Pod Insights Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard Armchair Anonymous: First Day of School About this episode Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a crazy first day of school.
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Transcript 11,345 words · 8 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Dax Shepard? Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Buck Rogers and I'm joined by Gene Lightyear.
0:05 Speaker 01 We're back.
0:06 Dax Shepard? What a fitting time to be back because today's episode is tell us about a crazy first day of school experience.
0:13 Speaker 01 Well, it's so nostalgic.
0:15 Dax Shepard? We got both fearful of first day of school and nostalgic and envious.
0:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's a wispy time.
0:21 Dax Shepard? So scary, so much excitement and possibility.
0:24 Speaker 01 So much on the horizon.
0:25 Dax Shepard? Enjoy first day of school. We get support from Quince.
0:30 Speaker 01 Okay, can we talk about the fact that the holidays are already here? It's crazy. I feel like I blinked and now we're in gifting season, which I'm not really mad about because I do love giving gifts and Quince is making it so easy to find something great for everyone on my list, including myself, because let's be honest, self-gifting is a love language.
0:50 Dax Shepard? Quince is seriously the gift that keeps on giving. Their high-quality staples are made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, 14-karat gold, and Italian leather. Full-on luxury quality at prices that won't wreck your holiday budget.
1:06 Speaker 01 It's the dream. The cashmere sweater, starting at $60, down jackets, wool outerwear, cashmere accessories. You and everyone on your list are staying cozy and looking incredible all season long.
1:17 Dax Shepard? Well, I'm gonna tell you this, it just got chilly for the first time this year in California and I'm so excited and I'm wearing my Quince cashmere right now.
1:24 Speaker 01 It's great.
1:25 Dax Shepard? Yeah, and I am going to gift this to some of my friends. I hope they're not listening.
1:29 Speaker 01 Quince is also more than clothing. They've got fine jewelry for your significant other, leather bags for your bestie, hotel-quality bedding to set up your guest rooms, chef-grade cookware. That's an amazing thing they offer here and it's such a good gift because people don't like buying cookware for themselves, but it's very important. And they also have five-star luggage, another good gift that people don't like buying for themselves.
1:51 Dax Shepard? Give the gift of quality this holiday season. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. This episode is supported by Helix.
2:16 Speaker 01 Okay, can we talk about how November is basically survival mode? Between the holidays, the travel, the hosting, the cooking, the everything. Sleep is the one thing keeping me from completely unraveling.
2:27 Dax Shepard? It really is the foundation, and I think people underestimate how much a bad mattress is quietly ruining their day. You wake up stiff, your back's angry, you're already behind before your feet hit the floor.
2:38 Speaker 01 That was me before Helix. I took their sleep quiz, which is so fast. It took me like two minutes and they matched me to a mattress that actually fits how I sleep. Not a guess, not a firm or soft coin flip, it's a real match. I have a midnight mattress and I really like it. I was noticing it because I actually had to sleep in one of my other beds recently.
2:56 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
2:56 Speaker 01 That doesn't have a Helix mattress on it and I really could tell a big difference in my sleep.
3:01 Dax Shepard? Temperature was all over the map.
3:02 Speaker 01 It was a mess. I need a new one.
3:04 Dax Shepard? Look, they've got over 20 mattress models. So whether you sleep hot, need extra back support, or you've got a partner who moves around all night, there's one built for you. Plus free shipping and a 365 night happy with Helix guarantee. That's a full year to decide.
3:18 Speaker 01 Helix has been named the most awarded mattress by Forbes, Wired and more. So it's not just us being enthusiastic, the experts agree.
3:25 Dax Shepard? Right now, Helix is running their Black Friday sale with up to 30% off. Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for up to 30% off your Helix mattress. Helixsleep.com/armchair.
4:06 Speaker 01 Hi.
4:06 Dax Shepard? We're going with a fake name today.
4:08 Speaker 01 All you, whatever you want to come up with.
4:10 Dax Shepard? Monica, are you feeling anything strong?
4:13 Speaker 01 I'm gonna go with Megan.
4:15 Speaker 02 Love it. I was just watching Queer Ultimatum. There was a Megan on that. I didn't hate her, so it works well.
4:20 Speaker 01 I didn't hate her is better than I hated her.
4:23 Dax Shepard? Awesome. Megan's really safe.
4:26 Speaker 01 No one's gonna identify you by Megan.
4:28 Speaker 02 No.
4:29 Dax Shepard? Megan, where are you?
4:30 Speaker 02 I am gonna paint with a broad stroke. I'm gonna say I'm in Canada.
4:34 Dax Shepard? Okay. We would have figured that out as you said a boot at some point.
4:38 Speaker 02 A boot, throw in the odd A. I knew you would've gotten to the bottom of it.
4:42 Dax Shepard? Okay, so you have a first day of school story.
4:44 Speaker 02 Do I ever?
4:45 Speaker 01 Oh, I'm so excited.
4:47 Dax Shepard? Also, Megan, you're experiencing something very unique in Armshare Anonymous, which is we're all in different locations.
4:52 Speaker 01 Well, no, Rob and I are in the same location.
4:54 Speaker 02 But you two aren't together.
4:55 Dax Shepard? That's right. I'm never in a room somewhere in the South when we do these.
5:00 Speaker 02 Oh, that is really special.
5:02 Dax Shepard? I think so. I just wanted you to be aware of the context. Okay, so, first day of school.
5:07 Speaker 02 Okay, it's a chilly day in September. It's the first day of my teaching career. So I'm so excited. Wake up, it's like out of a movie scene. This is amazing. I've wanted to be a teacher since I was in kindergarten. How it works why I am in Canada, a lot of people apply for a few years before they get a contract job. But I was really lucky. It must have been some sort of personality hire because I graduated in May and then I got a contract for that September. And where the school is from my house is like 600 meters. But that morning I had to drop my dog off at my friend's because they were gonna watch my dog for me, which is also like 400 meters from the school. But this particular morning, you know, I got put behind. I was taking some pics on a front-facing selfie cam because I was so excited, this monumental moment in history.
5:51 Speaker 02 So I ended up driving because I got a little bit behind. So I probably leave my house around 8:00 AM. School bell rings around 8:55. That's when the kids start rolling in. So I drive to my friend's house, literally a 30-second drive, drop off my dog. She's like, "Oh my God, let's get a picture. You look so cute." I like get in the car. We'll put a hype-up song because, you know, it's literally less than one song drive to my school. So I go with "After Midnight" by Chapel Rowan.
6:13 Dax Shepard? Monica, is that ringing a bell for you?
6:15 Speaker 01 Great song. Also, I'm just putting two and two together. Like, this story's recent.
6:20 Dax Shepard? You were dating it by the song, Monica.
6:22 Speaker 01 I was.
6:22 Dax Shepard? Really clever.
6:23 Speaker 01 I was doing clues.
6:25 Speaker 02 It's a recent story for sure. So I'm in my car. I'm like still so excited. I'm jamming out and where my school is, it's on a hill. And there's a traffic light at the bottom of the hill. So traffic often will get backed up on the hill. I go to turn left into the school. Traffic is backed up, but there's a gap. And so I get waved in. So I'm like slowly pulling in. My tires are on the front of the school property. I'm fully on the sidewalk so that cars can still get by me. When all of a sudden, literally something flies over my car. My windshield is shattered. I just see this body off of a bike fly over and it's just on the ground.
7:02 Dax Shepard? You've struck one of the students pulling in?
7:07 Speaker 02 I went from Chapel Row into Adele. I went from After Midnight to Chasing Pavement. Literally. It went so dark, so fast.
7:14 Dax Shepard? What was the age of the cyclist?
