I'm Wade. I'm Bald.

He's bald. He's Wade. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  This is the sound of confidence. Confidence behind the wheel of the Mazda CX-50 Hybrid. It comes standard with a suite of proactive safety features and lets you explore far and wide with an EPA estimated 38 miles per gallon combined and electronic all-wheel drive. Mazda, move and be moved. Tap the banner to discover how confidence comes standard. Mileage will vary based on vehicle condition, driving habits, and other factors. Use for comparison purposes only. Actual results will vary.

• 0:30Wade Barnes?

  Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode, White and Wade gets a razor, swerves internet stalking, and forces terrible choices. Boundstorming Bob dishes his haircut disaster, then chooses ointments, legacy, and health. Megamaniac Mark claims pro paragon status, prepares to take 4K to the nth degree, comes hard, and slurps, peen piddle. From desaturated Yoda to remorseless roasting. Yeah. It's time for I'm Wade, I'm bored.

• 1:15Wade Barnes?

  Now, sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

• 1:23Speaker 02

  Hey, everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Distractible. I'm your host, Wade. What's that? Didn't Wade just host not too long ago? We're so back. I think it's a new season. I don't know how that works, but I'm in this seat and I'm going to stay in this seat. Usually whether I'm hosting or not, I'm in the same seat, but you know what I mean? Joining is always my co-hosts and not current hosts. Mark and Bob, hey, guys.

• 1:46Speaker 03

  I'm not entirely certain you ever leave that seat. I don't think you have to tell people that's where you'll be. I think everyone could find you there 24/7.

• 1:53Speaker 02

  That's what I want people to think and know.

• 1:55Speaker 04

  I don't know why, but Wade, you seem particularly desaturated today. Are you depressed?

• 2:01Speaker 03

  He's just graying out as a person.

• 2:03Speaker 02

  Well, we're recording this a little earlier than usual, and I was in bed like asleep. And I was just like, it was one of those moments where I kind of woke up, was like, look at my phone. Bob, 10 minutes ago, you guys want to record? Oh, you know, got up and got ready real quick. It was like, yeah, let's do it.

• 2:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, wait, what time is it over there for you?

• 2:19Speaker 02

  That's not important. Okay.

• 2:22Speaker 02

  I was up till like 3:30 in the morning playing Pal World, so like.

• 2:26Speaker 03

  I was up till 2:30 and I've been up for five and a half hours, so.

• 2:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, but you chose to sign your life away by becoming a parent. I'm supposed to be able to sleep. I chose the sleep life.

• 2:35Speaker 03

  That wasn't even it. I had to go to the doctor.

• 2:37Speaker 02

  Well, you're just making bad life choices. I tell my doctor, I'm not free till after 2.

• 2:41Speaker 03

  We do have a toddler, so I have to be back home at some point early if possible.

• 2:44Speaker 04

  I think I win the sleepy point this episode. I'm pretty sure I'm the most sleep deprived of you two.

• 2:51Speaker 05

  Running from the law has its prices, and I'm paying for it day by day. Jesus Christ, it's Jason Bourne. My life of crime and my empire of wrongdoing will come crumbling down around me as soon as they catch me, which they won't.

• 3:09Speaker 04

  Welcome to the most perfect distor crime. Me stealing this episode away is how it starts.

• 3:16Speaker 02

  As long as I get points for being able to host it, I guess. I definitely didn't forget I was supposed to be writing points on a pad. I'm scrambling to get that ready real quick.

• 3:23Speaker 04

  Sam, saturate Wade. He does look pretty desatched.

• 3:27Speaker 03

  Pick a better color for Wade, Sam.

• 3:29Speaker 04

  Hue shifted 137 degrees. Bump lightness 1.2.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  Make me Yoda.

• 3:37Speaker 03

  He's done that before. He probably has a preset.

• 3:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, let's assume Sam has a preset for everything and isn't crying in a corner every time we ask him to do something.

• 3:44Speaker 02

  Sam, make me plaid.

• 3:47Speaker 03

  How many bits can we do to torture Sam all at once?

• 3:52Speaker 02

  I'm in Guam.

• 3:53Speaker 03

  Send Wade to Guam.

• 3:55Speaker 02

  Blow Marco.

• 3:55Speaker 03

  May.

• 4:00Speaker 02

  Now that we've spent six hours editing that part, we're going to do the rest of the episode.

• 4:04Speaker 04

  My hair has never looked more frazzled. Are you seeing this? Look how much frizzies I have.

• 4:09Speaker 02

  The light behind is definitely adding some, some fraz.

• 4:12Speaker 03

  It's just a glow of a man who's succeeding in his goal of evading the law.

• 4:17Speaker 04

  I'm not winning the handsome point today. I just got to throw that right out there.

• 4:21Speaker 03

  I've only been saying I need a haircut for three weeks, so I'm getting close to actually doing it.

• 4:26Speaker 02

  I got Molly got me like a new foil shaver, so I've been like shaving my head every day, every other day to keep the smooth ball. But the other day I was like, oh, let me trim the beard up and everything, just go crazy. And then I thought I was on a two. I must've been on like a point five for the beard because I did one line. Of course I picked like right the middle. I was like, oh, God, there's no hair left, but it's a little, just the gray blends so well with my skin. It looks like there's no hair.

• 4:50Speaker 03

  It's nice. I like it. Honestly, it does look good. You have a strong jaw with it that short.

• 4:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, definitely better than the super beard I had going on. I do like, I want to shave the beard entirely, but Molly won't let me. So one day I'm going to do it anyway.

• 5:02Speaker 03

  I used to cut my hair, my own hair in college. And there was one night I used to just do buzz cuts, so it's really easy. And I was like shaving it in the evening and I had the thing and I put the blade guard on and I reached behind my head and it fell off, but it like fell into the towel that was around me. So I didn't hear it do anything and I just went right up the back middle of my head. And there was a solid half hour where I was just sitting in the bathroom like, do I have to? I guess I have, no, no, I can just, it's fine. No, I have to wait. I did not shave my head, but I had a huge fucking line in my hair for a long time. Oh, fully I had known how to do anything other than all same length awful haircut.

• 5:45Speaker 04

  Well, I have great news, guys. I've got the biggest news, maybe the best news. I am finally being recognized as the paragon of sponsoriedom that I am. No, you guys aren't invited. I've been invited out to GoPro headquarters to be personally handed an iOS.

• 6:09Speaker 03

  Wow. What's that?

• 6:12Speaker 04

  Sam, make this seem like a big deal.

• 6:15Speaker 04

  Bigger, bigger deal.

• 6:18Speaker 03

  Actually don't know. I assume they're a West Coast company. Are they close to you or is this like a flight away kind of deal?

• 6:24Speaker 04

  No, it's like an hour and a half drive. They're, they're kind of towards San Diego. They also have an office up in San Francisco, but they have another one. I'm being invited down to the, by the time people listen to this, it hasn't happened yet. So for the first time, you know, it's like.

• 6:36Speaker 03

  So you're saying it still couldn't?

• 6:37Speaker 04

  No, no, that's not what I'm saying. I'm saying like it's a couple of days later after the episode, it'll definitely happen. They can't possibly ignore me any further.

• 6:44Speaker 03

  That wouldn't be hilarious. You show up and it's like an empty office building and they're like, he went, he didn't even check.

• 6:55Speaker 03

  Went where we told him.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  I forget which movie it was. It's like when Joe Pesci's a made man. He's walking in, they're like, oh, we're going to have this big party for you. Walks in, it's like empty, then they whack him.

• 7:02Speaker 04

  And it is like an hour and a half away. And I was like, no, don't worry, I'll drive, I'll drive, guys. Some random place in between LA and San Diego.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, just go on up. We'll meet you there. We'll be right in.

• 7:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah. Abandoned mineshaft. Okay, all right. Yeah, cool. Must be some great stuff you can film down there. I'm headed down.

• 7:21Speaker 02

  You walk in, there's just like a little note in the middle of the room. You walk up, you unfold it and just says, leave us alone.

• 7:32Speaker 04

  Oh, God. No, but it's real and I'm definitely going to get that. And when I do, it'll be super cool. I'll be very excited.

• 7:39Speaker 03

  I mean, that is pretty sick that the mission pro has been really fun to use for all the stuff I film, but don't post on the internet because it's mostly of my toddler. I'm excited to see what you do.

• 7:49Speaker 04

  Oh, I have so many lenses already for it, ready to go. I'm just, I'm loaded to the teeth with them. I just, I can't wait to take some of the most incredible 4K 240 footage of my life. It's going to be.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  My pen's not working, so I'm trying really hard to write points, but God, is it not?

• 8:07Speaker 04

  Also, check out this out. I got the mic on my ring.

• 8:10Speaker 03

  Bro, same. Monitor, I'm sorry.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  God, you're like if Thanos was a content creator.

• 8:15Speaker 03

  It's fine. It just moved. It's definitely not cracked.

• 8:18Speaker 04

  I get, I get all of the, the branded mics. I got like GoPro DJI, that's just 360. Finally, 128 bit audio. My content is inevitable. That's all I got. I won't tell you why I'm here, where I am. You don't get to know.

• 8:35Speaker 03

  Wade and I learned long ago that Mark is where he is when we find him, and we are not allowed to know why or how, or even where a lot of the time.

• 8:44Speaker 02

  Now you can tell that that curtain behind you is Martian cotton and they only have that in, I think, Santa Fe, New Mexico, which means that that's where you must be.

• 8:53Speaker 03

  Oh, wow. Rainbolt? I don't think Wade knows what that is.

• 8:58Speaker 02

  I'm Rain Man's son, Rainbolt.

• 9:02Speaker 03

  That's actually Rain Man's dog. Come here, Rainbolt.

• 9:05Speaker 04

  Who do you guess Rainbolt is?

• 9:07Speaker 02

  Well, my first thought was Rain Man. My second thought's Usain Bolt's.

• 9:11Speaker 03

  There's a lot of context clues that can really point you right at the answer on this one. I'm not gonna lie.

• 9:16Speaker 02

  You can tell me. I'm happy to know, but I'll forget in two minutes.

• 9:19Speaker 04

  You know what GeoGuessr is?

• 9:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:22Speaker 04

  He's good at that.

• 9:23Speaker 02

  Is he fast?

• 9:24Speaker 05

  Like Rain.

• 9:25Speaker 02

  Or like a guy with the last name Bolt, who is also fast. I think I figured it out.

• 9:29Speaker 04

  Actually, I just remember he's not the guy that finds people from their obscure hotel references. That's someone else on TikTok, and I don't know if they do that anymore. Remember when he was just deducing where that one, where that one girl was staying a lot?

• 9:42Speaker 03

  Then they had a love, uh, internet love tryst thing that felt honestly a lot like stalking to me because he would just go reply to her videos and be like, you're in Lisbon in this hotel. I'll be there tonight.

• 9:54Speaker 02

  I'm glad I dodged this era of internet. Sounds uncomfortable.

• 9:58Speaker 03

  Honestly, it was pretty, I think it was pretty cool. It was pretty consensual. She, the, the woman who was, was like, find me is the whole thing.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  Oh, okay. That's a lot different than what I was imagining based on the presentation.

• 10:10Speaker 03

  Even with her inviting him to do it, I always thought that came across as pretty weird.

• 10:14Speaker 04

  There's weirder things out there, I'm sure. Wade, get ready with your episode. Get ready for weird part five, everybody.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  Hey, you guys. Rooted episode. It hasn't even happened yet.

• 10:24Speaker 03

  We engaged with it. We were engaging.

• 10:27Speaker 04

  I was so, yeah, we were so weird. You gotta, you gotta recognize a weird man.

• 10:30Speaker 03

  It was like core day at the gym. I was engaged.

• 10:33Speaker 02

  You either get weird or you get bread. Pick one.

• 10:36Speaker 04

  What about weird bread? Croissants, am I right? Fuck are those?

• 10:39Speaker 02

  Hold on, hold on. Now you're cooking. I got no, I got no idea. Hold on. This episode called weird bread.

• 10:44Speaker 03

  Dude, fucking croissants, though. Mark is right.

• 10:48Speaker 04

  Worm ass, twisty things.

• 10:50Speaker 02

  Do you guys, look, this is, this is not the episode, but do you guys like sandwiches on croissants? I prefer normal bread, I feel like.

• 10:57Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's got either a hole in the middle where the, you know, it tries to circle up hard or it's long and football shaped and it's, or banana shaped and it's weird.

• 11:05Speaker 02

  Like, I wanna go with the croissant because I'm like, oh, fancy. And then I eat it. I'm like, this is just a worse sandwich.

• 11:11Speaker 04

  It's also too light. It's not structurally integral enough.

• 11:14Speaker 03

  The thing for me is it's so messy, too. Like, it's physically impossible to eat a croissant sandwich without shrapnel. Just be like, I'm already a messy person. I don't need extra shit all over me when I eat a crumbly ass sandwich.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  God, we're so Midwestern. I love it.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  Is that a, is that a Midwest thing? Did not prefer croissants on, for your sandwich?

• 11:34Speaker 02

  I don't, it just seems like it. I feel like that's the kind of thing I say. Someone's like, oh, you're so Midwestern. So like, I feel like I've just trained to believe that whenever I have a food take like that, it's just me being Midwestern.

• 11:44Speaker 03

  I think you're just supposed to eat the croissant as a croissant. I think you're just supposed to enjoy it.

• 11:48Speaker 02

  The croissants are good. Just the croissant sandwich, I feel like is overrated.

• 11:51Speaker 03

  Uh, my only small talk is that my foot is fucked and I, I have to take a doctor's note for, um, the thing that we're gonna talk about at the end of the episode where I was gonna give one of few points. One of you still gets points. But I, I'm not supposed to stand up at all anymore. So it's really hard to do baking per se.

• 12:10Speaker 02

  Do you want to save those points for when you host? Or do you wanna assign them because this is the next episode and you have your answer?

• 12:17Speaker 03

  You know, I did promise you I'd give them in the very next episode, but saving them for when I host, it makes more sense.

• 12:22Speaker 04

  No, give, get, no, give, give, give to me.

• 12:25Speaker 02

  Bob's like, I'm not gonna say who they're for, but they're for Mark and I want to win.

• 12:29Speaker 04

  Give me me.

• 12:31Speaker 03

  Well, look, Wade, you're the host and you said you don't care, right?

• 12:34Speaker 02

  No, you can do whatever you want with them. They're your points, man.

• 12:36Speaker 03

  Well, I'll tell Mark they're his points at the end of the episode.

• 12:39Speaker 02

  That just means he didn't play the Pokemon games correctly. Cause I know those would win.

• 12:43Speaker 03

  We'll see.

• 12:44Speaker 02

  So in our, my episode here, I've got, I've got some fun would you rather questions.

• 12:50Speaker 04

  Awesome.

• 12:51Speaker 02

  We're gonna do some would you rathers.

• 12:53Speaker 04

  There's a trick. I can smell it.

• 12:54Speaker 02

  Well, I can think would you rathers are kind of a trick, right? Cause you gotta pick one of two options?

• 12:59Speaker 03

  I feel like there's always a correct answer and I know what it is.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  Bob, you're on my left. So heads is Bob, tails is Mark.

• 13:05Speaker 03

  He's left heads? This is, this is the thing? Hey, that's me. He got, he, he flipped for left, guys.

• 13:11Speaker 04

  Sam, put me on the left.

• 13:14Speaker 03

  Oh, what idiot. Oh.

• 13:17Speaker 04

  Play. Did I get it?

• 13:19Speaker 02

  No.

• 13:22Speaker 02

  But man, you're certainly over there.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  You're just gonna disrespect Sam like that. Damn.

• 13:27Speaker 02

  He's had a pretty easy episode. We've not asked much of him yet.

• 13:31Speaker 02

  About time he did some work.

• 13:33Speaker 03

  After he slaved over a hot explosion just for you.

• 13:36Speaker 02

  Well, thank God he's got a normal, long week to edit this episode.

• 13:40Speaker 04

  Sam, swap Wade's eyes.

• 13:44Speaker 02

  Whoa, watch this.

• 13:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, shake your head back and forth a lot while he's doing that.

• 13:53Speaker 04

  Whoa, Sam, keep up.

• 14:02Speaker 04

  Look, with DaVinci's tracking nowadays, it's gonna be no problem. He's got this. He's got it.

• 14:07Speaker 03

  I believe in you, Sam.

• 14:09Speaker 02

  I could tell we're all three a different type of tired because we're amused by the dumbest shit right now. We're like, pick on Sam.

• 14:17Speaker 04

  No, that's the smartest shit. That's not dumb, guys. Come on.

• 14:21Speaker 05

  Sam, put this in the beginning. If at any point either of the competitors guess the game of what's going on, and that's that there's two good options, then a normal one, two bad options, then a nonsensical, if they figure that out at any point, they automatically win.

• 14:35Speaker 02

  All right, Bob, you were first here. Let me go. Okay. Would you rather have a mouthwash that makes your breath amazing and teeth permanently clean? Or a skin cream that makes your skin nice, smooth and moisturized and also quickly heals cuts and bruises?

• 14:51Speaker 03

  This one feels targeted?

• 14:52Speaker 02

  Not intentionally. This was the first one to, regardless of who went first, but it does.

• 14:56Speaker 03

  There's an objective, correct answer to this one for me. Please give me the magic skin cream so I can take the shit off my leg.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  Hmm, that's fair.

• 15:04Speaker 03

  Honestly, I'd appreciate both of those, but in my current situation and the fact that I am diabetic, a skin cream that keeps my skin perfectly healthy, including all on my legs and feet and everything and heals cuts and whatnot would be like a fucking miracle drug. I would do anything to get and have that. Cause that's like one of my biggest concerns in life. I know a lot of diabetic people who've lost feet or legs because shit just happens. And if you don't take care of yourself, it can just happen out of, out of nowhere. Uh, and I like my legs. I don't like my feet that much, but I'd rather keep them than not.

• 15:35Speaker 02

  Makes sense. Yeah. I like that one wasn't targeted, but it kind of felt like it. I understand your sentiment.

• 15:40Speaker 03

  I feel attacked.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  Uh, Mark, would you rather lose an arm or lose a leg?

• 15:47Speaker 04

  Why are you laughing? There's multiple reasons why you could be laughing. I'm trying to figure out how it's an insult to me.

• 15:51Speaker 03

  It's not an insult to you. It's just funny, Mark. Things are allowed to be funny without being insults.

• 15:56Speaker 04

  I have to remember to step into the mind of Wade for this, cause we gotta pick the ones he's agreeing with. That's how we get points. And him no like his knees right now. Him knee hurt him. Him knee hurt him bad. Him no want knee right now. Him no need jump, him sit. So, but him need both hand play game, earn money, career need a both hand. So I would rather lose a leg. Cause also you can get a prosthetic one and it's gonna be even better than a normal one.

• 16:28Speaker 03

  You can get one of those blades and jump super high.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  We should just lose our legs intentionally. So we just have prosthetic legs, I think. Couldn't stub our toes anymore. Oh my God. No foot cuts.

• 16:37Speaker 04

  I feel like losing an arm means losing, you know, half my dexterity, um, and playing video games, especially for a career and doing pretty much anything on a computer, both hands is helpful. It's not necessary. There's plenty of people to get by without it, but I've learned so much to do things two-handed. It would be tough.

• 16:56Speaker 02

  You're considered prepared for something if you're armed and ready. And whenever you're about to perform, people tell you to break a leg. So it's kind of like we've already been preparing ourselves to get rid of our legs.

• 17:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, he definitely has already picked the correct answers.

• 17:07Speaker 02

  Bob, would you rather be rich and forgotten or poor and remembered?

• 17:13Speaker 03

  This feels like a trap. This feels like another one where these aren't even close to me and I know exactly which one I would pick with almost no thought whatsoever, but that feels like a trap. What would Wade want? I'm Wade. I'm Wade. I have no hair except on my face. I'm Wade and on my back, I'm Wade. I love myself. I make myself laugh. All I wanna do is make myself laugh and be remembered. I don't care if I have things. People need to talk about me. For the rest of eternity, I want songs sung with my name in them and they have to specify that it's me so they know which Wade it is. I know what I would pick, but I think Wade would rather be remembered.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  So is that what you're picking?

• 17:52Speaker 03

  That's the game, right? What Mark decided, that's the game. So I'm just playing the game here.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  I've not said either way, but you guys are welcome to assume whatever you want.

• 18:00Speaker 03

  I'm pretty sure we would wanna be remembered, comrade.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  This one for me. Okay, Mark, would you rather have all toes or all fingers?

• 18:11Speaker 04

  As in I lo- lose?

• 18:13Speaker 02

  Your feet have fingers and your hands have fingers or your feet have toes and your hands have toes?

• 18:19Speaker 04

  Oh, oh, oh, oh, I get it. All right. I'm Wade. Ah, I get up in the morning. Well, not really. It's the afternoon.

• 18:27Speaker 02

  Ah, you're right. You almost, you almost fell for that trap.

• 18:30Speaker 04

  I reach for the blanket with my what? Oh, what do I need to grab this blanket? Get it off me. Grab my iPad. Can't play an iPad with your toes? No. Need fingers, need fingers. I flip upside down, grab the ceiling with my finger toes, clutch tightly, crawl upside down, out my bedroom window. Uh, say hello to Molly. Go let the dogs out.

• 18:51Speaker 02

  Why is she outside the window?

• 18:53Speaker 04

  Walk vertically up my wall, house wall outside. Also, my dogs have fingers for toes. I'm gonna go with the fingers.

• 19:00Speaker 03

  I think you're right. I think one of the things Wade hates most in the world is stubbing his toes.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  It's awful. Dude, I've got, I've still got two like purple or black toenails from the stubs.

• 19:09Speaker 03

  You should maybe check out that. That's, that's going on a while.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  You're probably right.

• 19:15Speaker 04

  Sam, Sam, base boost what he just said.

• 19:19Speaker 04

  Wait, no, I mean, nah, base boost it. Nah, that's right. That's what I meant.

• 19:27Speaker 04

  I meant like raise the pitch originally, but bass boosting is a different technique. It's gonna blow everyone's eardrums out.

• 19:34Speaker 02

  Bob, would you rather drown 10 puppies or drown 10 kittens?

• 19:38Speaker 04

  I'm Wade.

• 19:41Speaker 03

  I have one cat and two dogs. That means I like dogs twice as much as I like cats. Plus they're not my cats. Gators will be fine. Puppies will be fine. Whoever's dogs these are, it's not my fault. The universe is making me do it. And by dogs, I mean cats. Wade would wanna drown cats.

• 19:59Speaker 04

  I love, we've found the secret strategy to this game of making Wade do the horrible thing.

• 20:09Speaker 02

  I did come up with the prop, so I guess I have to own that, right?

• 20:12Speaker 03

  I think we're, I think we're winning the game right now, Mark. I think we're basically tied because we're both winning so hard. We figured it out.

• 20:18Speaker 02

  You guys are doing just fine.

• 20:20Speaker 03

  That's probably good.

• 20:21Speaker 02

  Would you rather, Mark? Ensure that all pets get to live happy lives or all kids get to live happy lives? Or happy childhoods, I'm sorry.

• 20:30Speaker 04

  Happy childhoods and the rest of their lives is indeterminate.

• 20:34Speaker 02

  Yeah. The idea of this one is like a similar length of time, you know, childhood slash the life of a pet.

• 20:40Speaker 04

  Does it imply that the opposite lives terrible lives or just the normal average number of good? Okay. I'm Wade, thinking about animals. I'm Wade, concerned about the wellbeing of all the children in the world. I'm Wade, I'm a good person. I'm Wade, I'm conflicted. I think about the animals. Some animals don't deserve good lives. Some animals are evil. Are some kids evil? Wade debates. Maybe, maybe some kids are born evil. Maybe some kids don't deserve happiness. Maybe some animals don't deserve happiness. Do mosquitoes deserve to have a good life? That might be bad. Are some kids equivalent to mosquitoes? What is one evil kid equivalent to how many happy mosquitoes?

• 21:21Speaker 02

  What is one evil kid?

• 21:25Speaker 04

  You never know how much evil one kid. You ever read Fly, Fly Island? The fuck is it called?

• 21:31Speaker 02

  Lord of the Flies.

• 21:32Speaker 03

  I wonder about Lord of the Flies.

• 21:34Speaker 02

  You ever read the fly? I mean Fly Island. You ever unzip your fly? You ever fly in a plane? No, that's not it.

• 21:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think, I think the, the concept of too many happy animals is not as good as we might think it is. There could be some animals that we don't want to be happy for the sake of everything. That's too wide a net.

• 21:55Speaker 02

  Pets, this is, this is pets specifically, not just all animals.

• 21:57Speaker 04

  Oh, fuck me.

• 21:59Speaker 03

  Any, any animal can be a pet.

• 22:01Speaker 02

  I mean, that's true, but these are animals that are owned.

• 22:04Speaker 04

  All right, I'm still gonna stick, I don't wanna go through that whole thing and I'm gonna go through the happy kids.

• 22:09Speaker 03

  I fucking love, you know how they have like the kid's translation of the Bible? Where it's like the Bible, but written in hello, my fellow youths type language? Of the idea that there's a book that's like Fly Island, a kid's translation of Lord of the Fly.

• 22:26Speaker 02

  What would, what would a kid think a conch is by name?

• 22:29Speaker 04

  A conch? I don't even know what a conch is, man. Actually, I do from that SpongeBob episode. There's really no forgetting it after that.

• 22:35Speaker 03

  I think I'm pretty sure that's just called a swoopy clam.

• 22:37Speaker 02

  Bob, would you rather be lit on fire or given $10 million?

• 22:42Speaker 03

  To be given $10 million or to, like I would be given $10 million? I'm Wade, I'm Wade. It's 4:00 PM on a Thursday. I've just woken up. I lay in bed for four hours.

• 22:56Speaker 02

  Great.

• 22:57Speaker 03

  Playing Raid Shadow Legends on my iPad with my foot fingers. I'm Wade, my knee hurts. I'm Wade, my shoulder hurts. I'm Wade, I'm not gonna do anything about either of those. I'm Wade, I'm Wade.

• 23:09Speaker 02

  How did this turn into an episode of roasting me?

• 23:12Speaker 03

  Do I wanna be lit on fire? Ooh, Molly would probably want me to do that outside. Ooh, I'm Wade. I guess I have to take $10 million. I'll take the hit on this one, guys.

• 23:23Speaker 02

  Man, a lot of thinking into that one. I didn't think that choice was particularly difficult, but you know, you thought it through. All right, Mark, back to you. Would you rather have your dream job or never get your college degree? It's really funny that that loan landed on you. That was not targeted either, but there it is.

• 23:42Speaker 04

  I, but you know, I'm Wade. The last sun setting rays hits my eyes. I awake. I rise from my bed, grab the ceiling with all 20 of my fingers. I waved to my one happy pet and my one unhappy pet. I hear the children's laughter outside and I think to myself, do I go to this last college class I have? And pass this final that I certainly will or cool job? See, the funny thing is you graduated and got a cool job, so that's.

• 24:13Speaker 02

  Well, here, the prompt is you get your dream job or you never get your college degree.

• 24:18Speaker 03

  Oh, wait. So if you get your dream job, you have to get your college degree?

• 24:23Speaker 02

  No, you just never can. But if you never get your college degree, you also never get your dream job.

• 24:29Speaker 03

  What? Whoa. Mark, I don't know if we understand the rules of this game as well as we thought we did.

• 24:35Speaker 02

  You get your dream job or you never get your college, uh, college degree.

• 24:40Speaker 04

  I'm Wade, I've presented the problem to myself slightly incorrectly. Me thinks, me, me, I'm not sure which way go up and down.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  No, this is exactly how it's supposed to read.

• 24:50Speaker 04

  I'll take the dream job, but I feel like I'm walking into traps.

• 24:54Speaker 02

  That seems like a good choice.

• 24:56Speaker 04

  Multiple traps are opening before me. Chasms, yearn and yawn, open, call my name.

• 25:02Speaker 03

  I love a yawning chasm.

• 25:04Speaker 04

  Best kind of chasm there is.

• 25:05Speaker 02

  All right, Bob, would you rather make sure all of the hungry are fed or all of the homeless are housed?

• 25:12Speaker 03

  I'm Wade. It's 10:30 PM. Almost time to start getting up. In my dreams, I've discovered.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  We're getting closer to normal day eventually.

• 25:21Speaker 03

  I discover a way to achieve two separate and unrelated, but actually pretty related things. But they're just unrelated enough that I can only actually do one of them. What do I care about most? I'm Wade, I like to eat food. I'm Wade, I like to be in a house. I'm Wade. I think Wade would rather live on the street and have all the food he could ever want to eat. I think Wade would feed people.

• 25:47Speaker 02

  All right, feed the hungry. Mark, would you rather be a doctor who fails every surgery or a serial killer who always succeeds?

• 25:57Speaker 04

  I'm Wade. The clock strikes 12 chimes. When my pitch black room, I don't know if that's AM or PM. I don't risk it. I sleep enough until I hear another 12. Then I rise, eat some food, play some iPad, DOKAN, battle something or other, DBZ, Pokemon. Love that shit. Think about being a doctor.

• 26:18Speaker 02

  I'm honored you guys remember so much of my four hobbies I've ever had.

• 26:23Speaker 04

  My knees hurt, my shoulders hurt. Never, never, I'll never deal with that. Never. I think about being a doctor. I could kill people that way. And I think about being a serial killer. I could kill people that way. I'm Wade. I love killing people. I just gotta decide which path I choose. I could probably get away with killing more people. If I be secretive about it. If I'm a doctor and I save my bloodlust on my patients. Surely they will stop me. Could always fall back on being a serial killer after that. Serial killer. Cause I wanna be good at my job and I wanna be remembered.

• 26:59Speaker 03

  That's, I think that's the right choice. I think you nailed it. Cause if you think about a doctor is a doctor, a doctor is a doctor a lot of time of the week, right? Like doctors are constantly doctoring. Even the most prodigious serial killers only kill sometimes. You could definitely do way more damage as a doctor, but everyone's watching. Serial killer, that's pretty low key. You know, you only really have to work, assuming that's your job somehow, once in a while, when you feel like it. When you get the urge.

• 27:26Speaker 02

  It's interesting that you guys are like, well, if I can't be good at the thing I wanna be good at, I guess I'll be a serial killer and at least be good at what I do.

• 27:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, have some pride, man.

• 27:34Speaker 02

  Cause your intent could still be good at being the doctor. If you're a serial killer, your intent is bad.

• 27:38Speaker 03

  You could be Dexter. You could only kill the bad ones.

• 27:42Speaker 02

  That's true, I suppose.

• 27:43Speaker 04

  Yeah. But you probably wouldn't.

• 27:46Speaker 02

  I've got boxes to open, I don't have time to pick my target. Bob, would you rather have wet socks or the feeling of a small pebble in your shoe?

• 27:55Speaker 03

  Do you have the feeling of a small pebble in your shoe, even if not wearing shoe?

• 27:59Speaker 02

  We're with the idea of yes. The idea is these are equally happening. So you're either, you always feel like the, you have the wet socks on, you always feel like the pebble sensation, so.

• 28:08Speaker 03

  Are your socks actually wet?

• 28:11Speaker 02

  Let's just say, yes, your, your socks are always wet or yes, there's always a pebble stuck to the bottom of your foot that you feel every time you step.

• 28:18Speaker 03

  I'm Wade. Hi. I feel like it has to be, it has to be pebble in shoe. Has to be. Wet socks is too destructive. You can't, you gotta be careful what you step on, be careful what your feet on. Shoes are gonna all get like moldy and gross. Like you're gonna have problems. Plus, if you have to always have wet socks on, that means you can't wear sandals. Also, that means you have to wear socks in the pool, which sounds kind of unpleasant. It's gotta be the pebble. It's not like you walk that much anyway. I'm Wade, I sit in my chair. Who cares if I have a pebble on my foot?

• 28:50Speaker 02

  Ah, damn, you figured it out.

• 28:52Speaker 03

  Does the pebble get to be on the same side as your fucked up knee? Cause then you can just hobble on, on one leg and call it good.

• 28:57Speaker 02

  Well, this isn't about me, believe it or not, you guys have kind of inferred that, but.

• 29:01Speaker 03

  It's clearly about you. We, people have been saying your name the whole time.

• 29:04Speaker 02

  If it was me, sure, it could be either foot or both. I guess if you have wet socks, I guess the pebble's on both feet.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  You never get a pebble on both feet? Don't be ridiculous.

• 29:12Speaker 02

  Mark, would you rather know the date of your death or the cause of your death?

• 29:17Speaker 05

  I am Wade Athoth, the blind idiot god slumbering eternally in the higher plane of existence. Pray I still sleep lest I wake and unravel reality by its mere fabrics.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  Just like Icarus, I snoozed too close to the sun.

• 29:37Speaker 04

  Uh, time, I guess. Cause what if the, what if the reason's boring? What if, what if why I, what if why is horribly boring?

• 29:47Speaker 02

  I guess it's just like, would you rather dread? Like if you're, if you know your cause of death, would you forever dread doing something tangential to what could be that cause? Or would you be horrified approaching the date of your death? I guess, I don't know.

• 29:58Speaker 04

  No, no, time's good, time's good. I feel like this has come up in a previous conversation, but it's like time makes sense.

• 30:04Speaker 02

  The date thing has, but not compared to the cause, I think.

• 30:07Speaker 04

  But yeah, date, date makes a lot of sense just because then I, then I would know how much time I got left. I can work with that. That's, that can be motivational. And then I start ticking clock and I have a spiraling black and white, you know, spiral behind me at all times.

• 30:20Speaker 02

  All right. Bob, would you rather take food from children or the homeless?

• 30:24Speaker 04

  Wade, bold. Wade likes food.

• 30:28Speaker 02

  Is both an answer? Can I take food from both?

• 30:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, I would take food from anybody. Would be easier to take from a homeless person. Might really need that meal. It might really fight for it. I don't really want to fight. Kids don't know. Kids wouldn't fight back. I would just be like, hey, I'm an adult. See how I had bald? That's an adult thing. Give me your food. They just do it because kids are stupid. Wade would definitely take food from kids. See, this is the first one I disagree because if you think about it, homeless people are predominantly adults. They need more food per body weight. You would get more food. Wade would want more. He can get more from homeless people than he would children.

• 31:06Speaker 02

  I like how we just assume the homeless have a lot of food.

• 31:10Speaker 04

  No, but they need more, you know, they, they need more.

• 31:12Speaker 02

  They do, yeah, in theory, more calories.

• 31:14Speaker 04

  Kids, kids are hungry around the world too. You might not, you know, they.

• 31:17Speaker 03

  There's a solution to that. More kids.

• 31:21Speaker 02

  That's a, I don't know if that's a positive, that's positive thinking.

• 31:24Speaker 03

  That's how you get, it's an easy solution. That's how you get more food.

• 31:27Speaker 04

  Or is this food magically zapping out of the people's hands and going into your mouth?

• 31:32Speaker 03

  I guess I was sort of envisioning it like Wade could teleport and he's just the guy who shows up as you're about to eat and steals your food out from in front of you. So like, it's just a known phenomenon around the whole world. There's just this guy who's just like, doink, ding, and he's gone. And everyone's like, oh, it happened again.

• 31:48Speaker 04

  More.

• 31:50Speaker 02

  Would you rather be a renowned chef or a renowned musician?

• 31:55Speaker 04

  Wade, chef is a lot of stress. I don't like stress. Being a highly competitive, you know, kitchen environment, all these other restaurants that I gotta deal with, hard to make content about. Ah, you know, that's, that'd be too much work for me.

• 32:10Speaker 02

  I hope you're a world renowned chef. You're still worried about making content.

• 32:13Speaker 04

  Of course, I'm Wade, you know, always grind every day, bro. You know, you're never gonna stop making content. Like musician has the potential to be a little easier than chef. And this is successful, right? This is a successful.

• 32:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're successful, renowned, like, yeah, you, you, you're at the top of either one.

• 32:31Speaker 04

  I think musician has a higher pay gap, you know, you're gonna get the ladies if that matters to Wade. Which it does. Nice.

• 32:41Speaker 02

  I don't know. Is Wade still married in this scenario?

• 32:44Speaker 04

  Does it matter in this scenario? Hey, the way musician.

• 32:49Speaker 02

  Bob, would you rather burn down an orphanage or watch 10 kids get a new puppy?

• 32:59Speaker 03

  I'm Mark. I'm Mark. I'm Mark. I'm Mark. I'm Wade. I'm Wade. Wade likes fire. Wadey like the fire. What was the other option? I got completely consumed by the fire. Burn down a something or something?

• 33:18Speaker 02

  Burn down an orphanage or watch 10 kids each get a new puppy?

• 33:22Speaker 04

  Who's got time for that?

• 33:24Speaker 03

  Do I get to sit while I'm watching the kids?

• 33:27Speaker 02

  You aren't wa, you aren't babysitting. You just see them receiving a new puppy.

• 33:31Speaker 03

  I'll watch them get puppies, I guess, as long as I don't have to participate or anything.

• 33:35Speaker 04

  If there's some super clever way to look at these questions and how some of them have too bad or a bad choice. I'm too tired to detect it, man. I'm too tired. I couldn't, I couldn't possibly deduce your, your game is too smart. You're too genius. You're two steps ahead of me at all turns and I, there's no way that I can compete ever. What a smile. Look at that smile. Sam, make his smile go for days.

• 34:06Speaker 04

  That's what we see all the time, everybody. That's what we see all the time. Okay. Oh God. Sam's not doing that anymore. That's just Wade.

• 34:13Speaker 03

  Oh, oh, oh, God, my mouth.

• 34:15Speaker 02

  Uh, Mark, would you rather eat delicious food for the rest of your life? At your leisure, not always just stuff in your face, but at your leisure, you know, when you want, or die of dehydration?

• 34:28Speaker 04

  Trying to deduce the secret behind this, the truth underneath the layers. Eat delicious food whenever I want or literally die, literally die a desiccated husk. Liquid removed from my body. Yes?

• 34:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:46Speaker 04

  Cause it seems like the food would be the natural conclusion. And it seems like the desiccated corpse that would be me, Wade, would be the bad end to my storied career as a musician. Food? Bob, I think there's a secret. I'm not detecting it.

• 35:04Speaker 03

  I definitely have it figured out.

• 35:07Speaker 02

  What is it?

• 35:08Speaker 03

  Oh, I don't want to tell in case Mark doesn't know. I'm, I'm, I think I'm winning.

• 35:11Speaker 02

  Bob, would you rather end all terminal illnesses or prevent all future wars?

• 35:18Speaker 03

  All future wars on any planet in the universe?

• 35:22Speaker 02

  Or all terminal illnesses on all planets in the universe? Sure.

• 35:26Speaker 03

  Both? Is both an option?

• 35:28Speaker 02

  No, but it's a lovely thought.

• 35:30Speaker 03

  Ah, it's gotta be terminal illnesses, I guess. Nobody, nobody do any big wars. Make it a choice.

• 35:36Speaker 04

  All these healthy people are gonna be fighting.

• 35:38Speaker 03

  Wade's making a choice. Wade's doing it.

• 35:41Speaker 02

  Oh, that's right. Yeah, that's me. Mark.

• 35:43Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 35:44Speaker 02

  Would you rather drink a friend's pee while your friend watches or eat your own shit? But nobody will know.

• 35:53Speaker 04

  Well, Wadey love pee pee. But Wadey also love poo poo. What Wadey gonna do? I guess that.

• 36:06Speaker 03

  No one will know.

• 36:07Speaker 02

  No, but you will, but that, just you.

• 36:09Speaker 04

  I picked the pee. I picked the pee. I don't want to ever do that. I pray that I never have to face that challenge, that particular challenge. I fear, I fear for my future if that is on the horizon.

• 36:20Speaker 02

  Bob, would you rather know something from the future for some pain in your present? Or forget something good from your past for some present boon? Do you either suffer a little to know something that's coming or you get something good for forgetting something good from your past?

• 36:38Speaker 03

  I have no influence over what I forget and what I get to know.

• 36:42Speaker 02

  No.

• 36:43Speaker 03

  I would have to know a thing in the future. I would need it.

• 36:46Speaker 04

  I mean, I feel like that's the right choice. You, you could glean a lot from even a little bit of nugget of information of the future.

• 36:53Speaker 02

  Mark, would you rather poop and feel like it's happening in reverse? Or swallow and feel like it's happening in reverse?

• 37:02Speaker 04

  Trying to, trying to imagine what an inverse poop feels like.

• 37:05Speaker 02

  Poofing, I guess.

• 37:08Speaker 02

  Does that help you imagine it?

• 37:09Speaker 04

  No, it doesn't actually. It doesn't. And this is just once or is this always?

• 37:14Speaker 02

  We'll say it's every once in a while.

• 37:16Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 37:17Speaker 04

  It's still, it still actually goes out, right? It doesn't.

• 37:20Speaker 02

  Yeah. And you're still actually swallowing. You just have the sensation of, I guess, vomiting.

• 37:24Speaker 04

  I feel like if it's just the feeling of a, of a reverse poop, that's not that bad, right? But in, if it feels like vomiting for an inverse swallow, that's, that's not good. I don't like, I don't like vomiting.

• 37:38Speaker 02

  Okay, reverse poop?

• 37:39Speaker 04

  Is this a trick? You'd tell me if it was a trick, right?

• 37:42Speaker 02

  Just a question. So would you rather question, man?

• 37:44Speaker 04

  All right, I'll take the, I'll take the poop.

• 37:47Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 37:49Speaker 04

  Oh no, I fell into his trap. I activated his trap card.

• 37:53Speaker 02

  All right, Bob, would you rather swap the location of your mouth and penis or your nose and your butthole?

• 38:00Speaker 00

  This is the sound of confidence. Confidence behind the wheel of the Mazda CX 50 Hybrid. It comes standard with a suite of proactive safety features and lets you explore far and wide with an EPA estimated 38 miles per gallon combined and electronic all wheel drive. Mazda, move and be moved. Tap the banner to discover how confidence comes standard. Mileage will vary based on vehicle condition, driving habits and other factors. Use for comparison purposes only. Actual results will vary.

• 38:31Speaker 03

  Whoa. I mean, there's really only one right answer, right?

• 38:37Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, we're both thinking the same answer.

• 38:40Speaker 03

  There's definitely an answer Wade would pick. Yeah. And it's the right, the right one is nose and butthole?

• 38:50Speaker 03

  Okay. I think you reacted positively to that. I'm gonna take that as a yes.

• 38:53Speaker 04

  I am not sure how the mouth penis exchange works because how do you eat? How long is this curse afflicting you for?

• 39:02Speaker 02

  Forever.

• 39:03Speaker 03

  Oh, I made the right choice. I made the right choice.

• 39:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, because I'm not sure, I'm not sure eating is a, is a, is a particularly, because it's not like the food would go still in your crotch mouth, right? It would, it's not gonna magically teleport into your esophagus. It's, you gotta shove it in the pee hole, right?

• 39:19Speaker 02

  I was assuming you would still eat with your mouth, but I guess, you know, you can assume whichever, because that's not clear. If you want to eat through your dick hole, you can.

• 39:26Speaker 04

  No, that wasn't the point I was trying to make. I don't want to do that. I don't want to.

• 39:29Speaker 02

  That's weird, but like, I get it.

• 39:31Speaker 04

  No, I don't want to. I don't want to. It wasn't even my would you rather. It was Bob's. I want to point out that was, that was all about Bob. That was Bob's choice.

• 39:37Speaker 02

  Are you ready for your question?

• 39:40Speaker 02

  Mark, would you rather snuggle one giant dog or snuggle 10 small puppies?

• 39:46Speaker 04

  How giant is giant? Are we talking Clifford?

• 39:48Speaker 02

  Like Clifford.

• 39:50Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, I picked Clifford. That'd be so crazy. I mean, it'd be scary, but also like, oh, come on. I mean, I've been kicked in the balls by Chica a lot, so one kick from Clifford to my nuts and I am atomized on the spot. Thanos snapped me out of existence, crotch first, but the snuggling would be great.

• 40:08Speaker 02

  I mean, puppies are really cute, but like getting to snuggle into like a giant warm dog does sound lovely. All right, Bob, would you rather have to eat the flesh off of your own leg? Or see the people you love succeed in life?

• 40:23Speaker 03

  The first one?

• 40:24Speaker 02

  Have to eat the flesh of your own leg.

• 40:26Speaker 03

  Okay, that's what I thought you said. Oh, it's a tough one. Oh, really got a lot of back and forth going along inside. Uh, I've seen a lot of angles. I guess I'd have to go with see all my loved ones succeed in life, I guess. That's a really close call.

• 40:40Speaker 04

  This guy, this guy, come on, man. Rookie mistake, buddy. Rookie mistake.

• 40:46Speaker 02

  Mark, would you rather be able to speak and understand any language? Or constantly re-break every bone in your body?

• 40:56Speaker 04

  Woo, you know, hmm, that's a lot of languages, lot of pressure. I only got so many bones. How many languages could there possibly be?

• 41:05Speaker 02

  At least one.

• 41:06Speaker 04

  I'll pick the languages.

• 41:09Speaker 02

  Okay, that's fine. We got through a pretty good amount of things. Um, any final thoughts before I go into points?

• 41:16Speaker 04

  I yearn for the comfort of sleep, I'm with.

• 41:19Speaker 02

  Mark, you got points for, uh, you're a big deal now with GoPro. You chose to lose a leg, have all fingers, make happy kids. I think someone, your dream job, uh, be a serial killer, choose the, know the date of your death. Be a renowned musician, two bad, oh, oh, okay, I'll read that one in a minute. Uh, delicious food, pee while your friend watches, reverse poop, snuggle a giant dog and no languages. And then I wrote down a point for two bad options.

• 41:51Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 41:52Speaker 02

  Bob, you got a point for swoopy clam, a lot, you've had a long day. You used to cut your own hair. Uh, you chose skin cream. You said, remember a scum red, which I don't remember what that's in reference to. You chose to drown cats or kittens. You would take $10 million. You would feed the hungry. You'd have a pebble in your shoe. You'd take food from kids. You'd watch 10 kids get puppies. You'd end terminal illnesses. Uh, you would rather know something from the future for a present pain. You'd swap your nose in your butthole and you'd see your loved ones succeed.

• 42:26Speaker 03

  Sure, sure.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  I got one point for being so smart.

• 42:30Speaker 03

  Sounds right to me.

• 42:31Speaker 04

  Smart guy.

• 42:32Speaker 02

  Mark, you have 15. Bob, you have 15. We're currently tied. Well, I've got one, so 15, 15 to one.

• 42:39Speaker 04

  So we're not tied. There's one very clear loser.

• 42:44Speaker 02

  Is it me?

• 42:45Speaker 04

  Uh, we'll see after the wheel's been.

• 42:47Speaker 02

  I'm gonna throw out there, um, there was a way to instantly win this episode and you both got very close to it a couple of times. Bob, you said something, I think like halfway through. Mark, when you said, ah, sometimes there's two bad options. The game was, I had good options where they were both good, bad options where they were both bad. Okay, ones that made you think and then completely nonsensical ones where there was a very obvious answer. And I kept rotating you guys. I started Mark with bad, then went to okay, then good. Bob, you were good, okay, then bad. And then you both had nonsensical at the same time. And then I would restart the process. If any of you guessed the game at any point, you just won. And you both started to touch on it at different times and I was like, and then you didn't. I was like, all right, we'll just keep going.

• 43:32Speaker 04

  That makes sense. I see, I see, I see.

• 43:35Speaker 02

  So that was the secret game that I thought you guys could have won. And I was like, I think it was like 28 minutes in, one of you said something. I was like, elaborate, you wanna say more? And Bob, at one point, I think I even was like, do you wanna guess the game, Bob? And you're like, no, no, I'll keep it a secret. I was like, all right.

• 43:49Speaker 03

  You did say that.

• 43:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, Mark, you said two bad options and I was like,

• 43:53Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 43:54Speaker 02

  And then you're like, ah, never mind, never mind. I was like, okay. So there were a couple of times where I really thought you guys were gonna do it.

• 44:00Speaker 04

  Damn shame.

• 44:01Speaker 02

  We spin this first, right? So I spin this one. We'll see how many spins we get.

• 44:06Speaker 03

  We sure do.

• 44:07Speaker 02

  I was like, what do I add to the wheel? Four? That doesn't seem right.

• 44:10Speaker 03

  Three, my lord. Ah.

• 44:13Speaker 02

  Oh, good. An even number for a tied game.

• 44:15Speaker 04

  Interesting. I like that. I like that.

• 44:18Speaker 03

  Also, I'm not forgetting that I was gonna decide the points thing at the, I realized that, uh, I'm competing against Mark. So I'll save that for when I'm the host.

• 44:28Speaker 04

  Oh, come on. You promised. You promised.

• 44:31Speaker 03

  I did promise, but my promises mean nothing. Unfair.

• 44:35Speaker 04

  Shit, what do I have to flip?

• 44:36Speaker 02

  Oh, God, that means we have to flip.

• 44:38Speaker 03

  Fucking, come on.

• 44:40Speaker 02

  Okay, well, if it's unfair, Bob has to give out points now.

• 44:44Speaker 04

  I have, I have the tiny magnet for GoPro. It's got one side that says GoPro and it's pretty flattened even. So that'll be my cord.

• 44:51Speaker 02

  If it's doubly fair, then what? Bob gets to?

• 44:55Speaker 03

  I get to give out extra points?

• 44:57Speaker 04

  No, it's, it's never made doubly. Wait, no, sorry. If it's unfair, he has to change it. Yeah, double, uh, double fair means I never get a point from Bob.

• 45:06Speaker 02

  Ever again, or just from this?

• 45:09Speaker 03

  I assume he means from this, yes.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  It's gonna make Bob's episodes really boring if we just know Wade wins.

• 45:16Speaker 02

  Which one's heads unfair or doubly fair?

• 45:18Speaker 03

  What is that?

• 45:20Speaker 04

  This would be the heads, the one with the net label on it and cause tails is empty, so.

• 45:24Speaker 03

  I think Wade and I both got tails.

• 45:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's nothing then. All right, fine.

• 45:28Speaker 02

  That's good, cuz I still didn't know which one was which.

• 45:31Speaker 03

  All right, what do you wanna add, Wade?

• 45:33Speaker 02

  Most recent haircut gets a point. Is that already on here?

• 45:36Speaker 04

  Probably not.

• 45:36Speaker 03

  I don't think so, but there are a lot of them. Most recent haircut.

• 45:41Speaker 02

  And we get two spins.

• 45:42Speaker 03

  Come on, spin number one. Most distracted?

• 45:47Speaker 02

  You guys are both pretty locked in today.

• 45:49Speaker 04

  I have no other tabs open for the first time in ages. I was like, the most focused, so.

• 45:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't either. I didn't like look anything up today or anything.

• 45:58Speaker 02

  Just re-spin it. We'll call it re-spin cuz I don't, I don't think either of you seem distracted.

• 46:02Speaker 04

  Uh, ooh.

• 46:09Speaker 03

  Most small talk?

• 46:10Speaker 04

  That was definitely me. Yeah, Bob, I don't even think he had much small talk.

• 46:14Speaker 03

  I didn't really get a chance to do small talk.

• 46:17Speaker 02

  You're like, ah, mine's all, well, I thought you did, but yeah.

• 46:21Speaker 04

  There's gotta be a point for Bob here.

• 46:23Speaker 03

  Surprise golf rules.

• 46:26Speaker 02

  Does that mean I win or? No, well, no, no, you guys. So that means.

• 46:29Speaker 03

  No, but you have a point.

• 46:30Speaker 04

  You have a point.

• 46:32Speaker 03

  You're on the board. You're one over par and Mark and I are way over.

• 46:36Speaker 02

  You know what? I'll take it.

• 46:38Speaker 04

  Damn, we haven't had golf rules in a long time. Damn.

• 46:43Speaker 02

  Do you guys wanna give a quick together loser speech?

• 46:46Speaker 04

  Uh.

• 46:51Speaker 03

  Some.

• 46:53Speaker 04

  Time.

• 46:54Speaker 03

  Of. Okay, the delay is too much.

• 47:00Speaker 04

  Bad fucking delay. I'm in another country, man. And I think it's gonna work.

• 47:07Speaker 03

  I don't feel very good about it, Mark. How do you feel about it? You feel bad, I feel.

• 47:12Speaker 04

  Uh, bad. Uh, this is the worst outcome. I am gonna go cry into my pillow and then probably sleep, but you know, mostly crying.

• 47:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't feel good about it either. I didn't see that coming. I thought, uh, we, we played the game pretty well, even though we didn't figure it out at all. Uh, and I thought it was a great fight and then just, just swept out from under both of us, so you do. I mean, congrats to Wade though, or something. Congratu- congratulations.

• 47:40Speaker 02

  You both did well. You played along the very baseline rules of the game. You came close to figuring it out, but you didn't. And karma, you both decided that instead of taking responsibility for your choices, putting me in there, making me make those choices for you. And because I was the bigger man and made all of the choices on your behalves, according to the way you guys played. I deserve this and I will host again. You thought two out of three was pretty good? How about Wade hosting three out of four? See you in the next one. If you haven't already, check out these guys. Mark and Mark, Bob at Micecur, me at Million77, LordMan777. There's merch. Distractible dot shop, I think. Keep an eye on that. That'll be stuff. Watch Distractible. I'm promoting that on Distractible. Why? Cuz we don't promote it enough. So make us promote it elsewhere.

• 48:24Speaker 02

  Sam, thanks for being a good sport and doing all those edits or none of them. See you in the next one. Until then, podcast out.

• 48:35Speaker 00

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