America vs Europe

No perfectest crime? Well hey, everyone makes mistakes. Support A Real Good Future at realgoodai.org/donate Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, mystifying Mark immortalizes Iron Lung and gets derailed by Dutch dungeons and demons. Willful Wade slacks at a symphony, gets hassled in Hess, and rails against red tape. Blitzbashing Bob gets the willies from Midas, relifies Venetian medieval movement modes, and gets aggravated in Amsterdam. From magnificent merch to protein patriotism, heh heh heh heh heh. It's time for America vs. Europe.

• 0:42Speaker 00

  Now, sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  Also, my mouth really hurts. I gotta go to the dentist on Monday. I got mouth pain.

• 0:54Speaker 02

  Oh, I have to go to the dentist on Monday. That's so funny. Twinsies.

• 0:58Speaker 03

  Whoa, whoa, guys. I haven't started the episode yet. Calm down.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Oh, oh, my bad, my bad.

• 1:04Speaker 03

  Welcome to Distractible. My name is Mark, here to host another banger of an episode. I've been waiting for this for a long time, and so have you.

• 1:14Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 1:15Speaker 03

  My phone is ringing.

• 1:18Speaker 02

  It's that call you've been waiting for.

• 1:20Speaker 01

  Well, I guess if you've been waiting for it, just answer it. I don't know.

• 1:23Speaker 03

  It'll stop eventually.

• 1:25Speaker 01

  Damn, zoom and enhance on that buzzing.

• 1:28Speaker 03

  All right, welcome to the show that just won't end, no matter how much we try to kill it. I'm your host, Mark, joined by my famous, famous co-host, popular across the world. We've got Bob.

• 1:41Speaker 04

  And we've got Wade. Oh, yeah.

• 1:44Speaker 02

  Are we both famous? That'd be news to me.

• 1:47Speaker 01

  Combined, we are one famous together.

• 1:49Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, we are, and friends. Got it.

• 1:52Speaker 03

  If you get recognized in public, I think you can quantify yourself as famous.

• 1:55Speaker 02

  Does happen on rare occasion.

• 1:57Speaker 01

  What if it's like family or someone you went to school with? Are you still famous?

• 2:00Speaker 03

  Yes, absolutely, yeah.

• 2:01Speaker 02

  Mom? What are you doing here? Ah, just too famous, can't take me anywhere.

• 2:07Speaker 03

  And we're definitely gonna be noticed in public because we're all wearing our new Distractible shirts! All!

• 2:12Speaker 02

  All of us are wearing them.

• 2:14Speaker 03

  All of us.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  Wait, I didn't know this was the episode. Is this the episode?

• 2:18Speaker 02

  Oh, it's too late now. The bit, the bits.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  I didn't know this was the episode. I grabbed the shirt. I didn't know this was the episode.

• 2:23Speaker 03

  Point to Bob for having the shirt.

• 2:25Speaker 01

  I'll be right back, guys. I'll be right back. I'm gonna go.

• 2:28Speaker 02

  If you don't, there's no makeup points. Just stay there.

• 2:30Speaker 03

  You can leave, but imagine the handshakes. Just imagine.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  I should, uh, I should go. I should go.

• 2:36Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  I put this on just for you guys, but I'll change it.

• 2:40Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 2:41Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 2:42Speaker 01

  No handshakes.

• 2:43Speaker 02

  He didn't take, he didn't take his headphones off. You could see that he's squatting there with his headphones on.

• 2:48Speaker 03

  God, he's so bald. Yeah, yeah. Well, listen, we only have to tolerate him for a few more episodes and then he's gone, all right?

• 2:55Speaker 02

  Yeah. I can't wait for Ethan to take his rightful spot.

• 2:58Speaker 03

  So how many wins do you want?

• 3:01Speaker 02

  Oh, I'm not greedy. Can I have like three? What, what do you, what do you want? What do you want? How many wins do you want? What can I do for you?

• 3:09Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 3:10Speaker 02

  Honestly, I think the season ends when we say it ends. It kind of ends every time we do like a constitution episode, so I, it just goes on until we say.

• 3:18Speaker 03

  Ah, man, we need another currency besides win. What about money?

• 3:22Speaker 02

  Cash money?

• 3:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, we could make this a little more interesting, you know?

• 3:26Speaker 02

  Sure. I feel like Wade and I are, are a substantial disadvantage, uh, potentially, but as long as we're all, as long as we all have sort of a gentleman's agreement.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  I've been here the whole time dressed like this.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  Oh, look at you!

• 3:38Speaker 02

  Oh, your camera must have just focused. Look, I could see it now.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  There's one of us, another one of us, and the third one of us.

• 3:45Speaker 02

  Hey, can't tell who's who. One of them definitely doesn't look distinctly different for any specific head reasons.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  Oh, dark hair.

• 3:52Speaker 02

  Ah, yeah, that's it. That's the thing.

• 3:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's good. Yeah. Anyway, all right, enough. We've got so much to talk about. There's been weeks since we last saw each other. All of us must have lived really exciting lives in the interim, and I can't wait to hear it. Who wants to go first?

• 4:07Speaker 01

  I need to take initiative because I'm getting my rear kicked. Sunday marked the first time I ever got to go to see the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra. And I took my nephew for his birthday, along with one of my other nephews and my niece and Molly. And we went down, we watched them perform songs from Star Horse. Different movies and shows, and it was really, really cool. And they did a really, really great job. And the guy who was.

• 4:29Speaker 02

  Was it John Morris Russell?

• 4:30Speaker 01

  No, I don't know who that is, but no.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  I'd be the conductor of the Cincinnati Pops. He's he does a lot of.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  No, they had a guest in from Detroit who was he hosts every now and then here. But he did a really fantastic job and it was just a really, really fun time and they were very talented. And I don't know, I really enjoyed it. And I was like, I don't know if my nephew is really going to be into it since it's just the music, but they seem to really love it. The place was completely filled. It was completely packed. So it was just a really cool experience.

• 4:54Speaker 02

  It was it was not an outside concert. It's way too cold. It was in music hall, right?

• 4:57Speaker 01

  It was in music hall. Yeah, it's my first time ever been inside music hall.

• 5:00Speaker 03

  Well, congratulations. Cincinnati has a lot of features that people don't realize. It has a ballet, it has an orchestra.

• 5:07Speaker 02

  World class Symphony Orchestra.

• 5:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, world class, three of the major sports and now soccer stadium somewhere.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  Since it's right by music hall, actually, it's like literally across the street from music hall, the backside. But yeah, Cincinnati FC, really good MLS team.

• 5:22Speaker 03

  It's got one of those destroy your life arenas that was formerly horseshoe, but now it's something else, I think.

• 5:28Speaker 02

  In a Hollywood Hard Rock, it's the one with all the memorabilia in it. There's a Porsche parked in there and some guitars and whatnot.

• 5:36Speaker 03

  How would you know?

• 5:37Speaker 02

  I bet I've been in there. Yeah. How do you think I destroy my life?

• 5:40Speaker 03

  It blew your share of the Spotify deal right in there.

• 5:43Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, it's gone. I'm desperate help.

• 5:47Speaker 01

  I'll put 500 on Yago. Is that how it works?

• 5:51Speaker 03

  Yago?

• 5:52Speaker 02

  Dude, I love the Aladdin characters.

• 5:57Speaker 01

  You guys, I go there all the time. You've never been on Yago? That's why you all lose.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  Give me 50 on Street Rat, 50 on Magic Carpet and 100 bucks for Robin Williams doesn't survive this one. Let's do it.

• 6:09Speaker 01

  Too soon. No, it's not. It's perfectly timed.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  He survives that movie. That's the joke. He survives. He just gets stabbed in the back real big by some large corporation. Imagine that. Do you guys know that drama?

• 6:21Speaker 03

  I do.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  A little bit of it. I mean, I, I heard about like his, you know, about outside the studio stuff, like right working, right?

• 6:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, we don't have to go back. If you're interested out there, listeners, if you don't, you know why Robin Williams never appeared as the genie in any subsequent Aladdin properties? There's a whole story and it's, uh, it's not a great story, but it's an interesting story to hear the details of.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  Came back for the Prince of Thieves.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  I liked that movie. It got under, I think that was underrated.

• 6:45Speaker 03

  I liked that one too. I liked the turtle.

• 6:47Speaker 02

  Turtle comes out of nowhere. I fucking love the turtle.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  I used to love the Aladdin TV show, but it was a little strange that like the voices.

• 6:54Speaker 02

  The Midas hand thing gave me night terrors. I, the concept of that was terrifying to me.

• 7:02Speaker 03

  And the Midas is mine. The Midas is mine.

• 7:07Speaker 01

  Let's all just do impressions of that guy until the end of the episode.

• 7:12Speaker 03

  The hand of Midas is mine.

• 7:14Speaker 01

  Can I look up the actual sound of this guy?

• 7:16Speaker 02

  No, that's not how impressions work.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  I've not heard that voice since I was like, what year did that movie come out? It's probably been around then.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  I haven't heard that voice since the last time I watched that VHS in the, in the, in the video player in my parents' Osmobile minivan, whenever the shit that was.

• 7:35Speaker 01

  You had a VHS player in your minivan?

• 7:37Speaker 02

  Dude, we had a bougie minivan. We had.

• 7:39Speaker 03

  You guys must've been rich.

• 7:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm from a place where a golf tournament is. It's exclusively rich, riches.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  Everyone's rich around golf.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's what golf is. Golf is just under money laundering for wealthy people.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  If you play golf, do you just become rich?

• 7:55Speaker 02

  It worked for me.

• 7:56Speaker 03

  It's kind of one of those squares, a rectangle, but you know, rectangles and a square situation.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  But if you shrink it enough, it'll still fit in.

• 8:03Speaker 03

  Turn? Yes. Yeah, absolutely.

• 8:05Speaker 01

  Or if you stretch the hole.

• 8:07Speaker 03

  Yeah. Anyway, Bob, did you actually, I don't think you did your small talk yet.

• 8:11Speaker 02

  Uh, I don't know. It's, but the, the only thing on my mind right now is that my foot is real fucked and I hate it.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  Remember how I was walking every day and that was

• 8:24Speaker 03

  Oh, no. Oh, your streak, you're a failure.

