Pod Insights Elis James and John Robins #547 - Pressure is a Privilege About this episode Today’s show is all about one man: one of Wales’s greatest sons, one of the football terrace’s greatest sons, one of podcasting’s greatest sons. We’re talking about none other than the the cycling extraordinaire, the cagoule aficionado, the Cymru Connector-in-Chief, Mr Elis James.
And what one thing does Elis hate above all else? Surprises. And what do we have in store for him? A surprise so big that John’s smirk can almost be heard from the opening drum beat. Josh Widdicombe is also on hand to crank up the tension.
Strap yourselves in for the mega-surprise of all mega-surprises. And remember, pressure is a privilege.
Away from all the James-centric japes there’s a World Cup-based Made Up Game that puts Elis and John’s big brains to the test, and a listener reads Ghandi’s biography out loud to a youth on a train.
Are you feeling surprised? Let us know how much by emailing [email protected] mailto:[email protected] .
For more information on Pressure is a Privilege head here https://www.patreon.com/posts/160603681.
For lots of exclusive EJJR #content, join our Patreon at patreon.com/elisandjohn.
For weekly visual highlights, head to youtube.com/@elisandjohn.
For everything else, head to elisandjohn.com.
The Elis James and John Robins Show is a Significant Production.
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy https://acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript 13,871 words · 7 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 Before we start this episode, we want to invite you along to the adventures of Ellis and John.
0:04 Speaker 01 If you head over to patreon.com/EllisonJohn, you can join us on our monthly escapades, including...
0:10 Speaker 00 Miniumpicks.
0:11 Speaker 01 It's the strangest legal jump in the history of long jump.
0:14 Speaker 00 Birdwatching.
0:15 Speaker 02 My two favourite things are birds and football.
0:18 Speaker 01 And you can watch our latest episode now, where we tackle an escape room.
0:22 Speaker 03 So John is absolutely flying here. Well, Ellis is there as well.
0:26 Speaker 01 Ellis is there as well, Dave.
0:27 Speaker 02 We did the first three, Dave, for complete chill.
0:32 Speaker 00 So, for adventures and so much more, head over to patreon.com/EllisonJohn now.
0:41 Speaker 04 1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum. Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested.
0:54 Speaker 05 They said, "You're nicked. You're in a lot of trouble."
0:56 Speaker 04 But was he set up?
0:57 Speaker 00 Wanted abled to fall of two cops.
1:00 Speaker 04 His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime.
1:05 Speaker 06 You're not going to end up going to prison, are you, kidlet?
1:08 Speaker 04 I'm Jaycee Long, and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts.
1:34 Speaker 01 Hello, everyone. Another week, another audio industry thought seminar led by Ellis and John. We're in high demand for our unique insights gathered from 12 years of digital broadcasting, be it how to come up with new and engaging formats, or the CCTV blind spots where you can vape in the BBC, or how to advertise Fuse Energy without sounding like you're grieving.
2:01 Speaker 01 After blowing the minds of industry movers and shakers at Southby in Shoreditch, it was up to Britain's content capital, Manchester, for a meet and greet organised by Clotted Panda. But there's one thing you can't replicate through vertical integration or dynamic placement: good old fashioned face-to-face. Ellis and I boarded the midday train for some rare time alone, and it was clear from the outset that both of us were fizzing with ideas for the future of podcasting. And a good job too, as spending the journey idly scrolling through our phones would have been impossible due to the 30 seconds of 5G available across the two and a half hour journey. It is insane. As we sat down, Ellis was first to get the creative juices flowing. "These tables
2:45 Speaker 01 have wireless chargers. What about wireless podcasts?" "What do you mean?" I said. "Get Dave to look into it," Ellis replied, handing me an iPad and Bluetooth stylus. Our next lightbulb moment came from the limitations of onboard wifi and the landscape of the West Midlands. I erected my travel whiteboard: "Wi-Fi cows." Mini wifi masts tied to herds of free-range cows. Tagline: "Improve your range with range on the range." The ball was now well and truly rolling. Ellis closed his eyes. "Podcasts, podcasts, podcasts for farmers. I'm thinking Vernon Kay, I'm thinking Desert Island Crops, I'm thinking sponsorship from John Deere, Big Pesticide and the Egg Board." I sent a voice
3:30 Speaker 01 note to Claire in at Jap Flack Media. "They'll have a pilot by Wednesday. Luggage racks for headphones. John, it's perfect, it's done, I love you. Okay, Patreon inspiration alert: we wear GoPros on our heads and visit every Boots in Wolverhampton. Ellis, it's perfect, it's done and I love you." I'd messaged Dave on Slack and he's typing. "It's tick, tick, tick, three ticks from the master blaster." As the attendant placed our complimentary coffee and shortbread on the table, I jumped from my seat. The rest is politics nude at the O2. "John, it's perfect, it's done, I love you." We stared at each other, the electricity crackled and we both said in unison, "Podcast Live Aid."
4:16 Speaker 01 Wembley Stadium, Adam Buxton opens and then flies on Concorde to LA. 10 hours of podcasting using a revolving stage. As newsagents are on and Wolf and Owl are striking their set, my therapist ghosted me at tuning up. But John, who's our queen? Who's our podcasting supergroup? Catherine Ryan, Krishnan Gurumurthy, Rob Beckett and Mary Beard. John, it's perfect, it's done, I love you. What about security? We both said in unison, Nord VPN, before laughing and laughing and saying we loved each other again.
4:52 Speaker 00 That's what it was like, so many ideas. We were fizzing.
4:56 Speaker 01 Dave, it was mad.
4:57 Speaker 00 We had two hours on the way up with 05G and obviously onboard wifi doesn't work. Just Idea Geden, which is what I kept referring to it.
5:05 Speaker 01 Oh, and we should have actually texted you because we have commissioned 200 new podcasts for significant. It's quite pricey.
5:15 Speaker 00 Sorry, Dave.
5:16 Speaker 01 But we think it's gonna work out.
5:18 Speaker 00 And everyone's on a guarantee of five grand an ep. Sorry, Dave.
5:21 Speaker 02 Okay. It's on YouTube as well, so we'll take the risk together.
5:25 Speaker 01 That's one million pounds a week.
5:27 Speaker 00 Yeah, make this is on board though.
5:29 Speaker 01 And that's just the talent fee, Dave, so it's looking at two million ep all in.
5:34 Speaker 02 So it was a hell of a journey, the wifi. You've just got to accept that there is nothing.
5:38 Speaker 01 Why? That's not, that's not the motto for Britain.
5:41 Speaker 02 Hold on.
5:42 Speaker 01 You've just got to accept there's nothing.
5:43 Speaker 02 You have, this is your maybe parable, but just for wifi generation, maybe there'll be wifi.
5:49 Speaker 01 Of course, because the fact that it is impossible to get 5G outside of a heavily populated city, and even then.
5:56 Speaker 02 Yeah.
5:57 Speaker 01 You know, you're in the devil's hands. I got 5G at the top of every single Alp and yet not in Rickmansworth. How is that possible?
6:05 Speaker 02 Also, they'll tell you that you've got three bars of wifi. You haven't got three bars of wifi.
6:09 Speaker 01 You've got, you've got three bars of ****, Dave. That's what you've got. It is awful. However, I did like the fish and chip pie we had on board more than I expected because it doesn't sound like something you'd like.
6:23 Speaker 00 It sounds horrendous, but you chuck enough tartar sauce on it and it becomes fantastic.
6:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, chuck enough tartar sauce on anything savoury and it's gonna be better.
6:31 Speaker 00 And again, just, we, we, so we arrived at Manchester Piccadilly. I love Manchester, everyone always knows that. But then we walked to the venue, which was over a mile away.
6:42 Speaker 00 John striding ahead, obviously.
6:45 Speaker 02 I thought it'd be a lovely 23 minute walk and I got, you know, halfway. We're not there yet. I thought it was a 10 minute walk.
6:50 Speaker 00 Dave and me, uh, you know, sort of picking up the rear and every time, every time we walk past a nightclub, Dave would say something like, I got pushed down the stairs down there. A bounce pushed me down the stairs.
7:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, teasers. Teasers with a. That was a treat.
7:05 Speaker 00 Like an eighties nightclub.
7:07 Speaker 02 It was, it wasn't a strip, it was not a strip joint, but it was like scantily clad girls dancing on bars and stuff.
7:13 Speaker 00 And you got pushed down the stairs.
7:14 Speaker 01 Sounds like a strip club, Dave. Don't know, what do you think a strip club is?
7:18 Speaker 02 No, a strip club is.
7:19 Speaker 00 I got glassed in there.
7:21 Speaker 02 No, I didn't get glassed in there.
7:22 Speaker 01 Complete the sentence a strip club is, Dave. Without using the term scantily clad women dancing on tables.
7:30 Speaker 02 Well, that's the, that's the difference. Not a stage, just the bar that's in the bar. Like the bar where you get served drinks every now and then for certain songs. Girls get on the, girls get on the bar scantily clad, not nude.
7:44 Speaker 01 Right.
7:45 Speaker 02 And have a little dance.
7:46 Speaker 01 That's what a strip club is, Dave.
7:47 Speaker 02 Strip clubs, I, I'm led to believe go a bit further than that.
7:50 Speaker 00 They go fully naked.
7:51 Speaker 02 They go fully nude.
7:52 Speaker 01 But that's, but they're stripping from one state to another.
7:56 Speaker 02 There is a very subtle difference. I'm led to believe.
7:59 Speaker 00 I've just stripped then.
8:00 Speaker 01 Dave, if you, if you went to that club tonight.
8:03 Speaker 02 It's, yeah.
8:03 Speaker 01 And were to explain that subtle difference for Hannah, do you think she would accept the subtleties of the difference? Or do you think she'd say, you've been to the strip club and you're in the spare room, mate?
8:13 Speaker 00 No, because you'd say, Ellis took off his denim jacket that makes him look like Jimmy Corkill. To wear just a t-shirt. He's been stripping.
8:20 Speaker 02 Yes, exactly. But to be clear, not in a strip club, just in a bar that has scantily clad people in.
8:26 Speaker 01 People, is it now?
8:27 Speaker 02 I just thought that might help. I don't know. Does that help?
8:30 Speaker 01 Were, were there men?
8:31 Speaker 02 No.
8:31 Speaker 01 No, there you go. Like in a strip club.
8:33 Speaker 02 I was 18. Long time ago.
8:36 Speaker 00 I didn't get pushed down the stairs, but you were all right.
8:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, I don't need you to, yeah, I took a, clearly didn't like me in before when you asked down the stairs. I actually, as I got kicked out, I cried. But not, not, not through, not through how much it hurt, just through anger.
8:51 Speaker 01 They didn't show that on Boo's Britain Binge Nation 3 or whatever.
8:55 Speaker 00 The sensitive, the sensitive director's cut, where I was in tears all the time.
9:00 Speaker 02 One of my mates came, I said, bloody, are you all right? And I was like, is she, I don't know, is she what I got kicked out for? And I started to cry and I went home.
9:08 Speaker 00 Oh, I've cried all night out for ages.
9:10 Speaker 02 No, I've not, to be fair. I'm not.
9:12 Speaker 00 Yes.
9:18 Speaker 02 Next question.
9:20 Speaker 00 Forty-four.
9:22 Speaker 01 So, yeah, we're pretty big in the conference scene, Dave.
9:27 Speaker 02 We are at the minute.
9:28 Speaker 00 We're headliners at conferences.
9:31 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:31 Speaker 00 Isn't that mad?
9:32 Speaker 02 Well, it's good. This is the kind of thing we're getting up to now.
9:34 Speaker 00 Yeah. I said, oh, our dream sponsor was Lamborghini.
9:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, that was an error.
9:38 Speaker 00 That was an error because they weren't in the room.
9:40 Speaker 01 No, that's not going to happen, is it?
9:41 Speaker 00 No. I also wouldn't suit a Lamborghini and I wouldn't want one because I'd have to park it on the street.
9:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:48 Speaker 00 You know, if I had a big, like massive drive and a sort of, an aircraft hangar like Jerry Seinfeld, but no. So, so if you're listening Lamborghini, no thanks.
9:58 Speaker 02 I think Hannah would be as annoyed with me if I had been to a strip club or come home with a Lamborghini. Because it's.
10:05 Speaker 01 Not if it was a free Lamborghini.
10:07 Speaker 02 It's not practical. She would say, send it back, even if it was free.
10:10 Speaker 01 Sell it.
10:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, she'd sell it on Vinted.
10:13 Speaker 01 Can you sell cars on Vinted?
10:15 Speaker 02 She's, she's seemingly selling everything else on there, so.
10:17 Speaker 00 Yeah.
10:18 Speaker 02 You could probably get away with it.
10:19 Speaker 01 People are big into Vinted, I don't know.
10:20 Speaker 02 Hannah is, in and out of that, like she's buying and selling, buy, sell.
10:24 Speaker 00 If you go on the website, you become addicted.
10:27 Speaker 01 It's like crypto for normal people.
10:29 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:29 Speaker 00 Well, we've just. Normal people who like jumpers.
10:32 Speaker 02 We've just stocked Lila's next phase of her wardrobe for free because we've literally just solved, sold her previous.
10:39 Speaker 01 Hey, that's really good.
10:40 Speaker 02 Years of wardrobe.
10:40 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's unbelievable. If Izzy's very rarely on her phone, but if she is, it's Vinted, it's mad.
10:47 Speaker 02 Hmm.
10:48 Speaker 00 Good, Brian, new, brand new tags. I went to Chester Tumult, no, I'm not going to say that. I went to a theme park on Tuesday.
10:56 Speaker 00 Did it not, did it not?
10:57 Speaker 01 No, it could be any of them. It could be Chessington World of War. It could be Chessington World of Wonders.
11:03 Speaker 00 I went to redacted World of Adventures.
11:06 Speaker 01 Why are you about to slag them off?
11:07 Speaker 00 When it, if it rains heavily, it's not a great day out.
11:11 Speaker 01 But that's not on Chessington, is it?
11:13 Speaker 00 That's not, are we naming it or do you not want us to?
11:15 Speaker 01 We're not going to get sponsored by Chessington World of Adventures, Dave. That talk about you getting chucked out of a strip club. It's not really the vibe.
11:23 Speaker 00 Very, very, there's very little room to shelter. And if there's a threat, a threat of lightning, they close all the rides.
11:30 Speaker 02 Ah, that's every theme park though.
11:32 Speaker 00 That is every theme park, including redacted World of Adventures.
11:35 Speaker 02 Including redacted World of Adventures, yeah.
11:37 Speaker 00 So, so.
11:38 Speaker 01 So did it rain a lot?
11:39 Speaker 00 It hammered down and I was looking after year six on a year six day out.
11:44 Speaker 01 Are you a teacher now?
11:45 Speaker 02 No, he does the, he does the, the school trips.
11:48 Speaker 00 They ask for parents who are available to help on these trips.
11:51 Speaker 02 It's very good of you.
11:52 Speaker 00 So it was, um, my daughter's in year six, so we, we went to Chessington. And, uh, yet again, it's a popularity contest and I won because I'm going up to kids I've known since I was three saying, should we ditch this and just go for a frame of snooker? And they loved it.
12:11 Speaker 01 Is it Chessington World of Refunds in the rain?
12:15 Speaker 00 Interesting you say that. My daughter's written a letter of complaint and it has been sent to check. Cause, cause there was one ride they really wanted to go on and they queued for half an hour and they were next on.
12:25 Speaker 02 Oh no.
12:25 Speaker 00 And then there was, uh, then there was a thunder clap and it was like, sorry everyone, lightning's forecast, we're closing the ride. So then we all, we all tried to look for somewhere to shelter. The rain stopped, they went back to the roller coaster, they queued for half an hour, they were next on and then there was more thunder.
12:43 Speaker 00 And then they closed the ride again.
12:44 Speaker 02 But that would happen at Alton Towers, that would happen at Thorpe Park.
12:47 Speaker 01 That would happen at Lightwater Valley.
12:51 Speaker 00 Oakwood, R I P.
12:52 Speaker 01 That would happen at Disneyland Florida.
12:55 Speaker 00 Here's, uh, here's another thing.
12:59 Speaker 00 There was, it was a River Rapids ride.
13:01 Speaker 01 Which actually got better in the rain.
13:04 Speaker 00 But there was, um, we were queuing up for that and there was a woman, she was on with her daughter and she got absolutely soaked. Like everyone does in those things. And I watched three or four people get soaked and everyone's laughing their heads off. And I thought, well, I don't want to go on this ride now because I'm going to get soaked. And if I get absolutely soaked at 10 to 11 in the morning. And I'm going to be wet for the rest of the day. That's a catastrophe for me.
13:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
13:29 Speaker 00 And yet everyone was like, oh, this is great.
13:30 Speaker 01 No, no, no.
13:31 Speaker 00 I was like, what were you, what are you doing?
13:33 Speaker 01 Like in the summer, if you're wearing your sort of board shorts and a light t-shirt and you've got clothes in the hotel, which is attached to the venue.
13:41 Speaker 00 And if it's thirty degrees.
13:42 Speaker 01 And you get driven there by a chauffeur in a shower.
13:44 Speaker 00 And if it's thirty degrees and you're going to dry off very quickly, but it was, it was.
13:47 Speaker 01 Imagine having a dump, a.
13:51 Speaker 01 Imagine having a damp undercarriage all day.
13:53 Speaker 00 All day?
13:54 Speaker 01 In Britain.
13:55 Speaker 00 Yeah. And then it's. Britain's broken.
13:57 Speaker 01 We're not going to turn this country around with damp undercarriages all day.
14:01 Speaker 00 Absolutely not.
14:02 Speaker 01 Gordon Brown isn't doing talks to the World Bank with a damp undercarriage because he's been on a River Rapids ride.
14:08 Speaker 00 It's like when, when Rishi Sunak announced that he was standing to be Prime Minister. I can't remember what he was, he was announcing election.
14:14 Speaker 01 In the hammering rain under an umbrella.
14:17 Speaker 00 But there was no umbrellas. We just got really wet and then his suit was clinging to him and he looked daft. And then that.
14:23 Speaker 01 That's the one thing you don't want in a Prime Minister, is daftness.
14:26 Speaker 00 You can't look daft. And then, and then I took a small group, we peeled off because it was raining and they didn't want to go on one of the dead, dead scary rides. And I said, I know you're too old for this, but let's go on the Gruffalo ride. Because A, we're indoors and B, you know, they might close things because of lightning, then definitely not going to close the Gruffalo. And it gets us out of the rain. We got wet on the Gruffalo ride.
14:48 Speaker 01 How?
14:49 Speaker 00 Because at the end you splashed.
14:51 Speaker 01 Why?
14:52 Speaker 00 Because you just, ha, ha. And I thought.
14:55 Speaker 01 Well, the Gruffalo spills his coffee on you. It's at the end of the ride.
14:58 Speaker 00 Splashed in coffee. And I just thought, I hate being wet. This is rubbish.
15:05 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:06 Speaker 00 But still, nice to go up to kids who are eleven in the city. Fancy going for a pint? That was good fun.
15:17 Speaker 04 Nineteen sixty five, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum. Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested.
15:30 Speaker 05 They said, you're nicked, you're in a lot of trouble.
15:32 Speaker 04 But was he set up? Wanted add led to fall of two cops. His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime.
15:41 Speaker 06 You're not going to end up going to prison, do you, kidlet?
15:44 Speaker 04 I'm Jacey Long and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.
15:53 Speaker 01 Well, well, well, well, well, well, well.
15:59 Speaker 00 You've stolen my catchphrase. What's happening?
16:01 Speaker 01 Um, Ellis, it's funny that you should speak about attractions. It's funny that you should speak about the best of Britain.
16:10 Speaker 00 Oh, I don't like this.
16:11 Speaker 01 It's funny that you should speak about school trips.
16:16 Speaker 00 Could I come back to have my pants pulled down in front of hundreds of people?
16:19 Speaker 02 Remember that we love you.
16:20 Speaker 00 Oh.
16:20 Speaker 02 And it's thousands. Just remember how much we love you and how much we're here for you.
16:24 Speaker 01 We love you, Ellis. We do.
16:27 Speaker 00 What have I done?
16:27 Speaker 02 No, you've done nothing, but no.
16:29 Speaker 01 We love you, Ellis.
16:30 Speaker 00 Oh, I hate this. Hate this.
16:32 Speaker 01 We love you, Ellis. We do. Have we got a surprise for you? We've got a little surprise for you, Ellis. A pretty big surprise, actually.
16:41 Speaker 00 Was it? You found Semtex in my house?
16:44 Speaker 01 Have you ever heard the phrase months of planning?
16:47 Speaker 00 Oh, no, no. Well, I have, and it's never good. The Millennium Dome.
16:52 Speaker 01 Yes.
16:52 Speaker 00 HS2.
16:53 Speaker 01 Yes.
16:54 Speaker 02 It's bigger.
16:55 Speaker 01 Have you ever heard the-
16:56 Speaker 00 It's not my birthday.
16:57 Speaker 01 No, God, no.
16:58 Speaker 00 You'd punch me in the stomach.
16:59 Speaker 02 No, you wish.
17:01 Speaker 01 Have you ever heard the phrase coordinated attack? Have you ever heard the phrase shock and awe?
17:08 Speaker 00 Yeah, war in Afghanistan, war in Iraq.
17:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, so imagine the war in Iraq crossed with Chessington World of Adventures.
17:17 Speaker 02 Okay, carry on. I'm not supporting this one. I don't know how, I don't know how you've got here.
17:22 Speaker 01 Dave, I think my decision not to script this has paid off.
17:28 Speaker 02 So, because I did say the biggest, the trickiest bit here was the leap from this to the next bit.
17:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, and I said, Dave, don't worry, I'll deal with it. I'll say it's like the war in Iraq meets Chessington World of Adventures, but I said that very quietly under my breath.
17:43 Speaker 02 Well, it's been a big, it's been a big six months for the show.
17:46 Speaker 01 It's been a huge six months for the show.
17:48 Speaker 00 I haven't answered an email. That's what's happened. I haven't answered an email. I'm getting stung.
17:51 Speaker 02 And there's been some huge milestones and growth, hasn't there, from, from what we've done to be proud of over the last six months?
17:57 Speaker 01 Over the past 12 years, we've all grown.
17:59 Speaker 03 Yeah, absolutely.
18:00 Speaker 01 You've got three kids.
18:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
18:02 Speaker 01 Ellis has got two kids. I've got six awards.
18:05 Speaker 00 June, it's June, so what's...
18:08 Speaker 03 It's June. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about June.
18:10 Speaker 00 It's not my wedding anniversary.
18:12 Speaker 01 It's been a big, personal, spiritual growth for Elis James.
18:16 Speaker 03 It has.
18:16 Speaker 01 He's come a long way.
18:17 Speaker 03 Oh, absolutely.
18:19 Speaker 00 Not having, that's the point.
18:20 Speaker 03 What a journey.
18:20 Speaker 01 He has finally decided to give the people what they want.
18:24 Speaker 03 Yes.
18:25 Speaker 01 Let's hear a clip of the moment that Ellis felt that spiritual progress in his body. On Friday's show, Ellis was beaming, because he had made his stand-up debut.
18:39 Speaker 03 Yes.
18:40 Speaker 01 At Always Be Comedy in Kennington.
18:41 Speaker 00 Well, I dusted it in 2015.
18:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's back. But Josh, you were up boots on the ground.
18:47 Speaker 03 I've seen him perform twice in 24 hours.
18:51 Speaker 01 You, this is shock and awe. You were there.
18:54 Speaker 03 He came off.
18:54 Speaker 01 God, I said it again.
18:55 Speaker 03 And it had gone well. But this is a direct quote. We were talking about his tour.
19:02 Speaker 03 He did say, at least the words. Ellis moved away from the microphone.
19:05 Speaker 01 It's head in hands.
19:06 Speaker 03 It's head in hands time. I think it's fair for me to say this. I'm tempted to book the Royal Albert Hall, but I'm worried about the split.
19:15 Speaker 00 I did say that. I've gone, no, yeah.
19:17 Speaker 01 Set a two 15-minute slot for Always the First Night. One 15-minute slot at Always Be Comedy.
19:23 Speaker 03 That's funny if that's a joke. Yeah, it was a great joke.
19:26 Speaker 01 No, it wasn't a great joke, because I said, do you think you'd do the Palladium? And you said, ideally, I'd do the Royal Albert Hall, but I'm worried about the financial split. Well, it depends how Saturday Night Live goes.
19:41 Speaker 00 Saw something then.
19:42 Speaker 01 So, joining us on the line now is Josh Widdicombe. Hello, Josh.
19:48 Speaker 03 Hello, Dave. Hello, John.
19:49 Speaker 01 Hello, Josh. It's lovely to have you here, Josh. It's always nice for you to join us. And just to take you back to that moment, you still have fond memories of seeing Ellis make his.
19:59 Speaker 03 It was a cold January night, John.
20:02 Speaker 01 Can you do it on a cold January night in Kennington? That's what they always say.
20:07 Speaker 03 Well, then he could. One of the two nights, he certainly did. And... He, um, yeah, we were stood on the pavement outside a, a newsagent, uh, waiting for a, an Uber. And, uh, he, uh, I, I can hear those. I, I just listened to that clip and I can, I stand by every word.
20:27 Speaker 00 I did say that.
20:28 Speaker 03 I remember exactly as that, yeah.
20:29 Speaker 01 So Ellis, could you get your phone out, please?
20:33 Speaker 00 Why? I don't like this at all.
20:35 Speaker 01 Can you check your calendar, please?
20:37 Speaker 00 Yeah.
20:38 Speaker 01 Um, are you free on, have you got your calendar up?
20:43 Speaker 00 Yeah.
20:43 Speaker 01 The 24th of March, 2027.
20:47 Speaker 00 Tw- 2027?
20:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:50 Speaker 00 Uh, yeah, it will be. It's a Wednesday night.
20:51 Speaker 01 What does it say in your calendar?
20:53 Speaker 00 Uh.
20:56 Speaker 00 Uh, Betty's going to a Wicker Man event.
21:01 Speaker 01 Um, Ellis, Betty isn't going to a Wicker Man event. Could you delete that, please?
21:06 Speaker 00 Okay.
21:07 Speaker 01 And replace it with headline Royal Albert Hall.
21:10 Speaker 00 What, what are you on about?
21:11 Speaker 01 We booked the Royal Albert Hall.
21:13 Speaker 00 No, you haven't.
21:14 Speaker 01 Yes, and you're performing there.
21:16 Speaker 00 What, what do you mean?
21:18 Speaker 01 We mean that on the 24th of March, 2027, you will be performing at the Royal Albert Hall.
21:23 Speaker 00 For who, for whom?
21:24 Speaker 01 For yourself.
21:25 Speaker 00 What?
21:25 Speaker 03 Yeah.
21:26 Speaker 00 Oh, my God.
21:30 Speaker 01 Yes, this is official news that Pressure is a Privilege will be, uh, performing. Uh, the show is called Pressure is a Privilege.
21:37 Speaker 00 How long am I doing?
21:38 Speaker 01 March the 24th, 2027, at the Royal Albert Hall. Tickets go on general sale on the 26th of June at 10am. However, Patreon members will have exclusive access to tickets 48 hours before general sale. They'll be available to our Patreon members on the 24th of June at 10am. Ellis, do you want to see the poster?
21:56 Speaker 00 What? This can't, no, that's not, what? That can't be right. That can't be right.
22:02 Speaker 01 Elis James, Pressure is a Privilege.
22:05 Speaker 00 What?
22:05 Speaker 01 For one night only, with John Robbins and Dave Masterman, live from the Royal Albert Hall. There you go.
22:12 Speaker 00 That can't be, but this, no one's asked me.
22:15 Speaker 01 No, we don't ask you, Ellis. We don't ask you these things.
22:18 Speaker 03 You are, you are to do it, Ellis.
22:19 Speaker 02 What's the gig?
22:20 Speaker 01 It's you at the Royal Albert Hall.
22:23 Speaker 02 We've got 20 minutes.
22:24 Speaker 01 Josh, what are your takes? What are your thoughts?
22:27 Speaker 03 I've got a few takes. I've got a few takes. Firstly, I think as a man who was worried initially about the split of the fee.
22:36 Speaker 02 Well, I haven't got to that bit yet.
22:37 Speaker 03 Ellis must be kicking himself that he's splitting, he's split three ways.
22:42 Speaker 01 Let's not get into detailed analysis of the way that the finances of the Royal Albert Hall work. I've done three Zooms, Ellis.
22:50 Speaker 03 He was already annoyed that he was having to split the proceeds with the Royal Albert Hall themselves. Split it with you and Dave.
22:58 Speaker 02 How have we muscled our way in?
23:00 Speaker 03 I know. He was presuming he should get 100% of the night. He's getting 33% of whatever.
23:05 Speaker 02 33% of quite a bad split.
23:08 Speaker 01 The Royal Albert, and this is actually something I did want to mention, the Royal Albert Hall has a unique ticketing system.
23:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, true, yeah.
23:16 Speaker 01 A very strange way of going about its tickets because of historic precedents and traditions.
23:24 Speaker 02 They have members, they have their own pre-sales, they've got all sorts going on.
23:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have, I, Dave, tell people how much I've pushed back on ticket pricing.
23:33 Speaker 02 Oh, John has been a strong voice in the room.
23:36 Speaker 01 But they are more expensive than our tickets usually are, just to stop us losing tens of thousands of pounds.
23:41 Speaker 03 Just to be clear, Ellis, just to be clear, not only are you annoyed about the split of the split, but John's managed to keep the ticket prices down. So any, any thought of profit just keeps disappearing further.
23:52 Speaker 01 Ellis.
23:53 Speaker 03 They felt it needed to be higher, you need to make a good amount from the night.
23:57 Speaker 01 We should have called it Elis James's.
23:59 Speaker 03 Out of the kindness of his heart.
24:02 Speaker 01 We should have called it Elis James's break even big gig.
24:07 Speaker 03 Taking a cannonball to your sales in the surrounding areas of London.
24:11 Speaker 00 When you do book your tour.
24:12 Speaker 01 Josh, can we expect you to be amongst the celebs in the corporate boxes?
24:17 Speaker 03 I would, I will, barring other things coming in that are more profitable, be there.
24:23 Speaker 01 Well, this, we're not paying you.
24:26 Speaker 03 Well, yeah, well, exactly. So, no, I'll be there, but were I to get a corporate, no.
24:31 Speaker 01 Now, I'll, let's.
24:33 Speaker 03 Can I also say, I admire, I know you've got very loyal fans, but I admire that you feel that people need to be aware that the tickets go on sale at 10am to get the Royal Albert Hall to see Elis James. I think they'll still be there by midday.
24:49 Speaker 00 Josh, how dare you?
24:51 Speaker 01 You'd be surprised, Josh, you boy.
24:52 Speaker 00 How dare you?
24:53 Speaker 01 We've got a very, we've been talking at several podcasting events about the importance of, the importance of community.
24:59 Speaker 00 Yes.
25:00 Speaker 01 We have a wonderful community around this show.
25:03 Speaker 03 Yeah.
25:03 Speaker 01 Who I really hope.
25:06 Speaker 00 Come together in my hour of need.
25:08 Speaker 01 Are excited to see Ellis perform at the Royal Albert Hall.
25:11 Speaker 02 Ellis, any words, any questions at this stage?
25:14 Speaker 00 Well, I've only got 25 minutes. I've got an hour in Welsh.
25:18 Speaker 03 You've got nine months.
25:19 Speaker 00 Ah, yeah.
25:20 Speaker 01 So, first half, it's classic Ellis, John and Dave.
25:24 Speaker 00 Okay.
25:24 Speaker 02 It's a show. It's a big show.
25:26 Speaker 01 It's a big show. It's a big gig. The room is insane.
25:30 Speaker 00 Yeah, well, I did Off Menu there.
25:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:33 Speaker 00 So I have, I've been in, I have performed at the Royal Albert Hall, but not under my own steam.
25:37 Speaker 03 How did you do financially out of that one, Ellis?
25:39 Speaker 01 He got absolutely taken to the cleaners.
25:42 Speaker 00 Completely stoked, yeah.
25:45 Speaker 00 Take it up with that, didn't James?
25:49 Speaker 00 In their golden castles.
25:50 Speaker 01 Yeah. Then second half, obviously there's, the tension begins to grow.
25:56 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah.
25:57 Speaker 01 There'll be a little bit of business, I'm sure, between the three of us, but then it's spotlight, it's focus, it's please welcome to the stage in his shiny little suit, Ellis James. And then you, then you have your, your moment.
26:11 Speaker 03 Oh.
26:12 Speaker 00 And what, like, just do straight stand up?
26:13 Speaker 01 20 to 30.
26:15 Speaker 02 Or whatever you feel comfortable.
26:17 Speaker 03 Forty-five.
26:18 Speaker 01 Yeah, forty-five.
26:18 Speaker 02 No, Josh.
26:20 Speaker 01 Fifty.
26:22 Speaker 00 Fifty.
26:23 Speaker 01 Twenty to thirty of, of English language, cannot stress that enough.
26:28 Speaker 00 Yeah.
26:28 Speaker 03 Yeah.
26:29 Speaker 01 Uh, stand up to headline the Royal Albert Hall.
26:32 Speaker 00 Oh my God. You're supposed to say thank you. I, obviously I mean, thank you. It's just such a surprise.
26:42 Speaker 03 As, as a stand-up, John, you must be thinking this.
26:45 Speaker 01 Thank God it's not me.
26:47 Speaker 03 Yes. Um.
26:49 Speaker 01 Thank God I can vape in the wings.
26:53 Speaker 03 Oh, I imagined you and Dave would be sat there at the, well, like, like the panel on, um, Britain's Got Talent.
26:59 Speaker 00 Well, no, not that.
27:00 Speaker 01 With our backs to him and big buzzers like on the voice.
27:05 Speaker 03 Um, I think the interesting bit of the night for you, Ellis, possibly the most challenging, is the gear shift.
27:12 Speaker 01 And the refunds.
27:13 Speaker 03 And the refunds.
27:15 Speaker 00 Which I, which I'm in charge of.
27:16 Speaker 03 But the good news, Ellis, is, um, the Royal Albert Hall will be taking a large split of the money you're giving back. So you're not having to give it back all out of your own pocket. Um, it's gonna be a gear shift. It's a bit like that bit at the start of Britain's Got Talent where you do a bit of chat and then they say, now get on with your act. And now you're gonna, you're gonna be doing your charming chat all night. And then you're gonna walk off and then you're gonna walk on and pretend you've just stumbled into an anecdote about the rats in South East.
27:45 Speaker 00 Yeah, don't give my material away.
27:47 Speaker 03 Oh, sorry.
27:48 Speaker 01 Well, you've got, what, eight, nine months?
27:51 Speaker 00 I've got nine months to write a really good twenty.
27:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:55 Speaker 00 Which in John Gars was eighteen.
27:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what will happen, I would imagine, is twenty minutes into the second half, we will give you some time, some space to go away, to go, maybe go to the low, little pre-gig nerves.
28:09 Speaker 03 Yeah.
28:09 Speaker 01 Um, to do that thing you always do where you take a sip from a bottle of water and hold it in your mouth for 10 seconds and then swallow it. Because you need to have your moments, your little.
28:17 Speaker 00 A bit of shadow boxing.
28:18 Speaker 01 A bit of shadow boxing.
28:19 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
28:20 Speaker 01 Google a kagool.
28:24 Speaker 01 And then the lights go down.
28:26 Speaker 00 Good grief.
28:28 Speaker 03 It's gonna be great.
28:29 Speaker 01 The phrase is baited breath, Ellis.
28:31 Speaker 00 Absolutely. Finally poised. My chest has gone hot.
28:34 Speaker 03 Oh, because of excitement and gratitude.
28:36 Speaker 00 This doesn't happen on the night. Do you like the poster? I love the poster. Like, listen, I, I, I know that I tend to take a backseat when it comes to organising things.
28:47 Speaker 03 You're not back in the car.
28:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, you're, you're, you're at home.
28:52 Speaker 01 Maybe in a caravan attached to the back asleep.
28:56 Speaker 00 I'm in, I'm asleep in the caravan attached to the car where things are being discussed. But it is, it is a big, it is a big, it's a big old blimmin' shot. It's not on the running order, just as anecdotal and Ellis to do Cymru connection.
29:08 Speaker 02 This is instead of Cymru this week, Cymru falls by the way.
29:11 Speaker 00 We're not even doing a Cymru connection.
29:12 Speaker 02 Sorry, you've not even got that as an eye for comfort blanket.
29:17 Speaker 00 Wow, okay, good. I'm looking for, it's an amazing, it's Josh, you must have done it lots of times, the Royal Albert Hall.
29:22 Speaker 03 Not that many. I've done a couple of charity gigs there.
29:24 Speaker 01 Have you ever done a solo show there?
29:27 Speaker 03 No, I haven't. No, I don't like the split.
29:31 Speaker 01 What comics have done the Royal Albert Hall?
