Pod Insights British Scandal The Dirty Duchess | Divorcée to Duchess | 1 About this episode Margaret Sweeny is rich, beautiful, and keeping London's eligible bachelors very, very busy. Cast out of high society after her divorce, she's enjoying an unapologetically active sex life. But when the Duke of Argyll offers to make her his Duchess, she glimpses a delicious revenge: ruling over the very society that rejected her.
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0:00 Alice Levine? Audible subscribers can listen to all episodes of British Scandal ad-free right now. Join Audible today by downloading the Audible app.
0:14 Alice Levine? Matt, can you just give me two seconds to finish this? Is that all right?
0:17 Matt Forde? Yeah, sure. I don't know, you kept a diary?
0:20 Alice Levine? Uh, it's not a diary, per se.
0:23 Matt Forde? Okay. What is it then? Because I can see some words written down there. It seems to be men's names that you're putting scores next to. What's that? Stamina, flexibility, repertoire?
0:35 Alice Levine? Yeah, it's, um, I guess it's just a bit of a league table.
0:40 Matt Forde? Hang on, my name's on there?
0:41 Alice Levine? Yeah, it's comprehensive, yeah.
0:43 Matt Forde? What's it a league of?
0:44 Alice Levine? It's all of the men that I've podcasted with.
0:49 Matt Forde? Oh, okay. Um, do other female podcasters do this?
0:52 Alice Levine? Oh, yeah.
0:54 Matt Forde? And you all swap notes on us?
0:55 Alice Levine? Definitely, yes.
0:56 Matt Forde? Crikey. I can see some of my scores, actually. I seem to be scoring zero on nearly all of them.
1:00 Alice Levine? Honestly, really, just don't, don't overthink it.
1:03 Matt Forde? It's hard not to, really. I've scored 10 on something now, what's that?
1:06 Alice Levine? Yeah, I'd, I'd focus on that. Yeah, that one is attendance.
1:10 Matt Forde? Oh.
1:17 Alice Levine? 2 AM, November 1962, Upper Grosvenor Street, Mayfair.
1:26 Alice Levine? Margaret Campbell bolts upright in bed. She squints as she takes in the familiar outline of her mahogany dressing table, her Chesterfield. Everything is in shadow, until her eyes come to rest on the half-open sash window. She pulls her gown around herself as she pads across the cold floorboards, slides the window shut. Her breathing starts to calm. She feels herself drifting back off when she hears it again. Without making a sound, she grabs the crystal ashtray from her bedside table, takes it in her fist, then tiptoes to the door. She has to get downstairs to the phone.
2:10 Alice Levine? At the top of the staircase, she crouches, strains to hear over the sound of her pulse in her ears. The footsteps have stopped, but just as she's about to step forward, she feels a man's gloved hand wrap around her mouth.
2:28 Alice Levine? The ashtray drops to the carpet. She feels the intruder's face move close. His cheek brush against her ear. And where do you think you're off to? She freezes. She knows that voice. And the sour, drunken breath it's floating on.
2:47 Alice Levine? She gulps for air as he removes his hand. She wants to yell, to tell him to go to hell. But her voice keeps catching in her throat. Don't worry. I got what I came for.
3:02 Alice Levine? She sees him waggle something above his head as he hops down the stairs. Margaret can't quite make it out in the dark. But as he opens her front door, she catches a glimpse of it in the moonlight. Her stomach plummets. Her diary. She bounds down the stairs, but she isn't fast enough. Margaret watches helplessly as Ian Campbell, the Duke of Argyle, her estranged husband, barrels into a waiting car. The driver's wheels screech as they take off into the night. She slumps to the ground. That diary contains the name of every man she's slept with in the last year. Times. Lengths. Locations. Positions.
3:48 Alice Levine? Preferences.
3:49 Matt Forde? Is this a thing that women do?
3:51 Alice Levine? I thought you'd question lengths. That means durations, I think, of sessions. If even a sliver of that information gets out, it will destroy her reputation and her family. And she knows it'll only be a matter of time before she becomes the most notorious, scandalous duchess in Britain.
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5:30 Alice Levine? From Wondery, I'm Alice Levine.
5:32 Matt Forde? And I'm Matt Ford.
5:33 Alice Levine? And this is British Scandal, the show where we bring you the murkiest stories that ever happened on these odd little isles.
5:40 Matt Forde? British scandals come in many shapes and sizes. Some are about money, some are about sex, they're all about power.
5:47 Alice Levine? But when we look at scandals a bit closer, they turn out to be stranger, wilder, just plain weirder than we remember.
5:54 Matt Forde? So we're journeying back to ask who's to blame for what happened.
5:57 Alice Levine? And when the dust settled, did anything really change?
6:09 Alice Levine? Okay, brand new series for you today, Matt. Last time, you told me about Asil Nadia, someone who was outside of the British establishment and wanted in.
6:18 Matt Forde? Yes, people on the outside always are trying to break into that inner sanctum.
6:22 Alice Levine? But this time, we have someone who was inside, flitting through the very upper echelons of society, but who was then booted out.
6:32 Matt Forde? Oh, is this Prince Andrew?
6:34 Alice Levine? That is a great guess, although he's actually not officially been booted out yet, has he? So no, it's not him, but there is an overlap because in this story, there's a very public examination of someone's sex life. Does that help you out at all?
6:49 Matt Forde? Ah, yes. Is it Fergie? By which I mean Sarah Ferguson, not the former Manchester United manager Alex.
6:55 Alice Levine? Or the black eyed pea.
6:56 Matt Forde? Indeed. So if this involves toe sucking, then maybe I should line my stomach.
7:01 Alice Levine? No, there is sucking though. It's not toes, however. I don't know if that makes it better or worse.
7:05 Matt Forde? Oh God, I know it is. Is it [BLEEP]?
7:11 Alice Levine? No, not if our lawyers have anything to do with it. He's incredibly litigious.
7:19 Alice Levine? I don't think you're gonna get it, and I actually can't afford, for the purposes of protecting the show, for you to guess anymore. So I'll just tell you before we get sued. Have you ever heard of Margaret Campbell, the Duchess of Argyle?
7:32 Matt Forde? What am I supposed to say here? Because the honest answer is no.
7:36 Alice Levine? I think you should have lied, but it's too late for that. So let me tell you a bit about her. She was a wealthy socialite who enjoyed a very healthy private life.
7:45 Matt Forde? Okay.
7:46 Alice Levine? If I can say that. Obviously, no judgment from Team British Scandal. Nowadays, we don't think anything of a woman who understands her own pleasure. But this story takes place in the 1950s and 1960s, when people were somewhat less open-minded, to put it very mildly. Although it appears that they were completely free and breezy about public shaming, robbery and revenge porn, as you will find out.
8:08 Matt Forde? But that sounded like a perv. This sounds great.
8:12 Alice Levine? It's right up your street. This is the story of a divorce that scandalised the nation and exposed the hypocrisy of the burgeoning sexual revolution. It was an early tabloid sensation that set the tone for celebrity exposes. This has ripples throughout the decades that we have looked at on this show. This is episode one, divorcee to Duchess.
8:39 Alice Levine? Sixteen years earlier, 1946, The Strand, London.
8:47 Alice Levine? Margaret Sweeney bundles up her ball gown, steps out of her Bentley and onto the red carpet. Looking up at the Savoy Hotel, lit so beautifully against the night sky, her heart feels fit to burst. She can't remember the last gala she attended with her husband, Charlie.
9:05 Alice Levine? At one point, she thought she'd never be fully accepted in these circles. Her Scottish father's new money always looked down upon with slight disdain. Margaret's worked hard to position herself at the centre of this social milieu. And of course, she knows her looks and marriage have helped secure her place. She smiles as she takes in the champagne fountain. She really hadn't realised how much she'd missed all this. The war put paid to her social life. The few events that had taken place had been such dreary affairs.
9:36 Matt Forde? That really was the worst impact of the Nazis.
9:40 Matt Forde? There goes my bloody weekend. Thanks Adolf.
9:42 Alice Levine? In the heart of the blitz, Margaret had feared she'd never see the glamour of high society again. But tonight, life is finally returning to normal. She squeezes Charlie's hand in excitement. Entering the grand ballroom, everything is just as she remembers. The chatter, the music, the clinking of glasses. Across the crowd, Margaret sees a friend approach. Margaret, you sly minx. How was Cannes? They embrace, swapping air kisses. But Margaret's puzzled. She hasn't been to Cannes. It suddenly sounded like you enjoyed yourself. Those hotel walls were paper thin. Her frown deepens.
10:24 Alice Levine? Honestly, if I hadn't spotted Charlie popping up for air now and again, I'd have never have known you were there.
10:29 Matt Forde? Oh no.
10:31 Alice Levine? She turns to look at Charlie, but he stares at his feet. Don't be bashful. God, I'd love it if my husband still tossed me round the room like that.
10:41 Matt Forde? Doesn't sound like it was fun.
10:43 Alice Levine? You're really telling on yourself. Sounds very tiring, like somebody might get hurt.
10:46 Matt Forde? Yeah, it sounds like you've been dancing at a Kayleigh or something. You're like, don't wrestle.
10:52 Alice Levine? Margaret cannot bear to hear another word. Champagne. I think a drink is in order. Excuse me. She pushes past Charlie, carves her way through the crowd. The buzz of the party around her is becoming overwhelming, making her dizzy. She presses past the bar and clatters out of the fire exit. She hears Charlie follow.
11:14 Speaker 04 Margaret, wait. I...
11:16 Matt Forde? I was rehearsing for a Kayleigh, and I didn't want you to have to dance like that, okay?
11:24 Alice Levine? Margaret spins round to face him, fury blazing in her eyes. You promised it was over. For Charlie, you fu— He tries to take her hand, but she whips her arm away. I expected to make allowances while the war was on. But my god, Charlie, now? After all I've been through? After the m— Margaret's lips pinch shut. She tries to form the word, but her stammer stops her from saying miscarriage. She holds up a hand, signals for a taxi. When I think of all the men who asked me to marry them. Princes, aunts, movie stars. And I turned them all down, for you. That used to make me proud.
12:11 Alice Levine? A cab draws up. Margaret slips in. Sleep where you must tonight, but I don't want to see you in the morning.
12:19 Alice Levine? Collapsing into the backseat, Margaret refuses to cry. If she starts now, she might never stop. And she's already wasted far too many tears on Charlie Sweeney. But no more. First thing tomorrow, Margaret is going to pay her lawyers a visit and file a petition for divorce.
12:51 Alice Levine? Eighteen months later, Margaret's flat, Upper Grosvenor Street, Mayfair.
12:57 Alice Levine? Margaret clips her voice as she insists for the third time there must be some mistake. Could you check again? Under Margaret Wiggum. She's on the phone with Buckingham Palace. The Queen Charlotte Ball is fast approaching, and she's banking on it being the event to relaunch her in society circles. The line falls quiet.
13:20 Speaker 04 Perhaps I should be clearer. Palace protocol dictates royals not socialize with divorced persons at official engagements. There's no invitation forthcoming, Miss Sweeney, under either name.
13:34 Alice Levine? I see. G— good day.
13:40 Alice Levine? She slams the phone down, walks to her sofa, grabs a cushion and starts thrashing it against the backrest. Bu-bastards! This divorce was supposed to be liberating, but so far, it's been anything but. Friends disappeared, phone calls dried up, invitations forever getting lost. The establishment had never really wanted her, and they jumped at the first chance to get rid of her. Margaret flops onto the sofa as her one remaining friend, Diana, comes in. Fifteen years I've attended that ball. The bloody life and soul of it, too.
