Pod Insights Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Kaley Cuoco Returns About this episode Kaley Cuoco (Vanished, The Big Bang Theory, The Flight Attendant) is an actor and producer. Kaley returns to discuss whether she’s on the slippery slope to getting a tiger, her recent obsession with near-death experiences, and being blessed with the gift of the ability to sleep anywhere, anytime. Kaley and Dax talk about the manager-facilitated meet-cute with her now-fiancé, her hosting pitch for an NFL Honors gig, and how she has such a healthy attitude towards rejection as an actor. Kaley explains what was most memorable about walking onto Season 8 of Charmed as a new cast member, the game-changing decision to sleep in different bedrooms, and playing an archeologist in Albania on her new show Vanished.
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Transcript 22,842 words · 6 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Dax Shepard? Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Lily Padman.
0:05 Speaker 01 Hi there.
0:06 Dax Shepard? Hi there. Today, we have a returning guest who was a big time party last time, and that was over Zoom.
0:11 Speaker 01 It was.
0:11 Dax Shepard? So you can't even imagine how big the party was face to face.
0:15 Speaker 01 She's a cool girl.
0:16 Dax Shepard? She's the coolest. Kelly Cuoco. I admire so many aspects of her personality. She is just like, she is who she is, and she doesn't give a shit.
0:24 Speaker 01 Unapologetic.
0:24 Dax Shepard? I admire it and I aspire to it.
0:26 Speaker 01 Me too.
0:27 Dax Shepard? She is an Emmy Award nominated actor and producer. The Big Bang Theory, The Flight Attendant, Eight Simple Rules Charmed, based on a true story, and her limited series out now on MGM Plus called Vanished. Her boyfriend disappears from a train. Where is he?
0:48 Speaker 01 Where is he?
0:49 Dax Shepard? Did he leave her, or has he been abducted?
0:51 Speaker 01 I'm excited. These are, this is up my alley.
0:53 Dax Shepard? These are the questions that'll be answered. They won't be answered in this, but we'll explore more of what's going on. Please enjoy Kelly Cuoco. We get support from Quince.
1:02 Speaker 01 I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.
1:11 Dax Shepard? I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince, because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up, and everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.
1:34 Speaker 01 $60. $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories, they skip the middlemen, and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.
1:52 Dax Shepard? The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time, and he looks iconic.
2:01 Speaker 01 It's a uniform.
2:02 Dax Shepard? Mm-hmm.
2:03 Speaker 01 And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully designed furniture. So you can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home, too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.
2:20 Dax Shepard? Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. We get support from AG1. Fall is that time when your body and mind are getting ready for the winter. You're settling in, bracing for the cold. Your body's already running a deficit from the shorter days and broken sleep patterns. You don't want a nutrient deficit stacked on top of that, too.
2:56 Speaker 01 That's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time. It's giving your body what it needs so the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start. One scoop, cold water every morning before anything else.
3:09 Dax Shepard? AG1 Next Gen has 75 plus ingredients, vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics, superfoods, backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials. Key nutrient levels improved with three months of consistent use.
3:23 Speaker 01 That's the part people miss. It's not a one day fix. It's what happens when you stay consistent.
3:27 Dax Shepard? It's an easy, everyday thing. I've added it to my morning routine and I'm going to tell you, I actually love the taste of it. It's like Pavlovian. I drink it and I know I'm going to get that little vitamin buzz.
3:37 Speaker 01 Well, that's also the thing. When you do it, first thing in the morning, you already feel kind of self-esteem because you're like, I already did something good for myself.
3:44 Dax Shepard? Yes. Go to drinkag1.com/dax and for a limited time, get a free immunity bundle, including a bottle of omega three fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D3 K2 with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/dax. And after checkout, be sure to let them know that Armchair Expert sent you.
4:26 Speaker 02 I heard you guys did your thousandth, is that right? They came out? That is insane. Yeah, and you were probably... Wouldn't you guys start this? I feel like I was one of the first. You were early for sure.
4:36 Dax Shepard? 2018, so we were two and a half years in.
4:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, exactly. Okay. Oh, not to be exact or anything, never mind. 262. 262. Okay, great.
4:46 Dax Shepard? 730 ago.
4:47 Speaker 02 I hope you feel the difference. I mean, that was at the height of COVID. I was in a lockdown in Canada when I talked to you guys.
4:54 Dax Shepard? November 2020.
4:55 Speaker 02 Yeah. Yeah.
4:57 Dax Shepard? November.
4:58 Speaker 02 That's right.
4:58 Dax Shepard? Noviembre.
4:59 Speaker 02 Glad to have you in person.
5:00 Dax Shepard? What part of town do you live in?
5:02 Speaker 02 Thousand Oaks. My parents still live in Thousand Oaks and now I made my way back. That's sweet. So happy. And I complained and... Yes, we love where we live. Cause it's removed. It's removed. It's not LA. Yeah.
5:13 Dax Shepard? The ranch, San Diego?
5:14 Speaker 02 The ranch is Westlake.
5:16 Dax Shepard? So Bateman grew up hanging out with that guy, Murdoch owned Dole.
5:21 Speaker 02 Dole like bananas? That's the money guy.
5:23 Dax Shepard? Pineapple, bananas. He bought Lanai. He had originally owned Lanai, the island in Hawaii because of the banana plantation.
5:31 Speaker 02 Yeah, you know a little more about him than I do.
5:33 Dax Shepard? So he hung out with this kid and yeah, he built that Sherwood Lake Fang community. I think one of his kids drove in there.
5:39 Speaker 02 I actually think that is true. Something happened. They have a weird story.
5:43 Dax Shepard? Another kid died in a Ferrari accident on the one on the lawn.
5:46 Speaker 02 I'm actually, has there been a move? I feel like there should be something.
5:50 Dax Shepard? Did you know any of those families?
5:52 Speaker 02 No.
5:53 Dax Shepard? No.
5:53 Speaker 02 We got this ranch, I think I've probably had it for seven or eight years now. So that's a newer space to us. So we live 15 minutes from the ranch.
6:02 Dax Shepard? Okay.
6:02 Speaker 02 Which is amazing.
6:03 Dax Shepard? The ranch is gorgeous. I was watching you do an interview there and it looked like San Diego Valley.
6:08 Speaker 02 It's stunning. It's so cool. It's 40 flat acres, which is like very rare. So it's all usable and like 8,000 animals. Wow. Not really, but a lot. It's turned into a full rescue farm.
6:22 Dax Shepard? I wrote them down. You've got a zonkey?
6:24 Speaker 02 We have a zonkey.
6:25 Dax Shepard? Tell me about a zonkey. Incredible name for an animal.
6:27 Speaker 02 You can guess what that is, right? Yes. Zonkey and a zonkey. So we get a lot of our animals from Amish country. And we end up rescuing a lot of them because you know, a lot of them are worker animals. It can be a little weird.
6:38 Speaker 01 Tough.
6:39 Speaker 02 So we have two zonkeys from Amish country. They were trying to sell. You know, they try and breed these things. This is not normal.
6:45 Dax Shepard? They obviously mate a donkey and a zebra.
6:48 Speaker 02 It's totally fucked up.
6:49 Dax Shepard? Where does the zebra come from, other than obviously Africa?
6:52 Speaker 02 I have no idea. I don't even know how they attain these sorts of creatures.
6:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, there's some shit.
6:57 Speaker 02 But we have started to attain a few. It's a little word of mouth with us. They kind of know that we have the space and I can't say no to anything. So I've taken so many animals. I mean, we have people that have to live there now. And I'll sneak some in sometimes. Like, I'm like, do you think they'll notice if I add this duck? Like, there'll be five ducks and there's six. And everyone's like, wait a minute. Like, no, they're always here.
7:17 Speaker 01 No, that guy was just hiding.
7:18 Speaker 02 I have the space now and that's always been the dream to have the space.
7:21 Speaker 01 That's nice. That's a beautiful thing.
7:23 Dax Shepard? Are there any you regret? Like, do you have anything that's raising hell over there? Because zebras are assholes.
7:29 Speaker 02 No, totally. And this guy, he's not. He's actually very shy. But we've done a really good job of managing. And what's amazing about animals is people get afraid. They come in, they go, they all live together? Like, a lot of the little ones live together. Don't they fight? And they figure it out.
7:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:42 Speaker 02 We're getting in their way.
7:44 Speaker 01 Yep.
7:44 Speaker 02 In this day and age, everyone's like, oh, don't let that one play with that.
7:47 Dax Shepard? People do that with kids, too.
7:48 Speaker 02 Yes, let them decide.
7:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, they'll be fine.
7:51 Dax Shepard? They know how to get the pecking order going.
7:52 Speaker 02 They do. And the animals are the same way. And they figure it out. They get in little arguments and things, but they know who's the boss.
7:58 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
7:58 Speaker 02 They know who not to mess with.
8:00 Speaker 01 Who is the boss?
8:01 Speaker 02 You know who the real boss is? The pigs.
8:03 Dax Shepard? Oh, yeah, pigs are fucking aggressive.
8:05 Speaker 02 They're like walking around. Everyone else is kind of like, gay. You know, the goats kind of go, okay, just let them walk back.
8:10 Speaker 01 Because they're so smart.
8:11 Speaker 02 And they're huge.
8:12 Dax Shepard? They're huge. They have tusks, virtually. They have huge canines.
8:16 Speaker 02 They can totally bite. No, it's hilarious, but it's kind of sink or swim. I'm like, if you can't figure it out here, you can't figure it out anywhere.
8:23 Speaker 01 Do you think you're on a slippery slope to, like, getting a tiger or something?
8:27 Speaker 02 No, the slope at this point is like, I want a giraffe.
8:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, see, I feel like we're heading.
8:32 Speaker 02 I want things we shouldn't have, like a rhino.
8:34 Speaker 01 I want things that we, a hundred percent slippery slope. Yes, yes, you're not wrong.
8:39 Dax Shepard? Snow leopard.
8:40 Speaker 02 Yes, yes.
8:41 Dax Shepard? I can tell you the thing that would be great for you to get because Okay, my mom lived in Hood River, Oregon for a while and we discovered this place. This man had a farm and he had all these crazy animals. He was a very sweet man and the girls fell in love with giraffes. It was great. He had, his favorite thing was these back tree and camels. And they're so beautiful. Like he had this one that was like his girl and she went everywhere with him. And they're crazy smart.
9:08 Speaker 02 Yes.
9:09 Dax Shepard? I was like, of all these things, that is the coolest thing, this back tree and camel. And they live, I guess, in the most extreme, they're in negative 20 and also 120. They can hang anywhere.
9:19 Speaker 02 Wow. Well, now I want one.
9:21 Dax Shepard? Yeah, if someone's trying to unload a back tree camel.
9:23 Speaker 02 I'll take it.
9:24 Dax Shepard? Because the eyes, they're like cartoon, they have eyelashes.
9:27 Speaker 02 Yes.
9:27 Dax Shepard? She was pretty.
9:28 Speaker 02 Oh my God. I never even thought I could have a camel.
9:32 Dax Shepard? No, back to the zebra.
9:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, wait, okay.
9:34 Dax Shepard? I want to not be disparaging to the Amish because I grew up around them.
9:37 Speaker 02 I understand.
9:38 Dax Shepard? In southern Michigan.
9:39 Speaker 02 Totally.
9:39 Dax Shepard? They're lovely and they're like woodworkers.
9:42 Speaker 02 I know, it's amazing.
9:43 Dax Shepard? I admire the close knit family.
9:45 Speaker 02 I totally agree with you.
9:45 Dax Shepard? But I cannot help but call out a little bit of hypocrisy, which is like, for some reason, God doesn't want them to drive cars.
9:51 Speaker 02 Yeah.
9:52 Dax Shepard? That makes sense. I understand the logic of it. But why, if God wanted a zonkey, he would have made one. Why are you free to cross pollinate species?
10:01 Speaker 02 Listen, this is happening all over. People are doing crazy shit to animals, not just that. Like the stuff we see, because we have a lot of dwarf ponies, we have mini ponies, a lot of these animals, again, that are overbred in such a terrible way that it's like, that's not supposed to look like that. And people have them for parties and kids. It gets all over the country. We have a big animal problem, go down that hole. But I do think when we're getting them from the Amish country, they're worker animals. They use horses to get around. There's a lot of animals that are working for them.
10:27 Dax Shepard? Be subburdened.
10:28 Speaker 02 Yes. So when they kind of finish that job, where do they go? And so we've actually been able to take a few and let them live with us.
10:34 Dax Shepard? I'm really hung up on the zonkey. What does it look like? More like the zebra or more like the donkey?
10:38 Speaker 02 More like the donkey. Striped legs.
10:39 Dax Shepard? Okay.
10:40 Speaker 02 I'm gonna send you a picture after this. So the striped legs, but then a gray body.
10:44 Dax Shepard? Okay, and the demeanor of a donkey, I guess?
10:47 Speaker 02 Yeah, very calm, very sweet. I'm dying to nuzzle her and she will not quite let that happen yet. Okay, hard to get. I want to get in there and I want to kiss it.
10:55 Dax Shepard? Have you been mauled or attacked or anything? Okay.
10:58 Speaker 02 I've knocked on one. It could be its own reality show at that ranch.
11:02 Dax Shepard? Did you watch Chimp Crazy?
11:04 Speaker 02 No. It's so good.
11:06 Dax Shepard? I'm surprised you didn't watch it.
11:08 Speaker 02 I can't.
11:08 Speaker 01 It makes you sad?
11:09 Speaker 02 Yeah, I can't watch anything with animals.
11:11 Dax Shepard? Well, you've seen the cartoon Lion King.
11:13 Speaker 02 Yes, yes, of course. And my daughter has seen it too.
11:16 Dax Shepard? Okay.
11:16 Speaker 02 It's one of the least ones we watch, actually. She watches everything, but that's not the one we watch as much.
11:21 Dax Shepard? She likes Succession.
11:22 Speaker 02 She loves Game of Thrones. She loves Succession.
11:24 Dax Shepard? That's true. She told that story on Kimmel. Yeah, yeah.
11:27 Speaker 02 That was actually true. I handed her my iPad. I was watching that and I wanted to see how long she would last. The hate I got for that?
11:33 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
11:34 Speaker 02 How could you? I'm like, calm down.
11:35 Speaker 01 Big time calm down.
11:38 Dax Shepard? I watched that with the most amount of attention I've ever watched someone do a talk show appearance. I'm quietly applauding it, right? Because it's like, the shaming of everyone's parenting is such an epidemic. And I was like, oh, this bitch is going hard. She's gonna say exactly what's happening and fuck all y'all if you have a problem with that.
11:56 Speaker 02 I feel bad that they're not doing what I'm doing because it's working out great for me. My kid's amazing. We'll watch this.
12:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, you can do Sunday TV night.
12:04 Speaker 02 It's wild. Now that I have my own, I would never tell someone or say, don't do that. I would never.
12:12 Dax Shepard? Other than corporal punishment. If you saw someone getting their ass kicked.
12:15 Speaker 02 That's different.
12:16 Dax Shepard? Right, right.
12:16 Speaker 02 But it's like, I could never say, oh, I don't think you should show her that. Or I don't think you should give that kid that or feed them that. It's like, what the fuck am I saying to you?
12:24 Speaker 01 None of anybody's business.
12:25 Speaker 02 It blows my mind how brave some of these people are.
12:29 Speaker 01 Audacious.
12:29 Speaker 02 Isn't it insane?
12:30 Dax Shepard? You know, you get to define what is important to you as a parent. Some people then decide that's how every single person should be thinking about it too.
12:38 Speaker 02 It's wild.
12:39 Dax Shepard? Well, the heat I've gotten for like, one time we said we don't bathe the kids every night. I'm like, we did when they're babies, but get real, they're not fucking dirty. That was a whole stink up. Then I said, when they are 18, I'd offer to pay for them to freeze their eggs so they never felt the pressure of that. That was some people mad at. I'm like, my goodness.
12:55 Speaker 02 I mean, I guess we should know by now. I've been in this business for so long that nothing phases me anymore.
13:01 Dax Shepard? But I find it charming though. It's very charming that you don't seem to care.
13:05 Speaker 02 I really don't.
13:06 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
13:06 Speaker 02 I don't give a fuck. I have heard everything about me. I have heard great things. I've heard terrible things. I've been made fun of. I've been loved. This has been my whole life. So you think I give a shit if someone? Someone cares that I handed my two year old an iPad. Don't care.
13:19 Dax Shepard? Good for you.
13:19 Speaker 02 Don't care.
13:20 Dax Shepard? Was that a late adoption?
13:22 Speaker 02 Of that feeling?
13:23 Dax Shepard? Disposition, or did you come to it? Did you used to care?
13:26 Speaker 02 Did I used to care? I think certain things have tweaked me, but over recent years, I do not care anymore.
13:33 Dax Shepard? I guess as a kid, were you someone who got self-conscious easy?
13:36 Speaker 02 No.
13:36 Dax Shepard? Good for you.
13:37 Speaker 02 No, but I also think that was because this wasn't all I did as a kid. I mean, I was a child actor.
13:43 Dax Shepard? You were a ranked tennis player.
13:44 Speaker 02 Loved tennis. I had sports. I had a million friends. I wasn't all about this. It was a million other things. And I've kind of kept that as an adult. So I kind of was like a little bit of a duck, like kind of just like rolled off back to the ducks. Look at me. I circled all the way back to the ducks.
13:59 Speaker 01 That was a good call back.
14:00 Speaker 02 I didn't even mean to, it just naturally happened. I just go to the ducks immediately.
14:04 Dax Shepard? It was elegant.
14:05 Speaker 02 It was elegant.
14:06 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
14:06 Speaker 01 We call that a ding ding ding here.
14:08 Dax Shepard? Yeah, duck duck.
14:09 Speaker 02 Duck duck goose.
14:10 Dax Shepard? Yes, duck duck goose.
14:12 Speaker 02 Favorite game.
14:12 Speaker 01 Oh, great game.
14:13 Dax Shepard? What was it when it doesn't work out?
14:14 Speaker 02 I don't know.
14:15 Speaker 01 I think the duck duck goose is when it is wrong.
14:18 Dax Shepard? When it's not a ding ding ding.
14:19 Speaker 02 Yeah.
14:19 Dax Shepard? That's right. So.
14:20 Speaker 02 I've never even heard that.
14:21 Dax Shepard? We made up all the.
14:22 Speaker 01 Oh, you made this up. Okay. I was like, I didn't hear this.
14:24 Dax Shepard? Ding ding ding a lot.
14:25 Speaker 02 Okay.
14:25 Dax Shepard? And then sometimes, if I can be, sometimes Monica would say ding ding ding on something.
14:30 Speaker 02 Okay.
14:30 Dax Shepard? That I didn't think really was related, right? So it would be like, she was talking about brushing her teeth. And then later I said, you know, I bought a washcloth and she'd go ding ding ding. And I go, mm.
14:39 Speaker 01 You can see the connective tissue.
14:41 Speaker 02 I can see, I can see.
14:43 Dax Shepard? And I would go, that's more of a duck duck goose. So then duck duck goose became, if it's not really related.
14:49 Speaker 01 Ding ding ding.
14:49 Dax Shepard? It felt like it was.
14:50 Speaker 02 Yeah, I get it.
14:51 Speaker 01 Over these thousand episodes, we got a lot of little things like that, right?
14:55 Speaker 02 It's amazing.
14:55 Dax Shepard? I wish we had been keeping a glossary. That would have been helpful.
14:58 Speaker 02 It's pretty amazing, you guys.
14:59 Dax Shepard? Do you listen to podcasts?
15:01 Speaker 02 My obsession right now is really dark true crime.
15:05 Speaker 01 Okay.
15:06 Dax Shepard? Good, good, good.
15:06 Speaker 02 Sword and Scale.
15:07 Dax Shepard? Tell me.
15:08 Speaker 02 It is a true crime podcast, but what I love about it is they're all individual. There's 400 episodes. So these are the episodes they don't show on Dateline. It's really dark.
15:19 Dax Shepard? It's like hardcore porn.
15:20 Speaker 02 It's hardcore. It's an addiction.
15:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:24 Speaker 02 There's like a kid's story. I can't do that one or anything with animals. I cut a lot of it out, but that's been my obsession lately. And then my fiancee got me obsessed with near death experiences.
15:33 Speaker 01 Oh.
15:34 Speaker 02 I can't get enough.
15:35 Speaker 01 My friend Elizabeth is very obsessed with that too. I cannot relate.
15:39 Dax Shepard? Me either. Tell me about what the appeal is.
15:42 Speaker 02 I find it interesting, the few that I've listened to recently have a lot of similar patterns. We're talking people all over the world that are talking about these near death experiences and the way that they're seeing angels and demons. It's fascinating to me. And a lot of their stories, they're not the same, but they have so many similarities. Yeah. And I find it unbelievable. And then these people that remember every moment and they talk about the light and they go in and they're like, oh my God, am I dead? But I'm not. And then they come back and they tell this story. I'm just kind of obsessed with it.
16:14 Speaker 01 It is interesting.
16:14 Speaker 02 It's interesting.
16:15 Dax Shepard? Do you think because you ultimately have a great fear of death and you want to know that perhaps there's something more? We had this great expert and I was talking about why we like true crime. Why do we like UFC? Why do we like war documentaries? It's because we get to model out our fears and hopefully learn. For true crime, women are obsessed with what did they miss? What was the thing that should have triggered, oh, this was a dangerous person? Like you hope to gather defenses against this ever happening to you.
16:41 Speaker 02 Right.
16:42 Dax Shepard? So in that vein, do you think there's something happening with you wanting to know? Or is it just a random curiosity?
16:50 Speaker 02 I think it's a random curiosity. I think I was also curious because Tom is so obsessed with it that I wanted to understand his obsession.
16:57 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah.
16:58 Speaker 02 He so intrigued by God and all these different things and what happens when you die. And so he has this real love for learning about that. So I think I wanted to be able to talk to him about it.
17:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:07 Speaker 02 So I started listening to, and I thought, am I going to be into this? And now I am. I think it's fascinating. But he won't listen to any of the true crime. That's not his jam.
17:15 Dax Shepard? Have you ever hit him with Dr. Death? Cause I'm not a true crime person, but that one is the greatest.
17:20 Speaker 02 That one is unbelievable.
17:22 Dax Shepard? That's my favorite, I think, podcast of all time.
17:23 Speaker 02 Unbelievable. He probably liked that one.
17:25 Dax Shepard? He'd dig it. Cause that's like a guy's narcissism running wild in the decapitation of a friend on the table.
17:32 Speaker 02 That's a great one.
17:33 Speaker 01 It's so scary.
17:34 Speaker 02 I know.
17:35 Speaker 01 People are scary. I will take the time to peddle a podcast of mine called Beth's Dead that is out.
17:41 Speaker 02 Beth's Dead?
17:42 Speaker 01 Yes, it's 10 episodes and it is true crime-y.
17:44 Speaker 02 Ooh!
17:45 Speaker 01 Yes. It takes a lot of twists and turns.
17:48 Speaker 02 Wait a minute, I'm listening to that on the way home.
17:50 Speaker 01 Okay, I think you'll like it.
17:51 Speaker 02 I love that.
17:53 Speaker 01 Take some big twists and turns. It's kind of meta.
17:55 Speaker 02 Okay.
17:55 Speaker 01 It happened in a podcast.
17:56 Speaker 02 Oh, okay, okay, okay. No, I love that. I mean, that stage we're in, I live so far, so I'm always listening to podcasts.
18:02 Speaker 01 Yeah.
18:03 Dax Shepard? Have you had a near death experience?
18:05 Speaker 02 No. Isn't it weird that I kind of wish I did? I want one.
18:08 Speaker 01 No, it makes sense.
18:09 Speaker 02 Because I want to see what these people are. What are they seeing?
18:12 Speaker 01 I'm gonna knock on wood again, though.
18:13 Dax Shepard? I don't know what the definition is, but I have had the moment, which is among the most unique feelings I've ever had in my life, where I went, oh, I'm about to die. I was in the backseat of a car, like I had folded the seats down in the back of a Ford Probe, in like a hatchback, and my friend was driving. We were coming back from Toledo back up to Detroit. It was like late at night, and I had to work super early in the morning. So I go, hey, I'm gonna sleep in the back. Are you good to drive? Yeah, I'm totally fine. He had the cruise control on 85, and I'm like back there, I'm listening, and the road was really rhythmic. It was like, just at that moment, I was like, oh, that rhythm is nice. I'm gonna fall asleep. And then I just heard gravel hitting the side of the car. And I immediately looked up, and he was completely slumped over. And we'd gone off the road,
18:57 Dax Shepard? and we're going 85, and the car started to go sideways. It's just pine trees lining that interstate in Michigan. And I started to go to grab the wheel, and there was a moment, I just knew it was too far gone, like we had gone completely sideways. I laid back down, and then we just launched in the air, and we started rolling right down the highway. And as this was happening, I'm waiting to just hit a tree. I'm like, we're gonna hit a tree, and that's gonna be that. And I definitely had this moment where I was like, oh, wow, I'm gonna die in a second. And the feeling was shockingly comforting. That I remember. I went from complete fear, shit, the car's out of control. Oh, my God, we're gonna roll. Fuck, we're rolling. Oh, right, we're gonna roll into a tree. I'm gonna die. Like, all that calculus.
19:40 Dax Shepard? And then I just went like, hmm. And I got very calm. Whatever thing they give you, the DMT, or whatever the weird chemical is, did definitely start getting released, I think, where I was kind of weirdly at total peace with it. And then we just rolled like 10 times, ended up upside down. We did not hit a tree.
19:57 Speaker 02 Wow.
19:57 Dax Shepard? Um, the car was fly out. We crawled out the windows, the whole nine yards.
20:00 Speaker 02 Your friend was okay?
20:01 Dax Shepard? He was okay, and I was okay.
20:02 Speaker 02 That is terrifying. That's really interesting. A lot of the stories that I hear, people have a sense of calm, even if something bad is happening. A lot of them say, these people that came back from having this death experience, that the minute that you think they're in pain, that's gone. If we watch someone, God forbid, someone dying or an accident or something, that if that experience is about to happen, not to worry, like that it's gone.
20:26 Dax Shepard? Yeah, some other body calculates. We don't need to deal with that.
20:28 Speaker 02 We worry, but they're like, we want you to know we're not feeling that. They're not like sitting there, half alive, half dead, feeling this pain. Like it's gone. When they come back, they do. But that moment of the in-between, whatever that means, all the stories seem to be the same where they're not feeling whatever is happening to them. Cause we're all obviously so worried about that person or whatever, but they said that that's not the case.
20:48 Dax Shepard? I'd want to talk to other folks because the trippiest part for me was post that event for about three days. Because I already went all in dead and I accepted it. For the next three days, I'd just be places that I felt very peculiar, like, am I dead? I know I died. That was the weirdest part of the whole thing.
21:05 Speaker 02 Was this a long time ago?
21:06 Dax Shepard? This was 12th grade in high school.
21:08 Speaker 02 Oh, you were little. Okay. You don't forget shit like that.
21:10 Dax Shepard? Yeah, no, it was highly memorable. This may shock you, but I've never been able to fall asleep in a car ever since. So I can never let the other person take a turn driving. That's off the table. Oh, for sure. There's no way I could sleep with someone else driving. That's a wrap on that.
21:23 Speaker 02 That makes sense. I mean, that's major PTSD. I have the gift of sleeping anywhere at any time. Let's say we were working right now and they were like, you've got 20 minutes. I am not joking. I could lay on this hard table and be out into dreamland. I could actually do it right here. If they were like, we need 20, I'd be like, okay. I have photos of this on set. I think I learned it from being on set. Yeah. I can literally go to sleep to a place of god, to the point where someone has to physically wake me up. In any position known to me. Like people are jealous of this ability, a gift.
21:56 Dax Shepard? I am so jealous.
21:57 Speaker 02 I know. It's crazy.
21:58 Dax Shepard? So on an airplane, you're like, sayonara.
22:00 Speaker 02 Immediately. The car made me think of this. The car, this couch is a luxury, but I would do it on the floor.
22:05 Dax Shepard? Brought a needles.
22:06 Speaker 02 Anything.
22:07 Dax Shepard? Have you ever fallen asleep driving the car?
22:09 Speaker 02 Never. No, anywhere. Planes, any seat, nothing is uncomfortable. I can figure it out. I mean, the amount of sleeps in a director's chair that I could do was like a gift.
22:19 Dax Shepard? This is another thing about your comfort level. A lot of people too are like, do I look insane sleeping?
22:28 Speaker 02 Okay.
22:28 Dax Shepard? Yeah, my mouth will open and it's a gape.
22:30 Speaker 02 Yeah, no, I get a little agape too.
22:32 Speaker 01 I'm sure.
22:33 Speaker 02 I gotta get a nap in. You know, these hours are nuts.
22:37 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
22:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, you gotta prioritize your health.
22:39 Speaker 02 I don't give a shit. Kevin Hart posted something the other day. He's the same. He can sleep anywhere. Did you see that? I've worked with him a few times and he used to fall asleep at different spots and I would laugh because I was like, oh my God, I can do the same thing, but he can sleep anywhere too. But I think it's a gift. When you work the way you do, you have to find.
22:56 Speaker 01 You figure it out.
22:57 Speaker 02 You know?
22:57 Speaker 01 What did he post? Did he post him just sleeping?
22:59 Speaker 02 A couple of different sleepings that people had taken some photos.
23:01 Dax Shepard? I think he was on set of Jumanji.
23:02 Speaker 02 Yes, yes, yes, yes.
23:03 Dax Shepard? And he's just like.
23:04 Speaker 02 He was like at a dinner table at one point, just like a thing. No, I said, oh my God, I totally understand that.
23:10 Speaker 01 And do you sleep well at night? Are you just, okay, you're just good.
23:13 Speaker 02 I have the gift of sleep. I know.
23:14 Speaker 01 I love that for you.
23:15 Speaker 02 I'm like very afraid that that's about to change. I just turned 40 and everyone's like, you'll never sleep well again. And I'm like, so far I've been fine.
23:22 Dax Shepard? Also, okay, so the gift of that, I'd imagine is you had a newborn and my issue with waking up to do the feedings, we would break them up and do every other one. I can't fall back asleep.
23:32 Speaker 02 That's Tom. He cannot go back to sleep. Once he's up, his life is over.
23:36 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
23:36 Speaker 02 So we were definitely spoiled and had help at night.
23:40 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:41 Speaker 02 I spent every dollar on help. We were like, if we have any money, that's where it's going.
23:44 Speaker 01 If you can, yes.
23:45 Speaker 02 So I don't know what that is like.
23:47 Dax Shepard? Good for you.
23:48 Speaker 02 People will say to me when we first had Matilda, they would say, oh my God, it's amazing. You look so rested. I'm like, I am.
23:54 Dax Shepard? More than ever.
23:55 Speaker 01 I always say it. Oh my God. And then they're like, I hate you.
23:57 Speaker 02 I hate you. I said, I don't want anyone to think I'm magically looking awake and I didn't sleep all night. Like I always told, I wanted to wear a sign that was like, I slept.
24:07 Speaker 01 You're like full nine hours.
24:08 Speaker 02 I just want you to have the truth.
24:10 Speaker 01 Yes.
24:10 Speaker 02 That's the truth. I know.
24:12 Speaker 01 I appreciate that.
24:12 Dax Shepard? Okay, now Tom.
24:13 Speaker 02 He says hi, by the way.
24:15 Dax Shepard? Oh, he does?
24:15 Speaker 02 He loves you. He loves you from afar.
24:17 Dax Shepard? Okay, same. The timing of this is incredible because I watched Task. Did you watch Task?
24:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think I said, I said, that's Haley's boyfriend.
24:26 Dax Shepard? Oh, I don't remember you saying that.
24:27 Speaker 02 How good is that?
24:28 Speaker 01 Amazing.
24:29 Dax Shepard? It's so good. And Kristen and I were watching it together and both of us simultaneously were like. Excuse me, who's this fucking guy? How could he be this good? And in this caliber of a show without me having seen him before? And then I learned he was in Ozark. And then, of course, last night I had to read about him and I'm like, oh my God, it's even better than I thought. Because he did the impossible. He started on soaps.
24:57 Speaker 02 Yep.
24:57 Dax Shepard? Prominently so.
24:58 Speaker 02 Hundred percent.
24:59 Dax Shepard? And fucking clawed his way up to the peak of cachet on HBO.
25:04 Speaker 02 I know.
25:04 Dax Shepard? What a gangster.
25:05 Speaker 02 No, it's really true. He is one of the ones, I'll let him tell you one day, he loved his time on the soap.
25:10 Dax Shepard? Sure.
25:10 Speaker 02 It was his best time, it was like, yeah, the time of his life. He always talks about it in a beautiful way.
25:15 Dax Shepard? I love that.
25:15 Speaker 02 He's like, I was out of my mind, out of control. Like, I was a partier, had the time of my life.
25:20 Dax Shepard? Every woman in America was obsessed with him.
25:23 Speaker 02 It was so fun. He's such a chameleon, because if you look at his work, half the things people don't even know it's hit. Like, he's so, you know?
25:29 Dax Shepard? The body is fucking top notch, too. I like a guy with that frame.
25:34 Speaker 02 He's so fucking hot.
25:35 Dax Shepard? Oh.
25:35 Speaker 02 I know. It's ridiculous.
25:37 Dax Shepard? I heard you say that you were stalking him on Instagram.
25:41 Speaker 01 Oh, that's how you found him?
25:43 Speaker 02 No, but I did stalk him on Instagram.
25:44 Dax Shepard? Yeah, so I want to know the progression.
25:46 Speaker 02 Okay.
25:47 Dax Shepard? Okay, yeah.
25:47 Speaker 02 So we have the same manager, very each your Hollywood story. I was obviously going through a divorce, however many years ago.
25:54 Dax Shepard? And we do need to talk about that because we were so into Carl. You wouldn't remember our interview?
25:59 Speaker 02 Oh, I remember.
25:59 Dax Shepard? You remember? Remember how into Carl we were?
26:02 Speaker 02 Because Carl is wonderful.
26:04 Dax Shepard? Yes, and he was an equestrian.
26:06 Speaker 02 Equestrian, I remember. He won a gold medal this last year. He did something at the Olympic. He's amazing. I have not a single bad thing to say about that guy.
26:13 Dax Shepard? Well, we were so into Carl that Rob came in one morning and he goes, you guys, Carl's gone. But it really meant something. Do you remember all that?
26:21 Speaker 01 I actually don't.
26:22 Speaker 02 I remember talking to you about it.
26:24 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah, it was so fun.
26:25 Speaker 02 I remember talking about it.
26:26 Dax Shepard? Okay.
