The Reality of Outgrowing Friendships

This week, Alex talks about the realities of outgrowing a friendship when you are at different life phases. She also speaks about how to handle being hit on at the gym, what to do when you’re in too deep on a white lie with your boyfriend, and how to navigate when one of your siblings goes no contact with your parent. Alex also breaks down the difference in sex with a toxic vs stable partner and bouncing back from a hookup with your doorman. Enjoy!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal touches, Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20 to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it. They let you learn what you want with over 200

• 0:45Alex Cooper?

  career-focused programs, where you want with 100% online courses, and how you want with no set class times. Basically, you get to call the shots from day one. Visit snhu.edu/callherdaddy to learn more. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Bright by Scotch Bright. Daddy gang, a lot of us obviously take pride in where we live, right? We want the decor to look good and then we want the lighting and the cleaning and all of it. And you want it to look spotless and you want it to look really nice, right? So level up your clean routine with Bright's line of sponges. Use the Palm Scrubber with a comfy grip for serious scrubs, the easy-to-fill, leak-proof dish wand to keep hands out of the mess,

• 1:30Alex Cooper?

  or the Scrub and Wipe for a scrubbing side and a sud-sing side. All three look good, scrub great, and they come with handy drain and dry stands that are super compact and cute. Hook yourself up. Boost it with Bright. Shop now. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Uber. Uber just introduced a new feature called Women Preferences, which lets women riders request a woman driver directly in the app. It's honestly an amazing feature that gives women more control over their rides. Sometimes we all just want a ride that feels a little more comfortable and chill. So if you haven't used it yet, Uber's new Women Preferences feature is available now in the Uber app. Learn more on the Uber app. Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to another Sunday session of Call Her Daddy.

• 2:15Alex Cooper?

  Guys, I, I feel like a different person, okay? Because I have been so consumed. I have been so just not focused on anything in my life, other than reading this one goddamn book series. And I have turned into a monster. Matt at night is like, I know I'm like still working, but like, like to put your book down, like pretend you're paying attention to me. And I'm like, but you're working. He's like, I know, but like you never look at me anymore. This book is consuming your life. And I'm like, it's amazing. It's everything I need right now. Let me just tell you, it's called Fourth Wing. I am so late to the party for all of the fourth wingers that are like, babe,

• 2:57Alex Cooper?

  like this has been out for so long. I know, but to anyone that is, has not read this book, I just want you to know that like, it has changed my life. And I was, okay, I love Akatar. I had Sarah J. Maas on the podcast. You guys know that, but I had never read Fourth Wing for some reason. And Lauren had told me like, you need to read it. You need to read it. It's one of my favorite series. And dumbly, I could not sleep one night. It's like 12:30, Matt's dead asleep, annoying as fuck, snoring in my ear. I'm like, I will ruin your life. And I'm trying to not scroll on social media. And I'm like, maybe I just need to open a book. And so I'm going through to look at downloading, like what can I download? And I see Fourth Wing on the list. I'm like, you know what?

• 3:40Alex Cooper?

  That's probably like a really long book. It's like romanticy, but it probably will take a while to get into, probably bore me to sleep perfect. Guys, eight chapters, 3am, eyes wide open. I literally went into work the next day like, hello, everyone. I looked so tired. I was obsessed. The first sentence had me hooked. And that has been consuming my life. So, um, it just ended. I read the third book and now the next one doesn't come out for like a year. So I'm kind of like tweaking out. I'm going through withdrawals. I feel a little bit like unsure of myself. I'm weary. I don't know who I am. But let me just say, having a good book in your life, I am someone who goes through spurts of reading and then I will stop reading and I will just go through like a couple of months

• 4:24Alex Cooper?

  where I just don't read anything. But when you have a good book in your life, your mood is up, your vibe is up, you're glowing, you look more gorgeous, you sound more gorgeous. Everything in life is less annoying. No one's annoying me that much because I'm like, I'm just like, I'm barely listening to you because I'm just focused on when is the next time I'm going to go pick up my book and read. And so there's just this happiness that I find whenever I have a really good book. So this is your sign. If you've been in a book rut, if you want to get back to it, pick up Fourth Wing, or if you're not into like romanticy, although

• 5:02Alex Cooper?

  let me tell you, girl, it's steamy. It'll, it'll impact your sex life, it'll impact your life. Like, you'll be good to go if you read it. So enjoy Violet and Zaydin are the main characters and I'm obsessed with them. And I don't care if I'm coming off like a dork right now. I don't care. I need a new book. Guys, comment down below. What romanticy book should I read next? And it needs to be romanticy. I don't want something that has like human beings that are, don't have any type of like power. I want dragons. I want fairies. I want smut, bitch. Okay. So comment down below, what is the next book I need to read? I love that you guys are loving the Sunday sessions lately and a lot of the times I open with kind of

• 5:45Alex Cooper?

  just a topic, but I felt like today was important to just fully pour me into you and just give you guys as much wisdom as I can, good advice, maybe bad advice. I don't know. I just want to talk through what you guys are going through and do a full episode of questions of the motherfucking week. So let's get into it.

• 6:25Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Airbnb. As you guys know, I have basically been working double time throughout this pregnancy to bank episodes for the month that I will be on maternity leave. And a few weeks ago, it all just kind of hit me. I was like, wait, wait, wait, where did summer go? And I was talking about this with Matt and he ended up surprising me with a little staycation. He booked this beautiful home on Airbnb in Malibu so that we could pretend like it was summer while it's still warm here in LA. The weather was perfect. The house was right on the beach, which was so relaxing and amazing. It also had just such a gorgeous kitchen. We stayed in, we cooked dinner together and you know, daddy gaining my cooking skills,

• 7:09Alex Cooper?

  they have, they have gotten better. They've gotten a little bit better through pregnancy, but it was really just so nice to unplug and spend that time together before the baby comes and we move into this completely new chapter of our life. So whether you're planning a cozy weekend away, or you're just looking for an excuse to unplug for a few days, October is the perfect time to get out of town. Booking a home on Airbnb makes the trip feel even more special because everyone has room to actually spend time together. Whether you're coming back after a long day out, or you're also just cooking dinner, Airbnb makes settling in even easier because you can order groceries for your trip and have all the snacks and essentials delivered after you arrive.

• 7:52Alex Cooper?

  My favorite fall trips always have one thing in common, an amazing place to say. That's why I always look at Airbnb first. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal touches, Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20 to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com.

• 8:32Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Shopify. Daddy gang, you know, I'm a little skeptical of the internet at times, aren't we all? But one thing I absolutely love is how much easier it has made starting a business. No matter what stage you're at, Shopify is the best place to start and grow a business. With Shopify, you get to own your storefront while still being discovered everywhere from Google to YouTube to the shop app. They also let you sell across TikTok, Instagram, Pinterest, even directly inside AI chats. So your customers can shop wherever they already are and your products can appear directly alongside content. So as

• 9:15Alex Cooper?

  someone is scrolling, they just become part of their feed. Shopify truly makes it so much easier for customers to discover and buy products wherever they're browsing. And this has been such a game changer for Unwell. I love being able to sell merch directly on all the Call Her Daddy channels. So everything is in one place for the daddy gang. So, ready to add entrepreneur to your list of accomplishments? Head to Shopify.com/daddy. That's Shopify.com/daddy. Question number one. I feel like this is so relatable to probably everyone watching, depending on the side you're on, but here we go. "Hi Alex, I feel like I'm in a weird stage with my friends right now. I don't know if I'm the problem. I'm 25 and honestly,

• 9:59Alex Cooper?

  still having my fun era. I like going out, traveling, meeting new people, and not taking myself too seriously. But a lot of my friends have started to move to a more serious phase of life. They're settling down with long-term partners, focusing heavily on their careers, talking about buying houses, getting engaged, all of that. And lately, when we hang out, I can feel this subtle judgment from them about the way that I'm living my life. I love my friends and we've been close for years, but lately, we've been in completely different wavelengths. Is it just a normal phase that will pass? Or are these friendships at the end of their course?" Um, this is such a huge topic that I feel like you could do a million different episodes on just because it is the most, I just feel like, honest and, um...

• 10:45Alex Cooper?

  Relatable topic to probably everyone in their 30s and their 20s and even their 40s. So I don't think that you are insane for feeling this way. I do think my first bit of advice is like, when friends start to all go in different directions, because someone's like, yes, getting married and buying the house and they're doing that part, doesn't mean they're ahead in life, that's just where they're at. And then you're still like enjoying your single life and you're partying. That is going to obviously cause a little bit of division within a friendship, just because you guys are on such different pages, that the relatability of like topical conversation when you see each other, it's just not there.

• 11:26Alex Cooper?

  And so if anything, it's more just like listening and trying to understand and be supportive, rather than being able to relate, which friendship, most of our friendships are built on being able to relate. Oh my God, we're in high school together, we're going through this. Or, oh my God, we're in college together, we're going through this, or we're at the same job. I think sometimes people even experience it. If you meet a friend that you're at a job with and they leave or you leave, it kind of can disrupt the friendship, because so much of your relationship was built on being at work together. And then when that is not the case anymore, you're like, what is our friendship based off of? If not what it was originally started off of, right? And so I think you saying that these friends are phasing into this,

• 12:10Alex Cooper?

  clearly you guys were at one point on the same page. And so I want to validate you that like, this is a huge separation to some capacity of your genuine, honest start to the relationship of what you guys related on, and now it has completely diverted. What I will say is, to give my personal little anecdote, I am relating to this because I have two friend groups essentially. And in one of my friend groups, I am the kind of like oldest-ish. And in terms of like life, I'm the more like serious, settled down, I guess you would call it, like you just referred to, like I got the house, I got married, I am very serious about my career.

• 12:55Alex Cooper?

  Matt and I have been talking about kids, like these are all things that we're working towards. And then I, all my other friends in that kind of friend group are a little bit on different pages, whether they're not married yet, but some of them have boyfriends, or some of them are fully single, enjoying clubbing life, all the good things. Or some of them are Kind of getting more serious thinking about marriage, but like I'm the one that has kind of gotten all of those pieces of my life that I don't even, I don't even want to call it more established because it's just not like it's all subjective, right? But in that category, I'm there. Then in my other friend group, I am the youngest. I am the person that is like, every one of my friends in this group has kids and I'm

• 13:37Alex Cooper?

  just constantly sitting there where they're talking about, oh my God, and I have to bring him here and I have to get my daughter here and this, and this was a disaster and this and oh my God, and the babysitter. And I constantly am like trying to remind myself that my problems do matter. I'm like, whenever I'm around them, sometimes I'm like, oh my God, I don't even want to complain because they have so much going on with these kids and I don't have kids. So I'm like, uh, yeah, they're like, what's going on in your life? I'm like, oh yeah, Bruce and Henry were really stressing me out last night. Like, no, it's not even comparable, but I recognize that I still can exist as me and still share things with that group of people. And I do, but I do get it. Like I'm a little bit like, oh, like you guys are so much more ahead of me in that department.

• 14:21Alex Cooper?

  And I kind of like, it's not that I don't matter, but it's just a thing that we go through, right? My advice to you is with that group of friends who is more like established and has kids around me, they have never made me feel like I am less than because I don't have kids yet, or because I'm not in that preschool phase of life. If anything, what I love about them is they're so not threatened and in their life and they're happy with their life, that they always ask me like, okay, wait, what's going on? What's happening? Like, tell me the hot gossip, like, tell us everything. And they enjoy almost like sinking their teeth into my part of life because they're not jealous, they're excited to find out about what's going on in my life. And I feel for you that you can differentiate pretty quickly.

• 15:06Alex Cooper?

  Are your friends making subtle jabs or are you insecure that you feel distanced from them? So you're taking them talking about their situation as them being insensitive, which is so fair because you're internalizing it, but maybe they're not being actually assholes. You're just getting insecure. Or are they actually making comments like, God, Krista, like you gotta get it together? Like, how many more club floors can you like throw up on? And you're like, I plan a couple more, I think. I'm having a good time. Um, that I think you have to decipher and really try to get objective. But the overall, I guess, advice in this situation is I think sometimes with

• 15:45Alex Cooper?

  friendships, we have this really intense need to hold on to the best parts of the friendship that sometimes evolve and change. And we want to get back to that place that it started. And it's sometimes just not possible. Sometimes people grow, people change, circumstances change. And it's okay if you are not as close to someone as you were, and maybe it will swing back around. Like, I've had so many friends where we started so close, then we had a little bit of distance because, similar to what you're going through, she ended up getting married, I was still on the streets in New York doing my thing. Like, we kind of didn't have much in common anymore. We'd catch up lightly, but it wasn't the same. And then, when I

• 16:30Alex Cooper?

  met Matt and I got married, like, we had so much more to bond over. And then we got closer again. Not that we weren't friends, but just the actual closeness and the relatability was there. I also think we have to remember that in your twenties and your thirties, everyone is like, having to be a little selfish, right? Everyone has to be focused on their own life, be focused on their careers and their romantic relationships. And if they want kids, or don't they want kids, or if they're struggling to have kids, like, there's so much. And family shit, don't even get me started. So I think the weight of life really comes at us in our twenties and thirties. And I think friendship is something that has to kind of ebb and

• 17:13Alex Cooper?

  flow, because it is inevitable that so many people are going to be on different pages. And if you are not willing to just like lightly adjust, as it hurts, it sucks if you're not as close with someone. But if you're not willing to recognize, like, oh, we're just not as close right now, because like, we're on different pages, it stings a little bit. But it's worse when you try to like, fit the peg in the round hole, or whatever the fuck it's called, and you keep trying to force something that just right now, maybe it needs a little bit of space. So. I'm sorry you're going through that, but just know, I feel like that's literally every one of my friends and I talk about this and we have so many different friend groups that you can kind of put yourself into a different scenario for. Like the fact that I'm you in

• 17:56Alex Cooper?

  one of my friend groups and then I'm the woman you're talking about in another friend group, it's all, it's life. Like that's what's gonna happen and you just have to not be too hard on yourself and maybe find some more friends who are in that phase of life with you and how beautiful. Like that will be a fun new group that you can hang out with. Doesn't mean you have to get rid of your old friends. Okay, next. Hi Alex, I'm a 42 year old woman living in North Carolina. The dating scene is pretty bad here, but I was at the gym last weekend and this guy was checking me out. I didn't think anything of it until he asked for my number when I was leaving. Okay, just pausing there, like so proud of a man actually fucking approaching a woman. Don't love that it's at the gym, but I love that you specified that it's when you're leaving, not when you're like mid rep

• 18:41Alex Cooper?

  and he's like, hi Janice, wanna, wanna bang in the bathroom? Um, maybe that would have been hot, I don't know. Um, you said as we were texting to set a date, I found out he is only 25 years old. I don't get hit on by hot guys often anymore, so I don't want to pass up the opportunity, but is it insane to still go on a date with this guy? Girl, no, are you kidding me? This is what, this is what life is about. I mean, listen, I don't know if I'm 42 and single, like what I'll be looking for, but I'm sure it would be like a hot fuck. Like if Matt and I got divorced when I was 42 and single, like maybe you're looking for something like that. You just said you haven't been hit on, like you want to explore. You're not making this man your husband. Please, for the love of God,

• 19:25Alex Cooper?

  don't make this man your husband. But have fun. I think that sometimes when you are single, no matter the age, we sometimes need to get outside of our comfort zone. Like you probably go for the same man, you probably always go for the same type and this will make you. Maybe this will make you come alive. Like, maybe you can teach this boy something, right? I also just think like, men do it all the time. Like, why can't women? He's of age. This is not creepy. Um, it's a hookup. He approached you. You were looking hot at the gym. Imagine how hot you're gonna look on a date. I think we bang him. And I, yeah, I mean, we, I think we bang him and you let us know how it goes. And you're in your MILF era. Like, there could be a world where this reignites something in you.

• 20:10Alex Cooper?

  Like, maybe you squirt on his face. I don't know. You never know until you try. So Janice, that's not your name, but you know what I mean. Get out there. I love that for you. Guys, remember the other Sunday session I did where I was like, nobody is approaching anyone in person anymore? I used to say a man approaching a woman at the gym was a cardinal sin, and it is. But you were leaving and there's something that we're gonna take men approaching women. We're gonna take it. We're gonna take it. If you're not creepy and you did it in a right way, I am gonna say go on a date with a man if he ever approaches you and you're not repulsed by him and he doesn't come off as creepy and you're like, huh, go on the date. Next question.

• 20:54Alex Cooper?

  "Hi Daddy. I have been dating someone for about three years and he is obsessed with his morning routine. He has a 5:00 AM alarm every morning, followed by a meditation app, cold shower, 30 minutes of journaling and a green juice. There are no off days. When we first started dating, I pretended I was into it. I'd wake up early, drink the juice, do the meditating. Oh, girl, you're strong. But now that we're actually in a relationship, I'm exhausted. It makes me dread sleeping over at his place. How do I admit I'm not into this without disappointing him?" Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is my fucking nightmare. Oh, my God. Okay. Um, you should never dread sleeping over your boyfriend's house. This should be a fun activity.

• 21:36Alex Cooper?

  This should be a, oh, I'm taking an everything shower kind of night. You know, I'm gonna shave my legs for this man. I'm gonna shave my underarms for this man and the bush knush. Like, this is supposed to be fairy tales, rainbows, butterflies and sex. And instead, you are like, sleeping at night.

• 22:00Alex Cooper?

  Literally so stiff praying to God. You're like, is it 5:00 AM yet? You're like tweaking out because you're so anxious about his 10 alarms that he fucking sets. And then he literally wakes up at 5:00 and he's like, let's get after it, baby. And you want to cry, but you've committed to the lie. Oh my God, that's the worst. It's like when I lied about like liking EDM to this one guy in college. And I was like, oh my God, me EDM, ah, ah, ah. He's like, have you ever been to Firefly Festival? I was like, obviously. And he's like, wait, who's your favorite performer? And I was literally like,

• 22:32Alex Cooper?

  everyone, how could I pick who was yours? And then he named some EDMer that I don't even know. And I was like, no, wait, that was 100% my favorite. You're so right. And I kept on this lie to the point where he invited me to a concert. And I was like, hey, hey, hey, I didn't know a thing about EDM. Okay. I didn't even know, I don't even know what EDM sounds like. And I went so far, so far down this. I changed my Facebook settings to be like EDM girl music. I was like stalking him, putting some of the songs that he had that he liked on his Facebook into my likes. Like I was deep in the trenches. Thankfully, um, I never made this man my boyfriend. So I wasn't like in that car, listening to EDM on our way to church in the morning.

• 23:17Alex Cooper?

  I never went to church in college, but you know what I'm saying? But this is your boyfriend. Like you committed to this man, you're sleeping at this man's house and you are green juicing it up. Wellness hitting hard left, right, smacking it harder than ever in the morning. You want to die. You literally want to die. You want Cheetos and a bagel and you want to be hung over in bed, watching Sex and the City on your Sunday. And instead you're doing burpees.

• 23:47Alex Cooper?

  This is my, this is my personal hell. Here's my advice. Oh, what would I do? What would I do? Because to his credit, he is thinking you're, you're, you're one with him. Like he's thinking like, we're both getting swole together, bro. So the problem is how far you've taken the lie. What I do think you can just say is like, hey babe. Hey babe, um, I am so, always the sandwich, right? I'm so inspired by how serious you commit to and take your morning routine and I love how healthy you are, but I think I got on that flow with you and I really have enjoyed a

• 24:32Alex Cooper?

  lot of the moments you start crying. You're like, no, I really have enjoyed it. It's like, it's stop. Um, you're like, I really enjoyed it, but I think I'm realizing that I have just like a different need and want for my mornings and for the way that I approach my wellness journey, let's say. And I think sometimes it's getting to the point where like, there are some mornings where I want to lay in bed and relax and enjoy myself after like a long week of work and I feel like I have to get up and go, go, go with you. And I was wondering if it would be, no, don't even ask this man for permission. So I think I'm going to do some mornings where I don't participate. And if you don't mind, just like

• 25:15Alex Cooper?

  being a little quiet in the morning and just like sneaking out and going and do your thing. Of course, I don't want to tell you not to do it, but I think I'm gonna like, I think I'm gonna chill a little bit here. I'm getting a little burnt out. If this man is like,

• 25:28Alex Cooper?

  wait, so you're not coming to the gym with me at five? What do you mean? What do you mean? We just went to Lululemon together. We bought new, we bought new Spanx. Like, we got matching outfits. Like, what do you mean, babe? What do you fucking mean? As he's like doing another ginger shot. This may be not your guy, but I do believe that like, because you've gone along with it for so long, maybe you just need to break the fucking, and, and start eating like a bagel in front of his face and be like, I'm not going. Okay? Okay? Fuck off. I think you can do that. I don't imagine a world where this man would be like, what the fuck is wrong with you? I think if anything, Like I said, girl, I've been there. Uh, you just built the lie out a little too long and a little too hard. You committed so hard to the lie.

• 26:13Alex Cooper?

  You're now reaping the repercussions. This man's kind of done nothing to you. And thank God, he's not the opposite end where it's like big belly beer Bob, who's just like 18 cases deep, watching the fucking sporting event, never gets off the couch, literally is pounding beers. His whole body is just like desiccating before your eyes. And you're like, oh my God, this man is so unhealthy. And he like never does anything like at least this man's like taking care of his body. Like this is someone that will have longevity potentially in life. And cares about, well, let's make sure he doesn't care about his appearance too much. Like, are there like mirror selfies that are going along with these 5 a.m. jaunts?

• 26:57Alex Cooper?

  Because if there are, oh, oh, Sarah, I fear, hmm, I fear this for you. Let's reel it in. Look at him, look at the actions and look if you just ended up basically getting involved with like a SoulCycle instructor and you're literally like, I think I got a little too carried away. I think I got a little too carried away. I got hooked. I feel like I'm living with goop and I gotta go. Um, that's for you to decide, but damn, because there's nothing better than like hitting them with like a little one-two punch of like a little white lie, a little white lie in the beginning. And you're just like, oh my God, that white lie just made us actually go to the next level. And like, it's so white lie, like it doesn't matter.

• 27:41Alex Cooper?

  And then they like fully commit and they're like, oh my God, you do like that. And you're like,

• 27:47Alex Cooper?

  mhm, yeah, I love that. And they're like, oh my God, do I have plans for us? And you're like, Oh my God, no way. And then you actually are four years in and you're doing something you fucking hate, but then it's like, you can't blame them because you're the liar. Oh man, I'm actually crying. That is so funny. Oh my God, I used to do that all the time. It's such an easy thing. Like, men are so stupid, too. So like, you can like, white lie to pretend like you like something with them. And like, there's obviously like, the innocent one, like, oh my God, you like the Cowboys? I love the Cowboys. Easy. You buy a fucking jersey, you shake your tits every Sunday, and you watch Peyton Manning, or who,

• 28:30Alex Cooper?

  who's the, that's not, you know, whatever, whatever fucking quarterback, he's retired. Whatever quarterback, and you're fine, you're fine. But when those lies, baby girl, impact your life to the point where it takes over your life, to the point where you're trying to run so far in the other direction, like, you're like, like, I wanted to listen to heavy metal by the time I was done with that man, okay? EDM was so taking over my life. I was like, I want screamo music. How about that? I want to fucking bash my head into the wall, and I want to go listen to Metallica. It really can drive you somewhere where you didn't necessarily intend to be, but you're kind of fucked. So take care of yourself, girl. And honestly, like, get a sleep mask, some earplugs, set the alarm

• 29:13Alex Cooper?

  for your normal time. And let's see if this man can respect your fucking boundaries. Oh, that was a good one. Please comment down below. What are some embarrassing lies that you said to a man that like, seemed like so innocent at the time, like, oh, this will just make this a little easier. And then you were so far down in the lie train that you're like, oh, my God, why did I ever lie to this man? Now I have to pretend to like this for the rest of my life?

• 29:51Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own, and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals, or bold seasonal touches, Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20 to 60% off other retailers' prices.

• 30:20Alex Cooper?

  On the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com. This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. So anytime that I am finding myself having a habit that I just cannot kick, I'm like, okay, I need to talk about this in therapy. Listen, guys, everyone has habits, mindsets, or patterns that don't serve them, but recognizing what they are and learning how to let them go can be so important. It's literally the first step towards creating meaningful change. And therapy with BetterHelp, one of the leading online therapy platforms, can be a space to explore where those patterns come from and develop healthier habits and mindsets for a more fulfilling life. With over 30,000 therapists worldwide, BetterHelp has served millions of people globally. BetterHelp makes

• 31:02Alex Cooper?

  it easier to fit therapy into your routine with flexible ways to connect that work for different schedules and lifestyles. Plus, BetterHelp therapists have at least three years and 1,000 hours on hand experience and hold all required education, training, and certifications. You can meet with a range of professionals from marriage and family therapists to social workers and counselors. So Daddy Gang, if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/daddy. That's better H E L P dot com slash daddy. Next. Hey, Father. I have been no contact with my mom for almost a year after realizing

• 31:47Alex Cooper?

  in therapy that my anxiety came from being her emotional support growing up. My brother is also no contact, but my sister still has a close relationship with her. My sister understands why we stepped away and even acknowledges the unhealthy dynamics, but she refuses to set boundaries or be honest with our mom. It's starting to strain our relationship because I don't understand how she can see the issue and still stay so close. Do I confront her about it and try to convince her to go no contact, or just let her have her own relationship with our mom? Okay, um, whoa. That is, oh damn, going no contact with a parent is, from what I understand, I've never done it, but I've talked to friends who have done it, and I've talked to therapists, like,

• 32:30Alex Cooper?

  it seems like one of the most painful decisions that you really have to make in your life, because that means that your, at one point, primary caregiver, or lack thereof, should have been, has pushed you so far to a point that you have essentially had to cut them off in a way that like, literally feels like death, like it feel, and it's almost harder than that, because you're like, they're still out there, but I am actively choosing to not engage in a relationship with them, and the strength that it takes to do that, I commend anyone who has been able to do it, because from what I've talked with therapists and everything, like, it is one of the hardest decisions you'll ever make in your life, not

• 33:10Alex Cooper?

  because, like, it's hard to not give in to a parent, right, who raised you, no matter how toxic they are. What I feel like with your sister, and I had a situation in my life recently, that's not fully applicable, but like, when it came to grief, we were talking about it, and like, I was watching two people grieve so, so differently, and so, it was just such a significant difference, and they were just as close to the same person, and it was a whole thing, and you're watching these two people, and you're like, wow, how can two people grieve so differently, but that's life, right, like, their relationship to the person clearly was different in their eyes, and their reactions are different, and their emotions are different, and that's

• 33:52Alex Cooper?

  you and your sister, like, this doesn't mean that your sister is not so wounded on the inside, and in so much pain, and wanting your mom to get healthy, and to not do what she's doing, but your sister has not been able to go no contact for a reason, that I almost think you can empathize with her, while still maintaining boundaries. I think you going no contact is your decision, but to try to like, pull your sister into that, I actually think it will only make you feel...

• 34:25Alex Cooper?

  Like you could, she will feel resentment almost towards you if she decided to do that for you and not for herself. I also think what's probably really painful for you is like, this is your mother and in some way you had, you made the hard decision to go no contact, but your sister is still speaking to her. And so I don't want to speak for you, but I'm, I'm trying to put myself in your shoes. Like there also could be some subconscious thing where you're also feeling guilty. Like she hasn't abandoned mom, even though we all should abandon this woman, but I have and like the only tie I still have to my mother is through my sister. And so you're seeing still the dysfunction through your sister and that's understandably

• 35:07Alex Cooper?

  so triggering to you. And so you want your sister to get removed from it. So you are fully removed from it. And I think the answer to this is you need to just set boundaries with your sister. I never want to tell you what to do with mom. I know we all have such different situations with her and I know it is beyond complicated, but I have made such a painful decision for myself that I knew I needed to go no contact. And in order to maintain a relationship with you, I need you to respect my no contact with mom, which means I don't want to hear about her. Like when we're together, I need us to talk about our relationship and what's going on in your life and my life. And I do not want to know or talk about mom because you're the only thing in my life that's threading me to her. And I have actively made the decision

• 35:52Alex Cooper?

  to remove her from my life. Overall, I just will say like, and I, I talk about this all the time with my mom and my therapist and my friends, like family shit when it comes to parents who are dysfunctional and immature, um, toxic, abusive. It is one of the biggest mind fucks you will ever experience in your life. And I have so much empathy for, I've watched so many of my friends go through this and it is, it is, it ruins families, it ruins, parts of your life until you're able to be like, oh my God, I can't let this fucking person control my life anymore. Yes, you were my mother or my father growing up, but like,

• 36:37Alex Cooper?

  this is my life and I need to take ownership of it and get away from you because you're so fucking toxic. But saying that about a parent.

• 36:46Alex Cooper?

  It like it's close to impossible, right? Especially a mother. Like you came out of this woman. Like this woman is a part of you. You are a part of her. Like, there's so much complexity there. If you guys would ever want me to have like a therapist on to talk about like the specifics of dysfunction in families when it is stemming from one of the parental figures, I would be more than happy to do that. And even if you guys write in like really specific scenarios, because I bet a therapist would be so helpful in breaking that down of how to handle those situations. I remember back, back in the day, one of my episodes I did was cutting off a parent who is narcissistic and I had a therapist on and so many of you really related and

• 37:30Alex Cooper?

  it broke my heart because I think it's more common to have a parent like that than to have a healthy parent. And that is so unfair to the child who is now an adult and, you know, experiencing the repercussions. But I, I believe you can do this and I really, I, I think that your sister will understand. I think it's just going to take a couple of hard conversations. Okay, next. Hi, Alex. I need some help. I've been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year. I love him and he's my best friend, but I feel like I'm not sexually fulfilled by him. In the past, I've been with toxic men and the sex was really good. I can't tell if I'm just settling now, or maybe I'm not recognizing a healthy connection.

• 38:12Alex Cooper?

  I feel like I need a dominant man and I can't communicate that to my partner without killing the vibe. Help. Oh.

• 38:22Alex Cooper?

  Fuck.

• 38:24Alex Cooper?

  It's so hard when you go from like toxic men to like a healthy man and you're like, all right. You're like cracking your neck. You're like, this is good for us. And your brain is like, toxic. And you're like, no, this is stable. And they're like, let's go back to Johnny. And you're like, shut the fuck up. Johnny was horrible to us. And it's like, but the sex was fun and we were on edge. And you're like, stop it. Your brain does such crazy things to you when you've been in these like toxic push and pull relationships. They're toxic and they're toxic for a reason, but when you get out of them, there's a romantic, a romanticization, I don't know if I just said that right, and a glamorization that happens in our brains where it's like we lose all of the negativity.

• 39:08Alex Cooper?

  And then we just like remember the good and then all of a sudden we're like, that was such a thrill. Hey, and then we turn on like a movie and like the, the bad guy and the girl fall in love and you're like, hey, maybe Johnny wasn't so bad. And it's like, he was just as bad, if not worse than you remember. And going back to him will only ruin your self-worth even more. But we remember those things and I think sex, when you have a toxic partner, that is the one thing that becomes really, really fucked up when you get out of a toxic situation is the memory of the push and pull and your literal brain going from, oh my God, I'm in fight or flight and I think I'm going to lose this person and we just had a fight and then we got back together and then we had crazy good sex.

• 39:53Alex Cooper?

  That's not normal to constantly be going up and down and up and down in a relationship. But it is then normal for your brain to get a high when you guys get back together and have that makeup sex. So then when you find a normal partner that's stable and sweet and kind and is not going to fuck with your emotions and scream at you for what you're wearing and get in a fight and then you don't go out with your friends and then you make up and then you have sex and you're all over the place emotionally. Your dysregulated emotions cause sex to feel so heightened with a toxic partner that that just doesn't exist with a normal partner. And what I know is like you have to retrain your brain, you guys, because you also can't survive forever on that toxic partner.

• 40:37Alex Cooper?

  You're going to literally self, just deplete yourself. And then you're going to self abandon. You're not going to be an individual anymore. So like you also have to go through, okay. Is this partner actually someone you love? Pause on sex for a minute because you caught, you obviously have such a negative connotation towards it, even though you think it's positive. Do you love this partner? They're stable. You're saying, what did you say? You said like, I can't tell if the, like, I'm sexually fully fulfilled by him. I want a dominant man. Do you want a dominant man or a toxic man? Don't lie to my face. Do you want a toxic man? A dominant man? I mean, sure, you could ask him to throw you up against the wall and like, he can still be a nice man that treats you nicely, right?

• 41:18Alex Cooper?

  I think that if you genuinely have this healthy connection, the first part is you should feel safe enough to express this to your partner. Babe, I love you. I, you know, I was thinking about our sex life and I'm like, I want to spice things up. I want to try some things new and like, I really want to do XYZ. I think there's more times than not, a partner's always gonna be like, oh, okay, I'm down. If you position it like, I was thinking about you. I don't know, I was like at work. I don't know what the fuck I was doing. I was bored and I literally just started thinking about our sex life and I was like, I really want to try this. Like where you're more dominant and I'm kind of submissive and blah, blah, blah. The guy, he's gonna be like, whoa, like, okay, like, where did this come from? You're like, I don't know, like, I just, I want to try something new together. Great.

• 42:02Alex Cooper?

  But if you feel like you can't tell that to him, or if you actually think, no, he'll do that, it's just you're missing the toxicity, then you need to get into therapy. Because poor Garrett is gonna be like, I just flung you over my shoulder. I walked us up the stairs. I threw you against the bed. I handcuffed your arms to the headboard. I spread your legs. I did it all. I brought the toys. I brought, and, and, and you still were like, thinking about Johnny.

• 42:34Alex Cooper?

  Therapy. Or have the conversation with him and let him tie you up. Let's see what happens. Let's see what happens. Um, sex can always be improved. I genuinely believe. The last statement though is, there is a chance that you're just not physically connected to this man and it has nothing to do with that he's a good guy, like he could be toxic for all you. No, I'm not even gonna go there. There's a chance there's just no physical connection and you don't physically enjoy him. That's fair. You have to figure that out for yourself. Is it because you want him to be toxic? Or is it because you literally don't have a connection with him? I unfortunately can't get in bed with you two and answer that for you. So you are gonna have to do the hard hitting on the ground research and then get back to me.

• 43:32Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal touches, Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20 to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. Daddy gang, let's get real, okay? We like to make our own rules. Southern New Hampshire University gets it.

• 44:15Alex Cooper?

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• 44:35Alex Cooper?

  Okay, next.

• 44:37Alex Cooper?

  Oh, God. Okay. "Hi Daddy, I need help because I think I'm jealous of a dog." Okay, let's listen. "I've been in a situationship for a while where I'm constantly wanting more attention and reassurance from this guy and barely getting it. He's emotionally distant from me, but with his dog, he's obsessed. Baby voice, cuddling, Instagram stories, constant affection. The dog is treated like royalty. So I know this guy is capable of what I'm looking for, but I'm just not getting it. How do I stop feeling insecure over a literal terrier?" First of all, you guys know I'm a dog mom. I love, oh, he takes Instagram stories, constant affection, cuddling. I love this man with his dog. Yet, this isn't about the dog, though. Put the dog aside. Let's pretend there is no dog.

• 45:22Alex Cooper?

  You just sadly have something to compare it to, and unfortunately, it's a four-legged creature, which is even more sad. This man, unfortunately, you're watching him give attention to a dog, being like, "I wish I could get that cuddle." That's really, that's really, we're bottom of the barrel right now. We are low. We are low, Brittany. We are lower than, the bar is low. It's one thing if you see him like with his mom and you're like, oh, that's weird. Or the sister, or a friend. We're talking about a terrier. Okay, a little terrier who has no ill will towards you, okay? He shits and he pees and he eats his dinner and he cuddles his dad. What you're upset about is he's not giving you any reassurance because there's nothing to reassure you about.

• 46:08Alex Cooper?

  It's a situationship. He's coming and going as he pleases and he doesn't clearly like you enough to actually give you the energy that you are looking that his dog is even getting. I just think you have to always look at yourself when you're yearning for more from a man, when you're like, oh, I want more. I wish he would give it, stop. Don't ever wish a man would give you more. If he's not, that's your answer. If you're like, but I just feel like if he could just, I wanna, la la la la, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. No. If he wanted to cuddle you and take Instagram stories with you like he's doing with his dog, he would. You'd be right in between, the terrier would be right in between you and him, okay? Frank, terrier, Brittany, boom, a fucking sandwich.

• 46:51Alex Cooper?

  It'd be a heavenly Sunday. You're all just cuddling together. You're not there. You're not even getting the invite. Like, I don't think that this is the dog's problem. I think that this man is fully showing you where his allegiance lies. And it's not to his dog. It's just not to you.

• 47:13Alex Cooper?

  It's not fun. It's not fun. I know. And I know some people will be like, God, that's so harsh. This is the harsh reality. We need to, whenever we write in saying, I feel this and I feel like I wish he would do this and I wish he would do that. Wish up. When you wish upon a star.

• 47:33Alex Cooper?

  I don't know what the rest of the song is, and if it's dreams come true, well, cut that, okay? Because dreams don't come true when you wish for anything with a man. If he wants you, you will know. Whoa. Let's get a load of this one. Help, all caps. I accidentally hooked up with my building's doorman after a holiday party. I'm so obsessed with you. Okay, we haven't addressed it since, but I have to see him basically every day and it's so awkward, knowing I have to face him when I go down to get my hungover breakfast burrito delivery is the bane of my existence right now. I'm attracted to him and down to hook up again, but the vibe is really awkward right now and I don't know how to move forward.

• 48:17Alex Cooper?

  Oh my God, first of all, you lucky dog. I have never in the history of ever had a hot doorman. There has never been a doorman in my life that I was like, mm, Bert, you wanna bang? Like, never. Oh my God. And also, the best part for you is you didn't wake up and be like, oh my God, look at Jerry. He's like 65, but when I was hammered, he looked 35 and I thought his cane was like his baseball bat from baseball practice. That was so fucked up. I fucked, I fucked this old man. Like, no. You woke up and you said, I would, again, and now it's just about finding that rhythm. I kinda love this.

• 48:59Alex Cooper?

  There's something really hot that could go down here because, ooh, what if he goes on his little break, but his break is to go up to the sixth floor and go into 602 and do you? Imagine the things that you could do. Now, the problem is, is if this doesn't work out, then it's just gonna continue to be awkward. So I think that this is what you're gonna do. Take the risk, you know? Take a risk, take a chance and break away. I think you're gonna go down next time you're going down. Cause it's, you gotta go outside. And I think if he's there, you could either get your food delivery, so it's a little bit more of like a pause, so you have a reason to like stay there for a second, or if there's like the males near him and like make sure you like wear those yoga pants.

• 49:44Alex Cooper?

  But I think you'd just be like, hey, how have you been? I think it's that fucking chill. This man, think about this from his perspective.

• 49:54Alex Cooper?

  Doorman Manny, let's call him Manny. Oh Manny, you sexy little thing. Doorman Manny is not trying to get fired, bro. Doorman Manny is like, damn, I fucked that bitch in 602 and she's hot as fuck. And I can't believe that I fucked that bitch in 602, that's hot as fuck. And Manny's not trying to get his job whacked from him, okay? So Manny's just trying to man the desk. And Manny's trying to keep his eyes above, you know, the neck level. He's not trying to look at your cleavage when you're coming down. He's not trying to make eye contact with you because you gotta be the one to initiate, right? Not that there's an HR, I wonder if there's HR issues when it comes to doormen and residents regardless. Yeah, he could make you like feel unsafe in your home, you know?

• 50:37Alex Cooper?

  So you could like, whatever, but you're not unsafe. You want more from Manny. So I think you just have to approach him because he's not going to approach you because that, think about it, he's being so respectful. Doorman Manny is like, I'll wait for my queen to come back to me. I'll wait for my princess to get up from her slumber. She must've had a hard night last night. And I think you have to be the one, and I think it's going to be as easy as a, hey, how've you been? And it may take a second, he may be so thrown off. He may be like, not knowing if it's a trap. So he may be like, yeah, I've been good, how are you? And then you're like, good. And then you can like walk by or you can have the balls and you can be like, good, like, what are you doing this weekend? Like, do you have any, um, like, I don't know what their times are called.

• 51:22Alex Cooper?

  Like, do you have any time off, like, from, from the building? Do you have any time off, like, want to hang? Literally go for it. Manny, what is that song Manny doesn't know? That's not a song. That's not a song. You are so in, it's crazy. It's now just fully on you. And I think that it's more awkward to skirt around man dog than to just get in there and fuck his bones again. And you can also establish, I know that this is awkward. You're literally in my building, like, this could go wrong, but like, let's have fun while it lasts. And don't they rotate, like doormen rotate, okay? So like, while you're fucking him, get his schedule.

• 52:04Alex Cooper?

  So if things do go south, girl, you know his every fucking move and you will beep bop boop around. Whenever he's down there, you're taking the south exit or, you know, you're crawling on the floor to get past Manny, or you're just not leaving your home for four days so you don't have to see Manny. It's a classic. I love that for you so much. Everyone, moral of the story this week is fuck your doorman and get in there where you need to get in there. Um, what else did we talk about? Hmm. Really good stuff today. Really good, important stuff. I am feeling so inspired. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode. I wanted to just be a light, fun, bright episode, um, with a little sprinkle of family trauma. It's a classic on Call Her Daddy. Um, I

• 52:47Alex Cooper?

  love you guys so much. I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful upcoming week. I know you're probably sitting there thinking, oh God, tomorrow's Monday. No, no, it's not. It's only a Monday if you make it. Pretend it's Friday tomorrow. And then after you realize it's not Friday, then you can tell yourself, but don't let yourself get the anxiety and the stress of the Sunday scaries. We're not doing it here on Call Her Daddy today. Okay. Um, love you guys so much. I will see you fuckers on Wednesday. Goodbye.

• 53:29Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. Fall is about finding pieces you love, making them your own and creating looks and spaces just right for the season. Whether you're updating a small apartment or a spacious home, drawn to timeless neutrals or bold seasonal touches, Ross makes it easy to imagine what's next and bring your fall vision to life. Ross makes fashion accessible to all with up to 20 to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at rossstores.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Klavio. So Klavio says it's your brand's best friend. Bold claim, but here's the thing. Klavio knows your brand, your tone, your customers,

• 54:13Alex Cooper?

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• 54:58Alex Cooper?

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