Pod Insights Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Armchair Anonymous: Cooking Disaster II About this episode Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a cooking disaster.
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Transcript 11,350 words · 8 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Dax Shepard? Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dax Shepard and I'm joined by Randall Padman.
0:05 Speaker 01 Hello.
0:06 Dax Shepard? Today, we have Cooking Disaster Stories. What do we say? Warning alert? Trigger of warning.
0:12 Speaker 01 Oh, trigger?
0:14 Dax Shepard? If you hate burning, this is not the episode for you.
0:20 Speaker 01 Don't listen to this one.
0:21 Dax Shepard? No, skip it. Please enjoy Cooking Disasters. We get support from Quince.
0:27 Speaker 01 I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.
0:36 Dax Shepard? I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince, because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up. And everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.
0:59 Speaker 01 $60? $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag? It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories, they skip the middlemen, and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.
1:17 Dax Shepard? The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time, and he looks iconic.
1:26 Speaker 01 It's a uniform.
1:27 Dax Shepard? Mm-hmm.
1:28 Speaker 01 And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel-quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully-designed furniture. You can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home, too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.
1:45 Dax Shepard? Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. We get support from AG1. Fall is that time when your body and mind are getting ready for the winter. You're settling in, bracing for the cold. Your body's already running a deficit from the shorter days and broken sleep patterns. You don't want a nutrient deficit stacked on top of that, too.
2:21 Speaker 01 That's where your AG1 routine earns its spot. It's not fixing your sleep or your alarm time. It's giving your body what it needs so the dark mornings don't tank you before you even start. One scoop, cold water every morning before anything else.
2:34 Dax Shepard? AG1 Next Gen has 75 plus ingredients, vitamins, minerals, pre and probiotics, superfoods, backed by four separate gold standard clinical trials. Key nutrient levels improved with three months of consistent use.
2:48 Speaker 01 That's the part people miss. It's not a one day fix. It's what happens when you stay consistent.
2:52 Dax Shepard? It's an easy, everyday thing. I've added it to my morning routine and I'm going to tell you, I actually love the taste of it. It's like Pavlovian. I drink it and I know, mm, I'm going to get that little vitamin buzz.
3:02 Speaker 01 Well, that's also the thing. When you do it first thing in the morning, you already feel kind of self-esteem because you're like, I already did something good for myself.
3:09 Dax Shepard? Yes. Go to drinkag1.com/dax and for a limited time, get a free immunity bundle, including a bottle of omega three fish oil and a bottle of vitamin D3 K2 with your first subscription order of AG1 Next Gen or AG1 Pro. That's drinkag1.com/dax. And after checkout, be sure to let them know that Armchair Experts sent you.
3:55 Speaker 02 Hello.
3:55 Speaker 01 Hi.
3:57 Dax Shepard? Where are you?
3:57 Speaker 02 I think you may know the town that I'm from, Brevard, North Carolina, west of Asheville.
4:02 Speaker 01 Oh.
4:03 Dax Shepard? I bet I've ridden through there.
4:05 Speaker 02 The land of waterfalls.
4:06 Dax Shepard? Wait, is that where Looking Glass Falls is?
4:08 Speaker 02 Yep, sure is. About 10 minutes from where I'm at right now.
4:11 Dax Shepard? Oh, lovely. We were just there.
4:13 Speaker 02 Yeah, you've given some good shout outs to the area. We appreciate it.
4:16 Dax Shepard? Okay, so you have a cooking disaster story.
4:19 Speaker 02 I do. Yeah. So this happened about three years ago in March. Our daughter at the time was turning three and my wife was about eight months pregnant. And she was going through a big pancake phase. And so we thought we're gonna throw her a pancake brunch.
4:35 Dax Shepard? Nice.
4:36 Speaker 02 Invite some family and friends over, which seemed like a great idea. It was a great idea.
4:40 Dax Shepard? She likes straight flapjacks or she likes chocolate chip? What was her jam?
4:44 Speaker 02 The weird thing is she doesn't like syrup. Still, we can't get her to eat syrup, but she loves a pancake, chocolate chips or fruit.
4:51 Dax Shepard? Keep her off the syrup. If she don't want it, that's great.
4:53 Speaker 02 It's her one excuse to be able to eat a sweet. And she's like, nope.
4:57 Dax Shepard? Oh, yeah.
4:59 Speaker 02 Day of, everything is going to plan. Pretty much everything's done. The family arrives, surprisingly going off without a hitch.
5:06 Dax Shepard? And can I ask quickly, like a mechanical question? If you put a big flat top grilling surface on something, what are we cooking on?
5:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, we're cooking on a griddle primarily. And then we're in our kitchen. So we've got a stove. And so I decided I'm gonna do some bacon and I'll cook it in a sheet pan, sort of in bulk, which I wouldn't normally do. Bringing from the South, we make breakfast all the time. I grew up in a family where biscuits and gravy every weekend.
5:28 Speaker 01 Oh, yum.
5:29 Dax Shepard? Wow, jealous.
5:30 Speaker 02 No problem with cooking a great breakfast, but on this day, obviously, there's more people showing up, probably about 20 people or so, kids, family. And so I thought, okay, I'm gonna put this bacon in a sheet pan and cook it in bulk. And that'll be the quickest way to get the job done.
5:44 Dax Shepard? How much bacon are we talking in pounds?
5:46 Speaker 02 Probably two pounds, three pounds, maybe. Not a crazy amount, but enough to fill probably two sheet pans. We're almost to the point of everybody having their brunch, eating pancakes. The bacon is the last thing to kind of come out of the oven. And around that time, the family shows up, kids are playing. It's a little bit of a compact kitchen. So, you know, my mother and mother-in-law are in the kitchen. Of course, they're like, what can we do to help? Where does this go? Where does that go? And it just gets a little chaotic around family as it tends to do. So I go to reach for the bacon, open the oven. And I guess I'm just so focused, I pull it out probably a little quicker than I should. And just ever so slightly tilted it back towards me.
6:26 Speaker 02 Entire pan of bacon grease spills down my forearm.
6:30 Speaker 01 Oh.
6:32 Dax Shepard? Fuck, I can feel that.
6:33 Speaker 02 Obviously, there's the initial shock reaction, drop the pan immediately. Kind of freak out a little bit. There actually wasn't a ton of pain, which is also maybe a little scarier than, you know, you don't really know what you've done in the moment. I rushed to the sink, start to rinse my arm off. And this is where my wife swoops in to save the day. She's a nurse, comes in handy on a lot of occasions. And so, yeah, she helps me get this thing washed off. And I think at the moment, I'm trying to just keep as calm as possible. You know, there's kids around. I don't want to freak my daughter out. And it sort of becomes evident what I've done. Almost immediately, my arm starts to like blister and bubble up.
7:10 Speaker 02 By this time, my daughter finds out and of course she like runs over and I mean, she's gonna have to be in healthcare like her mom. Cause she's like immediately interested, not scared at all, not concerned. Just like wants to know what's going on. And she also shifts into take care of dad mode.
7:26 Dax Shepard? Oh, so sweet.
7:27 Speaker 01 It is.
7:28 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:29 Dax Shepard? If you had a boy, you'd have been like, oh, where's my baseball bat?
7:32 Speaker 01 He would have like run his little trucks over your arm.
7:35 Speaker 02 Totally. I think Rob may have sent you a photo.
7:38 Dax Shepard? Oh, he did. He did. Let's see. We always wait.
7:41 Speaker 01 Turn it.
7:42 Dax Shepard? Yeah, he wants me to do a full like a.
7:49 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
7:52 Speaker 02 The first photo is where my arm sort of bubbled up immediately. We got it patched and taken care of essentially for the weekend until I could get to the doctor. Fortunately, the surgeon that works in our practice was there on that Monday or Tuesday and just had to scrape off the whole thing. It wasn't incredibly painful until that moment. And that's sort of when it like really got real, you know?
8:16 Dax Shepard? Can I ask why they have to scrape it off?
8:18 Speaker 02 That's a terrible question for me to answer.
8:19 Dax Shepard? Just clean it and put an ointment on there or something?
8:23 Speaker 02 I think that's essentially it.
8:24 Dax Shepard? I'm really sad that the listener can't see it because what's so freaky about it, and I've never seen a burn like this. The burn has the drip marks. It looks like liquid, the burn. You see this money on the right?
