Pod Insights British Scandal The Dirty Duchess | Heirs and Affairs | 2 About this episode Margaret refuses to be burnt twice. She has already sunk her fortune into a castle she can never inherit. So, as her marriage crumbles, the Duchess goes to extreme lengths to secure what’s rightfully hers.
Do you have a suggestion for a scandal you would like us to cover? Or perhaps you have a question you would like to ask our hosts? Email us at [email protected]
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Transcript 8,521 words · 13 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Alice Levine? Audible subscribers can listen to all episodes of British Scandal ad-free right now. Join Audible today by downloading the Audible app.
0:13 Alice Levine? What you got your nose in there, Matt?
0:15 Matt Forde? It's quite worrying, actually. It's a legal letter.
0:18 Alice Levine? Oh, yeah?
0:18 Matt Forde? It says, "I've got to sign it, and I hereby surrender all right to be paid by the show."
0:24 Alice Levine? Mm.
0:24 Matt Forde? "Don't get any pension or anything like that. I'll never get paid again for working on it."
0:29 Alice Levine? Right. I mean, it's just sounds like one of those unfortunate things. I just get it signed. I just, like, get on with your life.
0:36 Matt Forde? Yeah. It says that you'll get everything, so now you'll get paid double and I won't get anything.
0:41 Alice Levine? Right. I mean, that's probably a technicality, to be honest. That's probably just something they have to put in. I mean, it's got a logo. Lawyer's Inc. Looks the business. Why don't you sign that, get it off your desk, and me and you just go to the pub and you can stop worrying about it?
0:53 Matt Forde? It's just, you're probably right. It's just that there's a few things that don't add up. Lawyer's Inc. feels a bit odd, and then it just makes me worry that maybe someone who works on the show is trying to swindle me. But you're the only person who stands to benefit.
1:06 Alice Levine? Okay, okay, okay. I don't want to say anything, but when Phil Wang filled in for you, he was shifty.
1:15 Matt Forde? Phil fucking Wang.
1:22 Alice Levine? 1955, Margaret's Flat, Upper Grosvenor Street, London.
1:31 Alice Levine? Margaret peers out of her living room curtains, looks up and down the rain-slicked street. It's dark. The weather is atrocious. And he's late. She glances over at the clock, then back at the street. Something must have happened. He's been spotted or changed his mind. Margaret jumps as she hears a gentle knock. She rushes down the grand stairwell, skittering on the balls of her feet. Her hands can barely get the door open. She's so flustered.
2:04 Alice Levine? It's him, soaked to the bone, but smiling. Did anyone see you? The man shakes his head. Margaret grabs his sleeve, yanks him into the hallway. She watches as he slips off his sodden coat, removes his camera from its pouch. So what was it you wanted me to shoot? Margaret feels her stomach flutter. It's upstairs. In her bedroom, she sits him on her chaise longue, then motions for him to stay while she slips into her en suite. A jitter runs up her spine. She hasn't felt this alive in years.
2:44 Alice Levine? She walks to her mirror, picks up a lipstick, examines her reflection as she reapplies. It's a crime her husband no longer appreciates her. Even now, in her 40s, she's as beautiful as ever.
3:00 Matt Forde? Even in her 40s?
3:01 Speaker 02 Can you imagine? As ancient as that!
3:05 Alice Levine? The anticipation of what she's about to do has her feeling 20 years younger.
3:12 Alice Levine? Is everything alright? Rotting her lips on a tissue, she pouts at the mirror. Everything's perfect. Margaret slips the strap of her dress off one shoulder, then the other. It falls silently to the floor. Naked but for her signature string of pearls, she studies herself in the mirror, smiles, then reopens the door. The photographer gasps. His camera clicks, then spits out a small, square-ish slip. She makes her way towards him, slowly, sensually, a new pose with every step, until she's sat on his lap.
3:58 Alice Levine? She undoes a button on his shirt, places a hand on his chest, feels his beating heart, looks deep into his eyes. Margaret knows this is madness. If she's caught, she risks losing everything she's worked so hard to gain. The castle, her title, her reputation.
4:20 Matt Forde? Her clothes.
4:22 Alice Levine? But as she feels his breath rushing against her lips, she knows she doesn't want to stop. She kisses the photographer, undoes the rest of his shirt. Then, hooking a finger under his belt, she pulls him to his feet and leads him to the bathroom, taking his camera with her.
4:52 Speaker 03 With the Spark Cash Plus card from Capital One, you earn unlimited 2% cash back on every purchase. And you get big purchasing power, so your business can spend more and earn more. Stephen, Brandon and Bruno, the business owners of Sand Cloud, reinvested their 2% cash back to help build the company's retail presence. Capital One, what's in your wallet? Find out more at CapitalOne.com/SparkCashPlus. Terms apply.
5:20 Speaker 04 Raising Cane's has one love: craveable chicken finger meals. And they do it better than anyone else. Hand-battered, cook-to-order chicken fingers. Legendary cane sauce made fresh every day. Crinkle-cut fries and buttery Texas toast. Simple, done right, and delicious every single time. Every meal is made with quality you can taste. The chicken fingers are always crispy, always hot, and always fresh. Pair that with a freshly squeezed lemonade or a refreshing sweet tea, and you've got yourself the perfect meal. Whether you're feeding your crew on game day or grabbing a quick bite, Raising Cane's has you covered with tailgates of chicken fingers and cane sauce and meals the whole family will love. Order online at RaisingCane's.com. Raising Cane's Chicken Fingers, one love.
6:10 Alice Levine? From Wondery, I'm Alice Levine.
6:12 Matt Forde? And I'm Matt Ford.
6:13 Alice Levine? And this is British Scandal.
6:27 Alice Levine? Okay, Matt. Let me start with a question that I feel as a married person you might be able to answer. What do you think of Margaret Campbell's taste in husbands so far?
6:37 Matt Forde? Well, as a husband myself, I think I can agree that her first husband Charlie Sweeney was not ideal. He was cheating on her. Then she marries Ian Campbell, and he's not perfect. But there are pros and cons. On the one hand, in Ian, she gets a title, which is basically a free pass to all the best parties. She also gets a castle, so at least he's not living with his parents. But on the downside, he is a raging drunk. She's also just learned that the castle actually isn't going to be hers. Because despite her having sunk hundreds of thousands of pounds into doing it up, he's just revealed that his ex-wife Louise will actually get it because she's the mother of his kids.
