Matthew McConaughey & Woody Harrelson

Actors Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson feel very Irish and like a True American, respectively, about being Conan O’Brien’s Friend. Matthew and Woody sit down with Conan to discuss how they first met, their very different approaches to acting, how much of their new show Brothers is based on their real-life personas, and whether they might actually be brothers. Plus, Conan responds to an article about a missing Conan O’Brien commemorative plaque.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:02Conan O'Brien?

  Owning a car or home comes with responsibilities. Sure, it's fun, but sometimes it makes you wonder why you ever longed for adulthood in the first place. I do that all the time. I'm like, oh, these bills, these bills. What am I gonna do?

• 0:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:15Conan O'Brien?

  You know, when you own a house, you gotta fix it yourself. Sona,

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:17Conan O'Brien?

  You, you see this to be true, right?

• 0:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, your garage door breaks and you're like, well, I have to fix it.

• 0:22Conan O'Brien?

  Probably at first you said, hey, I'll get the super to fix it. It's your house, dude.

• 0:26Speaker 01

  It's mine, dude!

• 0:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Liberty Mutual customizes your car and home insurance to save you money. In fact, they work overtime to tailor your insurance policy around what you actually need. The only thing they can't do is get that liberty, liberty, liberty, liberty jingle out of your head.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  Liberty, liberty, liberty.

• 0:41Conan O'Brien?

  Liberty, liberty. It's in my head all the time.

• 0:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, me too.

• 0:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Start your quote at libertymutual.com.

• 0:46Speaker 02

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• 1:19Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, my name's Matthew McConaughey and I feel very Irish about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

• 1:26Speaker 03

  That's an insult, but I'll take it.

• 1:31Speaker 03

  Hi, my name is Woody Harrelson and I feel like a true American about being on Conan O'Brien's.

• 1:37Conan O'Brien?

  You are a true American. I know you and I align in many of our views.

• 1:40Speaker 04

  One of our great patriots.

• 2:04Conan O'Brien?

  Hey there, it's Conan O'Brien. This is Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, the podcast that I think brings joy and beauty to every single person on the planet Earth.

• 2:13Speaker 03

  This podcast brings beauty?

• 2:15Speaker 01

  I know, beauty is the one I got.

• 2:17Conan O'Brien?

  I also said to every single person on Earth, which is maybe a slight exaggeration. I'm joined by my good chums, Sona Movsesian. Hey, Sona.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 2:24Conan O'Brien?

  Matt Gourley.

• 2:25Speaker 05

  Hi.

• 2:25Conan O'Brien?

  Dr. Gourley, good to see you. And I'm told that our techno whiz, our audiophile extraordinaire, Eduardo has a little something he wants to say. Eduardo, what's going on?

• 2:35Speaker 05

  I do, I have a gift for you, actually.

• 2:37Conan O'Brien?

  Oh.

• 2:38Speaker 05

  I don't know if you're gonna like it or not, but just to give you context, when we first built the studio and we were, you know, we decided, we were debating on what mics to have, the table, everything, the walls, what it would look like. One of the things I had thought about at that time was getting you a microphone that you had for your TBS show, Conan. Do you remember that mic?

• 2:56Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, beautiful mic. I think it was, uh, what was it? It has certain kind of, was it red?

• 3:00Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 3:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, beautiful red microphone.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 3:03Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, there it is. There I am with Seth Rogen.

• 3:05Speaker 03

  Oh, is that a ribbon mic?

• 3:07Speaker 05

  That's a condenser mic.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  I knew it.

• 3:09Speaker 05

  Yes, it's a 414. And anyhow, so it's a very cool looking mic.

• 3:14Conan O'Brien?

  I always loved the look of that mic and I just love, uh, and I love that, that little shot of dark, dark red. It was so cool.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  But like, it was also kind of unnecessary, right?

• 3:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, I always wondered about that too. How much of that is for show?

• 3:28Conan O'Brien?

  No, we've discussed that before, that I would always say, why do we have a mic on the desk? Now, a lot of it's just an aesthetic nod to the early days of television, the early shows, uh, talk shows. It were really invented in America. Steve Allen, Jack Parr, Johnny Carson, uh, David Letterman, I think I've named all the hosts. They, um, they all have a microphone on the desk, because that's what you had to do then. Subsequently, you've got all these boom mics hanging, everyone's got a lavalier clipped to them with a, with a mic pack.

• 4:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:03Conan O'Brien?

  And the thought was, sometimes I'd say, why do we have this? I get that it's an aesthetic nod to the past, but is it unnecessary? Turns out, they would always tell me, sometimes the mics go out and we need to switch over to that mic that's on your desk, which they did a couple of times.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 4:20Conan O'Brien?

  So, they have a use.

• 4:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, so.

• 4:22Conan O'Brien?

  And they look cool.

• 4:23Speaker 05

  And that one specifically looked cool because of the red grill that you were talking about. That was custom made, so I, I thought, oh, it'd be cool to use that one for you here. And I tried to track it down and went to Skills, one of your longtime.

• 4:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yep, Skills is my guitar tech for many, many years.

• 4:38Speaker 05

  Worked on the show.

• 4:39Conan O'Brien?

  It took me a while to get, wrap my head around the fact that you have people working for you named Skills and Chills. Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah.

• 4:47Speaker 05

  Uh, but anyhow, so the.

• 4:48Conan O'Brien?

  I'm going by Thrills.

• 4:51Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, Thrills.

• 4:51Speaker 05

  Nobody could locate the mic. So even to this day, I don't know.

• 4:55Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know where it is either.

• 4:56Speaker 05

  So what I did was I was able to get it recreated.

• 4:59Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 5:01Speaker 05

  That's what I got here.

• 5:03Conan O'Brien?

  Wait a minute, this is huge.

• 5:05Speaker 05

  Here, you can open it if you'd like.

• 5:07Conan O'Brien?

  Wait a minute.

• 5:08Speaker 03

  This is from all of us, by the way.

• 5:11Speaker 01

  Gorals.

• 5:12Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, that old move. Wait a minute, are you, is this for real? Oh my God. This is beautiful. Look at that.

• 5:23Speaker 03

  How did you do that? How'd you get it recreated?

• 5:25Speaker 05

  Shout out to Dave Ozinga, uh, mic tech in Glendale.

• 5:29Conan O'Brien?

  Dave Ozinga. So did Dave Ozinga, is this the same, uh, technology?

• 5:34Speaker 05

  Same model, uh, similar model, rather. Um, and, uh, yeah, he, he custom painted it for us, put it back together for us and it's usable. So the idea is that, I think, beginning today.

• 5:45Conan O'Brien?

  We can use this.

• 5:45Speaker 05

  Yes, and it would be your mic.

• 5:48Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, I, but that means when I leave the room and some other big wig comes in here to do another podcast, like say Ted Danson, I never wanna see Ted Danson's face within six miles of this microphone. It's mine.

• 6:05Speaker 05

  It won't be, it won't be. Shout out to Ted, we love Ted, but yes.

• 6:08Conan O'Brien?

  Ted, I love you and you're a better man than me in every single way.

• 6:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:12Conan O'Brien?

  But if you ever talk into this mic, I will find you and I will have someone with me who's strong enough to fight you.

• 6:19Speaker 05

  So, um, if you give me, if you give me two minutes, obviously we'll cut around this.

• 6:22Conan O'Brien?

  Give me two minutes, what is this, my wedding night?

• 6:25Speaker 05

  Swap it now.

• 6:25Speaker 01

  Oh, come on.

• 6:27Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  Wait, do we get special microphones too?

• 6:29Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 6:30Speaker 05

  Uh.

• 6:30Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  Okay, that's okay. That makes sense, that makes sense.

• 6:34Conan O'Brien?

  This is amazing. Eduardo, hey, let's hear it for Eduardo.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  Hey.

• 6:37Conan O'Brien?

  Eduardo!

• 6:38Speaker 01

  Sure, I mean.

• 6:39Conan O'Brien?

  Thank you so much. Sorry it took me so long.

• 6:41Speaker 01

  Is he gonna sound?

• 6:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, sorry it took me so long to buy you that giant diamond.

• 6:46Speaker 05

  Okay, give me, give me something.

• 6:47Conan O'Brien?

  Test, test, test. Testing, testing, one, two, three. Testing, testing, bumblebee. Testing, testing, all day long, we sing the testing, testing song.

• 6:54Speaker 05

  Great. And now let me just make sure the setting on it is up, is correct.

• 6:57Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, we're making sure. I mean, this is incredible. For those of you just tuning in, doesn't make sense. Um, Eduardo has replaced my iconic TBS microphone that was this beautiful mic. Again, can you give me the specifics on what this is?

• 7:11Speaker 05

  This is a AKG 414.

• 7:13Conan O'Brien?

  AKG?

• 7:15Speaker 05

  414.

• 7:15Conan O'Brien?

  414, yes. Oh, yes, that's, remember, I remember it was the model. It was the 414s. Those are very good. And who makes this?

• 7:21Speaker 05

  Uh, AKG is the brand. It was originally manufactured in Austria or Vienna.

• 7:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, originally these were made out of a dark chocolate.

• 7:30Conan O'Brien?

  And they realized that.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  By the Vermaat.

• 7:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Nice, nice to always add that in there.

• 7:35Speaker 03

  I didn't say Nazis, just the German army.

• 7:38Conan O'Brien?

  So, and you know what's great? It was, the microphone was, uh, in a case that was packed with this. I pulled it out and then realized I can do my greatest prop bit. Hey folks, it's asymmetrical Abe Lincoln.

• 7:49Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 7:51Speaker 03

  Using his electric razor.

• 7:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  Oh no.

• 7:54Speaker 03

  The mic.

• 7:55Conan O'Brien?

  Oh yeah, that's right.

• 7:58Conan O'Brien?

  This is Eduardo. This is so thoughtful of you. It's really nice.

• 8:03Speaker 05

  The least I could do. Remember, point it up so that the capsule's facing you.

• 8:05Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, the capsule facing me?

• 8:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, there you go.

• 8:07Conan O'Brien?

  I think I just hit a button. Actually, there's two lights on it right now. Should there be two lights going, green lights? I just literally touched it.

• 8:14Speaker 01

  I know.

• 8:15Conan O'Brien?

  And I think I hit a button.

• 8:16Speaker 05

  It's a good tutorial. You sound good, so I'm not worried.

• 8:18Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, um, will it, the other thing that, Matt, you were saying while they were switching, while Eduardo was switching us over to this mic, you said, what if it looks cool, as it does, it looks amazing, but what if it has, um, like really old fashioned, bad sound quality? And I was thinking, it's like the guy who narrated the Hindenburg explosion. Oh, the humanity, the humanity. And I'll be talking to like some hip, young, cool person here, you know? And I'll totally just go off the rails.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  Why are you changing your, your voice?

• 8:52Conan O'Brien?

  That's, the microphone does that. Because it's an old style microphone, I'm speaking normally, right?

• 8:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, in fact, as we go into intro our guest, why don't you take us out with some classic little, uh, mic moment?

• 9:04Speaker 01

  What?

• 9:05Speaker 03

  I've been up all night.

• 9:07Speaker 01

  Matt, what?

• 9:07Speaker 03

  I've been up all night.

• 9:08Conan O'Brien?

  Why are you up all night?

• 9:09Speaker 03

  My daughter's teething.

• 9:10Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, so it's not the drugs?

• 9:12Speaker 01

  What would be a classic mic moment?

• 9:15Speaker 03

  Well, that's a good question and I'm glad you asked it. And let me see if I can find out what that would be.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Is it a moment that involves a mic?

• 9:22Speaker 03

  Just like it takes, like a speech, you know?

• 9:24Speaker 01

  Oh, like.

• 9:25Speaker 03

  A little soliloquy.

• 9:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. We have nothing to fear but fear itself.

• 9:29Speaker 03

  There we go.

• 9:30Conan O'Brien?

  That's your, yeah.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  I was thinking about when John Travolta mispronounced Idina Menzel's name.

• 9:35Speaker 03

  Adele Dazim?

• 9:36Conan O'Brien?

  He said a classic moment from history.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  That is a.

• 9:38Conan O'Brien?

  I go with, I go with Franklin Roosevelt's first inaugural. And you go with the John Travolta mispronunciation.

• 9:49Speaker 03

  Adele Dazim.

• 9:51Conan O'Brien?

  Adele Dazim.

• 9:52Speaker 03

  I will never forget that. That will be my last thought the day I die.

• 9:56Conan O'Brien?

  To be fair, Franklin Roosevelt, in his second inaugural, wanted to bring up Idina Menzel and went, Adele Dazim would be training me to help us in a war against poverty.

• 10:11Conan O'Brien?

  Fantastic. Nice work, Eduardo. Eduardo, uh, you're a really good man. I thank you so much. This is beautiful. And I think this gives us, uh, this gives us a little pizzazz.

• 10:21Speaker 03

  It gives us an edge too, you know?

• 10:23Conan O'Brien?

  It definitely gives us an edge.

• 10:24Speaker 01

  An edge?

• 10:25Conan O'Brien?

  Uh huh.

• 10:25Speaker 03

  Well, don't, don't follow through on any of my things. They're not gonna make sense.

• 10:28Conan O'Brien?

  He was up all night.

• 10:29Speaker 01

  I'm just trying to follow up.

• 10:30Conan O'Brien?

  Teething child.

• 10:30Speaker 01

  Figure out what's going on.

• 10:31Conan O'Brien?

  All right, let's do it. Hey, I'm excited.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  Oh, me too.

• 10:34Conan O'Brien?

  My guests today are two Hollywood legends who now star in the new Apple TV Plus comedy series, Brothers. I think everyone loves these guys.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  I love them so much.

• 10:43Conan O'Brien?

  And they have such great chemistry together and I'm just thrilled to have, uh, both of these, I'm gonna say gentlemen, in the room.

• 10:56Conan O'Brien?

  Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson, welcome.

• 11:02Conan O'Brien?

  Gentlemen, I watched your show. I really enjoyed it. They let me watch the first episode. And getting to see that first episode was like getting a hold of the nuclear codes. Apple doesn't mess around. They said, Conan, it's a four hour process to watch this TV show that will be available within hours everywhere. But the amount of codes and verifications, and I had to do a cheek swab, but I saw the show and I really enjoyed it. It was a lot of fun. And what I love about it is you guys, I mean, if people want to know what is this show about, it's you guys being you. I know you're fictionalized versions of yourselves, but I do not think you are. I think it's basically you guys being you. Is that a fair thing to say?

• 11:44Conan O'Brien?

  It's a somewhat, shall we say, exalted version.

• 11:49Speaker 04

  It's the baseline. I mean, you know, I'm probably, I'm a little more orderly than Captain Chaos here. But we, we set that up. Well, let's really lean into that and make me Texas rancher, gonna run for governor, everything. Don't you mess with my plan and let Captain Chaos, Woody, come in and honk honk and blow it all up. And how does that work?

• 12:11Conan O'Brien?

  No, a fire at a tire factory is orderly compared to Woody. You are, and I'm telling you, the last time I talked to him in this space, he showed up fresh from a, he was late because he crashed his motorcycle getting here. And Ted Danson had to put bandages on him as we were doing the podcast.

• 12:32Speaker 04

  Why do you, this happened, this is the only reason, Woody's gotten so much better on showing up on time to sets than he used to be in the past. And the only reason you were ever later, the only problem, the only kind of problem to production you ever were on this set were on Monday, you'd show up with a fresh new big scar on your head or something. And one of the times it was from you had a motorcycle accident riding through two acres of an open parking lot that had one rock sitting in the middle that he hit.

• 13:00Conan O'Brien?

  And you managed to hit that one rock. That's sadly true. But, you know, that one was not so much my fault. I was going around the left and the guy didn't have his blinker on. And he hit me. Here's what was your fault. The first thing you said to me when you came in is, I think I lost one of my flip flops. And then I was thinking, that's funny. I ride a motorcycle. I've never worn a flip flop when I'm riding a motorcycle. I wear like an armored boot. It's sub op.

• 13:33Conan O'Brien?

  I'm gonna finish that. It's sub optimal. Cause Woody is so time pressured that he can't say optimal.

• 13:42Speaker 04

  It's sub op.

• 13:42Conan O'Brien?

  It's the economy, economy of motion. Economy of motion, economy of words. I respect it.

• 13:48Speaker 04

  Now, Woody's not yet. A helmet sounds like a mandate to him. Not a good idea.

• 13:55Speaker 04

  Pair of shoes, don't you tell me what to do.

• 13:59Conan O'Brien?

  Flip flop in a beret. That's how I'm gonna ride around.

• 14:02Speaker 04

  I like to say this, I'm gonna say this line again. I said it in the newsletter I put out today. But if you're going to the Oscars or to a JP Morgan Board of Directors meeting with Woody, it's best to bring your swimsuit.

• 14:15Conan O'Brien?

  Yes. You put you, I get relaxed, I get relaxed looking at you, Woody. The opening shot of the pilot episode of your show is you with inhaling some herbs, looking out at the sea. You look like the happiest guy in the world. You got your surfboard, you're in Malibu. You, I know, there's this thing is, you know, don't sweat the small stuff. And don't sweat the, and you don't sweat the big stuff either. I don't think you sweat anything. It's fantastic. Yeah, I sweat.

• 14:48Speaker 04

  He has this, I know this, go ahead. Now I know his secret on this.

• 14:51Conan O'Brien?

  This is like a marriage counseling session. Go ahead. What were you gonna say?

• 14:54Speaker 04

  Well, you do sweat, you do sweat. But he does water off a duck's back. Most things you cannot tell.

• 15:00Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 15:03Speaker 04

  Go ahead, you want me to?

• 15:03Conan O'Brien?

  You know what story I'm gonna tell. I love this story. I don't think Woody has to be here for this. Why don't you go out?

• 15:08Speaker 04

  He knows this story. It's a beautiful story. But it is, it is the key to what I think you're talking about with one of Woody's geniuses. One day on True Detective, he's walking around and I can tell the guy's got a black cloud on his shoulders. My buddy's just, he's hunched. So I'm like, man, it must be really big. Cause we can't ever tell if Woody's got a problem or not. So I say, you wanna have lunch? Comes by the tray, we have lunch. Talking to him, he tells me what the problem is. It's worth the black cloud. Meaning I'm the guy going, holy shit. And if that happened to me, if I was in this situation, I wouldn't even been able to show up to work. You're here and I, only as your good friend could notice you were in a funk. And I'm like, dude, you have things that go on in your life that are problems and all this stuff. And the way you deal with it, you just like water off the duck's back. How do you deal with the problems in your life?

• 15:52Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 15:53Speaker 04

  And he crying and sobbing and snots running out of his nose. And I'm crying as his buddy, man. And he was sitting there and he takes a minute, he thinks about it, he wipes his eyes and he looks at me and goes, man, I just forget about it.

• 16:10Conan O'Brien?

  So all these years that I've been in therapy has been a waste of time. Yeah. You gotta learn to forget. Just forget about it. You know, forget about AI and global war. Just forget about it. Forget about it. That's all you got. Yeah, that's fantastic. You guys are friends in real life. You can tell right away. You can finish each other's sentences. You're both guys from Texas. How far apart did you grow up from each other?

• 16:39Speaker 04

  Born in Midland, born in Uvalde. That's seven, eight hours away from each other. In Texas, didn't know each other then obviously, but he went to Houston, then to Ohio and then New York. And we didn't meet until we were both sort of living in LA.

• 16:53Conan O'Brien?

  And you don't really know when you met. You disagree about when you met. Cause Woody, you forget everything. Do you remember when you guys met? Well, that I do remember and he's forgotten, which is, we met at, it was a CIA, uh, uh, party, I guess. And I saw him there and I walked up to him and said, hey, man, how you doing? He says, hi. And I said, what do you think? Should we get a shot? Tequila? And he's like,

• 17:20Speaker 04

  It's one o'clock.

• 17:21Conan O'Brien?

  One o'clock. It's one o'clock. He says, I got a lot to do today. And I'm like, oh, well, so a one little shot of tequila is gonna keep you from your, and what's, what's that have to do with anything? So he did.

• 17:32Speaker 04

  Maybe that's why I don't remember meeting that day.

• 17:35Conan O'Brien?

  So you guys did a shot. You don't remember that?

• 17:37Speaker 04

  No.

• 17:39Conan O'Brien?

  And then he went on with his day. I went on with mine. I mean, it was just a brief meeting, not memorable to him, but to me, I, What I remember. I thought I liked this guy.

• 17:50Speaker 04

  Sure. Cause I started to like this guy. I heard him before I saw him. And it was on Ed TV. We're doing a wardrobe.

• 17:56Conan O'Brien?

  You did a movie together, yeah.

• 17:57Speaker 04

  Fitting. And I was our, I was before him and I'm on the second floor in San Francisco, one of those apartments, windows open, you know, you got steep streets in San Francisco. And what I hear outside the window is this metal on concrete, walking.

• 18:12Speaker 04

  And I go and look out the window and walking up the street is this guy in a full Tour de France road cycling uniform with the clip on shoes, but no bike. No bike. Not even carrying a bike.

• 18:25Conan O'Brien?

  Well, who needs a bike when you got all that cool stuff?

• 18:27Speaker 04

  Cruising, cruising the streets, coming this way. He walks in, comes in upstairs, walks on those beautiful, brand new wooden floors, which I'm sure the person was real happy about that with those shoes on. And then the wardrobe lady was like, let's talk about wardrobe. And then as they got to this one scene, he's going, what about this? And Woody goes, no, I don't need that because I'm wearing my wardrobe right now. He showed up and that was his, and that's when I was like, I like this guy.

• 18:55Conan O'Brien?

  So you decided you chose your wardrobe and you walked through the streets of San Francisco wearing it?

• 19:00Speaker 04

  And the wardrobe asked the question that I asked, but, but you're gonna wear those shoes and you don't have a bike?

• 19:06Conan O'Brien?

  Exactly.

• 19:11Conan O'Brien?

  I had a bike.

• 19:14Conan O'Brien?

  What happened to it? We don't know. I rode the bike to the place and, you know, I love his version though. I don't wanna interfere with his version.

• 19:24Speaker 04

  You may have had a bike, but you parked it a couple of blocks away.

• 19:27Conan O'Brien?

  Well, you know, you have to. You gotta find a parking space. You find a spot to lock your bike. The whole idea of a bike is that you can pull up to the place. You don't, you don't look for a spot.

• 19:36Speaker 04

  You could even carry it into the place. You did not do that that day.

• 19:40Conan O'Brien?

  I didn't wanna carry it all the way up the stairs.

• 19:42Speaker 04

  I saw no bike. Heard no bike.

• 19:44Conan O'Brien?

  What are we doing? What are we doing? Gentlemen, what are we doing here?

• 19:56Conan O'Brien?

  We all have those pieces in our closet we can count on. Sona, I imagine for you it's that leather jacket I got you.

• 20:01Speaker 01

  Are you gonna do a bit?

• 20:02Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, it's a really nice leather jacket I got you once.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  I had that and then I replaced it and yes, I use it all the time.

• 20:08Conan O'Brien?

  We all have that versatile jacket, the perfect T-shirt, and those are the pieces that make getting dressed easy. And you know what I was thinking about this morning?

• 20:17Speaker 01

  What?

• 20:18Conan O'Brien?

  Quince. They do it best. They really do. I was really thinking about this.

• 20:21Speaker 01

  What a coincidence that we're doing an ad for them.

• 20:23Conan O'Brien?

  No, a co coincidence.

• 20:25Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 20:27Conan O'Brien?

  That's why I get the big money.

• 20:29Speaker 01

  I gotta go.

• 20:29Conan O'Brien?

  Cut to very small amount of money. Quince makes elevated everyday essentials using premium materials and designs that are time was thoughtful, crafted and made to be worn again and again. And when the temperature starts to drop, Quince makes it easy to build on those everyday staples with versatile layers. Layer up. That's the key. Now, Blay, you're, you're using some Quince.

• 20:49Speaker 06

  That's right. I'm spending a lot of time back east in Michigan. It's getting a little colder. So I got a featherless quilted jacket, an Atlas Navy, and I just feel like a different guy. I feel classy.

• 20:59Conan O'Brien?

  You look like a different guy. Cause you're well dressed.

• 21:02Speaker 06

  That's right. Exactly.

• 21:02Conan O'Brien?

  No, I'm serious. He looks like a hobo half the time.

• 21:04Speaker 06

  That's true. He's right. That's true.

• 21:06Conan O'Brien?

  No, they, they really do great stuff. Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK as well.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  All right.

• 21:19Conan O'Brien?

  And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. Please do that. Say, by the way, I heard about this on Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 21:29Speaker 04

  Oh, I didn't really ask.

• 21:30Conan O'Brien?

  I just want you to know.

• 21:33Conan O'Brien?

  It's the best way to support the show.

• 21:37Speaker 03

  Hey, that's me, Teddy Swims. You hear that? That's life. So go grab it. Grab your old friends, grab new friends, grab a White Claw. Grab flavor for everyone in your group. Grab music, laughter, and moments you'll never forget. You'll never regret it. Oh, hey, man. Grab new friends, grab old friends, grab life by the glow, White Claw. Please drink responsibly. White Claw, Delta Works, Chicago, Illinois. The Hulu original series, Phony, is coming to Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus, October 20th. My name is Sonny Cook. Ever since the accident, my mom looks different.

• 22:16Speaker 06

  Been swapped out with a different woman. I know something, okay? Something's wrong. I don't know what's going on with you, but I know that I'm your mother. If that's not your mom, where do you think she is? I don't know, but I need to find her. Watch the Hulu original series, Phony, on October 20th. Streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

• 22:42Conan O'Brien?

  I want to ask you guys about your approach to work. You're both fantastic actors, you're iconic actors, but you've got to have a different approach, like a True Detective, which was so fantastic. What is the different philosophies of acting? Or do you approach it the same way? I'm guessing you don't.

• 23:01Speaker 04

  We've approached it a little differently.

• 23:03Conan O'Brien?

  Well, this guy's the most hyper-prepared actor you can imagine. And I think it came off of a time that he wasn't prepared.

• 23:11Speaker 04

  Yeah. Embarrassment.

• 23:13Conan O'Brien?

  Which is a kind of a cool story, too, but.

• 23:16Speaker 04

  It is a funny story.

• 23:16Conan O'Brien?

  You want to tell that story? Well, he just said it's embarrassing, and then you said you should tell it. Yeah. And Matthew, but it's your call, Matthew. But it's wonderful.

• 23:24Speaker 04

  So I got cast early in my career, 1995 or something, is in a, in a, in a, in a one-day role in this independent film. And this was at a time where I was not getting roles. I was getting callbacks and the third callback, but not getting the role. And it's because I just started to learn what acting was. I didn't, never, never went to acting school. So when you start to learn something, you get a little heady about it, right? Before it's instinctual. And in these auditions, I just wasn't kind of going for it. And I was tight and I was too conservative and I was thinking too much. So I get offered this one-day role. It's a drug lord on the southern border in Texas, Mexico. The coyotes come over with my drugs, bang, bang, bang. I shoot them up. Still, the drugs don't pay them. That's, that's it. So I get in there and I'm like, look, I know what I'm gonna do.

• 24:06Speaker 04

  I need to go back and start acting like I did when I began. Days confused. I never acted before. There weren't lines. They just threw me in scenes I improvised. I know my man and I'll do what, what my man would do. So I get the bright idea that I'm not gonna read the script. I'm not even gonna read the scenes. I'm just gonna, you give me that layout, drug lord on the border? I just, I'll do what my man would do. No. So I show up on the day, fully confident. And right before, we go to our marks, right before our action, I get a little nervous. The sweat runs down the back of my neck. I said, hang on, time out, can, can I get a pair of sides? Which is the small copy of this. And I read the sides because I'm thinking, hey, if it's written well, that's exactly what I would say. And if it's not written well, I'll just be my man and say what I would say.

• 24:50Speaker 04

  Page one. Page two. Page three. Page four. And I say, can I get 12 minutes, please?

• 25:02Speaker 04

  Why?

• 25:05Speaker 04

  Because it was a four-page monologue by my guy.

• 25:07Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 25:10Speaker 04

  In Spanish.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  Oh, no!

• 25:16Conan O'Brien?

  And you're like, alright, alright, alright.

• 25:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, alright. C, C, C. So my thinking is that 12 minutes is not too long to inconvenience the crew, but 12 minutes is also long enough for me to memorize a 12, four-page monologue in Spanish, because hey, I took Spanish in the 11th grade in high school. Well, it didn't inconvenience the crew, but it was not long enough to learn.

• 25:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 25:39Speaker 04

  Figure it out. Anyway, I don't remember what I did in that scene. I've never watched it. I'm not able to watch it. But on the drive home, I pulled over and was bawling and beating myself up and so angry about the feeling of embarrassment that I had of not being prepared. From that day on, I said, I'll be overprepared if I can be. Maybe too prepared, but F, F that, man. It was a horrible feeling. Anyway, so in one of those deals where you get a bright idea, forget about it. I had a bright idea and I should've forgotten.

• 26:08Conan O'Brien?

  So he is like the most hyper-prepared person. And so like in his airstream that he had when we were doing True Detective, he, he had this long graph that went all the way across the wall of the airstream that, okay, this happens here, this happens here, you know, it's so.

• 26:27Speaker 04

  Yep, yep.

• 26:27Conan O'Brien?

  So put it all, because obviously you don't film in order. I guess that's not obvious to a lot of people, but you don't film in order. So it would orient you, oh, this just happened and now this is about to happen. So he'd had it all mapped out. He's hyper-prepared and I'd walk into the airstream. Okay, where are we here? Oh, okay, okay, good.

• 26:56Speaker 04

  Who am I, by the way? Oh, okay, I get it.

• 26:59Conan O'Brien?

  You're, you're rusting. I'm Marty. No, but, you know, so I just piggyback off of his preparedness.

• 27:07Speaker 04

  Well, we worked, we, we worked different in that, in that film. There's a funny instance, because he and I had done a couple of films together. And then in life, we're more sort of where, who starts where, who ends where. And we can finish each other's sentences, you were saying. And it's comedic. It's a jive. And those were two characters that were not jiving. And I remember him saying to me early on, you can't, you're like, dude, I think we gotta lighten this up someplace.

• 27:30Conan O'Brien?

  We gotta have some jokes.

• 27:32Speaker 04

  Some jokes and stuff. And he goes, he goes, right now, we're rehearsing and it's kind of like, I hit you the ball and then you just stand there.

• 27:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 27:40Speaker 04

  And wait till the ball bounces past you, hits the backstop and comes to a rest and you're still just staring at me. That's not our gig, man. We hit the ball back to each other. And, and I just stared at him and he goes, what? And I go, well, I think that might be, end up being kind of funny. If my character's just a guy who stands there and doesn't hit the ball back. And he's like, fuck you. Anyway, I think we had enough. I think there's some humor in there.

• 28:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 28:05Speaker 04

  No, but it's also, it's like.

• 28:06Conan O'Brien?

  It's situational comedy. It's like, there are situations sometimes in scenes where my only, because I don't do this a lot, but the one time I did Larry David's show, I realized, I was like looking at the script and I realized, oh, I get it. My job is to not give Larry what he wants. And then I realized that's everything in Larry David's show. He wants X, and if you're a scene partner with him, your job is to not give it to him and then he. So it's, it's the opposite of yes and. Yes, it's the exact, it's no. It's no, but. Yeah, no, but, exactly.

• 28:41Speaker 04

  And in acting, in acting, that would be called, you give him the obstacle for him to try and overcome.

• 28:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:49Conan O'Brien?

  But boy, they do, you know, as you know, like the intricacy of the plot, they really map it out beautifully. And then, you know, you wing it.

• 29:00Speaker 04

  How long would it? How long is it? How long is like a typical, uh, Curb script?

• 29:06Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, it's, you know, it might be eight, nine, 10 pages, but just of the plot.

• 29:12Speaker 04

  Of the plot, okay.

• 29:13Conan O'Brien?

  You know, then they, and they, they sometimes throw in a few lines here, they're sprinkling in, you know?

• 29:19Speaker 04

  Right.

• 29:19Conan O'Brien?

  But, but it is, I mean, it's incredible how they did that, like. And they do have a lot of great comedic minds and. So I had a revelation, which is literally a week ago, I walk into a restaurant, outdoor restaurant, Larry David's there, his lovely wife, and they're sitting there. And so I walk up to the table to say hi. And Larry's in the middle of getting into it with the waiter, because the waiter brought him a turkey sandwich with no mustard. And he's like, in the history of sandwiches, you know, when has mustard not been part of the equation? And I, I said to him, Larry, there's no cameras. They're not, so he's just, and this gets us really nicely back to your show, which he was playing himself.

• 30:05Conan O'Brien?

  He was taking his life and he just said, I would like to be paid by HBO to be the guy I am anyway. And then when I was watching your show, I was thinking, yes, I know that this is, we've put English on the ball for both of you, but there are essential truths about both of you, because you are Matthew McConaughey in the show and you are Woody Harrelson in the show. And that's what makes it really fun for me. I mean, even when we're hanging out at your house, uh, outside Austin, which I know isn't your house, it's still, I'm thinking, that must be a version of Matthew's house. Well, he don't live on a ranch. So why'd you make it a ranch?

• 30:46Speaker 04

  Let me just say.

• 30:47Conan O'Brien?

  What? You don't live on a ranch?

• 30:48Speaker 04

  No.

• 30:49Conan O'Brien?

  Fuck you!

• 30:50Speaker 04

  That's the only reason you're here!

• 30:55Conan O'Brien?

  That cowboy.

• 30:56Speaker 04

  I was like, I gotta get, I want to talk to Matthew about his ranch. Do you live in Malibu looking at the water?

• 31:02Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 31:03Speaker 04

  What the fuck? I put you two on a pedestal!

• 31:08Conan O'Brien?

  He, he doesn't even get high.

• 31:12Speaker 04

  You've never done a drug in your life?

• 31:14Conan O'Brien?

  I'm, I'm totally straight edge. America, love it or leave it! Now I'm, I don't even know why I'm here.

• 31:25Conan O'Brien?

  I'm enraged.

• 31:25Speaker 04

  That ranch was all green screen.

• 31:30Conan O'Brien?

  It was all AI.

• 31:31Speaker 04

  That's not even in Texas.

• 31:34Conan O'Brien?

  It was shot, it says you were shot in Connecticut?

• 31:38Conan O'Brien?

  The fuck is that? Shot in Queens.

• 31:41Speaker 04

  Woody and I don't even really have scenes together.

• 31:43Conan O'Brien?

  You don't even like each other. Yeah, if you notice, it's just overs, so they put someone to represent him. God damn it! I was so happy. I was like, I'm gonna really butter up Matthew today because I'll get invited to that ranch. Now I find out you live in a geodesic dome.

• 32:04Conan O'Brien?

  So we, we did originally, we were thinking to do it like. Where you have the outline and the plot and everything. But, uh, yeah, Coolerheads for me.

• 32:13Speaker 04

  Well.

• 32:13Conan O'Brien?

  Maybe the script would be a good idea.

• 32:16Speaker 04

  Into that idea, but how much for playing ourselves. Look, we, we, we, we started it going, let's just base it off reality. No, what our story, our life, the real thing, we just stick to that, stick to that. And we got off and we shot some of that and we looked at our little assembly and we both went.

• 32:33Conan O'Brien?

  I think it was a double sniff.

• 32:34Speaker 04

  It was a double. It was a double sniff. So we both had a little, we both had a little joke. Not that anyone was fired, but we did need to make a pivot and go, wait a minute, let's re-figure how we're gonna go about this. My, my running joke is, man, it kinda sucks when you're, um, you, you, you, you get fired after you've been hired to play yourself.

• 32:57Conan O'Brien?

  We're going a different way with the Matthew McConaughey.

• 33:01Conan O'Brien?

  We found this guy, Brick Stenson.

• 33:06Conan O'Brien?

  I love Brick Stenson. It's a great imaginary actor of mine. That's, uh, okay. Please tell me that you have a solar powered bus. I do. Okay, that part's real.

• 33:17Speaker 04

  That runs on turkey guts.

• 33:18Conan O'Brien?

  That wasn't the actual, uh, yeah, it runs on biodiesel. But, but that wasn't the actual bus. That's just a replica.

• 33:26Speaker 04

  Oh, this is another great story.

• 33:27Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, no, he.

• 33:29Speaker 04

  This, the bus. And what was painted on the bus?

• 33:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 33:33Speaker 04

  Particularly painted on the bus.

• 33:35Conan O'Brien?

  Again, one of the reasons you're here is I loved that bus. And I was like, Woody's gonna give me a ride in that bus. It's, cause in the, in the show, you get the whole family and you decide, we're going through this crisis. Let's go visit Matthew. He lives outside Austin on a ranch.

• 33:53Conan O'Brien?

  And, uh, you all pile into this bus and it's an amazing looking bus to me that you, in the show, they say it, you know, runs on solar and, you know, I think some kind of biofuel, but it's got this mural painted on the outside.

• 34:07Conan O'Brien?

  All right, let's hear about that.

• 34:08Speaker 04

  That mural was, was number one on the call sheet. That mural, all right. The scenes where the bus are in it are three weeks away, but we're already shooting some other stuff. So, and the bus is in the background, over in the field.

• 34:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 34:22Speaker 04

  The biggest holdup, Woody's on time and prepared for everything now.

• 34:26Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 34:26Speaker 04

  But the, for tension span, when he'd be a shot on me and that bus was way over there in the back eye line, not at the camera, but of his eye line, he would stop in the middle of the take and go, why, why is that porpoise look like it's swimming? The color water, it's too, it's not blue enough. And he stopped, we go, Woody, that's three weeks away, man. Hang on, we got three weeks to work on that thing. And he'd be like, no, no, no, no, hang on. Where's Sarah? Hey, art board, art director, come here. Hey, let's go talk. Now, Woody, can we do that at lunchtime? Yeah, yeah, hang on just a second.

• 35:00Speaker 04

  Man, that bus, that bus was on your mind.

• 35:04Conan O'Brien?

  Because that was the most, you might say that was the reason you did the project, was to have them create a bus that you really loved. And you're gonna, are you gonna take this bus when it's over? I just can't believe how, I love the way he tells the story, you know, like, there's all little bits and dibs and dabs of the truth in there for sure. But, you know, it's like between a take, I made a comment about, you know, you could do such and such. And then that's now forever. I was in the middle of a take and stopped at the, cut, cut, the porpoise tail too small.

• 35:43Speaker 04

  Remember when you were like, white, but it doesn't make sense. Why is this thing right swimming in a desert? Remember that?

• 35:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, that rings of truth. That rings of truth. Yeah, there, that was right. Okay, well, I think you're way out of line. The court rules in favor of Matthew McConaughey. This has become a contentious trial and I love it.

• 36:04Conan O'Brien?

  You guys, here's what I admire about both of you. You seem to embody, something I really admire because it's the exact opposite of me, which is you guys seem to have this laid back zen, inner calm, uh, take life as it comes, enjoy to the fullest. And Sona, would you agree that's the opposite of me?

• 36:29Speaker 01

  That is the opposite.

• 36:30Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and I've watched your show and one of the reasons I enjoyed it so much is I wanted to become, I've made you two my spirit animals that I wanted to become. You know, yes, you're both very accomplished, but I thought, you know, if there's ever, I'm not pitching myself, but I am, do you ever want an episode where your complete opposite shows up? It would be me. Uh, I'm just telling you that right now and it would be awful. It would be terrible. Cause I wouldn't invite you to say, let's do a shot at Tequila and I'd be like, well, you know, hey, oh, oh, hey, let's talk about this. I don't know. My electrolytes.

• 37:07Conan O'Brien?

  Anyway, it was just. Do you not drink? I do drink, uh, on occasion. I, I, I try not to drink that much anymore. Mm-hmm. And what about pot?

• 37:17Speaker 01

  Oh, boy.

• 37:18Conan O'Brien?

  I don't do pot, never.

• 37:19Speaker 04

  Whoa, give us some stories about the old boy.

• 37:22Conan O'Brien?

  Well, we actually had a company send us really good, high quality. Let's give them a shout out. What are they called?

• 37:27Speaker 01

  It's Kiva, the brand, and Camino's are their edibles.

• 37:31Conan O'Brien?

  They make really amazing edibles and I took like one, I took a bit like half of one and then the next day I was like, this Magnus must end.

• 37:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:41Conan O'Brien?

  My addiction. I mean, it was, I don't know.

• 37:43Speaker 01

  He still calls it a gateway drug. He's, he's that guy. He's very narky like that.

• 37:49Conan O'Brien?

  Did he, was he shooting up like the next day? God, that, that was quick.

• 37:59Conan O'Brien?

  Half and half. Yeah, but then it turned out I was, I was shooting up a stat. I was lowering my cholesterol. It's just not my thing. Yeah. No, that's good. Cause some people, it does inflict a certain amount of paranoia. Not you though. Not, not me, but, but I, but it is, it does if it's the, uh, the hardcore indoor variety because of the chemicals, I think.

• 38:22Speaker 04

  But Woody didn't, Woody won't get high like before doing this, before acting or, or before he works. He won't do it.

• 38:29Conan O'Brien?

  No. And what about you? What's your story?

• 38:32Speaker 04

  No, it didn't really, agree with me. The subplots become a little unmanageable.

• 38:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. That's a great, that's a great description. The subplot becomes unmanageable is fantastic. You, you don't want his subplots to become unmanageable. Trust me, it goes haywire. I wanna try and remember that for the next time someone offers me something.

• 38:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:53Conan O'Brien?

  I'm sorry, the subplots become unmanageable.

• 38:56Speaker 01

  True though, it's probably true for you.

• 38:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 38:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:59Conan O'Brien?

  That's a great description of that.

• 39:00Speaker 04

  That's from my buddy Rob Binler. And it's happened when the synthetic stuff came. It's, it's kinda when I stopped smoking. Um, it was actually one of my birthday parties, um, that I was going to and my friends had rented out this club. And before I was self-driving myself there, my buddy gave me this joint and, you know, I'd always smoke the under the sun stuff where you laugh, giggle, get the munchies and maybe hook up somebody. But this night I, pull up and then all of a sudden, when I walk into the party, it's over and everyone's gone at one in the morning. Why? Because I had pulled up four hours earlier in time for my party, but I had smoked that weed and for some reason, felt like it was more important to listen to Janet Jackson's That's the Way Love Goes 27 times in a row,

• 39:42Speaker 04

  than to go into my own frickin' birthday party.

• 39:51Conan O'Brien?

  You know what? I have to say, not a bad subplot though.

• 39:53Speaker 01

  Sounds like a really great night, honestly. I.

• 39:56Speaker 04

  With me and Janet, uh, sitting in my car and her on the, her on the radio, 27 times in a row. Crying, my ball in my eyes out. What a beautiful love song. I had no idea the depth of this love song. And then I walk in, the party's over and no one's there. I missed my own birthday party. And that's when I said, you know what? The subplot became unmanageable. I don't think this new weed, this synthetic weed is for me.

• 40:18Conan O'Brien?

  In this case, it was the plot itself became unmanageable.

• 40:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:22Conan O'Brien?

  Not even the subplot.

• 40:23Speaker 04

  But I got hung up in this. I couldn't manage the subplot.

• 40:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 40:26Speaker 04

  I couldn't go, that's a great song. Maybe I'll just listen to it eight times. No, I said, I'll listen to it 27 times.

• 40:32Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 40:33Speaker 04

  And miss my own birthday party.

• 40:35Conan O'Brien?

  Sona, you, I, there are times where I've, in my career, especially on tour, or maybe I was over served. I'd become the nicest person in the world.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:44Conan O'Brien?

  I wanna help, I wanna solve everyone's problems and take care of them forever. And then the next day I'm like, wait, I said what?

• 40:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:51Conan O'Brien?

  I said I'd buy you a home?

• 40:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:54Conan O'Brien?

  I don't even know you.

• 40:55Speaker 01

  You're like holding court and giving people advice.

• 40:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I'm trying to help everyone. Yeah. Awful. I did that one time. I was up in San Francisco and, uh, I was just subbing in for, you know, I did this play, Biloxi Blues. I was, I was an understudy for this play, Biloxi Blues. And anyway, Nancy Simon, who, uh, was actually my first wife, but, uh, so she's the daughter, Neil Simon, but, uh, she, so she was directing Biloxi Blues up in San Francisco. And I went up there because one of the actors couldn't do it this weekend. And so I only did like three, maybe four performances, right?

• 41:38Conan O'Brien?

  But, you know, I knew it because of, it wasn't that long before that I had been the understudy. So,

• 41:45Conan O'Brien?

  I did the play and then we're all having a party after and, and one of the ladies who was on the crew. And, you know, had a tough life, you know, I had some hardship and stuff and, and, and then I was, oh, I forgot to say I had some mushrooms. And so I became totally absorbed in all of this, what she's gone through.

• 42:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:11Conan O'Brien?

  And I was like, you know what? What you come down to LA. You can stay at my house till you get on your feet. And, you know, we're gonna make sure that you, I, I don't know what I thought she was gonna do. Like, I can't remember what her, what she wanted to do with her life. But anyway, I, I just became completely absorbed. And then, you know, then I sobered up and I'm like, what did I do? What did I do? I'm crazy.

• 42:42Speaker 04

  But you have a, you have a consistent habit of having an open heart and inviting people into your future life.

• 42:52Conan O'Brien?

  Or yours.

• 42:53Speaker 04

  Or mine.

• 42:56Conan O'Brien?

  And so what, there's the question, then, do you have someone in your life who's at the front door goes like, yeah, that's not happening? Exactly. That's exactly what happened. The, the, this lady.

• 43:08Speaker 04

  Quite a few times.

• 43:08Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, not, not, not the people you've met, but this. So he's doing this routinely. He's, he's out there.

• 43:16Speaker 04

  Consistent. We go on, we go on a Greek holiday. And, and, and, and my family, we, we rent the place. Too bad, Laura, you out there? You remember this? We rent the place and they, and we fly over, but they get there before us. And we show up and there's two people sitting on tailgate of a truck right in front of our, our rental place. And from a distance, we think it's you and Laura waiting for us to get there. We get out, no, it's, it's, it's a Javiana and, and Pocahontas. And they're.

• 43:50Speaker 04

  And we're like, hey, are we at the right place? Y'all, what you gonna do? They're like, yeah, hey. And we're like, who are y'all? No, and we're so and so, Javiana, Pocahontas, we're newlyweds. And I, what, so what y'all doing? Well, we met Woody and Laura at the airport.

• 44:03Conan O'Brien?

  Oh my.

• 44:04Speaker 04

  Getting our luggage. And they, we, they're great, man. And anyway, how y'all doing? And so we get our bags and I help him get bags, now we move in. He's in the master, already taking the master.

• 44:14Conan O'Brien?

  Sure.

• 44:16Speaker 04

  We go over and we're like, we're like, who, who, who, who we got outside? And he was like, oh, aren't they great, man? Javiana, hey, and what's her name, honey? Oh, yeah, they're great, man. They're great.

• 44:29Speaker 04

  I love how you marked your territory of the master bed that I was like, as soon as he's out of the room, I'm gonna take it. Until.

• 44:37Speaker 04

  I look in there, he knows I wanna go in there and snitch, snitch the master bedroom as soon as he's outside of it. The reason I didn't is I look in the window and he has the top sheet. And he's got, he's got it kinda wadded up in a long string, the whole top sheet. He's got top in this hand in front of him and the back behind him. And he's giving himself a leg.

• 44:55Conan O'Brien?

  Oh my God. You're flossing yourself.

• 45:01Speaker 04

  He got the master. He kept the master.

• 45:04Conan O'Brien?

  You flossed yourself. Brilliant. You know, you get, the extreme times call for extreme measures. Yeah.

• 45:13Conan O'Brien?

  And you had rented the house. Yes. Have you no shame? I know. At long last, sir, have you no shame?

• 45:20Speaker 04

  Hey, hey, but Javiana and Pocahontas are great, man.

• 45:24Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 45:25Speaker 04

  They're gonna be with us for a week.

• 45:26Conan O'Brien?

  Now there is agents. Um, okay, this leads perfectly into something that I need to discuss. Has Woody, Matthew, ever approached you about co-owning a houseboat in Amsterdam?

• 45:40Conan O'Brien?

  Has he ever mentioned that idea to you?

• 45:43Speaker 04

  No.

• 45:44Conan O'Brien?

  It's a simple question.

• 45:45Speaker 04

  Think he wants to own any kinda yacht, cuz he is the number one yacht jumping man that I've ever met in my life for free.

• 45:54Conan O'Brien?

  This guy, are you kidding me, dude? Coming out of your mouth, that's hysterical. Well, what, what, what do you mean? This guy, hot kettle, come on. What are you talking about? Your yachts and your, I don't wanna even get into all these.

• 46:08Speaker 04

  Hey, I'll pop around on the yachts. Amen, amen. But most times when I'm ready, it's over, we leave tomorrow. I go on the boat to get on, go to the wharf to get on the plane to go to the next destination. And I look up and you're not, I'm, what are you, you, why aren't you packed? Because I'm not leaving. Or, Woody, you're packed, why aren't you getting on the boat? Because last night I swam over to that boat, introduced myself, and they're taking me for a week. You're, it's amazing. Never, never a wallet to be seen either. It's amazing.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  Boat jumper.

• 46:44Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you're a boat jumper.

• 46:45Speaker 04

  He's the best yacht jumper in the world.

• 46:48Conan O'Brien?

  Boat jumper.

• 46:49Speaker 04

  And people are so happy to have him on board, which is obviously why, but you.

• 46:54Conan O'Brien?

  No, in a nutshell, let me tell you what he did to me. Done with the yacht. In a, in a nutshell, this guy, you'll speak when you're spoken to. I'm talking to Matthew now. This guy approaches me in this building and he says, hey, Conan, uh, my wife and I are thinking about getting a, a houseboat in Amsterdam. Do you wanna go in on it 50/50? I immediately, without asking my wife, said yes. Cuz if the house, if the houseboat's a piece of shit, I don't care what it costs, I'll sell things. Being able to walk into a bar anywhere and say, yeah, I co-own a houseboat in Amsterdam with Woody Harrelson. That's the story I can have forever. Think of all the great things that are gonna happen from it. And I'm really excited.

• 47:36Conan O'Brien?

  I go home, I tell lies, I think we're gonna do it and Woody's gonna send me the information. Maybe two weeks later, I watch him doing an interview in here with Ted Danson and you guys are talking to Flea. And I'm just out there watching, I'm like, oh, it's a good interview. Ted really is good at this. And I'm watching it and Flea's talking. And then you say on the podcast, hey Flea, my wife and I are thinking of getting a houseboat. Do you wanna go in 50/50? No mention of me. And then I confront you about it and you're like, hey, man, it's all good. So what the hell? I still wanna do that. No, you don't.

• 48:15Speaker 04

  Fifty, fifty-four ways.

• 48:18Conan O'Brien?

  He's like selling that stock again and again and again. Yeah. So I thought maybe he had gotten to you.

• 48:24Speaker 04

  He didn't come to me with that.

• 48:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. How many checks do you have for houseboats? And there's still no houseboat. Oh, yeah. It's sustaining me in the lean, the lean years.

• 48:37Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, man, that was a great day in my life when I saw that I was being played in my own podcast building by the master. No, we're doing that, dude. Well, yeah.

• 48:49Speaker 04

  It's still happening.

• 48:51Conan O'Brien?

  Very excited about it, very excited about it. You guys bring up something on the show, your characters who are yourselves, you bring up this possibility. And there's been a lot written about this, that you might possibly be brothers. That's something you could easily find out. Yeah, we are. We are brothers.

• 49:10Speaker 04

  He's fully convinced.

• 49:11Conan O'Brien?

  He doesn't wanna do the DNA. I'll swab right now, I'll pee in a cup now. You, you peed on the way in, yeah. You're constantly, you're constantly leaving DNA wherever you go. All we need you to do is floss with a bed sheet. And then we have everything we need. We got feces, urine, semen, we got all of it in one shot.

• 49:36Conan O'Brien?

  So. Blood. So you don't wanna do.

• 49:40Conan O'Brien?

  Oh. Oh, no, dude, that was wrong. No, no, no, it was very right. Matthew, you don't wanna do the, you don't wanna find out.

• 49:48Speaker 04

  I, look.

• 49:50Conan O'Brien?

  Which I kinda respect.

• 49:51Speaker 04

  True, I think, I think my mom's bullshitting just to get, you know, she, if anything's going too smoothly, my mom loves to throw a wrench in things.

• 49:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 49:58Speaker 04

  And, uh, and look, I'll probably do a DNA test, but here's, here's a problem with the DNA test. It's, if it turns out to be true, oh, man, I gotta unpack a whole 56 years of what? Thinking my dad. And if it's not true, he's not gonna be near as fun to hang out with.

• 50:16Conan O'Brien?

  Exactly. That's crazy. No, it, for a little while, I'll get over it. But look, it's gonna be true. But either way, just look at it not as like, you know, I gotta repack everything having to do with my dad. Think of it like, there was a nice man in my house for all those years. He was a very sweet person. And now I got a nude dad.

• 50:38Speaker 04

  And gained a couple of brothers.

• 50:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and then you got more brothers.

• 50:42Speaker 04

  He likes to sell out to the positive.

• 50:44Conan O'Brien?

  It's a net gain. It's a net gain. Yeah. That's a nice way to look at it, man.

• 50:49Speaker 04

  Easy for him to say.

• 50:50Conan O'Brien?

  I kinda like the not knowing. I think it, there's a nice mystery to it. But she said, I, I will tell you, that Momac said she'd had a few Kendall Jacksons, a few, just the right amount of toques. And she's just like, I knew your father. And I'm like, that was quite, quite an ellipsis.

• 51:09Speaker 04

  The, the way she said K-N-E-W and the ellipsis afterwards, even my five-year-old son read into the innuendo that that meant she must have shagged.

• 51:21Conan O'Brien?

  And, uh, and then come to find out, you know, he had told me before Momac even mentioned this. I just knew this as a part of the lore of his family. When Momac went to give birth to him, she said, come on, Jim, it's time, you know, my water broke, whatever. And, uh, he says, oh, I'm not going, that's not my son. Cuz he done the math.

• 51:44Speaker 04

  They'd been trying for five years and nothing stuck.

• 51:46Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, no, because he did the math, the math wasn't math. And he was, he was, he was, that was during their second divorce.

• 51:54Speaker 04

  That's true.

• 51:55Conan O'Brien?

  That he, that he actually. This is incredible. That, that my, that Charlie met Kay. It was during the second divorce.

• 52:08Conan O'Brien?

  Is there a Hallmark card for, I don't think it's mine?

• 52:13Conan O'Brien?

  They're my, I'm just curious, we'll look into that later. It's a Michael Jackson song. That's true. My favorite Pito.

• 52:21Conan O'Brien?

  I don't think that's the title of the song. Think he had moved on to a different observation about Michael Jackson. So I just saw one of these shows. How many have you made so far?

• 52:37Speaker 04

  Eight.

• 52:38Conan O'Brien?

  There's eight.

• 52:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:40Conan O'Brien?

  Okay.

• 52:41Speaker 03

  We showed, we had a premiere last night, showed two of them and I was pleasant. You know, I was thinking industry audience, how's this gonna turn out? They really liked it.

• 52:51Speaker 04

  Very loose, yeah. It was fun.

• 52:52Conan O'Brien?

  I have a mental image I need to share with Matthew, which is, this is a long time ago. Probably the late 1990s. I'm in New York. I'm doing the late night show. I'm walking through Central Park and I hear, hey, man. And it's you jogging shirtless.

• 53:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:07Conan O'Brien?

  And we had a really nice talk, the Upper West Side.

• 53:10Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 53:11Conan O'Brien?

  And best looking guy I've ever seen at, you know, this massive jog, covered in sweat. We had a really nice talk about life and everything and then you went your separate way. We went our separate ways and I was schlumping back to my apartment and I was like, I'm in love with that man.

• 53:29Conan O'Brien?

  I'm straight.

• 53:30Speaker 04

  I remember that.

• 53:31Conan O'Brien?

  But I am in love with that man.

• 53:32Speaker 04

  I probably gave you a sweaty hug too.

• 53:34Conan O'Brien?

  You did. Oh, you did. And I had, man, I had, I came home and my wife was suddenly attracted to me. I was covered in McConaughey sweat. Liza was like, what is this cologne? Let's have babies. But it was like a great moment in my life that's always stuck in my head. And when people say, oh, you know, sexuality, it's a spectrum. I'm like, it certainly is. If you had said right then, come away with me, I'd have gone. I'd have gone with that man.

• 54:02Speaker 04

  Hey Conan, you wanna get a little houseboat in Amsterdam?

• 54:09Conan O'Brien?

  I've been dying, been dying for someone else to ask me that. Bullshit. Absolute bullshit. Well, guys, I, I mean, it must be really fun to make this show because you two are authentic human beings who really love each other and you can, the chemistry that you have just here in this studio is right there in the show. It's just a lovely thing to behold. And it's just, uh, it's, it's, it's life affirming to see these guys hang out. It really is.

• 54:43Speaker 04

  Yay, that's great to hear.

• 54:45Conan O'Brien?

  You know, it really is. It's, it's a nice thing to see because it's real. And so if you wanna write in, second season, an uptight Bostonian coming in, you know.

• 54:57Speaker 03

  Can you do, uh, any, do you speak any Farsi? Can you do an accent?

• 55:02Conan O'Brien?

  I can do, I do accents. What I've learned about acting is that you just say yes to everything.

• 55:07Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 55:08Conan O'Brien?

  You know?

• 55:08Speaker 03

  So in other words, you maybe...

• 55:10Conan O'Brien?

  I don't speak anything. No. I mean, I know I speak Spanish, but I, uh, but no.

• 55:15Speaker 03

  You speak Spanish?

• 55:16Conan O'Brien?

  I will do what's necessary. I will do whatever's necessary. So I'm just putting my name out there.

• 55:21Speaker 03

  Can you learn Farsi?

• 55:22Conan O'Brien?

  I will learn anything. Yeah.

• 55:23Speaker 01

  Give him 12 minutes.

• 55:30Conan O'Brien?

  You killed it, Sona.

• 55:33Conan O'Brien?

  Woody and Matthew, thank you so much for being here. Congrats on the new show. And this was an absolute fucking delight. Thank you.

• 55:40Speaker 04

  No, our pleasure.

• 55:40Conan O'Brien?

  Thanks, brother.

• 55:48Conan O'Brien?

  Did you know that one in four Americans targeted by scams end up falling for them? You fell for one.

• 55:53Speaker 01

  I fell for a scam?

• 55:54Conan O'Brien?

  Now, you didn't lose too much money, but you did lose.

• 55:57Speaker 01

  I did lose and it was very inconvenient and now they put protections on my account like I'm, uh, dumb.

• 56:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I don't know where they got that impression.

• 56:07Conan O'Brien?

  Criminals are now using AI to make scams look more realistic than ever. In 2025, AI fraud spiked 1,210% and cost Americans $893 million. That's incredible. Well, with AI, it can get so smart now.

• 56:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:23Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 56:24Speaker 01

  Maybe I should start scamming.

• 56:25Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's not the point.

• 56:27Speaker 01

  Oh, no, that's not the point of this.

• 56:28Conan O'Brien?

  That's not the point. One accidental click, Sona, can expose your information, putting you at risk of identity theft. Luckily, this is the point. Not that you should start scamming, but that everyone should get LifeLock.

• 56:38Speaker 01

  Right, right, right, right.

• 56:39Conan O'Brien?

  LifeLock has live US-based restoration specialists who will be with you every step of the way to fix your identity theft from first alert to full restoration. This is fantastic. How do you not have this?

• 56:51Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 56:51Conan O'Brien?

  If you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. Join now and save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 57:11Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, I wanna try something different.

• 57:12Speaker 01

  What?

• 57:13Conan O'Brien?

  I like to change it up. I like to learn things. So I'm gonna try and make apple cider.

• 57:16Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 57:17Conan O'Brien?

  Every morning.

• 57:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 57:18Conan O'Brien?

  This fall, just to see if I can do it.

• 57:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:20Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, fall's the perfect season to try something new, like joining T-Mobile.

• 57:24Speaker 01

  Oh, that's good.

• 57:25Conan O'Brien?

  See what I did?

• 57:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. There are 250 reasons to join T-Mobile right now. You wanna hear what they are?

• 57:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:30Conan O'Brien?

  They're America's best network.

• 57:32Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 57:32Conan O'Brien?

  True story. Plus, T-Mobile has got off-grid satellite coverage. That comes in really handy. I like to just wander in the woods sometimes.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  Oh, that's weird.

• 57:40Conan O'Brien?

  When I'm thinking about like making apple cider and that's when it comes in handy. Here's another reason. High-speed data in over 215 countries and destinations. I travel a lot for the

• 57:49Speaker 01

  You travel a lot.

• 57:50Conan O'Brien?

  Travel show that I do.

• 57:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:51Conan O'Brien?

  Stream this podcast while ignoring local landmarks. That's always fun to do. Like, oh, look, there's the Mona Lisa. Yeah, check it out. I'm in the Louvre. I should, but I'm listening to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  That doesn't seem like a good idea.

• 58:03Conan O'Brien?

  It's a great idea.

• 58:04Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 58:04Conan O'Brien?

  You know, you can see art anytime, but how often can you listen to this podcast?

• 58:09Speaker 01

  My god.

• 58:10Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Now, all these reasons make T-Mobile a great choice.

• 58:14Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 58:14Conan O'Brien?

  T-Mobile is stacking up reasons to join. Go to tmobile.com and find yours best, based on analysis by Ookla of speed test intelligence data, first half of 2026. Can't believe I read that. T-Satellite with capable devices in most outdoor areas in the US where you can see the sky. High-speed international data with qualifying plan. Visit tmobile.com, consult a physician. I just threw that in there.

• 58:39Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 58:42Conan O'Brien?

  Technology can generate salary recommendations in seconds, but building an offer that lands skilled talent, that takes more than just an estimate you came up with.

• 58:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:51Conan O'Brien?

  You know?

• 58:51Speaker 01

  You're right.

• 58:51Conan O'Brien?

  That's where Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide can help.

• 58:55Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 58:56Conan O'Brien?

  Did we use a salary guide with you, Sona?

• 58:58Speaker 01

  Uh, no, but maybe...

• 58:59Conan O'Brien?

  For several years, I just gave you groceries. Remember?

• 59:01Speaker 01

  I know. Yeah, I remember that. That was not good.

• 59:04Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, well, anyway, now you got Robert Half's new 2027 Salary Guide. As a staffing firm placing talent every day, Robert Half combines compensation data with the experience of local recruiters. You can hire with the confidence that comes from experience. The new Robert Half Salary Guide is here. Visit roberthalf.com/salaryguide.

• 59:28Conan O'Brien?

  I have something very important to talk about today.

• 59:30Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 59:31Conan O'Brien?

  On a previous podcast, quite a while ago, I mentioned that a fan put up a plaque on the street that I used to live on in Los Angeles, uh, way back in the 1980s. I lived in an apartment on Cochrane Avenue, down sort of by the tar pits. That's a pretty funny way to describe it.

• 59:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:55Conan O'Brien?

  Where do you live? I'm by the tar pits. I got the apartment from an actress named Cynthia Stevenson. The rent was $380 a month.

• 1:00:04Speaker 01

  Oh, dear.

• 1:00:04Conan O'Brien?

  Um, and this would have been, I think, 1986 to 1988. That was my sort of, part of my origin story was my life on Cochrane Avenue when I was driving a 1973 Plymouth Valiant that I had bought from some surfers. Anyway, that's another story.

• 1:00:20Speaker 01

  Bachelor pad.

• 1:00:21Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, such a

• 1:00:22Speaker 04

  Partial view of the pits.

• 1:00:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. That was my pickup line. Do you wanna get in a poorly functioning 73 Valiant and drive to my apartment near the tar pits?

• 1:00:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yup. Uh, but anyway, um, a fan, a gentleman by the name of Tim Hamill. I wanna give him a shout out.

• 1:00:43Speaker 03

  Tim.

• 1:00:45Conan O'Brien?

  I don't see how that elevated Tim's game at all.

• 1:00:47Speaker 04

  That sounded like you were dying and needed him to shoot you.

• 1:00:50Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:50Speaker 04

  Tim, stop.

• 1:00:52Speaker 03

  The page.

• 1:00:54Conan O'Brien?

  Tim Hamill put up a plaque.

• 1:00:56Speaker 03

  When you say plaque, though, let's be clear.

• 1:00:58Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 1:00:58Speaker 03

  It's a picture of a plaque on foam core. Yeah.

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:00Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, hey, don't harsh my, don't yuck my yum.

• 1:01:02Speaker 03

  I'm just, I'm just saying, that's like.

• 1:01:04Conan O'Brien?

  He put up, it's, uh, he put up a, uh, I'm just gonna call it a plaque. It was made of foam core, but you know, I think what he did was, um, ecologically sound.

• 1:01:15Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:01:15Conan O'Brien?

  It's very funny, kind of tongue in cheek. I guess it was a nice thing to do. That was a couple of years ago. This piece just came out in a news outlet called LA Material, and it's written by a journalist named Pablo Goldstein, wrote a shocker of a piece.

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:01:32Speaker 03

  There's a scandal about.

• 1:01:33Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 1:01:34Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:35Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I mean, not since, I don't know, like Dewey defeats Truman. Uh, this was a massive headline, I'll explain later, Sona.

• 1:01:43Speaker 01

  I know it.

• 1:01:44Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, okay, I'm sure.

• 1:01:45Speaker 01

  I know it.

• 1:01:45Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:46Speaker 01

  I know some things, sometimes.

• 1:01:48Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. Anyway, um, the plaque is missing.

• 1:01:51Speaker 03

  The plaque is gone?

• 1:01:52Conan O'Brien?

  The plaque is gone.

• 1:01:54Speaker 03

  Where or who took it?

• 1:01:55Conan O'Brien?

  The plaque has been stolen. Now, keep in mind, it was made of foam core, so it could have been the wind that took it.

• 1:02:04Conan O'Brien?

  The plaque is gone.

• 1:02:06Speaker 03

  But we also shouldn't discount the fact that the wind might have done it on purpose.

• 1:02:09Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:02:11Conan O'Brien?

  You know, the wind, no fan of mine.

• 1:02:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:13Conan O'Brien?

  We both blow hot air. But anyway, this, this piece, uh, describes in harrowing detail how this fixture of the community is gone, and, and the article says, Conan O'Brien has been kidnapped and nobody knows who did it or why.

• 1:02:29Speaker 03

  What a, what a opener, what a.

• 1:02:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:31Speaker 03

  What a cold open.

• 1:02:32Conan O'Brien?

  A gorilla Conan O'Brien monument, which was affixed to a Miracle Mile stop sign with zip ties.

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 1:02:39Conan O'Brien?

  That's vanished. This writer is, uh, very funny.

• 1:02:42Speaker 03

  Can we take a second to mention that Pablo Goldstein's wonderful writer fellow, his mother is an iconic actress.

• 1:02:50Conan O'Brien?

  Whoa.

• 1:02:51Speaker 03

  Jeanette Goldstein. She played Vasquez in Aliens.

• 1:02:54Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 1:02:54Speaker 03

  She played the Irish mother in Titanic that's putting her two little kids to sleep in the room. She's John Connor's mother in Terminator 2.

• 1:03:02Conan O'Brien?

  Wow.

• 1:03:02Speaker 03

  She's amazing.

• 1:03:03Conan O'Brien?

  That's so cool.

• 1:03:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:05Conan O'Brien?

  I, I did have a problem with that scene where she's tucking her kids into a bed. Why not say, oh, and by the way, in five minutes, ice cold water will shoot in here like a fire hose and drown you. I didn't realize what she was accomplishing there. But anyway, that's not, uh, Pablo, your mom, terrific, terrific actress.

• 1:03:23Speaker 03

  Truly.

• 1:03:24Conan O'Brien?

  And Pablo, I want to thank you for this article, because it is really funny. And I, and, and also, I'm glad that you blew the whistle on this crisis, because a Conan O'Brien plaque, and there aren't a lot of them, not nearly as many as I think there should be, has gone missing.

• 1:03:38Speaker 01

  A crisis.

• 1:03:39Conan O'Brien?

  It is a crisis.

• 1:03:41Speaker 01

  How is this a crisis?

• 1:03:42Conan O'Brien?

  Because when you allow something like this to happen, it's a gateway to much worse crimes, okay?

• 1:03:49Speaker 03

  How could anything be worse than this?

• 1:03:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:53Conan O'Brien?

  If you let this crime occur, and everyone just shrugs their shoulders and says, oh, well, what's the big deal? Soon other foam core plaques are stolen.

• 1:04:05Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean? And the next thing you know, and that could lead to eventually plaques that are maybe made of a more sturdy and valuable material go missing. So you have to nip this in the bud now.

• 1:04:16Speaker 01

  It's a slippery slope. You're, I get what you're saying.

• 1:04:19Conan O'Brien?

  Slippery slope is exactly what it is.

• 1:04:21Speaker 01

  Well, I mean, what, do they have ideas about who took it?

• 1:04:24Conan O'Brien?

  Do we have any ideas? Uh, what does the article say?

• 1:04:27Speaker 03

  Isn't it illegal to put up a sign?

• 1:04:29Conan O'Brien?

  Who the fuck invited you into this conversation?

• 1:04:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, Eduardo.

• 1:04:31Conan O'Brien?

  Eduardo.

• 1:04:32Speaker 01

  You're selling a narc, bro.

• 1:04:34Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 1:04:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:35Conan O'Brien?

  Man, you got the wrong idea here.

• 1:04:37Speaker 01

  You know, Eduardo told the authorities and they took it.

• 1:04:40Conan O'Brien?

  I'm calling a narc. I have to say.

• 1:04:42Speaker 03

  I'm a narc.

• 1:04:42Conan O'Brien?

  This has been, this has been Eduardo's bugbear for a long time. Eduardo's always like, I'm not sure if that sign's legal. You, you're the guy that walks around neighborhoods and when someone puts up free guitar lessons, pull a tab, you rip them down.

• 1:04:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:04:57Conan O'Brien?

  That's not an approved sign.

• 1:04:59Speaker 03

  Lost dog posters.

• 1:05:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 1:05:02Conan O'Brien?

  That kitten should find its own way home.

• 1:05:03Speaker 03

  There is a WhatsApp group, I believe, that the article talks about how people are talking about it, their concerns.

• 1:05:09Conan O'Brien?

  We gotta, see, what I want to do is shine a light on this. These people are doing the Lord's work.

• 1:05:14Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:05:14Conan O'Brien?

  Maybe a dark lord, I didn't say which lord.

• 1:05:19Conan O'Brien?

  But no, talk, let's get the word out. Who are these people?

• 1:05:21Speaker 03

  Well, they're just residents of this area, I think on either WhatsApp or the Nextdoor app. They're talking about how this, this like tragedy has befallen their neighborhood and that, what are they gonna do about it? Also, is the guilty among them? I think they might even be turning on each other, who knows? There's definitely an investigative podcast to be done about this.

• 1:05:40Conan O'Brien?

  I think there is an investigative podcast to be done about this, and I think we're the ones to do it.

• 1:05:44Speaker 03

  I think so, too.

• 1:05:45Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:05:45Conan O'Brien?

  Can you cue up a little bit of like, uh?

• 1:05:48Speaker 03

  Yes, why don't we start with some music? And then I'll read the quote that I myself was quoted as saying.

• 1:05:53Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, you're a quote, that's right.

• 1:05:54Speaker 01

  You got interviewed for this.

• 1:05:55Conan O'Brien?

  He got quoted in the article.

• 1:05:56Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:05:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:57Speaker 01

  So you talked to Pablo?

• 1:05:59Speaker 03

  Uh, he emailed me and I just, he asked for comment.

• 1:06:01Conan O'Brien?

  Can you just make it more exciting?

• 1:06:03Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:06:04Conan O'Brien?

  That he contacted you.

• 1:06:05Speaker 03

  I ran into him at Trader Joe's.

• 1:06:06Conan O'Brien?

  No.

• 1:06:07Speaker 03

  And, uh.

• 1:06:07Conan O'Brien?

  You met him in a basement near the Watergate Hotel.

• 1:06:10Speaker 03

  Okay, now we're talking, yeah.

• 1:06:12Speaker 01

  That was your way of making it more exciting, Trader Joe's?

• 1:06:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. Can't you bump it up a little bit? Make it an Arowan, for Christ's sake.

• 1:06:19Speaker 03

  Here's what happened.

• 1:06:24Speaker 03

  I moved the potted plant on my Washington DC balcony.

• 1:06:27Conan O'Brien?

  There you go, now I'm happy.

• 1:06:28Speaker 03

  I slipped on a Macintosh trench coat and a short brimmed fedora.

• 1:06:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:34Speaker 03

  I walked to a cab, took a cab to another cab, got into a cab to another cab.

• 1:06:39Speaker 01

  Too many cabs, that's too many cabs.

• 1:06:41Speaker 03

  Visited my lady friend. Then I went to a vacant car garage and met with Pablo Goldstein, codename Shallow Throat.

• 1:06:52Speaker 03

  And he asked me for a quote, and I said simply, Conan himself has wisely stated many times on the podcast that all statues and monuments should be made of soap, meaning they should never be permanent, and no man or woman should be vaunted to such heights as to have their visage cast in bronze for all eternity. That being said, I think Conan would still like his to be done.

• 1:07:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, that's true. I, no, first of all, people talk about how, oh, what are they gonna do? And how can we solve this crime? One thing they could do is, um, Tim Hamill could just press print a second time.

• 1:07:28Speaker 03

  No, it's a victimless crime.

• 1:07:30Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, for Christ's sake, Tim.

• 1:07:33Speaker 03

  For the cost of some toner cartridge.

• 1:07:35Conan O'Brien?

  I'll pay, I'll pay for the foam core. And I'll get you, I don't know how, I'll get you two new zip ties, and you can press print.

• 1:07:47Conan O'Brien?

  So that's one thing we could do.

• 1:07:49Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:07:50Conan O'Brien?

  Second, I will, I will agree right now on the air to have this made in bronze.

• 1:07:58Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:07:59Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 1:07:59Speaker 01

  But you, but you know what? Gourley's right, you did say that you think that monuments.

• 1:08:04Conan O'Brien?

  That's, please.

• 1:08:05Speaker 01

  Okay, they should be made in soap, you said, that they should just eventually just.

• 1:08:09Speaker 03

  So you don't want to make it in soap, you want to make it in bronze.

• 1:08:10Speaker 01

  You want a bronze, you want to do the opposite of what you have said a couple times.

• 1:08:14Speaker 03

  Why don't you just make a statue of you on a horse?

• 1:08:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:18Conan O'Brien?

  Equestrian statue?

• 1:08:19Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:08:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yes, I would love that, okay. Um, listen, I know I've said that before, and I passionately believe that, but I'm doing this for the people of Cochrane.

• 1:08:28Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 1:08:28Conan O'Brien?

  I am doing this for, I mean, this is a community that passionately wanted to recognize me, at least one of them did.

• 1:08:36Speaker 01

  Community?

• 1:08:37Conan O'Brien?

  And he wanted it badly enough to print something on foam core and put it up with zip ties. And now I want to help this community heal. And the way to do that, I will get this made in bronze. I don't know what I'm saying right now, how expensive is that, do you think?

• 1:08:52Speaker 03

  I think that's plenty expensive, but also.

• 1:08:54Conan O'Brien?

  Is it?

• 1:08:54Speaker 03

  You have to have a permit to put something that permanent up, you're gonna have to deal with the city.

• 1:08:58Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, you're worried about, have you seen Chinatown?

• 1:09:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:01Conan O'Brien?

  I know what I'm doing, okay? Some people are gonna show up dead.

• 1:09:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know, right?

• 1:09:05Speaker 03

  Cut to a missing nostril.

• 1:09:07Speaker 01

  Paperwork, you gotta fill out a lot of paperwork. Uh, let's just do it.

• 1:09:11Conan O'Brien?

  No, no.

• 1:09:11Speaker 01

  What are we gonna do?

• 1:09:12Speaker 03

  I'm all for it.

• 1:09:12Conan O'Brien?

  I said bronze without looking into the cost. I want to make sure that this is reasonable. What is it? I don't think it's gonna be that much for me to agree to have this made.

• 1:09:20Speaker 01

  Is there another material that's like kind of bronze-esque that you can use instead?

• 1:09:26Speaker 03

  How about we just put bronzer on it?

• 1:09:32Conan O'Brien?

  I love that idea. We'll do this foam core that I, I put bronzer on.

• 1:09:37Speaker 03

  Medium sculptures, two to four feet, $2,000 to $10,000.

• 1:09:41Conan O'Brien?

  Wait a minute, no, no, no, no, no, no, two to four feet, this is just a plaque.

• 1:09:43Speaker 03

  12 to 18 inches, $500 to $4,000.

• 1:09:46Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, Jesus, that's a lot of money.

• 1:09:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:09:48Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, maybe not bronze, but I will find a material that's better than foam core.

• 1:09:52Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:09:53Conan O'Brien?

  How's that? I wanna, I wanna go, and I will, I will pay for it. Now, I understand that there are those who might think Conan paying to have his own plaque made, that's so sad. I don't see it that way.

• 1:10:07Speaker 03

  I think the response.

• 1:10:08Conan O'Brien?

  I see it as brave.

• 1:10:09Speaker 03

  Conan paying to have his own sculpture in bronze? That makes a lot of sense.

• 1:10:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. This is exactly who that guy is.

• 1:10:16Speaker 01

  How is this brave?

• 1:10:18Conan O'Brien?

  I think I am, there are probably other people out there that would love a brass plaque with their face on it, and I'm letting them know that it's okay.

• 1:10:27Speaker 03

  Oh, you're breaking the glass ceiling?

• 1:10:29Conan O'Brien?

  The bronze ceiling.

• 1:10:30Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:10:31Conan O'Brien?

  Previously, the foam core ceiling. Anyway, quick thanks to Tim Hamill, uh, who, uh, who had this idea in the first place. It's very sweet and funny. Pablo Goldstein for writing a really funny article. And yeah, let's try and solve the mystery, but if we can't, we've got to get that plaque back up. And I'm gonna be driving by Cochrane. I do cruise by every now and then and, and look at my old doorway and reminisce about old times. So, um, I'll be, uh, I'll be prowling the neighborhood, and that's not a promise, that's a threat.

• 1:11:08Conan O'Brien?

  The WhatsApp group just lit up.

• 1:11:13Conan O'Brien?

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend with Conan O'Brien, Sona Movsesian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 1:11:33Conan O'Brien?

  Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of Sirius XM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 1:12:22Speaker 07

  Instagram teen accounts have automatic protections for what teens see and who can contact them, plus time management tools.

• 1:12:31Speaker 07

  And Instagram will continue adding built-in safety features to help create age-appropriate experiences.

• 1:12:39Speaker 07

  Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts.

• 1:12:53Speaker 06

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