8:36 Speaker 01 I do.
8:37 Dax Shepard? Wow.
8:37 Speaker 02 It came up my wrist and wrapped around the wrist there around the thumb.
8:43 Speaker 01 Do you have a scar?
8:44 Speaker 02 Shockingly, it held up really well. I'll credit my wife for jumping into action quickly. We probably have more medical supplies around the house than the typical household, thankfully. And she just got it patched up quick and I was pretty religious about putting ointment on it for six weeks. Of course, my daughter wanted to help with that as well. So got a nicer reminder every day to take care of your arm, daddy.
9:09 Speaker 01 Oh my, that's rough. For the listener, if you saw this, you would know to never cook bacon ever again.
9:17 Speaker 02 Yeah, it was a little while before I decided to give that a go. I still haven't cooked bacon in a sheet pan.
9:22 Dax Shepard? I mean, how is one supposed to remove that sheet pan with all that hot grease underneath?
9:27 Speaker 01 Were you wearing oven mitts?
9:28 Speaker 02 Had a towel in my hand, which is par for the course. I'm kind of act first, think second kind of guy, unfortunately.
9:34 Dax Shepard? Oh, I'm so lazy. I've used like paper towels on the counter. I can get it out in time before that cooks through.
9:39 Speaker 01 A dish towel is what the chefs do. They don't use oven mitts. But you have to really be a chef and you have to be confident in your skills.
9:47 Dax Shepard? You do.
9:48 Speaker 01 I use oven mitts.
9:49 Dax Shepard? You do, but you also like the decor of the oven.
9:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, they're cute.
9:54 Dax Shepard? The thing I live in the most fear of in these burn situations is when you hear people where the skin just rolls off.
10:00 Speaker 02 Yeah, I was a little nervous. That was what I was in for. There's a few seconds that pass between when it happens and when you start to realize what you've actually done. I mean, it was rough, but it thankfully was not that sort of situation.
10:13 Dax Shepard? This is a PSA because I would definitely try that. Like if I didn't hear the end of the story, I'd be like, oh, that's a hack. Cook the bacon in the oven.
10:19 Speaker 01 Exactly. No, yeah, don't do it.
10:21 Dax Shepard? Get it all done. I was even thinking while you were telling us, like, oh, I'd even had a grate. I'd add a little grate between the cookie sheet and the bacon so that it wouldn't be sitting in the oil.
10:28 Speaker 02 I think I did have a grate on the pan, which I thought, that's a great idea. But obviously the grease is still in the pan, you know, underneath.
10:35 Dax Shepard? Sure is.
10:36 Speaker 01 Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
10:37 Speaker 02 Slowly and carefully remove and make sure it's level.
10:42 Dax Shepard? So how old's baby now?
10:43 Speaker 02 She's almost six and baby number two, almost three.
10:47 Speaker 01 Oh, sweet.
10:48 Dax Shepard? Congratulations. Another girl?
10:51 Speaker 02 Two girls. Wouldn't have it any other way.
10:53 Dax Shepard? Now go get you a vasectomy because you don't want three.
10:56 Speaker 02 Well, yeah, already taken care of.
10:58 Dax Shepard? Okay, good job. Just pour a little hot grease down there. That could also.
11:04 Speaker 02 Might do the trick as well.
11:06 Speaker 01 Let's do a prompt accidental vasectomies.
11:08 Dax Shepard? Ooh. Unauthorized vasectomies.
11:12 Speaker 02 Not contribute to that one.
11:15 Speaker 01 Well, thanks for sharing.
11:16 Dax Shepard? Yeah, Seth, it's lovely meeting you.
11:18 Speaker 02 This is great. Thank you guys so much. Would you mind if I let my wife come?
11:22 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
11:23 Dax Shepard? We'd love to meet your wife. The nurse, we love nurses.
11:25 Speaker 01 We're gonna ask her some medical questions.
11:27 Speaker 03 Hello?
11:28 Speaker 01 Hi.
11:30 Dax Shepard? Oh, I'd be delighted if you were the nurse that walked in the room. Look how cheery she looks.
11:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, I have a question. Do you think I could maybe get my ears re-pierced even though it's gone rancid twice?
11:42 Speaker 03 It doesn't seem like a smart move.
11:44 Speaker 01 Oh, man.
11:45 Speaker 03 I would love to say yes. As a girl, I'm like, heck, yeah, but you know.
11:50 Speaker 01 Okay, I trust you.
11:51 Dax Shepard? What's your name?
11:53 Speaker 03 My name is Casey.
11:54 Dax Shepard? Casey, you know the old adage fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice. We're already at the shame on me part. The third would be like, shame, I'm a fucking dumb dumb.
12:02 Speaker 01 No, that's why the third would be shame on Casey. That's why I asked.
12:06 Speaker 03 Well, I mean, Dax has already had to operate once.
12:08 Speaker 01 He did.
12:09 Dax Shepard? Once or twice? Have I done two?
12:10 Speaker 01 Well, finger, ear.
12:12 Dax Shepard? Always jewelry related.
12:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:14 Dax Shepard? How long have you been nursing?
12:15 Speaker 03 It'll be almost 13 years.
12:18 Dax Shepard? You guys are the best.
12:19 Speaker 03 Thanks. Well, I think one thing Seth forgot to mention was whenever the grease thing happened, you know, he's being very stoic. He's fine. He's fine. He's fine. And I look over at him and he starts to turn that white yellow color. And I was like, no, you need to sit down. He's like, I'm fine. I was like, sit down and eat something. I probably handed him a pancake at that point.
12:39 Speaker 01 Smart. Good job.
12:42 Dax Shepard? I don't need to deal with a head injury.
12:43 Speaker 03 Already have like 20 people at the house and here we are with this pretty severe burn and let's pass out on top of all of it.
12:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:51 Speaker 01 What if you passed out onto the sheep?
12:53 Dax Shepard? Oh my god, face first.
12:54 Speaker 01 Oh my gosh.
12:56 Dax Shepard? That was like a Mr. Bean movie or something.
12:59 Speaker 01 Oh wow.
13:00 Dax Shepard? Well, thank you guys. It's lovely meeting you.
13:03 Speaker 03 Thanks, and I think we need to shout out Angie too. Angie's Seth's college friend who got us his arm cherries.
13:09 Speaker 01 Oh, shout out Angie.
13:10 Dax Shepard? Oh!
13:11 Speaker 01 You're wearing a beautiful piece of merch.
13:13 Speaker 03 He got me. That's for Christmas. I love it.
13:16 Dax Shepard? Good job Seth.
13:17 Speaker 03 I went to get him a shirt and went on the website and that's actually where we saw the prompts. I was like, this is perfect.
13:22 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
13:23 Dax Shepard? Oh my god, two birds.
13:24 Speaker 03 We're out of shirts unfortunately at that point, but it's okay. I got one, so it's all that matters.
13:28 Dax Shepard? Wait, we're sold out of shirts?
13:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, we sold out.
13:30 Dax Shepard? Oh my god.
13:31 Speaker 01 But we might re-up, so we'll keep you guys updated.
13:34 Dax Shepard? What do you mean we might? We must.
13:36 Speaker 01 Okay, we're just gonna, we're gonna sidebar about this.
13:40 Dax Shepard? All right, lovely meeting you guys.
13:42 Speaker 03 Bye guys.
13:44 Speaker 01 Do you think it's sad, like they hand over their headphones to their partner and then they just have to sit and they like don't know what is being said and it's like, I'm left out now.
13:53 Dax Shepard? I do think that. I don't want to get in another round of technical difficulties, but I almost want to say like, just pull your headphones out so that you guys can now just chat and we can all be in this together.
14:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, but we don't want to do that. We like when people are left out. Something to work through.
14:07 Dax Shepard? Dangerous. Sarah. Smile a while for me, Sarah. If you want to be free.
14:20 Speaker 01 Hi!
14:21 Dax Shepard? All you got to do is say so. How annoyed are you or how much do you love Sarah Smile?
14:29 Speaker 04 Honestly, I've never heard that one before.
14:30 Dax Shepard? A Hall and Oates?
14:31 Speaker 01 I think you have.
14:32 Speaker 04 Probably. It's probably just not a good rendition that Dax is doing.
14:35 Dax Shepard? That is definitely the case.
14:38 Speaker 01 I didn't know what you were singing. And I know Sarah Smile.
14:40 Dax Shepard? Smile. Won't you smile a while for me, Sarah?
14:44 Speaker 01 I think it's because there's so much other band stuff going on in that.
14:47 Dax Shepard? A Company Man?
14:48 Speaker 01 I was in that movie and that song. Acapella's tough.
14:52 Dax Shepard? Well, especially when you're not a good singer. Sarah, where are you?
14:54 Speaker 04 I am in the McDonald's garbage can. I am in London, Ontario.
14:58 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
15:01 Speaker 01 I literally was like, you're in a garbage can right now at McDonald's. What is happening?
15:07 Dax Shepard? It's really funny you bring that up, Sarah, because I was just at my friend Kevin Ziegler's house yesterday and he grew up about 10 minutes, I think, east of London and his folks were in town for the holidays and I got to tell them how I used to expel my rubbish over there.
15:24 Dax Shepard? And he was saying that London is a wild place. When you're young and you go downtown, you can have a real raucous time.
15:29 Speaker 04 Oh yeah, I went to university here and can confirm.
15:33 Dax Shepard? So you have a cooking disaster?
15:35 Speaker 04 Yes. So this would have been in the summer of 2013. I was dating my now husband and boyfriend and we were about three hours apart. He was close to London and I was living in Toronto. So I was going to visit him for the weekend. He was living with his parents. His dad was going to do a dinner. All his siblings were going to be there.
15:52 Dax Shepard? How long had you been dating?
15:54 Speaker 04 About eight months.
15:56 Dax Shepard? So this is a high stakes meeting. This is the time for you to put your best foot forward.
15:59 Speaker 04 A hundred percent. So the dad's making dinner and I'm like, well, we should do dessert. And so my husband says, let's make lemon meringue pie. That's like a real specific suggestion, but sure.
16:12 Speaker 01 He just had a craving.
16:14 Speaker 04 No, it's actually his favorite dessert. Given the choice, that's what he picks, which seems insane to me, but to each their own. So we're newly enough into this relationship that I just go along with it. Yeah, okay, let's make lemon meringue pie. I hate lemon meringue pie, but let's do it.
16:29 Dax Shepard? Early dating, so misleading. Cause you know, you wake up like two years later and you're like lemon meringue pie and you're like, fuck that. Yeah, we're married now.
16:38 Speaker 04 How long do you carry it along?
16:40 Dax Shepard? Yeah, that's insane. I'm not participating in that.
16:44 Speaker 04 So we go out, we get all the things to make this pie. I find my mother in law's pie plate, we're using the like refrigerated crusts that you just roll out. We're preheating the oven in this like 100 year old farmhouse that doesn't have central air conditioning. So I've got the oven going. It's really hot in the kitchen and I'm like, no problem. Let's turn on the ceiling fan. Up to this point in my life, I've never operated a ceiling fan. So I reach up to pull the cord and the whole light fixture comes down.
17:08 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
17:09 Dax Shepard? Oh geez, on your head?
17:10 Speaker 01 That's so scary.
17:11 Speaker 04 It landed on the pie plate and just sort of like bounced off of it.
17:15 Speaker 01 How big is this ceiling fan?
17:17 Speaker 04 Just the light fixture in the center came down from the fan.
17:21 Dax Shepard? Okay, not the fan blades.
17:22 Speaker 04 No, so just the light fixture part came down and hit the pie plate vicinity. Nothing broke. We put the light fixture back up, carry on making the pie. And there's nothing else memorable that happened during that dinner until we served the pie.
17:37 Speaker 01 Uh oh.
17:38 Dax Shepard? I have a terrible.
17:39 Speaker 01 Me too, I have a bad idea.
17:48 Dax Shepard? This episode is supported by Helix.
17:52 Speaker 01 Dax, is there anything better than crawling into a perfect bed on a cold fall night? Candlelit, hoodie on, maybe even some rain outside. The dream.
18:02 Dax Shepard? That's the dream. You just described one of my ideal fall nights.
18:07 Speaker 01 I know, and thanks to Helix, my bed actually lives up to the vibe. All I had to do was take the Helix Sleep Quiz and within two minutes, they matched me to a mattress built for exactly how I sleep. I have a midnight mattress. It also has cooling technology, which I really.
18:23 Dax Shepard? Increasingly so.
18:24 Speaker 01 I need it. I have to have it. And I heard that you're supposed to sleep at a cold temp.
18:30 Dax Shepard? Hmm.
18:31 Speaker 01 Optimal sleep. It's very, very helpful.
18:34 Dax Shepard? She is not wrong. I have one too, and it's been such a game changer for sleep. And I love that they make it so easy. Free shipping right to your door. And with their happy with Helix guarantee, you'll get a full 365 nights to try it. A whole year to live in that cozy. They've got over 20 mattress models, so no matter how you sleep, they've got one for you.
18:54 Speaker 01 And it's not just us saying it. Helix has been named the most awarded mattress brand by Forbes, Wired, and more. You gotta try it for yourself.
19:01 Dax Shepard? Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. helixsleep.com/armchair.
19:14 Dax Shepard? This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. We've talked before about Rob building our website on Squarespace and I bring it up again because it's a perfect example of what they do well. Rob had all the pieces, the content, the vision, the ideas, but he needed something to actually take all that and make it public facing and Squarespace was that bridge. Maybe you're in the same spot. You've been developing something, a business, a skillset, a body of work, and it's been private. It's been yours, but at some point you're ready to put it out there and that transition from private to public can feel like a huge leap. Squarespace makes it feel like a step. Beautiful templates, built-in SEO, email campaigns, scheduling, analytics, everything you need to go from "I've been working on this" to "Here it is, come find me."
20:00 Dax Shepard? All in one place, no code, no stitching together a bunch of different tools. So if you've been sitting on something and waiting for the right moment, this might be it. Head to Squarespace.com/dax for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code DAX to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. We get support from Scottsdale, Arizona. Monica, with summer ending or heading into fall, I've been researching a nice quick getaway location and I keep coming back to Scottsdale, Arizona.
20:30 Speaker 01 Ooh, Scottsdale's good. What's drawing you to it?
20:33 Dax Shepard? Well, first of all, I have this wonderful memory of going there as a kid when I would go see my stepdad when he was working out there. The weather is perfect in fall, warm, sunny, no humidity, and you can really do whatever you want with your time there. I want to do a sunrise hike through the Sonoran Desert, be surrounded by Saguaro, and then at the same afternoon, just completely melt into a spa treatment at one of their luxury resorts.
20:58 Speaker 01 Oh, that sounds amazing. I want to do that. Also, I was there visiting my brother once and I loved Old Town Scottsdale. It's so walkable. They have galleries and cute little restaurants and shops. The food scene alone is worth the trip.
21:12 Dax Shepard? What I keep reading is that it's luxurious, but not stuffy. There's no pressure to do it a certain way. You can explore public art, check out the architecture, go off-roading in the desert, or just sit and watch a sunset.
21:24 Speaker 01 Really is the perfect fall reset.
21:26 Dax Shepard? Learn more about all Scottsdale has to offer at unwind inscottsdale.com. We get support from ZipRecruiter. Oh, get recruiting. So I went down this rabbit hole the other day on real holiday jobs that exist and I couldn't stop. Somebody out there is hiring a ham glazer, a professional ham glazer. Another place is hiring a lead elf, implying a whole hierarchy of elves I had never even considered. Here's the thing, these jobs need real skills. People like that are hard to find. Whether you're hiring for one of these roles or any other role, the best way to find qualified people who are genuinely excited about your role is on ZipRecruiter. And right now you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com/dax.
22:11 Dax Shepard? Plus ZipRecruiter has a new feature that shows you the most interested qualified candidates first. So you meet the right people faster. No wonder ZipRecruiter is the number one rated hiring site based on G2. Let ZipRecruiter find the right people for your roles, seasonal or otherwise. Try it for free today at ziprecruiter.com/dax. At ziprecruiter.com/dax, meet your match on ZipRecruiter.
22:47 Speaker 04 So I'm serving the pie. This is it. This is the first time I've made anything for this family to consume.
22:53 Dax Shepard? Quick question, how did it look visually? Did you guys feel like you nailed it?
22:57 Speaker 04 The pie looked great.
22:58 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you're like, fuck yeah, time to show off.
23:00 Speaker 04 Yeah, I've made a lemon meringue pie when I really should have been making a chocolate chip cookies.
23:06 Speaker 04 So serving the pie, one piece, two piece, I get to the third piece and the pie does the thing where it flops over onto its side. And my mother-in-law says, it's really weird that it burnt like that. And I'm like, what? So I look at it and I'm like, oh, that is weird that it burnt because the bottom of the pie is speckled with burnt dots. And so I lift up the whole pie plate and I look and I'm like, oh, the whole pie is speckled with these burnt dots. And then I look a little bit closer and it's dead bugs.
23:38 Dax Shepard? Hold on, hold on. That's better.
23:40 Speaker 01 I didn't know.
23:41 Dax Shepard? I know you were ill prepared. You were expecting glass, right?
23:44 Speaker 01 Yes.
23:45 Dax Shepard? Me too. But this is so preferred, but not for you?
23:48 Speaker 01 No, I'd rather, no.
23:50 Dax Shepard? You'd rather eat glass than cooked bugs?
23:52 Speaker 01 Dead bugs all in your.
23:54 Dax Shepard? Protein edible, not sharp.
23:58 Speaker 01 No.
23:58 Dax Shepard? This is a win. I think given the situation, that makes sense. So that thing had so many bugs in it, probably.
24:04 Speaker 04 As like pictures do, and it just came down and we didn't check.
24:08 Speaker 01 And it's so much that they could see them all scattered about.
24:12 Dax Shepard? And people had already eaten the other three pieces?
24:15 Speaker 04 My youngest brother in law, as youngest brother in laws do, had inhaled his piece of pie.
24:22 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
24:23 Speaker 04 But he still maintains to this day that it was a great pie.
24:26 Dax Shepard? Yeah, sure. I can't imagine this would diminish the taste at all.
24:29 Speaker 01 I would never be able to live knowing I ate all those bugs.
24:33 Dax Shepard? I'd be like, serve it up. They're cooked.
24:35 Speaker 01 Ew. Now, did you think when you saw and you were like, oh my God, it's full of bugs? That I should just pretend?
24:44 Dax Shepard? Oh, I think I spattered some Crisco at the bottom.
24:47 Speaker 01 Oh, you're so nice and honest. You're such a good armcherry. I think I would have panicked in the moment and been like, oh no, you know what? The light fell. I'm nervous there was glass. Let's not eat it.
24:57 Speaker 04 But I knew that there wasn't glass. Bugs were so far away in my mind.
25:02 Dax Shepard? Yeah, the glasses are red herring. That's how it works. You're like so worried about an intestinal.
25:07 Speaker 01 I would just be for some reason so much more embarrassed to serve a pie with bugs in it than a pie with glass in it.
25:13 Dax Shepard? Really?
25:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:14 Dax Shepard? Even though one's potentially life threatening?
25:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
25:19 Dax Shepard? I have to imagine there's someone like me at this party that's like, give me a piece.
25:23 Speaker 04 No, I think they were just trying to follow my lead of like, oh my God, if we can't eat this pie, there's bugs in this pie. Forget it. Never mind. We should all go home.
25:31 Dax Shepard? Bug pie.
25:32 Speaker 01 Oh my God, that's so disgusting.
25:35 Speaker 04 My mother in law asked me, I made pumpkin cookies about a year ago and she asked me for the recipe. For the first time she'd ever asked me for the recipe I ever made for anything. And I was like, I've done it. It took me 12 years, but here we are.
25:48 Speaker 01 That's great. Did you add some bugs?
25:49 Dax Shepard? I was gonna say you should have put random insects, presumably mosquitoes and moths.
25:55 Speaker 01 Ew, mosquitoes.
25:56 Speaker 04 Don't listen, Monica, but the reason I knew it was bugs is because I saw a wing.
26:06 Dax Shepard? I hate this story. It's so funny. I don't mind. I know. I just, I hate bugs and maggots. This is kinda like maggots everywhere. But you got married and everything worked out.
26:18 Speaker 04 We have two kids. No bugs are eaten in our household. Actually, that's not true. My oldest eats ants and there's nothing I can do about it.
26:25 Dax Shepard? Oh, my God. Is that a thing? Again, we're omnivores. We're totally fine and equipped to eat ants. No problem. I don't wanna eat them. You ever watch the chimps eat the ants or termites out of the line with a stick?
26:36 Speaker 04 I attempt to stop her, but she's three years old, so I don't stand a chance.
26:39 Dax Shepard? You should do real ants on a log. Do you guys do ants on a log up in Canada? The celery and the peanut butter and could be raisins, but in this case? Yeah.
26:49 Speaker 04 Can I just do a quick shout out to my two coworkers? So my coworker Caroline got me into Armchair Expert and my coworker John has been along on the ride as we both discovered this podcast.
26:59 Dax Shepard? Well, big thanks to her. She tripled our listenership in Ontario. Exactly. Good job. Oh, well, Sarah, so nice meeting you.
27:07 Speaker 04 Thank you. So nice to meet you too.
27:09 Dax Shepard? And I promise, next time I drive through London, there will be no littering, because I know better now.
27:15 Dax Shepard? Bye. I sure love meeting these arm sherries. Here's Emma. I wish Alison Roman would have called in. I wish our Emma was submitting. She never has cooking disasters. She cooks perfectly.
27:30 Dax Shepard? Hi. Can you hear us?
27:32 Speaker 05 Yes, I can hear you. Can you hear me?
27:34 Dax Shepard? Yeah, we got you. Now, did you have fun communicating with Emma as Emma?
27:39 Speaker 05 Yes, I did, actually.
27:42 Dax Shepard? Where are you? You seem like a city girl. Just right away, I'm gonna say that.
27:45 Speaker 05 I'm in Honolulu, Hawaii.
27:46 Dax Shepard? Oh, that's a city. How many people live in Honolulu?
27:49 Speaker 05 I believe on island, it's like a million people. And then in the whole state, it's like 1.3. Last I checked.
27:54 Dax Shepard? Wow. Okay, like 90% of the Hawaiians are living on?
27:58 Speaker 05 Oahu. I know you guys have vacationed here a couple of times.
28:01 Dax Shepard? Love it. One of the best four seasons around. Yeah. It's so good. Have you been to that little restaurant with the tiki torches that are burning? It's Italian. It's like outside.
28:10 Speaker 05 Yes, I have. I don't remember the name, but it's really good. And the Four Seasons on the Big Island in Kona is also really awesome.
28:16 Dax Shepard? I keep hearing that. Maybe now that we're talking about it, they'll invite us.
28:19 Speaker 01 I think that might be the one that like charged me.
28:23 Speaker 05 I think you're talking about the Rosewood.
28:24 Speaker 01 Oh, you're right. You're absolutely right. You're right. Thank you for saving the forest.
28:28 Dax Shepard? This merch. You know how I feel. And are you from there? Or did you move there?
28:32 Speaker 05 Born and raised in Honolulu. Yes. I've lived other places, but my whole family's here. My husband's here. My husband's family's here. So it just makes sense to be here right now.
28:41 Dax Shepard? Okay, great. Okay, so you have a cooking disaster story.
28:44 Speaker 05 So this story took place back in 2021 when my husband and I had just had our first baby girl. She was about six weeks old.
28:54 Speaker 01 Oh, teeny.
28:55 Speaker 05 She was one of those babies, though, that didn't like to sleep. So we were really sleep deprived. And my husband was drinking coffee like a madman. So the cooking disaster takes place in the kitchen. I decided to make him coffee. And at the time, we were using a French press. Are you familiar with like how a French press would work?
29:14 Dax Shepard? We are, but I think we should say for the listener how it works.
29:17 Speaker 05 Okay, so a French press is like a glass beaker of sorts, and it has a little handle. And you put ground coffee and you put boiling hot water into the French press. And then it has a cover that you put on top of that boiling water with like a plunger on top. The beaker's probably about maybe eight inches, and then the plunger goes up maybe another six to eight inches. And you leave it unplunged while the coffee steeps. And you plunge it when you're ready to drink that coffee.
29:45 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it's got a screen filter on the top. So as it goes down, it gets rid of all the grounds and leaves the yummy coffee.
29:51 Speaker 05 Exactly. So I poured from the kettle, the boiling hot water into the coffee. And then that coffee made its way over to, we had at the time in the house we were living in, this little breakfast nook. And it was sitting on top of the table.
30:04 Dax Shepard? I'm scared.
30:05 Speaker 05 You're about to hear some questionable parenting decisions, but I just want to tell you, we were so deprived.
30:11 Speaker 01 Of course.
30:12 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
30:13 Speaker 05 We've learned our lesson. So that's just a little disclaimer.
30:15 Dax Shepard? You had been a parent for all of 42 days. The baby was six weeks old.
30:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, why do they let people just? Be parents with no training.
30:23 Dax Shepard? Pretty great.
30:23 Speaker 05 I don't know. It was too soon for us. My daughter used to sit on this little baby lounger. I won't say the brand, but it was like this little baby lounger pillow. And I went to go hand the baby on the baby lounger pillow, which you're not supposed to do. And then I handed her to my husband, who was gonna put her down next to him on this nice, thick breakfast nook bench that we had. As I was doing that, the bottom of the pillow hit the top of the French press plunger. You know, over a foot tall and the entire thing knocked over toward my husband, glass shattered.
31:04 Speaker 05 Water, coffee grounds everywhere. Because my husband's like six feet tall, it landed right onto his.
31:15 Dax Shepard? Wait, wait, I missed the third thing. Was it balls?
31:18 Speaker 05 Balls.
31:21 Dax Shepard? Listen, we have photos and if we have a picture of your husband's burnt balls, I'm gonna be thrilled.
31:26 Speaker 05 Okay, so I didn't know the legality of sending that.
31:30 Speaker 05 I did send a picture to Emma, who I think forwarded to Rob. It's hiding his penis and balls, but you can see the entire thing.
31:38 Dax Shepard? But before we look, so this big ruckus happens. What I'm immediately afraid of is like, we don't drop the baby because we've knocked something over.
31:46 Speaker 05 Okay, he didn't drop the baby, which I think is the only thing we did write in the story.
31:53 Speaker 05 But the baby unfortunately also got splashed with water.
31:58 Speaker 01 Oh, boiling water.
31:59 Speaker 05 And the baby is screaming louder than I've ever heard a baby scream in my life. My husband put her down. He ran to the shower. Luckily, he knew that you're not really supposed to put like ice water on a burn. You're supposed to put lukewarm water. So he went into the shower, put the shower on lukewarm and he was just standing there. The baby is screaming and I'm obviously freaking out.
32:21 Dax Shepard? And there's broken glass everywhere.
32:23 Speaker 05 Broken glass everywhere, as Monica would say, it was scattywampus.
32:27 Dax Shepard? You have catchphrases, Monica.
32:29 Speaker 01 So funny. I love that that's become mine because I got that from you.
32:32 Dax Shepard? Yeah, and I got it from a gal at the Groundlings.
32:34 Speaker 01 Because really the word is cattywampus.
32:38 Speaker 01 But Dax is scatty now. I do, and now it's mine.
32:40 Dax Shepard? My life mission has been to replace Caddywampus with scattywampus.
32:43 Speaker 01 It's working. It's slowly working.
32:46 Dax Shepard? And you're not wearing shoes, right? It's in the morning.
32:48 Speaker 05 Not wearing shoes. Luckily, I'm the only one who somehow came unscathed, but emotionally not because this baby was so sad. But luckily she was fine. Ultimately, her burns were super, super minor and she was back in action one day. But my husband was not, so I went into the shower to take a look at him and it was like his skin was gone.
33:10 Speaker 01 Ah.
33:10 Dax Shepard? Oh.
33:11 Speaker 05 The top layers of the skin had just shriveled up and disappeared and it was just red.
33:17 Speaker 01 Ew, beefy burger.
33:21 Speaker 05 Yeah. You can look at the picture whenever you want.
33:24 Dax Shepard? Okay, let's do it. Kind of bummed that there is one of the penis that I'm missing.
33:28 Speaker 01 Ew.
33:29 Dax Shepard? Holy fuck. Okay. I know I bring this up way too often, but that great documentary, Hot Coffee.
33:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:36 Dax Shepard? You think like, oh, why'd this woman sue over nothing? And this is what her thighs looked like.
33:41 Speaker 01 This is horrific.
33:43 Dax Shepard? Gang. It's his entire thigh. It's like kneaded, well, cock and balls.
33:48 Speaker 01 Oh, my God. So his penis looked like that?
33:50 Speaker 05 Luckily, well, I don't know if it's luckily, the majority of the burn, the worst part of the burn was on his thigh. But it was also the other areas, which I can imagine felt terrible.
34:02 Speaker 01 Oh, my God. It's also his whole thigh. It's not just like a small part. It's the whole thing.
34:09 Dax Shepard? No, if I saw this without you telling me what had happened, my guess would be that you had made a bucket of hot coffee. You know, like a couple of gallons.
34:16 Speaker 01 Literally just threw it on him.
34:18 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
34:18 Speaker 05 Yeah, it didn't miss him at all. It was so bad.
34:23 Dax Shepard? Okay, now this is inappropriate, but it's crossing my mind because it just happened to me. I had this catheter in and I was like so nervous I would get an erection over the three days that I had the catheter. Like, I didn't know what was gonna happen if that happened. Was he so paranoid he would get an erection with all that burnt skin?
34:38 Speaker 05 I didn't ask that, but I think he was so traumatized. I don't think that happened.
34:42 Speaker 01 He wasn't whoring.
34:43 Dax Shepard? Well, not obviously that evening, but the next day.
34:46 Speaker 01 But if you're in so much pain.
34:48 Dax Shepard? You'd hope.
34:49 Speaker 01 Maybe he blamed her and so.
34:51 Dax Shepard? Oh, resentful enough. Yeah. He was mad at her long enough for it to heal.
34:57 Speaker 05 Oh my gosh. So the story's not over. Well, since the baby was still crying, I called my mother-in-law, who lives really close. She zoomed over and she took him to the burn unit, the only burn unit on our island, which was smart of her to do. And he went into the emergency room. I very naively thought that he'd be back the same day. I thought that they would put some Basset Tracin on it, wrap it up in gauze, and that he would come home. But that quickly became clear that that was not going to happen. They admitted him to the hospital for two reasons. He had a second degree burns, which are the most painful because, you know, in the case of third degree burns, it actually burns the nerve cells and kills the nerve cells. And you don't feel it as much. Second degree burns is like, the burn is so bad,
35:41 Speaker 05 but you can still feel it. They hooked him up to an IV drip of fentanyl and morphine.
35:49 Dax Shepard? No boners now.
35:52 Speaker 05 I was like, this guy's not going to be trying to come home anytime soon.
35:55 Dax Shepard? No, no, no. He's got, he's got a six week old baby and all. He's like, fucking take your time, y'all.
36:00 Speaker 05 Secondly, they were scared of infection because it was so large that if not cleaned properly every single day, that could be a really bad infection. So visit him at the hospital after one day, two days, three days. We've been together for like 15 years. There's no jealousy left in our relationship. But when you go and you're six weeks postpartum, your hormones are not balanced. You'd be being sponge bathed by like two nurses who looked like they had just graduated from nursing.
36:30 Dax Shepard? So an erection is in danger. You thought it was gonna be an easy peasy.
36:35 Speaker 01 You're right.
36:35 Speaker 05 I didn't see one.
36:40 Speaker 05 It was like day five, day six, and he was finally healing enough where we thought that he could come home. But unfortunately, he got addicted to the fentanyl and morphine drip. Stop. What? We needed to slowly wean him off in order for them to feel like he could come home and not have.
36:58 Dax Shepard? Withdrawals.
36:59 Speaker 01 Holy shit. This is a disaster.
37:02 Speaker 05 It was such a disaster. They would wean him off slowly and he was having full withdrawal syndromes. He was waking up in puddles of sweat. After about eight days, they finally discharged him.
37:15 Speaker 01 Oh.
37:16 Speaker 05 Well, to come home, got like a $10,000 hospital bill and that was the last time we ever used a French press.
37:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:26 Dax Shepard? Peace out, French press.
37:27 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
37:29 Dax Shepard? Wow.
37:30 Speaker 01 This was a full blown disaster.
37:32 Dax Shepard? Wow, wow, wow, wow. You know what's great is I'm glad you told the end of the story because like when you tell me he got hooked up to the fentanyl and morphine, I'm like, hmm, that sounds nice.
37:39 Speaker 01 I know everyone's like, yay.
37:40 Dax Shepard? But then I'm reminded like, oh, right, that detox, it ain't worth it.
37:43 Speaker 05 He still had quite a bit of recovery, even when he moved, or when he moved on.
37:49 Dax Shepard? When he returned from vacation.
37:50 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
37:51 Dax Shepard? But he didn't have to have a skin graft or anything. That's a blessing.
37:53 Speaker 05 And honestly, it looks perfect now. He made a full recovery. That was five years ago now. We're about to have our third baby.
38:01 Dax Shepard? Oh, my gosh, you won't stop.
38:04 Speaker 01 That's great.
38:06 Speaker 05 Well, after this, we'll stop.
38:07 Dax Shepard? Okay, okay. It's time for him to return to that hospital and get a little snip snip.
38:11 Speaker 01 Well, no, we're gonna do a prompt about accidental vasectomies. So like, just see what happened. This could have been an accidental vasectomy if it had gone up a little higher.
38:20 Dax Shepard? Yeah, whatever they cut in my testicles.
38:22 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:22 Dax Shepard? Which is simple. They cut one thing.
38:24 Speaker 01 Yeah.
38:24 Dax Shepard? And then you're good.
38:25 Speaker 01 Your vas deferens.
38:26 Dax Shepard? No.
38:26 Speaker 01 Oh.
38:27 Dax Shepard? That's like your hole.
38:29 Speaker 01 Okay, whatever.
38:29 Dax Shepard? Okay, whatever. In theory, you could burn through that.
38:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, you could cauterize it.
38:34 Dax Shepard? Is he a handsome man?
38:35 Speaker 05 He's so gorgeous. Yes, he is.
38:37 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I had a hunch.
38:38 Speaker 01 You guys are such a pretty couple.
38:41 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you're a hot, well, they're a hot couple.
38:42 Speaker 01 And a pretty couple.
38:44 Dax Shepard? Yes, and a pretty couple.
38:45 Speaker 01 And a hot couple.
38:46 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah.
38:46 Speaker 01 Well, they're a hot coffee couple.
38:48 Dax Shepard? Hot coffee.
38:49 Speaker 01 Well, this was fun. Thank you.
38:51 Dax Shepard? For us and not him.
38:52 Speaker 01 Oh, of course.
38:53 Speaker 05 We survived and don't ever make the mistakes we made.
38:56 Speaker 01 Cautionary tale.
38:57 Speaker 05 If only we could sue McDonald's.
38:59 Speaker 01 I know. Get a couple mill.
39:01 Dax Shepard? Sure, that would have helped things out, especially that $10,000 bill.
39:03 Speaker 01 Ugh.
39:04 Dax Shepard? I'm still an advocate for the French press. I generally only get it when I'm at a hotel, but if they offer it, I like it.
39:11 Speaker 01 When we were in India, remember you ordered a French press like eight times a day?
39:18 Speaker 01 Because the coffee, there's different types of coffee there, I guess. Like, you just wanted a French press. So you would always call to the front and say, can I get a French press? Literally every 14 minutes.
39:30 Dax Shepard? I did. Because I'm gonna be honest, the regular drip brew coffee was not choice. I don't know what the methodology was different somehow. It didn't taste the same for me. And you know what else happened? To defend myself, the first hotel we were at had a French press.
39:43 Speaker 01 I know.
39:44 Dax Shepard? And I was like, oh, this is probably the Indian way. Makes sense. I think the French press is English. I don't know. You probably got stuck with that.
39:50 Speaker 01 It sounds French.
39:56 Dax Shepard? Of course, it's not English. It'd be golden English press.
40:00 Speaker 01 Exactly. Anywho.
40:01 Dax Shepard? Ah, Britpress. Boy, I really enjoyed talking to you. Yeah, this was fun.
40:05 Speaker 05 Oh, this was so fun. Thank you so much for talking to me today. My due date is in a few days, so I'm glad I went to labor and then I couldn't tell you the story.
40:13 Dax Shepard? Wait, is it inappropriate for me to ask you to stand up? Because you do not look pregnant. Do you have a big belly?
40:17 Speaker 05 Oh, yeah.
40:18 Dax Shepard? Let me see here. Okay, there it is.
40:22 Speaker 05 Wishing you a very easy labor. I just want to thank you for doing what you guys do. I think you're changing lives with your vulnerability and how much you share and how much you just keep it real.
40:33 Dax Shepard? Thank you, Emma.
40:34 Speaker 01 Have a good rest of your day.
40:36 Dax Shepard? All right, take care. Bye.
40:37 Speaker 01 Bye.
40:46 Dax Shepard? We get support from Superhuman. Look, I love what I do. The conversations, the ideas, the creative stuff. But there's this whole other layer of work that eats my day alive. The inbox that never ends, docs I need to get through, threads I'm behind on. And by the time I've dealt with all that, the stuff I actually want to focus on gets whatever's left. What I needed was something that just works where I'm already working. Not another tab to open, not another thing to set up. Superhuman Go, from the makers of Grammarly, is different. It's already right there, inside your email, your docs, your browser. You don't go to it. It's already working alongside you. You're deep in a long thread, highlight it, and it pulls the key points. About to send something important? It flags what doesn't add up before it leaves your hands.
41:31 Dax Shepard? It knows your style, your workflows, and it just backs you up without getting in the way. A thought partner that's already up to speed. At your service, not after your job. So do yourself a favor and try Superhuman Go from the makers of Grammarly. Find out more at superhuman.com. We get support from our sponsor Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Gleepran. Foundo is a once-daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.
42:16 Speaker 06 Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it, or if you or someone in your family had majorary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes. If you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be, or taking birth control pills, and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems.
42:55 Speaker 06 Once daily Foundo is available by prescription only in 0.8 mg, 2.5 mg, 5.5 mg, 9 mg, 14.5 mg, and 17.2 mg tablets. Learn more at foundo.lilly.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.
43:13 Dax Shepard? We get support from Skims. So Monica just informed me that she's a girl's girl, and I nodded like I knew exactly what that meant.
43:22 Speaker 01 Yeah, but the girls who get it, they get it.
43:24 Dax Shepard? Okay, but for those of us who are clearly not girls, walk me through it.
43:28 Speaker 01 Well, you know how much I love my Skims fleece joggers? Because the plush fleece is so soft, it's cozy, it's really comfortable without feeling too heavy. Well, I went to friend them, and she would not stop talking about how comfy they were. She almost didn't give them back to me, which was upsetting, but I'm a girl's girl, so I let her have it.
43:45 Dax Shepard? Great, great, great.
43:46 Speaker 01 So the sleep sets are awesome because they are very soft and comfortable, but they're cute. If I'm in my sleep set, I feel fine about going down the street to pick up my food. I'm still looking cute, but I'm comfy and I'm cozy.
44:00 Dax Shepard? Roger.
44:01 Speaker 01 A really fun thing to do is if you're going on vacation with your girlfriends, to get matching Skims pajamas. I've done this with Callie and it is so fun. First of all, the pics are so cute, but also it's just fun and friendship.
44:13 Dax Shepard? So a girl's girl is looking out for your friends with better loungewear. I get it. Am I one of your girls now?
44:19 Speaker 01 You are. You and the other girlies can shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select our show in the dropdown menu that follows.
44:41 Speaker 01 Hi.
44:42 Dax Shepard? Hello. You have my favorite shirt on.
44:44 Speaker 01 Really great station.
44:46 Dax Shepard? Jen, where are you?
44:48 Speaker 05 I'm in the Bay area. I'm like 25 minutes outside of San Francisco, but I grew up in Burbank.
44:54 Speaker 01 Oh, down the street.
44:56 Dax Shepard? How did you end up up there?
44:58 Speaker 05 I moved up here for college and had every intention of going back to LA and then got a job and met my husband and I was like, I guess I'm staying. So here we are 22 years later.
45:09 Speaker 01 Did you go to Don Cucos?
45:11 Speaker 05 Girl, you know I did.
45:12 Speaker 01 Oh, I love Don Cucos. I want it right now.
45:15 Dax Shepard? What's Don Cucos?
