James L. Brooks

Director and screenwriter James L. Brooks feels quizzical about being Conan O’Brien’s friend. James sits down with Conan to discuss his journey from CBS usher to writing for the best of 70s and 80s television, creating The Mary Tyler Moore Show at exactly the right time, and returning to directing for the screen with his latest film Ella McCay. Plus, Aaron Bleyaert makes a return to expose a hygiene scandal in the studio. For Conan videos, tour dates and more visit TeamCoco.com. Got a question for Conan? Call our voicemail: (669) 587-2847.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Conan O'Brien?

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• 0:16Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 0:17Conan O'Brien?

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• 0:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:19Conan O'Brien?

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• 0:23Speaker 01

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• 0:24Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, you take those quick trips, "Oh, your kids are gonna need back to school stuff." You got your Apple Card, you're ready to go.

• 0:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:29Conan O'Brien?

  Apply for Apple Card now and use in minutes with Apple Pay. Subject to credit approval. Apple Card is issued by Goldman Sachs Bank USA, Salt Lake City Branch. Terms and more at applecard.com.

• 0:44Conan O'Brien?

  Have you ever had a cat, Sona?

• 0:45Speaker 01

  Never.

• 0:46Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, I have had multiple cats.

• 0:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:48Conan O'Brien?

  I had a cat growing up, it was my cat. My wife and I now have three cats.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  That's a lot.

• 0:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, we have three cats and two dogs. And I have to say, the dogs are so appreciative. Cats hard to win over.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00Conan O'Brien?

  Cats are cats, they're tricky.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:02Conan O'Brien?

  Sometimes I feel like I'm working for them, you know? Well, Temptations Classic Cat Treats is the solution, okay? Temptations Classic Cat Treats are the crunchy outside, soft inside treat any cat obsesses over. Each treat is under 2 calories per treat. It's 100% nutricially complete and balanced for adult cats.

• 1:21Speaker 01

  Oh, good.

• 1:21Conan O'Brien?

  That's important. And to appeal to cats with finer palates, Temptations Lickable Puree has a perfectly creamy texture they can't get enough of.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 1:32Conan O'Brien?

  Some say the Roman Empire collapsed because the Romans became too obsessed with their own pleasure. Is this a sign of things to come? I don't think so. Look for a way to make bonding with your feline friend even better. Try America's number one cat treat brand, Temptations Cat Treats. Cats can't resist.

• 1:55Conan O'Brien?

  Hi, my name is James L. Brooks.

• 2:00Conan O'Brien?

  And I feel quizzical about being Conan. Oh my, I'm a friend.

• 2:06Conan O'Brien?

  You and your nine-dollar words.

• 2:30Conan O'Brien?

  Hey there, and welcome to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. I came in a little hot. Yeah, right out of the gate. I know. It was like an auctioneer. Conan O'Brien needs a friend!

• 2:39Speaker 01

  Oh, I've been watching a lot of auction videos online.

• 2:42Conan O'Brien?

  Is that a thing?

• 2:43Speaker 01

  There's, Sotheby's has an account, and you can watch them. And they're all these really, like, professional people, and a lot of them are on the phone, and they just raise a finger, and he's like, "Okay, and we have 3 million there, do I have 3, 3, 1, 3, 1?" And then, they just, and I want to be one of those people who is on the phone raising my hand.

• 3:02Conan O'Brien?

  I'm, here's my terror. As you know, I have a lot of tics and bodily movements. And... I thought you meant like the insect. Yeah, as you know, I'm covered in tics.

• 3:20Conan O'Brien?

  What if I just took off my shirt? And it was solid tics? Oh, God, unleashes... Just a solid, like, black t-shirt of undulating tics, all going... Sucking away, and I'm like, "Yeah, I've got some tics."

• 3:36Conan O'Brien?

  No, I, uh, I've always, I've thought about that. I've never gone to a real auction, and the idea that I'd be in an auction where...

• 5:54Conan O'Brien?

  Orgasming while watching a carpentry hat.

• 5:58Speaker 02

  One view.

• 5:59Conan O'Brien?

  And the tics are all watching too.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  One view and it's me.

• 6:03Conan O'Brien?

  One view. Yeah, that was, uh, wow, I don't know how that all came together, but it did. What do you watch? What's your guilty pleasure?

• 6:11Speaker 02

  My gosh, I, I'll watch a lot of like, uh, 10 things you didn't know about Godfather 3.

• 6:17Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  Or like restoration of old toys that where they sandblasted and, um, like repaint it and things like that. It's kind of like an ASMR.

• 6:26Conan O'Brien?

  I'd like to come back as someone who knows how to make things.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:31Conan O'Brien?

  You know, it's so endlessly fascinating and, uh, I, I, I don't know what it is, but it's so satisfying to see people.

• 6:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:41Conan O'Brien?

  You know, especially when they, if they do something like liquefy aluminum and pour it into a mold and then make something where they polish it. I will cancel everything. No, no, no. They found your replacement liver. It's, they can insert, they can, they can surgically put it in right now before it dies. I need to finish watching this.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  Oh, you know, and the thing I watch?

• 7:02Conan O'Brien?

  I'll take my chances on another emergency liver.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  That you might like?

• 7:05Conan O'Brien?

  What?

• 7:05Speaker 02

  Marble Olympics?

• 7:06Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know what that is.

• 7:07Speaker 02

  It's like someone makes these huge racetracks and they race marbles against marbles.

• 7:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 7:14Speaker 02

  And they're, they all have like names and there's all kinds of different races and marbles in the bleachers watching. It's amazing.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  This is sports for nerds.

• 7:23Conan O'Brien?

  I know, but isn't it possible? Isn't it possible that we've reached?

• 7:28Speaker 02

  Oh, it's okay.

• 7:28Conan O'Brien?

  This is the extinction level we've reached is that, you know, we gamed over time, we figured out how to gain humans. If you do this and you do that, a human will want to buy that product. So it's all been figured out by algorithms and, and, you know.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  I mean.

• 7:44Conan O'Brien?

  And now we're at a point where we know what, we have to figure out, they figured out what humans love to watch. And we're all watching it. And I was in an airport like three days ago. Everyone I passed was on their phone, all watching the thing that's been wired directly to their brain to please them. And we might stop feeding ourselves.

• 8:06Speaker 02

  I know.

• 8:06Conan O'Brien?

  It's really getting.

• 8:07Speaker 01

  It's really bad. Although I heard, I don't know if this is true, but a lot of kids are into dumb phones, which are basically like very basic.

• 8:14Conan O'Brien?

  I got one for the Oscars last year.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  I turned my phone, my apps off completely.

• 8:19Conan O'Brien?

  Does that work? I'm interested in that.

• 8:20Speaker 02

  I love it. I love it. It's a thing called a brick and it's a solid, like it's a, it's a physical object that you have to have with you. So you can leave it at home. And if you brick your phone, you can set what apps you can use. And so I can go out and just have nothing but maps and Spotify or something like that, you know, and I can't be.

• 8:36Conan O'Brien?

  Is this an ad for this device? Are you secretly getting money?

• 8:40Speaker 02

  I'm not getting any money.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  Is it your phone like that now?

• 8:42Speaker 02

  No, not like that now. Cause I need it if.

• 8:44Conan O'Brien?

  And you just touch it to the brick and it bricks your phone?

• 8:46Speaker 02

  Tap it on there and it, you preset what apps it will let you use. And if you leave that thing at home, you can't, I've talked to you about this, Adam. Sometimes I'll text Adam going, if you, if there's an emergency at work, text Amanda because my phone's bricked. And I don't want to be on social media or anything like that.

• 9:02Conan O'Brien?

  I, I need to do that.

• 9:04Speaker 02

  It's great. Yeah.

• 9:05Conan O'Brien?

  It's just called. But I got a real dumb phone when things were really heating up with the Oscars and it's, people think they're getting a call from a drug dealer.

• 9:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:14Conan O'Brien?

  You know, it's just hilarious.

• 9:16Speaker 02

  So they're disappointed when it's you.

• 9:18Conan O'Brien?

  But then I try to make up for it by actually selling them drugs. Drugs I have no way of knowing how to get.

• 9:24Speaker 01

  I know, I would love to see that.

• 9:26Conan O'Brien?

  I've got some really good black tar heroin that can be your, you know, and then I have to go out and find it.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  And how much, you don't know how much you're gonna charge for that much?

• 9:34Speaker 02

  Imagine, imagine him dealing drugs.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  You would be a terrible drug dealer.

• 9:38Conan O'Brien?

  Why?

• 9:39Speaker 01

  Because A, you don't do drugs.

• 9:41Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 9:41Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 9:42Conan O'Brien?

  All right. So what?

• 9:43Speaker 01

  That's like a big reason.

• 9:44Conan O'Brien?

  A lot of people don't use the product they, a lot of people don't use the product they sell.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  You don't know how much a little baggie of coke would normally cost.

• 9:51Speaker 02

  Let's role play this, okay? It's a, it's a dark alley. There's one broken street light.

• 9:55Conan O'Brien?

  Sure.

• 9:55Speaker 02

  Sona and I, we're looking for a fix.

• 9:57Conan O'Brien?

  It's 1940.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, I need it.

• 9:58Conan O'Brien?

  It's 1944 in your scenario.

• 10:00Speaker 01

  I'm looking for a fix.

• 10:02Conan O'Brien?

  Heyo. You need a fix? Yeah, I'm your drug dealer. What's going on?

• 10:04Speaker 01

  You can't say, you already can't say, what if I'm a cop?

• 10:07Conan O'Brien?

  All right. Hey, how about this?

• 10:08Speaker 02

  You have to have an alias.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  Yeah. You gotta be like a little more covert about it.

• 10:13Conan O'Brien?

  My name's Jasbo.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  My god, you're so bad.

• 10:15Conan O'Brien?

  What's wrong with Jasbo?

• 10:16Speaker 02

  Shona, relax.

• 10:17Speaker 01

  Okay, I'm sorry.

• 10:18Speaker 02

  I got this, I got this.

• 10:19Speaker 01

  I just don't want the cops to get us.

• 10:21Speaker 02

  Okay, hey Jasbo.

• 10:23Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, where'd you hear about me?

• 10:24Speaker 02

  We're looking for some stripees.

• 10:25Conan O'Brien?

  Where'd you hear about me?

• 10:26Speaker 02

  I heard about you back at, uh, in the wars.

• 10:29Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. What you, what you want?

• 10:30Speaker 02

  Some stripees.

• 10:32Conan O'Brien?

  Stripes?

• 10:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:32Conan O'Brien?

  I got stripees, I got black Bennys, Jojos, flip flops.

• 10:36Speaker 02

  Pink ladies?

• 10:37Conan O'Brien?

  Pink ladies.

• 10:38Speaker 02

  Alright.

• 10:38Conan O'Brien?

  Squantos, half prontos.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  How much?

• 10:41Conan O'Brien?

  What do you got?

• 10:42Speaker 02

  Uh, a dollar.

• 10:43Conan O'Brien?

  Done.

• 10:46Speaker 02

  See, I told you. Do you, do you have anything stronger? Do you have any, um, any blow?

• 10:52Conan O'Brien?

  You wanna blow?

• 10:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:53Conan O'Brien?

  I'll blow you.

• 10:55Speaker 02

  How much?

• 10:56Conan O'Brien?

  I'll, I'll pay you whatever you want.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  Okay, that's what I'm talking about.

• 10:59Conan O'Brien?

  I just got to blow you right now.

• 11:03Conan O'Brien?

  I've, all I've got is $2,000. I sold a bunch of stripees earlier today, here you go. Now let's get to me blowing you. I'm Jasbo.

• 11:12Speaker 02

  You know, you know. You know how they say-

• 11:15Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a top blower in this town. Jasbo's the name, blowing's my game. I'll give you whatever you want. This is just a deposit.

• 11:23Speaker 02

  You know how they say if you're a cop, you have to tell me?

• 11:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 11:26Speaker 02

  Take off your shirt, I gotta know if you're covered in ticks.

• 11:30Conan O'Brien?

  I don't remember if this is even the same record.

• 11:32Speaker 02

  I didn't either, but I think it was-

• 11:33Conan O'Brien?

  It was a long time ago.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  It's time to rap.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  Is it the same one? Okay.

• 11:36Conan O'Brien?

  Uh.

• 11:37Speaker 01

  Anyway.

• 11:37Conan O'Brien?

  I have no idea, was it?

• 11:38Speaker 02

  It is, right?

• 11:38Speaker 01

  Auction videos.

• 11:39Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 11:40Conan O'Brien?

  Is it the same one? I don't know.

• 11:42Speaker 02

  It started with auction videos and now you're-

• 11:44Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know.

• 11:45Speaker 02

  I took notes.

• 11:45Conan O'Brien?

  All I know is that I'm paying you top dollar to blow you in this scenario and my name's Jasbo.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  Uh, I got drugs for a dollar and I'm being paid to be fellated by Jasbo.

• 11:55Conan O'Brien?

  By Jasbo covered in ticks.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  I also love the first time you're like, hey, I'm your drug dealer.

• 11:59Conan O'Brien?

  I'm your drug dealer. Drug dealer here.

• 12:02Speaker 02

  Ding dong.

• 12:03Conan O'Brien?

  Jasbo's the name, drug dealing's the game. Hear ye, hear ye.

• 12:09Speaker 01

  And he cops around.

• 12:10Conan O'Brien?

  Dinga dinga dinga. Anyone watch illegal drugs? Jasbo's the name, drug dealing's the game. Um, and I'll blow you.

• 12:20Speaker 02

  Well.

• 12:22Conan O'Brien?

  I have to say, this is going to be an excellent show. All right, you knuckleheads, pipe down. My guest today is an Academy Award-winning director and screenwriter behind such films and TV shows as Terms of Endearment, The Mary Tyler Moore Show, and Broadcast News. His latest movie, Ella McCay, is in theaters now. I'm thrilled he's here today.

• 12:46Conan O'Brien?

  James L. Brooks, welcome.

• 12:52Conan O'Brien?

  You're not gonna remember this, but I'm gonna thank you up front because you did me a huge- When you were selling those flowers.

• 12:59Speaker 03

  I was selling flowers.

• 13:01Conan O'Brien?

  I was blind, you bought one, and then paid for my operation. Oh, wait, that's a Charlie Chaplin movie. No, you did a great thing for me, and you won't remember this, in addition to other many great things that you've done for me. When I was a writer on The Simpsons, and out of nowhere, they announced, this complete unknown was going to be taking over for David Letterman, his name is Conan O'Brien, no one knew how to react. This is insane. And somehow, they were just looking for any quote, and they got to you somehow. And they said, "Well, Simpsons, James L. Brooks, what do you think of this?" And you said, "The moment I met Conan O'Brien, I knew that he would one day replace David Letterman as the host of Late Night."

• 13:45Conan O'Brien?

  Now, that's a really funny joke. But thank God, the media had no sense of irony.

• 13:54Conan O'Brien?

  So- It happens with a lot of things, and I hope are jokes. I read so many articles that were like, "Of course, James L. Brooks came to his defense and said, 'From the moment I met him, he was the only one.'" And I think I survived off that quote for a couple of months. The thing I actually said was, "He can't, we have him under contract."

• 14:16Conan O'Brien?

  You know, someone did, actually. It wasn't you.

• 14:18Speaker 04

  No, there was, actually, I remember somebody coming to me, because you were under contract.

• 14:22Conan O'Brien?

  I was under contract at The Simpsons when this insane thing happened and out of the blue. I mean, I got the word that, yeah, kid, you're it, when I was at a rewrite session in the basement of the record room at Warner Brothers. A phone call came through. Someone said, "It's for you, Conan." I took the phone and it was my agent, Gavin Pollone, and he said, "You got 1230." And I said, in a deflated tone, because I knew what I was in for, I said, "I knew it." And, because I was scared. And then...

• 14:58Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 14:58Conan O'Brien?

  The drama unfolded, which was, um, I was under contract at The Simpsons for another couple of years. And I remembered someone at Fox said, "Now, hold on a second." You know, he's got to buy his way out of his contract. I was driving a Ford Taurus at the time, which I still own proudly.

• 15:18Speaker 04

  Oh, man.

• 15:19Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and they said, "You got to buy your way out." And it wasn't you, it wasn't Richard Sakai, it was some guy at Fox was like, "Hey, wait a minute." But did they come to you ever and say, "What do you think of this?"

• 15:28Speaker 04

  No, I remember hearing that somebody told me, you know, because, you know, you were, you were quickly a star of the staff. I mean, you, I mean, that was, no, but it was, it was insane how quickly that happened. And, um, and, and then somebody said, "He's wanted exactly this since he was 14."

• 15:47Conan O'Brien?

  Uh huh. But I remember, I left SNL, and I'm in New York, and I get a call from Mike Reese and Al Jean, and they say, "We hear you're available. Would you want to join us at The Simpsons?" And this is 1991, I think. They said, "Jim Brooks is coming in to hear all the pitches for the new season." And I started pitching you ideas, and you were laughing. You have that amazing iconic laugh and I was overjoyed and then I had you said yes to two of them and then Al Jean said, tell them about the monorail.

• 16:20Speaker 04

  Oh, wow. I pitched it then. Wow.

• 16:22Conan O'Brien?

  And I said, this is my first time in the room.

• 16:24Speaker 04

  That's one of the classic Simpson shows.

• 16:26Conan O'Brien?

  Well, I had just had two ideas accepted and my, there's a big part of my, I don't know, Catholic, Irish Catholic, don't push it. Just you got to. This is going to anger him because it's weird. And I pitched you monorail and you laughed really hard. And that was my, one of my great days in show business to this day was pitching to you and having you be happy and hearing that famous laugh, a laugh that unbeknownst to me, I had heard on television growing up, that famous laugh of you that you can, do you hear it yourself when you watch Mary Tyler Moore show or Taxi? Do you hear yourself?

• 17:03Speaker 04

  I do. It's, yeah, I do. There's a, there's a, there's a sort of an echo quality that's attached to it recently, but no, yeah, I do. I mean, and terrible, you know, I've had people turn around during watching a comedy movie and my laugh bothered them so much, they turned around and gave me dirty looks for laughing at a comedy.

• 17:26Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it is. Remember De Niro, that famous scene in the movie theater?

• 17:29Speaker 04

  Cape Fear.

• 17:30Conan O'Brien?

  Cape Fear, where he's being incredibly obnoxious and laughing. I mean, you have had an insane career. You've been so spectacularly successful. And I thought I'd start at the beginning, which is you've done all these iconic shows, revolutionary shows, movies, and you start out working on shows like My Three Sons or Andy Griffith's show. And I was wondering.

• 18:00Speaker 04

  My Mother, the Car.

• 18:01Conan O'Brien?

  My Mother, the Car, a famous, a famous bomb.

• 18:04Speaker 04

  If you recall, it's about a man whose mother dies and comes back as a talking car.

• 18:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:12Speaker 04

  Wasn't my idea. I wish it was.

• 18:14Conan O'Brien?

  Was Jerry Van Dyke the star? Who was, who was the star?

• 18:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:18Conan O'Brien?

  I think it was Jerry Van Dyke maybe was the star of it. And it's, it was a famous bomb. I don't know if you, they ever told you, but it's a famous bomb.

• 18:25Speaker 04

  Famous as being, I never, I never knew that.

• 18:27Conan O'Brien?

  When I was growing up.

• 18:28Speaker 04

  I think of it as a sort of moderate.

• 18:32Conan O'Brien?

  No, no, I'm here to tell you.

• 18:34Speaker 04

  It was a famous bomb. It was a famous.

• 18:37Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there you go. Iconic bomb. Everything you do is iconic. But this was, um, and I was, I was looking at these early shows and thinking, okay, you go on to do, of course, Merritt Jeller Moore and Taxi and Rhoda. All these, you are, I think, the best of, the very best of 1970s and 80s television. Uh, Simpsons. And then you do Terms of Endearment, which to this day is a movie my wife and I watch hundreds of times and beg anyone to watch with us again because it's so amazing and broadcast news and it's just, it's ridic, your, your resume is madness and feels like a fraud. Like you've made this up. This is an invention of AI.

• 19:21Conan O'Brien?

  What were you learning on the Andy Griffith Show? What were you learning on those early shows? What did they teach you?

• 19:27Speaker 04

  That I might survive is, is, is the big lesson. I think I got out of it because I came out of here to, I came out to California from a job I really liked as a news writer in New York, um, for one of the networks. Things had been, you know, I had been messing up pretty continually. And then think, I got this job without being a college graduate that you're supposed to be a college graduate, which is, was an usher at CBS. You're supposed to be a college graduate for that job because it was, um, it was a

• 19:56Conan O'Brien?

  Like an internship.

• 19:57Speaker 04

  A step on the ladder. Yeah. Yeah. And because my sister knew the person who assisted the person who hired the ushers, I got the job. And, um, and it's so nuts when, I mean, when you look back, cause nothing would have happened unless that happened.

• 20:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 20:13Speaker 04

  The way, with the way it worked out because then it's, I mean, it's always nuts to think how luck plays a part. And then the usher staff filled in for sort of minor jobs when the, when the person who had the better job, the minor job though, in the scheme of things, went on vacation. And I filled in for somebody who was a copy boy desk assistant at CBS News and, um, and he didn't come back from vacation. And, and it was just, that was the break.

• 20:43Conan O'Brien?

  Was he lost at sea?

• 20:46Conan O'Brien?

  It sounds so ominous. Well, he died. What did you do to him?

• 20:54Conan O'Brien?

  It's clear what you did. That's where your deal with the devil starts. This unprecedented career.

• 21:01Conan O'Brien?

  So you start that kind of writing and then at some point you have to say, all right, television writing is a possibility.

• 21:07Speaker 04

  I never saw it. I never saw it as a possibility. I never saw it as a possibility. Somebody I worked with when I had a job at a radio station, ended up in a independent documentary house here, and he offered me a job and I took it, which was leaving the first secure thing I had in my life, which was a job at CBS in the news division. And then I came out and I was laid off six months after I got here. It's not like I always wanted to write. I always wrote with no notion that I could do it as a profession. Honestly, never occurred to me. I mean, it was, my ambition was primarily to survive. I mean,

• 21:47Speaker 04

  that was it. And we were a grubby lot as documentary makers and I went to a party on New Year's Eve and we were there being grubby and a tall handsome man walks in in a tuxedo and it's Alan Byrne. And he was, he had five shows that he had created, comedy shows on the air at that time. And he said, asked me, he said, what do you do? And I said, well, I want to write. And he got me a job. That's what he knew. He didn't read anything or anything else. He was just, he was just that sweet a guy.

• 22:21Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 22:22Speaker 04

  And so we, yeah. So he got me an assignment and then, you know, things started to work.

• 22:27Conan O'Brien?

  You know, it's interesting that some of these shows, these early shows, like Andy Griffith's show, the best episodes are still magical to me and it's because it's character comedy. And I'm thinking at some point you must have learned, it's not rapid fire jokes. One of the hallmarks of your career has been writing that way within characters.

• 22:46Speaker 04

  Uh, I guess.

• 22:49Conan O'Brien?

  Wait a minute, I'm basing this off of...

• 22:51Speaker 04

  Hey, you live and learn, you know what I'm saying?

• 22:54Conan O'Brien?

  Wait a minute, wait a minute.

• 22:56Speaker 04

  Somebody write down what that guy said.

• 22:58Conan O'Brien?

  Wait a minute. I just came to Yoda and said, Yoda, I heard there is no try, there's just do. What mean you? Who say? Who you talk to? Whatever, I guess. Uh, that's what this feels like right now. Okay, forget that. I'm going back to just jokes.

• 23:29Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 23:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love awards.

• 23:33Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen, you know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 23:47Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 23:47Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from US News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 24:00Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5 N, which I love. Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 24:19Speaker 01

  Hello!

• 24:20Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I have this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality, innovation, technology, and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View US News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 24:55Conan O'Brien?

  Did you know that one in four Americans targeted by scams end up falling for them? You fell for one.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  I fell for a scam?

• 25:01Conan O'Brien?

  Now, you didn't lose too much money, but you did lose.

• 25:03Speaker 01

  I did lose and it was very inconvenient and now they put protections on my account like I'm, uh, dumb.

• 25:09Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, I don't know where they got that impression. Criminals are now using AI to make scams look more realistic than ever. In 2025, AI fraud spiked 1,210% and cost Americans $893 million. That's incredible. Well, with AI, it can get so smart now.

• 25:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:30Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 25:31Speaker 01

  Maybe I should start scamming.

• 25:32Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's not the point.

• 25:33Speaker 01

  Oh, no, that's not the point of this.

• 25:34Conan O'Brien?

  That's not the point.

• 25:35Speaker 01

  It's so much money.

• 25:36Conan O'Brien?

  Click, Sona can expose your information, putting you at risk of identity theft. Luckily, this is the point. Not that you should start scamming, but that everyone should get LifeLock.

• 25:45Speaker 01

  Right, right, right, right.

• 25:46Conan O'Brien?

  LifeLock has live US-based restoration specialists who will be with you every step of the way to fix your identity theft from first alert to full restoration. This is fantastic. How do you not have this?

• 25:58Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 25:58Conan O'Brien?

  If you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million-dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. Join now and save up to 30% off your first year. Go to lifelock.com/conan. That's lifelock.com/conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 26:17Conan O'Brien?

  Now, Sona, clearly I'm a very important person to you.

• 26:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:20Conan O'Brien?

  Just accept the premise and we'll move ahead.

• 26:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:22Conan O'Brien?

  I'm a very important person to you. What would you get me from Macy's for the holidays?

• 26:28Speaker 01

  A vase.

• 26:29Conan O'Brien?

  No, I don't want a vase. I want something better.

• 26:31Speaker 01

  A jacket.

• 26:33Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, nice jacket. I love a nice jacket.

• 26:35Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that jacket. Nice jacket.

• 26:36Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, so now you have to do it, because you said you would.

• 26:37Speaker 01

  Aw, man, I didn't know you were doing that. I didn't know you were trapping me.

• 26:41Conan O'Brien?

  I know the holidays are months away, but it's never too early, Sona, to find gifts that I will love, gifts I will wear, and surprises that make the season unforgettable for me.

• 26:51Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 26:52Conan O'Brien?

  Macy's Gift Guide makes holiday shopping easy with beauty favorites, stylish fashion, jewelry, cozy essentials, must-have toys, home upgrades, and picks for every person on your list. Coach handbags, Breville appliances, Lego UGG, and more, all in one place. You can skip the scrolling and shop with confidence. Shop now in-store or online at macy's.com/giftguide.

• 27:20Conan O'Brien?

  You know, it's funny, because huge turning point in your life, Mary Tyler Moore Show, a show that you create, and you did the pitch-

• 27:29Speaker 04

  With Alan Burns.

• 27:29Conan O'Brien?

  With Alan Burns, but did you, who'd you pitch it to, and was Mary Tyler Moore in the room when you pitched it?

• 27:34Speaker 04

  I had, I had done a show, Room 222.

• 27:38Conan O'Brien?

  Yep.

• 27:39Speaker 04

  Which was-

• 27:40Conan O'Brien?

  Love that show.

• 27:42Speaker 04

  And Alan and I met on that show and Grant Tinker, who was the was the vice president at Fox and was married to Mary Tyler Moore and was every time you mentioned his name was the best boss that ever happened.

• 27:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 27:57Speaker 04

  He saved he saved our rear ends. I mean, he was amazing in his support of writers, just crazy, great. We all, I mean, we all loved him. He was a magic man. We pitched to CBS for the Mary Tyler Moore show and we pitched a bad idea. I mean, our first idea was a bad idea and my father, the car.

• 28:14Conan O'Brien?

  So you pitch a bad idea.

• 28:25Speaker 04

  And it was it was an amazing pitch session because there were like a semicircle, like you do it for like a bad science fiction movie, a semicircle of chairs with all these people in it. And the head of programming, this is a true story, the head of programming in the middle of it. And we, our first idea was that she be divorced and coming off a divorce. And the guy actually said, there are three things people don't like. Stories about divorce, I swear to God, he said this because we had a Rota character in it, you know, Rota Morgenstern. Stories about divorce, Jews and mustaches.

• 29:08Speaker 04

  I'm not making, you couldn't make this up, right? He's looking at me, a Jew with a mustache. As he says it, that really happened in time and space. That actually happened.

• 29:22Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 29:22Speaker 04

  The guy was looking at my face saying that. So Grant went in and we never knew it. He just said, wait for me. He came out, he looked a little angry and he had he had just, you know, used the weight that he had to save our asses.

• 29:38Conan O'Brien?

  Unbelievable. So you do this show and it's interesting, in retrospect, people say Mary Tyler Moore show was revolutionary, she's single, it's a show based about this woman, she has a career. She doesn't have.

• 29:52Speaker 04

  She has no steering wheel.

• 29:53Conan O'Brien?

  She has no steering wheel. She has a wisecracking. There's no wisecracking kid. There's no, you know.

• 29:59Speaker 04

  She has a mustache.

• 30:00Conan O'Brien?

  She has a mustache. She's secretly Jewish. Morenstein.

• 30:06Conan O'Brien?

  But people talk about it now being revolutionary and you never saw it that way while you were making it. You were just making a show, correct?

• 30:13Speaker 04

  And, and at a certain point, we knew that we were making the right show at the right time. Cause it was just sort of what was happening to, to women in general then. So it was the timing, you know, the thing that you, you can't create yourself. This was right.

• 30:27Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 30:28Speaker 04

  And, and coincidentally, it was a time when the only time in the history of television, when a new president of television came over and the first thing he did was cancel a bunch of top 20 shows. Cause they were all those bucolic, Petticoat Junction, you know, very hillbilly shows. And he canceled them when they were enormously successful shows. It's never happened before.

• 30:48Conan O'Brien?

  No, it wouldn't. Imagine today, I think at the time CBS had maybe nine of the top, you know, 20 shows or they were just killing it with westerns. And the president of the company said, I've always heard this rumor that it was wife who was embarrassed by this bucolic comedy and, and thought that it was lame. I don't know if that's true, but um, he came in and he said, let's get rid of all of these, which can you imagine?

• 31:15Speaker 04

  Enormously successful, highest rated shows.

• 31:18Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 31:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:19Conan O'Brien?

  And got rid of all of them and put a new, complete new stamp on what CBS was all about. But I've always been.

• 31:26Speaker 04

  And a half year earlier, he, one of the first shows to come out of that was All in the Family as, as, as he built a new CBS. And then at the last minute, we were in a death time period with the Mary Tyler Moore Show. And he changed us and put us behind All in the Family or else I, I don't think we, it would have happened.

• 31:43Conan O'Brien?

  Right.

• 31:43Speaker 04

  I think we would have been lost.

• 31:44Conan O'Brien?

  I think you said, no one, and again, you'll tell me, I never said that. Anyone who sets out to make a revolutionary TV show is going to.

• 31:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I think, I think with Room 222, because it was, I think, the second show to have a black lead, the first show to have two main black characters, you know, so that was, you know, that felt good. You knew you were doing it. You knew it was happening. And, but this, you know, certainly didn't see it coming.

• 32:14Conan O'Brien?

  I remembered Room 222, seeing that and noticing the difference, that these did seem, as, you know, usually when high school students were served up to us, it was, you know, guys in Letterman sweaters, and it was, it felt very much like Ozzy Nelson, Ricky Nelson kind of stuff. And this felt like people I knew. I wasn't in high school. I think it's 1969, so I was about six years old when that show came out. But I remembered thinking, these feel like people I see in my life, and they feel authentic. I didn't even, probably, I didn't know the word authentic, but it felt real to me.

• 32:54Speaker 04

  The director producer of the show, Gene Reynolds, who was, you know, when we were working for him, and he kept on sending, he kept on sending me back to the high school, kept on sending me back. I finished research, I'd go to him, I said, yeah, I got it. No, you don't. Go back. And I sat in classes for a while, and there was a teacher showed up, you know, and I, and I was hanging at this high school, at his insistence, and, you know.

• 33:19Conan O'Brien?

  Do that now, and you're in trouble.

• 33:23Conan O'Brien?

  I'm working on a TV show. I don't think you are, sir. Come with us. I thought it was raining. That's why I'm wearing this coat.

• 33:35Conan O'Brien?

  Why do you have all that candy? Now that's a different story. I have low blood sugar.

• 33:42Conan O'Brien?

  I think a huge, you know, it's interesting, too. This was an era when I feel like there was real leadership in television, real, you know, people like Grant Tinker, who had taste and would go out on a limb, and they weren't just trying to follow the latest trend. When I was in college and working on the humor magazine, The Lampoon, I was there all the time. I practically lived in that building, because I was obsessed with comedy. And one night, there was a knock at the door, and I opened the door. And there, in a double-breasted suit, is Grant Tinker, and he was standing with Brandon Tartikoff.

• 34:19Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 34:20Conan O'Brien?

  And they were doing some event at Harvard. And they saw this building, and they knew, oh, you know, some funny writers are coming out of that place. And they just wanted to see it, so they knocked on the door, and I opened the door. And they asked for a tour. I was 19, I think, and I just led them around the building and showed them everything and answered all their questions and worked up the nerve to make a couple of quips along the way. And then, as they walked out the door, you know, I remembered Brandon, Grant Tinker looked like someone out of Guys and Dolls. He had like a pinstripe suit, you know? But I led them around, and then I, you know, took them to the front door. And I remember Brandon Tartikoff just saying like, well, Conan, you're a funny guy. I think I lived off that for a decade.

• 35:00Speaker 02

  Did you ever tell them that after you had arrived in television?

• 35:03Conan O'Brien?

  I don't think so. I mean, I did a pilot with, with, Robert Smiley, when I did a pilot with Brandon Tartikoff. I don't know that I took the chance in our one or two meetings with him. Amazing, and these were people with real talent and taste and sensibility. And I think that's in short supply these days. So many people are running scared in not just television, but film. This, people are running for cover that it's, I don't know if we'll see their like again. People that have. Data. What's that? It was data, it was all, you know, that these are, this is before data. Yes, yes. Yeah, I mean, they had their thing, but it was very rudimentary.

• 35:42Conan O'Brien?

  No, now we have actual computers that tell us we don't like Jews, mustaches, or divorce. Turns out they were right. I don't know why we fought it so hard. I'm very curious about Mary Tyler Moore, because she, she played a big part in my life. Because when I first got my late night show, for reasons I still don't understand, and I was under fire for this, this kid doesn't have it. Who is he? He seems awkward. Mary Tyler Moore was my second guest. She was the guest on this, first guest on the second show. And then came back routinely and was an incredible talk show guest.

• 36:23Conan O'Brien?

  And of course, I couldn't believe that I was sitting here talking to someone who was coming through my television, Dick Van Dyke Show, on a black and white TV in my kitchen in Brookline, Mass. And I'm eating bologna strips my mother put in a bowl. And I'm watching this person. Yeah, I was being punished.

• 36:41Conan O'Brien?

  I was on war rations. But that was a big meal back then. But I mean, it was a big, it was a, it was a big. I had this feeling of she is making eye contact with me and using my first name. And it still seems unreal to me. What was working with her like on that show?

• 36:58Speaker 04

  Um, I'm trying to phrase this so that I can really. There was an extraordinary thing she did. The great star of the show. And she, she used all the power she had not to have the power. And to be, and to make it a company and to make everybody, you know, feel like that.

• 37:15Conan O'Brien?

  An ensemble, yeah.

• 37:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, so it was never like, you know, we had to worry what would Mary think? I mean, you know, we'd have a run through, we'd try and fix whatever, you know, needed fixing. And, and she never came to the office. We were on, and at seven years, we got, I remember the best thing I did in my life is they were saying, let's, let's go out while we're ahead. Let's call it a go, let's call it a go at six. And I said, seven. So that was, that was the.

• 37:41Conan O'Brien?

  I just bought a boat.

• 37:42Speaker 04

  The best word.

• 37:45Conan O'Brien?

  That's the great motivator. Buy a boat and you'll do three more seasons.

• 37:53Conan O'Brien?

  Also, I'd never buy, I never believed get out while you're ahead. No. If I buy a boat, it's going to be called the SS Ride It To The Bottom. But so, so you wanted seven, and I know she did have a note, or I believe she had a note on the final episode.

• 38:09Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 38:09Conan O'Brien?

  One of the few times that she.

• 38:10Speaker 04

  Never, the first time, the only time, seven years, never did it. Never came to our office to, to, to, to say something. It was nuts. It was nuts. The nation stopped for our final show. It was like crazy. You can't, I, I, you know, it was crazy, the extent of it.

• 38:27Conan O'Brien?

  Do you remember the share or the number that it got? Because that's an era that has passed. You know, the Super Bowl wouldn't get the share of the number.

• 38:36Speaker 04

  I'm not into numbers, 52%.

• 38:45Conan O'Brien?

  I always heard it was 51, here's 52. You're forgetting Iowa. Okay, okay.

• 38:52Conan O'Brien?

  Incredible. And so she had, but she had a note on the last episode, which was?

• 38:56Speaker 04

  That everybody had said their farewell. We hadn't done it for her.

• 39:00Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, wow.

• 39:00Speaker 04

  And I don't, I don't, can't imagine, I, I don't, I can't explain it, but then we did it. And, and it's one of the best moments I've ever been part of.

• 39:11Conan O'Brien?

  Is it the shuffling out together?

• 39:13Speaker 04

  No, oh, that was, that was on the set. That was great. We were, we were running it and they could get into a group hug at, um.

• 39:20Conan O'Brien?

  They're all saying goodbye and it's over.

• 39:22Speaker 04

  They're in a group hug. They're all hugging each other. Six, I think, six people hugging each other. And they're crying. And they said, there was something where, who had Kleenex in the hug. And in dress, we said, no, no, the Kleenex is on the table. So the group hugging each other.

• 39:37Conan O'Brien?

  Has to shuffle over.

• 39:38Speaker 04

  To the table. Yeah.

• 39:39Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, it's such a, I mean, I remember.

• 39:41Speaker 04

  It was the way to go out. It was just, it was just the way to go out.

• 39:45Conan O'Brien?

  And there is a famous episode where the lights, Mary's gonna have a party. Her party's always going badly. She says that Johnny Carson's coming to the party. Of course, Johnny Carson's the biggest star in television. We are excited that he's gonna show up.

• 39:59Speaker 04

  And all we knew is that he was, he was, he would do the show. And then we made that show because we heard that he'd do it.

• 40:05Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. So, so you made the show because Johnny Carson said he'd do it, which was an impossibility. He didn't do things. It's not like today where everybody's everywhere. It just was, you couldn't believe that the most famous man in America is gonna, and who doesn't do anything other than The Tonight Show is gonna show up. And the lights go out. Mary's apartment loses its lights. And then Johnny Carson enters in the dark. And you hear him. And it was.

• 40:27Speaker 04

  We never saw him, I believe.

• 40:27Conan O'Brien?

  You never saw him. And it was, you got Johnny Carson and had the balls to say.

• 40:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was great. Yeah.

• 40:34Conan O'Brien?

  You're never gonna, and you heard him.

• 40:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:36Conan O'Brien?

  And you couldn't believe that this show would get Johnny Carson and then not show him. And just could hear his voice. And it was just magical. I, I, I think about, you have this run in television and then you say, okay, I'm gonna do movies. And that's the leap that I always think is fascinating when someone says, I think I could do. This, I could make a movie. I would, of course, I've never had that impulse. I've never thought I could direct. But clearly, this is just something that was in you. You knew this is something I could.

• 41:12Speaker 04

  I can't, I, I, I can't explain it. I, I did, I had no ambition to be a director. I, I, I just simply didn't.

• 41:19Conan O'Brien?

  So your first feature film is Terms of Endearment?

• 41:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:23Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. A movie you can go back to and back to and back to again, and it's become more relevant because of the way we experience news now. It is prophetic, you know, talking about emotion and drama being inserted into the news and people being, a newsman being relatable. You're talking about a broadcast? I'm sorry about broadcast news. I'm sorry.

• 41:42Speaker 04

  Thank, thank you so much. I was, I was trying to think, I was trying, I was just trying to think how to save him. I just want, I just want you to know, there was nothing, I didn't recoil. I actually wanted to come to his aid.

• 41:54Conan O'Brien?

  Let me explain something to you.

• 41:55Speaker 04

  That's the kind of guy I am.

• 41:56Conan O'Brien?

  Let me explain something to you. Maybe you haven't watched it in a while. I'm doubling down. Terms of Endearment begins. Begins in a news.

• 42:03Speaker 04

  You've got to make this podcast less. I just bought a boat. Okay? So keep it going.

• 42:08Conan O'Brien?

  Okay. I apologize, and you will fix this. I know you will.

• 42:12Speaker 04

  No, you have to leave it.

• 42:14Conan O'Brien?

  No, but all, and if you say it, um, listen, I'm gonna make it very clear to you that I was right the first time. And I find that if I never apologize, and I'm seeing this play out in, in public life and politics. Um, but yeah, uh, the original Terms of Endearment was a version of Broadcast News. And it's a really weird turn when everyone decides to abandon the newsroom. But, did you feel comfortable the minute you were directing? Did you, did it feel to you like this was, oh, I, this is, this is, I feel like a duck in water, you know?

• 42:52Speaker 04

  I, I was, I was working with, you know, with Jack Nicholson, the actor, the, the guy, the star. He made it great because he'd come up to me, you know, sort of like, he said, you want to know the worst direction you gave today?

• 43:07Speaker 04

  And then he said, you want to know the best direction?

• 43:09Speaker 02

  So he was tutoring you a little bit?

• 43:10Speaker 04

  He was, he was being great to me. He was just, he was just, he was just sort of have, sort of three quarter kidding, but just in my corner. And, and that's, that's what, that's, that's, that made it work.

• 43:22Speaker 02

  I would imagine you'd be intimidated a little by him. He was a, you know, just, he still is a massive star.

• 43:28Speaker 04

  No, he was, I mean, great actor. I mean, you know, I mean, you know, that was, there was a scene, I think it was in that movie. There was a scene, I, I, I came to him and he said, he, this actually happened. I said, too angry, too, it's just too angry. And, and then I said again, you know, that it was just too angry. And then he did the scene and sort of blew up that I kept on doing this, you know, just, he was just blowing up, not performance. And I said, that's it. And, and that was, you know, and then we both, I mean, he broke up and I broke up and, you know, and it, but it was it. It was just, it seemed too angry until suddenly it was like nobody had ever done it just like that.

• 44:07Speaker 02

  I'd always heard, is it true that Burt Reynolds turned down that role and did Stroker Ace instead?

• 44:12Speaker 04

  That, that's, uh, I, I, I, no, he did a fixture, he did a different picture. He did a picture with like, like 12 women in it and him or something like that.

• 44:21Speaker 02

  That's the movie we all want to make. Yeah.

• 44:23Speaker 04

  And, and, and, and he was the number one box office star in America. And, and, and he, he had said he'd do it. And then he turned it down for this movie. And, you know, and I had the number one star doing my movie. And then I got a phone call from his press agent. Burt's decided not to do the movie, but he wants you to know he loves you. And, and, um, and he sent a little jacket, a little, that, that, that the jacket, I just looked at it and it was medium and I'm a large.

• 44:58Speaker 01

  Oh, man. Oh, Burt.

• 45:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. It was just a jacket he was wearing that day. Yeah. It was just whatever he was, it had Burt written in it in ink. It just said gunsmoke on it.

• 45:17Conan O'Brien?

  Absolutely incredible. I mean, I intend to embarrass you with this, but you've got three Oscars, 22 Emmys, a Golden Globe. You need to immediately be in a Broadway show because we need to get you a Tony. And I think you're set, right?

• 45:31Speaker 01

  A Grammy?

• 45:32Conan O'Brien?

  A Grammy. Damn it, you need a Grammy.

• 45:33Speaker 04

  Well, Golden Globes could be the G in there.

• 45:35Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you got to get the EGOT. That's, there are very few that can claim that.

• 45:42Conan O'Brien?

  I'm sorry, I think these are good ideas I'm pitching you. Oh, you used to like my ideas. Now suddenly...

• 45:49Speaker 04

  Chip, please.

• 45:52Conan O'Brien?

  Sir, please. We try again with a different pasta.

• 46:01Conan O'Brien?

  You took a hiatus from directing for how many years?

• 46:04Speaker 04

  I don't know, man.

• 46:07Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, are you high? I don't know, man. I don't know, man, leave me alone.

• 46:13Speaker 04

  You've got nothing better to talk about?

• 46:16Conan O'Brien?

  You took a, you, it's, this is the first movie, El Mecque. Your new movie is the first one you've directed in 15 years, I believe.

• 46:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:24Conan O'Brien?

  And did it feel, when you got on set, like you're just right back where you started?

• 46:30Speaker 04

  There was, I, I was producing other, other films and, and, and I was, and I'm on set all the time when I do that. And I was working. I just, you know, I don't even, I can't, I have no explanation for it. And, um, and then I went, I was going nuts because I think, you know, I'm not myself unless I'm writing. And, and then, um, and, and that's, and El Mecque, you know, happened that way.

• 46:53Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and, um, you have terrific cast.

• 46:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:58Conan O'Brien?

  I was very happy to see Julie Kavner in there.

• 47:01Speaker 04

  Oh, man.

• 47:02Conan O'Brien?

  I mean, she's, I know she's been a long part of your history, but I got to know her at The Simpsons and she's just a force of...

• 47:10Speaker 04

  I, God, you, I think, will you look at the movie?

• 47:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 47:13Speaker 04

  You know, I mean, because you're gonna feel great. You're gonna feel great seeing her. She she takes.

• 47:18Conan O'Brien?

  Oh, no, she starts the movie. That's what I love. She's the narrator and she starts by looking and I love the narrator saying, I'm the narrator and this is what's happening. I felt very taken care of by her, you know?

• 47:30Speaker 04

  Oh, great. Yeah.

• 47:31Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, lovely.

• 47:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:32Conan O'Brien?

  And she's, I mean, that that voice was first burned into my brain on Rhoda, I believe, is where I first heard it.

• 47:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, when she was a kid. That was her. Yeah.

• 47:42Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, and and it's just, she just cuts through everything and I know, oh, I know her.

• 47:48Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 47:48Conan O'Brien?

  She's gonna hold my hand and and and take me through this journey.

• 47:53Speaker 04

  I show me the person who doesn't love her. I mean, it's just especially, you know, and that happens in the in the movie and and she's the one. She's literally the narrator taking you through it.

• 48:01Conan O'Brien?

  Did it feel to you when you were making it like this is the experience I've had before? After taking a break for a while, did it feel like, yes, I'm putting on an old, an old coat? This fits, this process, you know?

• 48:14Speaker 04

  You know, when you're gonna direct, you you leave the world, you know, you know, you leave the world even more intense than when you're writing, I think. When you, when God knows you leave the world a bit. And these days, to have an idea and to say, gee, that's sort of funny and sort of, you know, maybe. And to be able to get a movie made out of it, you got to appreciate the shit out of it, you know, because it's it's it's it's not those kind of days. And.

• 48:39Conan O'Brien?

  Specifically, I mean, how is it different? Just that there's so much.

• 48:42Speaker 04

  I mean, I mean, well, it's the thing about data, you know, this, that, that, you know, this will work because you run the numbers and stuff like that. And there are no, there are no numbers to run on, hey, I got an idea and, you know, so I saw, so you're lucky, you're, you're, you know, it's, it's great. You get, you get to make it.

• 48:57Conan O'Brien?

  You probably won't remember this, but you came on my show, early, early days, I think, nineteen ninety four.

• 49:02Speaker 04

  I might have still been writing it, yeah.

• 49:03Conan O'Brien?

  And.

• 49:06Speaker 04

  I spent a long time on that script. Yeah.

• 49:09Conan O'Brien?

  Uh, but you, uh, you came on my talk show, the, the late night show and you, um, we got into this conversation about how well you write for women, which, uh, is in full force in Ella McKay. And you talked then, and I thought I'd revisit it now just briefly, which is that you were raised by women and you think that had a profound effect on your ability to write for those characters.

• 49:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, the conversations of women were, you know, my whole upbringing. It was hard stuff going on and, and I, I was a child and I always heard, my mother and her two sisters were enormously close and I, I just, and my, you know, I had an older sister who helped raise me because, you know, circumstances were, you know, just, um, tough for a while. And I heard, and I did, I was, I, I grew up hearing them talk.

• 50:06Conan O'Brien?

  It's, it's, it's also interesting to me that in this movie, past trauma informs everything that's happening for the character of Ella. It's like the things that she's gone through with her father and the death of her mother. It's all in form and, and her family and, and even her husband, people are, she's, she's not catching a break from a lot of people in her life. And, and it's, it's interesting to me that it's not unlike your story where you had some traumatic experiences when you were younger.

• 50:39Speaker 04

  Uh, that's the same, but, but she's, she's a remarkable kid.

• 50:43Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 50:44Speaker 04

  She's a remarkable kid who, as a remarkable kid, has to handle things no kid should have to handle.

• 50:49Conan O'Brien?

  Mm-hmm.

• 50:50Speaker 04

  And, um, and then, and, and, and the thing that, that held it up for a long time was finding out who could play the part, uh, because, because, you know, the, the thing that was in my mind was to cut, was I always loved those Katherine Heffernan, Audrey Heffernan movies, the 1950s movies. That was, I mean, I was, I was nuts about them. And this is, this was really, you know, me trying to copy them.

• 51:13Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 51:14Speaker 04

  It's, yeah.

• 51:14Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 51:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:16Conan O'Brien?

  It was fascinating.

• 51:16Speaker 04

  Homage, I think homage is the better word. Yeah.

• 51:18Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 51:20Conan O'Brien?

  Everything's an homage.

• 51:22Speaker 04

  No, it isn't.

• 51:23Conan O'Brien?

  Writers Guild, it's an homage.

• 51:24Speaker 04

  In tribute to, in tribute to.

• 51:26Conan O'Brien?

  But it's interesting, because my experience with you on The Simpsons was you would always remind us, make sure you're writing for Lisa, make sure you're writing for Marge, because left to my own devices, I would only write about Mr. Burns. I mean, I only wanted, you know, because, because he had unlimited wealth and was in evil, you, that's a fantasy for me, that I can, you can have a character who has a hyperbaric chamber, golden robots, you can release hounds, anything can happen, and if left, if I was just left alone in a room, every single episode I wrote would have been,

• 52:06Conan O'Brien?

  Mr. Burns goes to college, Mr. Burns, Mr. Burns gets his period, you know, which is one I wrote, projected, because they said, "Science doesn't back this." But anyway, that's, that was, your voice was, was often heard in the room, saying, "We need to make sure that this, this family exists, and that all of these characters are utilized, and that they're real." Even if amazing, weird, strange things are happening in a cartoon, it has to have this inner integrity, which I still think is bullshit.

• 52:43Conan O'Brien?

  I just wanted to get you here to tell you that.

• 52:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, I mean, it's, it's always funny, it's always the object, but, but yeah, but I think, yeah, I think it, yeah, I think that was always true about the show, I think is true about the show, yeah.

• 52:58Conan O'Brien?

  It's unbelievable that it's still going. I mean, to me, it's been, I left that show in 1993 and said, "Well, you know, I'm out of here, and this thing's got another year to go."

• 53:10Speaker 04

  It's gonna fold without me.

• 53:11Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, there's no way this continues without me, which I say whenever I leave a room, I say that at parties, I say that when I leave a restaurant.

• 53:21Conan O'Brien?

  This Denny's will, will surely perish without my. So I'm shocked when I see them still functioning. But I, um, yeah. And then I've had the experience of going back 30 years later and the and they're, some of the same people are there. It's absolutely incredible. They're chained to the wall. They're skeletons. I mean, it's incredible. But it's one of the great success stories in TV history. Absolutely amazing.

• 53:48Speaker 04

  It's amazing to me. It's amazing to everybody on the, you know, it's, it's just, it is, it is. It's, it's, um, yeah. Yeah, I remember when, I remember that. And, and we, we went on when the Fox network was

• 54:00Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 54:00Speaker 04

  Was, was on, on life support.

• 54:03Conan O'Brien?

  Yes.

• 54:03Speaker 04

  And then we got the cover of a magazine, um, sort of like antenna news or something like that. It was, it was, it was, it was, you never heard of the magazine, but we were on the cover. And I put it on my office wall. And then, and then all of a sudden that wall was covered with covers.

• 54:23Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 54:23Speaker 04

  Yeah. It was like

• 54:25Conan O'Brien?

  It was a phenomenon. And it was the biggest thing. Michael Jackson, I mean, talk about, talk about Johnny Carson doing the, doing Mary Tyler Moore as a guest star. You think, well, you can't top that, but Michael Jackson in, I think, 1988 or 89, appearing as a guest star.

• 54:47Speaker 04

  And you had Carson too, right? Didn't, didn't Carson?

• 54:49Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, Carson was there. I remember, I was there the day Carson came in to do his voice. Cause he's, uh, I think he's helping out Krusty at one point. And it was just after Johnny had retired and wasn't doing anything. And then he said he'd do The Simpsons and I, I burned into my brain that day. Cause he came in coolest looking guy ever. He had a file of facts and two packs of cigarettes unopened. He sat down, he did his voices, he did his records. And then we of course had a million things we wanted him to sign. And so he sat there signing and started talking to us and we were asking questions. I think he liked being around a room of writers and he missed it. And he chatted with us and then I went out, I had to do something. And when I came back, he was just walking to his white Corvette. Every year, I think he got a brand new white Corvette.

• 55:35Conan O'Brien?

  And he got in it and he had his cool sunglasses on and he said, uh, I don't do a Johnny Carson, but uh, excuse me, uh, how do I? And I say, you go down there and you take a right. And he said, "Thank you," and he took off.

• 55:46Speaker 04

  That was pretty good, John.

• 55:47Conan O'Brien?

  Not bad.

• 55:47Speaker 04

  The thank you you do.

• 55:48Conan O'Brien?

  He took off, and he took a right-hand turn, and just as he took the right-hand turn, I remembered, "It's a left."

• 55:53Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 55:55Conan O'Brien?

  And I'm dying, and I'm watching, watching, and what here he's going is to a cul-de-sac that takes you pretty much to like Olympic Boulevard, but there's, you can't access it, because it's a lot.

• 56:04Speaker 01

  Oh, you suck.

• 56:05Conan O'Brien?

  And I waited, and then after about a minute and a half, the car came back the other way. And so I know that Johnny Carson was thinking, "Fucking asshole." Looking creepy.

• 56:15Speaker 04

  You should have said, "I said left, moron."

• 56:21Conan O'Brien?

  "I said left, you white-haired fuck."

• 56:25Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 56:28Conan O'Brien?

  Man, opportunities missed. I wish you had been there. But, uh, yeah, absolutely amazing. This has been a joy. Uh, thank you so much for taking the time. Congrats on your new movie, Ella McKay. And, uh, just getting to any chance I ever have to connect with you is magical for me.

• 56:48Speaker 04

  Oh, thanks, man.

• 56:49Conan O'Brien?

  You've made a huge difference in my life, and I, I can't thank you enough.

• 56:52Speaker 04

  Mumble, mumble, yeah.

• 56:53Conan O'Brien?

  Mumble, mumble, mumble. Mumble, mumble, mumble.

• 56:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, thank you, thank.

• 56:56Conan O'Brien?

  We're gonna put in, using AI, we're gonna put you in the end saying, "Please, Conan, you're the most talented person I've ever met." And, uh, you're gonna hear it later, and there's gonna be a lawsuit. And we're gonna insert a lot of things. Conan, you look fantastic.

• 57:11Conan O'Brien?

  But we'll keep this part in as well. Yes, yes, to keep this in, exposing my terrible crime.

• 57:22Conan O'Brien?

  You know, winning an award, that's a big achievement, right?

• 57:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love awards.

• 57:25Conan O'Brien?

  Every now and then, in life, maybe something nice like that comes your way. Winning them consistently is almost impossible. It just doesn't happen. You know? Well, guess what? Winning five times in six years? You know what that sounds like to me? Sustained excellence.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 57:39Conan O'Brien?

  Hyundai has done just that, earning the title of America's best SUV brand for 2026 from U.S. News and World Report. You are a very happy Hyundai driver.

• 57:48Speaker 01

  I drive a Hyundai Palisade and I love my car. I love it. I love driving it around.

• 57:52Conan O'Brien?

  I've been tooling around in an Ioniq 5N, which I love.

• 57:56Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 57:57Conan O'Brien?

  Beautiful car. Well, listen, whether you need an SUV for everyday life, your next big adventure, or extra room for family and friends, Hyundai has an option for you. The Tucson Hybrid is loaded with technology and built for everyday life. The Santa Fe Hybrid's fully capable and ready for adventure. The Palisade, that's yours, right?

• 58:12Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 58:12Conan O'Brien?

  They're gonna rename that the Sona. The Palisade Hybrid, yeah, delivers premium capability and class-leading interior space. With available, I have this memorized, H-Track all-wheel drive, up to an EPA-estimated 619 miles of range on vehicles like the Palisade Hybrid and Hyundai's industry-leading warranty. It's easy to see why Hyundai continues to deliver the quality, innovation, technology, and value drivers expect from an award-winning brand. View U.S. News Best Cars at cars.usnews.com and call 562-314-4603 for complete details.

• 58:47Conan O'Brien?

  Did you know that 1 in 4 Americans targeted by scams end up falling for them?

• 58:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:51Conan O'Brien?

  You fell for one.

• 58:52Speaker 01

  I fell for a scam.

• 58:53Conan O'Brien?

  Now, you didn't lose too much money, but you did lose.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  I did lose, and it was very inconvenient, and now they put protections on my account like I'm, uh, dumb.

• 59:01Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah. I don't know where they got that impression. Criminals are now using AI to make scams look more realistic than ever. In 2025, AI fraud spiked 1,210% and cost Americans $893 million. That's incredible. Well, with AI, it can get so smart now.

• 59:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:22Conan O'Brien?

  Do you know what I mean?

• 59:23Speaker 01

  Maybe I should start scamming.

• 59:24Conan O'Brien?

  No, that's not the point.

• 59:25Speaker 01

  Oh, no, that's not the point of this.

• 59:26Conan O'Brien?

  That's not the point. One accidental click, Sona can expose your information, putting you at risk of identity theft. Luckily, this is the point. Not that you should start scamming, but that everyone should get LifeLock.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  Right, right, right, right, right.

• 59:38Conan O'Brien?

  LifeLock has live, U.S.-based restoration specialists who will be with you every step of the way to fix your identity theft from first alert to Full restoration. This is fantastic. How do you not have this?

• 59:50Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:50Conan O'Brien?

  If you have expenses or money stolen due to identity theft, you're backed by the million dollar protection package with up to $3 million coverage in some plans. Join now and save up to 30% off your first year. Go to life lock.com slash Conan. That's life lock.com slash Conan to save 30%. Terms apply.

• 1:00:09Conan O'Brien?

  So, you have to admit, the holidays, it's really about hanging with the people you love.

• 1:00:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:16Conan O'Brien?

  And getting to be yourself, not going to some stuffy holiday party where you need to conform to what the man wants you to think about the holidays.

• 1:00:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:25Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, it's about being yourself. Turn your holiday time into Miller time by enjoying a Miller Lite in a place where you're free to enjoy yourself on a walk with a cousin. With a cousin, why are they getting all specific about?

• 1:00:36Speaker 01

  It's family.

• 1:00:37Conan O'Brien?

  But what about a niece or a nephew?

• 1:00:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:41Conan O'Brien?

  Like a walk with an ex-wife.

• 1:00:44Conan O'Brien?

  I don't know. I mean, they're just throwing, that's a weird, they just made a very specific choice.

• 1:00:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:48Conan O'Brien?

  Now's the time for those unexpected holiday side guests and enjoy a great tasting light beer. 'Tis Miller time, as Dickens wrote. Miller Lite is brewed for taste, the taste you can depend on. The original light beer since 1975 and still iconic more than 50 years later. I like to be with my bros, my chums, my posse, crack open a Miller Lite, take a swig, sip, look around and see my friends. We've known each other forever and we're just hanging out.

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, you guys are just doing chest bumps and high fiving.

• 1:01:18Conan O'Brien?

  Miller Lite is great taste done right. Go to millerlite.com slash Conan to find delivery options near you or you can pick up some Miller Lite pretty much anywhere they sell beer. 'Tis Miller time. Celebrate responsibly Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 96 calories and 3.2 carbs per 12 ounces.

• 1:01:39Conan O'Brien?

  I'll admit I'm a little terrified because Aaron Blair, aka Blay, says he has an idea for a segment and, you know.

• 1:01:48Speaker 02

  We don't know what it is.

• 1:01:49Conan O'Brien?

  We don't know what it is.

• 1:01:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:50Conan O'Brien?

  So here we go. Blay, I tremble, but you have the floor.

• 1:01:55Speaker 05

  So I don't normally do this, as you know, and I like to think of myself generally as a unifier, bringing people together. I don't want to be divisive. I don't want to tear us apart as a group. But, you know, sometimes.

• 1:02:09Conan O'Brien?

  This preamble is going on forever. You know, sometimes a man comes to a time in life.

• 1:02:14Speaker 05

  Well, it's not, it's not a very, there's not a lot to, not a lot of meat on this bone, so I'm trying to draw it out.

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  Keep in mind, you threw Eduardo under the bus for watching.

• 1:02:20Speaker 05

  Okay, but also, I will say, shots were taken at me, so I feel like, you know, turnabout is fair play.

• 1:02:29Conan O'Brien?

  I still don't know what you're talking about, and we're 40 minutes into this.

• 1:02:31Speaker 05

  I'm gonna get to it now. I'm gonna get to it now. So Chilemy and I, after every podcast, we clean up. You know, we want to, we want to leave a good studio, a nice, clean studio for the next people coming in.

• 1:02:41Conan O'Brien?

  Sure.

• 1:02:41Speaker 05

  And the other day, I found this in Matt Gourley's chair.

• 1:02:47Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 1:02:48Speaker 05

  A used Kleenex.

• 1:02:50Speaker 02

  Oh, well, obviously.

• 1:02:51Speaker 05

  Squirtled away.

• 1:02:52Speaker 02

  I didn't know that was there.

• 1:02:53Speaker 05

  In the chair, which I cleaned up, and I just.

• 1:02:57Conan O'Brien?

  It's gross. I have to say, that's disgusting.

• 1:02:59Speaker 05

  Matt came at me, Matt came at me with my multiple drinks in a previous segment.

• 1:03:04Speaker 02

  I didn't come at you, I was just curious about it.

• 1:03:06Speaker 05

  And so I saw this, and I was like, oh, I got him. I got him.

• 1:03:09Speaker 02

  I obviously would not have left that there if I knew. I apologize.

• 1:03:13Conan O'Brien?

  First of all, Matt is an extremely cleanly person.

• 1:03:19Speaker 02

  I am?

• 1:03:19Conan O'Brien?

  Cleanly?

• 1:03:20Speaker 05

  What? That's not.

• 1:03:21Conan O'Brien?

  I can't speak anymore.

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  You could just say clean person.

• 1:03:23Conan O'Brien?

  No, he is one who cleanly clings to.

• 1:03:26Speaker 05

  This.

• 1:03:27Conan O'Brien?

  Matt is a man of cleanness. You are.

• 1:03:32Speaker 02

  I barely shower.

• 1:03:34Conan O'Brien?

  No, that is- He's trying to help you! No, that is uncharacteristic of Matt, and I'm sure he just forgot it. I find it interesting that you think he came at you for your different drinks, because I thought it was just him saying, "Hey, what's that all about?" But it's a deep wound for you.

• 1:03:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:49Conan O'Brien?

  I didn't realize you were now a ringless golem in your cave. He clearly came at me- It's backfired on you, man. Just like the drinks backfired on you. I knew this was gonna happen.

• 1:03:59Speaker 01

  It was hostile.

• 1:04:00Conan O'Brien?

  I'm just saying-

• 1:04:01Speaker 01

  The way you went at him was a little hostile.

• 1:04:02Conan O'Brien?

  I like to bring people together, but I- You keep saying that, but I don't think you do.

• 1:04:07Speaker 01

  I think it's indicative of a bigger issue, which is, we don't really clean up after ourselves that well.

• 1:04:13Conan O'Brien?

  That is absolutely true.

• 1:04:14Speaker 01

  I do, I just missed that. You have a thousand drinking vessels, and none of them get picked up afterwards.

• 1:04:21Conan O'Brien?

  Okay, let's look at the whole picture. When you guys say, "We've gotta clear out of this room and make way for the next, uh, you know, taping", I'm thinking to myself, "Uh, this is my building." This is, was, the only reason this exists is for Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend. This is my studio, and then it suddenly it turned out to be this Airbnb that I get to hang out in for like 20 minutes, and then I better get my ass out of here, and you better clean up! No! Not at all! That's insane!

• 1:04:57Speaker 01

  This is outrageous.

• 1:04:58Conan O'Brien?

  This is my, I'm Hearst, and this is Hearst Castle. One, I've got three mugs here. Two are filled with coffee, because I drink a lot of coffee. I've also got a tea.

• 1:05:09Speaker 01

  And your water.

• 1:05:10Conan O'Brien?

  I've also got these Kleenex, which by the way, I'm more than happy to throw all over the place.

• 1:05:18Conan O'Brien?

  I gotta clean that up!

• 1:05:23Conan O'Brien?

  Abah hee!

• 1:05:24Speaker 01

  There's just tissues everywhere.

• 1:05:26Conan O'Brien?

  Listen to me, I didn't claw my way to the top of this business so that I could "Better get out of here quickly to make way for the other podcast that's coming in, hanging with Joe Bilabai." But first, I better clean up after myself!

• 1:05:44Speaker 03

  See now, now I've got all these little cups. Better take them in. Uh oh, E.B.'s coming, I better wash everything thoroughly.

• 1:05:52Speaker 05

  No, no, no.

• 1:05:55Conan O'Brien?

  E.B. does run, run a tight ship.

• 1:05:57Speaker 01

  She does.

• 1:05:57Conan O'Brien?

  She does.

• 1:05:58Speaker 01

  And you are a little scared of her.

• 1:06:00Conan O'Brien?

  I am terrified of E.B. And I will say, Erica Brown, and, and this is her place. She runs it. She's the queen. And when she even looks at me, if I'm using one of those metal straws, I, I know. My only thought in my head is not to enjoy my Hailey Bieber smoothie, since no longer named the Hailey Bieber smoothie, by the way. I don't know if there was some, yeah, I think she got into a fight with, uh, I don't think, maybe her, the contract expired.

• 1:06:29Speaker 01

  Oh, wow.

• 1:06:30Conan O'Brien?

  It's no longer called a Hailey Bieber smoothie. Um, and, uh,

• 1:06:33Speaker 05

  That means you could get in there.

• 1:06:35Conan O'Brien?

  I wanna get in there.

• 1:06:35Speaker 05

  It could be your smoothie.

• 1:06:36Conan O'Brien?

  I wanna, uh, get that smoothie. I think I probably have to add something, so I'll just say like, uh, throw some, uh, I don't know, put a Snickers bar in there and call it the Conan O'Brien. Um, pour,

• 1:06:50Conan O'Brien?

  put a little creme de menthe in there. So, uh, yeah, my point was, where were we?

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  I'm saying, you're talking a big game about making a mess, but if Erica Brown walks in here, you will, you will clean up after yourself, cause you're scared a little bit, as we all are.

• 1:07:05Conan O'Brien?

  Erica Brown, out by the kitchen, if I even see her, I start scrubbing surfaces.

• 1:07:13Speaker 01

  You were talking such a big game.

• 1:07:15Speaker 03

  No, no, that's true, no, that's true, but in here, oh no, I might risk the disapproval of Blade. Fuck that. Fuck that. I hired you when you were a fetus. I was the one that removed your umbilical cord, you still had it attached.

• 1:07:33Speaker 02

  This is crazy, cause normally I would be defending you, I'm your biggest defender, and now, since, you know, you teed me up, I say, you go, boy.

• 1:07:40Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, and so, no, if you have to do a little cleaning afterwards, Blade, I mean, I've kept you in your, in your faux goofy watches.

• 1:07:48Speaker 05

  That's right.

• 1:07:49Conan O'Brien?

  You live in a, in an apartment that's filled with little action figures and posters.

• 1:07:54Speaker 05

  Life-size Predator statue.

• 1:07:55Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:56Speaker 05

  Well, one day.

• 1:07:57Conan O'Brien?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:57Speaker 05

  Saving up for it.

• 1:07:58Conan O'Brien?

  Saving up, yeah. It was, it was either that, or,

• 1:08:03Speaker 02

  A wife.

• 1:08:04Conan O'Brien?

  Or much needed.

• 1:08:08Conan O'Brien?

  Let's see, life or life-sized predator statue? Anyway, Blay, I respect where you're coming from. It's just that you're completely wrong.

• 1:08:17Speaker 02

  And I apologize, you and Chills. I'm very conscientious about that thing. It's not like I ever walked in on Kesha peeing or anything like that, so.

• 1:08:25Speaker 05

  It was all in good fun. I, again, it was all in jest. I really don't care. I just was seeing it as a good opportunity to get you back for the drinks.

• 1:08:33Conan O'Brien?

  Hey, listen, we got it.

• 1:08:34Speaker 05

  And I also got burned by Conan, like you got burned with the drinks, so now we're even.

• 1:08:38Conan O'Brien?

  Listen, the important thing is that if people are hating each other and trying to get each other, we've recreated my childhood. And I'm very happy.

• 1:08:47Speaker 02

  I hate how you have, like, pulled the strings to make us all go at each other when we should be going after you. Why are we, why are we divided? We should be united.

• 1:08:56Speaker 05

  You're right.

• 1:08:56Conan O'Brien?

  The devil's greatest trick is making you believe he doesn't exist. Well, anyway, Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, the happy, friendly show by a guy with no inner demons.

• 1:09:08Speaker 02

  And just like that, he was gone.

• 1:09:12Conan O'Brien?

  All right, everybody, clean up after yourselves.

• 1:09:22Speaker 02

  Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend, with Conan O'Brien, Sonam of Sessian, and Matt Gourley. Produced by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sacks, Jeff Ross, and Nick Liao. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy.

• 1:09:42Speaker 02

  Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 669-587-2847 and leave a message. It too could be featured on a future episode. You can also get three free months of SiriusXM when you sign up at siriusxm.com/conan. And if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend wherever fine podcasts are downloaded.

• 1:10:30Speaker 06

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