Nah, I'd Win (Part 5)

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• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:23Speaker 02

  Heads up, everybody.

• 1:24Speaker 03

  We're going to be making a big change. Since the beginning of this podcast, we've almost always had episodes come out on Monday. We're going to move the podcast episode to Tuesday. It will come out instead of Monday so that we don't have to have people working late on a Sunday and they can actually get a full weekend, which would be very cool. There still might be issues, you know, with putting the episode out. There always are, but it's like things happen all the time.

• 1:49Speaker 04

  Surprise.

• 1:50Speaker 03

  It's, it's necessary. Unfortunately, I know somebody probably want to start your weeks and look forward to it all the time. The habit is very strong, but I think this is better for the editors involved. And at the end of the day, it's, it's one day and I hope you understand in the long run, it won't be any days because it'll be the exact same, just one week apart, different day.

• 2:06Speaker 04

  What you should do is you just listen to the new episode every week, every day until the next one comes out. So that way you'll have like one Monday where you're like, ah, but then you'll just have every day. Get to listen to the episode and then it'll just, it'll cover you, fill you in there. That's it.

• 2:23Speaker 05

  I have nothing else interesting to add to that.

• 2:26Speaker 06

  Good evening, gentle listeners, all watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, metaphysical Mark condemns the listeners, slams inflated storage, then retreads an RPG. Brilliant Bobloon is aroused by sheaths, semen, submersibles, slamming doors, and thus becomes engorged. Professor Willful Wade beats on Beast, dominates a con, cuck tapes arse to mouth, and propounds politics. From being blinded by beauty to special squirrels.

• 3:04Speaker 06

  It's time for, nah, I'd win, part five. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

• 3:20Speaker 03

  Good evening and welcome back to Distractible. My name is Mark. I'm your host for this evening and or morning and or afternoon. Host of the podcast that's going to rescue you from your doldrums. We're going to have so many infographics. We're going to have so many visual cues. We're going to have so many visual effects in this episode. You're going to be blinded by the amazing visuals that we have ready for you in this wonderful episode of this podcast. Ah, I'm joined forever by my visually handsome and visually interesting. What amazing, incredible shirts you guys are wearing today.

• 3:56Speaker 04

  Oh, thank you. It's had buttons on it. Very cool.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, you don't need to explain it. We can all see how interesting your shirt is.

• 4:04Speaker 04

  Except for the listeners. That was for you, listeners. My shirt has buttons.

• 4:08Speaker 03

  No, screw those guys. They deserve less than hell and they should be sent to purgatory, the one below hell.

• 4:17Speaker 05

  And it's less than hell better, is that nicer or meaner?

• 4:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, heaven, purgatory. I don't know, heaven, purgatory, hell, sub purgatory.

• 4:25Speaker 04

  Super hell.

• 4:26Speaker 03

  That's where listeners should go. Yeah.

• 4:28Speaker 05

  Mr. Beast video.

• 4:35Speaker 04

  I like that. I like that ranking. Heaven, purgatory, hell, trapped into Mr. Beast video as a competitor, sub purgatory.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  My bad. No, no, no, you gotta own it. You, I'll give you a point to that to solidify it. All right, so you're roasted. I did it. We've got a wild and wacky episode for you today. But before we get into that, we always need to check in on how these two are doing emotionally and metaphysically.

• 5:02Speaker 04

  Metaphysically?

• 5:03Speaker 03

  Metaphysically.

• 5:04Speaker 04

  Oh, wait, can I be real honest? Can I be real for a second?

• 5:07Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 5:08Speaker 04

  I don't know what that means and at this point I'm too afraid to ask.

• 5:11Speaker 03

  All right, well, let's put in, uh, Sam, put text on the screen to define it. No voices.

• 5:16Speaker 04

  But I can't see that.

• 5:17Speaker 03

  Huh? What do you mean?

• 5:19Speaker 04

  How will I learn? That makes me feel metaphysically bad.

• 5:23Speaker 05

  I see you're starting to get it.

• 5:24Speaker 03

  No, this is, this is Wade territory. This is Wade nonsense. Metaphysics is the core branch of philosophy that studies the fundamental nature of reality, existence, objects, properties, space, time, causation, and mind-matter relations. Wade, why didn't you know that?

• 5:38Speaker 05

  Well, I mean, I read a book called The Metaphysics of Morals, but it's been 20 years, man. I got a bad memory.

• 5:44Speaker 04

  You don't study for these episodes? Anyway, I'm sick, but I'm good.

• 5:47Speaker 03

  Sick but good.

• 5:49Speaker 04

  Have I showed you guys this yet on stream? Have I played with this yet?

• 5:52Speaker 03

  Please show. Yes.

• 5:53Speaker 05

  This is the world's tiniest lunchbox.

• 5:55Speaker 04

  We were sponsored by this company, but this is unrelated. I bought this with my own money. This is a Ridge iPhone Duo case.

• 6:02Speaker 03

  Are you going to be getting the Duo?

• 6:04Speaker 04

  I have it pre-ordered. I get to pick it up on release day. I'm very excited. I understand there will be a lot of Android fanboys who will hate on me and I'll just tell you, I've used both.

• 6:15Speaker 03

  Apple finally trapped me.

• 6:17Speaker 04

  Stop. It's not your fault or my fault. And I acknowledge the shortcomings of iOS, but also I'm really excited to have a folding phone. I was considering jumping ship for the Samsung Fold 8 because it's also kind of this like shorter, wider form factor like the, like the iPhone. And I think it looks like a really good shape. I want to have, I want to touch it with my hands, but I'm excited. I get that, pick that up very soon. I've been sitting here playing with the phone case on my desk, just being like, there will be something in this. Oh, I can't wait. Oh, boy.

• 6:49Speaker 03

  I, I also tried out, not the Fold 8, the, it was a different Galaxy. It was a taller one.

• 6:56Speaker 04

  The, is it the Fold 8 Pro or the, one of the old Z folds that's taller?

• 7:00Speaker 03

  I've, I think something like that. I can't remember exactly, but it was nice. I liked it a lot. It was really fun to use, but I am also embedded in the Apple ecosystem. I have a MacBook and I have the other Apple devices and it does kind of lock you in after a while. And if one of them doesn't trap you into the rest of their ecosystem, then you, you are still available, as they say.

• 7:23Speaker 05

  I'm rocking the brand new 16.

• 7:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, buddy, that's great. That's a new one. That's really good.

• 7:29Speaker 03

  That's good.

• 7:29Speaker 05

  That's great. It just came out, barely even two years old.

• 7:33Speaker 03

  That's all you need. I mean, I have the Air and I've liked the Air.

• 7:36Speaker 05

  I thought the Air was the tablet. Is the Air the phone too?

• 7:39Speaker 03

  No, they have many things called the Air.

• 7:40Speaker 04

  iPad Air is a thing, but the phone, there's an iPhone Air, which is a very thin.

• 7:45Speaker 05

  Oh, okay.

• 7:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I liked it a lot. I didn't even miss not having the cameras because usually I take my pictures with other cameras and I like the thin form factor, but I bought the 256 gig version thinking, I never need that much space. Why would I ever go, man, I've run out of space all the time. It offloads apps for me and I'm like, no, I needed that one. I was logged into that one. Ah, shit.

• 8:07Speaker 05

  I don't think I've ever filled up 256. I don't think I ever get that much. I think I get like the one down.

• 8:12Speaker 04

  I always ride that line and I have not yet run into it. But on my current phone, I think I have the half 500 gig one and I'm at like 470. And it's just reached that point where my phone is like, we start deleting stuff? Do me a start, uninstalling apps for you? No, no, I don't. But also, uh, whoops.

• 8:32Speaker 03

  But anyway, that's cool. Uh, whenever you get that, that'll be fun to see. I think I'm also getting one at some point, but I didn't preorder. They're just sending me one.

• 8:41Speaker 04

  Oh, wow. We're not all friends with the man whose heart sings at our bathroom MacBook Studio towers. So.

• 8:49Speaker 03

  Oh my God. Yeah, yeah.

• 8:53Speaker 05

  My phone says I have a terabyte capacity and I still have 930 gigabytes available. I might have overspent.

• 9:02Speaker 04

  Damn.

• 9:03Speaker 05

  Two years, I've only used seventy gigs.

• 9:06Speaker 04

  What do you use it for? I feel like I have that much in text messages history stored on my phone. Like, god dang.

• 9:14Speaker 05

  Apparently nothing. I don't know. I think next time I could tone down the amount of storage.

• 9:19Speaker 04

  I think the iOS install is half of your total storage usage.

• 9:23Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, I have, I've like pet pictures.

• 9:27Speaker 03

  That's cool. That's cool, man. And then gotcha games. That's it.

• 9:31Speaker 05

  No, I don't. Those are, those are my tablet.

• 9:33Speaker 03

  Oh, I see.

• 9:35Speaker 05

  And my tablet's used a hundred and twenty gigs, probably.

• 9:39Speaker 03

  Uh, speaking of gigs, I, I need to buy some hard drives for some of my editors. And I haven't looked in a while, because I bought all of my stuff before the spikes in prices. And so I was, I was used to like, I went, I looked at an eight terabyte NVMe and I was like, oh, man, it's up to eight hundred dollars back when I bought it before. I was like, shit, I'm only gonna get two because fuck, I can't. I looked today and it was like two thousand four hundred dollars. Crying to myself, holy shit. Yeah, so I'm, I'm very upset.

• 10:12Speaker 05

  I'm glad I replaced all my Synology hard drives when I did, and even that was too expensive.

• 10:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. So it's, uh, it's, uh, not fun out there for the world of storage. But hey, hopefully it'll, it'll crash soon and take the entire economy with it. That'll, that'll be cool when that finally happens.

• 10:28Speaker 04

  Yay. Huge economic depression. Let's do it.

• 10:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:34Speaker 05

  What ended humanity? Hard drive storage prices.

• 10:39Speaker 04

  Doesn't end humanity, probably, right?

• 10:42Speaker 03

  It could, it could end humanity.

• 10:44Speaker 04

  It wouldn't. It wouldn't.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  No, yeah, it wouldn't. There's no way, right?

• 10:49Speaker 05

  I'm also a little sick to go back to the small talk bits. Uh, I got my boosters and, uh, two days ago, and I actually didn't get all that sick, but I just feel like I have a head cold and I got a sore right shoulder. I went to a convention this weekend, for a second convention I've gone to, I think, since we did the, the tours. Up in Columbus, it's called Game Developer Expo. That was a fun time. Got through a little panel. Uh, have I talked to you guys since I talked to the law school? Or was that last week?

• 11:13Speaker 04

  That was literally, you signed off last week as we were recording to go do that.

• 11:17Speaker 05

  Yeah, so I got to talk in front of a law school class. That was fun. It was virtual. But, uh, they wanted to talk about like IP copyrights, intellectual properties IP. So I was talking about like YouTube and Twitch and copyright and all that kind of stuff and how we handle it, what we do and blah, blah, blah, blah. But it was fun and I enjoyed it. I like talking. So getting to talk in front of like students and stuff, since I want to be a professor at one point, I got to really enjoy not having to do any work, but still get to talk in front of a class. It's great. Best combo of worlds.

• 11:45Speaker 03

  Well, congratulations for that. I'm glad you were able to do that. Sorry you got sick.

• 11:49Speaker 05

  I, I did it to myself. Uh, and Presley gets his MRI this week, so yay.

• 11:54Speaker 03

  Oh, okay. Well, hopefully that'll lead to some progress or something.

• 11:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, hopefully it shows good things for his back parts.

• 12:00Speaker 05

  Yeah, they're like, bring him in at seven in the morning. We're like, oh man, that's okay. We'll do that. Which for me is, it's very horrible time. They're like, yeah, we're gonna do the MRI. If you need surgery, we'll probably just do it right then.

• 12:10Speaker 04

  Oh, god.

• 12:12Speaker 05

  We find out and then it's like, yeah, so the MRI came back and he's in surgery right now.

• 12:17Speaker 03

  I mean, that is kind of the response you want. Better than it waiting a month, being like, yeah, he has this horrible thing and we'll get you in as soon as, as soon as we feel like it, you know, as soon as, as soon as, you know, we get around to it. We got naps to take.

• 12:29Speaker 05

  Well, he got hurt. We took him to the vet same day and then it took a week to get him in for the consult. And then another week and a day or two for the MRI. So it is two weeks after the initial incident. But like, at least now that we've got the MRI, like you said, if he needs it, they're just gonna do it right away. But they, they're like, here's your potential price. It's like four grand for the MRI and the surgery could bring it up to about ten. So just come in and be prepared to play anywhere between four and ten grand out of pocket. Great, see you then. What?

• 12:56Speaker 04

  Yikes.

• 12:57Speaker 05

  Sorry, anyway, go ahead, Bob.

• 12:58Speaker 04

  I was just doing a bit. I did, they were like, oh, we'll get you in when we can. Unless you happen to have be friends with any Benjamin Franklin type fellows, unless you happen to, maybe you know a few, uh, what dollar bill is Donald Trump on? I assume he's done that.

• 13:13Speaker 05

  Uh, the American bill, Bill of America.

• 13:18Speaker 03

  They're like, slide your doggy dollars into the doggy door. We'll get you in sooner.

• 13:21Speaker 05

  And hopefully you're awake for it. Imagine you passed out in the waiting room and they come out and they're like, sir, we did. Not gonna wake up. We'll just fix this dog. Fine. We don't want to disturb his great slumber here in the waiting room with all the barking sick dogs.

• 13:36Speaker 04

  You joke, but I could see it.

• 13:38Speaker 05

  It was rough during, I hadn't slept before Molly's surgery, so I was like head nodding in the waiting room for that. Watching Legends of Avengers on my phone. I was like watching clips of Legends of Avengers. I was like, please keep me awake. And it, it came as close as anything could have, but I was still like,

• 13:53Speaker 05

  for like forty-five minutes. Awful feeling.

• 13:56Speaker 03

  No, I'm sorry about that.

• 13:58Speaker 05

  It's okay. I can't wait to do it again this Thursday.

• 14:00Speaker 03

  I've been getting great sleep. Man, I, I've been, I've been living it up. I, I, I, I don't know, guys. I've been, I've been sleeping like nine hours a night.

• 14:08Speaker 05

  Join the club, man.

• 14:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's been, it's been good. But, you know, not to belittle any of your guys' experience. Are you both ready for the adventure?

• 14:17Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 14:18Speaker 05

  Yeah, I don't feel very belittled. You're good.

• 14:21Speaker 03

  Okay, good. All right. I want you to imagine you guys are on a submarine, the bottom of the ocean. What? Why is that funny? Why is it funny? Why is it funny, Wade? Explain yourself.

• 14:33Speaker 05

  I have to.

• 14:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, sure.

• 14:35Speaker 04

  I would like to know. I, I have no idea why that's funny. I don't.

• 14:38Speaker 05

  Do you remember barotrauma when Bob Hart couldn't get in the door?

• 14:42Speaker 04

  Oh, that was immediately what I thought of too. Yes, it just didn't make me laugh.

• 14:46Speaker 05

  And you were like, Mark, Mark, I'm trying so hard to let you. It was so sad.

• 14:51Speaker 03

  I never knew if you were bullshitting or not.

• 14:53Speaker 04

  I honest to God could not get the door to open and I don't know why.

• 14:57Speaker 05

  Oh, I'm so sorry that we did detract from our nice serene moment, but that was such a good.

• 15:02Speaker 03

  No, no, it, that just is like a side. I wish we had unlimited time, because like barotrauma is a type of game where it's like, I wish we had like a week where all we did was just play games and we get good at something. We never get good at anything. So it's always surface level.

• 15:16Speaker 04

  Hey, you got really good at GTFO and dragged us along.

• 15:20Speaker 03

  I did, yeah, yeah. That was fun.

• 15:22Speaker 05

  Dude, I would love to play more of that one too. I like that game too.

• 15:24Speaker 03

  All right, but no, this is actually unrelated to that. It's unrelated to Iron Lung. You're just on a submarine. It's unrelated to the, the other incident. It's a military submarine. So there's a bunch of other soldiers or Navy seamen on board.

• 15:38Speaker 05

  Seamen?

• 15:39Speaker 03

  Seamen. There's, there's seamen on board. You're cruising at an extremely low depth. When suddenly you hear some concerning sounds, extreme creaking starts to resonate through the hull. You've got the, you hear water leaking in through various parts distant on the ship, not yet where you are. But it's clear implosion is imminent. Welcome to Nah, I'd Win Part Five.

• 16:12Speaker 03

  You're gonna tell me whoever goes first, which is, uh,

• 16:15Speaker 05

  That is Wade, tails Bob.

• 16:17Speaker 03

  Boing, donk.

• 16:19Speaker 04

  Tails Bob.

• 16:20Speaker 03

  So Bob's gonna go first and like we did in the last, uh, iterations of this game, we will take turns. They will, uh, have an action. If I deem it's actually beneficial, there are such things as non beneficial actions. They will get an advantage on their roll. I will roll for them or they can roll if they really want to. Uh, if they have a D20 nearby, they have to make a twenty. Now each time they get a good or, you know, at least somewhat decent action, uh, I will give them plus one on their rolls to get them a little closer to that glorious twenty and succeeding. And to reiterate, the situation is you're in a submarine. There are other people around, other trained seamen are around.

• 17:04Speaker 03

  You are part of the crew. You know, you might be one of the people that knows a little bit about the system, but you're just one of the sailors that are aboard. There's implosion imminent. You're so deep, you couldn't, you know, get out. You can either try to, you know, save yourself or save everyone. It, it, there really is not, it's not nah, we'd win. It's nah, I'd win. So I'll leave it up to you whether you want to be the hero.

• 17:28Speaker 04

  I know a lot about submarines, which will become evident over the course of this scenario as it plays out, I'm sure.

• 17:35Speaker 03

  Big metal tube.

• 17:36Speaker 04

  I think there is probably doors in a submarine. And we all know that's what would have saved the Titanic if there had been more doors. There weren't enough doors that water couldn't go through, you know what I mean? So I would think what I'm doing is finding, I'm discerning which end of the tube the water noises are coming from. And then I'm, I just start yelling, closing doors, closing doors. I don't close any of them, because I'm, I'm, I don't rank all those seamen, but I get to tell them what to, so I'm like, close the doors, close them. And then I'd stand and watch while they do what I say, I assume.

• 18:15Speaker 03

  All right. Great move. This is good. You, you're taking advantage of the people around you. They rush off. You hear doors start slam, slam, slam. So all you need is a nineteen to get this.

• 18:25Speaker 05

  You want me to roll it or you rolling them?

• 18:27Speaker 03

  I rolled, oh, you got it? Go ahead and roll.

• 18:29Speaker 05

  I got, I have the world's heaviest D20.

• 18:31Speaker 03

  You don't want the roll I gave you.

• 18:34Speaker 04

  I got a twelve.

• 18:36Speaker 03

  Damn. Turns out the, the, the, the abrasions to the hull and the punctures were in between the doors. Ah, and then the whole thing implodes and you die. So no, you did not survive. However, time resets itself and then in an alternate reality, Wade takes your place inside of your own clothes and.

• 18:56Speaker 05

  All right, so I see all this happening. I hear all this happening. I yell, close the doors and they close all the doors. Thankfully, that leaves me alone in a room with several of the different seamen myself. And as a scientist, I know what I must do. I quickly start sewing them mouth to ass, mouth to ass, mouth to ass and create a human centipede. I force food and water up the rear of the one in the back and the mouth of the other, swelling them and shove them into the hole to block it up with my human centipede concoction.

• 19:26Speaker 03

  Human centi-seamen.

• 19:28Speaker 05

  Worst case, there's less people in the way for us to fix it after.

• 19:31Speaker 04

  Human semen-peed?

• 19:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:37Speaker 03

  I don't know how that helps you.

• 19:40Speaker 05

  I'm plugging up the hole.

• 19:41Speaker 03

  But it's so, it's so creative.

• 19:44Speaker 04

  He's using them as human JB weld, I think is what he's describing.

• 19:48Speaker 03

  Right, right. So it's called cuck tape.

• 19:52Speaker 04

  I don't think it is, man. I don't think it is.

• 19:55Speaker 03

  Cause I'm watching him stick in that hole.

• 19:58Speaker 04

  I don't think it's called that. That doesn't even make sense, but I still hate it.

• 20:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, just like all of this, but I'm gonna give it to you because I want Bob to have to use it in all of his future endeavors.

• 20:10Speaker 05

  I'll take it.

• 20:11Speaker 03

  You need an 18.

• 20:14Speaker 04

  Please work.

• 20:15Speaker 05

  I got a natural one.

• 20:18Speaker 04

  That's, that's accurate.

• 20:19Speaker 03

  You fucking deserve.

• 20:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:23Speaker 03

  After they close the doors and lock you in, you, you pull out your thread and needle go like, guys, guys, I got a plan. Everyone quick, ass to mouth, ass to mouth. And while they look at you confused, the walls implode and you die. Actually, they kill you first and then the walls implode and you die.

• 20:45Speaker 03

  You know, weirdly, I'm gonna give you a point for human centipede.

• 20:48Speaker 05

  As one does. Happy Halloween.

• 20:52Speaker 03

  Is this the Halloween episode?

• 20:54Speaker 05

  I think it's one week before. Maybe it is. I don't know.

• 20:56Speaker 04

  This is on like the 26th or something. It's like the, yeah. Okay, cool. So that's part of what's happening now.

• 21:02Speaker 03

  Yep, yep.

• 21:03Speaker 04

  As the ranking semen in the area, I first order all of my lower semen to close all the doors. And then I order them all and they willingly follow my order to go ass to mouth, ass to mouth. And I go around and human centipede them together. And then I force them to crawl into the cracks where the water seems like it might be leaking through. And then once I'm done having my fun, I realize that the real problem here is you need oxygen to float. You need air. I realize that there are no life rafts, but that I could be my own life raft.

• 21:42Speaker 04

  And I decide to steal all the oxygen in the whole area that no one else can breathe anyway, because they're all so ass to mouth. And I just start like

• 21:52Speaker 04

  and like Willy Wonka style, I inflate as much as I physically can. I become a Bob balloon. Which is not a baboon. It's a balloon that's named Bob, a Bob balloon. And I find the nearest hatch on the top of the thing. And once I'm fully inflated, I squeeze myself through it and open the hatch and rocket to the surface. I am my own life raft.

• 22:17Speaker 03

  There, you know, there's a few issues with it, but I gave it to Wade. I'll give it to you. You only need a 17.

• 22:26Speaker 04

  Guaranteed victory. Guaranteed victory.

• 22:29Speaker 03

  This psychotic scientist on the submarine.

• 22:32Speaker 04

  I got a 14.

• 22:34Speaker 03

  Ah damn. All right. So given the pressure differences, after you inflate into the Bob balloon, as soon as you open the hatch and you start rising, gases expand the less pressure they are. So you explode halfway up to the surface. And also the open hatch leaks, leaks water into the, into the sub and kills everyone.

• 22:52Speaker 04

  Well, they're all human centipeded. They're all gonna die anyway. It's fine.

• 22:56Speaker 03

  They did it to themselves. That was really, that was really their own doing.

• 23:00Speaker 04

  Why did they listen to me when I told them to do that?

• 23:04Speaker 04

  I was joking, but then they were all just waiting and I was like, I guess I have to follow through. I don't, don't make threats. You're not willing to, to, you know, finish.

• 23:13Speaker 03

  Fair, fair. All right, Wade.

• 23:16Speaker 05

  All right. So I start off by yelling, everybody close all the doors. You men, ass to mouth, ass to mouth, stitch them together. Blow myself up like a balloon, pin to the ceiling, thinking about leaving, but I'm like, yo, you know, you know what I'll do instead? You guys, you're in a long centipede formation. Go out the hole and collect all the sponges. Those grow in the ocean, right? And we're gonna soak up the water as it comes in.

• 23:40Speaker 03

  God, you guys really wanna open the doors on this sub? Close the doors, close the doors. Open that door. Do you think it's like an airlock in, in like a space shuttle where they just have a water lock?

• 23:53Speaker 04

  I couldn't figure out how to open the door in Barrotrauma and that was just video games being stupid. I know you can open the doors on a submarine. I've seen it.

• 24:04Speaker 03

  I love the confident roll. I have, I'll give you the point.

• 24:08Speaker 05

  I gotta know. I got a plus one, right?

• 24:10Speaker 03

  I don't know, man. I've been pretty generous. Did you roll a 16?

• 24:15Speaker 05

  I could tell you the answer to that is no.

• 24:17Speaker 03

  Yeah. Tell me if you roll a 16. Did you roll 16?

• 24:20Speaker 05

  I did not roll a 16.

• 24:21Speaker 03

  What'd you roll?

• 24:23Speaker 05

  A three.

• 24:29Speaker 03

  All right, fine. You got your plus one, man.

• 24:31Speaker 05

  Yes, all right.

• 24:33Speaker 03

  Okay, but yeah, alas, turns out as you guys continually try, you open a door outside, water rushes in and implodes faster. Uh, you guys have done basically only one thing to alleviate the, the pressure, but I'm still somehow giving you. I, I know there's a plan deep in here that's gonna worm your way through.

• 24:52Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We got this, Bob.

• 24:54Speaker 03

  So as it stands, you only need 16 to win this, but Bob, it's your turn.

• 24:59Speaker 04

  I hear the terrible sounds of impending doom. I order everyone around me to close all the doors, which they do. I order everyone around me to go ass to mouth, ass to mouth, which they do. I sew them ass to mouth and then shove them slash order them to crawl into the cracks to seal off the water. I start taking all the air in the whole room that we're in, because I realize that's what I need to do. But while I'm doing that, I realize that's not what I need to do. I need to send the human centipede out to get the sponges, but then I realize that's not what I need to do, because that would be stupid. So then what I do is I take all the extra air that I've gotten, uh, still accumulated.

• 25:42Speaker 04

  And I squeeze my abs because I have a really strong core in this universe. And I shrink myself down back to normal human size. So now I'm filled with compressed air, which means I have lots of extra buoyancy. I climb up into the hatch where the hatch that goes outside the submarine is. I climb up into the tube and I close the hatch beneath me so that I'm in like a man sized tube. Waiting for the rest of the sub to implode and my little capsule will detach and all the extra air that I brought into it will increase the buoyancy and I'll just rocket up to the surface like a little osmosis Jones pill man where I get out on top and start healing the cold that's killing Bill Murray.

• 26:25Speaker 03

  All right. You do that. I'll give you a point. You gotta get 15.

• 26:30Speaker 04

  How could I fail?

• 26:32Speaker 03

  Wow. 17. All right. Somehow it works. Your little capsule is, is, is saved from the rest of the implosion. After your rescue and then on the subsequent explorations of the wreckage, the most perplexing crime scene anyone has seen, ever seen in their life, the crushed remnants of a new species they discovered of humanoid merged skeletons in a ring, uh, much like in, uh, Game of Thrones, when the white walkers left the ring of body parts. You left a ring of body parts on the ocean floor and just like Game of Thrones, it will never be explained.

• 27:13Speaker 03

  And your crimes will never be discovered. Everything you've done to kill everyone on the sub and save yourself has been done. Uh, and then you burp a lot when you get to the surface.

• 27:21Speaker 04

  And fart.

• 27:22Speaker 03

  And fart a lot. Yeah.

• 27:23Speaker 04

  It was out everywhere.

• 27:24Speaker 03

  You, you, you got the bends, but you know, I don't know. You shrugged it off or something. It was really cool of you. Way to go. Congratulations, Bob. You won.

• 27:33Speaker 05

  Human bodies meant to contain a submarine's worth of compressed air.

• 27:35Speaker 04

  It didn't have to be the whole submarine. It was a small capsule.

• 27:38Speaker 03

  Well, you did say you'd taken all the submarine's oxygen.

• 27:41Speaker 04

  From the room. The doors were sealed. I couldn't get to all of it.

• 27:44Speaker 03

  You know how they get oxygen on a submarine?

• 27:46Speaker 04

  Uh, they burn a specific candle, I think, right?

• 27:49Speaker 03

  Yeah. So you can shove that in your stomach and then light it on fire and you'll have all the oxygen you need.

• 27:54Speaker 05

  Mmm, cinnamon apple scented.

• 27:55Speaker 04

  I saw it's only fart scented, unfortunately.

• 27:58Speaker 05

  Oh.

• 27:59Speaker 03

  So you survived the submarine. Congratulations, Bob.

• 28:03Speaker 04

  Is there a sincere way to get out of that? There's something you could do if your submarine's actually imploding way under the ocean, is there?

• 28:10Speaker 03

  I don't know, man.

• 28:11Speaker 04

  I mean, I know a lot about submarines, but, uh,

• 28:14Speaker 03

  In Barrotrauma, all you need is a welder and a dream and you can, you can do pretty much anything and you'll, you'll, you'll get by. Uh, I think you chose some fun options. I'm not sure if it was the right one.

• 28:24Speaker 05

  I'm sad that one ended. I had like three more great options. I guess I'll go seven for something else.

• 28:28Speaker 03

  Next scenario, Wade, you're gonna go first. You are in a ski lodge. It's a lovely vacation. You've got your friends, you got your family, you got your dogs around you. And there's, you know, some strangers, other people in the ski, when suddenly.

• 28:43Speaker 03

  There's shimmering, there's a shaking. You go to the big panoramic window out front looking at the mountain and you go, oh my God, the entire mountain's snow peak is crumbling down and an avalanche is rocketing towards your ski lodge. It is going to cover an area that is like a hundred yards left and right of your ski lodge. It will not miss unless you do something to survive this. Once again, other people with you, you could save them or sew a mast mouth, I guess, if you really wanted to. No, no, I got this. Okay. First move, ask the mouth. Let's go.

• 29:19Speaker 05

  So I get a needle.

• 29:24Speaker 05

  So I look at my family and friends that have all gathered and I think now is the time to lit out all of my grievances. I start telling them like it is how I feel. And then I bring up the real thing that's going to save us. Politics. Everyone is fucking livid. The arguments are just raising and raising and the arguments are getting so heated that by the time the snow hits, it melts immediately.

• 29:46Speaker 03

  It's that Shane Gillis like plane thing where the plane's crashing and he calls the mechanic and he's just like, I'm gonna fucking kick your ass.

• 29:57Speaker 03

  Everyone's calling their family like, I love you. That's, that's, uh, yeah, that's, all right, I'll give it to you.

• 30:04Speaker 03

  I get a 19.

• 30:05Speaker 05

  You say a 12?

• 30:07Speaker 03

  No, I did not say 12. All right. Well, yeah, you all are arguing and you're letting out your grievances and everyone is so mad. Uh, and heated is more of a metaphor. It doesn't actually generate that much extra heat. Avalanche is less about the cold and more about the, you know, several thousand tons of snow that just completely obliterates the, uh, the ski lodge. Everything is buried and crushed. Uh, it's like boulders smashing into everything. So, uh, yeah, you're dead.

• 30:37Speaker 05

  Well, at least I died getting everything off my chest.

• 30:39Speaker 03

  That's good. That's always important. All right. Bob.

• 30:42Speaker 04

  Okay. Avalanche is coming. Bad stuff. I start getting all, everything off my chest. I start just unloading on all these people I claim to love, hold nothing back. And then I bring out the coup de grace, bring up politics. Everyone is shouting and screaming and while they're doing that, while everyone else is all pissed off, I slink over to the kitchen and I open the refrigerator and I pull out the first thing I see and I just go, food fight. And start throwing, and I get everyone to come to the kitchen and clean out the refrigerator and throw all the food all everywhere. And while they're all so pissed that they can't even think, and they're all throwing yogurts at each other, I climb in the old 1960s era refrigerator, which if Indiana Jones has taught

• 31:25Speaker 04

  me anything, can survive a nuclear blast, which must mean it can survive an apocalyptic avalanche. I take the racks out, I climb in, I close the door and I go, and I wait to survive.

• 31:40Speaker 03

  Yeah. You guys got some things you need to get off your chest. Do you, do you, do you need to, you know, tell me some things or?

• 31:46Speaker 04

  I don't like the Indiana Jones bit about the refrigerator and I'm not ashamed to say it.

• 31:52Speaker 03

  Well, too bad. It, it gives you an advantage. You need an 18 to win.

• 31:56Speaker 04

  All right.

• 31:59Speaker 04

  I got a 10.

• 32:01Speaker 03

  Damn, damn shame. Uh, turns out that was just a movie, but at the same time, it's not even the main problem. Your refrigerator is not only smacked, the whole thing smashed avalanche, but your refrigerator is buried and air becomes a problem. You didn't have all the air from the submarine. You only have the little bit that was in the fridge. You suffocate before anyone can dig you out.

• 32:21Speaker 04

  Should have seen that coming.

• 32:23Speaker 03

  Wade.

• 32:23Speaker 05

  I look out, I see the avalanche coming down. I look at my friends and family and just start absolutely berating them. They start making all kinds of angry noise. I climb in the fridge, knowing that now is my time. So I go.

• 32:38Speaker 05

  But in the fridge and this weird noise is made. Oh, what have I done? The snow yeti mating call? Because they're going to come a charging in and they're going to save us because they think we're part of them.

• 32:50Speaker 03

  All right, minus one. You didn't mention the food fight.

• 32:53Speaker 05

  Uh, who cares about the food fight? All I need was the fridge.

• 32:57Speaker 04

  You're just in the fridge with a bunch of food now.

• 32:59Speaker 05

  Yeah, the fridge is the important part of that bit. The food fight was just a little thing.

• 33:04Speaker 03

  Also, I don't think you mentioned politics, but I'm only, I'm only deduct the one.

• 33:07Speaker 05

  That's part of the fight.

• 33:09Speaker 03

  All right. You do the ma- yeti mating call, but I'll see where it goes. Sure. It could help.

• 33:17Speaker 05

  I got a nine.

• 33:18Speaker 03

  Damn. Turns out you're in a fridge. Can't hear you. Uh, sound travels even worse. I, I know you had some ideas. The, the acoustics were going to somehow amplify. You needed the door open to do that, but, uh, unfortunately you're just in a fridge while all your friends and family hear.

• 33:36Speaker 03

  And then they get smashed and die.

• 33:42Speaker 05

  That's friends and family.

• 33:43Speaker 03

  All right, Bob, you're off to, we're off to rip, roar and start.

• 33:47Speaker 04

  Okay. Avalanche coming. I start a bunch of arguments and tell everyone how I really feel. I have a lot of pent up anger to get out and I want to do it before we all die presumably. I also bring up politics to really ramp it up. While everyone's yelling about politics, I go to the fridge and I start a food fight by yelling, food fight. And they do that and they empty out the fridge and I climb in the fridge thinking I'm going to Indiana Jones it, but then I realize we're in the mountains.

• 34:13Speaker 03

  Yeti.

• 34:14Speaker 04

  And I start making the yeti mating call.

• 34:21Speaker 04

  And while I'm doing that, one of my family members stops screaming long enough to hear the noise coming in the fridge and just walks over and opens it and is like, what the fuck are you doing? I don't know, man. And I curb it the frog, run away. I go.

• 34:36Speaker 04

  Out to the outside where there's a bunch of skis and snow boars piled up and I find some skis and some ski poles and just strap them on my feet however I can and just ride the avalanche like a wave down to the bottom of the mountains to safety.

• 34:52Speaker 03

  All right. Okay. All right.

• 34:54Speaker 05

  That doesn't feel like a plus one. What a terrible idea.

• 34:57Speaker 03

  I'll give it to you.

• 35:01Speaker 04

  You're lucky. Natural one incoming.

• 35:02Speaker 03

  Six, 16.

• 35:04Speaker 04

  And again.

• 35:05Speaker 05

  What? Really?

• 35:06Speaker 03

  All right. Unfortunately, that didn't work. Um, the skis were there, but the ski lodge is already at the bottom of the mountain. So you put on the skis, you jump out and you go on the snow rock. I'm ready to ride it. There's really nowhere to ride it to, you know, you, you try to jump on as it's coming and it just kind of right into the ground. So unfortunately that didn't work.

• 35:29Speaker 05

  All right. Look outside. I see an avalanche. I know what I have to do. I start fighting with my friends and family, arguing, getting out all the grievances I've had pent up. And I bring up the ultimate trump card, politics, knowing that'll bring up the heat. Whenever that doesn't seem to work, I'm like, oh, well, shit, I better go, aha, I'll go to the fridge. I'll open up the fridge and start throwing things. Food fight. And then I climb into the fridge thinking I'll Indiana Jones this, but then it recurs to me. We're in the snowy mountains. I close the fridge door and.

• 35:58Speaker 05

  Hoping to lure in the Yetis to come save us. Uh, then a family member comes over and opens the door and goes, what the fuck are you doing? Uh, there's no such thing as Yeti. He's like, oh shit, you're right. So I curb it the frog, run away and I go outside to where the snowmobiles and the skis and all the useful, helpful equipment are. I get on a pair of skis and I look around and realize I'm at the bottom of the mountains. That's not going to help me very much at all. So I yell for all my friends and family to gather around and they do. They put on their own little skis and they're like, well, this isn't going to help. We're at the bottom of a mountain. I was like, don't worry, surround me. And I jump into the middle and they form a ball with only skis on the outside. So when the snow hits, it just catamory pushes us away.

• 36:40Speaker 03

  What is that? The enders game strategy where it's like surround the ship?

• 36:43Speaker 05

  I've not seen that one either.

• 36:45Speaker 03

  Oh, okay. All right. I'll give it to you. You only need a 15.

• 36:47Speaker 04

  My transports are going down.

• 36:52Speaker 05

  11.

• 36:53Speaker 04

  Oh man, we're really not good at rolling.

• 36:55Speaker 05

  No, this is the highest roll I've had, I think, is an 11. I've had shit rolls.

• 36:59Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, I can't say, maybe it's karma, cause the ideas so far haven't really been good for you, but the catamaran damashii idea, I think on its surface was probably the best one so far. Unfortunately, the people couldn't get interlinked enough. They kept being like, oh, if only we were like attached somehow, maybe my ass to your mouth. And they spent so much time arguing, get the ball together that the avalanche crashes through because of all the other time wasted arguing and talking about politics and food fighting. So unfortunately, didn't work. Bob?

• 37:32Speaker 04

  Avalanche is coming. airing my grievances on my family and friends, cause fuck those guys. Bring up politics to really amp it up to the top level. Sneak away while they're all yelling at each other to the fridge to start a food fight. Food fight. Fridge is empty. I have thoughts. Indiana Jones? No. Mountains? Yeti.

• 37:53Speaker 04

  The stinky Uncle Gary opens the fridge and tells me what the fuck I'm doing. I'm like, I don't know. And I run away. I go outside, think I'm going to ski away, but once I get the ski, I realize I'm at the bottom of the mountain. And I call everyone out and I'm like, get the skis on. And they do it for some reason. And I'm like, they're concerned because we're at the bottom of the mountain though. So they all have suddenly realized now, like, no, no, no, get around me. Form a ball, which they do, but I realized as they're starting to argue and struggle to do, it's not going to work. So I sneak out of the ball. That's just another clever distraction. And I take my skis off and casually get into a nearby parked Land Rover and drive directly away from where the avalanche is coming from, at as fast as I can, but not too fast that it's unsafe.

• 38:38Speaker 03

  All right. Now I gotta clarify. Are you running, when you say directly away, do you mean avalanche is coming this way and you're going this way? Or are you doing a side long, a 45 degree?

• 38:47Speaker 05

  I mean, honestly, it's sort of subject to where the roads are. I'm assuming it's still pretty snowy. So I was sort of assuming like, I just take the driveway and it's probably sort of away, maybe at an angle, but I don't get to run perpendicularly exactly to the avalanche.

• 39:01Speaker 03

  I'll give it to you. 14.

• 39:06Speaker 03

  Breathe.

• 39:07Speaker 04

  Is that good?

• 39:09Speaker 03

  Nope. Not good enough. All that time arguing you managed to get into the rover and you really, you know, the, the, the movie Prometheus when they're running away from the ship and it's like a big ring and it's rolling this way and they're running straight into that direction. The road actually is just directly in the path along the axis of the avalanche. You drive as fast and safely as you can, obeying the speed limit the entire time. And the avalanche overtakes you, buries you in that car and you die. Wade!

• 39:40Speaker 05

  Alright, I look out the window. I see an avalanche. I know what I have to do. I go to my friends and family and start a heated argument and then bring up the ultimate trump card. Politics. While everyone's fighting, I sneak away to the fridge. I start emptying it by throwing food at people yelling, "Food fight!" They all start throwing food. I use that moment to climb into the fridge, thinking I'm gonna Indiana Jones style survive this. That's stupid. I know what's smart. Pretending to be a yeti and luring the yetis in, so I

• 40:08Speaker 05

  And then a family member comes over, opens the door and says, "What are you doing?" I said, "Oh, that's right. Yetis aren't real." That was kinda dumb. So instead I go outside. I Who's that? What happened? Fuck. I go outside. I grab a pair of skis. I prepare to ski away. I look around and say, "Oh shit, I'm at the bottom of the mountain. That skiing's not gonna get me anywhere. Everybody come outside! Strap on some skis!" They all do. I climb into the middle. They form a ball around me. I'm preparing to Katamari style get away as the avalanche hits. That's not gonna work either. I sneak out of the ball and I go over to the Land Rover. I turn the Land Rover on. I get ready to drive away. Then I realize the road's right in the path of the avalanche. I change my mind, but I look down. There's a radio inside the Land Rover. It seems to have a direct connection to the government for some reason. That's weird. What will get the government to save me?

• 40:52Speaker 05

  Excuse me, government. These coordinates. Communism's rolling down the hill! Napalm strike! And then, of course, the planes come in immediately and fire napalm at the avalanche to melt the snow. Cause the US government hates communism. They'll save me.

• 41:07Speaker 03

  That's, yeah, that's fair. I could buy, it was a government Land Rover, had a direct connection to the military. 13, sure.

• 41:18Speaker 05

  That's funny!

• 41:19Speaker 03

  Oh shit!

• 41:20Speaker 04

  Man.

• 41:21Speaker 03

  Alright! It worked! That was a direct line to the government. Actually, it went to everyone at the Pentagon. They had, it turns out there was a military base right next to the thing. And in fact, probably the reason the avalanche was happening is because they were doing some stupid military exercise. They come in, they napalm that avalanche. Unfortunately, the rest of your family was just, just too slow on getting that ball together or else they would have, you know, they got a little buried under there. And once again, forensics afterwards found the most bizarre ring-like structure of bodies left underneath the charred remains of the, the ski lodge. And they start to suspect that there is either

• 42:04Speaker 03

  the work of something supernatural that is forcing humans into ring shapes, or there's some horrible ring-shaped creature that's out on the loose and they just are so lucky that they managed to stop it before it rampaged the rest of the world. You're a hero. They award you the highest honor they can, whatever that is, and they shake your hand. Congratulations, you survived the avalanche.

• 42:25Speaker 05

  I did it.

• 42:26Speaker 03

  You sure did. Alright, you guys, you guys ready for the next one?

• 42:31Speaker 05

  Oh, can't wait.

• 42:32Speaker 04

  I'm sure it will be very normal and good.

• 42:35Speaker 03

  I'm sure you will. I'm sure you will. Alright, Bob, you're up first. You're in a lovely hot air balloon, flying high, thousands of feet up in the sky. You're on a special event. You know, you got your friends, but you know, a small group. It's a ba, it's a big basket. It can hold 10 people. So you've got 10 people, nine plus the person who's manning the balloon. And it's a very large balloon. You're a lovely sunset. Suddenly, oh no, you hear a hissing sound that's not the fire. You all look up and notice there's a leak in the balloon. And oh my God, there's a storm rolling in on the side. Oh God, lightning stabs the sky. You got the leak above you. You got the storm off to your side. Almost

• 43:20Speaker 03

  certain doom is coming your way, one way or another. Whether the leak gets you first or that storm sweeps you up and tosses you into the stratosphere. Either way, it's doom. Doom, I say. Unless...

• 43:32Speaker 04

  No, yeah, that's me. Um, yeah, yeah, no, I know what to do in this situation. Much like with submarines, I have a lot of experience with hot air balloons and many theories on how to operate them. Uh, so the problem, the problem that we're inside of here, situation is that the leak is, I'm assuming, too severe that it's, we're not gonna like just descend casually. We're gonna plummet down to the earth?

• 43:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's, it's too big. The idea is that it's leaking, number one, and then the storm with high winds would either rend it open or pull you up or down. There's, the environment would fuck up the, the hot air balloon.

• 44:11Speaker 05

  Since this is my trip, I booked it. It's technically my hot air balloon. Uh, that makes me the captain of the balloon. I look around at everyone and I'm like, "Hey, I'm the captain. Listen to me." I point at Wade first and I say, "You're up first. I want you to climb up the ropes along the side of the balloon and start duct taping up the hole so we can control this bad boy." And then, once it's controlled and we're not like gonna fall out of the sky, then we just sort of drive out of the way of the storm deftly, since I'm the captain.

• 44:45Speaker 03

  That is a sound decision. I actually think this is the right move. Plus one. All he did is a 19.

• 44:54Speaker 05

  We could disagree slightly.

• 44:55Speaker 04

  Wade's disposable. The patch would work. I love this plan.

• 44:59Speaker 03

  Okay. He's not disposable. He's qualified for it, I think. Let's, well, let's see. Let's see what the dice says.

• 45:08Speaker 04

  10. What? He's just waited? What the fuck? 10 again.

• 45:12Speaker 03

  Damn. Alright, Wade protests greatly in doing this, but you shove him up anyway. Uh, he starts to clamber up as much as he can. Uh, he gets to the hole, has a duct tape in his mouth, tries to, tries to peel off a tape, uh, drops the duct tape, falls on the rip, rips it wider, is dangling by the two sides, rips further, he falls to his death. You all plummet down, die.

• 45:37Speaker 04

  See, I didn't just get you killed. We all died.

• 45:40Speaker 05

  Yay!

• 45:41Speaker 03

  Wade, I will allow in your reality to make Bob go up.

• 45:44Speaker 05

  Oh no, that's okay. I'm, Bob can stay captain.

• 45:47Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 45:48Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 45:49Speaker 05

  Alright, we're up in a hot air balloon. I see a storm in the distance. I hear a hissing noise. I think snakes, but no, it's not. It's just a rip in the, I ripped with a balloon! As I'm starting to panic, Captain Bob comes over and says, "Wade, I think you're qualified to fix this. Go up there and patch it up." So I start to climb up, but as I do, I realize, I'm not qualified. I don't have the tools for this, but you know what I do have? I stopped an asteroid once and I still have half a can of beans. So I down my can of beans and I aim up at the hole where the fire is in the hot air balloon. If we can just turn it slightly and I can add enough air, we can keep it afloat and propel our, propel ourselves. Propel?

• 46:26Speaker 04

  Propel.

• 46:27Speaker 05

  Propel!

• 46:27Speaker 04

  Propush.

• 46:28Speaker 05

  So I eat my beans and I rip the biggest toot I've ever ripped. And we go flying into safety, I'm sure.

• 46:35Speaker 03

  Alright, this is the first two-player NOD win. It's a whole new dynamic. Alright, so there's two people in this reality. I'll, I'll give it to you. The can of beans, love the callback and I'm, well, he's 18.

• 46:47Speaker 05

  How about a four?

• 46:49Speaker 03

  Ah, not, not good enough. Turns out, those beans work. Damn, they work a treat. You eat them down, you fart up a storm straight up, but the extra pressure from the sudden injection of hot gases forces the rip wider. It makes the hole even bigger. Even though it's sort of counteracted by the lift, it's just not enough to keep it afloat. It rips wider. It acts as a sail. You're pulled into the storm. Everyone dies.

• 47:12Speaker 05

  Damn it.

• 47:13Speaker 03

  Bob, and remember, now both of you are in play.

• 47:17Speaker 05

  Alright, I'm the captain of my hot air balloon with my friends all aboard. I hear the snakes. Oh no, it's a rip, not snakes. And I hear, I see the storm coming and I realize what's gonna happen. And I get everyone's attention and I look at Wade and I say, "You, you're qualified, buddy. Pick this duct tape up there and patch up that hole so we can fly out of here." He says he's gonna do it and he takes the duct tape and he turns around like he's gonna do it and then he just stops. And I'm standing there, three feet away from him, because we're in a hot air balloon basket. And he just stops, turns around and looks at me, gets out an unrefrigerated, open can of beans for some reason, eats it. And as he's eating it, I realize what he's thinking. I see him bend over and point his ass up

• 47:59Speaker 05

  towards the flame. He's gonna give us a boost, but it's gonna be too much. He'll blow the whole balloon. As the captain, I know what needs to be done. I grab Wade like a weapon and instead of aiming his fart up at the fire, I turn him and use him as a form of jet propulsion to skirt sideways just out of the way of the worst part of the oncoming storm. I squeeze to make sure he gets it all out and he blows the craziest fart I've ever been that close to.

• 48:29Speaker 03

  Alright, fair enough. I'll give it to you. You just need it, what is it, 17 now? Or 17?

• 48:36Speaker 05

  I fucking, I swear it's a 10 again. This is 10, right? That's 10, right? With the weird zero?

• 48:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's a weird 10. Yeah, that's a 10.

• 48:45Speaker 05

  I've gotten like four or five tens.

• 48:48Speaker 03

  Damn, I can start rolling for you if you want to get some different luck in there. But unfortunately, Wade's butt gun, it does, as you say, was a good call. He would have blown the balloon wide open, but it's too powerful. He actually slips right out of your grasp and starts spiraling off towards the storm, screaming all the while and farting. And he goes into the storm and you just see lightning like illuminate his shadow amongst the cloud as he explodes from all the noxious gases inside of him. And it's really pretty, but unfortunately it didn't solve the problem. The rip grows wider, you're pulled into the storm and you all die a horrible death.

• 49:27Speaker 05

  All right, I'm in a lovely hot air balloon with my friend Bob when all of a sudden, storm's approaching, I hear a

• 49:35Speaker 05

  that's not a very good noise. I think snakes, but no, it's a ripping hot air balloon. Captain Bob hands me some duct tape and says, Wade, you're qualified, go up and fix it. I start to go up and fix it whenever I realize I've got a better idea. I pull out a can of beans, the same can of beans I used to stop a meteor years and years before. It's an old can of beans, but it's been trusting, I trusted and it'll depend, I can depend on it. As I go to fart into the hot air balloon to propel us away and keep it afloat, Bob grabs me last minute and aims me a different direction. So instead I start to release air in the other way and I'm like, Bob, no, this isn't gonna work. Quickly, stretch out all of my skin and duct tape it. Turn me into a flying squirrel. He does, and he duct tapes my flesh altogether and rips the fold so I look like a flying squirrel.

• 50:20Speaker 05

  I know I'm going to abandon him and everyone else on the balloon, but I go flying out, flesh squirrel, ready to glide safely to the ground. Nah, I'd win, right?

• 50:29Speaker 03

  Damn, all right, okay, all right. Uh, I'll give it to you. It kind of is in theme with all the horrible doctoring going on. I don't see why this wouldn't happen. Only a 16.

• 50:39Speaker 05

  Yay, flesh squirrel. 16, right? I need a 16.

• 50:43Speaker 03

  16, yeah.

• 50:44Speaker 05

  18!

• 50:45Speaker 03

  Damn, somehow it works. There's enough tools out there to stretch out his skin and turn him into a flying flesh squirrel. He guides safely like a kite, not only just himself, but it pulls the entire balloon out of harms way directly towards a safe landing patch of big open field down there. Uh, you all touch ground before the storm even approaches. Everyone is safe and honestly, they've got a story to tell for the rest of their lives. And for once, there is no ring of bodies, uh, for the, the, the, the crime scene people to discover.

• 51:21Speaker 05

  I'm just slightly disfigured.

• 51:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, that's, you, you're still alive, so you know, you're able to explain, you know, what happened. Uh, and, and you become, you become a national hero. You become Flatman.

• 51:33Speaker 05

  I look like a fruit by the foot.

• 51:34Speaker 03

  No, you don't have your fruit roll up.

• 51:36Speaker 05

  Oh, it doesn't taste here.

• 51:39Speaker 03

  I think that ends this episode of No I'd Win. Congratulations, guys, this was really inventive. Uh, I was pretty free flowing with giving you points to your advantage on this one. In fact, I don't think I said no to a single one of these, so congratulations.

• 51:53Speaker 05

  You wanted to, but you didn't.

• 51:55Speaker 03

  No bad ideas, no bad ideas. I should have, but I didn't, so that is what it is. The points are as follows, in no particular order. Wade, you roasted Mr. Beast right off the bat. You get a point for that. Wade, you were at a convention and sick and you talked to a law school, that's all one point. Um, you, the human centipede idea, I mean, it was all part of the same story. It went on for about as long as Bob Smalltalk, I felt it wasn't, wasn't prudent to give him three individual points for that.

• 52:22Speaker 05

  Fair enough.

• 52:23Speaker 03

  But the human centipede made me laugh. I docked you a point because you missed food fight in one of the, one of the recaps in Ski Lodge, but you survived the avalanche. You introduced the concept of a two-player No I'd Win, which is a novel thing, and I think that was worth a point. Hot air balloon was, uh, you won that one, so that's like one, two, three, minus one, two, three again, four, five points for that. Bob, you folding phone, you were also the first to small talk. The Bob balloon made me laugh and then you survived the submarine, which gives you four points.

• 52:59Speaker 05

  I didn't feel like I earned a lot of points.

• 53:01Speaker 03

  Well, I mean, you know, it wasn't, it wasn't the most high scoring one, but Wade had some pretty imaginative things and winning two of those was good. It was only because he missed the food fight that docked him down a point. Otherwise he would have six. So going into the final bonus rounds, we have Wade five, Bob four. Let's see what fate decides.

• 53:19Speaker 05

  I'm due for one, it's been about two months, I should probably host again, right? Right, fate?

• 53:24Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 53:25Speaker 05

  Fate, you wouldn't take this away from me.

• 53:27Speaker 03

  Let's see what fate decides. Two. All right, this could change it or it could reinforce it. Unlikely to be a tie.

• 53:36Speaker 05

  Adding something?

• 53:37Speaker 03

  Uh, who is currently at the highest altitude?

• 53:41Speaker 05

  Who?

• 53:42Speaker 03

  Or maybe it should be most recently, because if we're typically here, I'm not sure which one of us would be, but was that the highest altitude in the last week? Let's say last week highest altitude. This could include flying on a plane, that'd be an easy way to get it.

• 53:55Speaker 05

  That's a good one. Two spins. Try, that means like five spins with all the ones we're gonna get that don't make any sense.

• 54:02Speaker 03

  Well, we'll see, we'll see.

• 54:04Speaker 05

  All points, absolute value.

• 54:07Speaker 03

  Oh shit, that reverses the food fight.

• 54:10Speaker 05

  Oh shit.

• 54:11Speaker 03

  Ah! That turns the food fight into a plus, which gives him, wait, actually one.

• 54:18Speaker 05

  It's a two-point swing.

• 54:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, it actually, it puts him up to seven. Damn.

• 54:22Speaker 05

  Oh my god.

• 54:23Speaker 03

  Wade, you are now at a seven. It is almost guaranteed. Wade, congratulations, that's a, that's quite a roll.

• 54:30Speaker 05

  Oh, oh, say more of that. It's basically guaranteed. You can't lose, Wade.

• 54:36Speaker 03

  Nothing could stop me now.

• 54:38Speaker 05

  Come on, golf rules, be my favor for once. I believe in you. I hosted the previous episode.

• 54:44Speaker 03

  Uh, well, that was Bob, so he gets a plus one. It is not enough to dethrone the Wade, who kills it with seven points. Congratulations, Wade.

• 54:55Speaker 05

  Wow. It, it, it happened. I've not given a winner's speech in a while, but it feels good to be back on top. I thought my creative juices were absolutely flowing. I may have destroyed many people and cursed humanity forever, but you know what? In the end, nah, I won.

• 55:12Speaker 03

  That you did, that you did. Bob, unfortunately, the dice was not in your favor. Uh, today and the wheel also didn't back you up as much as it could have. That absolute value really, really crushed it. Uh, loser's speech.

• 55:25Speaker 05

  I think you pretty much gave it for me. I do just want to throw out there that Wade did wedge a lot of, uh, like body horror stuff into this. And while that may be in season, I feel like that could have lost him more points. I have mixed feelings about it. Uh, but you know, fair is fair and I'm not gonna say the other version of that word that we say that does that thing. Fair is fair. And you were very fair today and I take this not happily, but respectfully.

• 55:53Speaker 03

  All right, fair is indeed fair and that was a good fight. I laughed a lot. Well done on the creativity. Uh, yes, uh, the judge was probably, you know, in needing to enforce rules more harshly, but hey, sometimes they don't pay attention or they have money on the game. And that's just the way it goes nowadays.

• 56:11Speaker 05

  It was within my rights to challenge at any point. Fair is fair, so it is.

• 56:15Speaker 03

  So that wraps up this episode. Thank you everybody so much for joining us. Hope you enjoyed it. If you want to follow the podcast, you are free to do that, that is your own choice. If you want to follow these guys, you have no choice. You must follow them at their various, uh, social medias, whatever you'd call them.

• 56:33Speaker 05

  Places.

• 56:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, places, their places online, their digital residences in the metaverse. Minion777 or Lord Minion777, Bob Myskerm, follow them there. I have been Mark. I will no longer be Mark after the end of this episode and Wade will host the next one.

• 56:52Speaker 05

  Wow, what an announcement.

• 56:54Speaker 03

  It's quite a thing I buried in the, in the very end of this episode. Thank you all so much for watching. Podcast out.

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