Pod Insights Change Wired How to motivate kids, yourself and your team long-term. Beyond carrots and sticks - the power of the 3rd drive. About this episode Have you noticed how traditional carrots and sticks often fail to inspire true commitment? There's a reason. When leaders, parents, coaches, or anyone trying to motivate others relies solely on external rewards or threats, they might gain compliance but never excellence. Through compelling research and practical examples, we uncover why questions that speak to identity ("Do you want to be a good helper?") dramatically outperform task-focused commands ("Can you clean your room?"), and how great leaders like Steve Jobs and innovative companies like Google apply these principles to bring out the best in people. The heart of this episode offers 15 transformative questions, that you can use immediately to ignite motivation in yourself and others. These aren't just theoretical concepts but practical tools for parents trying to inspire their children, leaders aiming to build high-performing teams, or individuals seeking deeper motivation for challenging personal goals. We explore where in your life you feel most free to choose, what skills excite you to improve, and what legacy you want to leave in the hearts of those you influence. By shifting from pushing to igniting internal fires, you'll discover how to create sustainable motivation that lasts long after external incentives fade away. Text Me Your Thoughts and IdeasSupport the showBrought to you by Angela Shurina Behavior-First Change Leadership & Culture Transformation ConsultantEXECUTIVE & OPTIMAL PERFORMANCE COACH
Transcript 0:00 Speaker 00 Hey guys and welcome to Change Wired Podcast, the podcast where we decode the human side of performance, leadership and personal and collective transformation. I'm Angela Sharina, your coach, your guide in all things behavior first, purpose fueled and change ready. Today, guys, today I'm very excited because we are diving into something that fuels everything you do and become, your excellence, your mastery, the results you get and don't get in your life, the person you become, who you lead, how you lead, how you impact and influence the world. We are diving into what really drives people,
0:43 Speaker 00 not the usual rewards and punishments, but something deeper, something longer lasting, what Daniel Pink, an amazing author, researcher calls the third drive. If you are a leader, a coach, a teacher of some sort, a parent or someone trying to motivate yourself for that next level goal, this episode is for you. It will explain what works the best for a long-term motivation, especially on hard challenging goals, goals that often nobody else cares but you. So what works best for that kind of pursuit?
1:27 Speaker 00 And also how to motivate others, excellence in others, becoming better selves in others and maintaining results and effort long-term. So we'll explore all of that again, not just theory, but also practice, questions for reflection that you can use for your personal motivation, ignition to motivate and lead people around you and to feel greatness and mastery and excellence in yourself and others. We'll explore why carrots and sticks fall flat, how to light the fire from within and I'll guide you through those powerful questions to help you or your team find your true inner fuel
2:13 Speaker 00 to stand out, become and stay excellent and create the impact, the future and the world that you're committed to. So let's start pushing, let's start igniting and let's get into it.
2:30 Speaker 00 Guys, in one of the workshops I did, I got this question. Somebody asked me, "Do punishments motivate people? Like fines, bad grades, demotions, all kinds of negative consequences? Do they really motivate people? Do they make people better, right? Do they make my people perform better, excel? Is it worth it? Or something else works better?" And to which I replied, "Sure, punishments do motivate us, motivate us, but only to a point.
3:11 Speaker 00 You'll get compliance, especially if you have what I call leverage. Like if a person or a group of people depend on you for their well-being or progression of some sort, yes, that will motivate them. You'll get compliance, like when you're telling the kid, you know, "Do this, or else you're not gonna get something, or you're gonna get some punishment." Like you'll get compliance, because people are not stupid, just like animals. You know, if you are threatened, you're gonna do the thing. But you only, only will get compliance, minimum effort, but never the commitment, never the excellence, never the best in people or yourself.
3:57 Speaker 00 If you want people to give their best, you don't motivate them. You help them to motivate themselves. You know, guys, I've been in coaching, I think, close to 20 years now. Soon gonna be closing on those two decades, long time. But somehow, even early in my career, and that's how I believe I succeeded as a coach, even earlier, somehow I sensed, and now I have more scientific explanation for this, more research backing up this point of view, and that's why I feel confident with that. But somehow, early in my career, I sensed, I sensed this, that long-term motivation never comes from carrots, not a raise, not an award, not six-pack abs,
4:44 Speaker 00 and definitely, a long-term motivation doesn't come from a stick of some sort.
4:50 Speaker 00 If you want a sustainable, lasting, high-performance mastery, consistency over a long term, the fire has to come from within, from identity, from ownership, from meaning. Like, for example, research shows that if you want to motivate your kids to do something, you know what works better? Asking them, "Do you want to be a good helper to your mom, to your dad? Do you want to be a good son, a good daughter? But do you want to be a good helper?" They ask this in research. And it outperformed by a lot. This question, "Can you clean your room?" Because, I don't know, you have to, or you're gonna get something.
5:34 Speaker 00 With adults, "Do you want to be a strong, grounded leader for your family or your team?" Outperforms, "Can you improve your feedback skills? Or will you hit the gym this week?" Right? "Can you improve your closing or sales skills?" Or whatever that might be, or else. Again, punishment and threat works only so far, but it never gets the excellence out of people. And why do questions like, "Do you want to be a good helper?" outperform questions like, "Can you clean your room?" The reason why is because one speaks to identity and purpose. The other speaks to tasks.
6:17 Speaker 00 And that's what, at the core of the book that I just finished by Daniel Pink, again, amazing researcher and writer,
6:29 Speaker 00 the reason is what Daniel Pink calls the third drive. In his book, Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. What I sensed earlier in my career turned out to be the truth that works in theory and application in all kinds of environment. That's proven by scientific research. Biological needs drive one, like, let's say, your hunger, your thirst, your need for rest and shelter. And carrot sticks kind of drives, which Daniel Pink calls drive two. Only get us so far. Again, you get to compliance, you get to... Doing the bare minimum.
7:13 Speaker 00 But lasting motivation, doing a lot more than you are expected to do. This kind of drive that drives excellence. Now, and over time, comes from autonomy, freedom to choose what, how, when and who, exercising your power of free will. Mastery, growth and getting better at something that matters to us. That's the key to us, not to what you think should matter to people, but to us. So that's why you need to elicit or evoke or figure out what matters to people you're trying to motivate. It's not your motivation, it's there, it has to be there. And then purpose, so autonomy, mastery, purpose.
7:58 Speaker 00 This what comprise the third drive. The first drive, your food, your thirst, your shelter. The second drive, carrots and sticks, rewards and punishment. And the third drive, autonomy, mastery, purpose. So want to stay motivated long term? Want to lead others to their best performance long term? Design better questions, create the right rituals and build environments that spark ownership and growth and meaning. And this is how the best leaders in the best companies lead. They don't push like Google, they don't push, they ignite. Do you want to be your best? Or Tesla with Elon Musk?
8:39 Speaker 00 For all the missteps and bad leadership examples he has, he learned how to ignite that third drive. Do you want to work with the best? Steve Jobs, by the way, did the same to enroll, to hire the best people, sometimes stealing them from other companies. From like Coca-Cola, some executive that he put as a CEO of Apple at some point. He said, do you want to sell sugary water till the end of your life? Or do you want to change the world? Right? He knew these leaders, they know how to speak to the third drive, to your identity, to your sense of autonomy, mastery, purpose, to who you are. And that's how they help people to motivate themselves.
9:24 Speaker 00 And that's how you can motivate your kids, doing the best they can over long term. That's how you motivate yourself to write that book, to build this business, to create this nonprofit that's going to change the world. Whatever that is, if you are in a company and you want to create impact, you want to see different things happening, you want to make a change, that's how you motivate yourself to do your best. All the leaders, overachievers, you see doing that, like overachieving, doing a lot more than they expected to do. That drive that comes from their autonomy, mastery, purpose, like they know why this is important to them, not to you, but to them.
10:06 Speaker 00 Anyhow, so I want to share with you a few questions that will help you to ignite that inner fire, that third drive in yourself or people around you. But before we do that, before we jump into questions that you can use to, for self-reflection, to ignite that sense of autonomy, mastery, purpose in yourself, or your kids, or your spouses, or your team doing purpose hackathon. We will jump into practical questions that you can record, you can download this audio recording, get the transcript, a lot of free services online, and then put it in, into chat GPT or something else, and it will give you all the questions that I'm going to spell out to you right now.
10:49 Speaker 00 But before we do that, don't forget, guys, share this podcast episode. If you find it useful, if you find something that works for you, if something improves your life, share it if you care for the world to get better, for more people to find the purpose, their meaning, their need for autonomy, mastery and growth. So together, together, we create a better world. So don't be just a consumer, be a doer as well. Share, rate, review, whatever does, whatever is the easiest thing for you, the most meaningful thing for you, so do that. And now back to the episode. Do do do do. That's like my self-made intro.
11:32 Speaker 00 Because I'm still figuring out how to do the music in my episodes as well. So I'm trying to make my voice musical. But now back to the questions. Back to the promised practice that you can use for your own self-reflection, doing with your team, with your family, to ignite that third drive, that fire, that from within will inspire excellence that lasts. Before we jump in, let me drink some water.
11:59 Speaker 00 I'm ending my physical work as well as my internal fire. So a set of questions. Five questions to ignite autonomy, mastery and purpose. Question number one, autonomy. Five questions to speak to people's autonomy, to choose to become who they want to become, their identity. Autonomy, I choose to. Question one, where in your life do you feel most free to choose? How you work, live and create? So question one, where in your life do you feel most free to choose? How you work, live, create? Question number two, what part of your day feel feels most yours?
12:44 Speaker 00 Designed by you, for you? Question number three, if no one was watching you and you didn't need to explain yourself, what would you do more of? Question number four, what do you feel most in control? When do you feel most in control of your time, of your energy, of your choices? Like when, when are those situations? When are those times when you feel the most in control? Number five, what rules or expectations are you secretly tired of obeying? What rules or expectations are you secretly tired of obeying? What would you change if you could?
13:29 Speaker 00 Autonomy isn't about rebellion, guys. It's about ownership. And they say that the best leaders own, choose to own more stuff in their life. So autonomy isn't about rebellion. It's about ownership. What part of your life do you want to reclaim as yours? That's what leaders do. They reclaim more parts as theirs. So five questions to ignite autonomy. If you need to rewind, just do that on your device. Number two, mastery. I want to get better at igniting excellence, growth, the need, the fire for getting better. Question number one.
14:12 Speaker 00 What's something that challenges you, but also deeply excites you to improve at? Right? So what's challenging, but also exciting to improve at? For me, it's my speaking, it's my communication, it's understanding systems for human thriving better and building those systems. Right? So what's something that challenges you, but also excites you that you want to get better at? Number two. Where in your life do you feel the thrill of getting better? Even if no one else notices. Like for me, my workouts. It's not like I'm competing somewhere, but I'm always improving something there, even if nobody else notices, but it's just an internal feeling. Question number three. What's a skill you'd keep working on, even if you never got paid for it? For me?
14:58 Speaker 00 Figuring out what makes people thrive and how to set up for that, how ignite that. So we do it on autopilot, right? So what skill you'd keep working on, even if you never got paid for it? Coaching, transformation, another one for me. Number four. What frustrates you right now? Not because it's bad, but because you know you could do it better. What frustrates you right now? Not because, again, it's bad, but because you know you could do it better. Number five. What have you outgrown skill-wise, mindset-wise? What's your next level?
15:34 Speaker 00 Mastery is about meaningful progress and the underscore or the stress is on meaningful, guys. Mastery is about meaningful progress. Where do you want to level up? Not to impress, but to express your potential.
15:54 Speaker 00 And now to five questions to ignite purpose, that this matters because, this matters because. Number one, what problem do you care about solving even when it's hard? For me, it's creating systems for human thriving. I believe we can build a better world, a world where becoming your best is something everyone does on autopilot, right? So what problem do you care about solving even when it's hard? And also for me, what's important is providing those opportunities, the education, the connections, the projects. Number two, what do you want to help or lead by example? Who do you want to help or lead by example for? Why them?
16:39 Speaker 00 Like who do you want to lead? Who do you want to matter to? Your family, your team, who else? What, what kind of people? Who do you want to lead and create better world for? Number three, what have you felt proud, not just of what you did? When have you felt proud, not just of what you did, but also why you did it? When have you felt proud, not just of what you did, but why you did it? I blogged about it, you know, I exercise and I'm every day and I'm proud of that, not because of exercise, but because very often I don't want to and I choose to, because I know it's good for me. That choice, that reason, that what I'm proud of.
17:21 Speaker 00 Number four, what makes you feel like your efforts are contributing to something larger than yourself? What makes you feel like your efforts are contributing to something larger than yourself? And number five, what legacy do you want to leave behind? Not on LinkedIn, but in the hearts of those you influence? A very powerful question, guys. What legacy do you want to leave behind? Not on LinkedIn, not on paper, not on your resume, but in the hearts of those you influence. Purpose doesn't have to be lofty, guys. It just has to be real for you. What gives you, what gives your effort meaning?
18:02 Speaker 00 And closing reflection, if you were to build your next chapter around these three: Freedom to choose, a craft to master, and a reason that matters, what would change in your life today? And what's one thing you can do this week to move closer to that version of you? And that's it for today, guys. Again, if you need these questions to remember them, to repeat them, just for what? Technology allows us to do that. Please do share, review, rate to spread this to more ears. Maybe share with your coworkers, with your team, with your family, so they are motivated to reflect on this.
18:46 Speaker 00 This would mean a world to me if you maybe tag me, contact me like we did this. Angela will listen to your podcast and because of that we reflected on our purpose, on our autonomy, on our mastery. So that would be super, super awesome. But besides that, thank you for your attention, thank you for listening, and till next time, keep growing.
Previous Hacking Discipline: make your hardest goals addictive with world-known gamification wizard Yu-Kai Chou. Next Why you don't do what you know you "should do". The Explorer and the Maintainer: understanding your brain's competing drives. Page updated November 11, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated
