#571 - She Shy, Crumpets for the Boys and What of the Chickens?

It’s Lou Sanders FM once again and boy has she got Producer Dave sweating. From a pretty much unusable show introduction, to an anecdote that definitely flirts with the term ‘radio friendly’, one can only assume that Dave is dreaming of Elis’s swift return... But for now it’s Big Mummy and her Fact Factory, as Lou dishes up some tasty truths in the form of surprise facts about chickens and hiccups. One thing everyone can agree on: it’s a different show when Lou’s in town. John has finally met his match in dessert form, there’s a brief encounter with the paranormal, and a Made Up Game rule sends shockwaves through the team. Do you have a fact to submit to Big Mummy’s Fact Factory? Send it to [email protected] right away. Our next Adventure Elis and John do Pottery is out on Friday here: https://www.patreon.com/elisandjohn/posts/adventure-6-168171679 For lots of exclusive EJJR #content, join our Patreon at patreon.com/elisandjohn. For weekly visual highlights, head to youtube.com/@elisandjohn. For everything else, head to elisandjohn.com. The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Before we start this episode, we want to invite you along to the adventures of Ellis and John.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  If you head over to patreon.com/EllisandJohn, you can join us on our monthly escapades, including

• 0:10Speaker 00

  Miniumpicks.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  It's the strangest legal jump in the history of long jump.

• 0:14Speaker 00

  Birdwatching. My two favourite things are birds and football.

• 0:18Speaker 01

  And you can watch our latest episode now, where we tackle an escape room.

• 0:22Speaker 00

  So John is absolutely flying here. Well, Ellis is there as well. Ellis is there as well, Dave. We did the first three, Dave, for complete chill.

• 0:32Speaker 00

  So for adventures and so much more, head over to patreon.com/EllisandJohn now.

• 0:40Speaker 02

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• 1:15Speaker 03

  I've got big news. I switched to Verizon and got the new iPhone 18 Pro. Shh. I can keep my old phone. And I also get the latest iPhone every year. Shh. Anything else? Verizon let me choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on them.

• 1:28Speaker 00

  Everybody, listen up.

• 1:29Speaker 03

  Shh. Switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone 18 Pro now. No trade in needed. And the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus, choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on us. Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for Watch or iPad required. Additional terms apply for all offers.

• 2:05Speaker 04

  Sorry, is this a radio station or baby station? Because either way, there's going to be some mess to clear up.

• 2:12Speaker 04

  Please, sir, can I have some more chat in between popular features and strands? Because we're hungry for infotainment. We'll get ready to feast on a banquet, because these lads are the best in the business, and that business is monkey business. Love a Minute FM. Yes, the broadcasting buffet is global with a five-star hygiene rating. Well, it was before I stepped in.

• 2:35Speaker 04

  Dave Masterman is like Mr. Men, but more like a Masterman, but not with any connection to the slave trade. Although, he's a slave to making great radio and offspring. Hell-bent on knockoff scents, he's in the business of smelling and selling top-tier anecdotes. All the while, we're looking like the sort of man that your mum and your weed dealer want you to settle down with. And John with more glow than J-Lo, except if his skin is having a down day and it's which he is.

• 3:04Speaker 04

  That's the bit they tell me to take out.

• 3:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can see why.

• 3:07Speaker 04

  Putting the ick into Johnny Bobbins.

• 3:14Speaker 01

  You see, I literally, none of this is useful.

• 3:17Speaker 04

  No, no. I realise it may not have spoken publicly, but

• 3:23Speaker 04

  in which case, this sounds mad. Okay, so that's a paragraph they asked me to take out.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  We're going for the alt line.

• 3:31Speaker 04

  We're going for the alt, yeah.

• 3:32Speaker 01

  We had to do a lot of bleeping, Dave.

• 3:34Speaker 04

  And John with more glow than J-Lo, except if his skin is having a down day, it's little Johnny Bobbins. John Nathaniel Burgundy Bodger Bobbins

• 3:46Speaker 04

  has finally been allowed back on TV, which just goes to show you really can get away with just about anything these days. He loves a fact, and yet when I send him Instagram videos from truthers about the issues that his crocs may be laden with PVAs, he suddenly wants out of Big Mummy's Fact Factory.

• 4:04Speaker 04

  He wore goggles in my pond and to go surfing. He probably wears them to do the washing up and but it's nice to see what you're messing up.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  Good God.

• 4:15Speaker 04

  Trading standards just cool to say, are you high? Or is that just the bar you're set for radio? Because you're

• 4:24Speaker 04

  because you're shooting for the stars. But you are what you goggle gaze, because you are the stars of indie, digi, radio.

• 4:34Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 4:37Speaker 00

  Well, there you go, Michael.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  It's definitely the, it's the best intro we've ever had. That's not in doubt. But it might only be three seconds long by the time it goes out on Five Live.

• 4:47Speaker 04

  No, you can say, you can say various things. So you can say, you can say-

• 4:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, if you took all the words individually, you could say them, depending on the interpretation.

• 4:57Speaker 04

  Okay, there's one paragraph that obviously has to come out. They told me that before I did it.

• 5:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you did it anyway.

• 5:02Speaker 04

  But the rest, I think, is radio-friendly. Cheers.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  I'm not sure.

• 5:06Speaker 00

  There's enough little edit. Let's face it, it's, it's, it's, it's all doable in points. And are you struggling with the old in-ear headphones?

• 5:14Speaker 04

  Well, you'd think so, wouldn't you?

• 5:16Speaker 00

  The old in-ear headphones are a-

• 5:18Speaker 01

  So some of you may have noticed, Ellis isn't here today. So we're on the altogether rockier ride of Lou Sanders FM.

• 5:29Speaker 04

  Hello.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  And what a delight it is to have Lou with us.

• 5:31Speaker 00

  What a delight.

• 5:32Speaker 04

  I'm going to play a new character today.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 5:35Speaker 04

  She's going to be quite coquettish.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  Quite coquettish?

• 5:38Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 5:39Speaker 01

  Okay. What's her name?

• 5:39Speaker 04

  Shy.

• 5:40Speaker 01

  Shy? Her name is Shy?

• 5:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, she's shy.

• 5:42Speaker 01

  Okay, she's shy.

• 5:43Speaker 04

  She's shy.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  She don't sound shy from what she says.

• 5:46Speaker 00

  No.

• 5:46Speaker 04

  And this character cannot work headphones. She can't get-

• 5:51Speaker 00

  Do you want to come back around again?

• 5:52Speaker 04

  Yes, please.

• 5:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:53Speaker 04

  It's a horrible day, these are. They've got run over.

• 5:56Speaker 00

  You get used to them.

• 5:57Speaker 04

  They've got run over and they've come out.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  Now, it's absolute chaos here in the studio. We're about five minutes into the record. Lou's headphones have come out, half her intros come out, Dave's fallen over his chair, Lou's run over her headphones.

• 6:12Speaker 04

  But it's just lovely to do some local radio.

• 6:17Speaker 01

  She doesn't know that there's local radio, digital indie radio, which we haven't done for eight years.

• 6:21Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 6:22Speaker 00

  Right.

• 6:22Speaker 04

  What's digity indie?

• 6:24Speaker 01

  That's nothing. That's an as-yet untapped genre of radio.

• 6:28Speaker 04

  Well, it's all, it's all audio at the end of the day.

• 6:30Speaker 01

  It's all audio and video as well now.

• 6:32Speaker 04

  It's all video audio.

• 6:33Speaker 00

  Do you want to pull your hair back, Lou, just so I can know you don't-

• 6:37Speaker 01

  She keeps winking every time Dave speaks. Your hair looks great up. Looks really good.

• 6:42Speaker 00

  Now, you've got to really whack that in, because that'll then-

• 6:45Speaker 01

  Oh dear.

• 6:46Speaker 00

  It'll help it stay in if you kind of give it a bit of a, yeah, stop winking. I can see you.

• 6:55Speaker 04

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 6:56Speaker 01

  Now, in fairness to Lou, the buds may be the wrong size for her ears.

• 6:59Speaker 00

  Absolutely.

• 7:00Speaker 04

  Oh, I've got a small ear.

• 7:01Speaker 01

  Have you?

• 7:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:02Speaker 04

  No. Just a rumor. I'm trying to get off the ground.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  So you don't have a small ear?

• 7:11Speaker 04

  No, but I have got, I've got a very small head and quite a big body. So it's weird.

• 7:15Speaker 01

  Have you all got a small head?

• 7:15Speaker 04

  I have. I, I wear children's helmets.

• 7:28Speaker 01

  And that's what she brings to the table.

• 7:31Speaker 04

  It's true. I've got a pinhead.

• 7:34Speaker 00

  Have you?

• 7:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, I went snow, I went snowboarding and I, and had to buy new helmets. I was wearing a cycle helmet and I had to

• 7:45Speaker 04

  Harriet said, can you stop wearing your cycle helmet? I said, yeah, fair, fair. So I went to buy one and, um, they, and I put the child's helmet and it fit me, but the woman, the woman wouldn't let me buy it.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  Wouldn't she?

• 7:59Speaker 04

  No, she said that's, she was French and they're quite sneaky and she was like, that's the children's section.

• 8:04Speaker 01

  But that's if your head is the size of your head.

• 8:06Speaker 04

  I know.

• 8:07Speaker 01

  She should want you to have the most best fitting head.

• 8:10Speaker 04

  Well, she didn't want me to have Daffy Duck on it. I don't know.

• 8:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, they're designed like kids' helmets, I assume so.

• 8:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:16Speaker 01

  You should have gone out and then come back in with like Harriet on her knees in a little, in a little coat. This is my baby and they need a helmet. Right then.

• 8:26Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  So it's Lou Sanders in the studio. I'm sweating and hot.

• 8:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  But I've had a lot of laughs. Dave's back from his sojourn. Ellis is still away. Where's Ellis, Dave?

• 8:40Speaker 00

  Where is Ellis? He usually goes to France, doesn't he? Or Portugal?

• 8:44Speaker 01

  He's in, I think he's in France, but I'll say no more unless he gets-

• 8:49Speaker 04

  Why?

• 8:50Speaker 01

  Unless someone tries to assassinate him.

• 8:51Speaker 04

  Oh, I see.

• 8:52Speaker 01

  A rival Welsh-speaking comedian, maybe.

• 8:54Speaker 04

  He'd be my, he'd be my last choice out of you three to assassinate.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  Why is that?

• 9:00Speaker 04

  Oh, he's so lovely, isn't he?

• 9:01Speaker 00

  He is a nice guy.

• 9:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's a good egg.

• 9:03Speaker 04

  I bet you say you too, actually. I just remembered, yeah.

• 9:07Speaker 00

  How are you, John?

• 9:08Speaker 01

  I'm good. I ate my first and last waffle cone ice cream on holiday. They are too big.

• 9:17Speaker 00

  Was it one of the really big, the really big-

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:21Speaker 04

  What are they?

• 9:22Speaker 01

  It's like a waffle with ice cream in. It's like a kebab, like a, like a dessert kebab. So you've got the ice cream, sauce, squirty cream, and I, I met my dessert match for the first time.

• 9:37Speaker 00

  What did you put in it?

• 9:39Speaker 01

  Kinder Bueno ice cream.

• 9:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:41Speaker 01

  Dark chocolate sauce. There was a Kinder Bueno on top.

• 9:45Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  Squirty cream. I'll show you, picky Dave.

• 9:47Speaker 00

  Please do.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  And I sat and ate it next to some seagulls, but I couldn't finish the whole thing.

• 9:53Speaker 04

  Really?

• 9:54Speaker 01

  I'd already just eaten a pizza and a half. So, you know.

• 9:58Speaker 04

  Was it half your girlfriend's pizza?

• 10:01Speaker 01

  No. It's, we're looking at that, Dave.

• 10:05Speaker 00

  Oh, that's not a way, but that's not in a wa, a waffle cone, is it?

• 10:09Speaker 01

  It is. The waffle cone's wrapped round it and it's in this cup.

• 10:12Speaker 00

  Oh goodness, I wasn't expecting that. Okay.

• 10:15Speaker 04

  Oh, that is lovely.

• 10:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, fine. Have you heard of the new- Which is the ice cream roll.

• 10:21Speaker 01

  No.

• 10:22Speaker 00

  Where they kind of freeze ice cream and then scrape it. So it kind of creates rolls of ice cream.

• 10:27Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 10:27Speaker 00

  It's kind of like mini rolls. Everyone's looking at me blank. Maybe this is just important.

• 10:31Speaker 04

  Well, it's a lovely episode of off menu, guys.

• 10:34Speaker 00

  But then that goes into a waffle. But I was thinking, they're making an absolute killing here because you see the amount of kind of liquid ice cream they're pouring onto this. It's like a frozen plate.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 10:43Speaker 00

  The inverse of how you make a pancake, I suppose.

• 10:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:46Speaker 00

  So it freezes on this frozen plate and then they scrape off with like, um, I don't know.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  Spatula?

• 10:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, like a spatula thing. Then they roll up and then you put it into the waffle. But the amount of products they're using to do it must be like one fifth of what an ice cream would be. So fair play to them.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  I've got to say, British seaside towns, if, I mean, it's already fraught when you've got lots of kids.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  The amount of sugar on offer in all different shapes and sizes.

• 11:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:17Speaker 01

  It's, it's kind of an energy catastrophe for parents.

• 11:20Speaker 04

  Tell you something I've read about that. Cause I was looking at myths, scientific myths the other day. Cause you know, I don't believe in science and.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  It wouldn't take you long in our DMs to know that that's true.

• 11:34Speaker 00

  Is this myth okay?

• 11:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, it's absolutely fine. No, no, honestly, it's allergic to stuff. But the, the thing about kids going mad after sugar has not been proven and they've tried to prove it again and again. And that is a myth. They don't, so if a kid's at a party and they've eaten loads of sugar and they're a bit, you know, feral, it's because of the party, not the sugar. And they've really tried to prove it again and again. And that was on a science website.

• 11:57Speaker 00

  This guy, are you sure?

• 11:59Speaker 04

  Yes. And the world is.

• 12:04Speaker 04

  I couldn't remember if it's flat or round.

• 12:06Speaker 00

  But like all the E numbers and stuff, isn't that sending kids mad?

• 12:09Speaker 04

  Probably E numbers aren't good for them. I'm not saying sugar's good for them.

• 12:12Speaker 00

  But it's not giving them the energy.

• 12:13Speaker 04

  But it's not giving them the, the chaos vibe sort of thing. Yeah.

• 12:16Speaker 01

  Well, it might be a little, little one, a little of the other, might Dave.

• 12:20Speaker 00

  It usually is on, yeah, it usually is.

• 12:22Speaker 04

  Well, I don't, yeah, as I say, I don't believe in studies.

• 12:25Speaker 01

  A very interesting podcast about sugar and now I can't remember any of the facts, which has annoyed me.

• 12:31Speaker 04

  Well, that's not like you. You, you'll use your very good, you'll use your doctor facts.

• 12:35Speaker 01

  I know, but sometimes I'm doctor for guts.

• 12:39Speaker 04

  Do you want a fact about chicken?

• 12:40Speaker 01

  Yes, please.

• 12:42Speaker 04

  Chickens university, uh, safe territory, Dave. Yeah, you're right to relax. Um, they prefer good looking people. And their sense of what good looking is, is in accordance with ours. That's true.

• 12:55Speaker 00

  Is it?

• 12:56Speaker 04

  Yeah. Why don't men believe me?

• 12:57Speaker 00

  No, no, that, that was me saying, is it? Wow. That's, that's, that's a crazy fact.

• 13:01Speaker 04

  That's true fact. Yeah. And hiccups can get, um, you can get rid of hiccups, um, by fingering the rectum.

• 13:09Speaker 04

  That's another fact that is.

• 13:10Speaker 01

  Of, of yourself?

• 13:12Speaker 04

  Of yourself, of human beings.

• 13:13Speaker 00

  Oh, not chickens?

• 13:14Speaker 04

  No.

• 13:15Speaker 00

  No, okay.

• 13:16Speaker 04

  Cause you wouldn't really need to, would you? It doesn't let it run its course. Arguably, would you need to in human beings? They're two facts. I've just got my fingertips.

• 13:23Speaker 01

  They're good facts, aren't they, Dave?

• 13:26Speaker 00

  They're both interesting in their own way.

• 13:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're interesting.

• 13:29Speaker 00

  I didn't know about that.

• 13:30Speaker 01

  You know, people find a broad range of people attractive. There's someone for everyone out there.

• 13:36Speaker 04

  Well, of course, but that's not the case on Love Island.

• 13:40Speaker 01

  No, but chickens aren't on Love Island.

• 13:42Speaker 04

  Not yet, but that's my new, that's my new pitch.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  It would be a hell of a coop.

• 13:48Speaker 04

  Oh, and we're off. Radio's off.

• 13:50Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  Thanks, Dave.

• 13:51Speaker 04

  That's it. Go on, ring it. Ringing that bell.

• 13:53Speaker 00

  I just had to check a couple of things.

• 13:55Speaker 01

  Okay, Dave, what have you found?

• 13:57Speaker 00

  A digital rectal massage. Inserting a.

• 14:00Speaker 04

  Digital radio, digital rectal massage. Get it all here on the John and Ellis Show.

• 14:08Speaker 00

  Is a documented unconventional medical intervention that has successfully stopped severe persistent hiccups in rare case reports.

• 14:16Speaker 01

  One nil to Lululeah.

• 14:17Speaker 00

  Rare case reports, but it's happened.

• 14:19Speaker 04

  Hashtag believe women.

• 14:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, no, I absolutely believe you.

• 14:22Speaker 04

  And, and what of the chickens?

• 14:24Speaker 01

  And what of the chickens?

• 14:25Speaker 00

  And what was it? Chickens?

• 14:26Speaker 01

  Then ask her about chemtrails.

• 14:29Speaker 04

  No, that's what, I'll be disappointed if this isn't true. Cause that's what chicken told me when I was getting up with it.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  It's a different show.

• 14:40Speaker 00

  It is a different show, but we knew that.

• 14:43Speaker 01

  We did.

• 14:43Speaker 00

  We knew that coming into it and that's absolutely fine. Gosh, she's right again.

• 14:48Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 14:52Speaker 00

  Yes. Scientific research shows, I like that as a start, starting point, Tarifirma.

• 14:57Speaker 04

  Trusting the system.

• 15:01Speaker 00

  Shows that chickens can be trained to recognise and show a preference for human faces that's rate as attractive. Huge if true.

• 15:09Speaker 04

  But then it's, but then it's like, are you just carrying yourself with more confidence because you've got pretty privilege?

• 15:14Speaker 01

  But also is, is often attractiveness is to do with symmetry?

• 15:19Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 15:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:20Speaker 01

  So it would make sense for all animals to be more trusting of someone who was symmetrically faced.

• 15:26Speaker 04

  Cause nature's symmetrical.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  Cause nature's symmetrical and non symmetry might in our primordial brains, in our chicken brains, if you will, suggest illness. Or, um, someone doing a mischievous face like this.

• 15:41Speaker 04

  Yes, exactly. Yeah, yes.

• 15:44Speaker 00

  You guys good.

• 15:45Speaker 01

  Like if I'm up to something like a baddie in a pantomime.

• 15:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:48Speaker 00

  Purse lips.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  I'm gonna be sort of all wonky.

• 15:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:53Speaker 01

  So there you go.

• 15:55Speaker 04

  And what was the third thing? Chemtrails.

• 15:58Speaker 00

  No, no, we'll avoid that. But it's just interesting on chicken, you know, people, chickens are smart. Chickens have sharp eyesight and can remember over a hundred different faces. They quickly learn who feeds and cares for them based on facial features, voices and routines.

• 16:11Speaker 01

  And no matter how many times I'm told it, I still can't get my head around the fact that they can live with their heads chopped off.

• 16:18Speaker 04

  No, that was just one because of the way that, that was Mike, the chicken that was on the front cover of Time. Yeah, yeah. He was on the cover of the Times magazine years ago, a head that lived, a, a chicken that lived without its head because of the way that they cut the head off. It didn't sever the spinal cord and he went to live on. He went to live on for 18 months afterwards and they would feed him down the neck. Another fact check.

• 16:41Speaker 00

  I'm back on Google again, guys.

• 16:43Speaker 04

  Mike the chicken.

• 16:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, she's right again.

• 16:47Speaker 01

  But then why does the phrase running around?

• 16:48Speaker 04

  Lose ride again. Is that a new feature?

• 16:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, it could be.

• 16:52Speaker 01

  Where does the phrase running around like a headless chicken? They must survive a little bit after death.

• 16:56Speaker 00

  It's Mike the headless chicken. Well, don't they? Um, headless chickens can normally only survive for a minute or less, but rare long term survival.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  I reckon I could do a minute.

• 17:07Speaker 04

  And we try it in live radio.

• 17:08Speaker 01

  Long enough to like call my financial advisor or something.

• 17:13Speaker 00

  Take it, take him off.

• 17:17Speaker 00

  Rare long term survival is possible if the brain stem remains intact, but it's, it's not looking likely.

• 17:22Speaker 04

  No, no, it's, Mike was an, was a freak case.

• 17:26Speaker 00

  That is crazy. Miracle Mike.

• 17:28Speaker 04

  And there's a chicken that could play football in China. No big deal.

• 17:32Speaker 01

  That is a big deal. If you made the national team.

• 17:37Speaker 01

  Right then.

• 17:39Speaker 00

  Where are we?

• 17:40Speaker 01

  We are recording a radio show slash podcast in the studio, Dave. You're our fact checker. So far, Lou's, Lou's hitting three for three.

• 17:50Speaker 00

  It's good stuff, Lou. It's one, it's one hell of a hit rate.

• 17:54Speaker 01

  But I think now we're going to play a made up game.

• 17:57Speaker 04

  Already?

• 17:58Speaker 01

  No, you're gonna tell me an anecdote.

• 18:01Speaker 04

  Oh, well, let me say about that.

• 18:05Speaker 00

  Have you got any?

• 18:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, I wrote down some notes on my phone, but I have to get my phone.

• 18:09Speaker 00

  Oh, great.

• 18:09Speaker 04

  I can't get my, I can't get my phone, I can't get my ears done. You know.

• 18:13Speaker 00

  Oh yeah, that's what you mean.