7:16 Speaker 02 It was a high school student, wearing a helmet. Not that I'm like an avid bike hitter. And not that I think anyone deserves to get hit by a car, but it wasn't like a, oh, that little scrimy high school student. It was like a precious peanut, long sleeve collared shirt, helmet on, cute little shirt tucked in.
7:30 Dax Shepard? Doing all the right stuff.
7:32 Speaker 02 You hit from the front? Not to play the victim, but the bike did hit me. Okay. They have come over the side of my wheel well. So handlebars into the front hood, bike smashed my windshield.
7:44 Dax Shepard? The well-mannered, well-dressed, behaved boy was riding on the sidewalk at a full clip. And she pulled into the lot, stopping halfway, blocking the sidewalk. He T-boned her and TJ hookered over the windshield.
7:56 Speaker 02 Correct. So I put my car in park. I'm like immediately freaking out. Like I go from posing for a picture of what grade I'm teaching to like, oh my God, are you okay? To the point where he starts consoling me. Thank God he was wearing a helmet. Best case scenario, he maybe sprained his ankle. I'm like, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. Luckily, at this time, a coworker was also walking to work, jealous of them. So they start walking up the hill. Honestly, guardian angel was so calm, was so composed, was like, it's gonna be okay.
8:24 Dax Shepard? I've been hitting one once a week for a decade.
8:27 Speaker 02 That's why I walk. You might want to try it. So she starts like asking the kid, are you hurt? Is everything okay? They're visibly shaken up. So we call the cops. The mom comes, puts her frigging four ways on, parks basically. In the middle of the road, sprints to her kid. Oh my God, were you like, I'm gonna get fired? Absolutely, I was. I'm like, I'm losing my job. I can never listen to Trappel Rowan again. I don't even want this car anymore.
8:46 Dax Shepard? You're also 22, right? So my mom arrives, mom's like, this is a 22-year-old kid teaching here that just blasted my son. It was all just.
8:58 Speaker 02 My new coworkers are starting to roll in. I'm like, what a effing first impression. They're gonna be like, who is this teenager that just hit a biker? How old do we think he is? Do we think he's a freshman or a senior? I think he's in the middle, but the kindest little soul, such a little nerdy angel. He's like probably so nervous for his first day, just in his head bombing her down the hill. So the cops show up, one of which is one of my good friends, but has to be professional. So it's kind of one of those like, there, there, it's gonna be okay. I'm crying at this point. This was supposed to be the first day of my career that I've dreamed about, and now I've hit a kid on a bike and my new boss comes out is like, okay, it's gonna be okay, but like, move to the side because in 10 minutes, students are gonna start showing up. A new cop ends up coming and it's a cop in training. So like FML.
9:41 Speaker 02 Yeah, but you can't throw stones. Everyone here is new.
9:45 Dax Shepard? No one present is over 24, it sounds like, because she knows the cop.
9:49 Speaker 02 Thank you for checking me on that, Monica. I actually do quite appreciate that. Everybody's trying their best. So I go out, I start talking to the cops. Oh, do you want to give a statement? My dumb ass, I'm like, of course, it's all my fault. I'm so sorry. I hit this child. They're like, are you wearing your corrective lenses? I'm like, I'm wearing contacts, but I probably cried them all out by now. So I guess my partner had called my good friend. The friend's house that I had dropped my dog off happens to be a criminal defense lawyer, happens to be out for a walk with her dog. So she, out of the corner of my eye, I just see her roll up, sweats on sweats, walking her little standard poodle. She's like, I will deal with the cops. It's gonna be okay. What did you say? I said, well, obviously I told them it was all my fault. And she's like, why did you do that?
10:27 Speaker 02 But also like not wanting to make me feel stressed out. So she's just like so calm, cool. She's like, let me talk to the cops. It's not your fault. The biker was on the sidewalk. I wasn't even really thinking about getting a ticket at this time. I was really just thinking if the kid was okay. And then my job, then I'm like, I could get a ticket now. I just got out of school. I'm a brand new teacher. You're also very Canadian because you haven't once said.
10:47 Speaker 01 Sue, which is what I would be worried about.
10:50 Speaker 02 Oh, actually, so later I find out that the mom said, why'd you call the cops? So I guess at the time when my friend had gone out to speak to the cops, my new boss had come out and been like, kind of wrap this up. She has twenty six six year olds to greet. And thankfully, the cop threw me a bone at this point and was like, it's gonna be a little bit longer. You might want to get someone to cover for her, let alone I'm like crying in the front seat of my smashed in windshield car. Then the union president shows up.
11:15 Dax Shepard? Oh, yeah, yeah.
11:16 Speaker 02 She takes me into the office. My friend's like, leave it with me. Leave your car with me. At this point, it's pulled onto the sidewalk. Kids are showing up. I'm like, just kind of cowering, walking next to the union president into the office. I'm like, am I gonna get fired? What's gonna happen? She's like, I'm not entirely sure, but I don't think so. Let me just make a couple of calls. She makes a call. She's like, you're not gonna get fired. It's okay. We're all good. And then at this point, it was first nutrition break. So it was kind of time for me to go back. I'm just gonna compartmentalize this and shove it right down and I'm just gonna bring the hype and just go greet all those sweet, precious six year olds and fake that I have seasonal allergies and hope they don't recognize I was just bawling my eyes out for an hour and get on with my day.
11:56 Dax Shepard? What I'm now realizing is where the elementary is, is I guess really close to the high school. Cause you're teaching that elementary, yet you hit a high schooler. It would have been great if you're teaching high school and he was in your class first row.
12:09 Speaker 02 That would have been a crazy turn of events.
12:11 Dax Shepard? Six years old, that's kindergarten?
12:12 Speaker 02 It was grade one, six to like seven. I taught a split grade.
12:15 Dax Shepard? Yeah, they don't know what the hell is going on.
12:17 Speaker 02 No, but everyone else did. Because as I'm like bawling my eyes out next to my car that's shattered, first the staff's rolling in and then the parents are rolling in of this new school and they're like, why is this person bawling next to a smashed in car? What made it worse is that the bike was chained up to the side of the school. They didn't clean up the bike for a while. So every day when I would walk to school, I'd like look to my left and just see that nightmare, reminding me of what happened.
12:43 Dax Shepard? But you hit the ground, Ronnie, and are you still teaching at the same school?
12:46 Speaker 02 I'm still teaching at the same school and my lawyer friend dropped me of all charges. So I just had to pay for the damage to the car because he was on the sidewalk. So it all worked out okay.
12:56 Dax Shepard? Oh, lovely.
12:57 Speaker 02 He was wearing a helmet. He wasn't hurt. The mom wasn't mad. I didn't lose my job. I pulled my socks up and finished the day of work. I can listen to Chapel Rowan again. It's been a bit, but she's back on my playlist.
13:08 Dax Shepard? I'm having flashbacks of pulling out of 7-Eleven in Santa Monica and an old woman rode her bike on the sidewalk into the side of a car I was driving.
13:17 Speaker 02 Oh.
13:18 Dax Shepard? And I panicked because she was so old. I was really afraid when she crashed. And then I drove her home and I gave her a hundred dollars.
13:25 Speaker 02 Oh, no.
13:26 Dax Shepard? And then I stole a front wheel from another bike and put it on her bike in the middle of the night. Wasn't that a weird decision? I didn't have any money to give her other than that.
13:35 Speaker 02 That meant a lot to her.
13:37 Dax Shepard? Well, Megan, I'm so glad you made it through that harrowing start in that you're still at it.
13:43 Speaker 02 It was crazy.
