Why you don't do what you know you "should do". The Explorer and the Maintainer: understanding your brain's competing drives.

The universal tension between seeking comfort and pursuing growth creates an internal tug-of-war we all experience. What if this conflict isn't a flaw, but a feature of our neurobiology designed to serve our triving? Drawing from insights by neuroscientist Andrew Huberman and personal development pioneer Tony Robbins, this episode reveals how our brains are simultaneously wired for 2 opposing forces: homeostasis (maintaining balance and comfort) and reward-seeking (driving us toward exploration and growth). This biological reality explains why we can genuinely want two contradictory things at once - to stay comfortable and to challenge ourselves. What's particularly fascinating is how different people are naturally calibrated on this spectrum. Some individuals, like Richard Branson or Tony Robbins, appear wired for perpetual growth. For these "explorers," the answer to "When is it enough?" is simply "Never" - their fulfillment comes from the pursuit itself. Others naturally gravitate toward maintaining and improving existing conditions. Both tendencies serve important functions, and neither is inherently superior. Understanding your natural tendencies can dramatically improve decision-making. If you recognize yourself as growth-oriented, you can stop questioning why comfortable situations never satisfy you for long. For those working with others - whether as managers, partners, or parents - this understanding helps position people according to their strengths rather than fighting their nature. Share this episode with someone struggling with whether to stay comfortable or venture into something new. Text Me Your Thoughts and IdeasSupport the showBrought to you by Angela Shurina Behavior-First Change Leadership & Culture Transformation ConsultantEXECUTIVE & OPTIMAL PERFORMANCE COACH

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  Hey guys and welcome back to another episode of Change Wired Podcast. My name is Angela Sharina, I'm your host, I'm your executive and change and transformation coach, health, mind, work better and learning how to change better, faster, how to evolve using tools, best practices, neuroscience and other research. So together we can move ourselves forward in our lives, in our work, in our career, and our global impact and also help each other to grow, to evolve and to change things for the better.

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  Today, guys, it's a fun mix compilation of my own insights and best practices and lessons from some personal development gurus like Tony Robbins, who's been around for like, I think, four, five, or maybe six decades. He started early definitely on this path of self-growth and empowering our collective evolution. We're also going to talk about some insights from the latest Andy Huberman's podcast and how you can use it in your personal development to move through life with more self-awareness, more intention.

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  Ultimately, not questioning your decisions all that much, but understanding what is it that you want to do things, but then at the same time you don't want to do things? You're like trying to talk yourself out of them. Like you want to grow and improve and achieve goals, but also there is like doubt and fear and often laziness and you want to do and then you don't want to do it. Like, what is it? Why do we have that? What's wrong with our brain? So today you get a much better understanding what is actually very right with your brain and what's working in your biology and in your brain. And again, how you can use it in your life, in your career, to move yourself to the desired

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  destination and that destination can change.

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  But the promise of today's podcast is to help you become more self-aware and use this knowledge to move towards the destination where you wanna go with more intention. And sometimes, again, that destination might be counterintuitive. Like, again, you wanna do a thing, but you also don't wanna do a thing. So, in today's episode, we are diving into this universal tension we all feel between the comfort of the familiar and the pull toward growth, new exploration, achieving. Whether you decided to stay, move, rest, or leap, this push and pull isn't just emotional, it's biological, it's psychological, it's so wired into everything we are as humans.

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  It's how, again, we end up knowing what we should do, but not doing it. I'll share a story from home, a lesson from a mountain, and some powerful insights from neuroscience, personal development giants like Andrew Huberman and Tony Robbins. So, let's dig in. Very often, you know, I'm spending some time at home now, at my parents' house. And what would happen very often when I'm here is, after a couple of weeks, I start having this feeling, like it's so comfortable and so familiar and so nice. And I can even see myself doing, you know, some work here or basically staying here. So I start having this feeling.

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  But then, at the same time, I start missing my new home. Right now, it's Cape Town, new challenges, growth, opportunities, and of all kinds of rewards, but also, again, at the same time, challenges. And I have this feeling on both sides of, I don't know, of my self-awareness, of my personality, like, seriously considering some part of my brain is thinking about that, like, staying here. But then the other side of my brain wants to go out as soon as possible and go into challenges and some adventures and exploration. Like, what is it? Why do I have both?