• 18:14Speaker 04

  Thank you ever so much, my dear. Right. I wrote down some notes. Are any of them radio friendly?

• 18:21Speaker 00

  Just read them all out as you wrote them down, please.

• 18:24Speaker 04

  Well, I don't think this is radio friendly. Do you want to hear it?

• 18:27Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 18:30Speaker 04

  Well, I shouldn't talk about this because it's.

• 18:33Speaker 00

  Great start. Two things there that are worrying.

• 18:36Speaker 04

  Well.

• 18:36Speaker 00

  Not really friendly.

• 18:37Speaker 01

  And it's slanderous.

• 18:39Speaker 04

  I don't like med, I don't like medicine, but I have decided to go.

• 18:44Speaker 04

  I have decided to go on HRT that mimics your body. So it's kind of natural.

• 18:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:48Speaker 04

  HRT, because apparently your skin and hair gets better. And I just thought, I'll give it a go. And the other thing is your bones recover better. So I've got plantar fasciitis.

• 18:57Speaker 01

  Question?

• 18:58Speaker 04

  Issue. Yeah.

• 18:59Speaker 01

  Are you getting it from a GP or did you borrow it from a friend?

• 19:02Speaker 04

  Uh, GP.

• 19:03Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 19:04Speaker 04

  A lovely nurse, actually.

• 19:05Speaker 00

  Oh, I love it.

• 19:06Speaker 04

  She was great. And I just thought, give this a go because I want my recovery time on my injuries to be better. And a physio said it would help. Anyway, so and it's all quite natural. So got that. And she said, do you want some, um.

• 19:18Speaker 04

  Here's where we might be in trouble.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  Oh, she holds her hand up like a chef, sort of describing the perfect boiled potato.

• 19:27Speaker 04

  This is interesting.

• 19:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:28Speaker 04

  She said, do you want some things to, uh, shove up your privates?

• 19:32Speaker 01

  Some, some, that's okay. Some suppositories.

• 19:35Speaker 04

  Some pessaries because it'll keep it springy, springy in there. Should I have some women come in? Who I think, oh dear, look at, you know, look at, look at that, that could have been avoided.

• 19:47Speaker 01

  Right.

• 19:47Speaker 04

  And I didn't even know that your, um, shall we say rosebud could, could get, um. I didn't even know that that was an issue that we have to look after. I think mine's in excellent condition.

• 20:00Speaker 01

  It's what I've heard on the forums.

• 20:03Speaker 04

  But she said, you might as well have some of these things you pop up there, you know, twice a week. Um, and she went through some symptoms. I said, I don't have any of them. I think it's, you know, we're looking at a springy little chicken. But I took them anyway.

• 20:16Speaker 01

  Miracle Mike.

• 20:17Speaker 04

  What? Yeah, Miracle Mike.

• 20:19Speaker 00

  Recognises a handsome man.

• 20:21Speaker 04

  I'd have heard for ages.

• 20:26Speaker 04

  Am I ringing my own bell?

• 20:29Speaker 01

  Ring the bell, Dave.

• 20:31Speaker 04

  Just the one. So I got, I got the prescription, which was very bold of me to bother.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  Well, it's brave, isn't it? When someone like suggests something you hadn't even thought of.

• 20:41Speaker 04

  Yeah. And I'm like, why not? If something exists, you know? And although, you know, big pharma, whatever, you know, we are. So I went into the pharmacy and he said, he went, oh, hi. And then he looked down at the prescription to check my name and he went, it is you.

• 21:00Speaker 04

  Then he had a good look at what I was ordering, made a weird face and said, okay, I'll just get this something for you. And so now he knows what I'm shoving up the rosebud on a regular.

• 21:12Speaker 00

  But, but you know, would you, would you have preferred, was it a male, did you say male doctor?

• 21:16Speaker 04

  He kept, well, he, he sort of like lingered more than he had to.

• 21:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:20Speaker 04

  And he said, it is you. I thought it was just as he was surveying.

• 21:22Speaker 01

  You can't say that before you read the prescription.

• 21:25Speaker 04

  No, you can't. I think a bit of, a bit of, and other people were in there. And I just think a bit.

• 21:30Speaker 00

  Who else was in there?

• 21:32Speaker 01

  Michael McIntyre.

• 21:36Speaker 04

  Sue Pollard.

• 21:37Speaker 01

  Sue Pollard, Sue Perkins.

• 21:40Speaker 04

  Sue Perkins.

• 21:41Speaker 00

  All trainee doctors and stuff.

• 21:43Speaker 04

  No, this is in the pharmacy.

• 21:44Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 21:45Speaker 04

  In the pharmacy. So people were just shopping for their whatever.

• 21:49Speaker 01

  When I had my bum fiasco.

• 21:52Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 21:53Speaker 01

  I had to keep going back to the pharmacy for quite a lot of like, what one might call embarrassing prescriptions. Just bottom related.

• 22:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  And you do get a real like sense of, okay, queue's too long, queue's too long. Another lap of the high street.

• 22:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:08Speaker 01

  Okay, queue's clear, queue's clear. Go in, go in.

• 22:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:12Speaker 01

  And you want them to be like, just say nothing. Say, we'll have that for you in five minutes. Mr. Robbins. Ideally use a pseudonym. Switchblade.

• 22:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:22Speaker 01

  And they give you stuff because you don't want someone going, oh, this is quite a strong painkiller. Are you aware of blah? I don't, I've had that conversation with a doctor. I don't need to have it again.

• 22:32Speaker 04

  You don't want a pharmacist to come out and go rectal bleeding, you know, on the megaphone. Yeah.

• 22:38Speaker 01

  No, you don't want that.

• 22:39Speaker 04

  But then I just thought, don't have any shame. You know, it's just as you guys say, it's just a body.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  It's just a body. And have you used them?

• 22:47Speaker 04

  I've used one.

• 22:48Speaker 01

  And was there an immediate change in circumstances?

• 22:50Speaker 04

  Well, I don't know because I can't, I didn't have any thing to report anyway, but I'm just, you know, you might as well go for excellence.

• 22:59Speaker 00

  Strive, strive for it.

• 23:00Speaker 04

  But I'll let the young man, the time seeing, sort of have a little look around and see what he can find.

• 23:07Speaker 01

  Well, for God's sake, don't leave it up there.

• 23:10Speaker 04

  No, you do leave it up there.

• 23:12Speaker 01

  Oh, do you?

• 23:12Speaker 04

  Yes, it dissolves.

• 23:13Speaker 01

  Oh, that's nice.

• 23:14Speaker 04

  It's probably coming out right now.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  Good stuff. Good anecdote.

• 23:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, thank you.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  You're listening to Five Live, news and sport and people's issues that matter in your region.

• 23:29Speaker 04

  In your region, yeah. Yeah, in your region.

• 23:33Speaker 01

  Yeah. Great. Great stuff.

• 23:36Speaker 04

  I didn't expect there to be a sort of 10 minutes silence after that, that we'll just move on.

• 23:41Speaker 01

  Well, I think it's important to chat about these things because there'll be people listening who have to get embarrassing prescriptions. Who are trying to feel a little bit less embarrassed.

• 23:50Speaker 04

  Well, when she said that she sees the state of some of these things and she said that could have been avoided, I thought, well, people need to know. I didn't know about these little histris, you know?

• 24:00Speaker 01

  That's really interesting.

• 24:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, thank you.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  Okay, good.

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• 25:13Speaker 03

  I've got big news. I switched to Verizon and got the new iPhone 18 Pro. I can keep my old phone and I also get the latest iPhone every year. Shh, anything else? Verizon, let me choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on them. Everybody listen up. Switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone 18 Pro now. No trade in needed and the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on us. Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for Watch or iPad required. Additional terms apply for all offers.

• 25:46Speaker 01

  Dave, I bet you want to play a made up game more than anything right now.

• 25:49Speaker 00

  Goodness me. I really do, actually. Cause I know where this goes.

• 25:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:54Speaker 00

  I think so.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  To an extent.

• 25:55Speaker 00

  I think so. I've thought that a few times over the last couple of recordings.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  Well, bear in mind.

• 25:59Speaker 00

  It always surprises me.

• 26:00Speaker 01

  Lou is three on three for facts.

• 26:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:02Speaker 00

  You are.

• 26:02Speaker 01

  So if this is a fact based quiz, I'm in danger.

• 26:06Speaker 00

  It's no, yeah, there's a bit of, it's interesting one, this one. It'll be fun. This is a good one. The jingle first, of course, the made up games jingle is from Thomas in the style of the Divine Comedy, first played last week. Let's give it another, let's give it another run out.

• 26:26Speaker 05

  Name all the numbers that you find in a song. Count all the colors in the flags one by one. Make up a story from an old shopping list. Guess what the other has hidden in their fist? For this generation, Vex needs a rational express. So let's put them both to the test in a made up game.

• 27:08Speaker 04

  That was a lovely jingle.

• 27:09Speaker 01

  Absolutely lovely.

• 27:11Speaker 00

  Isn't that nice? This week's game comes in from Bertram in Chorley.

• 27:16Speaker 01

  Oh, nice name, Bertram.

• 27:17Speaker 00

  Good day, my sky full of neighborhoods and the lovely Lou. I saw in the news this week that a piano and a microphone used by the great Freddie Mercury are to go on auction soon.

• 27:28Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 27:28Speaker 00

  Are you aware? Are you excited? Are you involved in any way?

• 27:31Speaker 01

  Ryan Hold Mac, who was a producer of Queen in Munich, is, his estate is being auctioned, which contains the piano Freddie used at Live Aid, I think.

• 27:41Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 27:43Speaker 01

  And other items, though the auctioneers have yet to list the items. Last time I checked, the rest of them, I think there's some lyrics in there. But it's also quite confusing because there is also an exhibition of six of his outfits at the V and A. And that's his ex-partner, Mary Austin, is displaying them. I think some of them were sold at the Sotheby's auction and have maybe been loaned back to the V and A. She's also releasing a book called A Life in Lyrics, Freddie Mercury. So there's a lot of Freddie content out there.

• 28:13Speaker 00

  Is it a big year? Is it a big year for Freddie or is it just, it's happening all at once for no real reason?

• 28:19Speaker 01

  I don't think it's a big year for Freddie. I think maybe next year is his, oh no, this year he would have been 80.

• 28:27Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 28:28Speaker 01

  Which is nuts.

• 28:29Speaker 00

  That is mad.

• 28:30Speaker 01

  How long we've been without Freddie Mercury.

• 28:33Speaker 00

  Wow, yeah.

• 28:34Speaker 01

  It's not like he would have been 120. He would have been 80, as I said.

• 28:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, and that's numbers.

• 28:41Speaker 01

  And that's numbers.

• 28:42Speaker 00

  That's numbers. What are you drawing there, Lou? I'm enjoying it.

• 28:45Speaker 04

  Sort of moon cat and John's face.

• 28:47Speaker 01

  Oh, that's lovely.

• 28:49Speaker 00

  You're a good drawer, Lou. The moon cat is great.

• 28:52Speaker 01

  She is a good drawer.

• 28:52Speaker 04

  I'm not a good drawer. I'm terrible.

• 28:53Speaker 01

  She doesn't back herself with a lot of her talents, does she, Lou?

• 28:55Speaker 00

  Show John the moon cat, please, Lou.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  Oh, it's a beautiful, that's going on the carousel.

• 29:02Speaker 04

  It's so bad. Anyway, we move on.

• 29:04Speaker 00

  We do. So there, yes, so there is auction action happening. Then two things happened. One. I was reminded about the time when John was bidding for Mercury Memorabilia, live on air on Five Live.

• 29:16Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 29:16Speaker 00

  That one time.

• 29:17Speaker 01

  Would do it again.

• 29:18Speaker 00

  He would, he would. Hashtag no regrets.

• 29:20Speaker 01

  Hashtag no regrets.

• 29:22Speaker 00

  And two, I realised-

• 29:23Speaker 01

  Apart from the money.

• 29:24Speaker 04

  Well, does that make it tax deductible if you don't live on air?

• 29:28Speaker 01

  Imagine that.

• 29:29Speaker 00

  Bet you could.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  I have to time all my purchases to while we're on air to make them tax deductible.

• 29:35Speaker 00

  I bet you could argue it was that you were doing a bit, but you had to be-

• 29:39Speaker 01

  HMRC would have your guts for garters, Dave.

• 29:43Speaker 00

  They're not stupid, they weren't born yesterday, were they?

• 29:45Speaker 01

  Absolutely not.

• 29:46Speaker 00

  Goodness me. And number two, I realised I should send in a made up game around auctions. So I present to you bidding in the name of-

• 29:54Speaker 01

  Oh, lovely.

• 29:55Speaker 00

  Dave will give you an item that has been sold at auction. The aim of the game is to guess how much that item sold for. Now, you might say that guessing a random figure is too hard. So here's how I've made it slightly easier and crucially, hopefully, more entertaining. In each round, Dave will name an item. He will also give you the year it was sold and the currency it was sold in.

• 30:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:15Speaker 00

  That's just some standard facts there to help. John and Lou will then give their opening bids a guess at how much they think the object sold for.

• 30:22Speaker 01

  I do, do just have to say, I'm not great on historic exchange rates for the yen.

• 30:28Speaker 00

  That's all right.

• 30:28Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 30:29Speaker 00

  I don't think it's more about the value of the item here, I think is what we should be worried about. You'll both reveal your bids and then you can do one of two things. If you're feeling confident, you can lock in your answer. Or if upon hearing the opponent's guess, you think you've gone too high or low, you can change your answer and bid a second figure.

• 30:48Speaker 01

  I am a lot like that.

• 30:51Speaker 04

  Any, like, do you get less points for changing your answer?

• 30:56Speaker 00

  No, it's just, it's just if you feel like the ballpark area you were in.

• 31:00Speaker 01

  Okay, let's give a, let me give a scenario.

• 31:03Speaker 04

  We don't have, no, because then, because if it's closest to, you just come down. Like if it's, like, say the answer's £50, I imagine it's going to be higher. And John guesses 55 and I guess 80, then obviously I'll go, all right then.

• 31:17Speaker 01

  56.

• 31:19Speaker 00

  That doesn't help you.

• 31:20Speaker 04

  No, it doesn't actually. No, you're right. It's good to work that out.

• 31:22Speaker 01

  No, but if, if Lou says 1.6 million-

• 31:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:25Speaker 01

  And I go £100.

• 31:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  And then I go, oh, I think I'm a bit out there. I go-

• 31:30Speaker 04

  500.

• 31:30Speaker 01

  1.6 million and one pound.

• 31:32Speaker 00

  Well, that'd be frowned upon, but-

• 31:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, but that suddenly opens up anything above.

• 31:37Speaker 04

  And that's what I meant.

• 31:42Speaker 04

  That is exactly the sort of thing I meant.

• 31:44Speaker 00

  But if the, if the value is still below that, you've chosen to go just above. And if the value is below, John, you've still lost the, you've still lost the point.

• 31:52Speaker 04

  We don't like, we love this game.

• 31:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:55Speaker 04

  But we don't like that element. But I'm very chill.

• 31:58Speaker 00

  I mean, listen, listen, we can choose-

• 31:59Speaker 01

  We're very chill.

• 32:00Speaker 04

  We're very chill.

• 32:01Speaker 01

  Just ask us to play Bananagrams.

• 32:03Speaker 04

  Oh, I've got Boggle in my bag.

• 32:05Speaker 01

  Have you?

• 32:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:06Speaker 01

  I'd love to play Boggle.

• 32:07Speaker 04

  Oh, well, I've got Boggle in my bag. Is that the made up game? No, this one's good.

• 32:12Speaker 00

  Stick with this one.

• 32:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:14Speaker 00

  Hey, listen, I mean, if, if, these are the rules, this is the game that we've been set.

• 32:17Speaker 04

  Let's do it, let's do it, let's do it.

• 32:18Speaker 00

  If you two are super confident, just lock them in after the first, after the first value.

• 32:22Speaker 01

  Well, there's a difference between refining and being cynical.

• 32:25Speaker 04

  Yes, yes.

• 32:26Speaker 01

  I'd say.

• 32:27Speaker 00

  Okay. So, right, where was I? So here we go. Yeah, you can change your answer and bid a second figure. Once an item is locked in, it cannot be changed. Each player gets a maximum of three bids until both answers are final.

• 32:44Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 32:44Speaker 00

  Okay, so you can move around a little bit, but hey, if you're confident-

• 32:47Speaker 01

  But why would one of you want to move around on your own?

• 32:49Speaker 00

  Because, that's a good point, once you're the first, because you might just have second thoughts.

• 32:56Speaker 01

  This feels vague. Okay, let's go.

• 32:59Speaker 00

  Okay. Are we ready?

• 33:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:02Speaker 00

  Round one.

• 33:04Speaker 04

  £50.

• 33:07Speaker 00

  The auction item was William Shatner's kidney stone.

• 33:12Speaker 00

  The year it sold in was 2006. Currency is dollars.

• 33:18Speaker 04

  2006, dollars, William Shatner.

• 33:22Speaker 00

  The stone was sold by Shatner himself for a charitable cause. He said, "The kidney stone was so big, you'd want to wear it on your finger."

• 33:30Speaker 04

  Right. A quick question, who's William Shatner?

• 33:34Speaker 01

  He played Captain, well, Captain Kirk in Star Wars, Trek.

• 33:40Speaker 04

  That will affect, that will affect my answer.

• 33:42Speaker 00

  He also did a cover of-

• 33:43Speaker 01

  I think it's fun to just one guess.

• 33:45Speaker 00

  Get it in, get your, get, get your big guesses in and lock it in.

• 33:49Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 33:50Speaker 04

  In, in, in dollars as well. Don't forget the exchange rates, William, I'd say, okay.

• 33:55Speaker 00

  Dollars please for Shatner's kidney stone.

• 33:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:57Speaker 04

  Yep, got it, got it, got the answer.

• 34:00Speaker 00

  Okay, here we go. Lou, let's come to you first, please.

• 34:03Speaker 04

  2.1 mil.

• 34:04Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 34:06Speaker 00

  2.1 mil.

• 34:09Speaker 04

  No, I like the, I like the rules actually, because I might change that.

• 34:12Speaker 00

  I think you will like the rules.

• 34:14Speaker 04

  I think I'll change that without even hearing John's.

• 34:18Speaker 00

  No, you're in.

• 34:18Speaker 04

  700, 700 pounds.

• 34:22Speaker 01

  So we're on to round two.

• 34:24Speaker 00

  Go on, John, what are you doing?

• 34:25Speaker 01

  $10,000.

• 34:26Speaker 00

  $10,000. Now, because the rules were in play at the start, I'm not going to say this isn't a part of the game. So Lou or John, at this point, would you like to maybe put in a secondary bid?

• 34:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, I would. And what did you say again?

• 34:42Speaker 01

  $10,000.

• 34:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm going 40, 40 grand dollars.

• 34:46Speaker 00

  $40,000.

• 34:47Speaker 04

  $40,000.

• 34:49Speaker 00

  Okay, next guess from Lou.

• 34:50Speaker 01

  Hang on.

• 34:51Speaker 04

  What?

• 34:51Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, no, John, you're still there, go on.

• 34:53Speaker 04

  They're not skin, are they?

• 34:54Speaker 01

  So, but now I'm obviously going to go $39,000.

• 34:58Speaker 00

  What, if you're being cynical?

• 35:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:00Speaker 00

  Yeah?

• 35:01Speaker 01

  That's the floor in the game.

• 35:02Speaker 04

  Okay, then do that and then see my next move.

• 35:07Speaker 01

  No, I'm going to stick at $10,000 because I don't like that rule.

• 35:10Speaker 00

  You're going to stick at 10,000?

• 35:11Speaker 01

  Yeah. He's, and what's Lou at?

• 35:14Speaker 04

  I'll go down a bit.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  Well, you're-

• 35:16Speaker 04

  20K, 20K, 20K, final offer.

• 35:20Speaker 00

  Final offer from Lou.

• 35:21Speaker 04

  20K, take it or leave it.

• 35:22Speaker 00

  No, I'll take, I'll take it. I'll take them all at this stage.

• 35:27Speaker 00

  John, do you want to, do you want to refine?

• 35:28Speaker 01

  No, I'm going to stay at $10,000.

• 35:30Speaker 04

  Oh, very classy.

• 35:31Speaker 00

  So you're staying at $10,000. The answer is, of course, $25,000. So Lou nicks it. John's smiling because he's enjoying himself.

• 35:43Speaker 04

  But it's a smile that he's learnt through the programme.

• 35:46Speaker 00

  No, he's enjoying himself because it's, it's a bit of audio fun.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  Would have won round one and two of that. And eventually, we, we got there, didn't we?

• 35:56Speaker 04

  Well, that's the rules and I like them.

• 35:58Speaker 01

  They're good rules.

• 35:59Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 35:59Speaker 00

  So it's 1-0 to Lou as we move into round two.

• 36:02Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 36:06Speaker 01

  So this round, I want to do closed bids.

• 36:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, well, the first two, the first, the first guess is closed, isn't it?

• 36:13Speaker 01

  No, because you tell the other person.

• 36:14Speaker 00

  Until the end of the round.

• 36:15Speaker 04

  Yeah. Okay, what's, what's the quasie?

• 36:18Speaker 00

  Okay, round two. The item is the violin played by the Titanic's bandleader, Wallace Hartley, as the ship sank in 1912.

• 36:25Speaker 04

  What ship?

• 36:28Speaker 04

  Thought so.

• 36:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:30Speaker 04

  That's got to be big business.

• 36:32Speaker 00

  No, yeah.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  What year?

• 36:33Speaker 00

  2013 pounds.

• 36:35Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 36:35Speaker 04

  2013 sterling, that's got to be big business. Some of these violins, you can pay, they've not even had a story. They're brand new.

• 36:43Speaker 00

  This one sank to the bottom of the ocean.

• 36:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, some of the violins that are new, you can pay like a mil for. Did you know that?

• 36:48Speaker 00

  Just, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

• 36:50Speaker 04

  Just another one of my facts.

• 36:51Speaker 00

  Described at the time as one of the most important objects ever discovered that sank with the ship. Hmm. Yeah, I say it is because the, yeah, absolutely.

• 37:01Speaker 04

  Okay, I think, I think I was getting my psychic things messed up. And actually, the other one I wrote is for this.

• 37:08Speaker 00

  Wait, because John will come in first this time, so don't give anything away. John, what do you think?

• 37:14Speaker 01

  I'm going to say 1.3 million pounds.

• 37:17Speaker 00

  1.3 mil.

• 37:20Speaker 00

  Lou?

• 37:23Speaker 04

  Now, I thought I might have been channeling. And the last one where I said 2.1 mil, I thought that might be for this one.

• 37:31Speaker 00

  Interesting.

• 37:32Speaker 04

  So I'm going to put my 2.1 mil on this one.

• 37:35Speaker 00

  Okay. Now, you both have the option of locking in. But you also now both have the knowledge of the other person's bid. So John, how are you feeling?

• 37:44Speaker 01

  I'm going to stay because I don't like the rule.

• 37:47Speaker 00

  John doesn't like the rules, so he's sticking. Lou, how do you feel about the rules?

• 37:50Speaker 04

  I'm a bit of a laugh and I'm very flexible, so I go 1.8 mil.

• 37:53Speaker 00

  She's changed it.

• 37:56Speaker 01

  So it's basically the best guesser sets the ballpark. And then the other player just sort of like.

• 38:04Speaker 04

  Well, we don't know because it could have gone for three mil and then the laugh will be on.

• 38:07Speaker 01

  You'd still win?

• 38:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, the laugh's on me.

• 38:08Speaker 00

  The thing is, she'd already heard your first guess, Lou.

• 38:12Speaker 01

  I know, it's so confusing.

• 38:14Speaker 00

  Changed anyway, but that's fine because we're human beings.

• 38:17Speaker 04

  Yeah. What, is a woman not allowed to change?

• 38:20Speaker 00

  Of course you are.

• 38:20Speaker 04

  Sometimes it's actively encouraged. Go get yourself dressed.

• 38:24Speaker 01

  Go get yourself what?

• 38:26Speaker 04

  Dressed.

• 38:26Speaker 01

  Dressed.

• 38:27Speaker 00

  Get yourself dressed, John.

• 38:29Speaker 04

  Change.

• 38:33Speaker 00

  1.3 million from John, 1.8 million from Lou. The answer is 900,000.

• 38:41Speaker 04

  Well done, John.

• 38:42Speaker 00

  He's 400,000.

• 38:43Speaker 01

  Do you know what my first wrote down, Dave? 890,000.

• 38:46Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 38:47Speaker 01

  Scrabbled it out.

• 38:48Speaker 04

  Always trust, always trust your gut.

• 38:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:52Speaker 00

  It's one all.

• 38:53Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 38:53Speaker 00

  Round three. A 27 year old Lego shark found at sea 20 miles south of Penzance. 2,024 pounds. The Lego shark was the first ever reported shark from the 51,800 Lego sharks lost off the Tokyo Express cargo ship on the 13th of Feb 97. 63 shipping containers were lost at sea, one of which held 4.7 million pieces of Lego.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  God, we have ruined this earth.

• 39:25Speaker 00

  Much of it sea themed.

• 39:27Speaker 01

  Absolutely ruined it.

• 39:30Speaker 00

  So a 27 year old Lego shark found at sea 20 miles south of Penzance. Lou Sanders.

• 39:37Speaker 04

  I'm gonna stick a jingle under John saying we've ruined this earth.

• 39:43Speaker 00

  What would John's jingle?

• 39:44Speaker 04

  Yeah. Now Lego is popular.

• 39:47Speaker 01

  I went to a Lego exhibition on my holidays.

• 39:50Speaker 00

  Did you?

• 39:50Speaker 01

  Yes, the local church was holding an exhibition of Lego models kindly donated by a parishioner. And next to each of them, they'd put a Bible verse. One of them was next to a Lego predator.

• 40:06Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 40:07Speaker 00

  What was the back? Can you remember what the verse was for that?

• 40:10Speaker 04

  What did she do for fun?

• 40:13Speaker 01

  That was the big excursion.

• 40:14Speaker 04

  Was it? Oh, lucky lady. Lucky lady. Yeah, Lego's popular.

• 40:21Speaker 00

  Lou, we come to you first, of course.

• 40:22Speaker 04

  Two handy puns. A thousand. Two hun- no, no, two hun- no, I've just seen John's face.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  Got to take your first answer. Two handy puns thousand. No, my face isn't at the amount because I'm yet to work out what the amount is.

• 40:37Speaker 04

  Okay, no, honestly.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  200,000 is fine.

• 40:39Speaker 04

  Two handy puns thousand. Yeah, two. What we're looking at is a two.

• 40:44Speaker 01

  A hunty.

• 40:45Speaker 04

  And a hunty.

• 40:46Speaker 01

  And a pea.

• 40:46Speaker 04

  And a pea.

• 40:47Speaker 00

  Hold on, so the pea, where's the pea coming?

• 40:49Speaker 04

  200,000 pounds.

• 40:50Speaker 00

  I'm sure it is 200,000.

• 40:52Speaker 04

  But half it and add one.

• 40:56Speaker 04

  A hundred and one thousand pounds. It's as simple as that.

• 41:01Speaker 04

  101K, you might say.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  101K.

• 41:07Speaker 00

  What, what's your answer?

• 41:08Speaker 04

  101K.

• 41:09Speaker 00

  Is it 101K?

• 41:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, gotta be. It's got to be.

• 41:11Speaker 00

  It has to be, doesn't it? And it was clear, it was as clear as day first time round. Uh, John?

• 41:16Speaker 01

  24 grand.

• 41:17Speaker 00

  24 grand.

• 41:19Speaker 04

  I'll smash you in the face if you're all right. I'm sure.

• 41:23Speaker 00

  Now, of course, due to the rules of the game. There is an opportunity to change.

• 41:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:28Speaker 00

  What are you thinking, Lou? I mean, you lock it in. If you're confident.

• 41:31Speaker 01

  Also back yourself.

• 41:33Speaker 04

  What did you say?

• 41:34Speaker 01

  24 grand.

• 41:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, 45.

• 41:40Speaker 04

  It's a good game.

• 41:45Speaker 00

  It's an exhibition match, isn't it? Ellis isn't here. These aren't really, these aren't contributing to the overall scores.

• 41:50Speaker 01

  That's true.

• 41:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, this is a bit of fun.

• 41:53Speaker 00

  It's Man City versus Jamaica in 1996.

• 41:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:56Speaker 00

  It didn't really make sense, but everyone enjoyed themselves.

• 41:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:00Speaker 00

  Full house are made red for that. She's mad. Are we happy?

• 42:05Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 42:05Speaker 00

  24,000 to John, 45,000 to Lou.

• 42:09Speaker 04

  Or 44.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  44.

• 42:12Speaker 04

  Because I like my numbers that match.

• 42:14Speaker 00

  Uh, this is, it's tricky because some of these are lower and the answer was 430 quid.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 42:20Speaker 00

  To find a 27 year old Lego shark. I would have thought that'd be more.

• 42:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, because they were sort of a well-known shipwreck of rare items. Anyway, but maybe they knew that another.

• 42:29Speaker 04

  Lego got enough money anyway.

• 42:30Speaker 01

  Another 5 million of them are going to wash up.

• 42:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:33Speaker 01

  In the bowels of some beautiful endangered whale.

• 42:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:38Speaker 01

  Or a shark, ironically.

• 42:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:40Speaker 04

  Oh, could be, yeah. Wouldn't that, wouldn't that, yeah.

• 42:46Speaker 00

  Two ones to John. Let's race through the final two rounds.

• 42:49Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 42:50Speaker 00

  Okay, the painting Salvador Mundi by Leonardo da Vinci.

• 42:54Speaker 04

  That's got to go for some.

• 42:56Speaker 00

  Uh, 2017 dollars.

• 43:00Speaker 00

  Salvador Mundi is currently the most expensive artwork ever sold.

• 43:03Speaker 04

  What?

• 43:04Speaker 00

  The painting depicts Jesus Christ in anachronistic. Did I say that right?

• 43:09Speaker 01

  Anachronistic.

• 43:09Speaker 00

  Anachronistic. Thank you, John.

• 43:11Speaker 04

  Okay, I'm not even gonna mess about on this one. I'm just gonna.

• 43:13Speaker 00

  Lou's not messing about.

• 43:14Speaker 04

  Just gonna say it and spray it.

• 43:17Speaker 00

  Okay, it's John. It's John first. Let John say and spray first.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  510 million.

• 43:24Speaker 00

  510 mil.

• 43:26Speaker 04

  510. I've gone a bit lower.

• 43:30Speaker 04

  It is millions though. 217 mil.

• 43:33Speaker 01

  Good guess.

• 43:34Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 43:35Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 43:36Speaker 04

  And that's it.

• 43:37Speaker 00

  That's it?

• 43:37Speaker 04

  That's it. No messing about this time.

• 43:39Speaker 00

  John, any messing about from you?

• 43:41Speaker 01

  No, I'll stick.

• 43:42Speaker 00

  You'll stick because you don't like the rule? Yeah.

• 43:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't like the rule. I mean, I'm thinking I'm probably too high.

• 43:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  But I'm, I'm a man of my guesstimations that they always say that about me.

• 43:53Speaker 00

  They do.

• 43:53Speaker 04

  They do.

• 43:55Speaker 00

  The answer is 450.3 million. John is not far off by any stretch.

• 44:01Speaker 04

  Well done, John.

• 44:02Speaker 00

  So well done to John. It's 3-1. Lou, unfortunately, it's an unassailable lead now for John. But should we play the final round because we're having such a blumming good time?

• 44:08Speaker 04

  I don't think so.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  I'd like to, Dave.

• 44:13Speaker 04

  I play to win on otter doll.

• 44:15Speaker 00

  No, you don't.

• 44:16Speaker 04

  No, I don't. No, I'm.

• 44:17Speaker 00

  Into channel the spirit of Elis James.

• 44:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:19Speaker 00

  He plays to win unless, unless he has problems.

• 44:22Speaker 01

  He's really, he's.

• 44:23Speaker 04

  No.

• 44:23Speaker 00

  I heard last week's game.

• 44:25Speaker 04

  I'm enjoying this and also I'm not very good at guessing numbers. That's why that game pointless is a real nightmare for me. Anyway, carry on.

• 44:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay.

• 44:33Speaker 00

  The spikes worn by Roger Bannister when he ran the first four minute mile.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  Oh, in Oxford.

• 44:38Speaker 00

  2015 pounds. The shoes sold quicker than Roger's mile. They went in just two and a half minutes. Do you want a reference point? Because I can tell you how much the stopwatch went for.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  No, thank you.

• 44:52Speaker 04

  I don't need it. I don't need it.

• 44:53Speaker 00

  If you need it.

• 44:55Speaker 04

  You coming to me first?

• 44:56Speaker 00

  I am.

• 44:58Speaker 04

  16.6p recurring. I'm just having a bit of fun.

• 45:05Speaker 04

  That's what I'm saying, yeah.

• 45:06Speaker 01

  What year was it, Dave? 16.6p?

• 45:08Speaker 04

  Recurring.

• 45:13Speaker 00

  But that's not, that's not a.

• 45:15Speaker 04

  No, it won't be.

• 45:19Speaker 00

  2015, John.

• 45:23Speaker 01

  You see, the thing with these types of auction items is they often go a lot lower than you think because the, the mad figures you get for stuff like Freddie Mercury's piano or Salvador Mundi.

• 45:36Speaker 04

  Everyone's run out of money by the end.

• 45:37Speaker 01

  Well, exactly. I'm going 86 grand.

• 45:41Speaker 00

  John's going 86 grand and you're sticking with your 16.66p recurring. Okay, the answer is 220,000.

• 45:49Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 45:49Speaker 00

  Uh, so John wins.

• 45:51Speaker 04

  220,000?

• 45:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 45:53Speaker 04

  That's a whole lot of cash.

• 45:54Speaker 00

  A whole lot of cash, yeah. So John was, John was closest there. It's 4-1.

• 45:58Speaker 04

  When I saw my bra, my second arm bra.

• 46:04Speaker 00

  That'd pick up a bit of cash, wouldn't it?

• 46:06Speaker 04

  Well, 499.

• 46:07Speaker 01

  Do you ever think this when you're putting stuff on like Vinted or eBay, like if I said it was mine, might it get a lift?

• 46:15Speaker 04

  The money would drop.

• 46:16Speaker 01

  Because I was thinking like if I move and want to downsize, no, I couldn't downsize. I'd be living in a toilet. But like if I ever wanted to move to the Alps to go mad and I had to say sell all my books, might, might they get an extra 10% if I said the library of John Robbins, a squire as opposed to, you know.

• 46:35Speaker 04

  I think your socks and pants would, but I don't think your books would.

• 46:38Speaker 01

  Really?

• 46:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, because books is different. Yeah, I think so.

• 46:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, I definitely, I think they probably would.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 46:44Speaker 00

  Uh, there we go. Fun. Thank you. Thank you, everyone.

• 46:48Speaker 01

  One to Johnny J. Uh, thank you very much.

• 46:50Speaker 04

  We don't need to recap on the scores.

• 46:55Speaker 01

  Um, and we're going to take a little bit of a break now and probably hear from our friends at NordVPN.

• 47:01Speaker 00

  Lovely.

• 47:10Speaker 03

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• 47:40Speaker 02

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• 48:23Speaker 02

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• 48:48Speaker 01

  Folks, we're in a big ring, aren't we, Lou? We're all holding hands in a circle because this is the ring fenced section where we can talk about our extracurricular activities. Lou, I'm going to show you two items.

• 49:01Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 49:02Speaker 01

  And we're not going to put the video of this out, Dave.

• 49:04Speaker 04

  You've got in trouble with that before, haven't you?

• 49:08Speaker 01

  And Lou makes that sort of joke because it clearly couldn't be true. Just, just to be clear. So we'll blur this section, Dave, or we just won't. We'll have it blacked out.

• 49:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:21Speaker 01

  So in The Last Adventures of Ellis and John, which is being released when, Dave?

• 49:27Speaker 00

  This Friday.

• 49:28Speaker 01

  This Friday, which you can watch on Patreon, patreon.com/ellisandjohn.

• 49:33Speaker 00

  Correct.

• 49:35Speaker 01

  Ellis and I made some things, dear.

• 49:38Speaker 04

  Oh, that's nice. It's just a jolly for you guys, isn't it?

• 49:40Speaker 01

  Don't look at the bottom. Don't say what they are.

• 49:43Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 49:43Speaker 01

  You can see what you think of them.

• 49:45Speaker 04

  Oh, great. Oh, they're nice. I can, I think I know who's made which one. Ellis, John.

• 49:51Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 49:52Speaker 04

  Yeah. Okay, they're lovely. They're really good, actually.

• 49:56Speaker 01

  Aren't they good? So, yes.

• 49:57Speaker 04

  I can't believe it.

• 49:58Speaker 01

  Ellis and I went pottering.

• 50:02Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 50:02Speaker 01

  We do potterying.

• 50:03Speaker 00

  Wheel throwing.

• 50:04Speaker 01

  We threw down on our wheels for the first time.

• 50:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:08Speaker 01

  And a great day.

• 50:10Speaker 00

  A lovely time was had by all in Camden.

• 50:12Speaker 01

  It was. It was very hot.

• 50:14Speaker 00

  It was another hot day.

• 50:15Speaker 01

  All of our adventures have taken place during heatwaves.

• 50:19Speaker 00

  Or freezing cold.

• 50:20Speaker 01

  Oh, yes. One of them was too cold.

• 50:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:22Speaker 01

  Careful what you wish for.

• 50:23Speaker 00

  Absolutely.

• 50:24Speaker 01

  But I do want the rain of a thousand winters right now.

• 50:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 50:29Speaker 01

  It absolutely hammered down in Tembe for about 10 minutes and I loved it.

• 50:34Speaker 00

  It's nice. It is actually nice.

• 50:36Speaker 01

  So, Dave, what can people expect? Thrills, spills? Well, quite a few spills.

• 50:42Speaker 00

  Quite a lot of spills.

• 50:42Speaker 04

  And bills because they will be paying for it.

• 50:46Speaker 01

  Yes, that's true. It is. It is. You do have to pay for the contact.

• 50:51Speaker 00

  You do, and by jove, it's worth it. So this is our next Adventures episode.

• 50:55Speaker 01

  Well, also, by jove.

• 50:57Speaker 00

  Go on.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  May I say, don't we have a wonderful team working very hard editing and filming? Incredible stuff. It's good stuff.

• 51:05Speaker 00

  It's, the bar is high.

• 51:07Speaker 01

  I watch it and I think, yeah.

• 51:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's good stuff.

• 51:10Speaker 01

  Thanks.

• 51:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:11Speaker 01

  No one is sacked.

• 51:12Speaker 00

  Great. And this one is up there with the best of them.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  Very much so. I haven't seen it yet.

• 51:19Speaker 00

  It's, well, as we record this, the finishing touches are still being put to the episode.

• 51:24Speaker 01

  I'm waiting my notes.

• 51:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. You will have time to get some notes. But, yeah, it's a really exciting one. Ellis and John do make pottery. There is tutorials. There is maybe a little bit of scandal here and there.

• 51:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, a bit of scandal.

• 51:38Speaker 00

  A little bit of sexual tension.

• 51:40Speaker 01

  A little bit of sexual tension. It's a very sensual art, the pottering.

• 51:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, and there is, there is some notable stuff that happens within the episode, which it will blow your mind.

• 51:52Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 51:52Speaker 00

  And is very watchable at the same time. Might be quite tricky to watch.

• 51:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. Ellis does a nude handstand.

• 51:59Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 52:01Speaker 01

  It was unexpected.

• 52:03Speaker 04

  Well, you've got a new customer right here.

• 52:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:06Speaker 01

  The hen do who were in there loved it.

• 52:09Speaker 00

  They did. So this Friday, Ellis and John make pottery. It's loads of fun and it joins the likes of marathon running, mini Olympics and all the rest.

• 52:19Speaker 01

  Driving tests.

• 52:20Speaker 00

  Driving tests, station to station as well, and all the service stations. We've probably missed one there and I can't. Bird watching, thank you, Michael, which I watched again the other day. It's a real, it's a real.

• 52:32Speaker 01

  It's a good laugh, isn't it?

• 52:33Speaker 00

  It's a real treat.

• 52:35Speaker 01

  Oh, we've got a clip.

• 52:36Speaker 04

  And you see where you have a bit of a wobbly rim?

• 52:39Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:40Speaker 04

  Well, I want to try is compressing the rim.

• 52:44Speaker 01

  Good grief.

• 52:45Speaker 04

  I know.

• 52:45Speaker 01

  It's an enormous temptation as a comedian and as a human to say, "Sounds like my love life a lot."

• 52:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:53Speaker 01

  But I'm not going to do that, Jack, but I need you to know that I've seen every single occasion.

• 52:57Speaker 06

  What about that chip if I use the sponge?

• 53:00Speaker 04

  Without like removing.

• 53:02Speaker 01

  He's dicing with that.

• 53:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, there's not much to be done about it. And that is, that is quite a scary procedure, to be fair. I mean, I can help you with it.

• 53:08Speaker 06

  No, no, I mean, I don't want any help. I want, I want it to be an honest pot.

• 53:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, it is.

• 53:15Speaker 04

  An honest pot.

• 53:16Speaker 01

  There you go, Ellis and his honest pot.

• 53:18Speaker 04

  Aww.

• 53:19Speaker 01

  He's an honest man.

• 53:21Speaker 04

  An honest pot.

• 53:22Speaker 00

  Well, I don't reveal obviously too much about what they do look like, Lou, but pretty impressive stuff, I'd say.

• 53:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm seeing two honest pots.

• 53:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:28Speaker 04

  Well, I'm seeing an honest pot and a filthy, dirty, scandalous one.

• 53:32Speaker 01

  Or are you seeing two elaborate vases? Tune in to find out.

• 53:36Speaker 04

  Are you going to give these away to the listeners? Because surely to God, you don't want them in your own houses.

• 53:42Speaker 01

  I did actually really, really want my hummus. Or flowers.

• 53:46Speaker 04

  Or fags.

• 53:46Speaker 01

  Or fags.

• 53:47Speaker 04

  They are very nice, actually.

• 53:49Speaker 01

  But yes, we will be giving them away to lucky listeners who probably have to write.

• 53:55Speaker 00

  Let's not speculate.

• 53:56Speaker 01

  A comment. We don't know yet.

• 53:57Speaker 00

  Let's not speculate at this stage. We can mix up how we give them away, but the, but the items will be given away and the special guest appearances as well.

• 54:05Speaker 01

  But it will be commenting on the post because it just does help bump it up.

• 54:08Speaker 00

  Did well for the.

• 54:09Speaker 04

  Can I come along for one of them?

• 54:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're going to have a day in Margate, maybe.

• 54:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, that would be great.

• 54:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:14Speaker 01

  Go swimming in the sea.

• 54:15Speaker 04

  Or you could do wakeboarding.

• 54:18Speaker 01

  Or swimming in the sea.

• 54:20Speaker 04

  Or Ninja Park on the inflatable.

• 54:24Speaker 00

  Ninja Park on that. You up for an inflatable day, John? You want to swim in the sea? Yeah.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  I've got one paddle, I've got one paddleboard. We could all get on that.

• 54:34Speaker 00

  We will get you involved in a future one. That'd be lovely.

• 54:36Speaker 04

  Do I get paid?

• 54:38Speaker 00

  We'll get you involved in one.

• 54:41Speaker 04

  What are you making on the Patreon?

• 54:43Speaker 01

  Just a bit less than break even.

• 54:46Speaker 01

  We could use a drone, Dave, if someone donated it.

• 54:51Speaker 01

  But we could have a drone of us paddling out at sea.

• 54:54Speaker 04

  I've got a drone somewhere.

• 54:55Speaker 01

  Have you?

• 54:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've given it. Never used it once.

• 54:58Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 55:00Speaker 04

  It's not, it's not a good one.

• 55:02Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 55:02Speaker 01

  So there you go, a day out in Margate coming probably in winter.

• 55:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, we're, we're pretty much booked up for these up until the end of the year.

• 55:10Speaker 04

  I'm busy too.

• 55:11Speaker 00

  And you're busy. Well, 2027 is the year of the Margate trip, I believe.

• 55:14Speaker 01

  February's good for sea swimming, isn't it, traditionally?

• 55:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, let's just, let's just see how we go in February.

• 55:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, okay.

• 55:21Speaker 04

  The, the appetite is huge.

• 55:24Speaker 01

  No, I definitely want a day. We were going to do, we're going to do a day at the seaside.

• 55:28Speaker 00

  Well, we are. We've got Brighton coming up for Dancing with Dave, which you more than welcome to come to.

• 55:32Speaker 01

  Dave, that's a, that's a, that's an exclusive.

• 55:36Speaker 00

  I don't think it is because we, because we released the tickets.

• 55:40Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 55:40Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:41Speaker 01

  But yeah, but people don't know we're making an Adventures out of Brighton.

• 55:45Speaker 00

  We did loosely say.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  Okay, so that's all at patreon.com/ellisandjohn. There's also bonus footage, behind the scenes footage.

• 55:56Speaker 04

  I told you not to do that.

• 56:00Speaker 00

  Ad free, full visual apps, and if you are already a Patreon, we love you.

• 56:03Speaker 01

  We love you.

• 56:04Speaker 00

  Very kind.

• 56:09Speaker 01

  Now then, longtime listeners may remember a feature called Ask John.

• 56:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:16Speaker 01

  And a feature called Ask Us Anything.

• 56:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 56:19Speaker 01

  We've combined one of those, I don't know why I mentioned the first one, with our lovely guest Lou Sanders as we play Ask Lou Anything.

• 57:02Speaker 01

  Now then, we have got your questions from, uh, sorry, I just saw a picture of Ronnie O'Sullivan and got distracted.

• 57:11Speaker 00

  Is he still, is he still, he's still going, isn't he?

• 57:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, he just doesn't do what I want him to do. And that's okay, because he's his own man.

• 57:22Speaker 01

  He's got business interests now, Dave.

• 57:25Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 57:26Speaker 01

  He doesn't play enough. But God bless him, he's given me some of the greatest experiences of my life.

• 57:31Speaker 00

  Was he, he's not a couple of year, two, two championships?

• 57:35Speaker 01

  He just doesn't play many tournaments and doesn't get very far in them.

• 57:38Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  And, um, but still, he's still exceeded even my high expectations, so that's fine.

• 57:45Speaker 00

  Ask Lou anything.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  Ask Lou anything. Lou, we've got questions from the listeners for you.

• 57:50Speaker 04

  Well, I'm right here.

• 57:51Speaker 01

  You're right here, so let's dive right in. Dave?

• 57:54Speaker 00

  What's your favourite number from Kelsey?

• 57:56Speaker 04

  Oh, it's as simple as that. It might be more taxing.

• 57:59Speaker 00

  Not all of them, not all of them.

• 58:01Speaker 04

  It's gotta be six.

• 58:02Speaker 00

  Mine's six.

• 58:02Speaker 04

  Is it?

• 58:03Speaker 00

  Why's yours six?

• 58:04Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 58:04Speaker 00

  Oh, nice.

• 58:06Speaker 04

  Two and four makes six, something like that.

• 58:08Speaker 01

  Can't argue with that.

• 58:11Speaker 00

  It's watertight.

• 58:12Speaker 04

  It's logic.

• 58:14Speaker 00

  From Mark, when John comes to visit, what's the first thing Lou tidies or puts away, knowing what John's like? Or puts out, I suppose?

• 58:25Speaker 04

  I don't, I'd, no, I tend to more get stuff in because he's very stroppy if he doesn't have his morning food. So what he likes is crumpets for the boys, peanut butter, no, no, marmite, he has marmite and.

• 58:38Speaker 01

  Hummus?

• 58:39Speaker 04

  Hummus, yeah, he wants marmite and hummus together. And, you know, that's up to him.

• 58:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:44Speaker 04

  But it's up to me to get it in. And can I just say one thing? So John always used to stay at mine, um, in a friendship context, obviously. And in the morning, I'd make sure all his favourite things, he likes, uh, uh, breakfast tea with Earl Grey. Uh, you've got to get the quantities right, otherwise he goes ballistic.

• 59:03Speaker 04

  And then I came to his once to stay over because we're doing something the next day. So the first time I stayed at his, I mean, he barely cleaned out the box room for me, no food in the morning. I said, you will go down to Tesco's and you will get some breakfasting. Because he's like, oh, I haven't really got anything vegan. And I was like, well, off you pop to the shop then.

• 59:22Speaker 00

  This is why you're good for him, Lou.

• 59:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, it is, it is. And that is true, that, that is true.

• 59:26Speaker 00

  John?

• 59:27Speaker 01

  Last time I went to your house, dear, I believe, and part of this is my fault, I transported a water lily from Buckinghamshire to Margate in a huge bucket of water in my car.

• 59:39Speaker 04

  That is true, actually. Yeah, no, that is true.

• 59:41Speaker 01

  And we put it in the pond and then what happened?

• 59:44Speaker 04

  The pond came out. The water lily is alive though.

• 59:47Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 59:47Speaker 04

  It's in a smaller vessel.

• 59:48Speaker 01

  And the time before that, I brought you lovely coffee.

• 59:51Speaker 04

  He's lovely, actually.

• 59:52Speaker 01

  I always bring a present if I come to stay.

• 59:54Speaker 04

  He's a lovely guest.

• 59:55Speaker 00

  I bet he's very thoughtful.

• 59:56Speaker 04

  He's very thoughtful.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  And I didn't do that when I came to stay at yours, I apologize.

• 1:00:00Speaker 04

  No, he's a lovely friend, but we were having a bit of fun. No, we both get emotional over food. I think that's fair to say, isn't it?

• 1:00:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:08Speaker 04

  Because of our stepdads.

• 1:00:11Speaker 01

  Neither of us are good when we're hungry.

• 1:00:13Speaker 04

  No, but.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  We're terrible.

• 1:00:15Speaker 04

  He's a lovely lad, he really is, all things done. He's a lovely lad, all things done. That's off.

• 1:00:20Speaker 00

  He's, he's a character, isn't he? He's spirited.

• 1:00:22Speaker 04

  He's a spirited, and we wouldn't want to take that away from him.

• 1:00:25Speaker 00

  You wouldn't want him away.

• 1:00:26Speaker 01

  I wouldn't describe myself as spirited.

• 1:00:27Speaker 04

  No, he's spiritless.

• 1:00:30Speaker 01

  I'm a spirit level.

• 1:00:31Speaker 00

  It's what you say, it's what parents say about a child that's just an absolute tear away. Oh, isn't he spirited?

• 1:00:37Speaker 04

  I think I'm spirited.

• 1:00:38Speaker 01

  That was bad that I didn't have anything in the house that time.

• 1:00:41Speaker 04

  No, but that's okay, because we talk about things, we can, we are very good for each other and we're very good friends. And I said to him, oh, I think, and he was, yep, yep, on my way.

• 1:00:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you two communicate very well with each other.

• 1:00:52Speaker 04

  We do, and we sometimes mention each other to our therapist.

• 1:00:56Speaker 04

  But it's really good friendship, very strong.

• 1:00:58Speaker 00

  He's a lovely lad.

• 1:00:59Speaker 04

  He's a lovely lad and we're very good for each other. And he does tell me when I'm out of line.

• 1:01:05Speaker 01

  But you do ask, I don't tell you what.

• 1:01:07Speaker 04

  There'll be a chat after this, I imagine.

• 1:01:11Speaker 04

  He's very kind, very compassionate, and we're very good for each other. And I thank, and I thank you for your friendship.

• 1:01:16Speaker 01

  Thank you, I thank you, dear.

• 1:01:17Speaker 04

  And I can tell John anything and he won't judge me.

• 1:01:19Speaker 00

  That's nice. I thought, I thought you said he won't charge me. He won't judge you.

• 1:01:24Speaker 04

  He does charge her.

• 1:01:25Speaker 00

  Good. Thank you. That's, that was from Mark. Thank you, Mark. Uh, Elsie, aged eight, does Lou believe in ghosts? Good cue.

• 1:01:32Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 1:01:34Speaker 00

  I thought you might.

• 1:01:35Speaker 04

  Ghosts, aliens and everything in between.

• 1:01:37Speaker 00

  Really?

• 1:01:37Speaker 04

  Because they are real. And I've seen a ghost once.

• 1:01:39Speaker 00

  Talk to us.

• 1:01:40Speaker 04

  Well, it's not that much of a story, really.

• 1:01:43Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:01:43Speaker 04

  I will argue why they're always in old fashioned clubber and never up in the latest sort of get up.

• 1:01:48Speaker 00

  Adidas poppers.

• 1:01:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, there was, you know, I'm in my Victorian era, seen it. But, um, yeah, I do believe in ghosts, yeah.

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  Do you think that's because in Victorian times, people were very into death? It was a sort of a big death age. So maybe that's when we fixed a lot of our ideas about ghosts was in that time.

• 1:02:08Speaker 04

  Or maybe there's a dress up box and they all just want to play the part.

• 1:02:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:11Speaker 04

  But I, but, but I know people who have, since they were kids, been able to see, um, things on a different vibration. So different energies, which you might call ghosts or whatever. And they, some of them train themselves not to, because it's too spooky. Others train themselves to see more of that sort of thing. So, and I know a woman who saw a Sasquatch on a, a spiritual expedition and I've got a photo of it.

• 1:02:35Speaker 01

  Have you?

• 1:02:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, I have on my phone.

• 1:02:37Speaker 01

  Probably worth quite a lot to the authorities.

• 1:02:39Speaker 04

  Well, no, because they can't, because I watched, I watched a, yeah, it can do.

• 1:02:43Speaker 01

  I mean, that's got to go on the carousel and then on the carousel.

• 1:02:46Speaker 04

  You have to look, um, it does annoy me when people say that's just shadows. It's very clear to see if you are not an idiot. Also, that's a test. If you're not, if you're, if you're an idiot, you can't say it.

• 1:02:58Speaker 01

  Can I see it?

• 1:02:59Speaker 04

  Yeah. Um, but also, um.

• 1:03:03Speaker 01

  This is a huge test of our dynamic of our relationship.

• 1:03:06Speaker 04

  I watched a documentary on the fact that aliens are real. And it was all these men in suits, put me off actually, it's just loads of white men. And they were all in suits going, they used to work for the navy or the army in America, in America. And they, um, were like, yeah, aliens are real, we've got like footage, we've got evidence, like the government know. But they tried to treat it in a way that they always do, like, we got our planes out there. And you're like, oh my God, like, they just want to, like, treat it with warfare because they were in their territory. And I'm like, it doesn't, your territory doesn't exist to an alien. What are you talking about? Anyway, it's quite serious. Sorry, everybody, let's move on. Sasquatch, though, there it is.

• 1:03:51Speaker 04

  Just a joke.

• 1:03:53Speaker 00

  Picture of Bigfoot.

• 1:03:56Speaker 04

  Can you see it? You have to stare in the middle for a bit.

• 1:03:58Speaker 00

  Whoa, it looks like an owl. Is it not, is that an owl?

• 1:04:02Speaker 04

  It's massive, are you joking?

• 1:04:03Speaker 00

  What, that?

• 1:04:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's massive. That's a ma, can you see it to scale with the big old tree? Oh, Dave's an idiot. What way to find out?

• 1:04:11Speaker 01

  Oh dear.

• 1:04:11Speaker 04

  What way to find out?

• 1:04:12Speaker 00

  I can, but I don't know if I can see a Sasquatch.

• 1:04:15Speaker 04

  It's a, it's an absolute Sasquatch.

• 1:04:17Speaker 00

  Is it?

• 1:04:17Speaker 04

  It's, it's clear as day.

• 1:04:19Speaker 01

  What am I looking at here?

• 1:04:20Speaker 00

  John's an idiot, though.

• 1:04:21Speaker 01

  I'm not, I'm not saying it's not a Sasquatch, I'm saying where am I looking?

• 1:04:24Speaker 04

  You have to look for a bit in the middle.

• 1:04:25Speaker 00

  The thing that looks like an owl in the middle.

• 1:04:27Speaker 04

  Because my bloody ears. Come here.

• 1:04:29Speaker 01

  The rocks?

• 1:04:30Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no, no, no, stop zooming in. Right, so there in the middle, there's its feet, there's its feet there.

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:39Speaker 04

  Work up, there's its big body, there's its head and the arms.

• 1:04:43Speaker 01

  Oh mate, I see what you mean.

• 1:04:45Speaker 04

  See what I mean?

• 1:04:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, I see what you mean.

• 1:04:48Speaker 04

  Take another look when you can.

• 1:04:49Speaker 01

  Okay. So.

• 1:04:51Speaker 00

  Oh, I've gone too low.

• 1:04:52Speaker 01

  Can I ask one question?

• 1:04:54Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:04:55Speaker 01

  Why does the, the leaves continue over its body?

• 1:04:59Speaker 04

  Because it's, it's like, it's not, it's not a structure in that, I wouldn't be able to see that, she can see it, but you might not be able to see it. I don't have all the answers, I'm not.

• 1:05:08Speaker 01

  So it's transparent?

• 1:05:09Speaker 04

  Well, I, I imagine it's not like, I imagine it can shape shift. I don't imagine it's like a hard block of stuff. Like, in the way that aliens can disappear, Sasquatches can, they're not visible to everybody. I also.

• 1:05:22Speaker 01

  It's very clear once you see it.

• 1:05:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, I saw a thread on Norwegian aliens and loads of people have seen them, but they're not visible to everybody. So some people were at a gig and they were like, these Norwegian looking aliens who are like seven foot tall. Were there at this gig, beautifically, anyone? Smiling at these people, like, and they said they look quite proud of us, but some other people in the crowd, lots of people could see them. And then there's this video of this man like saying, uh, he stayed at his mate's house and he saw, and they said, go back without speaking. They all have the same stories, that these people aren't speaking through their mouth, they're just speaking, but it's, their mouth doesn't move. Anyway, so.

• 1:06:04Speaker 01

  Is that going on the carousel?

• 1:06:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, I gotta.

• 1:06:06Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:06:07Speaker 01

  Thanks, Lou.

• 1:06:08Speaker 04

  Um, is that sort of what you wanted for a, ask Lou anything?

• 1:06:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, next, please.

• 1:06:14Speaker 00

  I mean, we've got more, I'm enjoying this.

• 1:06:17Speaker 00

  No, I, I don't think any of us are. Fighters in this, in this room, but Paul has asked, who do you think would win in a fight between Alice, John and Dave?

• 1:06:24Speaker 04

  Ooh.

• 1:06:25Speaker 00

  Alice versus John versus Dave?

• 1:06:27Speaker 04

  Well, I've got to take your psychology. Dave, I think you're the fittest. That's, I mean, I think you, you can run the fastest, you can probably hit the hardest.

• 1:06:36Speaker 00

  I could run away, yeah.

• 1:06:37Speaker 04

  No, but you could, I think you, you're probably the strongest. Can I say that?

• 1:06:42Speaker 01

  I think Alice is probably the strongest.

• 1:06:43Speaker 04

  Oh, he's been working out, hasn't he?

• 1:06:44Speaker 00

  I don't work out.

• 1:06:45Speaker 04

  But he has, he, has he, you and Alice have not got the commitment behind you. You wouldn't, you wouldn't want to thump someone to death.

• 1:06:54Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:06:54Speaker 04

  And that's where we get on to Johnny.

• 1:07:00Speaker 04

  So I think mentally.

• 1:07:01Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:02Speaker 04

  John would have it, but I think physically probably you or Alice.

• 1:07:05Speaker 00

  Interesting.

• 1:07:06Speaker 01

  I wouldn't give in to those urges.

• 1:07:09Speaker 00

  No, you wouldn't. I don't think you would.

• 1:07:11Speaker 04

  You what? You wouldn't kill a man?

• 1:07:12Speaker 01

  No, God, no. Not unless he had.

• 1:07:16Speaker 04

  Run out of hummus.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  Run out of hummus, threatened a friend or loved one.

• 1:07:22Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:07:22Speaker 01

  Or keyed the key.

• 1:07:24Speaker 04

  Honestly, I think I'd win.

• 1:07:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think probably.

• 1:07:28Speaker 00

  Yeah. Okay, couple more. Helen, if Lou hadn't been a comedian, what job or role does she think she would be doing now?

• 1:07:36Speaker 04

  I think, is it fair to say you've heard the jingles, professional musician?

• 1:07:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, I don't, I don't argue with that.

• 1:07:43Speaker 04

  Well, that was in a different show.

• 1:07:45Speaker 00

  Go back to Fridays, it's all good.

• 1:07:47Speaker 04

  No, I think I was really bad at all of my jobs. So maybe I'll go into conservation, rainforests.

• 1:07:56Speaker 00

  That's nice. Sharia says, hi Lou, can you come to Oregon and be my best friend? I'll take you to Hot Springs and read oracle cards for you. Cool, thanks.

• 1:08:06Speaker 04

  Yes, I think so.

• 1:08:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:08:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:08:07Speaker 00

  Got room for a best friend?

• 1:08:08Speaker 04

  You've got loads of room.

• 1:08:10Speaker 00

  Great. And that's it.

• 1:08:13Speaker 04

  Great. Okay. Was that flat or was that okay?

• 1:08:15Speaker 00

  That was good.

• 1:08:16Speaker 04

  It felt a bit flat.

• 1:08:17Speaker 01

  No, but there was a lot of information about Sasquatches and aliens and stuff.

• 1:08:23Speaker 04

  She can see all sorts. This woman that saw this Sasquatch, she's, she's been able to see anything from a kid. And she said to her mum, oh, I can see these be, like, she thought it was normal. Then she asked a friend and her friend's like, no. And then she learnt quite quickly it wasn't normal. And then asked her mum and her mum went, no, your nan can see stuff like that. So don't worry about it. Anyway.

• 1:08:40Speaker 00

  Wow. There we go.

• 1:08:42Speaker 04

  It's very different when Alice is away, isn't it?

• 1:08:44Speaker 00

  No, it is. But that's lovely, isn't it? We've missed you. It's been a while since we've had you on as a host. It's been great.

• 1:08:49Speaker 04

  Thank you so much. It was a great opportunity.

• 1:08:55Speaker 00

  Do you want to rap?

• 1:08:56Speaker 04

  No, that can't be it. That can't be it.

• 1:08:58Speaker 01

  I'm still thinking about the Sasquatch. I'm thinking about the Sasquatch.

• 1:09:03Speaker 04

  Hang on, not rap the whole show, is it?

• 1:09:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, we're done.

• 1:09:05Speaker 04

  I can't remember. I can't remember how it started. I can't remember anything about this show. Like how this one started. We know when you do two back to back. How did this, it'll be my intro.

• 1:09:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, you started with your scripted intro.

• 1:09:17Speaker 04

  That's not bad. It really petered out.

• 1:09:19Speaker 01

  It didn't peter. It petered up. It petered in.

• 1:09:22Speaker 00

  It did.

• 1:09:22Speaker 04

  Oh, for the end, to have a bit of fun.

• 1:09:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:09:24Speaker 04

  Shall we shove these pies in her face?

• 1:09:27Speaker 01

  No, so cute.

• 1:09:28Speaker 04

  Oh, no. I didn't think so.

• 1:09:32Speaker 01

  Right then, folks. It's a very fond farewell to Lou. She's done a brilliant job.

• 1:09:39Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:09:40Speaker 00

  Takes it out of you, doesn't it?

• 1:09:40Speaker 01

  It does.

• 1:09:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, like, yeah, I mean, the first show, if we can say that, was terrific. And this one, I feel like this is really what I asked.

• 1:09:47Speaker 01

  No, this has been brilliant. We've had good anecdotes about your pessaries.

• 1:09:53Speaker 04

  Oh, yes, pessaries.

• 1:09:55Speaker 01

  We've had a fun made up game.

• 1:09:58Speaker 00

  Robust as well.

• 1:09:59Speaker 01

  And then we found out about the Sasquatch, Sasquatch slash, some people may think it's shadows. Yeah, not me.

• 1:10:09Speaker 04

  Wow, dirty dream, everybody.

• 1:10:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, good grief.

• 1:10:11Speaker 04

  What a joyless life.

• 1:10:12Speaker 01

  Just, just to warn you, if we put it on the carousel, I think a lot of people who are idiots will say it's shadows.

• 1:10:19Speaker 00

  Idiots.

• 1:10:19Speaker 04

  Wow. I knew you okay, Dave, in yourself.

• 1:10:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm all right.

• 1:10:23Speaker 04

  You've had a nice time.

• 1:10:24Speaker 00

  I've had a fantastic time. It's good to be back.

• 1:10:26Speaker 01

  It is.

• 1:10:26Speaker 00

  It's really nice. Oh, I tried to spread the, well, no, my six year old was trying to spread the world of Alice and John in Portugal.

• 1:10:32Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:10:32Speaker 00

  In every taxi we got, she went, pointed me, went, this is Dave from Alice and John.

• 1:10:37Speaker 01

  Oh, that's too sweet, really.

• 1:10:41Speaker 04

  So cute.

• 1:10:41Speaker 00

  It is very cute. But genuinely saying as if like, come on, mate. Come on, mate.

• 1:10:45Speaker 01

  Wave the fair. Come on, pal.

• 1:10:48Speaker 04

  Do you realise what you've got in the back of your?

• 1:10:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:50Speaker 04

  Also, it's so funny to go, Dave from Alice and John.

• 1:10:54Speaker 00

  She really knows what she's saying, bless her.

• 1:10:57Speaker 01

  Did you get recognised in Portugal, Dave?

• 1:10:59Speaker 00

  Got a lovely, this is why, I think this is why it came up, because I got a lovely man at the airport on the way back, on the, at the airport in Manchester. But not a single one in Portugal, but it was absolutely fine.

• 1:11:08Speaker 04

  Well, they might have, and they might have just been a bit classy about it.

• 1:11:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, maybe. A little wink from Lou. We'll end on a wink.

• 1:11:16Speaker 01

  Well, thank you. We started with a wink and we ended with a wink. And it's been an absolute joy. Thank you for joining us, Lou. Alice, back next week.

• 1:11:23Speaker 00

  Bye bye.

• 1:11:24Speaker 04

  Bye.

• 1:12:41Speaker 01

  Thanks for listening to the show and you can follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Alice and John for more content.

• 1:12:47Speaker 00

  And you can watch highlights of every episode over on our YouTube page, at Alice and John.

• 1:12:52Speaker 01

  Plus, you can find all things E J J R, including links to our Patreon, our merch and much more by heading to AliceandJohn.com. See you next time.