Jimmy Kimmel | Club Random Classics with Bill Maher

On Club Random Classics this month, we’re rolling back to June 22, 2022 – when Bill sat down with Jimmy Kimmel. The two riff on why Bill hates hockey, how his advice could’ve cost Jimmy millions, the Conan O’Brien–Jay Leno late-night wars, why Jimmy loves Letterman, his famous circle of friends, and the time college-aged Jimmy saw Bill and Jerry Seinfeld in concert. Check out this one and all the Club Random Classics in our back catalogue! Subscribe to the Club Random YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/clubrandompodcast?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Watch episodes ad-free – subscribe to Bill Maher’s Substack: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://billmaher.substack.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you listen: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/ClubRandom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Buy Club Random Merch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://clubrandom.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices ABOUT CLUB RANDOM Bill Maher rewrites the rules of podcasting the way he did in television in this series of one on one, hour long conversations with a wide variety of unexpected guests in the undisclosed location called Club Random. There’s a whole big world out there that isn’t about politics and Bill and his guests—from Bill Burr and Jerry Seinfeld to Jordan Peterson, Quentin Tarantino and Neil DeGrasse Tyson—talk about all of it. For advertising opportunities please email: [email protected] ABOUT BILL MAHER Bill Maher was the host of “Politically Incorrect” (Comedy Central, ABC) from 1993-2002, and for the last fourteen years on HBO’s “Real Time,” Maher’s combination of unflinching honesty and big laughs have garnered him 40 Emmy nominations. Maher won his first Emmy in 2014 as executive producer for the HBO series, “VICE.” In October of 2008, this same combination was on display in Maher’s uproarious and unprecedented swipe at organized religion, “Religulous.” Maher has written five bestsellers: “True Story,” “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? Politically Incorrect’s Greatest Hits,” “When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden,” “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,” and most recently, “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass.” FOLLOW CLUB RANDOM https://www.clubrandom.com https://www.facebook.com/Club-Random-101776489118185 https://twitter.com/clubrandom_ https://www.instagram.com/clubrandompodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@clubrandompodcast FOLLOW BILL MAHER https://www.billmaher.com https://twitter.com/billmaher https://www.instagram.com/billmaher Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:00Speaker 02

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• 1:29Bill Maher?

  Well, in this month's Club Random Classics, we go back to my talk with my dear friend Jimmy Kimmel, who you may have seen in the news recently. It's a freewheeling conversation of trade secrets, celebrity stories, and late-night confessions. From how radio-trained to our comic timing, riffing on Kraft, the glorious Conan Leno mess, to how Jimmy's wife still dresses him. Enjoy Club Random Classics with Jimmy Kimmel.

• 1:59Bill Maher?

  Oh, look how sleek you are.

• 2:00Speaker 04

  How are you doing?

• 2:01Bill Maher?

  That sounded very gay. And I'm touching you.

• 2:05Speaker 04

  It's alright, you can touch.

• 2:06Bill Maher?

  You look like, I don't know, that shirt looks like some sort of, you're either like a mastermind who runs the world at the old Dr. Evilie, or, I don't know, you look good.

• 2:16Speaker 04

  Can I tell you what I am?

• 2:17Bill Maher?

  What?

• 2:18Speaker 04

  I am a guy whose wife has grown tired of me asking her what I should wear, and she went and got me like four casual outfits that I can wear to things that have numbers on them, like goranimals. Like a child. That's why I'm a big child.

• 2:34Bill Maher?

  Is this why guys like marriage? Because there's somebody who does shit for you that you don't want to do?

• 2:39Speaker 04

  Well, I think-

• 2:39Bill Maher?

  Is that the main part of it?

• 2:40Speaker 04

  No, I don't think it's that, but I do think- I don't know about you, do you have trouble figuring out like what looks right?

• 2:48Bill Maher?

  No.

• 2:49Speaker 04

  I have a great deal of trouble with it.

• 2:51Bill Maher?

  In fact, I'm a very, um, um, instinctive and decisive shopper. I will go in-

• 2:58Speaker 04

  I'm the same way shopping?

• 2:59Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 3:00Speaker 04

  For putting the clothes on?

• 3:01Bill Maher?

  Either it speaks to me or it doesn't. If I'm wondering, then it's, then the answer's no. And if I want it, um, you know, I want it.

• 3:10Speaker 04

  I'm good with shopping, I'm not good with putting combinations of things on.

• 3:14Bill Maher?

  How often do you shop?

• 3:16Speaker 04

  Not that much, very rarely.

• 3:18Bill Maher?

  I was at the mall about a month ago, maybe five weeks ago, I don't know. I mean, fucking A, I had not been, even before the pandemic, I would never really go to a store for a year. I'd see pictures of celebrities, you know, coming out of Vons. I'm like, why the fuck are they doing that? I mean, they must have assistants. You're buying toilet paper at 8:00 in the morning, are you nuts? I don't go to stores because I don't have to. So, but I thought, you know, oh, it's fun, they're open again, and I should see what's out there for my own self. I'm too in my bubble with shopping-wise. I mean, it was quite a mind-blowing experience being in the mall.

• 3:59Speaker 04

  What'd you do, did you go to Macy's?

• 4:00Bill Maher?

  I went to the west side, the one in Century City.

• 4:03Speaker 04

  Yeah?

• 4:04Bill Maher?

  Yeah. Part of it is outside.

• 4:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:08Bill Maher?

  Interesting, like, the people with masks on were the least likely to be felled by the Andromeda strain. It was all the 22-year-olds with masks on outside. It just fucking made me crazy.

• 4:21Speaker 04

  Do you ever wear the mask so you can...

• 4:23Bill Maher?

  I will never wear a mask unless you force me to. I won't even do it anymore like just if it was a walk into my studio. "Okay, we're playing this game." No, you have to yell at me and then I'll do it.

• 4:35Speaker 04

  I wear the mask sometimes just so I can walk around like Michael Jackson with my face covered.

• 4:44Bill Maher?

  So, you're coming right from your show?

• 4:47Speaker 04

  I am.

• 4:47Bill Maher?

  Oh, thank you.

• 4:48Speaker 04

  No, no problem.

• 4:49Bill Maher?

  You're such a good guy, Jimmy.

• 4:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, sure, I'll have a little of that.

• 4:53Bill Maher?

  This is from Mike Tyson.

• 4:54Speaker 04

  Is it really?

• 4:55Bill Maher?

  Guests of Club Random with Bill Maher smoked pot given to Bill Maher by other guests of Club Random with Bill Maher.

• 5:03Speaker 04

  Provided by Mike Tyson.

• 5:04Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 5:05Speaker 04

  I've smoked with Mike Tyson before.

• 5:07Bill Maher?

  Who hasn't?

• 5:08Speaker 04

  He doesn't kid around.

• 5:10Bill Maher?

  He really, he loves his... Well, you know what, for you and I, I mean, pot is whatever it is. I think for him, it really... I got my Eddie Vedder lighter, although these zippers are terrible, they don't work.

• 5:25Bill Maher?

  But I think for Mike, you know, he really, it makes him a mellow, very different guy. And he's not a guy you want to be unmellowed. I mean, you know, of all the guys, you don't want to be, you know...

• 5:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's, maybe he's medicating himself, but whatever he's doing, it seems to be working.

• 5:43Bill Maher?

  It's totally working.

• 5:46Speaker 04

  Did you see that fight?

• 5:49Bill Maher?

  On the plane?

• 5:51Speaker 04

  Who'd he fight? Roy Jones Jr.? I don't know, about six months ago?

• 5:54Bill Maher?

  No.

• 5:55Speaker 04

  Tyson, he had a pay-per-view fight.

• 5:56Bill Maher?

  Of course.

• 5:57Speaker 04

  It was totally fixed.

• 5:58Bill Maher?

  What happened?

• 5:59Speaker 04

  Well, first of all, he looked really good. I mean, he, it was surprising how good he looked. Roy didn't look so good. He clearly beat Jones, but they obviously made some kind of a deal beforehand where they would declare it a draw. It was not a draw, but it was a draw at the end.

• 6:16Bill Maher?

  But these two men in their 50s punching each other?

• 6:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, and Mike's quite a bit bigger than, than Roy. I think Mike might be 10 years older, too.

• 6:29Bill Maher?

  How old are you?

• 6:30Speaker 04

  I'm 54.

• 6:31Bill Maher?

  Can you imagine a man punching you? I mean, how fucking ridiculous is that?

• 6:35Speaker 04

  Let me tell you something. Today, I did something today in which children threw dodgeballs at me while I was trying to shoot a basketball, and it was an absolute nightmare. I was getting hit with these light rubber balls. I was like, oh my god, this is terrible.

• 6:51Bill Maher?

  So, I was on your show, when was it? Like, a month ago or something?

• 6:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, five weeks, I think.

• 6:58Bill Maher?

  And, I think it was, I think I was mentioning that it was, is it 20 years since we passed that baton?

• 7:07Speaker 04

  It is almost, yeah.

• 7:09Bill Maher?

  It's so funny, that sign behind you.

• 7:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 7:11Bill Maher?

  I mean...

• 7:11Speaker 04

  Politically, I love seeing that. I love that you keep this stuff, because it makes me feel okay about keeping my stuff. I have a big man show sign, you know?

• 7:19Bill Maher?

  Yeah. I mean, there were, it's gonna, how can you throw it out?

• 7:23Speaker 04

  That's how I feel. My wife would tell you how to throw it out.

• 7:25Bill Maher?

  Yeah. I mean, there'll never be a better title. I wish I could use the title...

• 7:32Speaker 04

  It's a great title.

• 7:33Bill Maher?

  Yeah. And especially was in the day, because it was new. You know, people weren't saying that. They were saying politically correct. I remember we had a lawsuit about that, because somebody else wanted to use that, and we said, no, we made that.

• 7:48Speaker 04

  I never told you this, but there was a, when I was a disc jockey here in LA, there was a guy, a producer, who wanted me to host a show called Athletically Incorrect. Do you ever hear anything about that?

• 8:01Bill Maher?

  No, but there was, there was a time in the mid 90s, after we were on for a year or so, when there was a slew of copycat shows. I remember being very, very worried about it, and talking to my producer, Scott Carter, God bless Scott Carter, all those years, such a great guy.

• 8:17Speaker 04

  He is a great guy, super smart guy.

• 8:20Bill Maher?

  Oh, yes, and just a great human. And he, and I was like, they're gonna take the show. And he said, you know... Think about the people who have cycled through here that we tried to teach how to do this kind of show and they couldn't get it. They can't rip it off when they're trying to learn it.

• 8:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, when you're telling them how to rip it off.

• 8:42Bill Maher?

  Well, we always were doing something that was different than the other shows.

• 8:47Speaker 04

  You know.

• 8:48Bill Maher?

  And they couldn't rip it off.

• 8:49Speaker 04

  When we did The Man Show, which you were on.

• 8:52Bill Maher?

  Of course, I'm sure.

• 8:53Speaker 04

  And.

• 8:54Bill Maher?

  I don't remember it, but.

• 8:55Speaker 04

  I remember it well. It was some kind of a bit where I married a monkey and then.

• 9:02Bill Maher?

  Oh, yeah, I do remember that.

• 9:03Speaker 04

  At the end of the bit, I look across, we were wearing tuxedos for some reason. I look across the room.

• 9:11Bill Maher?

  Of course, you're a monkey.

• 9:12Speaker 04

  And you were there with your own monkey. Like it was a thing. But there was a show called The X Show. We made this Man Show pilot and then it took like a year before it was on the air. And in the meantime, FX, which was a new network, stole the idea. First, they tried to buy The Man Show and we sold it to Comedy Central. And then they asked me to host this show that they described to me. I was like, this is just like the show I'm doing, except for it was five nights a week. And they bought time in our premiere episode of The Man Show. They bought ads from the local cable operator and we were just so angry and we were just like, they were like our arch enemy and it's all we could think of.

• 9:57Speaker 04

  And it's funny, you know, I was like, it didn't work. It was terrible. Who cares?

• 10:02Bill Maher?

  Yeah, who cares?

• 10:03Speaker 04

  But it was the biggest thing in our office at that time.

• 10:06Bill Maher?

  The brand of show business we're in is the most disposable. Like, movies last forever. You know, people still watch fucking, it happened one night. I mean, it looks like it was made in the Middle Ages, but it was only 1935 and it's on film and. And what we do is gone by the next week. It's sour milk, you know. It's so disposable.

• 10:30Speaker 04

  But for me, I come from radio, which is even lower on that disposable ladder.

• 10:36Bill Maher?

  Yes, it is. So. As low as it gets.

• 10:37Speaker 04

  I saw even just the fact that somebody is saving the tape of the show, which, you know, in radio, you want the show, you buy cassettes, you bring them in and you take the show on.

• 10:48Bill Maher?

  They didn't used to save them. I mean.

• 10:50Speaker 04

  Not at all.

• 10:50Bill Maher?

  Carson used to complain that there were not, those first few years, there were, some were on a kinescope. I never even knew what the fuck that was. They used to talk about it. And it was like, what is a kinescope? I don't know. It was something, I think it was like making a picture of a picture somehow. So they had a few of them like that. But those early Carson years, they don't even have, because nobody thought.

• 11:12Speaker 04

  They would reuse those tapes.

• 11:13Bill Maher?

  They would use them for anything.

• 11:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:15Bill Maher?

  It's hysterical, the lack of foresight.

• 11:18Speaker 04

  It's crazy. Yeah.

• 11:19Bill Maher?

  And.

• 11:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, even, yeah. How much could a tape have cost back then? But that was the same with our radio show. Also, we had a thing where.

• 11:27Bill Maher?

  Were you at thirty-four when you started? If you're fifty-four.

• 11:32Speaker 04

  This show?

• 11:33Bill Maher?

  Your show.

• 11:34Speaker 04

  Thirty-five, yeah.

• 11:35Bill Maher?

  Thirty-five. Yeah, I was about that exact age when I started Politically Incorrect. It's funny, you look back and I'm sure there are people who like our earlier work better.

• 11:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, there are.

• 11:51Bill Maher?

  But I look back and I would just fucking cringe. I mean, if you really wanted to torture me, make me watch something.

• 12:00Speaker 04

  Same here.

• 12:01Bill Maher?

  I mean, I didn't even watch it now.

• 12:03Speaker 04

  Me neither.

• 12:03Bill Maher?

  But if I did, and occasionally I do to check on something, especially the parts that are written, which I worked on all week, I can watch that and go, oh, okay, I can totally live with that. I didn't stumble over one word. If I stumble over one word, I feel like it's ruined.

• 12:19Speaker 04

  It's a bummer, right?

• 12:21Bill Maher?

  You know, but. But to ask me to look at something all those years ago, first of all, I would have zero recollection. It would be a total shock. And maybe there'd be parts I'd go like, oh, that guy, that was pretty cute of that guy. But there would be definitely parts where I would go, oh, what a fucking douchebag.

• 12:41Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:42Bill Maher?

  And that would be just exquisite torture.

• 12:46Speaker 04

  Yes, it's terrible. I've had that, I think I feel like I've had that my whole life with everything. Like, I wanted to be an artist when I was a kid. And you draw something, you think it was good, and show it to your mom or whatever. And then like two years later, you look at it, you go, oh, God, I thought this was good. And then you start to question whether what you're doing at that time is good. I guess eventually you probably reach a point where you've peaked, where maybe you'll enjoy looking back because you were better.

• 13:16Bill Maher?

  I don't think I ever would, because I feel like, I mean, what I really want to be is the most sophisticated I can in the best sense of the word, not a pretentious sense. And I just was less sophisticated at that age. I might not have been unsophisticated for my age.

• 13:33Speaker 04

  Right.

• 13:34Bill Maher?

  But when you look back from 50s and 60s, at 20s and 30s, you're not that sophisticated. You think you are, and you're more than you were when you were a teenager, of course. But there's just, you're just not what they, I think, used to call seasoned.

• 13:48Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:49Bill Maher?

  Yeah, you don't know things.

• 13:51Speaker 04

  You don't know, you don't know things. I heard you on one of the earlier podcasts, talking about gazpacho and how you, when you learned that it was cold soup.

• 13:59Bill Maher?

  And that's my book.

• 14:00Speaker 04

  That's one of, that's, that, I think that's a, it's a very salient point, you know, it's.

• 14:06Bill Maher?

  Yes, everything you, the gazpacho, I'm obsessed with this gazpacho. Because it's, you know, it's funny what sticks in your mind. For some reason, I guess because I was so humiliated at that moment when I was making a thing with the waiter about the gazpacho soup being cold. It must have been seared in my mind, and it just, I do want to write that book, Gazpacho Soup is Cold. Because you, every single thing you know in your life, you did learn at a particular instant. You don't record the instant, but you could.

• 14:38Speaker 04

  Can I tell you what I didn't know when I was in my mid to late 20s? I would. I thought, I thought fish was healthy. And I, and so I would get fish and chips for lunch almost every day.

• 14:54Bill Maher?

  And now you don't because of the mercury and stuff like that?

• 14:56Speaker 04

  No, it's just, it's a big blob of fried dough over a piece of-

• 15:00Bill Maher?

  Well, you don't have to fry fish.

• 15:01Speaker 04

  Well, no, fish and chips, like the traditional fish and chips.

• 15:03Bill Maher?

  Oh, but you just said fish. You think all fish is unhealthy?

• 15:07Speaker 04

  No, I, no, I think grilled fish is great. This was like, you know, like a fried chicken version of fish.

• 15:13Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 15:14Speaker 04

  And I thought I was eating, I'd have french fries with it, and I was like, I'm eating as healthy as could be.

• 15:19Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 15:19Speaker 04

  I would have a bagel every morning and think like, oh, this is good, I'm not putting much butter on it, you know? We don't know any, we're not taught the important things.

• 15:29Bill Maher?

  Uh, well, now you're, Jimmy, wading into my deep end of the pool. Cause this is the area that makes me ballistic. I, we could spend the whole rest of this time talking about this subject, but I feel like uh, maybe I have an ally in you, I don't know if I do on all these things.

• 15:47Speaker 04

  You do, you do.

• 15:47Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 15:48Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:48Bill Maher?

  Okay, but just, let me just address the general first, which is that somehow at sixty-six, even though I understand that my body is not in the shape it must have been internally and in some ways externally, that it was, I'm so much smarter about my health than I was in my twenties and thirties, that in some ways, I'm actually healthier. And you can look at even in the numbers.

• 16:13Speaker 04

  I feel the same way.

• 16:14Bill Maher?

  Which is amazing, because to your point, I had so many bad ideas. And of course, when you talk about bad ideas about health, that's given the fact that we already with our best ideas, don't know a lot. So if you have bad ideas based on other bad ideas, that's a lot of bad health. And yes, I was the same way. I thought, we all thought, that, uh, I can't believe it's not butter.

• 16:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:39Bill Maher?

  Was what you should eat, and now it is illegal. That is trans fats. Trans fats are illegal, and that is what they told us to, to eat fifteen years ago.

• 16:48Speaker 04

  To be healthy.

• 16:49Bill Maher?

  This is my, why I am so skeptical about COVID and all the way we handle it, because the bigger question about health, they just don't know that much, and they're wrong a lot. So don't sit there in your fucking white coat and tell me, just do what we say. Because when have we ever been wrong? A lot. You've been wrong a fucking lot, including about this. I seem to remember six months we were wiping off the packages. Right. Lots of things you're wrong about. The vaccine could prevent you, would prevent you from getting it, no, or giving it, no. Okay, you aren't trying to be wrong, but don't be arrogant about how much you're right, because it's not very much.

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• 18:01Speaker 05

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• 18:30Speaker 04

  Do you feel, though, that now, knowing what you know, do you feel like you're at, in that place that you were at 10 years ago or 20 years ago, where the conventional wisdom is what we accept? We know that grilled fish is good for us, some are maybe not, some are worse than others, but

• 18:49Bill Maher?

  Well, we know fish-

• 18:49Speaker 04

  Maybe we'll find out it wasn't.

• 18:51Bill Maher?

  I mean, any fish that lives in the ocean is never going to be 100% good for you, because the ocean is a fucking cesspool. We've turned it into that.

• 18:59Speaker 04

  There are many lakes and you could have a nice salmon out of a river.

• 19:03Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I mean, most bodies of water are somewhat polluted. Just because what falls out of the air falls into the bodies of water. Mercury gets into the water no matter where the water is, because it falls from the clouds. And fish eat that and we get it in the fish. Some fish are worse, obviously sushi. There are people who eat a lot of sushi and have mercury poisoning. That's how much fucking mercury there is in the fish. Jeremy Piven had that thing on Broadway.

• 19:29Speaker 04

  Allegedly, yeah. I don't know, I think he, wasn't he trying to get out of that play?

• 19:35Bill Maher?

  I seem to remember that, yes, that's possible.

• 19:38Speaker 04

  I remember a lot of scoffing. That's what I remember from that time.

• 19:41Bill Maher?

  They would write a book about it. He blamed it on the fish. The Jeremy Piven story.

• 19:47Bill Maher?

  But certainly, it is bad for you. When you, tuna has tons of it, swordfish, I used to love to eat, I won't eat that now.

• 19:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, swordfish is bad.

• 19:55Bill Maher?

  Any deep sea fish is gonna be full of mercury. And mercury is super bad for what's inside you. This is another thing about vaccines, you know? I've never been anti-vax, but don't tell me that you know how vaccines will interact with how much mercury I have in my body. Or how much electromagnetic energy I get exposed to. How many of the 50,000 chemicals that were never around 100 years ago that we ingest now are in the atmosphere? There's a million different variables that can affect my health. So, don't pretend that there are definitive answers about any of this.

• 20:36Speaker 04

  But don't you, do you regret having the polio vaccine, the rubella vaccine?

• 20:42Bill Maher?

  You know, it's a...

• 20:43Speaker 04

  Did you get the shingles vaccine?

• 20:44Bill Maher?

  I would have to go through them case by case, because to me, vaccines are always a case by case. There are some, yes, that I would endorse.

• 20:54Bill Maher?

  And some, I certainly didn't want the COVID one.

• 20:58Speaker 04

  You didn't wanna get it?

• 20:59Bill Maher?

  No, and I did. Because I couldn't have led a life without it, and still couldn't today. But I'm not gonna get any more of it.

• 21:07Speaker 04

  Oh, I will, I will, for sure.

• 21:09Bill Maher?

  Yeah, well, I mean, we're different on that.

• 21:11Speaker 04

  Yeah. And, yeah, I don't know, I...

• 21:16Speaker 04

  I don't know, even the idea that mercury is bad for you, like, how do we know that?

• 21:21Bill Maher?

  Mercury is bad for you, we do know that.

• 21:24Speaker 04

  But how do we know it? Who told us this?

• 21:27Bill Maher?

  Okay, well, peer-reviewed studies told us this.

• 21:30Speaker 04

  Right.

• 21:31Bill Maher?

  And it's almost commonsensical, but, I mean, they're, look, I'm trying to lay out the case that I'm the medical skeptic.

• 21:39Speaker 04

  Right.

• 21:40Bill Maher?

  But if the question is, is mercury bad for you? I feel like that's on the side of settled science. I'm good with that one. I don't need to look into that one anymore. Mercury in your system, not good. Do you feel- Neither is lead, which we also have in our body.