7:15 Alice Levine? Okay, so as I understand it, on the plus side, getting a castle. But as you've just said, that's invalidated because it's not going to go to her. So not so much on the plus side, and on the negative side, he's a nasty bastard. Okay, the balance is not feeling completely in check for me.
7:29 Matt Forde? No, you're right. It's one of those situations where the positives actually are also negatives. So it's just two columns of negatives. And the warning signs are not good really from either side. There's a fair amount of tonking.
7:43 Matt Forde? But you can't really see monogamy in their future because their relationship is too transactional. He just wants her money and she just wants his prestige. In the words of the black-eyed peas, where is the love?
7:54 Alice Levine? One of the great thinkers, philosophers of our time, Will I Am quoted there. Let's find out. This is episode two, Heirs and Affairs.
8:04 Alice Levine? Three months earlier, Harley Street, London. Margaret shivers slightly as the stethoscope brushes her skin.
8:12 Speaker 02 Well, it certainly sounds as though the country air is doing you good. How are you finding Scotland? Still enjoying the life of a duchess?
8:22 Alice Levine? Margaret buttons her blouse back up. She's awfully fond of Dr Griffiths. She doesn't want to tell him she's finding Scotland suffocating. Ever since she learned the castle she spent hundreds of thousands of pounds restoring will be left to her husband's ex-wife.
8:38 Speaker 02 Actually, I was hoping to ask your advice. I've been thinking about maybe trying. You know, for a baby.
8:49 Alice Levine? Dr Griffiths picks up his pen.
8:51 Speaker 02 I see. And are you sexually active?
8:55 Alice Levine? Well, I mean, yes. Margaret shrinks at the question. She can barely remember the last time she and Ian slept in the same bed, much less had sex. He's always away, or drunk. But she doesn't wish to burden Dr Griffiths with those woes either.
9:13 Speaker 02 Somewhat.
9:15 Alice Levine? Dr Griffiths' manner turns solemn.
9:17 Speaker 02 Margaret, I must be frank. Given your age and history of miscarriage, I'm not at all confident you could carry a child to term.
9:28 Alice Levine? The words pinch at her heart.
9:30 Speaker 02 Even if a child was to survive delivery, I'm afraid I could not guarantee the same for you.
9:37 Alice Levine? Margaret exhales. Producing a male heir is the only way she can secure her future. Secure her right to the castle.
9:47 Alice Levine? She grips the edge of the examination table, shuts her eyes, tries to find some equilibrium. Her reply comes out harsher than she intends.
9:58 Speaker 02 I wonder if you remember my accident? When I fell 40 feet to the bottom of a lift shaft? Broke my back? Shattered my knees? The surgeon said I'd never walk again. Yet, here I am.
10:13 Matt Forde? Hang on, what?
10:15 Alice Levine? Okay, this is such a bizarre incident. So Margaret went to a charopodist's appointment. That's not the bizarre bit.
10:22 Matt Forde? Weirdo.
10:23 Alice Levine? Then she went to get into a lift. The doors opened. She stepped forward, but there was no lift there. Literally a nightmare. She fell 40 feet. She should have died, obviously. A horrible detail of it is that she lost most of her fingernails because she was trying to grab at things to stop her fall. Inevitably, she was horribly injured. Charlie, her ex-husband, who you will remember, said that the knock on the head that she received changed her personality entirely, and it's what made her a nymphomaniac, which I think is probably a little bit of maybe sour grapes and also misogyny and slut shaming of the time. But it is very possible that it changed her outlook and encouraged her to live life more fully.
11:07 Matt Forde? That's a heck of an origin story.
11:09 Alice Levine? It really is.
11:10 Matt Forde? Also, obviously, if you think you're going to die, then you don't. You live life with a renewed vigour. And I can speak with some authority on this. You know, Margaret obviously chose to live life her way a period of time. I thought I was going to die and didn't, and have now got into cushions and pillows. So I think you can go one way or the other.
11:28 Alice Levine? Hmm. People are going to ask what you mean by got into cushions and pillows. Did you always sleep on a mattress without any head support?
11:36 Matt Forde? I always slept on a cold stone floor. I believe that's what I deserved.
11:41 Matt Forde? Basically, I sleep with a pillow between my legs every night now because that's how I slept in hospital. And it's the best way to sleep. It just elevates your experience of the physical realm.
11:49 Alice Levine? I'm hoping we're going to get some emails, before and after emails, about people's insomnia cured by the knee pillow.
11:56 Matt Forde? Try it. See how you feel. Get in touch. [email protected] .
12:02 Alice Levine? Margaret Stans slips her coat on.
12:05 Speaker 02 I've been counted out before, Dr Griffiths, but my b-b-body is strong.
12:11 Alice Levine? The doctor looks at her with infinite kindness.
12:14 Speaker 02 That is my professional opinion. But as a friend, I want to be sure you understand what I'm telling you. Childbirth could kill you.
12:27 Alice Levine? Outside, Margaret fights back a silly little tear. This shouldn't have shocked her. She's 42 years old, endured eight miscarriages, but she doesn't know what else to do. She knows she can't put her life on the line for this, but she needs a baby. If she doesn't produce an heir, she's going to lose everything.
12:48 Matt Forde? Margaret has really been through it.
12:50 Alice Levine? Big time. And can you imagine the support for that kind of experience then?
12:55 Matt Forde? Yes, I imagine it was pretty comprehensive. What we know from previous series of British Scandal is that certainly in the past, women were treated with respect. There was abundance of resources to help them physically and mentally.
13:07 Alice Levine? Sometimes I worry you've learnt nothing from this show, and then you say something like that, and I feel reassured.
13:14 Alice Levine? Back at her flat, Margaret slumps on the sofa. As she does, she notices her blouse ride up, billowing out. Sighing, she smooths it down. And as her palm brushes her belly, she's struck by an idea. It's ambitious, crazy even. But if there's any chance this might work, she has to try.
13:39 Alice Levine? Margaret grabs the phone up from the side table. Diana, it's me. Are you free this afternoon? I need your help with something.
13:54 Alice Levine? One hour later, Margaret's flat, Mayfair.
13:59 Alice Levine? Ian Campbell bursts through the front door, much, much later than he's meant to, and heads straight for the downstairs loo to freshen up. He swirls his mouth out with water, takes in his pallid, unshaven reflection, rubs a little soap around his face and neck. Normally, he'd try for a hot shower before seeing Maggie, scrub the smell of booze and perfume off him properly, so as not to start a fight. But he doesn't have time for that today. He has to be on the next train to Scotland, and there's something he needs to take care of before he can leave. bounding up the stairs he strolls straight into Maggie's room without knocking and stops dead in his tracks as he sees her
14:42 Alice Levine? stood staring into her full-length mirror cradling a folded jumper in her arms
14:50 Speaker 02 what on earth are you doing?
14:52 Alice Levine? she shrieks spins around slinging the jumper into a corner
14:57 Speaker 02 n- n- n-nothing j- just laundry
15:02 Alice Levine? Ian snorts
15:03 Speaker 02 when have you ever done laundry?
15:06 Alice Levine? he watches her squirm Maggie's become increasingly erratic these past few weeks
15:12 Speaker 02 anyway, listen, I got speaking to some of the boys at the club last night apparently there's big money in letting rich Americans blast deer around the grounds from spot to spot so I wanted you to put the idea of opening a hunting lodge to your old man see if he'll spring for the starting capital
15:32 Alice Levine? Margaret scowls
15:34 Speaker 02 I'm sick of being your messenger girl if you want it so badly you ask him
15:40 Alice Levine? Ian grinds his teeth ever since the castle restoration was completed getting money from Maggie has been like getting blood out of a stone
15:49 Speaker 02 I can't I'm already late for my train I said I'd take some of the boys up to Inverary scout it out
15:57 Alice Levine? she blinks
15:59 Speaker 02 I can't leave I haven't packed I'm seeing Diana for tea I
16:04 Alice Levine? Ian waves a hand to cut her off
16:06 Speaker 02 you're not invited the wives are staying home Inverary is my home Ian Christ it's bad enough I'm getting kicked out when you die now you're evicting me early
16:18 Alice Levine? Ian glowers
16:19 Speaker 02 Inverary is my home Maggie you're nothing more than a glorified lodger
16:25 Matt Forde? but do ask your dad about that money yeah love you bye
16:29 Alice Levine? he storms out bounds back down the stairs as she calls after him
16:33 Speaker 02 I am not sinking a penny more into that place do you hear me?
16:37 Alice Levine? Ian seethes as he steps out onto the street his nerves wound tight he knows she could solve all his money woes with the snap of her fingers if she wanted he's tried asking nicely but if Maggie won't give him the cash he's asking for then he's got no choice but to find a way of taking it instead
17:04 Alice Levine? Later that afternoon, Diana's house. Margaret presses the doorbell of her old friend's house and waits. It's a bright afternoon. And in the gloss paint of the front door, Margaret spots something strange in the reflection. Her belly. It's lopsided. Hurriedly, she pats at the pair of stockings she stuffed up her blouse, trying to round them back into a convincing baby bump. Just in time for the door to click open and Diana to appear in the doorway.
17:35 Speaker 02 Margaret, darling.
17:38 Alice Levine? Margaret throws her arms wide and moves in for a hug. But Diana stops, stunned.
17:45 Speaker 02 Oh my god. Are you...
17:49 Alice Levine? Margaret gives an impish grin.
17:51 Speaker 02 Margaret, how wonderful.
17:54 Alice Levine? They embrace. Diana squeezing so tight it barely leaves Margaret room to slip her hand up and fish the stockings out. As they break apart, Margaret dangles the hosiery from her finger. Fooled you, didn't I? She waits for Diana to laugh. But Diana doesn't. She looks baffled, unnerved. Don't worry, I'll explain. Margaret fixes a grin on her face as she pushes past her friend.
18:24 Alice Levine? Sitting for tea in Diana's front room, it dawns on Margaret she hasn't actually thought how to raise the subject she's come here to discuss.
18:33 Speaker 02 Margaret, is everything okay?
18:36 Alice Levine? Margaret decides just to dive straight in. I need you to help me buy a baby. Diana almost launches the teapot across the table.
18:45 Speaker 02 I'm sorry. What?
18:48 Alice Levine? You have family in Poland, don't you? I gather there's quite a market out there for unwanted babies. I wonder if you maybe had any contacts?
18:58 Matt Forde? I mean, without sounding like the hopeless patriot that I am, surely there are some British babies?
19:04 Alice Levine? For god's sake!
19:05 Matt Forde? You don't have to go to Poland!
19:07 Alice Levine? That's your concern?
19:08 Matt Forde? Look, Polish babies deserve a good life as well. All I'm saying is support your local British babies.
19:14 Alice Levine? Diana goggles.
19:16 Speaker 02 Have you lost your mind? Buy a baby? Whatever for?
19:22 Alice Levine? To raise, of course. Margaret nibbles at a salmon sandwich. I'd like to provide Ian with an heir. Sadly, personal circumstances make that impossible. So I plan to pad my tummy like this for a few weeks, be seen out and about, let the gossip mill do its thing, then pop off to some private Swiss health farm, return home with a baby in arms six months later, and let everybody join the dots.
19:48 Matt Forde? I mean, as far as a mad plan goes, that's really good.
19:52 Alice Levine? It is a good conundrum, though. What would you do for a castle?
19:56 Matt Forde? More than this. Oh, all across the continent, buying shedloads of babies. But yes, I've had a hundred babies, and I've birthed them personally.
20:06 Alice Levine? Diana shakes her head slowly.
20:08 Speaker 02 But why, Margaret? Ian already has sons, doesn't he?
20:12 Alice Levine? Well, yes, with Louise. But I want one, to secure the castle.
20:18 Matt Forde? And to love. And I'm passionate about the next generation, Polish or British.
20:23 Speaker 02 That's not how it works, though. Ian's eldest will inherit in Verreri. Any child you had would be, what? Third in line? And that's only if you do it through the proper channels.
20:37 Matt Forde? Okay, right, okay. So the plan, I'll slightly change it. I'll get a Polish baby, I'll kill his kids, they get the castle.
20:44 Alice Levine? Okay, yeah, good amendment.
20:45 Matt Forde? Are you in now, Diana?
20:48 Alice Levine? Margaret puts her plate down. Now she's the one confused. She'd thought, as the sitting Duchess, the line of succession ran through her, that her descendants would take precedence, and the stepsons would only be called up as reserves. She brushes a crumb from her skirt, stares at her knees, tries to think.
21:11 Speaker 02 Darling, this is insanity. You can't buy a baby. And even if you could, what would be the point? Something awful would have to happen for any son of yours to become next in line.
21:27 Alice Levine? Margaret looks up at Diana, considers what she just said, and the flicker of possibility sparks in her once again. She's had another idea. One that's crazier, but much, much cleaner.
21:49 Alice Levine? Two weeks later, in Verrary Castle, Scotland. Margaret skulks along the hallway, listening to Ian in the boot room getting ready to leave. She's anxious for him to go. As she spies him reaching for his coat and hat, she calls out, Darling, where are you going? Ian doesn't even turn to face her.
22:12 Speaker 02 Business in town. I'll be back late.
22:15 Alice Levine? Margaret wincers. The word business cuts through her like ice. Even after all these years, it still reminds her of her ex-husband's infidelities. But she tries to focus on the important part of what he just said, that he'll be back late. The second she hears Ian's car disappearing out of the grounds, Margaret runs through the castle to Ian's study, starts rooting through his shelves, pulling down box after box until she finds what she's looking for. A cache of letters written in a flowing feminine hand. Letters from Louise. There are dozens of them stacked up, more material than she could ever possibly need to forge a short, handwritten note.
23:04 Matt Forde? Okay, so she's not just being nosey. There's more of a plan here.
23:08 Alice Levine? And I'm slightly relieved to hear it doesn't start with killing any of the kids.
23:12 Matt Forde? Doesn't start with that.
23:15 Alice Levine? She pauses as she hears a door open in the hall. Ian can't be back. She stares at the stack of letters in panic, starts to push them back onto the shelves, when she hears the familiar voice of the chambermaid. Taking the box of letters, she darts across the hall to her own room. She gently closes the door, starts to lay them all out on her writing desk. Reading through them, she develops a feel for Louisa's voice, and phrases begin to form. Scissors in hand, she scans the letters for usable words and snips them out. Words like regret, terrible, heart, confess.
24:00 Alice Levine? Each flutters down to a growing pile. She begins pushing the words around, laying them out in sentences, before gluing them to a sheet of paper. After an hour of meticulous sticking, Margaret has what looks like a ransom note, but is in fact a blueprint. She takes a fresh sheet of paper, lays it over the template, and begins to trace.
24:30 Matt Forde? This is genius.
24:31 Alice Levine? So good.
24:32 Matt Forde? Although, why has he kept all the letters?
24:35 Alice Levine? Do you not have a box of mementos from past... moments in your life?
24:41 Matt Forde? Yes, a signed photo of every member of Tony Blair's 1997 cabinet.
24:46 Alice Levine? She lifts the paper from the template, holds it to the light. It's convincing, but still needs one finishing touch. Margaret slides open her bureau drawer, finds a sheet of headed note paper she once took from a hotel in Paris, Le Château Argent. French, to really make it look like Louisa's handiwork. Tracing the words one final time, she reads along. My love, it fills my heart with such joy to know the boys are yours, not Ian's. My only regret is that I can never confess it to anyone but you. It gives me a terrible thrill to think of. All my love, Louise.
25:31 Matt Forde? So this is gonna be a letter from Louise to someone else, basically making out that Ian's kids aren't his, so he has no heirs.
25:38 Alice Levine? It's devilish.
25:39 Matt Forde? And no one has to die.
25:41 Alice Levine? Dastardly.
25:43 Alice Levine? Margaret looks at the finished version. It's identical, indistinguishable from the real thing. Margaret folds the letter, slips it into an envelope, then catches sight of a photo of Ian and his two boys on the mantelpiece. She takes in their innocent faces, their beaming smiles. It will dog them for the rest of their lives. She glances again at the letter in its envelope as she slowly takes out a stamp, fixes it in place, starts to wonder if she can really go through with this. Because she knows if she posts this letter, there's no turning back for any of them.
26:33 Speaker 05 PrizePix packs are here. Rip digital packs and get real basketball, footfall and Pokemon cards on PrizePix packs. Available now nationwide. Once you see your pool, you have a choice to sell back instantly for real cash or ship at home. Cash from your sale will immediately be added to your PrizePix balance. It's just another way to run your game. New users, download the PrizePix app today and use code WONDERY to get $25 instantly in bonus packs when you buy your first $5 pack. PrizePix, run your game. Eighteen plus, eligible areas, terms apply, collect responsibly.
27:03 Speaker 06 Hey, I'm Cassie DePecce, the host of Against the Odds from Audible Originals. In each episode, we share thrilling true stories of survival, putting you in the shoes of the people who live to tell the tale. In our latest series, we track the story of Hugh Glass, the real-life revenant that inspired the 2015 film starring Leonardo DiCaprio. In 1823, Glass was brutally mauled by a grizzly bear in present-day South Dakota and left for dead. His survival depended on trekking through 350 miles of wilderness alone with grave injuries. But he was driven by his thirst for revenge. Follow Against the Odds wherever you get your podcasts. Audible subscribers can binge all episodes of Against the Odds early and ad-free right now. Join Audible in the Audible app or by subscribing on Apple Podcasts.
27:57 Alice Levine? Two months later, in Verreri Castle, Ian lumbers into the dining room, hungover and ravenous. His mood plummets further when he spots Maggie there, sat at the table, writing in her diary. She looks up at him wordlessly. He looks back. He glances at her fountain pen. It's fancy. Would fetch a decent price were he to pawn it. Not that he needs to right now. He's already made a nice little bundle, offering up some of Maggie's pricier belongings to the bank as collateral for a loan. He smiles at his own duplicity.
28:35 Matt Forde? Okay, so that's how he's going to get her money. Not by nicking her stuff, but by using it to get a loan that he then can't pay back and has no intention of paying back, and then the bank is going to seize all her prized possessions.
28:48 Alice Levine? Imagine your own husband doing that.
28:51 Matt Forde? You know when you live with someone and sometimes you're like, have you moved my stuff?
28:56 Matt Forde? Imagine that. Plus, have you secured a loan against my hair wax? Where is it?
29:05 Alice Levine? Ian takes his seat at the opposite end of the long oak table, plucks a piece of toast from the rack, then picks up the post by his plate. The usual parade of bills and bank statements, all printed in a familiar red. He's about to toss the entire pile aside when he spots a curiously fancy envelope, expensive-looking and feminine, with a London postmark.