13:44 Dax Shepard? So good to meet you.
13:45 Speaker 01 Bye.
13:48 Speaker 01 Dax, do you think the woman that ran into you is alive still?
13:51 Dax Shepard? No, that was 27 years ago and she was probably 70. And I stole, which is not good, but I did.
14:00 Speaker 01 I know.
14:01 Dax Shepard? Throw in bad money after good, whatever the saying is.
14:03 Speaker 01 Why did you give her a hundred dollars?
14:05 Dax Shepard? That's what I had. I didn't know what to do. I felt bad.
14:07 Speaker 01 Then you're kind of assuming culpability, but you didn't do anything. She was old and ran into you.
14:13 Dax Shepard? When you see an old woman crash her bike and you're involved, you're just scared you're gonna get sued. And also, she's old. I'd way rather clobber a teenage boy on a bike.
14:25 Speaker 01 No, oh, my God.
14:26 Dax Shepard? Even if he was in a collared shirt.
14:28 Speaker 01 Moral dilemma because that guy has so much more life to live.
14:32 Dax Shepard? Boys shouldn't wear collared shirts to school.
14:34 Speaker 01 Yes, he should.
14:36 Dax Shepard? No, the mom should protect the boy and say, honey, why don't you wear a T-shirt?
14:41 Speaker 01 No, Dax, we don't know. Maybe he was a stud. Maybe he had a lot of girlfriends. Maybe all the girls loved his collared shirt and his sweet personality.
14:49 Dax Shepard? And smashing his bike into things.
14:51 Speaker 01 I would. I'd be like, oh, my God, my boyfriend got hit by a car. I gotta skip first period and help.
14:57 Dax Shepard? Don't let your sweet boys wear tucked in collared shirts to high school. It's too hard.
15:02 Speaker 01 No, if they want to, you gotta let them.
15:05 Dax Shepard? They owe their whole life to wear collared shirts. Just don't do it at high school.
15:08 Speaker 01 They gotta express themselves.
15:12 Dax Shepard? Hi Katie, are you laying down on a blanket?
15:14 Speaker 03 I am not. I'm in a closet and like a blanket for it.
15:19 Dax Shepard? In a blanket cocoon?
15:20 Speaker 03 It looks cozy. It really is.
15:23 Dax Shepard? Okay, so Katie, where are you?
15:24 Speaker 03 I am in the Upper Peninsula, actually.
15:26 Dax Shepard? No, in Marquette?
15:28 Speaker 03 Yeah, Marquette area.
15:29 Dax Shepard? Okay, so you have a first day of school story?
15:32 Speaker 03 Yes, I'm from near Traverse City, so this is where that takes place. Small school, this takes place my first day of freshman year. So just a preface for this, my best friend Mallory, she's involved in this story and she lives in Lansing. She happened to be up this weekend, so I got to fact check the story. So we make it through basically the whole day. It's last hour, we're in art class. Class was about to start and I look at her and I'm like, you know what, man? I'm not feeling great.
16:04 Dax Shepard? Uh oh.
16:04 Speaker 03 Something's going on and I was like, you know what? I need to go to the bathroom.
16:08 Dax Shepard? So you and Mallory are close because you're telling her, hey, I've got to shit myself.
16:13 Speaker 03 We're very close. My boyfriend actually just said last week, you talk about Mallory like she's your knight in shining armor. Oh. Because she is.
16:22 Dax Shepard? Yeah, sorry boyfriend.
16:23 Speaker 03 Yeah. And this story is just a prime example of that. So we take off, the bathroom's like not far away. And because it's between classes, for whatever reason, our entire high school choir is standing directly outside of the women's bathroom. And Mallory's a pretty aggressive woman. And so she just kind of starts football, like roughing her way in through the crowd. Like she's pushing people out of the way. In the meantime, though, I put my hands over my mouth and I just start spewing. Like I just start throwing up everywhere.
16:58 Dax Shepard? Interesting, so this wasn't pootie related, this was throw up, okay. But still probably cafeteria related.
17:06 Speaker 03 I always ate cold lunch, so I have no idea. We don't know what happened. I was fine all day until this moment. Weird. So I just start spraying all over everyone. I get all over the choir. It gets all over the floor. And at this moment, Mallory reaches back to grab me. She's made a hole and she doesn't realize that I've thrown up all over her back already. Oh, Mallory. So as she turns to grab me, I throw up again directly on her arm, in her hair, all over her sweater. And she's like, whatever, still charging through.
17:39 Dax Shepard? Now, Katie, I don't want to get critical, but are you making any effort to aim it at the floor? It sounds like you're almost intentionally projectileing it forward as opposed to just covering your shoes.
17:50 Speaker 03 I was just projectileing forward. You just weren't in the right mind. You were sick. Yeah, and I think I was just so focused on get to the toilet and it just was already too late.
18:01 Dax Shepard? Okay.
18:02 Speaker 03 We do make it in there. I've been told I'm a very violent vomiter. And so I continue to just exorcist style projectile all over the bathroom. Like, I don't think I made any in the toilet.
18:16 Dax Shepard? Oh, boy, you just painted the place.
18:18 Speaker 03 And the choir, don't forget.
18:29 Dax Shepard? We get support from Skims. Okay, I have a confession. I genuinely love matching pajamas. It's the best part of Christmas morning, really. Everyone in the same matching set looking ridiculously cute in front of the tree.
18:43 Speaker 01 I love matching pajamas. I'm literally going to be in coordinating sets with all my friends this holiday season. Because I got them, spoiler to my friends who are listening, the same Skims pajama set I've been living in. So soft and cozy and they look cute. So you can leave the house and go get a late night hot chocolate, be cozy.
19:04 Dax Shepard? It's so great how Skims has sets for everyone too. Women's, men's, kids, even your pets. So nobody in your life has to be left out this year.
19:14 Speaker 01 I have a bunch of different pajama sets. One of my favorite is the organic cotton sleep long sleeve set.
19:20 Dax Shepard? Okay, tell me more.
19:22 Speaker 01 So comfortable, very chic too. The top is a button down, but very, very soft, easy to sleep in. But as I said before, you can multi-purpose this and look super cute.
19:33 Dax Shepard? Hot chocolate runs. It's like the pajamas we grew up in, except without the scratchy polyester that made opening presents feel more like a hot yoga class that nobody signed up for.
19:43 Speaker 01 All the nostalgia, none of the discomfort. Shop my favorite loungewear and pajamas at skims.com. After you place your order, be sure to let them know we sent you. Select podcasts in the survey and be sure to select Armchair Expert in the dropdown menu that follows. If you're looking for the perfect gifts for everyone on your list, the Skims Holiday Shop is now open at skims.com.
20:02 Dax Shepard? This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Every family has that one holiday tradition nobody actually enjoys, but everyone keeps doing because stopping it would feel like a federal offense. For me, it was a specific meal situation that I will not name because my family listens. But at some point you have to ask yourself, am I doing this because I love it? Or because I'm afraid of what happens if I don't?
20:25 Speaker 01 Yes, and that question applies to so much more than the holidays. I think a lot of us carry these invisible rules about how we're supposed to spend the holidays, who we're supposed to see, what it's supposed to look like. And when you start unpacking that with a therapist, you realize half of your stress is coming from rules you didn't even write.
20:41 Dax Shepard? This is where BetterHelp can be a great resource during the holidays. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps identify your needs and preferences, which means they typically get it right the first time. If you aren't happy with your match, switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recs.
21:00 Speaker 01 I just love therapy. I've been avoiding it recently, or not avoiding it, but I was like, oh, I'm busy, I'm busy, I'm busy. I haven't canceled, canceled, canceled. But then I-
21:08 Dax Shepard? You start feeling it.
21:09 Speaker 01 Yeah, because then I had it this past weekend and I was like, oh my god. And just thank God, thank God for her. Yeah.
21:16 Dax Shepard? BetterHelp is now in network with more than 125 health plans with many copays as low as $15 for eligible members. And if you don't have eligible insurance or live outside the US, you can still get 20% off your first month. Sign up and get 20% off at betterhelp.com/dax. That's betterhelp, H E L P, dot com slash DAX. We get support from Superhuman. Look, I love what I do. The conversations, the ideas, the creative stuff, but there's this whole other layer of work that eats my day alive. The inbox that never ends. Docs I need to get through, threads I'm behind on. And by the time I've dealt with all that, the stuff I actually want to focus on gets whatever's
22:00 Dax Shepard? left. What I needed was something that just works where I'm already working. Not another tab to open, not another thing to set up. Superhuman Go from the makers of Grammarly is different. It's already right there. Inside your email, your docs, your browser, you don't go to it. It's already working alongside you. You're deep in a long thread, highlight it, and it pulls the key points. About to send something important? It flags what doesn't add up before it leaves your hands. It knows your style, your workflows, and it just backs you up without getting in the way. A thought partner that's already up to speed. At your service, not after your job. So do yourself a favor and try Superhuman Go from the makers of Grammarly. Find out more at superhuman.com.
22:44 Dax Shepard? We get support from our sponsor, Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Glee Pro. Foundo is a once daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight
23:10 Speaker 04 Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it, or if you or someone in your family had majorary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes, if you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be, or taking birth control pills, and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems. Once daily Foundo is available by prescription only
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24:16 Speaker 03 My mom asked me, she's like, "Did Mallory throw up?" She's a ride or die. She didn't. She was wearing a dress. She took her sweater off and just threw it away. The only thing she was mad about is I had borrowed a scarf from her that morning to wear for the first day of school, and she did not want me to have it. Like, she was like, "Do not borrow this." I did anyways. And then we threw it away because it was so covered.
24:38 Dax Shepard? This is the second story that involves really nice people taking it on the chin. Of course, this is the choir that got covered in vomit. Of all the kids, you know, they're huddled together. They were huddled together for safety.
24:51 Speaker 03 And I just attacked them violently, really.
24:54 Speaker 01 You guys are saying choir as if it's like church choir. It's the chorus. Chorus kids are cool.
25:00 Dax Shepard? So we're both from Michigan. I don't know what was happening in Georgia, but rest assured, the choir kids were not the cool kids in Michigan. They deserved to be because they were talented and emotional, and we love them. But they were huddled together for safety.
25:13 Speaker 03 Yes, and I feel like at our school, if anything, the band was the cooler thing to do.
25:18 Speaker 01 Oh, wow. Interesting.
25:20 Dax Shepard? Which should tell you where the choir ranks if the band is cooler. Now, I wonder if one of our callers later will be, I was in choir, I was huddled for my safety and someone violently threw up on me. We could hear the other side of the story.
25:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, but then it's like Katy Perry, so it's fine.
25:36 Dax Shepard? Katy Perry.
25:37 Speaker 01 It worked out.
25:38 Speaker 03 If they do know that it's me, shout out to you guys. I'm so sorry that happened. I didn't mean to ruin your day.
25:45 Dax Shepard? It also sounds like it happened to the perfect person because you don't seem easily embarrassed. You rolled with this just fine.
25:51 Speaker 03 It did not affect me long term. I ended up being class clown and when I asked why, everyone was like, well, you're just kind of weird and awkward and it's funny.
26:03 Dax Shepard? And you're puking and.
26:04 Speaker 01 I would have had to move schools. I would not have been able to handle that. So I really commend you. Remember, I mean, there was always someone in like the lunchroom who would throw up and then they were throw up girl for like the whole K through 12.
26:19 Dax Shepard? I'm being brought back to that high school party where the gal threw up and then had diarrhea. Everyone's like, what happened? I was at a party where this happened to a young lady.
26:29 Speaker 01 Oh.
26:30 Dax Shepard? And the whole house smelled.
26:32 Speaker 01 Oh.
26:32 Dax Shepard? Oh, it was crazy. It was like the whole party shut down. I was like, what is going on? It was like so and so just booted and then fucking honessed all over the floor and her boyfriend's in there cleaning. And this is in 12th grade. That's rough.
26:45 Speaker 01 Oh, that's so sad. Were you mean about it?
26:48 Dax Shepard? No, my heart went out to her. I was extra nice to her forever. Yeah, she had eaten a ton of rice, I remember.
26:56 Speaker 01 Ew, don't say that.
26:59 Dax Shepard? That's the facts of the situation.
27:01 Speaker 01 Stop it. Rice is very like, I've seen it.
27:05 Dax Shepard? And it's full absorption of having been in the stomach for a while.
27:09 Speaker 01 Ew.
27:10 Dax Shepard? Well, it's a delight to meet you. You took this episode in stride.
27:15 Speaker 03 Yes, I did. Thank you, guys. It was so great to see you.
27:19 Dax Shepard? Yeah, right back at you.
27:21 Speaker 03 Have a good rest of your day.
27:23 Dax Shepard? Okay, you too. Take care.
27:24 Speaker 03 Thanks. Bye.
27:26 Speaker 01 Do you think anyone will throw up in their car after hearing that story?
27:30 Dax Shepard? No, cuz she didn't describe any of the stuff that was in the throw up, which is helpful.
27:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, but you did.
27:35 Dax Shepard? She stopped just short of just looking up at the sky and throwing up all over her own face. I mean, the fact that it was so outward. I would have been screaming like, fuck it, puke on the ground.
27:46 Speaker 01 See, you act like you're so nice to these pukers, but you be screaming.
27:50 Dax Shepard? In the postmortem, I'd be really kind, but while it's happening, I would want them to handle their shit the best way possible, which would be stop spraying everyone's back.
27:59 Speaker 01 But you have to be careful cuz you don't wanna open your mouth to talk cuz you could get puking.
28:03 Dax Shepard? I'd be on the side shouting from the locker. Leave the choir kids alone. They're fucking already getting picked on.
28:09 Speaker 01 Why are they getting picked on? They have voices of angels.
28:13 Dax Shepard? They don't. You're picturing glee.
28:15 Speaker 01 No, my chorus was really good.
28:18 Dax Shepard? But Monica, you would agree that in some small towns, the football team isn't great, right? Like, some guys are not college-bound athletes. They need something to do after school.
28:28 Speaker 01 Yeah, I just don't know. I'd have to hear them.
28:30 Dax Shepard? Okay.
28:32 Speaker 05 Hello?
28:33 Dax Shepard? I see baby clothes. Do you have a little baby in the house?
28:37 Speaker 05 Twins.
28:38 Speaker 01 Oh, fine. Identical or fraternal?
28:40 Speaker 05 They're fraternal. A boy and a girl.
28:43 Dax Shepard? And how old are the twins?
28:44 Speaker 05 They are two and a half.
28:45 Speaker 01 You're gonna enjoy an upcoming episode.
28:48 Dax Shepard? We have a twins episode coming.
28:49 Speaker 05 Oh, great. I probably could have submitted a story for that.
28:52 Dax Shepard? You want a fake name, which is encouraging. What fake name would you like?
28:56 Speaker 05 I would love you all to choose my fake name.
28:58 Dax Shepard? Okay, you ready for this, Fiona?
29:00 Speaker 05 I like it.
29:01 Dax Shepard? That's a big name, Fiona, to take on.
29:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, but it's accurate.
29:04 Dax Shepard? Yeah, you've got a vibe. Okay, Fiona, please tell us your first day of school story.
29:09 Speaker 05 Okay, so I had just started a new job, so a little bit of background information. This story takes place as a teacher. So this story took place two years ago, and I had previously taught band for about eight years. So I was going into my ninth year of teaching, but I had only had my twins about six months ago. I'm a new parent, so this new job was only five minutes away from my house. It was going to be a lot more family-friendly. The district is very well-regarded. Dax, you'd love to hear that I'm from Northwest Ohio.
29:40 Dax Shepard? Wonderful. Let me picture that in my head, Northwest Ohio. Okay, by Pennsylvania? No, no, no, by Toledo?
29:47 Speaker 05 Yeah, very close to Michigan. So I was going to no longer be teaching band, but I was going to be teaching choir and drama. And I had never taught these subjects before.
29:56 Dax Shepard? Okay, Fiona, you just wandered perfectly into a sim moment, which was the previous call was about a young gal who threw up all over the choir kids that were huddled out in front of the bathroom. And I said, couldn't you have picked a different group of kids? The choir kids were already, they had their hands full. They were probably huddled together for safety. And so Monica thinks choir kids are super cool, but and maybe they were in Georgia. But I'm trying to tell her, you're on a rough path if you're in choir in Michigan.
30:24 Speaker 01 We just need you to tell us, what's the strategy at your school?
30:27 Speaker 05 Band is the coolest thing. Choir is kind of the nerdy thing.
30:30 Speaker 01 This is wild to me. Rob?
30:32 Speaker 06 Yeah, it's the same. Band wasn't really that cool either, though.
30:35 Speaker 01 No offense, but band was really not cool at my school. Choir was, excuse me, chorus was cool. And theater was cool because I was in it.
30:47 Dax Shepard? None of those three things were really that popular pursuits in Michigan, and I'm guessing in northern Ohio. All to say, these are the sweetest people.
30:56 Speaker 01 Did you have orchestra?
30:58 Speaker 05 We do not have an orchestra program in my district.
31:01 Dax Shepard? We're not rich like you, Monica. We're like normal people.
31:03 Speaker 01 You guys aren't 7A, that's why.
31:06 Dax Shepard? No, no, we're not. We're not. Okay, so I was just curious. Yes, I always wanted to protect the band kids and the choir kids. They seem like they needed some looking out for.
31:14 Speaker 05 I'm going into this new position. I don't know my coworkers. I don't know my students. I really don't feel like I know my content area. I'd actually gotten hired over the phone over the summer, about a month before school started. So I was just feeling very nervous about the balance of work and home. So I go into my first teacher work day. Everything goes well. I'm starting to get over my nerves. The first day of school rolls around. Everything's going fine for first, second, third period. And fourth period comes around. And to give you a little bit of information, my classroom is the performing arts room. So that includes, I have to share it with, band, choir, and drama. So there are constantly students in this room.
31:57 Speaker 05 And because we are using instruments for the band side, it's double doors and the doors swing open and shut. You don't manually close them, they close by themselves. At the bottom of the door is what is called the boot security system. This is in place in case there is an active threat. And Rob has shared the photo with you.
32:19 Dax Shepard? Oh.
32:19 Speaker 05 It's this horizontal bar. And as you can see, there are holes drilled into the ground. And you put a vertical piece of metal in. And if you can't evacuate during an active threat, this is how you barricade your classroom door.
32:32 Dax Shepard? Okay, this is mind blowing. Looking at a photo of it, yeah, and it looks kind of, if you can picture vault doors having these two cylinders that go into holes. I can't believe that that's standard equipment.
32:44 Speaker 05 Makes me so sad. It's insane that we have to go through this. And it's not just our district. This is fairly standard for at least my area.
32:52 Dax Shepard? Wow, wow, wow.
32:52 Speaker 05 So that's how my classroom looks. And I'm starting my first performing theater drama class of the day. And this is what I felt most insecure about. So I thought, we're having short classes today. It's the first day of school. Let's do a theater game. So I decided to go with who started the motion. The students circle up in the classroom and one student leaves the classroom. A student in the circle is the leader and they are pantomiming a motion. It could be snapping, clapping, stomping, waving their hands as crazy as they want it to be. And all of the students have to adapt and look at the leader without really looking at the leader. So and the leader is constantly changing the motion every 10 to 15 seconds.
33:35 Speaker 05 Then the student who's out in the hallway comes back in and they have to try to guess who in the circle is making these motions. Who's the leader? That would be a really good icebreaker because not all of these students know each other either. We're in a pretty big district. First couple of rounds go really well. I go out in the hallway to get the student who is out there. And as I'm coming back in, I'm holding the door open for the students since it closes automatically. And I'm coming in the room behind the student and the door slams onto the back of my ankle.
34:05 Dax Shepard? Oh, oh, boy.
34:07 Speaker 05 And that piece of horizontal metal is sticking out of the door about two inches because you need room for the vertical piece to go in. I get pain, but I've been teaching for several years. I know you don't show the students if you're in pain, you just keep moving on. I'm not like swearing or anything.
34:24 Dax Shepard? Because they'll smell the weakness and attack?
34:26 Speaker 05 Exactly, yes. I want to look strong on my first day.
34:29 Dax Shepard? Okay, okay.
34:31 Speaker 05 This horizontal bar hits my foot and it hurts and then it goes numb. I look down, I don't see anything. So I just kind of like limp to my chair and watch the game continue. My ankle is still numb. And so I look down and I see a chunk of my ankle gone.
34:48 Speaker 01 Ew!
34:49 Dax Shepard? Oh, oh, wow, a chunk.
34:51 Speaker 05 But there's no blood.
34:53 Dax Shepard? Is it white? You gouged down so deep, it's just white?
34:56 Speaker 05 Yes.
34:57 Dax Shepard? Yeah, yeah.
34:58 Speaker 05 So I hobble to my office. I have an office inside my classroom. And I call down to the school nurse. And again, these are new coworkers to me as well as the students. I'm new in this place. So I call down and I say, the door has hit my foot. Would you mind coming down and taking a look at it? And the school nurse goes, oh, no, I'll be right down.
35:20 Dax Shepard? Oh, like she's already been down this before?
35:23 Speaker 05 She comes down with some steri strips and some Band-Aids. And it started bleeding at this point. And she starts putting the steri strips. My cut and the chunk of my ankle is a horizontal cut, so same as the bar.
35:38 Speaker 01 Ew, oh, god.
35:40 Dax Shepard? Now we're looking at a photo.
35:42 Speaker 01 Oh, that looks horrible.
35:44 Dax Shepard? I kind of love it. It's so dark.
35:46 Speaker 05 So she starts putting the steri strips on horizontally and there's so much blood. They're just like falling off.
35:52 Speaker 01 Oh.
35:52 Dax Shepard? Yeah, she's trying to put a Band-Aid on a river.
35:54 Speaker 05 Pretty much. She says, yes, this has happened before, not to this degree, but students have gotten hit with this. The other teachers have gotten hit with this. It's like common knowledge. Except I hadn't worked there very long, so I didn't know this information to be careful when you're closing the door. So she says, you might want to get stitches. You might have to leave. And this is like halfway through the day. So she calls my principal down and I didn't have any sub plans ready. It's my first day. I'm not expecting to be out. He comes down and he's like, I'll get a sub. We'll get it all taken care of. Do you want to call an ambulance? And I'm like, no way. I'm not having these kids see me take an ambulance and I'm not paying for an ambulance.
36:36 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
36:36 Speaker 05 I live five minutes away from here. My husband's working from home. I'll just call him and he can take me to the emergency room.
36:51 Dax Shepard? We get support from Instagram teen accounts. So we talk a lot on this show about how the world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?
37:07 Speaker 01 Which is a fair question.
37:09 Dax Shepard? Yeah, so Instagram has got something called teen accounts and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them. And time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10:00 PM to 7:00 AM.
37:35 Speaker 01 Sleep mode is genius.
37:36 Dax Shepard? Right? And here's the thing, for anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age appropriate experiences for teens.
37:52 Speaker 01 I am really glad Instagram is helping to give parents peace of mind with teen accounts.
37:56 Dax Shepard? Learn more about teen accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts. We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace and I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective. Running can Can be freeing and cathartic and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life. So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere, whether that's in your office, living room, or even the attic.
38:40 Dax Shepard? Plus, they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving. Let yourself run. Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com. We are supported by Walden University. You know that feeling when you've been thinking about making a move, going after the degree, the promotion, the thing you keep telling yourself you'll get to someday? Walden University is built for that moment. For over 50 years, Walden has helped working professionals get the W, the knowledge, the skills, and the confidence to create real change in their careers and communities. Their programs are designed around your life, not the other way around. With Tempo Learning, available in select programs,
39:24 Dax Shepard? there are no rigid schedules or set weekly deadlines. You move at your own pace. And Walden's faculty aren't just academics. They're practitioners who bring real-world experience into everything they teach. From your first class to career coaching and beyond, Walden is your partner the whole way. Take the first step and learn at a pace that works for you. Visit waldenu.edu. Walden University. Set a course for change. Certified to operate by CHEV.
40:02 Speaker 05 So he takes me to the emergency room and I end up having to get seven stitches. Oh. Sent in a photo.
40:08 Dax Shepard? Yeah. Isn't it wild that often when they fix it, it looks way worse than when it was broken?
40:13 Speaker 05 Yeah, it does.
40:15 Dax Shepard? It looks like they took your heel to war.
40:18 Speaker 05 Jeez.
40:19 Dax Shepard? But you didn't get the tendon luckily, yeah? You must have been on the verge of that.
40:23 Speaker 05 Yes, they ended up doing an X-ray just to make sure there was no internal damage, which there was not thankfully. So they just did the stitches and I had to keep it wrapped with ointment. And I had the stitches in for over two weeks.
40:36 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
40:37 Dax Shepard? And what kind of shoe wear were you limited to and sock wear?
40:40 Speaker 05 Could not wear socks. I could not wear anything but sandals for the first two months that I worked in this district.
40:46 Speaker 01 Oh, no.
40:46 Speaker 05 I'm in Ohio, so it gets cold end of September.
40:50 Speaker 01 Sandals also sort of designates weakness.
40:54 Dax Shepard? Well, you'll get a reputation, like you'll be known as that. You know that teacher that wears sandals?
40:59 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's very specific.
41:01 Speaker 05 For sure. And I did not want to be known. I had gotten a pair of Rothy's, brand new.
41:05 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, great shoe.
41:07 Dax Shepard? Great. Really nice silhouettes. And are you still at that school?
41:10 Speaker 05 I am still at that school. Like I said, I had the stitches for two weeks. And if you think about the way your Achilles moves, every time I took a step, the stitches were pulling, which is why I had to have them in for so long.
41:22 Dax Shepard? Did you ever clip your foot on that thing again? My hunch is you might have.
41:26 Speaker 05 I had to go back to school the next day because I didn't have any sick time accumulated yet. So I was just kind of hobbling around. And then the following week, when I came into my classroom in the morning, the custodial team was putting on brand new doors that are slow closed.
41:42 Dax Shepard? Oh, and that's gonna solve it, hopefully.
41:45 Speaker 01 That'll help.
41:46 Speaker 05 We have not had an incident since then.
41:48 Dax Shepard? This is one of those situations where it's like you prepare for an active shooter, which I don't know what the odds of that are. But then in the meantime, like 20 people cut their Achilles.
41:59 Speaker 01 They have to amputate like 10 legs.
42:03 Dax Shepard? I don't know. There's some cost benefit analysis that someone will do one day.
42:06 Speaker 01 They should also try to put like some cap on the end of the thing. So even if it hits you, it's not gonna cut you like that.
42:13 Dax Shepard? You can imagine this thing just getting bigger and bigger, right, Monica? Or it's just covered in Nerf football and then it doesn't function anymore.
42:22 Speaker 05 The whole door is like padding.
42:25 Dax Shepard? Then everyone decides to save her without a door entirely.
42:29 Dax Shepard? And the switch from band to choir, has it been lovely?
42:33 Speaker 05 It's been really great. I've taken a lot of advice from other choir directors, had them come into my classroom. So I really like the job. I'm still at that district and I occasionally have students that will come up to me and say, I heard a story about your foot. Can you tell us about that? And I'll show them the pictures and everything.
42:51 Speaker 01 Oh, that's so cute. Do you have a scar?
42:54 Speaker 05 I do have quite a bit of a scar and actually I can't set my heel down like on a table. If I put my feet up, I have to cross my legs so that my left foot is down and my right injured foot is still on top of it.
43:06 Dax Shepard? Oh, that makes sense.
43:07 Speaker 05 Thank you so much for having me. I've been a day one listener. My former commute was an hour long and so I listened to you. And if I can tell you something embarrassing, you used to talk about how you as a kid would listen to David Letterman and pretend to be interviewed by him. And I used to do that on my car ride and think, what would Dax and Monica interview me about?
43:27 Speaker 01 Oh, that's so sweet. I love that too.
43:32 Speaker 05 So I'm so thrilled to be here. So thank you so much.
43:34 Dax Shepard? Oh, our pleasure. Take care. Have a great rest of your summer.
43:39 Speaker 01 That injury reminded me that a couple of days ago, I was getting in my car with a big purse and I slammed my pinky finger into the door of the car so much, I had to open the door to get it out. And I was like, oh my God, this is something four year olds do.
43:58 Dax Shepard? I'm still dealing with that broken fingernail from when I did it as a kid. Not to trump your story, but how are you recovering?
44:04 Speaker 01 Pretty good. It's sore, but it didn't do much damage. But it was just so weird to have my finger up there and in pain.
44:13 Dax Shepard? Oh, was that the top of your door?
44:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:16 Dax Shepard? That's probably preferred. There's more give up there.
44:18 Speaker 01 Okay, well, stop minimizing my pain.
44:21 Dax Shepard? Oh, sorry. I can't believe you survived this. I'm just having gratitude that your finger's still on your hand. Although I'd love to remove it if it was infected. Would you trust me to remove one of your fingers if it was infected?
44:33 Speaker 01 No.
44:34 Dax Shepard? No. Okay.
44:35 Speaker 01 I would trust you to put like some ointment on it.
44:37 Dax Shepard? I just bought a Dremel here.
44:40 Speaker 01 Oh.
44:41 Dax Shepard? Cordless Dremel. I think I could take it off pretty quick. If it was to save your life, if it was gangrenous.
44:46 Speaker 01 And I couldn't make it to the hospital?
44:48 Dax Shepard? Post-apocalyptic world, maybe? Yeah, yeah, this is your at the house. It's post-apocalyptic. Your finger's gangrenous and then needs to be removed.
44:57 Speaker 01 That or I'm dead, then yeah, I'll let you.
44:59 Dax Shepard? Okay, thanks for the vote of confidence. How do you say gangrenous?
45:03 Speaker 01 It had gangrene.
45:04 Dax Shepard? Gangrene is gangrenous. Adam, we were just trying to figure out, you say gangrene, but if you wanted to say someone's finger had gone gangrenous or gangrenous, what do you think it is?
45:16 Speaker 07 Gangrenous, I guess.
45:18 Dax Shepard? We like that, right? Sounds good. His toe went gangrenous.
45:21 Speaker 07 If that is ever a prompt, I have a story about that, too.
45:24 Speaker 01 Oh, shit.
45:24 Dax Shepard? About gangrenous?
45:25 Speaker 07 Kind of, yeah. I worked at a bank and we had a customer who had a rotten leg.
45:29 Speaker 01 Oh.
45:31 Speaker 07 They would walk into the bank and yeah.
45:34 Dax Shepard? Stink up the whole place?
45:35 Speaker 07 It was terrible.
45:36 Dax Shepard? Did you hear the armchair anonymous with the waitress up in Canada and the guy's leg was fucking dead?
45:41 Speaker 01 It was leaking.
45:42 Speaker 07 Yeah. That's exactly what happened.
45:44 Speaker 01 The other girl who was a EMT member and then the leg was jello?
45:50 Dax Shepard? Yeah, it was like falling off.
45:51 Speaker 01 Ah.
45:55 Speaker 07 Great start.
45:56 Dax Shepard? Okay, Adam, where are you?
45:57 Speaker 07 I'm in Knoxville, Tennessee.
45:58 Speaker 01 Oh, my gosh.
46:00 Dax Shepard? Goodness, you're right down the road from me.
46:02 Speaker 07 So you're in Nashville right now?
46:03 Dax Shepard? Yes, sir, staring at old Hickory out the window.
46:06 Speaker 01 You look familiar, though. How old are you?
46:09 Speaker 07 I am thirty-six.
46:11 Speaker 01 I wonder if we went to the same elementary school when I lived in Tennessee.
46:17 Dax Shepard? You were in Memphis, weren't you, love?
46:18 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:19 Speaker 07 Opposite sides of the state.
46:21 Speaker 01 Okay, but like, I don't know the history of Adam. He could have been in Memphis.
46:26 Dax Shepard? What if you said, I don't know the history of Knoxville? Maybe it was next to Memphis before.
46:30 Speaker 07 We just migrated east.
46:32 Speaker 01 I'm not good at geography, so that is something I would say. Okay, you just have a familiar face.
46:37 Speaker 07 I get that a lot, though. I get sent pictures of like, hey, this guy looks like you. And my name is kind of familiar, too, because my middle name is Grant, so I am Adam Grant.
46:45 Speaker 01 Oh, my god.
46:47 Dax Shepard? Oh, you should be a CIA spy. You look like everyone.
46:50 Speaker 07 I just blend in, which is what I wanted to do on the first day of school was blend in.
46:56 Dax Shepard? Okay.
46:57 Speaker 01 Let's hear it.
46:58 Speaker 07 So this is the first day of high school, but to set this up, I had to set up my eighth grade year. I was a very small kid. I did not hit a hundred pounds until I hit high school and I was a gymnast all throughout middle school.
47:13 Dax Shepard? Oh, wow. So you had great biceps and stuff?
47:15 Speaker 07 As much as like a thirteen year old can, I did.
47:18 Dax Shepard? My TV brother, Adam Braverman, Peter Krause, he was a gymnast in junior high and he had photos of himself on set and he was jacked.
47:27 Speaker 07 I wasn't that jacked, but.
47:28 Dax Shepard? Okay, just send me some pics and I'll evaluate your fitness.
47:32 Speaker 07 I had got burnout being a gymnast. I competed nationally, national champion, tumbling and trampoline, which was again, another story.
47:40 Speaker 01 Trampoline stories. That's a good one. Let's put that on the list.
47:43 Speaker 07 But I got burnout and then I could do flips and stuff, of course. And so the cheerleading team recruited me.
47:51 Speaker 01 Hundred percent.
47:52 Speaker 07 I was just there to flip down the field, but that is not what an eighth grade boy in small town, Tennessee.
47:59 Speaker 01 Sorry, was it the school squad or like an all-star squad?
48:02 Speaker 07 It was a very small school. I had to get permission from the principal to be on the team because no boy had ever done it before.
48:10 Dax Shepard? Oh, okay. So you're really, what do they call it?
48:13 Speaker 01 Trailblazer.
48:14 Dax Shepard? The token. You're the token.
48:16 Speaker 01 Oh, token. Yeah.
48:17 Speaker 07 I was not blending in and that's all that I wanted to do. So high school, new start. No one was supposed to know who I was. First day I walk in and people come up to me and say, have you heard about freshman Friday? And I'm thinking only on TV and only in movies.
48:36 Dax Shepard? What is it?
48:36 Speaker 01 You don't know what freshman Friday is, Dex?
48:39 Dax Shepard? No, this is a southern thing. Tell me.
48:40 Speaker 07 It's where the upperclassmen terrorize the freshman class.
48:45 Speaker 01 First Friday of the new year.
48:47 Dax Shepard? And you what can shove the kids?
48:48 Speaker 01 You can haze and shove and be horrible. Everyone's scared of freshman Friday.
48:53 Speaker 07 And what was being told to me was that I was going to be trashed. So I was going to be dumped in the trash can, basically. So I was absolutely terrified. Did you consider calling mom and saying I have diarrhea? I should have, but I did not think of that. Instead, I tried to hide all day long. I was like not spending time in the hallways. I was just tipping from class to class. Of course, none of my friends could drive at that point because we're thirteen, fourteen. I knew no upperclassmen. My sister had already graduated school, so she was gone. And so what I did on that first day was I basically jumped into the car of the first person's parents who came to pick them up. And I was like, you have to take me home. Right, I'm about to get trashed.
49:38 Speaker 07 Yeah. So I escaped the first day, but this went on for the entire week of this guy named Michael who was after me. I had no idea what he looked like. I had no idea that he knew who I was.
49:51 Speaker 01 People would just come up to you and say like, Michael's gonna trash you and get you.
49:54 Speaker 07 Yeah, his gang is after me and I was just terrified.
49:58 Speaker 01 This is so mean, ugh.
50:00 Speaker 07 The way my school is set up is the front door is where everything kind of is. It's where people congregate. It's where the cafeteria is. It's where the gym is. And after school, that's just where people are located. At the time, I was riding the bus after school and you had to wait like twenty minutes for the buses to get there. Because this is a very small school system and they started at the elementary school and they wound up at the high school. So Friday had come around. I'm thinking I had escaped this enough times that it's over with. It's not. Michael has a iron trap memory. So I'm standing there after school in front of the cafeteria with everybody else in the school, talking to some of the friends that I had at the time, and I get picked up from behind.
50:46 Speaker 07 And I get slowly walked over to probably the worst trash can in the whole school, which is the cafeteria trash can. I have no idea who is picking me up. I get hovered over the trash can. Little 100 pound me gets so nervous, I kick off the wall and we both go flying backwards.
51:06 Dax Shepard? Okay, you had a little fight in you.
51:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's good. I'm glad you did that.
51:09 Dax Shepard? And that gymnast strength.
51:10 Speaker 07 Used my quads and kicked us both back, flat on the floor, in front of everybody. School goes silent.
51:17 Dax Shepard? Yeah, this is not according to game plan. Mike's supposed to be a hero and a bully and now he's humiliated.
51:23 Speaker 07 Now we're in big time danger. I don't know what I did or said next, but I know that I had a cousin who was the same age, normal size. He came in and said something to him and stood up for me.
51:38 Speaker 01 Oh.
51:39 Speaker 07 And kind of saved the day. Michael never bothered me again.
51:43 Speaker 01 Oh, wow. This cousin.
51:45 Dax Shepard? This is a fighting back to the bully story.
51:48 Speaker 07 And then I ended up graduating my senior year with most friendliest, or friendliest, I guess, of my class. So full circle moment.
51:57 Dax Shepard? Well, I'm so proud of you that you refused. You said, I will not be subjugated by you, sir. What did Mike look like when you finally came to, who was Mike?
52:06 Speaker 07 He was a very tall, skinny kid. Found out he was not the one who picked me up because he probably couldn't. He had like a toady pick me up, who was this giant guy.
52:15 Dax Shepard? Mike delegated this responsibility? My.
52:18 Speaker 07 I guess so.
52:19 Speaker 01 Mike is embarrassing. Was he a senior?
52:22 Speaker 07 He wasn't even a senior. I think he may have been a junior, maybe a sophomore.
52:26 Dax Shepard? Yeah, but he was 19.
52:29 Speaker 07 Yeah, he was 19.
52:32 Speaker 01 Oh my God, I love your cousin. That is so awesome.
52:35 Dax Shepard? Yeah, makes me think of Christmas Story. When his little brother's getting fucked with and he finally fights back, swears too much. You remember, Monica?
52:43 Speaker 01 I haven't seen it.
52:44 Dax Shepard? Oh my God. Have you, Adam?
52:46 Speaker 07 Every Christmas, 24 hours.
52:48 Dax Shepard? It's standard. Crazy, Monica doesn't watch that.
52:51 Speaker 01 I watch Home Alone. That's a happy story to end on.
52:55 Speaker 07 I will say, though, that my two biggest high school bullies ended up passing away a few years after school. And it's such a weird feeling to have a bully and then to learn that about them. Not to make it about myself, but it puts you in a weird position.
53:11 Dax Shepard? I agree. You're happy at first. I've had this, right? Like, this has happened a couple times. Well, one guy's in prison, another guy died. And at first, I'm like, yeah, you get what you deserve. And then, of course, you're like, no, this is terrible. And they were probably very miserable, which is why they were a bully. And it's not quite as satisfying as you want it to be. Well, we found a way to bring it down. You were like, oh, good, this one went out on a high note. And then we figured it out.
53:37 Speaker 01 We can end on your cousin's cool. How's your cousin?
53:40 Speaker 07 Cousin's great. He's got kids. He's married. He's a stay at home dad.
53:44 Dax Shepard? Okay. He's not a hard charger FBI agent or anything?
53:48 Speaker 07 No.
53:48 Dax Shepard? Well, Adam, it's a delight to meet you. I'm not shocked at all you got friendliest.
53:52 Speaker 01 I love a superlative. I didn't get one. And it haunts me. Like, I want one really bad.
53:57 Dax Shepard? You guys would have been best friends, right, Monty? You would have noticed how brave it was for him to join the cheer squad.
54:02 Speaker 01 Oh, I mean, yes, it is. But it's smart. Then you're around all these cute girls, and you're grabbing them by the pee.
54:09 Dax Shepard? You're never grabbing them by the pussy. You're catching them.
54:12 Speaker 01 Oh, I'm sorry.
54:12 Speaker 07 You catch them. I did that once.
54:14 Dax Shepard? Oh, sure. It's gonna happen.
54:15 Speaker 01 Sometimes you do have to grab them. If they're falling.
54:18 Speaker 07 You gotta save them. You gotta jump in and save the day.
54:20 Speaker 01 If one person hits the ground, the whole squad has to do pushups. Wow. Well, that was an uplifting story. I'm glad you told it. And I'm glad you didn't get trashed. That would have been so gross.
54:32 Speaker 07 It would have been terrible. In the cafeteria trash can, where the food had been sitting there all day, in front of everybody.
54:39 Dax Shepard? I was already prepping myself. My hunch was he was gonna end up in the trash can. I was gonna be curious if, after the fact, we think this is a good experience. And I'm being serious. Because your worst fear is you're gonna get thrown in a trash can in front of all your peers. But then you do, and you live. And then a few other nice boys come up, and they're like, I hate that guy. There's some bonding. And then ultimately, in reflection, you might go, yeah, that's probably good that happened to me. But we didn't get to go there.
55:04 Speaker 07 No, I stood up for myself and I fought back.
55:07 Dax Shepard? Which is even better. It's better.
55:08 Speaker 01 Before we leave, I do have a question for you. How do you feel about collared shirts for male high schoolers?
55:15 Speaker 07 I have a picture from high school with two collared shirts on.
55:20 Dax Shepard? Double collared shirts.
55:21 Speaker 07 It was my yearbook picture. Polo with like a button up shirt underneath it.
55:26 Speaker 01 Oh yeah, that was a look.
55:27 Speaker 07 Two thousand four, two thousand five.
55:29 Speaker 01 So you love it, just like me.
55:31 Speaker 07 In two thousand four, two thousand five, I loved it.
55:33 Dax Shepard? And you were both on cheer. That's relevant, I think.
55:38 Dax Shepard? Let me ask you this. If you had a seventeen year old boy and he put on a nice collared shirt in the morning and tucked it in, would you not go, Gary, you might want to play it a little looser at school.
55:47 Speaker 07 Yeah, just unbutton it, untuck it. Here's a T-shirt.
55:50 Dax Shepard? Let's just get you in a concert tee.
55:52 Speaker 01 Everyone be who they are.
55:54 Dax Shepard? If you're a little businessman, be a businessman.
55:58 Dax Shepard? All right, Adam. Well, lovely meeting you. Take care, brother.
56:01 Speaker 07 Bye.
56:02 Dax Shepard? I'm both grateful I don't have a first day of school and jealous because it's so scary, but then also it's fun.
56:09 Speaker 01 It's so fun. Remember, were you able to get new school supplies?
56:14 Dax Shepard? Yep, I would get that Trapper Keeper and some folders and some new pens. But when he was describing how the cafeteria in the entrance and the gym was all next to each other, I got this nostalgic feeling of standing at that crossroads.
56:28 Speaker 01 Me too. I have such nostalgia right now. I miss school.
56:33 Dax Shepard? There's a couple of schools by the house in Nashville and the whole summer, every time we drive by them, I tell the girls, that's where you're starting school next year, you know? And they're big schools.
56:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
56:44 Dax Shepard? And I picture my girls having to start there in another state, knowing nobody and how big it is. And I just think about how scary that is every time I say that to them, how frightening that would be.
56:54 Speaker 01 Yeah. How big was your high school?
56:57 Dax Shepard? My high school was pretty big. I want to say there was a thousand kids.
57:01 Speaker 01 All four?
57:03 Dax Shepard? Yeah.
57:04 Speaker 01 My school was a campus. It had multiple buildings.
57:09 Dax Shepard? How many students?
57:10 Speaker 01 When I entered freshman year, my class was a thousand people.
57:14 Dax Shepard? No, you had 4,000 kids at your high school?
57:17 Speaker 01 But then a new school opened up a couple of years in and so people went over there. So I think my graduating class had like 500.
57:26 Dax Shepard? Wow, mine had three or four hundred, so maybe we were 1,200, but yeah.
57:30 Speaker 01 It was huge. It was huge. Hence 5A, now 7A.
57:33 Dax Shepard? Do you guys have a swimming pool?
57:35 Speaker 01 No.
57:37 Dax Shepard? Love you guys.
57:37 Speaker 01 Alright, love you.
57:40 Speaker 06 Do you want to sing a tune or something? We have a theme song.
57:42 Dax Shepard? Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. On the fly, Rhine dish. On the fly, Rhine dish. Enjoy.
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