Would I Lie To You?

Bob hosts a game built on lies. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  This is the sound of peace. Peace of mind knowing you're behind the wheel of Consumer Reports' safest new car brand, Mazda. The Mazda CX-50 Hybrid comes standard with a suite of proactive safety features, so you can drive in peace and confidence wherever the road takes you. Mazda, tap the banner to discover how confidence comes standard. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services. Visit MazdaUSA.com to learn more.

• 0:29Speaker 01

  Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, non-bipedal Bob's baby flies the coop, then he forces his friends to fib. Wisand Wade doesn't defeat decrepitude, threatens infanticide, rips Sam and Dean, then thinks hard. Molested Mark breaks a metabone, gets technical about shooting, then noses necromancy, and dishwashers. From email overload to the female orgasm. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. It's time for Would I Lie to You?

• 1:09Speaker 01

  Now, sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

• 1:17Bob Muyskens?

  Hello and welcome back to another episode of the longest-running episodic chronicling of three men aging ungracefully. That's right, it's time for another episode of Distractible.

• 1:29Speaker 03

  Oh, man. Oh, come on, guys.

• 1:31Bob Muyskens?

  I got cast on my leg. All right, I'm not feeling good about where my, my situation is. Doesn't really reflect that much on you guys.

• 1:38Speaker 04

  And I feel pretty reflected.

• 1:40Bob Muyskens?

  It's just your bald, bald head. That's right, I'm your host. My name is Bob. I won the last one somehow. I don't remember feeling like I should have won, but I, I did. And so I get to host this. The two other voices you've heard so far are, of course, Mark and Wade. They're always here. One of them's gonna win, unless I do. We just had that happen with, with Wayne with the back-to-back, so you never know.

• 2:01Speaker 04

  I felt really good. That felt really good.

• 2:03Bob Muyskens?

  But probably one of them's gonna win. They're gonna host the next one. Blah, blah, blah, there's other rules. We don't remember them. We're gonna imply them at random. Before we get into the game that I have planned for today that I worked on, I think I could say hours. I spent hours on this. Might be embarrassing, depending on how the game goes. Uh, small talk. How are you guys doing today?

• 2:22Speaker 04

  Very good.

• 2:23Speaker 03

  Wonderful. Thanks for asking.

• 2:26Bob Muyskens?

  It sounds good.

• 2:27Speaker 03

  I have to, I'm turning into, you know, Adam Driver's character in SNL when he was the oil tycoon, stabbed the bird.

• 2:36Speaker 04

  Yes, I love that.

• 2:37Speaker 03

  I feel like day by day, I'm turning into that man with my various business enterprises and the various, I, I have to send so many emails. I, I never imagined I would be at this point in my life where my, my entire existence revolves around sending emails. And that's what I do a day and day. To whom it may concern, go fuck yourself. To whom it may concern, I hope you die. To whom it may concern. You know, man, business is so hard.

• 3:06Bob Muyskens?

  When 15 years ago, Mark made that choice and was like, look, I could have a job in, in biomedical engineering where I send a lot of emails, sit at a desk, or I could have fun with my life. Never saw this coming.

• 3:22Speaker 04

  I look at Mark and I just wanna say.

• 3:23Speaker 05

  Who's HR Pickens?

• 3:25Bob Muyskens?

  Exactly.

• 3:26Speaker 04

  I think it was HR Pickens and his name was like something, something Parnassus.

• 3:29Bob Muyskens?

  I just remember when he stabbed his cane through the bird and everyone was just like,

• 3:37Bob Muyskens?

  Ross isn't gonna like that.

• 3:39Speaker 04

  A very good character. I would watch a whole movie based on that character. He got cast in, uh, X-Men or something, I think, or like for 2028?

• 3:46Bob Muyskens?

  I saw that. He, they, he introduced his character by their civilian name, and I don't know enough about it to know what that means, but apparently he's gonna play some, someone in the X-Men people.

• 3:57Speaker 04

  I've learned most of my Marvel lore and X-Men lore and everything else from watching movies in the last 10 years or so, so, uh, probably, when did Iron Man come out? 2008 or 9? I guess it's been more than 10 years or so.

• 4:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, almost 20, one might say.

• 4:10Speaker 04

  No.

• 4:13Speaker 04

  Don't do that.

• 4:16Speaker 04

  Don't do that to me. Oh, God. You're right.

• 4:19Speaker 03

  It's not that bad, man. It's not that bad. It's not your fault.

• 4:22Bob Muyskens?

  Just wait till you hear when you were born.

• 4:24Speaker 03

  I think, I think when every time someone has a revelation like that, they actually physically grow older in that moment, cuz their body, their brain is like, oh, yeah, we're older. Hit the button.

• 4:34Speaker 04

  There's been so many moments where I've pictured myself as Matt Damon aging and saving Private Ryan, that gif of him just like.

• 4:42Speaker 03

  Okay, well, it's not that bad, man. It's, it's not that bad. He's a little sad when he's doing it, but you know, it's not that bad.

• 4:48Speaker 04

  It's me, Matt Damon.

• 4:50Bob Muyskens?

  No, that's not how he talks. They go, Matt Damon.

• 4:53Speaker 03

  His eyes are actually perfectly open, you know, when, when he's old. Is it, I'm looking at it right now. It's just like he's, no, that's not it. No, he's looking at a grave, remember? He's looking at a grave.

• 5:03Bob Muyskens?

  For listeners, Wade just did a one-for-one recreation of the scene from Saving Private Ryan where they age Matt Damon to be very, very old. That is, that is.

• 5:13Speaker 04

  Look, with Sam's assistance, no one will ever know I didn't pull it off. Right, Sam?

• 5:19Bob Muyskens?

  Chucking him out hot and fast.

• 5:21Speaker 03

  Right, Sam?

• 5:23Bob Muyskens?

  Well, today's a big day for me, too, and I'm allowed to talk about small talk. I couldn't keep it in, and so I already said this to you guys, but James's first day of preschool was today. We did the old picture by the front door. He got a new, uh, his first ever backpack, carried it proudly to school. It's like way too big for him, cuz even the smallest backpack that we could find at the store is for like, I don't know, a five-year-old, and he's three, but I think he had a good time. Yeah, I told you before we, I don't know if it was before we were recording, but you're screaming and moaning, but I think he just had to go down for nap time.

• 5:54Speaker 04

  It was so good he didn't wanna come home. That's why he was sad.

• 5:57Bob Muyskens?

  I mean, almost definitely. If there's anything that I know James would enjoy, it's a room full of other kids who are not allowed to leave, and they're all supposed to play together and work and become friends. His biggest, his biggest sadness in life is when we go to the playground and like other kids are already doing something else, and he just comes and is like, can I play? And they're like, we're high schoolers, you can't play with us. And then they leave, and he's like, I could, I could have done it.

• 6:24Bob Muyskens?

  Why are these guys so fucking mean to me? I could have done it.

• 6:28Speaker 04

  They know he'd come steal their girls.

• 6:29Bob Muyskens?

  He's gonna steal yours first.

• 6:31Speaker 04

  I, he, yeah.

• 6:32Bob Muyskens?

  He's not subtle about working on that either.

• 6:34Speaker 04

  He is not.

• 6:35Bob Muyskens?

  Does it right in front of you. Doesn't give shit.

• 6:36Speaker 04

  He is very ballsy. I gotta respect it. Like, I, you know, if I lose, I lose at this point, like.

• 6:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's, it's, it's you complacency.

• 6:44Speaker 04

  Game on, like.

• 6:47Bob Muyskens?

  Whoa, hey, wait, I have to, I have to ask. You're not gonna, you're not planning on doing anything to my three-year-old son, are you?

• 6:52Speaker 04

  We'll see how far he's willing to go, man. If he escalates, I'm escalating.

• 6:56Bob Muyskens?

  I don't like that answer. That's not a good answer. It's unsatisfactory. Check minus on your report card there.

• 7:03Speaker 03

  You have a report card in front of you. You could, you could do things like that. Mr. Judge, sir.

• 7:07Bob Muyskens?

  Good point.

• 7:09Speaker 04

  No, wait, hold on. No, no, no, I'm aging again. I'm aging against Sam.

• 7:12Speaker 03

  No, make him, Sam, make him younger.

• 7:16Bob Muyskens?

  Actually, that works. That's, you get, find another age where bald is totally appropriate.

• 7:20Speaker 04

  Wait, I'm a baby again. That means game on with James again. We're the same age now.