29:31 Matt Forde? What a great way for the bank to get you to open the letter.
29:35 Alice Levine? So good. And it smells of roses.
29:38 Matt Forde? It's got a lipstick kiss on the back.
29:41 Alice Levine? That's genius. I think they should start doing that for final demands.
29:45 Alice Levine? As he pulls out the letter, a covering note flutters out with it, reading, "Keep this safe." He stares at it in confusion, turns his attention to the letter. His brow furrows as he recognizes Louise's handwriting. His eyes widen at the opening line. "My love, it fills my heart with such joy." Before he feels his blood turn cold. "To know the boys are yours, not Ian's." A short wheeze escapes him, like he's taken a punch to the ribs.
30:23 Alice Levine? He blinks, rereads it, his head swimming, when a hand on his shoulder snaps him back to his senses.
30:31 Speaker 02 "What is it, darling? You look like you've seen a ghost."
30:35 Alice Levine? Ian distractedly hands her the letter, stares into the middle distance. A thousand thoughts tumbling around in his mind.
30:44 Speaker 02 "Oh, this is preposterous, Ian. Surely you can't be taking this seriously."
30:49 Alice Levine? Ian keeps staring.
30:51 Speaker 02 "It's the work of a crank, darling. Honestly, pay it no mind."
30:56 Matt Forde? "She is playing an absolute blinder."
31:00 Alice Levine? But it's too late. His imagination is running away with itself.
31:05 Speaker 02 "I mean, when did Louise ever venture up to Paris? You always used to complain how boring she was, never to leave Bea Ritz."
31:13 Alice Levine? Ian snatches the letter back, looks at the hotel's letterhead. Louise did always say how she hated to travel, but maybe she lied. Could he really have been hoodwinked into raising two bastard boys? Two cuckoos in the nest, looking to steal the Campbell Estate out from under him?
31:35 Alice Levine? He stumbles to the phone, begins to dial Louise's number, but his hand is stopped by Maggie.
31:42 Speaker 02 "Ian, don't be absurd. Don't say something you might regret."
31:46 Alice Levine? He stops, hangs up. Maggie's right. He can't do this over the phone. He needs to confront Louise face to face, see the look in her eye when she answers him. That's the only way he can know for sure. He decides, he's going to Bea Ritz.
32:14 Alice Levine? Two days later, Biarritz, France.
32:20 Alice Levine? Ian's cab pulls up outside his old house. Stepping out under the blue sky and golden sun of southern France, it's a world away from the moody moss-beaten hills of Scotland. But his foul temper has travelled with him every inch of the way, and the sunny surroundings do nothing to lighten it.
32:40 Alice Levine? He storms up the garden path, fixes his eyes on Louise as she opens the door, confusion on her face.
32:47 Speaker 02 Ian, what in God's name?
32:50 Alice Levine? Ian pushes past her, into the sitting room, heads immediately to the drinks cabinet, grabs a tumbler, pours himself a generous brandy, then sinks into an armchair.
33:01 Speaker 02 Ian, what's happened? Is everything okay?
33:04 Alice Levine? He takes a long slug of his drink.
33:07 Speaker 02 Where are the boys? At school. Ian, what is this about?
33:13 Alice Levine? He leans forward, rests his elbows on his knees, staring at the amber brandy as he speaks.
33:20 Speaker 02 Are they mine?
33:23 Alice Levine? There's silence. Ian raises his eyes to meet Louise's, but he can't read anything in them. He tries to keep his voice calm as his stare intensifies.
33:34 Speaker 02 The boys, I want to know if they're mine.
33:38 Alice Levine? He watches Louise stagger slightly, shift her weight from foot to foot.
33:43 Speaker 02 I can't believe you'd ask me that.
33:45 Alice Levine? Ian slams his drink down.
33:47 Speaker 02 That isn't an answer, Louise. Tell me, are they mine?
33:52 Alice Levine? Louise fires back immediately.
33:55 Speaker 02 Of course they are. My God, why would you even think that?
34:01 Alice Levine? Ian delves into his jacket, pulls out the letter, holds it at arm's length for her to take. He watches as she reads, studies her expression closely as her face flits through a gamut of emotion: confusion, astonishment, disgust.
34:19 Speaker 02 What is this?
34:21 Alice Levine? Ian shrugs.
34:22 Speaker 02 You tell me. You wrote it. No, I didn't. I've never seen this before in my life.
34:29 Alice Levine? Ian grunts.
34:30 Speaker 02 I mean it. Who's this supposed to be to? There's no name, no date. I've never even heard of this Chateau Arjean place. It's your lover, and Chateau Arjean is where the two of you fixed up your disgusting trysts.
34:46 Alice Levine? Louise slams the letter into his chest, pushing him back.
34:49 Speaker 02 How dare you? I was always faithful to you. I don't doubt you have some illegitimate offspring milling about somewhere, the way you used to carry on, but not my boys. They're yours.
35:04 Alice Levine? Ian sees the steel in her eyes, the fury animating her.
35:08 Speaker 02 Well, who sent this? And why?
35:12 Alice Levine? Louise fixes herself a drink, her hand shaking as she pours.
35:16 Speaker 02 If you're planning on working through your list of enemies one by one, you're gonna be a hell of a time.
35:23 Alice Levine? Ian drains his glass and thinks. He looks at her again, starts to think she's telling the truth.
35:30 Matt Forde? Yeah, everyone does hate me.
35:33 Alice Levine? He rereads the letter. It's so specific, so intimate. It has to be the work of someone he knows, someone close to him. He smashes his fist on the table. He isn't going to be able to rest until he finds out who's toying with him like this. And when he does, he's going to eviscerate them. The next night, a Shadow Society party, Chelsea, London.
36:05 Alice Levine? Margaret raises her glass to Diana, proposes a toast to friendship and forgiveness. Diana smiles, raises hers, then they clink, relaxing back into the plush sofa they've secured in a corner of the room. For the first time in months, Margaret finally feels as though she has a handle on her situation. Ian's reaction to the letter has been perfection, but there's a phase two to this plan, which is why she's cozying back up with Diana at another of Diana's secret society soirees. I can't believe I've managed to smuggle an actual Duchess into one of these parties. Honestly, they'll let anyone in these days. Margaret laughs.
