Pod Insights Elis James and John Robins #541 - Hi Jacob, Big Brynn the Hill and 14 Connections by Tenby About this episode After spending the last few weeks in the shadows of two of this country’s greatest runners, one podcaster has finally stepped out to make a name for himself.
Elis James, the great Cymru Connector himself, has saddled up and attempted to cycle the great nation he calls home. And somehow, despite raising bucketloads of cash for charity in the process, it’s left him in dire financial straits…
But he’s not the only one out of pocket, as Johnny Warbucks gets a dent in his wallet after a wily listener takes him up on a throwaway line from his book.
Money aside, there’s chat about owl farming, whether the Gallagher brothers recently inherited a trove of rare stamps, and the chance for a familial hat trick in the Cymru Connection.
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Transcript 13,065 words · 7 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 Before we start this episode, we want to invite you along to the adventures of Alice and John.
0:04 Speaker 01 If you head over to patreon.com/ellisonjohn, you can join us on our monthly escapades, including...
0:10 Speaker 00 Mini golf picks.
0:11 Speaker 01 It's the strangest legal jump in the history of long jump.
0:14 Speaker 00 Bird watching.
0:15 Speaker 02 My two favourite things are birds and football.
0:18 Speaker 01 And you can watch our latest episode now, where we tackle an escape room.
0:22 Speaker 02 So John is absolutely flying here. Well, Alice is there as well.
0:26 Speaker 01 Alice is there as well, Dave.
0:27 Speaker 02 We did the first three, Dave, for complete chill.
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0:40 Speaker 03 I've got big news. I switched to Verizon and got the new iPhone 18 Pro. Shh. I can keep my old phone and I also get the latest iPhone every year. Shh. Anything else? Verizon let me choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on them. Everybody, listen up. Shh. Switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone 18 Pro now. No trade-in needed. And the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus, choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on us. Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for watch or iPad required. Additional terms apply for all offers.
1:11 Speaker 04 1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum.
1:21 Speaker 04 Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested. They said you're nicked. You're in a lot of trouble. But was he set up?
1:27 Speaker 00 Wanted add, led to a fall of two cops.
1:30 Speaker 04 His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime.
1:36 Speaker 05 You're not going to end up going to prison, are you, kidlet?
1:38 Speaker 04 I'm J C Long, and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now wherever you get your podcasts.
2:04 Speaker 01 Hello everyone. Wales' most athletic fundraiser is just halfway through his mega week of goodwill and good causes. Last Saturday, he's cycled from Cardiff to Tenby in the Canton 100. A gruelling 110 mile ride raising money for Parkinson's UK and on Sunday, he will run in the Hackney half for the same charity. Not only that, but Ellis, or as some news outlets are calling him, Ian Botham for Generation QR Code, has committed to match every penny with his own personal donation to Dr Ems, a youth centre in Cardiff. And
2:36 Speaker 00 Cymru.
2:38 Speaker 01 Cymru. And after smashing his target by 400%, by my calculations, he and Izzy will have to declare bankruptcy sometime in late July.
2:48 Speaker 00 Yeah, I've had a nightmare.
2:52 Speaker 01 This is true.
2:52 Speaker 00 Yes.
2:53 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
2:54 Speaker 00 Yeah, I agreed to match, Dave.
2:56 Speaker 01 Shall we donate now, Dave?
2:57 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'm gonna donate a little bit.
2:59 Speaker 01 But what of the Cymru connecting? A man like Elis James can't cycle from Cardiff to Tenby without marking his route in common ground. His first chance came in Cowbridge as an elderly farmer brought in the last of his cows for milking. Agent School! Ellis yelled as the sun broke from the horizon and a golden light enveloped the A48. "Oh, 78, St Nicholas Church in Wales." "Do you know Emir Tigtag? So called because he claimed to be unbeaten a tig within the Vale of Glamorgan." "Oh, yes, I know Emir. He disinfected my brother's ram." "Is your brother called Bryn?" "Yes, yes, Bryn Jones, also known as Big Bryn Bryn."
3:42 Speaker 01 "Yes, Big Bryn the Hill. I think he used to buy chicken feed from Mam's next door neighbour." And with a punch in the air, Ellis secured the double reflector connect.
3:51 Speaker 00 Were you watching me?
3:53 Speaker 01 Further opportunities to connect were slim until Ellis stopped at S in a cave on the beach in the Machanis Peninsula. As he was washing his hands in seaweed and sand, having dropped his sanitizer and wipes somewhere between Port Talbot and Gowerton, a boy hopped out, a boy hopped out from a rock pool, holding a bucket. Agent School, Ellis bellowed. What? Agent School, I haven't got all day. I need to hit the flapjack station in Credwell by 1pm. Yes, I did. Mum, the boy started to cry. A middle aged woman in Wellington boots emerged from the footpath. What's going on here? Agent School, Ellis yelled, beginning to jog back to his bike. Uh, 49, Isol Park, T1.
4:39 Speaker 01 49 in Isco Park, T1. 49 Isco Park, T1, 49. Did you ever shop in the Londis on Bassett Street? Shop in it? My husband's uncle runs it. He used to give us out of date Capri Suns.
4:56 Speaker 01 Is his uncle Ossian or Peter out of interest? Ossian! Ellis fist bumped the woman, pulled up his cycling shorts and he was off.
5:05 Speaker 01 By the time he reached Tenby, he was on 14 connections and after pledging to give six grand per connection to Dr M's and Parkinson's UK, Izzy was keen for him to stop before they'd have to sell the car or get Mike Bubbins to put down his house as collateral. But if there's one thing this man likes more than charitable giving, it's charitable connecting. And as his medal was placed around his neck by the mayor of Tenby, Di Morgan, Ellis whispered in his ear. Agent School. Ever the ceremonium, Di answered in hushed tones so as not to overshadow the event. 43, Isco Havanimor. Do you know Mrs. Win Jones? Yes, she taught me Religious Studies.
5:49 Speaker 01 And, under the cover of the councillor's robes, they kissed on the lips. Before Ellis turned to face the adoring crowd and text Izzy that Portugal was probably off the cards this year.
6:01 Speaker 00 It was like that. I came reconnected on the saddle cycling through Llanelli.
6:07 Speaker 01 Wow.
6:08 Speaker 00 Yeah, we've been through Pool, we've gone past the school given Stradis, Stradis Secondary School. And a guy came up, he rode up to me and he said, hello Ellis, I'm from Chepstow, he asked me what school I went to. And that was good. And I kept up with him at various stations. I came reconnected at a feed station in Ferry Side.
6:28 Speaker 01 That's human feed.
6:29 Speaker 00 Yeah.
6:32 Speaker 00 The ride got off to a great start on the way to the start line.
6:36 Speaker 01 Do you connect on the way?
6:37 Speaker 00 No, but three women came up to me and said, sorry, I've got to ask, did you host the Admiral Insurance Staff Chair meeting last week? And I said, yes. With all the swearing. I went, yeah, I trapped my thumb in a window. So when I tried to come reconnect, I was temporarily senseless.
6:52 Speaker 02 Were they that, were that at the?
6:53 Speaker 00 They loved it. They said we didn't mind at all. That's the, that's, that's, that's.
6:57 Speaker 01 The Admiral way?
6:59 Speaker 00 It's the vibe.
7:01 Speaker 01 It makes reading out your postcode phonetically difficult.
7:05 Speaker 00 They were like, yeah, that's, that's the, that's how we do it. We're a very labour company.
7:11 Speaker 00 I, it's a, the Car Ten is 110 miles between Cardiff and 10B.
7:16 Speaker 01 They should change the name.
7:18 Speaker 00 To what?
7:19 Speaker 01 The Canton 110.
7:21 Speaker 00 It's Car Ten.
7:22 Speaker 01 It's what?
7:23 Speaker 00 No one calls it the Canton. You've misread the website.
7:30 Speaker 01 Sorry, I've misread the website.
7:31 Speaker 00 He's misread the website.
7:32 Speaker 01 I was focused on the route to get all the place names.
7:35 Speaker 00 I mean, I almost wore the t-shirt today. It's an amazing event. It's 110 miles. And yes, I have been raising money for Parkinson's UK.
7:41 Speaker 01 As quietly as you could justify after making your very generous pledge.
7:46 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'm one of the top 10 fundraisers at the Huckney Half. I get to go to a VIP area with a special toilet.
7:52 Speaker 01 And if you keep fundraising at this rate, you get to go to prison.
7:57 Speaker 02 Is the fundraising still?
7:58 Speaker 01 It's got a special dot with a little black square over it on the CCTV.
8:05 Speaker 02 Is the fundraising still open?
8:06 Speaker 00 Yes.
8:07 Speaker 02 Is this a problem?
8:08 Speaker 00 No, it will be fine, Dave. It will be fine.
8:10 Speaker 01 There was a previous version of that intro where I really shared a lot of URLs. But I thought, you know what? As funny as this is, that would be
8:19 Speaker 02 It's an ordeal.
8:19 Speaker 01 A problem.
8:20 Speaker 00 It'll be fine. And Parkinson's means a lot to me. Dr M's means a lot to me. So it will be fine.
8:25 Speaker 01 How much does your house mean to you?
8:27 Speaker 00 Uh, it's, listen, as long as Izzy does another voiceover for Calpol very, very soon, it would be fine. It would be absolutely fine.
8:37 Speaker 01 You were actually backing some strains to be on the rise this winter.
8:41 Speaker 00 Yeah. I mean, to be honest, I've always given it preemptively. So I think your kids need to be whack them in the, whack them with some Calpol.
8:49 Speaker 02 We've had a lot of illness recently and so the Calpol's been on the rise. So we're helping in our own little way.
8:53 Speaker 00 I love it. They just need to reemploy Izzy. But, um, so I start, it's 110 miles from, I would say, mile 65. It's, it's just very steep and up and down, but I've got us.
9:06 Speaker 01 So how do you feel doing, because, so there's a, um, sort of the rule in running is you never gain from the downhills, what you lose from the uphills. But is it nice to be able to kind of literally rest on the downhills?
9:21 Speaker 00 It is nice, but obviously I'm a speed demon. The problem with the roads in Carmarthenshire is that they're covered either in, uh, fine gravel or cow mess.
9:30 Speaker 01 Do you have to be careful not to slide off on the cow mess?
9:33 Speaker 00 Yes, you've got to be, you've got to be careful.
9:34 Speaker 01 What sort of tyres are you using?
9:36 Speaker 00 I was using, um, some Schwarm puncture resistant tyres and they are brilliant, even though they're a bit slow because
9:44 Speaker 01 They road tyres?
9:45 Speaker 00 Yeah. Because it's cycling, obviously there's the spectre of doping and questions have got to be asked about my brother-in-law. He is the fittest man I've ever met in my life. He waited for me at the top of every hill for 110 miles.
9:58 Speaker 01 Wow.
9:59 Speaker 00 Jacob is. An animal. What are his carbs like? Absolutely beautiful and I saw a lot of them because I could not keep up with him for 110 miles also.
10:08 Speaker 01 Is he, Rob, he's a regular cyclist?
10:10 Speaker 00 The week before he'd done a triathlon and the week before that he'd done a half marathon in an hour and 27 minutes. The guy's an absolute machine.
10:17 Speaker 01 Hi, hi Jacob.
10:19 Speaker 00 Hi Jacob and I respect you.
10:20 Speaker 01 Hi Jacob and I respect you.
10:22 Speaker 00 He just doesn't get tired. He does not get tired. Fair enough.
10:25 Speaker 01 Because he's getting his blood replaced by Italian doctors who do it for cash in hand.
10:31 Speaker 01 When you get to the top of the hill, he's always sat on a dialysis machine.
10:36 Speaker 00 It was, I got a real sense of euphoria at mile 90 and at mile 100 when you're almost done. And there was this bloke at mile 95 went, I've had enough now. And I thought, fair enough, because I was, we were on the bikes for an eight hours, 58 minutes, but we had long breaks. Well, I over vaseline'd my bum. Because John had done it before the marathon.
10:59 Speaker 01 A little does go a long way.
11:00 Speaker 00 Well, for the first 20 miles, I was slipping all over the saddle and then the last 90 miles, I was ready for anything.
11:06 Speaker 01 You needed your cornflakes.
11:08 Speaker 00 Did you vaseline in front of Gabby Logan's PA? No, I did it.
11:12 Speaker 01 Do you have interest?
11:15 Speaker 00 No, I vaseline'd in the privacy of my own home. I'd never done it before. Listen to the man. I loved it.
11:20 Speaker 01 You need a pea sized amount. It's like toothpaste.
11:24 Speaker 00 Well, I, I probably used sort of a satsuma sized amount.
11:28 Speaker 01 You don't want to go in with, don't go in with more than one finger.
11:32 Speaker 00 No, it doesn't.
11:35 Speaker 01 To the vaseline tub.
11:36 Speaker 00 Yeah.
11:36 Speaker 01 Which in this, I mean literally the vaseline tub.
11:39 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but it's just, do you know what? It's an amazing event and I will do it every year for the rest of my life. The only minor criticism I have is that when you do London to Brighton, there are posh coffee stations. And Cartan, you're getting involved with the Kencos scene.
11:55 Speaker 01 Ah.
11:57 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'd switched a cup of tea in the end.
11:59 Speaker 01 Well, this is, this is the problem for the Welsh diaspora.
12:03 Speaker 00 Yeah.
12:03 Speaker 01 Because sure, there are people, when Ellis returns to Wales, who will protest him and shout scab.
12:10 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dick Sean David.
12:12 Speaker 02 He's lost his way.
12:13 Speaker 01 But he has been, his eyes have been caught by the life of the metropolitan elite.
12:20 Speaker 00 My tastes have been expanded.
12:22 Speaker 01 So to go back.
12:23 Speaker 00 I loved instant coffee.
12:25 Speaker 01 To polystyrene mugs.
12:26 Speaker 00 Absolutely.
12:27 Speaker 01 With slightly undissolved, uh, instant coffee granules floating in the top. He's not gonna drink that.
12:36 Speaker 00 And there were volunteers there, so I'm not knocking anyone. There were volunteers there from the R N L I. Amazing people, raising money for a great cause, but I just think it's a potential revenue stream, isn't it?
12:46 Speaker 01 Would it, would it kill you to have Restretto? In between Cowbridge and Kidwelly.
12:53 Speaker 02 Is the, what, is the coffee scene, is the poor coffee scene in Wales a thing or just on this bike trip?
12:59 Speaker 00 It was just at the feed stations.
13:00 Speaker 02 Right.
13:00 Speaker 00 But that sounds like I'm criticizing and I.
13:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, you are. You're saying that you wanted, you say you wanted to take an espresso machine to the middle of nowhere.
13:07 Speaker 00 It is a tiny, tiny observation I'm making in comparison with the London to Brighton one, which is also another amazing event. And I would like to reiterate that I will be doing Cartan every year for the rest of my life.
13:20 Speaker 02 Because I imagine the people offering up the coffee as a volunteer.
13:22 Speaker 00 Yes, they were volunteering. Yes, so what I'm saying is.
13:24 Speaker 01 They're on a budget as well.
13:25 Speaker 00 So what I am seeing is, Dave, it's a revenue source for someone.
13:31 Speaker 01 Who's got an espresso machine that they can take into the countryside?
13:34 Speaker 00 Yes, because cyclists like espresso, don't they?
13:37 Speaker 01 Ellis, if you were being a true cycling twerp, you could have taken your own, um, pre-filtered boiled coffee in a thermos.
13:47 Speaker 00 Didn't have the room.
13:48 Speaker 01 A grinder and an espresso maker.
13:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
13:52 Speaker 01 Mobile one.
13:52 Speaker 00 I didn't have the room, didn't have the room.
13:54 Speaker 01 Didn't have the room, so it's up to someone else.
13:56 Speaker 02 Yeah. Well, the way to do it, you can pass this on. So my mum and dad often have a horse box to. Delivered onto their front driveway, which has a coffee making machine in the back of it that flips up.
14:06 Speaker 00 What?
14:07 Speaker 02 And they go to, and they go, wait, it makes sense in a second. And the reason that is because they go to prevent breast cancer events when they're doing races.
14:15 Speaker 00 Yeah.
14:15 Speaker 02 So like the Tour de Manque.
14:16 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah, yeah.
14:17 Speaker 02 Cyclists, they are, they, they pull up with their horse box halfway around, open the back. And they're serving coffees out the back of the.
14:23 Speaker 00 Yes, well, that's what I've seen at London to Brighton, you see.
14:26 Speaker 02 Yeah, so Wales need to get in.
14:27 Speaker 00 Wales needs to get a horse box.
14:29 Speaker 01 Get that to their house.
14:30 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'm not sure how that happens.
14:32 Speaker 02 Someone, I think my brother in law has a big truck, so he brings it around from wherever it's stored for the rest of the year. Somewhere in Manchester, because Prevent Breast Cancer is a Manchester charity. Gets dropped off on their front drive the night before. They then take Mark's truck with the horse box on the back to the spot where they're gonna be.
14:49 Speaker 01 But they're not getting them to come just to serve them a coffee.
14:52 Speaker 00 No, no, no, no, no.
14:53 Speaker 01 That's what it sounded like.
14:54 Speaker 00 No, no, no, no, this is, this is what they have at London to Brighton. They have it in the car parks, the feed stations.
14:59 Speaker 02 Yes.
15:00 Speaker 00 But 10 Beagles, mad for Carton. Like, when you arrive, the whole town is cheering you on. It is genuinely brilliant. As I cycled in, they played Mr. Brightside by The Killers.
15:11 Speaker 02 Oh, yes.
15:11 Speaker 00 I felt like I'd won the Tour de France.
15:13 Speaker 01 Also, what's nice about that is like, that doesn't sound like it's the pressure on time or you're not trying to win.
15:18 Speaker 00 No, no, no.
15:18 Speaker 01 It's just about the countryside and the event.
15:21 Speaker 00 Everyone, all of the emails I got sent by Carton were like, this is not a race. We're not going to publish any sort of details of who's won it and who's the fastest.
15:30 Speaker 01 Oh, that's nice.
15:31 Speaker 00 We're just trying to get there. And it's a fun day out and it is a fun day out and I will do it every year for the rest of my life. So I, I would, I don't want that criticism to be taken.
15:40 Speaker 01 Are you gonna make that charity fundraising pledge every year for the rest of your life?
15:44 Speaker 00 Well, let's just, let's just, why didn't you email my bank manager and he can decide.
15:50 Speaker 01 Okay.
15:51 Speaker 00 But, um, yeah, so Hackney Half No on, uh.
15:54 Speaker 01 Hackney Half, now by the time you listen to this, Ellis will have run the Hackney Half.
15:58 Speaker 00 Yes.
15:58 Speaker 01 But, yeah, how are you feeling?
16:02 Speaker 00 I haven't done enough training because I was also training for the bike ride, so.
16:05 Speaker 01 How far have you gone?
16:06 Speaker 00 Something to 14K.
16:08 Speaker 01 Oh, you're fine. You'll be all right.
16:09 Speaker 00 So I did, but that was about three or four weeks ago.
16:13 Speaker 02 Pace yourself, take it easy, just make sure you finish.
16:15 Speaker 00 Yeah, I think it'll be so because I'm playing a chanting football match the day before. I'm basically, I'm, I'm, I'm sort of Bob Geldof now.
16:22 Speaker 02 Yeah, yes.
16:23 Speaker 00 But I'm not doing any of the organising.
16:25 Speaker 02 No, just the.
16:26 Speaker 00 I just turn up because I'd like to do Chase the Sun, which is a bike, which is 200 miles. You start in Norfolk and then you end in Western Supermain. You start at four 40 in the morning and then you end at like quarter past nine at night.
16:39 Speaker 02 Nice.
16:39 Speaker 00 So I'd like to do that as well.
16:40 Speaker 02 Chasing the sun of the slide away lyrics that I've got sewn into my suit.
16:44 Speaker 01 Are they?
16:46 Speaker 01 Is that about when Oasis ran from Norfolk across the country?
16:49 Speaker 00 Oh, John, tut tut. Yeah, sorry, it feels like I'm criticizing an amazing event.
16:54 Speaker 02 No, you know, I was joking.
16:55 Speaker 00 I just, I'm, you know, what can I say? It's an opportunity for someone. And in the end, we had, in the end, we had to stop in Gowerton at an amazing shop that only sells pies and coffee.
17:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, because you are right, there is a real link, isn't there with coffeeheads and cyclists?
17:09 Speaker 00 And I cycled past a community event at Dunfermline Rugby Club and I found it very moving, Dave. But I had been on the bike for 50 miles by that point.
17:16 Speaker 01 You also cycled past Dave, who's emailed in. He was at Peel.
17:21 Speaker 00 Oh, in Pyle, yeah.
17:22 Speaker 01 He was by Pyle petrol station. And he says, in my excitement, I shouted, Elis James, followed by after a delay that can only be a tribute to age and adrenaline. Age and school.
17:31 Speaker 00 Yeah.
17:32 Speaker 01 As he sped past, all I received was a raised arm of acknowledgement.
17:35 Speaker 00 Yes, he did get the raised arm.
17:37 Speaker 01 Honestly, it absolutely made my day. I could not wait to get home and tell my wife that against all odds, percentages and logistical probability, I had done it. Ellis, I was the random bloke by the petrol station in Peel.
17:47 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, in Pyle.
17:48 Speaker 01 You looked strong, determined and an absolute inspiration.
17:52 Speaker 00 Thank you.
17:53 Speaker 02 Wow.
17:54 Speaker 00 Also, isn't this crazy? I, considering I'm from Carmarthen and I love cycling, I'd never been up Alstec Knapp before.
18:01 Speaker 01 I cannot believe you just said that.
18:03 Speaker 00 And I'd, and I'd never been part of the Alstec Knapp scene.
18:06 Speaker 02 What is, what are you saying?
18:07 Speaker 00 What, Dave?
18:08 Speaker 02 I don't understand what, I don't know what you're saying.
18:10 Speaker 00 Look at me, I cycled up Alstec Knapp, okay?
18:14 Speaker 02 Is it a mountain? Is it a hill?
18:15 Speaker 00 It's a hill and my friend, a friend of mine lives there and my man to go up the Alstec Knapp in first gear in a Fiesta. So that's how steep we're talking. But now I've been part of the Alstec Knapp scene.
18:27 Speaker 02 And my friend who was gonna do it with me, but on a training ride, said that he didn't have any energy bars, only fags. He pulled out the night before. So, you know, it's...
18:37 Speaker 01 It's not a smoker's game, is it? Let's face it. Come on.
18:41 Speaker 02 I'm doing 10 miles now.
19:21 Speaker 04 1965, London. The world's largest uncut diamond has been stolen from the Natural History Museum. Shortly after, a young London window cleaner is arrested.
19:34 Speaker 06 They said you're nicked, you're in a lot of trouble.
19:36 Speaker 04 But was he set up? Wanted add fled to fall of two cops. His family say he is guilty, but of a totally different crime.
19:45 Speaker 05 You're not gonna end up going to prison, do you, kid, later?
19:48 Speaker 04 I'm J C Long, and this is Rough Diamond. Listen now, wherever you get your podcasts.
19:57 Speaker 01 Well, Ellis, this gives us... Dave, get Ellis's JustGiving page up on your laptop, will you? Because I'm about to be incredibly generous.
20:05 Speaker 02 Are you about to throw him right under the bus by revealing it?
20:08 Speaker 01 No. So, I've had a nice message from Spencer Island.
20:12 Speaker 02 Hold on, wait one second. Which one is it, Ellis? Just...
20:15 Speaker 01 It's justgiving.com/page/ellis-james-2.
20:20 Speaker 02 Because it's not that one, is it? That's a previous thing you've done.
20:24 Speaker 01 I'll say that again, justgiving.com.
20:25 Speaker 02 It's on my Instagram.
20:27 Speaker 01 /page.
20:28 Speaker 02 All right, I'm gonna go for what John's saying here.
20:30 Speaker 01 /ellis-james-2.
20:34 Speaker 02 Oh, I thought you were joking. It's on my Instagram.
20:38 Speaker 01 It can't be.
20:38 Speaker 02 It is! Did you know off the top you had, or is it in the email?
20:42 Speaker 01 No, I knew that off the top of my head.
20:43 Speaker 02 Did you?
20:44 Speaker 01 You should have seen the first draft of that, actually. It nearly cost him £100,000.
20:47 Speaker 02 I thought you were joking when you were doing that.
20:49 Speaker 01 It's up.
20:50 Speaker 00 Incredible.
20:51 Speaker 01 Hello, Ellis and John. My name is Spencer Ireland and I'm nineteen years old and I've just come home to see my mum from uni. And she told me about your challenge to my generation. I am nineteen years old now. In my book, I mention Swarfega.
21:04 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
21:05 Speaker 01 And laids.
21:06 Speaker 00 Generation lathe.
21:07 Speaker 01 Generation latheless. And my editor wanted me to explain what Swarfega was because he was worried that listeners, readers would be too young. And I do a footnote saying it would be, it would be more confusing to explain it. So I'm not going to tell you what a lathe is. And if you have a tub of Swarfega in your house, I will give a hundred pounds to charity.
21:29 Speaker 01 So Spencer says, I'm nineteen years old and not only do I know what Swarfega is, but I have my own personal tub that is about five years old, as shown in the attached picture. According to my mum, John said he'd donate a hundred pounds to charity if anyone under twenty-two had Swarfega in their house. Well, consider your bluff called. My mum started listening to this podcast last year after the sudden death of her brother, my uncle Tom. And it's been a great comfort to her. So we would like for you to donate to the RNLI who tried everything they could to save him in Tom's memory. And they were volunteering.
22:02 Speaker 00 They were volunteering, they were there in Ferry Side. So I spoke to lots of people from the RNLI.
22:07 Speaker 01 So Dave, out of the kindness of my own blooming heart, Dave, to keep a promise made to the readers of my book, I'm going to donate to Ellis's charity, Dave.
22:18 Speaker 02 That's nice.
22:19 Speaker 01 So bring it over here.
22:21 Speaker 00 No, no, he wants you to donate to the RNLI.
22:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
22:27 Speaker 02 Why don't you want to donate to what?
22:28 Speaker 01 Didn't realise.
22:29 Speaker 02 What have you got against the RNLI?
22:30 Speaker 01 I love the RNLI.
22:32 Speaker 00 The RNLI, you're amazing.
22:34 Speaker 01 They are the fourth emergency service.
22:37 Speaker 00 Yeah, come on, eh? Let them have it.
22:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, okay. So just get the RNLI. And Ellis, are you matching any donations made to the RNLI?
22:48 Speaker 00 No, not the RNLI as well.
22:50 Speaker 01 Damn it!
22:52 Speaker 00 All right, five hundred quid, I'll donate a hundred quid.
22:54 Speaker 02 There you go, one off donation. Oh, unless you want to do it monthly?
22:59 Speaker 01 My trick's gone wrong.
23:01 Speaker 00 God. He, Dave, he is so kind.
23:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, and I, my uncle, Uncle Rusty, we called him.
23:12 Speaker 00 Was he a kind man as well?
23:13 Speaker 01 He was. He lived in Bridlington, swam a mile every day of his life.
23:17 Speaker 00 Oh, wow.
23:18 Speaker 01 Unfortunately, also smoked sixty fags every day of his life.
23:21 Speaker 02 All right, balances out.
23:22 Speaker 01 So died of cancer in his late 50s, I think. But he left a lot of his, because he was a single man, like a lot of men in my family.
23:32 Speaker 01 Died a bachelor. So left a chunk of his money to the RNLI.
23:38 Speaker 00 And he's your inspiration?
23:39 Speaker 01 He's, well, he worked in the merchant navy, so left. Oh, sorry, there's a technical issue.
23:45 Speaker 02 No, get out of it.
23:45 Speaker 01 Please try refreshing your browser. And that is my pledge.
23:53 Speaker 01 Spencer, you rest assured, the RNLI will be seeing that Hundy P.
23:59 Speaker 02 Yeah.
23:59 Speaker 01 And, but at the minute, unfortunately, there is a technical problem.
24:03 Speaker 00 Absolutely amazing that you're donating money because a young man has heard of Swarfega. What a life.
24:08 Speaker 02 Let me, let me try Safari.
24:10 Speaker 01 But Dave, if this, we've not, we're a bit up against it time-wise today, aren't we, to start new browsers, probably, well.
24:17 Speaker 02 A hundred quid, did you say?
24:17 Speaker 01 To the RNLI.
24:19 Speaker 02 Try that, John, try that. I've just switched across to Safari, which often just is a bit more open to this sort of thing.
24:26 Speaker 01 Dokey.
24:27 Speaker 00 Again, I think Safari gets a bad rap, especially from the young.
24:31 Speaker 02 Do you think?
24:32 Speaker 00 That is a bloody good browser.
24:33 Speaker 02 Zof, is anyone using Safari anymore?
24:36 Speaker 01 No, look at her, look at her face!
24:38 Speaker 02 No, absolutely disgusted.
24:41 Speaker 00 Jenny's not shaking her head as well, why?
24:43 Speaker 02 No, Safari, gone, it's gone.
24:44 Speaker 00 It's a good one.
24:47 Speaker 02 Are you in now?
24:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
24:49 Speaker 02 Yeah, he's in, he's in and he's delighted. He's in and he's delighted.
24:53 Speaker 01 So glad that technical issue's been fixed.
24:57 Speaker 00 What are you using, Zof? Firefox?
24:59 Speaker 02 Firefox.
25:01 Speaker 00 Internet Explorer?
25:04 Speaker 01 Crap. Oh, Dave, just because for time, it's got quite a lot of your card details saved.
25:08 Speaker 02 Oh, we'll do it later. All right, all right. You've done, yeah, you've called my bluff at this stage.
25:12 Speaker 01 No, I'm gonna fill it in!
25:13 Speaker 02 Go on. Number out.
25:16 Speaker 01 Oh, make sure this isn't on. It's not zooming in on my card details, is it?
25:20 Speaker 02 Can make sure it does.
25:22 Speaker 01 Who's the DJ who tweeted a picture of his long card number ages, years and years ago?
25:28 Speaker 02 Was it Radio 1 DJ?
25:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:31 Speaker 02 I don't remember that.
25:32 Speaker 01 And when Jeremy Clarkson put his sort code and account number in a Times article, like moaning about charities or something, saying, you can't, no, he was moaning about online security. And he was like, it's all a load of silly bother. I'm going to give you my sort code and account number. Loads of people signed him up to direct debits to charities, which I was nice.
25:51 Speaker 02 What? And his sub or his editor didn't say, are you sure you want to do this, Jeremy?
25:55 Speaker 01 Well, this was sort of before, it was like in the early days of the internet.
26:00 Speaker 02 Right.
26:01 Speaker 01 When perhaps ironically, security was a little bit less lax, but people didn't have the technology to sort of hack your bank account.
26:10 Speaker 02 Did you see the, just to ask John, does that, you see the Arsenal fan that was quite smug about booking his hotel for the final of the Champions League last summer? So he screen grabbed the booking, but had left too many details in. So a Spurs fan went and then cancelled his hotel room.
26:25 Speaker 01 Oh, that is brutal.
26:27 Speaker 02 I think it's quite mean. But you gotta say, I mean, it's horrible thing to do.
26:32 Speaker 01 I mean, if you see that opportunity coming on your doorstep, it's tricky business.
26:40 Speaker 02 Yeah. So I don't know. Maybe it was just all, you know, internet guff, but it did the rounds.
26:46 Speaker 01 Oh, thank you for your donation. Your generosity today will help save lives at sea. And that's what I wanted to do right from the outset. I didn't want Ellis to, I didn't want to cost Ellis any money. I wanted to help save lives at sea.
26:58 Speaker 02 Good. Anyway.
26:59 Speaker 00 Cycling, bikes, bikes, bikes.
27:01 Speaker 02 So well done. Well done, Ellis. Well done, John.
27:03 Speaker 01 Thank you, Spencer.
27:04 Speaker 00 Bikes, bikes, bikes.
27:05 Speaker 02 You're very generous.
27:06 Speaker 01 And I'm glad you have Swaf Eager and I'm glad it's lasted you this long.
27:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, it is the kind of thing that you see in a, it's a hand cleaner. But mechanics use it for oil and grease. It's pretty hardcore stuff.
27:18 Speaker 01 If you had oil and like metal shavings on your hand or cement dust, it's really good for getting rid of that. And the smell of it reminds me of my Uncle Bill's house.
27:27 Speaker 02 Because he was a member of Generation Lath.
27:29 Speaker 01 He was a member of Generation Lath and Vice, as in the tool that Y once dropped on my foot.
27:35 Speaker 02 Like Generation Clamp?
27:36 Speaker 01 Oh, clamps knocking around the place.
27:38 Speaker 02 Oh, clamps are still good.
27:39 Speaker 01 Acids and fertilizers.
27:41 Speaker 02 A hammer messes around with clamps every day as a design technology teacher. Shoot, they're still in the mix for kids at school.
27:47 Speaker 01 For set drying PVA glue between two bits of MDF EG. Yeah, sure, I'm in the scene.
27:53 Speaker 02 I think lathes are still in the mix.
27:55 Speaker 01 Lathes are in anyone's mix, Dave.
27:57 Speaker 02 I'm gonna ask Adam later.
27:58 Speaker 01 Even the people at lath factories, you know, they're robots now, operating lathes probably.
28:03 Speaker 02 Yeah. Oh, I'm sad now.
28:06 Speaker 01 You can probably get a lath as an app on your phone. If you need to drill a circular hole through sheet metal, you can probably do that with your phone, Dave.
28:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, these days.
28:15 Speaker 01 Drains the battery though.
28:16 Speaker 02 Yeah, not on Android.
28:17 Speaker 01 No.
28:18 Speaker 02 Great. Shall we come reconnect?
28:19 Speaker 01 Dave, we can't not.
28:21 Speaker 02 No, we can't not.
28:22 Speaker 01 So can our Welsh hero make a connection with a random caller from Wales in just 60 seconds? It's time to find out in the tansest feature in global podcasting. It's time for the Cymru Connection.
28:33 Speaker 02 It's another Cymru Connection. Ellis thinks his tactics are sheer perfection. But his questions have one direction. Where did you go to school? Do you know Dafid Evans? No. Come on, mate, you must do. No, we've never met at all.
29:02 Speaker 01 People who view us on the cinematic universe, Dave, have mentioned that we look very bored during the jingles.
29:07 Speaker 02 There is one, there is one which is hilarious.
29:10 Speaker 01 Is it?
29:10 Speaker 02 When we ask us anything jingle, you're vaping, you're just staring into space.
29:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
29:17 Speaker 02 And I'm also just staring at the ground. It looks like we all want to just leave the room.
29:21 Speaker 01 Well, we've heard them many times.
29:23 Speaker 02 I know, I know, but we did it to remember.
29:24 Speaker 01 It would be weird if we looked really hyper attentive.
29:27 Speaker 02 Yeah, what'd you do? And that's what, yeah.
29:29 Speaker 01 It's like when Queen used to let Brian May play a 10-minute delay guitar solo.
29:34 Speaker 02 Yeah, too long.
29:35 Speaker 01 Freddie's going to the toilet, he's grabbing a Heineken.
29:38 Speaker 02 Yeah.
29:38 Speaker 01 You know, John is doing some electronics work on a circuit board to sort of calm him. Roger, let's be honest, class A's.
29:47 Speaker 02 No. Yes.
29:49 Speaker 00 Wow.
29:50 Speaker 02 Or not.
29:51 Speaker 01 Or not, back in the day. And by Class A, I also mean well graded banks, but not triple A.
29:59 Speaker 00 Yeah.
29:59 Speaker 01 Based on Moody's.
30:01 Speaker 00 Got it, yeah. Good old Moody's.
30:03 Speaker 01 Good old Moody's. But you wouldn't want to be rated A, actually. You'd want to be rated triple A.
30:08 Speaker 00 Yeah. Well, Britain lost its triple A rating, didn't it, a few years ago?
30:10 Speaker 02 So we need to figure out what to do in those, like, you know, what do we do? Should we have a big old snog?
30:15 Speaker 01 We should have a pint of Heineken.
30:16 Speaker 02 Pint of Heineken.
30:18 Speaker 01 And bone up on our A level electronics and build a treble booster for Brian. Yes. An email from Richard. As I presume many of your listeners do, I often get your podcast jingles and tunes stuck in my head. And it's due to this that by a strange twist of fate, I will find myself singing on stage to a packed Hammersmith Apollo with millions of people watching from home. Hmm. Just over a year ago, I saw an ad on social media asking for farmers who could sing a little to apply to be in an unnamed advert. This required me to send in an audition tape singing from the farm. I hadn't really sung since I was in the school choir, but what the heck? A paid day off from the farm had to be worth a try. We're gonna need to know, Richard, what farm and what school you went to.
31:02 Speaker 00 Absolutely.
31:04 Speaker 01 There I was, sat in my tractor with nothing to sing. It's funny how your mind goes blank at moments like this, until the Cymru Connection tune came into my head. I have attached a video so inspired by the fantastic Welsh Men's Choir that sung the theme. I went for it and, blow me down, I was selected of one of the 35 singing farmers out of over 500 applicants.
31:27 Speaker 00 That's fantastic.
31:28 Speaker 01 After two rounds of Hawkstone beer adverts, singing well-known songs and Christmas carols to Jeremy Clarkson's rude lyrics, the Hawkstone Farmers Choir was born. We have now become a tight-knit community of farmers from all over England and Wales, united by singing and raising awareness of rural mental health issues.
31:47 Speaker 00 Love it.
31:47 Speaker 01 Farmers are particularly bad for bottling up issues and struggling in silence.
31:51 Speaker 00 Absolutely.
31:52 Speaker 01 Farmers have their own kind of Cymru Connection, mainly based on what livestock market they use, rather than Ellis's, where did you go to school?
31:58 Speaker 00 I've seen it in action so many times. Yeah. So they all know each other.
32:03 Speaker 01 What are some of the key Welsh livestock markets?
32:05 Speaker 00 Well, there's a livestock market in Carmarthen every Wednesday. So the kids at my, well, the farmers in my school used to get Wednesday off.
32:12 Speaker 01 Did they?
32:12 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, to go to go and help their parents.
32:14 Speaker 01 Would that happen these days?
32:16 Speaker 00 Almost certainly, I'd imagine. And they all used to hand in notes on a Tuesday saying, so and so will have a headache tomorrow.
32:22 Speaker 01 No.
32:23 Speaker 00 So and so was helping his parents at a livestock market.
32:27 Speaker 01 Hmm.
32:27 Speaker 00 And as a townie, I used to think, I'm jealous.
32:30 Speaker 01 Hmm.
32:30 Speaker 00 But now I'm not jealous.
32:33 Speaker 01 I'm pretty sure all of us soon found a farmer in common without having to head to the Sun lounger. On a whim, we entered Britain's Got Talent and our rendition of Elbows One Day Like This at the audition struck a chord with the judges and earned us the golden buzzer.
32:45 Speaker 00 Amazing.
32:46 Speaker 01 In the next couple of weeks, I'll be performing with the Hawkstone Farmers Choir in the live broadcast semi-finals, and this is how listening to your podcast changed my life.
32:54 Speaker 00 Is that Britain's Got Talent? Uh, yeah, my kids are obsessed with Britain's Got Talent.
32:58 Speaker 01 Wow.
32:59 Speaker 00 So they will be, they will be loving this.
33:01 Speaker 01 And with a bit of luck, will change the lives of many farmers suffering poor mental health throughout the UK. So I guess I'm trying to say a huge thank you to you and your jingle creators for making a difference. Best wishes, Richard Hedy, farmer from North Buckinghamshire.
33:14 Speaker 00 It's a really hard life being a farmer. And there's this sort of weird.
33:17 Speaker 01 And you use a farmer three times a day?
33:18 Speaker 00 Yeah.
33:19 Speaker 01 Or if you're eating a lot, 10 times.
33:22 Speaker 00 There's this weird myth that it's easy. Uh, no, no, there's a myth that they're all rich.
33:27 Speaker 01 Yes.
33:28 Speaker 00 And that's not true.
33:29 Speaker 01 Not at all. But that's due to complicated issues around estate values.
33:33 Speaker 00 Yeah, of course. But yeah, it's difficult and they're often lonely. So it's hard. So.
33:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, you're up for four every day of your life.
33:40 Speaker 00 Yeah. I had to get up at seven.
33:42 Speaker 01 Or.
33:43 Speaker 00 This week and I was not happy.
33:44 Speaker 01 Or nine PM if you're an owl farmer.
33:48 Speaker 00 Yes.
33:50 Speaker 00 They exist.
33:50 Speaker 01 Because they're nocturnal.
33:51 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, no, yeah.
33:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:56 Speaker 00 You're not very happy with yourself. So I, I'm happy.
33:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:59 Speaker 00 If you're happy, I'm happy.
34:00 Speaker 01 I think a lot of sort of reference based jokes have to, the reference has to make sense. And I've just never heard of an owl farmer.
34:06 Speaker 00 I was trying to work out what play, was it a play on words? Or no, it wasn't, was it?
34:09 Speaker 01 No, no, it's just because if you're farming owls.
34:11 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
34:12 Speaker 01 You need to be up with them.
34:13 Speaker 00 Got it. Yeah. And who does that?
34:18 Speaker 01 Brit, Britain's bravest farmers.
34:19 Speaker 00 Hmm. Anyway.
34:21 Speaker 01 So I want to hear Richard singing The Cymru Connection and Richard has sent us a video from his tractor.
34:29 Speaker 06 A farmer from North Buckinghamshire, I'm here on the farm doing a bit of mowing from a grass field. I farm this farm with my father and uncle, and this is my audition for the Hawkeston Farmers Choir. Now, I can't think of any full lyrics for any songs off the top of my head, so what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna sing a theme tune from a game on a podcast I really like, from the Elis James and John Robbins show. So, here goes nothing. It's another comrie connection, Ellis thinks his tactics are sheer perfection, but his questions have one direction. Where did you go to school?
35:04 Speaker 06 Do you know David Evans? No. Come on, Mitch, you must do. No, we've never met at all.
35:16 Speaker 00 Oh, that's fantastic!
35:18 Speaker 01 Do you know what Richard's mouth reminds me of?
35:22 Speaker 00 What? An owl shipyard?
35:27 Speaker 01 Freddie Mercury's mouth.
35:28 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah?
35:29 Speaker 01 Does it? Freddie Mercury had a hugely wide palate.
35:32 Speaker 00 Yes.
35:32 Speaker 01 And his mouth, when he opens it, is almost like a square.
35:36 Speaker 00 Wow.
35:36 Speaker 01 And Richard has got mercury mouth.
35:39 Speaker 00 Mercury mouth.
35:40 Speaker 01 He's got mercury mouth.
35:41 Speaker 00 What a, what a, what an accolade.
35:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:43 Speaker 00 That's fantastic. Oh, I'll be looking up Richard on Britain's Got Talent.
35:47 Speaker 01 And maybe we could spend a day farming on Richard's farm for the cinematic universe.
35:52 Speaker 00 That's actually a really good idea.
35:53 Speaker 01 Thank you, it's one of mine.
35:55 Speaker 00 Yeah, another one of John's.
35:56 Speaker 01 I will do the afternoon shift.
36:01 Speaker 01 I will test the milk.
36:03 Speaker 00 Yeah. I'm happy to get up at the crack of dawn for it. I volunteered on my cousin's farm when I was a teenager, and it's early, and cow urine has got a very strong smell. Does it? Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you very much, Richard.
36:19 Speaker 01 You what?
36:19 Speaker 00 I like towns.
36:21 Speaker 01 You like pratt.
36:24 Speaker 01 Which feels like a farmer's had their hand in a pratt.
36:27 Speaker 00 Just a bit.
36:28 Speaker 01 Last week, Ellis managed to make a last second connection with caller Gareth. The link was via Evan Pritchard, who in a
36:35 Speaker 00 Evan Pritchard.
36:36 Speaker 01 Evan Pritchard, who in a come reconnection first was the son of the previous week's link, Gary Pritchard.
36:43 Speaker 00 Yeah.
36:43 Speaker 01 Can we go for a familial Pritchard hat trick this week?
36:46 Speaker 00 Because they're my in case of emergency break glass North Whalians.
36:50 Speaker 02 It's, it's, it's fine.
36:51 Speaker 00 Gary especially, his, his shadow looms large.
36:55 Speaker 01 In case of emergency, press Pritchard.
36:57 Speaker 00 Yeah.
36:59 Speaker 01 That connection brought Ellis's rate up to 48.84%. It is a phrase that is bandied around the show very often, but Ellis is actually getting within touching distance of the elusive 50. If he makes today's connection and secures another hat trick, he'll be on 43 out of 87 connections, 49.34%. And if he then makes a connection next week, 44 out of 48, he will be at the magic 50.
37:25 Speaker 00 And what am I, a confidence player?
37:28 Speaker 01 Confidence player.
37:29 Speaker 00 What do I not have? Mental strength.
37:31 Speaker 02 So is this, this isn't helping you?
37:33 Speaker 00 No.
37:33 Speaker 02 No, you need, yeah, okay.
37:35 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'd, I'd like to be led to the penalty spot and then told the magnitude of the penalty after I've taken it.
37:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
37:42 Speaker 00 Really, to qualify for the World Cup? I did not know that.
37:46 Speaker 01 We have a caller on the line from Wales. What's your name, caller?
37:49 Speaker 02 Hi, my name's Adam.
37:51 Speaker 01 Okay, Adam, you have 60 seconds to find a mutual connection with Ellis. Your time starts now.
37:57 Speaker 00 Asian school.
37:59 Speaker 02 42 Newbridge Comprehensive.
38:02 Speaker 00 Newbridge, South East Wales.
38:04 Speaker 02 Yes, Gwendyria.
38:05 Speaker 00 Uh, yeah. Do you know my friend Reece Waters?
38:09 Speaker 02 No.
38:10 Speaker 00 Okay, that's fine. Do you know Joe Kazaki?
38:13 Speaker 02 No of him, but don't know him personally.
38:16 Speaker 00 What are you doing living?
38:17 Speaker 02 Uh, I'm a drummer, musician.
38:19 Speaker 00 Oh, okay. Uh, where's the band based?
38:22 Speaker 02 Uh, in this area, actually.
38:23 Speaker 00 Do you rehearse at Music Box in Cardiff?
38:26 Speaker 02 I have done.
38:27 Speaker 00 Oh, do you know, uh, Bernie who works at Music Box?
38:29 Speaker 02 No.
38:30 Speaker 00 Okay, do you know Mark who works at Music Box?
38:32 Speaker 02 No.
38:32 Speaker 00 Okay, um, have you performed at the Bank House in Swansea?
38:37 Speaker 02 No.
38:37 Speaker 00 Okay, have you performed at Curbie Bar?
38:40 Speaker 02 I have, yeah.
38:41 Speaker 00 Um, okay, do you know, I'm trying to think of who works there now. Uh, did John Rushton put you on?
38:49 Speaker 02 No.
38:49 Speaker 00 Okay, that's fine. Uh, if you went to university, where did you go?
38:52 Speaker 02 Uh, Glamorgan.
38:53 Speaker 00 Ah, what did, oh, do you know Steph, um, Guerrero?
38:57 Speaker 02 No.
38:57 Speaker 00 No.
38:59 Speaker 02 Stan of the pod, but no.
39:02 Speaker 01 It was, oh, that felt close for 60 seconds.
39:12 Speaker 02 Damn it.
39:13 Speaker 00 Damn it, yeah. Do you know any, any members of the Abbotalery scene?
39:18 Speaker 02 Uh, what, I mean, like music scene?
39:20 Speaker 00 There was a guy, I, I was a comedian called Nathan from Abbotalery, and he'd be a couple of years old, and he was not too far from Newbridge, is it?
39:27 Speaker 02 No, just up the valley, pretty much, no.
39:29 Speaker 00 My friend Vern Griffiths, but he's a bit older than you, but he's from Blackwood.
39:34 Speaker 02 Okay, yeah, I mean, I, I'm kind of from in between Newbridge and Blackwood, but no, I'm not from Lleweley, I'm Nathan Vern Griffiths.
39:41 Speaker 01 I, I'm not criticizing Ellis, because I know you're in pain. You didn't ask the name of the band, because you know a lot of Welsh bands.
39:49 Speaker 00 What's the name of your band?
39:51 Speaker 02 Uh, we're called Cardinal Black.
39:53 Speaker 00 Hmm, that helps.
39:56 Speaker 00 No, I've not heard of Cardinal. What sort of music is it?
39:59 Speaker 02 Uh, kind of like soul, uh, blues rock music.
40:03 Speaker 00 Because you're from the valleys, I could have, I would have bet a hundred grand that you were funk metal.
40:09 Speaker 01 Do any-
40:09 Speaker 02 Well, it's, it's reassuring to know you've never heard of us. Thanks, Ellis.
40:13 Speaker 01 Have any of the band members been in other bands?
40:16 Speaker 02 Um, kind of, yes, but probably nothing that would be too kind of in the mainstream, I'd imagine.
40:25 Speaker 01 Uh, Ellis is very mainstream when it comes to his music taste.
40:30 Speaker 00 Are there any connections that you know of?
40:32 Speaker 02 There is one, yes.
40:34 Speaker 00 Who's that?
40:35 Speaker 02 He's a drummer.
40:37 Speaker 00 Dan?
40:39 Speaker 02 No, who, Dan, who?
40:40 Speaker 00 Oh, um, what's his surname, Dan? I was in a band with Dan. He's from around that way.
40:48 Speaker 00 He's also a graphic designer, graphic artist.
40:51 Speaker 02 Oh, no, someone else.
40:52 Speaker 00 Oh, who, who's the one you're thinking of?
40:54 Speaker 02 Owain.
40:55 Speaker 00 Which Owain?
40:57 Speaker 02 Win Evans.
40:58 Speaker 00 What, the drummer from Amunford, the weatherman?
41:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, the drummer from-
41:03 Speaker 00 But he's the Amunford scene.
41:07 Speaker 00 I don't associate Ammelford with Newbridge. I mean, culture's different for kickoff.
41:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, we didn't meet through Ammelford-Newbridge, but um the central point, I guess, Cardiff, we used to be, we almost kind of like shared a band in terms of I drummed for a little bit and then he drums when I couldn't make this and. Well, it was kind of like a folk covers band. It was called Magic Rooster Brothers randomly.
41:33 Speaker 02 But um but yeah, oh, I knew stuff. Kind of he did it when I couldn't do it. And then we kind of got to got to know each other then. I thought the drummer kind of link and reference might have kind of sparked a bit of that.
41:46 Speaker 00 Have you? Out of curiosity, have you got a Ford Focus estate?
41:50 Speaker 02 I have had one, yes.
41:53 Speaker 00 Like all drummers.
41:55 Speaker 02 Really?
41:55 Speaker 00 They love it. They love it for kind of all their kit. Yeah.
41:59 Speaker 02 More more a Kia Sportage now, you know?
42:01 Speaker 01 Ah, so the band's doing pretty well. Any other connections that you know of?
42:09 Speaker 02 No, I think that's the only one. I mean, well, I think you tried hard there, Alice.
42:14 Speaker 00 Joe Kazagi, that he's, I mean, the king of Newport, the king.
42:19 Speaker 02 I mean, I mean, I used to, when I was younger, I used to deliver a, I had a paper round and I used to deliver a paper to his parents' house.
42:26 Speaker 00 Oh, did you? So you got to meet Enzo and his and his mum?
42:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, Enzo, that's right. Yeah. But as for Joe, obviously everyone knew him because I was not only from Newbridge, I was from from the same small village called Pentwyn Mar.
42:38 Speaker 00 Oh, yeah.
42:38 Speaker 02 Just up the road from Newbridge. And of course, everyone kind of knew Joe from being there and everything and being the the kind of legend that he became then. But I never actually met him myself, only Enzo.
42:49 Speaker 00 That's absolutely fine. Well, sorry, what's your name again?
42:53 Speaker 02 Adam, Adam Roberts.
42:54 Speaker 00 Thank you very much for coming on the show. Do you know what? I'll take that one on the chin.
42:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, it was a, that was a tricky connection.
43:00 Speaker 00 Do you follow football at all, Adam?
43:02 Speaker 02 Yes.
43:03 Speaker 00 Do you do Wales away games?
43:05 Speaker 02 No, just home sadly.
43:08 Speaker 00 What's your, what's your club team?
43:12 Speaker 02 Man United.
43:14 Speaker 00 Interesting.
43:15 Speaker 02 Sorry, it's not a Welsh one.
43:17 Speaker 00 It's all right, it's all right, it's all right. Adam, I am convinced that in the wild, if we sat down with each other and relaxed, we'd get there in the end.
43:27 Speaker 01 Put on a bit of mood music.
43:28 Speaker 00 Put on a bit of mood music.
43:30 Speaker 02 Yeah, they've probably, no doubt there is others.
43:32 Speaker 01 Not main courses, you're just having three or four different starters.
43:34 Speaker 00 Yeah, dressing gowns.
43:35 Speaker 01 Padron peppers.
43:38 Speaker 01 Bollocks.
43:40 Speaker 02 I've got a bit of smooth jazz, I can probably, on the record player.
43:44 Speaker 00 Oh, we could, we could, I make it to the spa weekend.
43:47 Speaker 01 Ellis is gonna have a cocktail.
43:49 Speaker 00 Yeah, and I started referring to myself in the third person. Ellis is really enjoying this one. Sorry, I was gonna interrupt you, Adam.
43:58 Speaker 02 Oh, sorry, no, I was just gonna say, I came on and I was quite tempted to go with the voice that I think you put on when you met Johnny Marr when you were on Radio X. I thought that might, thought that might have been a bit much.
44:11 Speaker 00 Oh, you're Adam. Well, listen, nice, nice to speak to you, Adam, anyway.
44:16 Speaker 01 Thanks, mate.
44:17 Speaker 02 You too. Sorry, guys.
44:18 Speaker 01 That's not your fault.
44:20 Speaker 00 It's not your fault at all.
44:21 Speaker 01 I felt, subject wise, right in Ellis's wheelhouse, but actual connection wise is a tough one. So, we'll have another one next week. If you would like to come reconnect with Ellis, and do bear in mind, you don't have to know of a connection to do this. I mean, this is the claim.
44:36 Speaker 00 That's the game.
44:37 Speaker 01 That is the nature of the beast.
44:39 Speaker 00 I, I can be connected at very side because the guy I was standing next to also knew my friend Rhydian Squidian from Dravach.
44:47 Speaker 01 Wow.
44:48 Speaker 00 Felt good.
44:48 Speaker 01 Really?
44:49 Speaker 00 It felt good.
44:50 Speaker 01 He can do it, the man can do it.
44:51 Speaker 00 Can do it.
44:52 Speaker 01 He's great. Right, let's take a little moment.
45:19 Speaker 03 Switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone 18 Pro now. No trade in needed and the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on us. Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for Watch or iPad required. Addition terms apply for all offers.
45:34 Speaker 02 Help I Sexed My Boss is the podcast where manners meets mayhem. I'm William Hanson. I'm Jordan North. And together we take on the hilarious challenges of modern life. William's the arbiter of etiquette. And Jordan's the chaotic yin to my perfectly polished yang. So if you want laugh out loud stories and brutally honest moments, then you'll love Help I Sexed My Boss. Watch and listen every Tuesday and Friday. On YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts. Just search Sexed. Be warned, it's a bit rude.
46:07 Speaker 01 Well, everyone, as we recover from the stresses and strains of the Cymru connection, it's time to tell you about a brand new series of How Do You Cope?, which is out now, where I speak to a cross section of the great, the good, the lime latists.
46:24 Speaker 02 What's that mean?
46:24 Speaker 01 I don't know, the people in the limelight.
46:26 Speaker 02 Yeah.
46:28 Speaker 01 What are you putting that in?
46:29 Speaker 02 Oh, just the guests that we...
46:30 Speaker 01 Well, let me give you some examples. It's your Richard Osman's.
46:34 Speaker 02 Yes.
46:35 Speaker 01 It's your Alison Spittles. It's your Esther Jais. It's your Anthony Scaramucci, aka The Mooch, talking to him about Donald Trump, his own ego, which is very interesting. And The Mooch's book is quite good on how his ego ran riot. And the next episode is with comedian and friend of the show, Susie Ruffel, talking about anxiety and motherhood. And we've got a clip.
47:03 Speaker 01 Susie, you're a lesbian.
47:05 Speaker 02 This is true. And even with you in your key glasses, it's still true.
47:12 Speaker 01 There's a fantastic phrase in your book where you said, everything was gay, but nothing was actually gay. Because being at school in the 90s.
47:18 Speaker 02 Everything was gay.
47:19 Speaker 01 Everything was gay.
47:20 Speaker 02 Yeah, everything was gay.
47:20 Speaker 01 It was the only pejorative, really.
47:23 Speaker 02 Yeah, everything was gay. And that meant bad, you know? And so that's all I knew. And... I really didn't want to be gay. I was quite disgusted with myself and I I feel really sad for that version of me now. I remember I remember waking up in the middle of the night and throwing up and years later, uh, like sort of it realizing that only happened when I was having dreams about women.
47:48 Speaker 01 And is that because the world just assumes so many defaults about people?
47:54 Speaker 02 Mm hmm.
47:54 Speaker 01 Does the shame come from a fear that I'm not that default and that default is also to do with sex to an extent which is shameful enough as a teenager?
48:05 Speaker 02 Yeah, totally. I mean, it's something that I imagine you have never had to tell your mum, your favourite sex position.
48:11 Speaker 01 I love having sex with women.
48:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
48:14 Speaker 01 I would never.
48:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, you know, you'd never say like, oh, by the, you know, you don't need to say to her, I really like boobs.
48:25 Speaker 02 The the older I have got, the more I have realised that the person that you like spend your life with and the people you decide to spend your life around, so whether that be your partner or your mates, it's more important than your job, it's more important than where you live, it just changes your life. And so I I feel very grateful for my marriage and I often feel very grateful for my marriage. I have a really great wife.
48:45 Speaker 01 That's such a nice, I mean, especially like if I'd based my views on marriage on the first 10 years of watching stand up, it would have been like, everyone hates their partners.
48:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
48:54 Speaker 01 And they are complaining about them for a living.
48:57 Speaker 02 Yeah.
48:57 Speaker 01 And then just sort of desperate for someone to go, I really like my wife.
49:01 Speaker 02 Yeah. I remember being at the Comedy Store one night and seeing um, three, three of the four straight men on the bill, straight white men on the bill, do a bit about how much annoyed them their wives like candles. And it was so clear, none of them had watched each other's set.
49:18 Speaker 01 What would you say to someone who is in a similar situation to the one you found yourself in?
49:22 Speaker 02 I think that you need to do it in a place when you're safe, when you've got people around you, when and if that's not your family, you need to make sure you've got that sort of support network as friends because someone reacting badly is is really terrible. And I, and you know, my mum and dad have been wonderful, but there was a period where they really didn't get it because they felt like they didn't know me. When in truth, I was allowing them to know me better. There was a period definitely where they thought, I wish you'd just never told us. Because, and it wasn't because of their homophobia, it's because they were so worried about what my life would be like.
49:52 Speaker 01 Well, Susie, thank you so much for joining us on How'd You Cope? That was a really fantastic chat.
49:57 Speaker 02 It's quite weird, isn't it, when you talk to someone that is sort of a friend in such a deep way? I feel very exposed.
50:03 Speaker 01 Especially when they're drawing on their face as you talk.
50:06 Speaker 02 Oh, you're drawing, yeah, you think, is he enjoying it?
50:08 Speaker 01 Is he?
50:08 Speaker 02 He's just giving himself a moustache.
50:13 Speaker 01 I did inadvertently get pen on my face during the interview.
50:16 Speaker 02 Right, okay.
50:17 Speaker 01 Because like all wise people, I fiddle with a pen around the mouth area.
50:21 Speaker 02 Yeah.
50:22 Speaker 01 Uh, while I'm considering some, what someone's saying, where I'm actively listening, I'm also actively drawing on myself. But I loved the chat with Susie and her book is fantastic and.
50:34 Speaker 02 What's it called?
50:35 Speaker 01 It's called Am I Having Fun Now?, which is something that comes from something her daughter just says out of nowhere.
50:41 Speaker 02 Oh.
50:41 Speaker 01 While, while she's playing. It's such an interesting, like, it's actually a very quite a deep question.
50:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
50:47 Speaker 00 Yeah.
50:48 Speaker 01 Like, who is the I and what is fun and what, what do we interpret as fun? Um, but I didn't ruin it by suggesting that. I just, we just talked.
50:56 Speaker 02 Yeah, you just drew on your face.
50:57 Speaker 01 I just drew on my face. Um, so yeah, really great conversation and they're available now, aren't they, Dave? All of those, a lot of those conversations and more to come.
51:05 Speaker 02 They're available now wherever you get your blooming podcasts.
51:08 Speaker 01 Yeah.
51:08 Speaker 02 And it's also all to watch as well and visualized form these days.
51:13 Speaker 01 Yes, you can watch them all on YouTube as a film. So.
51:17 Speaker 02 As a film?
51:17 Speaker 01 As a film. So in many ways I'm a film star.
51:21 Speaker 01 Am I?
51:22 Speaker 02 No.
51:23 Speaker 01 Oh, all right then.
51:24 Speaker 02 Ryan Gosling's not drawing on his own face.
51:28 Speaker 00 Unless the role deserves that.
51:30 Speaker 01 What if he was playing Picasso or a tattoo artist practising?
51:35 Speaker 00 Or John Robbins.
51:36 Speaker 01 Yeah. What if he's playing me in a film about How'd You Cope?
51:39 Speaker 02 Ryan Gosling?
51:40 Speaker 01 Yeah.
51:41 Speaker 00 Yeah, why not?
51:42 Speaker 01 We're about the same age, aren't we?
51:43 Speaker 02 You're about the same age.
51:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, you are, actually. He's good in Drive. I would have been good in Drive.
51:47 Speaker 02 He's great. That's one of my favourite films, Drive. I love Drive. Anyway, also, do you know what else I love?
51:51 Speaker 00 I love bikes.
51:53 Speaker 02 What's that? I love bikes, bike, bike, bike.
51:55 Speaker 01 There have been some absolute belters of episodes. I really have. The one with Alison Spittle is so moving and made me think so differently about identity and weight and weight loss. And there's one coming up with Kelsey Waghorn, who I'm in awe of. And her book Surviving White Island is fantastic. So lots to digest in the content universe. And I hope, I hope you enjoy it and I hope it's helpful. Shall we now try to, if it's possible, play a fair made up game? Play a made up game that rewards initiative.
52:35 Speaker 02 They're all fair.
52:35 Speaker 01 General knowledge. They're all fair, are they, Dave?
52:37 Speaker 02 They're all fair in their own way.
52:40 Speaker 01 Okay.
52:41 Speaker 02 Let me see if this one will be fair. They're all fair. What am I talking about? Stop questioning yourself, Dave. No, this is pretty fair, this one. You're going to be absolutely fine. Okay, made up game time. Jingle is from Matt, because we're sticking with Matt from his album of made up games. It's first played last week, based on the band that we weren't even that familiar with, Jellyfish. But either way, we still absolutely love the jingle. So here is Matt's made up games jingle.
54:07 Speaker 01 Okay then, are you listening? Are you ready to play these made up games?
54:20 Speaker 01 Superb.
54:21 Speaker 02 I love music.
54:22 Speaker 00 I really enjoyed it.
54:23 Speaker 02 Do you know what I was thinking?
54:24 Speaker 00 Music puts you in such a good mood if it just gets you at that right moment.
54:27 Speaker 01 I was thinking on the way here, music's been great forever.
54:31 Speaker 02 Okay.
54:31 Speaker 01 Like, when you listen to music from the 17th century or 18th century, it's not bad.
54:37 Speaker 00 No, yeah, there are.
54:39 Speaker 01 Mozart and Beethoven and Schubert and Brahms and Liszt are all really good at music.
54:45 Speaker 00 I was listening to Steve Reich the other day.
54:47 Speaker 01 Yeah?
54:48 Speaker 00 Yeah, I was thinking about you, because you're a Steve Reich fan, aren't you, I think?
54:50 Speaker 01 Ah, I'm, I'm, I've yet to go down Reich Avenue in a big way. I've got a few on my meditation playlist, but here's, here's fun. You know how like, you might hear sort of bad 80s stuff that makes you cringe?
55:08 Speaker 00 Yeah.
55:09 Speaker 01 Where's the classical music that wasn't very good?
55:13 Speaker 00 Oh, it exists.
55:14 Speaker 01 Does it?
55:15 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
55:15 Speaker 02 I see what you mean.
55:16 Speaker 01 But like artists that had one hit in the 1750s.
55:19 Speaker 00 I think with classical music, I think there's classical music that is regarded by people who know about classical music as being cliched.
55:27 Speaker 01 Really?
55:27 Speaker 00 Yeah.
55:28 Speaker 02 So do you reckon like, a real purist is probably looking at classic FM and thinking, that's a bit too obvious for me?
55:35 Speaker 00 Well, I don't know enough about the classic FM playlist.
55:38 Speaker 02 I think it's the big hitters mainly across the day, yeah.
55:40 Speaker 01 But like, is there a, what's that band, Keshadju Jigogo?
55:46 Speaker 00 Keshadju Jigogo, Kajagugu?
55:48 Speaker 01 Yeah, is there a Kajagugu of the, of the sort of the Renaissance music?
55:52 Speaker 00 Yeah, but, but you know, all music has tropes and things.
55:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
55:56 Speaker 00 And so, yeah, um, I was just, some people don't like music.
56:02 Speaker 02 Madness.
56:02 Speaker 01 David Mitchell.
56:03 Speaker 00 Yeah, he's the one I always think of, just doesn't really, yeah, there's, um, my friend Jonathan Wilson, the, the cartoon columnist, does, doesn't particularly like music.
56:13 Speaker 01 I've discovered an amazing album recently. How would you pronounce the name N I A M H?
56:21 Speaker 00 Neve.
56:21 Speaker 01 Is it Neve?
56:22 Speaker 00 Yeah.
56:23 Speaker 01 Okay, that's not what I'm looking for. How do you pronounce the name N A I M A?
56:32 Speaker 00 Say that again?
56:32 Speaker 01 N A I M A.
56:37 Speaker 00 Naima?
56:38 Speaker 02 Naima?
56:39 Speaker 01 Naima?
56:40 Speaker 02 Naima.
56:41 Speaker 01 Well, there's this artist called Naima Bock. Her album is called Below a Massive Dark Land. If you like, this is the kit. If you like Joanna Newsom.
56:53 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
56:54 Speaker 01 But with a more traditional voice. You are going to have yourself a lovely afternoon.
57:02 Speaker 00 Oh, nice.
57:03 Speaker 01 It's superb.
57:04 Speaker 00 Great. I listened to Targo Marco by Cannes in the car on the way back from my gig last night. And I've, I've owned that record for 30 years and I still love every second of it.
57:17 Speaker 01 Hmm.
57:18 Speaker 00 But anyway.
57:19 Speaker 01 Dave, made up game me.
57:20 Speaker 02 Well, first of all, scores on the doors. Ellis's last minute winner, which was even more last minute when we take into account John's pedantry.
57:28 Speaker 01 Hang on, hang on, hang on. Pedantry is a strong word for someone who's been completely shafted.
57:35 Speaker 00 I think he was vindicated, actually. I wouldn't say it was pedantry.
57:38 Speaker 02 It's not, I'm winding it up.
57:40 Speaker 01 Peter Shilton go like that, he's not being a pedant.
57:43 Speaker 00 You could, you could argue about the optics.
57:47 Speaker 02 Uh, yeah, do you know what I mean? I think it, the website was misleading for starters.
57:53 Speaker 01 Dave, I don't think it's too much to ask for Michael to have tested every single street on the website before the show. And do you know what I thought would have been a great one?
58:04 Speaker 00 What?
58:04 Speaker 01 Brian Clough Way.
58:07 Speaker 00 Oh, there's one, isn't there?
58:08 Speaker 01 In Nottingham.
58:09 Speaker 00 Yeah.
58:10 Speaker 02 But there's probably more than one.
58:12 Speaker 01 I don't think there is more than one.
58:13 Speaker 00 There's a Clive Sullivan Way in Hull as well.
58:16 Speaker 01 That would have been the angle.
58:19 Speaker 02 Yes, Brian Clough Way.
58:21 Speaker 00 I thought of Clive Sullivan.
58:22 Speaker 01 If there's a Brian Clough Way in Colorado, I will give a hundred quid to Ellis's charity.
58:28 Speaker 02 Stop giving money away. There is more than one Brian Clough Way.
58:33 Speaker 01 Do you want to double check that, Dave?
58:34 Speaker 02 Yeah, because I'm looking at Risley or Risley in Derbyshire. There's Pride Park Derby, East Midlands. There is Chaddeston Derby. So Derby's got a lot of big hitters. There's three there. There's three.
58:49 Speaker 00 Yeah, I did think of Clive Sullivan Way because that's in Hull and I couldn't work out.
58:56 Speaker 00 A sort of a topic where I could introduce Clive Sullivan way, because I knew that was a one. But still, we're going over off-ground. What were we playing this week, did?
59:05 Speaker 02 Well, just let's go back to the scores for a second. So Ellis did win last week. We did a, we went to a tie-break, didn't we? In last, in last Friday's podcast.
59:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, fair tie-break.
59:12 Speaker 02 A fair tie-break. So Ellis's last-minute winner in Name That Lane slash Living Life in the Obscure Lane slash Where the Streets Have One Name. Take your pick. Last week brought the scores to 30, 15 to Ellis in the first game of the third set. So there are the scores and on Name That Lane, the inventor of the game, 10-year-old Flo wasn't too impressed with your answers from last week.
59:36 Speaker 00 Okay.
59:37 Speaker 02 So we should have a little listen to Flo. Hi guys. I don't understand why you found this game so hard. By the way, I actually fought this when I was nine, to be honest. In my week, I have found many one-pointers. Here are some suggestions. For food and drink, I have found Guacamole Street in South Africa. For feelings and emotions, I have found Road Drive in the USA.
1:00:01 Speaker 01 For clothing, I have found Sandal Way in Batlu. And finally, for body parts, I have found Tonsil Road in Australia. Thanks for playing Name That Lane. See ya from Flo the Megamind, which is what Ellis calls me, and I very much like that. And I want that as my new title. Thanks. Bye-bye. Oh, thank you Flo.
1:00:25 Speaker 02 Flo the Megamind.
1:00:27 Speaker 01 Someone else does have a case of it in the week.
1:00:32 Speaker 02 Don't, John.
1:00:34 Speaker 01 No, I love Flo the Megamind.
1:00:36 Speaker 02 Flo is fantastic.
1:00:37 Speaker 01 But we've all, we've all got weeks.
1:00:39 Speaker 00 We all did it in the week.
1:00:44 Speaker 01 But yeah, that's brilliant stuff.
1:00:45 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's good stuff. Thank you Flo.
1:00:47 Speaker 01 Thanks Flo.
1:00:48 Speaker 02 This week's game comes in from Sam. Good afternoon. Captain Beefheart slash Bonnie Prince Billy. John can pick which one he prefers.
1:00:55 Speaker 01 Both. Captain Bonnie, Captain Prince Billy.
1:00:57 Speaker 02 Captain Prince Billy. The gorgeous-
1:00:58 Speaker 01 Bonnie Prince Beefheart. Bonnie Prince Beefheart, please.
1:01:01 Speaker 02 Bonnie Prince Beefheart.
1:01:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:01:03 Speaker 02 The gorgeous psychotic monkey. Happy with that? And Dave who likes Oasis.
1:01:09 Speaker 01 Who've just made the Times Rich list for the first time.
1:01:12 Speaker 02 Who did?
1:01:13 Speaker 01 Oasis, the Gallagher brothers.
1:01:14 Speaker 02 Good on them. It's about time they got a bit of luck.
1:01:16 Speaker 01 Due to their really decent ticketing practices.
1:01:19 Speaker 02 No, we've been through this.
1:01:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know.
1:01:21 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah. We've all been through this.
1:01:23 Speaker 01 Yeah. Why do you think they're suddenly in the Times Rich list? They haven't inherited some rare stamps.
1:01:29 Speaker 02 No, but in-
1:01:39 Speaker 02 Do I know that? I'm aware they've not inherited some rare stamps.
1:01:43 Speaker 01 Our kid is a penny black. Ours all row of them, they've not been cut up. Shall we chop them up and use them? No, no, our kid. Penny blacks, you keep them together. They'll be worth millions.
1:01:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:01:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:01:56 Speaker 02 Point I was making was-
1:01:57 Speaker 00 I needed to send a letter, Noel. Can I just have one so I can send a letter?
1:02:01 Speaker 01 I gotta send it to DVLA. Otherwise I'm gonna lose my licence for another year.
1:02:06 Speaker 02 Right, forget about the point.
1:02:07 Speaker 01 I'll say you were driving, Noel.
1:02:10 Speaker 02 Don't think Noel can. Can Noel drive?
1:02:11 Speaker 01 I don't think either of them can drive. What?
1:02:13 Speaker 02 Noel had-
1:02:13 Speaker 01 Oh my god, you should not be in the Times Rich list if you can't drive.
1:02:18 Speaker 00 At the height of their fame, Noel started having lessons and they needed to do a three-point turn outside of school and obviously hundreds of kids were mad. And he was like, right, when I'll-
1:02:26 Speaker 01 That would be so embarrassing to get mobbed with someone who's got dual controls.
1:02:32 Speaker 00 He was like, right, I'll get driven everywhere for the rest of my life.
1:02:35 Speaker 01 Oh, that is hilarious.
1:02:37 Speaker 00 He's got such funny stories. He was doing his three-point turn at like half past three. So the school's ended and all the kids are, oh my god, it's Noel Gallagher! The instructor's like, and now look to, look over your shoulder, into the rearview mirror.
1:02:53 Speaker 01 Mirror signal man sitter.
1:02:56 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:02:57 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:02:57 Speaker 01 Come on!
1:02:59 Speaker 02 Mirror signal man sitter, yes.
1:03:00 Speaker 01 Mirror signal manoeuvre.
1:03:01 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah. I was trying to think of another song of theirs that might have been closer to the manoeuvre word in man city. I didn't know.
1:03:08 Speaker 00 Supernova, sort of. Anyway, we are going down owl farm territory.
1:03:15 Speaker 02 Games from Sam. I have an idea for a made up game based on your recent chats about listener created jingles. You often talk about not being able to play commercial music on the podcast, which is true. But what about basing a game around your fantastic listener created jingles? It's a simple enough game I've called Jingles on Buzzers. Dave plays a musically inspired made up games jingle from the past. John and Ellis have to guess what band slash artist the listener was trying to ape. Your names are your buzzers. A wrong guess, this is where it always gets a little bit messy, but we're gonna go for it. A wrong guess freezes you out for three seconds.
1:03:49 Speaker 01 Oh, good. Good.
1:03:50 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:03:51 Speaker 01 Good. Yep, yep, yep.
1:03:52 Speaker 02 And then I'll let you know when you're back in.
1:03:54 Speaker 01 Tell me what we need to invest in, Dave.
1:03:56 Speaker 02 Go on.
1:03:56 Speaker 01 Some buzzers.
1:03:57 Speaker 02 No, names of buzzers is fun.
1:03:59 Speaker 01 But it's nice to have something to press.
1:04:01 Speaker 00 I think, yeah. Do you know what? In whatever this is now, after the great reset, I think John's right. I think it would look good. It'd make us look classy.
1:04:11 Speaker 01 And wired buzzers as well.
1:04:12 Speaker 02 Wired.
1:04:13 Speaker 01 Yeah. So that they're in a circuit, so that you can't buzz in at the same time.
1:04:19 Speaker 02 Okay. We'll get there with that. But I think for now, look into it, Dave.
1:04:24 Speaker 00 Dave, we've been ignored by TV for 12 years. Let's treat ourselves as some wired buzzers.
1:04:31 Speaker 01 20 years?
1:04:32 Speaker 00 20, yeah. I mean, I didn't expect to get on telly in the first year I was doing stand up. I would have been so rubbish.
1:04:40 Speaker 02 Right. Okay. So do you get the game?
1:04:42 Speaker 00 Yep.
1:04:42 Speaker 02 Most points at the end win. It's that simple. So you might know some of these, but the fact is, it's names on buzzers. So just get in, just get in quick.
1:04:48 Speaker 00 And our actual names. Not like sort of quirky nicknames.
1:04:52 Speaker 02 Well, what would you go for?
1:04:54 Speaker 01 Bonnie Prince Beefheart.
1:04:55 Speaker 02 Okay.
1:04:56 Speaker 00 Gorgeous psychotic monkey.
1:04:58 Speaker 02 Do you want to stick with those?
1:04:59 Speaker 00 Yeah, no.
1:04:59 Speaker 02 Great. No, you're in now. You don't want to, you want to be Ellis.
1:05:02 Speaker 00 I can't remember.
1:05:05 Speaker 00 Bit of decline.
1:05:05 Speaker 02 Buzzing, whoever you, I can see who's speaking. So you can actually say whatever you want.
1:05:10 Speaker 01 Okay, we can say whatever we want.
1:05:11 Speaker 02 Within reason. Within reason. This is going out on Five Live on BBC Sounds.
1:05:15 Speaker 00 Okay, key start.
1:05:19 Speaker 02 Okay, are we ready? Zoff, are your fingers primed? Because we need some pause and start action here. Is that doable on your little console?
1:05:27 Speaker 00 It's just the band that's the inspiration for the parody.
1:05:31 Speaker 02 Correct. Just the band. Okay. And there are... blimey, heck. Wow, 13 rounds?
1:05:41 Speaker 01 That can't be right.
1:05:44 Speaker 02 I mean, it gives us an option at this stage to go as far as we want. Why don't we think about seven? Seven rounds.
1:05:49 Speaker 00 Okay, Jenny's ill.
1:05:50 Speaker 02 See how we think.
1:05:51 Speaker 01 First to five?
1:05:53 Speaker 02 No, it wouldn't be first to five. Oh, first to five?
1:05:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:05:57 Speaker 02 Okay, that could be lengthy, but it couldn't be 13.
1:06:00 Speaker 01 It was maximum of nine.
1:06:02 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah. Right.
1:06:05 Speaker 02 Round one. Names or whatever you want to call yourselves or your buzzers. Let's begin.
1:06:12 Speaker 00 Uh, Gorgeous.
1:06:13 Speaker 02 Gorgeous? Gorgeous is in.
1:06:16 Speaker 00 The Smiths.
1:06:18 Speaker 02 Correct. One point with The Smiths. It's 1-0 to Alice. Round two.
1:06:27 Speaker 02 John's in.
1:06:30 Speaker 01 Neutral Milk Hotel.
1:06:31 Speaker 02 Neutral Milk Hotel is... Correct. It's 1-1.
1:06:36 Speaker 00 I knew that one.
1:06:37 Speaker 02 Neutral Milk Hotel's rendition was from Howard. The Smiths was from Matt. It's worth the recognition. Round three, let's begin.
1:06:50 Speaker 02 John's in.
