Owen Wilson

Actor Owen Wilson feels good about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. Owen sits down with Conan to discuss how military school led him to a creative partnership with Wes Anderson, learning how to wear a cowboy hat, bringing Timothy Olyphant on for season two of Stick, his new film Rolling Loud: The Movie, and more. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (323) 362-2295.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:27Speaker 01

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• 1:03Speaker 03

  Hi, my name's Owen Wilson, and I feel

• 1:09Speaker 03

  good about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

• 1:11Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, this is clearly like a hostage situation.

• 1:17Speaker 05

  Fall is here, hear the yell, back to school, ring the bell. Brand new shoes, walking blues, climb the fence, books and pens. I can tell that we are gonna be friends. I can tell that we are gonna be friends.

• 1:37Conan O'Brien?

  Hey there, welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. A slightly different situation today. We have Sona Movsesian, as we always do. Good to see you, Sona.

• 1:46Speaker 06

  Hey, good to see you too.

• 1:48Conan O'Brien?

  You look very nice today.

• 1:49Speaker 06

  I dolled up.

• 1:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you do. You look really nice.

• 1:52Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 1:53Conan O'Brien?

  And Matt Gourley is out. He's got, I think, a cold. He's got two little kids in his house, and I think he has a... He's just gonna be in that situation where he has a cold, I think, every five days.

• 2:05Speaker 06

  Yeah, well, I mean, Glenn just started school, and those schools are cesspools.

• 2:09Conan O'Brien?

  Incubators.

• 2:10Speaker 06

  Incubators.

• 2:10Conan O'Brien?

  Of disease.

• 2:11Speaker 06

  Kids always have snot coming down their noses.

• 2:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I suppose that's true. And so we have David Hopping.

• 2:18Speaker 07

  Hi.

• 2:19Conan O'Brien?

  Sitting in. And David, I know I had a little hitch in my voice there, in my sentence, like, I wasn't happy to see you, but I am.

• 2:24Speaker 07

  Oh, I didn't even notice the hitch.

• 2:26Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, well, then, maybe I shouldn't have brought it up. But I've overcome my reservations.

• 2:32Speaker 07

  Hey.

• 2:32Conan O'Brien?

  About you taking over for Matt Gourley. No, you step in from time to time. You're a fine assistant.

• 2:36Speaker 07

  Hey, thanks.

• 2:37Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm sure there are people who love you. Now, let's...

• 2:43Speaker 07

  Get him on the phone.

• 2:44Conan O'Brien?

  You have something that you wish to talk about.

• 2:48Speaker 07

  Yes, a fan of yours reached out, and I just wanted to share this message and get your thoughts on it.

• 2:53Conan O'Brien?

  I always like to hear from the fans. Occasionally, a king likes to put on a disguise and walks among his people's. And so this is my chance to find out, because I'm up in the clouds, sitting on my golden throne.

• 3:06Speaker 06

  You're unreachable.

• 3:07Conan O'Brien?

  Unreachable, untouchable, a god way above me.

• 3:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, you walk in here, and we all like bow, and we revere you, and no one's like laughing at you and stuff.

• 3:17Conan O'Brien?

  Why would they laugh at me?

• 3:18Speaker 07

  With you.

• 3:19Speaker 06

  With you.

• 3:19Speaker 07

  With you.

• 3:20Speaker 06

  That's what I meant.

• 3:20Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, let's hear it.

• 3:21Speaker 07

  Okay. Says, "Hi, David, I'm reaching out in need of your help. My name is Seth, and I'm a huge fan of all things Conan. My wife and I are expecting our second baby this November. We are currently in the process of deciding on names. We do not know the gender, but if the baby is a boy, I would love to name him Conan. My wife is not on board with this name. She did say, though, that if I were to get Conan to agree with us naming our future child after him, she would be on board. Any assistance on this matter would be greatly appreciated. Hopefully hear from you soon. Seth."

• 3:50Conan O'Brien?

  Wow.

• 3:51Speaker 06

  Conan's cool.

• 3:52Conan O'Brien?

  Is it? I don't know. I have to say, this is a delicate matter, because it's a huge decision, naming a child. When I was born, first brother was Neil, then Luke, and then, when I was born, I was unnamed, I think, for a few days. This is according to my mom, who told me this later on, and my dad went to the library, this is way back in 1963, and started looking up interesting names. And he had this whole theory about how names should be... It should be striking, but not complicated, and it should elide with the last name. So Conan O'Brien.

• 4:30Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:31Conan O'Brien?

  But he did all this research and found the name Conan. He didn't know anything about Conan the Barbarian. He didn't know anything about... Because they were, at that time, like graphic novels or something. He didn't know anything about that, and there were no movies yet. So he just found this name Conan, which had some, like, from the Middle Ages or something like that. So he gave me that name, and for a while, it was kind of cool. And then that movie came out.

• 4:53Speaker 06

  Mmm.

• 4:54Conan O'Brien?

  And everyone was like, "Hey, Conan, where's your sword?" And then the beatings would commence.

• 5:01Speaker 06

  Oh, but that was gonna happen regardless.

• 5:03Conan O'Brien?

  The beatings, yes.

• 5:04Speaker 06

  Yeah, the beatings were just gonna happen.

• 5:06Speaker 07

  Even if your name was like Brad.

• 5:07Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. The beatings are... But why you? Why didn't he stress out about Neil or Luke's name?

• 5:14Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know. I don't know. Maybe he saw that I was the chosen one.

• 5:20Conan O'Brien?

  There was a golden light. I was the only one that had, when I was born, I had bright orange hair, like an orangutan. And my mom said, "You look like a fat Buddha with, like, a Lucille Ball wig." And I was like, "I love you too, Mom." But anyway, so I had the name Conan. This is a big decision, and I have to say, I have fans occasionally show me that they've had a Conan caricature, like, put on their ankle or something, and I always think, "I don't know how I feel about that."

• 5:52Speaker 06

  Did you ever think about naming Beckett Conan Jr.?

• 5:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 5:56Speaker 06

  You did, really?

• 5:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, he was Conan Jr. for four years, and then he took us to court.

• 6:01Speaker 06

  When he was four?

• 6:02Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, he took us to court when he was four. The judge immediately sided with Conan Jr. No, no, not for a second. No, my God, that'd be awful.

• 6:14Speaker 07

  Were there celebrities that you wanted to name your kids after?

• 6:17Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 6:18Speaker 06

  But you're also... You have a very special, like, thing of you can just be one name, because your name is so unique.

• 6:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I'm up there with other one-name celebrities.

• 6:28Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 6:29Conan O'Brien?

  All you have to do is say Rihanna.

• 6:31Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 6:31Conan O'Brien?

  Like Rihanna. Well, you can. You can say Rihanna went to a party with Conan.

• 6:35Speaker 06

  Madonna.

• 6:36Conan O'Brien?

  And Madonna.

• 6:37Speaker 06

  My queen Cher. Yeah.

• 6:39Conan O'Brien?

  You didn't even have to say my queen Cher, just Cher.

• 6:41Speaker 06

  I know.

• 6:41Conan O'Brien?

  So let's say this again. Cher, Rihanna, Madonna, and Conan went to a party. No one thinks that's a weird sentence. No one says, "Wait a minute, hold on a second," because I'm a one-name celebrity.

• 6:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's... You're making jokes, but that's true, and that's really cool.

• 6:57Conan O'Brien?

  You really think if you heard that Conan, Rihanna, Cher, and Madonna went to a party, you wouldn't spit out whatever you were drinking?

• 7:04Speaker 06

  I think it would be more like, what party that Madonna, Rihanna, and Cher are at, did they invite Conan? But I would know it's you.

• 7:13Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, that wasn't my question. My question is, they're all one-name people. I'm a one-name person, but I shouldn't be in there.

• 7:20Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The bouncer should have stopped you from getting in there.

• 7:23Speaker 07

  I would want to know which one of the three invited you.

• 7:25Speaker 06

  I know.

• 7:25Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, none of those people were inviting me. No, no, that's one of those things where they're out having a party, and then I'm there inspecting the HVAC, and I wander by their table. And then someone gets a picture, and suddenly, my name is in with them, but they don't include the part about repairing the HVAC.

• 7:46Conan O'Brien?

  I think, no, I'm gonna have to... I'm gonna have to side with the wife on this one. I think, yeah, right?

• 7:55Speaker 06

  I'd side with him. I think it's a really... I think it's a cool name. It's different.

• 7:59Conan O'Brien?

  Eduardo, what do you think?

• 8:00Speaker 06

  There's a Conan Gray. He's a young chap.

• 8:02Speaker 05

  My feeling is it's a unique name, and if you let somebody else start to use it, it becomes less unique. So for your own brand safety.

• 8:10Conan O'Brien?

  But what do you think about singer Conan Gray? Don't we root against him now?

• 8:13Speaker 05

  Nah, nah, we don't.

• 8:14Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, good. Well, and what do you think, David?

• 8:16Speaker 07

  Yeah, no.

• 8:18Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Also, can I just say, David, you have a lot of... The name Conan triggers you.

• 8:24Speaker 07

  Yeah.

• 8:24Conan O'Brien?

  Insane requests at 4:00 AM. You know, constantly insisting you pretend to be paparazzi, so that I look like I'm really making the scene.

• 8:33Speaker 07

  Yeah, trying to clear the area.

• 8:34Conan O'Brien?

  Even though you're just not... You're holding an invisible camera, and you say, "Click, click." I'm gonna say, yeah, I think it's a no, you know?

• 8:43Speaker 07

  Okay, sorry, Seth.

• 8:44Conan O'Brien?

  I think Miles is a really good name. I like the name Miles.

• 8:47Speaker 06

  I like Miles.

• 8:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 8:48Speaker 06

  I like Miles, but I also do like Conan. I think it's a really cool name, and I think that you need to...

• 8:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, but not for others. I think we just let it lie. And also, I'll find myself... And by the way, they said they don't know the gender yet. We haven't determined my gender yet, so Conan works either way. I'm having a gender reveal party next year, here on the podcast.

• 9:10Conan O'Brien?

  All right, let's do this. My guest today has starred in such movies as Zoolander and Wedding Crashers. His Apple TV Plus series, Stick, returns for its second season in November. And starting October 2nd, you can see him in Rolling Loud: The Movie. Very busy, but endlessly enjoyable. Owen Wilson is here.

• 9:37Conan O'Brien?

  Owen, welcome.

• 9:42Conan O'Brien?

  Doesn't happen all the time, but I'll mirror the person that I'm talking to. And the minute I saw you, I walked in and I saw you, I slowed down my speech. And I started to notice that I'm kind of, I wasn't doing it intentionally. I'm kind of talking like Owen, you know? And I'm sort of like-

• 9:58Speaker 03

  And I'm going the other way. I'm, I'm revving myself up.

• 10:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you hate yourself? Do you hate yourself now? How much do you hate yourself right now?

• 10:09Speaker 06

  Are you needy?

• 10:10Conan O'Brien?

  Are you a needy guy who hates people, hates himself? Well, I'm super thrilled you're here because I think we have a lot to talk about. This is the Owen Wilson takedown interview.

• 10:20Speaker 03

  Good.

• 10:20Conan O'Brien?

  I'm, because you've been riding high way too long.

• 10:22Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 10:23Conan O'Brien?

  You get away with murder. I really believe that, and this is the takedown. I was trying to find, start with a point of commonality, like what do, you're from Dallas. I'm from Boston. We could not come from more different places.

• 10:35Speaker 03

  Except my parents are from, my dad's from Boston.

• 10:37Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, really?

• 10:38Speaker 03

  My dad's from Belmont.

• 10:39Conan O'Brien?

  You're kidding?

• 10:39Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 10:40Conan O'Brien?

  That's where my parents lived before my mom got pregnant with me. And true story, the landlords, she had two kids already, Luke and Neil. She's, the landlord saw my mom was pregnant with the third and said, you gotta, you can't stay here. This was the 19, you know, this is like 1963, when you could say, hey, if you're pregnant, get the fuck out of here.

• 10:58Speaker 03

  Was this against the Irish?

• 11:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. He was like, oh my God, this Irish, she's probably pregnant with seven kids.

• 11:07Conan O'Brien?

  So they had to move and they moved into, to Brookline. And then I was born like months later, and I know that's why you came here today. To hear that story.

• 11:14Speaker 03

  That was Dukakis.

• 11:15Conan O'Brien?

  What's that?

• 11:16Speaker 03

  It was Dukakis from Brookline.

• 11:18Conan O'Brien?

  Brooklyn, yes. Uh, Michael Dukakis, who ran in, I'm gonna get this straight, was it 1988? I think he ran for president.

• 11:25Speaker 03

  Eighty-eight, yeah.

• 11:26Conan O'Brien?

  And, uh, he was the governor of Massachusetts. But yeah, he was, uh, and the day, true story, he runs for president, he loses to George H.W. Bush, and the next night, my brother sees him in line at the Brookline Star Market. And he's buying soda pop for his secret security detail that's leaving that day. He was in line like wearing a rain, this is the greatest empire the world has ever seen, the most powerful country in the world. And he, you know, missed by some points, becoming the leader of that free world. And he's at the Star Market, eight item or less line.

• 12:02Speaker 03

  Because those guys are leaving. That's kind of a poignant scene.

• 12:06Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. And I don't think the Secret Service should do that, but they broadcast, all protection is leaving, Mike Dukakis, right now. Because this soda pop, that's what we get? But that's a true story.

• 12:17Speaker 03

  There was something with him, um, wasn't there sort of a photograph that they say sort of hurt his campaign in the tank?

• 12:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 12:25Speaker 03

  Where he had the helmet.

• 12:26Conan O'Brien?

  He was touring a military base, yeah. And, and he got into a tank with his head sticking out and someone put a big helmet on him.

• 12:34Speaker 03

  And it didn't look powerful.

• 12:36Conan O'Brien?

  No, you, no.

• 12:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:38Conan O'Brien?

  It looked like he was in a go-kart, yeah.

• 12:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, and he just looked kind of, yeah, like, um-

• 12:43Conan O'Brien?

  So I didn't know that your, your dad's from-

• 12:46Speaker 03

  From, from Belmont. So, you know, that wearing the hat thing about, um, JFK, when he came to Texas, you know, they tried to get him to put on a cowboy hat.

• 12:57Conan O'Brien?

  He wouldn't do it.

• 12:58Speaker 03

  And he had enough sense to be like, oh, I'll come back. Like, he didn't get, knowing that would go around, that would all have, oh, remember that great picture of JFK in a cowboy hat?

• 13:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 13:09Speaker 03

  To have a sense of himself that like, that's not how I want to be.

• 13:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. No, he didn't put on the hat. He wouldn't, he didn't like to wear hats. I mean, he had cool hair. He had the coolest hair of any president.

• 13:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think that was like, uh, when E.B. White wrote his sort of, that was his little tribute to JFK. He, uh, they did not wear a hat.

• 13:28Conan O'Brien?

  I gotta look that up. I wrote E.B. White a fan letter.

• 13:32Speaker 03

  You did?

• 13:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, when I was, uh, a kid, just about how much I admired his writing and, and he wrote me back. I've, I, I got, I, the letters, I got the letter back, I think in 1980. We've mentioned it here before, but it bears repeating. Uh, clearly I said to him, I want to be a writer, be creative, or be out there, but I'm afraid of criticism. And he said, well, if you're afraid of criticism, you're gonna have a rough time of it because everyone gets criticized. And then I chose comedy.

• 14:00Speaker 03

  I chose the thing where everybody can say, anytime, you suck! So- But that's funny, the E.B. White, that was my, um, my quote that, um, when I was applying to college, uh, was from Stuart Little, was live and learn. Um, and the only, and that was my dad, because I'd been kicked out of school. And once we found out that the college, that they would see that, because we weren't sure, are they gonna see that I was kicked out, or will it just show, oh yes, they're gonna see? And so that's when we pivoted. And my dad had his old ad agency working on my essays.

• 14:44Conan O'Brien?

  How to turn your getting kicked out of school into a positive.

• 14:47Speaker 03

  The quote to live and learn. And I still remember the first sentence of it, you know, that my dad was a good writer. He goes, while my record may not reveal this, I feel it's important for me to address this,

• 15:03Speaker 03

  which we knew it was gonna reveal, but we were getting out in front.

• 15:07Conan O'Brien?

  Oh my God, that's genius.

• 15:09Speaker 03

  For cheating.

• 15:10Conan O'Brien?

  Wait a minute, you were expelled for cheating?

• 15:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, cheating in geometry.

• 15:14Conan O'Brien?

  In geometry, well, you know what?

• 15:16Speaker 06

  And then he cheated on his personal essay for God.

• 15:18Speaker 03

  He didn't cheat. He didn't cheat. He helped on your dad. It's not cheating. I was involved too, I was there.

• 15:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 15:25Speaker 03

  I was there, I had read Stuart Little.

• 15:28Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 15:29Speaker 03

  You know, I knew.

• 15:30Conan O'Brien?

  I got this.

• 15:32Speaker 03

  Owen was there.

• 15:33Conan O'Brien?

  He was there.

• 15:34Speaker 03

  This is a takedown.

• 15:37Conan O'Brien?

  He was there with the 15 other copywriters and the CEO of the ad company. He didn't say anything. I got this, I got you.

• 15:46Speaker 03

  They, they saw through it because I, I, I did not get into Wesleyan, or Dartmouth, or Williams, or Washington and Lee.

• 15:57Conan O'Brien?

  But you did go to military school.

• 16:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 16:02Conan O'Brien?

  And, uh, this, this blows my mind because I just don't picture you-

• 16:08Speaker 03

  Why? You don't get a real military demeanor real squared away.

• 16:14Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? I take it back. I just got a better look at you. And man! You, that's a guy, you can bounce a quarter off his bed every morning. Those are hospital corners.

• 16:27Speaker 03

  Private first class, yes. I didn't shoot through the ranks, shoot up through the ranks there.

• 16:34Conan O'Brien?

  But you know what's funny? All, so many times a great military, doesn't always happen, but great military leaders or people who are very brave in combat were at the bottom of their class at West Point.

• 16:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:44Conan O'Brien?

  So you might be a great, great military figure that just be, I'm just saying it's possible.

• 16:51Speaker 03

  But I think there are, like, because there's sort of attention given to the guy who's first in the class, but the guy who's last at like West Point, there's some sort of kind of-

• 17:00Conan O'Brien?

  It's not a great story, but General Custer was last.

• 17:03Speaker 03

  Maybe Patton was one of those guys. There's another guy besides Custer that was last.

• 17:08Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 17:09Speaker 03

  I think they were called the GOAT, uh, back when it was different.

• 17:12Conan O'Brien?

  I can't remember where Grant was, I think, uh, we'll get, sorry, Tony, you can pipe in at any time, but I think Grant, I remember how well Grant did at West Point.

• 17:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:21Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, but, uh, you know, I encourage all of our listeners to write in, because I know everyone's shouting out answers right now.

• 17:29Speaker 05

  Twenty-first out of 39.

• 17:30Conan O'Brien?

  Who?

• 17:31Speaker 05

  Grant.

• 17:31Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, and where was, where was, where was Patton? And I mean Patton Oswalt.

• 17:38Conan O'Brien?

  Patton Oswalt was first. He and Eisenhower have the highest ranking. You did just big surprises.

• 17:44Speaker 05

  Forty-six out of 103 cadets.

• 17:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, so they're not stars.

• 17:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, but there was a guy, yeah.

• 17:50Conan O'Brien?

  Owen, what I'm trying to, and I want this to be the point, and we'll get to your projects and your big successes, we'll talk about all that and we'll get the word out.

• 17:57Speaker 03

  Well, we still were on commonality, right? Because we, we, we got, we were on Belmont, and then that somehow, then we got on to E.B. White.

• 18:05Conan O'Brien?

  We're on E.B. White.

• 18:06Speaker 03

  Or no, yeah, then I had the thing about the JFK.

• 18:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, JFK, he did not wear a hat.

• 18:10Speaker 03

  He did not, yeah.

• 18:11Conan O'Brien?

  He did not wear a hat, which is what a great tribute after JFK's death. Hey, he did not wear a hat!

• 18:18Speaker 03

  No, it can be said of him as of few men in a like position, that he did not fear the weather, but instead challenged the weather itself to get, get it to blow more gently and kindly on the world and its people. Something like that. He did not wear a hat, but instead challenged the weather. That's what it was. It was something like that.

• 18:38Conan O'Brien?

  Um, I, I was gonna move forward with something else, because you and military school still strikes me as very funny and a rich subject, but I will return to it and say, it has never surprised me that your first love and your first instinct, a lot of people wouldn't know this, was writing, because you're a very accomplished writer, you clearly read a lot, and your plan was not to be an actor, and it really wasn't to be one of the most notable comedic actors of a generation. That was not the plan. The plan was probably writing, right?

• 19:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, well, the plan was probably to go into advertising.

• 19:17Speaker 03

  Because I have a connection with my dad.

• 19:22Speaker 03

  But, um, yeah, it was-

• 19:25Conan O'Brien?

  There's still time, by the way.

• 19:27Speaker 03

  It was, I still think about, like, guys, I, I do like commercials and, um, I, I feel like, yeah, when you see a good commercial, it sticks with you.

• 19:36Conan O'Brien?

  And they're rarer and rarer.

• 19:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, I like the ones that are, you know, you're becoming your parents.

• 19:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 19:42Speaker 03

  I mean, now they're, I mean, they've mined them for a lot, but there's some of those were really, uh, good.

• 19:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 19:49Speaker 03

  Where they're trying to say the names of, I think, Quinwa, and somebody says, Joaquin.

• 19:56Conan O'Brien?

  No, there, that's a really good idea that-

• 19:58Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 19:58Conan O'Brien?

  And I just love how chatty they are with salespeople.

• 20:01Speaker 03

  And I feel like I am.

• 20:02Conan O'Brien?

  Well, no, I watch those and I think, shit.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  I know.

• 20:05Conan O'Brien?

  That's me. I'm the guy going, hey, huh?

• 20:10Conan O'Brien?

  I'm the one chatting with the valets saying, oh, I bet you see some real beauty in cars, huh?

• 20:16Conan O'Brien?

  They're like, what? Why won't this lady leave me alone?

• 20:27Conan O'Brien?

  When it comes to insurance, Farmers doesn't like surprises. That's why there's Farmers coverage on a page. What is it, you ask? Did you ask? I don't think you did, but let's pretend you did.

• 20:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, okay, let's, what is that?

• 20:39Conan O'Brien?

  It's your coverage on a page, pretty straightforward.

• 20:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:42Conan O'Brien?

  That's good, because sometimes it gets confusing, you know? What am I covered for, what am I not? Here, it's all on a page. Does your insurance do that? Get a quote to get started at Farmers.com. Don't be confused, don't wonder. Farmers makes it pretty clear. Underwritten by Farmers Truck or Fire Insurance Exchanges or Affiliate. Products not available in every state.

• 21:04Conan O'Brien?

  Did you know that one in four Americans targeted by scams end up falling for them?

• 21:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 21:09Conan O'Brien?

  You fell for it.

• 21:09Speaker 06

  I fell for a scam?

• 21:11Conan O'Brien?

  Now, you didn't lose too much money, but you did lose.

• 21:13Speaker 06

  I did lose, and it was very inconvenient, and now they put protections on my account like I'm, uh, dumb.

• 21:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I don't know where they got that impression.

• 21:23Conan O'Brien?

  Criminals are now using AI to make scams look more realistic than ever. In 2025, AI fraud spiked 1,210% and cost Americans $893 million. That's incredible. Well, with AI, it can get so smart now.

• 21:39Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 21:40Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 21:40Speaker 06

  Maybe I should start scamming.

• 21:42Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's not the point.

• 21:43Speaker 06

  Oh, no, that's not the point of this.

• 21:44Conan O'Brien?

  That's not the point. One accidental click, Sona, can expose your information, putting you at risk of identity theft. Luckily, this is the point. Not that you should start scamming, but that everyone should get LifeLock.

• 21:55Speaker 06

  Right, right, right, right.

• 21:56Conan O'Brien?

  LifeLock has live US-based restoration specialists who will be with you every step of the way to fix your identity theft, from first alert to full restoration. This is fantastic, how do you not have this?

• 22:07Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:08Conan O'Brien?

  If you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million-dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. Join now and save up to 30% off your first year. Go to LifeLock.com/Conan, that's LifeLock.com/Conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 22:27Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, I want to try something different.

• 22:28Speaker 06

  What?

• 22:29Conan O'Brien?

  I like to change it up, I like to learn things, so I'm gonna try and make apple cider.

• 22:33Speaker 06

  Ooh.

• 22:33Conan O'Brien?

  Every morning.

• 22:34Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 22:34Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, just to see if I can do it.

• 22:36Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, fall's the perfect season to try something new, like joining T-Mobile.

• 22:40Speaker 06

  Oh, that's good.

• 22:41Conan O'Brien?

  See what I did?

• 22:42Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there are 250 reasons to join T-Mobile right now. You want to hear what they are?

• 22:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:47Conan O'Brien?

  They're America's best network.

• 22:48Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 22:48Conan O'Brien?

  True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.

• 22:55Speaker 06

  Oh, that's weird.

• 22:56Conan O'Brien?

  When I'm thinking about, like, making apple cider, and that's when it comes in handy. Here's another reason. High-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot for the

• 23:05Speaker 06

  You travel a lot.

• 23:06Conan O'Brien?

  Travel show that I do.

• 23:07Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 23:07Conan O'Brien?

  Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out, I'm in the Louvre, I should, but I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 23:18Speaker 06

  That doesn't seem like a good idea.

• 23:19Conan O'Brien?

  It's a great idea.

• 23:20Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 23:21Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you can see art anytime. But how often can you listen to this podcast?

• 23:26Speaker 06

  Oh, my god.

• 23:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 23:27Speaker 06

  What?

• 23:28Conan O'Brien?

  Now, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.

• 23:30Speaker 06

  I agree.

• 23:31Conan O'Brien?

  T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to T-Mobile.com and find yours best, based on analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-Satellite, with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the US where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit T-Mobile.com, consult a physician. I just threw that in there.

• 23:55Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 24:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, with the, uh, the writing, and it was, it was sort of, you know, meeting Wes at, uh, at UT, and then him wanting to be a director, and then kind of getting me to, uh, write with him. But it's funny, when I came here today, we edited Bottle Rocket, I think, next door.

• 24:22Conan O'Brien?

  Really?

• 24:22Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, so...

• 24:24Conan O'Brien?

  And that's the first time I met you. You're not gonna remember this, because you've, you've had many

• 24:28Speaker 03

  Hey, Gracie Films?

• 24:30Conan O'Brien?

  No. You, there's this new, I was doing, it was early, early days of my late-night show, and you were coming on to promote, I didn't know who you were, and you were coming on to promote this new independent film that was getting, and I went and saw it, and I really liked it. They got me a screening, and you came on the late-night show to promote Bottle Rocket.

• 24:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:54Conan O'Brien?

  And I was like, I like this guy, this guy's really funny, I liked the movie, it was very different, and it was my, I think, my first exposure to that Wes Anderson

• 25:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:05Conan O'Brien?

  kind of vibe.

• 25:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:07Conan O'Brien?

  You know, where it's not ruthlessly linear, like, go to thing to thing to thing. It takes its time, and it turns, and undulates in ways you wouldn't expect, and I loved it, it was great.

• 25:18Speaker 03

  Thank you, yeah.

• 25:19Conan O'Brien?

  It was a big day for you too, meeting me, I guess.

• 25:22Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:24Conan O'Brien?

  Owen, you still here? He just nodded off. Did you see that?

• 25:29Speaker 06

  He did.

• 25:29Conan O'Brien?

  He completely went to sleep.

• 25:31Speaker 06

  He did.

• 25:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 25:33Speaker 06

  He just shut down.

• 25:34Conan O'Brien?

  I think it was too, I think it was such, it was so much emotion.

• 25:37Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 25:38Conan O'Brien?

  Processing all the emotion of meeting me that day in 96, and you just shut down.

• 25:42Speaker 03

  No, no.

• 25:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 25:44Speaker 03

  Well, I mean, it wasn't, you know, we

• 25:49Speaker 06

  If you have nothing nice today.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  You say you loved Bottle Rocket, so I was like, I was a bit stuck with it, I liked it, you know? Yeah. Uh, but, uh...

• 26:01Speaker 06

  You didn't like it enough?

• 26:02Speaker 03

  No, it's 30 years ago, I mean, it was

• 26:05Conan O'Brien?

  It was 70 years ago. I don't know where you've been. It's, it's 2086 right now. Uh, you know, what's funny is that you're going to military school is indirectly how you met Wes, because it was a friend of yours, wasn't it a friend of yours that you knew in military school who introduced you to Wes, or is, is that incorrect?

• 26:27Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, that was, um, my roommate at military school was from Houston, and so then when I went to, after I didn't get into those schools that I applied to, I ended up at University of Texas, and he was friends with Wes from Houston, and, uh, and then that's how, yeah.

• 26:46Conan O'Brien?

  That's so cool to me, that you'd think

• 26:48Speaker 03

  I know, right?

• 26:49Conan O'Brien?

  If you're a creative, if you're a creative person, if you had, you know, succeeded, quote, and gone to one of those name schools, you don't meet Wes Anderson, and this is this thing I'm saying time and time again, it certainly happened with me, I don't get the thing that I think is absolutely crucial for my future. I don't get it, I get knocked to the side, and I'm, I'm, I think I'm screwed.

• 27:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:13Conan O'Brien?

  And that's when I bump into the opportunity

• 27:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, exactly.

• 27:15Conan O'Brien?

  that later on looks like it's much better.

• 27:17Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, the role that kind of luck and chance kind of play in your life, and, and just sort of, you know, it's a long baseball game, you don't know how everything kind of fits together.

• 27:30Conan O'Brien?

  Which is all I tell young people.

• 27:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:31Conan O'Brien?

  Because, you know, I tell, um, uh, you know, my daughter, I tell my son, I say like, look, you have no idea how young you are, things are still unfolding, you just, you know, you take every day as it comes, but, yeah, a lot of young people don't know that. They think this is it.

• 27:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:49Conan O'Brien?

  No, it's not it.

• 27:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:51Conan O'Brien?

  So very, as you say, a long baseball game.

• 27:53Speaker 03

  Yeah. And, and right, and if you don't know the way things, you sort of have to kind of resist the urge to kind of get in and lay, well, this is a bad thing that's happening, this is a good thing, because you don't know how, you know? And if, if you don't know, then to try to view the whole with, uh, you know, with wonder is a better way to go.

• 28:15Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I'm, I'm, I marvel at your creative partnership with Wes Anderson. You guys are so simpatico in this cool way. I have to tell you, Rushmore might be, if I had, I'm gonna say 10 movies, Rushmore, every time I see it, it's just such an unusual, fantastic, amazing film, and what an accomplishment. I mean, that's, and that's not even mentioning Royal Tenenbaums, uh, and then, if, you know, you've, you've also been in a bunch of Wes's movies?

• 28:47Speaker 03

  Yeah. I love Bill Murray in, uh, in Rushmore, and that, and the relationship between him and Jason Schwartzman.

• 28:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 28:55Speaker 03

  And, um, yeah, and actually, the, uh, the speech that, uh, that Bill Murray, you know, when he talks about taking, my dad had a real thing against inherited wealth, and against, like, you know, rich kids, and, um, and so that speech that Bill Murray delivers in Rushmore, uh, get the rich kids in your crosshairs and bring them down. My dad wrote that whole thing. I don't know if you're gonna jump on me for this. Uh, and Wes.

• 29:26Speaker 06

  Does he get a credit, Owen?

• 29:28Speaker 03

  No, but when, but when we, but When we, when we screened it, like, I think it was at the New York Film Festival. And, um, and you know, at the end of the movie, my dad leans over to my mom, he goes, did you see that my scene got the biggest laugh in the movie?

• 29:42Conan O'Brien?

  Your dad also.

• 29:44Speaker 03

  The biggest laugh in the movie came from actually a line that Luke had, the, uh, where Jason Schwartzman says to Luke's character, like, oh, I like that nurses, you know, or says he's the OR scrubs, OR they. Yeah, that was, yeah, Luke, that was Luke's.

• 30:01Conan O'Brien?

  But also, Jason Schwartzman's delivery of that line, he's like James Bond saying, Bond, James Bond. He delivers it like, have I got the perfect ice dagger for you. You're like.

• 30:13Speaker 03

  That's the lamest joke.

• 30:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 30:16Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, you're being rude.

• 30:20Conan O'Brien?

  Your dad, many people don't know, cinematographer for Wedding Crashers and also the stunt expert. I'm just making your dad key part.

• 30:30Speaker 03

  That's good. I like that backstory.

• 30:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. People don't know, it was totally Zoolander, all your dad's idea.

• 30:41Conan O'Brien?

  Your dad got screwed if you think back on it. Think of the career he could have had.

• 30:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:47Conan O'Brien?

  You know, it's, it's funny.

• 30:48Speaker 03

  We were bringing up my dad, cause he was a very, you know, smart, funny guy. And I always have to do that joke that my dad did, talking also about the not getting into colleges. Uh, because this always gets a laugh. Um, my dad said he was the charter member of the three, seven, nine, zero club, which stood for three sons, seven high schools, nine colleges, zero degrees.

• 31:21Speaker 03

  And by the way, and this brings us back to JFK, who said the most important trip of his presidency was going to Ireland. And what he liked about the Irish wasn't so much the sort of, you know, cliche gift of gab. It was sort of using humor as a way to sort of deal with life. And that's definitely my dad, cause that wasn't a proud thing for my dad. But it was a way that he found to kind of, okay, well, let's get, you know, let's get a laugh out of this, find a way to deal with it.

• 31:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  And, and, and, and, yeah. And I found kind of in my own life, when something's kind of been happening, when I'm able to sort of turn it into a story, um, you know, or something, then it becomes a lot easier for me to sort of deal with. And, and the times that, you know, I've struggled is when, I can't really turn this into a story. Um, but, um.

• 32:13Conan O'Brien?

  Your dad, is your mom Irish as well?

• 32:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, but my mom seems to kind of distance herself from the Irish, cause, you know.

• 32:21Conan O'Brien?

  Wise, very wise.

• 32:22Speaker 03

  I think it's like, she doesn't like that kind of the Boston Irish, I think. So, um, you know, um, cause my dad will say that I was named after the first Irishman in our family to settle in, you know, someplace in like Watertown, Massachusetts or something. And my mom goes, he was not named after the first Irishman he was named. So, um, yeah.

• 32:47Conan O'Brien?

  My mom was always trying to make sure everyone understood that, yes, we're Irish, but we're the good Irish.

• 32:52Speaker 03

  That's my mom.

• 32:54Conan O'Brien?

  You know, this isn't a good road to go down. She would say, we are lace curtain Irish, did you know that?

• 32:59Speaker 03

  That's my mom, is a little bit like, would prefer to be English, I think, you know.

• 33:04Conan O'Brien?

  Well, my mom would say we're lace curtain Irish. And then she once said, like, you know, there's the one toilet Irish, like they have one toilet in the house, they all share, but that's not us. And so I started to say, people need to know, mom, we are lace toilet Irish. And she would, she was like Margaret Dumont in a Marx Brothers movie, she'd be like, now don't you say that. Which just made me want to be Groucho all the more. I don't like that, she'd say, I don't like that.

• 33:26Speaker 03

  My dad, like, he would kind of tell us stories about, you know, him and his friends and kind of, you know, getting into trouble and stuff. And, um, he went to Dartmouth and I think that he said that, you know, Animal House was.

• 33:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it was.

• 33:40Speaker 03

  Based on his fraternity. And so he, you know, had these kind of great stories and my mom would always be, don't tell the boys these stories. You know, cause my mom would try to pretend that nothing had ever happened. You know, so that's two different styles of kind of parenting. Um, and I think my mom's was like, you know, don't say this stuff, because you could have a kid end up at military school.

• 34:04Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, they take some of the.

• 34:08Conan O'Brien?

  What if he becomes a big comedy star?

• 34:10Speaker 03

  I don't know what's the right way, you know, to do it. Um, yeah. What is the right way? I know that Willie Nelson, when I, um, you know, when Ford, um, my son was born, I was kind of talking to him. And he said that, uh, so what, what advice would you give me, Willie? And he said, be yourself. And, um, so, yeah, there is that sort of style. And don't try, and, and I do think kids know if their parents are kind of, you know, with my mom, you know, the way she'd try to present things. You kind of, I don't know if I quite buy that. Um, but, um, yeah.

• 34:49Conan O'Brien?

  It's fascinating, like, no one, you just mentioned Willie Nelson, it made me realize, few people exemplify be yourself better than, than Willie. Because for years, he didn't quite know who he was. And you see these pictures of Willie Nelson.

• 35:02Speaker 03

  You mean early?

• 35:03Conan O'Brien?

  In the 50s. And even into the 60s, he's wearing, at one point, he's wearing like a Nehru jacket.

• 35:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, he looks like he could be an accountant or something.

• 35:10Conan O'Brien?

  And he's got beads and you see early photos and he does look like, well, I'm here to do the books. He didn't know, he was a brilliant songwriter, but it wasn't clicking and he'd, you know, he'd have some success. He wrote, he wrote crazy, but yeah, it hasn't quite still come together. And he kept trying these different guises. And then I guess he moves to Austin at one point and says.

• 35:29Speaker 03

  This is who I am.

• 35:30Conan O'Brien?

  Screw it. I don't care about trying to be anything anymore. I'm gonna grow my hair long and I'm gonna sing what I want to sing. And then he becomes the most beloved.

• 35:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:40Conan O'Brien?

  Country personality of all time.

• 35:42Speaker 03

  Yeah. And, um, yeah, but it is, it's almost jarring seeing those early pictures. Because that, you're like, that's not Willie. Um, but yeah. And that song.

• 35:55Speaker 06

  Oh my god.

• 35:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there he is. Look at him. But also, there's a photo there.

• 35:59Speaker 03

  Willie, right?

• 36:00Conan O'Brien?

  No, it doesn't look like Willie. No, we're looking now. But also, there's a photo in there of him when, I mean, look at the turtleneck. He's, or he's got like a.

• 36:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:09Conan O'Brien?

  Wearing it. Oh, I like, I like the one on the far left, where he looks like he works at your dad's ad agency. I'm here to help with your son's application.

• 36:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. And then he becomes this other guy.

• 36:22Speaker 03

  Yeah. I asked him about that song Crazy and I said, originally it was called Stupid. And, um, he was joking.

• 36:30Conan O'Brien?

  Patsy Cline, yeah.

• 36:32Speaker 03

  Stupid.

• 36:33Conan O'Brien?

  There's a great, there's a great.

• 36:37Speaker 03

  It drains a lot of romance out.

• 36:40Conan O'Brien?

  Stupid.

• 36:44Conan O'Brien?

  It said, there's a great story about him. He writes that song and he tells it to someone and he goes like, oh, we should get that to Patsy Cline, who was a huge star at the time. And he was like, we gotta get it to her now. And they drive over to her house and he pitches it to her late at night at her house. And she goes like, that's a hit. I just wanted to take some time and talk about that story. Um, I'm gonna get back to you. Right now, your publicist is jumping out a window. What are they doing? How is this moving product?

• 37:15Conan O'Brien?

  You know, I, one of the things that you did that I always really loved is your, and I'm just, again, out of nowhere, but your role in Night at the Museum, playing off of.

• 37:23Speaker 03

  Steve Coogan.

• 37:24Conan O'Brien?

  Steve Coogan and also Rob, I mean, getting to be on set with Robin Williams, you know, such a, did you get to know him at all, Robin?

• 37:32Speaker 03

  Um, Robin actually wasn't really on set, cause he, you know, all the stuff, I just did all my stuff with Steve Coogan. Which was obviously miniature, but, uh, I, they paired me for my, um, you know, all the press stuff I did with Robin. And so, um, that was the easiest press junket I've ever done, cause you didn't have to say anything. It literally could be that asked me a question and Robin would be right there and I'd say. Well, Robin, the thing about sunglasses and boom.

• 38:05Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, sunglasses, oh, oh, chief. Yeah, and he's off and running.

• 38:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, off and running and um, and I remember, yeah. Um, somebody tried to bring up sort of something that I think that's why they wanted to pair me with Robin just because there's some stuff that they didn't want me to have to talk about. And and and a reporter asked something and Robin just immediately was like, don't you go there?

• 38:34Speaker 03

  You get slapped upside your head if you go there.

• 38:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:39Speaker 03

  So that was great. Oh, and by the way, the thing with Robin, I remember at the, and you've done one of those press trunks where you're stuck in the room.

• 38:47Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah. Not a lot, because it's not a big part of my thing, but every now and then I gotta do it, yeah.

• 38:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, and they'll have like eighty people that they kind of cycle through.

• 38:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes.

• 38:55Speaker 03

  And so you're sitting there and you kind of give these canned answers. You kind of start to have, okay, they're gonna ask that and I kind of give this joke or, you know, this story and you always feel a little bit like a hat because the guy's filming and stuff or there with you all day. So they're hearing you give these same answers and stuff.

• 39:14Conan O'Brien?

  And the same joke.

• 39:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, same joke, yeah. And Robin, of course, never repeated himself the whole day and at the end of the day, those guys started clapping. It was the only time I've ever seen, you know, those guys.

• 39:29Conan O'Brien?

  What you need to know about those.

• 39:30Speaker 03

  And they're like the guys like from that, you know, that Albert uh, Brooks movie, you know, like I think you saved the movie, like those unions.

• 39:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 39:37Speaker 03

  Guys, they're not easily impressed by anything and to have those guys entertained and clapping, I mean, that.

• 39:45Conan O'Brien?

  There is a, there's no more discouraging room because you you basically go into a cube, a black cube, and you sit down, they put a camera on you and then they say, you're gonna talk to thirty-five outlets across the country today.

• 39:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:57Conan O'Brien?

  You know, about your TV show.

• 39:59Speaker 03

  Right, right.

• 39:59Conan O'Brien?

  Stick and you know, it's coming, it's season two is coming up, you know, Apple TV and you're like, okay, here we go. And then, hey, Houston, you know, hey, Salt Lake City, hey, and you do it and the guys in that room, they've, this is all they do their whole life. I don't think they ever let them outside. So they're just about as, and if you can get one of them to laugh.

• 40:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:19Conan O'Brien?

  You know that you've cracked the atom.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah.

• 40:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, well, Robin was just such a, he was super sweet to me, always, like just a mensch.

• 40:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:29Conan O'Brien?

  Just a lovely guy.

• 40:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, great guy. Um, and into uh, he was into cycling, I think.

• 40:36Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, no, because I am and he was into it and then he one day found out that I was into it.

• 40:40Speaker 03

  So you do that for exercise? Is that like your main?

• 40:43Conan O'Brien?

  For like mental health, uh, I like to um.

• 40:47Speaker 03

  But you're getting a workout, like.

• 40:49Conan O'Brien?

  You get a workout. I don't go, I used to go crazier. Now I don't go as crazy on the workout part of it.

• 40:54Speaker 03

  You don't ever go on the PCH, do you?

• 40:56Conan O'Brien?

  No, I do not.

• 40:56Speaker 03

  I don't get those guys.

• 40:58Conan O'Brien?

  I did it once. I was with a.

• 40:59Speaker 03

  When you're driving on the PCH, you're like, what are they thinking?

• 41:03Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you know what? I was in a group once that was like, I'm just with them and then they hit the PCH and and I thought, it's all exhaust, first of all.

• 41:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:12Conan O'Brien?

  And um.

• 41:13Speaker 03

  No shoulder to ride on.

• 41:14Conan O'Brien?

  There's no shoulder on the ride. And I mean, I just think unfortunately, I've been to Amsterdam, I've been to cities that are made for people on bicycles. LA, no. And every now and then they'll paint like a little strip and say, it's the bike lane. And basically, they're just identifying an area where you're killed.

• 41:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:33Conan O'Brien?

  Just for convenience. Can everyone be killed on this little strip? But I like to go uh, mountain bike, go up in the hills and there I think I'm not gonna die. No one's gonna hit me while they're texting.

• 41:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:45Conan O'Brien?

  I might be attacked by uh, you know, a coyote or a cougar, but I'm, I will probably survive the attack and have a good story.

• 41:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:57Conan O'Brien?

  You know, so I mean, so I do that.

• 41:59Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 42:00Conan O'Brien?

  I, but I actually, yeah, I love it. It's, you can drive like right behind my house and within thirty seconds, you feel like you're in rural China. It's just like, you know, just mountains and it looks like the opening of MASH, you know, just uh, where the helicopters are coming over.

• 42:15Speaker 03

  And what do you do for exercise? Like, that's, do you have like a?

• 42:20Conan O'Brien?

  Decent thing. I also, as you can tell, I lift.

• 42:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:24Conan O'Brien?

  Just gonna wait a little bit.

• 42:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:27Conan O'Brien?

  I lift, um, nothing heavy.

• 42:32Conan O'Brien?

  Mostly things that are in my way.

• 42:34Speaker 03

  You look, I mean, you're gonna think I'm like kidding, but there is a bit of a cowboy look to your face.

• 42:39Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you know what's funny?

• 42:40Speaker 03

  That I'm seeing like, and it struck me even when you kind of came in like, okay.

• 42:43Conan O'Brien?

  So I have a cowboy hat. I have like a legit cowboy hat and when I put it on, I swear to God.

• 42:48Speaker 03

  I'll tell you more, yeah, go ahead.

• 42:49Conan O'Brien?

  Well, no, it's, you know, it's funny because I'm this Irish guy from Boston, but I put a cowboy hat on and if you look at early pictures of John Wayne, you're gonna think I'm crazy, but if you look at pictures of John Wayne when he was like in his thirties, he's got the same kind of face structure and eyes that I do. And when I put a cowboy hat on, it's just kind of, it's, I've had people say like, oh, you look like.

• 43:08Speaker 03

  I'm telling you.

• 43:09Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, when I, I did when I was much younger, I looked, yeah.

• 43:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:12Conan O'Brien?

  For this guy who no one associates with manliness, it's kind of hilarious.

• 43:16Speaker 03

  I am, but I, I got a cowboy hat from a friend and and during COVID, uh, you know, you kind of start in the house and then see this hat that I'd gotten years before, never really worn and then kind of started putting it on one day and but you have to kind of get through that feeling of like, hey, I'm wearing a cowboy hat, you know, and which you feel a bit self-conscious. I like to sort of blend in and and I'd kind of put it on and stuff and it's COVID.

• 43:42Conan O'Brien?

  I bet it looks great, Bill.

• 43:43Speaker 03

  And and well, it made me feel great and I'm sure, you know, that I felt like, I kind of look good in this, like, this is like a good look. And I remember like, I'm gonna like, I'm not gonna worry about it. I'm gonna start like wearing it. And I remember I got like a FaceTime call from a friend. I had the cowboy hat. I go, or no, I might have taken it off, like, I don't know where, why would I take it off? Like, I have got nothing to be embarrassed. I'm from Texas. I can do it. Anytime he says hi and he's got Sandler with him, who I don't know that well, but like immediately I'm like, do I take it off or do I say why I'm wearing it? And of course, like, I can't say anything. I just gotta go with it.

• 44:26Conan O'Brien?

  Take it off. If you take it off, you're admitting defeat.

• 44:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, but um, yeah.

• 44:33Conan O'Brien?

  I do this thing where if I put on a hat, you've seen me do this a lot, Sona. If I put on a hat of any kind, I sort of become, it's like when I said I'm, I'll mirror you a little bit at the top and be like, hey, Owen, how's it? And I'm, I'm kind of mirroring your energy. If I put a cowboy hat on, uh, I swear to God, I do this. And I just did it the other day when I was with my wife in in Aspen. She wrote this play and was getting a production there and I'm walking around and I had this cowboy hat on. So everyone wears one in Aspen and I like putting on a funny hat and walking around and when women would walk by, I'd do the thing where I touch the brim and and I was doing that and then I realized, I was like, a dog would go by and I'd do it to the dog.

• 45:12Speaker 03

  No.

• 45:13Conan O'Brien?

  But I loved it. I love, and I just wanna do that. And if I have a cloth cap, I wanna act like I'm applying for a loan. I got no money and I'm, I'll pull at the edges of it and go, you can see your way clear. I don't know. It's fun.

• 45:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, mine is now kind of broken in and and I have completely, you know, yeah, feel comfortable um, wearing it. But I remember asking Jim Brooks, like, Jim, if you had to wear a cowboy hat or a beret for a year.

• 45:43Conan O'Brien?

  This is great.

• 45:43Speaker 03

  Which would you wear? And he is like.

• 45:49Speaker 03

  That's hard because a Jewish guy wearing a cowboy hat says deep schmuck.

• 45:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 45:55Speaker 03

  Uh, he goes, but a beret. He said, I think, I don't know, the beret is really making a statement. It's not a good one.

• 46:09Conan O'Brien?

  I love how much thought he gave it.

• 46:10Speaker 03

  I know.

• 46:11Conan O'Brien?

  It's a great question, though.

• 46:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:13Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you have this reputation for uh, you love games and you love organizing challenges for people and they're creative. Is that true? I've always heard that you, like even as a kid, you were organizing things.

• 46:28Speaker 03

  I was kind of good at sort of, yeah, coming up with the game and, you know, changing the rules to maybe suit my uh, strong points and uh, and just growing up in a, you know, one of three boys and just very competitive. Uh, and so still, um, yeah, I can get in, I can spend all day like, you know, let's see who can hit that telephone pole uh, and get really into it.

• 46:57Conan O'Brien?

  And then you'll start adjusting the rules.

• 46:58Speaker 03

  Adjusting it.

• 47:00Conan O'Brien?

  And I, I mean, there are, there are games where like you, you can only stand on one foot, but people do it for hours, right? Some of these games take a long time.

• 47:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:11Conan O'Brien?

  Is that your preferred kind of game where everyone's involved?

• 47:13Speaker 03

  Sounds like um, um, standing on one foot, I'm not familiar with that.

• 47:21Conan O'Brien?

  I made it up. I made it up.

• 47:23Speaker 03

  There was a game Tip Horse that was kind of a combination of horse and uh, one-on-one basketball. And I think that was a really great game that could uh, catch on because when I've, when I've shown it to other people, they're like, this is a great game.

• 47:39Conan O'Brien?

  Can you just tell me the basics of it? How does it work?

• 47:41Speaker 03

  Playing horse, except if you miss your shot, I can tip it in. You know, my feet have to be off the ground and you can defend your tip, you know.

• 47:52Conan O'Brien?

  So suddenly it becomes an instant one-on-one that's pretty quick.

• 47:55Speaker 03

  Instant, because you can't be on the ground. So it's like, you could miss your shot and I go in the air and then you try to block it and then you, and then I, you could get that tip and go in, but it's just kind of a more athletic version of horse.

• 48:07Conan O'Brien?

  I remember we would play stickball in my neighborhood, which sounds like I was grew up in the twenties. But we did. It was if you, if you uh, my brother Luke would, you know, spray paint this like perfect pitch zone and you get a thin bat and use a tennis ball and then you'd have all these rules, like if it hits that tree, that's a single. If it hits, um, you know, that uh, person in a wheelchair, it's a double.

• 48:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:34Conan O'Brien?

  You're just making these random rules, but you really get into it. And then, of course, I wasted everyone's time by coming up with who my character was.

• 48:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:42Conan O'Brien?

  And making long speeches about, my guy did time in prison, but he's out now and this is his chance to, and people hated me, as they do now. But I under, I understand where that comes from. I really do.

• 48:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, we would have BB gun wars and Roman candle wars and, you know, just passing the time.

• 49:05Conan O'Brien?

  No one really talks about passing the time anymore. But you know what I mean? It's such a nice like, oh, I'm just gonna pass the time. This is a nice way to pass the time. We're also obsessed with maximizing like, I got our phone and I accomplished this and I did that.

• 49:18Speaker 03

  I mean, that is something they say with kids that you kind of, you know, you gotta let them be bored a bit and kind of come up with stuff. And now there's this sort of panic, oh my gosh, they're bored. We gotta figure out something for them to do. And it's like, no, let them be bored. Let them figure something out.

• 49:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Boredom is a great thing. It's where all the creativity comes, I think.

• 49:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 49:42Speaker 03

  But, um, yeah, I mean, yeah, we got a lot of stuff from, uh, you know, these Roman candle wars and BB gun wars.

• 49:51Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know how a Roman candle, were you gonna fire fireworks at each other?

• 49:54Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah. Roman candles. And, um, yeah.

• 49:59Conan O'Brien?

  Did you mention this in your application?

• 50:02Conan O'Brien?

  Skills. I can fire a rocket at you.

• 50:07Conan O'Brien?

  Dartmouth thinks no.

• 50:10Speaker 03

  Not the kind of boy we're looking for.

• 50:12Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 50:15Speaker 03

  But, um, yeah, there was a, uh, I feel like that was in one of our movies. There was sort of, in Roman candle, it was every man for himself. And this guy, a friend Max, who joined in, thought that we were on the same team. I'm like, there are no teams. In Roman candle wars. Cause he got hit in the back of the head where his hair kind of caught on fire. And, um, and, um, yeah, he had to get a haircut to kind of make it look, you know, not so crazy, but, um, yeah.

• 50:47Conan O'Brien?

  So Keith, when he realized that there are no teams.

• 50:50Speaker 03

  Andrew has a BB in his hand from, uh, yeah, that we showed in the Royal Tenenbaums. And that's from, uh.

• 50:59Conan O'Brien?

  You can push it around. It's under the skin.

• 51:01Speaker 03

  Push it around. Yeah. Um, from where he got shot, but, um, I don't know. Maybe we better move off.

• 51:08Conan O'Brien?

  No, I think it's good to encourage people. You've got fireworks or BBs. And I've already told them, if you're on a desert island by yourself.

• 51:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:18Conan O'Brien?

  We're gonna put all these trigger alerts on the front of this podcast. Let's talk about Stick because you're coming back with season two and I envy you because Tim O'Lefant is a great, is a friend of mine. He's also a thorn in my side. He enrages me because he's the best looking guy in the world and he's also incredibly funny, which always felt to me like, no, my, my humor is my consolation prize. Why do you, and I always just assumed that like that, okay. And then this guy comes along who is like leading man, good looking and really, really funny and quick. So I'm thrilled he's part of Stick now.

• 51:55Speaker 03

  And, and, um, I mean, he was great for his character, Clark Ross. And he kind of, um, excuse me, he has a bigger role in, uh, season two. But, um, yeah, I kind of felt like you. It's just some people you just kind of hit it off with.

• 52:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 52:12Speaker 03

  You know, he was just a guy, just kind of instantly got along with. And then in season two, kind of he and Mark Maron were together a lot. And, uh, hearing those guys kind of bicker and, uh.

• 52:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. No one bickers like Mark. Mark, Mark has always got, I love Mark, but he's known him forever, but he's, he's got complaints.

• 52:33Speaker 03

  On that Tim talks too much. I'm like, Mark, you talk a lot too sometimes.

• 52:39Conan O'Brien?

  You know what amazes me about Tim O'Lefant is that I've never seen him get rattled. And I think about if he was in Pompeii today and Vesuvius went off again. And people were screaming and running because lava and ash and noxious clouds of gas are floating down. Tim would be like sauntering around, maybe one hand on the side of his torso, looking around like making kind of comments about that guy just got ashed, you know?

• 53:11Speaker 03

  But it's true. And, and I've, and I never saw him get sort of impatient or, you know, you know, people always think of me as kind of laid back, but I do, I can't, I, you know, I do have a little bit of a temper sometimes.

• 53:22Conan O'Brien?

  Do you really? I don't picture that.

• 53:23Speaker 03

  Yeah. And I can get kind of, um, you know, irritable and stuff and, uh, never that guy. Tim, you never see him. You can't quite imagine it. I think he's always just what you just, you know, were doing that kind of, um, yeah, that's his kind of demeanor.

• 53:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. On Deadwood, he had this incredible intensity, but, um.

• 53:46Speaker 03

  Right. Cause he kind of early on played, you know, guys were kind of.

• 53:51Conan O'Brien?

  Like really troubled and menace, but the real Tim is someone who, whenever I see him, I just start chuckling. Cause I'm like, this guy is just, he's got it figured out on some cosmic level. He's like, uh, you know, I don't think.

• 54:06Speaker 03

  And he's from a family of three boys and, and usually there's sort of kind of that, you know, that shared kind of Lord of the Flies kind of energy, but he doesn't have that. He kind of escaped that. Uh, he doesn't, you know, uh, he's not crazy kind of competitive and stuff. Although there was a Gallagher, um, machine on, uh, on set that we all, we all three got into playing a lot.

• 54:31Conan O'Brien?

  What is, I don't know what that is. What is Gallagher?

• 54:33Speaker 03

  Asteroids or Defender.

• 54:34Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, like a classic old game?

• 54:37Speaker 03

  Old game. Yeah. And, um, yeah. And Mark Maron was the best at it. And he's competitive and it was fun. And that's, I guess that's kind of what I like about, uh, games and stuff is that, you know, that most of us are kind of, you know, when we get to be adults, it's all, what are you doing? So I like these cause you kind of then break through that to kind of see, okay, let's see what this guy's really about. A lot of, I mean. And you see with Conan, it's like, I'm gonna take this bike and I'm really.

• 55:04Speaker 03

  Where it's like, all of a sudden that goes on the winner. You see kind of, okay, this is the real person that lived down the street. This isn't this BS version that I'm getting. And so with Mark, you kind of see, okay, yeah, you like to act like you're kind of, but you really want to win at this.

• 55:20Conan O'Brien?

  That's hilarious because famously golf is a game that reveals who you really are. People say golf will reveal your true nature.

• 55:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 55:29Conan O'Brien?

  And there's a bunch of games like that, but you're absolutely right. Like, uh, again, though I, in most sporting situations.

• 55:36Speaker 03

  Kind of competition, you start to kind of see, yeah, kind of how.

• 55:38Conan O'Brien?

  I see who that guy is.

• 55:39Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah. It starts to kind of come out and, um, in, in, yeah, and you know, good ways and bad ways. Um, but yeah.

• 55:48Conan O'Brien?

  I also envy you, uh, working with Judy Greer, who I think we all have crushes on. Every guy has a crush on Judy Greer.

• 55:56Speaker 03

  She's great. Uh.

• 55:58Conan O'Brien?

  She was here once and I, you know, hearts were flying out of my head. Just love that. I love her.

• 56:02Speaker 03

  I know. She's a big reader because she kind of was always, and knitting, um, and, uh, but yeah, she sent me, uh, um, a couple of books. And she always has great recommendations, but yeah, I mean, we were just kind of lucky with, um, you know, with that cast, um, you know, everyone, you know, pretty good.

• 56:25Conan O'Brien?

  And also I'm just gonna mention, you got a, a movie.

• 56:27Speaker 03

  Yes. Rolling Loud.

• 56:28Conan O'Brien?

  Rolling Loud, sorry.

• 56:29Speaker 03

  And that's no, no problem. And that's, um, this music festival that, uh, they put on that's, uh, do you guys know it? You guys know? And it's.

• 56:39Conan O'Brien?

  It's rap. It's.

• 56:40Speaker 03

  Rap. And, um, and so the idea of this movie is I've taken my kid and his mom, uh, says absolutely not, you're not going to Rolling Loud. And, uh, and then we go and I lose them, uh, but, uh, at the concert, but, uh, my kids are really into Rolling Loud. And, and Rolling Loud came to Los Angeles and we went to go see, and rap is very different from, uh, you know, I remember it from how I remember it. And so when I, when I went to go see the Rolling Loud and I mean, it's intense kind of.

• 57:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 57:15Speaker 03

  This Playboy Carti, uh, that we saw and even Travis Scott, when, uh, he's in the movie, but kind of seeing him in Miami, you know, fire coming up. And it's like intense, uh, energy kind of.

• 57:29Conan O'Brien?

  The rap that you and I, cause I think we're similar vintage.

• 57:32Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 57:33Conan O'Brien?

  The rap that you and I were, no, yeah. The rap that you and I used to perform. That's not where I'm going with this. But when I first heard rap, it was all that, my name's blank and I'm here to say, I'm gonna bring rap to the USA, you know? And it's like, early eighties rap had this kind of plodding, you know?

• 57:52Speaker 03

  And then, uh, you know, Run DMC was like slightly accelerated beyond that, but you listen to it now and it is, uh. Now it seems to be metal meeting rap and sort of a similar kind of, uh, but yeah, um, so, um.

• 58:10Conan O'Brien?

  I love us talking about rap. This is my favorite. This is the best part of the conversation.

• 58:16Speaker 03

  I feel like I'm not even saying the word right. And it's like, how else can you say it? But I feel like even, even when I'm saying it, I say.

• 58:24Conan O'Brien?

  When you and I say rap, it's not good.

• 58:29Conan O'Brien?

  We're gonna have to apologize for just saying rap.

• 58:33Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I, the thing about, uh, the movie Rolling Loud, the, when, when I was checking it out, I was like, oh, I've had this experience many times. Cause my daughter, one of the ways we connect is we go to, she says like, oh, I really like to go to the outside land. So I go with her.

• 58:45Speaker 03

  Go to where?

• 58:46Conan O'Brien?

  Outside lands or, I mean, we've been to.

• 58:50Speaker 03

  Music festivals?

• 58:51Conan O'Brien?

  We did Coachella. We go to these and it's really fun because that's where I will put on a cowboy hat and walk around. You know, just to, I think I'm blending in and then people are like, why is Big Bird wearing a cowboy hat? Yeah. I don't blend in. No, I know. My hat says, I am Conan O'Brien.

• 59:11Conan O'Brien?

  And then, uh, well, I'm gonna wrap it up. I, I'm always super.

• 59:15Speaker 03

  This went quick.

• 59:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Yeah. I'm happy to talk to you longer.

• 59:20Speaker 03

  Yeah. It was very nice.

• 59:21Conan O'Brien?

  Have we ever chatted about the Killer Angels? The book Killer Angels? Do you know that book?

• 59:25Speaker 03

  No.

• 59:26Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, man. Okay. I'm gonna get you this book and you're gonna read it. It's the book that changed my life. It's the best, uh, historical fiction I've ever read. It's one book, uh, and it was written by an author named Shara, who passed away shortly after he wrote it. And it's about Gettysburg and it's poetic and beautiful. And I'm gonna get it for you. The Killer Angels. And, uh, I read this book in like 1985.

• 59:50Speaker 03

  Better get back on rap after I say this, but I was talking about the Civil War last night at dinner. And that Joshua Chamberlain.

• 59:58Conan O'Brien?

  The Civil War started as a rap battle that got out of hand. It was Grant and Lee both rapping and then it got out of hand. And millions died.

• 1:00:12Speaker 03

  But you know that Joshua Chamberlain, the guy, yeah. Okay. So he kind of protected that plan.

• 1:00:18Conan O'Brien?

  Is the hero of the Killer Angels.

• 1:00:20Speaker 03

  Okay. Yeah. He's a great character from history.

• 1:00:23Conan O'Brien?

  You, I can't believe you haven't read this book.

• 1:00:24Speaker 03

  Yeah. Okay. Great.

• 1:00:26Conan O'Brien?

  You're gonna read this book and then I'm getting you into Dartmouth.

• 1:00:31Speaker 03

  By the way, I'm still sort of, when I meet somebody, you know, that went to an Ivy League school, I always am impressed.

• 1:00:37Conan O'Brien?

  You shouldn't be.

• 1:00:38Speaker 03

  You know, but I, but I can't help it. And if I meet someone, I, I can't help, because I've got my dad in me of like, I should befriend this person, because you never know now with my boys coming up. If I could, you know, have like a little bit of a connection here.

• 1:00:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd want to lay low with my connection. We know Conan O'Brien. Oh, really? It's military school for you. Owen Wilson, just a crazy joy every time getting to talk to you. Thanks so much.

• 1:01:07Speaker 03

  Thanks for having me. That was great.

• 1:01:15Conan O'Brien?

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• 1:01:55Conan O'Brien?

  Sona, what are some of the things in life that really get you down?

• 1:01:57Speaker 06

  Uh, driving?

• 1:01:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:59Speaker 06

  That's the first thing that popped in my head.

• 1:02:01Conan O'Brien?

  No, but I've seen you drive, and it's true. I'm always picking mailboxes out of your grill.

• 1:02:06Conan O'Brien?

  You're a creative driver. Look, let's face it, just living on earth can be a lot, right?

• 1:02:11Speaker 06

  It can.

• 1:02:12Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, oy vey, it's a lot.

• 1:02:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:02:14Conan O'Brien?

  There's gravity, there's mosquitoes, there's the, you know that they say the sun is going to, at some point, go supernova and incinerate the earth, probably in 5 billion years?

• 1:02:22Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:02:23Conan O'Brien?

  But watch your diet, we might be sticking around for that.

• 1:02:26Speaker 06

  Oh, man.

• 1:02:26Conan O'Brien?

  So cosmically speaking, you've earned a break.

• 1:02:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:02:29Conan O'Brien?

  And you know where this is going? I think you do.

• 1:02:30Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:02:31Conan O'Brien?

  Pluto TV.

• 1:02:32Speaker 06

  Oh, right, of course.

• 1:02:33Conan O'Brien?

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• 1:02:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:02:44Conan O'Brien?

  Anchorman, The Legend of Ron Burgundy, Dirty Dancing, Alias, X-Files. Pluto TV is completely free.

• 1:02:50Speaker 06

  Ooh.

• 1:02:50Conan O'Brien?

  These streamers, all these things cost so much money these days. And I won't mention that when I do an ad for them, but

• 1:02:57Conan O'Brien?

  no subscription, no fees, zero dollars. And as any mathematician will tell you, zero is one of the most profound numbers ever conceived. I was thinking about that this morning.

• 1:03:05Speaker 06

  Wow, that's profound.

• 1:03:06Conan O'Brien?

  I really wasn't. The best thing on TV are free. Escape to Pluto TV, stream now, pay never.

• 1:03:16Conan O'Brien?

  This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. Mental health awareness is on the rise, which is a good thing. And a lot of people, thanks to days like World Mental Health Day, which I think is October 10th, have people thinking about how to take care of themselves. And I think for some people, therapy can be a great way to support their mental well-being. Remember, therapy isn't just for big life choices. It can be a place to talk about relationship problems, work issues, or simply the sense that something feels a little off. With over 30,000 therapists worldwide, BetterHelp is one of the leading online therapy platforms. They serve millions of people globally.

• 1:03:58Conan O'Brien?

  BetterHelp therapists have at least three years and 1,000 hours of hands-on experience. Plus, BetterHelp makes it easy to fit therapy into your routine. They've got flexible ways to connect that work for different schedules and lifestyles. Your mental health doesn't need a special occasion or anyone else's permission to matter. BetterHelp can connect you with a therapist who gets you, so you can make space for what matters to you. Visit betterhelp.com/conan to explore your payment options. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash Conan.

• 1:04:35Conan O'Brien?

  We're taking voicemails again.

• 1:04:36Speaker 03

  Nice.

• 1:04:37Conan O'Brien?

  It's been a while.

• 1:04:37Speaker 03

  It's been a long time.

• 1:04:38Conan O'Brien?

  The system went down, we couldn't figure it out.

• 1:04:40Speaker 03

  What do you mean, the system went down?

• 1:04:41Conan O'Brien?

  It's back. It's, don't worry about it.

• 1:04:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, that means it didn't go down. Just no one called us.

• 1:04:47Speaker 06

  No one called.

• 1:04:49Conan O'Brien?

  Are you sure no one called? Even this one, I just started cold calling people, saying, do you have a question for Conan?

• 1:04:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:56Speaker 05

  Hey Conan, this is Mark from Tyson, calling from Tyson Corner, Virginia. Off Noiseclean, Virginia. So I actually have a question, maybe a survey I want to pose to you and the room. Sona, Matt, Blay, Eduardo, Adam Sacks, anyone in the room, David Hopping.

• 1:05:13Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, Mark's there.

• 1:05:14Speaker 06

  Nice.

• 1:05:15Speaker 05

  This is a theory I have. Essentially, it comes down to this, my theory is this, that, you know, if you love, that if you love a certain character, whether you're animated or not, that you essentially are likely to become that character. And I think there's some queer from listening to the podcast that over time, it's more and more likely that you are becoming Mr. Burns. I love the anachronistic references to many things that I have to Google afterwards, or in the moment. If anyone in the room wants to weigh in on this, please, please do. And there you go, right?

• 1:05:47Conan O'Brien?

  Well, Mark, I think you hit the nail on the head. When I was a Simpsons writer, all I wanted to do was write for Mr. Burns. And I wasn't the only writer who found him fascinating, but yes. I, I do think that, very much so, I'm becoming Mr. Burns. Not just in that I am evil and obsessed with things that happened in my boyhood in the late 17th century.

• 1:06:13Conan O'Brien?

  But, yeah, his, his total lack of sentimentality and his, his desire to destroy everyone around him, those are all things that I, I think I inhabit, and so, yeah.

• 1:06:26Speaker 03

  Is Sona your Smithers?

• 1:06:27Speaker 06

  I think David is Smithers.

• 1:06:29Conan O'Brien?

  David, yeah. David is Smithers. You're my, you're my Homer.

• 1:06:33Speaker 06

  Oh, come on, I don't want to be Homer.

• 1:06:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, no, it's a good, and I'm always forget.

• 1:06:37Speaker 03

  It's a good thing.

• 1:06:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, it's a good thing.

• 1:06:39Speaker 06

  It's a good thing to be Homer.

• 1:06:40Conan O'Brien?

  And also, whenever you do something, I'm like, who is this Sona? Mufssessian, eh? I like the cut of her jib. And, and then someone else reminds me, but wait a minute, you've gone to Armenia with her.

• 1:06:53Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:06:53Conan O'Brien?

  She went with you to Morocco. You once smashed her car.

• 1:06:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:06:58Conan O'Brien?

  You know, whatever, they list the 750,000 times that you and I have had adventures together. And I go, yes, no, it doesn't ring a bell.

• 1:07:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:07:06Speaker 03

  So yeah, I think that's.

• 1:07:07Conan O'Brien?

  Is he your Flanders? Oh, my God, hootley dootley David.

• 1:07:11Speaker 06

  You are, you are very Flanders-esque.

• 1:07:13Conan O'Brien?

  You are very Flanders.

• 1:07:14Speaker 03

  Well.

• 1:07:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, Flanders, Homer. Yeah, I'm, I'm Burns, and of course, David Hopping is definitely.

• 1:07:22Speaker 06

  Who would Eduardo be?

• 1:07:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm trying to think.

• 1:07:24Speaker 06

  Mo?

• 1:07:25Conan O'Brien?

  What's that? Who?

• 1:07:27Speaker 06

  Who would Eduardo be, I was saying?

• 1:07:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's kind of Mo.

• 1:07:29Speaker 06

  Who's cool?

• 1:07:30Conan O'Brien?

  No, he's not.

• 1:07:31Speaker 06

  Who's cool in The Simpsons? Is anybody cool?

• 1:07:33Conan O'Brien?

  I don't think there's anyone that lines up with Eduardo. He's, because here's the problem, he's just, he's super cool and chill and centered, and he doesn't, he, he's not a terrible caricature of a human being, which the rest of us are.

• 1:07:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:07:46Speaker 06

  Well, the, oh, Adam could be Lyle Langley.

• 1:07:51Speaker 06

  From your monorail.

• 1:07:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, yes.

• 1:07:54Speaker 06

  He's just a business, and then, I mean, obviously, Blay is Barney.

• 1:07:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 1:07:58Speaker 06

  I think you thought that too.

• 1:08:00Conan O'Brien?

  Blay is Barney. That's fantastic.

• 1:08:02Speaker 06

  Yeah, but he, yeah, I think Blay, because Blay's just like a fun guy.

• 1:08:06Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, and Jeff Ross is Marge. I wouldn't do it if I were you. Oh, I don't think it's a good idea. Oh, Conan, oh, no. I'd be Lisa, I'd be Lisa.

• 1:08:18Speaker 06

  Oh, you would be Lisa.

• 1:08:19Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wait a minute, you would be Lisa.

• 1:08:20Speaker 06

  Or he'd be Bart, even.

• 1:08:22Conan O'Brien?

  No, he's not Bart. Bart is more maniacal. No, no, he's more of a Lisa.

• 1:08:26Speaker 06

  I don't want to be Homer, can I be someone else?

• 1:08:27Conan O'Brien?

  You are so Homer.

• 1:08:28Speaker 06

  Don't make me Homer.

• 1:08:30Speaker 03

  Look, if I have a donut.

• 1:08:31Speaker 06

  I do love donuts.

• 1:08:32Speaker 03

  Homer's one up from Ned Flanders.

• 1:08:34Speaker 06

  No, Flanders has the shit together.

• 1:08:36Speaker 03

  Not in a good way.

• 1:08:37Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 1:08:38Speaker 06

  What do you mean?

• 1:08:39Conan O'Brien?

  No, no.

• 1:08:40Speaker 06

  You would, you would rather be Homer than Flanders.

• 1:08:44Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 1:08:44Speaker 06

  I would way rather be Ned Flanders.

• 1:08:47Conan O'Brien?

  Homer's the star. You should be so happy with being Homer.

• 1:08:49Speaker 06

  He's so dumb sometimes.

• 1:08:51Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, of course. Also, Homer has no control over his appetites in every field.

• 1:08:56Speaker 06

  That's true.

• 1:08:56Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, it's, you are Homer, you know that.

• 1:08:58Speaker 06

  Yeah, okay, but you know, you're, so you're Mr. Burns?

• 1:09:01Conan O'Brien?

  I'm Mr. Burns and very proud to be Mr. Burns. I have a hyperbaric chamber. I, I have a massive estate with closing gates. When, when children are starting to leave the house, I say, release the hounds.

• 1:09:14Speaker 03

  The couple of times I've had a mustache, I have immediately shaved it, because I look like Ned fucking Flanders. Yeah, it's, it's a real shame, because theoretically, I'd love to have a mustache, but it's just not happening.

• 1:09:24Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 1:09:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:26Speaker 06

  Yeah, I, I bet, I bet you don't.

• 1:09:28Conan O'Brien?

  This was a great, this was a great question, because everyone, it was very apparent who everyone was very quickly. And, and it's perfect.

• 1:09:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, I think so. I mean, I think that that just goes to show how cool The Simpsons is, right?

• 1:09:42Conan O'Brien?

  Sure, yeah, let's give them a plug.

• 1:09:43Speaker 06

  Okay, I'm sorry. The Simpsons on Fox, tune in.

• 1:09:49Conan O'Brien?

  Fantastic, great question, Mark, thank you so much.

• 1:09:54Speaker 00

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, with Conan O'Brien, Sona Mufssessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gourley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 1:10:15Speaker 00

  Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 1:11:02Speaker 01

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• 1:11:21Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, look, you just got added to a meeting about coordinating another meeting to prepare for the pre-meeting, ahead of the follow-up meeting, which will, of course, require a recap meeting, and then another meeting. Hit your booking point? Book with Southwest and enter airplane mode.