• 21:57Speaker 04

  Well, no, I'm not saying, I'm not saying they are good, I'm not even questioning it, I'm just, just, why do we decide that certain things are-

• 22:03Bill Maher?

  Metals in people's body is something that they don't look into enough and is very often, I've certainly anecdotally heard from people who say, I know one person in particular who was like, she had all these horrible, kind of like, you know, those diseases they call fatigue diseases, you know, bar- Yeah, Epstein-Barr, which is a virus many of us have in their bodies. I have it in my body. Lots of, you know, fatigue syndrome, whatever they want to call it. And she said, looked at a million different things, many different doctors, had the mercury drilled out of her teeth, problem went away. Mercury, they used to drill it in, I had it drilled-

• 22:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, I had it, yeah.

• 22:48Bill Maher?

  Yeah, did you have it drilled out?

• 22:50Speaker 04

  Yes, I had them-

• 22:51Bill Maher?

  Right, well, if you're-

• 22:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, the metal fillings.

• 22:54Bill Maher?

  If you're not sure about that, why'd you do that?

• 22:57Speaker 04

  I was a kid, my parents, I had no decision really in it, they-

• 23:01Bill Maher?

  They drilled it in and then drilled it out while you were still a kid?

• 23:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, they drilled in when I was a little kid, and drilled it out when I was like thirteen or something, fourteen maybe?

• 23:10Bill Maher?

  Wow.

• 23:10Speaker 04

  Yeah. They said they had to, it was like falling out.

• 23:13Bill Maher?

  Yes! And it's bad for you!

• 23:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't know what their reasoning was, their reasoning may have just been-

• 23:19Bill Maher?

  It's poison!

• 23:20Speaker 04

  We want to sell you another filling.

• 23:22Bill Maher?

  We don't want poison leaking into your body from your teeth.

• 23:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, that could have been it too, but I, I tend to think that, I, I tend to think that they're just like dentists trying to make another sixty bucks.

• 23:36Bill Maher?

  Not in this case.

• 23:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, no, why?

• 23:39Bill Maher?

  If you leave here thinking one thing about Club Random, I hope it will be Mercury Bad. Mercury Bad? Don't get mercury in my body, if I can help it.

• 23:51Speaker 04

  I was gonna ask you why it was Club Random, but I think I understand. I don't think I need any explanation.

• 23:57Bill Maher?

  It's interesting, you and I, you know, we have so many things in common and so many things un-in common.

• 24:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's true.

• 24:05Bill Maher?

  Like, you're a guy who loves to be married.

• 24:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:08Bill Maher?

  And I'm a guy who, obviously, doesn't.

• 24:10Speaker 04

  Right.

• 24:14Speaker 04

  I mean...

• 24:15Bill Maher?

  And you leave... Is your wife still the head writer?

• 24:17Speaker 04

  She's, yeah, the head writer.

• 24:19Bill Maher?

  That's unbelievable.

• 24:20Speaker 04

  Executive producer of the show.

• 24:21Bill Maher?

  Talk about someone who you can trust, huh?

• 24:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:24Bill Maher?

  Because that's a real trust job.

• 24:26Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 24:27Bill Maher?

  You know, if you...

• 24:28Speaker 04

  And also, who just knows you.

• 24:30Bill Maher?

  It's like chief of staff, if you're president.

• 24:32Speaker 04

  Yeah. Who knows what you would want and not want.

• 24:36Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 24:36Speaker 04

  Even more importantly.

• 24:38Bill Maher?

  So it's not just the shirts that she does?

• 24:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, it's not just the shirts.

• 24:43Bill Maher?

  It's the show and the shirts. That is a hell of a wife you got there.

• 24:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, she's good. Sometimes if I think of something funny in the middle of the night, I'll make a lot of noise so that it wakes her up and then I'll act like I did it unintentionally. And then I'll tell her the funny thing that I thought of. And she almost... I mean, she courtesy laughs, but I don't think she's...

• 25:08Bill Maher?

  But then she puts it in a bit?

• 25:11Speaker 04

  Oh, no, it's usually ridiculous.

• 25:13Bill Maher?

  You have some... I must say, you do have some classic bits. The tweets bit.

• 25:19Speaker 04

  See, that was her idea, my wife's idea.

• 25:21Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 25:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:22Bill Maher?

  That is a... I mean, you know, not...

• 25:23Speaker 04

  It's a good bit.

• 25:24Bill Maher?

  Every bit is a classic. That's a classic.

• 25:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:27Bill Maher?

  And the other one, the, you know, bleeping...

• 25:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, the unnecessary censorship. Yeah, that's something I started doing on the radio.

• 25:36Bill Maher?

  Is that right?

• 25:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:37Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 25:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:38Bill Maher?

  Goes that far back?

• 25:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was funny to-

• 25:42Bill Maher?

  So funny.

• 25:42Speaker 04

  Put bleeps where-

• 25:43Bill Maher?

  We had to cut the tape. It's a scream.

• 25:45Speaker 04

  Where they don't belong. Yeah, I always got a kick out of it.

• 25:49Bill Maher?

  Yeah, that's another gold. Those things, those like recurring-

• 25:54Speaker 04

  Oh, they're the- What a life raft that is.

• 25:56Bill Maher?

  New rules, obviously, and some of the-

• 25:58Speaker 04

  You figure that out?

• 26:00Bill Maher?

  I don't know if it's true, I just, I don't know for a fact. I just know it's true and our 24 things. I love those refillables. Because we're old school fans of the old. We grew up on, I mean, I know you adore Letterman.

• 26:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:14Bill Maher?

  He's your big hero, right?

• 26:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, Letterman, Howard.

• 26:18Bill Maher?

  Howard, yes. Oh, and he's still your boyfriend?

• 26:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:24Bill Maher?

  Now, how did you wind up up Howard's ass, but you couldn't get up Dave's? That's my question for you, Jimmy Kimmel. I'm sure you tried.

• 26:33Speaker 04

  No, I just, you know, I feel like Howard, no matter what he says, seeks human interaction. And I don't know that, at least with me, I don't know that Dave would be interested in that. And I would never want to like bother him. But Howard and I have a lot in common. We started in, you know, he's still a radio guy. I was a radio guy. I got into it because of him, really. And my uncle would send me tapes of the show on WNBC. Make a cassette tape. He'd send me one once every two months and I would listen to them over and over again. I feasted on them.

• 27:08Bill Maher?

  Right. And I'll talk, this is the difference between your age, which is about a decade before mine, and mine. Because like you're Howard Letterman, whereas I'm Carson Jack Benny.

• 27:23Speaker 04

  Right.

• 27:23Bill Maher?

  No, not Jack. I don't know. I don't know who the other one is. But it was probably somebody on the radio, you know. I did listen to like the disc jockeys on WABC. Dan Ingram in the afternoon. Cousin Brucie. I didn't want to be him. Dan Ingram was very sophisticated, but definitely Johnny Carson. And, you know, we wanted to be that guy. I think that guy to us was, I mean, we were never going to be like the athlete of the school, you know.

• 27:53Speaker 04

  Right.

• 27:53Bill Maher?

  That's not what we're going to be. We weren't going to be the leading man in the drama club, but we could be that guy, you know. That was our version of Jamie Bond.

• 28:04Speaker 04

  Well, I remember when college kids I would talk to started talking about Conan in the same way that I spoke about Letterman, because it's whatever you're, the first thing, the first one you're exposed to is the one that means the most.

• 28:18Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 28:19Speaker 04

  Johnny, for you it was Johnny, and then everybody else after Johnny is like, um...

• 28:25Bill Maher?

  And when there was that Conan Leno kerfuffle.

• 28:29Speaker 04

  Right.

• 28:30Bill Maher?

  Ugliness, not since the war between the states, really, or the, maybe it was the rap feuds between east and west coast. I don't remember, but not since something, was there something that was that contentious. I remember at the time, this is so funny, it was like 2009, I think.

• 28:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, it sounds right.

• 28:48Bill Maher?

  Okay, so my girlfriend at the time was 25, and I remember, you know, it was a very important thing in our world.

• 28:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:57Bill Maher?

  And I was explaining to her, I said, "Well, you know, it's a generational thing. Leno is 59 and Conan's like 46." And she went, "Yeah, that's the same thing to me."

• 29:10Bill Maher?

  And I actually felt better, because I was like, "Oh, you know what? Uh, that's good, because that means I'm in the same boat with everybody over 40," you know. And, yeah, and that category is, you know.

• 29:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, out of range.

• 29:25Bill Maher?

  Right, fuller, but, but...

• 29:28Bill Maher?

  I don't know. I mean, were you a team? Were you Team Jay or Team?

• 29:33Speaker 04

  Oh, definitely not Team Jay.

• 29:34Bill Maher?

  No?

• 29:35Speaker 04

  No.

• 29:35Bill Maher?

  Oh, yeah, you have a feud with him.

• 29:37Speaker 04

  I was kind of in the middle of that whole thing.

• 29:39Bill Maher?

  You have a feud with Jay Leno?

• 29:40Speaker 04

  Not anymore. I did though, one time.

• 29:42Bill Maher?

  About what? He's such a nice guy.

• 29:44Speaker 04

  I know, you always say that and I go, hmm.

• 29:47Bill Maher?

  What am I not seeing? You know, there's this evil Jay that I don't see? Really? I mean, is that really what you think? Tell me what you really think. You think I am blind to

• 29:57Speaker 04

  No.

• 29:58Bill Maher?

  a Machiavellian side of Jay Leno?

• 30:00Speaker 04

  Uh, maybe. I don't, I don't, yeah.

• 30:03Bill Maher?

  You can say that.

• 30:04Speaker 04

  I mean, unless you're joking.

• 30:06Bill Maher?

  I'm not joking.

• 30:07Speaker 04

  Well, quite, he's quite clearly very, a cunning individual, let's just say.

• 30:13Bill Maher?

  Because he hid in the closet that time?

• 30:16Speaker 04

  Who hides in the closet and listens in?

• 30:18Bill Maher?

  But on his own be-

• 30:19Speaker 04

  Who's ever done that?

• 30:21Bill Maher?

  Okay, but he did it-

• 30:22Speaker 04

  It's like a soap opera.

• 30:23Bill Maher?

  Wait a second. He did it on his own behalf. He didn't do it to rat fuck someone else.

• 30:30Speaker 04

  He did a rat fuck Dave. What do you mean?

• 30:32Bill Maher?

  To rat fuck Dave?

• 30:33Speaker 04

  Letterman, I mean-

• 30:34Bill Maher?

  How did that rat fuck Letterman?

• 30:36Speaker 04

  Well, it was part of his campa- I mean, you know, they go through the whole thing, but basically that was part of him gauging what NBC was planning to do. I don't recall exactly what that conversation was, do you? But I think it may have been about-

• 30:50Bill Maher?

  But they were vying for this same, they were vying for this one coveted spot, the host of The Tonight Show. It was the holy grail of comedians that it would be passed on. So, obviously, it's the Super Bowl trophy. They both want it. And, I don't know, I find something wrong about the hatred of the people who, oh, you just went for it and got it and won. And then, by the way, he was like number one. They fired him twice for the sin of being number one in his time slot. I mean, it's not like he-

• 31:23Speaker 04

  Well, I don't know if that's why they fired him, but, yeah.

• 31:25Bill Maher?

  Well, they fired him because they thought, well, we better look out- Why? Because he was such a hard guy to work with?

• 31:31Speaker 04

  No, I just think they saw Fallon surging and they saw that as the immediate future.

• 31:36Bill Maher?

  They saw, they were bet-

• 31:37Speaker 04

  There was a time where the ratings between those shows were getting close, which is very unusual.

• 31:43Bill Maher?

  It speaks to the need in this business, kids, if you're watching. And you want to get in the business, you need someone talking for you. An agent, a manager, somebody. Because Jay Leno had no one speaking for him. He was his own representative. Whereas, I think it was Ari Emanuel, one of the great talkers of all time, and great people, I love him. I think he was in the ear of the NBC execs saying, "You need to think about the future." "Yeah, sure Jay is number one now, but you know what? What about the future? Let's get ahead of this." And so they fired him for being number one twice. And his successors did not do as well. I'm just saying, these are the raw facts.

• 32:27Speaker 04

  I think it's more complicated than that.

• 32:29Bill Maher?

  Well, tell me the complicated part.

• 32:32Speaker 04

  Well, there's a couple of things. I mean, first of all, Conan wanted the 11:30 spot. And he went to NBC and said, "I want the 11:30 spot. If I don't get the 11:30 spot, I'm going to become a free agent. And other networks are going to offer me the 11:30 spot." Which was happening, by the way. You know, something that was happening. And NBC said, "Listen, we want to keep Jay on. We want you to be the 11:30 host. What we'll do is, we'll make a deal. In five years, we'll give you The Tonight Show." And Conan now has to make a decision. Should I go to ABC at 11:30? Or stay here and wait and be a good soldier and take The Tonight Show at the end of it?

• 33:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, ABC. I know. But at the time, they were talking to him. And Fox as well.

• 33:24Bill Maher?

  To replace you with him?

• 33:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, to push me back or whatever, you know, move the show. I was on at midnight at that time. And Conan then had to make a decision. You know, do I go to another network? Or do I stay here and wait? And he said, "Okay, I'll stay and wait." And then when he put in his five years...

• 33:45Speaker 04

  They broke the deal.

• 33:46Bill Maher?

  Oh, so he did stay five years?

• 33:48Speaker 04

  He did stay five years. And then Jay, who knows a lot about television, a lot about TV ratings, maybe more than anyone I've ever met.

• 33:56Bill Maher?

  I'll bet.

• 33:59Speaker 04

  Was offered the 10 p.m. slot. Now, they don't have to violate Conan's contract. Jay knew that lead-in is hugely important and that NBC had had dramas that were fairly successful in those slots. And they were bringing a pretty big audience to The Tonight Show. He knew that doing his show would have maybe half those ratings, turned out to be like a third. And even if that show failed, it would make The Tonight Show's ratings drop. And that's what happened. Conan had a bad lead-in from Jay.

• 34:31Bill Maher?

  But should Jay have not taken the 10 p.m. spot because of that? Why is Jay always looking out for Conan's interests?

• 34:38Speaker 04

  No, I'm not saying he's looking out for Conan's interests. I'm just saying it's somewhat diabolical, don't you think?

• 34:45Bill Maher?

  Diabolical?

• 34:46Speaker 04

  I mean, I would never do anything like that.

• 34:48Bill Maher?

  Why? So he should not have taken the 10 p.m. slot? He should not have kept working in the air, in the job they offered him? He should say, "No, because of Conan's career, I'm not going to work at 10 p.m." I don't get that.

• 35:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, but...

• 35:03Bill Maher?

  Yeah?

• 35:04Speaker 04

  I think from the beginning, his plan was to retake The Tonight Show. To see the ratings go down.

• 35:10Bill Maher?

  You just don't like this guy. I don't know what he did do.

• 35:13Speaker 04

  Well, yeah.

• 35:15Bill Maher?

  What did he do? Did he touch you, Jimmy?

• 35:17Speaker 04

  No, he did do a weird thing to me.

• 35:19Bill Maher?

  Tell me why he touched you.

• 35:20Speaker 04

  But I don't want to make this all about, because I'm fine with him now, we've spoken.

• 35:24Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 35:24Speaker 04

  It's fine, but just, you know, whatever, just the fact.

• 35:27Bill Maher?

  I hate it when two people I love don't like each other. Because I feel like I did something.

• 35:34Speaker 04

  It wasn't your fault at all.

• 35:36Bill Maher?

  Was it?

• 35:37Speaker 04

  It's just, when ABC was, when NBC was going to...

• 35:43Speaker 04

  Turn the show over to Conan. Jay was talking to ABC about coming on at 11:30. And Jay needed to get, Bob Iger, they needed to get my permission in, contractually, because I was contracted to be on at midnight, not 12:30. So, they wanted to get my permission first. And so, at that time, Jay called me a lot and, you know, we spoke about all sorts of things and I felt like we were having a friendly relationship. And then, the day NBC decided, no, we're keeping Jay, never heard from him again. And I didn't even find out from him that he was staying. He wanted me to, he wanted to be on at 11:30 and I would move to 12:30 and I finally

• 36:28Speaker 04

  said, okay, yeah, I think I would do that. I'd be on at 12:30 after you, because I was on at midnight at the time. And I felt he'd be a better leader in the night line, you know that.

• 36:39Bill Maher?

  Wait, Jay was gonna move to ABC?

• 36:41Speaker 04

  Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff.

• 36:45Bill Maher?

  I, yeah, either I forgot that, or...

• 36:48Speaker 04

  No, I don't think most people even know that. But I know it because I was asked to move to 12:30. Yeah, so I don't know, I sometimes feel like, maybe...

• 37:00Bill Maher?

  Well, I...

• 37:01Speaker 04

  I got a lot of friends, I don't need to, I don't need to like...

• 37:04Bill Maher?

  I understand.

• 37:05Speaker 04

  You know what I mean?

• 37:06Bill Maher?

  But I hope someday, as we all walk down the path of life...

• 37:10Speaker 04

  Well, this isn't gonna make it better.

• 37:12Bill Maher?

  That I get to somehow do a Jerry Lewis...

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• 38:50Speaker 04

  Let me tell you a good Jay Leno story. I met him when I was a teenager, out front of the Improv, I think. And he couldn't have possibly have been nicer to us. I mean, he was super nice and chatty and, you know. So, you know, I'm not indicating, you know, whatever. I just think there's some weird things there.

• 39:08Bill Maher?

  Well, he is a weird mix of, I think, a very moral guy. But he's definitely Italian. He has a cunning, yes. Jay is smart about the business. I mean, he is ruthlessly smart. But I just didn't think it was at the detriment of others, except if you're going after the same job, yeah, I don't find it off-putting that he was in the closet.

• 39:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, from my point of view, I got to know who he was from his appearances on Letterman. And I thought he was cool because Dave put him on and they seemed to be friendly and he would give Dave shit. And he was always so funny.

• 39:51Bill Maher?

  Oh, so funny. Those were great.

• 39:52Speaker 04

  And then it seemed weird that then, after Dave kind of opened that door for him, that he'd be squeezing his way through the other one.

• 40:05Bill Maher?

  Well, Dave opened that door for him. I mean, he was obviously, I remember those appearances too. He was obviously a big talent. You know, Chris Rock for years would always say, "Oh, thank you." Because back in 1996, we put him on, we were doing, it was the 96 election. He was our correspondent, because he was at a kind of a down moment in his career. In New Hampshire, it was funny, "I can't find hair products up here," you know. It gave him a little boost, people saw him and it, you know, helped the next step. But I always said to him, "Chris, I didn't do anything, you're a giant talent. It would have happened anyway. I'm glad that we were able to like, work together at a moment that was beneficial for us both,

• 40:48Bill Maher?

  but it would have happened some other way, you're Chris Rock."

• 40:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, but the difference is, that's how Chris feels. Right? It's not about how you feel, it's how Chris feels. And Jay is Chris in this situation. And this Chris is not so grateful.

• 41:06Bill Maher?

  Interesting the way you threw that trump card down on me. I must say, I'm a little taken aback. But, okay, well, someday I'm going to do a Frank Sinatra to your Dean and Jerry. Not that you were ever Dean and Jerry. But, it's like, because, you know, there's so many, there's still few people who can understand what you and me and Jay, and you know, there's a little club of people who know what it's like to do a talk show and talk to many, many, many different people over the years. And, you know, I mean, I would be hard-pressed if someone like, had a list of every guest I've ever had, to read them and make me identify exactly who we're talking about.

• 41:48Bill Maher?

  Because I just, you know, I don't remember everybody, Regis.

• 41:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:55Bill Maher?

  I mean, Jimmy.

• 41:57Speaker 04

  That's funny.

• 41:58Bill Maher?

  Especially because he's dead. He's not even, oh no, is Regis dead?

• 42:03Speaker 04

  He did, he passed. That's a relief?

• 42:06Bill Maher?

  I feel bad. I mean, I feel good, I mean, I feel bad. I feel, I feel good that he was around for so long and terrible that it had to end so quickly.

• 42:17Speaker 04

  I had Regis and Joy and Don Rickles and his wife Barbara over my house for dinner one night. I cooked them dinner. And one of the things I love about like old guys like that is nationality means so much in their characterization of you, like Regis, ah, look, he's Irish. He's like, he's drunk, he's, you know, it's like, with Don, like, all he could think about is, my mother's Italian, is like, he's, the kid's Italian, he's Italian. Because I think he thought I was Jewish at the, at the outset and was kind of hoping I was Jewish. But then it became the mob and spaghetti and all meatballs and all that shit.

• 42:56Bill Maher?

  Nothing about you reads Jewish.

• 42:57Speaker 04

  You say that, really?

• 42:59Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 42:59Speaker 04

  Most people think I'm Jewish, yeah.

• 43:01Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 43:01Speaker 04

  My last name rhymes with a Jewish word and, um, and also when I dated Sarah, I feel like a lot of people presumed that I was Jewish.

• 43:11Bill Maher?

  I never presumed.

• 43:13Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 43:14Bill Maher?

  No, you just do not, you do not, I don't have Judar.

• 43:18Speaker 04

  That was a joke, of course.

• 43:20Bill Maher?

  You do not, if I had Judar, you would not set it off.

• 43:23Speaker 04

  Is it the big crucifix on my hairy chest?

• 43:26Bill Maher?

  I feel like it's part and parcel to your amazing success, really. Twenty years is a long time in that piece of real estate. It's because, like Carson and like your, your, and David Letterman, there's something mid-American about you that appeals to the broad, not just the coasts, although you obviously do well there too, but like you strike people as American and it's not like there's the Larry Davids and, you know, people love those kind of comics, but yes, they, that's kind of like a Jewish sensibility they see there. I don't see, see it with you.

• 44:11Bill Maher?

  Because you're not a Jew. Probably that's probably why. It's not a giant mystery. And for America, that's good, because Jews are like 2% of the population. It's very good to be able to do well also in Muncie.

• 44:25Bill Maher?

  And lots of other places, you know. And I know you hate to be compared, but you and Jay, you both have your thumb well on the on the pulse of middle America. You wouldn't have survived for that long in that spot if you didn't.

• 44:43Bill Maher?

  I like that ice bucket, by the way. It reminds me like, like, my parents had one like that when we were in the 70s, you know. I remember it being, I still have mine right here. I remember being attracted to it in some way. Attracted, that sounds sick. You know what I mean? No, I don't. Like you're attracted. You know what I mean? No, but like, one day. You wanna fuck my ice bucket? One day I'm gonna be a man who has an ice bucket. Oh, that, yes, definitely. Well, I, the people I looked up to, like Manley, who I wanted to be a man, and if I had a, if I was a man, like these men, I'd be with lots of hot chicks, were Johnny Carson and James Bond. Yeah. They were the right age, and it's interesting, you know, they weren't like young.

• 45:28Bill Maher?

  They weren't old, for sure. All the celebrities were older then. 40s, 40s was like, is like the perfect age. Like, fully a man, although I was, you know, I guess. I don't know, like, as I said, looking back, I don't wanna do it. But, uh, but, you know, still like attractive, looked good. Dean Martin also, I must say, I could tell that my mother was hot for Dean Martin. Like, watching the 10 o'clock, he had the Thursday 10 o'clock show we had. Comes out with the perfect tan, sideburns, you know, the tuxedo, and, you know, just white teeth, and like, it's like, oh yeah, I would love to, I said, well, I can't be Dean Martin.

• 46:14Bill Maher?

  I don't wanna be Jerry Lewis. It's gotta be something in the middle. Carson! You know. Who's your all-time favorite baseball player?

• 46:27Bill Maher?

  All time favorite baseball player. Well, I mean, there will always be someone, I mean, a connection for someone my age who grew up in the New York market with Mickey Mantle. I mean, my-

• 46:41Speaker 04

  A Yankee?

• 46:42Bill Maher?

  Yes, my father appeared at the head of my first grade classroom one morning. I was shocked because I'd never seen my father at the school. I didn't know what I thought, maybe that it was an emergency or a disaster. I was in trouble. But he was there to take me to my first baseball game. Like, it was like-

• 47:05Speaker 04

  And he didn't tell you? He just showed up and got you?

• 47:07Bill Maher?

  Right, just showed up, like a fucking Marine back from Afghanistan.

• 47:10Speaker 04

  Oh, that's great.

• 47:11Bill Maher?

  And, you know, I remember, I do have a, I have a clear memory of him talking to the teacher. And he must have been saying, hey, I know I shouldn't be doing this. I know the school day's not out, but it's our one chance to go to a game, blah, blah, blah. And so there, off I went.

• 47:26Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 47:27Bill Maher?

  And, you know, the first, it's almost exactly the way Billy Crystal describes it often. But like in his show, it's a brilliant show, that 700 Sundays. But walking into Yankee Stadium and before it had only been black and white on your television because your black and white TV showed the baseball games. And here it was, you walk out the tunnel and there's that giant expanse of verdant-

• 47:51Speaker 04

  I had that same experience because I had a little black and white TV. I watched all the Dodgers games growing up. And when my parents took us to Dodger Stadium, what really impressed, what really stood out to me was that the Dodgers' numbers were bright red.

• 48:06Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 48:07Speaker 04

  Which I never really noticed in the, you know, in the newspaper.

• 48:11Bill Maher?

  No, and it was just so big, you know, and, and there they were. So Mickey Mantle, when I was seven, I had a flannel uniform, like a Yankee pinstripe uniform with seven that my mother sewed on the back.

• 48:26Speaker 04

  Really?

• 48:27Bill Maher?

  And I wouldn't take it off all summer and she was begging me to because it was hot and it was flannel, but it was Mickey Mantle. So I guess that's back in my memory somewhere. I mean, when I got more thoughtful about sports, um-

• 48:43Bill Maher?

  I went right to Joe Pepitone. No. I don't know. Name some people. I mean, I like a lot of people, but you know, they're basically...

• 48:51Speaker 04

  Like Tom Seaver, was that one of your...

• 48:53Bill Maher?

  Yeah, Tom Seaver was great.

• 48:57Speaker 04

  Because I know you like the Mets. I just didn't know. I didn't know it was...

• 49:01Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 49:02Speaker 04

  I assumed it was from the beginning.

• 49:04Bill Maher?

  It was fun.

• 49:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, right.

• 49:05Bill Maher?

  And now they're doing great.

• 49:07Speaker 04

  I told you that story about the Las Vegas Golden Knights.

• 49:12Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 49:12Speaker 04

  They offered me a piece of their franchise, and I didn't do it because I felt... You told me it wasn't a great deal when you owned the Mets.

• 49:21Bill Maher?

  It was a great deal. I don't know. You must have been high.

• 49:24Speaker 04

  You told me...

• 49:25Bill Maher?

  It was...

• 49:27Speaker 04

  You told me that they never give you any tickets. You don't even have a parking space there. You always have to pay for tickets.

• 49:34Bill Maher?

  That's... I would never have said that because I never... That was not the case.

• 49:38Speaker 04

  Must be losing my mind.

• 49:39Bill Maher?

  I had my own parking space.

• 49:40Speaker 04

  I mean, I made a major life decision based on this.

• 49:43Bill Maher?

  I had my... They were always great about that. I had my own parking space. And yes, you had to, like at the World Series. Yeah, there were some things, but you know, I mean, I guess that was in the contract. Anyway, I went to the World Series. I had the greatest seats.

• 49:59Speaker 04

  Right.

• 50:00Bill Maher?

  The Will Ponds were super nice to me.

• 50:04Bill Maher?

  I have no complaints about that. The problem was during the pandemic because we weren't playing baseball games. So they had these things called capital calls when you're an owner and you... And you don't... The team losing a lot of money, you got to pony up. And so it was very scary to be running a baseball enterprise and not playing baseball.

• 50:28Speaker 04

  Right.

• 50:29Bill Maher?

  And then when we did play, there was no one in the stands to buy hot dogs. That was a troubling time. I was worried about that way more than getting the fucking Andromeda strain. I was worried about that.

• 50:45Speaker 04

  That's so crazy, never think about that. You have a piece of a team that you might not be a...

• 50:51Bill Maher?

  Oh.

• 50:51Speaker 04

  You might have to pay up.

• 50:53Bill Maher?

  Absolutely. Yes, and I did. Luckily, Mr. Steve Cohen came along the next year and the Mets sold.

• 51:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:01Bill Maher?

  And it actually turned out to be a great thing. But, uh, yeah, there was some fucking nervous moments.

• 51:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:13Bill Maher?

  But, oh, now I'm back. Now I think I made the right decision. Yes, you know what?

• 51:20Speaker 04

  But of course, the Golden Knights went to the Stanley Cup in their first season.

• 51:24Bill Maher?

  Is that right?

• 51:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:25Bill Maher?

  Are they a professional team?

• 51:26Speaker 04

  Yes, it's an NHL team. It's like unheard of.

• 51:30Bill Maher?

  I know so little about hockey and I'm so actively against it that I can't really judge that, you know, because hockey, I don't know. And I don't even think it should be here. It's not really American. It's boring like soccer. It's a sport, sort of, just more like exercise. So I'm not, so I can't judge that.

• 51:51Speaker 04

  Have you gone to a game live?

• 51:53Bill Maher?

  No, of course not.

• 51:54Speaker 04

  It's different. It's more fun in person.

• 51:56Bill Maher?

  It's even more boring, but...

• 51:58Speaker 04

  No, it's not. It's not boring. You're right up at the glass if you get good seats. And just, you know, they're constantly smashing into the wall.

• 52:06Bill Maher?

  It's cold and all covered up.

• 52:07Speaker 04

  You can really see them fighting.

• 52:08Bill Maher?

  I don't care. And I'll go to a fight if I want to see them fighting. But in general, of all the things that goes up in value, this is why I did this deal back in 2011, sports teams. People in this fucking country, you know better than anybody, love sports. And those investments never go down. Could they? Yes, in a small market, but not the New York baseball franchise. There's only one National League baseball franchise and it's not going anywhere. It's like Mark Twain said about real estate. God made the earth, but he ain't making anymore. And they ain't making any more National League Baseball franchises.

• 52:52Bill Maher?

  So, I don't know if that's anything like what this one is in hockey. Does it sound like it has quite the tradition?

• 52:59Speaker 04

  No, but it's been hugely successful as far as attendance and fan excitement. Going to, it was a really big story. Like, it hadn't happened in any professional sport since like the early 60s.

• 53:13Bill Maher?

  But if somebody offers you like something in a legacy team, and when I say legacy team, like I, if there's like a World Series, as there usually is, without the Mets in it, so I don't really care who wins, I always root for the team that's been around longest. I root for the team whose baseball cards I had when I was a kid. If it's the Detroit Tigers against the Marlins, fuck the Marlins.

• 53:43Speaker 04

  The Brewers in the American League.

• 53:46Bill Maher?

  Not even the Brewers, it was the Milwaukee Braves before they went to Atlanta.

• 53:52Speaker 04

  When they went to Atlanta, wow.

• 53:54Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 53:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:55Bill Maher?

  Hank Aaron.

• 53:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:57Bill Maher?

  I also had a card that said Bob Clemente.

• 54:01Speaker 04

  Really, Bob?

• 54:03Bill Maher?

  Because he couldn't say Roberto. Because that was, for that era, that was a little too ethnic. Bob Clemente. You have baseball cards?

• 54:12Speaker 04

  I do, I have some baseball cards, but they're cards I collected when I was a kid.

• 54:17Bill Maher?

  You gotta come over one day.

• 54:21Speaker 04

  I am over.

• 54:21Bill Maher?

  What am I, 10? Yes, apparently I am. You gotta come over one day, seriously. I'll go through my cards.

• 54:29Speaker 04

  You got good ones, yeah.

• 54:30Bill Maher?

  Amazing.

• 54:30Speaker 04

  That's great.

• 54:31Bill Maher?

  Like, the years, like 60, like maybe 3, 4, 5, something like that. When I was like 7, 8, 9.

• 54:42Bill Maher?

  Very complete.

• 54:43Speaker 04

  Did you flip cards when you were a kid?

• 54:46Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 54:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, we used to do that too.

• 54:48Bill Maher?

  And you put them in the spokes of your bike.

• 54:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I valued them too much to do that, but we'd flip them all the time. It was just nonstop gambling with the cards. I got a Mets team card once and this kid-

• 55:02Bill Maher?

  Yeah, team card.

• 55:03Speaker 04

  Oh, the Mets team card was fucking big. Oh, yeah. And the kid, this kid Mark, his parents owned the grocery store in Brooklyn, milk and stuff. And he was so upset that I got the Mets team card. He made them open all of the cards in the store. And they didn't get another Mets team card and wound up trading him the Mets team card for all of those cards. Hundreds of cards. It was like a scene out of Willy Wonka. It was like they're opening these packs, looking for this Mets team card.

• 55:36Bill Maher?

  Do they still have cards?

• 55:39Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah, the cards are bigger than ever.

• 55:42Bill Maher?

  You know, I not only have baseball cards. Oh, Jimmy, when you come over here. We're gonna have such a good day. Not only do I have baseball cards. I have other cards that were Beatle cards.

• 55:57Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 55:58Bill Maher?

  Batman cards.

• 55:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've seen those.

• 56:00Bill Maher?

  Two kinds, one drawing, one photograph.

• 56:03Speaker 04

  Really?

• 56:04Bill Maher?

  Yes, two editions. Martian cards. There was a movie.

• 56:12Bill Maher?

  Jack Nicholson was in it. It was called something, Let's Go to Mars or Mars Attacks. I think it was Tim Burton.

• 56:21Speaker 04

  Tim Burton, right.

• 56:22Bill Maher?

  Mars Attacks. That was from a set of cards that I have.

• 56:26Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 56:27Bill Maher?

  Still, as a kid.

• 56:28Speaker 04

  Did you collect wacky packages?

• 56:30Bill Maher?

  What's that?

• 56:31Speaker 04

  You know, wacky packs?

• 56:32Bill Maher?

  No, what's that? Wacky pack.

• 56:34Speaker 04

  That was a big thing, like they'd take like a product, like a tube of Crest toothpaste. And they'd change it to crust and crust would be coming out of it. You know, like that kind of stuff.

• 56:46Bill Maher?

  I think I have those cards.

• 56:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, I love those, those wacky pack cards.

• 56:50Bill Maher?

  I have Munster cards.

• 56:53Speaker 04

  Really? Wow.

• 56:53Bill Maher?

  Or maybe it's Addams Family, one of those.

• 56:57Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 56:58Speaker 04

  And you remember buying them when you were a kid?

• 57:00Bill Maher?

  No.

• 57:01Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 57:02Bill Maher?

  I don't remember, I don't know how I have them. The baseball cards I know how I have because I did save my nickels and dimes to go buy cards, packages of them. Remember you get that stale gum?

• 57:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, oh yeah.

• 57:14Bill Maher?

  Um, and you would open it up and you're like, oh, who did I get?

• 57:17Speaker 04

  A little bit of gum dust would come out, yeah, and you'd see, and sometimes you'd get like, some like shitty San Diego Padre.

• 57:24Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 57:24Speaker 04

  You'd be like, oh, fuck.

• 57:25Bill Maher?

  Oh, yeah.

• 57:26Speaker 04

  You know?

• 57:26Bill Maher?

  The best ones from the, I don't know if they still did it, but there was like, okay, each guy, Bob Clemente and, you know, Raleigh Fingers, whoever it is. Then checklist card, uh, worst. Team card, second worst. But best was like when they had two or three stars, sometimes from different teams.

• 57:49Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, right.

• 57:50Bill Maher?

  Standing together with a special card. Buck Blasters.

• 57:54Speaker 04

  Right.

• 57:55Bill Maher?

  You know, and it was Clemente and Willie Stargell or something like that.

• 57:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:58Bill Maher?

  You know?

• 57:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, for like the American League and National League best first baseman.

• 58:03Bill Maher?

  Oh, yes.

• 58:03Speaker 04

  Like Rod Carew and Steve Gar.

• 58:05Bill Maher?

  Right, it would be, yeah, like Hank Aaron and Willie Mays together, you know, like.

• 58:10Speaker 04

  Right. Yeah. See, for us, the team cards were big, but only teams we liked. We didn't care about the Expos.

• 58:19Bill Maher?

  Racist victim bashers.

• 58:22Speaker 04

  Did you ever play in any of those celebrity softball games where you get to play with like those guys? Like Gossage was one, and Winfield, these guys in one of these games?

• 58:33Bill Maher?

  Games? What kind of games?

• 58:34Speaker 04

  Like a celebrity softball game. They'll do them with the All-Star.

• 58:36Bill Maher?

  Oh, I played in the, a couple of years, I was in something at Dodgers Stadium. They sent over a uniform. You got a Dodger uniform with the stirrups, the whole thing. It was kind of cool.

• 58:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:48Bill Maher?

  I remember I went with Alan Thicke.

• 58:50Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 58:51Bill Maher?

  Um, and I loved.

• 58:54Speaker 04

  It was a game?

• 58:54Bill Maher?

  I loved it, yes.

• 58:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 58:56Bill Maher?

  Tony Danza got me out with a little 10 cent curve ball, grounded to third. Um, I remember Jonathan Silverman.

• 59:05Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 59:05Bill Maher?

  Like, really hit it a long way.

• 59:08Speaker 04

  Oh, really?

• 59:08Bill Maher?

  Like, very impressive. You have somebody like, of these big celebrity friends. What's that about? Like Jennifer Aniston and like, you know, Howard Stern.

• 59:19Speaker 04

  It's funny, I still have-

• 59:20Bill Maher?

  Or you just say some other motherfucker that you're friends with, some other-

• 59:24Speaker 04

  I still have my best friends from high school.

• 59:26Bill Maher?

  Oh.

• 59:28Speaker 04

  I do.

• 59:28Bill Maher?

  Oh, bring out the award. For a good guy.

• 59:32Speaker 04

  It's not just, it's not just-

• 59:35Bill Maher?

  But do they party-

• 59:36Speaker 04

  Why am I being defensive about this?

• 59:37Bill Maher?

  But do they party with Jennifer Aniston? No, you keep them separate.

• 59:41Speaker 04

  That's actually not true.

• 59:42Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 59:42Speaker 04

  Yep. Actually, specifically not true, in fact-

• 59:46Bill Maher?

  But would she go out with him?

• 59:47Speaker 04

  My friend Jimmy Gentleman, who was-

• 59:48Bill Maher?

  Jimmy Gentleman?

• 59:49Speaker 04

  Jimmy Gentleman's his name.

• 59:50Bill Maher?

  Come on, there's nobody named Jimmy Gentleman.

• 59:52Speaker 04

  Jimmy Gentleman, and, um, there's actually two people named him, and his dad's John Gentleman.

• 59:57Bill Maher?

  I think of you as Jimmy Gentleman.

• 59:59Speaker 04

  It's funny, my Uncle Vinny was like, thought it was a nickname, he's like, "'Cause yeah, "'cause you're like the jerk and he's like the gentleman." I was like, "No, I'm not, I'm not the jerk." Anyway, uh, we knew that he's so polite, he wouldn't come-

• 1:00:14Bill Maher?

  Who?

• 1:00:15Speaker 04

  If Jimmy Gentleman, to Jennifer Aniston's house, if he knew that's where he's going. So we lied to him. We told him we're going back to our house and, um, just drove there and he was a nervous wreck the whole time.

• 1:00:27Bill Maher?

  Why? Because he felt he was not worthy to set foot in Jennifer-

• 1:00:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:31Bill Maher?

  Which is not true, and he loosened up after a while. Right, I hope you slapped the snot out of him, what a, he needs to be disabused of that notion.

• 1:00:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, I think he was disabused.

• 1:00:41Bill Maher?

  Well, okay.

• 1:00:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:44Bill Maher?

  If you insist.

• 1:00:47Speaker 04

  I'll let you talk to him.

• 1:00:49Bill Maher?

  I would like to- I would like to interview Jimmy Gentleman.

• 1:00:52Speaker 04

  I agree with you completely.

• 1:00:53Bill Maher?

  And, uh, try to convince him-

• 1:00:56Speaker 04

  I want my lighter.

• 1:00:58Bill Maher?

  Try to convince him that, uh, just because-

• 1:01:03Bill Maher?

  He is one of your Memphis mafia.

• 1:01:06Speaker 04

  He told me.

• 1:01:06Bill Maher?

  I assume that's why you keep him around, Jimmy. I assume he's like the Memphis mafia. He is your gopher.

• 1:01:14Speaker 04

  No, not at all. He's got, he lives in Las Vegas. He's got a wife and children. Kid just went to college.

• 1:01:19Bill Maher?

  And you make them work for you too?

• 1:01:21Speaker 04

  No, nobody works, nobody works for me.

• 1:01:23Bill Maher?

  I know, I'm fucking with you. I'm a comedian, who are you?

• 1:01:27Speaker 04

  You know, I've been smoking this, so I think it'll...

• 1:01:29Bill Maher?

  Jesus Christ. And what are you drinking, wine?

• 1:01:32Speaker 04

  I'm drinking wine, yeah.

• 1:01:33Bill Maher?

  Jesus, what are you, Orson Welles in 1985? With your beard and your wine.

• 1:01:38Speaker 04

  Yes, I am.

• 1:01:39Bill Maher?

  You remember when Orson Welles was on the, shall we say, downslide? When he was a fat old legend?

• 1:01:47Speaker 04

  He's doing those commercials for that.

• 1:01:48Bill Maher?

  A fat old legend. And he'd always be on like Merv Griffin and he just made the rounds. And it was like, you know, of course, he's a legend. But that was the elephant in the room. It was like, okay, you haven't done anything in 30 years. But you're Orson Welles. And, and he would, I guess, regale them with rec and tour like tales of Hollywood. One time, Heyworth was twerking on my balls and...

• 1:02:17Speaker 04

  Wouldn't you love to have the reel of him on talk shows? You know, from the 70s.

• 1:02:22Bill Maher?

  It would not be hard to find.

• 1:02:24Speaker 04

  He's wearing a scarf.

• 1:02:26Bill Maher?

  Yes, exactly. A scarf, a cigar, always a prop cigar. And a big cloak, because he was just big as a house by then. And of course, Lana Turner was always twerking on his nuts. Which he referred to as The Magnificent Ambersons.

• 1:02:44Speaker 04

  Is that true?

• 1:02:45Bill Maher?

  No, it's one of his movies. It's one of his famous movies is The Magnificent Ambersons. It's actually, some people say, his best movie. I watched Citizen Kane recently, again. It's like one of those movies that you watch every 10 or 20 years. Because you think, maybe I missed it the first time. Why it was so great. It was like, maybe I missed it the second time, why it's so great. No, I'm sorry, it's not bad. But it's a little like the Mona Lisa. Very overrated. Like, it just sort of got to this place in the public consciousness and, you know, no one ever accused them of being geniuses, so like,

• 1:03:23Bill Maher?

  they just made it, they just anointed this thing to be like the greatest picture, the greatest movie. And it's neither are close to the greatest. It's an interesting movie. I like it, but enough. It's just not what they say it was. However, Gone with the Wind, as overstuffed as it is, is still-

• 1:03:47Speaker 04

  Casablanca is a good one.

• 1:03:49Bill Maher?

  Oh, yes, Casablanca. I talked about this, I think, with Quentin Tarantino here. It doesn't make sense because the whole thing hinges on the idea that there are these letters of transit, which can get you out of Nazi occupied Morocco. And if you have the letters of transit, the Nazis will not touch you. And that is not really how I see the Nazis.

• 1:04:15Speaker 04

  You don't think a letter of transit would-

• 1:04:19Bill Maher?

  That's just me. No, I don't know if that may be true.

• 1:04:23Speaker 04

  Letters of transit.

• 1:04:24Bill Maher?

  So, do you like have movie nights at your house where you watch, like, I'm sure a giant mogul, even though you have your high school friends still, like you, gets like the big movies that are out, so they want you to see it, so you'll promote it and-

• 1:04:40Speaker 04

  I get a link to those, I watch them on TV at my house.

• 1:04:44Bill Maher?

  And- Watch them from where?

• 1:04:45Speaker 04

  Typically alone.

• 1:04:46Bill Maher?

  Where are you when you're watching it?

• 1:04:47Speaker 04

  In the living room.

• 1:04:48Bill Maher?

  In the living room?

• 1:04:49Speaker 04

  I have a hundred inch TV that's about thirteen years old, starting to show it.

• 1:04:54Bill Maher?

  A hundred inches?

• 1:04:55Speaker 04

  It's a huge TV.

• 1:04:57Bill Maher?

  I'll take out just enough to beat you.

• 1:05:00Bill Maher?

  Okay, so you're watching in the living room? You watch it with Molly?

• 1:05:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, usually, hopefully.

• 1:05:05Bill Maher?

  So like this-

• 1:05:05Speaker 04

  Often not.

• 1:05:06Bill Maher?

  And then, you talk about it after, like, your assessment of it, or like, this is something-

• 1:05:12Speaker 04

  You wanna know really how I do it?

• 1:05:13Bill Maher?

  Honestly-

• 1:05:14Speaker 04

  And I wonder if you do this too. I will, if the producers tell me it's good, I'll watch it. If they don't, I won't, because I don't want to have to give any commentary that isn't positive. I think it's better to just be honest, and I haven't seen it yet.

• 1:05:32Bill Maher?

  Exactly the conclusion I came to, yes.

• 1:05:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, right.

• 1:05:36Bill Maher?

  It doesn't come up as much for me, because I'm not on five nights a week like you are, and mine is not a...

• 1:05:41Speaker 04

  And you're not plugging their product.

• 1:05:43Bill Maher?

  Mostly, sometimes, but, you know, I mean Rod Stewart was on a couple of weeks ago. I like Rod Stewart. I've listened to him forever. He's Rod Stewart. He's great. It's not a problem.

• 1:05:53Speaker 04

  He's one of those Dean Martin-type guys, Rod Stewart.

• 1:05:56Bill Maher?

  Oh.

• 1:05:57Speaker 04

  That level.

• 1:05:59Bill Maher?

  I think he was more, Dean Martin was mostly a myth. He was not really a drunk or a womanizer. You know, Rod Stewart really...

• 1:06:07Speaker 04

  He was a golfer.

• 1:06:09Bill Maher?

  He was a golfer, yes. He's a strange guy. You know, he drank himself to death at the old, remember the place that was, Hamburger Hamlet? It was on the corner...

• 1:06:19Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:06:20Bill Maher?

  Yeah, it's now some other trendy thing, but it was the...

• 1:06:23Speaker 04

  I remember that place.

• 1:06:24Bill Maher?

  Corner of, right where Sunset goes into Beverly Hills. Sunset kind of branches there, Doheny, a little past Doheny, okay. Hamburger Hamlet, and he just sat in the back, he had his booth, his last few years, and kind of like drank himself to death. I mean, that's what they said, alone at Hamburger Hamlet. And like why? I know he lost his son early. I mean, it's horrible when we, any parent to face a child that predeceases you. It's gotta be rough.

• 1:06:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:06:59Bill Maher?

  But still, you know, come on, Dino.

• 1:07:03Bill Maher?

  I don't, I don't understand why people, you know. But, you know, I never had kids.

• 1:07:09Speaker 04

  And you, yeah. Well, it's, you know, I think about this sometimes, that some of these older guys, like Rickles, you know, like, they just get such a kick out of the fact that younger guys like us are interested in them and that they're still relevant.

• 1:07:28Bill Maher?

  Mel Brooks, still around, and you can express that to him. I have.

• 1:07:32Speaker 04

  And I have too, and don't you, I think like...

• 1:07:37Speaker 04

  I think that is one of the things that makes us very lucky because I think that when we're in that position, you know, there'll be a handful of people at least who are wanting to, are interested in our lives or whatever and a lot of old people don't have that.

• 1:07:55Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:07:55Speaker 04

  And I think that's always nice, you know, and I think I could see how important it was to Don and to some of these guys.

• 1:08:04Bill Maher?

  But every perspective you have must be different than mine because you have four kids.

• 1:08:10Speaker 04

  Maybe not every, but.

• 1:08:13Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 1:08:13Speaker 04

  I mean, I'm sure not every because I think we, I largely agree with your perspective.

• 1:08:18Bill Maher?

  But. Yeah, but that doesn't, but.

• 1:08:20Speaker 04

  You mean my daily?

• 1:08:21Bill Maher?

  Well, you, I mean, I don't know, anything like climate, you know, you've got to be thinking about, I'm only thinking about what the world's gonna be like sadly for the next 20 years, you know, to be, to be real.

• 1:08:37Speaker 04

  But I mean, I love it like.

• 1:08:38Bill Maher?

  You've got to be thinking about what the world's gonna be like for the next 80 because the kid is 10.

• 1:08:42Speaker 04

  Sure, and then they're gonna have kids, yeah. And, yeah, I do, sure I do, but you know Norman Lear does too and he's 99 years old.

• 1:08:52Bill Maher?

  Is he really?

• 1:08:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, he'll be 100 in July.

• 1:08:55Bill Maher?

  What does he think about?

• 1:08:57Speaker 04

  Climate change.

• 1:08:58Bill Maher?

  Oh, climate change, right.

• 1:08:59Speaker 04

  He's, you know, I think that.

• 1:09:02Bill Maher?

  Right, well, you have to have that attitude. You can't, once you feel like you're dead already, you're dead already. You have to feel like, yeah, it's all about tomorrow. I never look back. I mean, of course, you think.

• 1:09:16Speaker 04

  You don't really.

• 1:09:17Bill Maher?

  Well, I, I.

• 1:09:18Speaker 04

  Do you waste water?

• 1:09:19Bill Maher?

  Why?

• 1:09:20Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 1:09:21Bill Maher?

  Because I'm gonna fuck up the future for your kids?

• 1:09:25Speaker 04

  No, I'm just asking if you waste water.

• 1:09:28Bill Maher?

  I try not to, I would, I don't do it on purpose.

• 1:09:31Speaker 04

  Right, well, you didn't do it on purpose, but you won't leave the shower going for 15 minutes.

• 1:09:35Bill Maher?

  Absolutely not.

• 1:09:36Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:09:37Bill Maher?

  No, no, no. I don't do anything that would waste water.

• 1:09:39Speaker 04

  So I think you have an overall.

• 1:09:41Bill Maher?

  But even if I did, it wouldn't make any difference, I mean, I'm one of, you know.

• 1:09:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, but it makes a difference when like-minded people start doing those things, you know, and I think also for people who do that stuff, it's good to hear that other people will do it.

• 1:09:54Bill Maher?

  People are not go, I don't think. We are ever going to get people to do enough to affect on a individual basis of voluntarilism to affect climate change. I just don't think you will. People want to live a baller lifestyle. They want to, all of them want to take a private jet. The only people who don't take private jets are the people who can't afford a private jet. They all want to, if they could, they would. If a private jet was cheap, the skies would be filled with private jets, which are the worst thing for the environment.

• 1:10:33Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:10:34Bill Maher?

  They're not serious about it, and that's okay. And there's countries like China and India where the people have been denied for all these years because of poverty. Refrigeration sometimes even, certainly cars. And now they're getting them, and their view is, oh, we should give it up now? Now that you already enjoyed it, you rich white people, and now we're getting it? So, that's not gonna sell. That's not the way we get out of this, if we get out of it, which I don't think we will. Have a good night, Jimmy.

• 1:11:10Bill Maher?

  Say hi to your kids for me.

• 1:11:11Speaker 04

  I'm just being devil's advocate because I don't, I don't necessarily disagree with you. But I, I do, I hope that we make the connection with these things to our children. We actually make that connection. Where we go like, oh, if I waste all this water, my children are not gonna have water to drink. And their children are not gonna have water to drink.

• 1:11:38Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:38Speaker 04

  I mean, we should care about our actual children.

• 1:11:42Bill Maher?

  Well.

• 1:11:43Speaker 04

  If we don't care about the children of the world, at least our own children, we should care about.

• 1:11:49Bill Maher?

  Okay, but if sheds and buds were beer and nuts, we'd have a hell of a party.

• 1:11:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:11:56Bill Maher?

  We should do a lot of things, and we're just not. Again, it's not my fight even, because, like, I think the planet will be somewhat here when it's ready to get rid of me.

• 1:12:09Speaker 04

  Well, the planet will be here, yeah.

• 1:12:10Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:12:11Speaker 04

  The planet's gonna be fine.

• 1:12:13Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:14Speaker 04

  People on it are fucked.

• 1:12:16Bill Maher?

  Yes, but I'm saying, I think there'll be some way to survive. You know, a hundred years from now, fifty years from now, I don't know about that. I don't know. I mean, there's, I always think, things that are depicted in movies as the future always come true. Because they do. And the thing they depict a lot in movies, in the future, is an apocalyptic wasteland. Brought about by either nuclear war or environmental devastation.

• 1:12:49Speaker 04

  Well, your original point, I'm interested in, is that you say that these movies, the things they put in the movies, eventually come true.

• 1:12:58Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:12:58Speaker 04

  But, I mean, that's certainly not the case with everything, I mean.

• 1:13:04Bill Maher?

  Jimmy, remember when we didn't used to have flying cars?

• 1:13:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:13:12Bill Maher?

  The flip, okay, the flip phone that Captain Kirk had, we totally have.

• 1:13:17Speaker 04

  I mean, how about like, the Jetsons had those, those food pills that were like your whole dinner, you know?

• 1:13:24Bill Maher?

  Uh, some people do eat like, a lot of, I mean, Ray Kurzweil like, had a screen of pills a day. Remember Minority Report?

• 1:13:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:13:33Bill Maher?

  With Mr. Tom Cruise?

• 1:13:34Speaker 04

  Uh huh.

• 1:13:35Bill Maher?

  Okay, probably one of your friends.

• 1:13:37Speaker 04

  Emily Blunt and Tom Cruise.

• 1:13:39Bill Maher?

  Emily Blunt, yes. He was like, moving things on a screen with his hands. I remember watching that and going, whoa, look at that. It was completely futuristic, and within two years, we were all doing it. And then, seven years later, or whatever it was, it was every phone.

• 1:13:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, but they found out from the company that they were gonna be doing it, and so they put it in.

• 1:14:00Bill Maher?

  Well, I'm just saying, they imagined it on the screen, and then it became a reality.

• 1:14:05Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:14:05Bill Maher?

  And I worry that that will happen with, uh, the apocalypse. I mean, there's just a lot of these movies.

• 1:14:12Speaker 04

  Do you think Star Trek will happen? Like, where we'll have ships and we'll be shooting around all over the place?

• 1:14:19Bill Maher?

  Um, not if we do the other one first. Where we wipe out civilization. Because, I mean, think of all those kind of movies. The, you know, Mad Max. And the barren wasteland is one where Matthew McConaughey has to go discover another planet because nothing grows anymore. I mean, I could see it.

• 1:14:39Speaker 04

  No, I think we like to see those things in the same way like that we find entertainment in seeing murders. Like, we know, like, eventually, like, our lives are gonna end for some reason, like, a murder mystery, like, is very exciting to us, entertaining.

• 1:14:54Bill Maher?

  Yeah, but a murder mystery, yes, can be entertaining, because we're not the ones

• 1:14:59Speaker 04

  Or even just this stuff.

• 1:15:00Bill Maher?

  Or not the ones getting murdered.

• 1:15:01Speaker 04

  The Terminator, where people are just getting blown away.

• 1:15:03Bill Maher?

  Yeah, but in this scenario, we're all getting murdered. You know, if nothing grows, I mean, that's the premise of that movie where, and I'm a fan of Matthew McConaughey, but like, come on, a scientist? He just doesn't read scientist. Like, the scientist is gonna figure the shit out. I would not pick that.

• 1:15:21Speaker 04

  The world's most handsome scientist.

• 1:15:22Bill Maher?

  I'm not saying, he's a bright guy, but I'm just saying, he's not that guy. Okay, but he's gotta, like, find something through the wormhole or something, and it's just a bad plan. And, but the idea that things don't grow anymore, that could happen. I mean, it certainly has happened in many areas of the earth. What if it happened all over the earth?

• 1:15:42Speaker 04

  You think photosynthesis might come to an end?

• 1:15:45Bill Maher?

  Well, I think you can burn out, you can make things too hot for anything to grow, yes.

• 1:15:53Speaker 04

  But you know, you can, now hydroponically, you can grow things with very tiny amounts of water.

• 1:15:59Bill Maher?

  Yeah, so you're saying we grow all the crops in your mom's basement?

• 1:16:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, basically.

• 1:16:03Bill Maher?

  I don't know. Whenever I fly over the country, it looks like a lot of the country is farmland. It would be hard to get that inside. That's what I'm saying. It would be hard to get that inside.

• 1:16:16Speaker 04

  Yeah, they do. You'd be surprised.

• 1:16:18Bill Maher?

  The whole country, between the Hudson River and San Bernardino? No.

• 1:16:25Speaker 04

  I think they should turn every cemetery into farmland.

• 1:16:29Speaker 04

  You know, like.

• 1:16:29Bill Maher?

  Well, cemeteries are a waste, that's true.

• 1:16:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:32Bill Maher?

  Yeah, but, you know, people are squeamish about their dead relatives.

• 1:16:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:37Bill Maher?

  I mean, you gotta.

• 1:16:38Speaker 04

  I feel like my dead relatives would like a potato or tomato vine on their.

• 1:16:44Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:45Speaker 04

  On their crypt.

• 1:16:46Bill Maher?

  It's more natural, you're right.

• 1:16:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:48Bill Maher?

  I mean, but you, that's one thing, it's very hard. I would not wanna, if I'm gonna pick my battles, pick that one, like convincing people what to do with their dead relatives. I think, I feel like they got their feelings about it, right? It's very personal and emotional and not logical and that's okay, you know? I gotta give them that.

• 1:17:10Speaker 04

  What a job to pick, though, if you think about it, like.

• 1:17:13Bill Maher?

  What?

• 1:17:14Speaker 04

  A job where all day, every day, for weeks and months and years, your job is to console the relatives of dead people.

• 1:17:25Bill Maher?

  Oh, you're talking about like a funeral director?

• 1:17:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:27Bill Maher?

  Oh, yeah. Right, there are jobs, I mean, obviously, proctologist is another one where you have to wonder, like with all the.

• 1:17:34Speaker 04

  Why this one?

• 1:17:35Bill Maher?

  Panoply of professions available, who, I mean, gynecologist, I could see that's like a goof idea you had in high school, ah, I gotta look at pussies all day, and then you kinda just kept, stayed with it. But the asshole one, I don't, I don't see that one.

• 1:17:52Speaker 04

  I think they get paid a little more.

• 1:17:54Bill Maher?

  Oh, well, maybe they're, then what?

• 1:17:57Speaker 04

  Then other specialties.

• 1:17:59Bill Maher?

  All other specialties? You mean, there's a special?

• 1:18:02Speaker 04

  I think there's, I don't know.

• 1:18:04Bill Maher?

  Fee that they have to throw in?

• 1:18:05Speaker 04

  But I do feel like I've looked this up.

• 1:18:09Bill Maher?

  I don't, I wouldn't even wanna look this up, cause then what would come to me from people who thought this was my area of interest? Like if I was like.

• 1:18:16Speaker 04

  I gotta tell you, for my father, it's definitely his area of interest, I mean.

• 1:18:20Bill Maher?

  Assholes?

• 1:18:20Speaker 04

  All we talk about is his bowel movements and his farting and.

• 1:18:25Bill Maher?

  Why? Because he's infirm?

• 1:18:28Speaker 04

  No, not at all. He just is proud of his bowel movements and wants to tell me about them. Like sometimes he'll walk right in the door and immediately start telling me about the shit he took the day before. It happens all the time. He sometimes takes pictures of them and sends them to me.

• 1:18:41Bill Maher?

  Oh, come on.

• 1:18:42Speaker 04

  And I'm saving a file of them for his funeral. I'm gonna do a slideshow for the family.

• 1:18:47Bill Maher?

  Is this because your father has a good sense of humor and this is a joke?

• 1:18:50Speaker 04

  Um, part, a little bit.

• 1:18:53Bill Maher?

  He knows, he knows you're laughing at this.

• 1:18:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, but he also loves it. It's like, eh, it's like people singing karaoke, like, you know, like, they, oh, they're goofing around, whatever, but they fucking love being, I say, my dad loves.

• 1:19:06Bill Maher?

  But it sounds like you have a kind of a buddy relationship with your father.

• 1:19:09Speaker 04

  I do, but he also will do this with anyone.

• 1:19:12Bill Maher?

  See, I never had that with my.

• 1:19:13Speaker 04

  Like, my sister-in-law, he'll tell her about his, like, he, his shits.

• 1:19:18Bill Maher?

  He sounds very laid back, your father, not like.

• 1:19:22Speaker 04

  He is pretty laid back.

• 1:19:23Bill Maher?

  Okay, my father was much more uptight than that. Great guy, but like, that would not have happened between us.

• 1:19:29Speaker 04

  My dad looks just like Wolf Blitzer, like, almost exactly, and, um, is, uh.

• 1:19:35Bill Maher?

  Now, he's still, your mother?

• 1:19:37Speaker 04

  My parents are both alive, yeah.

• 1:19:38Bill Maher?

  Still together?

• 1:19:39Speaker 04

  Still together, yeah.

• 1:19:40Bill Maher?

  Wow, how many years have they been together?

• 1:19:43Speaker 04

  They just, last weekend, celebrated their fifty-sixth anniversary.

• 1:19:48Bill Maher?

  Come fucking on.

• 1:19:50Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:51Bill Maher?

  Fifty-six years.

• 1:19:52Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:53Bill Maher?

  That's, and are they looking around?

• 1:19:57Speaker 04

  Well, my mother is on an app.

• 1:20:00Bill Maher?

  Wow, I can't, I can't even, I just can't imagine, that's.

• 1:20:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, they got married, my mom was twenty years old, they got married.

• 1:20:08Bill Maher?

  Wow.

• 1:20:09Speaker 04

  It's crazy.

• 1:20:11Bill Maher?

  And, uh, what's their relationship like, perfect? Because it's, they've been through all the.

• 1:20:17Speaker 04

  No, it's not perfect, but it's never big, there's never any big anything, it's just a series of little.

• 1:20:24Bill Maher?

  Well, I feel like when married, I feel like marriage is, from, well, of course, not speaking from personal knowledge, but from what I've seen, and my parents, I feel like it's good in the beginning, and then it's a difficult period for like fifty years, which, you know, where you're still like, sort of.

• 1:20:49Bill Maher?

  You know, subliminally resentful.

• 1:20:53Speaker 04

  Resentful, yeah.

• 1:20:53Bill Maher?

  Someone of the other because someone's not getting enough sex. And sex is an issue and it's a hard thing to. It's a hard thing to manage a good sex life after you've been with someone for a while, blah, blah, blah. And then you get to a point where you're past that. I feel like I remember that in my own parents' marriage. When they got, and, and suddenly it's like you've traveled together. I mean, it's like you have this great golden years memory of your wonderful life together and all you built together and all those memories and, and you don't have this monkey on your back about, and we should be fucking.

• 1:21:30Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:21:31Bill Maher?

  And that becomes like the second great period of, of a marriage. I think this is the way it is. It's just that little middle fifty years.

• 1:21:39Speaker 04

  Fifty years in the middle.

• 1:21:42Bill Maher?

  Other than that, it works like a charm. Yeah, it's just that. I call it an interregum, but, oh Jimmy.

• 1:21:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:56Bill Maher?

  So, all right, I gotta go back to my job.

• 1:21:59Speaker 04

  All right.

• 1:22:01Bill Maher?

  I really appreciate you putting up with.

• 1:22:04Speaker 04

  That was fun.

• 1:22:04Bill Maher?

  My, was it?

• 1:22:06Speaker 04

  It was a lot of fun.

• 1:22:07Bill Maher?

  I loved it, but.

• 1:22:08Speaker 04

  It was a lot of fun.

• 1:22:08Bill Maher?

  I don't know if you're just putting on an act for me.

• 1:22:12Bill Maher?

  But I hope, I hope you loved it.

• 1:22:14Speaker 04

  I had a good time.

• 1:22:14Bill Maher?

  Because I adore you. You're just such a great guy. Ever since you gave me that box of porn, when we changed over jobs, you know. You could have been a dick about it and, you know, it's just never in your nature. You're all, you know, people, you've, you've done so well partly because, you know, when you're on TV that much for that long, the old cliche, you know, you can't hide. You can't hide who you are, you know, and people just like you and they're right.

• 1:22:42Speaker 04

  Well.

• 1:22:43Bill Maher?

  And they're right.

• 1:22:44Speaker 04

  Nice to say that, thank you.

• 1:22:45Bill Maher?

  It's true.

• 1:22:46Speaker 04

  You know, I, I've told you the story of one of the great shows I ever saw was you and Seinfeld in, at Arizona State University when I was in college and, and you were great. You were just so great. I remember, I remember.

• 1:23:03Bill Maher?

  We were on the same show?

• 1:23:04Speaker 04

  I remember jokes from it, I remember, you know.

• 1:23:06Bill Maher?

  We were both doing stand-up on the same show?

• 1:23:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, you guys were doing a big college tour. It was you and Jerry and I'm forgetting a third guy. But it was just so great and I remember thinking. Bill Maher was like, was the funniest one.

• 1:23:27Bill Maher?

  No.

• 1:23:27Speaker 04

  I did.

• 1:23:28Bill Maher?

  I'm sure I wasn't, but Jerry was.

• 1:23:30Speaker 04

  You were talking about poppers and goofers and your father.

• 1:23:33Bill Maher?

  Oh, really?

• 1:23:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:34Bill Maher?

  I guess this was like late eighties?

• 1:23:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's exactly right.

• 1:23:38Bill Maher?

  Before Seinfeld.

• 1:23:39Speaker 04

  It's like nineteen eighty, eighty seven, eighty eight.

• 1:23:42Bill Maher?

  Because obviously he wouldn't have been doing that. And then I got politically incorrect in ninety three.

• 1:23:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:23:48Bill Maher?

  Oh, where did it go? It's so funny, you know, like my actual life. Better now than back then, for sure, in so many ways. It's just that little, but I'll be dead soon thing.

• 1:24:05Speaker 04

  Boy, I.

• 1:24:05Bill Maher?

  Or sooner.

• 1:24:06Speaker 04

  I relate to that with every fiber of my being.

• 1:24:10Bill Maher?

  It's that little fly in the ointment. If they could just work on that.

• 1:24:15Speaker 04

  But every once in a while, you have that.

• 1:24:17Bill Maher?

  Forget Covid.

• 1:24:17Speaker 04

  That little glimpse, that little flash of like being on a trip to California with your friends and like driving around and what that felt like and how.

• 1:24:29Bill Maher?

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:24:30Speaker 04

  I mean, that's just gotta be, I mean, it doesn't get any better than that.

• 1:24:34Bill Maher?

  I remember my first time out in California so vividly. You know, the palm trees like. I'd never seen that. And just it's sort of like everything you'd seen on TV because it's all over every TV show. The way the, the way the street signs looked. I remember that so much like I had seen it so many times. It was blue LA street signs, which we don't have back east. They're not blue, the street signs. And then you would see it. I had a gig once in La Jolla. I was my first year out here and I never found a gig. I found La Jolla.

• 1:25:20Speaker 04

  That's good.

• 1:25:22Bill Maher?

  But I never found a street called La Jolla.

• 1:25:27Speaker 04

  That could be a contender for your book titled, the Gaspacho book.

• 1:25:31Bill Maher?

  I'm gonna go back to my real job. You know, I really do this. I really go right back to working on real time.

• 1:25:37Speaker 04

  I am gonna too. Now we can do my homework.

• 1:25:40Bill Maher?

  Now we can hug.

• 1:25:41Speaker 04

  Thank you. That was fun.

• 1:25:48Speaker 04

  This is what we want when we're kids, a clubhouse.

• 1:25:50Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 1:25:51Speaker 04

  You know.

• 1:25:52Bill Maher?

  Clubhouse, that word I will accept, not man cave.

• 1:25:56Speaker 04

  Clubhouse.

• 1:25:57Bill Maher?

  Yes.

• 1:25:58Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:25:58Bill Maher?

  Very clubby.

• 1:25:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:25:59Bill Maher?

  It's more of a disco when the music is on.

• 1:26:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:26:07Speaker 02

  When you shop Kroger delivery, you can expect the savings you love and fresh groceries delivered right to your door. From delicious produce to everyday essentials, enjoy the convenience of delivery and the trusted selection you've come to know from Kroger. Because bringing you fresh, quality groceries is what we do best. Right now, enjoy free delivery on orders of $50 or more with your digital coupon. Restrictions apply. See site for details. Kroger, fresh for everyone.

• 1:26:36Speaker 06

  At Humana, our Medicare Advantage plans are easy to understand and easy on your wallet. Like offering more benefits than you'd get from original Medicare alone, and including dental, vision, and hearing coverage in every plan. And the best part is, every plan has a $0 or low monthly plan premium, which makes it easier to save too. So this Medicare planning season, plan well with Humana. Learn more at gethumana.com. Humana is a Medicare Advantage HMO and PPO organization with a Medicare contract. Enrollment in any Humana plan depends on contract renewal. Network freedom and flexibility, that's what you want in a healthcare plan. With a Humana Medicare Advantage PPO plan, you can see any doctor in the country who accepts

• 1:27:15Speaker 06

  Medicare, including specialists. No referrals, no kidding. Learn more at gethumana.com. See any doctor who accepts Medicare and is willing to bill Humana. Humana PPOs may not be available in all areas. Benefits and costs share may vary. Humana is a Medicare Advantage PPO organization with a Medicare contract. Enrollment in any Humana plan depends on contract renewal.