Andy Dick | Club Random with Bill Maher

Bill Maher and Andy Dick don’t do small talk. On this episode of Club Random, the conversation moves fast—from career highs and comedy legends to a near-fatal fentanyl scare on a Los Angeles sidewalk. It’s one of the more exposed hours the show’s had: Andy grappling with what it means to be cancelable, Bill pressing when answers drift, and somewhere along the way, something unexpectedly tender about grandchildren, estranged kids, and the fragile, hard-won clarity of sobriety. No neat ending. Just two people circling the truth, getting as close as they can. Support our Advertisers: Try ZipRecruiter for free at https://www.ziprecruiter.com/random Subscribe to the Club Random YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/c/clubrandompodcast?sub_confirmation=1⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Watch episodes ad-free – subscribe to Bill Maher’s Substack: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://billmaher.substack.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Subscribe to the podcast for free wherever you listen: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://bit.ly/ClubRandom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Buy Club Random Merch: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://clubrandom.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices ABOUT CLUB RANDOM Bill Maher rewrites the rules of podcasting the way he did in television in this series of one on one, hour long conversations with a wide variety of unexpected guests in the undisclosed location called Club Random. There’s a whole big world out there that isn’t about politics and Bill and his guests—from Bill Burr and Jerry Seinfeld to Jordan Peterson, Quentin Tarantino and Neil DeGrasse Tyson—talk about all of it. For advertising opportunities please email: [email protected] ABOUT BILL MAHER Bill Maher was the host of “Politically Incorrect” (Comedy Central, ABC) from 1993-2002, and for the last fourteen years on HBO’s “Real Time,” Maher’s combination of unflinching honesty and big laughs have garnered him 40 Emmy nominations. Maher won his first Emmy in 2014 as executive producer for the HBO series, “VICE.” In October of 2008, this same combination was on display in Maher’s uproarious and unprecedented swipe at organized religion, “Religulous.” Maher has written five bestsellers: “True Story,” “Does Anybody Have a Problem with That? Politically Incorrect’s Greatest Hits,” “When You Ride Alone, You Ride with Bin Laden,” “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer,” and most recently, “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody But Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass.” FOLLOW CLUB RANDOM https://www.clubrandom.com https://www.facebook.com/Club-Random-101776489118185 https://twitter.com/clubrandom_ https://www.instagram.com/clubrandompodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@clubrandompodcast FOLLOW BILL MAHER https://www.billmaher.com https://twitter.com/billmaher https://www.instagram.com/billmaher Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Hello, I'm Ozempic.

• 0:01Speaker 01

  And I'm other GLP-1s, kinda like him. Are you shaking a maraca?

• 0:05Speaker 00

  Nope, I'm shaking the pill version of Ozempic, which no one should ever do, except in ads like this.

• 0:09Speaker 01

  A nice disclaimer.

• 0:10Speaker 00

  Hey, thanks. Ask your doctor about which FDA-approved uses of the Ozempic pen or pill may be right for you. Call 1-833-OZEMPIC or visit Ozempic.com to view the medication guide and learn more about Ozempic semaglutide tablets, 9mg, and Ozempic semaglutide injection, 2mg. There's a pill version of Ozempic.

• 0:30Speaker 02

  Network freedom and flexibility, that's what you want in a healthcare plan. With a Humana Medicare Advantage PPO plan, you can see any doctor in the country who accepts Medicare, including specialists. No referrals, no kidding. Learn more at GetHumana.com. See any doctor who accepts Medicare and is willing to bill Humana. Humana PPOs may not be available in all areas. Benefits and costs share may vary. Humana is a Medicare Advantage PPO organization with a Medicare contract. Enrollment in any Humana plan depends on contract renewal.

• 1:00Bill Maher?

  Well, folks, if you're gonna spend money on something and might as well be something you actually like, that's what I always say. That's where the Club Random merch store comes in. That's right, get yourself a cozy hoodie. Look at this, this is really well-designed. That's right, get yourself a cozy hoodie to snuggle away your sorrows or some new Club Random shirts. Look at all this shit I have. To attract a partner with similar interests and live happily ever after. I've seen crazier rom-coms, so head over to ClubRandom.com and bring home some random.

• 1:38Bill Maher?

  I might run for the door if you touch my calf like you did a monkey. That's it.

• 1:43Speaker 04

  I'm not allowed to touch people.

• 1:48Bill Maher?

  Weirdly, I think that too.

• 1:49Speaker 04

  Dex, I'm dreaming. Really? About me or you?

• 1:53Bill Maher?

  About you.

• 1:53Speaker 04

  Jesus Christ.

• 1:57Bill Maher?

  Well, Andy, today's episode, I've been transported to the chair, as opposed to my usual entrance, where the gold diggers, two on each side, bring me in.

• 2:09Speaker 04

  Oh, they do?

• 2:10Bill Maher?

  Remember the gold diggers on the Dean Martin Show?

• 2:12Speaker 04

  No.

• 2:13Bill Maher?

  No?

• 2:13Speaker 04

  No.

• 2:14Bill Maher?

  You don't remember Dean Martin?

• 2:15Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, but, you know, we're about the same age, I think.

• 2:18Bill Maher?

  No, I'm 10 years older, I think.

• 2:19Speaker 04

  Older?

• 2:20Bill Maher?

  Well, yeah.

• 2:21Speaker 04

  Because you look younger than me, which sucks for me.

• 2:24Bill Maher?

  I didn't know about that. What, you're 60?

• 2:25Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:25Bill Maher?

  I'm 70.

• 2:26Speaker 04

  Oh, okay, wow.

• 2:27Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 2:28Speaker 04

  So I always looked up to you, I get it now.

• 2:30Bill Maher?

  Well...

• 2:31Speaker 04

  Because, no, but, but I really always did. Remember, I was always so excited to be on your show, when I was on news radio, and you had your little shows.

• 2:43Bill Maher?

  I mean, I know you've been through the mill and put yourself in the mill, and we can get to that, but...

• 2:48Speaker 04

  I love working at a good mill.

• 2:50Bill Maher?

  But, but like, from the beginning, you always were like, you know, when you were there, you were one of the best, as far as like a comic actor.

• 2:59Speaker 04

  I don't like talking in the past like was one of the, you know, I still feel like I am.

• 3:03Bill Maher?

  Well, then do something now.

• 3:04Speaker 04

  I'm trying.

• 3:06Bill Maher?

  Yeah, no, you're still very employable. In fact, it's a great story. It's all, this country fucking loves redemption.

• 3:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, a good comeback.

• 3:14Bill Maher?

  They suck its dick like it's Harry Reams in 1978.

• 3:18Speaker 04

  Dangling right here down on my knees. So, look, we can, we're doing that. They've been shooting this movie on me. They're here now, somewhere. They wouldn't let him in, you guys wouldn't let him in here, which is fine.

• 3:29Bill Maher?

  Shooting a movie about you?

• 3:30Speaker 04

  Me, for six years, over six years. It's called The Little Angel Clown Who... That Crows.

• 3:37Bill Maher?

  But that's, that's someone I'm talking about. I'm talking about Get Apart.

• 3:41Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 3:42Bill Maher?

  Do what you do.

• 3:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, you're right. I agree, I agree. Well, I've been talking to Polly Shore about doing, because that was my first big fucking studio movie, really big movie, in the Army Now. Do you remember that? You forgot, it's so long ago.

• 3:55Bill Maher?

  Of course.

• 3:55Speaker 04

  But it was Polly Shore and I, and I thought, what if we did In the Army Now again? Because we're at, we're at the same kind of war now that, that, that that movie was about. Twenty years, isn't that interesting? And we should write that movie and we could be generals or I don't know.

• 4:12Bill Maher?

  You should, I shouldn't, but you should. Somebody involved in your life. I'm not sure I was crazy about the first one, no.

• 4:21Speaker 04

  No, I know.

• 4:22Bill Maher?

  You know, I mean, but when you were on like the Ben Stiller, that's my Andy Dick of all time because that was like a tour de force every week. First of all, the show itself.

• 4:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:33Bill Maher?

  You know, I watched it like fairly recently, like six or seven years ago, they maybe 10 years ago, they showed it on some cable channel. I don't know, I don't think it was that, but yeah, maybe, yes, it was.

• 4:45Speaker 04

  Or Tubi or Plude.

• 4:46Bill Maher?

  No, no, I think it was pre that. It was regular old cable TV. And boy, did they stand up and boy, are they funny. And you and Bob Odenkirk and Sarah and Jean Garofalo. What a, you know, they talk about the Mel Brooks, you know, that Woody Allen writers room. This was like a little of that. I mean, it was a real 27 Yankees.

• 5:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, and you know Judd Apatow.

• 5:11Bill Maher?

  Of course.

• 5:12Speaker 04

  The head fucking writer.

• 5:13Bill Maher?

  Yes, and Judd Apatow were helming it all.

• 5:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:16Bill Maher?

  So it was.

• 5:17Speaker 04

  And he and I, so I've had a falling out with all of those people, but a coming back also. So I've been like with me, they're like, oh, no. And you know what I think that's all about? It's about they don't want to be, they don't want to touch me, they don't want to be, if I'm doing something I shouldn't be doing.

• 5:37Bill Maher?

  It's about you've demonstrated a million times that you're a crazy drug addict. That's what it's about. Let me tell you something.

• 5:45Speaker 04

  And what's the problem?

• 5:48Bill Maher?

  But, but you don't seem like that at all now, but you're gonna have to prove that.

• 5:52Speaker 04

  It's been a while since I've done drugs, even smoked pot, I was gonna ask you about that.

• 5:55Bill Maher?

  What about the thing on the sidewalk recently?

• 5:58Speaker 04

  Oh, that was like three, four months ago. Well, that's a long time ago for me, sir.

• 6:03Bill Maher?

  I gotta say, job one, we've gotta switch this attitude.

• 6:08Speaker 04

  That's a long time.

• 6:09Bill Maher?

  That is not a long time. That's a short time. That's the first.

• 6:12Speaker 04

  It was about five months ago.

• 6:15Bill Maher?

  Okay. As long as we're counting in months, we're so losing this battle.

• 6:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:20Bill Maher?

  We gotta think long term, like forever.

• 6:24Speaker 04

  And you know, by the way, I thought I was smoking pot on the curb with people.

