This is the Deads Day | Harsh Truths From The Stoics

Today is Halloween here in America, a holiday of fun and mischief for children—masks, candy, and staying up late. But tomorrow, in Mexico, begins Día de los Muertos, a holiday more aimed at adults and with deeper philosophical roots. 🪙 Memento Mori https://store.dailystoic.com/collections/memento-mori| We have a collection of items in the Daily Stoic storeto help you in your own memento mori practice https://store.dailystoic.com/collections/memento-mori, check them out here:https://store.dailystoic.com/collections/memento-morihttps://store.dailystoic.com/ 📖Wisdom Takes Work https://store.dailystoic.com/pages/wisdom-takes-work by Ryan Holiday is out NOW! Grab a copy here:https://store.dailystoic.com/pages/wisdom-takes-work 👉 Support the podcast and go deeper into Stoicism by subscribing toThe Daily Stoic Premium https://dailystoic.supercast.com/ - unlock ad-free listening, early access, and bonus content:https://dailystoic.supercast.com/ 🎥 Watch the video episodes onThe Daily Stoic YouTube channel https://www.youtube.com/@DailyStoic/videos:https://www.youtube.com/@DailyStoic/videos 🎙️ Follow The Daily Stoic Podcast onInstagram https://www.instagram.com/dailystoicpodcast/?hl=en:https://www.instagram.com/dailystoicpodcast ✉️ Want Stoic wisdom delivered to your inbox daily? Sign up for the FREE Daily Stoic email athttps://dailystoic.com/dailyemail 🏛 Get Stoic inspired books, medallions, and prints to remember these lessons at the Daily Stoic Store:https://store.dailystoic.com/ 📱 Follow us: Instagram https://www.instagram.com/dailystoic/,Twitter https://twitter.com/dailystoic,YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@DailyStoic,TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@daily_stoic?lang=en, andFacebook https://www.facebook.com/dailystoic See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to the Daily Stoic Podcast, where each day we bring you a Stoic-inspired meditation, designed to help you find strength and insight and wisdom into everyday life. Each one of these episodes is based on the 2,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women, help you learn from them, to follow in their example, and to start your day off with a little dose of courage and discipline and justice and wisdom. For more, visit DailyStoic.com.

• 0:56Ryan Holiday?

  It's Halloween here in America, which is a fun holiday for children. It's full of mass and candy and staying up late. In Mexico, however, tomorrow is the beginning of Dia de los Muertos, a more adult and philosophical holiday. All throughout Mexico, people will gather not for treats, but to celebrate and remember their friends and family who have died. It is, in a sense, a three-day commemoration, the idea of memento mori, a kind of collective bereavement mixed with the fun of a jazz funeral. The great Montegna, and if you haven't read his famous essays or Sarah Bakewell's How to Live, you must. He would tell a story that had trickled back to him from the New World of an ancient drinking game where the members took turns holding up a painting of a corpse

• 1:41Ryan Holiday?

  inside a coffin and cheered, "Drink and be merry, for when you are dead, you will look like this." And this cheeky but also profound observation captures the spirit of Dia de los Muertos as well, with its imagery of skulls and skeletons, the makeup, the music, the dancing, the praying, the altars set up to honor those who have left. It may seem strange to celebrate death in this way, and stranger still to involve children in it. But is it really any stranger than banishing all thoughts of death from our lives and letting it return to us only as a dreaded nightmare? Or pretending that the one thing that is guaranteed to happen to all of us doesn't even exist? There is real value in taking time to process and grieve and dance with the morbidity

• 2:25Ryan Holiday?

  of our mortality, of creating a ritual that allows us to come to terms with this essential part of our existence. Better to be on good terms with death than to schedule an annual checkup than to be surprised and shocked by this enemy we all share. So drink and be merry and celebrate the day of the dead. Say goodbye to the people you have lost and enjoy the people you are lucky enough to still have with you. That's all we can do. And that's what my Memento Mori coin on my desk is all about, and I hope you can grab one. Check them out at store.dailystoic.com.

• 3:12Ryan Holiday?

  The Stoics didn't dance around the truth. In fact, Marcus really has hated people who said, "Let me be honest with you." He said, "No, it should be written on your forehead that what you say is what you mean. If it's not true, don't say it." But conversely, I think also, "If it is true, you have to say it." Nobody said the truth would be easy, but that doesn't make it any less essential. And that's what I'm going to talk about in today's video. I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear. I'm going to tell you what the Stoics think you need to hear.

• 3:48Ryan Holiday?

  You gotta stop saying maybe when what you really mean is no, and you definitely have to stop saying yes to so many things. The question Marcus really said we need to ask is, "Is this thing necessary?" Because he said so much of what we do is not necessary. It's not essential, and we have to eliminate it if we want to do the essential things better. We do too many things because people ask. We do too many things because we've always done them. We do too many things because we are afraid to say no.

• 4:19Ryan Holiday?

  Marcus Rios, when he woke up and he wanted to stay in bed, he said, is this what you were put here for? To huddle under the covers and stay warm? No, he said, go and do what your nature, what your potential demands.

• 4:32Ryan Holiday?

  Most things are not in your control. It would be nicer if they were, but they aren't. So you have to practice acceptance. The Stoics call this the art of acquiescence. They call this resignation. There's all the things happening in the world and the tiny bit of them that are in your control. The Stoics need you to accept that the world does not revolve around you, that you are not important, but that doesn't mean you're powerless, right? The Stoics say you don't control what happens, but you control how you respond to what happens.

• 5:04Ryan Holiday?

  Do not be a know-it-all. The thing about being a know-it-all is that you're right. It becomes impossible for you to learn anything else. Epictetus's line was, "It is impossible to learn that which you think you already know." Humility is the way to learn and get better.

• 5:22Ryan Holiday?

  The people you meet are gonna suck. This is the harsh truth that Marcus Rios opens meditations with. Says they're gonna be jealous and annoying and difficult and stupid. They're gonna be all these things. We know they're gonna be these things. We have to go into the day with our eyes wide open. That's the harsh truth part of it. But the uplifting part, the happy part of it, is the second part. He says, "But they can't implicate you in ugliness." It's just more importantly, remember that you're made to work together, that life is incomplete without those kinds of people. And that we're related and that we share an affinity and a bond for each other. We can't be surprised by it. We can't let it suck us down and we can't let it change us for the negative. We still have to be good. We still have to do our job. We still have to play our part.

• 6:07Ryan Holiday?

  Ambition is a form of insanity, right? At the essence of Stoic philosophy is focusing on what we control. We don't control what other people say or do or think. I try to write really good books. I've had to do a lot of work to realize I don't control whether they become a bestseller or not. The New York Times decides that. Max Rilke explains this perfectly. He says, "Ambition is when we tie our happiness to what other people do or say or decide." He says, "Sanity is when we tie it to our own actions." So I have to define success as writing the best book that I'm capable of, of fulfilling my own artistic vision. Everything else, right? What the gatekeepers decide, what the audience decides, when they decide it,

• 6:52Ryan Holiday?

  that has to be seen as extra unless I want to go insane.

• 7:01Ryan Holiday?

  You and most people are illiterate. Not literally illiterate, but functionally illiterate. General James Mattis, former Secretary of Defense, four-star general in the Marines. He says, "If you haven't read hundreds of books, you are functionally illiterate." Epictetus said, "It doesn't matter that you read, it matters what you read." I would argue it matters how you read. Are you reading diligently? Are you reading the master thinkers? Are you rereading the master thinkers? As Seneca said, "We have to do. We have to come back to the core text over and over and over again, really understand them, really bring them into our DNA. We can't just be satisfied getting the gist of things, as Max Rilke learned from his philosophy teacher.

• 7:46Ryan Holiday?

  We have to read deeply, we have to read intensely, we have to read and reread. We have to turn those words into our own words. That is to say, synthesize and then apply them to our lives. And most people just plain aren't doing that, which is why it has been said that there is no difference between someone who does not read and someone who cannot read, right? It's how you read and how much you read and how much work you put in that ultimately determines whether you are literate or not.

• 8:23Ryan Holiday?

  Does this thing actually matter? What you have planned for the day, what you've been signed up for? Does it actually matter? Marcus Rivas says we have to constantly be asking ourselves, is this thing essential? Because when we eliminate the essential, we get to do the essential things better.

• 8:39Ryan Holiday?

  You gotta exercise. You have to be active. Now, we're not exercising for vanity purposes. We're not building muscles so we can look jacked. We are trying to cultivate strength, physical and mental. Seneca said, "We treat the body rigorously so that it's not disobedient to the mind." We are cultivating discipline. When you think of a philosopher, you don't think of an athlete. But in the ancient world, many of them were. Precipus was a runner. Cleianthus was a boxer. Marcus Aurelius was a wrestler. I run and swim and bike. The point is, get active, get moving. You need a strong mind in a strong body, and that means doing it every day.

• 9:23Ryan Holiday?

  If you're not journaling, you are not practicing Stoicism. Seneca, Epictetus, Marcus Rivas, all the ancient Stoics praised the benefits of journaling, putting it down on the page, working it out on the page. That is to say, instead of on other people, instead of just having it pinging around inside your head. You gotta be reflecting. You gotta be analyzing. You gotta be exploring. You have to be repeating over and over again the lessons from the ancients and the values you are trying to apply in your life. How does Marcus Aurelius become Marcus Aurelius? Through his journal. We see in meditations, Marcus Aurelius fighting to be the person that philosophy tried to make him.

• 10:06Ryan Holiday?

  He is journaling as an active philosophical practice, which you must do also.

• 10:14Ryan Holiday?

  You have to be reading, not a little bit, but all the time. "We must linger on the works of the master thinkers," Seneca said. "Over and over again, we have to return to them." "The Stoics aren't something you have read. They are something you need to be reading all of your life." "And in fact, there is no good life without study and reflection and wisdom." "You have to read, and not just read, but read actively, read strenuously." "As Epictetus says, 'It's not enough to read, you have to read the right things in the right way.'"

• 10:48Ryan Holiday?

  Go for a walk. I'm not saying walking will solve all your problems. I'm saying very few of your problems will be made worse for walking. Seneca said, "We need to take these wandering outdoor walks so that the mind can be nourished and refreshed by open air and deep breathing." "It calms you down, it gets you out of your head, it gets you out of your room, it gets you outdoors, into the world, into the beauty of the natural world. It gets your mind moving, it will make you better."

• 11:20Ryan Holiday?

  Stop looking for approval. When you are tempted to look outside yourself for approval, Epictetus says, "You have compromised your integrity." "If you need a witness," he said, "be your own." Marcus really said, "It's the craziest thing in the world." "We love ourselves more than other people, but for some reason, we care about other people's opinions more than our own."

• 11:44Ryan Holiday?

  You have to stop complaining, not just out loud, but in your own mind, too. Marcus really said, "Let no one overhear you complaining, not even yourself." "Complaining doesn't make things better, it only makes you feel worse."

• 12:01Ryan Holiday?

  Stop wasting your time. "Death is coming for us all, but not at the end of our life," Seneca said. "No, we are dying every day. Every minute that passes is as good as dead to us. It is gone forever." How much time have you already wasted on your phone today? How much time have you wasted ruminating on the past or worrying about the future? Now is now, it is the only thing you have for certain. Memento mori, you are mortal, live and act accordingly.

• 12:36Ryan Holiday?

  Stop doing it the easy way. Look, when you have two choices in life, the Stoics say you should choose the one that challenges you the most. In Meditations, Marx realist talks about practicing holding the reins of his horse in his non-dominant hand. He wanted to get used to doing it the way that was not easy or natural to him. This is a metaphor for doing the difficult thing. Take the long way, take the way you're less comfortable with, try it a new way, try it with your non-dominant hand, and watch as you get better.

• 13:12Ryan Holiday?

  Stop meddling in other people's business. Mistakes, Marx really says in Meditations, should be left to their makers. They're on their own journey, they're doing their own thing. You have enough to focus on. When you're perfect, when you are flawless, then you can get up in other people's business. But for now, work on your own enlightenment and your own improvement.

• 13:38Ryan Holiday?

  Stop talking so much, just shut up. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Zeno, the founder of Stoicism, said that. We are getting in our own way. When we are talking, you know what we're doing? We're not listening.

• 13:56Ryan Holiday?

  You have to stop puffing yourself up. Stop putting on airs. Don't talk about it, the Stoics say, embody it. The number one impediment to growth and knowledge, Zeno said, was conceit. Ego is the enemy. When you are puffing yourselves up, when you're proud of all that you have accomplished, you know what you're doing? You're not getting better, you're not growing. You're becoming self-satisfied and complacent instead of focusing on all the work that you have to do, on all the things you still have in common with other people.

• 14:34Ryan Holiday?

  You gotta stop looking for the third thing. Look, you've done something good. That's great, Marcus really said. Someone has benefited from it. It's made the world better. He says, but why, like a fool, do we look for the third thing on top of that? Why do we want credit? Why do we want a favor in return? We did the right thing. We did the nice thing because it was right, because it was nice, because we are generous. We do not need acknowledgement. We do not need a thank you, and we definitely don't need to be paid back. That wasn't why we did it. If we get those things, great, but stop looking for them.

• 15:13Ryan Holiday?

  Stop following the mob. You gotta think for yourself. Chrysippus, one of the early Stoics, said, look, if I wanted to be part of a mob, I would not have become a philosopher. We have to think for ourselves. We have to go to first principles. Whenever you are on the side of the majority, Mark Twain said, pause and reflect. That doesn't mean it's always wrong, but you must think for yourself first.

• 15:41Ryan Holiday?

  Stop thinking about legacy. Stop thinking about fame. You're not going to be able to enjoy posthumous fame. In Meditations, Marcus really notes that you won't be around to enjoy what people think of you after you are dead. The fact that we are talking about him right now, 2,000 years later, you know what good it does him? Nothing. In Meditations, he points out that Alexander the Great and the man's mule driver both die. They're both buried in the same ground. They are equally ignorant of what the future thinks of them now.

• 16:11Ryan Holiday?

  Stop extrapolating. Marcus really, who lived in dangerous times of high infant mortality, he says, my child is sick, but not that they might die of it. Right? He's saying, stop there. Extrapolation is what makes us so miserable. It's what makes us so anxious. It's what makes us so scared. He says, don't let your imagination be crushed by life as a whole. He says, stick with the situation at hand. That is enough. Focus on what's in front of you. Tomorrow will take care of itself.

• 16:48Ryan Holiday?

  So, look, if you liked the ideas in this video and you want a little more wisdom in your life, that's what the new book is about. Wisdom takes work, and it is a lot of work. This is the work of one's life. That's the new book. It's the fourth book in the Stoic Virtue series, and you can grab it anywhere books are sold.

• 17:07Ryan Holiday?

  Stop seeking perfection. You will never get there. Although Epictetus taught some great students and met powerful and important people, he said he never expected to meet a full sage. But he said he was plenty happy to meet someone who was just trying to get better every day.

• 17:29Ryan Holiday?

  "It's not things that upset us," Epictetus says. "It is our opinion about things." "Things are not asking to be judged by you," Marx really says in Meditations. They are. You're the one that's extrapolating. You're the one that's having opinions. You're the ones who said it was supposed to be a certain way. And now, guess what? You're upset that it's not that way. We spend so much time worried about how bad things are going to be. We torture ourselves more than the thing that we're worried about. Seneca says, "He who suffers before it is necessary suffers more than is necessary." And in fact, he said, "We suffer more in our imaginations than we do in reality."

• 18:13Ryan Holiday?

  Think about it. What are all the things that make you anxious have in common? You. You are the common ingredient in all of them. That's why Marx really says in Meditations that that he doesn't escape his anxiety. He discards it because it is within him. It's the fault of his perceptions, nothing outside himself.

• 18:35Ryan Holiday?

  "It's not about you. It doesn't affect you at all. It's not things that upset us," Epictetus says. "It's our opinions about things." You have decided that this is about you. You have decided that this harms you. You have decided that it was rude. You have decided that they were trying to hurt your feelings. Stop taking it personally. It's not about you.

• 19:02Ryan Holiday?

  Make time for some deep work and focus and reflection. In Marcus Rilis's meditations, he says you have to concentrate on this task before you, like a Roman, says, "Do it like it's the last thing you're doing in your life." I would say, "Do it like it's the only thing in your life." Put the phone away, close all the tabs in your browser. Don't multitask, lock in and focus for a large uninterrupted block. This is what Marcus Rilis is doing in meditations. This is what the Stoics were doing in their philosophical classes. Stop drifting about, stop wandering and focus.

• 19:43Ryan Holiday?

  Marcus Rilis didn't give a fuck. He didn't give a fuck what other people thought, and neither should you. The next time you find yourself worrying about what someone else thinks, the next time your feelings are hurt because someone insults you, he says, "You have to look at what kind of person they are. Think about what they do in private. Think about the standards they hold themselves to." And he says, "Suddenly you'll find you won't need to strain yourself to impress them."

• 20:10Ryan Holiday?

  Epictetus says, "When you look to others for approval, you know what you've done?" He says, "You have betrayed your own integrity." They're not the judge of what's good. They're not the judge of what's virtuous. They're not the judge of what's important. You are. You set the standards for your own life. You know what's good or not, so why are you looking to them?

• 20:33Ryan Holiday?

  When I wrote The Daily Stoic eight years ago, I had this crazy idea that I would just keep it going. The book was 366 meditations, but I'd write one more every single day and I'd give it away for free as an email. I thought maybe a few people would sign up. Couldn't have even comprehended a future in which three quarters of a million people would get this email every single day and would for almost a decade. If you want to get the email, if you want to be part of a community that is the largest group of Stoics ever assembled in human history, I'd love for you to join us. You can sign up and get the email totally for free. No spam. You can unsubscribe whenever you want at dailystoic.com/email.