Don’t Worry About Being Respected

In a conversation on “You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes” about Martin Luther King Jr., the screenwriter and director Adam McKay talked about the distinction between two words (and concepts) that we commonly conflate: Have you noticed the difference between dignity and respect is a big one? People that fly off the handle and get angry too much always talk about, ‘I’m not being respected.’ But respect is something you can’t control, right? Dignity is inside you, dignity is yours. This is a brilliantly made point, and it aligns perfectly with Stoicism. Remember, to the Stoics the two big categories that everything had to be sorted into were the things that were up to us and the things that are not up to us. Although it is nice to be respected, that really isn’t something that is up to us. But acting with dignity? Maintaining our own standards—our self-respect? That’s ours. Always. Even when we are under duress, facing adversity, or someone is attempting to humiliate us—dignity remains firmly in our control, provided we don’t give it up. This is what made Cato such a towering figure to Seneca and Marcus Aurelius and generations of Stoics. He didn’t care what other people thought about him, what they said to him, what they did to him. Sometimes public opinion lined up with his moral compass, sometimes it didn’t, but he never let that sway him from following what really mattered. Even when they showered him with curses or tried to kill him, he stuck fast. As McKay would go on to say in the interview, while we “can’t really control what they’re doing...we can control how we react.” It’s hard to describe Stoicism better than that phrase. Because that’s what dignity is about. That’s why it’s much more important than “respect.”See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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• 0:06Ryan Holiday?

  Welcome to The Daily Stoic, where each day we read a short passage designed to help you cultivate the strength, insight, wisdom necessary for living the good life. Each one of these passages is based on the 2,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women. For more, you can visit us at dailystoic.com.

• 0:29Ryan Holiday?

  Don't worry about being respected. In a conversation on You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes about Martin Luther King Jr., the screenwriter and director Adam McKay talked about the distinction between two words, two concepts, that we commonly conflate. He said, "Have you noticed the difference between dignity and respect is a big one? People that fly off the handle and get angry too much always talk about, 'I'm not being respected.'" But respect is something you can't control, right? Dignity is inside you. Dignity is yours. This is a brilliantly made point and aligns perfectly with Stoicism.

• 1:09Ryan Holiday?

  Remember, to the Stoics, the two big categories that everything had to be sorted into were the things that were up to us and the things that were not up to us. Although it is nice to be respected, that really isn't something that is up to us. But acting with dignity, maintaining our own standards, our own self-respect, that's ours, always. Even when we are under duress, facing adversity, or someone is attempting to humiliate us, dignity remains firmly in our control, provided that we don't give it up. This is what made Cato such a towering figure to Seneca and Marcus Aurelius and generations of Stoics. He didn't care what

• 1:52Ryan Holiday?

  other people thought about him, what they said to him, what they did to him. Sometimes public opinion lined up with his moral compass, sometimes it didn't. But he never let that sway him from following what really mattered. Even when they showered him with curses, tried to kill him, he stuck fast. As McKay would go on to say in the interview, "While we can't really control what they're doing, we can control how we react." It's hard to describe Stoicism better than that phrase, because that's what dignity is about and why it's much more important than respect.

• 2:30Ryan Holiday?

  If you like the podcast that we do here and you want to get it via email every morning, you can sign up at dailystoic.com/email. [Music]