I'm A Doctor!

Don't your worry your precious head, just relax and let the good doctors do their jobs. *Gun Gary walks in* Get set up quick and connect to their fast speeds. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk-takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long-distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  When you shop Kroger Delivery, you can expect the savings you love and fresh groceries delivered right to your door. From delicious produce to everyday essentials, enjoy the convenience of delivery and the trusted selection you've come to know from Kroger. Because bringing you fresh, quality groceries is what we do best. Right now, enjoy free delivery on orders of $50 or more with your digital coupon. Restrictions apply. See site for details. Kroger. Fresh for everyone.

• 1:00Speaker 02

  This episode of Distractible is presented to you by T-Mobile 5G Home Internet.

• 1:05Speaker 03

  The folks over at T-Mobile have some big news for you. They now have the fastest 5G home internet, according to the experts at Ookla Speed Test.

• 1:12Speaker 04

  So if you want the fastest 5G speeds with a five-year price guarantee, visit t-mobile.com/homeinternet to check availability.

• 1:19Speaker 02

  Price guarantee exclusions like taxes and fees apply. Fastest based on Ookla Speed Test. Intelligence data, second half 2025. All rights reserved.

• 1:28Speaker 05

  Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode: Wastrel Wade aches for the antiquated, nibbles his digits, and asks for assistance. Bifurcating Bob returns from the house of Mouse, identifies crimes, administers assassination deterrents, loboldomies, and engorge genu. Mucacy Mark the Mike Master snars caffeine, offers dental deletion and Brazilian bald cures. From sarcastic Satanism to traffic trebuchets. Heh heh heh heh heh. It's time for... I'm a Doctor.

• 2:11Speaker 05

  Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

• 2:22Speaker 04

  Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm today's host Wade, because I won whatever we did last time, apparently. Join is always one of my co-hosts, Mark and Bob.

• 2:31Speaker 03

  That's me, I'm one of those.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  I'm the other one.

• 2:34Speaker 04

  You'll never figure out which is which.

• 2:36Speaker 03

  We sound the same, exactly the same.

• 2:39Speaker 02

  Exactly the same.

• 2:40Speaker 04

  What a great bit.

• 2:43Speaker 02

  Come on man, what the hell?

• 2:44Speaker 03

  God damn.

• 2:45Speaker 04

  Sorry, that's not sarcastic, I meant it genuinely.

• 2:48Speaker 02

  Gonna be one of those episodes, huh?

• 2:50Speaker 03

  We haven't even told you your episode I do is stupid and then decided not to engage with it yet. Wait till we're mean first.

• 2:56Speaker 04

  Oh man, wait till you guys find out how weird today's episode is. It's weird seven weird.

• 3:01Speaker 02

  Well, they'll skip weird six, I guess, but.

• 3:03Speaker 03

  Six is a bad number, fuck weird six.

• 3:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I've always thought.

• 3:07Speaker 04

  Come on guys.

• 3:08Speaker 03

  Well, you're, you're a seven guy.

• 3:10Speaker 04

  I am.

• 3:11Speaker 03

  Seven is your number.

• 3:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, but six is like Satan and stuff, you know? Hell Satan, that's what we say right here.

• 3:16Speaker 03

  We say that all the time.

• 3:18Speaker 02

  Two out of three of us love that.

• 3:19Speaker 03

  It's my favorite vocal warmup. Well, get on the call and just go, "Hell Satan!" Hell Satan, there it is.

• 3:27Speaker 02

  Hell Satan.

• 3:28Speaker 04

  Alright, go, we got Mark putting a voice clip saying it to him, feel better.

• 3:32Speaker 03

  All that was just a setup just to get Mark's clip.

• 3:35Speaker 04

  I really needed that one.

• 3:37Speaker 02

  Uh, sorry if I'm snorting, I, I just getting over a pretty bad sickness, so I apologize if I'm sniffing through the episode.

• 3:44Speaker 04

  Uh, you got a mossy lung?

• 3:51Speaker 04

  You've never joined before, it's a show where one of us hosts has to compete for points, so whoever has the most at the end wins the next episode.

• 4:00Speaker 04

  Per usual, we smart, we smart, we start, we smart with start.

• 4:06Speaker 03

  Oh, editors, cut that out. Try again, buddy.

• 4:09Speaker 04

  Make my lips look right. We start with smart talk. No, yes, smart, why smart talk?

• 4:17Speaker 02

  I don't know if I'm up to smart talk today.

• 4:19Speaker 03

  Oh god, yeah.

• 4:20Speaker 02

  Feeling pretty dumb.

• 4:21Speaker 04

  Uh, per usual, we start with small talk. Nailed it first try. Anything new in your lives? Please talk so I don't have to.

• 4:28Speaker 02

  Uh, I got plenty, I got plenty new mic. Microphone. Every era of my channel is defined by my microphone, which is this? I think it's something, something eight thousand.

• 4:39Speaker 03

  I miss PG forty two, Mark. I gotta be honest.

• 4:42Speaker 02

  Oh, you remember even the name of the?

• 4:43Speaker 03

  Dude, I still use the PG forty two that you got me. It's fucking great. It's a great microphone.

• 4:49Speaker 02

  It was a great microphone, way big step up, and then they discontinued it for some reason.

• 4:53Speaker 03

  I can't imagine why. That's a fantastic microphone.

• 4:56Speaker 02

  Anyway, this one is concerning because it it sounds good. I think I like it, but it's got a heat sink in the back. You can't really tell because of my my. So this is a heat sink.

• 5:07Speaker 03

  A heat sink?

• 5:08Speaker 02

  And I've never known my past microphones to have a heating problem, like they've never felt warm or anything. This feels hot.

• 5:16Speaker 03

  Why is it hot?

• 5:17Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 5:18Speaker 04

  Maybe it's meant for lewd content, so it knows that things might get a little spicy.

• 5:22Speaker 03

  Halfway through this episode, just like. But it sounds great, guys. I feel like I gotta keep using it. Uh, I'm clearly not in the bowling alley house anymore, so that's good.

• 5:33Speaker 02

  It's good.

• 5:33Speaker 03

  James had a hell of a time in Disney. He very much enjoyed Disney, but that much traveling has been was hard on him. And uh, is it funny that I feel kind of guilty? Cause I feel like he had a really fun day in Disney and we also did Universal and he rode the Yoshi ride and he really liked that in the Super Mario. And the rest of the trip, he had fun. There was a pool at the house that we say that. Very cool. He loves pool. But now, like, we're home now and he's just like, ah, I hate everything. Where's Disney? And we're like, nah, it's regular life again, buddy. Like, we're this, we're back at the house we live in. This is everyday life, remember? But I feel kind of bad because I feel like we we stayed in a house down in Orlando and he was like, all right, this is life now. We go to Disney twice a week. I swim in the pool every other day of the week.

• 6:18Speaker 03

  All my grandparents are always around. We eat naughty food. We watch as much TV as we want and we swim in the pool and go to Disney. All right. And then we come back home and it's like. You guys fucking suck. Why would you show me that life? I'm sorry, man. I don't know. I thought you'd have fun. It's my bad, I guess.

• 6:36Speaker 04

  Is that why we're all so tired even as adults? We come back from vacation. We're like, oh, why'd you show me that life? Why are we back to this?

• 6:42Speaker 03

  Not, not Mark. Mark's better than us, but the rest of us.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  I've known sadness. I, I've, I've known despair.

• 6:49Speaker 03

  You like hard work, though.

• 6:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's true. I do.

• 6:51Speaker 03

  I'm not like making the masochist joke. You actually just really like, I mean, the movie was a lot and it was a long time and I don't know. I don't know your overall feeling about it, but I could, like, you could tell you really fucking like, just like being in the trenches and being like, I have to work 14 hour days for the next week. I have to do it.

• 7:10Speaker 02

  I have not known what to do with myself. The past few weeks have been so strange. I've started watching an anime. That's how.

• 7:20Speaker 04

  Normal people don't do that. That's weird.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  I mean, I just think about, I haven't watched an anime in many, many years. I mean, I think the last one I even watched was.

• 7:29Speaker 03

  Is this a hint?

• 7:30Speaker 04

  Are you scoping out the competition for your next project?

• 7:33Speaker 02

  I'm working on my animation skills right now, man. I'm gonna, I'm gonna show that anime industry who's boss.

• 7:40Speaker 04

  The next Toriyama is Mark?

• 7:42Speaker 02

  He is dead, so I could be him.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  I apologize. I apologize. Um, yeah. So, but also I was sick this weekend. So this is gonna sound like the most middle aged, middle of the road, like 40 year old stand up comedian joke bit in the world, but here I go. I, I usually, I was sick over the weekend, so I didn't have any caffeine or anything. I was just kinda on the couch, you know, and just like draining. In that, I was like, oh, this is a great opportunity. You might notice like I've got like my caffeine free soda here.

• 8:15Speaker 03

  I did, cause it's really hard to get in Ohio and I'm kinda jealous, but.

• 8:18Speaker 02

  So I, I was like, oh, this will be the perfect day to start back. I've already gone through the headaches and whatnot because I didn't even notice it. I was sick, so I, I take Cheek out to the park in the morning. So I was like, I'm gonna stop by McDonald's. I'll grab a decaf coffee and ah, it'll be, it'll be great. So I ordered decaf. It says decaf on. The menu. I think you know where this is going. I normally never finish my coffees. I usually just take like a third of it and that's all I'll drink, especially if it's like a giant one from a drive through or something. I'm out walking cheek up like, ah, you know, this is a decaf. I'll drink the whole damn thing. So we're walking. I'm like, oh, glug. Oh, glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. Yay. Oh, what a fun day. By the time we were on the way back to the car, I started going.

• 9:03Speaker 02

  Man, things are really fast. They are really spinning up.

• 9:10Speaker 02

  First time I ever noticed the caffeine started to hit and I was like, but that's impossible. And I just looked down at my coffee. It's like the tab's not punched for a decaf. And I look over at the label on the side. I'm like, oh no. Anyway, that's the end of my bit. I had way too much caffeine this morning and I feel phony. And all my, my desire to change my life and be no caffeine is ruined forever.

• 9:34Speaker 03

  It's all ruined.

• 9:35Speaker 02

  Now I gotta go chug a Red Bull.

• 9:37Speaker 03

  I know it is.

• 9:38Speaker 02

  I have to.

• 9:39Speaker 03

  Might as well.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  In for a penny, in for the other penny.

• 9:43Speaker 03

  Yeah. What does that saying mean? I guess it's English, but a penny isn't English. A penny is American, but a pound is in English, you know, like.

• 9:50Speaker 02

  No, penny's still in English.

• 9:51Speaker 03

  Is it? I thought they had pence. Are those called pennies?

• 9:54Speaker 02

  It sounds like it could be another term for penny. And if it was a pence at a penny and I, um, maybe, I don't know.

• 10:00Speaker 03

  I guess in for a penny, in for a dollar. Sounds kind of stupid. So I'm not opposed to it.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  And they phased out the penny anyway.

• 10:07Speaker 03

  In for a nickel, in for a dollar.

• 10:09Speaker 04

  And for a checkbook. Those are hip now, right? Checkbooks.

• 10:13Speaker 03

  Why you saying it like that?

• 10:14Speaker 04

  Checkbooks. Checkbooks.

• 10:16Speaker 03

  You like adding some syllables in there.

• 10:18Speaker 04

  Multiple checkbooks.

• 10:19Speaker 03

  Checkabookers.

• 10:21Speaker 04

  I don't know. It's just fun to say checkbook like that. I don't know.

• 10:26Speaker 03

  Anyway, it wouldn't surprise me if those were popular again, just because everyone's like, ah, I want the analog as media. I want records and checkbooks.

• 10:33Speaker 04

  I know that I'm older because I prefer checks to all of the other like money apps you can have. Everyone's like, oh, just send it via like whatever. I'm like, ah, can I just mail you a check?

• 10:45Speaker 03

  Doesn't that sketch you out every time? I've ever put a check of any sort in the mail and like, well, I'm either giving someone this money or it's going to get where I hope it does. I guess we'll find out when the check cashes or whatever like.

• 10:57Speaker 04

  Isn't it where I feel that way more so about technology? It's like, yep, here's all my banking info transferred along this digital highway.

• 11:03Speaker 03

  I am sketched out because it's like you need the exact username or you need their correct phone number or something, but as long as you're like, all right, I've checked five times. This is your phone number. I know the money went to you because it went to the only phone number in the world that is yours. That is this one. Even if I give a check directly to a person, if that's not the person who's the money is supposed to go to, it's like this, they work for the company or something. What if they take it? It's just a check. I don't even have proof that I did that.

• 11:30Speaker 04

  What if someone hops on like their, their digital speedster and they're on the digital highway and they hijack the digital package I'm sending digitally?

• 11:40Speaker 03

  I see what you're saying.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  I mean, that all is stuff that happens. Yeah.

• 11:43Speaker 03

  What if that scene from Fast and Furious where they hijacked the semi truck full of $5,000 worth of VCRs in there, $30,000 worth of cars happens, but online. I see what you're saying.

• 11:55Speaker 04

  Yes, like inception and Fast and the Furious had a baby.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  Yep, yep.

• 12:00Speaker 04

  In the internet line.

• 12:02Speaker 03

  Sure, sure.

• 12:02Speaker 04

  I don't know. I, I, I understand it's probably nonsensical, but I still am like, ah, checks are so much safer than this online app. Who is Mr. Venmo anyway?

• 12:11Speaker 02

  For some reason, I think mailing money is a crime.

• 12:14Speaker 04

  I don't think a check is. I think mailing cash is. Is cat, is mailing cash a crime?

• 12:19Speaker 03

  It's not a crime in itself, but it could be because when you're putting things through the mail system, mail fraud is always a possibility, right? That is a crime. And if you're sending money through the mail, it could be fraud, could be fraudy.

• 12:33Speaker 02

  Am I frauding if I put money in the mail?

• 12:35Speaker 03

  If you don't mean it.

• 12:38Speaker 04

  Oh, trip accidentally, oh, envelope. No, no, my wallet. Oh, shit.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  If it's just a joke, if you're like, I'll send you $500, but you have to send me a thousand back, but then I'll send you 500 back and then we'll be even.

• 12:51Speaker 02

  I mean, is that a crime?

• 12:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's probably a crime.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  What about that company that sent a bunch of nickels out in the envelopes way back when?

• 12:59Speaker 03

  That's just stupid.

• 13:00Speaker 02

  All right.

• 13:01Speaker 04

  Whenever we used to do a proof of purchase mails like for our cereal boxes, is that kind of like mailing money?

• 13:07Speaker 02

  Crime, definitely a crime.

• 13:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, crime. It's all just a little elaborate system designed to make trick you into committing crimes so that they've got dirt on you for later.

• 13:17Speaker 02

  That's actually when you become an adult, when you finally have some, someone has dirt on you, you actually, and then you're an adult.

• 13:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:24Speaker 04

  You, what, what did you do?

• 13:26Speaker 02

  You know, you, you, you become an adult.

• 13:30Speaker 04

  Okay, I forgot that moment in life where I was just like.

• 13:35Speaker 02

  Oh, taxes, fuck. Yeah, you, you were, you were, you're six foot four now and you were like two foot and then just someone got dirt on you, man.

• 13:48Speaker 04

  I don't think I have anything that interesting to talk about myself, so it's a good thing I'm the one hosting this. What happened? I don't know.

• 13:56Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola, for the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers, for the optimists, pessimists, for long distance love. For introverts and extroverts, the thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola, for everyone. Take out some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 14:27Speaker 01

  When you shop Kroger delivery, you can expect the savings you love and fresh groceries delivered right to your door. From delicious produce to everyday essentials, enjoy the convenience of delivery and the trusted selection you've come to know from Kroger. Because bringing you fresh, quality groceries is what we do best. Right now, enjoy free delivery on orders of $50 or more with your digital coupon. Restrictions apply, see site for details. Kroger, fresh for everyone.

• 14:58Speaker 04

  Unless you guys have any objection, I'm gonna dive into the episode.

• 15:01Speaker 02

  No, I'm gonna ration my small talk. I have a funny feeling I'm gonna lose.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  So I think I'm gonna need it for next time.

• 15:08Speaker 04

  Interesting, interesting.

• 15:10Speaker 03

  Well, we'll see who loses. I'm not gonna let you have that one for free.

• 15:13Speaker 04

  If the wheels have had anything to say about it lately, we have no idea what the hell is about to happen.

• 15:18Speaker 03

  And we even have that today.

• 15:19Speaker 02

  Oh shit, that's right. Did you remember to write down?

• 15:23Speaker 04

  Let's not worry about that.

• 15:24Speaker 02

  To add, okay.

• 15:25Speaker 03

  I was supposed to add a point in free parking today?

• 15:27Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 15:28Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 15:29Speaker 03

  Otherwise, no, I didn't remember anything else.

• 15:31Speaker 04

  The one man show had some adjustments.

• 15:33Speaker 03

  Oh, that's right. We added 10% and then there.

• 15:36Speaker 02

  Oh, man, my notepad that had it is gone.

• 15:39Speaker 04

  It was a 10 and then just the normal two, I think, right? So 12%?

• 15:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, so it was at six, so it's gonna be at 18 now.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  Damn, that's a jump.

• 15:48Speaker 04

  Well, for today's episode, I think this harkens back to old distractable. This feels like an episode we would have done a long time ago. We might have talked about something similar to this. I guess I'll leave it up to you guys if you want to do, if you want to do it work together or against each other. But we need inventions that don't exist yet to solve some more of our everyday problems. I got problems and I need you boys to fix them up.

• 16:09Speaker 02

  Clearly.

• 16:10Speaker 04

  So do you guys want to work together or do you guys want to work against each other going with better inventions?

• 16:14Speaker 02

  This is a capitalist venture, definitely competitive.

• 16:17Speaker 03

  I concur.

• 16:18Speaker 02

  Okay, good.

• 16:19Speaker 04

  Aren't you guys not allowed to agree in this thing?

• 16:21Speaker 02

  I curkun. I invented it. I don't like that. A new way to agree.

• 16:28Speaker 04

  I don't like Kurt Khan either. Come on.

• 16:30Speaker 02

  Nothing.

• 16:31Speaker 04

  That's like a Star Trek villain.

• 16:35Speaker 04

  It's Kurt Khan. I'm gonna quit saying that. I feel like.

• 16:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, uh huh. Say it harder and see if it sounds better.

• 16:40Speaker 04

  Nah, I'm good.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  Stress the syllables more.

• 16:43Speaker 04

  Checkbook.

• 16:44Speaker 03

  Why are you saying it like that?

• 16:45Speaker 04

  Problem I have had, and I've been a lot better about it lately, but it's still something I battle with, especially whenever I'm not paying it. If I'm watching a movie or something, I'm completely zoned out. I will find myself nails in mouth chomping. I'm a nail biter and I've always been a nail biter and I've never been able to stop biting my nails. So I guess we'll see who goes first here. Mark heads, bob tails, because that's the order you're in on camera wise for me.

• 17:12Speaker 04

  Bob, you will go first.

• 17:14Speaker 03

  Good, fair.

• 17:15Speaker 04

  I need some invention to help me stop biting my nails. And there's already like a nasty tasting polish out. And obviously gloves already exist. I'm not gonna wear gloves around the house. So we're gonna think outside the box a bit, but the nasty taste in nail polish did not stop me. I was just like, oh, this is awful, Chomp. Ugh, gross, Chomp. So what will actually get me to stop?

• 17:35Speaker 03

  I have a number of ideas, but I think I'm gonna start with my strongest one. Also, I just want to say in the back of my mind, there are definite alarm bells going off that I feel like we've done this before. But it may have been a completely different context.

• 17:46Speaker 04

  I think we've done an episode like this before, yeah.

• 17:49Speaker 03

  I know how to make you stop chewing your nails. I call it the Gun Gary.

• 17:55Speaker 04

  Gun Gary?

• 17:56Speaker 03

  Intrigued, caught your interest? Yeah, everybody wants to know?

• 18:00Speaker 04

  I don't know who Gary is, but I like, I don't know, I don't know his gun.

• 18:03Speaker 03

  You don't know who Gary is, and you don't need to know who Gary is. All you need to know is that there is a man named Gary, and he has a gun. And he is watching you to see if you bite your nails. And he's not authorized to kill you on the first try, but it escalates pretty quickly.

• 18:22Speaker 03

  That's it, that's the whole invention. Creates jobs, very effective, one way or another, you're never gonna bite your nails again. Gun Gary, patent pending.

• 18:31Speaker 04

  This feels a little Breaking Bad. I feel like there's gonna be like a laser pointer aimed at me at random points whenever my nails approach my mouth.

• 18:36Speaker 03

  No, he's not secretive. He's just in the room with you for the rest of your life.

• 18:39Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 18:39Speaker 03

  There's an upgrade you can get at one point if you feel like your nail biting addiction is, is sort of cured. You could go to Stealth Gun Gary, and you'll never really know if he's there or not for sure. Cause he'll keep his distance, but until you are ready for that upgrade, Gun Gary just follows you around.

• 18:56Speaker 04

  This is so capitalist of you to have upgrades and DLCs for Gun Gary.

• 19:00Speaker 03

  And it is a monthly subscription. And if you want him to ever talk to you, there's a upgrade. That's their tier two subscription plan. And if you want him to ever talk to you and be nice, or not lie to you when he does talk to you. That's the top tier subscription. Those are unrelated services, just sort of an upgrade. But base, basic Gun Gary service will cure you of what ails you, if what ails you is biting your nails.

• 19:22Speaker 04

  I imagine instead of like a pop up window, just occasionally whenever like the exact time hits, he'll just like interrupt his own sentence or whatever you're doing, be like, your subscription is about to expire, would you like to renew? I don't like that. I don't like the real life version of how that sounds. What sounds effective?

• 19:38Speaker 03

  I think it would be very effective.

• 19:39Speaker 04

  Okay, Gun Gary with upgrades and subscriptions. Uh, Mark, can you top Gun Gary?

• 19:44Speaker 02

  Hey, kids.

• 19:50Speaker 02

  Have you ever wanted to be a spy? To go out on missions, to get captured unexpectedly and have to take the ultimate sacrifice for your country? Well, now you can, and also you'll stop biting your nails. Hi, I'm Mark Blair, inventor of Tooth Spy.

• 20:10Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 20:11Speaker 02

  Patent pending on the name.

• 20:14Speaker 02

  Pending means it's waiting judgment, right? Yes.

• 20:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  Sure. You know how when a spy is captured, they have a certain tooth in their mouth? That is actually a secret cyanide capsule. Well, I've developed a certain fake tooth that only responds to the keratin on your fingernail or keratin in general, or carrots, weirdly enough. Don't know why, don't eat carrots. But when you have this, you will be so afraid of biting your nails because you don't know which tooth is the secret tooth. It's also like alligator dentist, you know? You know, the game where you gotta push the teeth down or else it chomps down on you. But instead of chomping down on you, it's a bunch of cyanide explodes and melts your face. I think that's how cyanide works. That's how this cyanide works that we found.

• 21:01Speaker 04

  That's how it works in James Bond, so I assume that's how it works.

• 21:05Speaker 02

  Really melts faces.

• 21:06Speaker 04

  Why was there never a FNAF adaptation to alligator dentist?

• 21:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, they had an alligator, Monty Golf, Monty, Mont, they had Monty.

• 21:13Speaker 04

  I don't mean like an alligator in FNAF. I mean, why didn't they make the dentist game with a FNAF character?

• 21:17Speaker 02

  Why didn't they remake that one toy in FNAF?

• 21:20Speaker 04

  Not even in the game, it was an actual toy.

• 21:22Speaker 02

  Uh, you know, you're, you're so right. That would fit.

• 21:25Speaker 04

  Anyway, sorry, I was just thinking capitalistically.

• 21:27Speaker 03

  You should probably pen to patent on that.

• 21:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, pen, pen your pats, man. Love you know, I have over 10,000 patents pending.

• 21:34Speaker 04

  And a lot of them are just on whether or not you like the name. That's cool. Makes sense.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  They keep telling me I misunderstand what a patent's for, but I keep telling them like, I got more names. Come on. Let me in there.

• 21:43Speaker 04

  So it was, it was carrots, keratin, and what was the other thing you couldn't bite?

• 21:47Speaker 02

  No, that was it. Keratin.

• 21:49Speaker 04

  Carrots and carrots, okay.

• 21:50Speaker 02

  There was nothing else.

• 21:51Speaker 04

  That makes sense. That was why I can only think of those two. Want to make sure I'm a little scared now. What if I have one of those?

• 21:56Speaker 02

  Nope, just those.

• 21:57Speaker 04

  All right, man. I kinda give points already to both of you for both inventions. I don't know which way I want to go. Cyanide tooth or gun. I mean, gun Gary is a lot more just in my face, in my way, but also probably a lot more effective and terrifying.

• 22:09Speaker 03

  I feel like Mark's invention is cool in a similar way, but what if you just absentmindedly forget? Like, you can't forget that gun Gary is there. He's there. He keeps your line of sight and he makes sure you know he's there.

• 22:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, you order a pot pie with no carrots and they give you a carrot. It's like you're dead.

• 22:26Speaker 02

  I mean, that that could be if it hits the tooth. The thing is, it's only one tooth unless you pay for the buy. You get it during the buy one, get one special. But you'll you'll chomp and you'll be like, oh no, was that it? And if your face isn't melted, you're still good. It's a lesson. You gotta let yourself fall so that you can catch yourself before you die. That's what my parents taught me.

• 22:51Speaker 04

  They're both terrifying. I feel like gun Gary's a guarantee though. Like Bob's, it's hard to argue. He's there. You can't not see him. I will accidentally probably die with the, I like carrots, so. Random side tangent, whenever I thought of the buy one, when Mark said buy one, get one free, I thought of Saul like, you want to play a game? I don't want you get the chance of death. You get two today because it's a buy one, get one. I saw a post where someone had made like a parody of Saul where it was like religious or something. Let me find the picture. It's called like the reconciler.

• 23:21Speaker 02

  The reconciler.

• 23:22Speaker 03

  I don't like that.

• 23:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, someone made a video. I don't know who Curtis Connor is, but he made a video of watching the Saul knockoff called the reconciler, where it's apparently a Christian knockoff of the movie Saul. I haven't watched the video, but whenever I saw it, the first thought I had, and I gotta share it with the world because it made me laugh for like 20 minutes was,

• 23:41Speaker 06

  do you want to play a game?

• 23:45Speaker 03

  You don't know Curtis Connor?

• 23:47Speaker 04

  No, I don't know people, man.

• 23:49Speaker 03

  He's pretty funny.

• 23:50Speaker 04

  It's stupid. And every time Molly's like, are you done laughing? Do you want to pray again?

• 23:58Speaker 02

  Wait, so is, is what you saw a parody of this Christian remake of the Saw movie?

• 24:06Speaker 04

  It, I did. So all I saw was the thumbnail, like his video was recommended on YouTube. It popped up and it said Saul, and there's an arrow pointing to reconcile. It says this Christian knockoffs of Saul is god awful. And I just had the thought, do you want to pray a game? And that's, that's it. That's it. That's the end of the story. Didn't watch the video, didn't see the movie, don't know who this guy is, don't know anything. But man, that thought I had made me laugh for a long time. Cause it's still really funny to me.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  Not funny enough to help you me win, I see.

• 24:35Speaker 04

  Maybe. Did you make me think of it? Yeah. What's in it to buy one, kill one? Oh, you know what? Yeah. You know, Bob, okay, here we go. I gotta, I gotta figure it out.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  I understand. I got the, this is why I hedged my bets on the small talk.

• 24:46Speaker 03

  You're gonna burst into more small talk later in the episode.

• 24:50Speaker 03

  Get some more small talk points.

• 24:51Speaker 04

  You said he was holding out.

• 24:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, we'll see. We'll see how it goes.

• 24:54Speaker 04

  Mark, you're first on this one. I need you to help me, man. It turns out I'm bald.

• 25:02Speaker 03

  What? No.

• 25:04Speaker 04

  No, man. And I need a way of feeling better about being bald, whether it's fixing the baldness or whatever other solution you might have, killing everyone on the planet with hair, whatever you think of. I need.

• 25:14Speaker 02

  Killing everyone on the planet. My friend, not only are we gonna get you here, we're gonna save the planet. Hi, I'm Max B. Hair.

• 25:27Speaker 03

  No, go on. That's so good. What a strong start.

• 25:31Speaker 02

  Hi, I'm Max B. Hair. Here to give you some hair from another person's derriere. Let me tell you, there's no bigger problem in this world than the waste from all those Brazilian waxing studios. Rip and throw, rip and throw, chucking out all those single use wax strips left and right. But Max B. Hair is gonna get you there. Where is there? Where there's hair. I've got discount strips. Buy one, get 99 free. Wade. What color would you prefer? There's only one texture. What color would you prefer?

• 26:14Speaker 04

  I never even contemplated, maybe a little of everything.

• 26:17Speaker 02

  You can, you will get a little of everything. That's right. In every hundred box of slightly pre-done hair.

• 26:32Speaker 02

  You'll get a whole rainbow of hair from every type. So you can rest assured that every single occasion you'll have a brand new toupee to match. And yes, it will be sticky.

• 26:46Speaker 04

  Oh, God, I hate, I want to see it written out where it's like you pronounce it slightly pre-done hair. Oh, what a brilliant thought, man. You might, oh, my eye, oh, my eye. You might have cured me, except for, oh, fix my eye. We were fixing my eye, gets 100 points.

• 27:02Speaker 02

  You need new contacts, man. This is the second time.

• 27:04Speaker 04

  These are dailies.

• 27:05Speaker 02

  All right.

• 27:06Speaker 03

  How many days have you worn them?

• 27:08Speaker 04

  Just today, I don't, I don't fuck around with wearing contacts more than once.

• 27:10Speaker 03

  You all right?

• 27:11Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm dying. Um, help me with my hair, though. Forget my eyes. I don't need to see, I just need to look beautiful.

• 27:16Speaker 03

  All right, is it my turn?

• 27:18Speaker 04

  I think so. Is Max B. hair done?

• 27:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm done. Max be done.

• 27:22Speaker 03

  I am Dr. Shiny Nog, and I'm here to tell you that you can like the way you look. You may have heard of me. Wherever there's knees, wherever there's nogs, I'm there. Today, I'm here to talk to you about nogs, specifically sad bald ones. But that's okay. Science has determined there's nothing we can do to put hairs back onto a head. It's all bullshit. It's basically super glue. You're not gonna have hair, and it's not your fault. But with my new procedure, you can love the way you look. I call it a lobotomy.

• 27:54Speaker 03

  I take my highly calibrated ice spike and the biggest hammer I'm legally allowed to swing at your face. And I remove the parts of your brain that make you feel bad about how bald you are. The lobotomy. It's cheaper than it sounds.

• 28:10Speaker 03

  This product has not been tested. This sponsored, this product is not endorsed by Dr. Shiny Nog. Buy at your own risk.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  How impartial, he doesn't need to endorse his own product. That would be biased.

• 28:23Speaker 03

  Hey, just pay me and I swing the hammer, man.

• 28:25Speaker 04

  For what? Do you buy me? I also don't endorse this product.

• 28:27Speaker 02

  You, you pay me, Max B. Air will be all over those endorsements.

• 28:31Speaker 04

  So my choices are wax strip hair.

• 28:34Speaker 03

  Oh, slightly pre-done hair.

• 28:37Speaker 04

  Slightly pre-done. Oh, man, what choices?

• 28:42Speaker 03

  I don't know who wouldn't go for the lobotomy, given this choice.

• 28:44Speaker 04

  Well, you know, I will, I might have leaned toward the lobotomy of shiny nog had endorsed his own product, but that makes me a little nervous. So I'm going to go with the, uh, the wax strips on this one.

• 28:54Speaker 02

  Thank you. Thank you.

• 28:55Speaker 04

  Oh, man, give me that slightly pre-used hair. Also, it's probably cheaper to have used hair.

• 29:01Speaker 02

  It is very cheap for me.

• 29:03Speaker 04

  Buy one, get 99 free?

• 29:04Speaker 02

  Yep. Oh, yeah.

• 29:05Speaker 03

  You know, save money. We could reuse the same ice pick. I mean, it's whatever.

• 29:09Speaker 04

  Yeah. Why bother cleaning it? I won't remember.

• 29:11Speaker 03

  I'll remove that part too, that cares about that. So you won't even be bothered.

• 29:14Speaker 04

  Oh God, I forgot about the hair rivals, Max B. Hair and Shiny Nog.

• 29:18Speaker 02

  Side tangent, lobotomies, I've, I've never really understood how the hell, cause I, I know the description of it, which is like, put an ice pick like right here or something on the inner eye or wherever. And then you just wonk a hammer. Is that real?

• 29:33Speaker 04

  It's about damaging the frontal lobe or something.

• 29:35Speaker 03

  Yeah. It caught, it causes damage to the frontal lobe in a way that affects the person's brain function and basically turns them into kind of more of a zombie. So they're less.

• 29:47Speaker 02

  Wouldn't it cause damage to the eye and, and the sinuses and then all the other stuff in front of the brain?

• 29:55Speaker 03

  Why? Does it go through the eye or does it? I thought maybe it went through the nose and you like drilled a hole and that I, I honestly don't know. I only know lobotomy as like a joke from movies. Like I can't believe that was a serious thing that medical doctors did to people or still do. I hope not.

• 30:12Speaker 04

  Dr. Walter Freeman popularized inserting an ice pick like instrument through the eye socket, driving it through the bone with a mallet and swinging it to sever white matter.

• 30:21Speaker 03

  Swinging it?

• 30:23Speaker 04

  Just.

• 30:25Speaker 03

  So you gotta get it in there and then you go.

• 30:28Speaker 04

  Now, Grant, this is like, uh, this is a shitty overview, but yeah.

• 30:31Speaker 03

  Sure. That seems fine.

• 30:33Speaker 04

  Surgery severs most of the connections to and from the prefrontal cortex and the anterior part of the frontal lobes of the brain. Well, yeah, we don't need those parts. So yeah, of course, lobotomies were a good idea.

• 30:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, some of those parts are probably useless.

• 30:45Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. I've got to give you guys another prompt. It's like, where?

• 30:48Speaker 03

  Keep going. So.

• 30:51Speaker 04

  Bigger is seen as better, right?

• 30:55Speaker 04

  So we're gonna cure Mark, including Mark doing it. Mark, we're gonna fix shortness. Oh. Don't worry, not your penis, just your height.

• 31:02Speaker 02

  I don't need any trouble there. I don't need, I don't want any trouble there. I don't know why I said it like that. I don't want any trouble with my penis.

• 31:10Speaker 04

  Well, we gave you a dick lobotomy.

• 31:12Speaker 02

  A dick bottom, you say? Is that also still through the eye socket?

• 31:16Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 31:17Speaker 03

  Somehow, yes, yeah.

• 31:18Speaker 04

  Better than a dick toppy.

• 31:21Speaker 04

  The bottom, the top. That is bad. Don't laugh.

• 31:24Speaker 03

  Wade, that was confusing.

• 31:26Speaker 04

  Thanks, man.

• 31:29Speaker 04

  So, uh, we're fixing short. Uh, who's first this time? I think Bob's first this time.

• 31:34Speaker 02

  Here, come on, fix me.

• 31:35Speaker 03

  Dr. Shiny Nog here again. Like I said, where there's knees or there's nugs, you can find me there. I'm here to talk to you today about knees. Are you too short? I know why that is. Not enough knees. I'm here to introduce you to my new product, Knee Knee E E's. It's where we put a knee inside your knee to make it taller. You don't need a knee replacement. You need a knee engorging, and that's where my patent pending biotic knee comes in. We surgically hacksaw your leg in half right in the middle of your knee joint and stick my new knee knee E E right in the middle. Not only will you be septuple jointed, you'll

• 32:18Speaker 03

  be two to four inches taller, which is enough. Our surveys have shown for almost anyone. If that's not enough for you, I don't know if this product's for you. But like I always say,

• 32:31Speaker 03

  I'm a doctor.

• 32:37Speaker 02

  A claim that all doctors make sure to make to you.

• 32:40Speaker 03

  Well, I thought I would try and play Mark's game, but I'm just not as good at these kind of bits as Mark is.

• 32:46Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 32:47Speaker 03

  You know, you just, you go in your hairy, what was the guy's name? Hair B?

• 32:52Speaker 02

  Max B hair.

• 32:54Speaker 03

  You just like, you just jump into it and you have a character. I don't do characters. I do observational humor, really. You know, I point things out.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  Neenog made a great comeback. You know, the first time I even wrote down a point for Neenog, I spelled out knee, K N E E. So like it worked.

• 33:09Speaker 03

  Well, that's what, that's how it's spelled.

• 33:11Speaker 02

  Doesn't remember that game Nidhog.

• 33:13Speaker 03

  I do.

• 33:13Speaker 02

  No.

• 33:14Speaker 03

  Did you ever play the second one?

• 33:15Speaker 02

  They made a second one?

• 33:16Speaker 03

  I think there was Nidhog too. I'm pretty sure.

• 33:18Speaker 02

  Oh, right. I don't think I ever played it. Right. With the upgraded graphics and the worm thing.

• 33:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's one game.

• 33:24Speaker 02

  Fixing, fixing my shortness.

• 33:27Speaker 03

  You, just short in general.

• 33:29Speaker 02

  No, he specifically did say me. Tall is a state of mind. Short is a state of body, right? Tall is up here in the nog, right? Short is down, down here in the body. You get what I'm saying? Do you get where I'm going with this? Let me spell it out longer for you. Tall, T A L L, tall is.

• 34:12Speaker 02

  Short, shoo, shoo, S H O R T.

• 34:27Speaker 03

  I wish you. I'm on this ride.

• 34:30Speaker 02

  So, so if you invert them, invert it, right? How's that go? L L A T, lot. T R O H S? T R O.

• 34:49Speaker 02

  I have nothing to give to you. I will give you nothing and you will have nothing. And therefore, there is no problem, cuz there is no product.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  See?

• 35:08Speaker 03

  Classic capitalist move, not solving a problem we didn't have.

• 35:12Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 35:13Speaker 04

  So is it drugs? I think it's drugs.

• 35:19Speaker 03

  No, it's Latros.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  Latros. We should play that backwards word game. That was fun.

• 35:27Speaker 03

  That was fun.

• 35:28Speaker 04

  What was the backwards word? Was it yours or was Bob? Did you have them?

• 35:31Speaker 03

  I think it was my game. I think I hosted it where you had to say, or try and say a word backwards and then we'd see if you could get it correctly forward.

• 35:39Speaker 04

  Oh, thanks Bob hosted that up cuz I think, yeah, I think you and I were competing on that one, Mark.

• 35:43Speaker 02

  That was good one. It was, people thought we were faking it.

• 35:49Speaker 04

  Wait, how would we fake it? What do you mean fake it? What kind of show do they think this is?

• 35:54Speaker 02

  They, they, I don't know. They thought we were playing dumb or something and it was like, guys, I'm smart. It's the other person that's dumb.

• 36:03Speaker 04

  All right, uh, we'll do one more round.

• 36:05Speaker 03

  Wait, which product are you using, Wade? Knee knees or Latros?

• 36:11Speaker 02

  None.

• 36:12Speaker 04

  I think I gotta go with knee ee ee's cuz I still don't know what the fuck the other one was.

• 36:19Speaker 03

  It's just really good drugs. I'm pretty sure.

• 36:21Speaker 02

  It's, it's not meant for you if you can't comprehend it. The commercials are just a series of colors and shapes and geometric nightmares from my deepest, darkest secrets. But if you don't understand, you don't know what, you know?

• 36:32Speaker 03

  It's really not your fault, Mark. It's really on Wade.

• 36:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:35Speaker 04

  All I know is if we invert it and say it backward, there's no problem.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, until you do get it. You're just being obstinate.

• 36:43Speaker 04

  Do you just not want to? Do you not wanna win?

• 36:45Speaker 02

  I love how Bob before this was like, Mark, you're so good at coming up with a character all you saw off the company.

• 36:55Speaker 03

  It's my strategy. It's my mind game. I give you compliments over the course of the game and it, you're like, what? And then it, we falter. Right? Critical moments.

• 37:04Speaker 04

  He puts you in a pressure cooker.

• 37:06Speaker 02

  He does. He does.

• 37:09Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 37:39Speaker 01

  Now at Kroger, your points add up to more ways to save every trip. Use them your way to take dollars off groceries at checkout or save at the pump. You can even save up to $35 on your next fill-up. Same points, more choices. And with low prices on fresh, quality food, plus digital and personalized offers tailored to how you shop, your dollar goes further. Redeem your points online or in the app. Kroger. Fresh for everyone. Restrictions apply. See site or store for details.

• 38:11Speaker 04

  Good news then, Mark. You get to go first. So after you get to immediately fix this. So this isn't so much like a personal body thing, but it's something that drives me crazy. Even here in Cincinnati, I have to sneeze one second.

• 38:24Speaker 04

  That's not the problem.

• 38:25Speaker 03

  You have to sneeze in Cincinnati?

• 38:28Speaker 02

  I'm Harry Sneeze.

• 38:32Speaker 03

  I'm Phil Switzer for Kleenex. I saw your nose in half.

• 38:36Speaker 04

  Even here in Cincinnati, I've noticed saying, traffic is getting atrocious. I was like, oh, you know what I love about Cincinnati? It's nothing like LA or New York or Chicago and all their crappy traffic. It's getting there. Is there driving school anymore? Cause nope, like people, there's an ambulance, full siren and someone's like, oh, they're trying to cut me off. I better make sure they don't get around me. It's like, what is happening? Let the ambulance go, you fucking crazy person. They're idiots. There, there's so many idiots and I don't think they know what a license is. I don't know if they know what a car is. I don't know if they know they have brakes sometimes. It's getting bad. We gotta fix the traffic and bad driver problem. So real quickly, just something that's not been solved in centuries in the world. I need you to solve. Right now.

• 39:18Speaker 02

  Have I got a product for you? Hi, I'm Chuck M. Trudiere. Here, the inventor of the car. You don't even need to worry about traffic because it's an attachable attachment to your car. That is in the shape and form of a giant spoon. That is.

• 39:44Speaker 02

  Fucking what's weird?

• 39:46Speaker 04

  A catapult? It winds?

• 39:48Speaker 02

  No, no, the, the, uh, the.

• 39:49Speaker 04

  Tension?

• 39:50Speaker 02

  Yes, it's tension bound to the lever arm that will shock anything. Mostly it's intended for cars, but you know, that's the only thing I have a patent pending for. But technically speaking, under the, under the radar, under the, under the. Why can't I think of any common expressions? And under, under the table.

• 40:12Speaker 04

  Are you human?

• 40:13Speaker 02

  Under the table.

• 40:16Speaker 02

  Chuck M. Trudiere. I am very human. And this product is also very human. It will allow you to throw everything and anything wherever you want it to go. So long as where you want it to go is in the direction you have. Pointed it at. So you can either get rid of those pesky traffickers or you can launch them where they need to be to assist. In civil society and progressing the common man, which I am. One of those was. Us.

• 40:50Speaker 04

  Very human. I'm concerned about that part, but otherwise, I mean chucking some people in traffic with a catapult to, to help them. Of course, that sounds fantastic.

• 40:59Speaker 02

  Or punishment.

• 41:00Speaker 04

  I would never say that part out loud, but.

• 41:03Speaker 02

  Very under the table.

• 41:04Speaker 04

  Or over it.

• 41:08Speaker 04

  Normal human laughter. Bob, how do you solve my traffic problems?

• 41:13Speaker 03

  Hi, I'm Bear Lee Legal and I'm here with a solution to all of your traffic problems.

• 41:21Speaker 04

  You might want to rethink the name, but I-

• 41:22Speaker 02

  No, no, no, I love it.

• 41:24Speaker 03

  It's, it's a legal solution, barely, to all of your problems. Look, there's already a solution for this. Uh, this is used to, by the military and, and in certain specific settings, but this used so sparingly, it's just a waste. We've all heard of the LRAD, or Long Range Acoustic Device. It's a big speaker that can basically make such a terrible sound that it physically suppresses human beings, or anything else with ears. If you mount one of my Bear Lee Legal LRADs on the front of your car, everyone will always be out of your way. They basically couldn't stand to not get out of your way. It will solve all of your driving problems and basically only your driving problems for the rest of your life.

• 42:10Speaker 03

  And as far as we know, this is legal probably, depending on what state you live in, and exactly how loud the sound is that you have your LRAD produce. It's probably safe for you, and it's probably legal, we think, and it's very, very affordable-ish, depending on how much you value your time and driving experience.

• 42:30Speaker 04

  Okay, uh, Bear Lee Legal?

• 42:33Speaker 03

  I mean, I go by B, Bee Lee, but my legal name is Bear Lee Lee Gull.

• 42:38Speaker 04

  I believe you. What's the LRAD, or Chuck M. Trudier with the catapult? I think I gotta go with the catapult on this one. Uh, I like the idea of the sound, but it's less applic- like, ev- everyone has the sound, that either no one's on the road, like, what if more than one person buys your product?

• 42:56Speaker 03

  Well, then you'll only really need the one who's in front to be doing it, but you could team up with other LRAD users.

• 43:02Speaker 04

  Own the, the LRAD gang?

• 43:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, but have a big train, really, like a land train. It's like a train, but it goes on land, unlike regular trains.

• 43:12Speaker 03

  That's a weird concept, but just imagine a land train.

• 43:15Speaker 02

  Wait, next episode of this, you just gotta give us products and we'll give you the name of the inventor. We'll just give you the names of the guys who built that.

• 43:25Speaker 04

  Done, so, hold on, let me make a note to myself.

• 43:30Speaker 04

  I do think that we've done an episode like this one before. Like we did inventions way back in the day. I just don't know if we've done them for these specific scenarios. This might be a part two or part three of inventions, but at least it was, I don't think we've done these things.

• 43:41Speaker 02

  I hope you didn't pull up the same list of prompts.

• 43:45Speaker 04

  It would be really funny if we did. I mean, I guess it's possible. I wrote all these today, but I do have the same brain probably, but slightly older and dumber.

• 43:51Speaker 02

  I've noticed that as a fascinating phenomenon is like completely remembering something word for word that you thought was completely original and you just rewrote history where, but that didn't happen this time.

• 44:02Speaker 04

  That's what happens whenever our entire lives are online for a decade and a half. Let me go through points here. Mark, you got, oh God, I gotta try to read my handwriting. I hate this point. This point, this point, I hate this point. You got sick boy, new Mike, Toriyama's dead, coffee, whoops. Hey kids, tooth spy, Max B hair, good spelling.

• 44:27Speaker 02

  Wanna play a game?

• 44:28Speaker 03

  He can a boy for that.

• 44:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm not complaining.

• 44:32Speaker 04

  Wax strip hair, Chuck M. Trudier, La Latro, oh, short Paul backwards.

• 44:39Speaker 03

  Latros.

• 44:41Speaker 04

  And catapult. You are sitting at 13.

• 44:44Speaker 03

  Wasn't it technically cartapult?

• 44:45Speaker 04

  It might've been cartapult, but my handwriting is atrocious and I tried. Bob, you got points for James hates life.

• 44:53Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 44:53Speaker 04

  You made fun of my mail check versus apps thing, or else you gave me good advice. You did something with that. You're a crime expert. I don't know what that had to do, but, but you're a crime expert, apparently. Then I gave you points for laughing, gun Gary, upgrades, shiny nog, le balde me. Like I say, I'm a doc, like I always say, I'm a doctor. Nee nee ee es, be lee legal, Elrad. Uh, and twice I picked your invention, which I just wrote as I choose you times two, uh, for a total of 14. So right now it's 14 to 13.

• 45:31Speaker 03

  All right.

• 45:32Speaker 04

  Close one, which is unfortunate. Can I just, hang on, I'm going to take three points away from Mark and give them to Bob. So this wheels doesn't matter. Can I do that?

• 45:40Speaker 03

  As the host, I'm going to say you can't.

• 45:41Speaker 04

  All right, I won't.

• 45:44Speaker 04

  I heard that coin clicking. Don't worry. I'm not messing with the points. Unless. Oh.

• 45:50Speaker 02

  All right. Okay. Okay. Okay. Are we good? Are we good? We're good.

• 45:54Speaker 04

  Bob a point for not grabbing his coin. Can I do that? He grabbed his.

• 45:58Speaker 03

  I was holding my coin.

• 46:00Speaker 04

  Oh. Mark Mark gets six points for not grabbing his coin.

• 46:04Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 46:04Speaker 03

  Well, what the fuck?

• 46:05Speaker 02

  Stand by.

• 46:06Speaker 04

  It's 14 to 13. It's 14 to 13. I'm not messing with it.

• 46:10Speaker 03

  And then I do my thing.

• 46:12Speaker 04

  Do we have to retroactively add things to the wheel from when you were in Florida? Or do we?

• 46:15Speaker 03

  We actually come up with stuff to add to the wheel so strictly? I added one point to free parking and I modified the winner's wheel to be it's 18% right now for the one man show.

• 46:26Speaker 02

  Oh, we might've said something like the next thing we have to add something that actually gets points from free for free parking.

• 46:32Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, we could do that.

• 46:33Speaker 03

  Let me do this real quick. How many spins we doing? I would put my money on three. Oh, I lost my money.

• 46:41Speaker 02

  No, no.

• 46:43Speaker 03

  Two it is.

• 46:44Speaker 04

  All right. And then I guess the thing we'll add is gets points from free parking.

• 46:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, unless we've forgotten that we did do that, but I'm not going to read through all the list.

• 46:53Speaker 03

  There's way too many.

• 46:55Speaker 04

  And make sure you add a point to the free parking space.

• 46:57Speaker 03

  I did. I did. There's one in it right now. There was it said zero and I changed it to one. So.

• 47:02Speaker 04

  You know, at least now that if you get the point for free parking, you get at least one point.

• 47:07Speaker 03

  Now it's worth something.

• 47:09Speaker 04

  Yay.

• 47:10Speaker 03

  All right. So we're doing two spins. Here we go, baby.

• 47:18Speaker 03

  Wearing least clothes.

• 47:21Speaker 02

  Okay, got shirt, pants, undies, two socks. Well, a sock on each foot.

• 47:26Speaker 03

  I guess if I mean, super honest, I have both socks, underwear, shorts, but I have shirt and undershirt on.

• 47:34Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  I mean, and I have a watch. I don't know if that's really clothes, but.

• 47:38Speaker 04

  I think undershirt is extra layer, right?

• 47:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:40Speaker 04

  Same, except for an undershirt.

• 47:41Speaker 03

  Yeah. So Mark, Mark gets that one, I guess. I could have just lied.

• 47:45Speaker 04

  That's what I'm talking about.

• 47:46Speaker 03

  You guys don't know if I'm undershirt on, but it was whatever. But yeah, if you look at the wheel, you see this black sliver, that's what it started to be so full of shit that it's going off center from the, from the like graph, the graphics. And so there's like a weird off centeredness to the wheel now. I think when it spins, the black wedge goes, moves around the outside.

• 48:08Speaker 04

  We need to take our wheel to a mechanic.

• 48:09Speaker 03

  Spin number two.

• 48:16Speaker 03

  I'm done tits.

• 48:18Speaker 04

  Uh, Bob gets that one.

• 48:20Speaker 02

  I don't know if I said words.

• 48:22Speaker 03

  I mean, I said tits. I don't know what it has to be, but.

• 48:25Speaker 04

  That's a fast response.

• 48:26Speaker 02

  That's a good response. I think I went.

• 48:30Speaker 04

  You did make a growling noise and still after Bob.

• 48:33Speaker 02

  Oh, wait, wait. I'm gonna call cuz, okay, I'm a call unfair and this for a specific reason. Bob being the one spinning it and he said he revealed it's a local program. I am at a disadvantage.

• 48:48Speaker 03

  It's true.

• 48:48Speaker 02

  For that because I am on the other side of the country.

• 48:52Speaker 03

  It's pretty true, actually. Yeah.

• 48:54Speaker 04

  So, hold on. So let's determine the outcome here. Either it's doubly fair and Bob is right and gets an extra point. Or it's unfair, which means what? Mark gets the point this time or respin?

• 49:06Speaker 02

  I think it'd just be a respin.

• 49:07Speaker 04

  Okay, so it's a respin, nothing happens, or Bob gets two points from this?

• 49:11Speaker 03

  Well, what if we respin and it's fastest response again? Does that?

• 49:17Speaker 02

  I think we just.

• 49:18Speaker 03

  That won't happen.

• 49:19Speaker 02

  That won't happen. Yeah, it won't happen.

• 49:21Speaker 03

  All heads, Mark wins, all tails, me wins. Otherwise, nothing happens.

• 49:25Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 49:26Speaker 03

  All right.

• 49:33Speaker 02

  I got heads.

• 49:35Speaker 04

  Oh, tails.

• 49:36Speaker 03

  I got, which one is mine? I got lady. Oh, heads. Oh, it don't matter. Okay, well.

• 49:40Speaker 02

  Shit. All right, I tried.

• 49:43Speaker 04

  All right, well, despite that attempt, the final score is Bob with 15, Mark with 14.

• 49:50Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 49:51Speaker 04

  You did win something though, Mark. You won going first with your loser speech.

• 49:55Speaker 02

  Oh, well, you know, there's that. Uh, I had a feeling I'd lose. Um, I'm not saying I can predict the future. I'm only saying I can't affect the future. Uh, none of our actions have any, uh, weighing on the future. You can't change it. Unless that changes simply standing by and watching it all burn.

• 50:21Speaker 04

  Well said.

• 50:22Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 50:23Speaker 04

  Bob, save us with the winner's speech.

• 50:25Speaker 03

  I gotta say, I'm a little surprised. I felt like Mark had some pretty funny bits today. And I felt like, based on your reactions during the episode, it seemed like you were writing down a lot of stuff for him and not so much for me. But the points are numbers, and numbers can't lie because numbers are science. And science can't lie. That's just science. It's gotta be fair. We even flipped coins, and the coin said it's fair to. So, as much as I didn't feel confident, uh, I earned this. And I am the best, at least for today. But that's okay, because what do you will be the best next time, unless you're not.

• 50:59Speaker 04

  Well said. And I'm gonna give a quick unprecedented hoster's speech. Look, we might have done this topic before. We might have had a similar episode before. We might have even talked about some of these inventions before. But it's been disassembled, taken apart, and put back together. Is it even the same topic anymore? Or is this the invention of Theseus? That's for you all to decide.

• 51:24Speaker 02

  We've done sequels before of Episode 90.

• 51:27Speaker 03

  Hey, this was my turn to talk.

• 51:30Speaker 03

  Don't come at me with logic and facts.

• 51:33Speaker 02

  Alright, you're right.

• 51:34Speaker 04

  If you haven't already, go follow these boys, Mark at Mark, Bob at Meister. I'm Wade, minion77, or Lord minion777. Watch the episodes, because there's video. Or listen if you want to keep listening, that's fine. Merch, sometimes, maybe more soon, maybe still some, at distractible.shop. I always pause there in case I'm wrong about that link.

• 51:55Speaker 02

  You got it.

• 51:56Speaker 04

  Check it out. Check us out. Watch more of this. Listen to more of this. Also, I loved the drawings. The drawing episode was a little while back. I loved seeing people draw along with the draw episode. That was really funny. And most of them were better than us. Anyway, that's it. Podcast out.

• 52:15Speaker 05

  Watch new episodes on Spotify.

• 52:20Speaker 00

  Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.

• 52:51Speaker 01

  When you shop Kroger delivery, you can expect the savings you love and fresh groceries delivered right to your door. From delicious produce to everyday essentials, enjoy the convenience of delivery and the trusted selection you've come to know from Kroger. Because bringing you fresh, quality groceries is what we do best. Right now, enjoy free delivery on orders of fifty dollars or more with your digital coupon. Restrictions apply, see site for details. Kroger, fresh for everyone.