• 6:29Bill Maher?

  But is this how your mind works?

• 6:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm like, somebody was smoking out of a glass pipe. I said, is that pot? They said, yeah. But it wasn't, and they were strangers, and I smoked it, and it was fentanyl. It was fentanyl, and I promptly died. Do you know that? I didn't know that it was fentanyl.

• 6:49Bill Maher?

  Well.

• 6:50Speaker 04

  It's so funny.

• 6:52Bill Maher?

  There's so many ways I should kick you in the nuts for even posing that as my problem.

• 6:59Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 7:00Speaker 04

  Left or right?

• 7:00Bill Maher?

  Let's go right, let's not roll over this. Let's go right back to, don't smoke strangers' pipes.

• 7:07Speaker 04

  True. True that. No, no, I was really, I shouldn't have.

• 7:11Bill Maher?

  Here's my important.

• 7:12Speaker 04

  I think I was trying to escape from, by the way, I was. I was escaping from the guy who's here now doing that movie on me. So I was trying to get away because they don't let me do anything, have fun or drink or anything. And I just, I just ran across the street because they were all in a restaurant. I saw all these guys gathering around on the curb smoking. I'm like, shit, I'm gonna go smoke some fucking pot. Ran out, ran across the street. Like, that's how it sounded. And I sat down, smoked, and died.

• 7:40Bill Maher?

  And you were escaping your handler?

• 7:42Speaker 04

  If you wanna call them handlers, they, some of them have handled.

• 7:45Bill Maher?

  You were just escaping reality?

• 7:48Speaker 04

  I always am doing that.

• 7:49Bill Maher?

  Okay, but so that was my question. This is an important question.

• 7:52Speaker 04

  Okay, okay, I'm listening.

• 7:53Bill Maher?

  Because you with the three, four months, five months, it was a long time ago. Is that where your mind always is? Like, you really don't ever think this is gonna be permanent? It's just a period in the cycle where you're sober, but you just know, and you're not even gonna therefore fight it that hard?

• 8:14Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:15Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 8:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:16Bill Maher?

  I'm so glad I.

• 8:17Speaker 04

  Your question is so long, I could have said yes very earlier.

• 8:20Bill Maher?

  Is it true?

• 8:21Speaker 04

  Much earlier. Well, yeah, I'm not, I do not, if you're asking, am I gonna stay sober for the rest of my life? There's no fucking way. And I would never want to be, would you?

• 8:31Bill Maher?

  No, but I don't take it to the.

• 8:33Speaker 04

  No, but would you? You don't answer my question.

• 8:35Bill Maher?

  No, but I don't die on the sidewalk.

• 8:37Speaker 04

  Okay, that was, it's called the fentanyl mishap.

• 8:41Bill Maher?

  But it's not the.

• 8:41Speaker 04

  Have you ever had a mishap?

• 8:43Bill Maher?

  I know this just from in your, my house. Do you remember that party where you left all that broken glass in the back?

• 8:49Speaker 04

  Yeah. And you brought. I apologize.

• 8:51Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 8:52Speaker 04

  And I didn't leave it, I threw a beer bottle, which is retarded. And, but it was into woods, there were tons of woods, I didn't even know it was your property.

• 9:01Bill Maher?

  No, you, there were trees, like we all have trees in our yard.

• 9:04Speaker 04

  It looked like woods.

• 9:06Bill Maher?

  You were tripping, so I have a fucking tree or two.

• 9:09Speaker 04

  There's all little red riding in there.

• 9:11Bill Maher?

  Woods, yeah. We were deep in the forest by my pool.

• 9:15Speaker 04

  It seemed like it to me.

• 9:16Bill Maher?

  In Bel Air.

• 9:17Speaker 04

  Wait.

• 9:19Bill Maher?

  It was rustic, as it always.

• 9:20Speaker 04

  It was nice.

• 9:21Bill Maher?

  Anyway, I don't care about that. But, what, what are you doing?

• 9:25Speaker 04

  I have all these notes for you.

• 9:27Bill Maher?

  Notes?

• 9:28Speaker 04

  Oh, I have, I wrote five different limericks.

• 9:31Bill Maher?

  I've never had someone come here with notes.

• 9:32Speaker 04

  Well, I have, I wrote some limericks in the car on the way here for you.

• 9:36Bill Maher?

  Oh, wow.

• 9:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 9:36Bill Maher?

  You know, this isn't Fallon.

• 9:39Speaker 04

  What does that have to do with anything? Oh, yeah, this is like a show where you just try to get to know people, we reminisce.

• 9:47Bill Maher?

  This is a show where we, yes.

• 9:50Speaker 04

  We reminisce.

• 9:50Bill Maher?

  I tried to make it almost, or completely exactly like how we would be. And I feel like we've achieved that so far. I mean, because I really do like you and care about you and you.

• 10:01Speaker 04

  That is nice, thank you.

• 10:02Bill Maher?

  And always thought, no, always thought you were a giant talent. And like, and charisma. I mean, no matter what you do, people will care about you until the day you die on the sidewalk.

• 10:13Speaker 04

  No.

• 10:15Bill Maher?

  No, not on the.

• 10:18Bill Maher?

  And you can laugh at yourself. Which is a great.

• 10:21Speaker 04

  It's really not funny, but you're right. I did. I was like, what?

• 10:24Bill Maher?

  Okay, but don't do it again.

• 10:25Speaker 04

  Charisma. I was listening to that, um.

• 10:27Bill Maher?

  Yes, you have.

• 10:28Speaker 04

  The Hidden Brain on the way here.

• 10:30Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 10:31Speaker 04

  With by Shankar Dingdong Redonkin. Shinkan. The Indian guy on KCR.

• 10:38Bill Maher?

  His name is what?

• 10:39Speaker 04

  Shankar Dingdong Shambalama Redonkin.

• 10:44Speaker 04

  The Indian guy.

• 10:45Bill Maher?

  I know.

• 10:45Speaker 04

  I am Shankar Dingdong. And he has a whole thing on charisma. I was listening to it on the way up. And there was, it was so interesting, because

• 10:56Bill Maher?

  What charisma?

• 10:57Speaker 04

  There were different types of charisma. Charisma.

• 10:59Bill Maher?

  You're right, but what, I thought you said herisma.

• 11:01Speaker 04

  No.

• 11:02Bill Maher?

  Is that a different variation? You said it.

• 11:05Speaker 04

  I messed up. No, charisma.

• 11:08Bill Maher?

  Maybe that's like a feminine word.

• 11:09Speaker 04

  Is what you heard, yeah. Charisma. Maybe I have a little charisma.

• 11:14Bill Maher?

  Well, I always thought I was secretly gay, Andy.

• 11:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, me too. I thought you were.

• 11:19Bill Maher?

  If anybody reads gay, it's me.

• 11:20Speaker 04

  It is. Really, it is. But you've never thought about that.

• 11:24Bill Maher?

  Oh, I've thought about it. I've certainly never been tempted to do it, but you know, people are.

• 11:29Speaker 04

  You thought, you thought like, what would it be like? And then you get crushed out.

• 11:34Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 11:35Speaker 04

  I can understand that. If I thought about it, I'd get crushed out. I don't think about it. I just go far.

• 11:42Bill Maher?

  But you're like the ancient Romans.

• 11:44Speaker 04

  Yes, so.

• 11:45Bill Maher?

  In many ways. You wear a cape, I mean, a cloak, uh, no, you, uh, you know, the Roman civilization did not make a large, nor the Greeks, nor Alexander the Great, the Macedonia. They did not make a giant, strong, bold line between what we would call gay and heterosexual sex.

• 12:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was just sex.

• 12:11Bill Maher?

  It was just sex, and it was just if you're cute, and I mean, Alexander the Great, I don't think would have thought himself gay. He was a Streisand fan. We know that, but other than that, I so am I, and I'm not gay.

• 12:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:25Bill Maher?

  But, you know, he, his lovers that we know of were his generals.

• 12:30Speaker 04

  And you really don't know if you're gay, because you never tried it, you never went for it. It was so wrong to you. It was so like, you can't do it, you can't do it. It's so wrong on every level. Politically, you're very political, right?

• 12:45Bill Maher?

  I've read that about myself, yeah.

• 12:47Speaker 04

  We had a lot about that in here.

• 12:50Bill Maher?

  But, okay.

• 12:52Speaker 04

  But you know what I mean? Like, you, you, you can't be gay. You're not, you want to lie to yourself.

• 12:57Bill Maher?

  I feel like you're shading this more toward the more current view, which is that it's, it's more of a social construct. And I am of the opinion that, no, you couldn't be, I couldn't be more supportive of anyone who wants to be, whatever they want to be. But there also is a default setting for humans, which is built into our biology, because that's how we make babies. And nature wants us to do one thing above all, make babies.

• 13:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, right.

• 13:26Bill Maher?

  And we can't make one, Andy.

• 13:30Speaker 04

  We can try. No, I'm just kidding. But, yeah. You're so, you remind me of, you know, like all, like Jack Parr and, and who's the one I'm thinking of?

• 13:45Bill Maher?

  That's a compliment.

• 13:46Speaker 04

  Alan, what was his name?

• 13:47Bill Maher?

  Steve Allen?

• 13:48Speaker 04

  Steve Allen. Did you like him?

• 13:50Bill Maher?

  Steve Allen was my original mentor when I.

• 13:53Speaker 04

  Oh, in real life?

• 13:54Bill Maher?

  In real life, yeah.

• 13:56Speaker 04

  Wait, you were, you knew him?

• 13:58Bill Maher?

  Oh, very well.

• 13:59Speaker 04

  Oh, Jesus Christ. Wow, yeah, you really embody him.

• 14:02Bill Maher?

  Yes, I mean, for people who don't remember, I mean, I don't remember, he was the host of The Tonight Show.

• 14:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, he was the original. It's like there was an audience, there's no one here. Why do you, you don't let anyone be in the room?

• 14:13Bill Maher?

  Genius of this.

• 14:14Speaker 04

  But I'm acting like there is, there's no one here.

• 14:16Bill Maher?

  It's just us.

• 14:18Speaker 04

  It's frightening almost.

• 14:19Bill Maher?

  Uh, that's good. But he was the original.

• 14:22Speaker 04

  Yes, the number one. The original of The Tonight Show. He was the original Johnny Carson.

• 14:26Bill Maher?

  In the 50s. Well, I wasn't born when it started.

• 14:29Speaker 04

  Right. Okay, that's what I was asking.

• 14:30Bill Maher?

  Right, he passed the torch to this guy, Jack Parr.

• 14:33Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:33Bill Maher?

  Passed it to Johnny in the early 60s, and he lasted 30 years, and then Jay Leno, and that's the history of The Tonight Show. But, but Steve Allen, this is the 80s, so he had long passed when he was hosted The Tonight Show. He did have other talk shows, but he never achieved the kind of success with the talk show outside of those first few years when he invented it, that Johnny did, that Leno did. He was kind of, I mean, by the-

• 14:58Speaker 04

  Did he do?

• 14:59Bill Maher?

  He did everything, you know, he was a jack of all trades, which was part of his problem. He was a songwriter, and he was a poet, and he wrote a million books, and he did Vegas, and, you know, stand-up, and-

• 15:11Speaker 04

  So cool.

• 15:12Bill Maher?

  And, but, yeah, but it was-

• 15:13Speaker 04

  And kind of political, so you really are like him?

• 15:15Bill Maher?

  Not, not political.

• 15:17Speaker 00

  Hello, I'm Ozempic.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  And I'm other GLP-1s, kind of like him. Are you shaking a maraca?

• 15:22Speaker 00

  Nope, I'm shaking the pill version of Ozempic, which no one should ever do, except in ads like this.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  A nice disclaimer.

• 15:27Speaker 00

  Hey, thanks. Ask your doctor about which FDA-approved uses of the Ozempic pen or pill may be right for you. Call 1-833-OZEMPIC, or visit Ozempic.com to view the medication guide, and learn more about Ozempic semaglutide tablets, 9mg, and Ozempic semaglutide injection, 2mg. There's a pill version of Ozempic.

• 15:47Speaker 02

  At Humana, our Medicare Advantage plans are easy to understand and easy on your wallet, like offering more benefits than you'd get from original Medicare alone, and including dental, vision, and hearing coverage in every plan. And the best part is, every plan has a $0 or low monthly plan premium, which makes it easier to save, too. So this Medicare planning season, plan well with Humana. Learn more at GetHumana.com. Humana is a Medicare Advantage, HMO and PPO organization with a Medicare contract. Enrollment in any Humana plan depends on contract renewal.

• 16:17Speaker 04

  But, but, but you're not political, but you have political views.

• 16:21Bill Maher?

  Well, I'm very political.

• 16:22Speaker 04

  Oh, you are, okay.

• 16:23Bill Maher?

  Have you ever seen my show?

• 16:25Speaker 04

  Am I allowed to ask who you voted for? Who did you vote for?

• 16:27Bill Maher?

  Oh, God, you know nothing about me.

• 16:29Speaker 04

  I don't?

• 16:30Bill Maher?

  Oh, that's so interesting.

• 16:31Speaker 04

  Because I'm not political, because I'm, like, dumb politically.

• 16:34Bill Maher?

  Because you're passed out on the sidewalk, is why you're not political, that's why.

• 16:39Speaker 04

  Oh, so there is someone here, I heard someone laugh.

• 16:41Bill Maher?

  Which is like my, my worst-

• 16:43Speaker 04

  Column.

• 16:44Bill Maher?

  That is my worst demographic, by the way, but-

• 16:47Speaker 04

  That guy laughed.

• 16:49Bill Maher?

  But that's hysterical. Yeah, no, I'm, the show is very-

• 16:52Speaker 04

  They just crapped on you, whoever laughed.

• 16:54Bill Maher?

  This show is very political, uh-

• 16:56Speaker 04

  You're your other show, this one's not.

• 16:58Bill Maher?

  Right, this one's not, exactly. This is why I did this one, so it doesn't have to be.

• 17:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, so you can listen up.

• 17:04Bill Maher?

  If it goes there, it goes there.

• 17:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, and I'm not political, so I was trying to, like, I'm, I'm asking you to teach me-

• 17:10Bill Maher?

  I will.

• 17:10Speaker 04

  What's going on, like-

• 17:11Bill Maher?

  I will.

• 17:12Speaker 04

  So Trump, who, so, like, who-

• 17:14Bill Maher?

  Okay, here's how I think of Trump.

• 17:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:16Bill Maher?

  He is a corrupt-

• 17:17Speaker 04

  Don't forget I had that thing with his daughter, on Jimmy Kimmel.

• 17:21Bill Maher?

  What do you mean, a thing?

• 17:21Speaker 04

  I touched her thigh like that, her bare thigh, on Jimmy Kimmel, and it was a big controversy. Yeah, Ivanka.

• 17:28Bill Maher?

  What year was this?

• 17:30Speaker 04

  It was before he was president, otherwise he would have kicked me out of the country.

• 17:36Speaker 04

  He would have.

• 17:37Bill Maher?

  And you were sitting next to her on the couch?

• 17:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, because I was the first guest, then she came on, and I, I wanted to stay.

• 17:42Bill Maher?

  Right, but, oh, you're supposed to stay.

• 17:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 17:44Bill Maher?

  That's, you moved down the couch.

• 17:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, I moved down the couch, and I was right next to her calf.

• 17:48Bill Maher?

  Uh, but, did something prompt you touching her, like a-

• 17:52Speaker 04

  They were, they were shimmering.

• 17:54Bill Maher?

  Oh, they were just there?

• 17:54Speaker 04

  No, no, but she had like this makeup that had glitter, and I'm like, why are your, why are your legs calling to me? And they were shimmering, and I just-

• 18:02Bill Maher?

  I thought maybe it came up in conversation, or it was a joke, but you're saying, no, just like an animal-

• 18:07Speaker 04

  They were shimmering, yeah.

• 18:08Bill Maher?

  Just like an animal.

• 18:09Speaker 04

  Like a raccoon to a shiny object, yes.

• 18:11Bill Maher?

  Okay, as long as we got that straight.

• 18:14Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 18:15Bill Maher?

  Just that.

• 18:15Speaker 04

  And then the, uh-

• 18:17Bill Maher?

  Okay, you can't do that, Andy, you can't-

• 18:19Speaker 04

  Tell me all the things I can't do.

• 18:21Bill Maher?

  You can't do that, you can't, you can't-

• 18:23Speaker 04

  Without that.

• 18:26Speaker 04

  If you had me when you were ten, I didn't know you were ten years older than me.

• 18:29Bill Maher?

  Did you have a rough-

• 18:30Speaker 04

  I thought we were the same age, like, the exact same age.

• 18:32Bill Maher?

  Did you have a rough upbringing, can we, can we blame it on that?

• 18:35Speaker 04

  Yes, actually, it was rough in that my dad was in the military, I think you know this, he was, he was a lieutenant commander on a submarine in the Navy, and so we moved almost every year, every year-

• 18:46Bill Maher?

  Oh, that is tough.

• 18:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, that, that makes it tough, but it makes me like, I have to be on, you know, if I'm gonna be friends with anyone, I had to, you know, be, and they'd all come to me. So I was a constant, I didn't want an audience, I always was the person that, tell you, who's this little faggot?

• 19:03Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 19:04Speaker 04

  You know, and then I had to be like, hey guys, I'm the new guy.

• 19:08Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 19:08Speaker 04

  And it was really-

• 19:10Bill Maher?

  That's interesting.

• 19:11Speaker 04

  Horrific, like, every time I'd be plopped into a new school, I was petrified.

• 19:16Bill Maher?

  And it was all over the country?

• 19:17Speaker 04

  All over and Yugoslavia. I lived in Yugoslavia when I was 12.

• 19:22Bill Maher?

  What, what, what part of Yugoslavia?

• 19:24Speaker 04

  Zagreb, outside of Zagreb.

• 19:25Bill Maher?

  That's Croatia.

• 19:26Speaker 04

  Now it is.

• 19:27Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 19:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, remember, they've been through a bunch since then. Since I was 12, it was Yugoslavia. When I was 12.

• 19:34Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 19:35Speaker 04

  1976 and 77.

• 19:37Bill Maher?

  Were they nice? I think they were with the Nazis in the war. If I don't.

• 19:42Speaker 04

  No, there was a dict.

• 19:43Bill Maher?

  If I'm not mistaken, not holding a grudge for ever Croatia, but, I mean.

• 19:49Speaker 04

  Tito was the.

• 19:51Bill Maher?

  Tito was Yugoslavia.

• 19:52Speaker 04

  But that's where I was.

• 19:53Bill Maher?

  Yes, I understand.

• 19:54Speaker 04

  In Yugoslavia, it was Yugoslavia at the time, and Tito was the, the president, not the dictator, he was the president. And then, and then it all got punched up. And before I was there, it was Serbo-Croatia, Herzegovina, I learned about it when I was there.

• 20:12Bill Maher?

  Yugoslavia was.

• 20:13Speaker 04

  I was there one year, a whole year.

• 20:15Bill Maher?

  Was a quilt of six different countries. There was where Melania is from, Slovenia, Luka Doncic, also from Slovenia.

• 20:22Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 20:22Bill Maher?

  And there was, yeah, and there.

• 20:24Speaker 04

  Well, that's interesting. And I'm touching, was I touching Melania's daughter's leg?

• 20:30Bill Maher?

  No, Melania is not Ivanka's mother.

• 20:32Speaker 04

  Oh, okay. Well, they have the same kind of name.

• 20:35Bill Maher?

  Start at the beginning, the president is this guy Donald Trump.

• 20:37Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:38Bill Maher?

  He was a game show host and then.

• 20:40Speaker 04

  No, he wasn't.

• 20:40Bill Maher?

  He, well, I mean, The Apprentice.

• 20:43Speaker 04

  Oh, that's right. Now you're really crap.

• 20:50Speaker 04

  It was a game show.

• 20:51Bill Maher?

  Yeah. But, you know, that's where America is and, you know, I mean, we have a complicated relationship, both me, myself and the country.

• 21:03Speaker 04

  Do you think you would ever run for president?

• 21:05Bill Maher?

  Of course not.

• 21:06Speaker 04

  Because you would be afraid to lose? Or because you don't want it, you don't want to be the president?

• 21:11Bill Maher?

  I don't want to be, I'm too old to be.

• 21:14Speaker 04

  You're not too old.

• 21:15Bill Maher?

  Seventy?

• 21:16Speaker 04

  Is that too old?

• 21:17Bill Maher?

  Okay, I know.

• 21:18Speaker 04

  And why do you look so young, given that you drink and smoke so much pot?

• 21:23Speaker 04

  Want to hear one of my lyric, limericks? Because it has to do with that.

• 21:27Bill Maher?

  Yes, I do.

• 21:28Speaker 04

  I'm suing.

• 21:29Bill Maher?

  Oh, yes. You've spent all this time on that?

• 21:32Speaker 04

  Oh, here's something on note about me, that my teeth, I'm in the middle of fixing them. So that's why I'm not smiling a lot. I'm going like this. Because my teeth, literally, if I smile, it looks like the before picture in the dental implant commercial. You know those commercials before and after? Before dental implants, they'd look like this. I'm not gonna show them. And then after, they look all nice, white.

• 21:55Bill Maher?

  See, this is why we have to get you working, to fill your hours with Keno, doing something constructive.

• 22:01Speaker 04

  I'm just talking. You know what I need to construct are my fucking teeth. I need dental implants. Okay, but here's the thing.

• 22:07Bill Maher?

  Get something going.

• 22:09Speaker 04

  And quickly, okay, there was a man named Bill Maher, quickly became quite the star. He was politically pointed, and he drank and jointed. And had to trade in his car for a bar.

• 22:23Bill Maher?

  That one's okay.

• 22:25Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 22:26Bill Maher?

  It was off to a great start.

• 22:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, Bill Maher was a politics schmooze, who loved his pot and booze. When asked by Dick if he could have a slick, he said, "One lump or two."

• 22:44Speaker 04

  Bill Maher knew the Andy Dick dance, and asked him on his show by chance, while Bill drank and smoked, Andy just joked, and surprisingly, never took it out of his pants. That one doesn't, that one doesn't, that's just, it's a joke on me, really.

• 23:02Bill Maher?

  Oh.

• 23:03Speaker 04

  But that was kind of clever, right?

• 23:05Bill Maher?

  It is. And we have to, you know, I mean, you know, you can't give in to the haters, and the people who just always want to find something, and people who frankly just don't have a sense of humor. And, you know, most people do, you know.

• 23:23Speaker 04

  They do.

• 23:23Bill Maher?

  Here's another thing I'm sure you missed. Oh, first of all, one thing before. Biden, he was the president before Trump, and he was like, super old. And that was the big issue in the campaign. The big issue. Yeah, you knew this.

• 23:36Speaker 04

  No, but I. No, because, you know, I don't know politics, but I, every time he would talk or whatever, I'm like, God, that guy, how is he running the country? Then it had to be explained to me that he's not. All the people under him are running it. And he was just a weird, like, old man puppet. Like, like one of the guys in The Balcony of the Muppets, those two old men in the balcony. He was one of them. I got, I don't know, and he couldn't even talk.

• 24:04Bill Maher?

  Well, Andy, this truth's in this pile of dirt you just dumped on my driveway. There's a few little nuggets I could dig out.

• 24:14Speaker 04

  At least it wasn't broken black this time.

• 24:17Bill Maher?

  I, believe me, I, it was one of those things where I was like, oh, you know what? A guy named Dick made a dick move and everybody already thinks he's a dick. And now I do too, and I never thought about it again.

• 24:30Speaker 04

  I'm trying to apologize and make up. It's been so many years.

• 24:33Bill Maher?

  No, I'm just saying, and that lasted like a week. And ever since then, it was never in my brain. I knew that you were a guy who was trying to get better and, you know, people have, have, you know, like, it kind of breaks my heart a little when I hear you say, you know, like, no, I, please, I'm never gonna not go back to the drugs because you know it's a Russian roulette and at one point.

• 24:56Speaker 04

  I know, you're right.

• 24:57Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 24:58Speaker 04

  But it's not that I'm gonna go back to the drugs. I don't wanna, I, I do have a thing in my head and a promise to myself to not go back to any white powder, any, any white powder. Cause that was the thing, I saw white powder, I thought it was cocaine. Not cocaine, it can be fentanyl, it can be meth.

• 25:15Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 25:15Speaker 04

  It can be a lot of different things, we crushed up.

• 25:17Bill Maher?

  So what are you gonna stick to?

• 25:18Speaker 04

  Now, what is this?

• 25:19Bill Maher?

  Pot.

• 25:20Speaker 04

  Yeah, I can smoke that. I'm allowed to do whatever I want, by the way.

• 25:24Bill Maher?

  I feel, of course you are allowed, you're 60. I just, I mean, I feel like a terrible enabler, but it's like, please, if it's not me, I mean, like you, like you couldn't get pot somewhere.

• 25:34Speaker 04

  I can't.

• 25:35Bill Maher?

  If you want, you know what, if you just would stick to pot. But here's what I'm saying is like, it, it seems to me as we're, we're doing something now. I'm enjoying myself immensely. Okay, so, but see, this isn't an issue for me. I enjoy life. You.

• 25:51Speaker 04

  Me too, me too.

• 25:52Bill Maher?

  Okay, but if you can enjoy life.

• 25:53Speaker 04

  People should grin. But if you. I enjoy life, they're the one.

• 25:57Bill Maher?

  But if you can enjoy life like this, then you, then why do the, then why smoke somebody's fucking crack pipe? You know what I mean?

• 26:03Speaker 04

  That was a mistake, because I was trying to get away from those people I was with.

• 26:06Bill Maher?

  And the only way to do it was to smoke a stranger's pipe.

• 26:09Speaker 04

  Well, I just wanted to go smoke some pot. I really thought it was pot. I didn't know that we were in this world of, I've heard, I had heard, this was like, fentanyl is kind of new. And I didn't know you could smoke fentanyl. I thought fentanyl was an injection.

• 26:23Bill Maher?

  It's about as new as knowing Biden was old is new. You, you don't know anything.

• 26:28Speaker 04

  You're right. I don't try to know.

• 26:30Bill Maher?

  You're like the guy in the movie, remember the Peter Sellers movie, Being There?

• 26:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 26:36Bill Maher?

  You do?

• 26:36Speaker 04

  Well, yes.

• 26:37Bill Maher?

  You could, that's, you see like.

• 26:39Speaker 04

  That is a good idea.

• 26:40Bill Maher?

  For you to redo.

• 26:41Speaker 04

  Sellers.

• 26:42Bill Maher?

  That, that is actually a brilliant idea.

• 26:44Speaker 04

  It's a good fucking idea.

• 26:45Bill Maher?

  Do you remember that movie? It was so celebrated.

• 26:47Speaker 04

  And that's my favorite actor of all time.

• 26:49Bill Maher?

  It's so iconic, and you could do that.

• 26:52Speaker 04

  I remember seeing it as a kid and not liking it. Like, it was boring, but, you know.

• 26:56Bill Maher?

  I mean, I think the only thing that could stop this from being a big hit is insurance.

• 27:04Bill Maher?

  See, can you get in.

• 27:06Speaker 04

  Funny that you say that. Yeah, that's a good question.

• 27:08Bill Maher?

  Okay, that's, you have to work on.

• 27:10Speaker 04

  We're working on that. Just me getting bonded and insure.

• 27:13Bill Maher?

  Rehabilitate your reputation.

• 27:15Speaker 04

  I know, I know.

• 27:16Bill Maher?

  And then you can get, but people have done.

• 27:17Speaker 04

  That's why I'm doing your goddamn fucking show, dude.

• 27:19Bill Maher?

  Well, this is the rehab show. We, we rehab people here all the time.

• 27:23Speaker 04

  You do?

• 27:24Bill Maher?

  I, yes. I love doing it.

• 27:25Speaker 04

  Like who?

• 27:26Bill Maher?

  Armie Hammer, Roseanne, Kathy Griffin, Charlie Sheen.

• 27:31Speaker 04

  Well, how did you rehab Kathy? Oh, you mean like, oh, how, oh, because they got ousted, right? Yeah, yeah, by people.

• 27:38Bill Maher?

  We call it canceled now, grandpa, but, yes, when you were around, it was ousted, dude. I don't know if you know that, kids. I go, oh my God, I hope I'm not gonna get ousted.

• 27:47Speaker 04

  Was that the term back then? Oh my God.

• 27:49Bill Maher?

  No, I'm just.

• 27:50Speaker 04

  No, I think I just came up with it.

• 27:51Bill Maher?

  It's actually better.

• 27:52Speaker 04

  Yeah, it is, yeah. But you're right, canceled is the word term.

• 27:55Bill Maher?

  Canceled, and, um.

• 27:57Speaker 04

  The thing is, is that, yeah, they try. They have tried so hard to cancel me. I'm uncancellable.

• 28:04Bill Maher?

  Well, if you can't work, you are canceled. I mean, if you can't do the movie you want to do, that's kind of the definition.

• 28:11Speaker 04

  You're right, but I'm working on that.

• 28:13Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 28:13Speaker 04

  Right here in this fucking seat, that's what I'm doing.

• 28:16Bill Maher?

  Oh, I'm glad you're here.

• 28:17Speaker 04

  Well, I'm glad you let me. You know how many people won't?

• 28:21Bill Maher?

  Of course, again, well, that's what cancellation means.

• 28:25Speaker 04

  I know.

• 28:26Bill Maher?

  And...

• 28:26Speaker 04

  But I'm not fully canceled, that's my point.

• 28:30Bill Maher?

  Not fully, and...

• 28:31Speaker 04

  The door's cracked open a little bit, and I will slip my scrawny ass in there.

• 28:38Speaker 04

  I love making you laugh.

• 28:39Bill Maher?

  I love it too. I love making you laugh. It's why I love this show. I just sit here and laugh with people.

• 28:45Speaker 04

  It's so good. But... So, wait, who, Natalie, who was your last guest or your last couple? The one you can think of right off the top of your head?

• 28:52Bill Maher?

  Pope Francis.

• 28:54Speaker 04

  Not the actual Pope?

• 28:55Bill Maher?

  No, he's not even Pope anymore.

• 28:57Speaker 04

  But you had him?

• 28:58Bill Maher?

  But I didn't... Yes, Andy, the Pope is sitting right there.

• 29:02Speaker 04

  Well, you never know.

• 29:02Bill Maher?

  He had to put his hat down, it kept hitting the ceiling, but...

• 29:07Bill Maher?

  No, I mean, we have, it's called Club Random, it's, it's, it's, could be anybody. Ziggy Marley was here last week, that's who was here last week.

• 29:15Speaker 04

  Really? Wow.

• 29:16Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 29:17Speaker 04

  And he's been speaking of smoking pot. I'm allowed to smoke pot?

• 29:20Bill Maher?

  No, he didn't do it.

• 29:21Speaker 04

  Oh, he didn't? Is he sober?

• 29:23Bill Maher?

  Which was one of the fascinating things about that interview, because, no, it's, apparently, it's a, in the Rasta tradition, because it's quasi-religious.

• 29:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:37Bill Maher?

  You know, therefore, like, you don't do it, like, just with anybody in any situation.

• 29:42Speaker 04

  Just having fun.

• 29:42Bill Maher?

  I even said to him, if I joined a religion, will you do it with me? But he didn't take me up on that offer. I guess they're not that desperate for converts to Rasta, but...

• 29:53Speaker 04

  Well, what would you have to do? You might have to give up a baby?

• 29:55Bill Maher?

  It would be like, you know, a Catholic, you know, just sitting around and taking communion.

• 30:01Bill Maher?

  Which is...

• 30:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, you're taking communion? No, I'm Rastafarian. Wait, now, you, wait, you, wait, wait, wait, are you hardcore?

• 30:12Speaker 04

  Uh, Catholic.

• 30:13Bill Maher?

  I'm hard. That's all I have.

• 30:15Speaker 04

  Well, that's because I'm on the show. But wait a minute, are you, do you go to church still?

• 30:19Bill Maher?

  No, I'm the world's most famous atheist you moron.

• 30:23Speaker 04

  Oh, I forgot.

• 30:23Bill Maher?

  Jesus Christ.

• 30:24Speaker 04

  I know, my memory is slipping.

• 30:28Bill Maher?

  Or if you ever knew.

• 30:29Speaker 02

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• 31:13Speaker 02

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• 31:57Speaker 02

  Enrollment in any Humana plan depends on contract renewal.

• 32:00Bill Maher?

  I'm not insulting because you don't know about any, you don't know about anything.

• 32:02Speaker 04

  I know, I don't, I won't even remember if you insulted.

• 32:04Bill Maher?

  I had the Hawk Tua girl on, she knew more.

• 32:07Speaker 04

  Who? The hock to.

• 32:10Bill Maher?

  You don't know who the hock to a girl is?

• 32:12Speaker 04

  No. Did she go?

• 32:14Bill Maher?

  Yeah, she was.

• 32:15Speaker 04

  Did she spit on someone?

• 32:16Bill Maher?

  Well, she described it and it went viral and she just became this enormous celebrity for 10 minutes. She was talking about, you know, I mean, it's sad in a way because.

• 32:27Speaker 04

  Why?

• 32:27Bill Maher?

  Well, because.

• 32:28Speaker 04

  Did she spit on you?

• 32:29Bill Maher?

  No, no, no.

• 32:29Speaker 04

  Who did she hock to?

• 32:30Bill Maher?

  No, no, she did not. She just described how you needed to do the spitting sound to do a good blowjob. And what was sad is that we turned kids out of high school and they have no other skills than knowing how to suck a dick. I mean, it's just, we've let our children down. You've got kids, right?

• 32:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, and grandkids.

• 32:52Bill Maher?

  Grandkids, isn't that something? How old are the grandkids?

• 32:55Speaker 04

  Well, I was just with the littlest. There's two grandkids, one coming in a few months.

• 33:02Bill Maher?

  Oh.

• 33:04Speaker 04

  Out of my daughter. Can you say that phrase, out of my daughter?

• 33:07Bill Maher?

  Well, I would assume, yeah.

• 33:09Speaker 04

  They're all girls. All my grandkids are girls.

• 33:13Bill Maher?

  And they're little?

• 33:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, there's, yeah, one of them's about one or two and one of them's between one and one, between zero and one. Well, I don't, do I have to know their fucking exact age? I know I have three.

• 33:28Bill Maher?

  They're still.

• 33:28Speaker 04

  One come, two and a half, one coming.

• 33:30Bill Maher?

  They're still babies.

• 33:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're little babies.

• 33:32Bill Maher?

  They have babies and then your kids.

• 33:33Speaker 04

  I can bunt kick the middle one real good.

• 33:38Bill Maher?

  And do you take the kind of special glee that we see so, I'm asking sincerely, that we see so often in American and anywhere around the world, people, grandkids, I mean.

• 33:50Speaker 04

  It really is.

• 33:51Bill Maher?

  Someone who never got married and hasn't been anywhere near.

• 33:53Speaker 04

  That's what I get sad for you about because you are missing out. I actually could cry because it really is the sweetest fucking thing. No, you don't, for real, real. You know, when my granddaughter sees me and any of the two right now and the third one coming. She immediately beams up, smiles, and will even laugh. And there's nothing better.

• 34:16Bill Maher?

  Did you have that with your kids as well as the grand?

• 34:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, I still have that with my kids.

• 34:21Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 34:21Speaker 04

  But usually they're laughing at me.

• 34:25Speaker 04

  No, I have that. My kids and I-

• 34:26Bill Maher?

  They're all good relations?

• 34:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, but there's been a-

• 34:28Bill Maher?

  So they don't, they, they don't hold-

• 34:30Speaker 04

  They've taken, they've like, no, he's not even my dad.

• 34:34Bill Maher?

  They, they do that?

• 34:35Speaker 04

  Never really said that, but it's gotten to that point.

• 34:38Bill Maher?

  I'm asking, do they distance themselves from you?

• 34:41Speaker 04

  They have, yeah. And one of them is-

• 34:43Bill Maher?

  Publicly and privately or just publicly?

• 34:45Speaker 04

  Both.

• 34:45Bill Maher?

  Both?

• 34:46Speaker 04

  Yeah. See, in a lot of ways, you're lucky you never had kids, but I would say it's way luckier to have.

• 34:53Bill Maher?

  It depends on your personality. I mean, there's no-

• 34:55Speaker 04

  But you have the personality that a kid needs. This fucking, excuse me, America and every kid in America needs a you. You need, no, you're, you're not too, you're only 70. It's about, it is the cutoff point. You can still get a hot, young girl who's smart, cool, young, and young to you would be 40.

• 35:16Bill Maher?

  I ha- I have it. And she doesn't want kids either, so it's great. No.

• 35:22Speaker 04

  What about a dog? A nice little black kid?

• 35:26Speaker 04

  I don't know what's funny. That is so racist.

• 35:34Speaker 04

  I have a black boyfriend you could adopt.

• 35:36Bill Maher?

  Do you have a boyfriend?

• 35:38Speaker 04

  I have people I see, but can I tell you something? Can we talk about sexuality a little bit in terms of my, my sex life? In terms of my dick being dead? Now, does, is that happening to you because my dick is dead? I can't even masturbate. So I'm looking at those ads they have for testosterone boosting and shit like that. Do you do that?

• 35:58Bill Maher?

  No, of course not.

• 35:59Speaker 04

  Well, I have to do some fucking thing or give up sex altogether.

• 36:04Bill Maher?

  No, I just think sometimes you need a reboot. First of all, you need to get clean. I guess you are now, right? Don't you notice?

• 36:11Speaker 04

  And I'm not taking medication.

• 36:13Bill Maher?

  Of any, of any, good.

• 36:14Speaker 04

  None, except baby aspirin, because they say it's good for our hearts.

• 36:18Bill Maher?

  You do know that the illegal street drugs you did, there's always a, what?

• 36:23Speaker 04

  I didn't, that I did, I did, I accidentally did the fentanyl.

• 36:28Bill Maher?

  Okay.

• 36:28Speaker 04

  I wasn't doing illegal stuff, I wasn't running around in tents while I was, I did go to a tent.

• 36:34Bill Maher?

  Let's not have a debate on whether you did drugs in your past, okay?

• 36:37Speaker 04

  I heard him laughing at the tent.

• 36:39Bill Maher?

  So, but, there's always a counterpart, that's the legal version. Of, you, there's the, you know, you can go to the MacArthur Park and, and get the, what do you?

• 36:50Speaker 04

  That's with a blue tent.

• 36:51Bill Maher?

  What do you call it, horse, the, the white lady, is that what you call it? That's what we do down at, the white lady, down at the station, are you, are you a slave to the white lady?

• 37:02Speaker 04

  The hair on.

• 37:03Bill Maher?

  But, you know.

• 37:03Speaker 04

  You want some hair on?

• 37:05Bill Maher?

  I mean, cocaine is adderall, they.

• 37:07Speaker 04

  They don't even have cocaine anymore, why is that? This is when I need you, as a polit- political type person. Because that's what you are, a political type person.

• 37:17Bill Maher?

  Exactly.

• 37:18Speaker 04

  You know, you're not.

• 37:18Bill Maher?

  No, you're on the money.

• 37:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're a political type person, and you know what's up. And you know, you, it's already told me, because I asked you, you're not gonna run for anything, which, I think that's ridiculous, I think you should, you'd be helping us.

• 37:31Bill Maher?

  I might run for the door if you touch my calf like you did O'Monka, but that's it.

• 37:37Speaker 04

  See, so, I'm not allowed to touch people, so, I know there's a bunch of rules.

• 37:42Bill Maher?

  Andy, none of us are allowed to touch people.

• 37:44Speaker 04

  I think that's weird.

• 37:45Bill Maher?

  Well, it's not weird.

• 37:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, it is.

• 37:47Bill Maher?

  It's not weird.

• 37:47Speaker 04

  I think that we should be able to hug, and like, I hugged your producer.

• 37:52Bill Maher?

  It has, okay.

• 37:54Speaker 04

  Both of them, male one and the female one, because we're friendly, we're normal human beings.

• 37:58Bill Maher?

  And we're processing the claims now. Any, anyway.

• 38:04Bill Maher?

  Andy, it has to be a

• 38:06Speaker 04

  Where do I sign?

• 38:07Bill Maher?

  It has to be a

• 38:10Bill Maher?

  It has to be a

• 38:10Speaker 04

  I'll sign with my dick, you bastard.

• 38:12Bill Maher?

  It has to be a mutual thing.

• 38:15Speaker 04

  No, I know, I know what you mean. I know that, I guess, you're right, you're right. I see what you mean, I see what you mean.

• 38:20Bill Maher?

  Let me just say this. I have heard people make the case, I'm not gonna name names, but

• 38:26Speaker 04

  But it's not me.

• 38:27Bill Maher?

  But it's not you.

• 38:28Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 38:29Bill Maher?

  But I've heard people who have been accused of being way too handsy on the set, shall we say.

• 38:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:35Bill Maher?

  And the excuse I've heard more than once is, I'm a hugger. And I always just wanna say to them, you know what? Let's try this experiment. If they hug you first, then feel free to hug.

• 38:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:47Bill Maher?

  And let's see how that works. If you're not always the one initiating

• 38:51Speaker 04

  That's a good one, because if somebody hugged me first, I'd be weirded out. Cause nobody hugs me.

• 38:57Bill Maher?

  But that's what you're doing to them.

• 38:58Speaker 04

  But I see what you're saying.

• 39:01Speaker 04

  If somebody hugged me, I'd be weirded the fuck out. But I don't

• 39:05Bill Maher?

  I think we're making so much progress.

• 39:06Speaker 04

  People come to me with open arms now. You're produced, one of them, both of them. We're like, I hope, did I, did I want to jump up on you?

• 39:16Bill Maher?

  Okay, okay, we like you.

• 39:18Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 39:19Bill Maher?

  I don't

• 39:19Speaker 04

  Do you need a hug?

• 39:20Bill Maher?

  You know what? I don't need shit. This, this show that I do, this podcast, I do it cause it's doing great. And I do it cause I love it. So I wouldn't ever have anybody here I don't really want to talk to. I don't need, I'm playing with the

• 39:34Speaker 04

  That's so cool that you have me, I really appreciate it.

• 39:36Bill Maher?

  House money. You know what I mean?

• 39:38Speaker 04

  And you have a bunch of it. You do. Well, you do. We're sitting in his guest house, which is bigger than the fucking

• 39:47Bill Maher?

  No, it's not, this is nothing

• 39:48Speaker 04

  Sober living that I'm living. You know I'm living in a sober living?

• 39:51Bill Maher?

  Oh, I had a great

• 39:52Speaker 04

  Oh wait, no I'm not.

• 39:53Bill Maher?

  I had another great idea for you. Besides redoing being there.

• 39:58Speaker 04

  Which is so good.

• 40:00Bill Maher?

  You would be perfect.

• 40:01Speaker 04

  And my director's in the other room, he's gonna.

• 40:03Bill Maher?

  You have to demonstrate your sobriety first. But here's my other idea. You've heard about Mickey Work lately?

• 40:09Speaker 04

  No, what happened now? Because he and I used to. Hang on a minute, we, let me tell you a couple of stories about him. He and I had a fucking great time in the 90s. Like, right up into the 2000s. He was, he was a very good, I love that fool.

• 40:24Bill Maher?

  I did.

• 40:25Speaker 04

  And he was in my apartment in, I think, downtown L.A. or West Hollywood. And he was, he was banging some girl behind my couch. And I was watching TV. And I remember him getting up from behind my couch going, "I'm almost done." And going back down and.

• 40:42Bill Maher?

  Okay, that wasn't your apartment, it was Mel's Diner.

• 40:46Bill Maher?

  And it was in all the papers, so I don't know.

• 40:49Speaker 04

  No, no, he's kidding. But what happened to him?

• 40:55Speaker 04

  Was something bad?

• 40:56Bill Maher?

  Well, he was Joe Biden's running mate. And Biden wasn't.

• 41:01Bill Maher?

  I can tell you anything.

• 41:02Speaker 04

  I know, because I don't know anything. I believe everything you say.

• 41:06Bill Maher?

  After the spaceships landed, here's what happened.

• 41:08Speaker 04

  What?

• 41:08Bill Maher?

  Biden pulled out of the race. Because they said, "We need somebody younger." Then Mickey Work.

• 41:15Speaker 04

  He did not.

• 41:16Bill Maher?

  No, Mickey, Mickey got, uh, he was living in a house that was not a good-looking house. Not a good.

• 41:22Speaker 04

  He's not doing his best.

• 41:23Bill Maher?

  And he was photographed not looking well.

• 41:26Speaker 04

  Well, he's older, he's not looking, he's looking worse than both of us. We look good.

• 41:30Bill Maher?

  And, and there was a story, and I think he refuted it. I guess somebody started a GoFundMe so that he wouldn't get thrown out of this shitty house he was in. And I, and then I, and he said, "I don't need your money."

• 41:44Bill Maher?

  And he got thrown out of that house, because apparently he did. My idea, you and Mickey Work.

• 41:50Speaker 04

  I love him, I'll do it in half a second.

• 41:52Bill Maher?

  Start a band, you know, something, something in the sidewalks.

• 41:57Speaker 04

  What was that movie he did that's one of my favorite movies ever? But, not Barfly, what is?

• 42:02Bill Maher?

  Uh, Nine and a Half Weeks.

• 42:04Speaker 04

  He was in that.

• 42:06Bill Maher?

  Pope of Greenwich Village?

• 42:07Speaker 04

  Both of them. And then there was another one about a bar with that girl.

• 42:13Bill Maher?

  News Radio?

• 42:14Speaker 04

  That's not a movie.

• 42:15Bill Maher?

  Oh, that's you.

• 42:16Speaker 04

  Hi. Mickey.

• 42:19Bill Maher?

  I knew that. I was testing you.

• 42:20Speaker 04

  Barfly, not Barfly. We have to look this up.

• 42:24Bill Maher?

  Mickey, Mickey had a great.

• 42:26Speaker 04

  He was nominated for an Oscar.

• 42:28Bill Maher?

  His debut was in Diner.

• 42:30Speaker 04

  No, it was the one, the punching one.

• 42:32Bill Maher?

  The punching one? Nine and a half weeks.

• 42:34Speaker 04

  Mickey Rourke.

• 42:38Bill Maher?

  Wow. So many firsts. The first.

• 42:40Speaker 04

  Mickey Rourke movie.

• 42:43Bill Maher?

  Wouldn't it be funny if he got on the phone now? Your phone thinks that you're calling him?

• 42:47Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 42:48Bill Maher?

  Why don't you call him?

• 42:50Speaker 04

  I don't have people's numbers anymore. Somebody went in my phone recently.

• 42:53Bill Maher?

  What do you mean, somebody?

• 42:55Speaker 04

  I don't know who.

• 42:57Bill Maher?

  Okay, well.

• 42:57Speaker 04

  Done so many fucking movies. You know, they get to the place where, and they meaning even me, where you just do any fucking movies. Somebody wants to do a movie, you're like, fine, I'll do it.

• 43:06Bill Maher?

  Here's the difference between you and me.

• 43:07Speaker 04

  He was in The Expendables. Remember that? He was in Iron Man.

• 43:11Bill Maher?

  I would never say the sentence.

• 43:12Speaker 04

  The Wrestler. That's the one I'm thinking of.

• 43:14Bill Maher?

  Somebody went into my phone. Who? This is such a personal, private, important thing, your phone.

• 43:21Speaker 04

  But I'm not like you. I like, if you want to look at my phone, I'd hand it to you in a half a second.

• 43:26Bill Maher?

  Why?

• 43:27Speaker 04

  If you ask, because you ask.

• 43:28Bill Maher?

  Don't do that.

• 43:30Speaker 04

  Now I want you to look at it.

• 43:32Bill Maher?

  But how can you have nobody's numbers?

• 43:33Speaker 04

  Why don't you look right at them and go to right to my photos?

• 43:35Bill Maher?

  How can you keep, how can you keep?

• 43:36Speaker 04

  Want to look at my photos?

• 43:37Bill Maher?

  How can you keep friendships if you don't have people's numbers?

• 43:41Speaker 04

  Maybe sometimes I, that's how I keep them. I don't.

• 43:44Bill Maher?

  Look.

• 43:44Speaker 04

  They're so, sometimes people are so afraid.

• 43:46Bill Maher?

  No, I'm not afraid and I really.

• 43:48Speaker 04

  You're not.

• 43:48Bill Maher?

  And I really like you and I would love to give you my burner phone number.

• 43:52Speaker 04

  Oh, okay. You have one? Here. I don't know how to show my pictures. I'm trying to look at, oh, here. Look, look through my pictures and see if you find anything fun. Here.

• 44:02Bill Maher?

  Okay, well, that's a man's ass.

• 44:04Speaker 04

  Anyways.

• 44:07Bill Maher?

  What am I looking for?

• 44:08Speaker 04

  I don't know. Just look at any of my pictures.

• 44:10Bill Maher?

  This is.

• 44:11Speaker 04

  Oh, is there a man's ass in there?

• 44:12Bill Maher?

  No. I mean, there's a pregnant lady with a very tall guy.

• 44:18Speaker 04

  Oh, that's probably my daughter. Okay. I mean, now it's just two persons.

• 44:21Bill Maher?

  Like a million, this is your daughter? She's, she's married to this very tall guy?

• 44:26Speaker 04

  No.

• 44:29Speaker 04

  Well, my daughter.

• 44:30Bill Maher?

  Who was that?

• 44:31Speaker 04

  That's him. Well, she's sitting down.

• 44:33Bill Maher?

  No.

• 44:35Speaker 04

  She's sitting down.

• 44:36Bill Maher?

  He's very tall. There they are standing. Okay. All right, so great. You're, I'm so glad that you're

• 44:43Speaker 04

  Oh, I'll get down.

• 44:44Bill Maher?

  Proud of your kids. That's important, you know. You wanna earn their love again, don't you? Isn't that a big motivation in your life? Would you say that was a big motivation?

• 44:57Bill Maher?

  Okay. No, I'm gonna get out these dolls. You show me where you were touched.

• 45:06Bill Maher?

  But you didn't have an abusive childhood, right? I mean, we'd say rough, but not.

• 45:10Speaker 04

  Talking about that, where I was talking. Sometimes I, I remember when I got my first colonic.

• 45:18Bill Maher?

  Is that what turned you?

• 45:19Speaker 04

  The guy in the back laughs. I read on some, all the weird thing, was that just real? I got a colonic because allegedly if you clean out the pipes.

• 45:27Bill Maher?

  Well, I do it.

• 45:28Speaker 04

  You held it.

• 45:28Bill Maher?

  Is that what turned you gay? You liked it?

• 45:30Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no. I've never been effed in the B.

• 45:34Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 45:35Speaker 04

  Never.

• 45:35Bill Maher?

  Now, there's a scoop.

• 45:37Speaker 04

  I know, but when they put that tube up there to clean me out, I had this weird panic attack. Like, I freaked out. And it was almost as if, am I having some kind of PTSD flashback type situation for something that happened to me as an infant? Because it had to have been because I have no memory and I, even when it happened, I didn't have a memory.

• 46:02Bill Maher?

  Well, I mean, Freud and Erickson would say that what happens in the anal stage, which is zero to two. I mean, there are stages. This is old book psychology, but I think it's probably still true. Certainly the anal stage, you don't have actual memory of it, but very.

• 46:20Speaker 04

  When you're first pooping?

• 46:22Bill Maher?

  Yes, exactly. Zero to two. Like, how that was.

• 46:25Speaker 04

  Oh, okay, that makes sense.

• 46:26Bill Maher?

  How you were treated, you know, did your mother let you lie there in your own shit? Or did, were you?

• 46:32Speaker 04

  No, but you know what I think did happen? I think she wiped my butt too hard. Like, really trying to clean it, because she was on, she was taking, um.

• 46:41Bill Maher?

  Weirdly, I think that too.

• 46:42Speaker 04

  Dexedrine. Really? About me or you?

• 46:46Bill Maher?

  About you.

• 46:46Speaker 04

  Jesus Christ. But anyways, she was taking dextroge and she was on speed, you know.

• 46:51Bill Maher?

  How do you know that?

• 46:51Speaker 04

  She, she, she told me. She was on prescription speed.

• 46:55Bill Maher?

  When you were born, do you think she was high when you were in the womb?

• 46:57Speaker 04

  Well, but I was adopted, remember?

• 46:59Bill Maher?

  You were, I don't, oh, you were adopted?

• 47:00Speaker 04

  I found my biologist.

• 47:02Bill Maher?

  Who were the wolves who raised you?

• 47:03Speaker 04

  No.

• 47:06Speaker 04

  They were good. They're both sad. So laugh it off.

• 47:08Bill Maher?

  Do you know?

• 47:12Bill Maher?

  Do you know?

• 47:13Speaker 04

  Horrible man.

• 47:14Bill Maher?

  I am.

• 47:15Speaker 04

  No, you're not.

• 47:15Bill Maher?

  Do you, do you, do you know who the, uh, who your real parents are?

• 47:19Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:19Bill Maher?

  You do?

• 47:20Speaker 04

  I waited for my mom and dad, who were really my mom and dad, because they raised me. They raised me. And then they died. And then I'm like, now can I find out who these other people were?

• 47:30Bill Maher?

  Can you?

• 47:31Speaker 04

  That had me. And I did. I found them.

• 47:33Bill Maher?

  Was it hard to find?

• 47:34Speaker 04

  It was. I had to pay money. I had to get lawyers. And I found my mother first.

• 47:40Bill Maher?

  Lawyer?

• 47:40Speaker 04

  And then my mom didn't want to give me the name of my dad because there was something that was involved that was... They can talk about it. I'm not gonna talk to, about what happened when I, why, how I was conceived or whatever. Do you understand what I'm saying? You can put two and two together. But then anyways, she finally sent me a letter with an envelope inside the envelope with his name and number on it. I'm like, that's fucking weird. And I called him and he's my biologist. Are you following?

• 48:11Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I'm listening.

• 48:12Speaker 04

  And then I got in touch with him and he, uh, hung up the phone and said, I don't have a son. And hung up and like...

• 48:20Bill Maher?

  Do you think he did that if it was any...

• 48:22Speaker 04

  No, he didn't know.

• 48:24Bill Maher?

  He didn't know who you were?

• 48:25Speaker 04

  He didn't know he even had...

• 48:27Bill Maher?

  What?

• 48:28Speaker 04

  He didn't know he had a, any baby.

• 48:30Bill Maher?

  Oh. So it wasn't...

• 48:32Speaker 04

  She got pregnant, didn't tell him, went to an other state. Ha, all the way across the country, from one state to another.

• 48:42Bill Maher?

  He didn't hang up?

• 48:42Speaker 04

  Had me and then, uh, never told him, ever. I'm, was the first one to say, hi, I'm your son. Can you believe not to put yourself in his shoes?

• 48:54Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 48:55Speaker 04

  He hung up. I don't know what you're talking about. He has a Texas, he's from Texas. Fuck you. I don't know who you are.

• 49:03Speaker 04

  You believe that? It's so real and true.

• 49:06Bill Maher?

  Well, I mean, it's a terrible way to handle it, but...

• 49:10Speaker 04

  Well, he didn't know, and he thought it was a joke.

• 49:13Bill Maher?

  No.

• 49:14Speaker 04

  It's not a terrible way. He was gonna go, "Oh, let me hear more."

• 49:17Bill Maher?

  That doesn't sound like he thought it was a joke to me. That sounds like he thought, "I'm an old coot, and I got this comfortable life, and I don't need this big complication."

• 49:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, that might be it. He might be right. He might be right, because I think she did tell him.

• 49:33Bill Maher?

  If I fucked up 60 years ago, sorry, I don't even know that guy anymore, okay?

• 49:38Speaker 04

  Anymore? He never did.

• 49:40Bill Maher?

  Okay, no, I'm talking about himself.

• 49:42Speaker 04

  All right.

• 49:43Bill Maher?

  I don't remember whom 18-year-old me is.

• 49:46Speaker 04

  And she was 16, and he was 18. Yeah, you're right.

• 49:49Bill Maher?

  I'm sorry.

• 49:50Speaker 04

  They were the kids. They were kids. They had me.

• 49:52Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 49:53Speaker 04

  And that's how you know I had good genes, because they were young.

• 49:58Speaker 04

  Well, I'm a good, you know, healthy buck.

• 50:01Bill Maher?

  At least he didn't hang up because it was you.

• 50:03Speaker 04

  Right.

• 50:04Bill Maher?

  He just hung up because it was somebody. It could have been anybody. Corey Feldman could have called him, and he would have hung up. I'm sorry.

• 50:13Speaker 04

  How's he doing?

• 50:15Bill Maher?

  I was gonna say, he's not certainly in the category of you and Mickey Rourke. He's actually quite successful.

• 50:23Speaker 04

  He's doing good.

• 50:24Bill Maher?

  Yeah, but I think a band like that, of people like that, could do very well.

• 50:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:31Bill Maher?

  You, Mickey Rourke, anybody else.

• 50:32Speaker 04

  What instrument would you play?

• 50:34Bill Maher?

  I'm not in the band. No, no.

• 50:35Speaker 04

  I would play... Where's my little thing? Because I have a...

• 50:39Bill Maher?

  Oh, my God, look at you.

• 50:41Speaker 04

  Well, I have an instrument.

• 50:42Bill Maher?

  Who knew that you would be the most prepared guest we've ever had?

• 50:47Speaker 04

  They would take my briefcase away.

• 50:49Bill Maher?

  What do you want? Wait.

• 50:50Speaker 04

  I play the slide whistle.

• 50:54Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I'm glad they took it away. No, I mean, I love the slide whistle. Who doesn't? Um, I mean, to me, it's just Enya, Yanni, and the slide whistle. And that's, and I'm out. Anything else, I'm like, well, maybe, you know.

• 51:09Speaker 04

  I'm sorry, they say Enya. I was just listening to Enya.

• 51:12Bill Maher?

  Really? What do you, you listen to Enya?

• 51:14Speaker 04

  I love Enya.

• 51:15Bill Maher?

  Enya is very talented. I mean, there are some things.

• 51:18Speaker 04

  There was something on her.

• 51:19Bill Maher?

  Who knows?

• 51:22Bill Maher?

  It's very. No, some of it is very.

• 51:25Speaker 04

  She lives in a castle. This is what I saw. I, I, I, I subscribe or whatever to her Instagram. Her Instagram, her real Instagram.

• 51:34Bill Maher?

  Oh, so you're on Instagram and you know who Enya is?

• 51:38Speaker 04

  Well, I love Enya. She's great.

• 51:40Bill Maher?

  And, and.

• 51:40Speaker 04

  She lives in a castle by herself, never married. No, she's like you. Dude, oh my God, you and Enya. Oh, my fucking Jesus and dear Lord, I'm sorry to take your name in vain, but please, dear God, please, in the Catholic Church, if you could.

• 51:58Bill Maher?

  Yeah?

• 51:59Speaker 04

  If I, I'm an ordained innocent, I could marry you.

• 52:01Bill Maher?

  Is Enya?

• 52:02Speaker 04

  Please let me marry Bill Maher and Enya.

• 52:04Bill Maher?

  Is Enya Irish?

• 52:06Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 52:06Bill Maher?

  I'm Irish.

• 52:09Speaker 04

  I'm getting chills up all the way up my back.

• 52:11Bill Maher?

  No, I mean, that's not.

• 52:12Speaker 04

  Dude, she lives in a castle that she owns. She's, lives with 30 cats.

• 52:18Bill Maher?

  Yeah.

• 52:18Speaker 04

  Do you like cats?

• 52:19Bill Maher?

  No, that doesn't sound good.

• 52:21Speaker 04

  You're gonna have to deal with the cats. She's still beautiful.

• 52:23Bill Maher?

  Nick Cage.

• 52:24Speaker 04

  And she lives in a castle that she owns like you.

• 52:28Bill Maher?

  I, I, well, first of all, a castle.

• 52:29Speaker 04

  Think about it. I'm just, I'm not telling you to answer. I want you to think about it, too. This is actually a really great idea. I, on the way here and for no reason, Enya came into my Instagram. And I was looking like, what's going on with her? I, I, I was nuts on her.

• 52:47Bill Maher?

  Maybe we were here to put good ideas in each other's minds, you know? But I think mine are better. I think you doing, being there.

• 52:55Speaker 04

  Well, then I'll marry Enya.

• 52:56Bill Maher?

  Is a great comeback.

• 52:57Speaker 04

  I'll move into the castle.

• 52:58Bill Maher?

  No, you gotta commit.

• 53:00Speaker 04

  Is the show over yet? Cause I have to pee anyway.

• 53:05Speaker 04

  I can hold it.

• 53:06Bill Maher?

  How, how long can you hold it or do you wanna?

• 53:09Speaker 04

  20 minutes.

• 53:10Bill Maher?

  Yeah, perfect.

• 53:11Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 53:11Bill Maher?

  But.

• 53:12Speaker 04

  What else do you want to talk?

• 53:15Bill Maher?

  I'm just interested in you. What's your day like? Now that you're sober.

• 53:21Speaker 04

  Well, I'm living, see, I can never know who I'm allowed to talk about, you know what I mean? Based, you know, because of them. But I live with, well, I'm living with an ex. Who I'm actually married to.

• 53:35Bill Maher?

  A woman?

• 53:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:37Bill Maher?

  Yeah, you like one.

• 53:37Speaker 04

  My second, yeah, my second baby mama.

• 53:40Bill Maher?

  Oh, cool.

• 53:41Speaker 04

  She doesn't like that phrase.

• 53:42Bill Maher?

  Right.

• 53:43Speaker 04

  That title.

• 53:44Bill Maher?

  Sure.

• 53:44Speaker 04

  Second baby mama. First of all, baby mama alone.

• 53:48Bill Maher?

  Not good.

• 53:48Speaker 04

  And then second baby mama, you're really crapping. Like, she's my wife. How do you like that? Do you like that? Does she like that? Who knows? You can't call them anything. Am I right about that?

• 54:00Bill Maher?

  Well, no.

• 54:01Speaker 04

  You can't say anything.

• 54:02Bill Maher?

  Well, you can say-

• 54:03Speaker 04

  She's the one I love the most. Okay, I can say that, which I really do. I do love her.

• 54:07Bill Maher?

  Oh, really?

• 54:08Speaker 04

  I love her.

• 54:08Bill Maher?

  I think that's your soulmate.

• 54:10Speaker 04

  Probably. One of them. Are you allowed to have me?

• 54:13Bill Maher?

  Well, that sort of negates the point.

• 54:15Speaker 04

  Well, you're one of my soulmates. Comedic, not sexually.

• 54:21Bill Maher?

  No, but, you know, we're basing that on a very brief amount of intercourse. Social intercourse. What'd you think I meant?

• 54:33Bill Maher?

  But any woman who gets with you is gonna know that sometimes, yeah, I was fascinated to hear you say you never had, you'd never had sex in the naughty place.

• 54:44Speaker 04

  Never.

• 54:45Bill Maher?

  See, when I think gay, that's what I think. Sex in the naughty place.

• 54:49Speaker 04

  And you don't, don't think of me when you think gay. Don't think of me.

• 54:53Bill Maher?

  No.

• 54:53Speaker 04

  Because I'm not, not-

• 54:54Bill Maher?

  Fuck no. Jesus Christ.

• 54:57Speaker 04

  Just shut up. No, I'm serious. Don't think that.

• 55:01Bill Maher?

  I don't.

• 55:01Speaker 04

  I'm a top. Have you heard that?

• 55:03Bill Maher?

  Oh, you wish I thought that.

• 55:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, well.

• 55:06Bill Maher?

  No, but, so that just leaves oral. I guess that's enough, huh?

• 55:11Speaker 04

  I have done that. Only, only, they, they want it.

• 55:18Speaker 04

  I don't. I don't even want it to be done to me.

• 55:21Bill Maher?

  It has to be done right, or it's just not worth it, is what I would say on that.

• 55:25Speaker 04

  I guess.

• 55:26Bill Maher?

  That would be my-

• 55:27Speaker 04

  Pronunciation. I'm trying to stop you. I'm trying to help you.

• 55:33Bill Maher?

  That is my pronouncement on blowjobs. It has to be done right, or it's not worth doing at all.

• 55:38Speaker 04

  There are any girls out there that can do it right.

• 55:42Bill Maher?

  Not when I-

• 55:42Speaker 04

  It's kind of how it sounds.

• 55:45Bill Maher?

  I know, but it's not because I'm arrogant, it's just because we all have our own-

• 55:49Speaker 04

  I remember some of your girlfriends, I'm not gonna get into it.

• 55:52Bill Maher?

  Preference. I think, no, there's, everyone in the world has the right to think the same way. And I think everybody else does think the same way. Like-

• 56:01Speaker 04

  Not, I don't think so.

• 56:02Bill Maher?

  I think people get with-

• 56:03Speaker 04

  Like, I don't like a blowjob, and you do.

• 56:05Bill Maher?

  No.

• 56:06Speaker 04

  You just said, "I don't."

• 56:07Bill Maher?

  Okay, but I'm just saying-

• 56:08Speaker 04

  You know why I don't? Because I got, I had so many in high school. So many, everybody was sucking my dick.

• 56:13Bill Maher?

  Really?

• 56:14Speaker 04

  All the time.

• 56:14Bill Maher?

  Men and girls?

• 56:15Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 56:16Bill Maher?

  Really? You were that popular?

• 56:20Speaker 04

  If that's what you, the word you wanna use.

• 56:22Bill Maher?

  Well, it's certainly a word that would not apply to me in high school. No one was sucking my dick.

• 56:27Speaker 04

  Well, it's popular, is that, I don't know if that, I just-

• 56:31Bill Maher?

  Yes, pop-

• 56:31Speaker 04

  I was very sexual. That's the word I would use, I was very sexual. I was looking for it, I wanted people to suck my dick.

• 56:37Bill Maher?

  Oh, of course, again, all do. But what I'm saying is like, some people-

• 56:41Speaker 04

  You weren't popular?

• 56:42Bill Maher?

  No.

• 56:43Speaker 04

  I, I was popular, but only because, like I told you before, I was plopped in a new, I was accidentally popular. That's what I was trying to get to earlier. Every time I moved to a new city, a new state, I was the new guy, and they're like, "Who's that guy?" So I was like, accidentally popular.

• 56:59Bill Maher?

  But that's even-

• 56:59Speaker 04

  Do you understand?

• 57:00Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I do, it's more, it's even-

• 57:02Speaker 04

  Like, "Okay, suck my dick."

• 57:03Bill Maher?

  It's even more impressive that you-

• 57:04Speaker 04

  I had the captain of the football team sucking my dick.

• 57:06Bill Maher?

  You got strangers to do it. Like, you think, you know, if you're in the school system since-

• 57:11Speaker 04

  I don't like the word strangers, but like, it's like new friends. We were all kids. We were all young. Teenagers.

• 57:20Bill Maher?

  I think there is a difference between even just our 10-year difference. I think there is a difference between me in high school in the early 70s and you in the early 80s. I do. I think there was a lot more of this kinda stuff.

• 57:34Speaker 04

  There was?

• 57:35Bill Maher?

  Yeah, I think I love-

• 57:36Speaker 04

  I would think there was a lot more in the early 70s.

• 57:40Bill Maher?

  If they was, they were not inviting me.

• 57:43Speaker 04

  Can I ask you a personal question? Were you like, short and little and diminutive?

• 57:52Speaker 04

  Were you like a little kid?

• 57:53Bill Maher?

  I was average like I am now, just 5'8".

• 57:55Speaker 04

  But then you weren't, you just weren't very sexual. See, I was very sexual. My libido was high and I was looking for it. I was a magna. I think I had, I smelled like a pheromone.

• 58:07Bill Maher?

  I was beyond sexual. It was just all happening with my hand in my bedroom.

• 58:11Speaker 04

  See, I didn't learn how to masturbate. A guy had to teach me how to masturbate.

• 58:15Bill Maher?

  That's preposterous.

• 58:17Speaker 04

  It's real.

• 58:17Bill Maher?

  I was doing it.

• 58:18Speaker 04

  I didn't even know there was such a thing. I didn't even know there was such a thing of this coming. A friend said, "Let me show you, let me show you, let me show you. I'm doing it to you. Look, ghost-like." And then I'm like, "What are you doing?" And I was like, "What was that?" That happened to me. I'm like, "Oh, okay." And that was in high school.

• 58:36Bill Maher?

  The way these AI videos make it look like you're jerking me off. It's just ridiculous, folks. You know, you don't know what's real, folks. That's all I'm saying. Have you heard about the war?

• 58:47Speaker 04

  Did you see that? Yes, I heard of it.

• 58:49Bill Maher?

  You did?

• 58:50Speaker 04

  I saw those drones.

• 58:51Bill Maher?

  You heard?

• 58:51Speaker 04

  Are those real? Yes, I know where. I saw those drones on the way here. I saw all those drones. How they make them make a whole, like, sword. There was all these different swords. How do they do that? The Chinese? Well, it's the Chinese and then is that political?

• 59:07Bill Maher?

  Neither one of us needs the trouble.

• 59:13Bill Maher?

  Great to see you.

• 59:14Speaker 04

  So good to see you.

• 59:15Bill Maher?

  Thank you. Give me a hug.

• 59:18Speaker 04

  All right. So much better.

• 59:19Bill Maher?

  Now, remember all the things I said today. We made a lot of progress.

• 59:25Speaker 04

  We did, didn't we?

• 59:26Bill Maher?

  And those lyrics are hysterical. I mean, it just shows. When you, when you like, have something to do with your mind, you can do great things. Imagine if you put this energy into a script. You should go home and watch Being There.

• 59:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're right.

• 59:45Bill Maher?

  The old Peter Sellers movie. And then start thinking about

• 59:49Speaker 04

  You're right, I did.

• 59:50Bill Maher?

  How you could redo it.

• 59:51Speaker 04

  There was a couple other ones, but they might be.

• 59:53Bill Maher?

  Those were, you have a real gift for that.

• 59:56Speaker 04

  I just wrote them in the car.

• 1:00:02Speaker 04

  Now, can I have this cup?

• 1:00:04Bill Maher?

  Yes, you can have it. It's $5. No, I'm good.

• 1:00:10Speaker 04

  Here to the best, buddy.

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