• 8:28Speaker 02

  Long, long break in the streak here. My foot is in a bad way. It's not good.

• 8:32Speaker 03

  I gotta deduct a point. You don't have your streak.

• 8:35Speaker 02

  Look, I gotta be honest. Searing pain emanating from my lower extremity is hard to ignore, but uh, otherwise James is pretty funny. Took him to King's, took him to King's Island for the first time. He fucking loved it.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  Uh, he was also funny when we came over.

• 8:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, that was pretty funny.

• 8:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, my, we took my niece over to Bob and Mandy's, talking about college stuff and James was just like the star of the show. Knew who Molly was, pretended to know who Kaylee was, then like introduced himself to me resistantly like, hi, we've never met. I'm like, you know, we

• 9:05Speaker 02

  Your niece, who is a complete stranger to him and he runs up and jump hugs her and like, oh my God, you're here. I love you. Like, you say hi to Wade?

• 9:17Speaker 01

  We're not exaggerating. It's actually how it went.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  It was pretty funny. He knows, he knows who his target audience is. Blonde, blonde hair, blue eyes, plays, he's, he's, he's, he's gonna be a problem. He's gonna be, uh, as a toddler, that was very funny.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  And he jumped on my niece's lap and she was just like, in the middle of talking about like some college questions. She like, do I continue or do I address the child on me? And he's just like, look at this treat we got for Lexi. Isn't this the coolest thing? She's like, what do I do? And I swear he glared at me. I don't think, I don't know if he actually did, but it felt like he did.

• 9:51Speaker 02

  It felt like he cursed you under his breath.

• 9:53Speaker 03

  All right. Was that your ball duck?

• 9:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, pretty much. Yeah.

• 9:57Speaker 03

  All right. You're done now. Anyway. All right. Cool. Uh, side note about the VHS thing. I'm actually going to be getting back into some kind of magnetic ribbon of some kind very soon because I need to archive Iron Lung. And that's done on tape.

• 10:12Speaker 01

  Oh, who was it? Somebody wore, uh, like, uh, film strips as part of their dress to the Met Gala.

• 10:17Speaker 02

  Wasn't that Sabrina Carpenter wore film that was of the movie Sabrina or something like that?

• 10:24Speaker 01

  Mark's going to the Met Gala and he's gonna dress like Sabrina Carpenter?

• 10:27Speaker 03

  It's, that's a different thing. That's, that's, that's

• 10:29Speaker 01

  I figured it out. Stay away point. I'll take it.

• 10:32Speaker 03

  Non magnetic tape.

• 10:33Speaker 02

  Do you? So what kind of crazy bullshit hoops do you need to jump through to archive a movie? I assume there's one provider who charges an exorbitant fee and there's like.

• 10:42Speaker 03

  No, actually.

• 10:43Speaker 01

  Don't you just put it in a thermos and bury it on the moon?

• 10:45Speaker 03

  There's no, there's a, there's something called LTO tape, which I'll take guesses for what that means.

• 10:51Speaker 02

  Long time on there. The last T is silent.

• 10:56Speaker 03

  That's good. That's good. Wait, wait. Lovely try, Onisia. What the fuck?

• 11:02Speaker 01

  They were the first town to try preserving tape, but it didn't work. But now we all say lovely try, Onisia, when we try to preserve our tape.

• 11:09Speaker 02

  Long tape. Ooh. Do we get it? Who got it right?

• 11:13Speaker 03

  Neither of you, you idiots. It's.

• 11:16Speaker 01

  Lordly Television Oncology.

• 11:18Speaker 02

  Well, that just doesn't make any sense.

• 11:20Speaker 03

  I mean, whatever. Anyway, so it's archival tape and it's, uh, you, the device to do the recordings is, is expensive, but it's a one time cost and then you can get these rolls of tape that are like, uh, I think 18 terabytes or something like that. And they cost way left less than an equivalent 18 terabyte hard drive would, and they last for 30 years. So you can archive a lot of data on tape and then store it for a very long time. And they say you should have, you know, I'll have always like my raid array of, of the stuff, but that way I can have another version of that media on a tape. And that can be locked away for 30 years and then I could pull it out and redo it on a separate tape. And by then they'll have better tape and you know, you could do it again.

• 12:04Speaker 02

  That's pretty cool.

• 12:05Speaker 03

  Not important. This is not what the, the episode's about. What if you broadcast it to the aliens? That's thinking. Anyway, not the segue. We're throwing down the gauntlet. All of us are cultured men, right?

• 12:18Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 12:19Speaker 03

  We've experienced a breadth of experiences. Yeah. We've all been to Europe.

• 12:26Speaker 02

  Obviously.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:28Speaker 03

  All three of us have been to Europe, right?

• 12:30Speaker 01

  Twice.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  Together.

• 12:32Speaker 03

  We know the ins and outs of that and we are qualified to speak on the good and bad of those countries.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  Hundred percent.

• 12:39Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 12:40Speaker 03

  Right? In that quote continent. Okay?

• 12:42Speaker 01

  How is it a continent if it's connected to another one?

• 12:48Speaker 02

  I don't even understand what a continent is. It's ridiculous.

• 12:50Speaker 03

  I know. I know. I know. Anyway, hold your superiority just yet because we need to throw down exactly how we in the United States of America are better and or worse than Europe and we're going to be the decider. Yes, you heard me right. It's time for America versus Europe. What a title. What a title. What a title. I realize like when we do the titles 15 minutes into the episode, it's not a surprise for people.

• 13:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, because they read it when they click the.

• 13:21Speaker 02

  Well, the title might be like European bathrooms lol or you know, like the title, it doesn't necessarily give away.

• 13:28Speaker 01

  One of our classics.

• 13:29Speaker 02

  We do that. We do that on occasion. We do do that, but also sometimes it's just straight up not a surprise. I think you're right.

• 13:36Speaker 01

  I did just see one episode recently that we'd done that was titled like Bob's favorite things. Number two will shock you or something. I was like, I have no idea what this is about.

• 13:45Speaker 02

  I think a lot of our titles would have get garner that response from all three of us if we looked back.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  I've had some bangers over the years like hair, bread, fearless.

• 13:55Speaker 03

  I remember fearless. Ah, man, what a classic fearless.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  Fearless of our favorite tier list of all time is a great episode.

• 14:01Speaker 03

  Oh, what a good episode. But you know, we have to now, you heard me, but but we have to. America versus Europe. I want to start this off with a story because I was just in Europe technically. I was not in the European Union. I want to point that out, which is something that I learned.

• 14:21Speaker 01

  You know, that spells ew.

• 14:23Speaker 03

  That was my realest fake laugh you'll ever get. All right. So I have a, I have something to throw shade on because there is a story that came out of, I was on my honeymoon, right? Uh, and so this is an Amy sanctioned story. We were in the Amsterdam airport, right? Have you guys been through the Amsterdam airport?

• 14:43Speaker 01

  Times, yeah. We flew, yeah, I think we went directly there at the one time.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  Hell on earth.

• 14:47Speaker 01

  Basically, as I recall it. Sure.

• 14:49Speaker 03

  Basically, just, just, it's like the Ohio highway system of airports in that it's always under construction and it's never done, right? So that, that aside, it's not the biggest problem. We go through their immigration system, which they have this fast pass lane where you scan your passport and you go quickly. And that's just for show. It doesn't work. They don't actually.

• 15:11Speaker 01

  They don't give a shit about that. It just circles you back to the line again. You're like, oh, how did I get up here?

• 15:15Speaker 03

  It really does. Actually, that's part of the story. So we go through, put our passport in, slam our fingerprints down, scan the, wow, that's great. We go through, stand in line for 15 minutes for some strange reason, because like, there's 20 kiosks and four are, are lit. I don't know why. And then one's on the fritz. It's like flipping red and green. And people are walking out of it and back. Uh, so we're in that line. Red and green.

• 15:44Speaker 01

  You have red light, green light on your airport?

• 15:46Speaker 03

  We got that one. So we get up there and, uh, I, I go through and it's like, I have my fingers pressed down the glass and you gotta like press super hard because the first time it didn't read. And then it's like, I can feel the glass like cracking, but it got me and I go through.

• 16:01Speaker 01

  So strong.

• 16:02Speaker 03

  Amy goes up, puts her finger on the glass, flip, flip, flip, flip, red, go back. So she has to go back out all the way to the main line over there, which is bad. So I'm standing off in the side waiting for her because they let me through. And then they were like, you can't stand there. And I'm like, so I take two steps to my left. There's no sign or line. It's like, is this good? He's like, yeah, there. I was too close to the other kiosks, you know, where the security guards go in.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  You're not blocking his kiosk. It's not his problem.

• 16:32Speaker 03

  So she eventually pops out and we go to, you know, our gate, which is like in the dungeon. Cause we have like the main lovely area where all the shops.

• 16:42Speaker 01

  I love airport dungeons.

• 16:43Speaker 03

  And, you know, gates are, and ours is the one where it's like you go down the stairs and then turn a corner and everyone's crammed into five seats, you know? So we get up to there and Amy pulls out her passport to go scan it to get on the plane. She has a Canadian passport.

• 17:00Speaker 03

  She's not Canadian. I want everyone to be clear about that. She's not Canadian. We immediately are like, whoa, hold on, go to the gate agent.

• 17:09Speaker 03

  Her passport had been swapped with someone else.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 17:13Speaker 03

  She was in that line by herself. Obviously we're traveling just me and her. And so she was with this other group and the, the customs person calls up the whole group because they're trying to speed things along. And they're like, you're all together, right? And they're like, no, we're not together. Ah, come up anyway. We're all family here. Come on up. And basically they, they pulls all these people up at a group and then laughing, making small talk and just swapped the passwords. Like handed back the password to the wrong people and everyone's being rest through. So they, neither of them saw. So long story short, we are able to go to Norway, but we, Amy can't leave Norway. So I have to take a separate journey back to Amsterdam after we have a bunch of fun and we go, I have to fly to Amsterdam.

• 17:57Speaker 03

  And I gotta tell you, when I got back to there, I, I went to one lost and found because you'd think that's where you'd go. And I was like, we'd been calling someone because they, they gave us, uh, uh, like the information that we need to go there. She gave the authorization email going through and it's like, I don't know what was wrong with this woman's day, but she hated me from the moment that I walked up to the lost and found. And the first thing I said was, I've lost something. Oh, why the fuck are you here? What the fuck are you talking about me for? The lost and found? Fuck you.

• 18:30Speaker 01

  So I say like, I was just, you know, this is for items, not people.

• 18:33Speaker 03

  As a passport is like, oh, you fucking idiot. You think I would have, you need to go through the immigration officer.

• 18:41Speaker 03

  So I go through, it's her again. She just changes the name tag.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  You get to the next office and she's like,

• 18:52Speaker 02

  you're in the right place.

• 18:54Speaker 03

  So I talked to people that are like, I heard that the immigration officer passports is here. I was like, oh yeah, you have to go through, do the immigration stuff, put your passport down, fingerprint scan, and then go around to your left, make two lefts and it's there.

• 19:10Speaker 02

  Oh, okay.

• 19:11Speaker 03

  So I go through and it's, cause there's one going in this way and there's another checkpoint going out that way. So I go left, left, I'm there again. And so I go like, hey, I was told there's immigration office here where I can find a lost passport. And then she looks at me and goes like, you fucking, what the fuck are you doing here? Lost and found is over there.

• 19:33Speaker 03

  I'm pretty sure I was left and left. Yeah, gee, you just go straight down this hallway and just keep walking for a long time and you'll find lost and found over there. And so I was like, okay, are you sure the passport lost? He's like, just keep walking, turn around, I don't want to see it.

• 19:49Speaker 03

  I started walking and there's a sign that says lost and found this way, arrow going that way. So I'm like, okay, great.

• 19:56Speaker 03

  There's not a sign for lost and found again, ever.

• 20:04Speaker 03

  I walked like half a kilometer because it's Europe, right? And I'm walking around, I'm looking around, I'm like, I thought I was crazy. So I go over to the, the help desk of one of the airlines and it's like, lost and found anywhere? And they lost three of them and they're just like,

• 20:21Speaker 03

  and they didn't respond to me.

• 20:26Speaker 01

  They flipped the sign to on break and they just walk away.

• 20:30Speaker 03

  Basically. So I ask again, I'm like, I don't know what was wrong with it. We lost and found anywhere here? And they kind of vaguely like shoo me away with a gesture.

• 20:40Speaker 02

  Anywhere else?

• 20:41Speaker 03

  I keep walking that direction of like, it must be here. And it's, it is, it's just way far down. And then to the left, there's like another kiosk. And I don't know if it's the same lady from the other side, but this one version of her was much nicer. But she still said, what are you doing here? You shouldn't be, we don't have passports here. It's at the immigration office.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  Oh my God.

• 21:04Speaker 03

  God, can you please just have someone show me a map, anything? Do you have anything like that? So she calls down two people and these two guys also could not give a fuck about why I was there. And not only that, actively, the entire walk back to the immigration office said, and I shit you not, this isn't gonna work. You're not gonna get it. You, you, they can't give it to you. They're not gonna give it. You'd have to call them. And I'm like, I called them, I assure you. It was like, no, no, you didn't. No way. The both of them are just like, no, this will never work. It'll literally like two people on my shoulder, just like doubt demons,

• 21:48Speaker 03

  just like, you, you might as well give up. Stop here. You're gonna die if you go to that office. Yeah, they kept saying like, I'm here for to pick up. It's my wife. I mean, she authorizes like, yeah, whatever. Your girlfriends, you know, probably gonna leave you or some shit like that. Your mistress shouldn't have left her passport at the McDonald's. I assume. Yeah, Stephen American. Anyway, so I, I get there and I'm at the same place where the woman just told me to turn around and walk that way. And it's like, and I'm looking and it's like EU passports, the other countries, every other scuz from whatever dirt hole you crawled from, and then diplomats, right? That's all the signs say. So they escort me to the diplomats line. I wouldn't have guessed

• 22:30Speaker 03

  that. Yeah, okay. Around the corner, I go right, which was not the person's instructions with two lefts, if you remember, right, then left. There's forgot that key right there. And then I get to the immigration office. I gotta tell you, I hope Amsterdam feels safe with these brave, brave officers of immigration scrolling Instagram in their cushy little office, because I gotta tell you, there was one guy that was very helpful and attentive to me. There were six other guys that were, didn't look up once. There was one guy at the window with his back turned to the window and I was watching him scroll Instagram. I was watching him never turned around once. And

• 23:14Speaker 03

  I'm talking, he's like, didn't care. What the camera thing? He was scrolling on Instagram. Like, look at these half naked people I'm looking at. I don't want my boss to see what I'm doing. There was one guy in the corner, I'm not even joking, with his baton going, snap.

• 23:30Speaker 03

  Close.

• 23:33Speaker 01

  Are you sure you were at a real airport?

• 23:35Speaker 03

  I don't know, man. Amsterdam airport was fucking crazy, man.

• 23:38Speaker 02

  Someone hands you Amy's passport and then all the walls fall down like they're made of plywood, just like, and everyone's running away like, he did it, he fell for it. The fuck?

• 23:48Speaker 03

  This guy comes back really helpful. The one guy was very helpful and I signed it. He had the printout of the email that Amy sent over saying, I'll, the two guys are still there, by the way, the doubters are still there.

• 23:59Speaker 02

  As he's heading, you're like, oh, you're never gonna grab that. You can't reach that far.

• 24:05Speaker 02

  I'm sure your arms are.

• 24:07Speaker 03

  We're just gonna take it from you anyway, once you get it.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're probably gonna leave it right where you left it last time. Don't stand near any Canadians.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  I get it and I sign it out and everything's good. And I have to go to the guy because I had to give him my passport and I, he turns to leave it. I go, please wait, you have my passport. And so he turns around and he gives me that.

• 24:29Speaker 03

  And the two guys are still there and they're, they're escorting me out of the diplomatic line for some reason. I don't know. And they say, which was not what I was expecting. Hey, everyone makes mistakes, man. They said, that's what they said. And, and that's the wisdom they left me with.

• 24:43Speaker 02

  Maybe it was in reference to their own doubtingness of your actions.

• 24:47Speaker 03

  I don't think it was. I don't know what it was.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  Meanwhile, you broke the circle of racket where they were trying to take your passport. So you'd fly back and have to send Amy to get your passport. They had a whole thing set up.

• 24:58Speaker 03

  Yep. Yep. And I, I, I go finally, I rid myself of them. They kind of dissipate into the ether.

• 25:06Speaker 01

  They got for the water cycle.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  They'll rain back down for the next person who needs their passport.

• 25:15Speaker 03

  And so to cap it all off, I'm like, because I gotta fly back to Norway to give Amy her passport so we can fly home. Uh, and I, I, I get through the immigration line because like I said, those are the kiosks for show. They weren't even for show today. And I get up to the customs after all this and they, they see that I have two passports and they go, why do you have two passports?

• 25:37Speaker 02

  We're gonna need to take that extra passport off your hands.

• 25:40Speaker 01

  I'd leave one of those behind, sir, it doesn't look like you.

• 25:42Speaker 03

  And I gotta admit, the story I said sounded ridiculous. It was like, oh, my wife left. Well, didn't leave it. It was handed the wrong one by one of the customs people. And I'm here to get it. And I was like, where's your wife?

• 25:54Speaker 02

  Oh, she's trapped.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  She doesn't have this, so she's right where she's been, I guess.

• 26:00Speaker 03

  And I think, I think the only saving grace is, I think after a few moments of the conversation, she recognized who I was. I think she might have been someone that watched a video because I was about to go like, I have two because that guy in the booth next to you gave me two.

• 26:16Speaker 02

  He said, everyone makes mistakes. It is a mistake.

• 26:21Speaker 01

  I'm picturing these two guys as like the twins from Outlasters walking around naked, like, holding their machete, waiting for you to slip up.

• 26:29Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Anyway, so that's my, that's, that's one of many stories from the trip. Uh, I don't know.

• 26:35Speaker 01

  What a beautiful honeymoon.

• 26:38Speaker 03

  Lovely.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  Hope I maybe enjoyed Norway.

• 26:41Speaker 02

  It just doesn't fill me with comfort that you're in the customs line and the officer is like, oh, you got, you got an extra passport. Oh, that's suspicious. Oh, do you have anything in your bag? Mark? Go right ahead, sir. Excuse me for taking up your time.

• 26:58Speaker 02

  That doesn't, I know, maybe they were.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  He sounds like Carl Leiser.

• 27:03Speaker 02

  I don't think them knowing who you are, being a fan, changes their, their legal, their duties as a, you know what? You're good. You're a good guy. Everybody knows Mark's a good guy. Name, name carries a lot of weight.

• 27:14Speaker 03

  There was a guy right behind Mark with the same story and they were like, no, sir, you're not going through. Your wife can stay right where she belongs.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  The two everybody makes mistakes guys, just like,

• 27:27Speaker 02

  he disapparates with them.

• 27:29Speaker 03

  They scream, they're pulled down through a fiery pit.

• 27:33Speaker 02

  The fuck's going on in Amsterdam? God damn.

• 27:35Speaker 03

  Ah, dude, I don't know. Something crazy. I didn't see any of Amsterdam. You guys did, but uh, I also didn't see any of Amsterdam this time either because we're just in the airport. So I'll never see that beautiful country.

• 27:47Speaker 02

  Didn't leave Amy stranded in Norway. Be like, well, I gotta walk around the centrum a little bit. Can't come to Amsterdam and not like, yeah, smoke, smoke a joint.

• 27:56Speaker 03

  You leave the airport, they throw on a pair of sunglasses, they give you a hat, hand you a joint, say, enjoy your time. Yeah, that's how it is. That's the Amsterdam way. You get inside, they're like, where's your passport? Are you high right now? You've been doing drugs in our city. Oh, you got me again. Oh, no, no. We knew you'd come back.

• 28:15Speaker 02

  This episode of Distractible is brought to you by Real Good AI.

• 28:19Speaker 01

  I'm Norm L. Baldwin. By that, I mean, I'm a normal bald guy. Here to tell you, Real Good AI is real good. A lot of AI, junky poopy. Real good, lives up to its name.

• 28:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, right. You mean real good bad AI. They're only making data centers and I should know, I made a data center in my bathroom. And that's the equivalent bad of all the bad that Real Good AI is doing.

• 28:43Speaker 02

  Well, it's.

• 28:44Speaker 01

  Real good is building top of the line nuclear missiles, nuclear silos and.

• 28:49Speaker 02

  No.

• 28:50Speaker 01

  No?

• 28:51Speaker 02

  No, it's, it's really more like it's a staff of, of PhD researchers and they're doing like research to change the, the methods that people are, can use to implement AI. So like you need less compute power and less overall data and, the outputs would be like interpretable. It means you, you'd understand where it got some piece of information or how it, you know, why it's giving you this, fact or this image or it's, it's good. It's to do good, real good, huh?

• 29:20Speaker 03

  How many hundreds of gallons of millions of gallons of billions of gallons of water are they turning directly into toxic sludge?

• 29:29Speaker 02

  Uh, you know, it's hard to quantify stuff like that, but I feel pretty confident to say zero.

• 29:36Speaker 01

  We have shown Real Good AI 100 photos of our viewers and listeners and it will pick one, claim them guilty and it will be judge, jury and executed. We're going to be streaming it live. Is that right?

• 29:48Speaker 03

  I fed 100 pictures of my penis into Real Good AI's chatbot and it's going to pick one winner. It's going to be try, dodge, jury and execution.

• 29:58Speaker 02

  And every generated picture of Mark's penis is going to have a five rating on it to indicate that it's fully AI generated. Don't tease people, man. Anyway, no, yeah, we're doing, we do research. No, no sludge water or nuclear bomb research and, and things like the real rating system, which is like you label content, like you label your video or your stream or, or an academic, academic paper or anything with a specific descriptor of like, oh, how much AI is in this? Is it no AI? Is it a fully AI generated? There's a, it's a whole, it's zero through five. It's a whole thing. It's good stuff.

• 30:34Speaker 01

  Real good. That's what I've been saying.

• 30:37Speaker 02

  I feel like he's not listening to me.

• 30:39Speaker 03

  Well, I rate that five out of five. That's good, right?

• 30:44Speaker 01

  That's real good.

• 30:45Speaker 02

  Are you saying I'm not real?

• 30:47Speaker 03

  Editors, put an AI number of fingers on my hand.

• 30:55Speaker 01

  Some AI uses two knives, one for peanut butter and one for jelly, but Real Good AI knows that jelly uses a spoon.

• 31:02Speaker 02

  Exactly. If you want to learn more about what Real Good AI actually does, uh, like the science and the, and the ratings is the, the stuff we actually do. Realgoodai.org. Uh, there are a number of webpages there. The info about the rating system, info about our research projects, ongoing programs, info about how to get involved. You could volunteer. There's all kinds of stuff. R E A L G O O D A I dot O R G. Realgoodai.org.

• 31:29Speaker 03

  All right. Anyway, so that's enough of my Europe story. I have more things to talk about, but I want to open the floor now to you guys. What makes Europe great? America bad? I don't know how to do this. It's a very loosey goosey concept.

• 31:42Speaker 02

  I got one. Look out Italy. We didn't go, us three did not go as far as I recall. Did we go to Italy? We didn't do Italy.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  We didn't do Italy. No.

• 31:52Speaker 02

  But I've been to Italy and I was a youngin and I believe we were, I was really lucky as a kid. My parents enjoy traveling and so we got to do some really crazy trips. And one of the trips we did was I got to go to Venice and we were staying in a hotel in Venice. And I don't know if we had this experience on tour, maybe a couple of times, but what the fuck is going on with elevators in Europe? What the hell? Who is letting these people decide what elevator should be like in Europe? Because holy shit is even in super nice places, they'll just have an elevator where it's like, it fits one and a half people and it feels somehow like you're in a modern hotel,

• 32:33Speaker 02

  but the elevator feels like it's from the seventies. Like it opens, it opens like a door with like a turning and it's like, and you get in and you're like, close the door, close the cage, down, I guess. And that we were staying in a hotel in Venice and it was a really fucking tall, like, oh, it was six stories or something, right? And we were on the top floor. We had my, my parents, my brother, myself and my grandparents were all there. It was like kind of a group. And so we had multiple rooms all on the top floor of this place, which is not like, that's not like on the 50th floor where it's like, well, you're not going to climb those. You could climb the stairs, but it'd be nice to take an elevator up and down. If you're going all the way up to the sixth floor, that's a pretty tall walk it, walk up.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  But my brother and I were kids and so we would often just walk up because this hotel, this hotel had one of those elevators that was like, for a, for a homunculus sized person from the medieval era that they have never updated for any reason. It's powered by a little hamster on a wheel in the basement or something. And it was just sketchy as shit. And the last day we were there, we were like, We gotta get our bags. We're getting out of here. Like, we gotta get to the airport, whatever. Uh, and my brother was like, oh, I'm so tired. Like, we've been hiking around. It's been beautiful. We're hiking around. I'm exhausted. I'm just gonna take my suitcase and wedge into the, to the elevator and just be lazy. Cause he and I, as the kids, were like, we'll just do the stairs. You, grandpa, grandma, you do the elevator. Mom and dad, just, we'll do the stairs. We're young.

• 34:01Speaker 02

  And he's just like, I'm just gonna do it. And he like, if you've seen me in person, I'm a pretty big dude. My brother is almost as big as I am. He's basically as tall as I am. Not as out of shape and heavy as I am. He's always been like, kind of a leaner, uh, person, but he's like, pretty big dude. But he gets in the elevator and he's got his suitcase and he like pushes the button and the elevator, like in a movie, is just like.

• 34:26Speaker 02

  And then it just sort of goes like.

• 34:30Speaker 02

  And it goes like halfway down between the floor we're on and the floor below and stops. And I'm standing here looking at him and the elevator has glass windows in the door. So I'm looking right at his face and he's just kinda like. Oh, it's gonna, no, it's not gonna move. It just stopped. And he said, he hung there for, we, for a minute. We were both kinda like, oh, we do call the cops or? What do you do? What do you do about this? And, uh, then out of nowhere, the door of the elevator opens. So he's standing in an open elevator between two floors of the hotel, like a fucking, uh, one of those movies. Does something, Final Destination movie, right? Where it's like, you just know the moment. He's like, I'll just squeeze out. Then the elevator's like.

• 35:17Speaker 02

  So he's just standing there and like, we're, you know, five feet apart. Look, he's just standing in this elevator, kinda like wedged in with his suitcase, like, I'm really not sure. And we, eventually I run down to the lobby and get the hotel, whoa, manager. And I'm like, yeah, the elevator's stuck. The door's open. My brother, my brother's inside. And he's like. Yeah, it does that. Does that. Have you pushed the buttons? Like, yeah, do you fucking, what do you mean? Have you pushed the buttons? Like, no, he doesn't know how elevators work. So he's just standing, waiting to see what happens. Yeah. Well, usually if you push the button, you know, it'll keep going, whatever. Okay. Well, it's not. Will you come help? And he's like.

• 35:54Speaker 02

  All right. Like he was in his brain. He was like, is there anything I have to be doing down here? Fuck, I don't want to walk upstairs. God. And he didn't do anything. He came up and looked and gave it the old. Mm hmm. Or whatever the Italian equivalent is of that. Buongiorno, whatever the fuck they say. And eventually he was right after like a solid 10, 12 minutes of my brother just standing there. Again, with a suitcase that barely fit in with him, because this is like us, for some reason, a single person elevator. Just standing there and he's like every once in a while, he's like button, button, take me back up any floor. I don't even care. Eventually the thing is just like, oh yeah, I'm in elevator. Ding, boom, goes all the way down.

• 36:40Speaker 02

  The fuck it, the hamster needed a break or something. I don't understand. Uh, so anyway, but every elevator, even the nicest elevators I've ever used in Europe, they're always like weird dimensions. Or like somehow there's a door and a door on two adjacent sides of it where you're like, how the fuck does that even work? Why would you need to? It's always awful. I've been on American elevators where it's like, I don't know if this has been inspected in the last year or two, feels a little sketchy. I never thought I was going to die and never ever been in an elevator that was smaller than like, could hold a party of two comfortably. Who the fuck is designing all this shit for European elevators? I know the buildings are old. I know. They exist. There are better elevators. They exist. I don't understand what's going on.

• 37:24Speaker 02

  It's Italy specifically, but everywhere. She feel bad.

• 37:28Speaker 03

  The elevator was waiting to get him and it just got tired. It was like, ah, ah, all right. Fine. You live this time, buddy.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  It's like trying to file its own cable and it gets too tired. It's like, ah, fuck it. I'll, I'll get the next one. I'll get the next one.

• 37:41Speaker 03

  That's a shameful strike against Europe. Uh, America with our big, huge elevators for our big, huge people wins again.

• 37:50Speaker 02

  Just comfort. It doesn't have to be. There's a normal sized Americans. They just enjoy a safe elevator. Look, don't make it about how fat I am. It's not about me.

• 37:57Speaker 03

  Oh, I would never. All right, Wade.

• 37:59Speaker 01

  All right, let me, uh, let me just direct your attention here for a moment.

• 38:03Speaker 02

  Oh, fuck.

• 38:04Speaker 03

  Oh, guys.

• 38:06Speaker 03

  Oh, man. The listeners were having such a great time.

• 38:09Speaker 01

  Listeners, you're done for. I'll describe it the best I can, but a visual does, it does help. You guys recognize this place, right?

• 38:17Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, yeah, no, you know what? That's what I'm thinking about it.

• 38:21Speaker 01

  Here, here, I'll give you, I'll give you a clue. I'll give you a clue here.

• 38:23Speaker 02

  It's Swastika Road. For Frank for Frankfurt.

• 38:30Speaker 01

  Uh, Germany, Georgia, Frankfurt, Germany.

• 38:35Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 38:35Speaker 01

  Germany. There you go, Germany.

