Distractible
Original podcast
Hear ye, hear ye! The council of three declare new laws for thee! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
14,184 words · 8 speakers
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Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome. To Distractible. This fifth birthday episode. War-headed Wade refuses reporting his sex life and violates amendments. Burping Bob buys James a Jeep, raises Robotnik, thinks of the future, and proposes splashing the cash. Manful Mark's puppy goes cyborg, he struggles with Sheet, fucks changers, and wants bounty hunting. From trapped gases to fallas poltergeisting.
It's time for... The Council of Distractible, Part 3. Now, sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.
Hello, everyone, and welcome back to another episode of Distractible. It's been so long since I've hosted, I forgot the name of our show. Here I am in the rightful seat at the rightful time to give you all Mark and Bob doing stuff and me doing nothing, which is what we do even whenever I'm not the host. How are you?
I'm about to burp.
Know what you're about to do?
It's stuck. It's literally stuck. It's stuck.
I burped before we started.
Oh, man, it's stuck right here. Look at my shirt. It's not the distractible. It's a bunch of bears getting blown up.
You know what helps if you get a burp stuck, though? Do you know the technique?
What's that?
You need to put your elbows in against your ribs, not like hard, but just like in, and then go tilt side to side because it like squishes your-
Are you just making him show off his boobs?
No, no, no.
Oh, okay.
It like shimmies the gas around and then you gotta, you gotta get it out. It's like a baby. You gotta work it out.
It's not coming out. My sphincters are too strong. No one's got sphincter strength like me.
Maybe you need to Heimlich it out. Can you self Heimlich?
I could, but I won't do it on camera.
How high can you climb?
I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I'm gonna burst.
Well, I guess you'll just have to be an adult.
Exciting announcement. This episode, I believe, if I did my math correctly, which I oftentimes do not, should come out one day after our five year anniversary of Distractible. Hence the shirts Bob and I are wearing. Here, here.
Editors, transform Guam into a shirt. Look at all this shit.
Yeah, that doesn't mean we're gonna do anything any differently. We're still gonna do things the normal way, which means we start with small talk. Woo, small talk. Anything new?
Yes, many, many things, many things are new.
Any of them good?
No.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, man.
What have I done?
Oh, fuck, I hope this isn't another bad email.
Oh God, it's so locked. It doesn't, your phone ever do that where it's like, I don't like your face anymore. I'm not opening for you.
Oh, all the time.
I, I hold it up not perfectly vertically and it's like sideways. You look different.
I don't know if our phones ever go through and like adjusts to our aging process, but like my phone over the years has had to take me from looking like that to that, to this. So I don't know how my phone even knows who I am. Could any bald guy just get into my phone?
Probably actually.
Yeah.
Like, how does it know I'm me still?
Science.
I'll get into my, uh, I just actually got, that was a good text from Amy saying that, uh, Sandy's leg appointment has been scheduled for her new leg.
Nice.
That's not how that works.
Robotic leg?
No, it's a consultation to see what to do. Uh, so we've taken to her few appointments because if, if people don't know Sandy is our new pup from Thai Street Paws in Songkla, Thailand. That's not the, you pronounce it, but it wasn't offensive.
It's pronounced Thai-land. Which part did you pronounce?
I thought, I thought I really had you there.
Say it again.
I'm the host, man. I'm just gonna mark that down.
Editors, make him say it. Make his lips move to him saying it.
Anyway, so that's good. It'll be an evaluation to see, uh, because previous consultations said that there is, uh, something to be done for the leg. There might be some lingering thing, you know, but the doctors are optimistic about getting mobility back. Not that she isn't really good at moving with three legs. Right now she's very fast. Um, completely shocked us because you'd be like, she has a limp, but when she's running, she sticks both of her legs and she's very quick. But, uh, yeah, no, that's good. But the rest of my life is in shambles, but that's, that's at least going well.
Yay for Sandy. Glad that at least one thing in your life isn't in shambles.
I can allude to the rest of it, but it's, it's a complicated situation because by the time this episode comes out, my video talking about the situation will have been yesterday. But I haven't deduced the correct wordage to be, you know?
How brave are you feeling in this small talk?
In the time when we are now, you don't know what you will have said, but in the time that we are then, you do will have known what.
You had said, and you meant it.
And I will have let emotions ebb and flow enough to which which I could say things logically and reasonably. And right now I want to do anything unreasonable. I want every unreasonable thing possible to exude from my body, every orifice, especially my mouth.
Amen it, Wade.
Wade, you're about to receive all of my unreason.
Oh, editors dissolve me. Look, I've been hit with acid.
You could have said editors clean me or something. Oh.
It's all right. It's been a whole thing trying to get, you know, iron lungs released. That's what it's all about. There's been setbacks, but you know, also some interesting discoveries that I didn't know. But I just feel like I thought the systems would be more sophisticated.
But it turns out like the same kind of tech we're using, we use to figure out the website map, which is what Amy figured out, which is just a spreadsheet with a bunch of, you know, coordinates.
Same thing for movies. Put a bunch of bullshit in a spreadsheet and you put it in there and that's the only way to get it up. Somebody should show those guys about computing technology.
They all the computers shoved over into the AI corner. All the computes reserved for all that and we're scuzz over here left with spreadsheets and diagrams and bones that we gotta roll around.
I wonder what rating this movie should be.
It's like those dogs that predict playoffs, like wins. They do that for the movies like, wow, which movie should come out? Well, Bones went to the left ball, so I guess the iron lung has to wait another month. Oh, my God, it's been so long.
And it's like, I know everybody, please, I know it will. It was all explained in the video that came out yesterday. It was all explained, but I haven't word. I'm too emotional.
It was all will be explained. You want to know why this drink doesn't have a lid? Mark, you're not drinking it without a lid, are you? Cause I fucking dropped it. That's it.
Oh, wait, wait, wait. Yeah.
It fell on the carpet where the old dog hair is. And I reached out and picked it up like, oh, man. And then I I did that thing where you grab a lid and it just squishes through your fingers because it's kind of wet because from when I opened it, it just scoots across the floor. And like, oh, it's more dog hair. It's just like, keep grabbing it, scooting. By the time I picked it up, it was like half dog hair. So I threw it away.
That's my story. Give me some points.
Oh, don't worry. You've got some points. Some of these are gonna be really confusing later on to read, but I'm sure we'll remember.
Oh, well, usually they make so much sense. I have a lot of stuff going on too. Okay. My life is very complicated. James got a Power Wheels. If you don't know what Power Wheels is, it's a car that a toddler can drive. It's those little plastic cars. And no, I did not buy it from the store. Yes, I found one that someone was literally trying to like throw away and rescued it. And man, does it make you feel I literally could not have done less to rescue this thing from the trash. But I still feel like I invented electricity. And James loved it, which was hilarious.
Bob's Edison.
But like, literally, it was like, it's all these cars, they come with lead acid batteries in them, which wear out and stink. And this one, just the battery was dead, but the battery was just soldered in to the thing, right? So it's like, I guess you just throw it away. And I was like, well, if I just snip these wires and buy it for $10 on Amazon, a little thing that adapts my Ryobi Tool batteries into the, because they're 18 volt battery, but boom, literally, I cut it. James helped me. I was like, look, bud, look, you put the wires, you stripped the wire. And he was like, uh huh, uh huh. When do I drive it? And I was like, we're getting there, man. Screwed it together, put a battery in.
And I was like, please don't burst into flames. Flicked it on, pushed the gas pedal and it moved. And literally James started jumping up and down, just be like, yeah, you did it. Yeah. And I was like, God damn it. I'm the best dad that's ever lived. Put the seat on there and he drove it around for like an hour and he did. It's this thing, I don't know if all kids do this, but James has this thing where like, he re-realizes the same thing over and over again, when it's something that's like a prolonged thing he loves that's happening. And he's like sitting In his car, just like driving around the driveway, whatever. And then he just stops and sits for a second. And I'm like, are you okay? Yeah. And he's like,
I'm driving my Jeep for it.
God damn it. He just keeps re-realizing he's driving a Jeep around his own driveway and being like, it's great. And it's immediately a problem because you have to stop playing with it at some point. And so he knows the Jeep exists and every moment we're not playing with the Jeep. It's like, Dan, there's a Jeep in the garage. You remember the Jeep? Can we drive? Like, no, dude, it's eight in the morning. We're not playing Jeep right now. Like, eat your cereal, but very fun, very fun.
Whatever that face was was fantastic. It was like the slow realization of an evil mastermind that his plan might actually work.
If I'm honest, I was going for Jim Carrey's Grinch smirk.
That's pretty on par. That's kind of an evil mastermind.
When it grows real big. Artificially, might I say, AI of the early 2000s, if we can all say that.
AI generated.
I can't believe it. I still love the movie.
Same. I'm not gonna say anything critical about Jim Carrey.
Have you guys seen the Sonic movies?
Only the first one. I want to see the new one. Apparently there's a fourth one announced now.
I haven't seen the movies, but have you seen the dance break? That Jim Carrey does with Jim Carrey in, I think, the third one.
I, yeah, I have. Yeah, yeah.
It keeps recommending it to me on YouTube. I haven't watched it because I'm like, well, I want to see the movies, but I know it exists. I haven't watched it.
God, it's great.
I don't think it spoils anything. It's great. Yeah.
Barely. He filmed both parts because it's him and then it's like his dad, older Robotnik, him or whatever the hell the story is of the movie. But God, it's good. That man can dance.
Plus that song slaps. It's all good. It's a good thing.
I keep thinking, like, I keep hearing things like Jim Carrey's retired. Then it's like, new Sonic movie, Jim Carrey will return. It's like, I hope he's, I don't know if he'll be back for the fourth one or not, but like, I keep hearing he's not doing it anymore. And then like, he keeps coming back and it's like, yes.
Yeah, I think he, didn't he make a joke? Like, didn't he retire a while ago? And he was like, I'm not doing movies anymore. I'm done. And then. He like came back and did the Sonic movie and was like, I ran out of money. So I'm Robotnik now. All right.
I hadn't seen that, but that wouldn't surprise me.
I don't know if that was a joke or a sincere thing, but I swear I thought I saw that, that like he was basically like, well, you need money. Turns out they paid me, so I did it.
Sorry, there's an important message. Like I said, my sadness depends on it.
All right, great.
Come on, make Mark sad. Do it.
Editors, can we get a description of Mark's slowly increasingly sadness face?
No, it's helping my sadness. Yeah.
Oh, okay. Oh, good. Good. Never mind. I'll describe it then. Less fun.
Like this, I just keep talking to Amy and we talked about it for like, this would have been so much easier if we just made like a Shopify. And I sold an MP4 for like five bucks. Or it would have been a link to an unlisted video on my channel. It's like, that's the only thing that I send over is like, if you want it, here it is.
That would be shared like wildfire.
No, they would never.
No, but that's the thing about Mark's, Mark's audience though, is like, people would absolutely just get it and immediately start watching it. But if not right away, within the first couple of days, they'd be like, well, I should go spend them. And they would go and they would pay the five bucks or whatever it was just to be like, there I did it. Cause they're not, they're good people and they would not do that. They would not steal.
Cause they're so nice. They wouldn't do me like that.
I agree that some of them would.
They wouldn't do me like that.
They wouldn't. None of them would do that.
They wouldn't do that.
They, them? Well, this isn't them. These assholes might.
Some of this is them.
No, no, no. That is, this is not them.
None of Mark's audience watches this podcast.
Some of you is them.
There is zero overlap. Mark distractable is no overlap.
I must be feel way better about distractable. We're very successful then. I didn't realize it was so separate.
Very successful.
Haha. Thanks, Mickey.
Calm down, Mickey.
He's very, very successful.
Mickey never lies. I feel proud.
Legally unable to lie on the label.
Every time I hear Mark do a Mickey, anything or reference Mickey, I just think of the.
You wanna see what's under the gloves, Donald?
What a good comic.
Haunted me for 14 years.
God, penis. Speaking of penis.
That's true. That's true. Segue point? No.
Alright.
Nice try, though. As this is the anniversary episode, I gotta give a shout out to one of our Reddit posters. Theater Mom 2016 has made a written out version of the distractable constitution.
Which the, the accuracy of which we do not endorse. It could be filled with any number of false or misleading statements, but probably it's perfect.
There's a whole thread of people offering corrections and amendments and stuff to it in the comments below, so I'm sure it's been corrected and is perfect and exactly what we said and intended. So what we're gonna do today for our fifth year anniversary episode is read a really long document together.
Alright, yeah! I love documents!
It's like, uh, it's like a legal proceeding. You have to read it out loud, word for word, start to finish, no skipping, no stuff. Oh, yeah. Uh, I don't, I don't wanna do that. Not gonna lie.
I don't wanna do that either.
That does not interest me very much. I wanna delete some shit out of this, though. I wanna cut some fat.
There, there is no way we have this many rules.
It's 10 pages of this, by the way.
Why is it written double columned like this? This is weird.
That, the, the amendments, honestly, I think it's stylistic as much as anything, but.
No, that's how we said it. We said it like this.
We said it double columned.
So, uh, we don't have to go through and read the whole thing word for word, but I figure we go through and see what rules we have that we've completely forgotten about, what we might wanna change. This is our constitution episodes. Now that this is all typed out, Theater Mom went through and posted it. We're gonna change everything.
Oh, the listeners are clicking off right now.
We're gonna say things out loud.
I'm just gonna type. This is the last word I'm gonna say right now.
Born from the intensity of a night in the eternal city. Introducing Born in Roma fragrances by Valentino. Feminine perfume Donna Born in Roma features juicy black currant, central jasmine, soft cashmerin, and warm vanilla. Masculine leaning but unisex Womo has notes of fresh violet leaf, aromatic sage, green vetiver, and mineral salt. Shop holiday gifts at Macy's.com.
What do I do?
Bob, that's out loud. You can't say that.
So this is my inner thoughts. I'm not talking. Whoa, what happened? I hit a keyboard shortcut or something and my whole computer went black for a second. It's, I'm not gonna do that anymore.
Oh, that's good stuff. Good stuff.
What I've gathered from my quick glancing over this so far is that we are called distractable.
You mocking the host right now?
I'm sorry. No, I had something in my throat.
Oh, okay. Just making sure, because don't fucking do that again.
I'm very sad, man. I'm crying. That's how I cry. It's my true cry.
The true cry. Oh, God.
Cry like a PS2 character.
So unbelievably accurate.
All right, look, I've been thinking about this. If we're gonna, if we're gonna add anything to the constitution, I think we need to add a way to delete shit off the wheel. And I have a concept. So we have the, the wheel of victory, right? Whatever, the random bonus points wheel. I like it. I like that there's a lot of stuff on it. You know what I don't like is when we click spin and something comes up and we look at it and we're like, skeleton dancing? Oh, no.
I think if we if we land on something and we can't remember what it is.
Delete it.
Deleted.
I'm glad you brought that up, Bob. I'm giving you a point for it. I was already going to vote to delete stuff from the wheel because I've had some family that watched the podcast approach it like, wait, please don't tell me the last time you had sex.
Oh, I'm definitely gonna remember that one. That's not getting deleted.
I have had so many people, like friends and family, like, dude, I really don't want to know.
What is there any contingencies? I don't really care, but is there any contingency if like all of us pretend to not remember it? Like we all are like, oh, I don't know. And it's kind of obvious that we're kind of faking it. Should that still go through?
There is no test of sincerity.
We need a test of sincerity.
Oh, shit. No, that's not. We're not adding that.
Article nine, test of sincerity.
I don't know what that is, but I don't like it.
We'll have a group lie detector test. What are those called? The uh?
A poly polygraph.
Yeah, we'll get polygraphed. Every episode that we want to delete, we have to we have to submit for polygraph testing.
We'll get our distractible writer wink on that to figure out what that's about.
Well, next season's gonna be a banger. It's gonna get crazy. Game changers, you're fucked.
Yeah. More more importantly, change gamers, you're extra fucked.
Adventurous, we may or may not reach out. He forgot, so we don't know if anything happened there.
Uh, sorry.
If we ever talk or do anything together, this is a taste. You've been warned. No. So is that a unanimous adoption of the if we can't remember it, it's deleted? And the remembering can be however, if we all say we don't remember, then we don't remember. There's no dick measuring.
I, I.
I, I vote yes. Make it so subreddit person.
Article five of this says something about a flag system. I thought we abolished the flag system because it didn't make any sense that we replaced it with the, the, the thing that I'm not gonna say.
The thing, yes, yes, yes, yes. Did we never, did we not get rid of the flag system? Did we just leave it?
We probably didn't remember that there was a flag system. And so we thought the coin was like this brilliant new idea.
Yeah, yeah, or something like that. I don't know.
Wait, was the coin flipping a part of that?
Fuck that.
I vote we strike Article five, and if there is something about this coin in a word, it now becomes Article five and loses its place some, wherever the fuck it was.
I think possibly, I think possibly it's an amendment.
We'll look through the amendments when we get there, but for now, uh, I agree. Flags, we've already got a system for that. Flags can go. I agree.
All right.
I, I forgot to honor the second amendment.
Uh, every, every inaugural, every boat episode, which is technically, this is a boat episode. I think there has to be a fart joke. Oh wait, no, the boat episode is unrelated to the const- they just happened to overlap, right? This isn't a boat episode.
The boat's like a celebratory, like, company event, you know?
God, we should really get more staff. Fuck, we don't have any staff.
Dude, we need like a congress and staffers. We're like management.
I got it. We actually do finally reach out to Avantris and we kidnap them. We put them in a basement. We make them be our staff. We make the hosts, the, the actual like participants, not their staff. We don't take their staff. We take the hosts.
I love this. I lie, I.
They can take their staff to work under them, but they still have to be our staff.
Oh my God, when did we make this? Fourth Amendment, June 10th, 2024, from the inaugural boat episode, apparently, if there is a guest, whether they are a human, animal, or robot, they are required to read an advertisement script if there is one pending. So guests have to do ad reads? When did we do that? What, what?
Wait, oh.
That's so specific. Why did we think of that?
I was reading the first articles, not the amendment. I forgot that the articles stay in the amendments, so they need to stay.
Legally, they're all the same. Legally, they're all the same. You can literally write an amendment that says Article five don't count, or you can just delete it. It's okay. Whatever Mark wanted to have happen, that's what happened.
Okay, yeah, you all know.
My meaning. Wait, we abolished handshake deals. Don't we still do those?
Why is Bob's immortality an amendment? That's crazy.
I don't know how that became an amendment, but I I'm not gonna.
What's the punishment if you break it?
If I if I die, you guys could kick me off the show. I think that's fair.
Yeah, because it would be impossible in this game and show for you not to be immortal. Therefore, it would break the universe and we'd all be expunged.
I don't think we should look at the document. I think we should talk about our wants and our desires and our dreams for this show.
I agree. I like it. I like.
I also think we should add, maybe this is too much chaos. I think we should add a way to instantly modify the constitution. I think it should be a living, breathing document. I don't know if it's coin based or if it's just votes, like maybe a unanimous vote. We could just be like, get rid of that. All three of us vote.
Wait, what if it's not unanimous? Then do we have to flip a coin or is it just majority?
Well, if it's not unanimous, then we could do the special word that triggers a coin flip, which then the coin could decide that our vote was incorrect and remedy the situation on its own.
Like a veto of fate.
If we do that and get all tails and it will be made doubly fair, I'm not really clear what exactly that means in terms of modifying the con- but I don't really care because I think that's pretty funny.
We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. It'll never happen.
There's no way that's gonna happen.
That would happen.
I think the name of our constitution should be, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
That could, you know, our constitution could just be that sentence. Constitution, Article One, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. And then we're just out here crossing bridges every episode. Then you don't have to think about it too much.
Yeah, I'm I'm down with always being able to change it, but it shouldn't be willy nilly. There should be, but we already have the word, but I feel like we need something further. Or is the word enough to instigate it? Could could a coin flip be the moment where I was like, ah, we must change it? Or is it like an impasse that must be addressed?
We could just leave that to the coin flip, I guess. The coin makes good decisions. So we just need to add a thing that says you can challenge parts of the constitution in the form of a coin flip declaration.
Hmm, but that would leave it so one person has the power to make constitutional change. And I feel like that has to be an agreed upon action.
Lot of power in this lot of power.
Constitutional changes can be made by unanimous vote or by majority with exception of a coin flip prevention. It's a lot to remember and we're never going to, but.
I think it needs to be shorter and funnier.
Yeah, needs to be shorter and funnier and something we'll actually remember.
Us, yay, no loses.
What if it's a wheel? And it's a wheel with our three names on it and each of us gets a vote. So it's, it's the, the wheel can be unanimous. Or the wheel can be two thirds, one thing, two thirds, the other, or one third, the other thing, right? So if we, if two of us want to get rid of something, but one of us is protesting, then the wheel has a two out of a two thirds chance to land on a, a yes vote, but a one third chance to land on a veto vote.
But how does that propose? How do we start the proposal? It could it be, could it be to initiate an amendment? It's a host power, right? It's a host based power. So only the hosts can start it, but they only get like, we could go back to the flag thing where there's only one. You can make one per season. Two, three, two, one, three, two, one.
Less than 20.
What if it's like a, you can make an amendment, but if it gets vetoed, you lose it.
Yeah, it's like sports. It's like sports challenges. If your challenge succeeds, you keep it. But if you fail.
This is probably the same thing we said about the flags. Like, yeah, if it, if it wins, it's the same thing, but it's for amendments.
Two per season, if they're both right, you can keep going. If they're, if one's wrong, that's all you get is those two.
But it's only the host can do it because it's the competitors that say the other thing. So this is like a
Clearly, if the host wants to do it, they're going to vote yes on the wheel. So they at least have a one in three vote to do what they want. But they could have everyone in on their side if they have a strong case.
Yeah, yeah. And it doesn't need to, it needs to be a super majority unanimous, or it needs to be at least just two out of three.
I think it needs to be, well, I think the wheel can decide. So like, it just needs to be our three dames and each of us decides beforehand what our vote is. And whoever it lands on, it goes their way. But like, so that the probability is, you know, if two of us vote yes, one votes no, then yes, has a better chance. But it's not a guaranteed win.
How do we bring lobbyists into this?
Yeah, how do we get people to pay money? Do we also each get at least one like veto to ensure that two of us don't just flat out be like, all right, what if Bob has to this entire season blindfolded? And two of us are like, aye! And Bob's like, no, no, no.
That's, this is just to delete. This is not to add, this is to delete. All this does is get rid of something.
The host promote is, is just for deletion?
Yeah, so the, the host could be like, I want to get rid of the entire coin flip section.
It would never pass Congress.
So how do we add? Does adding have to be unanimous?
Do we need congressional districts for this or something?
Okay, we each start our own Patreon and the amount of money that we get monthly determines our voting power.
I claim Mark's name.
Hey.
My, my super pack is going to be called Mark for distractible.
Hey, wait, you guys are better at politics than me, hold on.
You, you can have minion or lord, but you can have one of those too.
My super pack's gonna be called Ted Cruz for Congress. He's popular, right?
Oh, yeah. Oh, oh.
Definitely amongst our podcasting audience, probably.
Everybody loves, uh, everybody loves Ted. So the host can initiate a deletion. We do the wheel, you just, whatever, who's ever the wheel lands on, their, their vote is the one that counts. But it, everyone declares their votes. So it's like a probability thing and it can be unanimous if it's unanimous. This doesn't really matter. I think if both competitors want to veto it, maybe, but they have to be in alignment. Cause you were saying, maybe there should be a veto. Nah, I don't know if we need a veto.
Well, I was thinking for adding stuff. If we're just deleting stuff.
I think if it's just deleting, I don't think we need like a veto thing. I think it can just go to the.
No, I agree for, for deletion. I agree. I was thinking if we're adding something, I just didn't want one person being ganged up on.
We would never do that. We're very fair.
You can say fair. You can, fair is not a bad term.
Just fair, just right, just fair, just regular fair and no other part of it. This is not meant to be a discrimination either, but I'm going to say, Wade, you don't get this power of this episode. It starts.
No, that, that I agree.
Yeah. It all, all things start in the next one. Yeah.
The, the constitution episode should definitely be more collaborative than us versus them.
It's a battle.
In fact, should a constitution episode always just end with a wheel spin to see who hosts the next one?
I, man, we don't remember how we did in the last one and we can't be bothered to look it up.
No winner is to be announced for the boat meeting episode, thus no points will be assigned. No additional showing between official recordings. The winning count will continue into the episode that follows. The winner who won the episode before the boat episode will host the next one. So wait till host the next one.
Ha, ha. Well, that's, that's, I'm fine with that, but is that boat or constitution? Cause we are, we are.
I think this is, I think this is meant to be a constitution episode. I think they're.
Well, the letter of the law only states boat. It all, it is the, we can change it now, but it won't apply until the next.
So how do we want to handle the constitution? We do it the same way? We want to wield, do you want to be the host? Points again. How, how do we want to handle this?
I mean, I guess you're the host, so you could decide. You have congressional power because you are presiding over.
That's true.
You have the pow, the power of the mers.
But this does apply to all of us. So I still welcome opinions. You guys, it's like Supreme Court. I, you know, I might be the one you're, well, that's a bad reference to this day.
When do I get a bus? If we're the Supreme Court, how do I get my bus?
Isn't Star Boulevard, you can pay like $70,000 and get a star? Maybe you just pay me money and you get a bust?
I see.
I see. Is that how much it is?
I don't know. I saw this thing about it, but maybe it was not true.
Your Honor, may I approach the bench?
Oh, the flashbacks. Yeah.
Oh, God, that gave me secondhand cringe again. Don't laugh. Make sure you don't laugh.
You've hardly acknowledged my boo boo. I just want to point out, no one's acknowledged yet.
Uh, your camera won't focus on it. It's how you had one.
Hold on. It's here. My boo boo. You've hardly noticed my boo boo.
I'm sorry about your boo boo. What happened to your boo boo?
I cut my finger.
On?
A knife.
I'm going to assume it was an accident, not a cult ritual.
That's the end of my story.
All right. Well, I'm sorry about your boo boo. I hope it heals up.
Did you have to get stitches? Do you need stitches?
No, I think I got it quick enough.
Is that how stitches works?
You're too slow to get a band-aid on there. You progress to needing stitches?
Well, see, I, I, I, I've learned that, I've learned this a while ago, but I think in terms of healing, the old mentality was that you keep the wound dry and dry it out. It should be like the Sahara in there, dry, keep it dry. And then we realized that it needs to be gushy, gushy, wet to really heal. Because when I burned my hands, I don't have horrible scarring because I kept ripping the bandages off and reopening the wounds and then slapping a bunch of bacitracin on it. And it worked. So it's perfectly good. So I was like, ah, I'll do the same here. And they make these new, like, uh, well, I don't know how new they are, but they're like gel bandages. They're kind of like, got this kind of rubbery texture to it and it, it, it's got like a strip of basically Neosporin gel that it just plops on there.
I think it'll, I mean, I almost chopped it all the way off, but I think it'll heal right back up. See how it's like turning darker on the tip? That's because it's necrotizing.
That's probably fine.
You don't want to have a dead tip.
I think I heard I can grow it back with pig bladder.
Only one way to find out.
I think I heard that from us.
I might have mentioned this.
Yeah, I think I heard that from Mark, actually, very specifically.
Dear Jamma, I can't believe this happened to Mark.
Uh, what was Jamma again? Journal of um, oh, um, uh, American medicine?
It was the Journal of American Medicine of America.
Right. And there was a distractible post five years ago by I keep, we're back again. It's like, you keep coming back to the same thing. Where it's like biomedical legendary PhD or please don't chop your finger and rub pig bladder powder on it. How would you know? Have you ever tried it? Which is probably the exact same thing I said then.
A hundred percent. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There's probably an association. One of the two ways is probably association or associates or.
Sorry, I distracted us. Should there be something in the, why? We should have something in the constitution about being distracted.
Bonus points, probably. It's the name of our podcast.
Yeah, but I mean, yeah, it's gotta be something that incentivizes it more. We need like tax incentives to be able to do more distractions, right?
We can see if the IRS will give us a tax break, I guess.
I feel like we should have a call line, a phone line where viewers and listeners can dial in. But it's like, they don't know when we're recording.
Middle of the night. Hang on, Molly. Someone's calling.
Hey, you said the fair rule.
Oh, sorry. We're not recording right now. Click.
I love that thing in, in shows like the, the horrifying game changers that we hate. Where they have the contestants do things off show, right? Like Taskmaster does it where they have them doing a thing in the interim and they film it. I love shit like that. Why don't we do that? Our show should be so good. Why don't we try?
Well, if I, if I'm getting really real, I think it's because we all still have other things. We like our only thing we do isn't the show where people that live and breathe their show. They put their all. I mean, you just made a fucking movie.
I'm not making it now.
It sounds like you're making something. What's that behind you?
Oh, no, it's done. Fucking Disc Makers. They're fine. They're not running. They'll run on their own, but we can make this show something great.
We could do that.
We could be top 10. We could be number one, you know?
I don't know if we need constitutional amendments about that. We could just do, we could just do.
We declare that we must be the number one podcast.
I don't think it works that way.
How often do the number, the top podcasts post? Are we, are we not higher up because we only post once or twice a week?
And they're like 13 Joe Rogan episodes a week? I don't even know.
I don't know. Like, I don't know what determines that.
What if there's a thing where you can steal an episode if you have a bit, an outside the show bit that you record and bring in and you just start playing it and you can like, you can like hijack the episode?
I feel like it would have to be a mission that gets sent out for like the next episode. Cause it's like the host, I feel like, or it could be just completely random. It's totally right. It's like me when I've recorded all those, you know, intro, intros that I did for various random segments that I did.
Yeah. We'd have to have a lot more forethought in our planning and also we'd have to know what each other are up to. Like if Mark's like, hey, I'm going on a honeymoon and we're like, well, while you're there.
I would do it.
We could do like Taskmaster though, right? Where it's like, we could just have a list and then it's like from the episode where we declare that list. If you bring in a bit to an episode, you get like a bunch of points or you can hijack the episode or like you win by default or something.
I love these things where it's like, we say things a while ago and cause we're so bad at remembering. If we remember and we say like, it has to be a minimum number of weeks ahead or episodes ahead. Like there's a bounty board for like five episodes ahead to do this.
I mean, it could be this season. Like we could, at the start of the season, we'd be like, all right, here's a bounty board. Maybe we can update this if we start burning through stuff. But like the start of the season, we put out a bounty board and it's like, if you do one of these missions, film it, bring it in as a bit, we play it on the show, hijacked. I don't know what the reward, what's a good reward?
Automatic five points or something like that. Like big points that actually could change the, the course of that whole episode, you know? Cause I feel like we, we are very competitive, but it's like, I want that extra proactive step in there to do something. And it doesn't have to be big. This is why I want GoPro to fucking talk to me so fucking badly. This is all but an ad for GoPro to talk to. I know, they won't, they won't, but it's like, that's what I need, right? Cause even the DJI thing, it's nice, but it's in its case and you gotta undo it and you gotta feel like a fucking doofus.
Well, it's kinda delicate. Yeah, you gotta, yeah.
And you, you know, as opposed to just picking it up and hitting, you can, you can hit the, on all the GoPros, you could just hit, like hit the record button and then pick it up, it starts going, right? That's the level of convenience I want is like, I want to, they don't talk to me and I think they're getting sold.
Yeah, well, they were in trouble, right? Wasn't there kind of a hail Mary with this generation with the cinema censors and the?
Come amateurs been buying up a lot of people lately.
That sounds really bad. How is that supposed to be good? Oh, GoPro, come amateurs.
GoPro, come amateur.
Yeah, the, the joke was there until the words came out and then I realized how bad it sounded based on your two's expression. It just really felt like it was somewhere. Let's out of nowhere. To veto that name? It's too late now, man. It's too late. There, you're gonna.
No, I think in the constitution needs to be included, you must film the mission on a come amateur camera.
All right, bounty, bounty for this year, Wade has to get a brain scan of some kind. I don't think a full MRI doesn't have to be like, he has to have electrodes to his brain. And then he has to like, show us what his thought process is, like go through some bits, bounty, I apply, I, I, I submit for the bounty board.
I like that. I think that's, that's good. Do they make like home kits where you could scan your own brain at home? There's no way.
All right, you're talking less MRI and more so like the hook stuff up and like they see what parts of my brain light up to different prompts? Are those invasive?
No, it's literally just electrodes taped on your head.
You, you are actually perfect for it, cause you have no hair.
Yeah, that's right. That's true. Go right on there.
Okay, uh, if they offer that here in Cincinnati, I'll try to find a way, but uh, that'd be, I'd be fascinated to know how my, maybe I just need to go to therapy and then record my sessions.
Oh, that'd be great. Do, do therapy with that on and have like a, a. According of your brain as it's happening.
They find some deep seated trauma. You guys are like, ah, that's how his brain works. Grandma.
No, dig into it, dig into it. I like the idea of like multi-part missions where it's like you have to go and get some specific thing. And then you pull it out in the episode, right? You're like, you have to go, maybe it's like food or I want the bounties to be good. And not just like a video of me going to Kroger to buy an apple and be like, I bought an apple at the store.
All right. Because they can be on the list, but they're not done. We could make it fan participation. They could have a weekly roundup of like voting up a bounty or submitting things. And then we could have our moderators or whatever submitted to a list.
We could post their doing of the bounties too.
Nevermind.
It has to be us doing it.
Yeah, stupid.
We get to monetize it. Come on. It's us, it's us, it's us.
Stupid dingle by here.
Oh, I have one that needs to be on the bounty board. It's kind of unfair. Oh, wait, you have to decide. You have to decide.
Yeah, you're the host.
So you declared unfair on.
The thing I was about to say, I guess.
So either nothing happens, you get to really doubly say it? I don't know what that means. Or your ideas.
This bounty could be worth double points.
Oh, yeah. I think that's, I think that makes sense. Either if it's, if it is unfair, the bounty doesn't go on the board. If it's fair, if it's doubly fair, it's just worth double points because it's such a good bounty.
All right. So heads is in favor. You declared it. So heads.
Three heads means it's a really good bounty. It's worth double. Three tails means it doesn't go on the board.
I'm an idiot.
I got heads.
Heads.
Tails.
That's good though, it's neutral.
Yeah, that means my idiot mistake didn't cost us anything. Anyway, I was gonna say, for all three of us, I feel like it should be a bounty. If you're in public and someone recognizes you, get a video with them to be like, and have them like, explain, or you explain if they don't want to be on camera, but like, get a video to bring in to be like, hey, they want, this is a watcher or a listener or whatever, right? Like, I just like that because I think it's funny. I always feel really awkward when someone comes up and is like, I love distractable. And I just want to be like, can I have a video? Can we take a pic? I know you're just in your everyday life, but can we do this, right? And they'll immediately be like, oh, I don't want to do that.
So what, do I still film it if they walk up to me, they're like, hey, are you Bob from Mark?
I think there's something to that, but it needs to be more specific.
You have to say yes, and you have to go with it, but you can, you can get credit for that.
Yeah, there's gotta be something that we, like, I like the idea of that, but they have to know the bit. They have to know something because they listen to this. So it has to be something that they say or do or have on them. You know, like in, uh, what is that show with like the, the three doors and Wayne Brady and it's like, did anyone bring a spoon?
Cause I, oh, yeah, I want to make a deal.
Yeah, I want to make a deal. It's like something like that where the audience has to do that. And if we meet in life and they have that, then we know they're a real fan and that completes the bounty.
What if it's a coin? What if they have to have a coin and then they have to flip it? And if they get heads, you succeed at the bounty. But if they get tails, you fail at the bounty. So they have to have the coin to begin with, but then you still have to win the coin flip to actually get the bounty.
How many of these, like, let's say you run into like three different people, can you film it three different times in one go?
I mean, look, if that's the life you want to live, I, I guess. I would say if it's like a group of three people, I guess, and they all meet you all at once, like, yeah, they come, that's like one encounter, which gives you more odds of them having a coin, but you only get the one coin flip.
I'd say if there's more than one fan, they all have to flip though, and it has to be majority, the majority gets heads.
Okay.
Because that, i- i- if there's so many, then it gets in your favor. So we gotta balance it out, right?
What if it's three separate events throughout like the course of a week?
If it's three, I mean, but this is the thing, right? This, this happens to be once in a while, not a ton, but like if it's at different times, at different, if it's unrelated, I think each one is just its own thing, right? You happen to be out at the mall and it's like you, you run into someone, 20 minutes later, you run into someone, three hours later, you run-
If all we have on us is our phone, phone quality, okay for this kind of recording?
Yeah, however you record it. That's up to you. If you want the point, you gotta keep your, your recorders on you. And I, maybe we could keep it like one per day, per purse, per each of us, one event of meeting fans.
I don't think I'll typically have to worry about that too much, but yeah.
Yeah, I'm, I'm okay with the cap because I think that pretty much exclusively affects Mark.
Yeah, yeah. Make it fair, make it fair.
We're like, Mark, this month, we had one fan interaction. Mark's like, dude, here's my list of the last hour. Scroll.
I've been saving them. I've ate videos from yesterday of fans flipping and getting heads. Most of them didn't get heads.
Dude, I haven't talked about how going back to Cincinnati is way more like getting recognized than anywhere else I go to. I was walking around like Europe and nobody, that's fine, which is cool. Like it's totally fine. Usually it's not that bad in even LA. I, I walk around, it's totally fine. But in Cincinnati, it's crazy. Everyone, I think, anyway.
Literally everyone, yeah.
You're a Cincinnati man.
Thank you. I try to be. Anyway, you're great as Cincinnati.
Yeah, we are.
That's a good one. That could be practically its own amended by itself instead of just a bounty.
If you have a fan interaction, you have to get, they have to have a coin and you have to get a video of the coin flip. And if it's heads, you click, is it, once it's claimed by one of us, it's claimed and that's it?
Probably, or that's one I could see repeating, but it's like, also it should have a cooldown. It's if it should or else it every week we might.
Like what if both, like what if both competitors bring in the same bounty for that particular episode?
Share the points, split the points.
How many points is a bounty worth?
I kinda like, I feel like five points is a good amount for the range. Like I, I think I tend to give the most points and five points would still sway mine pretty substantially almost all the time. And for like Mark, Mark, sometimes you only get like five, six, seven points. So it would be like a huge swing potentially.
I feel like five makes sense and we can, we can, look, we can adjust that if we decide we need to.
On how we want to end the constitution episodes, whether it's just the host again, or whether we want to spin a wheel or how we want to do that.
Why you in a rush? You want to get out of here?
Yeah, we're having a great time. Come on.
Well, no, but I still wanted to answer that before I forgot.
We'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
We will revisit this in approximately 10 minutes.
I know that was our thing. I thought we were doing that. I thought that was the thing.
It was, it was well, it was well done. I go.
We're gonna have like maybe a weekly post where it's like this week's bounties, uh, suggestions and then we'll have, we'll ask the mods maybe to aggregate them into like a master list of bounties.
Yeah, yeah.
I think, I think we do need maybe to be able to say like, oh, that one doesn't count or something like if, cause I, I trust the mods generally, but if one gets on there where it's like.
Well, go to an in and out. Yeah. If it's too easy, it can't be too easy. Yeah.
Well, we can't all do that. Oh, okay. All right. Yeah. Okay.
It can't be too easy.
If it was a Shake Shack, there is one of those here, but that's.
Maybe in the small talk round, we should just have a quick little segment to be like, and, and these are the bounties we're adding to the list. And we could check them over for fairness.
That, that would be a, we could have a segment. We have a segment.
The bounty segment sponsored by Intel.
Sponsored by Bounty Paper Towels. If we do this and that doesn't happen, I will never recover.
I like this. I like that they're optional because I'm very lazy and I will only sporadically even want to do them.
Yeah. Wade's never going to do this. This is just extra competition between me and Mark. Wade's not going to engage with us at all.
A hundred percent. It means I will lose even more often, but I'm excited for it.
We could put a bounty on there that would be like Wade has to go to his basement on purpose and take a video of himself saying, I claimed the bounty where I went to my basement for no other reason than this. And you would still not do it.
Don't make it my basement because that's where I'm at right now. Make it like goes outside.
No, but see you're in their basement because we were going to record. You'd have to be done recording, go upstairs to the rest of your house, then consciously choose to go down some stairs to the basement.
I still think that's too easy for me. You guys at least make me like go a place I wouldn't normally go anyway like.
I feel like you wouldn't do it. I'd be willing to put that on there just to see if you do it or not. Cause I feel like you'd forget about it and never do it and it'd be fine.
I also want a system where we could be given secret bounties. Like that the others don't know about that only we know and they're limited time, right? Like in the next four episodes, you could do X, Y, Z. And it's something that specifically one of us could do.
We could have the distractible writer give us things. Because that would be something that none of us would know, except whomst ever was told.
Whomst? I'm so excited for you guys to do this stuff.
Wade, it's gonna be a hell of a show for you, man. Just you wait.
He's playing it cool now. He really, he really.
My bounties are gonna be like, Wade, show up and don't look like you just rolled out of bed.
Wade, don't order DoorDash during episode.
Instant fail.
We don't have to talk about that.
What do you mean don't have to talk about? You literally announce whenever you have to do it every episode.
I don't say the, the place by name. They're not paying me. I'm paying them. I just say food is on the way, gentlemen.
I like this. I think, do we have, we have to have an official vote on this? All that stuff we just said, I vote aye.
And then adding in some extra being like, this system is in progress. It's beta and it will, this amendment will be in flux over the next few weeks as we fill it out.
This is a broad constitutional amendment. We will work on the regulations as we go. Okay, the, the regs can change.
And it's fully optional. None of us has to do anything, but we are welcome to, and it will definitely give us an edge.
It's not optional to be subject to the system. It's just optional to participate.
Yes.
Agree.
Exactly.
Aye, aye, aye.
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What if it's like, go to a Brazilian steakhouse and eat your own weight in meat?
I can't do that anymore. I can eat a lot. I can't do that anymore. I got out eaten by one of my nephews recently.
It's ironic because if I weighed less, I would probably eat less, but because I'm such an eater, I feel like I could do it, but I weigh so much, it might not be physically possible.
I've been actively trying to vary up my diet a little bit and I've eaten more salads. Anyways, that's either here nor there. I've been trying to be a little bit better.
I like this. I like this a lot. I'm gonna have to, I know Mark will do this and he'll edit his own thing and it will be this beautiful thing. I'm gonna need to like have an editor fix mine because it's gonna be a bunch of shaky ass footage of me being like,
like Sam, fix it.
You'll be like, Wade, read a book and I'm gonna have my toe, my toes holding my phone up, watching me read a book. He is like, oh God, wait, it's just a crotch. I was like, well, just trust me, bro. It's there.
Yeah, that's why you need the GoPros because they're hyper smooth technology.
My GoPro is literally sitting right there, waiting for action.
You got a mission before me?
No, I didn't have a mission. I was filming, I was filming James's trains with it. I'm gonna be honest. He, he makes train tracks and then he's like, video my train go around the track and I make, I have to do it because.
I feel bad because I don't even have a GoPro here and I always used to. I don't even know where my DJI pocket is.
You always had them around. I'm surprised you don't.
I saw empty boxes at my storage and it was just, I don't know where they are. I've replaced them all with my higher quality cameras. That's my problem is like I got a gap doing my phone and my big cameras and I, I watch it. GoPro, you please stick around long enough to give me the fucking camera.
Come expert.
Come expert?
Is that, that's better, right?
What's a, what's a good synonym for come or another?
None of them. Just don't try.
Approach, approach, expert.
Approach me, expert.
Went con. I gotta bust out the old went con for this one. The problem word is come, just to be clear, Wed.
Well, no, I got it, but the the combination was particularly heinous.
I mean, it's not heinous. It's just distasteful. And contextually, it was misunderstood, which actually made us laugh really hard.
It's true. If you weren't the host, it probably would have got you some points or something.
Well, that's a good thing. I'm the host here. Okay, so we all voted in favor of the bounties. We're trying to get sponsored by GoPro. I think we've covered all the important things. Anything else we need to go over about the constitution?
I don't. There's nothing else that like burns at me where I'm like, God, why do we do this? Why do we do this? I think we're, I think it's in a pretty good spot. Oh, I was thinking about this. Do we want to have Eddie? Does it matter if we want to have rules about like bottle episodes? Or do we want to just do that completely ad hoc? Like, because I'm thinking like, if I have a dream and a vision and I'm working with people to put together like tabletop one-shot type things where it's like, it'll be a complete bottle episode. And it's just like, um, you know, it's just us screwing around doing like some tabletop misadventure type thing. It could just be when I host, I do that.
But it could also be like, if we wanted to do a series, you know, if it turned out we recorded for three hours because it was really fun. And it could just be a multi-part. We don't need like a rule for that, right? It's like, if the episode continues, we could just split it into multiple parts. And it's just like, whoever wins hosts the next one.
I'm fine with to be continued episodes if there's a reason for something to go on for multi-parts. I think that should all come out together because otherwise it gets two months for that. So, yeah, so I mean, I'm fine with that. We just get to the end of whatever that is and then we'll do the
I just have, I have this vision that I'm trying to make actually come to life and it might lead to that, but I don't. I think it's fine. We'll deal with that. I'll be fine.
No, I like that. I think that we should all prep the audience to explore the concepts of what audio visual podcasts can be. Because the host can do whatever they want, right?
I will. Say too, I'm, I'm eventually going to move out of my pile of trash. I have a, I have a room, a room that's unfinished down to the studs that I plan on customizing and developing into an actual studio instead of a bedroom I pile my stuff into. And I want it, I want it to look nice. I don't know if I'm capable of achieving that, but I could find like Mark is, Mark must know someone who can help. So I have a goal, like the walking every, a mile every day. I've, I reach my goals.
I want to do that too. It's so hard to do that on my knee right now, but man, I want to be outside. It's such beautiful weather in Cincinnati right now.
Go to Europe. You just walk around a lot.
Been high 60s, low 70s, like the last week or so. It's been so gorgeous and like apparently you can't go from not playing basketball to just jumping around like a maniac for two hours and expect your knees to be fine. I guess, who knew? If we're voting for Bob's proposal of the continuation of episodes, I.
I. Oh, I, I have a proposal. It's a, I want to treat the audience like Congress and I think we should allocate them a discretionary budget that they can vote what they spend on, on a, monthly or weekly basis.
Hold on, no.
For us to incorporate into the show, right? So it's not a lot. It's not a lot. It's like,
You can tell that we're, we're thin on the money front right now. We're like, audience.
No, they're not giving the money. No, no.
We're telling.
We're giving them our money.
No, wait, hold on. No veto.
Oh, look, wait, it's not gonna, I'll cover yours, man. It's not gonna be a lot. I see, I see the vision. I see where this is going. I like it.
I think we should allocate like 500 bucks a month to the discretionary concepting and idea budget that they get to spend or make us spend.
If we, if the subreddit can like coalesce around an idea.
We will spend each 500 each on.
All right, hold on.
Or is it total? Is it total?
So you're total, but all right. Okay. All right. Okay. 500 each. 500 each.
Well, I would do, I would do 500 each, but I'm not trying to force you.
Okay, 500 each.
If it was total, that's also cool, but I feel like 500 each would be like, cause some, some, I'm, I'm, I'm imagining there's going to be some bits, right? Where it's like, each of you spend a hundred to a couple hundred bucks on this thing. And that's like a bit like a costume or I don't know what, right? But, and I don't, I don't know if there needs to be a, well, this is your thing. I'm sort of taking it over. I just really like it. I think it's a good idea.
I think that we should have some rules about it. The predominant per purpose of the item, despite its actual purpose should be for the improvement and or content of the show. And it must be something that we could obtain without undue burden. And I like the legal terms like that, you know?
Yeah, yeah. Undue burden's a big one.
We like it, we'll do it. If we don't, we won't. And it must fit in the view of the camera.
And none of our cameras look out windows. So there's no including of outdoor spaces in that.
I suppose we should modify that one, but it's like, it, it must be filmable without undue burden.
So look, so this, this, I was going to get to like, I don't think we need like a vote number or something. This isn't like a hard thing, but it needs to be like, there needs to be clear consensus that like enough people are excited about something. And we are part of the, we, we are we the people, right? We are still people here. So we can like, we can lobby Congress. We can be the lobbyists we want to be in the world. Or we can, you know, we could be the Supreme Court and just say, yes, yes, whatever you said, accept how we say it and change the laws arbitrarily, however we see fit. Uh, or we could be like the president and just executive order, whatever we want into existence and say that the people wanted that.
We can be all three branches of government here because we really are, yeah, we'll do, you know, we'll do it on the fly, right? We'll make it work. It has to work. Are you sure we're cool with 500 each a month? Cause that is a lot. I was going to say originally like a hundred each a month, but then like that might not. Be quite enough to do. Cool, cool.
It's just depending on whether it's an each thing or a pool thing.
Well, what if like we do like a pool of 600, so it'd be 200 each a month?
Yeah, what if it's 200 each a month, but it's like we could all pool together?
It doesn't have to hit that amount. It can be less.
One big thing, if it's like, well, you know, one of us has to do it or something.
Well, we'll put it at a tester of like 600 total ish 200 a month of each of us. And that'll be the loose delineation. We'll see what they get and then adjust from there.
You know, immediately the ideas are going to be like, go to Guam and fill an episode in a bounce house. Can you get that for 600 bucks? How much are flights to Guam?
Can I fit a bounce house in about five square feet?
Can't wait for Wheels of Cheese to appear randomly in a fucking episode.
How many Wheels of Cheese can you get for 600 bucks?
I am not filling my room with styrofoam. I will veto that ahead of time.
I like this. I like this. It's gonna get the subreddit riled up.
We are literally creating the world's greatest podcast. This is the season.
I can't wait to veto every idea. I'm excited.
We don't have ultimate veto power. We're gonna, we're gonna have to play, we're gonna have to work within the system, by which I mean make up our own rules, but we're gonna have to appease the people or they will revolt. And we're, so we're officially declaring, I guess, too, the subreddit is the place, right? There's no, because there is like a discord and that we are looking at the subreddit. The subreddit is the hub of political activity.
There might be a need for more real time communication. Again, we'll figure it out loosey goosey.
Should we make the discord the place?
I just feel like the subreddit has much more activity generally.
That's because we appeal to them a lot, but if we start appealing to the discord, maybe they'd go there. Where are you guys willing to go? Let us know.
You guys figure it out. We can't do everything for you. Come on.
I mean, if the subreddit has the whole thing and they're like, we want the discord and it's everyone's talking about it. Yeah, I mean, we maybe just adjust that on the fly.
Yeah, yeah, it's like by, by what they need more than anything. It's like if they need.
Discord is easier communication. The Reddit, I feel like it's easier to see overall topics.
Well, but Discord has a threads thing now too, right? So you basically can have a Discord where you also have Reddit threads where it's like, it's a more permanent chronological record of a discussion as opposed to like scrolling chats and chats and chat. It does exist, it's a thing.
It's also a little temporary. I think it deletes after a while, but only, I think it may only be based on inactivity. So it might auto delete if it's not very active, which might be a good thing.
Well, which is perfect, cuz.
If you're not talking about it, we're not gonna do it.
Yeah, exactly.
I like this. This is interesting. This is dangerous.
This might be the greatest Constitution episode we've ever had. Three weeks from now, can't fucking believe we did this shit, god damn it.