26:27 Speaker 02 So I was getting divorced and my manager, so maybe six months later, said, we just signed this new guy, you gotta meet him. It's six months and I said, I'm not ready, no. And I shut it down. And by the way, I've been with my manager and my entire team since I was 15 years old. They knew our family to me. Yeah. So she brings it up to me, I'm like, no, I'm not, it doesn't feel right yet. So she goes noted. So then cut to April, cut to four months later. I'm bringing her as my plus one to New York to promote Flight Attendant. She goes, oh, this is great. I actually have a few different people I'll see in New York. One of them is Tom. There was a premiere for Ozark and she was gonna go. So she goes, we can go to that together. So she's saying all this to me. She's not scheming, but I remember this is the guy she mentioned before. Now, mind you, two weeks before I left for that,
27:09 Speaker 02 I guess you call it a press tour, but to promote Flight Attendant, season two, we hadn't had a premiere for season one because of COVID. So season two for Flight Attendant, we was very excited. We got to like actually go out and do stuff. But I'll never forget, I was laying on the floor of this house that I shared with Carl. We were obviously divorced, divorcing, and it was the day of the premiere. And I was on the floor sobbing, thinking I ruined my whole life. That is the lowest point in my life I ever had. I couldn't get up. I was so depressed. I thought I blew up my life. What am I gonna fucking do now? Then you've got this weird, the other side, the premiere of my show tonight. This is the weirdest juxtapose. Is that what you call it?
27:51 Speaker 02 My hair and makeup girls came over. They were literally doing my hair and makeup on the floor. I said, I can't go.
27:55 Dax Shepard? On the floor?
27:56 Speaker 02 I was so sad.
27:59 Speaker 02 My path for me was so complicated and I just thought, oh, man, this might have been it for me. Like, this is it for me.
28:06 Dax Shepard? And then you're older because you're worried I'll never find love again.
28:09 Speaker 02 Everything. It was so heart wrenching. It was horrible. So I knew two weeks later, we're going to New York to promote the show. And my manager says, you want to go to the premiere of Ozark with me? We can meet Tom. And I was like, she's still trying to set me up with this guy. So I decided to go on Instagram and I looked him up. So I look him up and it kind of looks like he's living up in the woods and he's got these dogs. And I'm like, oh, there's a dog. I like, so I'm like looking, looking, looking. By the way, I still have not met him. I know nothing. You know, when you go real deep and you get afraid you're gonna like something from like 2009? It is the worst. I'm like, do not touch this phone.
28:43 Dax Shepard? You have to scroll on the very right side of it. You cannot be anywhere near that hard button.
28:47 Speaker 02 Sitting on my hands, like if you like something from 2010, this would be so embarrassing.
28:52 Dax Shepard? Busted.
28:53 Speaker 02 Oh, lordy. So I scan, scan, scan, scan, and I get this feeling.
28:59 Speaker 02 That I'm gonna spend my life with him. And I texted my best friend Zasha in that moment. She still has it and I said, this is crazy, but I have to put it in writing. I think I'm gonna meet the man I'm gonna spend my life with. She goes, what do you mean? I'm like, just keep this text. And it was Tom.
29:12 Speaker 01 Wow.
29:12 Speaker 02 And I met him two weeks later.
29:14 Dax Shepard? Now, how much did the German Shepherd play a role in that?
29:17 Speaker 02 Loved that.
29:18 Dax Shepard? That's a big stamp of-
29:19 Speaker 02 Gotta be a dog lover with me.
29:20 Speaker 01 Yeah.
29:21 Speaker 02 That was a big one. Also, he looked very like, out in like the wood.
29:25 Speaker 01 Rugged, rugged.
29:26 Speaker 02 It wasn't like he was like selfie guy. It was more like, where is he? He was very mysterious.
29:30 Dax Shepard? He didn't look actor-y, right?
29:31 Speaker 02 Not actor-y at all.
29:32 Dax Shepard? Yes, that's what we're really saying.
29:34 Speaker 02 I'm gonna be with an actor. You might have been a good fucking actor.
29:36 Speaker 01 Yeah.
29:37 Speaker 02 This is also a tough thing.
29:38 Speaker 01 That's right.
29:39 Speaker 02 So I'm like, okay, he's cool. So, you know, I was thinking about it. I go, oh my God, maybe things are about to get better. So she takes me to the premiere and I'm still thinking, I can't, I'm gonna meet this guy tonight. We get there and I'm in line, bathroom, and I hear he has a very loud laugh. He has a lovely laugh. You hear it from my way. And I heard his laugh and I heard him say, so where is this Kaylee? He says it to my manager and I like turn around and I look up at him and he's giving us big smile. And I'm like, I'm right here.
30:15 Speaker 01 Oh, this is like such a rom-com. I've been here the whole time.
30:22 Dax Shepard? Right here.
30:23 Speaker 02 I'm right here. That was it.
30:26 Speaker 01 And then you guys were just in it?
30:28 Speaker 02 Yes, so we go into the theater and he's sitting in front. Now, they're showing two episodes of Ozark. This is a long night.
30:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
30:34 Speaker 02 Okay? Now, we all wanna watch Ozark, but right now, all I wanna do is fucking flirt my ass off with this guy who is sitting in front of me, who did not look back once.
30:44 Speaker 01 Oh.
30:45 Speaker 02 So I kept thinking, oh my God. And I'm dying because I'm like, he's really not gonna turn around for two and a half hours?
30:51 Speaker 01 He's playing it really-
30:52 Speaker 02 And we laugh about it now because he's like, that whole time, I was like, don't look back.
30:55 Speaker 01 Oh.
30:56 Speaker 02 I was sitting right behind him. So we go to the after, probably we're just like kinda shy. And after like two hours of not much conversation, he finally sits next to me. And by the way, my sister happened to be there too. My sister's so gorgeous. She looked so hot that night and I was like, Bri, can you please, if he goes for you tonight?
31:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
31:15 Speaker 02 Please, she looked so good. She was laughing. She's like, oh my God. I'm like, just get out of here. So luckily he didn't go for her. So he comes and he, he says, hey, how much longer are you here? I said, a few more days. And he's like, I'd love to take you out tomorrow night. So we did.
31:32 Dax Shepard? Was he living there or he was just in town for the premiere as well?
31:34 Speaker 02 He lives in upstate New York. Yeah. So he drove down for the premiere. And so the next night I totally ditched my friends. We had plans to go to Harry Potter, the musical.
31:44 Speaker 01 Oh, yes.
31:45 Dax Shepard? Gave Monica a seizure.
31:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, you probably avoided a seizure, so don't worry.
31:48 Speaker 02 I left intermission. I said, guys, I gotta meet this guy. And they're like, you're leaving us for that? And I planned the whole night. So we did. I jumped out. We had tea in the lobby of the hotel.
31:57 Dax Shepard? Where was he? In what hotel?
31:59 Speaker 02 I was at the Whitby, so he met me there. It's my favorite hotel. And so we had tea and I saw, this is so bad, but he had a pack of cigarettes.
32:07 Dax Shepard? Good for Tom.
32:08 Speaker 02 And I was like, it's hot. And I think he thought I would be like, ew. And I'm like, I'll have one of those. He was like, you will? I think it's shocking, dude. There was something about it. It's so bad. But he got so excited that I'd like have a smoke with him. And we did, we had a smoke. He was like trying to hide. That's like his one little vice.
32:26 Dax Shepard? Sure.
32:29 Speaker 03 Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.
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33:48 Speaker 01 Dax, is there anything better than crawling into a perfect bed on a cold fall night? Candlelit, hoodie on, maybe even some rain outside. The dream.
33:58 Dax Shepard? That's the dream. You just described one of my ideal fall nights.
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34:18 Dax Shepard? Increasingly so.
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36:21 Dax Shepard? So how do you then work out the fact that he's up in the woods in New York and you're
36:25 Speaker 02 in Westlake? Well, we got pregnant like an hour later.
36:33 Speaker 02 Which is wild because I never thought I would have kids.
36:36 Dax Shepard? You didn't? Oh, you didn't think so?
36:38 Speaker 02 I always loved him, but I felt like I missed the mark. And then with my ex, I kept thinking I didn't want kids with him or I don't know what it was. Something was missing. I knew it wasn't right for that and I thought, that's okay. I love my work. I was really okay with it.
36:51 Dax Shepard? Your animals.
36:52 Speaker 02 I was fine. I think deep down I wasn't fine, but I met Tom, we both wanted it so bad. And then we got pregnant easily and we were so excited and I said, what are we going to do? You live there, I live here. And he said he would move to LA and luckily, like I was telling you guys, I live so far outside of LA that he was attracted to that area. Now I'll tell you the hardest thing is his move out here. He hates LA.
37:15 Speaker 01 Oh, really?
37:15 Speaker 02 He's not an LA guy.
37:16 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:17 Speaker 02 He's a New Yorker.
37:18 Dax Shepard? But you have the funds to split this up a bit?
37:21 Speaker 02 And we do. No, we totally do. And he's been a ma- you know, look, one of us was gonna have to give up. I love New York, but my family's all here, his family's there. That's a tough, I've never dealt with that before.
37:31 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
37:31 Speaker 02 I know that's been hard. He's the most brilliant actor, but he's not a Hollywood guy.
37:36 Speaker 01 Thank God.
37:36 Speaker 02 I'm not a Hollywood girl, but I'm in it.
37:38 Speaker 01 Right.
37:39 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
37:39 Speaker 02 Whether I am or not.
37:40 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you're very not a Hollywood.
37:41 Speaker 02 I'm not.
37:42 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
37:42 Speaker 02 But it's also been my life.
37:44 Speaker 01 Slashed around.
37:44 Speaker 02 And it's been my life for so long that I'm so used to what this life brings. He's the actor's actor. He wants to do the acting thing without all the other stuff. He doesn't want it, which is what I love about him. So because I'm so used to all the stuff that comes with this, nothing phases me. And he's always amazed by that. He's like, I don't understand. I just roll through. I don't care. And it's not his scene.
38:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:07 Dax Shepard? Well, I would argue that you have worked so much that you had to develop that. Like, I just fucking keep moving, roll forward.
38:14 Speaker 02 What else am I gonna do?
38:15 Dax Shepard? You just have been doing it for so long.
38:17 Speaker 02 And I don't think there was ever a choice in that. I've always had that attitude. There's never been like a minute where I'm like, I need to really, it just was this.
38:24 Dax Shepard? Now, I will say, so I've been really curious, post Big Bang, obviously you have an agenda, which I dig, which is like, you've been really doing action, mystery.
38:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
38:37 Dax Shepard? This thing is a thriller vanished.
38:39 Speaker 02 Yeah.
38:40 Dax Shepard? As much as you're like, yeah, show up and do the thing, are you like, well, now I want to do a bunch of stuff I didn't get to do it? It feels like there's an agenda.
38:46 Speaker 02 It kind of looks like that. It's not necessarily.
38:50 Dax Shepard? It's just what you were interested in or landed in front of you?
38:52 Speaker 02 This business has gotten so fucking weird and difficult and hard. And there's not a lot of great stuff. It's harder now. It's harder to make things. There's so much television, yet at the same time, it's so complicated.
39:04 Dax Shepard? And now here's a really nosy gross question, but what is it like to go from making an insane amount of money back down to making like a good amount of money? Is it an adjustment?
39:14 Speaker 02 I don't think about that. I should think about it more, but I don't. I live the same as I did 20 years ago. Now it's different too with a child, like there's different elements now, but I like the way that I live. I don't want to change. That way that I live.
39:29 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
39:29 Speaker 02 It's the same way, though, where I'm, and Tom and I have talked about this a lot, because I'm so, I was gonna say brave, that's not the right word, I don't remember that I am anyone. So I do things that where he's like, I am, I am so oblivious and yet I've listened to so much true crime, I'm also very aware.
39:44 Speaker 01 Sure.
39:45 Speaker 02 So like, if someone's gonna be behind me, that I know.
39:47 Dax Shepard? Hypervigilant, but then oblivious.
39:49 Speaker 01 But oblivious, you just forget you're famous.
39:52 Speaker 02 So I do things that he will be like, what are you doing?
39:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, like, people know you.
39:56 Speaker 02 We take Matilda a lot to Chuck E. Cheese, and Tom always goes, you don't have to come tonight. I go, no, no, of course I want to come. And I'll be like, why? You do not want me to come? He's like, no, every time you come. He's like, do you understand what happens at Chuck E. Cheese? And I laugh and I go, I swear to God, and I really mean this, I don't even think about it.
40:13 Dax Shepard? And you don't remember the last trip to Chuck E. Cheese?
40:15 Speaker 02 Zero, zero in memory. I just remember having so much fun at Chuck E. Cheese and Matilda.
40:19 Speaker 01 Are people coming up to you, or everyone's just looking at you?
40:21 Speaker 02 They're just getting a little weird.
40:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
40:24 Dax Shepard? They're definitely filming you.
40:25 Speaker 02 They're filming, you know, and again, I don't care.
40:28 Dax Shepard? Good for you, it's so healthy. I wish I could let that go.
40:31 Speaker 02 I know, I don't care.
40:32 Dax Shepard? Just fuck up, Tom. I get this weird protective, hey, y'all, my kids are around, don't fucking point a camera, like, that kind of irks me.
40:40 Speaker 02 Yes.
40:40 Dax Shepard? Me, I'm fine, you could film me taking a shit if you find me at the airport, but if I'm with my kids.
40:45 Speaker 02 He's protective for sure. And again, he doesn't like that side of it.
40:49 Speaker 01 Yes. It's a gross side.
40:51 Speaker 02 It is gross. And I just don't notice it. He doesn't like award shows, he's like, what are we doing? And I'm there, I'm like, oh my God, I get to wear like, the cutest dress.
41:00 Dax Shepard? And you're seeing friends you've known over the years.
41:02 Speaker 02 Yes, but I get it, I'm looking at it through his eyes, I'm like, no, this is really fucked up. We're going to like, these weird popularity contests.
41:09 Speaker 01 Yes.
41:10 Speaker 02 Not even really how good you are.
41:11 Dax Shepard? Tom and I could really have a coffee.
41:13 Speaker 01 You would go to town. We were, podcast was a-
41:16 Speaker 02 I know.
41:17 Speaker 01 Podcast was a thing this year. I just felt so small.
41:20 Speaker 02 Oh.
41:21 Speaker 01 I mean, of course, right? That made me like, no, you're so not, I get what you're saying, we all feel small at those things.
41:28 Dax Shepard? I was just talking to, oh, Kurt Wood, I went out to eat with Kurt Wood Smith, my favorite actor. You worked with Kurt Wood, he's the dad on 70's Show, and he's in The Patriot.
41:35 Speaker 01 No, but he's amazing.
41:36 Dax Shepard? He's amazing, and I did- Thing with him years ago, but I just fell in love with him and we had lunch the other day. It was so sweet. And I was saying, you know, it's so funny. You're like, oh yeah, I got invited to the big party. But then the second you get there, you're like, it's physically strata. It's like, okay, so movie people are down here close to the stage and then the TV people are in this ring and then they dumped the podcasters like in a corner of that far ring. You come and then you just feel like.
41:57 Speaker 01 Maybe there's also a part of me that's like, I'm not gonna let that feeling be the reason I don't go.
42:02 Speaker 02 Right.
42:03 Speaker 01 Because there's so many people who are taking blinding photos of someone in front of you. And then, and then you walk, you just walk right on by.
42:13 Speaker 02 It's terrible.
42:13 Speaker 01 And they do not care. And even just between me and him, they don't want to do an interview with me solo. But if we go together, they'll do that. There's just so many things.
42:22 Speaker 02 I know.
42:22 Speaker 01 And it is not lost on me that to get invited there is a big honor.
42:28 Speaker 02 Yes.
42:29 Speaker 01 It's a huge honor.
42:31 Dax Shepard? It is.
42:32 Speaker 01 This is why people sound ungrateful, right? Cause they're gonna hear and be like, oh, like she's at the golden.
42:37 Dax Shepard? Boo hoo, you got nominated for a gold. You weren't as popular as Leonardo DiCaprio, so you don't want to go.
42:42 Speaker 01 It sounds crazy.
42:43 Dax Shepard? Just go like, to your point, you know how you don't care about shit?
42:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
42:46 Dax Shepard? I go like, yeah, guess what? You caught me. I'm sensitive. Guess what? I'm guilty of being sensitive.
42:51 Speaker 01 My goal, I guess, in life is to not have the feelings of being small.
42:56 Speaker 02 Of course.
42:56 Speaker 01 Just not going is not gonna fix that.
42:59 Dax Shepard? That's very true. And I admire that. You're right. You shouldn't let an insecurity prevent you from being at the places you do want to be.
43:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:07 Speaker 02 I'm like, Tom would love you. He would get so deep with you on this shit.
43:11 Dax Shepard? We'll bring our kids to this fucking farm and let them get attacked by a zonkey. Or mauled by a pig.
43:17 Speaker 02 She's friendly.
43:18 Dax Shepard? Okay. So interesting. So you have a healthy thing about the money. When I think about retiring, yeah, I get really afraid of like, am I gonna go like, oh wait, I like my savings increasing, not diminishing. That scares me.
43:29 Speaker 01 Well, also that big bang time, I guess.
43:30 Dax Shepard? What an appropriate title.
43:31 Speaker 01 I know. The big bank time.
43:36 Speaker 02 I never said that before.
43:37 Speaker 01 That was good.
43:37 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
43:37 Speaker 02 No, that just like came out.
43:39 Dax Shepard? The big bank.
43:40 Speaker 02 That was a really once in a, like, I can't even think to be like, oh, I wish I had that again. That never crosses my mind.
43:48 Dax Shepard? I have the same thing. It's like, when this is over, this will never happen again.
43:51 Speaker 02 It's special. This is a moment in time, and I feel that way about Big Bang. That was like its own life. I will never go back to that. I talk about it with so much love, but life is different now. It just doesn't look that way. It will never look that way again. Just the way else the business has gone, and there's just no way.
44:07 Dax Shepard? How is Oh Norman going?
44:09 Speaker 02 It's going great.
44:10 Dax Shepard? It is. Do you enjoy that? You launched a pet food.
44:13 Speaker 02 I did.
44:13 Dax Shepard? Company with really cute names. Chill the fuck out?
44:16 Speaker 02 Yeah, a lot of F. Yeah. Calm the F down. Stop effing niching. W. What the fuck treats. WTF treats. Whole tasty fresh. They're really cute. The packaging is amazing, and it's all super healthy ingredients, all naturally made, sustainable. It's been an awesome adventure. We're two years old. I'm fully involved. Like, every name, every product, everything. I am obsessed because also, for years, obviously because of my animal obsession, people have come to me to do something like this, and I've always said no.
44:46 Dax Shepard? Yes.
44:46 Speaker 02 So this was now the moment to do it. And so now that I'm doing it, I want people to know that I mean it. It's so authentic to me. It's like if someone was an influencer and they're doing makeup, it makes sense for them. Like, this makes sense for me. So I want them to know that everything I'm telling you I'm doing, I'm using, I'm this and that. And I want it to feel very girl next door. So we've kind of created it in a way where half the videos I'm doing on my phone, like, it's all just everyday stuff.
45:09 Dax Shepard? Great. You have such a charm. She also pitched herself to be the host of the NFL Honors Ceremony.
45:15 Speaker 02 Let me tell you something.
45:16 Dax Shepard? Tell me.
45:16 Speaker 02 This is so funny you're bringing this up. I am pissed. Last year, I thought I was getting that gig.
45:21 Dax Shepard? Yeah, how could you have not, based on that video?
45:23 Speaker 02 It went to Snoop Dogg.
45:24 Dax Shepard? Well.
45:25 Speaker 02 That was amazing. By the way, he was great.
45:27 Dax Shepard? You can stomach that.
45:27 Speaker 02 This year, Jon Hamm now is hosting. Get a chick up there.
45:32 Speaker 01 I don't like that.
45:33 Speaker 02 I am waiting my turn. I know all about football. I know a lot, and I love it. So I feel like I'm such a good candidate for this.
45:43 Speaker 01 Yes.
45:44 Speaker 02 But now I feel like I'm getting lower on the list. And it's just funny you say this because literally two days ago in our house, I was like, Jon Hamm's hosting?
45:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
45:54 Speaker 02 When am I gonna get my shot? What a chick up there.
45:58 Speaker 01 I agree. And it should be you because you've been trying. You've been putting yourself out there.
46:03 Speaker 02 Putting the effort.
46:03 Dax Shepard? You've earned it.
46:04 Speaker 02 I feel I've earned it. I can be funny. I am not mean. I am fun. I understand the game.
46:09 Dax Shepard? Have you ever hosted anything?
46:11 Speaker 02 Yes.
46:11 Dax Shepard? What have you hosted?
46:12 Speaker 02 Early in my Big Bang days, I hosted People's Choice twice.
46:16 Speaker 01 Oh, wow.
46:16 Dax Shepard? Okay, that's a big affair.
46:17 Speaker 02 I hosted Choice Awards once or twice.
46:21 Speaker 01 I don't like this for you. I don't like what's happened to you.
46:23 Speaker 02 I appreciate that. It's changing me, knowing that I'm not able to be this host of this NFL honors. It drives me crazy. Then they're like, well, we'd love you to come present. I'm like, no.
46:32 Dax Shepard? I don't even know what the honors is. What is that? Is that their Academy Awards?
46:35 Speaker 02 Yes, it's basically after the whole year. I mean, you got, you're doing MVP. You're handing out all these cool.
46:40 Dax Shepard? Oh, the MVP gets it.
46:41 Speaker 02 Yeah, for a football lover, it's awesome.
46:43 Dax Shepard? Yes.
46:44 Speaker 02 For a sports lover, it's awesome.
46:45 Dax Shepard? Great.
46:46 Speaker 02 So it's just funny you say that because this has been hot on my mind.
46:49 Dax Shepard? She starts a video in a jersey.
46:51 Speaker 02 Thank you. You remember that.
46:52 Dax Shepard? Yes. You had a great premise, which is I know a lot about football, but I have zero loyalty. Whoever is winning. It started with like so and so was in first. I loved them.
47:00 Speaker 02 Yep.
47:00 Dax Shepard? But then so and so shit the bed.
47:02 Speaker 02 Goff, I'm all about Goff.
47:03 Dax Shepard? I'm like, I'm a Rams fan. I'm from LA. Then the Lions crushed them. Now I'm a Lions fan.
47:08 Speaker 02 I'm a Lions fan. I'm now, oh, Kelsey, I'll go right to Kansas City. She like, I just went through the whole thing. I like audition.
47:15 Speaker 01 What if they ask you next year? What are you gonna say?
47:17 Speaker 02 Hundred percent, yes. Oh, I'm not, listen, I will wait years.
47:20 Speaker 01 You're not petty.
47:21 Speaker 02 No, there was a job recently. I won't say the name of it because I feel like it's going to come out and it's going to be like, oh, my God, that was the one. This just shows you this business. It doesn't matter who you are, what you've done. I wanted this job so bad. And they kept saying, oh, you know, we're going to go so and so. We're going to, and okay, well, if we don't go in so and so, these people kept turning it down. These different actresses.
47:39 Dax Shepard? Uh huh.
47:40 Speaker 02 At this point, I was fifth in line. And I remember my team is like, at this point, like fuck them. I'm like, yeah, no, no, no, no, no. I still want this. And by the way, I did not get this job. And I laughed because I'm like.
47:51 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
47:52 Speaker 02 I couldn't believe the team was like, if they actually say yes to you now, now we're saying no to them because this is getting offensive. I'm like, I don't care. I want the job.
48:00 Dax Shepard? Good for you.
48:01 Speaker 01 You're so healthy.
48:02 Speaker 02 But I didn't get it. And that. Now I'm like, I didn't believe I didn't get it. I didn't get it. It'll come out by next time I see you. We'll talk about it. It'll come out.
48:09 Speaker 01 I know, I'm curious.
48:11 Speaker 02 I know. But it just shows you like, it doesn't matter.
48:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
48:15 Speaker 02 They didn't want me. I wasn't right for it. By the way, I know I'm good.
48:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
48:19 Speaker 02 So if they didn't see me for that, it's okay. It doesn't mean all of a sudden I'm not good.
48:23 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it wasn't talent based.
48:24 Speaker 02 No, it's like, okay, they had a different idea.
48:26 Dax Shepard? Insecurity.
48:26 Speaker 02 I don't feel that way. I'm like, that's not the look they're going for. It's obvious it's not. So, okay, that's fine. But like, it doesn't mean I go home like, oh, I guess they didn't want me. They know I'm good.
48:36 Dax Shepard? Was it to play a historical black woman?
48:39 Speaker 02 Isn't that weird? They wouldn't hire me.
48:41 Speaker 01 So yeah, I know you really tried, but.
48:44 Dax Shepard? They just didn't see it.
48:45 Speaker 01 We don't need to see the audition tape for that.
48:47 Speaker 02 You don't need to. No, please God, no. You just can't get everything. I don't know.
48:51 Dax Shepard? Well, then I guess learning about how chill you are about all of it, the one question I didn't ask you last time that I was curious about is, when I look at your resume, the thing that feels like it could have been a very dicey situation was walking into Charmed, season eight.
49:06 Speaker 02 Girl.
49:07 Dax Shepard? Was it a dicey?
49:08 Speaker 02 Um, that was, it's funny. You know, when you do so many things and you just forget about terrible moments?
49:15 Speaker 01 Compartmental.
49:16 Speaker 02 I have to say though, I was 21 because I remember I turned 21 on that. And if I knew what I knew now, I don't think I would have ever let this happen. I started out that job in their gallery shoot. Imagine this, I've never met anyone. It's their gallery shoot. Okay, for those in home. A gallery shoot, you're starting season eight, you're gonna go do new photos with the cast. It's an all day thing. Everyone's together and you're all wearing black and then you're all wearing red, you know? So I'm the new girl. You got Alyssa Milano, Rose McGowan, and Holly Marie Combs. I've never met them.
49:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
49:45 Speaker 02 Think about that. I'm joining their family photo. And I'm 21. I'm the hottest I've ever been, by the way. I'm thinking I'm like the coolest thing ever, but also terrified. I'm gonna tell you the loveliest story about Alyssa Milano. I walk in that gallery and I am so freaking nervous. It's on their lunch break. They're all in the corners eating. I walk in. Alyssa Milano sees me and I will always tell this story about her. She got up, ran over to me, welcomed the show, gave me the biggest hug in the world. We're so happy. You're so kind. I will never forget that. In fact, ever since then, and I was like this before that moment, but I make sure I do that to anybody. Cause that was the nicest thing she could have ever done to me. It just made me feel, oh my God, huge hug. So glad you're here.
50:30 Speaker 02 Rose maybe not as happy.
50:31 Dax Shepard? Sure.
50:31 Speaker 02 But I don't know. I don't know.
50:34 Dax Shepard? My dad was excited to see you.
50:36 Speaker 02 I still don't know if she likes me. I don't know. But Alyssa was amazing. I was terrified. Oh. Yeah, it's a weird thing coming into a show with seven years. For that long? Yeah.
50:48 Dax Shepard? Year eight.
50:48 Speaker 02 I was year eight. I only did the one season. I think about that with Big Bang, cause obviously I started Big Bang after that. We were on that show for 12 years. You know each other so well.
50:56 Dax Shepard? 12 years.
50:56 Speaker 02 12. So anyone that came in, I was very aware of like, this must be so weird for you. Yeah. So I always remembered that from Alyssa to this day. And I was like that before that, but still you gotta go the extra mile in a situation like that. Well, cause it's weird. It's walking into someone's family dinner. It's so weird. Yes. Everyone's close. That's tough.
51:16 Dax Shepard? Well, add in the hotness is not great either.
51:18 Speaker 02 And I was super hot.
51:19 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it's not helpful.
51:20 Speaker 02 I can lose 20 years ago. I don't think that helps. Although Alyssa was hot then, she's hot now.
51:25 Dax Shepard? She's also a horse lover. She might have smelt out.
51:27 Speaker 02 Animals, chihuahua there. She was amazing.
51:30 Dax Shepard? How many dogs do you have in your house?
51:32 Speaker 02 We have four.
51:33 Dax Shepard? Okay, that's totally reasonable.
51:34 Speaker 02 It's not crazy. It's a low number for us.
51:36 Dax Shepard? I thought it was gonna be much scarier.
51:38 Speaker 02 We're usually at the six mark. I love rescuing seniors, so they don't last as long.
51:42 Dax Shepard? And how's the barking in the house?
51:44 Speaker 02 Insane. Horrible.
51:45 Dax Shepard? Okay.
51:46 Speaker 02 You wanna get anything done in our house? Don't even.
51:47 Dax Shepard? Help me understand how you guys are fine with that. Cause I live with a tremendous amount of barking.
51:52 Speaker 02 I have nothing to say to you. It's terrible.
51:54 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
51:54 Speaker 02 It's all the time. They see a leaf. Yeah, why?
51:57 Dax Shepard? There's a squirrel. There's a visitor. The door bird rings.
51:59 Speaker 02 At this point, I think I do want to blackout our front door. Cause I think anything now.
52:05 Dax Shepard? Maybe put iPad. catches over them for at least a couple hours of the day so we can fucking
52:10 Speaker 02 Listen, there's annoying. There's no way to tell you it's
52:12 Dax Shepard? How does Tom feel about it?
52:13 Speaker 02 He hates it.
52:14 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
52:14 Speaker 02 He's like, I can't do a Zoom. I go, I know. Don't even try to get work done in this house.
52:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
52:21 Speaker 02 So if you want to have a phone call, if you want to do anything,
52:24 Dax Shepard? If you want to think, if you want to take a nap.
52:27 Speaker 02 You gotta get the kid out of the house to get the dogs. It's totally insane.
52:30 Dax Shepard? Here's another thing, while I'm airing my grievances.
52:32 Speaker 02 Yeah.
52:33 Dax Shepard? We got one dog that'll just eat anything that's in the trash. Tampon, we've had that. My poor sister had to pull a tampon on one of their butts mid dump.
52:41 Speaker 02 We call that garbage gut and we have a dog like that too.
52:45 Dax Shepard? So I have to have a rack in my bathroom for my fucking trash can because the dog will just make a shitsty of everything. He goes through everything. I have to pull my trash can out of this little fucking cart I have and I'm like, this is madness.
52:59 Speaker 02 It's a lifestyle. Everything you're saying has happened to us.
53:05 Speaker 01 It's sweet that they're seniors though. That's nice.
53:08 Speaker 02 Then we decided to adopt a cane corso. Do you know this breed? We have a cane corso. She's gigantic.
53:14 Dax Shepard? Yes, yes, yes.
53:16 Speaker 02 She's two. She's awful. We love her. I mean, Tom was like, we gotta have a big dog. I understand. I like both. We rescued a puppy cane corso and she's eating our house. And when I say that, so walls.
53:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
53:31 Speaker 02 Oh my god. Of walls.
53:34 Dax Shepard? Just ruining your home.
53:36 Speaker 02 The yard. We have no yard anymore.
53:39 Speaker 01 I know what you're gonna do, not have them. That's what a lot of people do.
53:42 Speaker 02 We have to have them. I have to have them.
53:45 Speaker 01 I know. I think it's
53:46 Speaker 02 It's a sickness. It's a problem.
53:49 Dax Shepard? It would make the most sense that you guys lived in a tent in the backyard and just gave them the house.
53:53 Speaker 02 Oh, oh, we live in their house. I love when people come to our house and they go, oh, should we take our shoes off? Leave your shoes on.
54:01 Dax Shepard? Yeah, for sure.
54:02 Speaker 02 Because I don't know what you're gonna step in for your own health. This is not our home. Like, we live in a dog park. Please wear your shoes in our house.
54:11 Dax Shepard? I will acknowledge, the only upside is there's no way your house is ever getting robbed, right? If someone comes up, there's gotta be a cacophony of fucking chaos.
54:18 Speaker 02 That bark with our corso is the scariest thing ever. Do the dogs sleep with you? This is the big question.
54:23 Dax Shepard? We've had all kinds of waves.
54:24 Speaker 02 Of course.
54:26 Dax Shepard? I did have to create a little boundary. I need at least one area of this house that is dog free. And so that became our bedroom, but that quickly eroded. So basically now one of the dogs is allowed to be on the bed. The other one's not.
54:39 Speaker 02 Okay.
54:40 Dax Shepard? Which is insanely mean, but I don't give a fuck.
54:42 Speaker 02 I know, I know.
54:43 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The ones is looking at the one, I'm like, yeah, I'm sorry, you're a piece of shit. And this one's slightly less piece of shit.
54:47 Speaker 02 Yeah, 100%.
54:48 Dax Shepard? And like, is there one room we can dedicate? Is that on the table? Even if you guys agree to it, that quickly goes out the window. It's like, oh, he's so lonely. I'm like, this motherfucker's supposed to be living in the woods.
55:01 Speaker 02 No, I know. The bed thing with the dogs, and Tom loves dogs, but the problem is because we have two that are so old, they do that thing where they're up a lot, you know, it's the roaming.
55:12 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
55:13 Speaker 01 The dementia.
55:14 Speaker 02 The dementia. No, it is.
55:15 Speaker 01 Oh, God.
55:16 Speaker 02 And so it's the little wire we're barking at 3 a.m. at the wall.
55:19 Dax Shepard? Yes.
55:20 Speaker 02 He was like, I can't do this anymore. And I'm like, I understand. So he started sleeping in the guest room.
55:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's what happens.
55:28 Speaker 02 Which, by the way, game changer.
55:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, I feel like people need to embrace that more.
55:33 Speaker 02 I'll tell you why.
55:34 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah.
55:34 Speaker 02 Tom is a night owl, goes to bed very late. I go to bed earlier because I'm the one who gets up until in the morning. And then we have help during the day, but I'm up with her in the morning. If he's not working, he will tell you. He is a night owl, he writes at night, he reads, it's his quiet time. So he's up late and wakes up late on a non-working day. We established this from day one. I go to bed early and I wake up early. We're totally on different sleeping schedules.
55:57 Dax Shepard? Yes.
55:58 Speaker 02 So I get up with Matilda, I'm tiptoeing around the bedroom with Matilda, daddy, you know. And I'm like, why are we? He's like, I can't sleep. Then he wakes up, he can't go back to sleep. Then he's mad. It's terrible. The dogs are like, now it's 5 a.m., it's time to go out. Like, it's just, he's like, how do you feel if I sleep in that other room? We do couples therapy and we love it.
56:18 Dax Shepard? Yes, yes.
56:19 Speaker 02 It's amazing.
56:20 Speaker 01 Yes.
56:20 Speaker 02 So he brings this up and at first I'm like, huh. What will people think?
56:24 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
56:24 Speaker 02 And he's like, I never see you at night.
56:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:27 Speaker 02 I don't see him. It's not our sexy time. We don't cuddle.
56:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:30 Speaker 02 We don't see each other at night. He goes, why do you care? And I sat there and I went, God, I don't care. And he goes, let's try it. Game changer.
56:38 Dax Shepard? He's happy, you're happy.
56:40 Speaker 02 Hundred percent. Nothing happens but sleep in those beds. He didn't move into the bathroom, but he sleeps down there. He sleeps great. No dogs in his way. I'm up with Matilda at 7:00 a.m. She comes in bed with me. I can turn things on. I don't have to worry about waking him up. It just works for us.
56:53 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:54 Dax Shepard? Yes, yes, yes.
56:54 Speaker 02 We don't go walking to the bedroom, hold his hand in hand to watch a TV show together.
56:59 Speaker 01 Right.
57:00 Dax Shepard? You were never doing that.
57:01 Speaker 02 Never doing that. And he kind of explained it, but he's like, what are you losing by this? Cause I thought, this is not good.
57:06 Dax Shepard? Appearance is all you're losing.
57:07 Speaker 02 I really thought that. And my brain didn't realize it was that, but I thought, this doesn't look good. And he's like, do you see me at night?
57:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
57:15 Speaker 02 And I'm like, I don't, because I'm always asleep when he comes to bed. But I had to realize that because it hit me in a way that I thought it didn't look good. Best decision we ever made.
57:24 Speaker 01 I'm so glad.
57:24 Speaker 02 It's hysterical and he sleeps better. There's no dogs in his bed. I can handle the dogs in bed or to me.
57:29 Dax Shepard? Oh, beautiful.
57:30 Speaker 02 So we had this realization, but I didn't know why I thought it was so looked down upon.
57:35 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
57:35 Speaker 01 There are so many ideas. I mean, same with what you were saying about kids. There's so many ideas of what is a good marriage or what is a good partnership? And it's all so stupid.
57:44 Speaker 02 It's arbitrary.
57:45 Dax Shepard? I think we just saw it on TV.
57:47 Speaker 02 Yeah.
57:47 Dax Shepard? Right? A, so you're like, well, that's not what I saw on TV.
57:49 Speaker 02 Hundred percent.
57:50 Dax Shepard? B, when I grew up, when there was a stepdad around, we didn't have the extra room for that to even been an option. So I don't know if they would have preferred that. It was never modeled.
57:58 Speaker 02 Exactly. It was never modeled and it was never talked about. This is kind of a new thing. People are talking a lot about this now too. It's kind of interesting.
58:05 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
58:06 Speaker 02 And it definitely was like, no one would talk about that.
58:09 Speaker 01 Sleep now is getting so much more conversation. Everyone's like, you need it. You have to get it or you'll die. It takes like 30 years off your life if you don't get this. It's like, oh my God.
58:18 Speaker 02 No, we're such happier people now after deciding.
58:21 Speaker 01 That's great.
58:21 Speaker 02 And it's so funny because as I've been preaching this, I mean, like, I don't care. I don't care what people say about my parenting. And then I got so worried about what this looks like.
58:29 Dax Shepard? Yes.
58:29 Speaker 02 And I realized, who cares? It works great. For us, we're like so much happier.
58:34 Dax Shepard? You're gonna suffer to make other people happy.
58:37 Speaker 02 And be like, what did it look like? It was just funny because we had to talk about it in our session because he really was so funny. He's like, what are you losing by this happening? I was like, literally nothing.
58:46 Dax Shepard? Right. And it's just all big win.
58:47 Speaker 02 We love our TV time together, but we never do that in bed.
58:50 Dax Shepard? You're not rolling over and fucking in the middle of the night.
58:52 Speaker 02 You're not twenty. We are not those people. No. I need to sleep.
58:56 Speaker 01 Yeah.
58:56 Speaker 02 Listen, we need to sleep.
58:58 Speaker 01 Do you think maybe though, that has to do with some trauma around divorce?
59:03 Speaker 02 Me?
59:04 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:05 Speaker 02 The sleeping, the...
59:06 Speaker 01 Well, just like, oh no, if we're not sleeping together, like is next step this?
59:10 Speaker 02 Yes. Or what does it look like? Because everyone knows I've had these divorces. I think all that went through my brain really quickly.
59:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:16 Speaker 02 And then I realized I'm actually doing something really good for my relationship.
59:21 Speaker 01 Yes.
59:22 Dax Shepard? Okay, let's talk about Vanished. How did Vanished come your way?
59:26 Speaker 02 There were a lot of boxes that were checked for me with this, although I was terrified to go across the country away from... My daughter was only like two at the time, so I was like, am I doing this?
59:35 Dax Shepard? In the show, I watched the pilot last night. You're in Paris, you're in...
59:40 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah. The whole show is about this trip that happens in France. When they said we were gonna shoot there, I was like, oh my God, like, how am I gonna do this? And I had just spent basically six months prior to that in Philadelphia with Tom while he was shooting Task.
59:54 Speaker 01 Right.
59:54 Speaker 02 I went there and he did that and I was like Mrs. Mom and it was amazing. And then when this came up, I was like, six months in Philadelphia feels different than going two months in France. How do we do this?
1:00:04 Dax Shepard? Uh huh.
1:00:04 Speaker 02 Am I going alone? Are you coming with me? Am I making my kid go? I don't want to make her go, but do I leave her? It definitely messed with me. There were so many years where I would have fellow mom friends who kind of would be tormented over these decisions. And I have to admit, I would kind of be like, fucking fine. Leave her, who cares? Like, they don't care. I regret ever saying that because it did mess with me on how I'm gonna do that. So I fully take that back. So it was kind of a big decision to go, but the script was so fun and two months isn't eternal. And Tom was encouraging me to go do this. He's like, we'll take care of everything here. And he was so great about it. If there was even 2% less of what he gave, I don't think I would have gone. It's a lot. He was kind of Mr. Mom. We have tons of help, but he did a lot while I was gone those
1:00:46 Speaker 02 few months. And he had the time of his life with her and she was having so much fun.
1:00:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, special.
1:00:50 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it's really special.
1:00:51 Speaker 02 So it was special. Yeah, it was sweet. And she could care less that I was gone. I was just talking about this yesterday. The amount of times I would call and she was doing something.
1:00:59 Speaker 01 She's like, I can't make it to the phone.
1:01:01 Speaker 02 Literally like in a class, on a playdate. It wasn't like she was like, where's mommy? Which is what you want. You don't want her asking where I am. And it was great. I went on this adventure and it was like so fun. And it's only four episodes, like so quick. And I don't know, it was kind of a fun blip in time.
1:01:15 Dax Shepard? It's an awesome thriller.
1:01:16 Speaker 02 It's fun.
1:01:19 Speaker 03 Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert, if you dare.
1:01:25 Dax Shepard? We get support from Scottsdale, Arizona. Monica, with summer ending or heading into fall, I've been researching a nice, quick getaway location and I keep coming back to Scottsdale, Arizona.
1:01:36 Speaker 01 Ooh, Scottsdale's good. What's drawing you to it?
1:01:38 Dax Shepard? Well, first of all, I have this wonderful memory of going there as a kid when I'd go see my stepdad when he was working out there. The weather is perfect in fall. Warm, sunny, no humidity. And you can really do whatever you want with your time there. I want to do a sunrise hike through the Sonoran Desert, be surrounded by Sowaro, and then at the same afternoon, just completely melt into a spa treatment at one of their luxury resorts.
1:02:03 Speaker 01 Oh, that sounds amazing. I want to do that. Also, I was there visiting my brother once and I loved Old Town Scottsdale. It's so walkable. They have galleries and cute little restaurants and shops. The food scene alone is worth the trip.
1:02:17 Dax Shepard? What I keep reading is that it's luxurious, but not stuffy. There's no pressure to do it a certain way. You can explore public art, check out the architecture, go off-roading in the desert, or just sit and watch a sunset.
1:02:29 Speaker 01 It really is the perfect fall reset.
1:02:31 Dax Shepard? Learn more about all Scottsdale has to offer at unwindinscottsdale.com. This episode is brought to you by ServiceNow. Look, I have my dream job. I get to talk to folks I admire like crazy and ask them virtually any question that I want to. I can't imagine a better way to spend my My time, but even dream jobs have some not so dreamy parts. The stuff that gets in the way of the actual work. Now that's where Service Now's AI specialists come in. They don't just tell you what you should do about your busy work. They actually do it, start to finish. Cases closed, requests handled, no extra work for you. So you and your team can focus on what matters most.
1:03:15 Dax Shepard? Which for me is, are they obsessed with male bodies on the same level as I am?
1:03:20 Speaker 01 They never are.
1:03:21 Dax Shepard? To learn how to put AI to work for people, visit servicenow.com. We are supported by Walden University. You know that feeling when you've been thinking about making a move? Going after the degree, the promotion, the thing you keep telling yourself you'll get to someday? Walden University is built for that moment. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working professionals get the W, the knowledge, the skills, and the confidence to create real change in their careers and communities. Their programs are designed around your life, not the other way around. With Tempo Learning, available in select programs, there are no rigid schedules or set weekly deadlines. You move at your own pace. And Walden's faculty aren't just academics.
1:04:05 Dax Shepard? They're practitioners who bring real world experience into everything they teach. From your first class to career coaching and beyond, Walden is your partner the whole way. Take the first step and learn at a pace that works for you. Visit waldenu.edu. Walden University. Set a course for change. Certified to operate by CHEV. We get support from Superhuman. Look, I love what I do. The conversations, the ideas, the creative stuff. But there's this whole other layer of work that eats my day alive. The inbox that never ends. Docs I need to get through, threads I'm behind on. And by the time I've dealt with all that, the stuff I actually want to focus on gets whatever's left.
1:04:47 Dax Shepard? What I needed was something that just works where I'm already working. Not another tab to open, not another thing to set up. Superhuman Go, from the makers of Grammarly, is different. It's already right there, inside your email, your docs, your browser. You don't go to. It's already working alongside you. You're deep in a long thread. Highlight it and it pulls the key points. About to send something important? It flags what doesn't add up before it leaves your hands. It knows your style, your workflows, and it just backs you up without getting in the way. A thought partner that's already up to speed. At your service, not after your job. So do yourself a favor and try Superhuman Go. From the makers of Grammarly. Find out more at superhuman.com.
1:05:37 Dax Shepard? So we meet you and you are an archaeologist.
1:05:40 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:05:41 Dax Shepard? And you're coming back from Albania where you went on a dig. And you're meeting up with your English boyfriend.
1:05:47 Speaker 02 My boyfriend. Okay.
1:05:49 Dax Shepard? He's like a Doctors Without Borders type of guy.
1:05:51 Speaker 02 Yes. Okay.
1:05:53 Dax Shepard? And we learn right out of the gates. They've met in Paris to join up. And we learn right that you're going to get a job as a professor at Princeton.
1:06:03 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:06:04 Dax Shepard? By the way, this is kind of mirroring you and Tom.
1:06:06 Speaker 02 Also, you watched.
1:06:07 Dax Shepard? I watched the shit out of it.
1:06:08 Speaker 02 You've got a lot of detail. Thank you. You're not even reading it. You're literally saying it.
1:06:13 Dax Shepard? I just watched it. Don't give me too much credit. So we've got a interpersonal challenge on our hands. Will these two vagabonds settle down in New Jersey? And you teach at Princeton? What's interesting is I'm watching that scene and I'm like, does he want to go? That's what you're trying to figure out.
1:06:29 Speaker 02 You're trying to read him.
1:06:30 Dax Shepard? What are you going to say? No, I'm not going to join you. They've been together for four years. And so it's looking pretty promising. He says he's in. And then we find out he's got this magical trip. He's going to take you to this hotel. They couldn't afford, but he called in a favor. Now we're going to go, now we're on a train. And this is romantic. And we think they're going to maybe get engaged.
1:06:48 Speaker 02 I fall asleep on the train, which I'm good at.
1:06:50 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I bet you might have even.
1:06:52 Speaker 02 They caught me for real. They said, get this, because it's so real. And I was like, okay, I'm ready to go now. I'm going off on tangents. No, we love it. I'm very claustrophobic to the point of detrimental. It's ruining my life.
1:07:02 Dax Shepard? What are you doing on an airplane? You're in a tube.
1:07:04 Speaker 02 It's tough.
1:07:04 Dax Shepard? It's tough.
1:07:05 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:07:05 Speaker 01 That's why you sleep everywhere. You're kind of like disassociating.
1:07:08 Speaker 02 It might be disassociating from life. I can't even sit in a Tesla. That front thing. So the train really messed with me.
1:07:16 Dax Shepard? Okay, so.
1:07:17 Speaker 02 Wake up on the train.
1:07:18 Dax Shepard? Here on the train and he takes a phone call.
1:07:20 Speaker 02 Yes, wake up on a moving train and he's gone. Hence the vanishing and I'm running up down the train. I'm trying to find him and no idea what happened to him. I think did the train stop? Was I napping when it stopped? Did he get off? And she gets off at the next stop and she's lost in this country and she's in Marseille, France. And she is like, I don't know what the hell to do. Goes to the authorities. They seem a little off. She meets a reporter. Where did he go? And did he leave on purpose? And it's kind of this strange mystery. And it's like, does she just go home or does her curiosity make her want to find? I mean, Marseille, where we shot, the background of this show is very small. So once I learned that, because I swear I saw that entire city over two months. I'm like, you could find someone here. It's a port town. Unless they got on a boat.
1:08:04 Speaker 02 She could look for him for a minute. You could believe that she could, if she tried really hard, maybe actually figure this out.
1:08:10 Dax Shepard? But the French inspector is a prick.
1:08:13 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:08:13 Dax Shepard? He's very condescending, a little misogyny happening.
1:08:16 Speaker 02 Yeah, for sure.
1:08:16 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
1:08:17 Speaker 02 And a lot of, maybe he isn't who I thought he would. You know, that's the TV I love.
1:08:23 Speaker 01 I love it too.
1:08:24 Speaker 02 I love a whodunit. I love like, ooh, you're not who we thought you were.
1:08:28 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:08:28 Dax Shepard? Well, the very last frame of the pilot, which I will not give away, but she does discover something. You really go, oh, my goodness.
1:08:36 Speaker 02 He's definitely not who we think he is.
1:08:38 Dax Shepard? What he's presented as.
1:08:39 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:08:40 Dax Shepard? I didn't trust him to begin with.
1:08:41 Speaker 02 I mean, who does? It's too cute. He's sweet. He's doing too many good things. Mr. Help the Children.
1:08:47 Speaker 01 Or do you have to wait week to week?
1:08:50 Speaker 02 Bingey.
1:08:50 Speaker 01 Okay, thank God.
1:08:51 Speaker 02 I think, you know what?
1:08:52 Dax Shepard? We don't know.
1:08:53 Speaker 01 We don't know.
1:08:53 Speaker 02 I actually don't know the answer.
1:08:54 Dax Shepard? Also, what is MGM Plus?
1:08:56 Speaker 02 Before.
1:08:57 Dax Shepard? Is that not part of Prime?
1:08:58 Speaker 02 They've been lovely. Nothing's part of anything.
1:09:00 Dax Shepard? Okay.
1:09:00 Speaker 02 This is all 97 different things. This is where we're at.
1:09:04 Speaker 01 Too many.
1:09:04 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:09:05 Speaker 02 But they've been amazing and they are a part of Prime. So eventually this will be on Prime, but it's going to start on MGM Plus. The amount of television now, it's incredible, but it's so widespread.
1:09:14 Speaker 01 It is.
1:09:15 Speaker 02 What do you see? What do you watch? It's fragmented and you would also think that would mean so many jobs.
1:09:20 Speaker 01 I know, that's what I'm confused about. I agree.
1:09:23 Speaker 02 Why are people like, we can't, we're not working?
1:09:25 Speaker 01 I know.
1:09:26 Speaker 02 It blows my mind.
1:09:27 Speaker 01 I think there's a lot of reality.
1:09:30 Speaker 02 Well, there's a lot of dogs.
1:09:31 Dax Shepard? The strike in the new contract really fucked things up. That's a fact.
1:09:35 Speaker 02 It started with COVID, I think ruined everything and then it never survived and then that pushed it over the edge.
1:09:41 Dax Shepard? This is four episodes. Kristen's show, I think is 10.
1:09:43 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:09:43 Dax Shepard? Shows are eight.
1:09:44 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:09:45 Dax Shepard? It's not like 24, so you're gonna get paychecks for 24.
1:09:49 Speaker 02 Who's doing 24 now? Pitt. Is that who still is doing full season?
1:09:53 Dax Shepard? Eighteen?
1:09:54 Speaker 01 No, I think it's 14 or 15. It feels like a ton because we're not used to that anymore, but it's not like 20.
1:10:00 Speaker 02 Or anything. I feel like they're one of the ones that do more than normal.
1:10:04 Speaker 01 I thought it was 24.
1:10:05 Speaker 02 Fifteen. Oh, it's 15. Okay.
1:10:07 Dax Shepard? Cause it's a work shift, right?
1:10:09 Speaker 02 I was thinking of a day.
1:10:10 Dax Shepard? Because it is one day, but I think it's a shift, one shit.
1:10:14 Speaker 01 I know so much about the pit.
1:10:16 Speaker 02 Detailed and so intense that I'm like, how do you do that?
1:10:19 Dax Shepard? Do you love that show?
1:10:20 Speaker 02 I think it's fantastic. I have never been happier for an actor in my life.
1:10:23 Speaker 01 I know.
1:10:24 Speaker 02 The Noah Renaissance is making me so happy. The Noah Sance, him winning. You know, when you see someone really deserve it.
1:10:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:10:33 Speaker 02 That is just a good feel. And the nicest guy, has he been on this show?
1:10:37 Dax Shepard? He hasn't, but I actually went up to him at the Emmys last year because I was a plus one. I just wanted to introduce myself to him and tell him how much Monica loves him. He said, oh, I've been on your hayride. I do a hayride in my neighborhood for Halloween. And I'm like, what do you, what do you mean you're on my hayride? He's like, yeah, I was on your hayride. I'm like, well, why wouldn't you have said hi? He's like, well, I didn't want to bother you. You were driving the thing.
1:10:58 Speaker 02 Like with his kids?
1:10:59 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the nicest dude ever.
1:11:01 Speaker 02 I love seeing people that have been doing this a long time and they have like this another moment. It's cool.
1:11:06 Dax Shepard? Also the lift of that show. Like when I'm watching it, I'm panicked because of the stakes.
1:11:11 Speaker 02 Yes.
1:11:11 Dax Shepard? But then I'm panicked as an actor.
1:11:13 Speaker 02 Oh, my God.
1:11:13 Dax Shepard? I'm like, how in the fuck do you memorize all that medical jargon and let it rip? Like it's your second language. Like you really know it.
1:11:20 Speaker 02 Not a chance. You couldn't pay me enough money. That's why I, I ain't doing any medical show. I don't want to be a lawyer.
1:11:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:11:29 Speaker 02 Like I've got limits now.
1:11:31 Dax Shepard? Sure.
1:11:32 Speaker 02 I just won't.
1:11:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, boundaries.
1:11:34 Speaker 02 I won't.
1:11:34 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
1:11:35 Speaker 02 I am amazed by people that can do that.
1:11:38 Dax Shepard? Oh, well, Kaylee, I adore you. You're such a fun guest.
1:11:41 Speaker 01 I know. How fun. You have to come back.
1:11:43 Dax Shepard? Vanish is great and it's a fucking whodunit. It's a mystery. It's a thriller. You're an investigator. You walk up steep hills.
1:11:51 Speaker 01 Oh, that's hard.
1:11:52 Dax Shepard? You find pieces of gum?
1:11:53 Speaker 01 I walk up a lot of stupid. That's hard. And I run a lot. Oh, wow.
1:11:57 Dax Shepard? I run a lot.
1:11:58 Speaker 01 Run all over Marseille. Wow.
1:12:00 Dax Shepard? Okay, out on MGM Plus now.
1:12:03 Speaker 01 Just another streamer for you guys to invest in.
1:12:06 Dax Shepard? Stream the shit out of it.
1:12:08 Speaker 01 Thanks for having me. Thank you. I'm bringing Tom next time.
1:12:11 Dax Shepard? Oh, please.
1:12:12 Speaker 01 Thank you, guys.
1:12:14 Speaker 02 Stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong.
1:12:23 Speaker 01 Okay, let's address the elephant in the room.
1:12:25 Dax Shepard? Oh, God, what is the elephant in the room?
1:12:27 Speaker 01 It looks like I have lip filler.
1:12:30 Dax Shepard? Okay, I didn't think that.
1:12:31 Speaker 01 You didn't?
1:12:31 Dax Shepard? I know, I was just talking to you for a good forty.
1:12:33 Speaker 01 And you didn't think it?
1:12:34 Dax Shepard? No, not once.
1:12:35 Speaker 01 Even when I first walked in, because it does look like it's gone down a little bit.
1:12:39 Dax Shepard? No.
1:12:40 Speaker 01 Okay, well, when I woke up, I was like, oh, no. My top lip really looks like I have filler in there. But it's because I have a very small but significant, under-the-skin pimple right above my lip. So it's like swollen.
1:13:05 Dax Shepard? Okay, you at least have a good explanation.
1:13:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's, that's, but it looked wild.
1:13:10 Dax Shepard? I don't think anyone...
1:13:11 Speaker 01 I already have prominent lips, so it looked really weird. I did, I iced it.
1:13:19 Dax Shepard? Too prom- well.
1:13:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:13:21 Dax Shepard? Too prominent if it looks very surgical.
1:13:24 Speaker 01 Right.
1:13:24 Dax Shepard? We have a guest coming up, and the two of you, two of you are just embarrassing the world with the lips.
1:13:30 Speaker 01 Oh, I didn't notice hers.
1:13:32 Dax Shepard? You didn't?
1:13:34 Speaker 01 No, maybe we talked about it.
1:13:36 Dax Shepard? Indian blindness, I think.
1:13:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:13:38 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
1:13:38 Speaker 01 I think Indians...
1:13:39 Dax Shepard? Internalize racism.
1:13:42 Speaker 01 Couldn't even see it.
1:13:43 Dax Shepard? Couldn't see.
1:13:43 Speaker 01 I do think some Indians have bigger lips. I think that's probably genetic and hereditary.
1:13:51 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
1:13:51 Speaker 01 But my mom doesn't really have... Big lips. I don't think.
1:13:57 Dax Shepard? Your grandma's got a beautiful set of kissers on her. Look at her over there.
1:14:01 Speaker 01 Oh, I guess.
1:14:02 Dax Shepard? Puckered up. She's begging for a smooch right there.
1:14:05 Speaker 01 Oh, I guess you're right.
1:14:07 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
1:14:08 Speaker 01 My mom probably does then have the same and I guess I do.
1:14:12 Dax Shepard? It's been, it's been too long since I stared at her. She's just gorgeous.
1:14:16 Speaker 01 She is.
1:14:17 Dax Shepard? I wonder if she shaved the side of her hair.
1:14:19 Speaker 01 Oh, boy.
1:14:23 Dax Shepard? This guest that's coming up.
1:14:24 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
1:14:24 Dax Shepard? I will say one thing too, like none of her bio or anything could I, did it mention anything about ethnicity?
1:14:30 Speaker 01 Hmm, mhm.
1:14:31 Dax Shepard? But then I was going through her Instagram. There was a photo of this, uh, guest.
1:14:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:14:36 Dax Shepard? Her and her husband.
1:14:36 Speaker 01 Her wedding.
1:14:37 Dax Shepard? And he's a Caucasoid.
1:14:38 Speaker 01 Sure.
1:14:39 Dax Shepard? But he was in, in.
1:14:40 Speaker 01 Who's dressed up?
1:14:41 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I want to say im, im, not emboldened, not embossed, not a, I don't know, something that means like beautified.
1:14:48 Speaker 01 Oh, nice.
1:14:48 Dax Shepard? Yeah, he was, he was like regal.
1:14:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:14:52 Dax Shepard? Yeah, resplendent.
1:14:54 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:14:54 Dax Shepard? That's what I wanted to say. He was resplendent in Pakistani traditional wedding gear.
1:15:00 Speaker 01 Oh, nice. I think my dad wore a suit.
1:15:04 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
1:15:05 Speaker 01 I'm picturing the picture, their wedding picture, and I'm pretty sure he's in a suit, although he's starting an Easter egg.
1:15:14 Speaker 01 A medication-ish.
1:15:16 Dax Shepard? Ah.
1:15:17 Speaker 01 Of vitamin.
1:15:19 Dax Shepard? Yeah, a probiotic.
1:15:20 Speaker 01 We had a guest on and, and they have a product that's not normal for us, but.
1:15:25 Dax Shepard? Oh, I know.
1:15:26 Speaker 01 They had a product that we all wanted, so we all got it and I sent it to my dad and he's giving it a whirl.
1:15:32 Dax Shepard? How many days into it is he?
1:15:33 Speaker 01 I think only a couple of days.
1:15:35 Dax Shepard? Okay.
1:15:35 Speaker 01 But I'm gonna check in.
1:15:36 Dax Shepard? I'm gonna try it if you ever bring it over.
1:15:38 Speaker 01 It's in the refrigerator.
1:15:39 Dax Shepard? Holding it hostage. I guess maybe when you move into your house.
1:15:41 Speaker 01 Exactly.
1:15:42 Dax Shepard? Hope, I hope that makes the move is all I can hope.
1:15:44 Speaker 01 It's refrigerated.
1:15:45 Dax Shepard? Which means it will or won't make the, I could see you just leaving, like, don't even open the fridge and just walk out the door. Do you want to keep it as an office?
1:15:51 Speaker 01 The apartment.
1:15:53 Dax Shepard? I have, yeah.
1:15:53 Speaker 01 No, I already, I've been, for years, I've been like, what am I gonna do? Am I gonna keep it? Am I gonna, yeah, use it as an office when I like have an office, like?
1:16:03 Dax Shepard? It's a crazy.
1:16:04 Speaker 01 Also, that apartment is is notoriously where I don't like to do work.
1:16:09 Dax Shepard? That's right.
1:16:10 Speaker 01 Always leave to go work. So that would be very silly for me to keep it as a place to do work. But I often make silly decisions.
1:16:19 Dax Shepard? Yeah, there's some kind of loss bias because as you know, I had this apartment in Santa Monica. It was $600 a month.
1:16:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:16:25 Dax Shepard? I mean, anything even when I left, they're allowed to raise it 5% a year or whatever. I think it was up, you know, 675 maybe we were at.
1:16:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:16:33 Dax Shepard? And then when I left, Bree stayed there for a year. And she she even called me. She's like, you know, I'm gonna be moving out. Do you, I know you have thoughts about you. And I'm like, Yeah, should I keep it? It's close to the beach. I mean, all these dumb things.
1:16:47 Speaker 01 Things you never do.
1:16:48 Dax Shepard? Just because I can't stand the thought of, I know at that point that apartment was probably 1800 a month.
1:16:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, I know.
1:16:54 Dax Shepard? And you, I feel like I'm giving up $1,200 a month, which is, it doesn't make any sense whatsoever, but that's what it feels like.
1:17:00 Speaker 01 Boy math as opposed to girl math.
1:17:02 Dax Shepard? Yes.
1:17:03 Speaker 01 But I get it. I have the same thing. I'm like, that apartment's gonna skyrocket as soon as I leave.
1:17:08 Dax Shepard? Yeah, and you're losing that money somehow.
1:17:10 Speaker 01 Somehow that's money out of my pocket, which makes no sense because currently I'm paying rent and a mortgage. So all I'm doing is not paying rent anymore, which I need to be doing.
1:17:21 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah.
1:17:22 Speaker 01 Um, anyway, but it's all upon us.
1:17:24 Dax Shepard? The real windfall of money is to not be paying the rent.
1:17:26 Speaker 01 Exactly.
1:17:27 Dax Shepard? Not getting the rent control.
1:17:29 Speaker 01 Why do our brains, our brains do this? Well, we learned about a, we, uh, Easter egg. We learned about.
1:17:37 Dax Shepard? We're getting a real jump on Easter this year.
1:17:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, we sure are. An attachment is actually not about this, but it, I somehow connected.
1:17:46 Dax Shepard? And the word works.
1:17:48 Speaker 01 It works. It works.
1:17:49 Dax Shepard? When it works, you work it.
1:17:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:17:51 Dax Shepard? Work it, you're worth it. That's what we say at the end of our prayer.
1:17:55 Speaker 01 You know.
1:17:55 Dax Shepard? It works. You work it.
1:17:57 Speaker 01 I, it's funny that, it's funny that we had that guest on about attachment because, I was thinking the other day about me being little. And I was so. Shy and so attached to my parents.
1:18:16 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it's hard to imagine.
1:18:17 Speaker 01 It's very hard to imagine. And I, and I was thinking like, oh, that's so sad for them.
1:18:23 Dax Shepard? Love for the parents, yes.
1:18:25 Speaker 01 Like, they probably were annoyed by it. So they probably caused us. I don't feel bad anymore. But like, I was like, so like, I had to be with them and near them at all times. And now like, they just want me to call.
1:18:39 Dax Shepard? This is the heartbreak of parents.
1:18:41 Speaker 01 I, that sounds like, I don't understand how parents do that. That sounds, that's too much.
1:18:46 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it's, um.
1:18:48 Speaker 01 That's so heartbreaking.
1:18:49 Dax Shepard? Creeping our way. Yeah, it's just heartbreaking. Which brings me to my ding ding ding.
1:18:54 Speaker 01 Yes.
1:18:55 Dax Shepard? So I have brought Lincoln to Disneyland for her birthday.
1:19:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:19:01 Dax Shepard? I think for four years straight or something.
1:19:03 Speaker 01 Yep.
1:19:04 Dax Shepard? Maybe five. Delta rightly so is like, what's all this bullshit? She gets to go every year.
1:19:09 Speaker 01 Yep.
1:19:10 Dax Shepard? And then I tried to say, well, you get a roller skating party.
1:19:13 Speaker 01 And she's like, that's your party, dad?
1:19:15 Dax Shepard? She rightly said, that's your party. I didn't have a rebuttal for that. At any rate, I'm like, yeah, she hasn't been to Disneyland in forever. We live so close. You can go. And then she is different than Lincoln, because when we go, it's me, Charlie, Ace and Lincoln, always. So I'm very dialed in, you know, we're interacting because she's more like probably you when you were a kid, right? She's like, pretty glued to me in a great way. Lincoln.
1:19:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:19:39 Dax Shepard? And then so I asked Delta and she's like, okay, I was, you know, she starts listening virtually her whole class. And I'm like, okay, we gotta pare this down.
1:19:47 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:19:47 Dax Shepard? So then we got it down to four girls. There was four girls.
1:19:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:19:50 Dax Shepard? And one of the girls got dropped off and I said, have you met Ryan Hansen? And she's like, no, of course. Like, I just picture an adult asking me. I was a little kid. I know another adult.
1:20:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:20:04 Dax Shepard? Of course, I don't know Ryan. Anyways, I'm like, well, listen, you think Disneyland is going to be the highlight of this trip? And oh, my friend, you are wrong. It is going to be Ryan Hansen. He's the world's funnest dad ever.
1:20:13 Speaker 01 He really is.
1:20:14 Dax Shepard? I'm so glad I had him. God, is he a good time. He was a party pumper, if people don't remember.
1:20:19 Speaker 01 People don't know.
1:20:19 Dax Shepard? As an occupation in high school.
1:20:22 Speaker 01 That's right.
1:20:22 Dax Shepard? Professional party pumper. And he is not.
1:20:26 Speaker 01 He has not given up the job.
1:20:28 Dax Shepard? No, he's still on it. So, uh.
1:20:32 Dax Shepard? We left at three and heavy, heavy traffic. But Ryan had a playlist.
1:20:40 Speaker 01 Oh, nice.
1:20:41 Dax Shepard? And we went down there and we checked into the hotel. And as we were checking in, the girls are like, they're running way ahead of us in the hallway. And we're talking about like, it's so fun. Hallways are so fun when you're a kid.
1:20:55 Speaker 01 I know.
1:20:56 Dax Shepard? Hotel hallway. Like, you feel like you're running so fast because there's, the doors are next to you. So they're like whipping by. You think you're going 60 miles an hour and it's really soft because it's carpet. So it's like irresistible. So they're like, they're, they're, they're flying down that thing. And I said to Ryan, I said, well, I hope this isn't one of those trips. You know, I said, you know, you never, four girls cannot go to Vegas together. Four girls go to Vegas together. Two of them are going to be on the bottom of the elevator crying drunk at one point going, Peggy's such a bitch. She never fucking pays attention.
1:21:27 Speaker 01 He's so annoying.
1:21:29 Dax Shepard? Can I tell you how many times the elevator doors have opened in Vegas? And I'm watching one girl on the ground crying while the three girls are like.
1:21:37 Speaker 01 I'm going to blame that more on the alcohol and the.
1:21:41 Dax Shepard? There is an interesting dynamic.
1:21:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah.
1:21:45 Dax Shepard? Four guys go to Vegas. They, they just never, no one ever ends up, no one ever ends up on the bottom of the elevator. Like someone might be over someone's shoulder because they blacked out, passed out, but there's not really that.
1:21:57 Speaker 01 Or they're in jail.
1:21:58 Dax Shepard? No one's emotions ever get triggered on the.
1:22:00 Speaker 01 They're, they're sad emotions. Anger emotions, I think, get triggered. Yeah.
1:22:05 Dax Shepard? That's fair. I just know it can get real messy when you get four girls.
1:22:09 Speaker 01 I've been, I mean, I've, I've done that. It's, yeah. Yeah.
1:22:15 Speaker 03 Stay tuned for more Armchair Expert if you dare.
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1:23:50 Dax Shepard? It's just so funny.
1:23:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's also sleepovers, girls sleepovers. There's always someone that has to call their mom to go home because they're upset.
1:23:59 Dax Shepard? And there's like a click, like somehow there's a click and then everyone like.
1:24:02 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, brutal.
1:24:03 Dax Shepard? Also, the room had, it was two rooms adjoining with a little living room in the middle.
1:24:10 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
1:24:10 Dax Shepard? And so one of the rooms had two queen sized beds or two, whatever that size is that you get in a room with two beds. And then the other room had a king sized bed.
1:24:21 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:24:21 Dax Shepard? And before we left and all talking about, I was like, this is great. Ryan will sleep with his daughter, I'll sleep with my daughter. The other two girls will sleep in a king sized bed.
1:24:31 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:24:31 Dax Shepard? Bob's your uncle.
1:24:32 Speaker 01 Great, okay.
1:24:33 Dax Shepard? So five minutes into being in the hotel room, that's not going to be the plan. They all want to sleep together in the same room. And I'm like, yeah, that does make sense.
1:24:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:24:44 Dax Shepard? But then, you know.
1:24:46 Speaker 01 Then it's you and Ryan have to.
1:24:48 Dax Shepard? Well, yes, so Ryan's like, oh, yeah, I'll sleep on the couch. I'm like. You know, I sleep on the couch. I sleep in bed with Aaron. We can sleep in the king's ice bed.
1:24:56 Speaker 01 Oh, but why didn't you guys just each take a queen and then the girls take the king?
1:24:59 Dax Shepard? Four and a queen? Four and the king? There's only one king.
1:25:02 Speaker 01 Right.
1:25:03 Dax Shepard? You can put four girls in one king's ice bed?
1:25:05 Speaker 01 They wanted to all be in the same bed.
1:25:07 Dax Shepard? In the same room.
1:25:08 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:25:08 Dax Shepard? So they've commandeered the room with two beds, which I thought Ryan and I were gonna be.
1:25:12 Speaker 01 Got it. I see.
1:25:13 Dax Shepard? But no, now the dads are sleeping together.
1:25:17 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:25:18 Dax Shepard? And Ryan and I both are gassy. Like, I'm already thinking.
1:25:23 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
1:25:24 Dax Shepard? Yeah, like, and Ryan would admit this.
1:25:26 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:25:27 Dax Shepard? In my family, I'm the gassiest. There's, I'll own that. And I often, I have a thing called out and away. And you know about out and away? Anytime we're together and I gotta toot, dad goes outside the house and I pull my pants down and I fart, and then I pull my, and that's out and away. And then I pull them back up. That way, none of the toot is in my clothes when I walk back in. So I could not be more courteous about this.
1:25:52 Speaker 01 The paparazzi is gonna catch you doing this one day.
1:25:55 Dax Shepard? Well, I'd be proud to stand by out and away. It's a great policy. If your dad use out and away, you just step out the front door.
1:26:01 Speaker 01 God.
1:26:01 Dax Shepard? You can even spread your cheeks if you want to make sure everything is away.
1:26:04 Speaker 01 What if poop comes out?
1:26:06 Dax Shepard? Out isn't the most important part. It's the away, out and away. So I'm thinking, fuck me. And we do have a little balcony. As you already can tell, it's a very privileged trip. We have a great room. We've got a balcony and we have a shared living room. So, okay.
1:26:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:26:19 Dax Shepard? And I'm like, so, I know, and Ryan would be the first to admit this, he farts twice as much as I do.
1:26:25 Speaker 01 He farts a lot.
1:26:26 Dax Shepard? He's a big, big farter.
1:26:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:26:28 Dax Shepard? And what I applaud about it, oh, that's even cute. Someone tooted on the ride up.
1:26:32 Speaker 01 Oh, a kid?
1:26:33 Dax Shepard? And someone's like, who farted?
1:26:35 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:26:35 Dax Shepard? And the dead quiet. And I go, gang, it doesn't matter who farted, but definitely someone shit their pants. But it doesn't matter who. And then Delta's like, I think it's the smell from outside. And I rolled the window down and I go, no, it's definitely not that. And then, but I'm saying no one has to take responsibility. I go, we don't need to shame anyone. We all toot. And Ryan's like, you know, I'd admit it. And I'm like, I do know that about Ryan. He's so good about that. He, as much as he does fart, he also takes responsibility every time.
1:27:03 Speaker 01 Okay, if I'm a girl in that car.
1:27:05 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
1:27:06 Speaker 01 I'm so like, I right now have mirror neurons.
1:27:09 Dax Shepard? They were gonna suss it out.
1:27:11 Speaker 01 No, Delta is perfect. She did the exact right thing that you're supposed to do. You're supposed to be like, it wasn't anyone in here. It was the outside smell.
1:27:19 Dax Shepard? We don't need to trade on lies. We can run it this head on and we can just go, we don't need to single anyone out and embarrass anyone. It's embarrassing when you toot. That was my point.
1:27:28 Speaker 01 Oh my god, I'm really proud of her.
1:27:29 Dax Shepard? Right. See, now you don't sell me a fake reality. If I'm the person who didn't fart, I'd be like, bullshit, it doesn't, it's not from outside.
1:27:37 Speaker 01 No, Dex, everyone can just be like, yeah, it's outside smell.
1:27:41 Dax Shepard? Oh yeah, it's really smelly out there and in here too now.
1:27:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's what you do for your friends. God.
1:27:48 Dax Shepard? It was the dog. There's no dog in the car.
1:27:50 Speaker 01 Uh.
1:27:51 Dax Shepard? Anywho, I am thinking, this is gonna be an interesting evening with Ryan and I sharing the same.
1:27:57 Speaker 01 But Aaron toots a lot, right?
1:27:59 Dax Shepard? He does, but as you know, I don't care about his toot. I have passed that.
1:28:03 Speaker 01 So you're not there yet with Ryan?
1:28:04 Dax Shepard? No, I, cause I didn't like grow up sharing a room with Ryan. His, his farts still smell like farts to me.
1:28:10 Speaker 01 Ah, okay.
1:28:11 Dax Shepard? Aaron is, I'm just like, oh, Aaron's around. That's comforting.
1:28:14 Speaker 01 One time we were all together and Aaron farted and I.
1:28:17 Dax Shepard? You were mad.
1:28:18 Speaker 01 I was mad about it.
1:28:19 Dax Shepard? Yeah, was it in the RV?
1:28:20 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:28:21 Dax Shepard? It was the same weekend he kept everyone up from sleeping.
1:28:24 Speaker 01 It was a real one-two punch. And I, I remember being like, I've never, I've never smelt this smell before.
1:28:33 Dax Shepard? Absolutely. Um, we were just talking about it with the kids. They were saying my farts are bad. And I said, they are. I said, but you know, Aaron's are significantly worse.
1:28:42 Speaker 01 His are, are that one time. I only, I've only experienced it once. But yeah, you weren't like even paying any attention.
1:28:49 Dax Shepard? No, this is, was an ongoing joke when we all worked together. Me and all my friends worked for my mom, cause we were constantly in cars, sitting at airports, waiting for journalists to come. Right? So we were, we were in cars so much together.
1:29:01 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:29:01 Dax Shepard? And Aaron would fart. And our thing with Aaron was that a doctor would be able to smell this fart and go like, oh yeah, you have cancer. Like, we were like. Something medically is going wrong with you and a good doctor would be able to tell what's. And then we always had this joke too, that Aaron needed a frame off restoration. That's when like the car so trash, you gotta pull it all apart. You gotta start.
1:29:21 Speaker 01 Like a page one rewrite.
1:29:22 Dax Shepard? Yeah. So our thing was that the doctor would smell his fart and say, I'm so sorry, but you need a frame off restoration. Down to the frame and strip the rust off.
1:29:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:29:31 Dax Shepard? Anywho, poor Aaron, he just got caught in this.
1:29:34 Speaker 01 I'm sorry, Aaron, but.
1:29:36 Dax Shepard? Anyway, so we're gonna sleep together.
1:29:37 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:29:38 Dax Shepard? Yeah. And then, sure enough, someone comes in.
1:29:41 Speaker 01 What are you guys wearing?
1:29:44 Dax Shepard? Um, we were nude.
1:29:46 Speaker 01 No, but were you wearing like boxers, both of you?
1:29:49 Dax Shepard? I wear, I have pajama pants and a, and a wife beater.
1:29:52 Speaker 01 Okay. And what did he sleep in?
1:29:53 Dax Shepard? I think boxers and a T-shirt.
1:29:56 Speaker 01 Oh my God, did you get butterflies?
1:29:58 Dax Shepard? No. No, weird things were happening. I'll tell you weird things did happen. Um, but of course someone comes in. Again, we're not gonna name names. It doesn't matter who farted, but we're told that the sleeping arrangement's not gonna work out. The two people don't wanna sleep with each other. And I'm like, we'll figure it out. I don't know what you guys think's gonna happen. We're not sleeping on the ground. So.
1:30:20 Speaker 01 Right.
1:30:21 Dax Shepard? You know.
1:30:21 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:30:22 Dax Shepard? But someone's out and I go, yeah, that's y'all's problem. Like there are two beds.
1:30:26 Speaker 01 See, it is Vegas.
1:30:27 Dax Shepard? Two of you can definitely sleep in this bed together.
1:30:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:30:32 Dax Shepard? So I think someone ended up getting couch cushions and.
1:30:35 Speaker 01 Really?
1:30:35 Dax Shepard? Yes, yes. I'm telling these girls.
1:30:37 Speaker 01 They didn't, because why?
1:30:39 Dax Shepard? I don't, who knows?
1:30:41 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
1:30:41 Dax Shepard? Who knows what goes on with you guys?
1:30:43 Speaker 01 I already, oh, I feel bad for the person who the other person didn't wanna sleep with.
1:30:48 Dax Shepard? Oh, Jesus. Yeah. I, I, I just knew. I know the limits of my skill set and there's no way I was gonna be able to figure that out for those four.
1:30:56 Speaker 01 Do you think this all started with the fart? It was like, I know she farted and I'm not sleeping in a bed with her.
1:31:03 Dax Shepard? Could have been. I don't know. Read what you sow. You fart in a closed loop system.
1:31:09 Speaker 01 That's why you always say it's outside smell. God, okay, so then that's bad.
1:31:15 Dax Shepard? But it was, but I don't want to put too big of a point. It's not, it wasn't a big, everything worked out fine. They all slept in that bedroom.
1:31:21 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:31:22 Dax Shepard? And it was, so it all worked out, but I was like, here we go.
1:31:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:31:26 Dax Shepard? We go out at night into downtown Disney.
1:31:29 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:31:29 Dax Shepard? Wonderful dinner.
1:31:31 Speaker 01 Yum.
1:31:32 Dax Shepard? It was so fun. We're sitting like in the little courtyard, great people watching.
1:31:36 Speaker 01 Are they getting along?
1:31:37 Dax Shepard? The girl, oh yeah, everyone's getting along. Everyone's having a great time. Walked around, um, just had a blast. Watched these little girls skip and run all around.
1:31:47 Speaker 01 So much fun.
1:31:48 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I was, I was so happy for them. And then, um, we went to bed and I'm going to tell you, for whatever reason, I didn't have much, I didn't have to out and away much, which was a blessing.
1:31:59 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:32:00 Dax Shepard? Like, okay, on my end, it's gonna be fine. What's that?
1:32:03 Speaker 01 Like one or two times or?
1:32:05 Dax Shepard? I outed and awayed once in the bathroom.
1:32:07 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:32:08 Dax Shepard? Yeah. But in an evening here at home, I'm out and away six times.
1:32:13 Speaker 01 You are?
1:32:13 Dax Shepard? Sure. I'm also in a phase, as you know, I've picked up my fiber intake a lot and that is radically affected how much out and aways we do.
1:32:22 Speaker 01 Okay. You used to have a fart pillow for people who don't remember.
1:32:25 Dax Shepard? At the old house when I was a bachelor, yeah. It was a leather couch. You can't get away with anything on a leather couch. That was the problem. Tactical blunder. And it's so weird because dudes like leather couches more than anyone. I know, guys are, oh, give me a leather couch. Let me make fun of guys for a while.
1:32:42 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:32:42 Dax Shepard? Oh, leather's tough. Let me get a cool leather. It's like a leather jacket, but it's a couch. It's uncomfortable and then your farts ricochet off of them.
1:32:52 Speaker 01 Oh, gross. Okay, anyway, so you only had one out and away in the bathroom and then what happened with Ryan?
1:32:58 Dax Shepard? Well, then we got in bed and we started watching TV together and we were casting, but it wasn't working all that hot. So then we were, we were relegated back to cable TV, which is great. It's fun in a hotel room because I don't, I don't flick through channels.
1:33:10 Speaker 01 It is fun. I agree.
1:33:11 Dax Shepard? We gave a couple of things a shot. We bailed early. That was good. And then we got to two thirty for thirties.
1:33:17 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:33:18 Dax Shepard? Love thirty for thirty.
1:33:19 Speaker 01 Me too.
1:33:20 Dax Shepard? And we turn on one. There's one about basketball and there's one about a football player. I'm like, well, I think Ryan likes football more than basketball. So I, let's watch the football one. Turn that on and right away, the player, he's like, he's like, Christian. And I go, oh yeah, he's a Christian. He goes, yeah, my, every time the guy played, my dad was like, he's a Christian. And I said, would your dad call out Christians? And he's like, yo, yeah, I'd like anyone he knew. And I was like, that's great. Yeah. Well, then lo and behold, that every single interview was in a church.
1:33:48 Speaker 01 Oh, wow.
1:33:50 Dax Shepard? Turns out this guy was a pastor, this NFL football player.
1:33:54 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:33:55 Dax Shepard? And it turns out this entire 30 for 30 is about him being a pastor.
1:33:58 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:33:59 Dax Shepard? And I was like, this is, hold on, I come for sports. Like if someone's religious, that's not worthy. I don't need to see how religious someone is as a documentary. I need to see like the impossible sport accolade. That's why I watch it.
1:34:11 Speaker 01 Well, to be fair, there is a 30 for 30 on OJ and it is a little sports, but it's a lot of murder.
1:34:18 Dax Shepard? You can give me murder in place of sports achievement, but you can't give me someone's like devotion to a book.
1:34:25 Speaker 01 Okay, that's fair.
1:34:26 Dax Shepard? And it's not, again, we're talking about uniqueness. In this country right now, there's 200 million practicing Christians. So clearly, being a Christian isn't worthy, it doesn't select for anything.
1:34:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:34:40 Dax Shepard? NFL, you're already one in whatever you are, or one in 10,000. Then if you're a legendary player, you're one in, you know, the numbers. If you're a murderer, very few murderers.
1:34:50 Speaker 01 Thank God. Knock on wood.
1:34:52 Dax Shepard? All to say, I said, I see what you're doing, Ryan. God's intervening right now. And somehow he made a 30 for 30 that's singularly about Christianity. We're having fun with that because Ryan's a very devout Christian and I'm not.
1:35:09 Speaker 01 Very, he's not trying to.
1:35:11 Dax Shepard? He's not Judge Ronald. He doesn't, no, he's never tried to convince me I should be one. But then my joke becomes that he has orchestrated this whole thing.
1:35:18 Speaker 01 Of course.
1:35:19 Dax Shepard? All to say, I didn't experience any issues.
1:35:23 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:35:24 Dax Shepard? Uh, olfactory wise.
1:35:26 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:35:27 Dax Shepard? But he did tell me when we woke up that he had woke himself up with a fart that was so loud of his.
1:35:32 Speaker 01 Scary.
1:35:33 Dax Shepard? And I was like, oh man. And I was just out cold, I guess, breathing it. Cause he, it woke him up, Monica. I can imagine like the top sheet like billowed up. Like.
1:35:49 Dax Shepard? I was just like, oh man, I was fucking huffing away when I was, this is why I don't, this is why I'm afraid to fall asleep. Cause I'm so vulnerable.
1:35:56 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
1:35:57 Dax Shepard? I gotta protect myself.
1:35:58 Speaker 01 You're the one that said eating farts, you recently said eating farts makes you healthier.
1:36:03 Dax Shepard? Smelling your own farts, a scientist, I didn't say that, a scientist said that.
1:36:06 Speaker 01 So you just got some extra health.
1:36:09 Dax Shepard? I don't know if he got eating his is, so there was no issue other than.
1:36:14 Speaker 01 I'm glad you didn't smell it.
1:36:15 Dax Shepard? As you know, I can barely sleep under completely ideal circumstances.
1:36:20 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:36:21 Dax Shepard? So like foreign room, kept waking up, then next to a man, oh wow, next to a man, oh, it's my friend Ryan. Oh, I'm on this vacation, everything's cool.
1:36:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, I don't, I don't like sleeping in the, in a bed with anyone anymore at all. Like, so I'm kind of impressed that you guys, I mean, I guess you had to do it.
1:36:42 Dax Shepard? You do what you gotta do.
1:36:43 Speaker 01 You gotta do, but it's so hard to like really fall asleep when there's somebody else in the bed. I worry about this if I have a future husband. I might go ahead and just start from scratch, us not doing that, not, not sleeping in the same bed.
1:36:59 Dax Shepard? You'll want it at the beginning for sure.
1:37:01 Speaker 01 I mean, I want to, but I want all this stuff before and then, but just right when I'm sleeping, can they leave?
1:37:08 Dax Shepard? Okay, yeah, if they are like me, that would work out perfect, cause I probably would be awake longer.
1:37:15 Speaker 01 But actually, no, cause in the night, there might be like a fun cuddle. Okay, forget it, I take it back.
1:37:21 Dax Shepard? I think for some period, you'll definitely want that, and then for some other period, be like.
1:37:25 Speaker 01 But I'm gonna be worried about farting.
1:37:28 Dax Shepard? About you farting, but Monica, you're, you cannot get married and still have this fart thing. You have to fart in front of your husband.
1:37:34 Speaker 01 No, I'm not gonna.
1:37:35 Dax Shepard? Your life will be miserable.
1:37:37 Speaker 01 Erica doesn't fart in front of Charlie, she never has, he says, I've never heard or smelled her fart.
1:37:43 Dax Shepard? Has that same claim.
1:37:44 Speaker 01 Exact, it can be done.
1:37:46 Dax Shepard? They must be doing out and away.
1:37:47 Speaker 01 You can't out and away in the bed.
1:37:49 Dax Shepard? No, you have, the whole point is you go out.
1:37:51 Speaker 01 Right, I know.
1:37:52 Dax Shepard? And then you get the guests away from you in your fabrics and then you return.
1:37:55 Speaker 01 In the night.