• 38:39Speaker 02

  Frankfurt, Gary. Gary.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  Gary. So the airport in Frankfurt, Germany. When we had to fly home from the tour, we had a layover in Frankfurt. We went from Frankfurt back home. And there's this section of Frankfurt's airport. Remember, I'm pretty sure it's pretty close to this, where we came in from like this direction. And there's a little shop here and the shop full of people, yeah, people. And then there's a whole bunch of people crowded here. I mean, like tons, like trying to get into Disney World, numbers of people just standing around in here. And you file into these like little lines and the line goes, we, ooh, we. Molly and I, we finally shoved our way over to this wall, got in, went into line here.

• 39:25Speaker 01

  Everybody on these sides is just pushing in to get in front of you. So you don't move unless you're real forceful about it.

• 39:32Speaker 03

  Oh, wait, no, I see it. Yeah, that's a problem.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  So it really sucked trying to get to this point right here at the edge of these like entrance kiosks. The very far left, once you're past that, it's like, okay, now we're in line, line moving. Life's good, thank God. So we get through, this takes forever. We're in this line and then like, right when we get to the front of the line, a guy walks over and is like, hey, you've been randomly selected for some screening. And we're like, okay. So they pull us out, they go through all of our luggage, they look at everything like, all right, you look clean. We're like, great. So they're like, yep, so now you gotta go back out here and get in this line again.

• 40:08Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  Where you could maybe get randomly selected to be screened again?

• 40:13Speaker 02

  What?

• 40:14Speaker 01

  So this entire section existed just to shove us back out into general populace. It's like, so wait, you just went through all of our stuff? Yes, you took our fingerprints, went through our luggage, saw our identification, you know, we're clear, we got our. Tickets, got our passports. Yep, we can't just go through. No, no, no, you gotta go back out into the line again. And then we had to go through this hell a second time. Frankfurt, Germany. Listen, I don't think we got to spend much time in Frankfurt. We were in Berlin. Were we in, we were in two cities in Germany when we did the tour, right? Berlin and what was the other one?

• 40:44Speaker 03

  Go to the archive.org of your welcome tour.com.

• 40:48Speaker 02

  Cologne, we were in Cologne.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  Cologne, Cologne was it. So I didn't spend much time in you Frankfurt, Gary, German. But this design for the airport, what were you thinking? Why is this the way it is? Why, why is this the way the lines work where you go in these little kiosk-y things to go straight to wait in line? If you're in the far side, God help you if you ever need to get through, because this family of 40, they're going through this one single line and every one of them's going through before they let you pass. And then this line with three that think they maybe forgot something, they're gonna stand there and debate it. While these other two lines push forward and when it's finally your turn, they're gonna go through your shit and for whatever reason, send you as far back into hell as possible to go through it a second time.

• 41:33Speaker 01

  And then, you know, it was like, what a 12 hour flight or whatever back, which is whatever, the plane was fine. But this whole concept of everyone pushing everywhere to get to this line, just to get shoved back, man, I thought it was gonna do me in. I was mentally just defeated whenever this guy's like, through that door there. I was like, that seems the wrong direction. Why is there this long wall that leads us back toward the end of the crowd?

• 41:54Speaker 02

  As you push through the door back into your realm of suffering, you just hear over behind you, everybody makes mistakes.

• 42:02Speaker 02

  It's just like airport ghosts fucking.

• 42:04Speaker 03

  Germany and Amsterdam are the same place.

• 42:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I just realized I have a story from the Amsterdam airport that's pretty fucky too.

• 42:10Speaker 03

  Oh, God.

• 42:11Speaker 02

  It's, it's not remotely what you guys had to deal with, but so, so one of the second time that we went to Amsterdam to do shows, because we were doing the makeup tour stuff from when marketing almost, almost died. Mandy came and we were gonna fly from Amsterdam up to London to see some friends and to see London. We'd never been there before together. And so we had a flight out of Amsterdam after we did all the tour stuff. And we got to the, we got a text like the night before. And this is partially on us because I think we flew like Ryanair or one of the ones that's basically like Frontier, except somehow worse, like European budget airline. We got a text the night before that was like, your flight might be up to two hours early or some shit. And we were like.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  I remember that. Was it a whole bunch of people on that flight?

• 42:57Speaker 02

  What do you mean might be? And what do you? And we were like, okay, well, we'll just get to the, we'll get up as early as we can. We'll get to the airport like really fucking early. We'll hang out. And so we were like, that's weird, but fine. We got to the airport super early and we, but the security took for fucking ever. And so we got through security and it was like, well, if the flight is that early, we need to run to the gate right now. We're barely gonna make it. And then we're standing there. We get another text message from the airline. That's like, ah, your flight's just gonna be normal on time. I'm like, oh God, okay. Fuck. Well, now we have a bunch of time to kill. So let's, I guess, let's go get food or something, right? Like, let's chill out. This has been stressful so far. And we go and we sit down. I think we might've got McDonald's, which is very American of us, but because they have this special fry sauce in, in the Netherlands.

• 43:42Speaker 02

  And we wanted to try the thing because it's like the different McDonald, whatever. And we were sitting there and we're eating and then no updates, nothing's happening. We're just like, huh, thank God of our on time flight. And then we get another text that's like, oh, your flight is leaving 10 minutes ago. I hope you were there. We're like, whoa. What the even fuck? And like, we look and we're just like, just stand up, chuck our shit in the trash, run to the thing. We get to the gate, empty. No humans there. No, you know, and when you get to a gate for a flight, there's like people crowding around, sitting in seats, whatever. Empty, except for the people, except for the employees at the gate. We run up and we're like, is the plane here? And they're kind of like, ah, you missed it.

• 44:26Speaker 02

  Well, wait, is that our plane? Is that sitting right there? Is that people we could see walking down the jetway? Like they're just, those are just the other, we're on that same flight, I think. Like, oh yeah, you're going to London? Yeah, yeah, that's us. Ah, you missed it. And I'm like,

• 44:39Speaker 01

  Everybody makes mistakes.

• 44:40Speaker 02

  Whoa, I literally got my phone out. I was like, look, this text message came at like 10:15 a.m. That said, our flight was going to leave at 10 a.m., which is before the text. And he was like, ah, that's messed up. Wow.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  It was everything I could do not to just like become enraged of this. And this dude had no reason to help us. It's just like a gate agent at a, you know, whatever. It's not his problem. We're late. Kind of. Um, but eventually I was like, is there anything you can do? What if I run down the jetway? Will you cancel the flight? So we, will you delay it? So and I'll get arrested and we'll make the like, whatever. Is there any, it was like, well, I could ask the flight crew if they'll just like let you on. And I was like, Do that. Great. And it was like, it was a similar experience to you. It's not like he hated us, but it was every fucking thing. He was like, I could pick up the phone and push a button and be like, fuck.

• 45:36Speaker 02

  But every, eventually he did it and like, we're standing there just like, I was, I was definitely dripping with sweat because we ran through the airport because we thought we had another like hour or something. Anyway, finally he's like, ah, just go on. And he didn't even open the door or, or scan tickets or anything. Like literally, he was like, all right, whatever. You guys can go. They said you could go. But it was just fucking, we walked in and go and clap and we get on the plane and I swear to God, like we're getting on the plane. The whole plane is all seated now and it's just us sweaty me taking up the entire interiors, interior space of the airplane. Just like, excuse me, excuse me, get back, get back to our seats like.

• 46:17Speaker 03

  Is that how you talk when you go on an airplane?

• 46:19Speaker 02

  That's, that's my airplane voice. Yeah. We get back there, sit down the moment. We're just like, we're in the, we're in the plane to the place. The captain gets on is like, ah, looks like we're not gonna have a runway. Probably gonna be sitting here at the gate for another 25, 30 minutes. We're on the plane. We're on, and I, I, I wish not for myself then, but for my story now, I wish that they had just been like, ah, we're gonna get you off the plane. You don't need to wait on here for all that. They didn't do that, but like, what's going on at the Amsterdam airport? Like, what the fuck is that? I've never ever heard of a flight in America where they're like, we're moving it forward an unreasonable amount of time. Have fun.

• 47:02Speaker 03

  I, I've never heard that before.

• 47:04Speaker 02

  Hope you don't have complicated travel plans to the airport.

• 47:07Speaker 03

  Oh, that's, that's terrible. That's terrible.

• 47:09Speaker 02

  Not really as bad as what you had to do, if I'm honest. I just can't believe it all happened in Amsterdam.

• 47:14Speaker 03

  Yeah. And Frankfurt, Gary. One insert before Wade goes, did you know they don't believe in cream?

• 47:21Speaker 02

  What kind of cream? Coffee cream?

• 47:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, coffee cream. Yeah, yeah. Porn cream? Cream.

• 47:27Speaker 02

  So what? You would just have coffee with sugar, but nothing else?

• 47:30Speaker 03

  No, they have milk.

• 47:32Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 47:32Speaker 01

  Just put a sugar packet in your milk.

• 47:34Speaker 02

  That's not.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  That's not cream. What the fuck are you talking about? Wait, but hold on.

• 47:39Speaker 01

  If you put enough sugar, it gets thick enough.

• 47:40Speaker 02

  It's just not what cream is. No, no.

• 47:44Speaker 03

  Well, you don't want to do salt.

• 47:45Speaker 02

  Oh, you're right. You know what? He's on to something. You don't want to do salt. That's not cream either. That's even less cream.

• 47:51Speaker 01

  Put some sugar in your milk, get a cinnamon stick and then like blow on or something. I don't know.

• 47:55Speaker 02

  If I had, if I had a knob to, to vote one way or the other, I would definitely agree with Wade that sugar and milk is way more cream than salted milk.

• 48:03Speaker 03

  Anyway, they like, cause I, I kept asking for, and this is me dumb American be like, can I get Americana with a cream? With cream? I kept saying that with confidence. And you know, I would get that look, the European like, look, and I thought that was just them having a bad day. But I realize now if they didn't know what I was talking about, I was asking for some cream.

• 48:23Speaker 01

  Was it Europe or Australia where we ordered lemonade and they gave us Sprite and I was so confused?

• 48:27Speaker 02

  Oh, that's a, that's a UK thing, isn't it?

• 48:29Speaker 03

  Sorry, I have to sniff real loud. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go, I got, I'll be right back.

• 48:34Speaker 02

  Oh, unrelated. Okay.

• 48:37Speaker 03

  Sinuses are drugs? No, no, no. I came back with a tiny sniffle.

• 48:42Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. Just like, guys, I gotta snort real quick. I don't want to do it on camera.

• 48:46Speaker 03

  Sorry, I can't get through an episode without, uh.

• 48:50Speaker 03

  No, it's unfortunate. Uh.

• 48:52Speaker 01

  Just need a little fist bump.

• 48:53Speaker 03

  Just gonna punch myself in the face real quick. Oh, God.

• 48:57Speaker 01

  Oh, just to see if we can take it in the middle of an episode. What a hero.

• 49:00Speaker 02

  I know, right?

• 49:01Speaker 03

  All right, Wade, what do you got against Europe?

• 49:02Speaker 01

  Or for it? No, no, no. Here we go. And this is another, this is another against. You know, Americans, we, we are pride ourselves, right? We're like the country of freedom, America's freedom. Then everyone else is like,

• 49:13Speaker 02

  you know, we have freedom too.

• 49:15Speaker 01

  And then you go over to Europe and what do you find? You go to like McDonald's, you order their chicken nuggets. Everyone's like, oh, you gotta have the chicken, you gotta have the food over in Europe. You have the food over in Australia. Less freedom, more regulations is what I'm hearing. If I want to open a franchise and make lots of money, I gotta go through so much more fucking hassle in Europe because they've got less freedom to fuck your customers over. And I think that's bullshit. Maybe I want to sell you some pink slime wrapped up in dough.

• 49:43Speaker 02

  Are you angry that you have a would have a difficult time opening a McDonald's franchise somewhere in Europe?

• 49:49Speaker 01

  Not specifically McDonald's, but you know, a fast food chain that cuts corners.

• 49:52Speaker 03

  Overall, they have, you know, more regulations.

• 49:55Speaker 01

  Maybe I want to crunch up deer hooves and antlers and call it chicken, a little bit of flavoring on top, but no, it's gotta be real chicken over there.

• 50:02Speaker 03

  How many deer hooves you come across in your day to day?

• 50:05Speaker 02

  See, this is what you get for eating at Long John Silver's.

• 50:08Speaker 01

  You come across like, I got a business idea.

• 50:12Speaker 01

  I got a supplier. I got a supplier.

• 50:14Speaker 02

  That fucking Anchorman joke, like, uh, you know, anything tastes like chicken. I, what do you think they do with, uh, roadkill? You know, service for that? Someone picks that up? You could serve that in a restaurant.

• 50:26Speaker 03

  Okay, but less regulations is what you're saying.

• 50:28Speaker 01

  Yeah, I can't believe it. I might be being a little bit facetious here, but for customers, probably great eating food over there, but for the employers, man, I feel, I feel for them.

• 50:36Speaker 03

  All right. Okay. I'm just gonna put your point as conservative talking points.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  You know what platform I want to stand on? First guest, Judge Kavanaugh.

• 50:51Speaker 02

  I'm pretty sure his proper title is Justice Kavanaugh, but whatever.

• 50:54Speaker 01

  I was gonna say that, but I didn't really want to give him that much. It was too many syllables.

• 50:57Speaker 02

  I just picture him going, I like beer. I can't not picture that. No, no matter what kind of, even if it's like, oh, and then Justice Kavanaugh had a line of questioning for the, I like beer. Do you like beer? Beer do you like?

• 51:11Speaker 03

  I know, I know he doesn't talk like, uh, uh, the medical officer man.

• 51:17Speaker 02

  Uh, oh, RFK, the.

• 51:19Speaker 03

  RFK. I know he doesn't talk like RFK, but I imagine like, I like beer. That's just all I picture in my head.

• 51:26Speaker 02

  They're just all amalgamating. All the people who you can't believe have the jobs they have.

• 51:30Speaker 01

  Vote for us 2028. We are one president.

• 51:33Speaker 02

  Three-headed president? Us three-headed president?

• 51:34Speaker 03

  I was about to say three-headed president. Yep, that's good.

• 51:37Speaker 02

  I'm in for that. That sounds good.

• 51:39Speaker 03

  My country.

• 51:44Speaker 03

  Vote for us, baby. We're on the same page.

• 51:52Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 51:54Speaker 03

  I give you points for that.

• 51:56Speaker 01

  And right now, your president will give you a cameo for just fifteen dollars.

• 52:00Speaker 03

  Oh, what a deal. I want to have some more Europe slander before we get this over with. Oh, I have another thing. Speaking of coughing, who coughed?

• 52:12Speaker 02

  That was Wade.

• 52:13Speaker 03

  Me. I don't know why this is, and it might not be all of Europe, but there was definitely an uptick of people that were coughing like a baby coughs or like a toddler coughs, you know, tongue out.

• 52:27Speaker 02

  Like they've never coughed before. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:31Speaker 03

  Exactly. I, I, I, I don't know what it is, if that was just where we were. Um, but it was, and predominantly in the Amsterdam airport, but you know, that's a whole other thing, but it's just, just no cover. None cover. And I, I'm pretty sure in America that we've been taught since kid cover coughing to your elbow first cover. And then started coughing into your elbow or in your, so when I sneeze, I, I, I look like I'm turning into a werewolf properly.

• 53:00Speaker 02

  You turtle inside. No, yeah, no, I'm with you.

• 53:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, I, I just like, oh God, I'm gonna sneeze. And then I try to contain it all in here. And I'm sure it looks like I'm pulling out my explosives, but you know, it's, um, trying to contain the explosion. But yeah, no, no covering of anything.

• 53:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm always taken aback by that. And I don't specifically have experience with that happening in Europe. But like when, when an adult does that, I, I have a hard time not just reflexively being like, what the fuck? Like fucking, have you ever done that before? Did you forget what that's like? God, it's gross.

• 53:35Speaker 03

  Did not see the particle simulation from the COVID times of just talking to someone. You remember that particle thing?

• 53:42Speaker 02

  Look, sometimes your hands are full. Sometimes you literally have, there's nothing you could do. Fucking aim down or away from other people. Like I've seen people where it's like they tried to cough at people and I just don't understand like.

• 53:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:56Speaker 02

  Gross.

• 53:56Speaker 03

  I gotta share an image with you. Do you, you guys know about this image, right? The, the, the particle spread image?

• 54:05Speaker 03

  This one absolutely sharding out their mouth.

• 54:11Speaker 01

  Oh, I thought the origin was the person on the right's belly button.

• 54:14Speaker 03

  It basically is. It basically is.

• 54:17Speaker 01

  It like coned out from there.

• 54:19Speaker 02

  They pissed so hard that it just.

• 54:24Speaker 03

  Right through the table.

• 54:26Speaker 02

  Like a water jet, water cutting machine.

• 54:29Speaker 03

  This episode's all over the place and I love it. All right.

• 54:32Speaker 02

  I have more slander.

• 54:34Speaker 03

  All right, love it.

• 54:35Speaker 02

  Look, this is, this is a hot take in a way that's hard to explain, but this, this happens, it's the time of year when this starts happening again.

• 54:43Speaker 03

  Sorry.

• 54:45Speaker 02

  Just the picture. Yeah.

• 54:46Speaker 03

  It's a different picture.

• 54:48Speaker 01

  You want to share with the class?

• 54:50Speaker 03

  All right, fine. It's not gonna be worth it.

• 54:56Speaker 02

  Jesus Christ.

• 54:58Speaker 03

  So many. I don't know if it's going at the guy or coming from.

• 55:01Speaker 01

  This looks like that foam stuff you used to be able to buy. It was kind of like.

• 55:04Speaker 02

  Floam?

• 55:08Speaker 03

  This guy's Floam Man and he's just.

• 55:11Speaker 02

  He doesn't use his hands though. He just like.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  Comes out of my forehead. I can't control it.

• 55:18Speaker 01

  That's how they teach you to vomit and you have hands at your side.

• 55:24Speaker 01

  Have correct posture while losing all of your shit.

• 55:26Speaker 02

  All right. It's the time of year when this happens and it happens every year and it happens increasingly because it keeps, the temperatures keep getting crazier and crazier. If only there was some sort of explanation for all these weird weather events and record high temperatures year after year. Anyway, it's the time of year when Europeans and especially but not exclusively British people go online and are like, "Oh, fuck, it's so hot. I'm gonna fucking die. Oh my God, it's 78 degrees Fahrenheit." Fuck, jeez, God. And then.

• 55:57Speaker 01

  Even worse, they wouldn't say Fahrenheit.

• 55:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, they say it's seventeen and a half. What? No, it's what's it like twenty eight Celsius? What's hot? I don't even know what.

• 56:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, twenty five and a half would be seventy eight degrees.

• 56:08Speaker 02

  All right. Yeah. So like it gets getting to that time of year where and I'm not here to judge someone for what they think is hot. As a person who who spent summers in Michigan where summertime, it was like high seventies, maybe eighty. And we were swimming in lakes that were like sixty degree water. You're used to what you're used to. It's how what's hot for me is not what's hot for you. But I'm so fucking sick of people going online and be like, oh, it's so hot. The Americans don't understand. Say that we live so rent free in your head that when you start sweating, your first instinct is Americans wouldn't understand. Why I'm sweating right now? I better tell the internet.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  Wait, do we not sweat or is it cold here? Why? Why wouldn't we understand?

• 56:47Speaker 02

  Well, it I don't know, man, honestly, and and some people just post and they're like, that's hot and I hate it. And that's it. But some people literally will be like, oh, Americans think they know what heat is. They don't know that. And then Americans will be like, well, actually, like, like a quarter of America is like subtropical climate. And then like the huge swath of the western part of America is like a desert. We know it gets really hot, even in the not, you know, not interesting places. It gets hot in Ohio, gets over a hundred in Ohio. It's not. And then inevitably, the British people are like, you just don't understand the humidity. You don't even have water in America. You all just drink Coke all the time. It's so it's so humid and we don't have air conditioning. But and your our houses are built differently and you live in toothpicks covered in toilet paper. So it's not hot for you. Like all this shit, right?

• 57:32Speaker 02

  All these arguments come out and the Americans will just be like, listen, dude, you fucking you made a video telling Americans that we don't know what hot is. And I'm telling you that it gets thirty degrees hotter where I live than it's ever been where you live. And it's like it's a hundred and eight degrees with a hundred percent humidity. There's nothing that happens here that I don't understand about what's happening to you. Buy a fucking air conditioner like and it always becomes this thing where it this is the argument. It goes, it goes and eventually British people are just like, see, you can't fucking talk to Americans. You say one thing, you say you say anything and they make it about them, right? They come in and then they make and they don't. Understand the reality that we don't even know what air conditioning is in Europe, but all this shit.

• 58:12Speaker 02

  It's exhausting. Just save it. Just nobody fuck it. You know how it's a trope that old men talk about the weather? And that's a joke. And the point of that is you'd be like, oh, it's gonna rain, but oh, we really need it. And that's tired and nobody cares. It's the exact same shit when you go on Tik Tok and talk about how it's 26 degrees Celsius. And 70% humidity and you've never been this hot in your life, but no one fucking cares. Talk about something interesting. Talk about the new nail polish you bought or whatever the, I don't care. There's a reason nobody cares when old people talk about the weather. It's the same reason nobody cares when you talk about the weather. Shut up. And all the Americans who engage with this obvious rage bait also shut up. I could, I can say confidently, I've never commented on a single one of these and, and I used to like look.

• 58:56Speaker 02

  Like I'd watch the video and then go into the comments and be like, yeah, yeah, humidity. Yeah, but now if I see the video, I just scroll. And, and I might even do the thing where it's like, I'm not interested in this. This is a stupid topic. Scroll, whatever. Don't engage with it. It's fucking awful. There's tons of stuff that's funny on the internet. Look at the funny stuff. God, I don't care how hot it is in England.

• 59:18Speaker 03

  A little anecdote about that before going to you, Wade. Um, one thing that the Nordic countries don't fuck around with is saunas. I went in a one while we were up there in Norway and I, I step in and it's like. You know, that kind of sauna? Where you're just like instant sweat and I'm like, okay, all right, let's sing. And there's a timer that's really, really optimistic. It has 15 minutes on it.

• 59:46Speaker 03

  Real, real optimism. Um, and I, I sit down there and Amy's there too. Um, and she's up on the higher seat. Uh, which I didn't realize what the, the temperature difference would be. She's like, whoa, can't take it more than five minutes. I'm like, ah, I'm still going strong. And I'm like head down between my knees at the low step. Like I got this. I can take it. And I, I look up at the thermometer there and I'm like, it's only 80 degrees. Oh no, as my vision deep, like, wait a minute, 80 degrees. What's that? Ah, that can't be, wait, boiling water. 800 degrees Fahrenheit.

• 1:00:22Speaker 02

  Hot in here.

• 1:00:23Speaker 01

  I step up because I'm like, how hot could it be up higher where that thing is? And I go up to the seat where Amy was. Looking at her like, ah, she tapped out early. I'm so tough. I take one step up and I think I died. I just like, I thought I exploded in the heat. Like it's just like, there was a gradient where sweat just like, like immense more as my head just lifted up like, just like my upper body melted. So I left immediately after that.

• 1:00:52Speaker 02

  Dude, that that feeling is wild. I've I didn't do, I've never done a Nordic one, but I did that. I told the Russian bathhouse story a long time ago on this. And the one that one was like, it was tears, but there was also like the heat came out of the middle and it was wider. So you could sit off to the side, but it was like a fucking jet engine. That feeling of when you hit the real hot part of a sauna is kind of terrifying.

• 1:01:16Speaker 01

  It's horrifying. I've never been into a sauna, so I've never experienced that.

• 1:01:20Speaker 02

  Well, because I'm imagining this is a smaller one too, right? All these Nordic ones are very like.

• 1:01:24Speaker 01

  Uh, it was a hotel one, so it had, you know, it was decently sized, like not as big as my room here, but like maybe half this size. Anyway, wait, a last minute, uh, entry into the slander. You save up your 1,200 bucks, you buy a plane ticket, you leave CVG, fly all the way to Rome. You go over to Vatican City. You've paid a lot of money to get there. You got your hotel. Finally, there he is, the guy with the robes, he's stepping out and, dude, I could have driven six hours to Chicago to see a Chicago guy. And now the Chicago dude's just all of a sudden the Pope. I flew all the way out here to see the Pope, but he's just some dude from Chicago. This isn't nearly what I thought I was going to pay for. Now they're plucking their popes from us?

• 1:02:07Speaker 01

  Who's the way in charge? Who's the one in charge? Who's picking these guys? Because like, I need to talk to that person.

• 1:02:10Speaker 02

  Be the College of Cardinals. Uh, if you, I think they have maybe a fax machine you could reach out to or something.

• 1:02:15Speaker 01

  All right. Well, I didn't know birds could go to college. You know, in the US of A, they cannot. Makes a lot of sense that that bird's be picking the Pope. I think that they're making a lot of mistakes over there. Because one, Chicago is one of the three worst American cities, not biased because I'm from Cincinnati, which, you know, is kind of fucked over by Chicago and the trade back in like the 17, 18 hundreds or whatever, but like.

• 1:02:33Speaker 02

  A little, a little, but it's not.

• 1:02:36Speaker 01

  They ruined everything by existing. Why are we going all the way to Vatican City to see some dude from Chicago? He didn't have the right kind of pizza. They could have at least picked a New Yorker.

• 1:02:44Speaker 02

  Speaks Latin. And also, don't you dare badmouth Chicago style pizza. Whoa, whoa.

• 1:02:49Speaker 01

  It's the worst kind.

• 1:02:50Speaker 02

  That's just not even true.

• 1:02:52Speaker 01

  Not the guy that I'd eat.

• 1:02:53Speaker 03

  And I'm a guy that likes extra sauce.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  Well, Chicago is very saucy.

• 1:02:57Speaker 03

  Wait, I'll, I'll give you another bonus around here because I want to talk about it. Do you know that there's a constant argument that flares up on social media every few years that where Europeans say Americans don't have bread?

• 1:03:08Speaker 02

  Yes, I hate that one as much as I hate the temperature one. It's awful.

• 1:03:12Speaker 01

  I've heard the comment. I've never looked into it. I didn't know it was a constant issue.

• 1:03:16Speaker 03

  It flared recently again, for some reason where, where it's like Americans don't have bread.

• 1:03:20Speaker 01

  Don't they watch Distractible? I did a whole fucking episode on bread.

• 1:03:23Speaker 03

  I know. I know.

• 1:03:25Speaker 02

  We settled that.

• 1:03:26Speaker 03

  Their bread is actually really good. I, I tried a assortment of bread out, but then again, I was doing like this no carb thing. So the bread I was eating was like this keto bread for a while, and I thought that was good.

• 1:03:34Speaker 02

  That's not bread.

• 1:03:35Speaker 03

  Well, okay, it's.

• 1:03:37Speaker 02

  It's not, it's not bad. I do eat that stuff.

• 1:03:39Speaker 03

  It's not bad.

• 1:03:39Speaker 02

  It's just not like.

• 1:03:40Speaker 01

  Mark, you're giving them more ammo to use against us.

• 1:03:43Speaker 03

  I know the argument is like, America has bakeries also in our thing, in our things, you know, in our food things, the thing places. Yeah, food.

• 1:03:51Speaker 01

  It does say something that like the bait, we're, we're, Paul and I decided to go to a bakery. It's like, we're going to a French bakery. We're going to a Korean bakery. We're going to this definitely not American bakery. This is so cool.

• 1:04:02Speaker 03

  It is. I will like, yes, we do have bakeries here, but, and then the grocery stores and yes, people sometimes buy them, but there is quite a, I think we are actually beaten in this regard because Amy and I, we were on this like KLM flight, which is like the Dutch thing, the Royal Dutch Airlines.

• 1:04:21Speaker 01

  We have a Dutch Bros.

• 1:04:22Speaker 03

  It's close. Our meal, I should you not, was bread with bread, a side of bread, another bread. And then they came around with a basket of bread and was like, would you like some bread? And so I, I, I'm thinking, I never got that in America where I got the five.

• 1:04:40Speaker 01

  Can I get some extra plates? My bread's touching my bread.

• 1:04:42Speaker 03

  I, man, it was like, it was some kind of muffin thing with a, then a cinnamon roll thing with then an actual piece of bread. And then there was little bread bites things.

• 1:04:51Speaker 02

  Is there any protein in this meal? What the fuck is this?

• 1:04:54Speaker 03

  No, God, no. We got them crushed on protein. America is destroying them with protein.

• 1:05:00Speaker 02

  Oh, look, um.

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  That's why 10 of them can fit on a one person elevator. No protein.

• 1:05:04Speaker 02

  That must be the problem. That makes it all make sense.

• 1:05:07Speaker 03

  They, they, they, their asses kicked in the protein department, but they got, I will give them bread.

• 1:05:13Speaker 01

  We give them the old Fogo de Pal.

• 1:05:18Speaker 03

  Would you like it rare or well done?

• 1:05:21Speaker 02

  Since we're talking about TikTok or whatever internet trends, can I say how funny it is when to watch videos of when Europeans realize why Americans think that nowhere in Europe is far away from anywhere in Europe that and especially this is another one sell our British people, right? But they'll be like, oh, I went on the fucking I went on a road trip. I drove two hours to the north of England. Well, I had to stop a couple of times and Americans are like, I drive two hours each way to fucking work. I commute 80 hours a week across Texas.

• 1:05:52Speaker 02

  And the Europeans were always like, ah, you're idiot. And then everyone who visits is like, we flew to New York and I thought we'd just drive, like drive to Orlando, drive to Los Angeles, like we'd make like a trip of it. And then we fucking got there and it's, it's so far. Like, yeah, dude, you guys familiar with maps or damn?

• 1:06:12Speaker 03

  I was, I was in Norway and I was like, hey, there's, there's a city in Eastern Europe that I was think we could add on to our trip. I had a reason to go out there. Um, and I looked it up. I was like, how far could it be? Oh, man, it's four countries away. Hmm. Two hour flight. I was like, well, fuck, yeah. All right. So we just added another country on to our trip.

• 1:06:34Speaker 01

  So it's like from Cincinnati to Atlanta. It's like an eight hour drive.

• 1:06:37Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah. It was nice. It was great. So I stacked that on. So, um, yeah, no, it is not as, not as big as one might think.

• 1:06:44Speaker 02

  I saw a funny thing. Apparently England would only be the 10th most, uh, grossing economy if it was enlisted with all the American states, which is pretty good, like top, top 10. But I think that's just our states. That's just some of our states, the whole shitload of states.

• 1:07:01Speaker 01

  The 57th state, England.

• 1:07:04Speaker 03

  Could be. Hey, think about it. Think about it. England, you left the EU, you could be part of the states.

• 1:07:08Speaker 01

  Right across the American ocean.

• 1:07:12Speaker 02

  With the East American ocean or the West American ocean?

• 1:07:16Speaker 01

  I don't know. I'm not very good with compasses. Compass eye. I'm very good with compass eye.

• 1:07:20Speaker 03

  It's whatever one's south of America land up there.

• 1:07:22Speaker 02

  America or Ant America? Uh, that didn't work.

• 1:07:27Speaker 03

  All right, we're calling it. America has won the game or something like that. I'm, I'm not, that's, I backtrack a little bit, erase your memories for the past 14 seconds. 14, fuck, erase it for 20 feet. America, we got you. Wait, wait, hold on.

• 1:07:43Speaker 02

  Oh, God. Other countries, you never know what they're talking about. America is the best, is the smartest country in the world. We got you beat this way, that way.

• 1:07:55Speaker 03

  We got you beaten gross. We got more nets. We got more, uh, proffers and coffers. All right, you're called, shut up. One, two, three, four. Hope you get the 13.

• 1:08:10Speaker 03

  All right, Bob, you got points for shirt. You got a point for King's Island, James. Uh, you got a point for going first. You got, I, there was a point in there where I was telling the Amsterdam story and you guys made me laugh really hard. I gave you three points. Uh, just, it's just funny times three, so I'm giving you three points for that. Uh, elevators down, I guess. Uh, homunculus sized human, uh, flight was leaving 10 minutes ago. Uh, temperature bitches and then Europe small. Gives you 11 points. Wade, I've written down here, me. Cause I think you said it funny.

• 1:08:45Speaker 01

  Oh, whatever you wanted to see, wanted to go first with the Europe thing, maybe or small talk? I don't know.

• 1:08:48Speaker 03

  Oh, it's small talk. That's right. Yeah, that's right. And then you Cincinnati Symphony Star Wars, 500 on Iago was very funny. I gave you two funny points while I was telling the story. Frankfurt Gary, uh, just put sugar in your milk. Conservative talking points, my country, Chicago Pope and food to pow, which puts you at 11. We are actually tied up, which I didn't think that was a case.

• 1:09:12Speaker 01

  Oh, it's time. Oh, you haven't done a one man show in a while, right?

• 1:09:16Speaker 03

  Oh, my God, guys, please. No, it's tied. There's no way that it'll be.

• 1:09:21Speaker 01

  We're not in charge of this.

• 1:09:22Speaker 02

  There's no way. Look, if, if we get another one man show, maybe the next episode is just an emergency constitutional convention where we get rid of that completely and make up something way less.

• 1:09:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll do, yeah.

• 1:09:33Speaker 02

  Anyway, how many spins will there be? I'm probably a good number.

• 1:09:37Speaker 01

  Better not be two.

• 1:09:38Speaker 02

  Oh, it's three. All right.

• 1:09:41Speaker 03

  Immediate tie. We'll put the new thing as last person in Europe.

• 1:09:45Speaker 01

  What if the host is the most recent person in Europe? Does, do we just not count it then? Or do we?

• 1:09:49Speaker 03

  I'll get a point. Well, if it's most recent, it's between you two. It'd be then between you two, who is the most recent.

• 1:09:55Speaker 01

  I think you and Mandy technically left Amsterdam a little bit later than Molly and I. So you were there, you were there longer than we were.

• 1:10:01Speaker 02

  Well, cause we stayed, we stayed in London for like three or four more days after that.

• 1:10:05Speaker 03

  But were you staying before or after London, the UK left the EU?

• 1:10:11Speaker 03

  Nah, still in Europe.

• 1:10:12Speaker 02

  But most of what I said was about England, so I'm gonna say that that's part of Europe, obviously. Spin number one.

• 1:10:19Speaker 01

  I don't know, Frankfurt Gary is in the EU or not.

• 1:10:21Speaker 03

  It is. Most angry. Wade, you were pretty angry about Frankfurt.

• 1:10:27Speaker 01

  Oh, those lines sucked.

• 1:10:28Speaker 02

  Man, I was gonna say, I went on a little bit of a tirade, but.

• 1:10:31Speaker 03

  About the temperature, yeah, you did. You were, you were going to be angry about the flight left 10 minutes ago, but you did get on the plane. Yeah. So I think Wade, you got the angry one.

• 1:10:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, I feel like that's kind of fair, yeah.

• 1:10:43Speaker 01

  I'm primed to finally win for the first time in like two months.

• 1:10:46Speaker 02

  Spin number two.

• 1:10:48Speaker 01

  Run runner, baby. You can't take my crown.

• 1:10:53Speaker 02

  Wearing least clothes.

• 1:10:55Speaker 01

  Shorts, underwear, shirt.

• 1:10:56Speaker 02

  Socks, shorts, underwear, undershirt, shirt.

• 1:10:59Speaker 03

  Oh, wow. It's another for Wade.

• 1:11:02Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, you're just gonna give it away for free?

• 1:11:04Speaker 01

  Wait till you see what else I'll give away for free. Subscribe to mine.

• 1:11:07Speaker 03

  I saw, I saw an entry on the wheel that said screwed from the start and I, I don't know what that one means. It almost landed on it.

• 1:11:14Speaker 02

  I don't remember what that means.

• 1:11:15Speaker 01

  That's gotta be a me point. I would just claim it. It's either it's birth or the episode.

• 1:11:19Speaker 02

  Not untrue, kind of.

• 1:11:21Speaker 03

  All right, and golf rules. Did anybody?

• 1:11:27Speaker 02

  I, I have been repeatedly dropping this, but I've been dropping it onto a beanbag that keeps it quiet, so.

• 1:11:33Speaker 03

  I, I have an item. Wait, Wade walked out of frame, took his headphones off and then dropped them on the desk.

• 1:11:41Speaker 05

  Mark, you're supposed to be biased towards me. What are we doing here, man?

• 1:11:44Speaker 03

  Uh, don't worry, the handshakes will even it all out in time. But right now, congratulations, the losing streak of all time.

• 1:11:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:53Speaker 03

  Had a whopping, I think, eight losses before another win by weird technicalities, one man shows, all these things. Lots and lots of losing. The biggest loser, now a winner, Wade. Congratulations.

• 1:12:09Speaker 01

  The last time I hosted an episode was March 17th. I don't when that episode came out, but that was the last time I physically recorded an episode that I hosted that wasn't a one man show. I've had family message me and ask when I'm gonna win again. People come to the streams and they're like, dude, what's happening? You lost it. Like, you ever gonna win again? I've been down and counted out, but we are so back, baby. And I really hope we're not recording another episode today because I've got nothing in the bank, but when I do, just you betcha, it's going up.

• 1:12:42Speaker 03

  I think Wade had written a loser's speech ahead of time and he had to quickly modify it to be a winner's speech. All my family are so depressed about me and frankly, I don't blame them.

• 1:12:55Speaker 01

  Well, I was leaving the, I just thought I was leaving the whole podcast if I lost one more time, but since I won, I'm kind of like obligated to do at least one more. So I'll share that the next time.

• 1:13:02Speaker 03

  All right, Bob, loser's speech.

• 1:13:04Speaker 02

  Look, you may think I have things in this world, but all I actually had was the losing streak from when I lost X number of coin tosses in a row. I think it was 14 in a row. 13 or 14. That was all I had in the world and you took it away from me. For what? Because your family texted you because they were bored? Because they only want to hear you talk on our podcast? Whatever. That was it, man. Now what do, now what do I have left? I don't know. I guess we'll see. See, we'll see what Bob shows up for the next recording session. See how this turns out for everybody. I guess we'll see.

• 1:13:42Speaker 01

  My first win in two months, you're like, you piece of shit.

• 1:13:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, you took, I can't believe you took that from me. You absolute scoundrel.

• 1:13:50Speaker 01

  Don't worry, Bob. I will do my utmost to make sure that you get to start a losing streak next.

• 1:13:54Speaker 02

  I appreciate that, but it's a little bit too late. You sort of ruined everything already. I mean, whatever, see what happens.

• 1:13:59Speaker 03

  Oh, well, whatever. You can all cheer up your own miserable lives by going to distractible dot shop and getting yourself one of these beautiful shirts. Support the podcast, support your favorite losers. That's us. And support yourselves by having this shirt and getting it for your body. This has been Mark Wade, who people are confused why we go Lord Minion 777, also known as Minion 777.

• 1:14:27Speaker 01

  Because Lord Minion was taken on Twitch, so my Twitch streaming name is different than my YouTube name.

• 1:14:32Speaker 03

  You know, you can email him about that.

• 1:14:34Speaker 01

  I did, and I think I have access to Lord Minion Twitch. I kinda like being minion more than Lord minion, but like, what am I gonna do? Message YouTube and be like, give me minion?

• 1:14:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, they could do that.

• 1:14:45Speaker 02

  They probably could do that, yeah.

• 1:14:46Speaker 01

  What's the guy who owns YouTube now? Schman, Schmancy?

• 1:14:50Speaker 02

  Schmancy?

• 1:14:50Speaker 01

  What? I only think it was Dan Clancy. I don't know who's in charge of YouTube anymore.

• 1:14:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, Dan Clancy, Dan Clancy owns Twitch and Glom Schlancy owns YouTube. I think you're right.

• 1:14:59Speaker 01

  Yep. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're right about that. Yeah. Bob at Myskirm, uh, and you at yourself when you are being beautiful, which is all the time. And I'm not talking to you, Wade. Podcast out.