I think that's why it's exciting because part of me is like, this is definitely gonna go wrong in a way we're not understanding right now. And it's gonna be, it's hopefully gonna be really funny, but it's potentially gonna be just a huge pain in the ass and we're gonna be like, never mind. We're not doing that part anymore. Back to normal.
We always have the ability. We can make it, we can make anything work or not work in accordance with our needs.
Plus Wade has to participate in that part. He might not wanna do bounties. I wanna do bounties. I think that sounds funny, but you have to participate in the political system we've invented.
We'll see about that.
No, you have to.
I'll see if I find a way out. We'll see, that's fun too. We'll see if you find a way out. Are there any other, any other declarations or proposals?
I'm empty. I'm, I'm satisfied.
I'm just really excited now. I'm just thinking about stuff. I can't wait for the, I can't wait for this to come out so we could see how big of a mistake it is.
Well, in that case, I've got one final one and. Is that the bridge we've come to, guys? Look, the bridge. Guests will cross it.
I think Wade has to host the next one.
Yeah, I think yes.
I think there's no winner here. We just did our civic duties to the distractable populace and, and then we're back, back to the normal timeline next time.
So Constitution episodes, the host will there always host the following episode as well.
Can't disrupt the chain of succession.
Then it's, then it's just arbitrary. Aside from the fact that the first ever host was completely arbitrary. I'm sure that the chain of succession back to the beginning of time of distractable is completely pure and undisturbed. I'm sure it's perfect. It's great.
So do we, do we skip wheels and all that then?
Yeah, well, there's no winner, there's no points. I mean, if you wrote down points, you wanna say, I guess.
I did write down points, I can go through.
They don't mean anything, but you could say them if you like them.
Well, they mean something, trust me. All right, Mark, you got points for Sandy Leg, Acid Orifices, uh, putting Google on blast, F the system, Drink with no lid, Audience optimism, good, it's tied.
Article, maybe good article, good article points, because you were going through the articles of the amendment at one point. Flags, but better, boo boo, uh, Too Fast Four Stitches, and then I didn't give any more points because we determined they basically wouldn't matter, so I just kind of quit at that point. Bob, you got two points for drum rolls, you got a point for James Power Wheels, uh, Bob is Edison, the sly James smile you pulled off of whenever he was, uh.
Didn't you say Bob is Edison?
Yeah, but I gave you a point because you inspired me.
Okay, I'll take it, I'll take it.
Uh, you got a Jim Carrey point, um, you saved Mark with the PS2 cry, deleting things from Wheel, I liked that, you gave some good amendment points, and I gave you a point for cross that bridge when we get to it. Uh, however many points they are, it doesn't matter, because I also gave myself points that says more than them. So I win.
Fair, well, but you don't win, but that's, but you do host the next one, because you already won, but this is not another win, just to be clear, for the.
As the host, I can't think I can call it a win, right?
You know what? You can, but it goes on last season. This is the after today, a new season is begun.
That means I'm in last place by less than.
Yeah, yeah, so it has no effect on anything, but you can have a win, you have the last win of last season.
That's the one thing I can say about last season is I at least got one win at the end.
Yeah, who won?
Oh, I bet the subreddit knows.
I know, it's not me.
There is, oh, where is it? There is a person who does update every week now, they do update the charts.
Ooh, is that actually?
Yes, oh!
Uh.
As of that one, America versus Europe, I might.
Have eked it 37 to 36.
Oof.
Was I the 36?
No, Wade, you're 31.
Oh, I'm in the 30s? Yeah, you're in the 30s.
You weren't that far behind.
Oh, it felt like it. I hadn't hosted in two months.
Wait, who posted that? I can't find it. Where'd it go?
It's in the comments of the America versus Europe.
Right, right, right, right. They do it in the comments.
FarRider6952.
Yes, yes, yes, yes. FarRider6592. I will, I will concede that I trust their numbers. They seem to be very thorough. I, I think they do an honorable job.
So in that case, the final score is Mark 37, Bob 36, Wade 32.
Can I just say, I really love that they keep statistics on the season. Mark, Mark has 37, I have 36, Wade 32, but Wade has so few wheel spin points that it's not surprising. I've gotten 717 points off of wheel spins. Marcus gotten 677. Wade has 604 wheel spin points on the season.
No, without wheel spin points.
Oh, I read those backwards. Oh, Wade has the most, Wade has the most wheel spin points. You got 60 and I got 51 and Mark got 49.
Yeah, so he's an outlier.
I, I depend on the wheel.
You just suck.
Ooh. Well, at least I can declare myself a winner.
But that means I lost on wins, but I had the most points on the season. I had 700, I had 40 more points than Mark did on the season.
Which I think goes to show that I'm not that low of a scorer, am I? Because if, if I'm scoring and Wade's scoring. But both of us think Wade doesn't deserve points.
That's true. Yeah, there's one thing I've learned, it's that.
Also, I really like that they kept the number of times on the bonus, number of bonus spins. 46, three spins, 35, two spins, 24, one spins. Those are supposed to have an equal chance on the wheel that we spin.
That is weighted. It's weighted per choice. It's like it incrementally gives it another chance. I get the cup.
You do. Congratulations, Mark, on winning that season.
One of these seasons, we're totally gonna actually, you know what? If there was a season we were gonna, I should, we should do the cup this, I should send you an actual trophy.
We'll make one. Maybe the congressional budget will go towards getting us a goddamn trophy. Who's won the previous seasons? I don't even know who our seasonal winners have been.
I think we've each won once.
Yes, I think that's true, actually.
Out of four?
Well, so the, the first season is like the pre-video era, which I don't know if we had people tracking that so closely and it was kind of a whole different kind of Wild West compared to the more structured season, but we did have winners, but I don't know. But I think in the last three years, it's been each of us has won. I think that's right. Cause I think you won the last one, didn't you, Wade?
I couldn't tell you. I don't remember. I, I've at least won one. I know I won one of them.
I think I won two years ago and I think Mark won the first season post-video era.
I don't recall, but someone out there will tell us.
Uh, some, subreddit.
Defend one of us.
I almost just choked on my cop drop.
Bob, you're immortal. You don't want to lose that point.
Just immediately kicked off the podcast if I die. Embarrassing. I could never. At my funeral, I expect you two to come busting in a stadium full of weeping mourners. It's celebrating my life and Mark and Wade just, he's off the show. He's out, take down the banners. He's not one of us.
We just graffiti the headstone with shame.
If you don't do it, I'll haunt your dicks.
All of our dicks?
The back, it'll be alternating weekends or something like, you know, it'll be like child custody situation.
All right. Well, that said, no winner speeches, no loser speeches. That's our constitution. So, uh, congrats to us for five years. We've done it. We've made episodes. We've, we've stuck with it for five years.
I am so sick of you guys. I can't wait to be over with this.
He's not joking.
These shirts might be, they're probably gone. They're probably already gone.
In this one, we are doing it slightly differently.
Uh, the Forex L's appear to be sold out.
Never fucking mind.
I don't know. Look, I don't know.
I'd give you a point for that if I could. That's funny.
Anyway, yeah, distractible.shop. Go, it's there. You can...
Their stuff. Get the stuff.
Get the stuff.
If you haven't already, go follow Bob at MySkir, MarketMarkiplier, me at Minion777, or LordMinion777. There was a post that told me, I didn't even know how many sevens were in my name, so I wanted to make sure I got it right that time. Uh, this is Distractible. Follow the podcast, keep up with us. Check out the Discord, check out the Reddit, check out the merch. And I guess I'll have another banger episode for you next time where the points will mean a lot more. Until then, podcast, out.
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Page updated October 30, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated