of saying, [BLEEP] off your [BLEEP], you silly [BLEEP]. Go and get me some money or whatever it is.

• 18:33Speaker 03

  Famous number one hit.

• 18:34Speaker 01

  But there's a lot of that in that world.

• 18:36Speaker 03

  There is.

• 18:37Speaker 01

  So anyway, he got AI to make a John Robbins, it was ladies and John Robbins playlist.

• 18:45Speaker 03

  Right.

• 18:45Speaker 01

  So it was for the sensitive souls of the gym.

• 18:48Speaker 03

  And what did you get?

• 18:49Speaker 01

  It was just really nice. No effing and jeffing and.

• 18:54Speaker 00

  David Gray, Lighthouse Family.

• 18:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, like no problematic topics.

• 18:58Speaker 00

  No.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  A bit of Fleetwood Mac, maybe.

• 19:00Speaker 00

  John Carter.

• 19:01Speaker 01

  Just a bit more gentle, but still upbeat.

• 19:03Speaker 00

  Did everybody else, was everyone else fine with this?

• 19:06Speaker 01

  I don't think he told anyone else. He just showed me on the iPad. He said, I've made you a special sensitive soul playlist. That was a bit of fun. But I, I don't, I don't, I don't, I find all that music quite disturbing, really. I guess because I don't listen to aggressive music in my life, apart from, I don't know, maybe a bit of Metallica if I'm on the loo and my bow is over.

• 19:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  Or Megadeth.

• 19:32Speaker 03

  Right, I see.

• 19:32Speaker 01

  Put that on to the Sonos.

• 19:34Speaker 03

  I see what you mean. It's kind of, is it not just very obvious what you're doing?

• 19:38Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:39Speaker 00

  But that's better than the alternative.

• 19:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:41Speaker 00

  Which is complete access to the noise collage that is John on the toilet.

• 19:47Speaker 01

  Well, or anyone on the toilet.

• 19:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'd rather hear Enter Sandman, to be fair.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:52Speaker 03

  Understood, understood.

• 19:54Speaker 01

  The next is Sandman.

• 20:02Speaker 00

  As soon as Metallica goes on, she's like, yeah, we're gonna have eight to 11 minutes of Metallica now.

• 20:10Speaker 01

  And the odd sound effects from Boggle.

• 20:13Speaker 03

  Great, superb, amazing.

• 20:21Speaker 03

  You're on a streak.

• 20:37Speaker 06

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• 21:09Speaker 04

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• 21:52Speaker 04

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• 22:09Speaker 01

  See, I'm feeling quite buff, feeling quite buff and full and, you know, just full of zest and a love for life.

• 22:19Speaker 03

  Great. Well, I mean, what we do have lined up is a John wins again.

• 22:24Speaker 01

  Oh, right. Yeah, it has been a good week.

• 22:27Speaker 03

  Do you wanna JWA it?

• 22:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, I keep looking at the brownie.

• 22:32Speaker 00

  My god. Why not? Why didn't you eat it and then Dave could decide if it was a win or a loss?

• 22:37Speaker 03

  No, because it'll just be a loss for everyone in the room for the next hour. He needs to, in fact, I'm gonna put this over here, John.

• 22:42Speaker 01

  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

• 22:45Speaker 03

  Just keeping an eye on it. I'm keeping it safe for you.

• 22:48Speaker 01

  Okay, thank you.

• 22:49Speaker 00

  That's like my mum moving.

• 22:50Speaker 01

  That's what people say to kids.

• 22:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:53Speaker 01

  Keeping the Haribo safe until you forget about it, so you're not sick before dinner.

• 22:57Speaker 00

  That's like dad taking away my Game Boy because I hadn't done my homework.

• 23:01Speaker 01

  Did you have a Game Boy when you were a kid?

• 23:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, I wasn't really into, I've never really been into computer games, but I did have a Game Boy for Tetris. And then, and then the games were all 30 quid. I was like, how can I buy a new one? So I just played Tetris. I got bored of it and that was that.

• 23:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:14Speaker 00

  Same with the Master System, where I had Sonic and Super Tennis.

• 23:18Speaker 03

  For revision wants, because I was staying at home to revise for my GCSEs, dad secretly took the fuse out of the plug of the TV.

• 23:26Speaker 00

  My dad did all this stuff as well. I was scared I was gonna miss it.

• 23:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I walked down to watch Neighbours at 1.45, 12.45, as like my, as like my treat in the middle of the day. And I'm like, bloody hell, dad.

• 23:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:37Speaker 03

  I looked in the plug and it's, but you'd only put the fuse like seven inches away from the plug, so I just put the fuse back in the plug.

• 23:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, I was in, I was in a, I was in a band when I was in sick form and we went and did a gig and dad realised I'd not submitted some homework. By the time I got back from the gig, he'd put all of my possessions in the attic.

• 23:58Speaker 03

  Oh, that's a, that's a.

• 23:59Speaker 00

  To create a kind of, sort of, sort of revision cell.

• 24:05Speaker 03

  Oh, so for you to go up there to do your stuff.

• 24:07Speaker 00

  No, no, no. So I couldn't access my possessions and thus be, my possessions and thus be distracted from doing my homework. So it was just, my bedroom was just my bed.

• 24:15Speaker 03

  It's a lot of work for him, that, isn't it?

• 24:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, it took him hours, but he was very worried.

• 24:20Speaker 03

  Right, John.

• 24:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:23Speaker 03

  The wins, the losses. Shall we tot them up?

• 24:26Speaker 01

  The in-betwosses, Dave.

• 24:27Speaker 03

  The in-betwosses.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Because sometimes you have to adjudicate.

• 24:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do and I always.

• 24:31Speaker 01

  For people who do skip this section, it is, there is broader discussions.

• 24:36Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  You know, about some of the topics I bring up.

• 24:40Speaker 00

  It's not bullet print radio.

• 24:41Speaker 01

  It's like a magazine show, John Wins again.

• 24:43Speaker 00

  Exactly.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  Which allows us to sort of really dig into a lot of, a lot of the burning issues.

• 24:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:48Speaker 03

  Absolutely, absolutely.

• 24:50Speaker 00

  From, it's the 40th anniversary of the first aerobics video, so let's move on to the Good Friday Agreement.

• 24:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:57Speaker 01

  Is it the 40th anniversary of the first aerobics video?

• 25:00Speaker 00

  No, I just made that up. I thought, I was trying to think of the stuff that's discussed on those magazine shows.

• 25:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Because of course the Nazis made aerobics videos of a style, didn't they?

• 25:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you couldn't buy them on video. You just had to be in the sort of town square.

• 25:14Speaker 01

  They missed out. Could have funded the war machine, but they didn't have videos, did they?

• 25:18Speaker 00

  No, no.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  But I'm sure they played them in cinemas.

• 25:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay.

• 25:23Speaker 01

  So I've been reading a lot of novels set in the Second World War.

• 25:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm, I'm reading.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  All on the side of the Allies.

• 25:29Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay, nice. Although All Quiet on the Western Front is written from the Germans' perspective and it is excellent if you're interested in novels. Although that's World War One. Continue.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  Okay, let's play.

• 25:52Speaker 00

  John wins again. Oh, John wins again. John wins again. John wins again. Wins again. Wins again.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  Okay, here we go.

• 26:14Speaker 00

  He's dancing.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  I was on my way to the train station.

• 26:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  I realised when I got there, I'd forgotten my charger. Very un-Robbins, I think you'll agree.

• 26:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  What's more Robins than I turned around, drove home, parked up, got the charger, drove back to the train station and was still able to make two trains before the train I needed to get. That's how early I was.

• 26:42Speaker 00

  Why? Why would you want to be that early?

• 26:45Speaker 01

  In case, in case I forget my charger, in case there's a train delay, in case there's a fire on the tracks, in case there's a signal failure. Can I tell you a fact about the end of the Metropolitan Line, which blows my mind?

• 27:00Speaker 00

  He's, go on, is it made of?

• 27:03Speaker 03

  Marshmallows.

• 27:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, is it made of marzipan?

• 27:05Speaker 01

  It may as well be. I said to the guy at Chalfont and Latimer Station, I said, why, you've got one of those like display boards there, the digital display.

• 27:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:17Speaker 01

  I said, why has it never got the right information on it? Because I know that, I can see on my app that that train is on its way and it's saying, and they're like 10 minutes. I know it's two minutes away. Or sometimes there's just no information there.

• 27:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:31Speaker 01

  He said the.

• 27:32Speaker 00

  This is a digital display, is it? Yeah.

• 27:33Speaker 01

  He says the signalling at the end of the Met Line is so old that they know a train is passing, but they don't know what direction it's going in.

• 27:43Speaker 03

  That's not true.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  That's true.

• 27:45Speaker 00

  No, it's Victorian signalling in parts, yeah.

• 27:48Speaker 01

  Can you believe in 2026, they're like, well, a train is either coming or going. We know it's past a point, but we don't know in which direction it's past a point. So the information on the display is always wrong.

• 28:03Speaker 03

  Not always wrong. If the train's coming the right way, no?

• 28:06Speaker 01

  Oh, right. I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  It's right half of the time.

• 28:09Speaker 00

  50/50 chance. Goodness.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  One of my pet hates is bad information.

• 28:14Speaker 00

  Yes, I'm with you on that.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  Have no information.

• 28:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 28:16Speaker 01

  So like, there's a clock. Clocks on supermarkets are always wrong. You know, they build those towers with clocks on because the first supermarket had one, so they all just copied the design.

• 28:27Speaker 00

  Oh, I thought it was only Tesco.

• 28:29Speaker 01

  No, most of those clocks don't work.

• 28:30Speaker 00

  Oh, really?

• 28:31Speaker 01

  I'll send you a very interesting and very long YouTube video about why supermarkets have clock towers.

• 28:37Speaker 03

  Okay, send it to Ellis.

• 28:39Speaker 01

  Well, no, he's not even gonna, he's not gonna read that, is he?

• 28:42Speaker 03

  Oh, we see, we do dig into the wider issues within this feature.

• 28:44Speaker 00

  This is discussion.

• 28:45Speaker 03

  This is debate sparked again.

• 28:48Speaker 00

  I hate bad information.

• 28:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:50Speaker 00

  Although I detest no information when you know they could give it to you. When you're on a train that's just sitting.

• 28:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:58Speaker 00

  And you're thinking, well, tell me.

• 28:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:59Speaker 00

  Because I need to make plans.

• 29:01Speaker 01

  Because the train driver knows it's not moving.

• 29:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  So he must know, or she must know why.

• 29:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:07Speaker 01

  Even if they don't know the broader issues.

• 29:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:10Speaker 01

  But in fairness, they do tend to pop on and once they know, say, but sometimes you're like, just tell me it's a red signal. Even that.

• 29:18Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, even that.

• 29:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:19Speaker 00

  Because I can visualise a red signal.

• 29:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:24Speaker 01

  I, oh, this was such a fun experience. I was asked to take part at an event at something called the Chilton Gateway Club, which is a club set up in 1966.

• 29:40Speaker 00

  Sounds like a poorly paid corporate. Carry on.

• 29:44Speaker 01

  Uh, it was unpaid.

• 29:46Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 29:46Speaker 01

  Uh, it's a club for people with learning disabilities of all different ranges, all different ages. And I think it's sort of, A, provides a bit of respite time for their, for their carers or their family if they, if they don't live individually. But also it works to sort of build their confidence and give them community. And, um, this lovely lady asked me if I'd come and take part in a Q and A.

• 30:13Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 30:14Speaker 01

  And I said, um, I said, yeah, sure. Well, do you think they'll know who I am? Like, have they seen Taskmaster or, or anything? She said, well, we told, we told our members there was a comedian coming and they asked if it was Benny Hill.

• 30:29Speaker 01

  And there were three of us. It was me, the mayor of Amersham and an ex-fuzz.

• 30:33Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 30:34Speaker 01

  It was great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that was.

• 30:37Speaker 00

  So who was asking the questions?

• 30:39Speaker 01

  Uh, the members of the, of the club were asking and I was quite concerned. It was going to be like, tell us a joke. Can you make us laugh?

• 30:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:48Speaker 01

  And I was sort of quite nervous about that. First question, what's your favourite sandwich? Second question, will you dance to YMCA?

• 30:55Speaker 00

  Oh, yes.

• 30:57Speaker 01

  So I did a bit of dancing.

• 30:58Speaker 00

  Did you?

• 30:59Speaker 01

  To YMCA.

• 30:59Speaker 00

  Oh, that's nice.

• 31:00Speaker 01

  And then they asked, they said, what's your favourite song to dance to? And I think the mayor picked Friday, I'm in love.

• 31:08Speaker 00

  Oh, brilliant.

• 31:08Speaker 01

  And, uh.

• 31:09Speaker 00

  He should go to all my friends.

• 31:11Speaker 01

  The ex-fuzz, who was lovely, um, picked another sort of appropriate song. Uh, and I picked quite an obscure Frank Zappa instrumental.

• 31:19Speaker 00

  So cool.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  Which went down well for a while.

• 31:22Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 31:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, Frank Zappa always does go down for a while.

• 31:25Speaker 00

  I think that deserves two ticks.

• 31:27Speaker 03

  Well, hold on, what's, what's the win here? I mean, it feels like a huge win, but what am I writing?

• 31:31Speaker 01

  There's just like, I think when the world feels awful. And a lot of the questions they were asking were basically, why are people so mean to each other? And there was such a nice atmosphere because there was a big range of, um, sort of conditions that people had. And there was no judgment at all. There was no, there was a big spectrum of people who probably live independently. People who need an awful lot of care and they all just felt like a team. And were growing confidence to be able to come up and ask questions and talk. And it made me sort of remember, like, when you read the news, it's global, so it's inevitably awful.

• 32:14Speaker 01

  But if you go to like your local area, there is really good stuff happening.

• 32:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course, yeah.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  And there are people, you know, the vast majority of whom are working for free, volunteering because they have, you know, uh, an issue has affected a family member or it's affected them. And there's a lot of good happening in, in our communities. Um, so it just sort of reminded me not to be too sort of big picture about the world.

• 32:41Speaker 00

  This is wider discussion, Dave. I'm still not sure what I'm writing. Uh, John had a nice day. Double ticks. I think that deserves two ticks.

• 32:49Speaker 01

  Frank Zappa at a, at Chiltern's Gateway Club and introduced, uh, Frank to their members.

• 32:55Speaker 00

  Cool.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  Um, no escaping career wise at a bit of a blow. Uh, I pitched a show to Amazon and they loved it. Unfortunately, they're already making an identical show with, get this, the same name.

• 33:10Speaker 00

  The same person?

• 33:11Speaker 01

  Same name of the show.

• 33:13Speaker 00

  Oh, right.

• 33:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, uh, which obviously I can't.

• 33:16Speaker 00

  Well, John Robbins hates himself.

• 33:18Speaker 01

  On tour, the grand tour.

• 33:23Speaker 03

  Say that again, sorry.

• 33:24Speaker 01

  I pitched a show to Amazon, Dave, which they really liked. Unfortunately, they said, we're already making this for someone else and it's got the same name. You're too late.

• 33:31Speaker 03

  You're kidding?

• 33:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:32Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 33:33Speaker 03

  What?

• 33:34Speaker 01

  It would be like saying, oh, it's a great idea for a podcast. It's where people count their T-shirts. It's called the Elis James and John Robbins Show.

• 33:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:40Speaker 01

  And you're like, believe it or not.

• 33:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:43Speaker 01

  That exists. But this happens when you're a creative thinker.

• 33:46Speaker 00

  There was a comedian.

• 33:48Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 33:48Speaker 00

  Who'd come up with an idea and I thought it was amazing. And it was filmed where you hear the actor's internal monologue as they're discussing things. And then the, uh, commissioner said, have you watched Peep Show? Because that way, that's all, we've already made that.

• 34:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:05Speaker 00

  He's like, ah.

• 34:06Speaker 01

  Okay. Uh, it's the second first to a hundred victory against, uh, my boggle wife. Hundred to eighty-six. It was a slam dunk for Robbins in the end. So that's now two nil up in first to a hundred, uh, boggle games and she has agreed to go again.

• 34:26Speaker 00

  Imagine if you win a hundred nil.

• 34:28Speaker 01

  Couldn't happen. She's too quick.

• 34:30Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah?

• 34:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She has speed. I have length of word.

• 34:34Speaker 00

  So, so you, are you winning?

• 34:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, I won a hundred.

• 34:37Speaker 00

  Hammered boggle wife.

• 34:38Speaker 01

  Hundred to eighty-six. I didn't hammer her.

• 34:40Speaker 00

  Okay, beat boggle wife.

• 34:41Speaker 01

  Beat boggle wife, yes.

• 34:45Speaker 00

  No, but I mean, if it's like a hundred eighty-six and a hundred and seventy-five, that's two nil. Imagine if you end up winning a hundred nil.

• 34:50Speaker 01

  Oh, what? So then we played 10,000 games of boggle.

• 34:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 34:55Speaker 03

  Do you know who your boggle wife is?

• 34:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:57Speaker 03

  Okay. I don't know whether it was like they were mysterious opponents.

• 35:00Speaker 01

  They were a mysterious opponent for a while until, uh, they and their boyfriend were at the front row of one of our shows.

• 35:08Speaker 03

  Oh, what a tour show. Yes. Oh, cool.

• 35:12Speaker 00

  Oh, so like when you play chess against a stranger online and that that person is in France.

• 35:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:18Speaker 00

  Oh, you can do that with boggle?

• 35:19Speaker 01

  Oh, big time.

• 35:20Speaker 00

  Right.

• 35:21Speaker 01

  Big time. But they are 99.9% AI, which is annoying.

• 35:26Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 35:26Speaker 01

  She, she's marrying a human boggle opponent because the other boggle wives have retired.

• 35:30Speaker 00

  Oh, I thought it was, I thought it was a woman you knew who you played boggle against. Cause I know you played against Joss Long.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  Because I play boggle against her.

• 35:36Speaker 00

  Right. Okay.

• 35:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:38Speaker 03

  Chicken, egg.

• 35:39Speaker 01

  Um, whenever I have a night terror in the dream, a childhood cat appears and nuzzles me, which my therapist thinks is a good sign.

• 35:52Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 35:53Speaker 00

  A real cat you own?

• 35:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:55Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  It's happened three times now, Priska times two and, uh, this week it was Kitty.

• 36:01Speaker 03

  Well, so these are real cats. What?

• 36:03Speaker 01

  In my dreams.

• 36:04Speaker 00

  He owned cats as a kid.

• 36:06Speaker 03

  Yeah. Oh, nice.

• 36:07Speaker 00

  It'd be like Lila in 30 years' time having night terrors, but one of your current cats, Kolo, Yar Yar or Kolo.

• 36:16Speaker 01

  Is in the dream.

• 36:17Speaker 00

  Is in the dream, nuzzling Lila.

• 36:19Speaker 01

  Which suggests that Lila is sort of, there is some level of healing, even though she's still having quite disturbing dreams.

• 36:27Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 36:27Speaker 03

  Oh, poor Lila.

• 36:28Speaker 01

  Where she's being sort of humiliated in public or, or exposed.

• 36:32Speaker 00

  Oh, have you?

• 36:35Speaker 03

  Okay. I won't, I won't wish for that to happen, but you know.

• 36:38Speaker 01

  No.

• 36:38Speaker 00

  So you get your trousers pulled down at a gig or a corporate event and then your cat appears.

• 36:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:44Speaker 00

  And nuzzles your, nuzzles your naked bum.

• 36:46Speaker 01

  Or you're at a, you're at a big party and everyone's looking at you like you've done something terrible and you can't work out why. Suddenly Kitty is bounding down the stairs and giving you a big old cuddle.

• 36:56Speaker 03

  That is nice. It is nice.

• 36:58Speaker 00

  It's a bit like the feeling, you know, when you've lost something and then you find it, the feeling of relief is almost good enough to make you glad that you lost it in the first place.

• 37:06Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 37:07Speaker 00

  Is it worth it seeing, being reunited with a beloved childhood cat? Is the initial phase of the night terror worth it or would you prefer to not have night terrors?

• 37:15Speaker 01

  Prefer to not have it.

• 37:16Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 37:17Speaker 01

  I think so.

• 37:17Speaker 00

  Are they wicking you up, the night terrors?

• 37:19Speaker 01

  Yes, if they, yeah, if they have intense conclusions or crescendos, or when I find out why, uh, everyone is looking at me strangely.

• 37:27Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 37:29Speaker 01

  Um, there's no escaping the fact that diesel's more than two pounds a litre.

• 37:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  That's a, that is a loss, Dave, for everyone.

• 37:38Speaker 03

  Big issues and John wins again.

• 37:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, two pounds, uh, two pounds, two pence and point nine nine a litre. The petrol protests under Blair happened when it hit a quid.

• 37:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:53Speaker 01

  And.

• 37:54Speaker 00

  It's like when, um, when you watch, uh, the first, no, no, the second series of I'm on a Partridge. And you can see the petrol, the petrol prices at the pump and it's like 75 p a litre.

• 38:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:05Speaker 00

  Really dates it.

• 38:07Speaker 01

  And.

• 38:07Speaker 03

  All the lecky's going up as well though. So I'm getting hit on my electric car as well.

• 38:12Speaker 01

  A problem of our, when I say our, I mean the world's own making.

• 38:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:21Speaker 00

  You see, magazine shows aren't afraid to deal with the big issues, discuss the big issues. And then when it comes to actually getting to conclusions, just moving on to another thing. It's a problem of the world's own making and we're going to leave it there. Thank you very much. Now we're going to talk to Martin who works at a garden centre in Gloucester.

• 38:37Speaker 03

  It's very one show.

• 38:38Speaker 01

  I think I might have missed out on Krista Berg tickets at Cadogan Hall.

• 38:42Speaker 00

  That's a positive.

• 38:43Speaker 01

  No, that's an enormous negative.

• 38:45Speaker 00

  That's a massive.

• 38:46Speaker 01

  I want to hear the hits. I want to hear Borderline.

• 38:49Speaker 00

  Plural.

• 38:50Speaker 01

  I want to hear Last Night. I want to hear High on Emotion. I want to hear, um, the one about God and the devil playing chess on a train, Spanish train. I want to hear Man on the Line.

• 39:02Speaker 03

  You don't even mention Lady and Red there.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  I, it's not in my, it's not in my top 50 Krista Berg songs.

• 39:09Speaker 00

  I've played.

• 39:10Speaker 01

  It's in my top, it is, it's probably in my top 30.

• 39:12Speaker 00

  I've done stand-up at the Cadogan Hall. I can't believe I've been in the same dressing room as Krista Berg.

• 39:16Speaker 01

  Well, um, well, maybe not yet, but he's doing, uh, two nights.

• 39:21Speaker 00

  What an odd choice of venue.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  Oh, I think it's perfect. It's classy.

• 39:25Speaker 00

  It is nice.

• 39:26Speaker 03

  You can get into that, John.

• 39:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm, I'm sure I could, but I, I, I was distracted from the pre-sale.

• 39:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:33Speaker 01

  Um, uh.

• 39:35Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  And then finally I've just written Owls.

• 39:38Speaker 00

  Okay, where am I putting that?

• 39:39Speaker 01

  A positive, there's three, there's three, I think there's actually four within earshot of my bedroom window.

• 39:45Speaker 00

  Keeping you up?

• 39:46Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, but I love it.

• 39:47Speaker 03

  In a nice way. Are they calling to each other? Cause that's what I was doing, either side of the house.

• 39:51Speaker 01

  Do you want to hear, yeah, do you want to hear them?

• 39:52Speaker 00

  Do you reckon they could kill your gliss?

• 39:54Speaker 01

  Oh, God, that would be a dream. I would love.

• 39:58Speaker 00

  Absolute bloodbath.

• 39:59Speaker 01

  A red kite to eat.

• 40:01Speaker 00

  Just swoop in and eat them all, yeah.

• 40:03Speaker 01

  Eat them all as they're scurrying in and out. Um, you ready?

• 40:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 40:20Speaker 01

  The [__] is that? Oh no, that's, that's someone's cat snoring.

• 40:31Speaker 01

  Sorry. Next clip.

• 40:35Speaker 01

  It's hard because the screaming moves.

• 40:46Speaker 03

  You sure that's the owl this time?

• 40:50Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 40:52Speaker 03

  What?

• 40:54Speaker 01

  End of class.

• 40:55Speaker 03

  I was hoping for. What is that? Is that a baby owl? It sounds childish.

• 40:59Speaker 01

  I think it's a baby with two parents out sort of, you know, foraging around going, where the bloody hell are you guys?

• 41:07Speaker 03

  They do really call to each other. Hmm. Yeah.

• 41:10Speaker 01

  Do you know what? I got a lot of sympathy for seagulls in Wales. Cause I know they're absolute terrors, but I saw a baby seagull, like screaming for food.

• 41:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:24Speaker 01

  And its parent comes and it screams and screams and screams. They give it some chips and then it just screams and screams. So the pressure on parent seagulls to get chips out of your hand, to shut the bloody kid up. It was banging on.

• 41:40Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's like real parenting.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  Give me a bit of peace. Uh, so there we go.

• 41:44Speaker 03

  Great. Five, three.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  I knew it'd been a great week apart from the night terrors and the diesel prices.

• 41:50Speaker 03

  Went home for charger, still made train, danced to Zappar at Chilton's Gateway Club, beat boggle wife, cat muscling is nice and owls.

• 41:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:57Speaker 03

  And the losses are pitched to Amazon already had the idea, diesel's over two pound a litre and missed Krista Berg tickets.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  What do we get? What happens if diesel goes to like, or petrol? Well, if it just keeps going up and up, so we can't afford to drive.

• 42:11Speaker 03

  Um, it, it always stops though, doesn't it? And then has a little bit of a reprieve, but never quite gets as low as it did before.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  Never gets as low as it did before.

• 42:19Speaker 03

  That's the thing.

• 42:20Speaker 01

  There we go.

• 42:21Speaker 03

  Great. Now is it time for rapid response? We probably should, shouldn't we?

• 42:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, we should. Uh, we asked you how many t-shirts you own.

• 42:32Speaker 03

  It was ma- so we asked them in our cinematic universe, how many t-shirts you owned and I'd forgotten to turn the alerts off. So I was there on a lovely time with my parents in Prague and for about 12 hours I was just getting numbers on Patreon going 17, some in cupboard, some in drawer. Four, all in wardrobe. I'm like, I don't know how to turn this off. But people were gave, it really did spark the imagination of a nation.

• 42:55Speaker 00

  Yes, it did. Um, on Tuesday, whilst washing Carolina Reaper salt off his hands and out of his nose, John had one of his ideas. The idea was to do a census of our listeners t-shirts. He reckons he has more t-shirts than 90% of you. So to find out how many t-shirts you own, we're firing up the rapid response unit.

• 43:18Speaker 01

  Henry in Leeds. Thirty-eight. Deirdre in Dublin.

• 43:24Speaker 03

  Sixty-eight. Whoa.

• 43:26Speaker 00

  Vicky in Manchester. One hundred and five.

• 43:29Speaker 03

  Oh, that's crazy.

• 43:32Speaker 01

  Hector in Ledbury. Nineteen.

• 43:35Speaker 00

  Chris in White Rock, Canada.

• 43:37Speaker 01

  I have 12 t-shirts. Wow.

• 43:40Speaker 00

  Yeah. Is that all? Oh, okay.

• 43:42Speaker 01

  Guillaume in Brittany. Thirty-eight. Thirty-eight?

• 43:46Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 43:46Speaker 01

  Thirty-eight.

• 43:48Speaker 00

  Uh, Louise in Surrey. Seven.

• 43:51Speaker 01

  No. Wow.

• 43:52Speaker 00

  What's Louise wearing?

• 43:55Speaker 01

  Like Mr. Bean.

• 43:56Speaker 00

  Day to day.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  Just the same, the same outfit seven times, seven days of the week.

• 44:01Speaker 00

  Vests, halter neck tops.

• 44:02Speaker 03

  Yeah. I don't think Hannah has many t-shirts.

• 44:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, I suppose for, uh, the lady clothing wearer, there are far more options, absolutely.

• 44:11Speaker 00

  Uh, Joel in Texas.

• 44:13Speaker 07

  Howdy folks. I own 75 t-shirts.

• 44:16Speaker 00

  That's why does that sound so cool to me?

• 44:20Speaker 01

  Kevin in China.

• 44:21Speaker 02

  It turns out that I have 30 t-shirts.

• 44:25Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 44:26Speaker 01

  Good. Madeline in Chicago.

• 44:28Speaker 00

  Twelve. I'd like to hear more of Madeline's accent, but never mind. It's the rapid response unit. Uh, that's the way the cookie crumbles. Ross in Malmesbury. Thirty-six plus an additional 12 aspirational ones, size wise.

• 44:42Speaker 01

  Yes. Still in the wrapping. And finally Rod in San Francisco. I just counted and I have 70 t-shirts. Wow. Seven, zero. Wowzers trousers.

• 44:55Speaker 00

  Rod should be doing Theo's.

• 44:58Speaker 03

  Good voice.

• 44:58Speaker 00

  He should be doing traders for films. Yeah.

• 45:01Speaker 01

  Was that intentionally exotic a cross-section of locations, Dave?

• 45:05Speaker 00

  Is that just our listenership, Dave?

• 45:07Speaker 01

  Canada, Dublin, Brittany, Texas, China, Chicago, San Francisco, USA, stateside, America.

• 45:16Speaker 03

  It was, it was international, but we asked for people to email in with voice notes and turns out.

• 45:20Speaker 01

  What a huge, from seven to 104, was it?

• 45:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:24Speaker 01

  That's incredible.

• 45:25Speaker 03

  And you kind of land in the middle of there somewhere. I said, I'm not sure whether you was.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  I'm getting an official figure this week. I'll get it as soon as I get home.

• 45:31Speaker 00

  Oh, if you would, yeah.

• 45:34Speaker 01

  Cause I think there's more than 56. I don't think I've got 104 though.

• 45:38Speaker 03

  No, you're not double what you said you had. Surely not. Surely not.

• 45:42Speaker 00

  Well, what would you be 48? Shut shy of your genuine, of your total if you were 140 shirts.

• 45:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, it'd be a huge mistake. Um, still good stuff. The rapid response unit was fired up yet again. What a feature.

• 46:06Speaker 04

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• 46:34Speaker 06

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• 47:06Speaker 05

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• 47:39Speaker 01

  Welcome within the fence, but a nice fence. It's, you know, it's not a prisoner of war.

• 47:45Speaker 00

  It's not electric. It's not electrified.

• 47:47Speaker 01

  No. Um, but it's two-way glass. You can see the BBC, but the BBC can't see you.

• 47:54Speaker 00

  Oh, I like that. No chicken wire?

• 47:57Speaker 01

  You're free to come and go as you please.

• 47:58Speaker 00

  No barbed wire.

• 47:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, absolutely. I did try and get Ringo Starr to do the jingle, but he's not, he's not for it.

• 48:03Speaker 01

  Peace and love, peace and love, peace and love.

• 48:05Speaker 00

  I would have been eternally grateful if you'd got Ringo Starr to do the ring fence zone jingle.

• 48:11Speaker 03

  But famously he doesn't do any of that.

• 48:12Speaker 00

  I know, but if you'd somehow managed, cause he knows, well, he's definitely listened to some radio that I was on.

• 48:19Speaker 03

  Has he?

• 48:20Speaker 00

  Has he? When Sex Music got the now and then.

• 48:23Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 48:24Speaker 00

  Exclusive first play worldwide.

• 48:26Speaker 03

  You chatted Craig Charles.

• 48:27Speaker 00

  I chatted to Craig Charles, thanks to Matt who used to work on this show.

• 48:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:32Speaker 00

  Sex Music, it was a global exclusive of that tune.

• 48:37Speaker 00

  And it had been advertised, sort of people from all over the place tuning in just for that. And Ringo did, cause he wanted to see what people were saying about it. And, uh, yeah, so he definitely heard me, you know, a fuse.

• 48:47Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 48:48Speaker 01

  What do you reckon he does in the day?

• 48:52Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. I'm, I'm just fascinated about this sort of thing in general for people at that level.

• 48:57Speaker 00

  Well, he played with Paul at the O2 last, you know, a couple of years ago. He still does that kind of thing every now and then.

• 49:05Speaker 01

  But I'm, I'm talking his, what's his daily routine?

• 49:09Speaker 00

  I reckon he does, he's a vegan or a vegetarian and he does exercise. So I reckon he's, I reckon he's quite clean living. Cause he's 84, I think. It looks good for his age.

• 49:19Speaker 03

  Does look good for his age.

• 49:21Speaker 00

  So I reckon he must, he was on one of the big American chat shows last year. So he's still sort of, he's not like John Deacon, who you've got no idea what he's doing. He's still out there every now and then. I reckon he does a lot of things like yoga and pilates and he goes, if he can swim, the odd swim.

• 49:38Speaker 01

  Hmm. Do you reckon he's having lots of like top celebs round for dinners and things? Do you reckon he's got gardeners and a chauffeur?

• 49:45Speaker 00

  I like to think so. Cause McCartney's played on the last two Running Stones albums.

• 49:52Speaker 00

  Cause he's just gone in and as a sort of session basis and just played based on some tracks that they thought needed.

• 49:58Speaker 01

  Or is it because they're all in their same old people's home?

• 50:03Speaker 01

  They're all old.

• 50:05Speaker 00

  Good stuff.

• 50:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:07Speaker 01

  Good.

• 50:09Speaker 00

  I don't know, is there? If anyone knows, if anyone genuinely knows, please do let me know, because I would love to know.

• 50:14Speaker 01

  If anyone's on his staff, maybe writing anonymously, does he get up, have a big old gulp of...

• 50:21Speaker 03

  A pint of orange juice and a big bowl of Alpen.

• 50:23Speaker 01

  Big bowl of Alpen.

• 50:24Speaker 03

  I've got a good contact to Macca, who's a big fan of yours, John. But possibly not anymore after the old people's home comment.

• 50:31Speaker 00

  Why must, why must you?

• 50:34Speaker 01

  So, hang on, let me just get my head around this.

• 50:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:37Speaker 01

  Paul McCartney.

• 50:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:39Speaker 01

  I believe a sir.

• 50:41Speaker 03

  Just a bit.

• 50:42Speaker 01

  Figure of some renown.

• 50:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  I think Ellis' sort of biggest living hero.

• 50:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, one of, he's got a few.

• 50:48Speaker 01

  Paul is a big fan of me.

• 50:51Speaker 03

  No, I didn't say that. I said one of Paul's close associates.

• 50:55Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 50:56Speaker 03

  At, at one of the, the kind of top companies that look after Paul.

• 51:00Speaker 01

  Right.

• 51:00Speaker 03

  So I want to say manager, but I don't think he's quite manager, but definitely someone close to Paul is a fan of, I'm reading it now. Big fan of John's. I remember his taskmaster efforts fondly.

• 51:10Speaker 00

  Got to get on that show, man.

• 51:13Speaker 00

  It's my keys, it's my key to the kingdom.

• 51:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, it probably is now.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  So, say I was looking for, I don't know, for £20 million investment in a new business. I've got someone who's gonna oil the door. So it doesn't creak.

• 51:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:31Speaker 01

  On the way into.

• 51:32Speaker 03

  The door's already open for you, John.

• 51:34Speaker 01

  Macca HQ.

• 51:35Speaker 03

  I think it's wide open at this stage.

• 51:36Speaker 00

  Do I feel like, I feel like my bones have been replaced with polystyrene and I'm gonna stand up and just collapse.

• 51:42Speaker 03

  But do you want me to ask him if he's a fan of yours?

• 51:45Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 51:45Speaker 03

  Ellis has got into, Ellis has asked me.

• 51:47Speaker 00

  Ellis is here again.

• 51:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, Ellis is here and he also wants to know if you like him as well.

• 51:51Speaker 00

  Paul McCartney, I do know, is a huge fan of like British TV comedy.

• 51:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:56Speaker 00

  So he'll definitely know who Josh Widdecombe is.

• 52:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:00Speaker 00

  Because he would have watched The Last leg.

• 52:01Speaker 01

  Everyone knows who Josh Widdecombe is now.

• 52:02Speaker 00

  But like, he'll, he'll know.

• 52:03Speaker 01

  The secret's out.

• 52:04Speaker 00

  But he, like, he used to watch Mock the Week and stuff, so he'll know who Rhys James is.

• 52:08Speaker 01

  I wonder if he saw one of my two episodes.

• 52:10Speaker 00

  Well, that's the thing, I wonder if he saw my one episode. Yeah, he's quite good. Not sure good enough to get him back, but certainly good enough to be on the show once. But yeah, so he might know who you are anyway from your...

• 52:22Speaker 03

  But he was too busy for How Do You Cope in springtime.

• 52:25Speaker 01

  That's understandable.

• 52:26Speaker 03

  All right, isn't it?

• 52:27Speaker 01

  He's a busy, busy man.

• 52:28Speaker 03

  He is. He was busy this summer, actually, wasn't he?

• 52:29Speaker 01

  He's a busy bee.

• 52:30Speaker 00

  He released the album.

• 52:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, he had music.

• 52:32Speaker 01

  He was a busy beetle.

• 52:33Speaker 03

  Yeah. Let me reply with that. John's come up with something funny.

• 52:37Speaker 00

  Busy as a busy beetle.

• 52:39Speaker 01

  A busy, busy beetle. And Liverpoolians call the police busies.

• 52:44Speaker 03

  Oh, it works.

• 52:45Speaker 01

  So it works on a number of different levels.

• 52:48Speaker 03

  What are we doing, John?

• 52:48Speaker 01

  He's a bee that works for the police.

• 52:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:51Speaker 01

  Where the stripes would come in handy, because you'd see them coming down the road. And you wouldn't call them panda cars, you'd call them bumblebees.

• 52:58Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 52:59Speaker 01

  Rumblebees.

• 53:00Speaker 03

  Ringfence.

• 53:01Speaker 00

  If John somehow gets to meet Paul, I have to be there. But I don't want to be...

• 53:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, he has to play it cool.

• 53:10Speaker 00

  I don't want to meet him, I just need to be sort of in and around.

• 53:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:15Speaker 00

  Like, I could be mopping up some, something.

• 53:17Speaker 01

  Why would you be mopping up something in here? Because you spilt yourself.

• 53:23Speaker 01

  So you have to clear yourself up.

• 53:25Speaker 03

  He's had a little accident, bless him.

• 53:27Speaker 00

  I need to have an accident here, Paul McCartney, and then mop myself up.

• 53:30Speaker 01

  I think if I met Paul McCartney, I wouldn't be so chilled because, you know, enormous respect for the guy, but he does, he's not sort of my guy.

• 53:39Speaker 03

  No.

• 53:39Speaker 01

  So.

• 53:40Speaker 00

  Brian Masey will go. It's like how I was when I met Brian.

• 53:42Speaker 03

  Well, I've met Macca, as you know, I've met Macca twice. Which Ellis, and you're right, he's almost too big. So it's almost too much.

• 53:51Speaker 01

  He's also very, he's also very, he comes across as very down to earth, very chilled.

• 53:55Speaker 03

  What a man.

• 53:55Speaker 01

  I think I'd have been the same with David Bowie.

• 53:58Speaker 03

  Oh, I don't know. It's hard, well, it's hard to, yeah.

• 54:00Speaker 01

  I think I'd have asked him a lot about Lou Reed.

• 54:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:03Speaker 01

  To the point at which he was, are you sure you really are interested in my new album?

• 54:07Speaker 00

  He's apparently, or he was apparently very good with like, sort of normal members of the crew. The people that some big stars are quite dismissive of, he was apparently really good with runners and stuff. And famously very, had lots of time for people.

• 54:21Speaker 03

  We are in, and listen, I love us having fun, I love us having fun in the ring fence.

• 54:25Speaker 01

  The schedule for the full video episode on Patreon has been upgraded. Does that mean? It's a terrible bit of communication there.

• 54:34Speaker 03

  I think it is now. It's, it's, it feels like we're talking about the Beatles more than anything else.

• 54:40Speaker 01

  Strong message here.

• 54:42Speaker 00

  I have to mop myself up near Paul McCartney if John meets him.

• 54:45Speaker 03

  Huge video news for Patreon subscribers, isn't it, John?

• 54:49Speaker 01

  Yes, we have changed.

• 54:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:51Speaker 01

  The schedule of when the full video episodes are released to improve your Patreon experience.

• 54:57Speaker 03

  We listened to the feedback.

• 54:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, because of Ian Fishy Fish, we're now able to release things ASAP.

• 55:03Speaker 03

  We have got the videos.

• 55:05Speaker 01

  We listen, Dave, don't we?

• 55:05Speaker 03

  We listen, we read, we read the exit surveys.

• 55:10Speaker 03

  And we take the notes on board.

• 55:12Speaker 01

  And nor do I, because it would be.

• 55:13Speaker 00

  I can't take it. Too fragile.

• 55:19Speaker 03

  But no.

• 55:22Speaker 00

  Can't take it.

• 55:23Speaker 03

  It's good to read and yeah, of course, you gotta, you gotta be thick skinned about it sometimes, but importantly, because we knew.

• 55:29Speaker 00

  Or a fox.

• 55:30Speaker 03

  Or a fox, because then we knew fairly quickly, people, what, the video's faster than we were making them.

• 55:35Speaker 01

  But it's hard to, it's hard to make video instantly without using AI and that looks rubbish.

• 55:40Speaker 00

  Or without it just looking bad. Yeah.

• 55:42Speaker 01

  So, the video for the Friday episode is now up on Patreon by Saturday morning.

• 55:48Speaker 00

  Thanks to Ian the Fishmonger Fish.

• 55:50Speaker 03

  You're waking up to it because Fishy's in LA, editing away, clipping up.

• 55:54Speaker 00

  Because he's awake.

• 55:54Speaker 03

  Exporting, importing, I don't know, all sorts.

• 55:57Speaker 01

  And the video for the Tuesday episode is released at the same time as the podcast.

• 56:01Speaker 00

  That's huge.

• 56:01Speaker 01

  How is that even possible?

• 56:03Speaker 03

  You're welcome. Because, yeah, just due to how we record.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  Also, if you've signed up for our Patreon and listened to the podcast in Spotify, you can now also watch the episodes in Spotify too. What a world.

• 56:16Speaker 03

  That is huge, that one. It's very, um...

• 56:20Speaker 01

  Is it very huge?

• 56:21Speaker 03

  It is very huge because, because I consume in that app of choice. And now to be able to flick across to the visuals instead of listening, if you did fancy watching little bits of it, because you can just flick between the two as well.

• 56:32Speaker 00

  So you'd be able to watch me mop myself up in front of Paul McCartney on Spotify. That's massive.

• 56:37Speaker 03

  But you only get the videos, of course, if you're subscribed via your friend of mine, Patreon.

• 56:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:42Speaker 01

  So head over to patreon.com/EllisAndJohn for an upgraded experience. And it's gonna keep getting better because there's now bonus audio in your Patreon podcast feed.

• 56:54Speaker 03

  There is, we're doing a little bit of bonus audio as well.

• 56:57Speaker 00

  Yes, and also, I really have got to say this, we're doing a distant pod gig in Clapham at the Clapham Grand. On the 10th of October at 2pm.

• 57:07Speaker 03

  He always piggybacks these, doesn't he?

• 57:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, I will continue to do it for the rest of my life. So I, don't you dare tell me.

• 57:15Speaker 01

  12th of October.

• 57:16Speaker 00

  10th of October, which is Saturday, 2pm.

• 57:19Speaker 03

  That before my birthday.

• 57:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, we've decided to do a distant pod Dave Masterman birthday gig, so it's all clips that you would like. It's a day do, 2pm.

• 57:27Speaker 03

  Is it?

• 57:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, and you can get your tickets on Dice.

• 57:30Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 57:32Speaker 00

  And I'm doing a Welsh language gig on the 6th in Cannington, so please come to that because I don't know how it's sold and I haven't asked James yet and I'm a bit scared. Because I haven't really mentioned it, so it's probably gonna result badly.

• 57:42Speaker 01

  Well, maybe ask him before you plug it, because it might have sold out.

• 57:44Speaker 00

  I doubt it.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  Okay, there you go. That's the ring fence section. Go out on, into the grounds, go on the playground, go to the canteen, whatever you want to do.

• 57:54Speaker 03

  What are you doing now?

• 57:55Speaker 01

  You are allowed home.

• 57:55Speaker 00

  You're in the ring fence zone.

• 57:57Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, nice. Or stay if you want.

• 57:59Speaker 01

  Well, this is coming over in the tannoy.

• 58:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:02Speaker 01

  So.

• 58:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're completely free.

• 58:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, go into the woodland area.

• 58:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, the checkpoint, that's just for people's safety.

• 58:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, and don't reach for anything too quickly because they're quite trigger happy.

• 58:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, but they want to make sure that everyone's safe.

• 58:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, so it's a perfectly safe compound.

• 58:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:21Speaker 01

  But please, if you're walking around, just hold your hands in the air.

• 58:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, the fact that they're, you know, 20 metres up and they've got machine guns is to keep people safe.

• 58:30Speaker 03

  That's for your safety.

• 58:31Speaker 00

  It's for your safety. It's to us for, it's for peace of mind.

• 58:35Speaker 01

  It's for peace of mind.

• 58:36Speaker 00

  If you're in the ring fence zone, you want to be completely safety.

• 58:39Speaker 03

  Great. Should you do, should you do some correspondence?

• 58:41Speaker 00

  Yes, please.

• 58:47Speaker 01

  Very good. Okay, your correspondence. And it's, I don't know how many times I've had to say this, Elis James is a liar.

• 58:58Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:59Speaker 01

  And it's sometimes our very eagle-eyed and eagle-eared listeners who find out the lies, the tapestry of lies. In fairness to Ellis, I don't think it's intentional.

• 59:11Speaker 03

  No, no, of course not.

• 59:11Speaker 01

  I think he just forgets.

• 59:12Speaker 03

  But to be fair, I think we forget a lot of stuff we say on this blooming thing. And then the listeners, rightly so, pick us up on it.

• 59:19Speaker 00

  This is about denim condoms?

• 59:20Speaker 03

  No, no, it's not about denim. What would you have lied about there?

• 59:23Speaker 01

  Someone did send in a picture of some condoms with jeans on the cover.

• 59:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 59:29Speaker 01

  G'day, hello, davo, and so night of the distance learning realm, the Honourable Johnny Robbo. Some news from a PCD in Melbourne that I'm afraid will bring the show into disrepute and question the integrity of Ellis's character.

• 59:43Speaker 03

  Not again.

• 59:44Speaker 01

  As an aspiring retro wanna who keeps abreast of latest episodes, I was happily listening to episode 231 when something stopped me in my tracks. The haunting words uttered from Ellis's mouth, "I've started eating prunes because I'm anemic."

• 1:00:00Speaker 00

  Ah, I don't remember this.

• 1:00:01Speaker 03

  No, no, clearly not.

• 1:00:02Speaker 01

  Had I accidentally skipped forward 300 episodes? No, in fact, I was listening to an episode from August 2022. Michael, play the incriminating clip.

• 1:00:13Speaker 00

  Anyway, this afternoon, we are talking about the things that you didn't know until embarrassingly late in your life. And this comes from the fact that A, I'm anemic, bit of fun. B, I've started eating prunes because I'm anemic and somebody told me that they had iron in them. And C, I didn't realise until yesterday that prunes are dried plums.

• 1:00:33Speaker 03

  Okay, two things.

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:35Speaker 00

  That was short-lived because I genuinely don't remember eating prunes. And secondly, I'd forgotten that prunes are dried plums.

• 1:00:42Speaker 03

  And that's fair enough.

• 1:00:43Speaker 00

  So I'm learning that for a second time, third time maybe.

• 1:00:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:00:47Speaker 00

  Okay, when was that?

• 1:00:49Speaker 01

  2022.

• 1:00:51Speaker 00

  Four years ago.

• 1:00:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:53Speaker 03

  Quite recent. And it's after lockdown, really.

• 1:00:55Speaker 00

  I was in my 40s after lockdown.

• 1:00:57Speaker 01

  Mitch in Melbourne goes on, "I'm not sure how I can proceed with the show. I can only assume that either Ellis is a liar, or the lie that this world-first podcast-based prune tasting was built on must have been generated by some corporate bigwigs from Big Prune in association with John's freelance marketing consultancy business in an attempt to quote, 'make prunes pertinent again.' How do you plead? If this is due to some stress-related memory losses, Ellis was in the midst of moving house. I do apologise."

• 1:01:27Speaker 00

  Oh, God, yeah.

• 1:01:28Speaker 01

  Ellis, how do you plead?

• 1:01:29Speaker 00

  So I was anemic when I was moving house. That was a horrible month.

• 1:01:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, the radius fast forward, didn't it?

• 1:01:35Speaker 00

  Yes, it did, Dave.

• 1:01:38Speaker 03

  But at least judge your prunes for company.

• 1:01:39Speaker 00

  Did I ever send you a photo of that?

• 1:01:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, I can see it in my mind. So you've sent it to me digitally.

• 1:01:44Speaker 00

  God, it was bad.

• 1:01:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:45Speaker 00

  Well, who's the listener from Melbourne?

• 1:01:49Speaker 01

  Mitch in Melbourne.

• 1:01:49Speaker 00

  Mitch, I'm sorry, Mitch.

• 1:01:51Speaker 03

  All you can do is apologise.

• 1:01:53Speaker 00

  I'm sorry, I just...

• 1:01:56Speaker 01

  Also, prunes aren't a very good, aren't a great source of iron.

• 1:01:59Speaker 00

  Oh, no, I think I was trying to get it anywhere I could.

• 1:02:04Speaker 00

  Wow, okay, that feels like I've been shown in some of an AI video of myself doing a conference that I don't remember or something. But it's definitely my voice, but...

• 1:02:14Speaker 03

  Oh, yes, you.

• 1:02:15Speaker 01

  Oh, this is, this is mad. Rick's got in touch. So you know your dad's mad email address?

• 1:02:23Speaker 03

  Andy@darlow.

• 1:02:24Speaker 01

  His mad at address.

• 1:02:26Speaker 03

  For Instagram, yeah.

• 1:02:28Speaker 01

  This is from Rick, and I was thinking of exactly this, but there was no way I could say it on the radio because you sort of have to see it written down.

• 1:02:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:37Speaker 01

  But I remember this. Rick says, "Andy's Instagram handle reminded me of an old internet post with some difficult to read email addresses. I got to find out the name of what this was." It was like a very early humorous website that would have sort of, I guess, proto memes on it. So it was by Michael Ward, "email addresses that would be really annoying to give out over the phone." Mike underscore 2004 at yahoo.com, but underscore is spelt.

• 1:03:08Speaker 03

  And he's real?

• 1:03:09Speaker 01

  No, [email protected] at hotmail.com.

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  Mike underscore Ward, all one word, at yahoo.com.

• 1:03:18Speaker 03

  Spell all one word.

• 1:03:19Speaker 01

  So the underscore is real and all one word.

• 1:03:21Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  And then the one that made me howl, this would have been when I was about 18. A A A A A, that's six As at yahoo.com, but it's five As.

• 1:03:36Speaker 01

  One.

• 1:03:39Speaker 01

  So spelt O N E.

• 1:03:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:43Speaker 01

  Then the digit one, the first, just the number, the second spelled out at hotmail.com.

• 1:03:51Speaker 01

  Good, the early internet.

• 1:03:53Speaker 03

  Innocence.

• 1:03:54Speaker 00

  The early internet was bloody good fun. It's like early Twitter was fun.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:58Speaker 03

  McSweeney's.net.

• 1:04:00Speaker 01

  That was it.

• 1:04:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, Michael, thank you, producer Michael.

• 1:04:03Speaker 01

  Thank you, Michael.

• 1:04:04Speaker 00

  I don't remember McSweeney's.net.

• 1:04:06Speaker 01

  Is McSweeney's.net still going?

• 1:04:09Speaker 03

  I'll click on the link that Michael sent. Let's see.

• 1:04:11Speaker 00

  Maybe it's like the first White House website, which is still there archived. So it looks like it did in 1994. It's quite funny.

• 1:04:17Speaker 03

  I think it is still going, yeah. And I think it's contemporised over the years. It doesn't look like it's from the early noughties. Fair play to him.

• 1:04:24Speaker 01

  It's like a classy BuzzFeed.

• 1:04:26Speaker 03

  It does look a bit like that. Yeah, it's a lovely, lovely font.

• 1:04:30Speaker 01

  This is from Harry. "Dear the Right Honourable Lord, Sir John Robbin, B A M A, M S C I, P H D, Casey, Esquire, Dave and Ellis, I was listening to Friday's episode when I heard Ellis comment about how amusing it would be if Isaac Newton's second discovery was cider. This prompted me to recall a little-known fact in the back of my head that Isaac Newton is often credited as the inventor of the cat flap."

• 1:04:56Speaker 00

  Love that.

• 1:04:56Speaker 03

  Whoa.

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  The story goes that Isaac Newton had two holes cut in his study door, a big one for an adult mother cat and a small one for her kittens. Newton was too wrapped up in inventing calculus and the laws of motion to realise the kittens could also fit through the bigger hole.

• 1:05:10Speaker 03

  That is thick.

• 1:05:12Speaker 01

  It's quite thick, isn't it? "I thought this story might be of interest to you. Kind regards, Harry. What would Isaac Newton have thought of your AI cat flap?"

• 1:05:20Speaker 00

  He'd have been absolutely amazed.

• 1:05:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:23Speaker 00

  And it ended up on Dragon's Den.

• 1:05:25Speaker 01

  Did it?

• 1:05:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, last week.

• 1:05:27Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:05:28Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:05:28Speaker 01

  They're looking for more investment?

• 1:05:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, they must be, yeah. I didn't see it. My friend Will texted me and said, "Your AI cat flap is on Dragon's Den. They're loving it. I think Bartlett's getting involved."

• 1:05:39Speaker 01

  Ah, that's a shame.

• 1:05:43Speaker 00

  I like the idea, though, of Isaac Newton working on his latest thesis.

• 1:05:47Speaker 03

  You want Peter.

• 1:05:48Speaker 00

  And thinking, for God's sake, the bloody cats brought a mouse in.

• 1:05:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:52Speaker 00

  And him having to deal with that in the way that I've got to deal with it. I quite like that sort of sense of continuity. This is an email we've had for quite a while and I've wanted to get around to reading it, but I keep forgetting. "Morning. Not really sure which of your many strands this will fit in, but with Ellis's love of football and his references in the last few years to his fascination with anything East German, I wanted to share this story. A mate of mine is a Bayern Munich fan and he told me this story over the summer after Kevin Keegan sadly passed away. Said mate is half English and half German, posts sensibly sports, Germany in football and England in cricket. I lived between both countries whilst growing up. He told me that during the 78/79 season, he was seven and living outside Hamburg. I immediately asked him why he was not a Hamburg fan as Kevin Keegan

• 1:06:35Speaker 00

  had gone there and was the superstar of European football twice when the Ballon d'Or was at Hamburg after leaving Liverpool."

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  Did he?

• 1:06:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:42Speaker 01

  He twice won the Ballon d'Or?

• 1:06:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:06:44Speaker 03

  I never knew that.

• 1:06:45Speaker 00

  No, he was...

• 1:06:46Speaker 01

  The international wilderness. That's what they used to call it, Dave.

• 1:06:48Speaker 00

  He was something special, yeah.

• 1:06:50Speaker 01

  No one's heard of Jude Bellingham anymore.

• 1:06:53Speaker 00

  Anyway, he told me the reason he was not a Hamburg fan was that earlier that season, 78/79, a friend of his from his road was slightly bitten or nipped by a dog owned by a man who lived near on the road. This man was seen as a very friendly guy by all in the street and was popular. He apparently bought beers at the local bar, helped people with gardening, drove pensioners to the doctors, gave sweets to children and had a bit more money than most. Anyway, he was very upset the boy being bitten by his dog and gave the boy and his two dads tickets for the next Hamburg home game. My mate is a seven-year-old and in typical school by fashion was gutted and upset and decided, as he was not given a ticket and his friend now supported Hamburg, he would support Bayern Munich. Ten to 12 years later, due to the fall of the Berlin Wall and reunification of Germany, it transpires

• 1:07:36Speaker 00

  that the friendly bloke with a dog was a leading and senior East German spy. He was spying on nearby NATO forces in Hamburg generally, as was a key area of West German commerce.

• 1:07:47Speaker 01

  I thought it was going to say another guy was Kevin Keegan.

• 1:07:49Speaker 00

  I thought that as well. But to finish the story, "The reason my mate is a Bayern fan and dislike Kevin Keegan is due to the dog of an East German spy." So for Ellis, a fascinating combo of 70s football and East Germany. And even John Link as Kevin Keegan, obviously, was a Liverpool legend. Keep up the great work, Steve.

• 1:08:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's a bit of you, that.

• 1:08:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:08Speaker 03

  It's got everything.

• 1:08:09Speaker 00

  So the local spy was seen as a nice bloke.

• 1:08:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, but you're just mingling in, aren't you?

• 1:08:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, you wouldn't want to, if you were a spy, you wouldn't try to annoy people.

• 1:08:18Speaker 03

  You're not going to walk around with a Mac with holes in the newspaper on the bench.

• 1:08:22Speaker 00

  That's where I've been going wrong. It's too obvious.

• 1:08:27Speaker 03

  Good.

• 1:08:27Speaker 01

  Very good. Well, that's all from us today, folks. You can email [email protected] with items on any topic.

• 1:08:37Speaker 03

  Any.

• 1:08:37Speaker 01

  We're finally broadening it out because we can now cover any topic.

• 1:08:42Speaker 00

  I think that's been our modus operandi for quite a long time.

• 1:08:46Speaker 03

  We're a lifestyle pod, really, aren't we?

• 1:08:49Speaker 00

  Because we do get a broad, you know, broad spectrum of emails.

• 1:08:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, we've covered it all today. We've covered it all. And we're back on Tuesday with a big old ep, aren't we, John?

• 1:08:59Speaker 01

  Oh, it's bigger than massive.

• 1:09:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:03Speaker 01

  It's more significant than enormous.

• 1:09:05Speaker 00

  Can you summon up a noise?

• 1:09:06Speaker 01

  Mrrrr.

• 1:09:07Speaker 03

  Oh, you've heard the same noise. That's so adorable. That's lovely. Oh, is it from some of this?

• 1:09:13Speaker 00

  From my childhood.

• 1:09:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. Oh, was it from the day to day? Ah, okay, it's not as impressive then. But it's still nice. Still nice.

• 1:09:22Speaker 01

  Bye-bye.

• 1:09:32Speaker 04

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• 1:10:04Speaker 01

  Thanks for listening to the show and you can follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Ellis and John for more content.

• 1:10:10Speaker 00

  And you can watch highlights of every episode over on our YouTube page, at Ellis and John.

• 1:10:15Speaker 01

  Plus, you can find all things EJJR, including links to our Patreon, our merch and much more by heading to ellisonjohn.com. See you next time.