Pod Insights Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Mom's Car: Nate Tuck About this episode On this week’s episode of Mom’s Car, we welcome West Coast Best Friend Nate Tuck. Dax, Nate, and East Coast Best Friend Aaron Weakley talk through the deep evolutionary significance of a tribe chief embarrassing himself, Nate’s wasted and naked black ice car crash, BFAW’s handsome, mustachioed dad, woes of a sludgy summer job, a particularly loud Jean-Claude Van Damme delivery encounter, the long road to road rage recovery, Dax’s legendary rumble after a David Allan Coe show, and a physics-related legal write-in question.
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0:00 Dax Shepard? Hello and welcome to Mom's Car. Oh, what a pleasure it is today to introduce you to Nate Tuck. Maybe if you listen to Armchair Expert, you would have heard him tell an incredible rattlesnake story on Armchair Anonymous. But Nate and I have been friends from, I don't know, virtually since I moved to LA, 30 years. We met in the Groundlings. He's just the sweetest guy. He produced the three movies that I've directed, and I call him my creative soulmate. It's not often that I get to hang out with my East Coast and West Coast best friend, but it was a blast. Please enjoy Nate Tuck. You know what's smart? Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart?
0:43 Dax Shepard? Not checking that your sunroof is closed before going through the car wash. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North America Insurance Co. and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.
1:21 Dax Shepard? Riding with three people in a car was standard biz from 16 to 22. And then as you become an adult, you're never just cruising around in a car.
1:30 Speaker 01 Right, with your buds.
1:31 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
1:32 Speaker 01 We did so many years like this.
1:33 Dax Shepard? Yes, it's just very nostalgic and very fun. Nate, is this the longest you've had off work in five years? This 90 minutes you've committed to this?
1:41 Speaker 01 I was so happy. I had a huge meeting this morning.
1:44 Dax Shepard? He was on a meeting walking through the door here.
1:46 Speaker 01 I was. Yeah, yeah, I was on speakerphone, always.
1:49 Dax Shepard? Your tombstone will say, "He was in a meeting."
1:52 Speaker 01 Oh, man.
1:53 Dax Shepard? He died too when he lost, taking a meeting.
1:59 Speaker 01 I walked in with my phone up to my mouth. The door's open and that's how weekly saw me. Yeah.
2:05 Dax Shepard? No, we didn't rent a 4K, we rented a 10K.
2:07 Speaker 01 13.5. A 13.5.
2:11 Dax Shepard? 13.5. No one said 13.2.
2:14 Speaker 02 Has better hold the fort down for the next 90 minutes.
2:17 Dax Shepard? I bet everything's gonna fucking fall apart. Fall to shit in your absence.
2:21 Speaker 01 You don't have the acceleration, you usually do, big guy.
2:23 Dax Shepard? Oh, yes I do. This thing's got a lot of get up and go.
2:26 Speaker 01 Oh, look at that, friend.
2:27 Dax Shepard? Yeah, the joke about this car is, I was like, Kristen, let's get you something rad. Like, let's get a fucking Escalade or something.
2:35 Speaker 01 What'd she say?
2:36 Dax Shepard? This is her car. She loves it. And I'm like, oh boy. But I have been driving it every day to school in the morning for years now.
2:43 Speaker 01 And now you love it.
2:44 Dax Shepard? I fucking love it. Look how quiet it is in here.
2:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, it is kinda nice.
2:48 Dax Shepard? No ADR necessary.
2:48 Speaker 01 I just felt for a minute you pulled out of your driveway and there was a car coming pretty quickly. 99.9% of the time, it's no problem because you have a lot going on.
2:56 Dax Shepard? A lot of ponies on the road.
2:57 Speaker 01 Good. This, I was a little nervous back there for a split second. I'm never nervous.
3:02 Dax Shepard? Nate had an incredible idea for, was it your bachelor party?
3:05 Speaker 01 Because of you, yeah. Yeah, we went out to the desert and rode the play cars.
3:09 Dax Shepard? Yeah, so Nate had ridden with me on the very first time I got that class one car. I had never driven anything like it. And we went out and dude who I bought it from, you know, he's like, come ride with us.
3:20 Speaker 02 So much adrenaline.
3:21 Speaker 01 And I had never even, he knew all about it.
3:23 Dax Shepard? No, well, I didn't, but...
3:25 Speaker 01 I had never even watched it. I didn't know.
3:26 Speaker 02 He just pretended he knew all about it.
3:30 Speaker 01 I didn't know the speeds. It's hard to fathom the speeds until you're in that thing with all open air around you and zero understanding of how the car stays on four tires.
3:40 Dax Shepard? How about his speech before we took off too? Cause we just jumped behind these dudes that have been doing this for a decade racing. And the guy's like, okay, you fucking see something scary? Hammer down. It's always better to have the front end light, you're about to hit a tree? Punch it. You want the front end light? And I'm like, oh my God, so every time I'm scared, Florida, does it eat it? That was true. Cause remember like we came around a corner and there was, what are they, arroyos? The water had come through and it was a pretty good sized cliff.
4:09 Speaker 01 It was.
4:10 Dax Shepard? And the instinct was like, oh shit, there's a cliff. But I punched it and we went off just fine and stayed level.
4:15 Speaker 01 But that's the thing, most people. Are not gonna punch it.
4:19 Dax Shepard? Even if they've been told.
4:20 Speaker 01 Against your instincts and survival.
4:22 Dax Shepard? Your survival instincts. Yeah, that is the hurdle you have to overcome if you get into off-road racing. But anyways, okay, so it was your bachelor party.
4:30 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:31 Dax Shepard? What is so funny is the condition of all your friends.
4:33 Speaker 01 We're so fucked up. So we got to Palm Springs the night before and we all drank in the bar of the Ace Hotel.
4:39 Dax Shepard? Sure.
4:39 Speaker 01 And myself included, I knew better. I knew to stay away from the margaritas. But it's like your 21st birthday, you're there, everyone's throwing drinks down your gullet.
4:47 Dax Shepard? Your old friends.
4:48 Speaker 01 Everyone's so excited and everyone overdoes it, as everyone always does when you're so excited to see your buddies.
4:53 Dax Shepard? Guys were eating with their shirts off inside this nice restaurant.
4:56 Speaker 01 Shirts off, slamming drinks. And so that morning.
5:00 Dax Shepard? We gotta add sweet Andrew Penny, who's had no experience with this.
5:03 Speaker 01 No.
5:04 Dax Shepard? This is.
5:04 Speaker 01 Who the fuck are these gorillas?
5:06 Dax Shepard? Yes, he's like, what are these friends of Nate's? They all have their shirts off at dinner.
5:10 Speaker 01 In the old days of the parties, it was who could get all their clothes off first.
5:14 Dax Shepard? Yeah, that was your great party trick. And I'm glad we grew up in an era where that wasn't sexual assault.
5:19 Speaker 01 Right. Dax was at a party, this is like in 96, I disappeared for about two minutes and I came back out of my room in nothing but a weight belt.
5:28 Speaker 01 An old leather weight belt.
5:30 Dax Shepard? And would start doing calisthetics.
5:31 Speaker 01 And also start looking at things that are the problems with the house, like bending over and seeing, there's a problem with the corner here, I got some paint chipping. And so a full bend over.
5:40 Dax Shepard? What a time to be alive, because everyone loved it. Part of it is you have the best personality and you're not threatening at all, you're clearly a good guy, but nothing delighted people more than when you would stroll out in the middle of a party and start examining all of the Joyce.
5:54 Speaker 01 Squatting over to look at something on the floor, bending over.
5:58 Dax Shepard? Some toe touches.
6:01 Speaker 01 And a couple somersaults.
6:03 Dax Shepard? High kicks.
6:04 Speaker 01 Remember in Eastern Promises?
6:05 Dax Shepard? And then you would just disappear back into his room and come out clothed. What a routine.
6:08 Speaker 01 It was a big routine. Do you remember Eastern Promises Weekly when they go to the bathhouse? They literally have a fistfight, fully naked.
6:15 Dax Shepard? It's the scariest fight.
6:17 Speaker 01 It's the scariest and funniest fight you've ever seen. Every once in a while, someone would swing around and inertia would slap their nuts against their thighs. And it's all on camera. It's all on camera. So that's kind of how it was. Just find the right angle.
8:32 Speaker 01 And I was like, oh, no, no, no. That one driver finally is like, fuck this. Fuck this. And he pulls over.
8:38 Dax Shepard? Everyone get your throw ups out of the way, basically. And were you and I riding together? No.
8:42 Speaker 01 No. Oh, you had Palmer.
8:43 Dax Shepard? Oh, I did. Okay, okay, okay. I had Palmer. So, yeah, I'm in back. So when I pull up, there's three guys standing next to the car. Everyone's booting on the side of the train.
8:55 Dax Shepard? And I'm like, dude, they enjoyed that. There's no fucking way they could have enjoyed that. Maybe retroactively, they're really stoked they had the experience.
9:02 Speaker 01 They were shitting in their pants. I look back, my brother tells the story. My older brother was in the backseat. And he said he looked up at me and I was like this, with the microphone, talking to the driver. I was like, hey, that was a big turn right there. That was pretty harsh right there. But only because I had so much experience with Dax before that. These guys, this was the first time. They didn't sign a waiver.
9:19 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
9:20 Speaker 01 By the way, one of those cars bought it. They missed a turn going through the wash, and they went right into a big.
9:25 Dax Shepard? Oh, I don't remember that.
9:27 Speaker 01 Pulling your friends.
9:28 Dax Shepard? But it didn't destroy the car, obviously. I don't remember.
9:30 Speaker 01 No, we were just, by the way, I was laughing, but also going like.
9:34 Dax Shepard? That nervous laugh where you're trying not to embarrass the driver, who just almost killed all you guys. Isn't that a weird instinct?
9:39 Speaker 01 Yes. You're trying to protect him, but he just put it into a fucking tree, a tree stump.
9:44 Dax Shepard? I think that's like a deep evolutionary thing.
9:46 Speaker 01 I think so too.
9:47 Dax Shepard? Like the chief of the fucking tribe just embarrassed the shit out of himself. And you know, if he gets embarrassed, he's gonna start killing people or something.
9:55 Speaker 01 When I got in that crash outside of Provo, Utah, we flipped that van. Remember that story?
10:00 Dax Shepard? Please don't air it.
10:01 Speaker 01 We're driving up in college, and a bunch of us got a Dodge Ram van. Those old Ram vans have the single seats in the back.
10:08 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
10:08 Speaker 01 So there's a.
10:09 Dax Shepard? Was this not the beachcomber?
10:10 Speaker 01 No. We're like, we're going up to Jackson Hole. Hey, let's undo the big seats, face each other so we can play cards on the way up there.
10:15 Dax Shepard? Sure.
10:16 Speaker 01 Those things are really, really heavy.
10:17 Dax Shepard? The 70s, that's like a 400-pound bench seat.
10:19 Speaker 02 I'm sorry, sometimes it takes me so long, but please continue. I fucking remember the story now.
10:25 Speaker 01 Yes, but my point, so we're all going up there. Everyone's hammered. The driver's not, and the passenger's not. But everyone in the backseat's hammered. Everyone's passed out, except for me. I had to go pee so badly. I'm hammered. I grab a Gatorade bottle, and I stand up, hand on the roof, and I start peeing in the Gatorade bottle. Three quarters of the way through my pee, the back of the van goes. And we're doing 80.
10:45 Dax Shepard? Snow ice, or just?
10:46 Speaker 01 Black ice.
10:47 Dax Shepard? Oh.
10:47 Speaker 01 The back of the van goes, and he overcorrects. I'm still standing up, hands still on top. And we hit the side bank and started flipping. And everything slowed down. We land, do, do, do, do, do. Those big seats. How did no one got to capitate?
11:02 Dax Shepard? Yeah, or their fucking head crushed in, yeah.
11:04 Speaker 01 We all landed a pile. And my first instinct, just like what happens in a phone crash, I was, first of all, I was naked.
11:13 Speaker 01 I was naked, so I was so confused, because you hit, and you're like, why am I naked?
11:16 Dax Shepard? Why are my clothes on?
11:17 Speaker 01 My first feeling was embarrassment.
11:21 Dax Shepard? It's not gratitude.
11:25 Speaker 01 And then I was like, the driver, trying to make sure he was okay. Meanwhile, he's the one who fucking bought it.
11:30 Dax Shepard? Yeah, right.
11:31 Speaker 01 Why is that the instinct?
11:32 Dax Shepard? I don't know. It's bad. There's something about like, maybe you grow up and you know like, it's safest to not point out that dad messed up. You know, if dad gets embarrassed, it's like, some really rash and illogical declarations are coming really quick. That's it, we're never going camping again. Some over the top defensive.
11:54 Speaker 01 My dad lost his shit at the parking lot of Safeway on Christmas morning. Four of us, and mom's in the front seat. He'd lost it. He's like, get it? And he doesn't want to swear. So he's like, you son of a bitch!
12:07 Speaker 01 And we are-
12:08 Dax Shepard? Had another driver.
12:09 Speaker 01 Had another driver. We're laughing, and the guy didn't do anything. We're dying in the back. And the guy pulls up, slowly rolls his one eye, goes, "Hey pal, it's Christmas morning, smile!"
12:19 Dax Shepard? Oh my no.
12:22 Speaker 01 Poor dad. Dad got it.
12:25 Dax Shepard? That reminds me, my dad was briefly married to this woman, Tammy, and we went up northern Michigan, I think probably for Christmas. So it was super snowy up there and for some reason she was driving. I don't know why. And of course, we get behind a guy and he's going too slow for my dad's liking. And he's in the passenger seat. My brother and I are in the back and he's going, Tam, go around this guy. Go around, fuck, just go around this guy.
12:47 Speaker 01 Come on, damn.
12:48 Dax Shepard? He's reaching over and honking the horn while she dri- you know, from that seat. You gotta get the fuck out, right?
12:54 Speaker 01 Oh, that's the worst.
12:54 Dax Shepard? And my brother and I are in the backseat. And you know, my father was an enormous man. And when Tammy finally pulls out on the snowy road to pass as we're going by, my dad rolls the window and he gets his entire body out the window. And he goes, "Brrr, you stupid fucker." And my brother and I, something about stupid fucker. And he was flipping him off.
13:21 Dax Shepard? Well, Tammy's like, "Dad, get in the car."
13:24 Speaker 01 You stupid fucker.
13:25 Dax Shepard? The rest of the vacation, vacation, oh, he's just calling everything a stupid fucker.
13:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, that is fucked. There is something hilarious about stupid fucker.
13:35 Dax Shepard? Oh, it is.
13:36 Speaker 01 You fucker.
13:38 Dax Shepard? Your old man never got into anything physical though, right?
13:41 Speaker 01 No, he is so sweet. But when he loses his temper, he was always trying to hold back.
13:45 Dax Shepard? Send him up. It's like the-
13:47 Speaker 01 Dad, you got fucked up. Boy, get it. So you didn't want to swear so much because the kids-
13:54 Dax Shepard? Sure, sure. Forget the behavior. It's the words.
13:59 Dax Shepard? And then forbid those sounds come out during your tirade.
14:02 Speaker 01 I think about it all the time because in front of my kids, I get pissed off. Try not to, but it is. Motherfucker. God, motherfuck. And I will think about my dad who tried so hard to hold back, "I gotta do better."
14:15 Dax Shepard? Yeah. I gotta.
14:18 Speaker 01 I gotta do better.
14:18 Dax Shepard? Also, you have the advantage of you're probably much older than your dad was, right?
14:22 Speaker 01 Well, that's the thing.
14:23 Dax Shepard? Think if you had fucking kids in your twenties. I think about it all the time.
14:26 Speaker 01 I didn't know who I was in my twenties.
14:27 Dax Shepard? Aaron, how old were you when you had weight?
14:29 Speaker 02 Thirty-two.
14:30 Speaker 01 I think of you as an older thirty-two, like you had done some... Like, were you an older thirty-two?
14:35 Speaker 02 I could've hung up, I could've hung it up at that point and settled down.
14:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
14:39 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you had done plenty of stuff.
14:41 Speaker 02 Yeah. I had nothing left to prove.
14:44 Speaker 01 You had an active twenties, but you were ready at thirty-two. I guess you always adapt.
14:48 Dax Shepard? But Aaron had this interesting paradox where he was not afraid of commitment. You always had animals and stuff.
14:54 Speaker 02 Sure.
14:54 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you are not afraid of, "Yeah, let's get some dogs and ferrets. I'll take care of them."
14:59 Speaker 01 Not me.
14:59 Dax Shepard? Also, I blackout and I don't come home sometimes for a couple of days, but that's not gonna get in the way.
15:05 Speaker 02 Now I think about that, I'm like, "What did I do?"
15:09 Dax Shepard? Who handles this?
15:09 Speaker 02 I'm afraid to go to lunch with my dogs home.
15:15 Dax Shepard? You're a nervous wreck the whole lunch.
15:16 Speaker 01 I probably should have done that. I had nothing to do with pets.
15:20 Dax Shepard? No.
15:20 Speaker 01 For the first half of my life.
15:21 Dax Shepard? First half? You just got your first animal, right?
15:24 Speaker 01 Three quarters. 2010, when I met Colinda, she had two cats.
15:27 Dax Shepard? Oh, okay.
15:28 Speaker 01 Also, when I lived with you, I got to live with dogs every day, and so I got to experience the joy of that. But those are KB's dogs, like...
15:35 Dax Shepard? Yes.
15:35 Speaker 01 They're so special, they're so nice, it's all love. My dog I grew up with hated us. We grew up, four kids in a row, and our dog Daisy only liked our mom. She...
15:46 Speaker 02 Hated them, guys.
15:47 Speaker 01 Hated us. You're at dinner, we're kids, and all of a sudden, like, "Gah, gah, gah, gah!" At your toast, she's biting our toes. I'm like, "Fuck!"
15:56 Speaker 01 And poor mom's like, "I don't know."
15:57 Dax Shepard? Daisy never bites me.
15:59 Speaker 01 Daisy bit us all the time. She hated us, so there was no pets for a while for me.
16:03 Speaker 02 I'm just remembering, I'm like, "Did my dad fight in front of me before?"
16:06 Dax Shepard? No.
16:07 Speaker 02 Once.
16:07 Speaker 01 Oh.
16:08 Speaker 02 It was at a roofer's. It was a Okay, hold on.
16:12 Speaker 01 What a tough convention.
16:13 Speaker 02 This was a
16:14 Dax Shepard? Not where you pick a fight.
16:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah. I was very young, but it was like a builder supply function, right?
16:21 Speaker 01 That's a bunch of tough guy.
16:21 Speaker 02 Which the builder supply, it was a roofing supply company. So it was all roofers that came. And my dad took, this was like one of the weekends we were with him. My little sister, she was probably four and I was nine, let's say. And he had his new wife, or his new girlfriend at the time, really young, good looking. This is what I remember. She was pouring a can of beer all over her arm. And my dad goes, "What are you doing?" And she said, "This guy licked my arm." And so then he's like, "Oh, where is he?"
16:51 Dax Shepard? Which guy?
16:52 Speaker 02 Yeah, so
16:55 Speaker 02 So now we had to follow him around, looking for him and looking for her to point him out.
17:00 Speaker 01 How old were you?
17:01 Speaker 02 Like nine?
17:02 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
17:02 Speaker 02 She pointed him out. He was getting into a car. This part I remembered. I remember the car is a fucking Trans Am. Like real cool fucking car.
17:10 Dax Shepard? This guy rocks.
17:10 Speaker 02 Yeah, you are.
17:11 Speaker 01 That's awesome. That's awesome.
17:13 Speaker 02 And he fucking jumped in his car and just started going. And my dad
17:17 Speaker 01 He jumped in his car?
17:18 Speaker 02 Like, my dad had a wad of keys, like a janitor's wad, right?
17:21 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah.
17:22 Speaker 02 And he fucking chucked them at the windshield as he was driving by us. Cracked the windshield. The guy stops. No fight happens. The guy ends up peeling out. Then the next thing I remember is my stepmom, we're in the backseat, puking out the window. The entire ride home.
17:39 Speaker 01 Oh.
17:40 Speaker 02 Just because he was too drunk?
17:41 Speaker 01 Yeah. So I wonder if anyone actually licked her arm?
17:44 Speaker 02 Oh, no. I think she was starting shit. No, for sure. I've talked about it before where I was like, "She fucking made that up. She wanted to see my dad fight."
17:55 Speaker 02 Because he always held back around women and children.
18:02 Speaker 01 Men, especially roofers men, that is scary business. You know, that young.
18:06 Speaker 02 Ooh, except
18:07 Speaker 01 There we go.
18:08 Speaker 02 Bingo.
18:08 Speaker 01 Nice.
18:09 Dax Shepard? Big one.
18:09 Speaker 01 So it shows you the price, huh? All right.
18:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, it gives you an idea of what you're gonna make. I saw my dad shove several guys. Oakberry Kai.
18:17 Speaker 01 There it is, right there.
18:18 Speaker 02 Oh, you see it?
18:18 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
18:21 Speaker 02 All right.
18:22 Dax Shepard? But we drove around the block for that. He fought my uncle in front of me in the garage.
18:26 Speaker 01 Whoa.
18:27 Dax Shepard? Yeah. That was terrible. Going into Walls and Tools, my grandpa's never ever, if there was a socket set on sale, he always got it. And he would just give people socket sets when they came over. Socket sets and WD-40 was falling off the walls and they were fucking wrestling. Again, the walls into the car and then my dad got on top of them on the hood and they had cut their ankles, both. Their ankles.
18:50 Speaker 01 Both of them?
18:50 Dax Shepard? Both of them. They were both in shorts and fucking tennis shoes. And they came in kind of bloody ankles and then my uncle had like a cut on his head. And it was because it was in the period where my uncle, who was a crack addict, at the height of the.
19:05 Speaker 01 Oh, was it Randy?
19:06 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
19:07 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
19:08 Dax Shepard? So over for like thirty, forty years.
19:09 Speaker 01 Late eighties.
19:10 Dax Shepard? Exactly. He was the president of the Bakers Union and it was just a very heartbreaking decline. And he ended up going to treatment a bunch of times and he was like living at my grandparents' house. He was just kind of in this weird coma for a very long time. It was very trippy. Everything had been tried and a couple of different times he had gone out and like sold my grandpa's car to a dealer and my grandpa had to call my dad. You know, some wreckage. And my dad, I don't know how decided, you know, what he needs is.
19:38 Speaker 01 To beat some sense into him?
19:41 Dax Shepard? He needs to get thrown around the garage.
19:43 Speaker 01 Oh.
19:43 Dax Shepard? That'll snap him out of it.
19:45 Speaker 01 Were you watching the doorway?
19:46 Dax Shepard? Yeah, they were screaming and then they went out in the garage and then I then went in the doorway and was just watching in the garage. It was like two dogs fighting in the garage.
19:54 Speaker 02 That's literally the definition already. I'm gonna beat some sense into him.
19:58 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can imagine like, well, we tried everything. We tried treatment, we tried everything. I'm just gonna kick his ass and see if that helps.
20:05 Speaker 01 He made that decision. That was like a thing he did, because maybe he's thinking primally, it's like, hey, this might work.
20:10 Dax Shepard? We need a little.
20:10 Speaker 01 Beat the fuck out of him.
20:11 Dax Shepard? Yeah, jerk the collar on the dog. I can't fault him. I'm sure he was desperate.
20:16 Speaker 01 But also at that time, I feel like that was an option.
20:19 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
20:19 Speaker 01 It doesn't make any sense.
20:20 Dax Shepard? I know a bunch of fight stories from my dad, but.
20:24 Speaker 02 All right. Where's Yeasty Boys?
20:26 Dax Shepard? Oh, Double Banger?
20:27 Speaker 02 Double Bang. I think it's on the next block.
20:29 Dax Shepard? Okay, great.
20:30 Speaker 01 Yeasty Boys, wow.
20:32 Dax Shepard? That's the only action I saw him in. But I knew all these stories and then you do wonder how much these stories are real.
20:39 Speaker 01 Your dad was closing sales deals over martinis at lunch in the 70s.
20:42 Dax Shepard? We were, we were just talking about that.
20:44 Speaker 01 Which is the worst, coolest thing ever.
20:46 Speaker 02 That's where, like, when you go to Morton's to close a couple.
20:49 Speaker 01 That's what they used to do. Get the napkin, the cocktail napkin out, have a couple martinis, and let's make a deal.
20:55 Dax Shepard? Yeah, we were just talking about it at Morton's. My dad would take these poor guys across the street to the bar, right across the street from Avis Ford, and they'd be drinking with this charismatic guy. But he was a professional drinker.
21:08 Speaker 01 Yes.
21:08 Dax Shepard? And they'd get shitfaced and they'd buy a way too expensive car. And numerous times, they got T-bone pulling out of Avis Ford. And their brand new car that they couldn't afford, because they were fucking shitfaced.
21:23 Speaker 01 All right.
21:23 Dax Shepard? And presumably, they needed to buy a second car as soon as they got the insurance money.
21:28 Speaker 01 I just heard somebody was saying, oh, Yeasty Boys, oh, it's a food truck right there.
21:31 Dax Shepard? Oh, it's a fucking food truck. This is a first.
21:35 Speaker 01 By the way, that's the way the Beasties wrote them. Have they licensed that?
21:38 Dax Shepard? There's no way that this is.
21:40 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, that is a writing.
21:41 Speaker 01 That's the writing.
21:43 Speaker 02 It's kind of like.
21:44 Speaker 01 I don't want to out anybody.
21:45 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I don't want to cause any lawsuits.
21:47 Speaker 01 Doesn't any problem here.
21:48 Speaker 02 It's almost like Ted Seeger's stealing Bob Seeger's name.
21:51 Dax Shepard? Very similar.
21:52 Speaker 01 But by the way, he should thank you, because that picture's awesome of that person.
21:56 Dax Shepard? That's our dad.
21:57 Speaker 01 That's so fucking cool. He looks great. By the way, he must have been gorgeous.
22:01 Dax Shepard? He was so handsome. My mom was so horny for his dad.
22:06 Speaker 01 He had a beautiful mustache.
22:07 Dax Shepard? He looked just like Sam Elliott. And he was such a rugged man. He was a Marine and he was a roofer.
22:14 Speaker 01 He must have been so strong, because he's so strong.
22:16 Dax Shepard? Yes, the two of them. I roofed with them for quite a while. And yeah, the big test of a man, if you're a roofer, is if you can carry two bundles on your shoulders as you climb the ladder 35 feet and not lose your.
22:28 Speaker 02 Now we're on the road.
22:29 Speaker 01 We're talking about how handsome and studly your dad was.
22:32 Dax Shepard? Carrying bundles. How that was the test of a roofer, like, how many fucking bundles you could carry up the ladder.
22:39 Speaker 02 Short-lived life, go figure.
22:42 Speaker 01 You know what's funny about what you're saying is, I identify, you said very casually, I roofed with them for a little while. We all, in the old days, in the days, I dug trenches with my friend at his dad's electric company. There's just certain things that you did for jobs when you were really young. You just did them.
22:57 Dax Shepard? And by the way, they were very motivating to do something else.
23:00 Speaker 01 Oh, I couldn't wait to not be there anymore. Fucking hated it.
23:04 Dax Shepard? The gift of all those jobs.
23:05 Speaker 01 Yes, working at my, my family's HVAC company. When you're counting the clock and it's like 12, 10, you have five more hours, you're going, fuck.
23:13 Dax Shepard? I think about this all the time for HVAC guys. The height of their action is when it's 105 out and everyone's air conditioning has broke. And then they get into an attic where all the fucking equipment is. And it's 140 in there. I mean, how hot is it in there?
23:28 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:29 Dax Shepard? Tell me about the slaughterhouse we got called.
23:32 Speaker 02 Oh dude, doesn't even seem real.
23:34 Dax Shepard? No, it's to this day, the grossest experience of my whole life.
23:37 Speaker 02 My dad had, I don't want to say a contract with these people. He was just involved with these people that owned meatpacking companies in Detroit. He knew them all. He would put the roofs on all of the buildings or most likely repair all of these buildings were fucking old as all hell.
23:56 Speaker 01 Detroit.
23:56 Speaker 02 Everyone does not want to spend money, you know, they want to pay you in ribs. And when my dad died, I did so many repairs for these guys and fucking had to buy a deep freezer. Cause I did take my payment in ribs.
24:15 Speaker 01 They talked me into it in five seconds.
24:17 Speaker 02 Of course you did. It was hysterical. Yeah, I would watch them saw it off, the fucking animal. Like these guys are like, we're gonna pay you in ribs and you're gonna watch it. Like, I didn't want to watch that.
24:29 Dax Shepard? No, I don't even want to see a wrong, I want to.
24:32 Speaker 01 How are they doing it? What do they do in there?
24:33 Dax Shepard? They have a bandsaw, right?
24:35 Speaker 02 A bandsaw, yes, exactly. So Dax and I were, I don't know, was this high school or?
24:40 Dax Shepard? 12th grade, yeah.
24:41 Speaker 02 No, you know, we were living in Dearborn. We were like 20 or 19.
24:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah.
24:45 Speaker 02 My dad being involved with these guys, but he's a roofer, keep in mind. I don't fucking know how this came up. They decide they want a connecting building to one of theirs that has been abandoned for many, many years, decades or something, which was an old slaughterhouse. My dad said, I'll clean this place out for you.
25:06 Dax Shepard? No problem.
25:06 Speaker 02 You know, give me whatever he must have said.
25:08 Dax Shepard? Six years of ribs.
25:09 Speaker 02 Yeah, give me like, you know, lots of ribs. Keep them coming.
25:15 Dax Shepard? And I want to keep any of the ribs I find while I'm cleaning.
25:19 Speaker 02 He walked down into it. So you got a picture. This was a functioning slaughterhouse for decades.
25:25 Dax Shepard? Wow.
25:26 Speaker 02 Now, the whole floor is concrete. You can't see this, but it's all channels of drainage. There's nothing drained. So.
25:34 Dax Shepard? Oh, sludge.
25:36 Speaker 02 Sludge. And the sludge is animal liquids.
25:41 Dax Shepard? Adding to that, there's huge four by four, or maybe they were bigger, traps in the cement that go down.
25:48 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah, that you can't see.
25:49 Dax Shepard? That you can't see because of the whole thing. So the dad's like, don't walk over there. There's four traps. And if you were to have walked in one, you would have gone up over your head.
25:57 Speaker 02 Holy shit, and animal sludge. Yes. Now there's pipes. I don't remember if these were water, gas lines, or if they were just pipes where they hung animals from. I'm guessing that's what it was. But all these pipes that were kind of at your head level and you had to like duck to go under them. And there was like skin and stuff that were hanging that was going to your mouth like you're like.
26:22 Dax Shepard? You would try to be dodging something and something else would go in your mouth and you're like.
26:31 Dax Shepard? Stay tuned for more Mom's Car.
26:34 Dax Shepard? We are supported by Allstate. You know what's smart? Checking Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance. You know what's not smart? Not checking that your phone isn't connected to your car's Bluetooth before having a private conversation. And let me tell you, nothing quite prepares you for that moment when you realize your entire carpool just heard every detail of your last doctor's appointment through the car speakers. Talk about an awkward ride. Or how about this one? Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds on car insurance is smart. Unfortunately, not checking that all your windows are closed before going through the car wash is not smart. I learned that lesson the hard way last week. There's nothing like getting an unexpected shower while you're trying to clean your car's interior.
27:18 Dax Shepard? At least the kids thought it was hilarious. Yeah, checking first is smart. So check Allstate first for a quote that could save you hundreds. You're in good hands with Allstate. Potential savings vary, subject to terms, conditions, and availability. Allstate North America Insurance Co. and affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois. Get almost anything you need delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can get chicken parmigiana delivered. A day at the lake? That's a no. A Philly cheesesteak? That's a yes. An afternoon stroll? Sorry, no. A burrito bowl? Happily yes. What about a day of sunshine? Not happening. A box of fine chocolates? Yes, that's happening. Delivery on its way. Okay, how about some clear skies?
28:03 Dax Shepard? Nope. Well then, how about some french fries? Yep. A little escape? No. A delicious bowl of grapes? Yes, yes, that. How about a freshly cut lawn? Can't help you there. But barbecue prawns? Order it and it's on its way. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Product availability may vary by region. See app for details.
28:28 Dax Shepard? Yeah, somehow you started a day before I did, I feel like, because I remember about to walk in and you're like, you have to be smoking the whole time.
28:37 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
28:38 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
28:39 Speaker 02 You had a cigarette in your mouth.
28:41 Speaker 01 You had that taste in your mouth.
28:42 Dax Shepard? And his dad had a cigar.
28:43 Speaker 02 Yeah, blow it directly into your nose. Let it just go into your nose.
28:47 Speaker 01 I love that you're sucking the dart and you're blowing the smoke through your nose out, which is the best.
28:52 Dax Shepard? You're always sucking in, you're never exhaling.
28:56 Speaker 01 Is anybody wearing masks? No, no way. I forgot from you.
29:00 Speaker 02 Stay alive.
29:01 Dax Shepard? You have more than a five year plan.
29:03 Speaker 02 We did talk about when my dad died, I'm like, I wonder if that slaughterhouse had something to do with it.
29:07 Dax Shepard? Yes. What did we pick up? Dude, his dad was hitting one of these huge, huge pipes that delivers all the sludge. It looked like an HVAC kinda huge pipe. And he was hitting it with a sledgehammer because he had to get all that piping out of there. And it fucking broke over and it covered him. Like, you can't do this on television with animal sludge.
29:28 Speaker 01 Holy shit.
29:29 Dax Shepard? And his dad didn't give a fuck. And dude, for however long we worked in there, how many hours? And you just were taking five gallon buckets.
29:37 Speaker 02 You got rid of it with five gallon buckets, filling the sludge. That's how we're gonna empty the building. Now what the fuck in some kind of extraction pump?
29:47 Speaker 01 You actually had to scoop it with a bucket.
29:49 Dax Shepard? Yeah, five gallons at a time.
29:50 Speaker 02 And take it up the stairs and dump it. I don't even remember where we dumped it, in the alley?
29:57 Dax Shepard? City sewer.
29:58 Speaker 01 How bad was the smell?
30:00 Speaker 02 The worst.
30:01 Dax Shepard? It was the fucking grossest thing. We would be dry heaving. Every 15 minutes, you'd have a spell of dry heaving and then light a cigarette.
30:08 Speaker 02 My dad's truck, I remember, he had someone torch it. Cause uh.
30:13 Speaker 01 For real?
30:13 Speaker 02 It stunk so bad. He was at that job for so long that uh, he was trying to sell it. He's like, I gotta fucking sell this truck. You cannot get the smell out. No one will buy it if you have a body smell.
30:26 Dax Shepard? They get the insurance.
30:33 Speaker 02 That's just called taking care of business.
30:35 Speaker 01 He had to.
30:35 Speaker 02 Okay, so we're in there all day long and we're so disgusted. And we've said numerous times during the day, we're never eating meat again. It's such a terrible idea, right? And we're riding with his dad, three in the truck. And his dad's first stop was White Castle.
30:52 Speaker 01 What?
30:53 Speaker 02 And he ordered like 20 hamburgers.
30:55 Speaker 01 And guess what he ordered to wash it down with?
30:57 Speaker 02 Who the fuck wouldn't get a Coke with that? He got a black coffee.
31:02 Dax Shepard? A black coffee and 20 burgers. And he just was driving with a bag between his legs, just eating burgers like potato chips.
31:11 Speaker 01 Like Castle Burgers.
31:12 Dax Shepard? And that almost was the most I almost threw up.
31:15 Speaker 01 Did you, the smell of that after?
31:18 Dax Shepard? We're like, he's a psychopath. The fact that he's gonna fucking be eating hamburgers right now. And he got covered in fucking.
31:25 Speaker 02 Yeah, we're like, wow, there's something in him that's not in us, for sure.
31:31 Dax Shepard? He's made of something different than us.
31:34 Speaker 02 They used to make them different.
31:35 Speaker 01 Nice move.
31:36 Dax Shepard? No, it wasn't a nice move. I was supposed to get off there.
31:39 Speaker 02 Oops, Sir Daisy.
31:40 Dax Shepard? I got confusing. That's okay. We'll figure it out.
31:42 Speaker 01 By the way, I gotta say, I've been watching this map. This is quite a drive from Silver Lake.
31:47 Dax Shepard? Oh, bud, we've gone up to Sunland. We've had 35 minute ride.
31:50 Speaker 02 Yesterday, we took something from Silver Lake to USC.
31:54 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
31:54 Speaker 01 I mean, I'm pretty much always looking at proximity as part of my order when I order this stuff.
31:59 Dax Shepard? Same. It's been illuminating. I also thought, wouldn't you assume it was people with a lot of discretionary income?
32:05 Speaker 01 Yes.
32:05 Dax Shepard? Not the case at all.
32:06 Speaker 01 Really?
32:07 Dax Shepard? Every single person's ordering food. That's how it is.
32:09 Speaker 01 That's just the way it is.
32:10 Dax Shepard? In L.A.
32:11 Speaker 01 Look at this. Is that a Cadillac?
32:12 Dax Shepard? Oh, yeah, yeah. Seventy-nine.
32:15 Speaker 01 What a beauty.
32:16 Dax Shepard? Yeah. That's a really nice machine. It still got some giddy up and go, too. And no fucking exhaust scheme out the back.
32:23 Speaker 01 No.
32:24 Dax Shepard? I haven't seen a Cadillac accelerate in 30 years without it looking like a diesel, without it rolling coal.
32:31 Speaker 02 Yeah, he jumped right out there.
32:33 Dax Shepard? Yeah, he did. Like a little bunny rabbit. This is half of, the job is finding these addresses.
32:39 Speaker 02 Sure.
32:40 Dax Shepard? Oh, it's behind, yeah, okay.
32:42 Speaker 01 Oh, there it is. I saw it.
32:43 Dax Shepard? Wonderful. Really good.
32:45 Speaker 02 Do you have both deliveries?
32:47 Speaker 01 So that was two separate orders?
32:49 Dax Shepard? Yeah, that's the dream, is when you can get a double whammy.
32:52 Speaker 01 Was there any communication or did you leave it at the door?
32:54 Dax Shepard? Leave it at the door, which is such a bummer. I had a fantasy that I would be meeting a bunch of people on this.
32:59 Speaker 01 My first job.
33:00 Dax Shepard? Oh, I'm so glad this came.
33:01 Speaker 01 Dude.
33:02 Dax Shepard? Jean-Claude?
33:03 Speaker 01 Yes. My first job in Hollywood was delivering scripts. This is 1994. At the Breakdown Services, you get a stack of scripts, you get your clipboard, and you drive around, and that is your day. And you have a Thomas Guide. So the Thomas Guide is, you know, you know Thomas Guide.
33:15 Dax Shepard? I do.
33:15 Speaker 01 How you're finding. And in L.A., it's so fun because L.A.'s just one giant grid. I would have, oftentimes, pretty bizarre moments at the front door. It wasn't like Uber when you can just leave it at the door. There's always something kind of weird or odd. Anyway, so it's a Friday. I get a stack of scripts, really traffic-y day, and so I was falling behind. Now, when you're doing this, you gotta keep your schedule because you gotta get through your scripts, you gotta fill your clipboard, you gotta make your deliveries. You gotta get paid.
33:40 Dax Shepard? You gotta get paid?
33:42 Speaker 01 You gotta get paid. And by the way, you get so stressed out. By the way, I have two stories because it's about road rage at a certain point. The road rage one is unbelievable, so I'll hold on that one.
33:50 Dax Shepard? Okay.
33:50 Speaker 01 First is this one. So usually I'll peek at the script sometimes because they were delivering to like, oh, I'm delivering to Samuel and Jackson's house. I'm delivering to so-and-so's house. I'm like, yeah, so excited. I was so young. But I was so behind. I didn't give a fuck who was on these. I was just trying to get them off and unload them as fast as I could. It was 10:00 P.M. on a Friday night. I never was that late. Hey, the Chatsworth!
34:09 Dax Shepard? I know this story so well, but I don't think I knew it was 10:00 P.M.
34:12 Speaker 01 It was late.
34:13 Dax Shepard? Okay, that justifies a little more this story.
34:16 Speaker 01 It does. It was so late that I was embarrassed already when I pulled up. I was like, how am I gonna navigate?
34:20 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
34:21 Speaker 01 I didn't even look at the name on the script.
34:22 Dax Shepard? You might be waking this person up.
34:24 Speaker 01 And also, it was Chatsworth. It's quiet, it's dark.
34:27 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
34:27 Speaker 01 It's a gated community. I have to buzz the gate first, walk up a long path with the front door. I think I even said this. I was like, sorry, I'm late. Script delivery. And eh, it buzzed. And I walked up this very quiet walkway up to the door. The door is flanked by two vertical windows. I ring the doorbell, and I kind of peek through the window, and I see something like pass down a hallway, like a flowing robe or something. And I was like, got a little nervous. And the door opens and it's Jean-Claude Van Damme. And he is in, he's in a robe. It's sort of open, so his chest is showing. He's holding a cocktail that he had himself, like a cocktail glass.
35:10 Speaker 01 And I see over his shoulder right away, a woman crosses frame. Who's also in a bathrobe.
35:16 Dax Shepard? They're post-coital.
35:17 Speaker 01 He's staring at me, daggers at me. And I was like, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry it's so late on a Friday night. Can I please get your signature? He doesn't say a word and I hand him my clipboard. And my clipboard is full of all the previous delivery signatures. So all the signatures, and there's one slot available.
35:35 Dax Shepard? I gotta get my papers. I gotta do my filing.
35:37 Speaker 01 I did. I'm just such a nerd. I just had to get it done. I hand him my clipboard and my pen. He's staring at me and he goes.
35:47 Speaker 01 And I go, oh, and he goes, oh. And he's staring at me. I go, oh, I go, thank you. And he goes, thank you.
35:54 Speaker 01 And I go, I go, thank you. And he goes, thank you. And I'm like, oh, fuck. I grab my clipboard, I turn around, I start walking away. And he goes, thank you. He's right over my shoulder. I was exhilarated. I was exhilarated. I was like, I can't believe this is happening. And then I was like, what if he roundhouses me?
36:15 Speaker 01 I literally had that thought, waiting for something to go.
36:18 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you're waiting to get kicked in the back of the head.
36:21 Speaker 01 You know that feeling, right?
36:22 Dax Shepard? Well, you know when the dude is behind you in school and you know he's gonna shove you?
36:26 Speaker 01 Yes.
36:26 Dax Shepard? Yeah, just waiting for that shove.
36:28 Speaker 01 Van Damme walks me all the way down that long pathway. Then I, right behind me going, thank you. Thank you.
36:37 Dax Shepard? That's so fucking bonkers.
36:39 Speaker 01 It was so bonkers.
36:41 Dax Shepard? And now in retrospect, also very consistent with him. Now.
36:45 Speaker 01 I, I, I had, I mean, for me, he was a hero back in, it was 1994, like.
36:48 Dax Shepard? Yes, blood sport. Why wouldn't he would have knocked on the door and you would have looked through the window and he's doing the splits inside?
36:57 Dax Shepard? Because he has to do like three hours of splits a day.
37:00 Speaker 01 I spent the ride home, the ride back to the station, first of all, I was laughing on the way home. I couldn't wait to show him my clipboard.
37:07 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah.
37:08 Speaker 01 It was such a mess. It was this big circle over and over again. Yeah. But then I was thinking about, what were they doing? He was so pissed off that I interrupted. I remember long blonde hair. I was like, this is so advanced. They're having cocktails in their robes.
37:21 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
37:22 Speaker 01 A real night. I'm sure he had planned it.
37:23 Dax Shepard? He's rich and famous.
37:25 Speaker 01 And it was still kind of early in his career, so I imagine he was loving this night he had planned. He was so pissed off at me for interrupting his night. The whole drive back, I was like, god damn this guy. I go, must be awesome to be such a star.
37:38 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
37:38 Speaker 01 I go, fucking having a date with his robes on and his cocktails from his cocktail bar.
37:43 Dax Shepard? Why is he so upset?
37:46 Dax Shepard? Get over it. I hate to say I can relate. I mean, I really hate to say it.
37:52 Speaker 01 Now I can too.
37:53 Dax Shepard? I know. You just wanna go like, just throw the fucking script on the ground. Sign my name. Well, you don't, you really need my-
37:59 Speaker 01 I didn't have to. It was in an envelope, like-
38:02 Dax Shepard? You were playing a crossing your Ts and dotting your Is.
38:05 Speaker 01 I was such a nerd. I really wanted to get it all done. I will say this though, usually I'll look at the names. It was the best surprise ever. For him to open the door, half dressed, holding a cocktail.
38:17 Dax Shepard? Fuck.
38:17 Speaker 01 It was probably the best entrance you've ever seen. Can I just quickly tell you-
38:21 Dax Shepard? Yes, please.
38:22 Speaker 01 What happened to me about my road rage? Because when you're delivering scripts like that at a young age, I just knew I was getting day by day more and more road rage-y. And I was young and I had a lot of testosterone pumped through the veins. And I was like, you know, I'd gotten in some fights at that point. So I was like, I was like, let's go. And, and I had some successful ones where I was like feeling good about myself. And by the way, it's so weird because there's no such thing as a successful road rage incident.
38:48 Dax Shepard? I agree now, yeah.
38:50 Speaker 01 It's the height of traffic. It's 5pm. I'm at Robertson and Olympic. Such a congested place. I am trying to turn left. The guy in front of me will not turn. He's gonna stick me in the intersection or red and I'm gonna be stuck.
39:03 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
39:03 Speaker 01 I'm so pissed. I'm laying on my horn. Let's go! Let's go! I mean, I lost all control. And all of a sudden, the guy's driver's door opens.
39:14 Dax Shepard? Oh.
39:15 Speaker 01 And before he even steps out-
39:16 Dax Shepard? In an intersection, not even at a light.
39:18 Speaker 01 And it's congested.
39:19 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
39:20 Speaker 01 People everywhere. His door opens, my door opens.
39:24 Speaker 01 I jump out, I'm exhilarated, I'm like, "Come on, motherfucker!" Like, "Let's go!"
39:30 Dax Shepard? And I don't make ends
39:31 Speaker 01 Yelling in front of everybody. There's so many people in the cars watching this. Guess who steps out? An eighty-year-old man.
39:40 Speaker 01 He steps out, and he's like, he's like, he's like, "Ooh!" "Ooh!" And I was like, "Yes," I was like, "Come on, motherfucker!" And I stop, and I look around, and everybody in the intersection is staring at me. I felt so bad.
39:55 Dax Shepard? That's like, one step away from fucking, the automatic arm puts a wheelchair out.
40:01 Dax Shepard? And then he climbs into it. What do you do?
40:05 Speaker 01 I kinda looked around, I saw everyone, I felt immediately like a villain in a story.
40:09 Dax Shepard? Yes, yes.
40:10 Speaker 01 And I put my hand up, and I said, "I'm sorry," got emotional in my car, I was like...
40:15 Dax Shepard? Who am I?
40:17 Speaker 01 I did, I lost all control. I was like, "That poor man..."
40:20 Dax Shepard? Oh, I'm gonna be cut.
40:21 Speaker 01 "They wanted to take him to get out of his car, and want us to square up."
40:24 Dax Shepard? Yes, because you were fucking honking so much, and screaming, "Fine!"
40:28 Speaker 01 And he's like, "Fine, I'll do this." And I drove, and I got emotional driving around, and I was like, "You know what?" And I swear to God, I said it, I go, "That's it for road rage for me." I go, "That's it."
40:37 Dax Shepard? Really?
40:38 Speaker 01 It was so impactful. For years after that, I was like, "Ah, fuck it."
40:42 Dax Shepard? God, that's great, what a correction. Yeah. I certainly had some regrettable ones, but I couldn't contain it. It was a long road for me.
40:50 Speaker 01 For me, that was ninety-four, I mean, then, once like, we hit the turn of the century, all bets were off, I think I was back in them.
40:57 Dax Shepard? Okay, back in business.
40:58 Speaker 01 But for many years, think about the impact of that.
41:01 Dax Shepard? Do you remember, either of you, the first time you guys hung out?
41:04 Speaker 01 I was supposed to go out with you, you were gonna drive across country, I bailed at the last second. And I was pretty bummed out, but then when you came back and told me the stories that happened when you were out there, I was like, "Oh, fuck, I'm kinda glad I wasn't there." That was when you got into that massive brawl. You went to go see...
41:18 Dax Shepard? David Allen Coe.
41:19 Speaker 01 Yes.
41:19 Dax Shepard? Oh!
41:21 Speaker 01 I was supposed to go to that. And you came back, and I was like, "I'm fucking glad I did not go out." Then you came out, you came out...
41:28 Dax Shepard? I got, this is the first time in my life I got hit with a crowbar.
41:32 Speaker 02 Hopefully the last time.
41:34 Dax Shepard? Dude, that was like a fucking 80s movie to come down the alley.
41:37 Speaker 01 Alley fight like rumble fish.
41:39 Dax Shepard? He has these cab drivers. My story is they were fucking with us really bad. We were probably terrible. We were leaving a David Alcoa show at 3pm and we were all blackout. But I remember what set me up, but something about my ex-girlfriend. She wanted to get out of the car and he went and opened the door and I was hit in the back of this, whatever.
41:54 Speaker 01 You were in the back of the taxi?
41:55 Dax Shepard? Shockingly. We had gotten cabs. We were really responsible.
41:59 Speaker 02 That was very shocking.
42:00 Dax Shepard? Maybe Brie, Spirit, I don't know, some of the women.
42:03 Speaker 02 Some of the women's responsible friend of ours.
42:06 Dax Shepard? When we got to the house and we finally got left out, me and Dean chased these cabs and they went down this alley behind a mobile gas station. And then we ran down the alley and they parked at the end of it, but then as we were running down, there were two more cabs that weren't involved.
42:21 Speaker 01 Oh boy.
42:22 Dax Shepard? And there's like three guys running up the alley, but then there's a fourth and fifth guy getting out of their car.
42:28 Speaker 01 Oh my.
42:28 Dax Shepard? And the fifth guy grabs a crowbar out of his fucking crone vic. And I'm like, what's our play here? I had one successful uppercut. Like I did drop one guy. And that was right about the time the guy with the crowbar hit Dean in the arm.
42:46 Speaker 02 Dean's arm was like snapped.
42:47 Speaker 01 I remember that.
42:48 Dax Shepard? Destroyed. I couldn't turn and leave Dean. I wanted to, but so I kind of like kept going. And then the guy with the crowbars turned his attention on me. Now Dean's running the other way and now I turn to start right away and as I'm running away, his crowbar hit me in the back.
43:05 Speaker 01 In the back?
43:05 Dax Shepard? Yeah, I had an incredible egg on my back.
43:09 Speaker 01 You came back and you told me that story and I was like, oof, boy. That's a major league brawl.
43:16 Speaker 02 Oh, you would have fit right in there.
43:17 Dax Shepard? Yo, you would have loved it.
43:19 Speaker 01 You came out and then I think it was the backyard of Scotty and I's house.
43:23 Speaker 02 Did you guys ever party together?
43:23 Speaker 01 I'm not sure if it was your graduation party for UCLA. Did you come out for his graduation party?
43:28 Speaker 02 I don't know.
43:29 Speaker 01 I think you were there.
43:30 Speaker 02 But I do remember.
43:31 Speaker 01 And we were partying in the backyard of mine and Scotty's place.
43:34 Speaker 02 Sure, I do remember partying with you there, doing some blow. Drinky drinky. I wanna say I met you at a hotel pool that we broke into with someone's room key.
43:48 Speaker 01 Oh, the Miramar.
43:49 Speaker 02 You guys used to go to all the time.
43:51 Speaker 01 The Miramar, yeah, yeah, yeah.
43:52 Speaker 02 I think that was, uh, cuz I remember, yeah, falling in love with you immediately. Cuz you were not only so personable, you were a baseball player. You were fucking hilarious and charming.
44:04 Speaker 01 And I had heard so many stories at that point. That's why I wanted to go out there also because all we did was tell stories about our buddies back home. We'd just drink together and tell stories. And so at that point, I remember us being in the backyard of our house and we were just hugging on each other. Drinking. It was just very loving. And your mom was even there. She was there.
44:26 Speaker 02 She was used to that cuz we worked for her.
44:28 Speaker 01 At a certain point, she told you and I, all we were doing was hanging out and talking at the barbecue. And she's like, "Hey, you too. Let's go."
44:34 Speaker 02 Oh, break it up a little bit.
44:36 Speaker 01 Talk to everybody else.
44:38 Speaker 02 That sounds like Laura.
44:39 Speaker 01 Yes.
44:40 Speaker 02 But Aaron gave you the ultimate compliment on an episode of, I think, Race to 270, which is, I don't know, Monica asked him, "Did you ever get jealous?" We were very good at being best friends, but then new people would come in and we'd have friendships with those people. And we really had a good thing. And then Aaron said, "I guess the only person maybe I was jealous of was Nate." He's like, "He was the only friend of Dax's I thought, uh-oh, this guy might be."
45:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, I was like, I said, "I just wanna..."
45:08 Speaker 02 I wanted to come out here and be part of it. I was like, "Well, fuck, he has someone that good." I wanna be part of it. I don't want Nate to go away. I need to come out and be part of it.
45:18 Speaker 01 That's interesting. I felt like all I wanted to do was be a part of what Dax was doing. He would drive across country. He'd go do a show and he'd get to hang out with his best friends. And remember, I knew all the stories about you. I was struggling a little bit. I was like, trying to find my way. I couldn't take four days off to go do it. And you got frustrated with me cuz I kept saying no. You weren't frustrated. You were kinda disappointed.
45:40 Dax Shepard? Sure. What I wanted is for you to come to Michigan and to put on a show for you.
45:45 Speaker 01 Yes.
45:45 Dax Shepard? We did that for Kareem one year.
45:47 Speaker 01 And I wanted to.
45:48 Dax Shepard? And it was so fun. Get a junker car, go to the middle road.
45:52 Speaker 01 You guys went to that, some lot and just fucked up that car.
45:54 Dax Shepard? The Ford Taurus.
45:55 Speaker 01 He came back and he was telling he had a blast and I was like, I was jealous.
45:59 Dax Shepard? He was a city boy who had the full country experience.
46:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, I was so jealous. I was like, I'd have been a much better guest than Kareem. That's how I was feeling in my head.
46:08 Dax Shepard? I'd be a much better guest.
46:12 Speaker 01 You got an incoming.
46:13 Speaker 02 Oh, oh no.
46:14 Dax Shepard? Let's go, Cole. Want to do one question?
46:17 Speaker 02 Sure.
46:17 Dax Shepard? Let's do a question. We'll see what kind of advice Nate has to offer.
46:20 Speaker 02 Okay. Nate, this is a fun story.
46:23 Dax Shepard? Oh, this is the perfect story for me.
46:25 Speaker 02 I even put your name on it.
46:26 Dax Shepard? Not really even a question.
46:27 Speaker 02 It's not a question. It's kind of a fun story that we thought, well, we should read this with Nate.
46:32 Dax Shepard? Let's do it.
46:33 Speaker 02 Okay. Paul Hensler, he says, "I was accused of sexually harassing slash putting my fingers in a fellow male coworker's butt."
46:46 Speaker 01 Sorry.
46:47 Speaker 02 You don't have to be sorry. This is insanity. I've been thinking about it for two days.
46:52 Dax Shepard? I feel blessed to never have that accusation lobbied against me.
46:57 Speaker 02 "I had a coworker who worked under me who was a terrible lazy worker.
47:03 Speaker 02 I would get on him because he would always fall asleep on lawnmowers while driving and just randomly all the time. He felt he was untouchable since we work for a school district." I would report.
47:16 Dax Shepard? I can see that.
47:18 Speaker 02 Me too.
47:18 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
47:19 Speaker 02 I would report all the incidents that happened to my supervisor. He started getting verbal warnings and then physical write-ups. He never changed. In fact, got even worse with not getting the jobs done and always showing up late. I think he started to feel the heat and pressure from our bosses, so he decided to throw out some pretty off-the-wall allegations against me, claiming I was cussing him out all the time. I would always slap his ass and rub his shoulders constantly.
47:52 Dax Shepard? Why would you rub shoulders with a guy you hate?
47:56 Speaker 02 The kicker, though, is that he claimed that I came up behind him one time, and I quote, "He inserted two, maybe three fingers into my bottom."
48:11 Speaker 02 None of this was true, and all of my fellow coworkers packed me up in this legal investigation.
48:18 Speaker 01 Wow.
48:18 Speaker 02 I believe it was all in retaliation of him being a shitty employee and trying to get the heat off of him. After a long, nine-month investigation-
48:28 Speaker 01 Jesus.
48:29 Speaker 02 -with interviews and multiple legal emails-
48:32 Speaker 01 Whoa.
48:33 Speaker 02 -I was found not to be at fault for any of these allegations. He was pretty much forced to resign, and now he is gone, and I am free of him. So, write a story!
48:44 Dax Shepard? My favorite detail is two or three.
48:46 Speaker 01 Right, that's the best part of the story.
48:48 Speaker 02 That was, that was in this guy's email to HR.
48:52 Dax Shepard? I think it's wild if you make an accusation like that, that you haven't worked through the physics of all that. You have to slide your hand-
49:00 Speaker 01 Inside the jean.
49:01 Dax Shepard? Inside the back of the jean of the belt.
49:03 Speaker 01 And get that finger into the butt hole.
49:04 Dax Shepard? And then all the way through the butt crack, and you've not moved or run away.
49:09 Speaker 01 Or you're not in a position to do that. You're not making out in the closet.
49:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, he's not naked men-
49:13 Dax Shepard? That's what I'm saying. He would have to be naked on all fours, looking at something on the ground, distracted, where you could maybe get one, three fingers up an ass is gonna take some doing.
49:24 Speaker 01 I think that, first of all, when he gets down towards the asshole, when you're inside the butt cheeks, one finger goes inside the butthole, two are right on the edge. It's like, it's like that-
49:34 Dax Shepard? That's with a lot of lube.
49:35 Speaker 01 Anyone's gonna feel like that's, that's three. So I understand that.
49:40 Dax Shepard? I think one might feel like three.
49:41 Speaker 01 Let me say this about that. You know, it could also be if you're wearing sweatpants.
49:46 Speaker 02 And maybe he had big fingers.
49:48 Speaker 01 You can get the hand down in the back of sweatpants pretty fast.
49:51 Dax Shepard? Okay.
49:52 Speaker 01 Without having to be in an embrace.
49:54 Dax Shepard? Then I think you would have said, "I was wearing sweatpants one day."
49:58 Speaker 01 I think you're right.
49:59 Dax Shepard? Yeah, and also probably can't wear sweatpants on the job if you were for the school district.
50:03 Speaker 01 But you're on a lawnmower.
50:04 Speaker 02 He fell asleep on lawnmowers.
50:06 Dax Shepard? Oh, that feels dangerous as hell.
50:08 Speaker 01 Well, so he maybe mowed around for the school district.
50:11 Dax Shepard? Yeah, that's a good job.
50:13 Speaker 01 But you're right, there's a lot of detail that's not covered up on that.
50:16 Speaker 02 He didn't think it through, yeah, I agree.
50:18 Dax Shepard? There's a great Sedaris story about him talking to doctors, and he said almost every doctor he's ever met has a story about someone coming in with an object in their rectum. And they all seem to have a similar excuse, which is, "I fell down."
50:36 Speaker 01 That's what they say.
50:37 Dax Shepard? Well, Nate, Tuck, this was so much fun.
50:40 Speaker 02 Buddy.
50:40 Speaker 01 We could just hang out, by the way. We could go to Vegas.
50:43 Dax Shepard? Yes, we go to the chicken ranch.
50:46 Speaker 01 It would be no different.
50:47 Dax Shepard? Right, I know. Isn't it nostalgic?
50:50 Speaker 01 When you sit in the backseat, have you noticed the position? Look at my legs.
50:54 Dax Shepard? Spread wide.
50:55 Speaker 01 And it feels totally natural to do it. It reminds me of when you're younger. You're hanging out, you're also like leaning.
51:01 Dax Shepard? Leaning forward, yeah. No one's belted. Zero concern for safety.
51:07 Speaker 01 The fender better turns into something going right through the...
51:10 Dax Shepard? Or pedaling through.
51:13 Dax Shepard? Well, I love you. It's so fun to be with two of my very best friends of all time in one car.
51:18 Speaker 02 Mmm, baby.
51:19 Speaker 01 Thank you.
51:20 Dax Shepard? So good.
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