1:06:52 Speaker 01 Robert Miles.
1:06:53 Speaker 02 Robert Miles is correct. It's 2-1 to John. These are all made up games jingles that we've actually had sent in in the past. It's so impressive. That was children. Round four, let's play.
1:07:07 Speaker 00 Gorgeous.
1:07:07 Speaker 02 Gorgeous is in.
1:07:08 Speaker 00 Bob Dylan.
1:07:10 Speaker 02 It's correct, Gorgeous.
1:07:14 Speaker 02 It's two all.
1:07:15 Speaker 00 It's a fun saying, George. I'm starting to introduce myself as George.
1:07:19 Speaker 02 Ellis Gorgeous James.
1:07:20 Speaker 01 Gorgeous George, um, what's the...
1:07:24 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
1:07:24 Speaker 01 Gorgeous George Foreman.
1:07:27 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:07:27 Speaker 01 Was his nickname.
1:07:28 Speaker 00 Marvelous Marvin Hagler.
1:07:30 Speaker 02 Okay, here's where it gets a little tougher, I believe. Round five, let's play.
1:07:36 Speaker 01 John, John's in.
1:07:39 Speaker 01 Ah, no, I think I've, I thought it was Brian May, but it's not.
1:07:43 Speaker 02 Okay, that is incorrect. John is frozen out for three seconds. Ellis is in.
1:07:48 Speaker 00 Gorgeous.
1:07:49 Speaker 02 Ellis is in.
1:07:50 Speaker 00 Is it Avril Lavigne?
1:07:50 Speaker 02 Avril Lavigne's correct!
1:07:51 Speaker 01 Very good, it is Avril Lavigne and it's an accurate Lavigne.
1:07:54 Speaker 02 It is an accurate Lavigne from Becca and Tom, who penned that rendition. It's three two to Ellis as we move into round six. Let's play.
1:08:12 Speaker 01 John.
1:08:13 Speaker 02 John's in.
1:08:14 Speaker 01 Sigur Ros.
1:08:14 Speaker 02 It's three all.
1:08:16 Speaker 01 Do you know what? It's nice to have a snappy made up game.
1:08:20 Speaker 02 Yeah, isn't it, actually?
1:08:21 Speaker 01 Because sometimes Ellis sort of just argues about quite insignificant points of detail.
1:08:25 Speaker 02 He does.
1:08:26 Speaker 01 But this is nice to...
1:08:27 Speaker 00 Ira, yeah. It took me half a second longer to get Sigur Ros. I was, I was there.
1:08:32 Speaker 02 Were you?
1:08:33 Speaker 00 That's a good, that's a good one.
1:08:34 Speaker 02 But that was an impressive recognition because there wasn't much there to go off, so well done. We're at three all as we move to round se... Oh, that was from Matt, who had made that rendition of a Sigur Ros made up game theme. Round seven, let's begin.
1:08:53 Speaker 01 John.
1:08:53 Speaker 02 John's in. John Walk, John, John.
1:08:55 Speaker 01 Van the Man.
1:08:56 Speaker 02 It's Van the Man.
1:08:57 Speaker 00 Oh, yes.
1:08:58 Speaker 02 It's four three.
1:08:59 Speaker 00 That was a good one.
1:09:01 Speaker 02 That was from Josh.
1:09:01 Speaker 00 That was a good one.
1:09:02 Speaker 01 Who is it from Blur who doesn't like Astral Weeks? Said Van Morrison was pedestrian. He's thick and he should go to hospital for thickos.
1:09:16 Speaker 02 Done some good stuff in it over the years though, old Damon.
1:09:18 Speaker 01 Accidentally, it would seem, because he can't under- he doesn't understand music.
1:09:22 Speaker 02 He, he, blah, different conversation. He does, John. John, this is for the win.
1:09:27 Speaker 01 Yep.
1:09:28 Speaker 02 Round eight, let's play.
1:09:32 Speaker 01 John.
1:09:33 Speaker 02 Oh, John!
1:09:34 Speaker 01 Stone Roses.
1:09:35 Speaker 02 Incorrect! He's frozen out for three seconds! Gorgeous!
1:09:43 Speaker 00 Uh, Gorgeous.
1:09:44 Speaker 02 Gorgeous!
1:09:46 Speaker 00 Is it the Happy Mondays?
1:09:49 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:09:49 Speaker 00 Oh my god.
1:09:50 Speaker 02 And that was about three seconds, so John, you're back in play.
1:09:56 Speaker 01 John!
1:09:57 Speaker 02 John's in.
1:09:58 Speaker 01 Is it Black Grape?
1:09:59 Speaker 02 Black Grape is incorrect. Uh, I'm gonna need a second of this to play before Gorgeous comes back in, because it's not quite been three seconds, but let's go.
1:10:14 Speaker 00 Gorgeous.
1:10:14 Speaker 02 Gorgeous.
1:10:15 Speaker 00 That's a Blur song too. Not song two, um, There's No Other Way.
1:10:20 Speaker 02 It's For All! Because it is Blur there, and I remember at the time, we said it could have also been a Happy Mondays, and then you hear There's No Other Way, because it is, the riff is definitely in there.
1:10:31 Speaker 00 I almost went in Spirals.
1:10:33 Speaker 01 The tone of voice is not Blur, but the music is.
1:10:35 Speaker 00 Yeah, I almost went in Spir- in Spirals, actually, because of the tone of voice.
1:10:39 Speaker 02 Uh, Jake performed Blur's There's No Other Way.
1:10:42 Speaker 00 Oh, I'm tense now.
1:10:43 Speaker 02 Flippity do. Okay, it's For All!
1:10:47 Speaker 00 This is sport.
1:10:48 Speaker 01 This is sport.
1:10:49 Speaker 00 This is sport. The World Cup will not be better than this.
1:10:52 Speaker 01 No, god, no.
1:10:53 Speaker 02 No.
1:10:54 Speaker 01 And more, this isn't corrupt.
1:10:56 Speaker 00 No. Well, you sometimes argue it is, but...
1:10:59 Speaker 01 Yeah, but this is it.
1:10:59 Speaker 00 And I've been paid enter grant and I lose anyway.
1:11:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:11:03 Speaker 02 All right, here we go. It's the winning round. Let's play.
1:11:13 Speaker 00 Gorgeous.
1:11:14 Speaker 02 Gorgeous.
1:11:17 Speaker 00 Fleet Foxes.
1:11:19 Speaker 02 It's the win for Gorgeous.
1:11:21 Speaker 01 Oh, wow.
1:11:24 Speaker 00 Henry.
1:11:25 Speaker 01 That's sport.
1:11:25 Speaker 02 That is sport.
1:11:28 Speaker 01 Good grief.
1:11:30 Speaker 00 Wow.
1:11:31 Speaker 01 I don't think I would have got Fleet Foxes in a billion years.
1:11:33 Speaker 00 Just my head swimming. I could thought, I thought it was like a Birch Anshur and Nick Drake initially.
1:11:39 Speaker 02 Do you know what's nice?
1:11:39 Speaker 00 The vocals.
1:11:40 Speaker 02 As a full circle moment, that theme was played under the game where you, where you absolutely lost it when we had to do noises as numbers.
1:11:49 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
1:11:49 Speaker 02 And you didn't, he had to go like a ooga, but you didn't quite understand.
1:11:54 Speaker 00 And that was really played under my head.
1:11:56 Speaker 01 The clip that's being used by GPs nationwide.
1:11:58 Speaker 02 Yeah. And it's in our British Podcast Awards nomination.
1:12:02 Speaker 00 When I, when I played Izzy the clip, her face fell. Because she thought, is this, am I married to this?
1:12:10 Speaker 02 Do you want one more for fun?
1:12:11 Speaker 00 Yeah.
1:12:12 Speaker 02 Yeah. So Alice wins. Uh, round 10. Names of Buzzers.
1:12:20 Speaker 01 John.
1:12:21 Speaker 00 John.
1:12:21 Speaker 01 Cameron Winter.
1:12:22 Speaker 00 It's Cameron Winter. Of course it is. Of course it bloody is.
1:12:24 Speaker 01 Very good. Thank you so much for sending that in.
1:12:27 Speaker 02 I'm surprised we've never thought of doing that game because it's a great, well-produced game. It's lovely.
1:12:32 Speaker 01 Right. Well, I think that's a nice snappy way to end today's show. Uh, thank you for being with us. Um, remember, email in if you have ever got the ick late into a relationship.
1:12:41 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah. Good question.
1:12:42 Speaker 01 And made you end the relationship or have a real stark conversation with your partner.
1:12:47 Speaker 00 Maybe your partner's changed and has started doing something that they didn't used to do.
1:12:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, maybe they got into crypto.
1:12:54 Speaker 00 Yeah. Well, yeah.
1:12:56 Speaker 01 Yeah. Maybe that gave you the ick.
1:12:58 Speaker 00 Yeah. What's the ick threshold? At what point do you think, well, this is me now? At what point do you end the relationship?
1:13:06 Speaker 02 But it's the other way around, isn't it? If you like someone enough, you're kind of spotting the icks early doors, but then it's fine.
1:13:13 Speaker 01 But what if you walked in on them in the bathroom and found them wiping their bum in a very strange way? Because you would never have known.
1:13:23 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's a good one.
1:13:24 Speaker 01 What?
1:13:25 Speaker 02 Whoa. Why on your head?
1:13:27 Speaker 01 In front of the mirror?
1:13:28 Speaker 00 With a frying pan.
1:13:30 Speaker 01 With a brush of your own hair.
1:13:33 Speaker 00 Oh, my God, I'm going out with an odd king.
1:13:37 Speaker 01 Hello at Ellis and John dot com.
1:13:40 Speaker 00 Yes, I mean, love your emails on this. John's asked a good question there. I can't wait to read your emails on this. Keep them anonymous if you like.
1:13:46 Speaker 02 Absolutely. And we'll be back Friday with hopefully a few updates from the football match that you played over the weekend. So we'll have some stuff on that.
1:13:54 Speaker 00 Yes. Anyway, thank you very much for listening. We're back next week. Goodbye.
1:14:05 Speaker 03 I've got big news. I switched to Verizon and got the new iPhone 18 Pro. I can keep my old phone and I also get the latest iPhone every year. Shh, anything else? Verizon let me choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on them. Everybody, listen up. Switch to Verizon and get the new iPhone 18 Pro now. No trade in needed. And the latest iPhone every year with Simplicity Plan. Plus, choose Apple Watch Series 12 or iPad on us. Simplicity Plan with Simplicity Pro required. Plan and device payment purchase are separate agreements with separate terms. Service plan for Watch or iPad required. Additional terms apply for all offers.
1:14:35 Speaker 02 Help I Sexed My Boss is the podcast where manners meets mayhem.
1:14:39 Speaker 05 I'm William Hanson.
1:14:40 Speaker 02 I'm Jordan North.
1:14:41 Speaker 05 And together we take on the hilarious challenges of modern life.
1:14:44 Speaker 02 William's the arbiter of etiquette.
1:14:46 Speaker 05 And Jordan's the chaotic yin to my perfectly polished yang.
1:14:50 Speaker 02 So if you want laugh out loud stories and brutally honest moments, then you'll love Help I Sexed My Boss.
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1:15:07 Speaker 01 Thanks for listening to the show and you can follow us on Instagram and TikTok at Ellis and John for more content.
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Previous #540 - Hate Merch, (Non-Predator) and Institutional/Pedantic Failures Next #542 - Junk Kerplunk, Big Low Bum and Is It Time For =? Page updated October 30, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated