Choose Your Own Cousin

Ask not what you can do for your cousin, but what you and your cousin can do for "The Shepherd." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  This is the sound of confidence. Confidence behind the wheel of the Mazda CX-50 Hybrid. It comes standard with a suite of proactive safety features and lets you explore far and wide with an EPA estimated 38 miles per gallon combined and electronic all-wheel drive. Mazda, move and be moved. Tap the banner to discover how confidence comes standard. Mileage will vary based on vehicle condition, driving habits, and other factors. Use for comparison purposes only. Actual results will vary.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, weirder way to epitomize a sartorial success, derides Mark's bullets, and apes Ian Livingstone, Bubba Bath Bob gets clean, tests of beasts, and stars as a lone member. Meticulous Mark gets slain by Sandy Sam, slaps bees during bat sex, then goes on an amazing adventure. From losing squared to damning choices. Heh heh heh heh heh. It's time for Choose Your Own Cousin.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  Now, sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

• 1:19Speaker 02

  Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm your host again, because the wheel gods deemed it so, and I'm not complaining. Joined as always by my co-hosts Mark and Bob. Hey, boys.

• 1:30Speaker 03

  Hello.

• 1:31Speaker 04

  Golf rules, huh? Funny thing.

• 1:33Speaker 02

  I know. The odds of me giving myself that one point, can you imagine how things would have turned out otherwise?

• 1:38Speaker 03

  It wasn't even a point you had to give yourself. You just did that.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  I really did. Otherwise, man, Mark, you had 16 to Bob's 15. You could have, like, double lost.

• 1:48Speaker 04

  What? Why would it be a double? Wait, hold on.

• 1:51Speaker 02

  If I didn't give myself the point, I'm thinking about the golf rules. I guess you would have won if golf rules hadn't come up.

• 1:54Speaker 04

  I would have just lost. I wouldn't have a double loss. It would have been just a loss.

• 1:59Speaker 03

  Losing to me is pretty embarrassing. That's definitely like a double loss.

• 2:03Speaker 02

  Can I be a loser if tomorrow I might be shot in the desert or be given the ILS?

• 2:08Speaker 03

  The International Lace Station?

• 2:10Speaker 02

  Yeah. Wow, why? Hold on, there's a lot to unpack in what you just said. It's from the last episode. We were all there. Oh, you think I remember what happened in the last episode? I don't even know who hosted that thing. That's a lie. He's lying. He's lying. He's lying. He's lying. I caught him.

• 2:25Speaker 04

  Oh, do I get a lie point just in case?

• 2:28Speaker 03

  And then the wheel gives you a lie points count and golf rules? I don't think so.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  I have a fun episode in store, but I don't even know how I'm gonna do points in this one. It's gonna be a, it's gonna be weird. We'll see. Could be weird part seven. We'll see.

• 2:40Speaker 04

  I'll find the caterpillar.

• 2:42Speaker 02

  So, uh, how goes things? Mark, you're back in familiar territory, it looks like.

• 2:46Speaker 03

  I took a shower. Oh, sorry.

• 2:49Speaker 04

  No, no, it's fine. Whatever. How was it? Did you scrub? Where'd you scrub? How did you scrub? Where and where?

• 2:54Speaker 03

  It may not sound important or consequential, but when you're, it's a whole thing for me to take a shower under running water right now. Have I mentioned my foot? My foot's real fucked up. It was really, really nice to take a shower. It wasn't even a real shower, because even with the thing covered in my cast, you have to, like, dangle it way off to the side. So I'm like doing a one-legged squat with my leg off as far away as possible. Like, I haven't felt this good in, in days.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  I thought you were saying months.

• 3:23Speaker 03

  Taking a real shower, man. It's nice.

• 3:26Speaker 04

  I never enjoy showers more. Like, when you're at home, showers pain in the ass, because you're like, oh, I gotta get wet, and I gotta wash, and oh, it's a whole thing. Gotta get clothes on. I sound like a disgusting human being.

• 3:37Speaker 02

  No, no, I'm with you. I'm with you. I hear you.

• 3:40Speaker 04

  It's a, it's a burden, but when I'm at a hotel, I shower twice a day. I love showering in a hotel. I don't know why. Like, it's no different. It's not like the shower's any closer, but for some reason, when I'm traveling, I'll be like, I'll shower before I leave. I'll shower when I, as soon as I get back to the hotel, I'm like, oh, finally, I can. Is it just having unlimited pumps of various fluids?

• 4:00Speaker 03

  Well, yeah. So are you, you're not the kind of person where you bring your own stuff, right? You use whatever's there?

• 4:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. I don't care if someone's secretly putting air in there.

• 4:10Speaker 03

  You already didn't have, it wouldn't, yeah, you'd be fine. That would just be shampoo for you.

• 4:14Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 4:16Speaker 03

  But no, I'm totally with you. Even if it's a shitty shower, it's like, reveal your secrets. How do I get a good shower? And it's a whole, yeah. No, it's weird.

• 4:25Speaker 04

  But I, I, you know, I bathe regularly. I want to point that out to everybody who thinks I'm just operating on a, on a pigpen level where I'm stink lines emerging from my body. But I.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  Sam, you know what to do. Put stink lines on Wade.

• 4:40Speaker 03

  The stinky reverse card.

• 4:42Speaker 04

  I'm segueing this into my, my small talk, which has nothing to do with my travels, which no one will ever hear about, and more to do with what probably is, is going to happen. I'm going to get the ILS tomorrow. I was thinking when we recorded last time that, oh, no, by the time people hear this, I will have had it.

• 5:00Speaker 03

  Sam, put it in my hands.

• 5:03Speaker 04

  See, it's here.

• 5:04Speaker 02

  Be real awkward if you get shot in the desert.

• 5:09Speaker 03

  Put it in my hands. It's a picture of the crime scene in the desert.

• 5:13Speaker 02

  Put my fate in my.

• 5:18Speaker 03

  Well, here's the thing. Sam's going with me, so. Oh, shit. So if this episode, if this episode never comes out, everybody knows what happened.

• 5:27Speaker 04

  But I could get the ILS tomorrow. I'm gonna bring a lot of my lenses, not all of them. I'm not gonna overwhelm them.

• 5:33Speaker 02

  You show up in the middle of the desert, just like a tractor trailer, and you're just like, unpack the bag like, all right, let's try out these lenses, boys. A crew pops out and just starts unpacking like a tables and lenses.

• 5:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, I kinda do want to do that. I'm gonna, because the thing is, like, I know I'm gonna break it instantly. I'm gonna break it so fast, because, I mean, the rest of it's like a GoPro, because I chuck this thing around. I literally got footage of me in my pool, just like throwing it as hard as I can. Really cool shots of just like it skipping along the surface. And then one went actually out of the pool and just went, boom, back, over on, scraped up a little bit. It's, it's fine. It's a little cosmetically damaged, but I'm, I'm like, this one, I can't, because it's not waterproof. If you put the lens on there, it's like weather resistant as much as the lens is, but it's, the sensor's exposed, right? So if, without a lens on there, so it's like, I can't dunk it in, but so I gotta, but I'm gonna break it. I'm gonna break it instantly, and I'm not gonna be able to get another one for a while, and.

• 6:27Speaker 03

  I'm gonna break it in the first six hours, and then be sent an email, but hey, so, um, I'm still pretty close to your office. Um, it was like this when you gave it to me. I was just afraid to tell you about it.

• 6:41Speaker 04

  All right, well, here's, here's the thing, actually. They invited me while I was there. They're like, how much time you got? Like, uh, would you want to go skydiving? And I'm just like, what in the, what in the Red Bull?

• 6:52Speaker 04

  How, how the, do you guys just have that? Is, is that just what GoPro is? They got hot air balloons ready to go out the back. They just got a bunch of parachutes.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  They have a room full of cameras, and then they have the runway. That's it. That's their office.

• 7:03Speaker 04

  For some reason, I know they're not, but I think GoPro and Red Bull are like owned by the same company, because Red Bull always has like GoPros everywhere. And it's just like, I think that they're, and they both do the extreme action shit. So I forget sometimes that those are those type of people, and I'm not, right? So I'm like, I don't want to go skydiving. I really don't.

• 7:21Speaker 02

  I'm expecting like an ad line, it's like, show us how you GoPro. And it's like someone skydiving, like first-person cam, someone running with bulls, like dodging. And then there's a GoPro setup watching Mark in the pool throw another GoPro against the wall.

• 7:36Speaker 04

  Because that's just so boring. I'm, I'm filming bees, and bees are really cool and all, but at the end of the day, the object, the, the look of filming bees is really dumb, because I'm just through a bush like, oh, ooh, ah, come back here, bee. And, oh, man, I've got footage of it. I chased a bee into a spider web. Oh, I felt so bad.

• 7:54Speaker 03

  Oh, no.

• 7:54Speaker 04

  And I didn't even get the shot afterwards. Turned the camera away. It, it got out of the, the spider web eventually, but I just, I felt so bad, because not only did I chase it in there, and it's got tangled up in webs, I didn't even get a footage of it. I was such an idiot.

• 8:10Speaker 02

  The bee's tragic life, flew into a spider web, escapes, flies into a Venus flytrap, escapes, gets hit by a car.

• 8:16Speaker 04

  Car's totaled. Bee's fine. That bee, the bee's built different.

• 8:21Speaker 02

  And that bee became the king. I didn't know there were king bees, but that one, it got the title.

• 8:26Speaker 04

  Did you know bees, when they mate with a queen, they ejaculate so hard you can hear a pop? Because also their entire butt explodes.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  That must be what's going on in my knee. There's bees in my knee, having sex.

• 8:40Speaker 04

  That's the only answer.

• 8:42Speaker 03

  Sitting on the table in the orthopedist office, like, well, Mr. Barnes, I'm afraid you've got ejaculation in your knee.

• 8:51Speaker 02

  According to Mark's GoPro footage, here's what's going on.

• 8:54Speaker 03

  A doctor standing in the operating room, just hefts a GoPro, and then it's just like, it skips it off the body on the table. Man, what a shot.

• 9:03Speaker 02

  Could you please bend over, put your hands against the table? You hear like the snapping and the lubing up. The doctor's hands have no gloves. You're like, wait, what are you?

• 9:11Speaker 03

  Beep beep. Wow.

• 9:17Speaker 04

  Here's a live look at what's going on in the who.

• 9:20Speaker 03

  Oh, that was the other small talk thing I had. I made a mistake this past week, guys. So we have a Tesla Model Y for going around town, doing that sort of stuff. And it needed a service and I scheduled it and I was going to take it into the service center. And I was one of those where I was just gonna sit there and wait because it was only supposed to take like an hour. And they sent a message that was like, well, if you're gonna be here, do you wanna test drive another car? Uh oh. And I was kinda like, I mean, I'd rather test drive a car than sit in a waiting room, I guess. And I looked at the options and it was like, the car I already have, the car I already have, but smaller, the Model 3. And then.

• 10:01Speaker 04

  Cybertrucks.

• 10:03Speaker 03

  And in my brain, I was like, there's a 0% chance I'm ever going to buy a Cybertruck. But that means there's a very small chance I'm ever gonna get to drive one. And I love driving new cars. I think it's interesting. I've only driven a couple other pickups. I was just like, curious enough that I was like, sure. I did not make it off the lot before the shame of sitting inside of that thing where other people could see my stupid face looking out of it was so much that I almost like turned out of the lot, brought it straight back, parked it, went inside and was like, never mind. But I did drive it around and it was, it wasn't a Cyber Beast, which is like fastest, fastest one, I think. But it was a three motor, which is like the next fastest one.

• 10:48Speaker 03

  Fucking terrifying. God damn. It was so fast that it just felt dangerous pretty much anytime you actually hit the throttle. But even when I thought I was gonna die in the ugliest truck ever made, the shame of knowing that someone might see my mangled corpse inside of what they would know to be the mangled wreck of a Cybertruck was so embarrassing that I was like, never mind. I could not stand it. It was awful. But it was really, really fast. So if you care about only one thing and that's the fastest, scariest feeling vehicle you could possibly own, maybe it's for you. But God, I didn't, I underestimated how ridiculous it would feel to be inside of and holy fuck.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  I guess I could say I've done that now, but.

• 11:36Speaker 04

  I, I, I truly don't ever want to be in a Cybertruck if I can help it. There's, there's nothing that I think that it would appeal because I, because I have another electric truck. And I, when I drive it, I only feel the shame of driving an F-150, which, you know, as an American, that just naturally is purged from my body.

• 11:56Speaker 02

  The natural shame.

• 11:57Speaker 04

  I was, I was in Europe and, you know, selling what, what I drove. I was just like, I have to tell them, yeah, I drive an F-150, but it's electric, you know? I'm not one of those Americans. I'm just another American. But then again, there was this other, there was this other guy. One of the people I was talking to is actually one of the, one of the best, apparently, uh, uh, long range marksman in Europe. Like does competitions and things like that. And so he was telling me, I was, I just have to say like, hey, what round do you shoot? And, and because I was, I didn't know if I'd know. He was like, 22, 11.

• 12:28Speaker 03

  No, he said, I know big ones. I know bigger ones. BB.

• 12:33Speaker 00

  This is the sound of peace. Peace of mind, knowing you're behind the wheel of Consumer Reports' safest new car brand, Mazda. The Mazda CX-50 Hybrid comes standard with a suite of proactive safety features so you can drive in peace and confidence wherever the road takes you. Mazda. Tap the banner to discover how confidence comes standard. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services. Visit MazdaUSA.com to learn more.

• 13:10Speaker 03

  He said six millimeter. I was like, oh, a six millimeter Creedmoor. And he was like, oh, you know, I'm American. And he shut up. Fuck you.

• 13:17Speaker 02

  Pulled out your bullets, which are all like glued together. Like, yeah, here's mine.

• 13:23Speaker 02

  TSA knew these weren't a threat.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  I can't believe of all the things you remember is my goopy bullets.

• 13:32Speaker 02

  Because it's just not an image I ever expected.

• 13:35Speaker 03

  How do you not remember like the contents of the last episode? But you remember I got goofy 22.

• 13:41Speaker 02

  Cause it's so funny. I spent the last two days at the pool, which was fun. I took it really easy Sunday and just kinda like floated around with Molly and relaxed. And then yesterday my nephews came by and we were tossing football in the pool. So it's the first time I've really gotten to throw football since the knee injury.

• 13:55Speaker 03

  Isn't that sort of asking for trouble?

• 13:57Speaker 02

  No, I was, I was cleared for light activity and pool activity. So just lightly tossing. It's not like I was diving or tackling or anything, but it is that time. I gotta take us into our episode because this one, this one might run a little long. I don't know. I spent a, a long time putting this together, especially for me. I spent three or four hours. Uh, I was also probably like in a fugue state for the last half of it. So God knows how this is actually gonna play out, but it's a game and I put it together. I did, I put in effort, guys. I did.

• 14:24Speaker 03

  We'll see about that. Oh, I mean, good job. Yeah.

• 14:27Speaker 02

  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

• 14:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, it'll be great.

• 14:30Speaker 02

  So I have built a choose your own adventure game and I'm not going to title it right now, but we're gonna let you guys play through it. We'll see how it goes. It's my first attempt at doing this. So I, I told you guys before in this episode, it's probably a lot of me talking, but hopefully you guys can have some banter and fun in the middle of it and stuff. But I made a choose your own adventure and, uh, it's kind of, it's scripted out how it starts. So you guys, there's no flipping. You guys just kinda go in the order I wrote it out in. But my first attempt at putting the director's hat on. Look out, Mark coming for your job.

• 15:02Speaker 03

  I'm so ready.

• 15:04Speaker 02

  Mark, you find yourself driving through the countryside. You've received word that one of your cousins who lives near here with his family has been going through a rough time and decided to pay him a visit. You two were closest kids and though you've grown a bit estranged, you still love him and wanna offer some support. Now that it's into autumn, your drive is a beautiful one with the leaves turning shades of red, yellow, orange, purple and brown, while the green is quickly becoming overrun by these other colors. The weather is beautiful. There's hardly a cloud in the sky as you make your way down the country highway towards your destination. You come across a scenic overlook, a nice place to stop, stretch your legs and look out at the river bend. Your first choice is, do you stop and take a look at the scenic overlook? Or do you keep driving since you got places to be?

• 15:46Speaker 04

  Well, you said my cousin is in trouble and needs help?

• 15:50Speaker 02

  He's had a rough year.

• 15:51Speaker 04

  I would think I would keep going. Me, me, I would in this hypothetical, just because I'm driving for a purpose. It's, I, I'm enjoying the scene as I'm driving. I don't need to stop, dip my toes in a river or nothing like that. I'm, I'm plowing on.

• 16:06Speaker 02

  You decide to keep driving and evening, it's later and later, it starts to get a little dark. Turn your headlights on. You're going through a bit of a forest. When all of a sudden out of nowhere, an animal darts across the road, something large that you can barely see. You go to swerve around it. You maintain control of the car, but you feel a you know, something's wrong. You're forced to pull off to the side. And when you get out and go and check out the car, you see that your front right and back right tires are flat. You do have one spare, but unfortunately it looks like you're kind of stranded.

• 16:41Speaker 04

  Shit.

• 16:42Speaker 02

  You haven't seen a lot of cars out, especially this late, but you could wait in the car, hoping somebody drives by. You don't really have great service. You're in the middle of the countryside in the woods. So cell service is a bit spotty. So your choice is to either wait in the car, hoping somebody comes by and will give you some assistance. Or you can hop out, follow the highway, hoping you come across a gas station or small town here soon.

• 17:02Speaker 04

  Did I hit something? Is that what happened? The thunk thunk sounded really like I ran over the thing I was trying to avoid.

• 17:09Speaker 02

  When you go to investigate, you can't really see what caused the tires to pop. Like it seems like you must have, maybe you hit some nails or something. The tires are pretty fucked up, but like you don't really see what caused it.

• 17:21Speaker 04

  Did I see where the nearest gas station was when I passed it? Do I know how long ago that was?

• 17:26Speaker 02

  It has been a long time since you've seen anything the way you came from. You're assuming there has to be something not too far ahead because just the way that driving works.

• 17:35Speaker 04

  Do I know how far from my cousin's place I am?

• 17:37Speaker 02

  Not exactly. You've not been here in a long time. You would estimate a couple hours.

• 17:42Speaker 04

  Couple hours by car.

• 17:44Speaker 02

  Um, not necessarily. Maybe a couple hours walking.

• 17:46Speaker 04

  Okay. All right. Uh, what time is it?

• 17:49Speaker 02

  Uh, it's dark outside at this point, so we're probably looking at, I don't know, 10, 11 PM.

• 17:53Speaker 04

  I'm guessing I don't have a phone. This is.

• 17:55Speaker 02

  You do, but there's no service. It's.

• 17:57Speaker 04

  Well, do I got games on my phone?

• 17:59Speaker 02

  I mean, I'd imagine some, especially so you can play offline like.

• 18:02Speaker 04

  Alright, sweet, sweet.

• 18:03Speaker 02

  You know, there's at least two games you can play offline in 2026.

• 18:05Speaker 04

  Alright, I'm sticking in the car. I'm sticking in that car. I'm sitting around waiting, you know? I got gas. I can turn on the heater if it gets cold, but better survival, I guess.

• 18:15Speaker 02

  We're gonna pause you there and we're gonna go over to Bob.

• 18:17Speaker 03

  Oh, I thought I was just listening for this whole episode.

• 18:19Speaker 02

  Another day, another dollar. You've lived in this small town your entire life. The past few years, you've been working at a local grocery store as the lone member of the closing shift. Prices have gone up recently. People have been driving you crazy with their grumpiness. Or maybe it's your grumpiness. It's hard to tell. Life here is boring. The days blend into weeks, blend into months, so on and so on. The town's recently upgraded its power grid and now boasts high-speed internet. Only you know that this high-speed internet is still 20 years behind the times anywhere else. Well, at least it's a step in the right direction. You're browsing your phone, waiting for your shift to end, when all of a sudden, this high-powered power grid goes out. Not the excitement you were hoping for, but it figures. Not like you wanted to finish reading that article, anyway.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  Do you go outside and investigate the power outage? Or wait inside, hoping it just clicks back on?

• 19:10Speaker 03

  Really been stuck in a rut. I always keep the temperature in the store a little warmer than I'd like. Is it a cool evening?

• 19:18Speaker 02

  I would say it's still relatively warm outside. It's into fall at this point, so it's not like blistering hot, but it's a warm, dry evening.

• 19:27Speaker 03

  Well, if it's not humid, I guess I'll see what it's like outside. Maybe it'll be more pleasant than inside. It's kinda stuffy in here, so be outside.

• 19:35Speaker 02

  Um, you step outside and you notice that, I mean, it's late and you guys are one of the later stores around town. There's not that much to do. It's a small town after all, but you don't really see any lights anywhere. The parking lot's empty, other than your bike that you typically ride to work. There's one car in the parking lot, which looks like one of your regulars' cars, but no one's been in the store for a while. Otherwise, it's just kinda dark out there. The only thing that's of note is this car. I guess your choice is, uh, go investigate the car or go back and wait out your shift.

• 20:10Speaker 03

  I walk up to the car and test if it's locked, just for security purposes.

• 20:14Speaker 02

  You walk up to the car and you find that the driver's side seat is open, that the door is just open. There's groceries bought from your store sitting on the passenger seat. You don't see keys. You don't see much else, though. Well, under your foot, you see a piece of paper. You pick it up and examine it, and it's a flyer. It says, "Meeting tonight at midnight at THE FARM," with "THE FARM" being capitalized. I mean, you know of the place they call "The Farm." You're from here and you know what they're talking about. But it's kinda strange. If there was a meeting at the farm and Mr. Hanley, whose car it is that you're seeing, he's one of your regulars. If he was going, why would he leave his car like this? Why wouldn't he have just driven there? Or at the very least, closed his car door and left?

• 20:56Speaker 02

  I guess you have a couple of options. You could go check out the farm, place you've been before. Or you could say, "You know what? It's late. Not my problem. I'm gonna wait, lock up the store and go home."

• 21:06Speaker 03

  I mean, it's not like we can sell anything, anyway. There's no power. So I am gonna check and see if the keys are in the car.

• 21:15Speaker 02

  There's no keys around, unfortunately.

• 21:18Speaker 03

  Do I know how to hotwire the specific model of car?

• 21:21Speaker 02

  You do not, but you do have your bike.

• 21:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, I guess I'll ride. How far is the farm? How far of a bike ride is the farm?

• 21:30Speaker 02

  Not too far, probably 10, 15 minutes.

• 21:33Speaker 03

  Oh, that's pushing. That's on the edge of the range. I'm willing to ride my bike just to see if anything is happening somewhere. I guess I still have to go see. I definitely don't wanna stay at work in the dark with no power or anything, so.

• 21:45Speaker 02

  Well, you can lock up and go home, or you can lock up and go to the farm. Either way, you're probably gonna lock up the store, right?

• 21:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, I lock the doors so no one can just come and steal shit. And then I ride my bike over to the farm, cuz might be the first thing that's happened here in literally years.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  As you're running to the farm, Mark, I'm gonna cut back to you.

• 22:02Speaker 04

  Playing games.

• 22:03Speaker 02

  Playing games on your phone, waiting it out. As you're waiting, a car passes. You try to reach out and like wave them down, but they keep going past you by. You wait a bit longer, and this time you see the headlights. You wave your arm out and they kinda pull over, stop, and somebody gets out, kinda yells cautiously over.

• 22:22Speaker 05

  Hello there, uh, you need some assistance?

• 22:24Speaker 04

  You'll never believe it. Oh, man, this road's crazy. How'd you avoid it? Both my tires, back ones, exploded. I've been here a long time. I don't know how long. I was playing games. It was real fun. Hey, how do you help me? Hmm.

• 22:42Speaker 05

  Well, I can offer you a ride as far as the motel, not too far ahead, and maybe you can call for help from there. Get someone to tow your car in and replace your tires, but, uh, I'm just passing through for the night. It's kinda late. Maybe I'll stay at the motel, too. I can give you a ride over there.

• 22:56Speaker 03

  We can have a room together.

• 22:58Speaker 05

  Oh, I don't know about that. I don't know you that well, stranger, but.

• 23:01Speaker 04

  Alright, save money. They usually come twos.

• 23:03Speaker 03

  How do you help me?

• 23:06Speaker 02

  Not only can you give me a ride, you can give me a room.

• 23:09Speaker 04

  No, I'm going. I'm going. Hell, yeah. I leap through their window from my window.

• 23:15Speaker 02

  You hop in the car with this stranger.

• 23:17Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  And you make some small talk. They talk about, you know, they're here to see some family, this and that, and, um, part of a business venture. They're hoping to get some funding, cuz their family has yada, yada, yada, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You make small talk. You tell them you're here to visit your cousin, and it's actually relatively peaceful. It's nice to have companionship after a while. You still can't seemingly get phone service as you get closer and closer to town, but eventually the motel comes into sight and this guy pulls off, parks, and you get to the motel.

• 23:45Speaker 04

  Last chance for B roomies.

• 23:47Speaker 02

  He appreciates your offer, but politely declines and gets himself a separate room.

• 23:51Speaker 04

  So you are staying. Good.

• 23:54Speaker 02

  You walk up to the, you know, the clerk or bellhop or whatever, and you say you need a room, and they ask for a name.

• 24:00Speaker 04

  You heard of Mark?

• 24:01Speaker 02

  He says no, doesn't really look up, just scribbles it down.

• 24:05Speaker 04

  Alright, okay. Well, there.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  Puts you in room seven.

• 24:09Speaker 04

  Should put the other guy in six. You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

• 24:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, thank God you didn't get that. So you go into your room. Uh, you got your bags and everything. The guy was nice enough to let you put your bags in there. Got your car keys, even though your car is stranded. But when you go to use the phone to call for like a tow truck, uh, there's no ringtone. It seems like the phones are down for whatever reason, so you're not able to get a hold of anybody tonight, and your phone's still not working, but whatever. You're tired. You've got a room. You lock up, make sure the windows are locked, doors are locked, whatever, and you go to sleep for the night. You are awakened in the middle of the night, though, to the sounds of rustling, uh, whispered conversation, maybe even a bit of like a scuffle or a struggle. It's hard to make out the noises, but it sounds strange. It's probably, I don't know, 4:00 in the morning at this point. Could be nothing. You could just ignore it and.

• 24:56Speaker 03

  I'm going for it. As fast as I can. My best buddy might be in trouble.

• 25:00Speaker 02

  You go. You unlock the front door. You swing it open to go see what's going on, but, well, there's a group of people wearing, I don't know, masks and strange outfits, and they're actually positioned in a semicircle around your room. And as you open the door, one of them walks up and says,

• 25:19Speaker 06

  It won't be in vain.

• 25:20Speaker 02

  And as you're contemplating what that means, everything goes dark.

• 25:25Speaker 04

  Oh, like the lights?

• 25:26Speaker 02

  You're dead.

• 25:28Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  We had a death. Yay.

• 25:31Speaker 03

  It's gonna be tough to come back from that.

• 25:33Speaker 02

  We do what everyone does to choose your own adventure. We don't go back to the beginning. We just go back a step.

• 25:38Speaker 04

  Ah, I see. I see. I see.

• 25:40Speaker 03

  I've never done that.

• 25:41Speaker 02

  Alright, Bob, we're gonna cut back to you.

• 25:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was riding my bike about 10 or 15 minutes to the farm.

• 25:46Speaker 02

  As you approach the farm, you see there are vehicles here. There's people parked here. It's kinda late, but it looks like there's a bit of a party going on. There's something going on here, so you approach on your bike. And as you get closer, you see that they're dressed kinda funny, and maybe this is like a costume party or something, but people are dressed funny over at the barn, and it looks like they're, maybe someone's hurt. They're helping somebody. No. They're dragging someone into the barn. The person looks to be.

• 26:14Speaker 03

  Arc?

• 26:15Speaker 02

  Unconscious?

• 26:17Speaker 03

  Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Unconscious, yeah, yeah.

• 26:20Speaker 02

  You're not entirely sure, but I guess you could stay back here and keep an eye on things, or else you could go up and see if they're alright. You can approach and investigate a little bit closer up.

• 26:29Speaker 03

  Oh, I definitely ride my bike up and just sort of casually lay it down like I'm a 12-year-old visiting his friend's house, just in the gravel in the parking lot, like, ooh, shit, keep walking. Try and look like I'm supposed to be there, you know, confidence, but I'm just gonna check it out.

• 26:43Speaker 02

  Uh, wearing your clerk's outfit from the grocery store and not, uh, this strange costume or whatever robe, you ride your bike up closer to where this person's being dragged up in the barn, and you inquire, "Hey, what's, what's going on? Everything okay?" And multiple figures turn over, and a familiar voice, whose voice is that? They say,

• 27:02Speaker 06

  Bob, we told you not to come.

• 27:04Speaker 02

  Someone quickly grabs you from behind, and as you're trying to figure out what's happening, the lights go out, and you find yourself uncomfortably dead.

• 27:13Speaker 04

  Damn, it's a lot of death here.

• 27:17Speaker 02

  Mark, you find time rewinding.

• 27:19Speaker 03

  Whoa.

• 27:20Speaker 02

  You're back in your room. You hear rustling outside.

• 27:24Speaker 03

  Hope they didn't hear that.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  You could sneeze really loudly and alert them to your presence, or you could open the door to investigate, or you could try waiting it out, uh, see what happens. There is a window in the back. Maybe even you wanna approach that.

• 27:39Speaker 03

  I think you should see what's outside the door. Maybe it'll be different this time.

• 27:42Speaker 02

  It'll be different. You never know. I mean, if you go, listen, this is your time as well as mine. You can open the door, see what happens.

• 27:49Speaker 04

  Alright, you know what? No, no, no. I'll, I'll wait and see.

• 27:53Speaker 02

  So you decide to wait in the room, and you hear the scuffling going on outside. You hear murmured whispers, and eventually you hear,

• 28:01Speaker 05

  They got one of them. There's one more in room seven.

• 28:03Speaker 02

  And now you know, you have a feeling that something's not right here. That, that's your room. What do you mean there's one more in room seven? So again, you're confronted with the options of.

• 28:12Speaker 03

  You're telling me there's two people in? Here?

• 28:15Speaker 02

  Well, there's one in room seven. You could infer where the other one might have been.

• 28:19Speaker 03

  I love the idea of Mark, Mark laying in bed and he hears that and he's just like, no, there isn't.

• 28:27Speaker 02

  There are five people in here.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  I love sleeping in room eight.

• 28:31Speaker 02

  Your survival senses kick in at this point because thankfully, uh, Mark in this scenario is a little bit more, uh, apt to survival than Mark in real life.

• 28:40Speaker 04

  Ah, oh, I see. Okay. All right.

• 28:42Speaker 02

  And as you hear them say that your, your brain starts to comprehend like, okay, something, something's wrong. I've heard a scuffle. Now they're saying there's someone in room seven. That's me. And then you hear them working at the lock to the door. Quickly you realize you're in trouble. So you go to the back window. You unlock it. You open the window. You climb out and you go to get the fuck out of there.

• 29:01Speaker 04

  I, I know how to home alone an apartment real quick. That's actually what I do every time I go into a new hotel. I, I home alone the whole thing. It's really dangerous. Good thing I don't sleepwalk, but uh, yeah. If I can rewind time, I know how to fight him and it's just like, I gotta throw myself at him enough to be able to.

• 29:21Speaker 03

  How many rewinds do we get?

• 29:22Speaker 02

  Oh, as many as it takes till we get to, uh, well, I mean technically we both, you both just ended. I could just end the episode right there, but I figured I'd give you a little bit more.

• 29:30Speaker 04

  No, I want to find out the answers.

• 29:32Speaker 02

  Bob, back to you. You're watching the barn from a distance and again, you see someone being dragged. Maybe they're unconscious and you have the option to approach or stay back and keep an eye from a distance. Same options you were presented before.

• 29:45Speaker 03

  I look over and I'm like, oh, I know those guys and I pull a U-turn and turn towards home.

• 29:52Speaker 02

  You go to leave, but before you do, um, you see, as you look over your shoulder, the person that was being dragged in disappears, but you see another group walking out of the barn. This time carrying, there's a group of like four of them carrying a box. The box looks very decorated. You can't really make out from here much about it, but it, it looks pretty fancy. And people carrying that box are on their way out. You're not sure where, cause you're just getting out of there. So you hop on your bike and you're just getting the hell out of there. And as you're riding, you're trying to figure out what the heck's been going on. I mean, the power's out. Mr. Hanley's car was in the parking lot. There's strange stuff going on over at the farm. You find yourself riding your bike to a familiar place, a place that you've been to every Sunday for the past,

• 30:38Speaker 02

  you know, every, every Sunday for your entire life, the old church. And as you go up to the church, you see that the front door, the church is open. Now the church is always open to people. You can always go in, but typically the door is at least closed. So that's a little strange, but maybe someone else is trying to find answers to what's going on in this town tonight. So do you want to stop and check out the church or?

• 30:58Speaker 03

  I very stealthily pull my bike over and carefully lay it down so it doesn't make a sound. I draw the 22 I keep tucked in my grocery store waistband and approached the door tactically.

• 31:12Speaker 02

  You pull out your empty squirt gun that you keep on you just for fun.

• 31:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, call her my 22.

• 31:17Speaker 02

  You walk up to the church where the door is open. And you know that, I mean, this is a, this is a relatively big church. The entire town usually congregates here. There's a few people that don't. You yourself, you're not a big believer, but your parents go and you attend. And it's a nice town tradition. So you're familiar with this place. And as you go to peep in, it's eerily silent. You look, you don't see anybody. You don't hear any movement. So you kind of take a step, look around. There's no one hiding in the shadows. Just kind of empty. You do see that at the front at the pew or I think pew is the right word or altar where the pastor stands. Normally there's like a cloth, you know, decorative cloth that kind of hangs over the front and the back of it.

• 32:02Speaker 02

  The cloth isn't there at the moment. And there is a strange symbol carved into the back of the altar facing the pews. Uh, the symbols, you know how like when people draw the sun, it's a circle with like little lines coming out to show the rays? It's like that, but it's instead of a round sun, it's kind of shaped like an, like an eyeball. And there's rays coming off of it. And below there are three Vs each with a dot in the center.

• 32:27Speaker 03

  Is my, is my character in this universe unfamiliar with the Illuminati?

• 32:32Speaker 02

  Uh, it's not exactly an Illuminati symbol, but I guess there are some parallels. You, you haven't seen this particular symbol before.

• 32:38Speaker 04

  I feel scared.

• 32:40Speaker 02

  As you're investigating that, I'm going to cut back over to Mark. Mark, you snuck out the window of the motel.

• 32:44Speaker 04

  I sure did.

• 32:45Speaker 02

  And you're running. People are looking for you. So you, you snuck away and now it's just, let's book it in case they keep looking. As you're running, you pass by a couple of places that look unfriendly or just empty. Like they wouldn't be of much help to you. But eventually you come across one of the taller buildings you've seen in the town. It's relatively small town. There's not much here. It's a nice, tall, stone church. And you see a bike out front and you swear, walking in the door as you're running. You know that person. That's your cousin. That's who you came here to see.

• 33:20Speaker 04

  Oh, oh.

• 33:22Speaker 02

  You go to call out, but you've been running for, for a minute. You're a bit out of breath. So as you go to yell, you just can't quite get it out. So you stop for a moment, you catch your breath. You kind of like walk for a minute and then you realize maybe yelling isn't the best idea since you're trying to, you know, not be caught right now. So you make your way over to the church where Bob, you finally do hear a noise. And when you turn around, is that your cousin walking into the church? He doesn't live in this town. You've not seen him in, in years, but you swear that's Mark.

• 33:53Speaker 03

  Hmm. I swear that's Mark.

• 33:55Speaker 04

  Whoa. Did you time travel too?

• 33:58Speaker 03

  I don't know what you're talking about.

• 33:59Speaker 04

  Oh, right. Okay.

• 34:01Speaker 03

  Did you turn the, did you turn the power off to the whole town? Was that you?

• 34:04Speaker 04

  No, why would I do that? I don't even know where that would be. That's suspicious of me to say it that way, but listen.

• 34:12Speaker 03

  Now you're being kind of evasive right now. I don't know how I feel about that. Don't make me squirt you.

• 34:17Speaker 04

  I don't want that. Hey, anyway, there's probably, okay. I don't time travel. Either, but if I did, I think that people trying to kill me, I might've died.

• 34:28Speaker 03

  You seem fine.

• 34:29Speaker 04

  I know I seem fine, but I heard whispering and that's like evil.

• 34:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, I have to agree. I have to agree with that. That's definitely evil.

• 34:37Speaker 04

  Yeah. So I ran here from the, the hotel and uh, I'm, what's up with the cell service?

• 34:43Speaker 03

  I, I assume that's correlated to the power. I don't know. Cause I, it seems like it's all, it's all off everywhere. Uh, yeah. Well, I don't know, man. It's been a while. I, um, do you want to come back to my place or?

• 34:55Speaker 04

  Just reason I'm here.

• 34:56Speaker 03

  Well, I only have the bike, so um, I'll meet you there. You, you're going to have to walk. How fast, how fast do you walk? Maybe I could, maybe how, how slow can you ride a bike? Maybe we can make this work.

• 35:06Speaker 02

  We can go, I can steal them like.

• 35:09Speaker 03

  What if you run and I'll ride as slow as I can? Cause you said you wanted to get away from someone anyway or whatever.

• 35:15Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah. I need to go fast. I guess.

• 35:18Speaker 03

  I don't know if they're chasing me.

• 35:20Speaker 04

  If they're chasing you, they're real slow. Cause this conversation is going on for a minute.

• 35:23Speaker 02

  I'll, I'll interject and offer you guys a real choice here if you'd like. You two are discussing, you're catching up a little bit and you're turning to leave when, Bob, you see that symbol on another door in the church, the same symbol on the altar. Again, it's a strange one, not one that you recognize, but there it is carved into that door all the same. You two are talking about leaving, trying to get out of here and you can do that. Or maybe there's some answers here as to what's going on. You could push in and investigate the church a bit deeper. You know that there's like the pastor's chambers. He's pretty sure there's like a basement archive here.

• 35:57Speaker 03

  Do I know if this church has a parsonage?

• 36:00Speaker 02

  Wade doesn't know what a parsonage is, so.

• 36:01Speaker 03

  That's where the pastor lives. It's the house often attached to the church.

• 36:06Speaker 02

  I would say this seems like the kind of place that that would be, yeah, that's, that's probably, yeah. I would, I would say the pastors like chambers slash parsonage are probably one part of this. In fact, you're, you think the door at that symbol probably actually leads there. Um, which is also happens to where the access to like the basement and other stuff is. Cause you know, they don't want people that's walking in the church have access to everything. So you can go back there and check all that stuff out. So you guys can go and investigate that or you can leave. That's up to you.

• 36:28Speaker 03

  I hold my squirt gun up by my face and look tactical. All right, Mark. You go in and investigate and I'll guard the door.

• 36:37Speaker 04

  All right. Okay. I like that. I like that. I'm all about that plan. All right. Do I have a choice in this?

• 36:43Speaker 02

  I mean, you could disagree with him, but you ultimately you two have to come to a consensus.

• 36:47Speaker 03

  Do we both have to go to the same place or can we screw with you?

• 36:50Speaker 02

  You're both in the church or you're both leaving the church. You remember the choose your own adventures? The video comes to an end and Mark's like, hey, do you do this? Do you click on one of the two options? I'm giving you the two options.

• 36:59Speaker 04

  Well, I'm with what he says.

• 37:01Speaker 03

  I'm down to stay as long as you, we Scooby do this and we split up.

• 37:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, we're staying, but we're, I'm staying over here and you're staying over there.

• 37:09Speaker 02

  Okay. I mean, I can change the wording, but you're going to, the description is going to stay pretty much the same of what happened.

• 37:15Speaker 04

  We'll see about that.

• 37:16Speaker 02

  Mark, you go through the door with the symbol on it and you find yourself in the parsonage or the chambers. And you're looking around.

• 37:24Speaker 04

  Parsonage, parsonage, pars.

• 37:30Speaker 02

  Great. The symbol that you saw on the door, again, the eyeball with the rays coming off, the three Vs with the dots in the middle, that's everywhere back here. Written on papers, it's carved into, you know, little wooden figurines and stuff. That symbol's just seemingly everywhere. Among the documents, as you're sifting through, seeing the symbol, you see a bunch of mentions of something called the Shepherd. And one of the documents talks about how early on, whenever the Shepherd first came about, it was a time of great harvest. Rain was plentiful, livestock were healthy, crops were growing like never before, and everything in the town was booming. And in celebration, people brought gifts. They

• 38:12Speaker 02

  brought jewelry, carvings, food, all kinds of things to thank the Shepherd for their bountiful harvest. Over time, this seemed to slow down, and then there were less and less returns, and then there were some times of hardship. Maybe their offerings had become stale. They were offering the same types of things every year, so maybe they needed to give the Shepherd something else, something new, and increase, well, the word they use is sacrifices to the Shepherd. You find other documents referencing the Shepherd and different things, you know, people have given, and years of bountiful harvest, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but nothing, nothing else that really strikes out and seems that much more interesting. That's the most of what you find. Bob, while you're waiting outside

• 38:55Speaker 02

  in the pews, keeping an eye on everything, making sure no one else comes in, and that you're ready to hit them with your squirt gun that you've now filled, I guess, with some holy water if you want.

• 39:03Speaker 03

  Definitely.

• 39:04Speaker 02

  Nothing happens. It's pretty quiet, other than the ruffling in the other room where Mark's going through documents and things, old records. Nothing interesting happens, and then Mark comes out and will, for the sake of argument, just share with you what he found. For you, because you've lived here your whole life, you've heard people talk about the Shepherd. You have some recollection, even as a kid, of going and giving one of your old toys that you used to love but didn't really care about anymore as a gift to the Shepherd, but it just seemed like kind of a strange town tradition to thank for the bountiful harvest. And as you go to leave the church, you guys make your way toward, where was it you originally intended to go? Your house?

• 39:39Speaker 03

  Back to my place, yeah?

• 39:40Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, I'd be down. Just a parsonage in there. It's like 4:30 in the morning, so I don't know what the other options really are, but he works the night shift at the convenience stores. That makes sense.

• 39:50Speaker 02

  As you make your way, you two make your way toward Bob's house, there's kind of like a bunch of patrols going around through the town, different groups of people with flashlights, talking to each other. The road to your house, there's like a barricade almost set up. There's people set up with their cars and flashlights. It looks like maybe even some of them are armed, and they're just blocking different paths. You don't see a clear way to easily get to your house, but you can either go up to the barricade and see what's up. Maybe this is unrelated. The person at the barricade isn't wearing same robes you saw at the farm, or, you know, the people you may have glanced at Mark as you were running from the motel. They're not dressed the same, but they are barricading the road. Or, I mean, the patrols, this is a small town. There's only so much room they can cover. There may be our ways

• 40:34Speaker 02

  around the barricade, so you don't have to go up to it, but if you're trying to get directly to your house, that's probably the fastest way.

• 40:40Speaker 04

  Hey, cousin, is this normal?

• 40:42Speaker 02

  It is not.

• 40:43Speaker 03

  Oh, God. No, God says it's not normal.

• 40:47Speaker 04

  All right.

• 40:49Speaker 06

  I got you, boys.

• 40:51Speaker 03

  Have they spotted us yet?

• 40:53Speaker 02

  No, I'd say they have not.

• 40:54Speaker 03

  I gotta say, my instinct was to toss my squirt gun into your hands and then run at them screaming, "He's chasing me. He's got a gun," just to see if I could get myself through. Actively choosing not to do that, because we're cousins.

• 41:08Speaker 04

  Thanks, cuz.

• 41:09Speaker 03

  Uh, but I have no other strategies for this type of situation. So, I don't know. We'll just see if we can get, get through there, or?

• 41:16Speaker 04

  I mean, is your house, like, do you got guns at your house? Do you got?

• 41:20Speaker 03

  Oh, no, it's barely even a house. It's technically inside, is how I would describe my house.

• 41:26Speaker 04

  So not defensible place. You got snacks?

• 41:29Speaker 03

  I got beer.

• 41:30Speaker 04

  I can't really drink, yeah.

• 41:32Speaker 03

  It's a tap water. It's got so much stuff swimming in it, it's kind of like a snack and a drink. It's fine. I'm, I drink it all the time. It's fine. Totally safe. You want me to boil it for you?

• 41:43Speaker 02

  It'd be great to be at Bob's house, but I'm going to remind you, your choices are to approach the barricade or go around it. Either way, your goal is to get to Bob's house, but you can figure out what's there, if you make it.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  I'm not a metaphysics professor, but I do think there's a way better chance we're gonna get to where we want to go if we try not to go directly through the barricade of things, people, and cars, and maybe we just go around it.

• 42:06Speaker 04

  They probably only barricade from the front, anyway.

• 42:08Speaker 02

  You try to make your way around, and as you're dodging patrols, dodging different barricades, and just people driving by, you're trying to stay out of sight. Your goal is to not be found, because you don't know what the hell's going on here. You don't know what this Shepherd is, you don't know what people in the robes are doing, you don't know why people are out blocking off different parts of the roads. It's strange. A couple of times, you have to cut through people's yards, you have to cut through the woods a little bit. And as you're cutting through the woods, you come across what you thought was a clearing. You remember it being a clearing, but not anymore. There's cars here, some cars that look old and weathered, some that look newer, and Mark, your car is here.

• 42:47Speaker 04

  Oh, my gosh.

• 42:49Speaker 02

  The car still has two flat tires, but it's here amongst all these other cars. And as you go to look to see if maybe you guys can take one of these, I mean, there are a bunch of cars here.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 43:01Speaker 02

  There's no tools left behind. There's no spare tires left behind. There's no keys. At a quick glance, you know, you're not going through every single part of every single car, but it seems like a lot of these cars have flat tires, and those that don't, you know, you might pop a hood and take a look. It looks like the engine was messed with. Whatever happened to all these cars, it seems intentional. You guys can take a moment and really search this place to hopefully find either a working car or something useful, some information here, or you were here, what if more cars get dropped off? What if somebody comes by? Maybe it's best just to get out of here as fast as possible. So you guys want to search around a bit, or do you want to get the hell out of here?

• 43:38Speaker 00

  This is the sound of confidence. Confidence behind the wheel of the Mazda CX-50 Hybrid. It comes standard with a suite of proactive safety features and lets you explore far and wide with an EPA estimated 38 miles per gallon combined and electronic all-wheel drive. Mazda, move and be moved. Tap the banner to discover how confidence comes standard. Mileage will vary based on vehicle condition, driving habits, and other factors. Use for comparison purposes only. Actual results will vary.

• 44:09Speaker 04

  Dude, that's my car.

• 44:10Speaker 03

  You don't have to brag about it. I mean, that's good, congratulations.

• 44:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, I'm doing really well. I mean, it's not working right now, but I mean, yeah, yeah.

• 44:20Speaker 03

  I can smell you. Um, these cars all look generally pretty fucked. Do you know how to like, do you know anything about cars?

• 44:29Speaker 04

  No. If I did, I wouldn't be in this situation, man. I just buy them with my money that I got. I got a lot of it.

• 44:38Speaker 03

  How many car, how many cars you bought? You got a lot of money? How many cars?

• 44:42Speaker 04

  Well, you know, I kind of buy one, I leave it on the side of the road when the tires explode, and I buy another, you know, because I can't get that car to work anymore, so I just buy them up. But it's weird that it's here. It is weird that it's here.

• 44:53Speaker 03

  I'm just saying, I, I just came, when I met with you, we at the church, I just came from work, and so I'm, I'm pretty tired. So if we have to fix one of these things to, to steal it, I mean, or yours, to use yours, because it's yours, it's not stealing. If you use it, I guess. I'm not really into that. Um, so you, maybe we go lay down?

• 45:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, we could.

• 45:16Speaker 03

  Have some beer dinner and call it good?

• 45:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, have that water. That sounded good.

• 45:22Speaker 04

  It's thick. You'll love it.

• 45:25Speaker 03

  God, we're going to my house.

• 45:27Speaker 02

  You're leaving without searching further in the car place, is what I'm gathering, right?

• 45:31Speaker 03

  I looked.

• 45:32Speaker 02

  Did you look? Did you spend some time looking, or did you guys?

• 45:35Speaker 03

  I looked with my eyeballs, and then I, I ascertained the truth of the situat-, yeah, aren't you, shouldn't you know? Couldn't you, couldn't you just tell us?

• 45:43Speaker 02

  I've got other people's games I'm running. I'm kind of, you know, omniscient, but also like, I'm busy, so I'm only half paying attention. It's kind of my thing. You guys aren't the only versions of you I have to watch right now.

• 45:54Speaker 03

  I don't like that.

• 45:55Speaker 02

  Okay, so you leave with the goal of getting to Bob's house, maybe finding Bob's family? That's what I'm gathering you guys are hoping to do?

• 46:02Speaker 03

  I always forget about those guys.

• 46:03Speaker 02

  Bob lives with his parents, you know?

• 46:06Speaker 04

  Parents are still alive. So this is your parents' house.

• 46:08Speaker 03

  Well, look, the basement is a hundred percent mine. So it's like my, that's my house. And then they live with me in, in the part that I let them stay in.

• 46:19Speaker 04

  Well, let's just get in there then, because they probably know what's going on with all these cars and what's going on with all that.

• 46:24Speaker 03

  Okay, but you have to be kind of quiet because dad's gonna be pissed if we wake him up.

• 46:27Speaker 04

  Oh, okay. All right. Uncle for me.

• 46:30Speaker 03

  Uncle dad, yeah.

• 46:31Speaker 02

  You're off to find Bob's house, Bob's family. There's some crazy shit going on in this town. There's all these cars. There's the symbol. There's the decorated box. Who knows what else you guys might have overlooked or missed? And even if you did know what was going on in this town, it still doesn't make any fucking sense. Everyone's acting crazy and different. Bob, you're realizing that maybe you're wrong, but whenever you were watching the barn, you heard people talking. One of the voices sounded maybe like it was your mom's voice. It'd be weird for her to be there, especially with what was going on, but as you're approaching your house, you just have that realization that maybe, maybe you did hear her voice there in the distance. And the symbol's been nagging at you. Again, you grew up here. You know a lot of these people. Nothing like this has ever happened before, but

• 47:15Speaker 02

  you guys are approaching the house and that symbol just keeps resonating in your mind. And maybe you talked to Mark about it. Mark, it doesn't really ring any bells for you. Other than at the church, you don't think you've ever seen that symbol before.

• 47:26Speaker 04

  Never.

• 47:27Speaker 02

  And you get to the, the front of your yard and then you remember there's a clearing, a place called the hollow. That's where you brought your gifts. That's where you would give your toys, where people brought their jewelry and things to the hollow. And it's like many places here, off in the woods a bit. But it's strange because this hollow is almost like a bowl shape and it's just dirt. Nothing ever really grows in the center. There's trees around. It's in the woods, but there's no weeds, no grass. The hollow is just that. It's hollow. It's just a area of dirt where there's like a bit of a shrine erected and people would give things to the shepherd. You think that that's the name? Maybe there's something to this hollow because as you walk into the house, your family's not there.

• 48:09Speaker 02

  You do find a note that says, Bob, don't go to the farm. But there's nothing else really here. I mean, there's some snacks. There's a drink, comfortable beds if you trust sleeping.

• 48:22Speaker 04

  I love sleeping. I also love sleeping. I got my sleeping interrupted by these murderers who showed up, I think.

• 48:28Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm excited. We're finally back to a place with beds.

• 48:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, and no murderers.

• 48:33Speaker 03

  Seems like it.

• 48:34Speaker 02

  You guys can crash here, try to get some rest, or maybe you should go out and try to find Bob's parents.

• 48:42Speaker 04

  Look, man, I'm an expert at reading messages. This says, don't go to the farm. Where's the farm? Not here. So I gotta say, everywhere else we've gone, bad news. This place, pretty cool. It's got armed guards outside. I've never felt safer. I've never felt safer than being in this house with you, friend, cousin, actually.

• 49:02Speaker 03

  We can be both.

• 49:03Speaker 04

  I remember when I sat outside, I said, I heard a voice say, I love my cousin and I love you.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  So are you guys gonna choose to stay the night here?

• 49:11Speaker 03

  As I finished stripping all of my clothes off, all the way down to butt naked, I turn around and look at Mark and say, you know what, man? I think you're on to something, the whole stay in here idea, but I'm just gonna throw it out there. While we were sneaking through the weird field full of your car and others, I just had this thought, you know, like I know this big sort of hole in the ground type place where nothing grows and there isn't really anything and it's in the middle of the woods. It's kind of just like a big empty dirt patch. You want to go look at that?

• 49:43Speaker 04

  Well, you know, actually that sounds pretty cool. Yeah. Hey, the sun's rising. It could be really pretty. You think the sun sets real late here. It must rise real early too.

• 49:52Speaker 03

  All right. I put on some different clothes that aren't my work uniform. Uh, I guess we're gonna, we're gonna go check out the hollow.

• 49:59Speaker 04

  All right. You know what? Hey, that's a cool name for it. The hollow.

• 50:02Speaker 03

  Should be called the big bowl in the woods, but hollow's, you know, creepier. So.

• 50:07Speaker 02

  Man, I'd just given you guys a choice. I hadn't even written in and you guys went back to my script. Thank you for that. Sleeping in the house was originally something I had planned, but you guys seemed so tired. I couldn't, how could I not give you the option?

• 50:17Speaker 03

  I'm exhausted. It's like five in the morning. I'm.

• 50:20Speaker 04

  I got some sleep.

• 50:21Speaker 02

  You guys go to head to the hollow. You know, luckily for you, your family owns a couple of different bicycles. So you've got your bike and Mark manages to get a bike as well. You know, your car's not here. The family car's not here.

• 50:33Speaker 03

  Keep telling them I need a car.

• 50:34Speaker 02

  And you go to pedal over to the hollow. Again, there's still some patrols. Um, there's still the barricades on like the main roads, but you found a way here. You kind of backtrack a bit and find your way back and you know where the hollow's at. And it's a bit further from the central town itself. So as you approach the hollow, you have less and less patrols and such to worry about. But there's some activity over here as you're coming up to the hollow, like the people that were at the farm are now over here. Again, you're confronted with the option of, do you want to sneak around and listen, get a better sight or just go straight in acting like you belong?

• 51:08Speaker 03

  I, I belong. You're the one who doesn't belong. So I'm not really that worried.

• 51:12Speaker 04

  What do you mean?

• 51:13Speaker 03

  You're not from here.

• 51:17Speaker 03

  I gotta say, I feel less safe here than I did at home. At, at the house where I'm feeling like maybe we should have stayed, but it's way too late. I felt pretty solid. I think we should be sneaky here in case anyone is being, you know, bad.

• 51:31Speaker 04

  I mean, generally speaking, running around screaming, la di da is probably not a great thing to do in the morning anyway.

• 51:37Speaker 03

  I don't make fun of your morning routine, but whatever. Uh, so let's, so we'll sneak, we'll try and sneak around and see what's going on before we la di da. Okay, fine. I wouldn't look as crazy if you did it with me.

• 51:49Speaker 04

  Look, I love you cousin, but this backwards town of la di da people, you know, it's just like, I'm not trying to be racist or anything, but you guys are real la di dars.

• 51:59Speaker 03

  It's fine.

• 52:00Speaker 02

  Well, Bob started to sneak up without you and then decided to stop and give you that comeback and give you that burn, which you feel, Mark, you do feel.

• 52:06Speaker 04

  I do feel. He didn't say what name it was, but I got the implication. On the outside, I was like, I bet it's a good name because we're all rich, but in the inside I know it's gonna hurt. So I don't even ask what it was.

• 52:15Speaker 02

  Shaking off the burns that you both just succumbed each other to, you both start to sneak up a little bit. And as you get closer and closer to the hollow itself, you can see that there's a service, a ceremony, some kind of ritual even taking place. The decorated box you saw from a distance at the farm, Bob, is up kind of central on a, like a wooden built platform. And you see your church pastor up there. Well, he's still, he's walking down and he's approaching your parents. You see them and the pastor is walking over to them. As he's approaching them, you kind of get a view of the rest of the hollow and you see there's pews set up. People are sitting at the pews, all the pews facing this central altar.

• 52:59Speaker 02

  And your attention turns back over to the pastor approaching your parents. And it seems like he's not very happy and you sneak up a bit closer and you're listening. They're talking about you. The pastor's angry that you weren't there and your parents are a bit defensive. They say,

• 53:17Speaker 05

  Bob's been attending his whole life. We've had the good years. We've had the bad years and nothing has been different with Bob's beliefs all throughout. It's not him.

• 53:26Speaker 02

  The pastor responds.

• 53:28Speaker 06

  Things have changed. We must change. We must adapt and give to the shepherd or our way of life will forever cease to be.

• 53:37Speaker 02

  It seems like the pastor is getting more and more animated. You're afraid he might even strike or lash out. He's trembling a bit. His fists are clenched. Is he carrying a weapon at his side of some kind? It's hard to tell because he is wearing robes, but you can choose to keep listening or are your parents in danger?

• 53:57Speaker 04

  I'm not gonna lie cousin. This looks really suspicious. Your parents talking to the pastor guy, them saying, oh, they're about to kill him, something, maybe us, you know?

• 54:09Speaker 03

  Look, I, I think I, I have a, I have a plan. I have a plan. I developed a plan. It's, uh, what, what I'm thinking is you stay here, stay low. I'm gonna stand up and walk out there.

• 54:21Speaker 04

  You okay?

• 54:22Speaker 03

  And I'll be, I'll be there. You'll be near and that's the deal, my dear.

• 54:27Speaker 04

  And I stay here and I stay hidden.

• 54:30Speaker 03

  And I'll tell them you're cool.

• 54:33Speaker 04

  Oh, you're gonna tell them I'm here?

• 54:35Speaker 03

  If they don't notice you, like maybe you sneak back to the house and just go have a nap. But if they notice you, because it's possible they'll notice you, I'll just tell them that you're cool.

• 54:46Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 54:47Speaker 03

  So I, I'll tell them you're cool. It'll be fine.

• 54:51Speaker 04

  You're gonna la di da over there? You're gonna, you're just gonna la di da?

• 54:54Speaker 03

  That's really, that's unrelated. I'll walk. Oh, how do you want me to walk? Would it make you feel better if I walked your way?

• 55:02Speaker 04

  My way? I don't walk silly.

• 55:04Speaker 02

  At this point, things are becoming very animated. They're getting up in each other's faces, your parents and the pastor. They're yelling, they're screaming, fists are clenched on both sides. It seems like things are going to come to blows very quickly.

• 55:17Speaker 03

  I spring into action. All right, cousin, we're doing my plan. Stay low.

• 55:24Speaker 03

  Like I walk out in my traditional manner. Hello, it's me. I'm here. I got your note, mom and dad. I'm sorry that I'm late for the, this great speech, by the way, pastor man. Uh, I'll just sit with mom and dad and then you guys don't have to worry. I'm here, just like always. I always been here. I always show up and don't look in the bushes behind me.

• 55:44Speaker 02

  Is exactly how you imagined things would go down.

• 55:49Speaker 02

  As you step out and start to run out and make noise, unfortunately, you're a moment too late. The pastor draws what looks like a ceremonial blade and it goes right across the throat of your mom and she collapses in a heap. You yell and charge in.

• 56:09Speaker 03

  That's my battle yell.

• 56:10Speaker 02

  Distracting the pastor long enough where he looks in your direction, your dad reacts, grabbing the blade and thrusting it through the pastor. As the pastor goes to drop, your dad quickly reaches into his robes and grabs a glowing tube of some kind, some kind of just, I don't know. It's, it's like a rod, but it's got a glow to it.

• 56:29Speaker 03

  It's like a glow stick. Is dad a glover?

• 56:32Speaker 02

  But before you can make heads or tails of what you're looking at, the congregation is realizing what's happened. Your dad seizing the opportunity to take control of the situation yells to them.

• 56:43Speaker 05

  The shepherd left us this one blessing.

• 56:45Speaker 02

  As he holds it up.

• 56:46Speaker 05

  And it is now in my possession. What's left of my family and I are leaving. And if any of you try to stop us, I will destroy the shepherd's gift, ensuring damnation to us all.

• 56:58Speaker 02

  And the congregation, which was starting to charge over freezes, stopping in place, not daring to risk seeing damage to the shepherd's gift.

• 57:05Speaker 04

  I jump out and I go, I'm also family. I'm family too.

• 57:09Speaker 03

  Do the walk. I don't want to do the walk.

• 57:12Speaker 04

  Do the walk. I can't believe you.

• 57:13Speaker 03

  Come on, man. No, I'm just.

• 57:15Speaker 02

  They look at you as if they don't believe you.

• 57:21Speaker 02

  They freeze once again as they realize you're part of the family.

• 57:27Speaker 04

  I'm doing this as I make my way over.

• 57:28Speaker 03

  Uh, don't get, don't get fancy. Don't get fancy. They start moving a little bit, you know, everyone's head starts to bob.

• 57:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:39Speaker 02

  Which is exactly how you imagined it.

• 57:44Speaker 03

  There we go, vivid imaginations here.

• 57:46Speaker 02

  Mark walks up and joins you two. Shock and adrenaline keeping you guys going at this point where what's happened to your mom hasn't quite sunk in and what's happening around you still doesn't make sense. Your dad continues to speak and says,

• 57:59Speaker 05

  I will leave this at the edge of town as we leave. You can recover it and pray the shepherd returns. But if I believe any of you are following us or trying to stop us before we leave, I will destroy this without hesitation.

• 58:12Speaker 02

  You two, along with Bob's dad, are forced to leave the body of his wife and your mom behind. In the car, because your dad thankfully did have a car here. As you're driving away, you're all feeling very paranoid. You're looking behind you. You're looking out the windows. You're checking the mirrors. You're making sure no one is following you. You pass by some of the checkpoints or barricades, your dad holding up the cylinder and none of them knowing quite exactly what happened, but seeing the relic, knowing that that that's a key you guys get to go through. And you managed to reach the edge of town. Your dad had promised to leave the relic if you guys were able to leave town and he goes to set it down in one of the last barricade cars before you all leave.

• 58:51Speaker 02

  Finally, just a moment of humanity washes over him and even you as you realize the gravity of what you saw happen to your mom. Your dad grips the relic tightly and instead of setting it down, he smashes it on the road instead of setting it down as you leave the town behind you forever. The drive goes on. Eventually you used to come to sleep. You guys haven't gotten to rest. When you wake up, he's still driving and he decides to tell you some story about the shepherd. The shepherd had arrived in this small town decades ago at this point, a very long time ago, from the sky. Was the shepherd an alien? Was it a spacecraft? Was he a god? It's hard to know for sure.

• 59:34Speaker 02

  His powers, whether they were innate or technological, did bless the town with harvests and bounties and people were joyous and gave gifts to the shepherd to thank him. But one day the shepherd seemingly disappeared or refused to help anymore. Visitors came into town, outsiders, and there was an accident. They'd come to the hollow whenever there was some construction going on and ultimately they ended up getting hurt and passing away. However, after their blood spilled in the hollow, the following years, it seems like the blessing of the shepherd had returned. There was a bountiful harvest, plenty of rain, and the pastor and the pious believed that maybe now the shepherd demanded blood sacrifice.

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  Your parents were unwilling participants. You weren't as pious as some of the other kids and family members in the town. And that irked people, but because your parents were willing to help with the sacrifices, you were safe. At least for a while. And that's the only reason they participated was to protect you. You pass out again, exhaustion, and you awaken hearing your dad muttering to himself.

• 1:00:42Speaker 05

  I shouldn't have done that. I know I shouldn't have done that.

• 1:00:45Speaker 02

  And as you open your eyes, you see a light in the sky ahead and then another, and then another, and a whole bunch of lights start to appear. You escaped the town. You lost your mom, but whatever lies ahead, you know in your bones, this time there is no escape.

• 1:01:03Speaker 04

  Except for me, right?

• 1:01:05Speaker 02

  No, you did the dance. You're part of the family.

• 1:01:07Speaker 04

  Fuck. Ah, shit. I knew I shouldn't have. I knew you. I knew you were up to something with that dance. I knew it was up to no good.

• 1:01:13Speaker 02

  Long story short, I had, I think, like I said, about 10 endings to this. And that was the, one of the meh endings, like, you know, not a good ending, but not the worst ending. The deaths, there were, there were multiple ways for you guys to die. There were, and then you guys found a couple of those, I think, only two of them out of like six or seven, I had.

• 1:01:32Speaker 04

  I tried to die more. I tried.

• 1:01:34Speaker 02

  I don't know that I'll play through this exact scenario with you all again, but I can walk you through how you could have gotten the best ending if you'd like and some of the things you missed. Did you guys, was it fun? Was it good?

• 1:01:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:44Speaker 03

  I wanted to know what was gonna happen.

• 1:01:46Speaker 02

  So there were ways to get more information. So Mark, you waited in the car and found the, the guy driving by. If you had chose to walk along the highway, you could have come across a house where you would have met Crazy Walter. And Crazy Walter was kind of like an alien conspiracy theorist. And you would have seen that same symbol in his house. So later on, you would have had some information to that. And he would have given you some info that you wouldn't have probably believed because he came off as a crazy person, but it would have made more sense as time goes on. So Crazy Walter was one of your ways of getting info. Exploring the church, you guys got some information from exploring the church about the shepherd and the harvests and stuff. If you had chose to investigate the cars, the abandoned cars a bit more, you would have actually found a couple of weapons.

• 1:02:29Speaker 04

  Damn.

• 1:02:30Speaker 02

  And then whenever you confronted the, uh, the cult there at the end, you would have had a way to actually stop the pastor before he hurt your mom. And that way you could have had both of your parents escape and you would have gotten a different ending and your dad wouldn't have smashed the crystal and that would have been the best ending.

• 1:02:44Speaker 03

  I feel like it was really obvious. He shouldn't have done that to everyone.

• 1:02:48Speaker 02

  It may be that the last half of this, I wrote it like two in the morning last night, so maybe all the best decisions were used a little bit earlier on.

• 1:02:56Speaker 04

  Ah, what can you do? That's how it goes sometimes.

• 1:02:59Speaker 02

  If you'd gone the scenic route, Mark, your tires wouldn't have gotten flattened, but your car wouldn't have started. So your car would have still broken down and you would have had the option to either follow the highway, wait in the car or follow the river. The river would have immediately also led to death. That was another way to die.

• 1:03:12Speaker 04

  I mean, that makes sense. Rivers are deadly.

• 1:03:15Speaker 02

  Oh, the Crazy Walter would have given you a name to use at the hotel, which would have kept you safe for the night. And then time would have worked a bit differently and Bob would have had some time at home to sleep and you guys would have been doing stuff the next day. But he would have given you a name that people wouldn't have investigated you because it's like the safe word for people's families that wouldn't be in trouble.

• 1:03:30Speaker 03

  Too bad I didn't give that to you.

• 1:03:32Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh, well.

• 1:03:33Speaker 02

  I'm sure there were some holes. Like I said, it was my first go at it and I wrote all this in like three hours last night, but I don't know, just sounded like a fun idea. So I gave it a shot and.

• 1:03:40Speaker 04

  No, well done, man. That was good.

• 1:03:42Speaker 02

  Hopefully you all out there enjoyed watching, listening. Um, I did mark down some points, but you each only died once individually, even though there were, there were a couple more ways, I think, for Mark to die by himself because he was coming from the outside, whereas you had at least the base town protection. So I wrote in some ways for you to die, but I think there was like one more way for Mark to die than you. Let me go through the points real quick. There aren't a lot of points because mostly I was narrating, so I didn't have time to write a lot down. Mark, you got points for, uh, hotel showers rule, uh, shot in the desert.

• 1:04:11Speaker 03

  Bubbies.

• 1:04:13Speaker 02

  Death and consistency with even this like fantasy version of you can't drink alcohol.

• 1:04:21Speaker 02

  Uh, right now you have five points. Bob, you got points for,

• 1:04:25Speaker 04

  I took a shower.

• 1:04:27Speaker 02

  Nair is just Wade's shampoo. Cybertruck Bob, which you shall forever be known as now.

• 1:04:33Speaker 03

  That's pretty fair.

• 1:04:34Speaker 02

  You had one death. You decided that you would try to bend the rules and fuck with me instead of just following along with the choices, which I gave you a point for. It was fun. Trying to give yourself a gun. I gave you a squirt gun point. And then there at the end, I had to give you a Shakira point. You did the wherever.

• 1:04:48Speaker 04

  No. Did I get a point for, how are you gonna help me? Cause I thought that was pretty funny. I thought that was funny.

• 1:04:55Speaker 02

  You know what? Sure. I'll give you, I'll, that was pretty funny.

• 1:04:57Speaker 03

  Are you sure you noticed the Shakira thing, Wade?

• 1:05:00Speaker 02

  Oh, has everyone a bounty for you?

• 1:05:02Speaker 04

  Maybe.

• 1:05:03Speaker 02

  Hard, it's hard to get my girl past me. I was wondering why you're upset that I gave you a point for. I was like, man, I noticed that I gave you a point.

• 1:05:08Speaker 03

  I mean, that's good, but the bounty is only successful if I can sincerely and relevant to what's happening, use a Shakira lyric. And if Wade doesn't notice, I get the point at the end of the episode, but if Wade does notice, Wade gets the point at the end of the episode. So technically.

• 1:05:30Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 1:05:31Speaker 04

  Oh, shit. No, no.

• 1:05:33Speaker 03

  I gave you a bounty. And then what do we decide? Those are two points generally and it's two or, or three, if it's like a big boy one.

• 1:05:41Speaker 02

  I would say for me getting it, that's worth like a point or two, but for you to have gotten that, like that's, that would be a hard, there's a lot of stipulations to that.

• 1:05:48Speaker 03

  When you didn't say it immediately, I was like, oh, we have a chance. And then you, the last point you gave me is the Shakira point. God damn it.

• 1:05:57Speaker 02

  You did, I mean, you integrated it so well. I was like, man, I'm surprised Mark didn't comment on it or anything. Cause I was so like.

• 1:06:03Speaker 03

  The whole time in the back of my mind, I was like, oh, you know what? One, I don't know how this would have come up, but do you know what I had picked out? That I really wanted to see if I could get in relevantly and sincerely is from the, from whenever, wherever. There's a line that goes, lucky that my breasts are small and humble, so you don't confuse them with mountains. I had that one written out in front of me and I was just like, any opportunity, come on.

• 1:06:32Speaker 02

  Man, I, I think I would have just given you a win. If you'd gotten that and I didn't notice, you would have just won.

• 1:06:37Speaker 03

  I got naked in front of Mark, hoping there'd be a setup of some sort. Then everyone was just like, huh, he got naked. All right. Come on, come on.

• 1:06:50Speaker 04

  He just does that, man. He just does it.

• 1:06:52Speaker 03

  The way it works is you would have gotten all the points. So if I did multiple and you notice, you could end it up with any number of points. So it's maybe good. I just went with one and called it. Cause I, there were a couple of other points where I could have gone for it.

• 1:07:05Speaker 02

  Right now, because you put, I was trying so hard not to be on the board this time. I was like, I can't do golf rules again. Uh, the score is Bob, seven, Mark, six, and me two, I guess. Since you said that was a two point, one or two, whatever. It doesn't really matter, but I'm on the board and I guess we'll do our wheel spins. Uh, I'm sorry. I noticed Bob, I just, I could not.

• 1:07:22Speaker 03

  Just assume if I'm throwing Shakira in for no apparent reason, then it's probably none of your goddamn business.

• 1:07:30Speaker 02

  Really just thought you were trying to get some points from me, so I gave you a point. I'm.

• 1:07:33Speaker 03

  Fair, fair is fair. Fair is, that's totally fair. It was, it was relevant, which I was proud of, but it was not exactly sneaky. I feel like that, that I had it. Oh, man. I had that. Oh.

• 1:07:44Speaker 04

  Oh, my God.

• 1:07:45Speaker 03

  Only have one wheel spin to get another golf rules.

• 1:07:48Speaker 02

  Or if it goes to Mark, uh, the tie, I'm gonna go to the tie wheel for the first time.

• 1:07:52Speaker 03

  What new thing are we adding to our list of 119 wheel options?

• 1:07:58Speaker 02

  Um, what about tried to break the game? Bob, you tried to break the game multiple times today. So whenever the host is trying to do something and someone's trying to break the game, you know, here's a reward for being a pest, I guess. Cause a lot of times I think I'm the pest, so.

• 1:08:10Speaker 03

  All right. We got one spin, baby. We shuffle, let me click the right combination of shuffles. I'm gonna scroll the whole list. I'm sure this will be enough. Yep. Yep. Yep. There we go. Uh, now we have them all on the record. We definitely have that on video and it'll be fine. One spin, baby.

• 1:08:29Speaker 02

  They're all on the record right there.

• 1:08:31Speaker 03

  That's true. I guess.

• 1:08:35Speaker 03

  I sneezed.

• 1:08:36Speaker 02

  Achoo.

• 1:08:37Speaker 03

  I sneezed. Oh, he did actually sneeze. I sneezed. Oh, time travel makes me sneezy. Oh, wait. Oh, yeah. I thought I was. I thought I was behind. No, it's tied.

• 1:08:48Speaker 02

  We go to the tie wheel.

• 1:08:49Speaker 03

  I have currently scribbled that we should be on 8% as of April 17th.

• 1:08:55Speaker 02

  Has it been that long since? No, I think it's been that long.

• 1:08:57Speaker 03

  The last time we interacted with the winner's wheel, we added 2% on April 17th. I have it written down and dated on the back of my scorebook. The one man show needs to be 29 degrees. It wouldn't land on that. Look how small it looks.

• 1:09:11Speaker 02

  Look how small it is. If it does, you guys have to write the episode. I get to take the next writing off no matter what.

• 1:09:16Speaker 03

  Are we allowed to just be like, it's a one man show? And then both of us walk away and Wade does whatever he does for 45 minutes?

• 1:09:22Speaker 02

  No, in that case, I'll hijack and just declare a winner.

• 1:09:25Speaker 03

  May the best slice win.

• 1:09:32Speaker 02

  Oh, oh, oh, I really thought. I thought it was gonna stop in there.

• 1:09:36Speaker 03

  It likes to do that. It likes to look like it's just gonna overshoot and then go back and be like, boing.

• 1:09:41Speaker 04

  This is not my season, guys. This is not my season.

• 1:09:44Speaker 02

  I think I saw where someone posted that we were tied. I think Bob is now up by one. I think now it's like five to four to four wins. And Mark, you did have the most points prior to this, too.

• 1:09:53Speaker 03

  It's true. That's, that's what the score sheet says by, by our unofficial official score in the subreddit. But now I'm winning, idiots.

• 1:10:02Speaker 02

  Well, congratulations. Um, Bob, do you want to give a winner's speech?

• 1:10:06Speaker 03

  It feels like it's been a while since I won, but it hasn't because I win a lot. I guess the point of the speech is just to say that everyone is back where they belong, and I think that's how it should stay. Uh, this was fun. I do wish I had found a way to like trick you into letting me break the game and jump off the timeline and see what happened, but I also wish you hadn't noticed Shakira. So what are you gonna do? But it was good, good, good, good competition. I really tried to get Mark killed a lot, and I guess our fates were just inexorably intertwined. So we did it, except we died. We, I assume we died at the end, right? That's bad. That's not a good situation.

• 1:10:44Speaker 02

  For the sake of the episode, yes, but for the sake of what would have actually happened is you guys would have both been teleported back to the beginning. Before you give a loser's speech, I will say that, um, my original intent for this, before I realized how long it would take, was to have you two separated, come together for a few decisions and separate again, and then ultimately come together for the conclusion. But I realized how long it was gonna take to get through all of this. So I was like, I better just simplify it. So I cut a bunch out there at the end to make it a little bit shorter. So there were more times for you guys to try to get each other killed, but I had to shorten it. We still ended up going almost twice the length of an episode. So Bob, good winner's speech. Mark, loser's speech.

• 1:11:17Speaker 04

  Well, you know, this just goes to show, no matter how much you love your cousins, never visit them, even if they're in hardship, especially if they're in hardship, because you never know what's gonna happen. There's a giant hole in the ground, their parents are gonna die, or cause a whole ruckus in the town and upset God. So don't piss off God, don't visit your cousin.

• 1:11:37Speaker 02

  Oh, and the hollow, the reason I think that was where the spaceship landed.

• 1:11:41Speaker 04

  Ah, I didn't get that. I thought it was a giant and it was hole in the ground.

• 1:11:45Speaker 03

  It's radioactive. We're all dying of cancer real bad.

• 1:11:48Speaker 04

  Uh, the gift, the glowing gift was just pure radiation. I see.

• 1:11:51Speaker 03

  Whatever Homer has in the intro of The Simpsons, it was one of those.

• 1:11:54Speaker 02

  Thank you, guys, for participating and Bob for trying to break the game, which you technically did. I did let you have the option of sleeping naked at your house, which wasn't originally written in my script, but you know, I was gonna let you do it. Hopefully you had fun. Hopefully everyone you guys enjoyed watching. It was my first crack at a choose your own adventure. So maybe I'll do it again if you guys liked it. If not, then you know, give it a shot. Uh, stay tuned for the next one where Bob will host. He's now our current season leader in wins. I think at like five and then Mark and I are tied at four. But we'll see what Bob has up his sleeve. But it's been a close season. It's been fun. It was nice hosting for a little bit and maybe my streak will continue. Follow Mark at MarkApplier, Bob at Mysker, me at Minion77, or LordMinion777. We have merch sometimes at distractible.shop, so keep an eye on there. Check it out. Maybe there's some stuff to pick up. And I guess stay tuned for the next one. Until then, podcast out.

• 1:12:43Speaker 00

  This is the sound of peace. Peace of mind knowing you're behind the wheel of Consumer Reports' safest new car brand, Mazda. The Mazda CX 50 Hybrid comes standard with a suite of proactive safety features, so you can drive in peace and confidence wherever the road takes you. Mazda. Tap the banner to discover how confidence comes standard. Consumer Reports does not endorse products or services. Visit MazdaUSA.com to learn more.