45:16 Speaker 01 Mexican restaurant in Burbank.
45:18 Dax Shepard? Oh, in Burbank.
45:18 Speaker 01 So good.
45:19 Speaker 05 I think there's like another location now, but they used to have this like really good bean dip. Monica, did you ever have it?
45:26 Speaker 01 No.
45:27 Dax Shepard? I know exactly what you guys are talking about. It's right by Bob's.
45:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's near Bob's.
45:30 Speaker 05 Yeah. I don't think they have it anymore. We were in LA last year and went there to get it because I like hiked it up to my kids. They didn't have it.
45:36 Speaker 01 Oh, no. Sad.
45:38 Dax Shepard? What line of work are you in up there? Is it tech related?
45:41 Speaker 05 I'm a dance teacher and a dancer. I run a program and have a small dance company.
45:45 Speaker 01 Amazing.
45:46 Dax Shepard? Okay. So you have a cooking disaster story.
45:48 Speaker 05 I have several, but this is the one I chose because it's the gnarliest and I had photos to back it up. So I am a little bit of a flex in the kitchen.
45:58 Dax Shepard? Counterintuitive because you're a dancer. I would think great balance and agility.
46:02 Speaker 05 On stage, in the studio, no problem. In the real world in life, not so much.
46:08 Dax Shepard? Have you thought about hanging a dance bar in your kitchen? That might ground you.
46:11 Speaker 05 Well, during the pandemic, when I was teaching online, my countertop was my dance bar and the side of my couch. So we've made it all work.
46:20 Speaker 05 So yeah, it happens May 5th, so Cinco de Mayo 2020. So it happened in this house downstairs. It was the beginning of COVID, no masks, no vaccines. I think California as a whole was maybe still on lockdown. Like, nobody knew what the fuck was going on. So I was like, let me be the cool mom, which I'm not, and have like a big Cinco de Mayo dinner. I was gonna make tostadas and do all the things. Have fun.
46:43 Speaker 01 Don Cuco.
46:44 Speaker 05 I just should have been like, you know what? Forget it. We're ordering pizza. But I'm in the kitchen. Everything's fine. My husband and I are in there and I don't even know how it happened. I pick up a bowl that had corn in it to like move it to the other counter so I could do stuff. And in the blink of an eye, the bowl goes flying up in the air, calms down, smacks our counter, shatters. So there's like glass everywhere. There's corn everywhere. Two seconds later, I look and there's blood everywhere.
47:14 Speaker 05 But I'm not registering that it's my butt and I'm totally shocked.
47:19 Dax Shepard? You're like, oh, this corn was full of blood?
47:22 Speaker 05 I look and in my wrist is a spear arrowhead shaped piece of the bowl kicking straight up.
47:29 Speaker 01 Oh, my God.
47:30 Dax Shepard? A shard.
47:31 Speaker 05 I'm in shock. My husband's like, oh, fuck. And I don't even think I just yanked it out.
47:35 Dax Shepard? Oh.
47:36 Speaker 05 Not good.
47:37 Speaker 01 You're not supposed to do that, I don't think.
47:39 Speaker 05 You're not. It was already bleeding and then it was like bleeding.
47:44 Speaker 01 No.
47:44 Dax Shepard? Would we use the verb spurting?
47:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, she's doing a spurting move.
47:48 Speaker 05 It was like down the counter, on my clothes, on the floor. So I pull it out. The pain starts to set in and my husband like grabs my arm, puts it under the faucet. And there's other like pieces of bowl in my wrist. So we're like rinsing it out. I'm screaming at this point. I think I said every expletive there is. My almost six year old comes. Then he starts hysterically crying because I'm crying. Then my 10 year old comes like everybody's crying and screaming and yelling and the dog's trying to like eat fucking corn in a bowl.
48:20 Speaker 01 And glass. Glassy corn. Yeah.
48:22 Speaker 05 He's rinsing out my wrist. Finally get it sort of cleared and you guys, you could see my tendon.
48:28 Speaker 01 No. Yeah. We have a picture of it. I can't wait to see her tendon. But I do, but I don't.
48:35 Speaker 05 So I don't have a picture of that one, but the pictures I did send in are still gross. So Monica, buckle up. But I didn't think to take a picture then because I was just like, oh shit. So we see the tendon and I'm like, this is fine. Everything's fine. We're going to be fine. So my husband's getting like every rag, bandage. I'm bleeding through everything.
48:53 Speaker 01 Oh.
48:54 Speaker 05 And he's like, you need to go to the hospital. I was like, no, I'm fine. You know, it's COVID. You can't even just walk into the doctors or the urgent care. I don't want to bring my kids. I can't drive myself. And we went back and forth for like 20 minutes. I'm losing all this blood. We've gone through our whole emergency kit with like all the gauze, everything. And so he's like, no, you need to go. So I call my friend thinking she's going to be on my side and be like, girl, you're fine. Stay home. And I was like, here's what happened. She's like, you're an idiot. I'm coming to pick you up. Like, okay. So she pulled up. Now you guys, we had no masks, nothing. I hadn't seen her. We put on safety goggles from her wood shop.
49:32 Speaker 05 Painters mask, bandanas. I think she had like gardening gloves on and I had cafeteria lunch lady, plastic gloves on because it's all I could get over the bandages. I had to call urgent care first and be like, can I come in? What's the protocol? So I come in and I'm like bleeding everywhere. And they're like, here, let me take your temperature. Here, change your mouth. Here, stand outside. I'm like, can I get some fucking stitches, please?
49:54 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
49:55 Speaker 05 Finally I get in to see the doctor and it was still wrapped. So she hadn't seen it yet, but she asked me what happened. And she's like, oh, this is the fifth kitchen accident I've seen this week.
50:05 Speaker 01 Oh, COVID. People are cooking.
50:07 Speaker 05 So she comes over and takes it all off and it starts. Gushing blood. Her face said everything. And she's like, okay, it's really deep. I'm not sure I'm gonna be able to close this. You might have to go to the hospital. And I was like, no, we gotta figure this out. She goes, well, you were less than a quarter inch from nicking your artery. So she tried to stitch me up, but it was so deep that the stitches just wouldn't work.
50:30 Dax Shepard? Oh.
50:30 Speaker 05 So she finally gets, I don't know, some like heavy duty stitches, gets them in, finally stitches it up. And she's like, okay, you have to keep your arm like this for basically the next three days. So I have to sleep with my arm like this. I can't lift my kids. I can't do anything. It's just excruciating pain. I'm bleeding through bandages for days.
50:50 Dax Shepard? Oh, wow.
50:51 Speaker 05 So she's like, come back in two weeks. It'll be fine.
50:54 Dax Shepard? Two weeks?
50:54 Speaker 01 I know, I know.
50:56 Dax Shepard? Either you'll be alive or dead.
50:58 Speaker 05 So I come back and I like knew something was up. It was hurting.
51:03 Speaker 01 Oh.
51:04 Speaker 05 And she's like, okay, it's not closed and it's maybe getting infected, but I can't take the stitches out. Cleans it up, wraps me back up. And then she's like, you need to go see an orthopedic wrist surgeon. Like go to the orthopedist and he's like, we need to operate today.
51:20 Speaker 01 Oh, my god.
51:21 Speaker 05 No. And so we go back and forth and I'm like, I'll call you tomorrow if I want to have surgery. I leave. I ultimately don't end up having surgery.
51:28 Dax Shepard? Oh.
51:28 Speaker 05 I have friends who are a PT and an OT and the OT specializes in hands. So he was helping me rehab it. But I had to wait another couple of weeks to come back to get the stitches out. At this point, they've been in longer than they should have. I think they were in for five weeks total or something. I go in somehow. I didn't even know this was medically possible. My skin had grown over the stitches.
51:53 Dax Shepard? Oh, sure. Yeah.
51:54 Speaker 05 And my skin turned to like cement. It was the weirdest, grossest thing. There's a picture of it.
52:02 Speaker 05 So she's like, okay.
52:04 Speaker 03 I had to cut them out. We got to take them out. It was excruciating because the stitches at that point, they were like sticks. So they just kept snapping every time she was cutting them. It's not even fully closed, but she's like, you can't keep these in. She finally gets them all out and she said, I don't think you're gonna get a hundred percent mobility and strength back. I was like, great. Okay. Fantastic. So go home. It's healing. I'm doing the rehab exercises and it took probably another three months for the pain to go away and be able to like close my hands. I've never gotten a hundred percent strength or mobility back.
52:41 Dax Shepard? Wow, no.
52:43 Speaker 03 The scar, which is pretty small. You can't even like see it anymore, but the area around it is like numb and tingly at the same time. I screwed up all the nerves in there. It was really bad and that was my kitchen disaster.
52:56 Dax Shepard? Oh my God. Okay. So now we're gonna look at the photo.
52:59 Speaker 01 Ew, ew, ew, ew.
53:03 Dax Shepard? Well, that one looks like a smiley face.
53:05 Speaker 01 But it's still really bad.
53:06 Dax Shepard? Oh yeah. Here's you guys in your ridiculous outfits. You definitely look like you're on your way to paint a house.
53:11 Speaker 01 The wrist for some reason really makes me feel really like.
53:16 Dax Shepard? Heebie jeebies?
53:17 Speaker 01 Heebies.
53:17 Speaker 03 It was very traumatic for my children and I'm careful in the kitchen, but I've had like five other accidents since.
53:24 Dax Shepard? I'm gonna ask a crazy follow up question. Were you on your period?
53:29 Speaker 03 When I did it?
53:30 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
53:31 Speaker 03 I don't know.
53:32 Dax Shepard? Cause my wife claims when she's on her period, she has something called energy hands and it's things just fly up into the sky. Like you're describing like this bowl was in your hands and then just took flight.
53:43 Speaker 03 It's a possibility.
53:44 Dax Shepard? Do you have any period clumsiness?
53:47 Speaker 01 I think I do have some PMS. There's a franticness that kind of starts like a manic energy. Yeah, you're a little just off kilter.
53:55 Speaker 03 I'd like to blame it on that and not my clumsiness.
53:57 Speaker 01 But maybe you just had oil on the corn, olive oil. And some of the olive oil got on the bowl.
54:04 Speaker 03 You know, my husband was in there. So I think I'm.
54:06 Speaker 05 Can blame it on him and be like, this was your fault.
54:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, he knocked you over.
54:09 Dax Shepard? He must have tripped you a little bit.
54:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
54:11 Speaker 05 It was crazy.
54:13 Speaker 05 Enjoy those photos. Sorry that they're pretty gnarly.
54:16 Dax Shepard? Since we started doing this, which I don't know how many years we've been doing Armchair Anonymous, but we have seen some photos. We have quadrupled the amount of insane photos I had seen prior in the forty-five years before.
54:27 Speaker 01 It's true.
54:27 Speaker 05 I've listened to every episode, so I can only imagine. I was re-traumatized by the rat in the water bottle. Last week, I'm like, oh, my God, you guys.
54:37 Speaker 01 We were just talking about the rat. The rat got most people.
54:41 Dax Shepard? It's really gendered in my anecdotal feedback.
54:43 Speaker 05 How grossed out they get.
54:44 Dax Shepard? Yeah, like, women are really fucking freaked. A, I do think women carry water bottles more than men.
54:49 Speaker 01 I think that's why.
54:50 Dax Shepard? And then maybe women are afraid of mice more than men. I don't know.
54:53 Speaker 01 No, it's not about being afraid. It's about drinking a dead rat.
54:57 Dax Shepard? No problem.
54:58 Speaker 01 I remember how you were behaving during the episode. You were creeped.
55:01 Dax Shepard? Rob, roll the tapes.
55:02 Speaker 01 Roll the tapes.
55:05 Speaker 05 I didn't even see photos and just the visual in my head was sad about.
55:09 Dax Shepard? You've not had a stress-free sip of water since that episode.
55:13 Speaker 01 And I didn't even like water to begin with.
55:15 Dax Shepard? Well, Jen, thank you for that tasty story.
55:17 Speaker 01 Yeah, that was great.
55:18 Speaker 05 My pleasure. My husband and I have been listening forever to every show, every offshoot, everything. And I just really appreciate the conversations and the honesty and the vulnerability around addiction. Next month, my husband will be ten years sober.
55:33 Dax Shepard? Fuck, yeah.
55:35 Speaker 01 Congratulations to everyone.
55:38 Speaker 05 We've been together for almost twenty years now, and the last ten obviously have been a lot of work and he's done a lot of work. But I just feel like him hearing some things from you, Dax, and things that you've shared. You guys have very similar journeys and experiences. And I've listened to Day Seven a handful of times. And having the perspective of Monica, when you love an addict, it's really lonely and it's really scary. And you want to protect the person, so. You don't really share a lot, or at least I didn't with a lot of people. And so having that episode in particular, and just for years, you guys talking about it has been more impactful than you know, on both me and my husband. And I think it's apropos that his 10 year anniversary is in
56:23 Speaker 05 a few weeks and I get to talk to you guys.
56:25 Speaker 01 Oh, that's so nice.
56:26 Dax Shepard? Please tell him congrats from me. That's so mega, man. 10 years is impossible.
56:30 Speaker 05 He's really mad that he can't be here. He is in San Diego for a work trip, but he told me to say hi.
56:35 Dax Shepard? What's his name?
56:36 Speaker 05 His name is Justin.
56:37 Dax Shepard? Oh, that's my favorite name. Have you ever heard me say that?
56:40 Speaker 05 Yes, I have.
56:40 Dax Shepard? My cousin Justin, who lives in the East Bay as well, who's the coolest dude I ever knew growing up.
56:45 Speaker 01 Maybe that's her husband.
56:46 Dax Shepard? Oh, my God, are you married to my cousin Justin Lebo? You do not look like Leanne today.
56:50 Speaker 05 No, we're constantly annoy our kids. One of us will say, hey, y'all from like across the house.
56:58 Speaker 01 Oh, that's so cute.
57:00 Speaker 05 My kids are gonna lip out when they hear this because I didn't tell him I was doing this.
57:03 Dax Shepard? What's their names? Let me shout them out.
57:05 Speaker 05 So my daughter is Stella and my son is Beckett.
57:07 Dax Shepard? Beckett, Stella and Beckett, those solids. Guys, raise as much hell as you can. That's my advice.
57:15 Speaker 05 And they are. Don't worry.
57:17 Dax Shepard? All right. Well, take care, Jen. Wonderful meeting you.
57:19 Speaker 05 Thank you. You too. Have a good day, guys.
57:21 Dax Shepard? Bye bye. Do you recall my brother's story? It was very similar to this one. We were out in the middle of fucking nowhere when my mom and dad were still married. So my brother couldn't have been more than eight because we left there when he was eight. All Coke and Pepsi was in these 16.9 ounce glass bottles and they came in an eight pack.
57:38 Speaker 01 Okay.
57:39 Dax Shepard? And my mom was like unloading the car, going back and forth from the driveway to the house. And unbeknownst to her, David had decided to help and he had grabbed one of those eight packs of soda. And he dropped it on the floor. And when she came in the house, he was lying on his back and she said the blood had spurted. And hit the ceiling. My brother cut his artery as a little boy. Yeah. And we're in the middle of fucking nowhere. And she said the blood shot all the way up to the ceiling. And so she or my dad tourniqueted it with a dish rag. And then my dad drove 6,000 miles an hour. To get to the hospital and obviously he's alive, but he's always had.
58:19 Speaker 01 Oh my god, ew.
58:21 Dax Shepard? Even if next time you see him, he has a crazy gnarly scar right across his artery. It looks for sure, his whole life, people have thought.
58:27 Speaker 01 Ass a wonder.
58:27 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
58:28 Speaker 01 It's hard.
58:29 Dax Shepard? It's a rough scar to have.
58:29 Speaker 01 A wrist is tough. It's really, yeah. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Well, happy cooking. Everyone be careful out there.
58:37 Dax Shepard? Be careful in the kitchen.
58:39 Speaker 01 I've had a lot of knife injuries.
58:42 Dax Shepard? Yes, you have.
58:43 Speaker 01 That are really, really, really, really, really bad.
58:46 Dax Shepard? Very bad and everyone needs to come over.
58:51 Dax Shepard? All right, love you.
58:54 Speaker 07 Do you want to sing a tune or something? We know a theme song.
58:57 Dax Shepard? Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. On the fly, Ryan Bish. On the fly, Ryan Bish. Enjoy.
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