It Works If You Work It | Impulse Control

It's felt like things have been a little off lately. You have been irritable. You have been stressed. You have been easily rattled by external events, you have been focusing on things outside your control. You have been a little caught up in projects at work, in getting ahead, in getting what you want. You haven't been the role model you aspire to be at home. What's the source of all this? Well, why don't we look at our habits?---And in today's Daily Stoic Journal excerpt reading, Ryan discusses the importance of remembering that our first impulses are usually out of proportion with actual value.📗 Preorder your copy of The Daily Dad: 366 Meditations on Parenting, Love and Raising Great Kids (including numbered, signed first editions) now. 📔 And if you want a better edition of Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations for your bedside table (to actually use, of course), check out our new version of the Gregory Hays translation.✉️ Sign up for the Daily Stoic email: https://dailystoic.com/dailyemail🏛 Check out the Daily Stoic Store for Stoic inspired products, signed books, and more.📱 Follow us: Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, FacebookSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

• 0:02Speaker 00

  Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast. Each day, we bring you a meditation inspired by the ancient Stoics, illustrated with stories from history, current events, and literature to help you be better at what you do. And at the beginning of the week, we try to do a deeper dive, setting a kind of Stoic intention for the week, something to meditate on, something to think on, something to leave you with, to journal about, whatever it is you happen to be doing. So let's get into it.

• 0:40Speaker 00

  It works if you work it.

• 0:44Speaker 00

  It's felt like things have been a little off lately. You've been irritable, you've been stressed, you've been easily rattled by external events. You've been focusing on things outside your control. You've been a little caught up in projects at work and getting ahead and getting what you want. You haven't been the role model you aspire to be at home. What's the source of all this? Well, why don't we look at our habits? We haven't been journaling. That copy of Meditations has been gathering dust on the bedside table. Who knows when it was last cracked? Forget reading philosophy. You've been glued to your phone, mainlining outrage porn and partisanship and breaking news. Of course, we still agree with all the Stoic ideas in theory, but in practice, well, in practice, we have been drifting,

• 1:26Speaker 00

  neglecting what is supposed to be a practice. So of course, we're falling short. In sobriety circles, they have a great saying, "It works if you work it," meaning that the steps and the exercises are not magic, but they are tried and true. If you follow them, they'll bear fruit. And this is how it goes with Stoicism too. It is revelatory at first, but beyond that, its real power exists only in whether you're applying it day to day, recommitting to the ideas day to day. That's what Marcus was doing in Meditations, by the way, admonishing himself and reminding himself of what he had first been told as a child, but was still trying to work well into old age.

• 2:09Speaker 00

  Seneca too was lingering on the master thinkers, Zeno and Cleanthes and Chrysippus, trying to get something new from them each day. If you want to do better, if you want to feel better, well, the solution is simple. Start doing the work.

• 2:25Speaker 00

  On the parenting front, by the way, trying to be a better role model at home, the new book, The Daily Dad, 366 Meditations on Parenting Love and Raising Great Kids, is available for preorder now, including some numbered, signed first editions. And if you want a better edition of Marcus Aurelius's Meditations for your bedside table, which I cracked myself yesterday, my new leather edition, well, you can check out our edition, our version of the Gregory Hays translation, which I designed to, you know, stand the test of time, be able to put some miles on it. You can grab that at store.dailystoic.com. I'll link to both these things in today's show notes, but I'll leave you there.

• 3:08Speaker 00

  Check, do preorder the new book. It would mean a lot to me if you know someone who's going to become a parent or is a parent, if you can even give it to your own parents. My father-in-law was telling me today that he reads it and it's helped him be a better grandparent to my kids. The Daily Dad, 366 Meditations on Parenting Love and Raising Great Kids. You can grab it at dailydadbook.com.

• 3:35Speaker 00

  If something is making you upset, write it down and look at it. What happened? Who caused it? Now think about your reaction. What did you say? What did you feel? Did this make it better or worse? Marcus Aurelius's emperor clearly had many people and causes to be upset. He also had real power and authority. Even so, we find that he would tell himself, "You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength." So too with what has happened to you. You did not control what happened, but you do control which impulses you will follow in the wake of it.

• 4:16Speaker 00

  And this is this week's meditation in the Daily Stoic Journal titled Impulse Control. I do hope you check out the journal. It's a little journal I do every morning. We have three quotes here to go along with it. Epictetus says, "We must discover the missing art of assent and pay special attention to the sphere of our impulses, that they are subject to reservations, to the common good, and that they are in proportion to actual worth." It's Marcus Aurelius's Meditations 1137. I just love that you have Marcus Aurelius quoting Epictetus. "You say good fortune used to meet you at every corner, but the fortunate person is the one who gives themselves a good fortune, and good fortunes are a well-tuned soul, good impulses, and good actions."

• 5:00Speaker 00

  That's Marcus Aurelius's Meditations 536. "Frame your thoughts like this: You're an old person. You won't let yourself be enslaved by this any longer, no longer pulled like a puppet by every impulse, and you'll stop complaining about your present fortune or dreading the future." To me, journaling is just such a great way to do this exercise of impulse control. I usually do it in the morning, but you could do journaling at any time, but I think, what are you upset about? Why are you angry? What are you holding on to? What's that thing inside you that you really want to say to that person? Say it on the page first. Anne Frank talks about how paper is more patient than people.

• 5:45Speaker 00

  Sometimes I find that the thing that I was writing down, I hadn't quite worked it out yet, and if I had said it the way I was thinking on the paper, it would not go well. Or I find that having said it once, I'm done. I don't need to mention this to anyone. It's probably better that I keep it to myself. So... To me, journaling is really a way to work out some of those urges. Just because you think something doesn't mean you need to say it. I'm always amazed at these athletes who, you know, after a loss rush into the locker room and tweet something, as if, dude, you're not going to be in a small metal tube with the person you just talked shit about for the next eight hours, as if you don't have

• 6:28Speaker 00

  to show up to work with them every single day. You need to develop this emotional impulse control, but that doesn't mean you just stuff it down and you don't deal with it. You've got to deal with it on the pages in the journal. That's the idea. You let it out. It's a place to do some spiritual combat, but it's also a place for your ideas, your competing impulses, your competing opinions to battle themselves out, to fight for that limited space. So spend some time with your journalized therapy. That's what it's there for. And if you're not taking advantage of it, chances are you are just taking those feelings out on other people, or you're taking them out on yourself, and that's not a good way to go through life.

• 7:12Speaker 00

  So use the journal as an instrument of impulse control. It's gotten me out of trouble time and time again. I can think of a moment when one of my books was coming out and I got sort of royally screwed over by a journalist. I wouldn't even say screwed over anymore. Let's just say someone did something to me that was quite unethical and quite petty and annoying. And actually, the prompts in the Daily Stoic Journal, it caught me day after day. It was like three prompts in a row. I didn't rush into saying something, I was going to wait a few days. And at the end of the three days, at the end of the journaling, kept it to myself. And even now, I don't need to tell you the specifics, I've moved on. And it saved me some headache, probably saved me creating an enemy for no reason, and then I can move on.

• 7:57Speaker 00

  And I hope you can do the same.