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  Right before, I used to have always struggle, like, should I reconsider my decision? Should I? Truly consider staying where I am? Or what is it? Like, why do I have these competing feelings inside my personality, right? Why can't I just have one priority or something that I truly want? But they kind of feel both equally important. And

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  over time, especially after listening to this latest podcast of Andrew Huberman, I realized there is nothing wrong with my brain or these desires. It just biologically, we are wired for two things at the same time. And you'll understand why and the reason behind this. At least it became a lot more apparent to me, or I can explain it a lot better to myself. So on one hand, our biology is wired to maintain what they call homeostasis or balance, to stay in the comfort so we can maintain our body temperature. So we know where all of our resources are, shelter, our food, our relationships.

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  So we wanna stay where we are, especially if where we are is quite comfortable and we have everything we need. So we wanna maintain homeostasis because being in balance is very energetically saving. It's very safe. And again, for your brain, it means that you can get the resources that you need, whether, you know, in simply food or relationships, or perhaps even career and work opportunities. Like, when you have everything you need seemingly, at least your biological needs, your brain has this desire to maintain this because this supports your life and you're thriving and it's not threatening.

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  Now, on the other side, you have this other drive to pursue rewards, to explore, to achieve, to increase your, the potential of different rewards in your environment. Because probably some part of our brain understand that homeostasis, or as things are, it's, it's never guaranteed. Never gonna stay the same and change is quite constant and your brain is aware of this fact. So that things change whether you do something or not. And so because of that, probably biology figured out that an organism needs to go out there and explore and increase the pool of opportunities because where we are, this pool might cease to exist

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  or might shrink at some point. But in any case, so what neuroscientists like Andrew Huberman and a lot of other scientists learned is that our brain, our biological organism, has these two competing forces to make us keep, preserve, homeostasis, balance, staying where we are. And then at the same time pushing us to pursue rewards and unknown and challenges and to expand our opportunities. And we have these two competing forces in us all the time.

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  That also remind me on this episode when I was climbing a mountain, lines had, climbing, hiking. You never known that mountain with a friend. And we were talking about this, like, why is that? That we always have this, we wanna stay with the familiar, we wanna keep the career, we wanna keep the partner, we wanna keep again what we have, but at the same time, we understand, well, it's not enough. I wanna grow, I wanna explore, I wanna challenge, I wanna figure things out. Like, why is that and what is the right answer? And the answer is that there is no right answer. What I learned in myself and observing people, it's a choice. And also that some individuals have

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  inclination or have tendency to choose one over the other. Some people are just more into challenges, into growth, into exploration, into adventuring or venturing out. And then some people are more of maintainers and that actually can change in different phases of your life. Like I noticed in women, once they become moms, their adventure spirit, at least for a while, becomes not as pronounced, they become more of homeostasis supporters, they wanna create.

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  Safe environment and maintain it. And so a lot of their effort is wired towards preservation and towards creating or enhancing, improving what is of creating. That's why maybe a lot of women as leaders as well, they're really great at helping the company to maintain thriving states without too much innovation and challenges and trying new things. But anyhow, and that also, some people who are into growth in the middle of their life, their twenties, thirties, forties, might get into more preservation and homeostasis, more choosing familiar more often later in life, in their fifties, sixties, seventies.

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  And some people like, I guess for me, that would be maybe Richard Branson is one of the most like pronounced examples, but there are many others, right? Who just love living in this growth stage. And here we can also think about Tony Robbins, who has this very famous phrase, in life, we are either growing or dying. And what he's actually talking about is we are either maintaining homeostasis or we're choosing to grow, we're choosing challenges, we're choosing to venture out and go and explore. And with someone like Tony Robbins, the purpose of life is to keep venturing out.

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  And that what he promotes and that what he urges people to do at different phases of people's lives, he asks them to get out there and grow and learn new things and explore the edges of your life and your personality and your career. And I believe that people who are, who gravitate towards the work of people like Tony Robbins, they are in their growth and exploration phase. And that's why Tony Robbins talks, not that's why, but that's why people who are driven towards Tony Robbins and his teaching are usually in the times of their lives when they feel stuck and unsatisfied and like, is this all there is?

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  And they want to explore and they want to learn and they want to improve and they want to grow. And that's when they find Tony Robbins. And some people, again, just never stop.

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  And so my question to you is, or my ask to you is not to choose what is right or what is wrong, but ask yourself, do I wanna maintain more balance and improve what I have? Or do I actually wanna explore? And what do you care about more in life? About growth, exploration and challenges and moving things forward? Or maintaining environments or creating more balance and more thriving in the environment where you are? And again, there are different times in life where you can pursue either. And also you can have a different personality like myself.

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  I just don't see myself ever settling for how things are. And that's a, you wanna understand where you are on this spectrum. Some people are extremely hungry and driven and asking them to choose between, you know, when is it ever enough? Well, for some people like myself or Tony Robbins or Regent Branson, it's just never enough, because the purpose of our lives, that how we are wired is in pursuit of growth, of challenge, of new, of expanding those opportunities. We are explorers in life. In the tribe, we would be the people who'd be venturing out and exploring new lands.

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  So then the tribe can follow where you have more opportunity, where there is, there are more resources for thriving. And then there are people who are more maintainers. Once we found new land, they go to settling down and making everyone comfortable. And again, all of the roles are needed. But for example, if you have a spouse, if you have a colleague, if you have a kid who are growth and challenge and exploration oriented, you can't ask them, when is it ever enough? Never. That's the Purpose of their life to explore. That's how they're wired, like in their brain neurologically.

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  They're literally wired through a certain combination of newer circuits and newer transmitters and God knows what else. They're wired to get out there and pursue. They are wired for the future. They are wired to expand and again to ask them to stay where they are and be satisfied with what is. It's like asking them to be someone else. And if you try to do that, you'll always lose because you can't expect the person to become who they're not. And a lot of things again are biologically wired. So if you decided to spend time or hire that person, work with that person who is driven

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  for innovation, for growth, for disruption, asking them to be satisfied with how things are is the impossible proposition that they'll never be able to fulfill. Or they're gonna be extremely unhappy or they're gonna start living double lives when they're gonna tell you one thing, but go out there and find their fix somehow else. So be aware of that in others and in yourself. And if you know yourself, you know, you're never satisfied with status quo, like I'm never satisfied with that. Then once you feel this opposing forces of staying where you are or getting out there

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  or for example of keeping things the same, maybe keeping similar jobs, job or career or business, or getting out there and trying out developing something new. Once you understand where you are on this spectrum, you can make decisions much faster because again, taking personal example, I know that I'm never gonna be happy, at least at this stage. I've never known myself in any other phase. I'm never gonna be happy with staying where I am. So for me, when I feel that urge to perhaps stay in the familiar, I know that the answer is no. Because long term, I'm gonna regret this decision. And I know this, I'm almost thirty eight, gonna be thirty eight in a few days.

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  I know that from my prior history, that choice never made me happy. And I'm just never satisfied. I love exploring new ideas, learning, improving, challenging. That's why I'm also a good coach. I help people to see their growth potential and challenge themselves and get out of this minutia and comfort that is so magnetizing to some part of our biology. Right? So that helps me to make better decisions about my life moving forward. Because yes, I know that something might sound like, you know, good salary, good relationship, good this or that. But I know that that comfort is not something that gonna make me feel fulfilled over long term.

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  And so when there is a choice, should I stay with my career? Or should I pursue a new path, a new opportunity? I know that over long term, I'm gonna be a lot happier with this new path. And that is why I'm gonna make choice based on that. The second thing that you need to be aware is that these feelings of fear, not feeling settled, this little bit of anxiety that comes before you make the jump, before you make the leap to go and explore new things. So that feeling or these feelings are very natural. You're still gonna feel them. I still feel fear, I still feel uncertain, still feel anxiety.

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  I still feel all this bag of mixed feelings, which is to say that again, your homeostasis is trying to pull you back towards like, well, are you sure? Because we have a lot of what we need here. But then, once you start moving, once you leap into action, you start getting other kind of feelings. You're gonna start getting excited, you're gonna have all the ideas, all the plans, all of the, all the confidence with taking new action. And this again, you can dopamine for exploring, you're gonna start having this energy for pursuing new.

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  So understand this, that fear, it's or this anxiety, it's the part of this homeostasis that pulling you to stay where you are. But once you make the leap, make the decision and start taking action, that is going to be substituted with another whole bag of mixed feelings, but more on the excitement, action and pursued side of things. So also understand that your feelings will change as soon as you commit and start taking action. And I think the most important part here, once you start taking action, once you leap into this new territory, start also tracking progress as fast as possible.

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  And that is important because you still might have this sort of doubt, like was it the right move? And so if you want to persuade your brain to be more on board with change and also when you work with people and you want to make them more comfortable with you, show them good things and signs of progress towards something desirable as soon as possible, even if it's small, right? Oh, we see you took this leap and you already have, I don't know, new relationship or you have this new thing that you learned or there is a new opportunity that you saw

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  or you got something, in whichever way you can show yourself positive progress as soon as possible. So you don't have this urge to go back. And again, if you're someone who is wired for growth or in this, at this stage of your life, you want to create more of new then, but you know that personally, you're not really wired all that well for this adventuring, then you want to show your brain signs of progress and of better things coming as soon as possible, even if those signs are through stories of other people. Like maybe you have someone who moved to another country, who took a new job, who took a new life or career turn and you see positive examples for them.

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  Read a book about that, there are plenty of books, so people adventuring and finding all the good stuff and new opportunities because. Actually, over a long term, when you get into growth, you expand your opportunities, not shrink them. So read books, get around people who are used like myself to venturing out, jumping and leaping, and they will tell you all about positive stuff that happened to them. So show your brain this more positive side. If you want to again get into this growth stage and you're naturally wired for that. So this is another practical tip. And I think the last but not least is around motivation. Very often, to get yourself unstuck consistently,

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  you need to be able to turn on your motivation juices for action. When you're pulled towards resistance or the status quo or not doing much. Your motivation is just like any feeling, is very malleable, like you can change it easily. And one of the best hacks to change your motivation is to change your focus. And I already started talking about that, how you focus or you talk to people or you pay attention to people who made the leap, who got all of these opportunities, who got their career or life or relationship advancement, right? Look at those people. Look at the inventors. Look at the entrepreneurs you admire.

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  Look at people around you who ventured out. Talk to people who made a change in their careers or their life. And then when you're by yourself and you feel like you need to make a decision, but you're not feeling specifically motivated, even though you know like you need to get into this new stage of your life. So what you can also do, ask yourself, and this is, and this comes from solution focus therapy. Ask yourself this question, this simple question. If I were to make myself the most motivated I can possibly be to do this thing, if I had the, all of the power to change my motivation like this, what would I do? What would I think of? What would I focus on?

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  What would I do right now? And your motivated state also is wired a lot by your biology. So what helps me and a lot of my clients is when you need to feel more motivated, start moving, like literally get off your ass and go for a walk. That will give you a boost of dopamine, which is this molecule of pursuit, of achieving, of getting after rewards. The reason why it's released, because it's also needed for your movement, but also the same molecule is used to get you feel motivated about anything, about forward momentum, breakthroughs, growth and challenges. So when you don't feel like doing much, literally move.

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  Dancing also improves that even more because music helps to accelerate that. So go for a walk with your favorite music, with some pump, pump song that always makes you feel motivated. So, and ask yourself this question, if I were to make myself the most motivated I can possibly be for this thing that I'm struggling with, make the decision on, what would I do? Who would I talk to? What would I focus on? What books would I read? What inspirational talks would I listen to? What would, what step would I take and do that? Your motivation again, just like any feeling is the question of your focus. Where did you decide? Where do you decide to focus? So ask yourself, if I were to make myself the most motivated I can possibly be, where would I focus?

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  Who would I talk to? What would I do? What action I would take right now? And then do this, something that you can do in the next five minutes. Do that and see how your motivation state will change immediately, just like this. Cause it doesn't take much for your brain to produce dopamine. Just do the right thing. Movement and music are the physiological hacks for that. To sum it up, but before we sum it up, please don't forget to share this podcast episode with at least one other person who might be struggling. Should I do this? This should I stay? Should I venture out? Give them this podcast and let the podcast do the rest. Review, rate on any platform where you find this podcast that helps our podcast to.

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  To reach more people and more growing ears. So that is the best thing for me. If you find value in this podcast, please do that. And to sum it up, to sum up this podcast, you always will have these two opposing forces. One, asking you to stay where you are, homeostasis, preserving what is. And one, asking you to grow, venture out, adventure, seek rewards, right? It's biologically wired. So nothing wrong with your brain at all. A couple of things, you want to understand who you are as a person. And if you are dreaming to seek out more, then seek out more, put it to good use, innovate, evolve, grow, help others see opportunities, right?

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  You are that person in your tribe who gets out there and creates more opportunity. When somebody tells you, you know, when is it enough? You can tell them, never, and send them to this podcast and explain to them why. If you have people for whom it's never enough in your life or your work, understand that you need to put them in a place to go and explore and grow and push the boundaries forward. They are not the people who are going to be okay with status quo. So either go with them on adventure, put them in a place where they can venture out and leave them alone with this never enough nonsense.

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  And in your life, when you need to get yourself moving towards that growth and pursuit, maybe listen to Tony Robbins, in life, you're either growing or dying. And also get yourself motivated by listening to music, by walking, by asking yourself, if I were to get myself the most motivated I can possibly be, who would I talk to, what I, what would I focus on, what would I do in the next five minutes? And that's it for today, guys. Thank you for your attention. Thank you for your energy, for your pursuit of growth and improvement. And till next time, it's never enough and keep growing.