36:50 Alice Levine? I'm honoured. I've always had a spot in my heart for these naughty little events. And with all that's been going on with Ian recently, this is just the tonic. Diana sips her champagne, intrigued. Oh? Where is Ian? Margaret spins her glass between her fingers. Officially, on business in France. Unofficially, he's seeing Louise. Diana's mouth falls open. His ex-wife? Margaret nods. Diana bolts upright. Drama in the dukedom. Margaret spies her chance. It's no use her going to all this trouble to inspire a succession crisis if it can
37:33 Alice Levine? be covered up as a Campbell family secret. Margaret needs the rumour to take hold a little more publicly, just a little society chatter, but she can't be seen to be the one behind it. Margaret leans close, whispers conspiratorially. I have to swear you to absolute secrecy.
37:54 Matt Forde? Which is the best start to any rumour.
37:56 Alice Levine? Fantastic.
37:57 Matt Forde? You can't tell anyone else this, right?
37:58 Alice Levine? That's the combustion engine that drives it.
38:00 Matt Forde? God, I'm gonna tell everyone, but yeah, tell me first.
38:03 Alice Levine? Diana's eyes sparkle at the prospect of gossip.
38:08 Alice Levine? There's been some very sordid rumours going around recently, casting doubt on the paternity of Ian's sons. Diana gasps. No, Louise had a lover.
38:22 Matt Forde? Yeah, possibly more than one, but like I say, don't tell anyone.
38:25 Alice Levine? Margaret puts a discreet finger to her lips. Bloody hell, so that's why you came up with that doughty scheme about buying a baby? It's terribly complicated. I really must insist on your discretion. Margaret smiles inwardly as she watches Diana adopt her most earnest expression, knowing full well that the second her back is turned, Diana will blab this all around the party. And Margaret's back turns almost immediately when she feels a tap on her shoulder. A handsome man standing over her, a camera in his hand.
38:59 Speaker 02 Excuse me, your grace, I was just wondering if I might get a picture?
39:03 Alice Levine? She smiles, hears his camera click, then stares in amazement as the man begins pulling something out of it.
39:10 Speaker 02 Goodness, what is that?
39:12 Alice Levine? The man comes to sit next to her, shows her the slip he took from the camera.
39:16 Speaker 02 A Polaroid, here, keep watching.
39:20 Alice Levine? He holds it in front of her, shakes it gently. And Margaret squeals as she sees herself emerging from the glossy, inky blackness. Entranced by this sorcery, she takes it from him.
39:32 Speaker 02 You can have that one if you like, you just have to promise you'll pose for me again.
39:37 Matt Forde? Uh, that can't be the deal. I'll keep it, no strings attached. Pervert.
39:43 Alice Levine? Margaret looks up from the photo, sees a charming twinkle in his smile, so she nods. I'd be happy to.
39:54 Matt Forde? Okay, she went the other way.
39:57 Alice Levine? One week later, White's Club, Mayfair. Ian signals to the bartender for another whiskey. He's back in Britain, determined to track down the traitor in his midst. But his search has stalled this evening, here at the bar of his club. He wraps a sloppy hand around his glass, about to get stuck in, when a voice booms from across the room.
40:20 Speaker 02 Campbell, just the man. A few of the lads are getting a game of rummage going next door and need someone to fleece. You in?
40:29 Alice Levine? I hate this man.
40:30 Matt Forde? Same, although I fear he was probably a senior cabinet minister.
40:37 Alice Levine? Ian turns, flicks the man a friendly V as he approaches.
40:42 Speaker 02 Actually, I'm glad I bumped into you. Wanted a quiet word. Mind if I...
40:47 Alice Levine? Ian gestures for him to sit.
40:49 Speaker 02 Dash, delicate situation, I realise. So my sympathies and all that. But I thought I should say. I had a similar difficulty myself a few years ago. So if you're in the market for a lawyer...
41:02 Alice Levine? Ian frowns, narrows his eyes.
41:05 Speaker 02 No need to be coiled, horse. It's surprisingly common. Half the fellows in here have been through much the same. A ghastly business, of course. Cost an arm and a leg to put right, too. But worth it to keep the family silver in the right hands.
41:20 Alice Levine? Ian's frown deepens.
41:22 Speaker 02 What the hell are you babbling about?
41:25 Alice Levine? His friend looks puzzled.
41:27 Speaker 02 Your boys. Well, you know, the boys.
41:30 Matt Forde? Yeah, not yours. Just the lads, you know, God knows who they are, right? I mean, it could be mine, but, um... Anyway, you know what I'm on about.
41:38 Speaker 02 Some boys.
41:40 Alice Levine? Ian's back straightens. A horrible clarity cutting through his drunkenness.
41:46 Speaker 02 What? Who told you about that? Ah, now, not really cricket to divulge sources, old bean.
41:53 Alice Levine? But Ian has stopped listening. His mind is too busy reeling.
41:57 Speaker 02 So what do you say? Shall we deal you in?
42:00 Alice Levine? Ian shakes his head distractedly, waves him away. There are only two people who know about him receiving that letter. Louise is hardly likely to spread gossip like that about herself. And that can only mean one thing.
42:22 Alice Levine? Fifteen minutes later, Ian is on Upper Grosvenor Street, his key in the front door of Margaret's flat.
42:29 Speaker 02 Maggie!
42:31 Alice Levine? His voice echoes around the dark hall. He hangs his coat and hat and stumbles upstairs.
42:38 Alice Levine? pours himself a whiskey, throws it back in one, then pours another.
42:43 Matt Forde? This is an excellent basis for decision making.
42:46 Alice Levine? Starts poking around the room to find a cigarette, then remembers Maggie keeps some in her bedside cabinet. Staggering to the bedroom, he pulls her drawer open. A small brass lighter clatters its way down to the front, catching on a folded piece of paper. And as Ian picks up the lighter, he catches a glimpse of the paper's content. Intrigued, he picks it up and a horrible chill soaks into his bones as he opens it. His chest constricts as he takes in the individually chopped up words, all stuck in place, all in order.
43:25 Alice Levine? It looks, in the half-light, like a ransom note, all in Louise's handwriting.
43:34 Matt Forde? Why didn't Margaret burn it or chuck it away?
43:37 Alice Levine? Why, why, why?
43:39 Matt Forde? If you're gonna forge a letter, dispense with the evidence.
43:42 Alice Levine? And people say that we don't give out useful, daily advice on this show. You'll remember this, next time you're in that position, Pritz stick out, you'll be like, there was something Matt said, what was it?
43:54 Alice Levine? A wave of nausea hits him. He runs to Margaret's ensuite, clutches the sides of the sink and retches dryly into it. From downstairs, he hears the sound of a key in the lock. It's Margaret, she's home, and she's got some questions to answer.
44:22 Speaker 07 You stepped out for your morning jog, except it's not your usual morning jog. You started listening to an epic sci-fi book on Audible. Thirty chapters later, you've accidentally run a half marathon. You've lost track of how far you've run, somewhere just past the city limits. You can't stop, you have to find out what happens next.
44:41 Speaker 07 Then it's over. The universe seems bigger. You feel different. You feel like you have no idea where you are. Audible: Stories That Speak to You.
44:53 Speaker 08 Dr. Seuss's Cat in the Hat and Fish are back for a whole lot of wonderfully whimsical fun. What happens when you switch bodies with your best friend? Discover a caveman frozen in ice? Or make an alien so angry he threatens to destroy the planet? Find out in season two of the Cat in the Hat podcast. The Cat and Fish are traveling the world in the great catastrophic cacophony cruiser, meeting genies, clown professors, cave trolls, and extraordinary characters along the way. With clever wordplay, imaginative rhymes, original songs, and stories celebrating curiosity, empathy, and creative problem solving, every adventure brings something new to discover.
45:35 Speaker 08 It's a world of wonderful words, big imaginations, and plenty of heart for the whole family. Listen to the Cat in the Hat podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Audible subscribers can binge all 20 episodes early and ad-free right now.
45:59 Alice Levine? A few seconds later, outside Margaret's flat. Margaret stops turning the key in her front door, bats away the playful hands creeping around her hips.
46:09 Speaker 02 Not where people can see.
46:11 Alice Levine? She opens the door, gives a quick look over her shoulder, then, for the second time this week, yanks the photographer into her hallway. This time, he's on her before the door is shut, kissing her, running his hands up and down her back. She slithers out of her coat, tries to hang it without breaking from the kiss, but stops as she feels something on the rack. Her eyes shoot open. Ian's coat.
46:40 Speaker 09 Oh, no.
46:41 Alice Levine? Her body goes tense. He said he'd be in France until the end of the week. Then, by her feet, she spots his hat, fallen to the floor. He's here. She pushes the photographer off her, tries to spin him round and shove him back out the door, shushing his protests. But it's too late. She can hear footsteps overhead.
47:05 Speaker 02 Good evening, Maggie.
47:08 Matt Forde? Hi darling.
47:13 Alice Levine? Margaret looks up to see him craning over the balcony, hovering above them both, confusion etched on his drunken face.
47:21 Speaker 02 Who the fuck is this?
47:24 Alice Levine? Margaret feels her palms getting clammy. Blood rushes to her cheeks. Her stammer starts to tickle.
47:32 Speaker 02 A... A fri... Friend? He was just escorting me home.
47:38 Alice Levine? Ian leans further over the railing, casting a long shadow against the wall.
47:43 Speaker 02 A f... f... f... Friend? How nice.
47:48 Alice Levine? Margaret burns with anger.
47:51 Speaker 02 Wha... What are you doing here? I... I thought you were still in France.
47:55 Alice Levine? Her eyes trace him as he oozes along the landing.
47:59 Speaker 02 Sorry to cramp your style. I foolishly thought my wife might be happy to see me. Especially as you've been taking such an interest in my personal life recently.
48:15 Alice Levine? She narrows her eyes, takes half a step back as he reaches the top of the stairs.
48:21 Speaker 02 You've been quite the chatterbox, haven't you? Have you told your f... friend here yet?
48:29 Alice Levine? Her stomach lurches. Diana was only supposed to tell a few people, not everyone she's ever met.
48:36 Matt Forde? Oh, come on, Margaret.
48:37 Alice Levine? Diana's gonna Diana. Ian turns his attention to the photographer.
48:42 Speaker 02 She's been telling everyone I'm a cuckold, that my boys are the fruit of another man's loins. No, I haven't. Don't be absurd.
48:51 Alice Levine? Ian takes a slow step forward. Margaret's scalp gets hot, begins to itch.
48:58 Speaker 02 Christ, Ian. I confided in Diana all right, as a friend, but I haven't told another soul, I swear.
49:05 Alice Levine? She watches as he descends another step, then lets out a scream as Ian lunges towards her. She freezes in terror, thinking he's diving down the stairs to pounce on her, but then she sees his body twisting, his head tucked under his chest, his feet fly into the air, his drunken body tumble down the rest of the stairs like a rag doll. And finally, she sees his head smack against the floor with a sickening thud.
49:39 Alice Levine? For a second, she stands still, looks at his body, splayed out on the floor like a corpse. Her heart hitting her ribs like a woodpecker. Then, she runs to him, kneels by his side. She places a trembling hand to his face. She can hear rasping breath. He's alive, just unconscious. She lets out a huge sigh of relief. Margaret has been granted a last-minute reprieve, but she knows it won't last forever. He could come round any moment, and when he does, she's going to have to explain everything.
50:25 Alice Levine? The following morning.
50:28 Alice Levine? Ian wakes in the spare room, his head pounding. His entire body roars with pain, as visions of last night come flooding back. The tumble he took down the stairs, confronting Maggie and her mystery man, finding that template. Panic grips him. The template. He'd put it in his jacket pocket, but he isn't wearing his jacket anymore. In agony, he bolts up, pats around the bed for his clothes, but finds nothing. Then he sees them draped over a nearby chair. He dives for them, grabbing at the jacket's insides. Relief, as his hand hits paper. It's still there.
51:12 Alice Levine? From the corridor, he hears a clanking tea tray making its way towards the door. He slips the template and letter from his pocket, crawls back under the bed sheets, and waits with bated breath. He listens as the door brushes open, tracks Maggie's movement as she tentatively tiptoes across the carpet. Places the tray on his side table, then starts to tiptoe back. He counts her footsteps, and just as she's about to leave, he mutters darkly. "I know, Aggie."
51:47 Alice Levine? The footsteps stop. The silence thrills him.
51:53 Speaker 02 I told you, he's just a friend. And I can hardly be blamed for talking to my best friend.
51:59 Alice Levine? Ian lets out a low chuckle.
52:01 Speaker 02 So you're not having an affair?
52:04 Alice Levine? Slowly, stiffly, he emerges from the bed sheets to face her.
52:08 Speaker 02 Louise wasn't having an affair. You're not having an affair. Gosh, how lucky I am to inspire such loyalty.
52:17 Alice Levine? He grins a menacing grin.
52:19 Speaker 02 And loyalty is so important. Especially now I'm the target of a vicious smear campaign.
52:27 Alice Levine? He watches Margaret's chin judder. A sure sign her stammer is bothering her.
52:33 Speaker 02 I t-t-told you. That's all n-nononsense. Oh, I know. The work of a crank. It takes a very diseased mind to spread lies about innocent children. Wouldn't you say?
52:51 Alice Levine? Reaching over to his clothes, he pulls his trousers onto the bed. Retrieves a cigarette.
52:57 Speaker 02 I couldn't fathom what kind of person would be sick enough to do something like that.
53:03 Alice Levine? He takes Margaret's brass lighter from his pocket. Waits until she spots it. Flicks it open. Lets the flame linger around his face as he lights up. The tobacco crackles as he inhales.
53:17 Speaker 02 And then, I found... This.
53:22 Alice Levine? He slips the template out from under the sheets. Shakes it open. Holding it up for Margaret to see. Glee breaks out across his face as her eyes widen in horror.
53:35 Speaker 02 Wh-where did you get that?
53:38 Alice Levine? He snarls, smoke curling from his nostrils.
53:42 Speaker 02 Louise is going to have your guts when she finds out it was you who forged this letter. And I'm going to take everything else.
53:51 Alice Levine? He stands. Even though it's excruciating, he pulls his trousers on.
53:56 Speaker 02 If you thought your first divorce was bad, you have got no conception of the hell that awaits you now.
54:04 Alice Levine? As Margaret looks on, helplessly and hopelessly, he slips the template back into his pocket.
54:11 Speaker 02 I am going to ruin you, Margaret Campbell. And I'm going to relish every second.
54:26 Speaker 10 There are books that change how you see the world, and there are books that change how you see yourself. In a new podcast series, A Great Book with Barack Obama, President Obama sits down with a series of surprising and sharp guests to explore six books that have shaped his life and perspective on the world. From Song of Solomon and the Fire Next Time, to All the Pretty Horses and Gilead, the president is joined by guests like Tom Hanks and Ta-Nehisi Coates to reflect on how these timeless stories shaped his thinking on everything from fatherhood to leadership, and discover together what they tell us about the world we live in and the world we want to create.
55:09 Speaker 10 Audible subscribers can listen to all episodes of A Great Book with Barack Obama ad-free right now, plus access each audiobook discussed in the series. Download the Audible app today.
55:25 Speaker 11 In the summer of 1881, US Army Lieutenant Adolphus Greeley and 24 other men embarked on an ambitious scientific mission to the northernmost reaches of the Arctic. But despite several triumphs of discovery, the men would soon face tragedy. Hi, I'm Lindsey Graham, the host of the podcast American History Tellers. We take you to the events, times, and people that shaped America. America and Americans, our values, our struggles and our dreams. In our latest series, after Adolphus Greeley and his men arrive at their destination, more than 1,000 miles above the Arctic Circle, they get to work collecting scientific data and exploring the frigid landscape. But when resupply ships fail to reach them two summers in a row, they're forced to set
56:08 Speaker 11 out on a desperate search for rescue, and not all of them will make it home. Follow American History Tellers wherever you get your podcasts. Audible subscribers can binge all episodes of American History Tellers: Greeley Arctic Expedition early and ad-free right now. Join Audible in the Audible app or by subscribing on Apple Podcasts.
56:31 Alice Levine? From Wondery and Sammuzdat Audio, this is the second episode in our series, The Dirty Duchess.
56:37 Matt Forde? A quick note about our dialogue. In most cases, we can't know exactly what was said, but all our dramatizations are based on historical research.
56:44 Alice Levine? If you'd like to know more about this story, you can read The Grit in the Pearl by Lindsay Spence, The Duchess Who Dared by Charles Castle, and you can watch A Very British Scandal from the BBC and Amazon.
56:56 Matt Forde? If you've got a scandal you'd like us to cover, get in touch, [email protected] .
57:01 Alice Levine? British Scandal is hosted by me, Alice Levine.
57:04 Matt Forde? And me, Matt Ford.
57:05 Alice Levine? Written by Chris Lockery. Additional writing by Alice Levine and Matt Ford. Our story editor is James Maniac. Sound design by Rich Evans. Our engineer is Jai Williams. For Sammuzdat, our producer is Redzi Bernard. Our assistant producer is Louise Mason. Our senior producers are Joe Sykes and Dasha Lisitzina. For Wondery, our senior producer is Theodora Leludis, and our senior managing producer is Rachel Sibley. Executive producers for Wondery are Estelle Doyle, Chris Bourne, and Marshall Louis.
57:45 Speaker 12 I'm Gemma Whelan and in the new season of The Spy Who, we tell the story of the original femme fatale, the spy who was Mata Hari. A famous dancer turned World War One secret agent, accused of seducing Allied officers to uncover their plans. But was she a temptress or a scapegoat for French failures? Follow The Spy Who now, wherever you listen to podcasts. You can also listen to the full season of The Spy Who Was Mata Hari, early and ad-free on Audible.
58:16 Speaker 09 Journalist Daphne Caruana Galizia spent her life exposing powerful people. Then, in 2017, she was killed in a car bombing. I'm Stephen Gray and for the past nine years, I've been trying to find out who wanted her dead. That search took me to Malta through secret companies, organized crime, and eventually to one of the island's richest and most powerful men. Now, after years of waiting, his trial has finally happened. But when the verdict came in, the case took a turn that almost no one had expected. In a brand-new update to the multi-award-winning podcast, Who Killed Daphne?, I'm returning to Malta to find out how we got there and where the search for the truth goes next. Listen to the new episode of Who Killed Daphne?
59:00 Speaker 09 wherever you get your podcasts. And you can hear the full six-part investigation from the beginning, ad-free with Audible. Join Audible today by downloading the Audible app and by subscribing on Apple Podcasts.
Previous The Dirty Duchess | Divorcée to Duchess | 1 Next The Dirty Duchess | Argyll vs Argyll | 3 Page updated November 3, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated