In This Game... Only Letters, Friends!

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• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

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• 0:50Speaker 01

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• 2:01Speaker 05

  Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, multi-platform Mark heroizes Homelander, then kicks off the alphabetic escapades. Battling Bob enjoys moisture, and barbaric bellowing then pulls Pietro, Peter, and ZZ Top. Webless Wade slumbers after a prick, becomes a pancake, then invokes pussy, queefing, and a quickie with Queen. From deep loving to chewing cum. Ha ha ha ha ha. It's time for, in this game, only letters, friends.

• 2:43Speaker 05

  Now, sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

• 2:54Speaker 03

  Hello and welcome to Distractible. My name is Mark, yes, that Mark, from YouTube and TikTok and the other places where I exist. Twitch, maybe, still, if they haven't deleted my account.

• 3:10Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 3:11Speaker 03

  I've been inactive for a long time, but I am not the star of the show today. These two gentlemen are, that's Bob, star number one, number one star.

• 3:23Speaker 04

  Alright, top star.

• 3:25Speaker 03

  And Wade, the second star. Two.

• 3:31Speaker 06

  Okay, feel like we're starting off on an even foot.

• 3:33Speaker 03

  Two star, you get two stars, man, that's two, one more than two, one. Ha ha ha ha.

• 3:41Speaker 04

  If this is Michelin stars, that's a lot of stars.

• 3:44Speaker 06

  Two stars is one more than two. Aw, you are the Mark I was thinking of.

• 3:49Speaker 03

  It is me. Alright, so this is Distractible. If this is your first time, welcome. I love you.

• 3:56Speaker 06

  Wow, leading off with that.

• 3:58Speaker 03

  Want to come in strong. I don't want a soft, I don't want soft calls to action. I love you.

• 4:03Speaker 04

  But wait, we have to be clear. Is that directed at the listeners or the watchers? There's different, different people here.

• 4:10Speaker 03

  I don't care whether they have eyes or ears. I love you just the way you are and I'm enunciating. So if you're reading my lips, you know I mean it.

• 4:19Speaker 06

  That made me uncomfortable trying to read your lips. There's a lot of teeth.

• 4:22Speaker 04

  I like that. I wish you'd talk like that all the time.

• 4:24Speaker 03

  I've chased off all the new viewers now.

• 4:30Speaker 04

  Thank God. Wouldn't want to move up those podcast charts that we worked so hard to move up.

• 4:34Speaker 03

  I'm trying to get our bounce rate up, you know, people click in and boing, I don't want this shit. Yeah, I want to push us down in the ratings. In this episode, I have a fun game prepared, but no, it's not the perfectest crime. It is not. It's something else, but we're going to get to that in just a little bit because these guys have been living their best lives. And I want to hear about it. Let's decide who goes first. Um, one, Bob.

• 5:00Speaker 04

  Oh man, I can't believe that. I was so sure it was going to be the second guy on the list.

• 5:05Speaker 03

  Oh, well, no, you would think that.

• 5:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, everything's going pretty good. It's raining here, which I don't know. It hasn't been that long, but like, you ever have, I mean, where you live, Mark out in LA, I guess you probably get this. In Ohio, I feel like it rains pretty consistently. Like normally it's like, ah, it's raining, whatever. It started raining last night and it was raining when I woke up this morning and it's been so long since it rained that I literally woke up and was like, ah, it's wet. What happened? Why is it all wet outside? Oh no. Does that happen to you or am I just like a goldfish? Cause it really, it weirded me out for a minute.

• 5:38Speaker 03

  No, I did it too. I woke up and it rained over here or drizzled and I just go out and the whole yard's wet. I'm like, did the sprinklers break? What's, what's going on?

• 5:46Speaker 04

  There's a leak.

• 5:48Speaker 04

  There's a leak.

• 5:50Speaker 03

  This is ecologically irresponsible. There's a leak.

• 5:52Speaker 04

  Okay, well, I'm glad it's not just me. Also, James has learned that he could scream real loud. So that's fun. I've never been made dizzy by a scream before. Uh, but that can happen now. Last night, we were getting ready for bed. And he was like, it was, he gets two books and then we go to bed and it's like, oh, we have a whole routine. And we got to the, I think to the end of the second book and like closed the book. And Mandy was like, okay, put the book on the shelf and we're gonna do this thing. And he just was like, no, no, more stories. And we're like, no, man, it's bedtime. This is, we do this every night. This is the routine. And he did that sort of like, there was shake of rage and then proceeded to scream louder than anything has ever been in human existence.

• 6:37Speaker 04

  And I actually like, it made my head vibrate. And when he stopped screaming, I was kind of like,

• 6:45Speaker 04

  So I never had that before, but I'm sure that he'll only do that the one time. And that's not going to be all day, every day for the next three weeks of my life.

• 6:52Speaker 03

  How do you stop that? Wade, bad advice.

• 6:54Speaker 06

  Uh, what you do is you give him a megaphone so he can be even louder to the point where he makes himself paralyzed from the noise.

• 7:02Speaker 03

  You're right. You're right. There we go. Yep.

• 7:03Speaker 04

  Give him headphones and a microphone and make him scream into his own ears.

• 7:07Speaker 03

  You know how Homelander went up to that one superhero and went doing on the sides of the head? And then made him deaf now that he'd scream louder. And this is horrible advice.

• 7:16Speaker 06

  Put him in a bit of a stupor, superhero. I see what you did there.

• 7:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, I should definitely do whatever Homelander does. He's a good guy, right?

• 7:22Speaker 03

  He's a father.

• 7:23Speaker 04

  I haven't watched the show. I haven't watched the show. He's like the Superman character in that universe, right? He's a good guy.

• 7:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He is America.

• 7:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:32Speaker 03

  He is America. Yeah. And he's a father. He's raising a child.

• 7:36Speaker 06

  I think his first act as a father was to throw his son off of like a roof or something, wasn't it? Spoilers.

• 7:41Speaker 04

  I don't even use.

• 7:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, kid's dead now. No, I think literally the first thing he did was like, yeah, son, you can fly too. And he threw him off the roof and his son just went, ah. He's like, man, man, that reminds me of the video that I saw of these birds on the mountainside. I think we talked about him, but it's just every once in a while it pops in my head and how the fucking BBC cameramen are doing this and the BBC editors make it go, I swear, boink, boink, boink, as it's hitting every rock down the mountain as it tries to fly, boink, boink, boink, squeak, squawk, squeak. And then it's like it lands and it gets up and it's like, it's fine. And then the camera pans over to its dead brother on the ground. God damn.

• 8:24Speaker 06

  No, it's not a fun, it's not a fun video. I don't know why I'm laughing.

• 8:30Speaker 04

  But that is funny though. You're right. I agree with you, Mark. That's fair. No, that, those guys, I know it's the whole, it's a whole thing and it goes both ways, right? The, the wildlife cinematographers, where it's like, don't interact. You can't affect nature. We're gonna, but they just sit there and like literally there are situations where they could like, ah, if I just reached out, I could totally save this daddy baby animal from drowning in front of me. But I, I won't though. I won't. I'm just gonna film it so everyone can see back home. I, do you think that they like that? Or is that like fuck them up? Cause I feel like that must be wild. That must be really weird and wild to be that close to that.

• 9:09Speaker 06

  They must get sometimes really incredible, beautiful, heartwarming footage that hopefully balances out all the, nature is a cruel beast and you will die by being eaten guaranteed. What else? I see like two teens camping in the woods and a bear comes in and is like dragging them away and they look like, for the love of God, help me. And the camera guy's like, oh, this is really good footage.

• 9:30Speaker 04

  Nature, guys, nature, sorry.

• 9:32Speaker 06

  It's just so beautiful. These are natural campers. Please help me. I see you. I know you can hear me.

• 9:39Speaker 04

  There's two camera guys filming the same thing and one starts getting attacked by the bear and the other guy's like, oh, nature, it's happening. I can't help them though. I have this gun right here, but I can only save myself.

• 9:52Speaker 06

  You're with the nature now. You. They themselves get attacked and they just aim the camera at themselves. Nature, can't help myself, nature.

• 10:01Speaker 04

  Fucking Blair Witchley, nature.

• 10:06Speaker 04

  In the booth, Sir David Attenborough is just like, oh, here we see young Gary getting mauled to death by a lion. Why don't you fight back, Gary?

• 10:18Speaker 06

  The aliens guy.

• 10:19Speaker 04

  Nature.

• 10:23Speaker 04

  Uh, meme never gets old. It applies to everything. I sent you that meme recently, I think, right?

• 10:28Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, you did. I forget what for what?

• 10:30Speaker 04

  It was about the Bengals. I think I put sadness on it. We're talking, we're texting about the Bengals and I was just like, sadness.

• 10:39Speaker 06

  I don't think we texted during the last game. I think we both were just at the point of like acceptance.

• 10:43Speaker 04

  No, I, you know, I couldn't watch the Bengals with this week because they were on at the same time as my new team, the Lions, by which I mean they played the Lions and got their ass beat. But I'm a Lions fan again now. So that was a great game for me.

• 10:58Speaker 03

  All right. So that's Bob's small talk. Well done. Good small.

• 11:01Speaker 04

  That's my life.

• 11:02Speaker 03

  Wade?

• 11:03Speaker 06

  Well, I was gonna talk about the rain some more, but Bob beat me to it. It turns out we live kind of close, but yeah.

• 11:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, the rain points have all been scooped up.

• 11:10Speaker 04

  And we're both boring old guys who talk about the weather all the time. Uh oh.

• 11:14Speaker 06

  What was it? Friday? I got my COVID and flu code booster and flu shot. So as Friday went along, I was like, oh man, getting real tired for some reason. I don't know. I passed out for me very early. I went upstairs and hung out with Molly. We were watching something on TV at like 11 o'clock and I was just like kicking back like, oh man, I'm feeling pretty tired. It's gonna be nice to kick back and watch something with

• 11:39Speaker 06

  just passed out immediately and then went to bed, slept probably like 10 hours, woke up, felt really awful for two hours. And Molly was like, you should go back to bed. And for some reason, when someone suggests I sleep, I'm always like, no, I don't need sleep. Sleep. What do you mean? I'm fine. I'm awake. Wide awake. Do you ever have that where you do talk to somebody who also they, they fall asleep and you're like, hey, are you sleeping? And they're like, no, no, I wasn't. It's like, clearly you were snoring. Obviously you were, but they have to deny it.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  No, no, I think I've had this before where Amy has said that at night I have started snoring. Where in my head, I'm just like, ah man, I'm not falling asleep here. No snores at all. And she'll tell me that I was just snoring and I'm like, no, I'm, that's impossible. There is no way. I was conscious this whole time. I was aware of my experiences. There's no way, but apparently I was.

• 12:29Speaker 06

  We had a friend visit recently who fell asleep and said, Same thing that we're like, hey, you passed out for a few minutes. I'm like, no, I didn't.

• 12:35Speaker 03

  His consciousness is a really fragile, thin veil between us and the darkness. So I think that uh it's it's very easy to miss these experiences.

• 12:43Speaker 06

  I did fall asleep and then I was like, no, I don't want to go back to bed. All right, fine. I guess I'll go lay down. I'm not going to sleep. Passed out immediately again, slept for like three or four hours, but uh that was fun. And then yesterday I was feeling feeling a lot better. So I went and threw football for a few hours. And man, upper body sore today.

• 13:03Speaker 04

  You just threw threw a football around for a few hours?

• 13:07Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 13:07Speaker 04

  How with one other person or what? That's like, I like.

• 13:10Speaker 06

  My nephew.

• 13:11Speaker 04

  That sounds fun, but that's a lot of hours of just like standing out there like, uh, yeah.

• 13:17Speaker 06

  We weren't throwing super long distance because we were staying within like, let's talk while we throw. So we were just kind of like chit chatting about all kinds of stuff, Legos and things. He's a big Star Wars fan. So about like Star Wars Legos and we were just throwing ball while we chatted.

• 13:29Speaker 04

  Will you come over and have a catch with me sometime?

• 13:32Speaker 06

  Dude, I love talking. Yeah, I love football. I love throwing football.

• 13:35Speaker 04

  That sounds nice.

• 13:36Speaker 06

  And uh foot still kind of healing a little bit. So I was like, probably easier just to toss than it would be to like run around. We were going to play basketball, but the thought of running around and jumping, while this is still on my heel is like, eh, maybe maybe it's like casual toss to be easier. Yeah, we just chit chatted through football for a few hours and they woke up and I was like, oh.

• 13:57Speaker 03

  So how you always wake up?

• 13:59Speaker 06

  Normally it's.

• 14:02Speaker 06

  It was a little bit better than usual.

• 14:05Speaker 03

  I'll save my small talk for when I'm inevitably the loser and go to the next round to participate.

• 14:11Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 14:15Speaker 00

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• 14:44Speaker 01

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• 16:12Speaker 03

  I have a game for you.

• 16:14Speaker 04

  Good.

• 16:14Speaker 03

  Guys, I have devised it, and by me, I mean Amy. Amy's devised this.

• 16:19Speaker 04

  Even better.

• 16:20Speaker 03

  In this game, only letters, friends. You are going to use the alphabet to help you survive death-defying scenarios that are going to risk your very existence. Now, the way that it's going to work, we're gonna take turns. Both of you are going to go first, and the person who goes first gets to pick the letter. You don't know the scenario that you're in, but you get to pick the letter of the items you will choose to survive. It's a quick-fire round. You use that letter to pick an item out of the air and then immediately goes to the next person as fast as you can back and forth. Bing bong, bing bong, bong, same letter.

• 17:03Speaker 03

  And then I will write them down and judge which one of you actually helped yourself survive. It is possible that you both survive and, and, and pass the test and get a point that round. But otherwise, if, if you've picked bad items because you're limited by the letter, you die, you don't get a point. Makes sense?

• 17:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, I like this. I don't think Wade knows very many words. I think I have a huge advantage here.

• 17:29Speaker 03

  I'll toss a coin to go first, or maybe I'll just be like the number one up there above me right now. Bob, you'll go first and how it'll go is you'll pick a letter and it can only be picked once. So I'm crossing letters off the alphabet as we go. Then I'll give you the scenario and as soon as I give you the scenario, it's go time. You have to pick as fast as you can. I will dock points if you take too long or I'll cut you off if you can't.

• 17:54Speaker 06

  Do we need to pick multiple items with the same letter or how many items do we get?

• 17:57Speaker 04

  One letter per round, five items.

• 17:59Speaker 03

  Yeah. So, so I will skip your turn though, if you take too long and it'll go to the other person. So you could possibly lose out a chance to pick an item. Or the other person can snipe the item that you were going to pick, but it has to start with that letter. It can be multiple words, but it had the first word has to start with that letter. I won't let you say sentences of items. It has to be either one or two words. You can't say biggest bag of survival items that will help me in the scenario. I won't allow that. Can't do that. Okay. All right. You both understand how it goes. Do you need me to re-explain it, Wade?

• 18:36Speaker 06

  No, I'll just watch Bob do it. And if he does it right, I'll do what he does, but wrong.

• 18:39Speaker 04

  We kind of have to do it at the same time. So I'm hope I'm still feeling good about my chances.

• 18:44Speaker 03

  Okay. Yeah, that's good. This is looking good for you, Bob.

• 18:45Speaker 06

  Okay, hold on. Then if we run at the same time, do we each pick our own letter then?

• 18:49Speaker 03

  No, no, it's the same letter. The person who's going picks the letter. I read them the prompt. I read both of you the prompt. And then the person goes first, gets the first pick, has to be an item that starts with that letter. Then the other person, same letter.

• 19:04Speaker 06

  Okay. So we technically 10 items that start with that letter because he'll have five, I'll have five.

• 19:08Speaker 03

  Exactly. And then you can't say the same item. You have to, uh, new items, five times. Take too long, I'm going to skip you. Are you boys ready?

• 19:17Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 19:18Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 19:19Speaker 03

  All right, Bob. What is your letter?

• 19:22Speaker 04

  L.

• 19:23Speaker 03

  L. Great choice, I think.

• 19:29Speaker 04

  Alright. You alright?

• 19:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm fine.

• 19:34Speaker 04

  What you have done if I said M?

• 19:41Speaker 03

  How do I write that as a point? Ooh, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo.

• 19:45Speaker 04

  H U, H U, U, U, H U, U, H U, A, H?

• 19:50Speaker 03

  Oh, that would have been better. I was doing double O's.

• 19:54Speaker 06

  I think in, uh...

• 19:55Speaker 04

  Woo, hoo.

• 19:56Speaker 06

  I think in Lethal Company, there was a mod I used where there was like an L dance. Whenever you said L, I immediately thought of the L dance.

• 20:02Speaker 03

  Thought of the L dance from Lethal Company and not Fortnite? I'm proud of you, man. That's good.

• 20:07Speaker 06

  I don't play Fortnite, so yes.

• 20:08Speaker 04

  Good boy.

• 20:11Speaker 03

  So, it's L, and we're gonna start with a simple one. These are all life or death scenarios. So if it doesn't feel as life or death as possible, I'm gonna, you say the word, I'll make it more life or death. You both are falling out of an airplane, no parachute. Go.

• 20:30Speaker 04

  Uh, long rope.

• 20:31Speaker 03

  Long rope. Okay, go.

• 20:33Speaker 06

  Lift.

• 20:34Speaker 03

  Lift?

• 20:36Speaker 06

  Like a lift, like a ski lift, you know, like a lift.

• 20:38Speaker 03

  Oh, like a whole ski lift?

• 20:40Speaker 06

  To catch me.

• 20:42Speaker 03

  Bob?

• 20:43Speaker 04

  Uh, light aircraft.

• 20:45Speaker 03

  Okay, alright, okay, that's enough. Stop, stop, you can't say more.

• 20:48Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 20:49Speaker 03

  Wait.

• 20:50Speaker 06

  A Lamborghini.

• 20:52Speaker 03

  Lambo. You got it.

• 20:54Speaker 06

  Hopefully it's got good airbags.

• 20:57Speaker 04

  Lingonberry jam.

• 20:58Speaker 03

  Lingonberry jam. Excellent choice.

• 21:02Speaker 06

  Lipsticks, I look my best when I die.

• 21:08Speaker 03

  Bob?

• 21:09Speaker 04

  Oh, man. Laser pointer.

• 21:12Speaker 03

  Laser pointer. Got it. Wade?

• 21:17Speaker 06

  Lake to land in.

• 21:22Speaker 03

  I'll even give you it's a landing lake, but need I remind you water at a terminal velocity is still just as hard. All right, Bob, last chance.

• 21:31Speaker 04

  Oh, a launcher.

• 21:35Speaker 03

  A launcher?

• 21:36Speaker 04

  A me launcher. If I lift it, I can't explain it. You'll have to just understand.

• 21:42Speaker 03

  It's a launcher. It can be a launcher of me, but not a me launcher. You watch yourself. Wade.

• 21:48Speaker 06

  Lisa.

• 21:55Speaker 03

  You decided to take another person with you.

• 21:57Speaker 06

  Lisa from The Simpsons. She'll have some good ideas.

• 21:59Speaker 04

  Maybe Lisa has a parachute we could share. You better ask.

• 22:04Speaker 03

  All right, so let me recap your choices. Bob, you have a long rope, light aircraft, lingonberry jam, a laser pointer and a launcher. Wade, you have a lift, a ski lift, a Lambo, a lipstick, a lake lake and La La Lisa.

• 22:31Speaker 03

  Now.

• 22:32Speaker 04

  L was harder than I thought it would be. I have to be honest.

• 22:36Speaker 03

  We did a couple of test rounds. It's very difficult. All right. So the ski lift, I don't think, I think it needs to be embedded in the ground to actually help you, Wade. And a ski lift, I would think would start with an S, but Lambo, not known for being very crash resistant, I don't think.

• 22:54Speaker 04

  Cool, though.

• 22:55Speaker 03

  Very cool. Very cool, Wade. You're gonna look great when you die. Lambo lipstick, La La Lisa in the passenger seat.

• 23:03Speaker 04

  Aim for the lake, babe.

• 23:09Speaker 03

  Oh, look, there's a lift. We can go up and fall again when we.

• 23:13Speaker 06

  Yes, the goal of this to live.

• 23:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, the goal is to live.

• 23:17Speaker 04

  Okay, yeah.

• 23:18Speaker 03

  Okay, so because Bob, you have a long rope, a light aircraft, lingonberry jam, laser pointer, and a launcher. I mean, the light aircraft kind of wins you this one.

• 23:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, the rest of it was just for fun. Lingonberry jam is a snack, laser pointer to make other pilots blind and make them crash their planes while I'm flying my light aircraft. You know, fun stuff.

• 23:38Speaker 03

  He's pointing at Wade as he's going down, so he makes sure he doesn't get it.

• 23:42Speaker 04

  Make fun of Wade. I point at Wade. I point at where I think he's gonna land, like, eh, eh.

• 23:46Speaker 03

  Lisa takes the wheel. I can't see. I think I'll accept items that sabotage your opponent to make sure they die, because it's, if you both survive, you both get a point, but if you...

• 23:58Speaker 03

  He's gonna hit the lake, uses the launcher. Calling it for Bob. That's a Bob point right there. So you got the, you got the surviving. However, I'm gonna make an additional rule here that's gonna make it even more difficult for you guys. I'll explain it in just a second. So that was a...

• 24:13Speaker 04

  Hey, I had a long rope. Maybe I can save you, Wade. Not Lisa, just you.

• 24:17Speaker 03

  So that's what I'll say is the rule. Adjectives, if the, it can't be, the letter can't be an adjective describing the actual item. So long rope. I would accept light aircraft, because that is a whole category of aircraft, but long rope is just a longer rope. So we'll make judgment calls. I'll give you a second chance if that's what you come up with, but we'll try to catch that. So long rope is just a rope, just like a ski, a lift, a ski lift would be a ski lift, not a lift. Lift, I would think, would be an elevator, which might have helped. No, that wouldn't have helped you at all. No, actually.

• 24:50Speaker 04

  Levator.

• 24:51Speaker 03

  So Bob gets the first point there. Wade, you smack into the lake in a Lambo with Lisa and lipstick.

• 24:57Speaker 04

  But you look great.

• 24:59Speaker 03

  Oh, man. You're, well, your corpse is actually a mangled, metal-infused mess and soggy.

• 25:06Speaker 04

  But if anyone had taken a picture of you moments before, you'd look so good.

• 25:11Speaker 03

  Before I backed, just super cool. Lisa's just...

• 25:17Speaker 03

  If I hand her the lipstick after I use it, so she has a distraction. All right, Wade, you get to pick your letter and then I get to tell you your survival or death scenario.

• 25:28Speaker 06

  Perfect. Let's go with the letter B.

• 25:31Speaker 03

  Boys, you two. Some dictator has said that you're gonna die. You're on, you're against a wall. There is a firing squad in front of you and they are going to fire. They're gonna count down three, two, one, fire. But you get B words to decide if you survive. Wade, go.

• 25:53Speaker 06

  Blocks.

• 25:58Speaker 04

  All right.

• 26:00Speaker 06

  I build a wall of blocks.

• 26:03Speaker 03

  All right, you could've said bricks maybe, but blocks, all right. Bob.

• 26:07Speaker 04

  Well, I thought this, I assumed this one wouldn't be on there, but bulletproof vest.

• 26:13Speaker 03

  I'll take it, bulletproof. Cause I think that description is a very specific type of vest. I think that works. All right, Wade.

• 26:21Speaker 06

  A bomb.

• 26:25Speaker 03

  You don't wanna hit me, do you?

• 26:31Speaker 03

  I'll make sure it's a big round one with a big wick out the top. All right, Bob.

• 26:36Speaker 04

  Bouncy ball.

• 26:38Speaker 03

  Bouncy ball. You got it. Wade.

• 26:41Speaker 06

  Bobcat.

• 26:42Speaker 03

  Bobcat, the vehicle or a cat?

• 26:44Speaker 06

  Cat. Just send after them.

• 26:51Speaker 04

  Ah, no, that's a good idea, Wade. Uh, bobcat.

• 26:57Speaker 04

  The skid steer, though.

• 27:00Speaker 03

  All right, Wade, back to you.

• 27:02Speaker 06

  Blank slate.

• 27:06Speaker 03

  Blank slate. All right, cool, man. Bob?

• 27:09Speaker 04

  Blades.

• 27:11Speaker 03

  Blades. Just the vampire or weapons?

• 27:15Speaker 04

  Weapons.

• 27:16Speaker 03

  Wade?

• 27:17Speaker 06

  Buildings.

• 27:19Speaker 04

  What the fuck?

• 27:21Speaker 03

  How many?

• 27:22Speaker 06

  Billions.

• 27:23Speaker 03

  Billions of buildings.

• 27:26Speaker 06

  That's the start of the B, right?

• 27:28Speaker 03

  It counts. Yeah. All right. Yeah. This genie, a genie that takes you very literally. You get billions of buildings. All right, Bob, last chance.

• 27:36Speaker 04

  Oh, Bill Clinton, Secret Service, has to protect him. He is a Secret Service, he is a Secret Service detail for the rest of his life because he was president.

• 27:43Speaker 03

  All right, Bill Clinton.

• 27:44Speaker 04

  They wouldn't be cool with that. It'd help.

• 27:46Speaker 03

  All right.

• 27:49Speaker 03

  Wade.

• 27:50Speaker 06

  We don't have three, Cap, Ben.

• 27:53Speaker 03

  Suddenly, blocks appear in a wall in front of you of what type Lego bricks, I'm guessing. You have a bomb strapped to your chest. You have a cat, a bobcat, which is not that big of a cat, to be honest.

• 28:10Speaker 06

  They'll scare you if it runs at you.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  It would be, they have guns though, so I think they'll be all right. You have a blank slate, so you just have like a tab, a stone tablet with nothing on it. And then billions of buildings are falling on your head now.

• 28:24Speaker 06

  What kind of monkeys, Paul, wish they're falling on my head?

• 28:27Speaker 03

  Well, I mean, you either spawn inside of them and you clip into the walls like that or?

• 28:32Speaker 04

  But yeah, is this like inception or some shit or just?

• 28:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, the whole horizon is just folding in with buildings.

• 28:41Speaker 06

  I think it did okay.

• 28:42Speaker 03

  Well, the bomb, well, you would have been maybe fine, but the bomb, really? The bomb, you got a bomb.

• 28:49Speaker 04

  Well, but does he get to, is it on like a timer or is it like a?

• 28:53Speaker 03

  No, it's a big one with a fuse. It's lit. That's what, all right, anyway. So wait, Bob, bulletproof vest, very good. Not quite head protection, but it protects your core, which is where most of them aim for, I guess.

• 29:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're gonna aim center mass. That's the strategy for?

• 29:07Speaker 03

  The bouncy ball will distract their aim. The bobcat, a skid steer, has like a full cage on it, so you're kind of inside that and a little more protected. Blades for chopping the bullets out of the air, I'm guessing?

• 29:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, Deadpool style from that X-Men movie when he's all, has no mouth and he's all creepy and he's all.

• 29:28Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 29:28Speaker 04

  Not from the Deadpool movie where he doesn't hit any of them. He just gets shot a bunch.

• 29:34Speaker 03

  Yeah. All right. So I'm guessing, uh, I can't guarantee you that skill, but you'll try.

• 29:39Speaker 04

  I'll try. Yeah.

• 29:40Speaker 03

  Um, and then Bill Clinton's there plus Secret Service, probably.

• 29:44Speaker 04

  Yeah. He's, he's standing in between me and the firing squad and the Secret Service are like rushing in from the side. So like, get down, Mr. President. And I'm like, I'm with him.

• 29:53Speaker 03

  Now, I would say that the buildings would be a problem for you, but you have a Bobcat, which is a skid steer, and it does have a full cage. So if a building toppled on it, you're not guaranteed to survive. But with the bulletproof vest, the blades and Bill Clinton, I think you, I think you live, man. I'm pretty sure.

• 30:11Speaker 06

  Can't shoot through Legos.

• 30:13Speaker 03

  Cause they're still gonna shoot at the end of it. They still shoot.

• 30:15Speaker 06

  Even if I have a bomb? Have they never seen a movie?

• 30:23Speaker 06

  Can't shoot the guy who has a bomb?

• 30:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's, it's, it's too bad you can't explain, cause you should, it should be a bomb with a dead man trigger where you're holding your hand out and you're all, if my finger comes off this button, cause then they'll get it.

• 30:36Speaker 06

  Yeah. Doesn't it have to be?

• 30:37Speaker 04

  That's, no, that's not commonly how that works. That's a specific thing.

• 30:41Speaker 03

  Have to fit the letter.

• 30:43Speaker 06

  Oh, okay.

• 30:43Speaker 03

  All right. Back to you, Bob. You're both doing wonderfully, but one is doing more wonderfully than the other.

• 30:49Speaker 04

  I was gonna go one way or the other, depending on how this was going. And I feel like I'm gonna regret this, but I choose Q.

• 30:57Speaker 03

  Q?

• 30:58Speaker 04

  Q.

• 30:59Speaker 03

  Damn. Bold. Q. All right. What a quandary. Quite the choice. Quack.

• 31:06Speaker 04

  Q. Third Q word. All right. Let's get into this.

• 31:11Speaker 03

  Both of your scenario. You're, and you're in separate vehicles for this one. So you're not in the same car, unless you wanna be in the same car, but I've given Wade's choices, I'm gonna put you conveniently in separate cars.

• 31:25Speaker 04

  I appreciate that.

• 31:26Speaker 03

  Bob, your and Wade, your car has driven off a bridge. There was ice on the road. You slid, bam, right dead center into a frigid frozen river. So not only has your car gone down through the top layer of ice, it is now under the ice. You have, your windows are up, death defying scenario, almost guaranteed death under frozen river. Your letter is Q. Take it away.

• 31:57Speaker 04

  Well, this is the whole thing I was banking on for this, and I'm gonna stick to my guns, even though I'm not sure how it helps. I want a Quetzalcoatl, Quetzal, Quetzalcoatlus.

• 32:08Speaker 03

  You have to be able to pronounce it. You have to be able to.

• 32:11Speaker 04

  Quetzalcoatlus.

• 32:12Speaker 03

  Quetzalcoatlus. Okay, quits. I have to look up what that is afterwards. Cool.

• 32:16Speaker 04

  It's that we talked about it in my words, in my one man show. It's one of the animals. It's a dinosaur. It's a big flying dinosaur. Quetzalcoatlus.

• 32:25Speaker 03

  All right. I did not spell that right. All right, Wade.

• 32:27Speaker 06

  Quickness.

• 32:29Speaker 03

  Quickness. All right, you get quickness. You know, I'll give it to you. That that works.

• 32:34Speaker 04

  Quick, I want Quicksilver to save me. The Marvel character.

• 32:39Speaker 03

  Oh, the the Marvel character. Wait.

• 32:41Speaker 06

  Oh, I have to go again. Uh, the queen.

• 32:45Speaker 03

  The queen, the queen.

• 32:48Speaker 06

  A queen.

• 32:48Speaker 03

  You get the band Queen.

• 32:50Speaker 06

  I'll take it. Just gotta get out. Just gotta get right out of here.

• 33:06Speaker 04

  I know, Freddie, I'm trying.

• 33:09Speaker 03

  Oh, man.

• 33:12Speaker 03

  All right, Bob, back, back to you.

• 33:15Speaker 04

  Uh, uh, uh, Questlove.

• 33:21Speaker 03

  What? Questlove?

• 33:22Speaker 04

  Questlove. Isn't he the drummer from, uh, uh, that isn't, oh, no, yeah, Questlove. He's a, he's a drummer, American musician.

• 33:33Speaker 03

  Oh, all right. You got a drummer.

• 33:35Speaker 04

  He's the drummer for The Roots. That's where I know him from. Cause it, cause The Roots were on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:40Speaker 03

  All right, cool. Questlove drummer. I got it. Wade?

• 33:43Speaker 06

  Uh, oh, no. Queef, so I have.

• 33:51Speaker 04

  Queef, so I.

• 33:52Speaker 06

  Have air.

• 33:55Speaker 06

  Queef so hot. My plan was just like, don't say queef, don't say queef.

• 34:01Speaker 03

  For air. Alright, you got it, man.

• 34:09Speaker 03

  Alright, Bob, back to you.

• 34:12Speaker 04

  Um, I would like a quality inn motel.

• 34:17Speaker 03

  A quality inn?

• 34:19Speaker 04

  Maybe at the bottom of the river, there's a quality inn. I'm not sure, somewhere.

• 34:23Speaker 03

  Some haunted quality inn that sank into the river many moons ago. Okay, gotcha. Wade?

• 34:29Speaker 06

  Oh, quillfish.

• 34:32Speaker 03

  I'm gonna assume that's a real fish.

• 34:34Speaker 06

  It's a Pokemon. It's a Pokemon.

• 34:37Speaker 04

  You're right, you're right.

• 34:38Speaker 03

  Oh, the Pokemon, quillfish.

• 34:40Speaker 06

  My loyal Pokemon will help me get out.

• 34:43Speaker 03

  I'm assuming it's a water-based Pokemon. That actually could help you. Okay, that might be good.

• 34:47Speaker 06

  The original version. Then there's a lolan or something that's like poison, stupid.

• 34:52Speaker 03

  Alright, Bob, last choice.

• 34:53Speaker 04

  I'm not stealing from Wade, but maybe this was sparked by that. I want Quill, the Star Lord himself, Quill.

• 35:00Speaker 03

  Oh, Peter Quill?

• 35:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, but they just call him Quill a lot. Or anyway, Gamora does, right? They call him, like, where's Quill? Where's Quill?

• 35:08Speaker 03

  Okay, is that true, Wade? Do they call him just Quill?

• 35:10Speaker 06

  They do.

• 35:11Speaker 03

  Alright, okay, I'll give you that Quill, Star Lord Quill. Okay, Wade, last chance.

• 35:16Speaker 06

  Quill, like the feather, so I can write my last will and testament.

• 35:22Speaker 04

  Hey, don't take my ideas.

• 35:23Speaker 03

  Don't take my ideas.

• 35:35Speaker 03

  Alright, okay, so a lot of this depends on, what's a Quetzalcoatlus?

• 35:40Speaker 04

  It's a big flying dinosaur.

• 35:42Speaker 03

  Okay, how big are we talking? Oh, that's big.

• 35:44Speaker 04

  It's fairly large.

• 35:45Speaker 06

  Big.

• 35:45Speaker 04

  It's, I think it's like the biggest one.

• 35:48Speaker 03

  Okay, so your, your car explodes, because there's suddenly a Quetzalcoatlus spawning inside. So, all the doors come off, which is, you know, that you do gotta get the doors off. Uh, you have Quicksilver, which I think, honestly, that's a huge get. Um, cuz if he knows where you are, he can get you and get you out before the hypothermia sets in. You have Questlove. I'm assuming Quicksilver has to choose. Between one of you, Bob.

• 36:19Speaker 04

  He might like Questlove more than me. I mean, look, I'm not gonna speak for Quicksilver, but that's okay, cuz I brought backups.

• 36:26Speaker 03

  He's very, he's very fast, so I guess he might be. There's a quality in somewhere down there in the river.

• 36:33Speaker 04

  Isn't Quicksilver the one who, isn't that scene in the mansion where he saves like forty people in the X-Men mansion while the whole thing explodes, isn't that?

• 36:42Speaker 03

  I'm pretty sure yes.

• 36:44Speaker 06

  Oh, I was thinking of Silver Surfer this whole time. You're talking about the fast dude.

• 36:47Speaker 04

  No, Quicksilver is the X-Men, and he helps Magneto break out of jail and is.

• 36:53Speaker 06

  He's the one that does like slow, like, yeah, time moves slowly.

• 36:56Speaker 03

  There's actually two Quicksilvers in the Marvel Universe, because there's the MCU one, and then there's the Fox X-Men one. The Fox X-Men one is faster, and that is the one you picked out, the X-Men one. He is faster and has more feats of rescuing people, specifically rescuing people. So I think without a question, you survived, Bob. The question is whether, cuz wait, you have quickness. You have quickness.

• 37:22Speaker 06

  Oh dude, my, I'm not gonna like, my heart's not gonna stop, so don't stop me now.

• 37:32Speaker 06

  Don't stop me, don't stop me.

• 37:34Speaker 03

  You have queen quickness, queefs, as many queefs as you need.

• 37:39Speaker 04

  For air.

• 37:39Speaker 06

  Your air.

• 37:42Speaker 03

  You have quillfish and a quill, a feather. Let me look up what quillfish is.

• 37:49Speaker 03

  A but a balloon, a balloon Pokemon. What?

• 37:54Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 37:55Speaker 06

  Like a blowfish.

• 37:56Speaker 04

  That's kinda what you want.

• 37:58Speaker 03

  It's also poisonous, so grabbing onto it is gonna be, it's very spiky.

• 38:03Speaker 06

  Yeah, maybe we just do mouth to mouth.

• 38:05Speaker 03

  I don't think you wanna do mouth to mouth with it. I'm not sure why you would offer that up as your first choice. Air.

• 38:11Speaker 04

  You already have air. You have all the air you need. Don't forget about your queefs.

• 38:16Speaker 03

  It's literally point five meters in height. It's one foot ball when inflated and covered in spikes.

• 38:24Speaker 04

  I would probably, if you like grabbed onto the tail.

• 38:27Speaker 03

  Okay, there is a tail. I gotta look up whether eight point six pounds of buoyancy is enough to lift you out of the river.

• 38:34Speaker 06

  I've also got quickness.

• 38:36Speaker 03

  And you're quick.

• 38:37Speaker 06

  And think of Freddie Mercury's lungs singing underwater, pushing me out.

• 38:41Speaker 03

  And all the queefs, you know, all the queefs.

• 38:44Speaker 06

  Yeah, there's a lot of buoyancy.

• 38:45Speaker 04

  As you float away with your queefs and quillfish, Freddie Mercury sitting on the bottom of the river, just like,

• 38:50Speaker 06

  I want to ride my bicycle. We are the champions.

• 38:55Speaker 03

  I'm gonna give you a 50 50 shot. How about that's the best I can do for you on this. It, because it's like you have some things working for you, but this is a death defying scenario. You have one Pokemon, but even in the Pokemon world, I can imagine an episode where Ash is in a frozen river like, help. And Quillfish isn't able to save. Heads, you survive. Tails, you don't.

• 39:16Speaker 06

  Oh, oh, heads.

• 39:18Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 39:19Speaker 06

  That's right, bitches.

• 39:20Speaker 03

  All right, you get that.

• 39:23Speaker 06

  Her Majesty Queen.

• 39:25Speaker 03

  You, yes, you, yes. I'm not sure why I'm saying it like that. Yes, you win. You survived, Wade. Congratulations. Bob, you also survived. So you both get a point going either way.

• 39:36Speaker 04

  All right.

• 39:37Speaker 06

  Never a doubt.

• 39:39Speaker 03

  Ah, this is so much, I'm having so much fun, guys. This is great. It is back to you, Wade. You're going first, which means you get to pick the letter. There's so many letters to choose from. Reminder, B, L, and Q have been already selected.

• 39:51Speaker 04

  I know you wanted to jump on Q. I know that's a hot one.

• 39:55Speaker 06

  Oh, don't worry, Bob. I'll get back here with the letter Z.

• 39:58Speaker 04

  Oh, shit.

• 40:00Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 40:02Speaker 03

  Are you sure?

• 40:03Speaker 06

  He wants to play games. I'm gonna lose now with my own hard letter.

• 40:08Speaker 04

  That'll teach us.

• 40:09Speaker 03

  All right. You two are lost in whatever forest this animal that's stalking you is in. You have just the clothes on your back and these items that you have brought with you, starting with the letter Z, and you are being stalked by three and a half Panthers in the middle of the night. I'll let you decide which half is that last one.

• 40:33Speaker 04

  Too bad for that half guy.

• 40:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, half Panthers really not, not pulling his weight here, but uh.

• 40:39Speaker 06

  Just the top half. That way there's no legs.

• 40:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, there are. Well, I mean, it's kind of all legs, right? Oh, I see. Just a worm body. That'd be terrifying. A panther just.

• 40:51Speaker 03

  All right, there's, there's three Panthers and one snake panther coming after you.

• 40:55Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 40:56Speaker 03

  Wade, as a reminder, in case you forgot, your letter is Z.

• 41:01Speaker 06

  No, I'm gonna take the easy one here. The zebra.

• 41:03Speaker 03

  A zebra. Okay, all right.

• 41:05Speaker 06

  Either to ride me out or distract.

• 41:08Speaker 03

  I see, I see. Okay, I could see the wisdom. Bob?

• 41:11Speaker 04

  I would like my Zeppelin, please.

• 41:15Speaker 03

  Great choice. Great choice, man. Get right out of that room.

• 41:19Speaker 06

  The band or the?

• 41:21Speaker 04

  No, no, the rigid airship, the Zeppelin. Well, a Zeppelin, it's a kind of rigid airship.

• 41:26Speaker 03

  I'm not sure if there's enough room to deploy it, but we'll, we'll see, we'll see.

• 41:30Speaker 06

  Zendaya, cuz I know Spider-Man will be there to help.

• 41:36Speaker 03

  Zendaya, the actress.

• 41:38Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 41:38Speaker 03

  Is going to be there cuz they're banking on Spider-Man showing up. Great, okay.

• 41:44Speaker 06

  Probably has like a bodyguard.

• 41:48Speaker 04

  I'm bringing my own Zen. I choose Zenyatta from Overwatch.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  Ah, damn, that's a good one. Zenyatta, this is a great stack up. This is good. All right, Zenyatta practically flies a big robot and deadly. Very good.

• 42:03Speaker 04

  He fart hovers.

• 42:05Speaker 03

  Does he?

• 42:06Speaker 04

  He sits cross-legged but hovers, so I always consider, I always considered him to be a fart hoverer.

• 42:11Speaker 03

  He's got the unlimited queef power.

• 42:13Speaker 04

  I was a Zenyatta main back in the day, so I love that dude.

• 42:17Speaker 03

  It was fun. All right, Wade.

• 42:19Speaker 06

  Zipper to zip the trees together so the Panthers can't get through.

• 42:26Speaker 06

  Big zipper.

• 42:28Speaker 03

  Okay, you get one big zipper, you zip up two of the trees out of the millions and billions of trees.

• 42:35Speaker 06

  I'll take it.

• 42:37Speaker 03

  All right, Bob, back to you.

• 42:38Speaker 04

  Uh, not at all stealing an idea from Wade from the last round. I choose Zapdos.

• 42:45Speaker 03

  Zapdos. All right. Okay. All right.

• 42:48Speaker 04

  The, the lightning flying Pokemon Zapdos, one of the three trilogy of, what are those things? What's that called? The blue eyes, white dragon of Pokemon or whatever they are? What are those things?

• 43:00Speaker 03

  The legendary birds?

• 43:01Speaker 04

  Those ones. The legendary birds. They're, yeah, whatever. I don't know the lore that well.

• 43:06Speaker 03

  Wade?

• 43:07Speaker 06

  Well, I choose the move zap cannon. So I have a 33% chance of hitting.

• 43:16Speaker 06

  But if it hits, it really damages.

• 43:20Speaker 03

  All right. Okay. All right. Okay. Okay. It's fine. It's fine. All right. All right. Bob, back to you.

• 43:26Speaker 04

  Mm hmm. I know lots of stuff that starts with Z. I'm just trying to pick which one I want.

• 43:31Speaker 03

  Well, you got a limited time.

• 43:33Speaker 04

  I choose ZZ Tops.

• 43:36Speaker 03

  ZZ Top, the whole band?

• 43:38Speaker 04

  All of them. Hopefully they're on a tour bus or something.

• 43:41Speaker 03

  Are they all still alive?

• 43:43Speaker 04

  Uh, I do not know. They are quite old, but I have no idea.

• 43:46Speaker 03

  Well, if they are alive, the, if, if, if any of them aren't alive, their dead body will show up.

• 43:51Speaker 04

  Girls go crazy about a sharp dress man.

• 43:55Speaker 06

  Zoe Saldana, who plays Gamora.

• 43:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, but not Gamora.

• 44:01Speaker 06

  Just, but she knows how to be Gamora.

• 44:04Speaker 03

  You brought two actresses out into the middle and they're just standing there like, why have you done this?

• 44:13Speaker 06

  And I still say is Avengers a symbol?

• 44:17Speaker 03

  They're like, ah, all right. Okay. Bob, back to you.

• 44:22Speaker 04

  Man, I have so many words just rushing through my head. I choose zero point, which is the ultimate ability of the agent KO from the game Valorant, which disables, which disables characters' abilities when they're hit with it.

• 44:40Speaker 06

  What is the Panthers ability?

• 44:42Speaker 04

  I don't know, speed, biting, whatever, whatever abilities they have, they can't do nothing. All they can do is slowly walk around and be all, I'm disabled temporarily.

• 44:53Speaker 03

  I think their, their best ability is that they are black at night, so they're almost invisible. So they turn white. I'll say they like invert. So they're really easy to spot.

• 45:04Speaker 04

  It's also cool because it's like a throwing knife thing. You're all, dude, he says something cool and then he's all.

• 45:11Speaker 03

  All right, man, you have stacked up the powers, Bob. You got a Zeppelin to get out of there. So you not only, you know, you get home, you got Zenyatta, who's probably, let's just assume he only takes one of them down, which it's Zenyatta. He can also heal.

• 45:26Speaker 06

  He's primarily a healer.

• 45:28Speaker 03

  Uh, Zapdos, which is literally like a giant electrical bird.

• 45:34Speaker 06

  Unless the Panthers are ground type.

• 45:37Speaker 04

  Oh, that's true. Are Panthers ground type? They seem more like, they seem more like normal type to me.

• 45:44Speaker 06

  Or dark, probably dark.

• 45:46Speaker 04

  Uh, maybe dark. I can see dark.

• 45:48Speaker 03

  Maybe, yeah. All right. ZZ Top is there playing music, uh, and then zero point disability from Valorant. I'm gonna just go on a limb and say you're gonna survive the three and a half Panthers pretty easily.

• 46:00Speaker 04

  All right.

• 46:01Speaker 06

  Maybe with a couple of scratches, unlike me.

• 46:04Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, wait, don't, don't be too shocked because you have a zebra, which very easy target for a Panther. That's takes one of the Panthers away.

• 46:12Speaker 04

  Wait, like just has bait to defeat.

• 46:16Speaker 03

  You have Zendaya.

• 46:18Speaker 04

  As a zebra to other people to feed the Panthers.

• 46:22Speaker 03

  You have Zoe Saldana.

• 46:29Speaker 03

  But the problem is, I said three and a half Panthers.

• 46:34Speaker 06

  Oh, don't worry. I can account for that.

• 46:36Speaker 03

  You've got a Zap Cannon. What the fuck was Zap Cannon again?

• 46:40Speaker 06

  It's a move that like does crazy damage, but I think it's only got like a 33% chance to hit.

• 46:50Speaker 04

  So presumably it would kill half of a Panther.

• 46:54Speaker 06

  Okay, it's 33%, which, but it's half a Panther, so it's slower. Look, man, the zipper ain't gonna help you. I think this is still a 50 50 shot.

• 47:04Speaker 03

  I'm not, but the bait really got your numbers down. The bait really worked.

• 47:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, I didn't see the vision until just now. That makes so much sense.

• 47:13Speaker 03

  How it weighs on your conscience, I don't know. How's that feel, Wade? Is that okay? You live with it?

• 47:18Speaker 06

  Already forgotten about it.

• 47:20Speaker 03

  Let's see if you're gonna keep forgetting about it. Abba! Oh, no.

• 47:25Speaker 04

  Uh oh, that looks like a head.

• 47:28Speaker 03

  No, that's a tails. Unfair! Unfair? Okay, he called unfair.

• 47:32Speaker 04

  On that coin flip, you call unfair? That's the thing?

• 47:35Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 47:35Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  So if, if it's unfair, obviously you survive. It overturns it. But if it's doubly fair, you lose a point.

• 47:44Speaker 06

  Deal.

• 47:45Speaker 03

  Deal. All right, here we go. Bonk, wham!

• 47:50Speaker 04

  Heads.

• 47:50Speaker 03

  Tails. Uh, so close, so close, man.

• 47:54Speaker 06

  Unfair times two?

• 47:57Speaker 04

  Listen, we're gonna have to add some stuff to the constitution if you wanna do that.

• 48:01Speaker 03

  All right, sorry, Wade. Uh, it didn't work out for you.

• 48:03Speaker 06

  Man, half a panther away.

• 48:06Speaker 04

  That's so, that's honestly really close. It's pretty good.

• 48:08Speaker 03

  That was really, that was really close, man. You almost made it out.

• 48:11Speaker 06

  I should have brought a zigzagood instead of a zipper. More bait.

• 48:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, more bait.

• 48:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, man. All right. Okay.

• 48:18Speaker 06

  Zuckillfish. It's French.

• 48:24Speaker 00

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• 48:53Speaker 01

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• 49:23Speaker 03

  All right, Bob, back to you. What is your letter?

• 49:29Speaker 04

  C.

• 49:30Speaker 03

  C, good choice. Not quite. Crap. Cunning. Cement.

• 49:39Speaker 04

  Hey, stop taking my words.

• 49:41Speaker 03

  I don't know how to give encouragement with the C word.

• 49:45Speaker 04

  Cool choice, comrade.

• 49:47Speaker 03

  Cool choice, cool choice, comrade. Okay, that's good. Okay. Gentlemen, you have gone on a shopping trip. But this shopping trip has gone horribly, horribly awry. You are dead center in the middle of the world's largest Ikea. And unfortunately, the building has caught on fire. You're in the maze-like areas of Ikea. Everything's flammable, super flammable, actually. The sprinkler system is out. You either have to escape or die in the flames. The letter is C. Bob is going first, whenever you're ready.

• 50:27Speaker 04

  I don't know what it does, but I choose a Class C fire extinguisher.

• 50:34Speaker 03

  I feel like that's an adjective.

• 50:36Speaker 04

  But there, but there, it's a specific kind of fire extinguisher. There's, there's A through D and K, and there's.

• 50:42Speaker 03

  Class C fire.

• 50:44Speaker 04

  That's apparently it is involved in putting out electrical equipment fires such as motor appliances, power tools, but it is still just generally a fire extinguisher.

• 50:53Speaker 03

  Wade, how do you feel about that one?

• 50:55Speaker 06

  It doesn't sound like it'll be that useful, so let him have it.

• 50:57Speaker 03

  All right, Class C, specifically Class C fire extinguisher, you got it.

• 51:01Speaker 06

  Wade. Carpet, comma, magic to fly out on. There's two Cs in there. Yeah, if he gets fire extinguisher, why can't I have a carpet?

• 51:12Speaker 03

  If, if you could say chaw magic or something like that, maybe, but I, I, this is bending the rules quite a bit, guys.

• 51:21Speaker 06

  I let him bend.

• 51:22Speaker 03

  All right, I'm gonna give you a carpet, and I'm gonna put parentheses, magic. I won't tell you what kind of magic.

• 51:27Speaker 06

  That's fine.

• 51:30Speaker 03

  All right, Bob, pick to you.

• 51:32Speaker 04

  I would like a Civic, please.

• 51:35Speaker 03

  A Civic, all right.

• 51:37Speaker 06

  Cooler car.

• 51:43Speaker 03

  Nah, cooler car, both with Cs. I think it works. So he gets a cooler car than you.

• 51:47Speaker 04

  That's a, that's just a cool, it's a, he can have a car. He doesn't get to have a cooler car. That's an adjective.

• 51:53Speaker 03

  Well, the car is also a C. It's because the adjective works with this one because they're both C. So it's, he, he's specifying just what type of, all right, he gets a car, just any car. I will literally pick a random car out of a random car generator. That's what you get. All right, Bob.

• 52:09Speaker 04

  I choose Commander Keen.

• 52:12Speaker 03

  Commander Keen. Who's that?

• 52:18Speaker 04

  It's a side-scrolling platformer game developed by Ed Software.

• 52:25Speaker 04

  I choose Commander Keen. He'll save us.

• 52:28Speaker 03

  Uh huh, sure. Wade?

• 52:30Speaker 06

  Claptrap.

• 52:32Speaker 03

  Claptrap from Borderlands.

• 52:35Speaker 04

  He actually does almost always kind of help.

• 52:38Speaker 03

  He does. He does. He's, he's helpful. Uh, Bob?

• 52:41Speaker 04

  Carrier.

• 52:44Speaker 04

  I'll let you interpret that however you might.

• 52:48Speaker 03

  It might be an Ikea bag, but you know, we'll, we'll see where the cards land. All right, Wade?

• 52:55Speaker 06

  Cougar.

• 52:58Speaker 03

  We'll see where the cards land. You got a cougar. All right. Okay, Bob, last choice.

• 53:05Speaker 04

  Oh, man, I'm already so safe.

• 53:10Speaker 04

  You know what? I'll just have snack corn dog.

• 53:12Speaker 03

  All right, Wade, last chance.

• 53:14Speaker 06

  Uh, wow, wow. Ooh, you were so fast, Bob. Chewing gum, chewing gum, chewing gum.

• 53:21Speaker 04

  Hey, you could have another double C if you go the other route.

• 53:24Speaker 06

  I accidentally did.

• 53:26Speaker 03

  Chewing gum. He's got it. All right, that's what you get.

• 53:30Speaker 06

  I don't want that.

• 53:32Speaker 03

  Gum. Well, I wouldn't allow that because it's just like all gum is chewing for chewing. I don't know. The rule. Okay. I don't even know. Next time I'm gonna be super strict. Only single words. That's what I'll say. Only one word.

• 53:46Speaker 06

  World's perfectest letters.

• 53:48Speaker 03

  All right. Okay. All right. Listen, you guys are messing it up. All right. Classy fire extinguisher. That's good. That helps you. I think that would at least get you one room away.

• 53:59Speaker 04

  That would be some progress, right?

• 54:01Speaker 03

  It would make some progress. You have a Civic. I'm assuming that's a Honda Civic. You could probably bash through a wall or two. Commander Keen.

• 54:10Speaker 04

  Commander Keen is an eight year old boy with an IQ of 314. He's a brilliant inventor. He's built a spaceship. He's built the bean with bacon mega rocket, as well as other devices out of household materials. And he's known for traveling around on his pogo stick, which he discovered on Mars, allowing him to perform incredible high and far jumps that let him reach inaccessible areas.

• 54:38Speaker 03

  Holy shit.

• 54:39Speaker 06

  He didn't perform incredibly enough to have a game in the last 24 years.

• 54:44Speaker 03

  Well, either way, that pogo stick might jump you out of there, I guess. Um, there's multiple levels to this Ikea. Uh, but I'm, I'm assuming that could help. Uh, carrier. I'm gonna say that's not an aircraft carrier. I'm gonna say that's some kind of a thing to carry things. But still, you have a corn dog. Uh, between the fire extinguisher, the Civic to drive through walls and Commander Keen with 300 IQ, I'm thinking you get out.

• 55:11Speaker 04

  I think all I needed was Commander Keen. I think he's got, we're in Ikea surrounded by home goods. That's his, that's his materials.

• 55:18Speaker 03

  Now Wade, you have a carpet. Magic. I, there is a moment in Aladdin where the carpet catches a little bit on fire, but much like the fire extinguisher, I think that gets you progress towards the exit, but not full pros. I need to pull up a random car generator to see what car you get. A Hyundai Elantra.

• 55:40Speaker 03

  Also good.

• 55:41Speaker 04

  That's fine. That's a nice compact car. That's fine.

• 55:45Speaker 03

  Bam, through a few more walls and then, okay, you have Claptrap. Now, Claptrap's benefit is Claptrap is metal, uh, has one wheel, has some weapons, I think. Generally speaking.

• 55:56Speaker 04

  Can be zappy. He zaps.

• 55:58Speaker 03

  You have a cougar. Is this, is this an older woman or is this the cat?

• 56:04Speaker 06

  Leave it to the coin.

• 56:06Speaker 03

  I'll, oh, all right. Okay. Heads, cat. Tails, madam?

• 56:11Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 56:14Speaker 03

  That's tails. Okay, so you have a, uh, older, but attractive female companion and plenty of chewing gum. I think, I, I think that.

• 56:25Speaker 06

  If there's fire on the way out, I use her as another rug.

• 56:29Speaker 04

  You feed her to the fire, just like you fed Zendaya to the Jaguars. There we go.

• 56:34Speaker 06

  Ladies out there, never accompany me into a disaster zone.

• 56:38Speaker 03

  Oh, man. All right. I think you do make it because the carpet gets you pretty far. I think farther than the fire extinguisher. The car is equivalent. You bash through there. And Claptrap, not quite as smart as Commander King, but has some utility. So besides, you look really cool chewing your chewing gum. Blowing it on the way out of the fire. Really well done. I think you live.

• 56:59Speaker 06

  Oh, man, but at what cost?

• 57:01Speaker 03

  At what cost? Only, nobody really knows. Evidence burned up in the fire. All right, we only got through five, um, letters. I'm shocked. Uh, I had a bunch more prompts, but we are fortunately out of time, uh, to do anymore.

• 57:16Speaker 06

  Keep track of what letters we use though. So if we do it again, we don't have to use those again.

• 57:19Speaker 03

  I got it. It'll stay in my notebook here. Um, so I'm gonna read the, the letters. I'm gonna read the points that you got.

• 57:28Speaker 06

  Bob, be ready to be surprised.

• 57:32Speaker 04

  What do you mean, man? It was anybody's game out here.

• 57:36Speaker 03

  All right, Bob, you get why wet point. Dizzy from Scream, you won, you survived falling out of an airplane. You survived every scenario. I just realized that you survived everything.

• 57:49Speaker 04

  I I'm a survivor. I'm not gonna give up.

• 57:52Speaker 03

  You survived falling of an airplane. You survived being executed by firing squad. You survived being in a car in a frozen river. You survived three and a half Panthers at night and the fire in the world's largest Ikea. Wade, you got a sleeping point. You toss some football around.

• 58:11Speaker 06

  Ooh, whoo, whoo, ho, whoo, whoo, whoo. That's what I wrote. I don't remember what that was.

• 58:18Speaker 03

  Three scenario three, which is car in a frozen river and scenario five, which is world's largest Ikea. So, oh, yeah, that's it. So with Bob, you have seven points going into the final round. And Wade, you have five points still within the wheel of possibility.

• 58:33Speaker 06

  And there's a chance. We've not seen sudden death in at least one episode.

• 58:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, that that won't come up again.

• 58:40Speaker 03

  I'll put on the wheel like, uh, put no, I'd live.

• 58:44Speaker 04

  What's that mean?

• 58:46Speaker 03

  For the survivor, like, who is the best? Who who who lived? I put will to live, the will to live. Cause if any of you are just like, I give up or something in the episode, that'll be.

• 58:55Speaker 04

  Will to live.

• 58:57Speaker 03

  All right, how many spins we doing?

• 58:59Speaker 04

  How many? Come on, one. All right.

• 59:05Speaker 03

  All right, there's still a chance.

• 59:07Speaker 06

  Sudden death. Sudden death.

• 59:11Speaker 03

  Our golf rules.

• 59:12Speaker 04

  The wheel would never pull golf rules again on me.

• 59:16Speaker 03

  It would never pull golf rules.

• 59:19Speaker 06

  I see surprise golf rules.

• 59:22Speaker 04

  Is it really getting jammed in here these long?

• 59:27Speaker 04

  And here's the one spin.

• 59:28Speaker 06

  Come on. Daddy needs a new pair of winds.

• 59:34Speaker 04

  Oh, happiest contributions.

• 59:37Speaker 03

  I will say that might be Wade, cuz you were dizzy from a scream and then you were complaining about the weather being wet. He slept, even though he was sick, he slept and he tossed a football and he went, oh, and his suggestions made me laugh a lot. So I'm gonna give you, I'm gonna give you that point. So, but unfortunately, Wade, that puts you at six.

• 59:58Speaker 06

  Oh, man, that was a close game.

• 1:00:00Speaker 04

  So close.

• 1:00:00Speaker 03

  Yes, it was a close game. And in this game, only letters, friends. Only letters, friends, was written at the top. I T G O L F. It golf. Golf rules. From the very beginning, this was a golf rules episode.

• 1:00:17Speaker 04

  Oh, Mark did surprise golf rules.

• 1:00:21Speaker 03

  In this game, only letters, friends. I said that at the beginning, in the opening of this entire episode, as the name of the game. It golf. Wade wins with the lowest number of points.

• 1:00:36Speaker 04

  I'm mad about that, but just cuz I'm curious, if we had gotten surprise golf rules on the wheel, would that have flipped it back?

• 1:00:43Speaker 03

  It would have flipped it back, yeah.

• 1:00:46Speaker 06

  That would have been the most painful loss of my career.

• 1:00:53Speaker 06

  Can you imagine getting that with the one spin and then having to take it away because the rules were already?

• 1:00:59Speaker 04

  No, imagine, imagine absolutely having luck dictate that you're the winner of an episode and then having the golf rule spin come up and steal it away from you. Who could that happen to?

• 1:01:11Speaker 04

  Who indeed? That, yeah, that might be the most painful loss of your career, Wade, but we'll never know how that feels. That's a shame, that is.

• 1:01:24Speaker 03

  Anyway, masterful performance, Bob. Masterful. What a survivor. You did so good. And by the sheerest technicalities of, I'm gonna throw a curve ball in here. You don't know how long I was like, how do I hide golf in the name of? This thing.

• 1:01:44Speaker 06

  Easy, just read words and we won't pay attention.

• 1:01:46Speaker 03

  You know, I probably could have been that easy because I was like, uh, uh, game of letters, freedom, game of letters, fun, game of letters, feelings. I was really trying to figure out how to do that. But in this game, only letters friends is what I came up with. Congratulations, Wade. You, by the sheer cosmic forces that surround you, uh, win.

• 1:02:09Speaker 04

  For some reason unfair was already called, so I guess there's not even anything I can do about it.

• 1:02:14Speaker 03

  No, sadly, sadly.

• 1:02:16Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah. I really thought this through stupidly somehow. Uh, you know, Mark, great game. Bob and I picked some of the not easiest letters to work with, some that we thought would be easier, ended up being harder than expected. But you know, I gotta give credit where credit is due. Zendaya, Zakuger, Zoe Saldana, thank you for your sacrifices. They didn't help, but somehow they did.

• 1:02:40Speaker 04

  They did help. They just didn't do it all. Hey, they contributed a lot to that scenario, really.

• 1:02:46Speaker 03

  They could have contributed just a little more, you know.

• 1:02:49Speaker 06

  For me.

• 1:02:50Speaker 03

  Anyway, thank you. Uh, Bob, I'm, uh, I am sorry about this one. I almost thought about not doing it, but I did, did plan that from the beginning.

• 1:02:59Speaker 04

  You know what? I do understand it because we have to manufacture ways where Wade is allowed to win by not paying attention to anything at least some of the time.

• 1:03:08Speaker 06

  Whoa, I was paying attention today. I just saw.

• 1:03:10Speaker 04

  We have to work that in or he would just never win anything. So I, I get it, you know, I get it.

• 1:03:16Speaker 06

  Don't hate the player, hate the game.

• 1:03:17Speaker 04

  I'm not hating the game. I'm, I'm respecting the game.

• 1:03:21Speaker 06

  What about me? I feel like I got some.

• 1:03:22Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm just kidding, you fuck. Anyway, I lose and Wade hosts the next one. Hooray.

• 1:03:29Speaker 03

  All right. Well, thank you guys so much. If only we had rebuttals in these Luther speeches.

• 1:03:34Speaker 06

  I choose to rebuttal, you know, first he doesn't even remember the episode I host and now this.

• 1:03:42Speaker 04

  You want to come over and have a catch though? Throw the ball, throw a ball?

• 1:03:45Speaker 06

  Yeah. New winner's speech. Thanks, Mark. This is the first episode we've done since the what? The couch episode. Real good to be hanging out together again.

• 1:03:54Speaker 03

  We've done two episodes since the couch episode.

• 1:03:56Speaker 06

  I don't count either one of them.

• 1:04:01Speaker 03

  Listen, listen, listen. I'm glad this is the most divisive episode possible, but I, I, I thank Amy for coming up with the idea. That was very fun. You guys did great. I appreciate both of you. But unfortunately, one is the winner. All right. Thank you. But you know who's the winner? You at home, listening and/or watching. Both of you did equally good, I'm assuming.

• 1:04:22Speaker 04

  All both of our listening watchers?

• 1:04:25Speaker 03

  The listener and the watcher. Thank you. Thank you for being here all the way to the end. Hope you enjoyed it. Follow the podcast to stay up to date with it. We do two a week. Don't know if you knew that. And if you haven't told your friends about it, don't do it. Don't tell your friends and family about this podcast. Thank you. Thank you, Bob and Wade. That was very funny. And have a good day. Podcast out.

• 1:04:49Speaker 05

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