29:32 Speaker 00 Russell Howard's done it loads of times.
29:35 Speaker 03 I don't know. I saw Kraft right there.
29:37 Speaker 00 I saw it on the Bunnyman there. Isn't the Teenage Cancer Trust gig at the Royal Albert Hall?
29:42 Speaker 03 Do you know what, Ellis? I saw, I saw The Rest Is History at the Royal Albert Hall and they absolutely ripped it.
29:47 Speaker 01 Did they?
29:48 Speaker 03 So I think it's there for the taking.
29:49 Speaker 02 Oh, it's gonna be great. So one off, one night only.
29:51 Speaker 00 I loved, I loved.
29:53 Speaker 03 They did a very funny joke, Ellis.
29:54 Speaker 00 Oh, did they?
29:55 Speaker 03 Yeah, where they said, in part two, in part one, we'll be discussing the life of Mozart and in part two, we'll be discussing the part of the life of Beethoven. But you can get that part now if you remember the fan club, which was a lovely bit of business. It erupted, Ellis. It erupted.
30:13 Speaker 02 Write it down, Ellis. Write it down.
30:17 Speaker 00 The rest is history, Skia.
30:19 Speaker 01 Okay, so, you know, no shade on The Rest Is History, but their tickets did go up to £235 a person, so that's.
30:27 Speaker 00 Oh my god.
30:28 Speaker 03 They, yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, let's be very clear on that. They had a full 50-piece orchestra.
30:34 Speaker 01 Right.
30:35 Speaker 00 There we go.
30:35 Speaker 01 So we need, we, Ellis, bring your guitar?
30:43 Speaker 01 Oh yeah, they did have a Tchaikovsky and Wagner production.
30:46 Speaker 00 Okay.
30:47 Speaker 02 We've got a lightbox.
30:49 Speaker 01 Okay, feels like their ticket price is now actually more justifiable than ours.
30:54 Speaker 00 Oh my god, if I write a comedy song, I can say I've played a, I can play, I've played music.
30:58 Speaker 02 Now he's on board.
30:59 Speaker 01 Here we go.
31:00 Speaker 02 Here we go.
31:01 Speaker 00 Get a piano on, I could do a cover of Hey Jude.
31:03 Speaker 02 Okay.
31:04 Speaker 00 And then Paul McCartney can come on and be with me.
31:07 Speaker 02 Right, we need higher ticket prices.
31:08 Speaker 01 Have you heard his new album?
31:09 Speaker 00 No, but I am going to, I am going to a Q and A of his on Wednesday.
31:14 Speaker 02 Are you?
31:14 Speaker 00 At the Roundhouse, yeah.
31:15 Speaker 02 Oh, nice.
31:16 Speaker 01 So, there we go, folks.
31:19 Speaker 00 That's absolutely massive for me.
31:20 Speaker 01 This is happening, this is massive. Tickets go on general sale on the 26th of June at 10am. Patreon members will have exclusive access to tickets 48 hours before general sale. They'll be available to our Patreon members on the 24th at 10am. Go to patreon.com forward slash Ellis and John to find all the info. But only those signed up to our Patreon on the 24th of June will have early bird ticket access.
31:43 Speaker 02 And we have got a little bit of, a little bit of a special ad, haven't we? Do you want to go straight into that?
31:47 Speaker 01 Ah, yes, a little official advert for you. Hey you, are you back? Have you recently taken up an old hobby and immediately overreached? Maybe you're an amateur watercolorist who created a passable image of a friend's brother-in-law and immediately made a call to the National Portrait Gallery. Maybe you've reacquainted yourself with journaling and have the out-of-office replies from Faber, Penguin and Harper Collins to show for it. Did you do a step over at a middle-aged five-a-side game before calling your friend who works in sports data to see if he knows any scouts at Everton? Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. If this sounds like you, then come to the Elis James Pressure is a Privilege Huberis special. Join 4,000 others to watch as Ellis sees if a half-remembered story about Cardiff Airport
32:32 Speaker 01 told to 40 people at Britain's easiest gig translates to the most prestigious stage in UK entertainment. Ellis and John, Pressure is a Privilege is the show for anyone who's ever thought, what if it's not too late? What if I am the best? And why not risk losing tens of thousands of pounds, your pride and the respect of your peers in the process? Pounds, pride, peers, process. Pressure is a privilege.
32:57 Speaker 01 Tickets to Icarus Live are on sale to Patreon members from the 24th of June and on general sale from the 26th of June. For early access to tickets, sign up at patreon.com forward slash Ellis and John. There we go.
33:07 Speaker 03 Icarus' life is very funny.
33:10 Speaker 01 Well, thank you for joining us, Josh. Cheers, Josh. What have you got going on, mate?
33:14 Speaker 03 Oh, I'm ill. I'm going back to bed.
33:16 Speaker 01 Oh, thank you for coming out.
33:18 Speaker 03 Oh, it's all right. And then I've got Exeter Comedy Festival, but I'm at tonight because it's the big, it's the big weekend in Exeter for comedians.
33:25 Speaker 01 Is it?
33:25 Speaker 03 Yeah. So I'm doing Exeter Comedy Festival. Nish is coming around in a minute.
33:29 Speaker 01 Oh, lovely. Fantastic. I saw Nish the other day recording an episode of How Do You Cope?, which will be out soon, didn't I, Dave?
33:35 Speaker 00 You did, actually, Jon. Yeah, that will be out soon.
33:37 Speaker 02 Lovely, Nish.
33:38 Speaker 00 And congrats on the big kick, Josh, obviously.
33:40 Speaker 03 Oh, thank you, Dave.
33:41 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, I'm doing very strictly.
33:43 Speaker 03 Which one of you is going to come on first?
33:45 Speaker 01 Ellis. Dave, if Ellis goes on strictly, can you imagine? Josh, what, in, with your business and your professional head on, what percentage chance do we have of getting Ellis on strictly?
34:00 Speaker 00 I'm a terrible dancer.
34:01 Speaker 03 Similar to the percentage he's getting.
34:08 Speaker 03 I think.
34:09 Speaker 01 Is he in the mix?
34:11 Speaker 03 Um, not currently, but obviously, you know, I, I have the ability to send a text to the exec that gets ignored.
34:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
34:19 Speaker 03 Um, no, I think, you know, what you need, you need to be a BBC name, maybe that would be helpful, that Ellis is.
34:25 Speaker 01 That would be a tick, tick.
34:26 Speaker 03 Yep. You need to have charm and a willingness to push yourself outside of your comfort zone.
34:33 Speaker 01 Tick.
34:33 Speaker 03 Ah, yeah, you got that.
34:35 Speaker 01 He's willing to be. He's willing to push himself within his comfort zone, definitely.
34:38 Speaker 03 You need to be physically fit.
34:40 Speaker 01 Yes, tick.
34:41 Speaker 00 Okay.
34:42 Speaker 03 Exact, I, I think he's got all he, I, you need to have young children that might be impressed by it.
34:50 Speaker 01 Josh, has, has his name been mentioned at any level?
34:55 Speaker 03 Well, I'm not, I know, I'm not in those meetings.
34:57 Speaker 01 You're not in those rooms.
34:58 Speaker 03 I'm not in those rooms, but, um, I could, I could put his name forward.
35:03 Speaker 01 Um, yes, please.
35:05 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's definitely my take.
35:06 Speaker 01 Can you put it forward in a slightly bigger font than everyone else's?
35:10 Speaker 03 My, my worry would be, has he got three months to spare when he's got the nine month countdown?
35:17 Speaker 00 What's that?
35:17 Speaker 03 Like.
35:18 Speaker 01 Yeah. Nine month countdown to the Royal Albert Hall.
35:20 Speaker 00 Oh, of course, yeah.
35:21 Speaker 02 I think Ellis is about to have a panic attack, so I think we should maybe not throw more.
35:25 Speaker 03 Well, I suppose the question, the question is, Dave, would he, would he last the full three months?
35:29 Speaker 01 I know he would.
35:30 Speaker 03 I think he would. Do you think?
35:31 Speaker 01 He absolutely would.
35:32 Speaker 03 He's quite a good mover, isn't he?
35:34 Speaker 00 Absolutely.
35:35 Speaker 01 Can you imagine?
35:36 Speaker 00 Pick things up very slowly.
35:37 Speaker 01 His enormous bum and thighs in one of those tight pair of Spanish trousers.
35:42 Speaker 00 Yeah, people would love it.
35:44 Speaker 03 Ellis, who are you dressing as for Movie Week?
35:46 Speaker 00 Travis Bickle from Taxi Driver.
35:51 Speaker 03 What about Icons Week?
35:53 Speaker 01 Of Gallagher.
35:54 Speaker 00 Icons Week, Marilyn Monroe.
35:58 Speaker 02 He's got it. He's got the comedic touch as well.
36:00 Speaker 03 And what about Halloween?
36:01 Speaker 02 Halloween.
36:02 Speaker 00 Halloween, it's got to be Kruger or a sexy cat.
36:09 Speaker 03 I think it'd be good.
36:10 Speaker 01 Kruger entering your dreams, in a nice way. Maybe Kruger enters a dream where he gets, he sort of falls in love.
36:19 Speaker 00 Doing the foxtrot.
36:20 Speaker 03 How about, yeah, so the dance starts and, you know, Nancy is asleep in the bed and then she wakes up and then in through the window, dances Ellis, char char ring as Freddy Krueger.
36:34 Speaker 01 Josh, this is box office.
36:37 Speaker 00 This is the Come Get Me play. In a red and black jumper, yeah.
36:41 Speaker 01 So, thanks, Josh, for joining us.
36:42 Speaker 00 Thanks, Josh.
36:43 Speaker 03 I'm waiting for it. I'll say he's doing the Royal Albert Hall, so he must be a big name.
36:46 Speaker 00 Yeah, exactly.
36:48 Speaker 01 Brilliant stuff. Right, there we go. Big news here on the show.
36:53 Speaker 00 Huge.
36:54 Speaker 01 Check out the socials, check out the socials, check out Patreon, check out the whole world of Ellis and John to get your tickets to Pressure is a Privilege Live. But I think we should now play a made up game.
37:13 Speaker 04 1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum.
37:22 Speaker 04 Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested.
37:26 Speaker 05 They said you're nicked, you're in a lot of trouble.
37:28 Speaker 04 But was he set up? Wanted, I fled to fall of two cops. His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime.
37:37 Speaker 06 You're not going to end up going to prison, are you, kidlet?
37:39 Speaker 04 I'm J C Long and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.
37:49 Speaker 01 Right then, everyone, as, Ellis has got a lovely grin on his face.
37:53 Speaker 02 I think you're quite excited about it now.
37:54 Speaker 00 I am excited. I just need to read 20 pages of my cycling book to calm down. My heart rate is much higher than it usually is.
38:03 Speaker 02 I'm glad that this is how it's landed, because there was a genuine concern, because I must have texted Izzy three or four times across the last five months going.
38:10 Speaker 00 What's his mood like?
38:11 Speaker 02 Are you sure this is going to be, you know him best. When this, when this is revealed, will he just be absolutely livid and actually not want to do it?
38:19 Speaker 00 Oh no, I'm never going to be livid.
38:20 Speaker 02 Well, not livid, but I know that you don't like surprises.
38:23 Speaker 00 I really genuinely dislike surprises, which is why they work so well on the show, because John loves to surprise me, because he rumps up this smirk from about five minutes before he tells me what it is, which just means that your mind plays tricks. So I was like, okay, I'm getting divorced live on the show. And I'm getting served my divorce papers for content and it's going to make the carer.
38:48 Speaker 00 John's seen some test results and I'm really ill.
38:51 Speaker 01 We've got the CCTV. We hired a private investigator.
38:57 Speaker 01 Yeah, so that's all to look forward to. Nice stuff, stuff in the diary, isn't it?
39:00 Speaker 02 Oh, it is nice to keep busy.
39:02 Speaker 00 I've got plans for 2027 now. I'll be 47 in 2027.
39:06 Speaker 02 Yeah, but in all.
39:08 Speaker 00 I'll be 46 when I do the gig.
39:09 Speaker 01 You've played the Royal Albert Hall before you're 50.
39:12 Speaker 02 That's amazing, isn't it? How cool is that? I've seen Cirque du Soleil at the Royal Albert Hall, never thinking of them.
39:16 Speaker 01 I've seen Luke Reid there.
39:17 Speaker 02 Have you? I've seen Cortina's there. All huge events.
39:21 Speaker 01 Cortina's played Royal Albert Hall.
39:23 Speaker 02 Yeah, they did one of the Teenage Con- I don't know, it was, it was 10 years of St Jude, the debut album.
39:29 Speaker 00 When I did the off-menu gig there, backstage is amazing at the Royal Albert Hall.
39:34 Speaker 02 Yes.
39:34 Speaker 00 And it is.
39:35 Speaker 01 They got free stuff?
39:36 Speaker 00 Um, not, not a huge one.
39:38 Speaker 01 Teabags, sugar.
39:39 Speaker 00 I would imagine there's teabags around here.
39:40 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
39:41 Speaker 00 But there's the, like, the amount.
39:43 Speaker 01 Amor, give me some sugar.
39:44 Speaker 00 The amount of.
39:45 Speaker 01 I had too much sugar in my bag yesterday and I just tore open all of the little sachets and poured them into my sugar pot and I felt good.
39:52 Speaker 02 I thought you were going to say you just ate them.
39:53 Speaker 01 No.
39:55 Speaker 00 But the amount of hyper mega legends who played, like global hyper mega legends.
40:01 Speaker 01 HMLs.
40:02 Speaker 00 At the Albert Hall is crazy.
40:04 Speaker 02 It's the, I'd say it's the, no disrespect to the Palladiums of this world and the Hammersmith of Potters, but I would say it's the venue, is it not?
40:10 Speaker 01 I think they're all together.
40:12 Speaker 02 Do you?
40:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:12 Speaker 02 Very diplomatic. Good stuff.
40:14 Speaker 01 Let's play made up games.
40:16 Speaker 02 Okay, let's have one more spin of Etienne's fantastic jingle. Here we go. Made up game, we made up with our friends. And sent in for the boys to play. New balls that are ready, it's like radio. Did whoever bought this feature get a raise? Please don't send any hate to Zed, or you'll have to lose his head.
40:51 Speaker 00 And John will prioritize the win over good content. But what's my guess, love, bird's eye? Let's find out today's frame.
41:13 Speaker 00 Made up.
41:17 Speaker 02 I love that.
41:18 Speaker 01 Yeah, it feels good, doesn't it?
41:19 Speaker 02 It's just very Abbey Road to me. It's get back, it's The Beatles on Savile Row.
41:28 Speaker 01 It's Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young.
41:29 Speaker 02 Eating Marmite sandwiches with lettuce.
41:32 Speaker 01 Ugh.
41:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, taken over George Harrison, but yeah.
41:35 Speaker 01 Well, I can't and won't. I'll just say, ugh, because that's disgusting. Dave?
41:41 Speaker 00 Can I have an egg?
41:42 Speaker 02 Uh, scores on the doors. Ellis marked a welcome return to the guessing scene this time last week.
41:48 Speaker 01 Did he?
41:49 Speaker 00 Yeah.
41:50 Speaker 02 Yeah, I guess the amount of crisps people eat.
41:52 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, I was still thinking about Walmart.
41:56 Speaker 02 Don't, of course.
41:58 Speaker 00 If you mention Walmart again, I'll pull out of the Royal Albert Hall.
42:02 Speaker 01 Tell you something I do want to mention again.
42:04 Speaker 02 No.
42:05 Speaker 01 Is consistent failures in the management of made up games.
42:09 Speaker 02 Yeah.
42:09 Speaker 01 Because Taxi Driver didn't win an Oscar and I would have won that round.
42:13 Speaker 02 But you won the game.
42:15 Speaker 01 I don't care.
42:16 Speaker 02 Doesn't care.
42:16 Speaker 01 So how are these things happening? Is it a practical joke being played on me? What's going on?
42:21 Speaker 00 Michael's got a lot on his plate.
42:23 Speaker 02 He does, but let's, so listeners, and it's very good of them, they send in full games.
42:30 Speaker 00 Hmm.
42:30 Speaker 02 So it's on us, we should have double checked.
42:33 Speaker 01 We should have checked.
42:34 Speaker 02 We should have double checked.
42:35 Speaker 01 Or checked.
42:37 Speaker 02 We should have single checked.
42:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
42:39 Speaker 02 It should have been the old single checker.
42:41 Speaker 01 The classic single check.
42:42 Speaker 02 The old classic cursory glance.
42:44 Speaker 01 Because when, on stuff like Mastermind, when they come up with a question.
42:50 Speaker 00 They do a single check.
42:50 Speaker 01 They do a single check on the answer.
42:52 Speaker 00 They do. And I would imagine they don't use Wikipedia on Mastermind. But I do think Wikipedia would have sufficed in this case.
43:00 Speaker 01 Oh, I checked Wikipedia. I did a single check on Wikipedia.
43:02 Speaker 00 Wikipedia.
43:03 Speaker 01 It confirms that Taxi Driver didn't win any Oscars.
43:06 Speaker 00 None at all?
43:06 Speaker 01 None at all.
43:07 Speaker 00 Oh, I'm surprised then.
43:08 Speaker 02 It was a busy week. I imagine Mastermind have, you know, five or six researchers knocking about.
43:12 Speaker 01 You're not allowed to use Wikipedia as a, as a reference on Mastermind. It's got to be a published book, I think.
43:17 Speaker 02 Does it?
43:18 Speaker 01 Yeah, or some really old encyclopedia.
43:21 Speaker 02 Okay. Michael, get old encyclopedia.
43:25 Speaker 01 So we're just, have we done single checks on this week's made up game?
43:28 Speaker 02 Vibes are plenty this week. Checks are not needed apart from my judgement.
43:33 Speaker 01 Oh, okay.
43:34 Speaker 02 So we're all right. We will, of course, we will be rigorous and diligent.
43:39 Speaker 01 Yep.
43:39 Speaker 02 From this point forwards, you won last week's game. The victory, Ellis did.
43:44 Speaker 00 Thank you.
43:44 Speaker 02 The victory meant Ellis took the first game.
43:46 Speaker 01 What was last week's game? The crisps one?
43:47 Speaker 02 Crispy, we're crispy.
43:48 Speaker 00 I tell you one thing, though, this is something for Statman Ross to take into account, the errors.
43:55 Speaker 02 Oh, don't, why?
43:56 Speaker 00 Well, you just, you know.
43:57 Speaker 01 Because they're affecting the scores.
43:58 Speaker 00 Yeah.
43:59 Speaker 01 And at the minute, they seem to be rife.
44:02 Speaker 02 Busy times.
44:05 Speaker 01 Rife is the word.
44:07 Speaker 02 Rife is the word.
44:08 Speaker 00 Is the word, is the word.
44:13 Speaker 02 The victory meant Ellis took the first game, so now leads 1-0 in games in the third set. John leading two loving sets still. This week's game comes in from Ishan. Hi, sporty boys.
44:28 Speaker 02 With the biggest festival of football about to kick off in Canada, Mexico and the US in a few days.
44:33 Speaker 01 And that makes sense.
44:34 Speaker 02 In a few days' time.
44:35 Speaker 01 That makes so much sense when you say it out loud. Canada, America and Mexico.
44:41 Speaker 02 Wales across the borders, it's lovely really.
44:43 Speaker 01 Do you get any idea how big those countries are?
44:46 Speaker 00 If Wales had qualified, we had games, I think it was in Toronto, LA.
44:52 Speaker 01 How many Waleses between Mexico and Canada, would you say?
44:56 Speaker 00 Multiple.
44:57 Speaker 01 Multiple Waleses.
44:58 Speaker 02 More than one. With the World Cup about to kick off in a few days, I thought it would be fun to send a World Cup game for you to play. It's called What's Up with the World Cup.
45:09 Speaker 00 The ticket prices.
45:10 Speaker 02 It was rhetorical.
45:12 Speaker 00 Sort of transit prices to get to the MetLife Stadium.
45:15 Speaker 02 Yeah. I remember you playing a great game around the 2024 Olympics where you used your massive brains to solve hypothetical problems around the game's organisation and execution. So I propose you dust off those big brains once more and do the same for the World Cup. You will each assume your previous roles as heads of consulting agencies, Robins and Robins and KPM James.
45:38 Speaker 01 Oh lovely. Can it be Robins, Robins and Robins?
45:43 Speaker 02 Well, this is what you called yourselves last time. So you were assuming your roles.
45:47 Speaker 01 Well, recently I've brought my son on board. And he's a whiz with the tech.
45:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, great. All right then, Robins and Robins and Robins.
45:54 Speaker 01 Robins, Robins and Robins.
45:56 Speaker 00 Much better. He's the And Robins, is he?
45:59 Speaker 01 Yes. Which one are you?
46:01 Speaker 00 Robins.
46:02 Speaker 01 Middle Robins.
46:03 Speaker 00 Who's the first Robins?
46:04 Speaker 01 It's just a coincidence. Ian Robins.
46:07 Speaker 02 Yeah. Oh, you could bring Robin in. Is it Robin, Robins and Robins?
46:10 Speaker 01 No, he would hate it. Too much pressure.
46:12 Speaker 00 He could be a silent partner.
46:16 Speaker 01 He could do the jingles.
46:19 Speaker 02 He could. That might be useful for this game.
46:22 Speaker 01 Yeah, might be.
46:23 Speaker 00 Business jingles, okay. And my business jingles for KPM James.
46:27 Speaker 02 KPM James.
46:28 Speaker 00 Are made by the lovely Dodgy Finney.
46:29 Speaker 02 Great. It's your task to solve problems set out to you by the World Cup Deliverance Organisation, the WCDO, aka Dave. You'll have three scenarios and there'll be a point awarded for each round. Whoever I think best saves the World Cup and ensures it runs smoothly enough so England can win it. What? I don't know. Remember, as head of the World Cup Deliverance Organisation, Dave will have to think about all aspects of the answer. So there's feasibility, there's appeal, all the sort of stuff that will come from the vibe of the solution. Enjoy the game, Ishan. Round one, you can scribble and obviously have a bit of time as well. We're not expecting you just to, you know, blurt out an answer here. There's time
47:12 Speaker 02 to have a little think strategically about what you would want the solution to be here. Scenario one.
47:17 Speaker 00 Did our agent know about the Royal Albert Hall?
47:19 Speaker 02 I need to talk to you about that.
47:20 Speaker 00 That's hilarious.
47:21 Speaker 01 I've already spoken to them about it.
47:22 Speaker 02 Okay, you're happy?
47:24 Speaker 01 We're gonna have a Zoom.
47:25 Speaker 00 I'm the only...
47:26 Speaker 02 This is all coming out, yeah?
47:27 Speaker 00 My wife, David, my agent knew and I doesn't.
47:31 Speaker 02 Okay. Round one. Oh no! The night before the tournament, a new FIFA regulation against animal cruelty has come into effect, meaning that England can no longer have three lions on their crests. Your brief, create a new badge for the England team that better reflects the modern country we live in.
47:51 Speaker 02 So you've both been asked and tasked with creating a brand new crest for our brave boys as we head to the USA, Mexico and Canada World Cup. I've never seen someone so excited about a World Cup as producer Michael, by the way. He brings it up on every meeting we're on. It's amazing.
48:09 Speaker 02 So Robins, Robins and Robins, hunker down in a meeting room. KPM James is actually designing one. It's fine.
48:23 Speaker 02 I'm looking at what Alice, I don't know why Alice is drawn.
48:26 Speaker 00 So I've got to design a new England badge?
48:28 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, you, when, when I say design, obviously for the sake of audio, the best way will be to explain it. But I love that you're doing, I love that you're doing artistic impression.
48:38 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'm just trying to work out what I'm doing.
48:41 Speaker 01 Okay, I'm ready.
48:44 Speaker 02 All right, the two teams have busy, have been busy in meetings and Zooms and brainstorms. KPM James, what are you bringing to the table for the pitch?
48:53 Speaker 00 Have you seen the England squad announcement video?
48:57 Speaker 02 No.
48:57 Speaker 00 You, you have? Okay. It's, it's been very big on social media. The one with John Lennon at the beginning.
49:02 Speaker 02 Oh, yes, I've seen. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
49:03 Speaker 00 Okay.
49:04 Speaker 02 What the?
49:05 Speaker 01 Is he playing?
49:07 Speaker 00 No, but it's actually an amazing piece of social media. So it's the squad announcement video for England at the World Cup. And it's this two-minute celebration of modern Englishness. So it begins with quite a famous interview with John Lennon. I think he's in America. And he's, no, no, he's not in America because he's being interviewed by a British journalist. And they talk to him about Englishness and he says, well, of course, we're all jolly English, you know. And that was the, the part of it was that the Beatles and people like Michael Caine were bringing a new kind of working class Englishness to the media in the 60s, which hadn't happened before. So that's my inspiration.
49:46 Speaker 01 Good backstory.
49:47 Speaker 00 So there's no lions on the badge. What's ums at modern Englishness? Chicken shops, warm beer and Stonehenge.
49:54 Speaker 01 Okay.
49:55 Speaker 00 And on the, so it's a crest.
49:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
49:58 Speaker 00 And on the bottom, where usually it would say England, or you might have the motto, so on the Welsh one it says Gwraethau�kielwyr, it just says David Attenborough. Because he's the, because he's the.
50:06 Speaker 01 But in Latin.
50:06 Speaker 00 But in Latin, David Attenboroughs. So it's Stonehenge is the background because obviously that's continuity. It's been there in Wiltshire for 5,000 years. Then you've got a big piece of fried chicken and then pints of warm beer around it.
50:21 Speaker 01 But warm beer is actually not true and it's a stereotype.
50:24 Speaker 00 All right then, Carling.
50:25 Speaker 01 Okay. Yeah, Britain's most popular ale.
50:28 Speaker 00 Britain's most popular lager.
50:29 Speaker 02 Because also unless you're writing below it, warm beer, no one knows that's warm.
50:33 Speaker 00 And I've just remembered the brief, it's a vegan chicken wing.
50:39 Speaker 01 Which you do, you can get in some metropolitan cities.
50:43 Speaker 00 So there's a, next to the chicken wing itself, there's a tiny little VG. David Attenborough, Stonehenge, vegan chicken wings and Carling.
50:53 Speaker 02 It's a, it's a lovely.
50:54 Speaker 00 It's the England experience. For someone who lives in England, to me, that's what Englishness is.
50:59 Speaker 02 Great. Robins, Robins and Robins.
51:01 Speaker 01 Well, obviously the departure of the three lions is going to cause quite a lot of controversy.
51:06 Speaker 02 It is.
51:07 Speaker 01 It's going to give people a problem to solve and a hole to fill.
51:12 Speaker 02 Yeah.
51:13 Speaker 01 What better way to maintain some of our chants, some of our most cherished football anthems than replacing the three lions with the three Brian's?
51:24 Speaker 01 Three Brian's that sum up the very best of British. It's alliterating already, Dave.
51:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, can I have a guess?
51:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
51:32 Speaker 02 May.
51:33 Speaker 01 Correct.
51:34 Speaker 02 May is in.
51:35 Speaker 01 He's also agreed to play Bohemian Rhapsody from the roof of all the stadiums throughout the entirety of all the matches.
51:41 Speaker 02 Blessed.
51:43 Speaker 01 Not blessed.
51:43 Speaker 02 Cluff.
51:44 Speaker 01 Correct.
51:47 Speaker 02 Harvey.
51:49 Speaker 02 He should be Harvey.
51:50 Speaker 01 He was on the initial list, but was taken off. The third is Brian E. Page, the first British athlete to win a gold medal in the trampoline.
52:00 Speaker 02 Okay.
52:01 Speaker 01 So it's sporting excellence.
52:03 Speaker 02 Very nice.
52:03 Speaker 01 It's football nous and it's world famous rock music. Britain's best export. You can still sing Three Lions to the tune with three Brian's.
52:13 Speaker 02 That's true. Three Brian's on a shirt.
52:15 Speaker 01 Exactly.
52:16 Speaker 02 Jules Rimet still beaming.
52:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, everything works.
52:19 Speaker 02 Thirty years of it.
52:20 Speaker 01 And the video for the launch video is Brian May with his red special hitting a football against a trampoline for ages.
52:29 Speaker 02 Which explodes.
52:33 Speaker 01 Like when you play table tennis on your own.
52:35 Speaker 02 But AI could make that work and look really, and look pretty realistic.
52:38 Speaker 01 Brian May I.
52:39 Speaker 02 Brian May I.
52:43 Speaker 02 It's good.
52:45 Speaker 02 It's a, it's a win for John. Are you insane? Are you kidding? Are you insane? He's got Brian May on the top of every arena.
52:52 Speaker 01 Stonehenge, modern Britain.
52:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
52:54 Speaker 01 Why modern about Stonehenge?
52:56 Speaker 02 I was there, it's continuity. I was there on New Year's Day. No, there's nothing wrong with Hench. I think that's what, that's. It's a fantastic day out. That's justifiable being in there.
53:06 Speaker 01 In the year 2000 BC, it was the only day out.
53:10 Speaker 02 That's history and heritage.
53:11 Speaker 01 Oh, it's history and heritage.
53:12 Speaker 02 It's history and heritage. Chicken shops for modern England. But I just think it was all a bit, it's all a bit meatier. Carling for modern England. You're, you've lost it. No, you've, you've done really well.
53:21 Speaker 01 Three, don't worry, Alice, you know, Dave, you'll win the next round.
53:25 Speaker 00 David Attenborough on the crest.
53:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, he's, he's, yeah, he's the word along the bottom.
53:30 Speaker 00 Yes, that's what a crest is, Dave.
53:32 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah. It's, look, I'm not saying it's bad. I'm just saying.
53:36 Speaker 01 Look, there's my little shield.
53:39 Speaker 02 Yeah.
53:40 Speaker 01 Okay, next round.
53:42 Speaker 02 And John had also thought about the different, the, the, the varying types of Brian.
53:46 Speaker 01 Hmm.
53:47 Speaker 02 Really did highlight the culture, the various cross-sections of English culture.
53:51 Speaker 01 Yeah.
53:51 Speaker 00 What more than Stonehenge chicken shops, Carling and David Attenborough?
53:56 Speaker 02 You're mo-, I think you're, if there's a little bit, you're mocking the, the English culture a little bit.
54:00 Speaker 01 I'm offended.
54:03 Speaker 02 That V, that V G was an afterthoughts.
54:05 Speaker 01 Hmm.
54:05 Speaker 00 No, I just chose I'm a fleet-footed corporate mind.
54:09 Speaker 02 Round two. What the heck? On the eve of the tournament, a lot of, a lot of these things, a lot of these things happen on the eve.
54:15 Speaker 01 Well, disasters do happen.
54:16 Speaker 00 Yeah, 2022.
54:17 Speaker 02 It's the 11th hour.
54:18 Speaker 00 They, um.
54:19 Speaker 01 Do you think Blair knew foot and mouth was gonna hit?
54:22 Speaker 00 Well, 2022, um, the, the king of Qatar told FIFA that actually he wouldn't allow beer. And they had to tell Budweiser that they could only sell non-alcoholic lager in all of the beer sort of tents and fan zones.
54:36 Speaker 02 On the eve of the tournament, the 48 nations have met and unanimously decided that penalty shootouts are too cruel a way to decide huge football matches.
54:43 Speaker 00 Somebody's missed in one, I agree.
54:45 Speaker 02 No more heartache, no more heartbreak for Southgate, no more tears for Ronaldo, no more staring at the ground in disbelief for Beckham. Your brief, come up with a new exciting way to decide the knockout matches that end in a draw. We need something that will appeal to Gen Z to ensure the younger generation stay engaged with the world's favourite sport.
55:04 Speaker 01 Say that last bit again.
55:05 Speaker 02 We need something to appeal to Gen Z to ensure the younger generation stay engaged with the world's favourite sport. So how, how will this new idea appeal to the youth market? So there's probably not much Stonehenge knocking about. Unless you want to educate, of course.
55:21 Speaker 01 I actually would really watch my idea.
55:28 Speaker 02 Okay. Ellis shuffles his papers with confidence. John's still scribbling.
55:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
55:34 Speaker 02 Okay, so penalty shootouts are out. There are no more penalty shootouts. Um, Robins, Robins and Robins.
55:42 Speaker 01 Yes.
55:43 Speaker 02 How are we deciding these very important football matches?
55:45 Speaker 01 So both teams line up. Uh, you know how like when they have their photos taken at the start all in a line, but spaced out further, one in each half?
55:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
55:55 Speaker 01 Each player has a ball. Keep ups. To the sound of Sabrina Carpenter. Commentary from Taylor Swift and her Kelsey Gramm.
56:07 Speaker 02 Kelsey.
56:07 Speaker 01 Is it Kelsey Grammer?
56:08 Speaker 02 Kelsey Grammer.
56:09 Speaker 01 Yes, for the older viewers.
56:12 Speaker 02 And is Travis Kelch there as well?
56:15 Speaker 01 Who?
56:15 Speaker 02 Travis Kelch.
56:17 Speaker 01 Kelch?
56:17 Speaker 02 Is it Kelch?
56:18 Speaker 01 Travis Kelce.
56:19 Speaker 02 Kelce, I always thought it was Kelch.
56:21 Speaker 01 Who I was thinking of.
56:22 Speaker 02 Yeah.
56:23 Speaker 01 Um, no, he's not there. He can't make it.
56:24 Speaker 00 Kelsey Grammer's much funnier.
56:25 Speaker 01 Kelsey Grammer and.
56:27 Speaker 02 And Jimmy Corkill's there.
56:28 Speaker 01 Um, uh, last player keeping up wins the World Cup for their team.
56:35 Speaker 02 So 11 players.
56:36 Speaker 01 On each side, all doing keep ups.
56:38 Speaker 00 Can I point out a flaw?
56:40 Speaker 02 Well, hold on.
56:40 Speaker 00 I can point out one massive flaw.
56:42 Speaker 02 Yeah.
56:43 Speaker 00 The good footballers I know can basically keep the ball up for an infinite amount of time.
56:48 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah. There's a, there's a video of Phil Foden doing it in the dressing room.
56:51 Speaker 01 To win the World Cup.
56:53 Speaker 00 It would take ages.
56:54 Speaker 01 Pressure.
56:55 Speaker 00 It would take ages.
56:56 Speaker 01 Well, it's gonna take like, how long does a penalty shootout take? 15 minutes? It's gonna take about 15 minutes.
57:01 Speaker 00 It could take longer than that.
57:03 Speaker 01 Well, then the excitement just grows.
57:05 Speaker 00 Eve.
57:05 Speaker 01 But people don't care because Taylor Swift is commentating with Kelsey Grammer from Frazier.
57:11 Speaker 01 And we can go even deeper into Sabrina Carpenter's back catalogue.
57:14 Speaker 02 Hmm.
57:14 Speaker 01 You know.
57:15 Speaker 00 She's gonna run out, she's gonna run out songs.
57:17 Speaker 01 They're gonna start missing the ball.
57:20 Speaker 00 Yeah. Mens, who I used to fancy Football League with, I mean, he could, he could do keep up for 25 minutes at a time.
57:28 Speaker 01 All right then, after every five minutes, you start firing custard at them.
57:33 Speaker 02 Okay. Or hot dogs.
57:34 Speaker 01 Or hot dogs.
57:35 Speaker 00 Hot dogs because it's American.
57:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
57:36 Speaker 02 Okay. And that can change depending on what country the World Cup's in.
57:39 Speaker 01 Exactly. It could be tacos.
57:41 Speaker 02 Bratwurst.
57:41 Speaker 01 Sushi.
57:42 Speaker 02 Yeah.
57:44 Speaker 02 So John's in, there's something in there that he, there's something that changed halfway through. I think, you know, we want the ideas to be fully baked from the off.
57:54 Speaker 00 Well, this is, it's to appeal to Gen Z, isn't it?
57:57 Speaker 02 Yeah.
57:57 Speaker 00 What do Gen Z like? They like short, snappy things, vaping on their phones.
58:02 Speaker 01 The boys like quite toxic content online.
58:04 Speaker 00 And toxic content.
58:08 Speaker 02 Baggy denim jackets.
58:09 Speaker 00 And baggy denim jackets. Jimmy Corker's back in and they like, they have short attention spans. So like a panty shootout, each manager nominates his five best players and they've got 10 seconds to do their most impressive tricks for an Instagram reel.
58:26 Speaker 02 Oh.
58:27 Speaker 00 And then the viewers at home have got a minute to vote and it's an online poll. So it's interactive, but it's all done very, very quickly because obviously the World Cup's going to be played in terrible heat. So you need to get it done quickly and you need to pronto so you can move on to the next. So for instance, Tom Masuka would nominate Iwaki Saka, Eze, Ivan Tony, Harry Kane, et cetera.
58:49 Speaker 01 And what are they doing?
58:50 Speaker 00 They've got to do their best tricks.
58:52 Speaker 01 Give me an example of a trick.
58:53 Speaker 00 Oh, like a sort of, there's loads of these freestylers, so they would just do something like that.
58:58 Speaker 02 Yeah, so it's a footballing trick.
59:00 Speaker 00 Yeah, a footballing trick. Yeah, it's not card trick.
59:04 Speaker 01 There's not much in it for the people in the stadium.
59:07 Speaker 00 Well, they're doing it on the pitch.
59:08 Speaker 02 You're on the big screens.
59:09 Speaker 00 And on the big screens.
59:10 Speaker 02 And Sabrina Carpenter's probably playing.
59:12 Speaker 00 Oh, she's there anyway. Yeah. So it's very short and snappy.
59:16 Speaker 02 So five each.
59:18 Speaker 01 So it's a bit like having the World Cup decided by VAR.
59:22 Speaker 00 Yeah.
59:22 Speaker 01 Which everyone loves.
59:23 Speaker 00 And which FIFA are definitely not going to get rid of.
59:26 Speaker 01 Are they not?
59:27 Speaker 00 Goodness me, no. Absolutely not.
59:28 Speaker 01 Well, for the World Cup.
59:29 Speaker 00 If anything, it's going to be more VAR.
59:31 Speaker 01 Really?
59:32 Speaker 00 Yeah. If you talk to people who are at the IFAB meetings, they love it.
59:35 Speaker 02 So how are you voting?
59:37 Speaker 00 Online, because everything's done online these days.
59:40 Speaker 02 Yeah, yes, he's right.
59:42 Speaker 00 Everything is online these days, Dave. So, yeah, and that's the thing. And FIFA's partnered, they're partnered with Just Park, Budweiser and Google. So it's Google helping with the phones.
59:54 Speaker 01 There's gonna be a lot of dead air in the stadium while this voting happens.
59:56 Speaker 00 Not at all, not at all.
59:58 Speaker 01 Dave, I know you are going to give Ellis the points, so shall we just get to one all?
1:00:01 Speaker 02 Listen to me. Well, you talk about dead air and is the, is the audience in the stadium still engaged? I would argue 10 snappy tricks. Whoa!
1:00:10 Speaker 01 But it's not gonna be snappy, is it?
1:00:11 Speaker 00 It's like, Eddie could do keepy up bees for hours.
1:00:14 Speaker 02 People go to the bar for yours.
1:00:16 Speaker 01 Name me, name me 10 different footballing tricks you can do.
1:00:19 Speaker 00 Oh, there's low. Left foot kick up, right foot kick up. We had a guy on Fantasy Football League every week. Thanks for watching, John. He was absolutely mad the stuff.
1:00:27 Speaker 01 We're subscribing to Sky. They're out of ideas.
1:00:32 Speaker 00 It was mad the stuff he could do.
1:00:34 Speaker 02 Yeah, there's more than 10 tricks.
1:00:35 Speaker 00 Like on his back and he's sort of on the soles of his feet and all sorts of weird stuff.
1:00:39 Speaker 02 They'll be on the soles, they'll be on the soles of their feet.
1:00:40 Speaker 01 He's a professional. But that's not what football players do.
1:00:44 Speaker 00 Yeah, but they do all that stuff. Have you ever seen, have you ever seen Maradona?
1:00:48 Speaker 01 Dave, just give him the point, let's get to the second round.
1:00:48 Speaker 00 Have you seen footage of Maradona warming up for the 1989 UEFA Cup final?
1:00:52 Speaker 01 Yes, I have, yeah.
1:00:53 Speaker 00 Yes, exactly.
1:00:55 Speaker 01 What's the final round?
1:00:56 Speaker 02 Final round. Oh, it's gone to the final round.
1:00:59 Speaker 01 Oh, my God, with Ellis's [bleep] idea.
1:01:04 Speaker 01 Oh, well.
1:01:05 Speaker 00 It wasn't.
1:01:06 Speaker 01 It was.
1:01:07 Speaker 00 It was not.
1:01:07 Speaker 01 It really was.
1:01:08 Speaker 00 I actually think my badge is better than his. The three Bryans. He's just so desperate to include Queen into any single facet of all the country.
1:01:16 Speaker 01 They will play in the stadium of every game.
1:01:20 Speaker 00 Not two of them, yeah.
1:01:21 Speaker 01 No, the, the music will be playing in every single stadium.
1:01:24 Speaker 02 Round three. Disaster on the E-Bo.
1:01:29 Speaker 01 Oh, no!
1:01:31 Speaker 00 Someone's had a planning nightmare, haven't they?
1:01:33 Speaker 02 Yeah. Oh, it's just their luck, isn't it?
1:01:35 Speaker 00 You're not allowed to take in plastic, you know, refillable plastic bottles of water into the ground.
1:01:38 Speaker 01 Good, because, because obviously it's important for people to get dehydrated in extreme heat across three different countries.
1:01:44 Speaker 00 You've got to bite in the ground.
1:01:45 Speaker 02 The World Cup trophy has gone missing. As WCDO head Dave was entrusted with it, but left it unattended while conducting a remote teams meeting to talk about vertical deliveries at the Record Hall in Farringdon. Your brief: Create a new World Cup trophy. Design, colour, vibe, name, whatever you fancy, that will be the most impactful and I suppose offer the most longevity for years to come as well. So I don't think this is necessarily just a World Cup design for the America slash Canada slash Mexico tournament. This needs to, you know, be with us for years to come.
1:02:25 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:02:27 Speaker 01 If Ellis has drawn what I think he's drawn, I think it's the same as the current World Cup.
1:02:31 Speaker 00 No, but it has, there's one crucial difference.
1:02:34 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:02:34 Speaker 02 Okay, the ideas are in, the pictures have been pitched.
1:02:37 Speaker 00 It's the most cynical thing I've ever thought.
1:02:39 Speaker 02 It's the most what?
1:02:40 Speaker 00 Cynical thing I've ever thought.
1:02:42 Speaker 02 Interesting. Okay, KPM, what are you again? KPM James, what are you coming with to save the day in the 11th hour?
1:02:50 Speaker 00 First off, it's absolutely massive because the European Cup is huge. But it's bigger than the European Cup or the, you know, the Champions League.
1:02:59 Speaker 02 Why is that?
1:03:01 Speaker 00 Because there's something quite iconic about how big the Champions League slash European Cup is. And so FIFA thought, well, that's UEFA's thing. So we always want to go one better than UEFA. So it's bigger than the European Cup. It's quite similar in design in that it's got a globe, you know, sort of a map of the world at the top of it. But on every single continent is a list of corporate sponsors from that continent.
1:03:29 Speaker 01 That's good.
1:03:29 Speaker 00 Because you see FIFA, what's the one thing FIFA love more than anything?
1:03:32 Speaker 02 Money.
1:03:33 Speaker 00 Money, profit. So for instance, engraved into Japan is Nissan and Sony and, you know, Casio and all the big Japanese companies. Engraved onto the USA, you've got Apple and all the big, engraved onto Germany, you've got Volkswagen and BMW and Audi and Mercedes, et cetera. And those companies all pay to be on the engraving of the World Cup. And then at the bottom has got little plinths. So that's where you can put the winners like on the FA Cup.
1:04:03 Speaker 02 Is that agile? Is that, is that flexible enough? Because what if?
1:04:07 Speaker 00 It's wipe clean.
1:04:09 Speaker 01 The engraving? So what happens if Apple go bust?
1:04:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, this is what I think.
1:04:15 Speaker 00 Exactly, then you'd, you'd.
1:04:16 Speaker 02 Or they don't want to pay for the next years.
1:04:18 Speaker 00 So, well, exactly. So then they would change it. So they must.
1:04:21 Speaker 01 But it's engraved.
1:04:22 Speaker 00 Yeah. So the World Cup becomes bigger each time.
1:04:25 Speaker 01 Or smaller.
1:04:26 Speaker 00 Or smaller. So they've got to add, they've got to add more gold to it.
1:04:29 Speaker 02 First wipe, clean engraving.
1:04:31 Speaker 00 Are just covered in the names of big private companies that are sponsoring.
1:04:35 Speaker 01 So like, obviously.
1:04:36 Speaker 00 So America would be Budweiser and.
1:04:38 Speaker 02 What's England? What were we doing in England?
1:04:41 Speaker 00 Melton Mowbray pies.
1:04:44 Speaker 02 Great.
1:04:45 Speaker 01 And Australia?
1:04:47 Speaker 00 A big Australian company.
1:04:48 Speaker 02 Castle Main.
1:04:49 Speaker 00 Yeah. Foster's.
1:04:53 Speaker 01 Can I see it, please?
1:04:55 Speaker 02 Uggs.
1:04:57 Speaker 00 Uggs?
1:04:57 Speaker 02 That's Australian, isn't it?
1:04:58 Speaker 00 Okay. Yeah, yeah.
1:05:01 Speaker 02 Yeah? It's similar design to the current World Cup. So is it just the current World Cup with, with sponsors on?
1:05:06 Speaker 00 Loads of corporate logos and it's much, much, much bigger. I can't stress that enough. Because I considered making it tiny, like the ashes. But I thought, no, no, FIFA always want to supersize everything. The squad can lift it. Yeah.
1:05:25 Speaker 02 Oh, so it's like when you throw the manager up in the air.
1:05:27 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:05:28 Speaker 02 You're doing that with the trophy.
1:05:29 Speaker 00 You're gonna need, you're gonna need several pairs of hands on the World Cup. But crucially, every inch of it is covered in corporate sponsorship. And because it's the World Cup, which is the world's biggest sporting event, it would cost millions to get yourself onto the World Cup. So it is only for the world's biggest companies.
1:05:46 Speaker 02 Okay. Robins and Robins and Robins.
1:05:49 Speaker 01 Well, it's breaking boundaries with the world's first digital trophy. It's an iPad,
1:05:57 Speaker 01 which you can update the iOS every four years. To reflect changing trends.
1:06:04 Speaker 02 This is exact op, this is agile.
1:06:05 Speaker 01 There's no wiping clean, there's no engraving, there's no re-engraving. The iPad is set on a solid gold, it's a tree trunk to represent growth. And coming from the tree trunk are three branches. One is USB C, one is lightning, one is micro USB to enable it to be charged for the rest of time.
1:06:25 Speaker 02 Yeah. All the options. For now, though.
1:06:28 Speaker 01 So for example, the version I've drawn, this has got 2094 World Cup winners Wales.
1:06:34 Speaker 00 Well, that's good. Oh, nice.
1:06:35 Speaker 01 And you can have facts about the squad. You can have reels and footage and highlights playing on the iPad. So it's, it's actually as much a digital, um, sort of time capsule of the World Cup.
1:06:49 Speaker 00 Digital legacy.
1:06:50 Speaker 01 So your footage joins the footage of past winners, not just your name.
1:06:55 Speaker 00 And it could be held, it could be kept at the FIFA Museum in Zurich, couldn't it?
1:06:59 Speaker 01 Yeah. And if you get a VPN on it, you can watch porn.
1:07:08 Speaker 00 So who's keeping it?
1:07:09 Speaker 01 The winning team.
1:07:10 Speaker 00 The winning team.
1:07:11 Speaker 01 Yeah. And they get to upload all their favourite clips onto it and a little backstage, the video of them.
1:07:15 Speaker 00 And their WhatsApps.
1:07:16 Speaker 01 And their WhatsApp. A little backstage of them in the dressing room celebrating, that gets added to it.
1:07:20 Speaker 00 Yeah. I suppose the one, the one thing that I like it, I do like it. The one thing that would date is we know how quickly connection ports change.
1:07:28 Speaker 01 Well, but that, the, the, this is why it's got all three.
1:07:31 Speaker 00 But all those three could be done in 10 years because there's another one.
1:07:34 Speaker 01 If I know anything about Apple, it's that they want your, they want your items to be usable for the next hundred billion years.
1:07:43 Speaker 00 They don't believe in built-in obsolescence at all.
1:07:45 Speaker 01 Also, Dave, the iPad at the top, if you needed to, could be removable from the tree and replaced with the most recent model.
1:07:53 Speaker 00 Okay. Good. Interesting. Almost two very opposite ideas. I think the, the great cups, like the ashes has been around since the eighteen eighties. Yeah. Uh, the little urn, obviously the FA Cup. We're on the third FA Cup, but it's a very old thing, same with the European Cup. I think that the modernity of an iPad is a little bit tacky. At least mine looks like a trophy.
1:08:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, yours isn't tacky at all.
1:08:18 Speaker 00 No, no, no. It's profit making, but it's, but it's not, it's certainly not.
1:08:22 Speaker 01 But are the fans interested in celebrating that trophy?
1:08:25 Speaker 00 It's nothing to do with the fans. Football has been having to do with the fans for decades, John. Come on, man.
1:08:33 Speaker 02 iPad or it's the sponsored massive thing.
1:08:36 Speaker 00 It's a big America with Microsoft engraved into it.
1:08:40 Speaker 00 GM Motors.
1:08:42 Speaker 02 John takes the second point.
1:08:43 Speaker 00 You're insane again.
1:08:45 Speaker 02 It's two one to John.
1:08:46 Speaker 00 An iPad for winning the World Cup.
1:08:48 Speaker 02 But it's creative.
1:08:49 Speaker 00 England would win an iPad.
1:08:51 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's great.
1:08:53 Speaker 01 It's got a 10,000 milliamp hour battery.
1:08:55 Speaker 00 You spent too long in commercial rage, John.
1:08:58 Speaker 01 Fully charging iPhone.
1:08:59 Speaker 02 That's future proof. That is future proof.
1:09:01 Speaker 00 Are you mad? It's got USB C on it.
1:09:03 Speaker 02 He's future proofed it more than you. No, but you're you're wiping clean engravings.
1:09:07 Speaker 01 Every year.
1:09:08 Speaker 02 Every year.
1:09:08 Speaker 00 Four years. There's a way of doing that.
1:09:11 Speaker 02 There isn't.
1:09:11 Speaker 00 Of course there is. Well, just add to the trophy. Write it in Sharpie. That's permanent. All right. Write it in crayon.
1:09:18 Speaker 02 Two one to John.
1:09:20 Speaker 00 You've lost it.
1:09:22 Speaker 02 The victory meant Alice takes the first. Yeah. So it's 15 love to John in the second game in the third.
1:09:27 Speaker 00 I very rarely argue the toss in these made up games, but you've lost your mind.
1:09:31 Speaker 02 No, no, no.
1:09:31 Speaker 01 Also, yours is identical to the existing trophy.
1:09:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, yes.
1:09:35 Speaker 00 Which is good.
1:09:36 Speaker 01 But unliftable.
1:09:37 Speaker 02 Continuity.
1:09:39 Speaker 01 So how are they gonna have no iconic scene of Bobby Charlton holding up the trophy?
1:09:43 Speaker 00 It's continuity because it looks quite similar to the current one, but.
1:09:47 Speaker 01 It can only be lifted by the heads of the 10 most profitable countries in the world.
1:09:50 Speaker 00 It's a revenue generator for FIFA.
1:09:53 Speaker 02 People wouldn't be able to say.
1:09:54 Speaker 00 Imagine Salt Bay next to a big advert for Sanio.
1:09:57 Speaker 01 What's Salt Bay?
1:09:59 Speaker 00 He's the salt steak influencer. Do you not remember this? 2022 World Cup, he was on the pitch.
1:10:06 Speaker 02 He was mad.
1:10:07 Speaker 00 Doing his salt thing.
1:10:10 Speaker 01 What, on the grass? That would kill the grass.
1:10:11 Speaker 00 On the.
1:10:12 Speaker 01 And the slugs.
1:10:13 Speaker 00 He was pretending to put salt on the world.
1:10:15 Speaker 01 Slugs on the grass.
1:10:17 Speaker 00 No.
1:10:17 Speaker 01 Right. Come on. This feature takes too long. This is ridiculous because it's always going to the final round. Let's read some correspondence.
1:10:31 Speaker 01 Right, we've had some fantastic emails and some lovely messages as well that we wanted to read out to you. This is from Rory in Balmy/Stormy Kent, and this is a story about people playing music out loud on the train. Rory says, "Hello, my three kind mice. Listening back to episode 544 regarding the lack of headphones on trains took me back to a journey in circa 2006. The day before, I'd been working on a particularly stressful shift in a children's home, so stressful that I missed the train from Paddington to Gloucester that evening to see my mum for her birthday. That meant I was on a 6am train from Forest Hill the next morning, in a state of tiredness and irritation stemming from the shift itself and the £60 train ticket I had had to buy twice.
1:11:16 Speaker 01 I sat down to read my book. The only other person on the entire carriage was an adolescent playing some horrendous music out loud on their phone. After unsuccessfully trying to ignore them, I eventually spoke to them as follows. Me: Would you mind turning that down or putting some headphones in? Them: What? Me: Your music! Would you mind turning that down and putting some headphones in? I can do what I want!
1:11:38 Speaker 00 Oh dear.
1:11:39 Speaker 01 Me: I know you can, but I'd appreciate it if you could be a bit quieter. Move somewhere else then! I thought about this suggestion briefly and then thought, no, I'm right, they're wrong. So the conversation continued. Me: Your playing music out loud is the equivalent of me reading my book out loud. Is it fair if I do that? Them: Go on then! So I did. What made this even better was I was reading Gandhi's biography at the time. I read out loud for around two minutes in an act of non-violent resistance I believe Mahatma would be proud of. Needless to say, said adolescent clearly thought I was completely unhinged and buggered off sharpish. Apart from the adrenaline coursing through my veins, I had a wonderful, calm journey thereafter, from Rory. Superb!
1:12:23 Speaker 00 That's fantastic. I'd love to know what the adolescent thought of that, and whether they gave it any more thought and thought to themselves, "Do you know what, I probably shouldn't have been playing my music." I'd like to know why the adolescent was on the train that early.
1:12:35 Speaker 01 Hmm.
1:12:36 Speaker 00 My experience.
1:12:37 Speaker 01 Maybe they hadn't gone home yet.
1:12:38 Speaker 00 Of course, yeah, not great in the morning, but uh.
1:12:41 Speaker 01 This is.
1:12:42 Speaker 00 The fact is Gandhi's autobiography or biography is so funny to me.
1:12:46 Speaker 01 This is from Adam in Belfast, because we were talking about the relationship between Kellogg's cornflakes and Onanism the other week.
1:12:54 Speaker 02 That was on one of the Bureau episodes on BBC Sounds.
1:12:57 Speaker 01 Adam in Belfast says, on the subject of Kellogg's and their logo being a cockerel, there's supposedly a Cymru connection. I used to live in, pronounce that please, Ellis.
1:13:06 Speaker 00 Cricieth.
1:13:07 Speaker 01 Cricieth.
1:13:08 Speaker 00 North Wales.
1:13:09 Speaker 01 And they, and Adam says, no, I don't know Tidderow in.
1:13:12 Speaker 00 Okay, but does he know my friend Sean Pritchard, who's from Cricieth?
1:13:15 Speaker 02 We just don't know.
1:13:15 Speaker 00 Who, as a kid, played Lloyd George in his first acting role.
1:13:19 Speaker 01 And from what I remember, there's a plaque in the town which states that John Kellogg picked the cockerel as the company's emblem. As a Welsh speaker had pointed out to him, the similarity between the name Kellogg and the Welsh for cockerel.
1:13:30 Speaker 00 Which is Caleyog.
1:13:32 Speaker 01 Caleyog.
1:13:33 Speaker 00 Do you have a word, Adam in Belfast?
1:13:34 Speaker 01 What an incredible fact.
1:13:35 Speaker 00 I like that. He's also started the email with, which means, good afternoon, my little butter boys.
1:13:42 Speaker 02 How nice.
1:13:45 Speaker 00 I didn't know that Caleyog Kellogg fact.
1:13:48 Speaker 01 That's great.
1:13:48 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's good.
1:13:49 Speaker 01 And we had a lovely message from, am I saying this right, Ellis? Kellin?
1:13:54 Speaker 00 Yeah, well, Kellin is, let me find this, Kellin's from Essex, is it?
1:13:59 Speaker 01 Yes.
1:14:00 Speaker 00 Uh, incidentally, Kellin, this is relevant to your email. Kellin is the Welsh with the holly.
1:14:07 Speaker 01 Ah.
1:14:07 Speaker 00 But I'll read this. I'm Shemai, to my three most favourable city boys. My name is Kellin, I'm 16 and from Essex. I'm autistic and your shows offer me great comfort as a form of escape from everyday overwhelm. The world is often too much for me and friends often distract me with made up games I've taught them that I've enjoyed listening to. I also enjoy listening to your show when making plushies for fundraising for a trip to America with my scout troop next year. I don't know what a plushie is.
1:14:33 Speaker 01 Uh, you must do. You're a dad.
1:14:36 Speaker 00 What's a plushie?
1:14:36 Speaker 01 Isn't it a form of, um, uh, like a little teddy, Dave?
1:14:41 Speaker 00 Yeah, it is.
1:14:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:14:43 Speaker 00 All right.
1:14:43 Speaker 01 Incredible. A scouting in America.
1:14:45 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's better than scouting in the 90s.
1:14:48 Speaker 01 Bears.
1:14:49 Speaker 00 Wow.
1:14:50 Speaker 01 Yellowstone.
1:14:51 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
1:14:52 Speaker 01 Kayaking made out of a big tree, standing next to a big tree.
1:14:57 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:14:57 Speaker 01 Redwood trees.
1:14:58 Speaker 00 A big redwood tree so big that there's a motorway going through it.
1:15:01 Speaker 01 Yogi Bear.
1:15:02 Speaker 00 A tree.
1:15:03 Speaker 02 And the summer camps always look great for.
1:15:05 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
1:15:05 Speaker 00 Yeah. Um, I'd also like to tell Ellis I've been learning Welsh for just over a year now and it's fun using Ellis's Welsh comedy sets to help me learn, combined with bucket loads of S11 in Death Valley, which my friend Sean wrote. I plan to move to Wales when I'm older, as I love the community there and everyone is so lovely and welcoming when I want to practise my Welsh. I know this isn't as funny as other anecdotes you receive, but I hope you appreciate my appraisal. We do, Kellen.
1:15:28 Speaker 02 Absolutely.
1:15:28 Speaker 00 Thank you for some ace funny moments, for helping me to cope with society. Keep doing a fantastic job, diwch yn fawr iawn, Kellen. Thank you very much, Kellen.
1:15:36 Speaker 01 Oh, best of luck, Kellen. Thank you so much for your kind words. We will continue and let us know how the, uh, the learning of Welsh.
1:15:43 Speaker 00 Yes.
1:15:43 Speaker 01 Goes and let us know how the scout trip to America goes, please. America. Are you going leaves or dust?
1:15:50 Speaker 00 Ah, yes.
1:15:52 Speaker 02 Where is it?
1:15:53 Speaker 01 America.
1:15:54 Speaker 02 Uh, what? How did we not get the location?
1:15:56 Speaker 00 Would go, if I'm scouting on a scout trip, leaves.
1:16:00 Speaker 01 It's got to be leaves.
1:16:02 Speaker 02 There's something quite nice about dust.
1:16:04 Speaker 01 You don't, you can't scout in the dust, Dave.
1:16:06 Speaker 00 Yeah, I like the films, like films like Vanishing Point, that's dust.
1:16:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, but you're right.
1:16:12 Speaker 00 But if you're in a, if you're with scouts.
1:16:14 Speaker 01 Whittling, for shelters, for wildlife. It's got to be leaves. And America can use that for its tourism industry if it wants.
1:16:22 Speaker 00 Yeah, fine, great.
1:16:23 Speaker 01 Thanks, everyone, for listening. What a treat it is. You can find the Ellison John Cinematic Universe around the world, online, on digital.
1:16:32 Speaker 00 Google it on YouTube.
1:16:33 Speaker 01 Google it on YouTube.
1:16:34 Speaker 00 And engraved onto the new world.
1:16:37 Speaker 01 Bye bye.
1:16:46 Speaker 04 1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum. Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested.
1:16:58 Speaker 05 They said, "You're nicked, you're in a lot of trouble."
1:17:00 Speaker 04 But was he set up?
1:17:02 Speaker 00 Wanted art led to a fall of two cops.
1:17:04 Speaker 04 His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime.
1:17:10 Speaker 06 You're not going to end up going to prison, do you, kiddo?
1:17:12 Speaker 04 I'm Jaycee Long and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.
1:17:21 Speaker 01 Thanks for listening to the show and you can follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Ellis and John for more content.
1:17:27 Speaker 00 And you can watch highlights of every episode over on our YouTube page at Ellis and John.
1:17:32 Speaker 01 Plus, you can find all things EJJR, including links to our Patreon, our merch and much more by heading to ellisonjohn.com. See you next time.
Previous #546 - Jimmy Corkhill, €57 of Tapenade and Remembering John’s Misdeeds Next #548 - Two Mice, Scrabble With Dixon and Leeds Train Baguette Page updated October 30, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated