This Is What Leaders Do | On Handling Haters

After a long line of incompetence, after a long chain of excuses, after a series of failures, the Union cause finally turned around when General Ulysses S. Grant took command. Other generals had focused on pomp and circumstance, they had been anxious and defensive, they claimed they didn’t have the resources or troops they needed. As the great historian Bruce Catton wrote in The Hallowed Ground, “when Grant showed up things began to happen.” It didn’t matter if he was in charge of a small army or a big one, he was a leader and when leaders arrive, they make a difference.---And in today's reading from the Daily Stoic Journal, Ryan explains why it's so important to remember the idea that "hurt people hurt people" when thinking about how to respond to haters.💪 Visit store.dailystoic.com/pages/leadership to sign up for in the Daily Stoic Leadership Challenge before September 25th.✉️ Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail🏛 Check out the Daily Stoic Store for Stoic inspired products, signed books, and more.📱 Follow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, FacebookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast. Each day, we bring you a meditation inspired by the ancient Stoics, illustrated with stories from history, current events, and literature to help you be better at what you do. And at the beginning of the week, we try to do a deeper dive, setting a kind of Stoic intention for the week, something to meditate on, something to think on, something to leave you with, to journal about, whatever it is you happen to be doing. So let's get into it.

• 0:43Speaker 00

  This is what leaders do. After a long line of incompetence, after a long chain of excuses, after a series of failures, the union cause finally turned around when General Ulysses S. Grant took command. Other generals had been focused on pomp and circumstance. They had been anxious and defensive. They had claimed that they didn't have the resources or the troops that they needed. As the great historian Bruce Catton wrote in The Hallowed Ground, "When Grant showed up, things began to happen. It didn't matter if he was in charge of a small army or a big one. He was a leader, and when leaders arrive, they make a difference." A staff officer noted the same thing. "We began to see things move," he noted of Grant's rescue of a besieged army. "We felt that everything came from a plan.

• 1:28Speaker 00

  He came into the army quietly, no splendor, no airs, no staff. He used to go about alone. He began the campaign the moment he reached the field. Everything was done like music. Everything was in harmony." This was a lesson that Marcus Rilis learned from the Emperor Hadrian, who spent nearly the entirety of his reign touring the empire. He would show up in a city that had languished as a backwater and start a series of public improvements. He would come upon troops that had grown fat and lazy and put them to work building fortifications, many of which still stand. He made reforms. He replaced ineffective bureaucracy. He restored temples. He solved problems. A leader isn't a figurehead. They're a doer. They are a solver of problems. They are in

• 2:10Speaker 00

  command of themselves, confident in themselves. And this feeling is contagious. They make things happen. They help the people around them make things happen. And this is not random or a result of their authority. It's because of their skill. They are playing their instrument, making music, creating harmony and progress. And you can do this too, if you learn the art. And basically, the art of leadership, the stoic art of leadership, is what this new challenge we're launching right now. It starts on the 26th, so you don't have much time left. That's what the Daily Stoic Leadership Challenge is all about. And it's a real deep dive, intensive look at the art of leadership. It's the art of making things happen.

• 2:53Speaker 00

  It's one of the things we talk about in the Daily Stoic Leadership Challenge, which I think is one of the best things we've done. We actually got some advice from a two-star general in the Air Force. So you can listen to that as part of the challenge. One of the best interviews, I think, that we've done. Lots of great lessons in there. And there's a reason so many people have taken and loved the challenge. It's a six-plus-week course on leadership, but it's really digestible. It won't overload you, and it'll give you actual tangible stuff you can use. I can't wait for you to check it out. Go to dailystoic.com/leadership, or you can check out the Leadership Challenge at store.dailystoic.com, and I'll link to it in today's show notes.

• 3:38Speaker 00

  On handling haters. The Stoics taught that kindness trumps hate. They believed that those who engage in hate are prisoners to a destructive passion, one that hurts the practitioner, not the intended target. There's no reason to hate a hater. They are already suffering enough. In fact, when we see them this way, it makes it easier to be kind, good-natured, genuine, and useful. Remember that line in the Bible about how loving your enemies is like pouring hot coals on them? Because it's so unexpected? Well, what can surprise you that way? Whose enmity can you meet with kindness and compassion? And how much better do you feel when you've done so?

• 4:22Speaker 00

  You know, this is something I've struggled with a bit recently. And, you know, sometimes I have fun with it. Sometimes I like to stir it up a bit. I try not to get angry about it. It's not something that makes me angry, but, but it is. There is a part of it that makes me really sad, really frustrated. Because it's not that I can't take it. I can take it. But what I understand is how these ideas are rippling through and influencing other people, making them do, or making them fall prey to misinformation, or participate in antisocial behavior. But I do try to remember this idea that hurt people hurt people. And it is a great expression.

• 5:05Speaker 00

  I found it to be very true in my life. But I thought I would give you that thought as we get into today's quotes. The first is from Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 11:3. "What if someone despises me? He says, 'Let them see to it. But I will see to it that I won't be found doing or saying anything contemptible. What if someone hates me? Let them see to that. But I will see to it that I'm kind and good natured to it all. And be prepared to show even the hater where they went wrong. Not in a critical way, or to show off my patience, but genuinely and usefully." So when I respond, I try to have fun with it. And if it doesn't always come off as I'm having fun, I assure you, I am having fun.

• 5:49Speaker 00

  Because I think that's, you know, the Stoics talk about, you're gonna laugh, or you're gonna cry. I think if you can't have fun with it, if you can't troll the trolls back, then in a sense, they are winning. But let's go to Meditations 11:18. "Kindness is invincible, but only when it's sincere, and with no hypocrisy or faking. For what even can the most malicious person do if you keep showing kindness? And if given the chance, you gently try to point out where they went wrong, right as they were trying to harm you." This is the hard part. And I talked about this with Brad Stone in his book about Jeff Bezos. You know, Jeff Bezos heard very early on from his grandfather that it's easier to be clever than kind. And I would say this totally drives with my experience. It's easy to have a witty comeback.

• 6:33Speaker 00

  It's easy to be sarcastic. It's easy to... Dunk on someone to point out the obvious and ridiculous flaws or contradictions in their argument, or even to focus on the horrific implications of what they're saying and point out the costs of their behavior. But kindness is almost certainly what is going to convince someone, right? Patience is what it's going to take to convince them. And when you attack, you're almost certainly making them dig in more. And I have to remind myself of this. And then finally, we have Epictetus's Incrediant 20. Keep in mind that it isn't the one who has it in for you and takes a swipe that harms you, but rather the harm comes from your own belief about the abuse. So when someone arouses your anger,

• 7:16Speaker 00

  note that it's really your own opinion that's fueling it. Instead, make it your first response not to be carried away by such impressions, for with time and distance, self-mastery is more easily achieved. The other thought I would add to this is, you know, I've never put out a book and not seen some people react negatively, meanly, aggressively about, you know, this thing that I just spent so much time and energy on. And that's something you learn when you put out stuff into the world. I talked about this with Malcolm Gladwell on the podcast. The people who dislike what you do are almost always louder than the people who are like, oh, it's pretty good. I liked it. Right? Most of the things you

• 7:59Speaker 00

  like, you just sort of nod your head and move on. But it's the things you really hate. That's what seems to get us riled up. And that's what we seem to talk about most, we complain about most. So anyone that puts anything out in the world has to understand how to handle haters, not to be triggered by them, not to be distracted by them, not to be made bitter by them, not to be made worse by them. I think you'll agree. I hope you're not a hater. I hope you can find some more courage in your life. Talk soon.