1:37:57 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
1:37:57 Speaker 01 So I wouldn't out in a way because I'd be asleep.
1:38:00 Dax Shepard? But that's true.
1:38:01 Speaker 01 Like what happened to Ryan.
1:38:03 Dax Shepard? Well, you know, he woke himself up.
1:38:04 Speaker 01 I know, but he was farting in the night.
1:38:06 Dax Shepard? So like your, your husband won't even know you're up, you're in and inside.
1:38:11 Speaker 01 I want to tell a story, but I'm not going to say who. So my friend tried to out in a way.
1:38:16 Dax Shepard? Uh huh.
1:38:17 Speaker 01 In the bathroom and it was.
1:38:20 Dax Shepard? It was so loud. Okay.
1:38:25 Dax Shepard? Was it jazz?
1:38:26 Speaker 01 It was so loud.
1:38:27 Dax Shepard? It was jazz?
1:38:28 Speaker 01 No.
1:38:28 Dax Shepard? Oh.
1:38:29 Speaker 01 It was so loud. No, this is a female friend. Yeah.
1:38:32 Dax Shepard? Wow.
1:38:32 Speaker 01 It was so loud that her husband thought she was throwing up.
1:38:37 Dax Shepard? Wow, that's spectacular. Well, I'm trying to think of how a fart would sound.
1:38:45 Speaker 01 Same.
1:38:45 Dax Shepard? If it also sounded like throwing up.
1:38:47 Speaker 01 He must have just woken up and heard like a loud noise coming from the bathroom.
1:38:52 Dax Shepard? He was asleep. Okay.
1:38:54 Speaker 01 And then he thought.
1:38:56 Dax Shepard? But.
1:38:58 Dax Shepard? I'm trying to think, Howie.
1:39:01 Speaker 01 He probably just was like, oh, and then she's in the bathroom and I heard this loud noise that she's probably throwing up.
1:39:06 Dax Shepard? See, that is the problem with holding them as long as you do. When they come out, it's going to sound like someone's vomiting. If you're letting them out here and there, that pressure won't build up to that level.
1:39:18 Speaker 01 Into a different room. I can't go in a hotel with my husband. I can't do anything.
1:39:23 Dax Shepard? Gosh.
1:39:24 Speaker 01 Can't do anything.
1:39:25 Dax Shepard? Oh, wow, wow.
1:39:27 Speaker 01 Oh, it's so scary to be a person.
1:39:31 Dax Shepard? He won't care. I know you can't convince yourself of that.
1:39:34 Speaker 01 This is a ding ding ding.
1:39:36 Dax Shepard? It is.
1:39:36 Speaker 01 Yeah, because this is for Kaley Cuoco.
1:39:40 Dax Shepard? Uh huh. Oh, this is perfect.
1:39:42 Speaker 01 It's perfect because we were talking about separate rooms sleeping.
1:39:45 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
1:39:45 Speaker 01 And I'm just going to say I'm for it.
1:39:48 Dax Shepard? Yeah, sure.
1:39:49 Speaker 01 I'm for not feeling nervous that you're, you're going to have to fart in the night.
1:39:55 Dax Shepard? Uh huh.
1:39:57 Speaker 01 Because.
1:39:57 Dax Shepard? Nocturnal.
1:39:58 Speaker 01 If I do fart, which is almost never. It is in the night or the morning.
1:40:04 Dax Shepard? Wow, you're in morning suits.
1:40:06 Speaker 01 In the, in my bed. That's just my own person. It's my personal time.
1:40:13 Speaker 01 Hey, Rob, does Natalie fart?
1:40:17 Dax Shepard? Hey Natalie.
1:40:18 Speaker 01 Have you ever, have you ever, how about this? Have you ever heard her fart?
1:40:22 Speaker 05 We, so we do not fart in front of each other, but I have heard her fart when she sleeps.
1:40:28 Speaker 01 Oh my God.
1:40:29 Dax Shepard? Rob, you don't fart in front of your wife?
1:40:32 Speaker 05 No, we don't.
1:40:33 Speaker 01 Wow, see, Dex, I think it's more common than you think.
1:40:36 Dax Shepard? What is going on, you guys? Why do you think you fucking get married? So you can be your full self?
1:40:43 Speaker 01 I know. Look, I do understand that. I do understand that argument and I would want, I would want someone to accept my farts. But, and I would accept farts. I know I would, but I don't trust, I don't trust that people will accept mine.
1:40:57 Dax Shepard? That's right.
1:40:58 Speaker 01 And that's just-
1:40:58 Dax Shepard? That's the work you need to do with your therapist. You need to bring into her that you feel unworthy of love if you fart.
1:41:05 Speaker 01 Or I have to marry like a troll.
1:41:08 Dax Shepard? Or my dad who's no, he couldn't smell.
1:41:10 Speaker 01 Oh, that's cool.
1:41:11 Dax Shepard? You should put that on your Tinder thing, like, what are you looking for? Someone that can't smell? Think how off putting that would be.
1:41:19 Speaker 01 Bad sense of smell, yeah.
1:41:21 Dax Shepard? Because you'd be like, oh, they reek.
1:41:22 Speaker 01 They smell so bad. Oh, um, Jess.
1:41:25 Dax Shepard? Rob, what are you doing with your farts?
1:41:27 Speaker 05 I just, I don't fart that much.
1:41:29 Speaker 01 I don't think Rob is gassy. I've never smelled his fart. He never farts in here.
1:41:34 Dax Shepard? Oh my God.
1:41:35 Speaker 05 She's lactose intolerant, though, so.
1:41:38 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:41:39 Dax Shepard? Well, she's Asian.
1:41:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, but then he's saying she farts a lot.
1:41:42 Speaker 05 She's got stomach problems a lot.
1:41:45 Dax Shepard? Well, it's-
1:41:47 Speaker 01 Oh, then it's not fair, Rob.
1:41:48 Dax Shepard? She can't stay away from dairy.
1:41:50 Speaker 05 It's not, it's not like a spoken thing. We just never-
1:41:54 Speaker 01 I know, but Rob, I don't think it's fair to her that you get to smell her farts and she doesn't get to smell you.
1:41:59 Dax Shepard? Oh, she has, do you think he's not farting in his sleep? And she hasn't heard it and smelled it?
1:42:03 Speaker 01 We'll have to ask her.
1:42:04 Dax Shepard? There's no way it's a one way street.
1:42:05 Speaker 01 Well, he doesn't have lactose intolerance.
1:42:07 Speaker 05 We just don't let it rip.
1:42:09 Dax Shepard? Okay.
1:42:10 Speaker 01 That's fair. I think a lot of people don't.
1:42:12 Dax Shepard? What about in front of your sons?
1:42:14 Speaker 05 Uh, yeah, the boys will all fart in front of each other.
1:42:16 Speaker 01 You do?
1:42:17 Dax Shepard? But then when mom comes in, everyone's gotta tighten it up?
1:42:19 Speaker 05 Yeah.
1:42:20 Speaker 01 Oh, this is a weird, okay.
1:42:23 Speaker 05 I mean, it's boys.
1:42:24 Dax Shepard? Some psychological point on here, yeah.
1:42:25 Speaker 05 It's boys, though.
1:42:26 Dax Shepard? It's poison?
1:42:27 Speaker 05 No, it's boys.
1:42:28 Dax Shepard? Oh, it's boys.
1:42:30 Speaker 01 It is poison. It is poison.
1:42:31 Dax Shepard? That, was, did you think that's what that song meant? That girl is poison.
1:42:36 Speaker 01 For farts. Oh my God.
1:42:39 Speaker 01 Well, your, yeah, I, look, I think it's aspirational.
1:42:43 Dax Shepard? I do gotta put a, because we're transitioning as we should into the facts, but I just wanna say, we avoided the Vegas thing. The day, the day went great. It's complicated going to the theme park with, four kids that are 10 and 11 because there's, there's varying levels of bravery, I'll call it, on what you're gonna ride. And the pressure of I didn't ride it, now they rode it. And then we, we talked one of them into riding something.
1:43:10 Speaker 01 Peer pressure?
1:43:11 Dax Shepard? Yeah, and it didn't go as good as we were all hoping for.
1:43:15 Speaker 01 Yep.
1:43:15 Dax Shepard? And then by the end of the day, everyone was absolutely exhausted, as you can imagine. But we had an incredible time.
1:43:23 Speaker 01 Good.
1:43:23 Dax Shepard? Disneyland's so fun. You know the part that was so funnest? I feel like I'm never there at night.
1:43:29 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, that's so fun.
1:43:30 Dax Shepard? Oh, it's so magical at night. There's so many cute lights lit up everywhere. And I was like, I could just walk around. That's a, that's a ride for me. It's just walking around. And we did Soren twice. We booked and, I like bookending the day at Disney with, with Soren.
1:43:46 Speaker 01 That's nice.
1:43:47 Dax Shepard? It's Soren over the world right now, which is often Soren over California. Both have incredible merits.
1:43:52 Speaker 01 Okay, I do get nauseous on that ride.
1:43:55 Dax Shepard? You do? Well, that's a bummer, because that's one of my faves.
1:43:59 Speaker 01 It's okay, I just won't join at the beginning.
1:44:01 Dax Shepard? And Putty narrates the beginning, remember that? He's like, put the belt through the buckle.
1:44:05 Speaker 01 Who's Putty?
1:44:06 Dax Shepard? No, Putty from Seinfeld, Patrick Warburton. He narrates it.
1:44:10 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:44:10 Dax Shepard? And he says, put your belt through the buckle. You know, he's got that very specific cadence.
1:44:15 Speaker 01 That's fun. Speaking of Seinfeld, I saw just really quickly, I saw a post on, it's like a teaser or something, I don't know, but it was just a picture from a upcoming Super Bowl commercial. And it is for Duncan. And it has, obviously, one of my boyfriends, Ben, and he's talking to Matt LeBlanc and Jennifer Aniston.
1:44:42 Speaker 01 And then the Seinfeld character, but I want to remove that from the story. Because I'm like, what is happening here? My worlds are colliding.
1:44:51 Dax Shepard? Cross pollination.
1:44:52 Speaker 01 Of my, of my earliest loves.
1:44:55 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
1:44:57 Speaker 01 That's weird, right? Okay, Kaylee Fax.
1:45:02 Speaker 01 Is there a movie about the Dole, Dole founder David Murdoch? No. There is no major commercial feature about him.
1:45:12 Dax Shepard? Ding ding ding, we had the Dole Whip.
1:45:14 Speaker 01 Oh, so good.
1:45:17 Speaker 01 Kaylee has a two-year-old cane corso.
1:45:19 Dax Shepard? Most delicious corn dog in my life.
1:45:21 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:45:22 Dax Shepard? Cause I'm on this new probiotic. I've been dancing a little bit.
1:45:25 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:45:26 Dax Shepard? And I had a fucking big outrageously monstrous corn dog yesterday and it was so.
1:45:32 Speaker 01 And you didn't have any weird.
1:45:33 Dax Shepard? I don't think so. Yeah, again, baby steps. I'm not going crazy, but I did have a big delicious honking corn dog.
1:45:39 Speaker 01 If this cures your gluten food completely.
1:45:42 Dax Shepard? I'm gonna kiss.
1:45:42 Speaker 01 What are you gonna eat? Like, what's the first, what's your first meal back?
1:45:45 Dax Shepard? I mean, I miss pasta so much. There's so many great, uh, uh, I mean, I don't even feel like. I always have been on the even skin test garlic.
1:45:54 Speaker 01 Oh, really?
1:45:55 Dax Shepard? So I don't know if that's leaky or. Oh, fuck, I would eat the ass out of some garlic.
1:46:00 Speaker 01 Chimichurri.
1:46:02 Dax Shepard? Oh, chimichurri, grilled chicken with chimichurri.
1:46:05 Speaker 01 Okay, Kaylee has a two-year-old cane corso dog and said they are huge. How big? Cane corso's weight varies by sex.
1:46:13 Dax Shepard? Kane or King? I thought they were King corso's. They're cane.
1:46:16 Speaker 01 Cane.
1:46:16 Dax Shepard? Cane? Oh, I've had that wrong the whole time.
1:46:18 Speaker 01 Oh, that's fun. It's like Videlie. Ding ding ding.
1:46:21 Dax Shepard? We got another one. Acorn.
1:46:23 Speaker 01 Males typically weighing ninety-nine to a hundred and ten pounds and females eighty-eight to ninety-nine pounds. Though some American standards allow for larger sizes with males reaching a hundred and ten to a hundred and forty pounds. And females eighty-five to one fifteen. Oh.
1:46:39 Dax Shepard? They're scary looking dogs, in my opinion, in my opinion.
1:46:42 Speaker 01 Of that. I'm scared of that. Yeah. Cause they look like.
1:46:45 Dax Shepard? They look like a mix between a pit bull and a Great Dane.
1:46:49 Speaker 01 I'm gonna have a nightmare.
1:46:50 Dax Shepard? A great bull.
1:46:51 Speaker 01 If I get one of those, though, no one will eat me.
1:46:55 Dax Shepard? That, other than him, yeah.
1:47:00 Dax Shepard? Although he kinda looks like, he kinda looks sweet in the eyes, in the droopiness of the-
1:47:04 Speaker 01 He actually looks sad in the eyes.
1:47:05 Dax Shepard? He does, he looks sad, he's like, why do I look so threatening? Cause I'm just a nice boy with chopped ears. I don't like what they did to his ears.
1:47:13 Speaker 01 They, they chop all these dogs' ears off. Why do they do that?
1:47:17 Dax Shepard? I can't judge cause I'm circumcised, but still, oh wow, that's not an inviting. Okay, Rob just put a-
1:47:23 Speaker 01 Put a dog up that's very scary looking, has blood in its mouth, basically.
1:47:28 Dax Shepard? Salvating everywhere, it's got foam, it's, it's got rabies, it's rabid.
1:47:32 Speaker 01 It's definitely-
1:47:33 Dax Shepard? And then it has this huge collar around it that's more like a horse, horse, what do they call those?
1:47:39 Speaker 01 Look how muscular its body is.
1:47:41 Dax Shepard? Horse yolk. And then it's got a thick chain anchored into the ground, cause no one can go near it. Woo, no thank you.
1:47:48 Speaker 01 Um, can you binge Kaylee's new show Vanished? Vanished is out now on MGM Plus with the first episode having premiered on Sunday, February 1st, 2026. New episodes then release weekly.
1:47:59 Dax Shepard? Weekly.
1:48:00 Speaker 01 Weekly, I'm, you know how I feel about weekly.
1:48:03 Dax Shepard? I know, I know, I know.
1:48:04 Speaker 01 Okay, and we wanna show a pic, a picture of her zonkey.
1:48:08 Dax Shepard? Oh, cause she did come through and she sent us a picture. And the zonkey's much prettier than I was expecting.
1:48:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:48:14 Dax Shepard? Cause let's be, let's be frank, donkeys aren't the most pretty animals.
1:48:19 Speaker 01 But that's, you know, they have other assets.
1:48:22 Dax Shepard? Yeah, they're stubborn.
1:48:23 Speaker 01 Yep.
1:48:25 Dax Shepard? They're loud and they kick.
1:48:26 Speaker 01 No, don't they like carry stuff?
1:48:28 Dax Shepard? They're indomitable. They're so strong, pound for pound, donkeys, they'll like, yeah, they'll carry Juan Veldes's coffee right up the side of the Andes Mountains, never even ask for water.
1:48:38 Speaker 01 Aww.
1:48:38 Dax Shepard? Yeah, but this zonkey is actually quite pretty and feminine looking.
1:48:42 Speaker 01 And it's, it's legs are striped and they're really cool.
1:48:46 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it's beautiful.
1:48:47 Speaker 01 I recommend everyone go watch the fact check so you can see this zonkey.
1:48:51 Dax Shepard? The zonkey.
1:48:52 Speaker 01 Um, and that's all the facts.
1:48:54 Dax Shepard? That's all the facts. That is a zonkey.
1:48:56 Speaker 01 Oh, stop showing us that.
1:48:57 Dax Shepard? I would be so fearful of that zonkey if that dog was around in the mix.
1:49:01 Speaker 01 I know, but I wonder how fast that zonkey could go.
1:49:04 Dax Shepard? Looks like that dog was wearing a yoke. That's I couldn't think of the name of it.
1:49:07 Speaker 01 Well, I don't know what that is.
1:49:08 Dax Shepard? That's what you put over the head, like you put over the head of a bull or something.
1:49:12 Speaker 01 Oh.
1:49:13 Dax Shepard? Better keep it in.
1:49:13 Speaker 01 I mean, whatever.
1:49:15 Dax Shepard? God bless humans. They're like, you know what? We want to control these animals.
1:49:18 Speaker 01 Why?
1:49:19 Dax Shepard? And we're not afraid. We're going to figure out how like, how on earth are we managing bulls? And I'm not saying now, because now you got factory farming. That's let's not get hung up on how disgusting that is.
1:49:26 Speaker 01 Right.
1:49:27 Dax Shepard? I'm saying more back. We have been, we have been herding animals that are way bigger than us.
1:49:32 Speaker 01 I know.
1:49:33 Dax Shepard? For thousands of years.
1:49:34 Speaker 01 It's human arrogance.
1:49:35 Dax Shepard? But it's not arrogance because we do it.
1:49:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, but people do die.
1:49:40 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
1:49:40 Speaker 01 In the process. We lose some. We lose some.
1:49:44 Dax Shepard? All right.
1:49:44 Speaker 01 Um, all right.
1:49:45 Dax Shepard? I love you.
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