14:21 Alice Levine? Diana sits, offering her a cigarette. I should have had Charlie killed. I'd at least get some sympathy as a widow. She puts the cigarette between her lips. Would have been a damn sight cheaper for Daddy, too.
14:37 Alice Levine? Margaret takes a long, deep drag. I honestly can't bear to think how thoughtless I must have been during your divorce, darling. I had no idea how beastly those toffs could be. She feels Diana's hand on hers. Well, there is one silver lining.
14:57 Alice Levine? Margaret tilts her head, curious, as her friend reaches for her handbag. Seeing as you've been officially excommunicated. She furrows her brow as Diana produces a small card. It looks exactly like the invitation she's been expecting from Buckingham Palace, only it isn't.
15:17 Matt Forde? It's a list of all the microwave meals for one you can now have. You don't have to buy or cook for two anymore.
15:22 Alice Levine? Forget Charlie Sweeney, now you can have Charlie Biggum.
15:27 Alice Levine? What is this? An invitation to your new life. Margaret looks at it closer.
15:36 Alice Levine? Every time the Blue Bloods throw a party they won't let us into, we host a little alternative soiree. And I think it's going to be exactly what you need. She sees a devilish glint in Diana's eye, and Margaret feels it speaking to a long dormant part of her soul. If the establishment no longer wants her, she can't pretend not to be upset. But damn them if they think she's just going to shrivel up and die quietly. She's no longer playing by their rules. Margaret Sweeney is going to make a new life for herself.
16:27 Alice Levine? Two weeks later, Knightsbridge. Margaret brushes down her ivory satin gown, takes in the townhouse's grand white stucco facade. She's surprised by the butterflies in her stomach. She feels Diana pat her arm in reassurance just as the door opens and their squealing host grabs her by the wrist. Darling, quickly, you're just in time. She's ushered through into a crammed drawing room. About forty men and four other women stand shoulder to shoulder, everyone's eyes fixed at the same point on the floor. Margaret stares down in confusion. She wonders what sort of party Diana has brought her to
17:10 Alice Levine? as she stares in disbelief at two small but anatomically detailed wind-up copper penises, balanced precariously on a chalk-drawn starting line.
17:24 Alice Levine? She stops a little squeal on her lips, clutches her pearls. Actually, I just thought that was a saying. I didn't think people actually did it.
17:31 Matt Forde? I guess that's where the saying comes from.
17:33 Alice Levine? This very moment.
17:36 Alice Levine? Which one do you fancy? She turns to find a devastatingly handsome man talking in her ear. Maybe five years her junior, and she feels a nervous tingle in her stomach.
17:49 Alice Levine? Well, I suppose both look good to me.
17:53 Alice Levine? She tilts her head, sees a playful grin creep across his face. Diana was right. This is exactly what she needs.
18:02 Matt Forde? Look, you're going through a divorce, you've been rejected by high society. What you need is a wind-up copper penis.
18:09 Alice Levine? Sort of Fight Club, because that's what it feels like. A sort of clandestine betting circle, you know, like a legal boxing matches.
18:17 Matt Forde? A cockfight, if you will.
18:18 Alice Levine? Oh my god, and is that where that comes from?
18:20 Matt Forde? That is where it came from. They used to do it with wind-up copper penises. People were outraged. They did it with cockerels, and people were cool with it.
18:32 Alice Levine? She grips her champagne flute as the penises are set loose and the room erupts in cheers. But Margaret's focus stays fixed on this stranger. Until she feels a hand touch her hip, and she turns to see another man, equally handsome, equally captivating. Excuse me, but are you the Margaret Sweeney from the song? She rolls her eyes. Cole Porter once included her in the lyrics to one of his songs as part of a rather unflattering rhyme.
19:03 Matt Forde? And what was it?
19:04 Alice Levine? He wrote in Anything Goes, a little ditty called You're the Top. And it was all about things that were best in their field. So one of the lyrics was, "You're the Nile, you're the Pisa, you're the smile of the Mona Lisa." Lovely.
19:16 Matt Forde? Oh, very nice.
19:17 Alice Levine? And when it transferred from Broadway to the West End, he updated it for a British audience. And the rhyming couplet that Margaret was included in was, "You're Mussolini, you're Mrs. Sweeney."
19:30 Matt Forde? I mean Mussolini had some fans, but they were in small number, and I don't think that's seen as a positive thing.
19:38 Alice Levine? You're like, just have another go. Happy to be in it, but can we maybe brainstorm what I'm compared to? Because I liked Pisa, I liked Mona Lisa.
19:48 Alice Levine? Margaret replies,
19:51 Alice Levine? "I am, but I promise, I'm nothing like Mussolini." The second man smiles.
19:58 Speaker 04 "Shame. I rather like a dominant woman. Dance?"
20:04 Alice Levine? She takes the hand of one handsome stranger, then another. Before she knows it, hours have passed, and she's been in the arms of this latest man for five straight dances. She nestles her head into his chest as they sway. "How on earth did that swine Charlie Sweetie ever fumble a prize like you?" She looks up into his eyes and grins. "I'm very easy to fumble." Pushing onto the tips of her toes, she places a kiss on his lips. The feeling as he kisses back is electrifying, a sensation she hasn't felt in years. Giddy with the attention, she makes herself a silent vow. She's done with monogamy.
20:47 Alice Levine? There's a whole world of men out there for her to enjoy. She's rich, beautiful, single, and she won't ever let society shame her again.
21:06 Alice Levine? Six months later, Gardenor, Paris.
21:11 Alice Levine? Captain Ian Campbell smiles at the conductor, pats down his jacket, slips a hand into his right pocket, then pulls out a fistful of papers: his seat reservation for the Golden Arrow to London, and a few loose betting stubs.
21:26 Matt Forde? This is obviously pre the Channel Tunnel. Go to Gardenor now, you can get a train straight to London. So what was the Golden Arrow?
21:32 Alice Levine? This is your all-inclusive ticket. This is your train ferry train. It's all timed perfectly, and you just get to hop from one leg to another.
21:40 Matt Forde? It's an integrated transport policy. It's what we love on this show.
21:45 Alice Levine? He winces. He lost a small fortune at the races yesterday. The only thing those bloody donkeys earned him was another fight with his wife Louise. He's glad he's been summoned to Scotland. He can't stop thinking how neatly this inheritance solves all his problems. Inverary Castle is a thousand miles away from his crumbling marriage in Beareitz. And best of all, he'll become Ian Campbell, 11th Duke of Argyle. He just needs cousin Nile to hurry up and peg it. He drifts off, picturing the lavish new life awaiting him, when a dazzling flash snaps him back to reality. Outside the carriage, a gaggle of reporters is yelling questions, taking pictures.
22:29 Alice Levine? Confusion floods him. He wasn't expecting tabloid attention, especially not in France. But things become clear when he sees the familiar face taking the seat opposite. Well, I'll be damned. Maggie Wiggum. He hasn't seen Maggie in over a decade. He's stunned to see she looks no different. A sight that makes him feel every one of his 45 years. Captain Campbell, my gosh, how on earth are you? Almost entirely awful, thanks. You?
23:04 Matt Forde? I like him. I really like that, rather than going, "Yeah, everything's great." God, smashing it at the moment, crushing it at work. I love it when people go, "Actually, a bit of a mess." "Yeah, I've ruined everything." "But, um, yeah, good to see you again."
23:18 Alice Levine? You like that, do you?
23:19 Matt Forde? People admitting that things aren't going well, we need more of that in life, don't we?
23:23 Alice Levine? I agree, except when it's like a drive-by hello. And you're like, "Hey, how are things?" And someone's like, "Wife left me." You're like, "Oh, all the best. See you soon."
23:32 Matt Forde? Call me. What's your number? Ow, I don't have time for this. No wonder she left, you're annoying. I'm gonna have to leave you now, I've got to get the train.
23:41 Alice Levine? You don't read the room, Brian. That's why she's with your brother now.
23:47 Alice Levine? Margaret tips her head towards the reporters. Read tomorrow's papers, you'll find out. He smiles. He read a report of Maggie's loosh new lifestyle in his wife's tapler. I was sorry to hear about your divorce to old Charlie. Margaret shrugs. Actually, I wasn't sorry at all.
24:07 Speaker 04 The man was a drip.
24:10 Alice Levine? She laughs. Most men are, in my experience. Good for one night and no more.
24:17 Speaker 04 Best thing that ever happened to me, my horse. Liked it so much, in fact, I'm thinking of doing it again soon.
24:23 Alice Levine? Margaret raises an eyebrow, lights a cigarette. Oh? If it's not too personal, what happened between you and your first wife? I did like Janet.
24:33 Matt Forde? Ian smirks.
24:35 Speaker 04 Funnily enough, you did.
24:39 Alice Levine? He smiles as she looks up, her eyes widening.
24:44 Speaker 04 It was in Café de Paris, 1931. You came walking down that huge staircase and I nudged Janet and said, "See that girl, Jan? I'm going to marry her one day."
24:59 Matt Forde? I think I've gone off him now.
25:01 Alice Levine? I haven't.
25:02 Matt Forde? In front of your wife going, "She's all right, isn't she?"
25:05 Alice Levine? I'm swooning.
25:06 Matt Forde? Might marry her next.
25:07 Alice Levine? I like a bad boy. Margaret splutters out a surprised laugh.
25:13 Speaker 04 She never forgave me.
25:16 Alice Levine? Through the cigarette smoke, he sees a naughty sparkle in her smile. Ian grins. And in that moment, he realizes. He let Maggie Wiggum slip through his fingers once before. He's not going to let it happen again.
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27:24 Alice Levine? Two months later, Margaret's bedroom, Mayfair. Margaret wriggles her way up the mattress, brings her back to rest against the velvet headboard, carefully slips the lid from her Montblanc pen, and opens her diary, runs a finger slowly down the list of men's names, then stops when she reaches Campbell. With the gentle stroke of her pen, she places another mark next to it, a nine. I wonder what the criteria, what the marking scheme is, basically, because, you know, I would probably, as a SWAT, perform to the mark scheme. You know, if I know how I'm being graded, I want to get full marks.
28:08 Alice Levine? So I, yeah, I'm gonna do what's required.
28:11 Matt Forde? Yeah, and then afterwards, little nod to the judges.
28:15 Matt Forde? Some people would just never give a ten, would they? Because they'd say, well, in a way perfection doesn't exist. So then nine is the highest you can score. Or, would she say that genuinely was a ten?
28:25 Alice Levine? Poor Ian. I mean, he's trying his bloody hardest. He's probably completely out of puff and all he can get is a nine.
28:32 Matt Forde? A nine for that?
28:33 Alice Levine? I could have suffocated to death and I got a nine.
28:36 Matt Forde? This is rigged.
28:37 Alice Levine? Looking at the tally, she notes the considerable lead Ian's been building these past few weeks when she hears him holler from the bathroom. Jesus Christ. He swaggers back through in his shirt and pants, toweling his hair. How many mirrors do you have in there? Every time I take the old chap out for a squirt, I'm surrounded by a thousand reflections of the damn thing. Margaret smirks. Lucky you. What are you writing? Another heroic night of lovemaking with the stallion Captain Campbell. Margaret snaps the diary shut. It's private.
29:17 Alice Levine? She squeals as he dives onto her, kissing and nuzzling her neck, trying to prise the diary from her grip. But she's not letting go. No, if you must know, I was looking to see what parties you could take me to. Ian rolls off her, picks his trousers up from the floor. Ah, as much as I'd love the world to know I'm boffing Maggie Wiggum, it's hardly becoming of a duke.
29:40 Matt Forde? Boffing?
29:41 Alice Levine? Fantastic.
29:42 Matt Forde? Great word. Bring it back.
29:44 Alice Levine? I'm a big fan of bonking, both the action and the word, but boffing is even better.
29:48 Matt Forde? An ex-colleague of mine used to use the word tonking.
29:51 Alice Levine? Tonking?
29:53 Matt Forde? Oh, she's off tonking.
29:56 Matt Forde? Tonking.
29:56 Alice Levine? Sounds so metallic.
29:58 Matt Forde? Well, like Tonka toys, I guess. We associate it with, um, big trucks.
30:06 Alice Levine? Margaret feels her face scrunch.
30:10 Alice Levine? So I'm good enough for a captain to cheat on his wife with, but not up to scratch for a duke, is that it? She gets out of bed, pulls on her dressing gown. No, it's just there's certain conventions. She's sick of these double standards. I can tell you firsthand, these toffs are all at it behind each other's backs. Utterly depraved, the way some of them carry on. At least I'm honest about what I want.
30:40 Matt Forde? But isn't she being a bit hypocritical? Because she is a bit depraved, and she's also a toff.
30:47 Alice Levine? Well, she is and she isn't. She is absolutely new money. Her father was a self-made millionaire. She grew up in New York. She didn't really have any of the necessary indicators of breeding, even though she went to finishing school. So she kind of talks the talk. She was obviously in a marriage that would give her that status. But even more so than now, as we know from previous series of British Scandal, if you're not the real deal, you're very quickly rejected from these elites.
31:13 Matt Forde? This is so funny because to the rest of us, from the outside looking in, she's as posh as the rest of them. And yet, when you get into real high society, there is a barrier through which you cannot pass if you're not from the right family.
31:27 Alice Levine? Ian pulls her towards him.
31:30 Alice Levine? I'm not saying I can't see you again. I just have to be careful. I am still married. And after the funeral tomorrow, I'm going to be an actual fucking duke. Margaret smiles. She knows the spite she's feeling isn't really directed at Ian. Listen, why don't you come up to the castle next week? We'd have the place to ourselves. We can sworn about like king and queen, skinny dip in the loch. You can show me how all those filthy toffs behave. Margaret titters. Give me a few days to deal with the handover, polish my piles of gold, then I'm all yours. What do you say?
32:14 Alice Levine? Margaret promised herself she'd only take lovers for the odd night, nothing as involved as this. But she's starting to like this Ian Campbell. And an invitation to christen a castle? And to file its newly appointed duke? That's far too tempting to turn down.
32:42 Alice Levine? Two days later, in Verrari Castle. Ian paces the floor of the castle's drafty drawing room, partly to stay warm, mostly to work out the anxious energy building inside him.
32:54 Matt Forde? How horny is he?
32:57 Alice Levine? He needs a good tonking.
33:00 Alice Levine? Then there's the matter of death duties, sir. Ian spins round. There's more? Bloody hell, is everyone trying to skin me to the bone? Property taxes, upkeep and insurance, staff salaries, an endless parade of leeches bleeding him dry. How much? The accountant gives a feeble cough. Um, five hundred thousand, sir. The figure hits Ian like a sack of wet sand. Half a million quid? Fuck my old boots. He just can't understand it. How is inheriting this huge castle, a whole dukedom, putting him in more debt? Selling some land might provide short-term relief,
33:44 Alice Levine? but a more sustainable option might long-term be to renovate the estate into a working historical attraction.
33:53 Alice Levine? If they want money, tell them I'm dead.
33:57 Alice Levine? Ian slumps in a chair. It'll be a bookie. Ever since the papers announced he'd become duke, they've all known where to find him. Your Grace, a Mrs Mussolini for you, calling with congratulations. Ian frowns as he takes the phone. Mussolini.
34:13 Matt Forde? Come on, Ian, remember the song, mate.
34:15 Alice Levine? Come on, my darling. Oghyle speaking.
34:19 Speaker 04 Good afternoon, Your Grace. I was just calling to ask how many sets of delicates I ought to pack for my trip. If I'm there for six nights, I was thinking maybe none.
34:30 Alice Levine? At the sound of Margaret's voice, Ian's mood soars. He shuts his eyes and thinks of her.
34:36 Speaker 04 Actually, maybe I will bring one. I just bought a darling set from Harrods. Obscenely expensive, given how little of it there is.
34:45 Alice Levine? Ian sinks back into a reverie. But he isn't imagining Margaret wearing her negligee. He's picturing her buying it, in Harrods. He can't even afford to settle his Harrods account right now. He'd almost forgotten Maggie is the only daughter of a filthy, rich fabric tycoon.
35:03 Matt Forde? Love that that's what he's focusing on. Yeah, I bet you paid for it with cash as well, didn't you?
35:08 Alice Levine? He flicks a playing card with his thumb as his eyes settle on the pile of unpaid bills. He starts to wonder whether he might be able to have his cake here and eat it too.
35:27 Alice Levine? Two days later, in Verrary Castle. Margaret's eyes widen as her cab pulls up outside. She takes in its bold, Gothic magnificence. Ian greets her on the gravel. He ushers her into the atrium and she gasps at the sight of it. Twirling around slowly, she basks in its grandeur. She can hardly believe her good fortune as Ian wraps her up in a kiss before taking her bag from her. Let me give you the tour. I have a surprise for you. Outside. She lets Ian take her hand, follows as he leads her through the stunning grounds. She takes in the immaculate lawns and then the sparkling water and shoreline of Loch Fine.
36:11 Alice Levine? And a picnic basket. Overflowing with cold lobster, smoked salmon, oysters. Dug out our finest bottle from the duck. Astiest corner of the cellar, too.
36:24 Alice Levine? She never realised Ian could be so romantic. She collapses on the rug, softens as Ian excitedly runs through the offerings of his seafood feast and lets herself relax into the warmth of the afternoon.
36:39 Alice Levine? Two hours later, she smiles as Ian pulls out a blanket and places it around her shoulders. How about a fire and single malts? She's surprised to discover how much she's missed this kind of intimacy. She'd always considered her relationship with Ian as primarily sexual. But here at the castle, things feel different. Ian feels different.
37:02 Matt Forde? It's not just sex, it's seafood and whisky. All the three components you need for a functioning relationship.
37:12 Alice Levine? Shellfish, single malt, tonking.
37:17 Alice Levine? She raises a hand to Ian's face and kisses him passionately. Woodsmoke and whisky fill her senses as she moves onto his lap.
37:27 Alice Levine? When they eventually break apart, Margaret smiles a slow sensual smile.
37:33 Alice Levine? Ian reciprocates. Careful with them, I could get very used to this. The words make Margaret's heart flutter because she's thinking the exact same thing.
37:56 Alice Levine? Six days later, in Verary Castle, Ian's bedroom.
38:00 Matt Forde? They must be knackered.
38:02 Alice Levine? Red raw.
38:05 Alice Levine? Margaret wakes in a warm sunbeam, stretches luxuriantly, rolls over to greet Ian, but is met by an empty pillow. Confused, she sits up. She sees Ian stood by the window, his back to her.
38:22 Alice Levine? Ian, is everything alright? You can have a break.
38:27 Matt Forde? This is why it's different for aristocrats. Working class people had to go to the mill or the mine. They couldn't do six day sessions like this. Oh, this was the dream of early socialism. It's what our working people, to have six day tonker thongs, just like our rulers.
38:44 Alice Levine? She sidles up to him, slips her arms around his torso, rests her head against his back. Darling, you're scaring me. What's the matter? Ian slowly turns to face her. His expression is stern, but his voice is soft.
39:02 Alice Levine? Marry me.
39:06 Alice Levine? Margaret steps back, her mouth open.
39:10 Alice Levine? Wha-what? He takes her hands, puts them to his chest.
39:17 Alice Levine? You think us aristos should be honest about what we want? Well, here you are. I want you to marry me.
39:26 Alice Levine? Margaret staggers, unsure her legs will hold out.
39:29 Matt Forde? That could be because of the six days.
39:30 Alice Levine? Well, quite. I've spent this week watching how happy you are here, how much you suit this castle. And I honestly don't know how I could spend my life in this place without you. I want you as my duchess. Bu- but you are married and you hate marriage. We both do. Ian sighs. I know, but up here, things could be different. We'd have everything we'd ever need, away from everyone else. We could make our own rules.
40:04 Matt Forde? He was really ahead of the old devolution curve there.
40:10 Alice Levine? Margaret can't think what to say. You'll want time, of course. I'll leave you to think. He steps out. Margaret watches him go, shell shocked. She shuffles to the bathroom, splashes her face with freezing water, stares into the mirror. She can't deny it. She'd be happy here. And of course, she's thought about it. Being a real life Duchess, shooting straight back to the top of the social ladder. With one simple word, she could have it all. Her old life back, but better.
40:47 Alice Levine? The temptation is intoxicating, but it's insanity. There's no way she can say yes. It's far too complicated. She resolves to go and let Ian down gently, only to be met by him standing at the foot of the staircase, holding the biggest ring she has ever seen in her life. A Clan Campbell heirloom, to show I'm serious.
41:14 Alice Levine? Margaret stares at it. Its sparkle is hypnotic. She owns plenty of jewelry, but nothing like this. She can feel her finger gravitating towards it. It feels reckless, but it also feels right. She cannot believe she's about to say yes to this, to marriage, to the castle, to Ian. But she is. Margaret Sweeney is going to become a Duchess.
41:55 Speaker 05 For decades, two legendary brands fought for the hearts of American bikers, Indian Motorcycle and Harley-Davidson. The battle looked a lot like Coke versus Pepsi or Ford versus Chevy, but tastes changed and Indian didn't adapt fast enough. The icon all but died. Then came the con men, the dreamers, a string of spectacular failures that kept Indian in the grave, until one company finally got it right. This is the story of an improbable revival and the reignition of an old rivalry. Hey, I'm David Brown, the host of the podcast. Business Wars. In every season, we bring you the true stories behind the companies that shape our world. Indian's new owners are going all in, but an existential crisis looms. Can Indian and Harley recruit enough younger riders to survive? Make sure to
42:38 Speaker 05 follow Business Wars wherever you get your podcasts. Audible subscribers can binge all episodes of Business Wars early and ad-free right now. Join Audible in the Audible app or by subscribing on Apple Podcasts.
42:49 Alice Levine? Ghosts aren't real. At least, that's what journalist Tristan Redmond always believed. Sure, odd things happen in his childhood bedroom, but ultimately, he shrugged them off. Until he discovered that he wasn't alone, that everyone who lived thereafter him also had bizarre experiences they couldn't explain. And it gets even weirder. It just so happens that his wife's great-grandmother was murdered in the house next door. Is this ghost somehow connected to her murder? He decides to go where no son-in-law should, digging up a cold case and asking questions that nobody wants answered. Like, could his wife's great-grandfather have gotten away with the perfect crime? This is a podcast about family secrets, overwhelming
43:31 Alice Levine? coincidence, and the things that come back to haunt us. For the best bingeable series like Ghost Story, listen to the Audible True Crime Podcast wherever you get your podcasts. Audible subscribers can get all episodes early and ad-free right now. Join Audible in the Audible app or by subscribing on Apple Podcasts.
44:11 Alice Levine? Two years later, in Varys Castle, Margaret Campbell's heart swells with joy as her new husband, Ian Campbell, 11th Duke of Argyle, carries her over the threshold. A cheer goes up from the waiting estate staff as they kiss.
44:27 Alice Levine? Welcome home, Your Grace.
44:30 Alice Levine? Margaret can't remember ever feeling so happy, and she's in the mood to keep celebrating. I have something to give you in the bedroom.
44:39 Matt Forde? Margaret, I can't walk. It's been 14 days on the trot. Let me replenish on some level.
44:44 Alice Levine? I'm on a drip. She raises an eyebrow as Ian slips off his jacket.
44:51 Alice Levine? Or on the landing, if you really can't wait. But her face drops as she sees him walk to the bootroom. Maybe later, but we should make the most of the daylight. The roof has arrived tomorrow and I want to be ready.
45:04 Matt Forde? I know people joke about the sex trying up in marriage, but that's a media.
45:09 Alice Levine? That honeymoon period was literally the journey from the church. Margaret blinks, flummoxed. Roofers? Tomorrow? Can that not wait until after the honeymoon? Ian looks at her quizzically. Darling, this is the honeymoon.
45:27 Alice Levine? He kisses her cheek, handing her a pair of Wellingtons. Everything I want is right here.
45:34 Alice Levine? Margaret had had visions of a European motor tour, around the world cruise as Lady Campbell, not wellies and her own back garden. Don't be absurd, Ian. We have to have a honeymoon. We've got the rest of our lives to rebuild this place. Ian starts pulling on his boots. We're not frittering money on jollies. I want this place on its feet as soon as possible. I do too, darling, but really, after all that's happened, I think we could stretch to a little holiday. He shakes his head. Sorry, Maggie. You're a duchess now, and a duchess has duties.
46:12 Alice Levine? She goes to protest, then stops. She knows how prickly Ian gets about money. She doesn't want to start a fight, especially when the solution is so simple. She's certain her father would gladly pay for a honeymoon, cover those expenses Ian so twisted up about. It's been a stressful few years for them both, what with Ian's divorce dragging out. Maybe a modest advance on her inheritance could let him enjoy a few well-deserved luxuries too. He's given her so much, it's really the least she can do.
46:48 Alice Levine? She peers down the corridor, then picks up the hall phone.
46:54 Alice Levine? Hello, Daddy. It's me. Cupping her hand around the mouthpiece, she turns to face the wall. I need to ask a favor.
47:09 Alice Levine? Eighteen months later, in Verary Castle, 9pm.
47:15 Alice Levine? Sat in his private study, Ian stares at the statement in his hand. A hot, clammy sweat rises up his neck.
47:24 Alice Levine? £1.8 million in debt. And nothing coming in to stem the losses.
47:31 Matt Forde? This was back then. This is mega debt.
47:34 Alice Levine? Forty-eight and a quarter mil in the red.
47:38 Matt Forde? It's over. Just declare yourself bankrupt.
47:40 Alice Levine? Burn the place down. He snatches up a decanter, trickles its dregs into a glass, then downs it. The familiar scorch of the whisky calms the storm for a second. He'd assumed he'd be sharing a bank account with Maggie when they married, but her father objected. Insisted on keeping things separate, and daddy's word is law. It's humiliating having to beg his wife for pocket money every week.
48:08 Alice Levine? Ian drags himself onto his feet and trudges downstairs. He finds Margaret in the library, writing cheques for the contractors. He's about to speak when Margaret cuts across him. Darling, there you are. I have a question. She begins rummaging through a pile of receipts. There's an outstanding bill in here for £4,000, in your name, for a fur coat? Oh, that, yes. That was a gift for Louise.
48:42 Alice Levine? Ian's heart almost stops when she pulls it up, his eyes snagged by the bright red overdue stamp. He watches her expression shift. Louise, your ex-wife, Louise.
48:57 Alice Levine? Ian's mind reels. He can't tell Maggie the truth, that he gambled away his son's school fees for next term, so he's having to keep their mother sweet with expensive gifts bought on credit. Ian, what is going on? Is there something still between you? Ian winces. Of course not. No, it's just something I owe her. Margaret stares at him.
49:24 Alice Levine? It's agreed in the divorce. He hopes his poker face is holding out. In the divorce? Well, wouldn't it have been in the official paperwork? He cuts in. Christ, Maggie, I didn't follow all the ins and outs. Louise insisted she has the right clothes. I feel exhausted just thinking. He sees her soften. She turns back to her cheque book. Well, I would prefer to settle this quietly. No sense in making it any more unpleasant than it already is. But this has to be the end. You're not to speak to Louise again. Understood?
50:00 Alice Levine? Ian takes the cheque she's offering. Sees it's written out to him. For £4,000. I mean it, Ian. I will not be made a fool of again. Promise me.
50:13 Alice Levine? Ian looks into her eyes. If that's what Maggie needs to hear, then that's what he'll tell her. I promise.
50:23 Alice Levine? He walks over and gives her a kiss. But not before making sure that she's signed the cheque.
50:40 Alice Levine? Three months later, in Verary Castle, 10am. Margaret stands at the castle door. Hears guests arriving outside. She and Ian are due to give the inaugural grand tour in two minutes, but there's no sign of him anywhere. She twiddles her pearls. She looks around at the stunning transformation. She's worked tirelessly on this restoration. She hears lumbering footsteps behind her. It's Ian. Hungover and shabby. Where have you been? Ian avoids her eye as she paces towards him. Getting ready.
51:21 Alice Levine? He looks a state, his kilt squiff, his sporen sagging. She pulls him close to neaten him up.
51:28 Matt Forde? Tell you no one a Scotsman's sad is that his sporen sags. It's like when orcas' fins bend over.
51:33 Alice Levine? But it also happens with age. Come on, it's our big day. Let's go and make the clan proud. Margaret steps out to greet her public. And in that moment, waving out to the applauding crowd, she truly feels like a duchess. A feeling that instantly sours when she spots an unexpected face. Louise, wearing a mink coat.
52:02 Alice Levine? What the hell is she doing here?
52:05 Alice Levine? Ian continues waving, his smile fixed. Jesus Christ, Maggie, not now.
52:12 Matt Forde? Do you mean not now? You promised me you'd never speak to her again. I gave you four grand. And she's here, in that coat.
52:18 Alice Levine? She couldn't have wanted a kagool? She's provoking me.
52:21 Matt Forde? She not heard of Burg House or Super Dry?
52:25 Alice Levine? Before she can respond, he addresses the crowd. Thank you all and welcome to Inverary. If you'd like to follow me, we'll start in the armoury. Ian leads the guests through, but Margaret doesn't leave his side. Did you invite her? She has no right to be here. Ian presses forward. Yes, I did. And yes, she does. She has every right. Every right? Ian, what the hell? But Ian snaps back. Christ, Maggie, she's the one who's going to end up here after all. The words stop Margaret dead in her tracks. What? After I'm gone. She looks at Ian in confusion. When Ian Junior takes the title off me.
53:09 Alice Levine? Louise, as the new duke's mother, will be expected to move in.
53:14 Matt Forde? Oh, man, this is awful.
53:16 Alice Levine? Margaret feels her stomach hollow out. This is as much her castle as ours. She cannot fathom what she's hearing. And what happens to me? Ian shrugs. Well, I'll be dead, so I suppose that's Louise's call.
53:35 Alice Levine? Margaret is absolutely blindsided. You know how this whole thing works. But Margaret had no idea, at all. She'd just assumed she'd inherit Ian's estate as his widow. She definitely didn't know his ex-wife stood to take everything out from under her. Her eyes drift over to Louise, that coat, then back to Ian, chatting blithely away to guests. All her work, all that money, he was just going to let it go. To Louise, she feels her blood start to boil. There's no way she's going to let a second husband rob her of the life she'd mapped out for herself.
54:17 Alice Levine? Not now she's clawed her way back to the top. She is the Duchess of Argyle. She is going to get this castle, and she won't let anyone stand in her way.
54:32 Speaker 05 Imagine you're reading Pride and Prejudice, except you're not reading it. Harris Dickinson and Marissa Abella are reading it to you on Audible. Her barbs sting you, his coldness sends a shiver up your spine. Your heart aches, your ears burn. You yearn for Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy to profess their undying love for one another. You can't bear it any longer. Well, maybe a chapter longer. Performance is so good, you'll give love a second chance. Audible, stories that speak to you.
55:02 Alice Levine? In January 1995, 18-year-old Krista Pike and two friends lured a classmate, 19-year-old Colleen Slammer, to an abandoned steam plant and killed her. At just 20 years old, Pike was sentenced to death. 30 years later, on September 30th, 2026, the state of Tennessee tried to execute her and failed. I'm Candace DeLong, former FBI profiler and host of the podcast Killer Psyche, where we go inside the minds behind the most shocking crimes. In our latest episode, we take you inside the case of Krista Pike. The brutal crime, the childhood of abuse.
55:43 Alice Levine? Three decades of appeals and the night an execution went terribly wrong. Follow Killer Psyche wherever you get your podcasts. Audible subscribers can listen to all episodes of Killer Psyche one week early and ad free right now. Join Audible in the Audible app or by subscribing on Apple Podcasts.
56:07 Alice Levine? From Wondery and Sammersons dot audio, this is the first episode in our series, The Dirty Duchess.
56:12 Matt Forde? A quick note about our dialogue. In most cases, we can't know exactly what was said, but all our dramatizations are based on historical research.
56:20 Alice Levine? If you'd like to know more about this story, you can read The Grit in the Pearl by Lindsay Spence, The Duchess Who Dared by Charles Castle, and you can watch A Very British Scandal from the BBC and Amazon.
56:31 Matt Forde? If you've got a scandal you'd like us to cover, get in touch. [email protected] .
56:36 Alice Levine? British Scandal is hosted by me, Alice Levine.
56:39 Matt Forde? And me, Matt Ford.
56:40 Alice Levine? Written by Chris Lockery. Additional writing by Alice Levine and Matt Ford. Our story editor is James Maniac. Sound design by Dan King. Our engineer is Jai Williams. For Sammersons, our producer is Redzi Bernard. Our assistant producer is Louise Mason. Our senior producers are Joe Sykes and Dasha Lisitzina. For Wondery, our series producer is Theodora Leludis, and our senior managing producer is Rachel Sibley. Executive producers for Wondery are Estelle Doyle, Chris Bourne, and Marshall Louis.
57:21 Speaker 06 There are books that change how you see the world, and there are books that change how you see yourself. In a new podcast series, A Great Book with Barack Obama, President Obama sits down with a series of surprising and sharp guests to explore six books that have shaped his life and perspective on the world. From Song of Solomon and the Fire Next Time, to All the Pretty Horses and Gilead, the president is joined by guests like Tom Hanks and Ta-Nehisi Coates to reflect on how these timeless stories shaped his thinking on everything from fatherhood to leadership, and discover together what they tell us about the world we live in and the world we want to create.
58:04 Speaker 06 Audible subscribers can listen to all episodes of A Great Book with Barack Obama ad-free right now, plus access each audiobook discussed in the series. Download the Audible app today.
58:20 Speaker 03 A trucker merges onto the I-10 in New Orleans. He checks his mirrors. The lane is clear. And then, boom, impact. A pickup truck, seemingly out of nowhere, scrapes down the side of his 18-wheeler, multiple passengers inside. One man flees the scene, and the driver of the pickup, he doesn't seem all that upset. It didn't feel like a regular accident, because it wasn't. Across the city, truckers are getting sideswiped, all on the same stretch of the same freeway. And behind many of the cases is one person, a Hollywood stuntwoman turned personal injury lawyer named Vanessa Moda. This podcast is a story about fake accidents that lead to real consequences, and a scheme that ends in betrayal and murder.
59:05 Speaker 03 Listen to Over My Dead Body: Operation Sideswipe wherever you get your podcasts. Audible subscribers can binge all episodes early and ad-free right now. Join Audible in the Audible app, or by subscribing on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.
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