Before You Blow Up Your Life

This week, Alex talks about the urge to blow up your life and start over when things feel boring, stagnant, or hard. She breaks down the difference between actually wanting change and just wanting relief, why we can mistake boredom for being on the wrong path, and how easy it is to romanticize a completely different life. She also shares advice on figuring out whether you’re running toward something or away from something, making smaller changes before making a huge one, and learning how to feel content without becoming complacent. Enjoy!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by American Eagle. Holiday outfits just got way easier. American Eagle's new arrivals are basically everything you need right now. Super soft sweaters, lightweight layers, comfy lounge styles, heritage faves, and low-rise jeans that are very much back in the rotation. Whether you're heading to a holiday thing or just hanging with your people, there's something for every plan. Just don't wait too long. Your new faves won't be around forever. You can check it all out at ae.com or just go to the store. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Southern New Hampshire University. A good support system is literally everything and it's what makes Southern New Hampshire University truly next level.

• 0:44Alex Cooper?

  Even as online, even as an online student, you'll have real support from real people like admission counselors, instructors, and ride or die academic advisors, all genuinely cheering you on every step of the way. So daddy gang, if you're like, where, where should I go? Where, where, where is it? You know, your answer now, getting your degree online doesn't have to mean doing it alone. Start yours at SNHU.edu/callherdaddy. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ross. I love the holidays, okay? And I love the holidays because the fashion changes and you know, your decorations and your living space, you just, everything just gets better. Okay?

• 1:27Alex Cooper?

  And so whether you're shopping early or you're checking off last minute gifts, Ross offers incredible finds. Holiday gifting doesn't have to be complicated. Sometimes it's the unexpected finds that become the most memorable. A soft robe, a beautiful candle, a piece of decor that brightens their space long after the season ends. Ross makes the holidays accessible to all with up to 20 to 60% off other retailers' prices on the brands you love. Find your nearest Ross at Rossstores.com. Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Ashley. Okay, so whenever I am picking new furniture for my house or redesigning a room,

• 2:10Alex Cooper?

  it is so important to me to make sure that it also is cohesive with the rest of my house and the vibe that I'm feeling. And I think filling your home with beautiful durable pieces from Ashley will help you create a backdrop for growing family's biggest memories, right? You want your home to feel cozy and you want it to feel like you. And thanks to features like stain resistant performance fabric, even the messiest memories will be easy to clean. So visit your local store or head to ashley.com to find your style. Gang, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy. Do you guys know where that's from? Yeah, she's the man, remember? What is the guy?

• 2:53Alex Cooper?

  He's like the head principal and he's like, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to Alaria. Yeah, that movie is one of my favorite movies of all time. Today is going to be a topic that I, I think a lot of you are going to like. I hope. So this was kind of inspired because the other day I was scrolling on TikTok, as you know, one does. And I came across a girl who quit her job, broke up with her boyfriend and moved to Costa Rica. And I was like, slight queen. She was basically taking us through a day in her life. She's like eating her acai bowl for breakfast and then she's surfing it up in the afternoon. And then she was like reading in her canopy bed by candlelight at night. And I was like, oh my God, like this is just, I'm not going to lie.

• 3:37Alex Cooper?

  It looked magical for a second. She had me thinking like, ooh, maybe I should like grab my bikini and just like leave it all behind. Meanwhile, I'm like literally happily married and like seconds away from giving birth. I'm like, oh yeah, beach bod in Costa Rica, like let's go. But it did get me thinking about how inspiring it always looks. When you see someone leave everything behind and start fresh and start new. Because when something in our life feels hard or stagnant or painful, there is something incredibly exciting about imagining that we could just start over, right?

• 4:20Alex Cooper?

  Go to a new city or get a new job or start a new relationship, like meet a new version of ourselves. And it kind of gives us this feeling that like we can escape and leave behind everything that was making us unhappy. And it's never too late to start over. But as romantic and daring and thrilling as it looks, especially when people post those type of series on social media, I do think it's important to note on the flip side, like there is a reality that running from your problems may only be a temporary Band-Aid. And I'm also not saying that that's what that girl that I was watching on the TikTok was doing. I just have seen enough friends in my life and moments in my life where I'm like,

• 5:05Alex Cooper?

  there are the people who can actually go to Costa Rica and do that thing. And you're like, okay, yeah, great, do your thing. Then there's the other people where you're like, girl, you're running. You're running from that problem and babe, it's going to catch up to you at some point. But like, go off queen. And so that's kind of the inspiration for today's topic is let's think before we blow up our life. I've seen a lot of people make major life extremely quick changes with these major high hopes that it is going to solve all of their problems, only to realize two years and a mountain of debt later, that they actually kind of ended up right back in the same place with the same problem.

• 5:46Alex Cooper?

  And I know it sounds like I'm saying the exact opposite of all of the inspirational TikToks telling you to stop thinking and just take the leap, babe. This is your sign, take the leap. That's not exactly what I'm saying. I do support the leap, but what I'm saying is before you quit your job, move across the country, end your relationship or book a one-way ticket to Costa Rica, I want you to pause long enough to ask, do I actually want a complete different life? Or do I just want relief from the current life I have? There is a very large difference because the big difference is you're either running towards something or you're running away from something. Which one is it, right?

• 6:30Alex Cooper?

  We all have that friend, the one who thinks that their life is going to be solved by the next best thing, right? They're always, there's always something she needs to drastically change. If I just do this, then I'm going to be happy. If it's not the job, it's her boyfriend. If it's not the boyfriend, it's her hair color. If it's not the hair color, it's the city that she lives in. Like nothing ever seems to quite fit right. And so then we tend to create this story that it's like, okay, if I shake up the situation, everything that we are uncomfortable with or unsatisfied with, it will all just go away if I just change the situation.

• 7:11Alex Cooper?

  But there is this saying that I love, no matter where you go, there you are. You can try to outrun all of the deeper things that you need to deal with, but they will always be there waiting because it's like, once you get settled in that beach hut and you're like, okay, this is looking good, then you're going to lay down at night. And at some point, those issues are going to creep in again. So if you are someone who's currently watching this and listening to this and you know, you're at this point where you're getting the itch, right? Maybe you're feeling like you need to shake things up. Maybe you need to skip town, leave it all behind. I get it. Cause I think there's a lot of people listening in their twenties and in their thirties.

• 7:56Alex Cooper?

  And that's kind of like, I think when this can happen. And I'm not saying don't do it. I think today we're just going to have a little conversation first. I'm going to ask you guys three questions today that I've thought about that I think will be helpful to kind of uncover what's going on. So number one, I think the first question we need to ask ourselves is like, are you bored? Now, don't hate me for this one because it's obviously a boner killer, but like it's kind of a question you need to ask yourself, like after you've just spent a week romanticizing about moving to Paris and having sex with a hot man that you met in the cafe who wisps you away on his Vespa and you're ready to take up smoking cigs as a hobby to feel something and post it on your Instagram and look like the cool girl that you are.

• 8:39Alex Cooper?

  The reality is sometimes we mistake under stimulation for being in the wrong life or being on the wrong path. Real life, you guys, disclaimer, can be boring. Like that is just the truth. If you've been doing the same job, seeing the same people, picking up the same sweet green order every single day for lunch, living in the same apartment, sometimes you can look up inside and be like, am I wasting my life away? Like what's happening, right? And so if your answer to this question of being bored is like, yes, ask yourself how you can introduce novelty into your life without completely just setting it on fire and trying to change everything about it.

• 9:24Alex Cooper?

  I also want to clarify boredom is different from dissatisfaction boredom signals a need for stimulation while dissatisfaction means that something is not working for you like for example what I mean by that guys if you're coming home every day from work extremely depressed feeling like a shell of a person then yes you should look into making a change in your life but if that's not the case I don't want you to mistake peace for boredom like think about it in terms of relationship the toxic ones oh honey they're gonna be exciting they're gonna be stimulating but the best ones can honestly feel a little bit boring at times

• 10:07Alex Cooper?

  if you're used to always fighting or chasing something when you finally get peace it can feel like something is wrong or missing so if you're only feeling understimulated I want you to get specific about what you're actually bored with just saying like oh I'm so bored feels daunting and like some huge need like oh my god we need a solution like we not we need to fix this but once you actually narrow in on the area of your life that you're feeling bored about you can literally just make a specific change like are you just craving some adventure like okay see if there are any fun weekend trips that you can start taking with your friends do you want to be around new people maybe you're just like oh

• 10:50Alex Cooper?

  I've had the same friend group and we're all doing the same thing every frickin weekend and it's getting like okay so join a different gym or join a pottery class or do something different do you want to feel sexier put on your hottest outfit take yourself out to a bar because you never get dressed up anymore and you used to do it in college but now you're always too tired after work it's like find just the root cause and then you can find a pretty approachable easy solution I promise you so many of us get home from work and then we just spend hours and hours and hours scrolling on social media and you are getting nothing from that it feels momentarily like a de-stressor and like you're relaxing and oh my god I'm getting to not think about work for a second but if this is your everyday

• 11:35Alex Cooper?

  constant routine come home after long day of work scroll you're not going to feel stimulated or excited about your life if anything watching other people's lives is going to make you subconsciously because maybe it doesn't register because you're like oh it's I'm so relaxed I'm just scrolling and living and this is nice but it actually is going to eventually make you just feel like shit about yours right because then by the time that you wake up to go to work the next day you're like oh my god like another day doing the same thing and it's like yeah and you could have done something different last night other than scroll and get carpal tunnel and so a lot of times the literal answer is just making the tiniest tweak put yourself in an uncomfortable new situation where you join the class or you go to happy hour with your coworkers whatever it is it can be very small but it can make

• 12:19Alex Cooper?

  a huge difference in just breaking up mundane repetitiveness of a pattern you've slept into which we all do and at some point you need to take accountability if you keep saying you're gonna do it you're gonna do it you're gonna do it and then you never do it well then this is no wonder you're bored

• 12:51Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by SoFi the everything app for smarter money if your money is scattered across five different apps you never open you're not in control your money should move you forward with SoFi you get award-winning banking investing borrowing and more all-in-one app so you finally know where your money is make your first move with SoFi checking and savings competitive APY no account fees a bonus when you join with eligible direct deposit terms apply SoFi Bank NA Member FDIC when you're ready to invest or pay off that debt everything you need is right there as a SoFi member you get access to SoFi Wealth's world-class financial planners to help you know what to do next get started

• 13:33Alex Cooper?

  today at sofi.com/callherdaddy SoFi get your money right this is a paid advertisement by SoFi Technologies and is not intended to be financial advice Call Her Daddy is brought to you by T-Mobile daddy gang there are honestly so many reasons to just choose T-Mobile they've got T-Mobile Tuesdays perks tons of freebies travel benefits like hotel and rental car savings they make your phone plan feel like it's actually giving you something back instead of just being another bill that you have to pay every single month and if you're a student T-Mobile has student perks plans designed specifically for you I remember being in college and constantly literally just looking for ways to save money

• 14:16Alex Cooper?

  understandably and so these are the kind of perks I would have absolutely taken advantage of students can get things like a $5 movie ticket every month exclusive access to concerts okay and even streaming benefits so you can always have a reality TV binge night with your girls and when you're already paying for your phone every month getting all of these extra benefits on top of it just it makes sense right for all the reasons to choose T-Mobile find yours at tmobile.com/membership qualifying plan required visit tmobile.com Now if boredom isn't your issue I want to move on to the next question I have which

• 15:01Alex Cooper?

  is a little bit more pointed and threatening are you trying to escape something oh I have a feeling this is like a lot of ours right because like for me I've gone through this in my life like you're like oof maybe but like shut up I don't want to hear it no no no we need to talk it through Sometimes the fantasy of a completely new life becomes really enticing when something in your current life is uncomfortable and you don't want to deal with it directly but this is actually a form of avoidance obviously changing your environment you're like oh I'm moving across the country yes it can temporarily reduce your stress because you're removing

• 15:44Alex Cooper?

  yourself from the trigger and you're giving yourself smaller less scary and more actionable problems right it's like okay so this is so much more fun and it's it guys it is so much more fun and easy to look for new apartments on Zillow and shop for a new couch and a new wardrobe than to just unravel the grief of the old relationship that you've never unpacked and all the baggage that has come with that right like avoidance hmm avoidance is like a little tricky little minks okay because she actually can feel productive moving apartments applying for jobs booking trips reinventing your routine your image yourself your closet

• 16:27Alex Cooper?

  you're doing so much that it feels like you're addressing the problem when you may actually be organizing your entire life around not having to feel it not having to address the actual problem so I think the best thing is to ask yourself like if you want to leave and move or whatever the big change is that you want to do what problem do I think leaving is going to solve like be actually specific with yourself okay if I transfer then what or if I quit my job then what like get concrete answers for yourself because I want you to pause long enough to make sure you are making these decisions from an informed internal

• 17:11Alex Cooper?

  place because the external change it can't do all the internal work for you but sometimes change I will say really is the answer and so I realize this is kind of like a double there's it's like it's very specific per person take my bestie Lauren for example okay when she broke up with her college boyfriend of seven years their lives were completely entangled in New York City together they had the same friend group they had the same they were literally in the same neighborhood everyone went to the same gym like and she took a hard look at her life and she saw that if I stay in New York I'm just gonna fall back into the

• 17:55Alex Cooper?

  same situation I worked so hard to change and she knew that if she saw him enough and ran into him enough with all these friends they were eventually just gonna get back together because the history was too deep the ties were too deep it was just gonna be easier and it was gonna be convenient and she was like I don't want that I don't want that and I know that I will keep doing that and so she left but she knew that meant okay if I'm leaving New York I need to immediately start doing the work on myself and I do immediately start pouring into myself and unpacking what happened like how did I stay in this relationship for so long how did I let myself stay in something that was so unfulfilling and so

• 18:37Alex Cooper?

  I remember the minute that Lauren and I moved to LA and we left New York literally the first thing that she did like we didn't even have our boxes unboxed I don't even think we own beds yet and she got a therapist and she started working on her own healing she didn't just get to LA and use the new environment and the palm trees as a way to distract herself and avoid her reality no she used it as a reset and started the work immediately and just leaned in and so yes she moved but it was the work she did that made her feel unstuck it wasn't actually the location the location was like a nice change because she was like this will be a good restart but it wasn't actually that

• 19:22Alex Cooper?

  And so it's like I said before, if you want the big change, okay, I just want you to feel like you're running towards something and not away from it. I think Lauren's situation is a great example because she kind of ended up getting the best of both worlds. She was not technically fully running away from him, but she knew herself enough of like, this ain't gonna end if I don't change something up. An opportunity presented itself to move across the country and she did it, but she also then didn't live a year of just being like, oh, I love this place. Let's go to the beach. And we're like, we, um, so the, the seven, the set, the seven years that you stayed

• 20:07Alex Cooper?

  in that little thing over there that you were really unhappy in, but we're just gonna forget cause like bikinis and let's go to Nobu. Like she didn't do that. Now, the final question I want you to ask yourself, if you're like, I'm blowing it up. I'm blowing it up. I'm gonna blow up my life and leave. Last question would be, are you idealizing a fantasy life for yourself? I think it is so easy and so common to stalk someone on Instagram or Tik Tok and think, oh my God, it must be so nice to live in New York and go to the cool fashion parties every night and travel

• 20:48Alex Cooper?

  to Ibiza over the summer. But here's the thing, you're comparing your life to the fantasy of someone else's. You are not actually seeing the insane amount that they're paying for rent. You're not seeing the piece of dog shit they stepped in on the sidewalk and they're like, I fucking hate this place. And you're definitely not seeing the anxiety they feel of having to make their life look so amazing all of the frickin' time. And so even as adults, there can be this feeling that everyone else, they've all got it figured out, but you, right? It's so different than college when like, we're all kind of on the same timeline. And when you get out of college and you're really adulting, people start to move through life differently. And you can look at your

• 21:31Alex Cooper?

  feed and you can even think, looking at your friends and be like, am I doing something wrong? Like, should I have done what she did? Or what, what's happening? But you guys, let me just say this, take it from someone who knows social media and knows these people that you are fantasizing about. At the end of the day, they are still people with real problems and they still have super boring days in their sweatpants where they question their very existence. They're human too, right? And so my advice here is to picture the reality, not just the fantasy. If you move to New York, will you have friends there? Will you be able to afford rent? Will

• 22:13Alex Cooper?

  you be stressed? Or will you be excited? Like be real. Live your life in your head for a second and be like, uh, and if the answer is yes, I actually would love it, then maybe moving is a really good idea for you. But if you're just picturing the glamour, then get ready for a really, really, really dark wake up call. Okay. So how do we fix this? I think we need to get more comfortable being completely unapologetically content with exactly where we're at. I'm not saying you need to get stagnant, but like, let's enhance the lives that we have instead of wiping the slate completely clean and being like, oh my God, I need stimulation. So I'm gonna blow up

• 22:53Alex Cooper?

  my whole life. Like, being content is not complacency. It's really important to recognize that. There is this idea that if you stop wanting more, you're gonna lose your ambition and, and you've become stagnant in life. And it's like, no, you can be grateful for where you're at while still wanting to grow and evolve. It's just not fair to yourself to postpone happiness until the next milestone, until you feel electric and alive. Because I do think we are scarily good at moving the goalpost for ourselves. The apartment that you desperately wanted becomes eventually just your apartment and the relationship that you hope for becomes a normal relationship.

• 23:35Alex Cooper?

  The career milestone that you obsessed over then just becomes your boring daily work routine.

• 23:42Alex Cooper?

  And speaking of boredom, let's start even, maybe we can start romanticizing the boring eras of our lives. This is something that I've thought about a lot recently because one day I am convinced future you is going to look back at current you. You know, you're, you're thinking you're so boring. You're making your ground beef and your sweet potato bowls multiple times a week and you're watching The Housewives and you're ending the night with the long ass skincare routine. I think one day you're gonna be so jealous when you look back at that quote unquote boredom. Okay. Ultimately, this is all about us figuring out what's going to help you live a realistic life that you are content with and happy with. Like, I want you running towards what

• 24:27Alex Cooper?

  you want instead of running away from it. And listen, if that means at the end of all of this, you are like, no, yeah, I'm selling all my clothes. I'm selling my car. I'm selling everything I own. I'm also not even gonna tell my family and I'm moving to Costa Rica, Alex. Babe, more power to you. But just make sure you're asking yourself the right question because when you get there, if it's just bliss and happiness and you're like, this is what I've wanted my whole life, I am so happy for you. But I do know a lot of people eventually are like, it's night four and I'm realizing, oh my God, all of this was to distract me from the fact that the man that I

• 25:11Alex Cooper?

  thought I was going to marry, we ended our engagement and I thought that meant it was a sign from God himself that I needed to trade in my loafers, my slacks and, and my briefcase for a bikini a day keeps the blues away. And I'm like, I need to get back to Seattle where my life is and I need to go get a new job because I quit my job unexpectedly. I just now need to go get a full new wardrobe, go buy another car because I gave up everything thinking I'd feel so lean and ready to go on my new life journey. And you're like, that was a really, really expensive

• 25:51Alex Cooper?

  way to just quickly get an answer of like, yeah, no, I didn't need to blow up my life. I just needed to like, make a couple of changes. And maybe the couple of changes was like, don't go to the same coffee shop that you're gonna run into him at. That was all you had to do. And maybe go out for dancing every Tuesday night and do some salsa with the girls. Yeah, that's all you needed. It's good things to think about over here on Call Her Daddy. Just trying to stimulate that brain because half the things I bring to you guys, it's things that I've thought about, trust me. Oh my God, guys, if you had met me in college, I was constantly like, I think I need to do XYZ. And then obviously I would call my mother and she'd be like, first of all, thankfully, you don't have the finances to make that life-changing decision. So just humble yourself constantly. And

• 26:34Alex Cooper?

  if you don't humble yourself, have a friend or a family member that you know will humble you and they'll get you right back on track. Anyways, let's humble ourselves even more and let's answer some questions.

• 27:00Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by SoFi, the everything app for smarter money. If your money is scattered across five different apps you never open, you're not in control. Your money should move you forward. With SoFi, you get award-winning banking, investing, borrowing, and more all-in-one app. So you finally know where your money is. Make your first move with SoFi checking and savings, competitive APY, no account fees, a bonus when you join with eligible direct deposit. Terms apply. SoFi Bank, NA Member FDIC. When you're ready to invest or pay off that debt, everything you need is right there. As a SoFi member, you get access to SoFi Wealth's world-class financial planners to help you know what to do next. Get started today at sofi.com/callherdaddy.

• 27:45Alex Cooper?

  SoFi, get your money right. This is a paid advertisement by SoFi Technologies and is not intended to be financial advice. This is a paid ad by BetterHelp. I always think it is so important to find time to take care of myself because I think self-care for me, a lot of times is getting some alone time, even it's just go on a 10-minute walk outside. Self-care can obviously look different at different stages of life and the ways that we practice it often evolve over time. But one possible way to take care of yourself is through therapy. Therapy with BetterHelp, one of the leading online therapy platforms, can be a space to prioritize your mental health, reflect on where you are and check in with yourself. With over 30,000 therapists worldwide, BetterHelp

• 28:28Alex Cooper?

  has served millions of people globally. BetterHelp makes it easier to fit therapy into your routine with flexible ways to connect that work for different schedules and lifestyles. Plus, BetterHelp therapists have at least three years and 1,000 hours of hands-on experience and they hold required education, training, and certifications. You can meet with a range of professionals from marriage and family therapists to social workers, counselors, you name it, they have it. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/daddy. That's better H E L P dot com slash daddy.

• 29:05Alex Cooper?

  Question number one. Hi Daddy, one of my close college friends moved to my city two years post-grad and ended up moving into my house because we had an open room. I've been inviting her to hang out with my friend group, but recently found out she was talking shit about me to one of them. Now, I don't want to feel obligated to keep inviting her, but it's awkward because we live together. I also don't want to seem like a mean girl since I'm the only one who initially brought her into the group. Help. I think you need to confront her. I think you just need to go in and be like, hey, I am so happy you moved here. I remember when you called me, like, I was so excited and it's, and I'm so happy that like, you ended up being able to move in because we had the room and all of it. But I need to be really just direct and honest for a second,

• 29:49Alex Cooper?

  and I want to have an open conversation with you. I don't want to have an attacking conversation, but I do need to awkwardly address this. I did, it did get back to me that you were talking shit about me in my friend group, and I am really hurt because I feel like I have, not even in like a pat on the back way, like, I've included you and made you feel so, I hope, comfortable by all of the things of including you into my life when you moved here. And so to hear you talking shit on me, I feel betrayed that you're using the relationships I introduced you to, to basically make me look bad to my friends, instead of just coming to me and being honest. And so I just want to open

• 30:31Alex Cooper?

  the conversation up for you to be like, what's going on and what's the problem? And please just say it directly to my face and let's see if we can work through this, because this doesn't feel good. And that I don't, I wouldn't do this to you. And then give her the chance to, again, if we've learned anything about ourselves as women, we, in friend groups, things can get a little, things can get a little, hmm, how do we say this? Drama. And we, there's moments where some women wake up that day and they're like, ugh, you know what will solve the flu symptoms I'm having? Gossip. And then people just like to gossip or they like to stir things up. And then they're like, oh, why did I do that?

• 31:16Alex Cooper?

  There's a chance that the friend told you this, and it's actually not fully that your friend was talking shit on you, but she took it as her talking shit on you. You know what I mean? So you need to hear it from, what's the saying? You need to hear it from the lion's mouth. You need to hear it from, from, the lion can't talk. You need to hear it from the whatever mouth themselves, okay? And you need to hear it from her. Now, you're gonna be a self-aware person and you're gonna be able to see if she's fidgeting, if she's lying, if she makes something up, whatever. And again, maybe I'm in my like, no bullshit era, but if she's like, no, I never said that, I'd be like, okay, let's call Kayla and talk about it with her. And because I just, I want to see what she said about this. And so we can all just put this to bed, because I really am not interested in drama. I have

• 31:57Alex Cooper?

  a job, I have a life, I have rent to pay, like, I just, I don't want to have to deal with this. Ooh, you gave her a friend group and she's slicing and dicing you in the back? I don't think so. There's always gonna be drama in friend groups that are big. And so you gotta try to maneuver it in a way. But the only way I think that you will feel like you got resolution and not have resentment is if you directly tell her what you heard. And I think sometimes people could be like, oh, but like, that sucks because then you're throwing the other friend under the bus. No, no, no, no, no. If someone is talking shit on you, we are grown adults. We're not in high school anymore. We're not going to PE class. Okay. We're grown adults that are making decisions of who we want to have in

• 32:40Alex Cooper?

  our life and who is going to be there for us as we go through all the hardships in life. I don't have time for fake friends now that I'm an adult. Literally have no time. I have no time for drama. So let's get underneath it. Okay, next. Daddy, hello. I just got married less than two months ago, and I just found out through a hey girl text, that my husband cheated on me three weeks into our marriage while I was out of town. Three weeks after the wedding, after a night out with friends, a woman stayed over at our place in the spare bedroom. Oh, how sweet. He didn't do it in your bed? He did it in the spare. Lovely. What a nice man. Oh, wait. And then it says

• 33:20Alex Cooper?

  twice. As if once wasn't enough, you pig. Infidelity has never been an issue before. And he says he's extremely sorry. And he's willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild my trust. Yeah. Oh, I'm sure you are. You're willing to do whatever it takes. Maybe, I don't know, be faithful when we just three weeks ago, said our vows till death do us part? No. She said, embarrassed to tell my friends, since they were just at our wedding. Completely understand. And I'm completely torn over whether I should, whether I should stay. How do I figure out my next steps? Okay. I cannot imagine the way that you feel

• 34:03Alex Cooper?

  after your wedding is maybe the most in love that you'll ever be, right? And like, some people may disagree, but like, that is like, peak, peak, like, oh my God, we're just beginning the rest of our lives together. This is like honeymoon central. You just had your friends and your family and your dress and your life and the vows and the ring and all of it. And you're like, oh my God, this is the love of my life. I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with this person. We're gonna build a family together, whatever that looks like for each individual, right? To find out that the first chance he got, once you left, not only to cheat on you, that's already an offense enough, to do it in your home, twice, it

• 34:47Alex Cooper?

  is so diabolical. And then to find out from a hey girl text, this man was never gonna tell you. You were never gonna find out. It will always be in the back of your head thinking, oh my God, had I not gotten that, he never would have told me. And so I know this because of the woman, not because of my husband. And life's gonna get really hard. You're going to go through so many things together. So imagine in the worst times, babe, imagine when you're sick, you're not feeling your best, something's going wrong. This was on the day with the rainbows and the flowers and the sunshine. And he was like,

• 35:29Alex Cooper?

  I think I have to have sex twice with this woman. Like, I think it's, I think, and I, and I'm gonna make it up to her, but like, this has to happen. He couldn't have self-control right after your wedding. Imagine in two years, imagine in three years, then it's gonna be like, every time you go on a trip, you're gonna be like, what's happening in the guest bedroom? Every time you leave, it's, you, I just refuse for any woman, I just don't want you to be living in a state of constant paranoia and anxiety, because the one thing that you know that's gonna happen from this is, he is saying he'll do whatever. So he's kind of now like, okay, I told you I'll do whatever, and I'm so sorry. And he

• 36:12Alex Cooper?

  got everything he wanted. And the fact that you're saying you're afraid to tell your friends because you're embarrassed, that's the other biggest red flag. You know how horrific this is. You are now making yourself have to go through this alone, and you can't get support from the people who love you most, because you're trying to protect the person who just hurt you the most. And it's like, no, no, no, no. You deserve support and you deserve respect. But I am so sorry, because I actually can't imagine the literal trauma and trust issues that this has created for you. And that is horrific. Daddy, do you have strong opinions about couples sleeping in separate bedrooms? I love my partner,

• 36:56Alex Cooper?

  but I also love having the bed to myself and sleeping in the middle without anyone disturbing me. Is sleeping separately bad for intimacy, or can it actually make a relationship healthier? I really don't know the answer to this, because it, I think it has to be per couple. Like, I think, I, I personally wouldn't do this. If Matt's in my way, I kick him. Matt's gonna have a leg on the ground. Like, I will find my space and I will find my room. I'm also the crazy lady that was like, I want my dogs to sleep in bed with me. Like, my bed is just jam packed with like, I've got my, like, I've got my book in my bed. I've got like, there's a lot going on in my bed. For me, Matt and I

• 37:37Alex Cooper?

  have such busy lives. So I find that like, it's kind of my favorite time is when we get home. And yes, we have dinner or whatever, but then getting into bed together is like my favorite part of my day with Matt. And then the mornings in bed together are my favorite time of day, because I just get to like, be there with him. I think that for me and my relationship, I would not want that. I also am not judging people who want to sleep in separate bedrooms, because I also know there are some literal thieves of the night. Okay? Thieves of the night, as in they're stealing your sanity and your happiness and your sleep. I have, my sister, shout out, hi Catherine, worst sleeper known to man. If you sleep in a bed with my sister, you're getting punched in the head. You are

• 38:22Alex Cooper?

  going to have bruises on your side, and you will fall off the bed at some point. Every time I went on family vacation, somehow my sister always ended up getting her own bed, because we were like, no one can sleep with Catherine. And so then she got the luxury of getting her own bed, because we were like, we can't sleep with Catherine. So like, there are people that are just horrible sleepers, that you're like, I haven't slept in years. So I get there are some certain situations where you're like, I need some sleep. I think you just need to talk about it, because understandably, getting in bed at night and all of those things are what most of us think about when like intimacy can happen and all of that. But if you're having that in other times of day or night, or you're doing the deed or whatever, and then you're going to sit, like, whatever, if it works for you, it works for you. I just think you have to talk about it. Because my fear in some of

• 39:06Alex Cooper?

  these dynamics that I've seen online is like, one person really wanted it and one person didn't. And then like, how does that work? But I think everyone is gonna be different in a relationship. What works for me may not work for you and vice versa. Like, no judgment. And listen, Matt or I travel sometimes. So if anything, like, we do get the bed sometimes for ourselves. But if you're people who never travel and you're always together, like, maybe you could be like, Sundays or Mondays or whatever are the days that we get to sleep alone or whatever. I don't know. You can make it up. If you're like, I love it, the only reason it's freaking me out is people will judge us, but we both feel great about it. Babe, live your life.

• 39:59Alex Cooper?

  Call Her Daddy is brought to you by Revolve. Now that I'm entering this mom era, guys, I'm trying to figure out my style. Okay, I'm looking for my good elevated basics. I'm looking for a lot of matching sets. I'm looking for cozy but practical. And so I'm just, I'm trying to figure it out. So whether you're preparing for your hot mom era, leaning into a new cozy fall wardrobe, or just wanting to feel hot and comfortable, Revolve has what you're looking for in a wardrobe. Revolve has literally everything from cozy knits to event dresses, all curated in a way that makes getting dressed so easy. You also don't have to waste time endlessly scrolling, which is my favorite part, because everything already fits the look that you're going for.

• 40:41Alex Cooper?

  And once you find something you like, Revolve will show you similar options so you can build off of that. This is my favorite aspect of shopping on Revolve. I'm like, oh, I really like this sweater. And then all of a sudden, like shop the whole look. And then there's the pants, and then there's the purse, and then there's the shoes, and then there's the jewelry, and then there's the sunglasses. And I'm like, oh, my God, I just put all this in my cart and I never, I didn't have to do much. It's really nice. Also, you can find the best brands, keep coming back to shop new arrivals daily and find inclusive sizing. Listen, hot girl energy, hot mom energy, whatever era you're in, Revolve has the outfit for it. Revolve has the hottest brands, new arrivals shopping daily, and pieces you'll wear over and over again. Go to revolve.com/chd and use code C-H-D for 15% off your first order.

• 41:27Alex Cooper?

  Daddy gang, did you know the average person has to send out 51 resumes just to try to land a job? It is insane and it's a lot of work, but honestly, I believe that, right? I remember when I got my first job out of college, I literally spent months applying and applying and applying and then applying. And the worst part is you can spend all this time finding the right role, fixing your resume, writing the application, and then you might not even hear back, right? And it is so frustrating because you're like, okay, I know I would be so great for this job, but how do I actually get them to even notice me? That is where ZipRecruiter comes in, my friends.

• 42:10Alex Cooper?

  Okay, ZipRecruiter matches you up with the right job in minutes. And their new feature even lets your application be seen first by employers. You can try it out by going to ziprecruiter.com/daddy. It is such a game changer, guys. When you apply for a job, you can be seen first. Just tell the employer why you're interested in the role and your application jumps to the top of their list. No matter where you are in your career journey, make your application be seen first only on ZipRecruiter. Try it out now by going to this exclusive web address, ziprecruiter.com/daddy. Again, that's ziprecruiter.com/daddy.

• 42:52Alex Cooper?

  Hi Daddy. I recently realized I'm always the one making plans with my friends. If I stopped texting first, I honestly don't know if I'd hear from half of them. Is it worth bringing up or should I just accept that some friendships are this way? I mean, you can bring it up, but honestly, I think this is a tale's old time. Two parts to this. Number one, there are some friends that literally just like horrible communicators and texters. And it's like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Like, I completely forgot. I'm so sorry. And that's just like, that's just the way it is. Like, they're just gonna be like, I'm sorry. Like, you're always gonna make the plans. And I, but do they always show up? Do they bring the vibes? Like, are they the best? It's just like, sometimes they're like, oh. Like, I think you have to read the room a little bit of like, is the friend that you're always like, you never reach out and you never, but then when they show up, it is good time Sally.

• 43:37Alex Cooper?

  She's like, tell me about your life. Oh, my God, let's get the picture. Let's get another martini. Let's stay out. Let's have fun. Like, and she's just there and she's present. Then you're like, okay, Rebecca just sucks at texting and like, we love that about her. But what I feel like if you're writing this in is it's like, you're really putting in legwork. And then when you're getting to the dinners that you're scheduling or the girly events, you're not really feeling the love there either. And so maybe you are sniffing around with some self-awareness of like, maybe these people are like, oh, like, I don't have anything on Thursday. Like, I guess I'll go see her. And you're kind of starting to feel that vibe. That would be my gut is, yeah, I guess you could bring this up with them. But again, maybe this is just being in my 30s now, but I'm like, sure, bring it up.

• 44:22Alex Cooper?

  But like, it feels like you kind of know. Like, do they ever ask you any questions about your life? It's one thing if it's like, they're just bad, someone's bad at making plans. But like, do they ever make an effort? Do they ever say like, what's going on with you? When you go out, is it all about them? And they're not even really asking like, how's work for you? Or how's your relationship? Like, do you feel seen? Do you feel heard? Do you feel anything? Or are you constantly like, I'm kind of leaving all these interactions being like, yeah, that kind of felt like we checked a box to go to a dinner, but like, did I even enjoy myself at that dinner? I think a lot of times in our adult lives, we feel like, okay, I've got to keep up with my girlfriends. I gotta do this. I gotta do this. And it's like, I've gotten so to the point where like, I have no time for anyone that

• 45:05Alex Cooper?

  is not, we're not mutually invested in each other's lives. I don't, I'm not doing surface level anymore. And so if you're feeling like you're way more invested in these relationships, I don't even know what the fuck you would say. You're gonna send out a group text and be like, hey, guys, I feel like I'm the always, always the one planning things. Like, can you guys do it? It's like my mother always said to me growing up, why would you want to be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends with you? And I know that is like such a, that hurts, but like, really think about that. Like, why would you want to like, force them? Like, come on, like, make the effort, guys. Like, shouldn't they just want to? And again, it's like, yeah, you'll, you'll only be the one that knows if they are the

• 45:48Alex Cooper?

  type of person that just suck at texting or like suck at the plans or whatever. But like, I have a feeling that's not it. And maybe these just aren't your people. You want to have people, like, I have made some amazing friends in LA that text me and engage with me. And it's like a mutual, mutually beneficial relationship where I'm like, oh, I love her. She loves me. We both make the similar effort and it's such a good feeling. And there are other people I had met in LA where like, in the beginning it started and then I was kind of the one that was always reaching out. And then I was like, oh, this isn't worth it. And then I let it drown off and then they never reached out. And so I felt like, okay, so it was right for me to kind of pull back and like, not put too much effort into it. You know in your gut, but don't try to force people to like, want to hang out with you. You're better off actually putting more effort into finding new friends than finding people

• 46:33Alex Cooper?

  that you're like, trying to jam in and be like, make a dinner reservation, Victoria. And she's like, honestly, I don't want to, but you always pay for the dinner and you get us all free drinks. So like, I come and I booze it up and I use it as a pregame and then I go to my boyfriends after. Like, you always offer, so I just come. Like, you'll know in your heart. Listen to your heart when he's calling for you. You'll know, you'll know. Um, okay, Daddy gang, I love you so much. This was a really good Sunday. I felt it in my bones. I felt it in my belly and now I'm feeling it in my bladder because this child is pushing so darn hard on my bladder that I need to go pee.

• 47:17Alex Cooper?

  So I'm gonna go pee and you're gonna go, you're gonna go reset your life on this Sunday and you're gonna feel great about it. I love you guys. You know the motherfucking drill. I will see you fuckers on Wednesday. Goodbye.

• 47:42Speaker 01

  McDonald's is putting value back on the menu. Whether you're craving a Big Mac, McNuggets, or sausage, egg, and cheese McGriddles, make it a meal and save. Your favorite is now your wallet's favorite too. Extra value meals are back.

• 47:58Speaker 02

  Right now, get a $6 sausage, egg, and cheese McGriddles or bacon, egg, and cheese McGriddles Extra Value Meal, complete with hash browns and a small coffee. Pricing participation may vary. Promotion pricing may be lower than meal pricing.

• 48:11Speaker 03

  Hi, I'm Angie Hicks, co-founder of Angie. And one thing I've learned is that you buy a house, but you make it a home. Because with every fix, update, and renovation, it becomes a little more your own. So you need all your jobs done well. For nearly 30 years, Angie has helped millions of homeowners hire skilled pros for the projects that matter. From plumbing to electrical, roof repair to deck upgrades. So leave it to the pros who will get your jobs done well. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find a pro for your project at angie.com.

• 48:42Speaker 04

  The real cost of a break-in isn't your valuables. It's the feeling that your home stopped being safe. SimpliSafe keeps danger away from your family with three layers of protection. One, smart AI cameras and live US-based agents help stop intruders before they break in. Two, we sound the alarm at points of entry. Three, our agents request emergency response. Plans starting around $1 a day. Right now, get 70% off your new system with professional monitoring at simplisafe.com/sxm.

• 49:07Speaker 05

  Outdoor deterrence plans start at $49.99 a month. Visit simplisafe.com/licenses for alarm license information.