Ask Daily Stoic: How Do I Deal With Long Term Problems?

**Now featuring twice as much content per episode**In each of the Ask Daily Stoic Q&A episodes, Ryan will answer questions from fans about Stoicism. You can also find these videos on the Daily Stoic YouTube channel. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  Welcome to The Daily Stoic, where each day we read a short passage designed to help you cultivate the strength, insight, wisdom necessary for living the good life. Each one of these passages is based on the 2,000-year-old philosophy that has guided some of history's greatest men and women. For more, you can visit us at DailyStoic.com.

• 0:29Speaker 00

  Hey there, it's

• 0:36Speaker 00

  Hey, it's Ryan. Welcome to another Saturday edition of Daily Stoic. This is where we do longer episodes. We have the Ask Daily Stoic series. I give you a little update on what's going on with Daily Stoic, with what's going on with me. So one of the things that's new and exciting, I guess, for us is that I, last week, turned in the draft of what will be the next book for Daily Stoic. It's called Lives of the Stoics. I've been working on it for the last year or so. It's been, you know, I gotta be honest, it's been exhausting. I feel like I am just going from one book to the other, but I love it, so I don't stop. But, you know, this book is, there's actually, it's sort of based on a Christian book. There's

• 1:19Speaker 00

  a book called Lives of the Saints, meaning that you probably wouldn't read a biography of all the different saints, but, you know, put together, there's all sorts of things you can and might be surprised to learn about these people. And so, I wanted to make a book that was a biography of all the major Stoics from the ancient world. And so, for the last year or so, Steve and I have been slaving away on this thing, Steve being my translator and co-writer on the Daily book. So, this book won't be out for a year, so it's not an ad for this or anything. I'm just sort of telling you about how it's gone. But, I spent most of Christmas break finalizing the book, did a lot of editing. There's just all sorts of people. Like, honestly, I mean, I've been writing about this for a long time, and I didn't know who a lot of these people were. Definitely didn't know even how to pronounce some of their names.

• 2:04Speaker 00

  For instance, Chrysippus, or Aristote, or Panateus, or Postidonius. Again, these are people that you're probably not dying to read about in the abstract or think maybe only fit in a Wikipedia page, but lived these sort of fascinating, complicated, and of course, very Stoic lives. So we've been researching all the things they did, all the things they wrote, all the people they met, finding all the interesting anecdotes and stories about them and trying to sort of bring them to life. You know, like, I think what I love about Stoicism, and it's not a philosophy about what people say, it's primarily a philosophy about what people do. And so this is a book about what did the people who said things about Stoicism, how did they actually live? What were their lives like? Where did they fall short? What did they do right?

• 2:49Speaker 00

  What did they do wrong? How did they die? Where were they born? What sort of adversity or difficulties did they experience? And so that's what that book is. So basically, the way it works is, the first manuscript is in, and now it's with my editor, Nikki Papadopoulos. She's the one that edited all my other books, including The Daily Stoic, and The Obstacle is the Way, and The Ego is the Enemy, and everything you've read from me. So she's now got it, and this is kind of actually like the hardest part for an author, because it's now in, and now I know it's in somebody else's hands, and they're just like tearing it to shreds. And it's like, I did everything I thought I needed to do. I worked like hell on this thing, and I know that what she's gonna, she's never once come

• 3:33Speaker 00

  back and said, "It's perfect, you don't have to do any more work." That's just not how it goes. What she's gonna say is she's gonna hand me a big, you know, document filled with red lines, and comment bubbles, and suggestions, and criticisms. So I'm kind of steeling myself in advance for how tough that's gonna be. And then, usually, I get it, and I don't read it for a couple of days, then I kind of glance at it with only one of my eyes open, and I sigh, and I get serious, and I sit down, and I just start working, and I chip away at the notes until it's as good as I think it can be, and then it goes back for another round, and another round, and you touch these manuscripts. Dozens of times, and then eventually, at some point, as Churchill said, you fling

• 4:18Speaker 00

  it to the public and hope that they like it. And so you'll get to see that soon, but that's sort of what's going on with Daily Stoic these days. That's what's next for me. And I actually have my next series of books that I have to start writing immediately after that. I like to go from project to project, as exhausting as that is. So soon as this is finished, I'm already researching and thinking about the next project, and that will come soon. So that's what's coming from us. I'm really liking doing these weekend episodes. It's so cool to hear how many people are listening to these podcasts. And if you have suggestions for things we should do, if you have questions for Ask Daily Stoic, you can send those in to [email protected]. We love hearing from you, and we will talk

• 5:03Speaker 00

  next week. So let's get going. Also, in today's episode, I thought I would read the February 1 entry for The Daily Stoic. I didn't read the audiobook, so I thought you might like to hear some from me. The day's headline is "For the Hot-Headed Man," and the quote comes to us from Marcus Aurelius. He said, "Keep this thought handy when you feel a fit of rage coming on. It isn't manly to be enraged. Rather, gentleness and civility are more human and therefore manlier. A real man doesn't give way to anger and discontent, and such a person has strength, courage, and endurance, unlike the angry and complaining. The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the

• 5:48Speaker 00

  closer he is to strength." And then the story for the day, or the discussion, it goes as follows. It says, "Why do athletes talk trash to each other? Why do they deliberately say offensive and nasty things to their competitors when the refs aren't looking to provoke a reaction? Distracting and angering opponents is an easy way to knock them off their game. Try to remember that when you find yourself getting mad. Anger is not impressive or tough. It's a mistake. It's weakness. Depending on what you're doing, it might even be a trap that someone laid for you." Fans and opponents called boxer Joe Louis "The Ring Robe." Because he was utterly unemotional, his cold, calm demeanor was far more terrifying than

• 6:28Speaker 00

  any crazed look or emotional outburst would have been. Strength is the ability to maintain a hold of oneself. It's being the person who never gets mad, who cannot be rattled because they are in control of their passions, rather than controlled by their passions.

• 6:48Speaker 00

  Hey, everyone. I'm sitting here talking to you in a pair of sweatpants and slippers from this week's sponsor, Mack Weldon. They're super comfortable. They look awesome. It was really easy to find them when I was shopping online on their store, and it's actually hard not to find something you won't like. Mack Weldon believes in smart design, premium fabrics, and simple shopping. I was a first time buyer. I love what I got. So check it out. They have other great stuff. They have a line of silver antimicrobial shirts and underwear that eliminate odor. These are basics that look good. They're super resilient. You can wear them to the gym, on a date, to work, wherever. There's a great return policy. If you don't like even their underwear, you can keep it for free, but I think you'll

• 7:30Speaker 00

  like them. For 20% off your first order, you can go to mackweldon.com. That's M-A-C-K-W-E-L-D-O-N. Mackweldon.com and you can enter promo code STOIC. That's mackweldon.com. Enter promo code STOIC.

• 7:52Speaker 00

  Welcome to another episode of Ask Daily Stoic. You send me, Ryan Holiday, your questions about Stoicism, about the Stoics, about life. I try to answer. We put it on YouTube. We put it on the podcast. Thanks for listening. And if you want to send us some questions, you can send those in at [email protected]. All right. Our first question, how should I react or embrace a continuous problem? For example, my roommate does not pick up around the house. This is not an issue that I could simply let go or embrace. I'm forcibly put into a situation I don't want to be in. Another example is that I'm working on a job I don't want to work at. This is a situation I don't want to be in. Quitting is a gamble on my future, even granting that it was my own ignorance that brought this situation. A bad job is not something you intend, but what do I do?

• 8:38Speaker 00

  So I think this is a good question. So first off, the Stoics would go like, Let's say, let's say there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. So you have to endure it. Is it really so bad? You have to endure some, some mess around the house. You know, Marcus realist goes like, endure it and it can't go on forever. Cause you'll die or they'll die. And so there's kind of a glibness to that, but I think it's true. It's just a reminder that like, look, this is not cancer. Right? And, but sometimes because we don't have other problems going on, we've, or because we do have other problems going on. We fixate on these minor things or we fixate on what other people are doing. So the second thing the Stokes would talk about would be that, right?

• 9:20Speaker 00

  What can you do around your house that might influence the situation? Right? Instead of just hoping your roommate will change their behavior, instead of yelling at them to change their behavior, instead of focusing on them, which you don't control. What do you control? Right? Uh, and maybe it's having a conversation. Maybe it's setting up systems. Maybe it's cleaning up your stuff. Maybe if you really hate it, it's just cleaning up their stuff. Right? There, there's lots of options inside that. And then the third, the third thing the Stokes would go is like, okay, if you really don't like this, if you're really unhappy with it, what are you willing to trade to get out of it? Right? Can you move? Can you sublet out your unit? Like just get out of it. Right?

• 10:04Speaker 00

  Like if it's really making you as miserable as you feel like it's making you, then Stokes would, would say it's probably not, but let's say it is. Can you get out of it? I, I think about this with jobs. Like there's been plenty of jobs that I've had that I haven't liked. So I'd say, okay, I'm going to leave this job. I'm going to do something else. In the meantime though, let's say I can't leave until I save up enough money to do X, or there's this project I have to finish. I go now that I know that there is an end date to this thing that's causing me discomfort or misery. What can I learn in the interim period? What can I do in the interim period? And I think this is a similar thing with your roommate. So you've got three months left on your lease. Okay. Can you practice putting up with this for three months? Can you practice being, you know, more direct? If you're a non-confrontational person with your roommate for the next three months?

• 10:49Speaker 00

  Can you practice being more organized and helpful? And what like, what is, what is the opportunity? If, if you cannot change this situation, if you simply have to put up with it, what can you do with that fact? That makes you better, that presents you an opportunity to improve? But all of this, I think, is under the larger umbrella, which is they sound like some first world problems. So not to belittle it, but they sound like some first world problems. So I keep that in perspective as well. All right. The next question. Would you recommend a work of any modern philosopher who is Stoic or influenced by Stoicism? I absolutely can. It's a great question. And I happen to have this book in front of me because I was talking about it in an earlier question. This is Pierre Hadot. He's a French

• 11:34Speaker 00

  philosopher. He wrote a fantastic book about Marcus Aurelius called The Inner Citadel, The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius. There's another book, Philosophy as a Way of Life by Pierre Hadot. Also, very good, influenced, sort of about Stoicism, but not just about Stoicism. Donald Robertson's book, How to Think Like a Roman Emperor, came out recently. Very good. He's a great thinker about Stoicism, very thoughtful guy. Alain de Batton has written some interesting things, sort of inspired by about Stoicism. We did an interview with Darren Brown. He's a British magician, but he's also written books on happiness that are largely influenced by Stoicism. I think he's really great. We've got a bunch

• 12:16Speaker 00

  of resources on the Daily Stoic website, but I would say two other books. If I was thinking philosophy that's influenced by Stoicism, Viktor Frankl's book, Man's Search for Meaning, very good, sort of driven by Stoicism in a lot of ways. You know, I think Mark Manson, if I was going to really pop, really sort of accessible, recent, modern, I think Mark Manson's stuff, which is a little more Zen Buddhist than Stoic, but I'd sort of consider him a fellow traveler. He's a great guy. Check out his books as well. All right. Next question. I have a small problem reconciling my atheism with my Stoicism.

• 12:59Speaker 00

  Can one be both? I'm sure the answer is yes, but I would love to hear it discussed. I mean, look, I don't think you have to reconcile your atheism with Stoicism. To me, Stoicism is a philosophy and religion is separate. So there's this great quote from Flaubert where he talks about how there was this moment in history between Cicero and Marcus Aurelius, he says, where man stood alone in the universe. So Marcus Aurelius and Christianity do not go well together, actually. So it's the opposite of the reconciliation and the Christians probably have more work to do. But Rusticus, who introduces Marcus Aurelius to Stoicism, persecutes and executes Justin Martyr. Seneca's brother is actually adjudicates a case involving St. Paul.

• 13:44Speaker 00

  So for many, many years of Stoicism's sort of heyday in Rome, it was outwardly hostile to Christianity. And I'm writing about this a little bit in my next book, so you can stay tuned for that. But Stoicism definitely believed that there was a God, or gods, but more in the Roman sense. So gods were these sort of rituals, these sort of official deities. It wasn't the same as the sort of Christianity, sort of modern religious sense that we have now. There's a recent translation of an essay by Cicero that sort of focuses on Stoicism and spirituality. It's by Princeton University Press.

• 14:28Speaker 00

  I think it's called "How to Think About God," or "What to Think About God," or something like that. But I might check that out. It's sort of an interesting dialogue. But I think there is plenty in Stoicism that makes it compatible with religion. The idea of the logos or fate, you know, the word and the way, both that's logos in Latin, that's there. But at the same time, the Stoics are talking about, I think, a much more logical reason for doing the things that they do. So like, Jesus and Seneca are born in the same year. And whereas Jesus is saying like, "Follow me, obey the law of God, or you'll go to hell," or, you know, like, "You won't have an afterlife."

• 15:10Speaker 00

  I think what Seneca is saying at the very same time, in the very same empire, is like, Don't be a bad person because you'll be unhappy, right? It will make you miserable. So I think really the Stoics are saying a lot of similar things to the Christians, but they're saying them for very different reasons. And there were plenty of Christians. Actually, the interesting thing about Justin Martyr is that he studied a Stoic philosopher before he convert, under a Stoic philosopher before he converted to Christianity. So I don't think you, I don't think they're as unreconcilable as you think, but they're also quite easily reconciled. Christianity and Stoicism or atheism and Stoicism. I think primarily what the Stoics would tell you to do is just focus on what is making

• 15:53Speaker 00

  you a better, more virtuous person, not what solves some metaphysical, you know, explanation of the universe. Focus on yourself improvement, not these big abstract questions. Anyways, that's what I try to do. So, thanks, guys. This has been another episode of Ask Daily Stoic. Keep asking questions. You can send them to [email protected] and I'll keep answering them. Thanks.

• 16:20Speaker 00

  If you're liking this podcast, we would love for you to subscribe. Please leave us a review on iTunes or any of your favorite podcast listening apps. It really helps. And tell a friend.