• 7:26Speaker 03

  This story's getting a little complicated.

• 7:28Bob Muyskens?

  It's like a combination of Benjamin Button and The Notebook. Uh, probably not The Notebook. I just don't know a lot of romance movies.

• 7:34Speaker 03

  I've never watched The Notebook, so I don't know.

• 7:37Speaker 04

  Oh, uh, Wedding Crashers, that's probably not a romance movie.

• 7:40Bob Muyskens?

  Honestly, The Notebook is a good movie, unless you have dementia in a family member or something, and it is possibly the saddest, for me, like the scariest movie I've ever watched.

• 7:53Speaker 04

  Speaking of the choose-your-ones, though, uh, people were asking, hey, Wade, great episode. Wade are just completely rip-off Supernatural, cuz there's a Supernatural episode about like a pagan god where a town makes sacrifices. But I was like, okay, one, there's like an X-Files episode. I think there's an entire Goosebumps episode that came out before Supernatural with that. And then Children of the Corn, like, there's a lot of things. And then, um.

• 8:13Speaker 03

  Half of every indie horror game ever made is kind of also cult in town.

• 8:17Speaker 04

  Outlast 2 is like all cult in town.

• 8:20Bob Muyskens?

  That one with the goat.

• 8:21Speaker 03

  So not only did you rip off that one episode, you ripped off everything in the world.

• 8:28Speaker 04

  Norse mythology, the harvesting gods, the vin, vinegar, vinegar, whatever. I played Fears the Fathom recently. That's kinda like got that town culty vibe to it. So there's a lot of, a lot of town culty vibe things. So if you guys are gonna blame me for ripping off Supernatural, give credit to the other things I ripped off, too.

• 8:44Bob Muyskens?

  Actually, you know, there was a 1973 film by the name of Cult Town? Damn it. I used to make that joke all the time. I remember how unoriginal you've been this whole time.

• 8:55Speaker 04

  Whenever I was writing it and I came up with the name The Shepherd, every time I would like write down that word, all I would hear is like Mass Effect people going, Shepherd?

• 9:02Speaker 03

  That's, that's what I got to, but I didn't wanna say anything to ruin the mood.

• 9:04Speaker 04

  Every time I hear the word Shepherd, I'm like, Shepherd? This is my favorite cult in the Citadel.

• 9:08Speaker 03

  Shepherd, my quads. My quads, Shepherd.

• 9:11Bob Muyskens?

  Yes, Shepherd. My calibrations.

• 9:13Speaker 03

  Calibrate me, Shep Daddy. What was the other Krogan's name? The one that no one liked? It was like the, the two baby Krogan or something like that.

• 9:20Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, I really can't remember. I remember that character vividly, cuz he's fucking annoying, but.

• 9:25Speaker 03

  I, yeah, Rex stands out like super hard. I can't remember the other one's name.

• 9:29Speaker 04

  There's only two things I remember from Mass Effect 2, and it's Miranda.

• 9:32Bob Muyskens?

  Why? What does that mean? That's funny. Explain it.

• 9:36Speaker 04

  Uh, cuz I love the voice actress, Yvonne Strachausky.

• 9:39Speaker 05

  And the body.

• 9:41Speaker 04

  What the fuck?

• 9:45Bob Muyskens?

  I think if you just made said that and didn't make those noises, I'd feel way better about it.

• 9:50Speaker 03

  Wait, I know we've covered this before, but so Miranda was your romance of choice? Oh, yeah. I was tally. The only one that I don't I have any, any respect for is Liara. Anyone that's like, I remember it's Liara. I'm like, that's the worst choice. And that's terrible. That's that doesn't, that doesn't make any sense to me. You know what? That's, that's not okay.

• 10:09Bob Muyskens?

  It's been a long time, but I have done playthroughs both with Miranda and Tally. Still the only correct choices, really.

• 10:15Speaker 04

  Those would definitely be my top two. I can't remember all the other characters. You could remember it's like Ashley or what was the guy's name that everyone let die in the first one?

• 10:28Speaker 03

  The people working on him in the third game being like, no one's gonna ever see this. No one ever has done this.

• 10:34Bob Muyskens?

  This is for the three of you that killed Ashley.

• 10:36Speaker 03

  The voice actor for that. It's like, you guys are gonna call me back, right? For the third game, technically some people.

• 10:41Bob Muyskens?

  There are dozens of us.

• 10:43Speaker 03

  Was his name? I can't even remember.

• 10:45Speaker 04

  Kayden, Carl, Tim.

• 10:47Speaker 03

  Kayden, that was right. Wow. Is that right? Hey, see, see?

• 10:51Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, Kayden, I definitely let you die.

• 10:53Speaker 03

  I have one more thing. I got one more. If, if you don't mind. Last week, I went down. Oops, upside down. Hold on. And it's, I went down to GoPro, not headquarters. I was not shot in the middle of the desert. I met them and they were very respectful, happy to see me. I meant the team. And then they handed me.

• 11:16Speaker 00

  This is the sound of confidence. Confidence behind the wheel of the Mazda CX 50 Hybrid. It comes standard with a suite of proactive safety features and lets you explore far and wide with an EPA estimated 38 miles per gallon combined and electronic all wheel drive. Mazda, move and be moved. Tap the banner to discover how confidence comes standard. Mileage will vary based on vehicle condition, driving habits, and other factors. Use for comparison purposes only. Actual results will vary.

• 11:50Speaker 03

  Piece of plastic just fell off.

• 11:53Speaker 04

  Round and round will shatter.

• 11:54Bob Muyskens?

  Crash noise, explosion in the background.

• 11:57Speaker 03

  The softest kiting. Anyway, look, I have it.

• 12:02Bob Muyskens?

  Ooh.

• 12:02Speaker 03

  Y I L S.

• 12:05Speaker 04

  The lens looking like it weighs three times the amount the camera does is crazy.

• 12:08Bob Muyskens?

  I absolutely checked in because you did a stream like that afternoon or that night. I went to the stream because I was like, I gotta know what happened and you. It, it, I saw that it was fine, but the only other thing I do know is I saw a clip of you. I was, you'd be like, uh, showing it off and then being like, it's brand new. I just got this drop. Something hits the desk and you're going, it's not broken. It's not, it's not. It's.

• 12:40Bob Muyskens?

  What did you break?

• 12:41Speaker 03

  It wasn't the camera itself. It was a mount. So this is, uh, it was something called, um, a, uh, Meta Bones speed booster. So it's the plastic case that that came in. Meta Bones does have some answering to do because that, that is a brand new thing I got from them. It was a shard inside, one of the retaining walls of plastic, shored it off. And then even inside the Meta Bones, like little clip, there was another piece that was broken inside of it. So that's supposed to be brand new. And that thing, uh, that, that thing was very, uh, very not new feeling. So, uh.

• 13:17Bob Muyskens?

  Some sketchy shit going on there.

• 13:19Speaker 03

  This camera is all lens and this is a tiny lens. It is so small.

• 13:27Bob Muyskens?

  It looks like the camera setup that like a chipmunk filming the chipmunk NFL would use. You know how sport, sports photographers always have like fucking two, two foot long, uh, lenses?

• 13:41Speaker 03

  This is so fun. It is everything I was hoping it would be, but I'm doing a video, uh, where I compare it to just about every camera I own. Uh, and I own some really high end cinema cameras. And there are some, there are some things that this thing can do that those cannot do. Uh, like 4K 240 is, is such a really nice slow motion frame rate. My Reds can't do that, or at least the Komodo cannot do that. Look, this is the stubbier nine millimeter one.

• 14:09Bob Muyskens?

  It looks very satisfying.

• 14:11Speaker 03

  It's so, it's like cold and baby shoes, you know? It's like, this is always so, oh, so dainty and cute. It's so, I fucking love, it's the perfect intersection of like all of my interests, like lens. I'm literally surrounded by lenses, of course.

• 14:27Speaker 04

  You mean the camera, not baby shoes, right?

• 14:29Speaker 03

  Yes, well.

• 14:32Speaker 03

  Baby shoes, man. Uh, but it's just so fucking cute. It's so useful. It's so fun. I also think it's incredible. Anyway, I could, I could go on about it for ages, but I'm gonna let, I'm gonna let the video do the talking. Um, because I'm preparing it for when, you know, pre-orders are gonna go up. Uh, and I, I have, uh, probably tomorrow, I'm going to try to set all things up so I can get, I'm gonna have Jason in his workshop, like welding in slow motion. And I'm gonna have him like sanding stuff, do woodworking. I'm gonna light it all nice and I'm gonna have this literally riding on top of my red camera and all my other cameras. As I do like slider shots.

• 15:10Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah. Can you just cold chew that on top of a camera?

• 15:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, absolutely. I totally could. I, I could get a little, uh, three eights to cold chew or quarter, whatever it is to, to cold chew adapter. I could put it right on there or I could have a little magic arm that I can put out there.

• 15:24Speaker 04

  You just balance it.

• 15:26Bob Muyskens?

  So when are you gonna get the shot where you take it and skip it across the surface of your pool and slam it? Slam it into the wall of the far side at a hundred miles an hour.

• 15:36Speaker 03

  I, I already have that shot. I could pull it out. I just didn't, uh, I didn't post it. I'm so excited about this. I think as far as like people's first cinema camera or like introduction to it. This is one of, if not the best option that'll come out for people getting started in that world. Uh, and it's just such a fun option, especially when some cameras are coming out, like cinema cameras and they're like, I mean, the, the, the cheapest red is $7,000, you know? The, the, the new FX five got announced and I don't even know what the price of that thing is.

• 16:09Bob Muyskens?

  Well, I have to imagine too, for, for traveling, even bringing like a DSLR with, you know, a moderate assortment of lenses. If you're trying to travel and do like a shoot somewhere or something compared to that, where it's literally like the tiniest Pelican case thing that they make.

• 16:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:25Bob Muyskens?

  You can just chuck it in your backpack or like fit it in your, in your carry on with the rest of your stuff you need, like.

• 16:32Speaker 04

  Some of the new, um, Sony cameras don't even come with lenses. You just have to download them and hope that the, uh, license for them doesn't expire.

• 16:38Bob Muyskens?

  Now, wait a minute. You wouldn't download a lens, would you?

• 16:42Speaker 04

  Of course you would. Why not?

• 16:44Speaker 03

  Technically in the way, when I got the, uh, the macro adapter for that one, I guess I kinda downloaded that lens. Anyway, so it's, it's very cool. And I think that people are gonna find a lot of cool things to, uh, use it for.

• 16:56Bob Muyskens?

  Plus you're the first person that I know personally to have one.

• 17:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm the, I'm the first person of the three here that has it.

• 17:04Speaker 04

  We're the only ones, you know?

• 17:06Bob Muyskens?

  I know more people personally than just us. Okay. I have four pinned text conversations in my iMessage app.

• 17:14Speaker 04

  I, uh, real quick health update. I jumped off a diving board for the first time in like a year. I, my knee was, I, I got the jump.

• 17:22Bob Muyskens?

  What'd you break?

• 17:23Speaker 04

  Nothing. Almost my spine, but, because I, I landed a little bit harder on the deep end than I expected to. So like my back was like, hey, but it's fine. Everything's fine.

• 17:32Speaker 03

  You landed on the deep end, like on the, the bottom?

• 17:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, I didn't like my very first jump. I was like, well, I'm not gonna like cannonball or anything. I don't wanna like have my knee hit first. So I'll just like pencil jump in and you go down really fast. And I was like, my knee, it feels great. Hits bottom of floor, doesn't bend legs, spine.

• 17:52Bob Muyskens?

  Nice, nice.

• 17:53Speaker 04

  So I better not bend my knees. That'd be a terrible idea. Wait, no, it would.

• 17:57Bob Muyskens?

  So all my favorite football players say, the moment you get hit, what you wanna do is stiff as a board, made of stone. Nothing bends. That way you survive with no injuries.

• 18:06Speaker 04

  I should have, I always, almost, I always bend my knees, man. Like I don't, watching college basketball as a kid and I played basketball. Couple of those injuries where someone would like jump to like block something and land and not bend their leg and their like leg would snap.

• 18:19Bob Muyskens?

  I hate that so much.

• 18:20Speaker 04

  So like whenever I did that, I was like, good thing there was water, because that would have been the end of me otherwise. I'm starting to ramp up physical activity again. I can walk. I tried diving board and leg good, leg good.

• 18:33Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah, I can't wait till I'm allowed to walk again. Ready? It is getting better, but I still have like a month minimum of not really supposed to be walking at all. So.

• 18:43Speaker 04

  Does that mean you can't like swim or anything too for however long?

• 18:46Bob Muyskens?

  Not even at all. I can barely take a shower. Cause I have the cast I have on, I'm not allowed, I'm not supposed to get wet at all. If it gets more than just droplets on it, I'm supposed to go and have them replace it. And, uh, yeah, I mean, I get replaced once a week anyway, because they cut it open and they have to look at the, the wound on my foot, but.

• 19:04Speaker 03

  Oh my God.

• 19:05Bob Muyskens?

  Someday I'll be allowed to walk like a human.

• 19:08Speaker 04

  It's nice. It's nice coming back after like two months of hobbling along. It's, it was nice to like move again.

• 19:15Bob Muyskens?

  Someday. Hey, you guys wanna play a game?

• 19:17Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 19:19Bob Muyskens?

  Uh, first I'm gonna flip a coin to see who gets to go first. Lion is Wade, lady is Mark.

• 19:27Bob Muyskens?

  This is a normal coin. Don't question it. I see a lady.

• 19:31Speaker 04

  I'm usually ladies. So whatever he said at this time, I was like, oh, I'm not lady for once.

• 19:34Bob Muyskens?

  Today's game is gonna be called, Would I Lie To You?

• 19:39Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, yes, ding, yes.

• 19:41Bob Muyskens?

  Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not the one who will be saying, Would I Lie To You? Nor will I be the one who's lying. You guys are gonna take turns. And I'm gonna say, because it's Mark's turn first, I'm gonna give you, I'm gonna send you a message first. The message is going to first say whether the, the fact that I'm sending you is true or false. And then it's going to have a fact that I want you to say as convincingly as possible. Or maybe as unconvincingly as possible. Is there just a list of accumulated facts? And some of them are true and some of them are false, but all of them hopefully sound like they could be true. Or sound so silly, uh, but are actually, you know, sound like they should be false, but they are true.

• 20:23Bob Muyskens?

  Tried my best to get a, a range of facts. So I'm gonna tell you, this is a lie. Or this is true. And then I'm gonna send you the thing. And your job as the person who has to say the fact is obviously to totally ignore the first message I send you and not let that play on your psyche at all. And then convincingly, uh, communicate the fact.

• 20:44Speaker 03

  Yeah. So no matter what, I'm just trying to say what you send as honestly as possible.

• 20:49Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah. Unless maybe you know that it's true or like it's, you know, I, the one of them is like, the earth is round. And you're like, well, okay. Uh, but you can try and say it deceptively, but like, it's a game of reading each other. You do have to have your eyes open for this one, Wade.

• 21:06Speaker 03

  No, Wade, you can close your eyes. Close your eyes, Wade.

• 21:09Speaker 04

  This is true. True or false?

• 21:12Bob Muyskens?

  I'm gonna try really hard not to send the message to the wrong person or say it out loud.

• 21:17Speaker 03

  All right.

• 21:18Bob Muyskens?

  But Mark, here is your first fact. And then Wade, observe.

• 21:25Speaker 03

  Focus. All right. So if you were to take every single bacteria on the planet. And you were to stack them up on top of each other, one single bacteria on top. It would stretch for a single continuous line for 10 billion light years.

• 21:44Bob Muyskens?

  Do you know what a light year is?

• 21:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, I learned that from Toy Story. 10 billion light years.

• 21:49Speaker 03

  10 billion light years.

• 21:51Speaker 04

  That's so oddly specific. I want to believe it's true, but that sounds too big.

• 21:55Bob Muyskens?

  I don't even know, what's the size of the universe? Is that like, that's beyond the distance that we can perceive anything, right? Cause like what, I don't know. I don't know enough about like space and shit. Sorry, I'm not participating in the game. I'm just listening. Just sounds like a really big number. Sounds far.

• 22:10Speaker 04

  If you'd said like to the moon or Mars or something, I'd be like, oh, that's crazy. But to 10 billion light years, sounds unfathomable. I'm gonna say false.

• 22:18Bob Muyskens?

  That one is true.

• 22:22Speaker 04

  I meant true.

• 22:23Speaker 03

  That means I win, right?

• 22:24Bob Muyskens?

  Another way to phrase that would be to say that Earth's, uh, point 001 millimeter long microbes would could wrap around the Milky Way over 20,000 times. If you like, did it in a circle around the Milky Way.

• 22:38Speaker 03

  You know, even when he typed that to me, it, he was like, this is true. I really was like, that seems a lie. Even in my head, as I was saying, I was like, man, I'm trying to convince him that this is true. How do I, how do I feel convincing? Cause 10 billion light years is a lot. But then again, there's a lot of bacteria on the planet.

• 22:56Speaker 04

  I mean, yeah, there is, but like, I feel like the planet would have to be bigger to hold that much stuff.

• 23:02Speaker 03

  But even like right here on the palm of my hand, even if I've just washed it, there's probably still gonna be millions.

• 23:07Speaker 05

  On my, just my hand, right?

• 23:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, but like you don't stretch out your hand that all of a sudden you're slapping Venus on the ass, you know?

• 23:14Speaker 03

  Well, I mean, maybe.

• 23:17Bob Muyskens?

  Maybe you don't.

• 23:19Speaker 03

  Look, me and Venus, we're very close. And if I wanna slap Venus on the ass with my hand bacteria.

• 23:26Speaker 04

  Is that good for Mark that I was wrong? Or does Mark want, does he want me to be right?

• 23:29Bob Muyskens?

  The person stating the fact or, or the lie is attempting to deceive, right? So Mark won because he got, he, you said the wrong, you chose the wrong answer. And Mark deceived you. And the guesser wins when they accurately guess. So you, when you're picking true or false, you wanna be right. Cause that means you were not deceived.

• 23:51Speaker 04

  Well, how many times in a row could I possibly lose a coin flip anyway? If I just, you know?

• 23:55Bob Muyskens?

  A lot.

• 23:56Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 23:59Bob Muyskens?

  All right, Wade, I'm sending you your factoid.

• 24:04Speaker 04

  Mark, wearing a tie can reduce blood, blood flow to your brain by seven and a half percent.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  Okay, I would believe that wearing a tie would could reduce blood flow. But it's weirdly specific percentage. Seven and a half percent. How do you even measure?

• 24:25Bob Muyskens?

  Is that like a known lie number? Oh, you're thinking about like?

• 24:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, like how would they just determine that percentage?

• 24:32Speaker 04

  They use the metric system.

• 24:34Bob Muyskens?

  Blood mometer?

• 24:35Speaker 03

  What do they get? Like London percent? What, what kind of other percents are there? They got like kilo percents?

• 24:41Bob Muyskens?

  Percenta grade.

• 24:43Speaker 03

  Is that where centigrade comes from?

• 24:45Bob Muyskens?

  Yes, yes.

• 24:46Speaker 03

  Man, I'm gonna say it's false just based on seven and a half seems like a weird number. I guess 10 billion light years also seems like a weird number, but I'm just gonna say maybe false.

• 24:56Bob Muyskens?

  That fact was true.

• 24:59Speaker 03

  Damn.

• 25:02Bob Muyskens?

  A study in 2018 found that wearing a necktie can reduce blood flow to your brain by up to seven and a half percent. It can also increase the pressure in your eyes if your tie is on too tight. Um, and also ties carry a lot of germs, which I hadn't thought about until I put this together. But do you wash your ties? You ever washed a tie?

• 25:23Speaker 03

  That's a good question. I guess I, I guess I haven't.

• 25:26Bob Muyskens?

  So how many functions have you worn that tie at where you maybe like shook hands with people or hugged people? You know, it never gets wa- I've owned ties for literally like almost two decades. Cause I still have a couple of ties that I, I got in like high school, middle school, high school era. That I don't really wear, cause they're kinda old and beat up, but that's two decades worth of germs and shit soaked into that bad boy.

• 25:49Speaker 04

  That's crazy.

• 25:50Bob Muyskens?

  So anyway, no one should wear ties, cause they're fucking gross.

• 25:53Speaker 04

  Yeah. And dress socks. You don't wash those, right? You don't wash dress socks?

• 25:56Bob Muyskens?

  I've, I've never washed a single item of clothing I've ever worn. Why would you?

• 26:01Speaker 04

  True. I believe you. True.

• 26:03Bob Muyskens?

  All right, Mark. I, I wish I had thought of a more efficient way to do this. And I'm not having trouble copying and pasting stuff. There is your factoid, Mark. Oh, I had this thought too, cause both of the first two ones had numbers in them. You don't have to say all the info that I send you. If you think it will help you be deceitful, like if you thought 10 billion light years was a lot of light years and you were hoping. I guess you can't lie. So that one you can't really, but like for Wade's, you could just say it could reduce the blood flow to your brain. Can't lie, can't add stuff you're making up necessarily, but you can leave, if this is, if it's a complicated fact, you can leave stuff out.

• 26:39Speaker 03

  I got it. I got it. Okay. Wade, look down. Look at your hands. What do you see? Do you see the toil that the years have plagued them? Do you see how they've changed from friend you were a child? Do you see how they have evolved?

• 26:52Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 26:53Speaker 03

  The story those hands tell, the places they've touched, the things they have grasped. Now look at your nails.

• 27:01Speaker 04

  Oh, God.

• 27:02Speaker 03

  Seem a little longer, don't they? Huh? Yeah. Did you know your nails grow faster in summer?

• 27:09Speaker 04

  That feels awesome. But remember what nails are made of? Carrot juice or something?

• 27:15Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah, yeah. Carrot, carrot juice.

• 27:17Speaker 04

  And we get carrots in from not carrots, probably.

• 27:20Bob Muyskens?

  I don't think so. Yeah. I think, I think you're right.

• 27:22Speaker 04

  Carrots grow in the summer better than they grow in the winter.

• 27:25Bob Muyskens?

  This is exactly where I hoped this game would go.

• 27:27Speaker 04

  Frosty, a lot hornier in the summer while he's dying. His carrot nose. God, that feels so stupid. So I'll say true, cause I don't believe it.

• 27:36Bob Muyskens?

  That one is true.

• 27:39Speaker 03

  It's true. And I think I know why. It's because your, your circulation is better in warmer weather. So in the summer, you're, in the cold, your blood goes away from your extremities. But in the, in the warm temperature, your blood goes to your extremities more readily. I think that's probably the only reason why it would grow faster.

• 27:57Bob Muyskens?

  Did you reason that out yourself? Because that's exactly what I got from the, the place where I've outsourced that fact.

• 28:04Speaker 04

  I was also thinking like back years and years and years ago in the snow. If your nails would grow all summer, you'd have natural snow shovels for the winter.

• 28:11Bob Muyskens?

  Now this guy's thinking.

• 28:13Speaker 03

  That, now that, that is a thought. That is one thought. I thought that. He thought that. I believe that he thought that.

• 28:20Speaker 04

  True.

• 28:21Bob Muyskens?

  Don't overheat yourself with all this thinking.

• 28:23Speaker 04

  Oh, God. I'm gonna clip my nails, guys. It's getting too crazy in here.

• 28:26Bob Muyskens?

  That's okay. Wade, I have sent you your factoid.

• 28:31Speaker 04

  Mark, both hair and nails continue to grow after you die.

• 28:35Speaker 03

  Now I, I actually know this one. I know this one. This is false.

• 28:40Bob Muyskens?

  You are correct. This is false. Why do you know that?

• 28:43Speaker 04

  Yeah. What the hell? How many corpses are you hanging out with?

• 28:45Speaker 03

  Oh, you know, I've watched a lot of death in my time. I've seen it up close. I got my macro lenses on all the bodies that I see you after they pass. Um, I have extensive collections of footage, uh, from all kinds of angles of everything. Um, I have a library of it. So I, let's just say I'm well researched in the topics of death.

• 29:07Speaker 04

  That is one of those things they say though. Like whenever you're growing up, you'd like, I remember hearing it like, oh yeah, your nails and hair will continue to grow.

• 29:13Speaker 03

  That was a thing. Yeah. So that, that is a thing. But I do know that that's false. Because originally as a kid, I was like, they, they said that. And I was like, whoa. And then I, I remember like, I don't know, probably a Reddit post or something. Where I was like, it's not true. It's just, cause your skin recedes when you die.

• 29:27Bob Muyskens?

  Well, Mark's just stealing all my thunder from everything. That prevailing theory is that when you die, your body begins to dehydrate, which causes your skin to pull back and shrink, which makes your nails and the hair appear longer.

• 29:39Speaker 04

  Chokes on them, I'll still be bald.

• 29:42Speaker 03

  That'd be weird. You die and then all of a sudden, he's, that's a miracle. He's growing. Oh.

• 29:46Bob Muyskens?

  He did have hair in there. He was just hiding it.

• 29:48Speaker 04

  We find out that all the hair I thought wasn't growing was ingrowing. And so it's just like Afro tucked in, like wig your forehead, the wrinkles are starting to really come. It's like, no, it's just the hair trying to escape the skin layer.

• 30:01Bob Muyskens?

  Man, I hate that.

• 30:02Speaker 04

  I have a natural helmet of hair under my skin.

• 30:06Speaker 03

  Gross.

• 30:07Bob Muyskens?

  Don't worry. Your fact is coming, Mark.

• 30:12Bob Muyskens?

  You like this one?

• 30:13Speaker 03

  Wade.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  There might be a cure for evil.

• 30:26Speaker 04

  I'm waiting for more.

• 30:28Bob Muyskens?

  That's a fact. You could take that into the bank.

• 30:31Speaker 03

  Well, psychopathy anyway, maybe.

• 30:36Speaker 04

  I'm just gonna go with true, cuz that's, it's hard to disprove a negative, so.

• 30:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, I feel like I was set up for.

• 30:44Speaker 03

  Wiggle room in a mite.

• 30:45Bob Muyskens?

  Now that I'm seeing it in context, I see, I see the issue with that one. That, you're right, that is true.

• 30:53Bob Muyskens?

  I'd be pretty crazy if that was just straight up false, I guess. There's definitely, definitely no care for evil. Just kill those fuckers.

• 31:01Speaker 04

  Rehabilitation doesn't work, proven in this one sentence.

• 31:04Bob Muyskens?

  Anyway, the way that was phrased is pretty unfortunate. I was not gonna say any other word.

• 31:12Bob Muyskens?

  But there is research, it's preliminary, but there's research that suggests that computer-based cognitive training can help a person who is a psychopath experience empathy and regret. Assuming that those could be traits that are imparted and last beyond the therapy sessions, effectively carrying them off being a psychopath. Guess the thing about being a psychopath is that you don't feel empathy or regret or stuff, right?

• 31:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, so a lot of times with psychopathy, like, people are born with, like, the psychopathic trait. Doesn't mean anything comes of it. But if they actually become and start doing evil things, usually there's like a trigger in life. But from what I've understood, like, even at birth, the predisposition to psychopathy itself is already there, like the not feeling of emotion.

• 31:56Speaker 03

  No, no, I've seen this in Dexter. The, how to turn a baby evil. You dip them in a puddle of blood. That's it. According to that, you remember, have you seen Dexter? That's it. That's all it takes. You, as soon as a baby touches a puddle of blood, they're evil, and they will kill.

• 32:13Speaker 04

  I thought the blood of like a hundred virgins was supposed to give you eternal life or something. It made you evil.

• 32:17Speaker 03

  No, evil, straight up evil.

• 32:19Speaker 04

  So there you go. The cure to psychopathy is just don't dip in blood. We solved it.

• 32:23Speaker 03

  That's it. Yeah. And then do the opposite of blood to become good.

• 32:27Speaker 04

  Jeez.

• 32:34Speaker 03

  You know, I don't wanna say that's the opposite of blood.

• 32:36Bob Muyskens?

  I'm pretty sure that just makes the baby super evil. I think that, that just goes further in the same direction.

• 32:42Speaker 04

  There's a lot of problems with the, that thought experiment. We should move on immediately.

• 32:46Speaker 03

  Yep, it's him. He did it, officers. It was him. I'm Pope, I'm pointing at Wade.

• 32:51Speaker 04

  Whoa, Sam, make Mark point at himself.

• 32:57Bob Muyskens?

  All right, Wade, you have your factoid.

• 33:00Speaker 04

  All right, oh, man, Mark didn't have to read much at all. I gotta go back to choose your own adventure.

• 33:04Bob Muyskens?

  It needs a little explanation cuz I wasn't sure. I didn't know what this, what this thing was, so I wanted to make sure everyone was on the same page.

• 33:11Speaker 04

  Mark, a glass sponge is a deep sea animal with a skeleton made of silica, the exact same material used to make glass. Glass sponges can live for 15,000 years.

• 33:23Speaker 03

  Okay, so we gotta evaluate a lot of things here. Are, are there glass sponges? Okay, that's the first question.

• 33:30Bob Muyskens?

  I, I can confirm to you, I will say that is true. We can operate with the, uh, understanding that a glass sponge is a documented, a real-life, deep-sea creature.

• 33:42Speaker 03

  This is one of those things where it's like, if one is false, then the whole thing is false of these?

• 33:47Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, this is, this is endgame blueprint boxes bullshit.

• 33:50Bob Muyskens?

  The explanation of the glass sponge was just to be clear that we're not deciding if the animal exists, we're deciding how long they can live. The factoid at issue is they can live for 15,000 years. I'm not very good at looking to how these things are gonna play out in practice.

• 34:06Speaker 03

  I just throw shit at the wall.

• 34:08Speaker 04

  No, I like throwing Mark a paragraph and be like, is any of this false?

• 34:11Speaker 03

  All right, we gotta look up if there's any, like, cave paintings of glass sponges.

• 34:18Bob Muyskens?

  A lot of cave, cave people were deep sea exploring.

• 34:22Speaker 04

  Jesus's pet glass sponge is still going on. His great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandson still has it. Oh, Timmy the sponge.

• 34:30Speaker 03

  I remember in the Old Testament, they were talking.

• 34:33Speaker 06

  And then the eighth plague, the glass sponges rose from the ocean depth, went into Egypt, really scratched up everything.

• 34:44Speaker 04

  When Jesus walked on water, he was actually just stepping across glass sponges, but no one could tell cuz they were clear.

• 34:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, they didn't notice he was going.

• 34:56Speaker 03

  I, I, I, I bet wrong by thinking that a, a specific number was weird with seven and a half, so I'm gonna do the opposite, and I'm gonna run into a brick wall by doing it, I bet. And I'm gonna say this is true, but I'm guessing it's not. But I'm saying it's true.

• 35:13Bob Muyskens?

  And of course, this fact is true.

• 35:18Speaker 03

  Okay, all right.

• 35:19Bob Muyskens?

  Scientists actually hypothesize that these things could theoretically be immortal, that they are alive, but given the nature of their biology, they kinda could live forever, but obviously, that's pretty tough to document, given the linearity and stationarity of time. Uh, but maybe someday we'll know if they do live forever.

• 35:40Speaker 03

  I didn't know this, but glass actually is, it's made up of silica, but not even the majority of it. I was under the impression that you could just melt sand and you would boom, get glass. That's not it.

• 35:51Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah, kinda, kinda same.

• 35:53Speaker 03

  For modern glass, you need soda ash and limestone, uh, to, to make it, and then other ingredients to melt down with it.

• 36:00Bob Muyskens?

  Those things aren't clear at all.

• 36:03Speaker 04

  So if you get lime soda, you could just have all, everything ready in one go.

• 36:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, what he said. Wait, false, no.

• 36:09Speaker 04

  With the lime and the coconut.

• 36:10Bob Muyskens?

  No, I'm not giving you a point for that, no.

• 36:13Speaker 03

  But actually, a lot of old glass, um, was made of a material called mica, because it's a naturally forming mineral that's, uh, transparent, and you can cut it really easily into thin sheets. And, uh, it's, it's like, it's, if you see old, like, windows are brown, they have that brown and kinda rough texture to them, it's mica.

• 36:32Bob Muyskens?

  That's really interesting knowledge.

• 36:34Speaker 04

  If you're gonna replace old glass, make sure you get, replace all of it, though, cuz old glass kinda looks down on new glass, cuz, you know, it's not really been around and understand the customs and traditions.

• 36:43Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah, I see where you're going with that.

• 36:44Speaker 03

  I don't, I'm just saying, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:46Bob Muyskens?

  Well, good one, Mark. That's a good, that was a good one. Also, you have your fact.

• 36:50Speaker 03

  By definition, a snake's body is a limb.

• 36:55Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah, it's a penis.

• 36:57Speaker 04

  True, true, true, true.

• 36:59Bob Muyskens?

  Is that a limb? Wait.

• 37:00Speaker 04

  It is now.

• 37:01Bob Muyskens?

  I know mine is, but.

• 37:05Speaker 04

  I don't know what the definition of a limb technically is, so like.

• 37:08Speaker 03

  Well, you got the definition right there. By definition.

• 37:11Bob Muyskens?

  Every time the Bengals score a touchdown, two snake bodies up, baby.

• 37:15Speaker 04

  Something about this just feels weird cuz a snake still has organs and digest shit. I don't know what the exact definition of a limb is. I'm gonna say false.

• 37:24Speaker 03

  See, you forgot the tail. No, it's false.

• 37:29Speaker 04

  Oh, I was like, I mean, I could see it, but also that feels just not right.

• 37:34Bob Muyskens?

  I don't know how it does if you don't know what a limb is, cuz honestly, this is, this is one where, like, if that was true, I wouldn't even, I would just be like, oh, that's really interesting, man.

• 37:44Speaker 04

  Being as I have to guess, it's like, well, that one feels just naturally true, so let me think about it for a minute. It's like, well, a snake's body, literally, you eat digested shits and pisses and all that stuff, it's like, I don't know that a limb is supposed to have those functions.

• 37:56Speaker 03

  I don't even know. Yeah, let me look up the definition of limb. An arm, leg, or wing of a person or animal.

• 38:03Bob Muyskens?

  So tails, tails aren't limbs? Some species have, like, prehensile tails, so it's like, it's not a limb, but they can use it kind of like a limb?

• 38:12Speaker 03

  Okay, oh, interesting, all right. So apparently, a tail is a limb if it's prehensile. That is, that is a separate, but then, again, yeah, this is just one of those things where scientists are defining things and we have to go with, like, oh, Pluto's not a planet.

• 38:27Speaker 04

  Pluto is a limb, right?

• 38:30Speaker 03

  That's the conclusion we can reach here.

• 38:32Bob Muyskens?

  A penis.

• 38:36Speaker 03

  Why, why do we all start jerking off when we do that?

• 38:39Bob Muyskens?

  I just unlock something in the male brain. All the listeners at home, too, were like.

• 38:46Speaker 03

  You ever just, you ever just realize that the audience is gonna run with a joke really hard?

• 38:52Speaker 03

  No, you're in that moment. Oh, yeah, your penis is a limb, right?

• 38:59Speaker 04

  Anytime someone tells you something that's false, you're like, yeah, that's wrong. But if they tell you something that you believe.

• 39:04Bob Muyskens?

  Whoever's turn it is, I sent you a thing. Wade, you have a thing.

• 39:08Speaker 04

  Mark, your pinky toe or tiny toe, the toenail on that toe, your little toe, is called a spungle.

• 39:18Speaker 03

  That's impossible.

• 39:23Speaker 04

  I'm assuming it's a hard G.

• 39:24Bob Muyskens?

  I, I think you said a spungle. I think he said it right. Yes.

• 39:28Speaker 03

  This is like the fundus all over again. Not that you guys ever encountered this, but it's like the fundus is a part of the uterus.

• 39:35Speaker 04

  Oh, they said fun dip. And I was like, I don't think that's like fun dip at all.

• 39:38Speaker 03

  Oh, it's a fun dip for me.

• 39:40Bob Muyskens?

  No, wait, was that a, is that a redacted reference? I think I do remember that.

• 39:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, we were looking at the anatomy of, of uterus. The back of the uterus or back, I guess, top, I don't know. Back, the farthest part from the entrance of the uterus is called the fundus. And then you're supposed to tell me that the toenail specifically on the pinky is called a spungle?

• 40:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:01Speaker 03

  If this was true, I wouldn't want to live in a world where it was because this just feels like some scientist went awry with. Now I'm saying it's false because I don't want it to be true. And that's the only reason.

• 40:13Speaker 04

  Well, you got the Venkman, you got the stance, the Spangler, the Zedmore, the Spungle. The four Ghostbusters, and then the one who got rejected.

• 40:21Bob Muyskens?

  Well, boy, do I have some bad news for Wade, because that's false.

• 40:27Speaker 04

  Okay, good. I knew that. It said that in my document.

• 40:30Speaker 03

  I was about to like flip the coin because I like, I declare, we all define that as not.

• 40:38Bob Muyskens?

  No one's allowed to call that a spungle ever again.

• 40:42Speaker 04

  We, we've got it right. Like every time, I think, right? The person calling.

• 40:45Speaker 05

  I, I missed the seven and a half.

• 40:48Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah, you guys have done really well. You've done really well. It's okay, Mark. I'm giving you a really tricky one.

• 40:54Speaker 03

  Okay. Gold nuggets were named after chicken nuggets.

• 41:00Bob Muyskens?

  What's so funny, Wade?

• 41:01Speaker 04

  Just try to picture an old prospector like walking around with his panhandle. He's like, are my Dino Nuggets ready yet?

• 41:09Bob Muyskens?

  I don't know. They had, they had amorphous chicken nuggets, I think, back in the day, but.

• 41:15Speaker 04

  I don't know. When, when was the first chicken nugget? I want to say false. This feels, that feels wild. I think chicken nuggets were named after gold nuggets.

• 41:26Bob Muyskens?

  I really thought Wade would go for that one. That is false.

• 41:30Speaker 04

  It does. It was a dab, you know?

• 41:33Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, no. I might have to take a point away just for that, but.

• 41:38Speaker 04

  No, wait, hold on. Give, give help. I need all the help I can get. But did, did the chicken nugget get named after the gold nugget? Was it reverse? Was I right?

• 41:46Bob Muyskens?

  I know some of these false ones I literally just made up, so I don't have explanations for them necessarily.

• 41:52Speaker 03

  Okay, so the original definition of nugget is specifically for solid lumps of precious metal. So it might actually be that the opposite is true.

• 42:02Speaker 04

  Hey, hey, hey. Good job, brain.

• 42:05Bob Muyskens?

  It's Wade's turn. I did not almost just send the wrong message to the wrong person.

• 42:11Speaker 04

  Oh, I forgot you said that. I was like, oh shit, I didn't look up a fact.

• 42:14Bob Muyskens?

  Wade, find a fact. All right.

• 42:16Speaker 04

  Mark, did I just get an email true or false?

• 42:20Bob Muyskens?

  Good luck.

• 42:22Speaker 04

  All right, Mark, we're speed, we're speed running, Mark. Plants came before seeds.

• 42:26Speaker 03

  Can you say it in a less presidential voice?

• 42:28Speaker 04

  Plants came before seeds.

• 42:31Speaker 03

  Oh, clearly that's Ulysses S. Grant. Give me, give me a non-presidential voice.

• 42:36Speaker 05

  Plants came before seeds.

• 42:37Speaker 03

  Oh, man, Roosevelt, get out of here.

• 42:42Speaker 04

  Plants came before seeds.

• 42:46Speaker 03

  Carter?

• 42:47Speaker 04

  Damn it.

• 42:48Speaker 00

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• 43:21Bob Muyskens?

  He sounds just like a peanut farmer.

• 43:24Speaker 05

  Plants came before seeds.

• 43:27Speaker 04

  Nixon?

• 43:29Speaker 04

  I am not a plant.

• 43:30Speaker 03

  I mean, I get, okay, I'm thinking back to, you know, the game Spore?

• 43:34Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:35Speaker 04

  For content creator, yeah.

• 43:36Bob Muyskens?

  Abomination creator, yes.

• 43:38Speaker 04

  What was that?

• 43:43Speaker 03

  There was no, you couldn't play as a plant in that, right? You had to be an amanol of some type.

• 43:49Speaker 04

  It was like an amoeba or something.

• 43:51Speaker 03

  I kind of would want to, I, I think that this is true because I feel like there's probably a world where like certain types of lichen or things of that were the first plants or maybe something underwater. And there probably wouldn't be like seeds. They would probably reproduce in the same way that bacteria would where they just.

• 44:08Speaker 04

  First plant walked over was like, hey, I'm Jonathan. And then they fucked and smoked cigarettes.

• 44:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, man, back when the trees fucked, that was, that was rough times.

• 44:15Bob Muyskens?

  Some crazy shit out there, man.

• 44:17Speaker 03

  If two trees fuck in the woods, how traumatized is the animal population?

• 44:24Speaker 03

  Oh, God, the Ents from Lord of the Rings.

• 44:27Bob Muyskens?

  If two trees fuck in the woods and no one's around to hear it, who has to pay child support?

• 44:33Speaker 04

  One really angry bush on the edge of the forest.

• 44:35Speaker 03

  Ha, I forget which way to go, but I think it like, I think.

• 44:38Speaker 04

  I'll read it to you again so you can, plants came before seeds.

• 44:41Speaker 03

  Clinton?

• 44:42Speaker 05

  Plants came before seeds.

• 44:45Speaker 04

  President Kermit?

• 44:46Speaker 05

  Plants came before seeds.

• 44:49Speaker 03

  Let's say true, just because probably.

• 44:53Speaker 04

  It's true.

• 44:54Bob Muyskens?

  I wrote down true on my paper. That's not what I meant. Well, you get a true point. That one is true.

• 44:59Speaker 03

  Oh, okay.

• 45:00Bob Muyskens?

  You're right, Mark. And also you reasoned your way exactly basically into the answer. The fossil record shows that early plants resembled moss and reproduced with single-celled spores. Multi-cellular seeds didn't evolve for another 150 million years. They just straight figured it out.

• 45:21Speaker 04

  Life finds a way.

• 45:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, that, that makes me think about the chicken and the egg thing, but I'm not going to talk about it. Or just in case Bob's about to type me the chicken and the egg thing.

• 45:30Bob Muyskens?

  Or early chickens looked more like moss.

• 45:34Speaker 04

  But they were made of gold, or the term golden goose comes from. It's actually a golden chick.

• 45:38Bob Muyskens?

  Well, I'm going to say one more each, because this is fun.

• 45:41Speaker 04

  True.

• 45:42Bob Muyskens?

  I appreciate you saying that. There's your factoid, sir.

• 45:46Speaker 03

  Wait, this one's directed at you specifically.

• 45:49Bob Muyskens?

  This is advice. This is not a fact. This is just advice.

• 45:52Speaker 03

  Wade, you in particular should not stop your dog from eating poo.

• 46:01Speaker 04

  I don't care what the right answer is. False.

• 46:07Bob Muyskens?

  And of course, that one is true.

• 46:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, wait, what, what is the, why, why?

• 46:14Speaker 04

  That's just false.

• 46:15Bob Muyskens?

  Doing, stopping your dog from eating poo makes that moment into something that the dog recognizes as important. And it psychologically trains them to remember that. And to go back to that behavior as something that you acknowledged as the owner slash pack leader. They don't understand that they should feel bad about it. They just understand that they did that. And then you were like, oh, they were like, oh, cool.

• 46:43Speaker 04

  I love whatever you do a bad behavior and people let you do it. And it's like, that'll teach them. So by the fifth time they eat poo, you're like, haha, that's right. I'm not going to say a word. That'll stop you.

• 46:53Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah, they'll figure it out.

• 46:54Speaker 03

  This comes from the school, I think, of training a dog where negative discipline is like never done. You know what I mean? And it's not really a school of training that I subscribe to that much. Mostly for, for children, it's a different scenario, because, but for, for dogs, I feel like, I feel like there's, there's like a punishment you could do to make them have a negative association with that.

• 47:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, you put them in an oxygen deprivation chamber for a weekend and they become Deadpool.

• 47:23Bob Muyskens?

  Uh, was that only a week?

• 47:26Speaker 04

  I think it was a weekend.

• 47:27Speaker 03

  Oh, man, that's fair.

• 47:28Speaker 04

  I'm, I live with false. I will live and die with false there.

• 47:31Bob Muyskens?

  This is not an endorsement of any specific school of dog training. And I definitely try and stop Lexi from eating poop when that comes up, which it doesn't. Cause she's old now and she's learned that that's not good.

• 47:41Speaker 04

  Is it time, boys? Do we need to change the rules? Cause I think.

• 47:45Speaker 03

  You know, I kind of want to, I kind of want to.

• 47:48Speaker 04

  I don't want to change the points, but God, do I want to change that rule?

• 47:51Bob Muyskens?

  I just, I just feel obligated to remind you that if we take that approach, one of the options on the table is that you can never stop any dog from eating poo ever again.

• 48:02Speaker 04

  Oh God, it would be doubly right. The universe would never let that happen, right?

• 48:06Bob Muyskens?

  Don't say stuff like that. That's not a good thing to say.

• 48:09Speaker 04

  What are the odds of the universe saying that that's right? Not only should dogs be allowed to eat poo, but we should have to eat poo.

• 48:18Bob Muyskens?

  Probably measurable and consistent. If I had to give you that, I don't know what it is, but I'm sure it's one answer, what those odds would be. I sent you your last fact, Wade.

• 48:28Speaker 04

  Sun Tzu's The Art of War is a sequel. The first book was lost forever.

• 48:35Speaker 03

  Who's Art of War?

• 48:36Speaker 04

  Sun, Sun Tzu, Sun Tzu, Sun Tzu.

• 48:38Bob Muyskens?

  Sun Tzu, Sun. I don't even know if that's right. I just know it's commonly pronounced as Sun Tzu.

• 48:43Speaker 03

  Man, imagine if Art of Love actually made it to shelves. It would have really.

• 48:47Bob Muyskens?

  Dude, a whole different world.

• 48:49Speaker 04

  The art of how to run a government efficiently forever. Damn it.

• 48:53Bob Muyskens?

  No more World War Two. We just had Love Fest 1939, baby.

• 48:57Speaker 04

  The art of eliminating poverty and hunger. Can't believe we lost those.

• 49:03Speaker 03

  Okay, so it never, it's lost.

• 49:06Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah, I mean, presumably it existed. Not that it never.

• 49:09Speaker 03

  But how would they know?

• 49:10Bob Muyskens?

  Well, there could be records of references to it, just like the text of it is. There's a lot of stuff that we only know exists because historians are like, well, this guy talked about this book, a whole shitload. So clearly that's a book or something, but we don't, we don't have a copy anymore. So.

• 49:25Speaker 04

  Like the female orgasm, we don't know if it's real, but like people reference it.

• 49:29Speaker 03

  Speak for yourself, buddy.

• 49:39Speaker 04

  I want to join your club.

• 49:40Bob Muyskens?

  Imagine if the coin could fix that. What would happen?

• 49:44Speaker 03

  I I'm gonna go with false because I don't know how they would know that it was lost.

• 49:50Bob Muyskens?

  Unfortunately, Mark, you're right.

• 49:53Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 49:54Bob Muyskens?

  That's just straight up made up fiction. You're very intuitive with this, Mark. The combinat- the number of times you either just flat out reasoned that something should be true or false, or intuited for no apparent reason, but were spot on, is shocking.

• 50:11Speaker 04

  I stand by my dog.

• 50:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I'm with that. Yeah.

• 50:14Bob Muyskens?

  I didn't know in nowhere in the rules of this game does it say that you cannot take a moral stand? And I stand with you. Luckily for me, it didn't cost me any points in a game, so.

• 50:23Speaker 04

  Now, hold on. What if I say, can I make you lose?

• 50:26Speaker 03

  Does it have that power? Does?

• 50:28Bob Muyskens?

  Theoretically, I don't know, I guess.

• 50:31Speaker 03

  Have we only scratched the surface of what these could do?

• 50:34Bob Muyskens?

  These coins could do anything. I think they're dramatically underutilized. But I did say that would be the last fact, and so now I will talk about how many points everybody has.

• 50:46Bob Muyskens?

  In no particular order, Wade, you earned points for, oh, Marvel Old is what I wrote because Iron Man came out 20 years ago.

• 50:56Speaker 04

  Oh, God, that realization hit hard.

• 50:59Bob Muyskens?

  You earned points for, right, Sam? Right? You earned a check minus. You earned points for.

• 51:05Speaker 03

  And the body.

• 51:06Bob Muyskens?

  You earned points for not baby shoes? I can't remember any of these. You earned points for jumping off a diving board.

• 51:12Speaker 04

  Ah, I did that.

• 51:13Bob Muyskens?

  You were correct on necktie blood, nails grow faster in the summer. You got a point for ingrown hairs when you were talking about your secret Afro underneath your head skin. You were correct on care for ev- cure for evil, snakes are limbs, chicken nuggets being named after gold nuggets, and your Nixon voice, I am not a plant. Mark, you earned points for something, something, Parnassus, never seeing The Notebook because I hate that movie. There are dozens of us when talking about the people who let Ashley die and kept Kaden alive. You survived the GoPro encounter. I just wrote, what'd you break?

• 51:54Bob Muyskens?

  Oh, when Wade jumped in the pool, that's right. You were correct on the bacteria distance, the hair in the nails not growing after death, the glass sponge lifespan. True, true, true, true, true, true. You were correct on Spungle. I wrote down true again. They got a point for that. I think you guessed you were correct on another one, but I wrote true instead of what it was. You were also correct on dog poo and sun soup. Leaving the current score at Mark with 13 points and Wade with 12 points, minus one for your check minus, Wade with 11, 13 to 11.

• 52:33Speaker 03

  Oh, my God.

• 52:34Bob Muyskens?

  I have to say, Mark was behind almost the whole game. And then the last four points, the last four things he did all earned points. He was correct. He absolutely clawed it back.

• 52:46Speaker 04

  But if points end up absolute, I'm back.

• 52:49Speaker 03

  That's that's not an option.

• 52:50Bob Muyskens?

  That is an option, but you'd still be down by one.

• 52:53Speaker 03

  Wait, there's a lie points. Is there a just points absolute?

• 52:56Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah, there's there's one where like all point values are absolute, so all points are are no- there's no negative points anymore. That one's been on there for a long time and we've never hit it. That's on the long list of ones that have never a single time come up. Uh, how many spins today? Oh, great wheel of primary colors. All right, three spins it is. Of course it is.

• 53:20Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 53:21Bob Muyskens?

  Back to the pattern.

• 53:23Speaker 03

  What is the Mark face? I can't remember what that is.

• 53:27Bob Muyskens?

  Is that like the De Niro face where you're like?

• 53:30Speaker 03

  I have no idea.

• 53:31Speaker 04

  I have no recollection of that being added at all.

• 53:34Bob Muyskens?

  Isn't there a rule in the constitution where the three of us can agree to remove something?

• 53:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, if we don't remember what it is.

• 53:40Bob Muyskens?

  Do we have to land on it?

• 53:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, you have to land.

• 53:43Bob Muyskens?

  Ah, shit. Okay.

• 53:44Speaker 04

  But none of us know what that is.

• 53:46Bob Muyskens?

  I am going to put one on here for told the best lie in this episode. That's gonna be a tough one. I fully admit that that's gonna be one of those ones where we're definitely gonna land on it and be like, well, that didn't happen and re-spin. But I feel like if we're gonna have lie points, you should get credit if you tell a really good lie and get away with it. 121 options. Drew drooled the most. Who got laid most? I don't remember any of these.

• 54:13Speaker 04

  I thought we removed that one. We did remove that one.

• 54:15Speaker 03

  I know. Still there. Still there.

• 54:17Speaker 04

  I I hosted. I was like, instead of adding one, I'm removing that because enough families been like, please don't tell me this.

• 54:23Bob Muyskens?

  Look, you don't have to admit it, just only if you want the point. Three spins it is. Come on, Wheel. Give us something that's outside the list of like 30 that we always get. Most angry.

• 54:36Speaker 03

  Oh, no, remember I started the episode with that angry email I had to send?

• 54:40Bob Muyskens?

  Hmm. Oh, that's true. You did. You, I think you said the first thing you said on this episode was like,

• 54:46Speaker 03

  I'm glad to be here.

• 54:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, I hate business and having to be a business.

• 54:53Bob Muyskens?

  Do I don't know. Do you refute Wade?

• 54:55Speaker 04

  I mean, the by by definition, it says most angry, and that is the most angry I remember anyone being during. I can't, I'd like to fight it, but I don't know that I can. That seems right.

• 55:05Bob Muyskens?

  All right, Wade. Wade conceded. Mark was the most angry.

• 55:08Speaker 04

  It's hard to fight that.

• 55:09Bob Muyskens?

  This was just a pretty like happy-go-lucky episode, you know, so. Really, because in a lot of, in a lot of episodes, there's some moments, at least of feigned anger.

• 55:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, we usually are very contentious.

• 55:18Bob Muyskens?

  Everyone was just in a good, having a good time today.

• 55:21Speaker 04

  I'm in a good mood today. I have my Pokemon donut.

• 55:23Bob Muyskens?

  Put significant other through the most bullshit.

• 55:27Speaker 04

  My Pokemon card collecting has gotten to the point where we've had a lot of extra boxes to break down and our kitchen counter, she's not been super thrilled about the fact that we have this beautiful big kitchen counter that 70% of it's been covered in Pokemon cards for the last three or four weeks.

• 55:46Bob Muyskens?

  It's such a big counter.

• 55:48Speaker 03

  That sounds about like when I ordered 1,000 lenses on eBay and my entire kitchen was covered in packages.

• 55:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, so if you could top that one, but I Molly has been pretty on me about like, you are not using our dining room table and you'd better get this counter cleaned for like three or four weeks. And yesterday she was like cleaning up part of the kitchen and cleaned up like, you know, her mess. And it was like the spotless, beautiful looking tiny section of the counter because the rest of it's my bullshit. So, uh. Dibs.

• 56:22Bob Muyskens?

  Well, we got one more spin to to make something happen here for you, Wade.

• 56:26Speaker 04

  I just need two points.

• 56:27Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 56:28Bob Muyskens?

  Or three, maybe don't get two points, maybe get some number greater or lesser.

• 56:32Speaker 04

  Wade gets two points. Come on.

• 56:34Bob Muyskens?

  Witness. Wow, we're all just in our regular offices. Nobody's in witness protection today.

• 56:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:39Bob Muyskens?

  Imagine if we'd hit that in the last, was it the last one when Mark was traveling? Would have been a freebie.

• 56:44Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 56:49Bob Muyskens?

  For this from God.

• 56:53Speaker 04

  Are any of us close?

• 56:57Speaker 03

  We both made jokes about Jesus walking across the water and the the glass sponges. I don't know which one of us.

• 57:05Speaker 04

  We both called Jesus a fraud today.

• 57:08Bob Muyskens?

  So you you both moved equally far away from God? Is that what we're concluding?

• 57:13Speaker 03

  I can't recall any of of any of those jokes being particularly heinous or her- heretical, heretical?

• 57:21Bob Muyskens?

  Heretical?

• 57:21Speaker 03

  Heretical, that's it. Heretical. I think that's probably a tie.

• 57:26Bob Muyskens?

  Spin number three, part two. Come on, Wheel, keep hitting us with the funny ones that are buried. Said fuck the most.

• 57:33Speaker 04

  Oh, trees fuck in the woods. When if a tree fucks in the wood, I said that.

• 57:37Bob Muyskens?

  That was Mark's thing. He said that. I think we all maybe contributed to that, but you definitely said that first. And I would say, I remember he saying that most because he said it. I remember myself saying like one thing where I was like, if true trees fuck in the wood, it plays child support or something like that.

• 57:51Speaker 04

  I mean, I'm down by two just for the sake of it. You, yeah, that's fine. Well, let us know who actually said it the most. One of you go back and count.

• 57:57Bob Muyskens?

  Thanks to all of Mark's flux he gave. Uh, the final score is Mark with 15 and Wade with 13 minus one, also known as 12. Congratulations, Mark. You are the winner of today's episode.

• 58:11Speaker 03

  Thank you. Thank you. Is that my speech?

• 58:13Bob Muyskens?

  Yeah, yeah, go ahead. Give us a winner's speech.

• 58:15Speaker 03

  Thank you. I had a bit of a losing streak. It was weird that I was up on points for the season and and down on wins, but you know, it's uh, it's coming back around. I feel really good about this victory. Tried hard, played hard. It's all looking good.

• 58:32Bob Muyskens?

  What a magnanimous winner's speech. Wade?

• 58:34Speaker 04

  For a moment, I was back and I was on top and I was in control. I won an episode. I think Bob won an episode. I won an episode again. Then I won my own episode. I had three wins to bring myself back dead even with these two. Points were climbing. Everything was, well, maybe not points. Everything else was on the up and up. And now I'm back down five to five to four again. So I've got to hope maybe that either I get another winning streak or season golf rules? What if?

• 59:04Bob Muyskens?

  I, that would be a hell of a thing. I'm not even sure. That would have to involve coins or something. I don't even know how that would happen, but nothing is impossible when we make it up on the fly. I look forward to your secret surprise come from behind victory at the end of the season. Thank you, everybody, for hanging out and watching and land or listening to this episode. Make sure you check out the merch, distractible dot chop. I'm gonna throw my own plug in and say, if you're at all interested in scary stories right now, if you go to realgoodai.org slash anthology, you can get your name in the back of us book of collected scary stories as part of the Scary Tapes uh, writing competition. Uh, also going to be episodes on this podcast that you will see throughout the month of October.

• 59:46Bob Muyskens?

  Make sure you check these fellers out. Wade is LordMinion777 or minion777. Mark is Mark. I am My Skirm. Thanks for being here. Make sure you follow the podcast so you know when all of our episodes come out and Mark will host the next one where we will all see you there.

• 1:00:01Speaker 03

  Who else?

• 1:00:03Bob Muyskens?

  Podcast out.

• 1:00:08Speaker 00

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