Armchair Anonymous: Dinner Party

Dax and Monica talk to Armcherries! In today's episode, Armcherries tell us about a crazy dinner party. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Dax Shepard?

  Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Anonymous. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Lily Padman.

• 0:05Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 0:05Dax Shepard?

  Today we have crazy dinner party stories.

• 0:08Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 0:09Dax Shepard?

  Shocking you don't have one, given how many dinner parties you host.

• 0:12Speaker 01

  I mean, I must.

• 0:13Dax Shepard?

  Other than stinking up your whole house with fish.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was really, I don't want to think about that.

• 0:17Dax Shepard?

  But probably not worthy of, these are crazier.

• 0:20Speaker 01

  That was the whole story.

• 0:20Dax Shepard?

  That was the whole story. It stank. Yeah. Please enjoy crazy dinner parties. We get support from Quince.

• 0:27Speaker 01

  I have to say, I am so ready for fall. I want sweaters. I've been craving a true crisp morning where I actually need a jacket. I can't wait.

• 0:36Dax Shepard?

  I'm fully there. The second it dips below 70, I'm like, this is my season. Give me the layers, give me the boots, give me a reason to wear something other than a t-shirt. And honestly, that's why I love Quince, because fall is when your wardrobe actually has to show up. And everything at Quince is 50 to 80% less than similar brands. We're talking 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters, starting at $60.

• 0:59Speaker 01

  $60? $60 for cashmere that you'd expect from a luxury brand without the luxury price tag. It's amazing. Gets me every time. It really shouldn't be real, but it is because they go straight to the factories, they skip the middlemen, and they just hand you the savings. The stuff isn't trendy. It's the kind of pieces you grab over and over because they work every time.

• 1:17Dax Shepard?

  The 100% Mongolian cashmere sweaters for me are it. When I look at Steve McQueen, this man owned a couple of sweaters he wore all the time, and he looks iconic.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  It's a uniform.

• 1:27Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:28Speaker 01

  And Quince isn't just about the clothes. They have hotel quality bedding, cookware, bath essentials, thoughtfully designed furniture. You can really go there and outfit your entire apartment or house. So if you're in need of any kind of fall refresh at home, too, same quality, same attention to detail for every corner of your life.

• 1:45Dax Shepard?

  Find your next fall favorites at Quince. Download the Quince app for app exclusive offers or go to quince.com. Get free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada and the UK, too. And when Quince asks where you heard about them, let them know it was Armchair Expert. It's the best way to support the show. This episode is presented by YouTube Premium. YouTube was already great, but Premium supercharges it. If you like YouTube, you'll love Premium. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. Now let's get into today's episode.

• 2:45Dax Shepard?

  Hi there.

• 2:46Speaker 02

  How are you? Hi, very nice to meet you guys.

• 2:49Dax Shepard?

  You're a lover of leather.

• 2:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:53Speaker 02

  I'm pretty sure this is one of my Halloween jacket finds, but yeah.

• 2:58Dax Shepard?

  Is it Jillian?

• 2:59Speaker 02

  It is Jillian, yeah.

• 3:00Dax Shepard?

  Okay, great. Where are you?

• 3:02Speaker 02

  I'm in northern New Jersey.

• 3:04Dax Shepard?

  Northern New Jersey. Is that close to New York City?

• 3:07Speaker 02

  Kind of. It's really where the top of New York, New Jersey and Pennsylvania all meet. So kind of by High Point Monument.

• 3:12Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay, great. Are you born and raised there or have you migrated there?

• 3:16Speaker 02

  Nope, born and raised in New Jersey.

• 3:18Dax Shepard?

  Okay, lovely. And how far are you from New York, if you drive, New York City?

• 3:22Speaker 02

  Probably like an hour and a half. It's not too bad.

• 3:24Dax Shepard?

  Oh, and how frequently do you go?

• 3:26Speaker 02

  Not too often. I'll go to like, see a show or something. I do have family who live out there.

• 3:30Dax Shepard?

  I hear this all the time, people who live like an hour away from New York. Don't you think, Monica, you would be going all the time? But then people don't.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  I would think that, but probably not. I mean, even when I live in Atlanta, I never went to Atlanta. Like, I lived in the suburbs and you just don't go.

• 3:44Dax Shepard?

  You don't go.

• 3:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, same. I'd lived in Jersey City for a while, and even then I can count on one hand how many times I actually went into New York, even when I lived in Jersey City, so.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  Yeah. You just stay in your area.

• 3:54Dax Shepard?

  It's also not for everyone. Shocking as that is to believe. Okay, so you have a wild dinner party story.

• 3:59Speaker 02

  I do. So this takes place in December of 2022. It was a cousin's giving. And my cousins, my sister and I, we used to all share and host, but this time it was my turn. And I was really nervous because I always screw something up. So whether I say something stupid or do something stupid, something ends up happening and everyone's like, oh, Jill.

• 4:18Dax Shepard?

  How many cousins are there? Like, how many people attend?

• 4:21Speaker 02

  Two cousins, a cousin's wife, and my sister and I, plus my husband.

• 4:25Dax Shepard?

  Okay, six. This is a manageable dinner party.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  Exactly. Like, it wasn't anything crazy. It was something that was supposed to be very simple, but it didn't turn out that way. So I can't cook to save my life. I have to preference that. Like, I could boil a mean pot of water. You know, I could be a sous chef. But my husband does all the cooking. He's great at that. He's wonderful. So he agreed he would do the cooking and I would do the cleanup, which is perfect.

• 4:45Speaker 01

  That's a hard job.

• 4:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. I don't want to undercook the turkey, you know, and get everyone sick. So that was our deal. He goes shopping, he gets the turkey, he gets all the things for everything, because we were going to do a couple of sides. And everyone else was going to fill in the gaps. So he gets all of that done. I'm cleaning the house. The day before it comes and he goes, you know what, I'm going to go out with some friends. I'll come back later. I'll get the turkey all set up. You go to bed because I know you're anxious about the evening. So I'm like, all right, fine. So I pop a tire on all PM, I'm straight to bed. I'm basically dead to the world. I don't even hear him come to bed. So the next morning I wake up and I'm happy. I'm like, okay, today's the day. He has everything all set. I go downstairs and whoop, immediately slip on the floor.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 5:24Dax Shepard?

  Was it wet or you just slept?

• 5:26Speaker 02

  Well, I'm like, what in the world's going on? So it's very slippery. So I'm like, what's going on? And I'm feeling the floor and I'm like, this isn't water. So I go to grab a paper towel and there's no paper towels. We just bought a whole bunch.

• 5:38Dax Shepard?

  There's been an incident.

• 5:39Speaker 02

  He heard like the thud and so he, he comes downstairs. He's just like, oh, hey. And I'm like, what's going on? Why is the floor so slippery? So when he went to the store, he saw vegetable and he saw gallon. And he just saw the two words and that checked off his list. He thought he was buying vegetable broth and he bought vegetable oil. Because they don't sell vegetable broth by the gallon.

• 6:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. I don't think I even know what vegetable broth is.

• 6:05Speaker 01

  Vegetable broth, like chicken broth.

• 6:06Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. But that's not vegetables, but similar to chicken broth?

• 6:09Speaker 02

  And normally they come in those containers, but they don't sell them by the gallon.

• 6:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, like the paper thing, yes.

• 6:14Speaker 02

  I guess when he went to go throw in the spices, it just exploded everywhere. And even then, when he came downstairs, I noticed he had some spots on his face and it didn't even dawn on me when we were initially talking.

• 6:25Dax Shepard?

  Do you think he might have been tipsy when he took on this project after coming home from the, okay.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. So I'm like, how, how when he's pouring it out, does he not realize it's oil?

• 6:35Speaker 02

  Well, so I guess when he was also heating it up, he realized it wasn't bubbling and he was like, well, I guess it's ready. Went to go throw everything in and it just, just everywhere. So I'm like, what are we going to do? I'm like, we can't go out and buy a new turkey.

• 6:49Dax Shepard?

  Forgive me, why do we need the vegetable broth with, how was the turkey involved with the vegetable broth?

• 6:54Speaker 02

  So I guess that's something that you use to brine it.

• 6:56Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay, okay.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  There's multiple use of it. You use it for the stuffing, you use it for the gravy. I guess he used it on the turkey itself.

• 7:06Dax Shepard?

  It all over the turkey. He oiled it up good.

• 7:09Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 7:11Dax Shepard?

  Bathed it in oil.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  So at this point, we're like, we can't go out and buy a new turkey. So we then get it in the pan and we opened up the oven. Now, to preface this, we had a very small kitchen where you couldn't really open up the fridge and the oven at the same time. The oven was relatively small. So we go to put the turkey in the pan and put it in the oven. And now we realize that we can't even get the pan in the oven. The pan's too big.

• 7:32Speaker 01

  Oh, I hate this. God, it's so hard to cook Thanksgiving in a small kitchen. I've also done it.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  Yeah. And at this point, I'm, I'm just regretting all of my decisions. I'm like, should we cancel?

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're like, is there a Boston market nearby?

• 7:44Speaker 02

  At this point, like, let's just order pizzas and call it a day. But I remembered from when I was a kid, our oven caught on fire during the holiday. So I knew when I was a kid that we could cook the turkey on a grill. We did have a grill. So I'm like, listen, let's not panic. We'll do it on the grill. And he's like, no, I'll do it on the grill. And he's just like, you don't know how to do this. So he goes outside, figured it out. He goes to light it and we have no propane. So he goes out to go get propane. As he's grabbing his car keys, he realizes now it's pouring rain now.

• 8:14Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 8:14Speaker 02

  So not only is he gonna have to go out in the rain, but now he's gonna have to cook the entire turkey in the rain.

• 8:19Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy.

• 8:20Speaker 02

  He's gone. He comes back. He's getting everything situated. And I'm noticing that people are starting to show up early. Turkey's not cooked. Like, everything's kind of chaotic. And I had invited my cousin, his wife and their dog. And the dog is very cute, but she's a little bit of a nervous pup. And I did not realize that, but they were coming from a far distance and I was like, no, just bring her, it'll be fine. So the dog's barking, she's nipping at us every single chance we get. This dog clearly does not want to be there. And we're still trying to get everything situated. My husband's soaking wet from the rain. He's like coming in and out. We're leaving the door open a little bit because there's no ventilation. They come in, they say hello. And eventually my sister comes in and I'm like, okay, well now I want to go in the living room and join the conversation. We get in there and when you approach a dog,

• 9:04Speaker 02

  you're supposed to go the top of your hand out, not palm up.

• 9:07Dax Shepard?

  Okay, for the sniff.

• 9:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, so they could sniff you. I did not do that. I went palm up and the dog immediately nipped me.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 9:14Speaker 02

  And bit me. So it wasn't a big bite, but it was enough where it was just profusely bleeding.

• 9:19Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 9:20Dax Shepard?

  Wow, yeah, this is really going sideways. Nothing's working, really. The socializing isn't working. We got an attack dog on the scene.

• 9:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was, it was just chaotic. So my cousin was very apologetic. He's like, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?

• 9:33Speaker 01

  They always are.

• 9:34Speaker 02

  I'm fine. But meanwhile, I'm like, ow. And now we have no paper towels, so I have nothing to wrap it in. So we had some of those fancy Thanksgiving napkins that don't really absorb anything. They just have the fancy turkey picture on it.

• 9:45Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure.

• 9:45Speaker 02

  So I'm trying to like, hold up my hand so it could try to stop bleeding, but I still have these sides that I have to mix and everything. So I'm mixing with my non-dominant left hand. We're slipping on the floor. There's blood everywhere. Like, it was just, it was chaotic. So my other cousin now comes in. She's the one that actually lives in New York. She comes in and she's like, what in the hell's going on? She sees I'm sweating because it's hot in the kitchen. You know, she's slipping on the floor. She's wondering if there's gonna be like blood in the mashed potatoes.

• 10:12Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 10:12Speaker 02

  It's too much. Now, my husband comes in and he sees my hand. He's like, what happened? So I told him. He runs upstairs to go get me a Band-Aid. In the meantime, again, the doors opened up a crack and the dog, doo, doo, doo, just walks over and runs out the door.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  And I lived on a very busy street corner.

• 10:29Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Jesus.

• 10:30Speaker 02

  So I was like, oh, my God, the dog's gonna run out in the middle of the street. It's gonna die. My cousin's never gonna talk to me again. This is just the worst day ever.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  It's not your fault.

• 10:39Dax Shepard?

  Thanksgiving's gonna turn into a funeral.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  Now we're running after this dog, my husband and I, in the rain, bloodied up, just not feeling great at this point. Thankfully, my cousin's wife opened up the door, called the dog, and the dog thankfully ran toward. But it was continuously running in between my neighbor's yard, my yard. It was just a nightmare. And of course, I don't want to grab this dog again because I don't want my whole hand getting chomped off. So we finally get in. Everyone's now calm. We thankfully have the Thanksgiving turkey and it came out beautiful. So shout out to my husband. He did a beautiful job.

• 11:09Speaker 01

  On the grill.

• 11:10Dax Shepard?

  That feels challenging, yeah. Because you're using the grill as an oven, kinda, right?

• 11:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, which, yeah, you can do.

• 11:16Speaker 02

  If anyone's ever in a pinch, use your grill.

• 11:18Dax Shepard?

  Pop it on the grill.

• 11:19Speaker 02

  Just make sure you have propane. It had like a nice crispy crust, too.

• 11:22Speaker 01

  Yum. All that oil.

• 11:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, like, and thankfully, no one's eyebrows has got singed off, so that was a good thing. But yeah, so Thanksgiving didn't turn out to be a total disaster, but it's safe to say we have not hosted anything since that point.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  It's hard with all those restrictions.

• 11:36Dax Shepard?

  Well, I think it's very human. People get a little too ambitious on that day. They go like, I haven't really tried all this stuff, but how hard could it be?

• 11:43Speaker 01

  It's fun to do, but it's a lot.

• 11:45Speaker 02

  I have fun showing up to the event and being like, I brought a pie.

• 11:48Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, that's ideal.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  Safe to say, we have not hosted again. We've gone out since.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  Cousins giving, you're just going out now.

• 11:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, exactly. Like, professionals know how to do this.

• 11:57Dax Shepard?

  Even if you had crammed that 10-pound turkey in the 5-pound oven, now where are you baking all this shit? Because you got so much stuff to bake.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  That's the problem. Besides, because I do Mans giving, so I cook the whole thing. I've done this now two or three years, three years, I think. And you have to have a whole system laid out time-wise. So this goes in at this time, then comes out, then this goes in, and then this comes out. Sometimes you can double if there's space.

• 12:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was honestly, it was just so chaotic. Definitely, if I do do something in the future, I have to be able to time it out a little bit better. But thankfully, it did come out all well. And that's a huge thanks to my husband. He's actually here. If I could bring him out to meet you guys.

• 12:36Dax Shepard?

  Let's meet the griller, the grill-in-chief.

• 12:38Speaker 03

  Hey, guys.

• 12:39Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you're holding a little turkey.

• 12:42Speaker 01

  How small.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  This is our baby.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 12:44Dax Shepard?

  Oh, how, how old is this baby?

• 12:46Speaker 02

  Eight weeks old.

• 12:47Speaker 01

  Oh, my gosh. Congratulations. Oh, my God. He's so cute.

• 12:52Speaker 03

  Say hi to Dr. Monica. He's gonna cry if I do that.

• 12:56Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. He doesn't care about being an armchair expert.

• 12:59Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 13:02Speaker 02

  He's the master griller. He did a fantastic job.

• 13:04Speaker 03

  I love that she picked this story. I swear, I'm good at cooking sometimes.

• 13:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I mean, a lot of misses, but at the end of the day, you saved it.

• 13:11Speaker 03

  It flew under the radar. Nobody asked any questions, and so I was a success.

• 13:16Dax Shepard?

  Now, how did so much oil get on the floor? I understand it exploded when you put the spices in.

• 13:21Speaker 03

  You gotta remember, it was late at night, which was my first mistake. You know, you're supposed to boil the broth and the spices, and then you throw the turkey in. It wasn't boiling. And I'm like, why isn't it boiling? Because it's oil and it's super heated. Yeah, so I started cranking it. And then I can't remember what the catalyst was, but you know, you agitate it in any way. And it wasn't, you know, like a little bit of a geyser. Nothing caught fire, but the window just had covered in oil, the surfaces covered in oil. And we used, I think, like, an entire Costco package of paper towels. Like, please don't wake Jill up, please. Please don't let her find out that I'm doing this.

• 13:57Speaker 01

  Oh, that's great.

• 13:59Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy. Well, it's delightful to meet you guys. What a sweet family.

• 14:02Speaker 03

  Likewise, yeah.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  I would also like to give a quick shout out to my sister, Trish, my cousins, who, you know, thankfully ate the food. And to our friends, Katie and Claire, who got us turned on to Armchair Anonymous. And Claire just recently got engaged.

• 14:13Speaker 01

  Congratulations.

• 14:14Dax Shepard?

  Congratulations.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  We love that.

• 14:16Dax Shepard?

  Oh, so much life-affirming stuff happening.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 14:18Speaker 02

  Life moves on after the oil.

• 14:20Dax Shepard?

  Good dog. It keeps, keeps rolling on. Well, Jillian, so nice to meet you.

• 14:24Speaker 02

  It was so nice to meet you guys. Have a great day.

• 14:26Dax Shepard?

  You too. Bye-bye.

• 14:29Dax Shepard?

  Couldn't happen to a nicer person.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  Ew. Oh, that baby was really small.

• 14:33Dax Shepard?

  Eight weeks. How old is Fizz right now? Nine, nine weeks?

• 14:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, probably around.

• 14:41Dax Shepard?

  That could have been his bro. They're about the same age.

• 14:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, they could hang out.

• 14:44Dax Shepard?

  They could hang. They'd have the same nothing to say.

• 14:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, they get along in that way. But they might pick each other.

• 14:53Dax Shepard?

  Well, they might get to play in soccer, given Fizz's extreme aptitude.

• 14:58Speaker 04

  Hi there.

• 14:59Dax Shepard?

  Hi.

• 15:00Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 15:01Speaker 04

  How are you guys?

• 15:02Dax Shepard?

  Great. Is it Kat?

• 15:04Speaker 04

  Kat, yep.

• 15:05Dax Shepard?

  Kat, where are you?

• 15:06Speaker 04

  I am in Cedar Rapids, Iowa.

• 15:08Dax Shepard?

  Okay, and you're in a bit of a small, little area.

• 15:13Speaker 04

  Our company just put in our office these little sound booths. Interesting, just for this.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:19Dax Shepard?

  For when employees are on podcasts.

• 15:22Speaker 04

  Because everyone has cubes all on top of each other, and this way, I guess you can talk on the phone without interrupting.

• 15:28Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. What line of work are you in?

• 15:30Speaker 04

  Insurance.

• 15:31Dax Shepard?

  Insurance. Okay, okay. Health, property, all of the above?

• 15:37Speaker 04

  Commercial property and casualty.

• 15:39Dax Shepard?

  Okay, okay. This is what our good friend Healy's line of work is. Yeah. So you have a crazy dinner party story?

• 15:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, ever since I got the email, and then I confirmed I was second-guessing myself. I was like, oh, my God, it's not crazy enough for you guys. So I don't know.

• 15:54Dax Shepard?

  Just add a dead body at the end. Just throw one in randomly.

• 15:58Speaker 04

  There are dead bodies. Several.

• 15:59Speaker 01

  Wow, can't wait.

• 16:01Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I'm not shocked you got through.

• 16:03Speaker 04

  This was back, gosh, like, 2001. It was the summer after my first year of college. And I went to stay with my aunt in Muskoka. I know you're familiar, on the lake.

• 16:14Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 16:15Speaker 04

  She was building a new cottage on the lake, kind of like between Port Carling and Bracebridge area.

• 16:20Dax Shepard?

  And is she a Canadian, or she just had a vacation house there?

• 16:24Speaker 04

  No, she's Californian. But my great-great-grandparents, they had an island forever ago, and my mom and her grew up going to the island every summer in Muskoka. And so it's just been a whole life thing for her. And she started going back as an adult and renting a cottage. And then after, I don't know, 15 years of doing that, she decided to build her own cottage.

• 16:43Dax Shepard?

  Oh, lovely.

• 16:44Speaker 04

  I went to live with her that summer to help her work on her cottage and paint floors, paint walls, do all the things there. The community there, they're all really tight-knit, and they're having dinner parties and events all the time. Like, it's very social and everyone hangs out all summer together.

• 16:59Dax Shepard?

  A lot of boathouse parties.

• 17:01Speaker 04

  Dock parties, lots of parties in general. So the night in question, I was there. I'd only been there like a week or so at that point, and was just kind of meeting some of her friends, kind of getting acquainted. And we went out to a friend of hers, we'll call her Betty. We went to Betty's Island. You have to go by boat. And we get there, and it's beautiful. It's all set up outside, you know, tables, tablecloths, very nice dinner for 15, 20 people. Everyone's chatting, cocktail hour, and then we all go to sit down for dinner. And Betty comes over and she looks at me and she says, I'm gonna be super tacky and leave the wine bottle on the table. You know, I was 19, and I was like, is that tacky? I don't know.

• 17:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:40Dax Shepard?

  Was that a wink, wink? Like, go ahead and have some drinks? You're also in Canada where it's 19 is the law.

• 17:45Speaker 04

  It was legal. And everyone was drinking, but it was like, I'm just gonna leave the wine bottles on the table. It's so tacky.

• 17:50Speaker 01

  Okay. I don't know why that would be tacky.

• 17:52Dax Shepard?

  I think that's her wink, wink, wink saying, like, go ahead and, yeah, these'll be out. Go ahead and have a glass. That's what I'm interpreting it as. Is that what you thought it meant?

• 18:00Speaker 04

  No, I just thought it was, she thought that it was really rude, truthfully, and she was embarrassed.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  She had some etiquette stuff, obviously.

• 18:08Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 18:16Dax Shepard?

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• 18:41Speaker 01

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  Cooking. Listen, with Premium, you don't have to keep the screen open. So I can lock my phone, slide it into my pocket and listen to a podcast while I'm folding laundry or working out. It's also completely ad-free, meaning when a narrator is building up to the climax of an insane story, there's zero interruption. And for travel, offline download saves the day. I love this one. Relying on airplane Wi-Fi can be a gamble, so I just download my favorite videos before takeoff. And with smart downloads, Premium will automatically download new videos from channels you actually follow without having to lift a finger. I'm covered if I forget to download a video I want to watch, or even if there's no service. And the home run for me is that YouTube Premium remembers exactly where I left off

• 19:24Dax Shepard?

  and lets me continue watching on another device from right where I stopped. So I can start a video on my TV while brushing my teeth and pick it right back up on my phone on my morning walk. So yeah, YouTube was already great, but Premium supercharges it. If you like YouTube, you'll love Premium. Try YouTube Premium for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies. Terms apply. Cancel anytime. We get support from Superhuman. I'm someone who wants to do big, meaningful work, but the small stuff eats up my day before I even get to it. The endless emails, docs, scheduling, follow-ups that pile up. By the time all that's cleared, there's no energy left for the ambitious stuff. Most AI tools promise to fix that, but they require opening a new tab, re-explaining

• 20:09Dax Shepard?

  everything from scratch every single time. A week later, it's just another thing collecting dust in the browser. Superhuman, from the makers of Grammarly, is different. It's already embedded inside the tools people are using, email, docs, browser. It's not waiting to be found, it's already there, working alongside, clearing what's in the way, so the focus stays on what's actually worth doing. A thought partner that's already up to speed, no catching it up. It knows the style, the workflows, and it backs people up without getting in the way. At your service, not after your job. That's the difference. Give it a try for yourself. Start streamlining your workflows with Superhuman. Try today at superhuman.com. We get support from Instagram Teen Accounts.

• 20:54Dax Shepard?

  So we talk a lot on this show about how the world is different now than when we were growing up. And one of the biggest differences is obviously social media. And I think a lot of people wonder, okay, what's actually being done to make it safer for teenagers?

• 21:07Speaker 01

  Which is a fair question.

• 21:08Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, so Instagram has got something called Teen Accounts, and they come with automatic protections built in by default. So anyone between 13 and 17 is automatically placed into this experience. They get age-appropriate content settings, contact limits, so that by default, only people they're already connected to can message them. And time management tools, daily time limit reminders, and also sleep mode that mutes notifications from 10:00 PM to 7:00 AM.

• 21:34Speaker 01

  Sleep mode is genius.

• 21:35Dax Shepard?

  Right? And here's the thing, for anyone under 16, a parent has to give permission to change any of those settings to be less strict. The guardrails are on, and Instagram keeps building new safety features to create age-appropriate experiences for teens.

• 21:51Speaker 01

  I am really glad Instagram's helping to give parents peace of mind with Teen Accounts.

• 21:55Dax Shepard?

  Learn more about Teen Accounts and Instagram's ongoing work to protect teens online at instagram.com/teenaccounts. We get support from our sponsor, Lilly. For adults with obesity or with excess weight and weight-related medical problems, it's time to find out about Foundo or for Gleepran. Foundo is a once-daily prescription GLP-1 medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with obesity or some adults with overweight who also have weight-related medical problems to lose excess body weight and keep the weight off.

• 22:29Speaker 05

  Foundo should not be used with other GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines. It is not known if Foundo is safe and effective for use in children. Don't take Foundo if you're allergic to it, or if you or someone in your family had majorary thyroid cancer or multiple endocrine euplasia syndrome type 2. Stop and call your doctor right away if you have an allergic reaction, a lump or swelling in your neck, or severe stomach pain. Serious side effects may include inflamed pancreas and gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes, if you're nursing, pregnant, plant to be, or taking birth control pills, and before scheduled procedures with anesthesia. Taking Foundo with an insulin or sulfonylurea may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include diarrhea, nausea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and may cause kidney problems.

• 23:08Speaker 05

  Once-Daily Foundo is available by prescription only in 0.8 mg, 2.5 mg, 5.5 mg, 9 mg, 14.5 mg, and 17.2 mg tablets. Learn more at foundo.lilly.com or call 1-800-LILY-RX. Now is perfect to talk to your doctor about Foundo.

• 23:34Speaker 04

  We sit down, we're eating dinner, it's beautiful, normal nature sounds. All of a sudden Betty says, oh, excuse me for just a minute. And she excuses herself from the table, and she walks up into the house, comes out just a minute or so later with her shotgun in her hand.

• 23:50Dax Shepard?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 23:51Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 23:53Speaker 04

  That's one of your dead bodies. She turns around, fires one shot, and all the birds fly out, crows.

• 23:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 23:59Speaker 04

  Fires three more shots, takes several birds out.

• 24:03Dax Shepard?

  Oh, she kills some birds.

• 24:05Speaker 01

  Just for fun, in the middle of the party.

• 24:07Speaker 04

  Yeah. And then she just walks back in the house, comes, sits down, and she's just made a comment about how, oh, you know, those crows are just a constant nuisance. I'll clean that up later.

• 24:18Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 24:19Speaker 04

  It goes on with dinner. No one says a word. I'm 19, like, I don't know what just happened. That's that, really. Dinner goes on, everyone eats, drinks, has fun. My aunt and I get in the boat to go home, and I just looked at her incredulous, and I was like, she said it was tacky to put the wine bottle on the table, but thought nothing then to go get her shotgun and murder birds.

• 24:41Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, murder the smartest birds on the planet.

• 24:43Speaker 01

  Murder the murder.

• 24:44Speaker 04

  No one thought anything of it, or at least they didn't say so out loud. My aunt just started laughing. She was like, yeah, she's a little perky.

• 24:50Speaker 01

  Oh, my.

• 24:51Dax Shepard?

  And would you say that the crows had been a nuisance at dinner, or no?

• 24:56Speaker 04

  They're making noise, but you're eating outside, you expect noise, right?

• 24:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, most people do. Whoa.

• 25:03Dax Shepard?

  What an interesting gesture.

• 25:05Speaker 01

  How old was she? Sorry, I think maybe you said, I forget.

• 25:08Speaker 04

  It's hard to judge when you're 19, right?

• 25:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:10Speaker 04

  So I would imagine she was in 50s or 60s. I mean, she had adult children.

• 25:14Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 25:15Dax Shepard?

  Okay. And was she single?

• 25:16Speaker 04

  No, married. Her husband was there, very quiet.

• 25:19Dax Shepard?

  Okay, he just watched her drop a couple of birds. That's how they've delineated the work there at the house. She's in charge of murdering the birds.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  I wonder if it is supposed to be like bad form to leave the wine on the table? I've never heard this before.

• 25:33Speaker 04

  I never had either, and you go to eat at restaurants and order a bottle of wine, and they set it on the table, you know? I thought nothing of it.

• 25:39Dax Shepard?

  I really think she was trying to let you know you could have some wine. Like, it's gonna be out.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  She wouldn't have to say it's tacky.

• 25:47Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I don't, but she's a strange bird.

• 25:49Speaker 01

  I guess.

• 25:50Speaker 04

  I never took it that way, but you might be right, because I was just like, apparently in etiquette class, they covered wine on the table, but not shooting them.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 25:59Dax Shepard?

  Murdering a bunch of crows.

• 26:01Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 26:02Dax Shepard?

  You spent the whole summer there?

• 26:03Speaker 04

  A good portion of it, yeah.

• 26:05Dax Shepard?

  And have you been back?

• 26:06Speaker 04

  I think I went back once. Since then, I went and spent Canadian Thanksgiving with my aunt one year, but otherwise I haven't. Kids and life and craziness, it makes it hard.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  Have you watched Sterling Point?

• 26:17Speaker 04

  No.

• 26:18Speaker 01

  It's a show that a lot of people are obsessed with, and it takes place there. So it's very top of mind to talk about Muskoka. People love it.

• 26:26Speaker 04

  No, I'd love to go back. My aunt sold the enormous cottage she built that summer because it just was ridiculously expensive and now has like a one-bedroom, so I can't take my three-kit, my family. It's not gonna work unless I rent a place.

• 26:39Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Although I gotta say, if she built in 2001, that was a dream time to do it, because my trip there was in '06. In the previous three years, like, everything on that lake had tripled or something. It had really blown up.

• 26:51Speaker 04

  It was amazing, for sure.

• 26:53Dax Shepard?

  Really quick, had everyone finished eating when she killed the birds? Because that could curb your appetite.

• 26:58Speaker 04

  No, we were right in the middle of dinner.

• 27:00Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 27:01Speaker 01

  Were you eating chicken?

• 27:02Dax Shepard?

  Smack in the middle.

• 27:03Speaker 04

  I wish I could remember. I don't know.

• 27:07Dax Shepard?

  Well, lovely meeting you.

• 27:09Speaker 04

  It's good to meet you. Can I go ahead and just shout out to my kids, Hudson, Brooks, and Patriot?

• 27:14Dax Shepard?

  Great names.

• 27:16Speaker 04

  They're gonna freak out. I didn't tell them I was even doing this, but they listen with me all the time. We get in the car, can we listen to Armchair?

• 27:22Dax Shepard?

  We have a chat at a future generation of listeners.

• 27:25Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 27:26Dax Shepard?

  How old are these three?

• 27:27Speaker 04

  14, 11, and 8.

• 27:30Dax Shepard?

  It's action-packed, huh?

• 27:31Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. We're busy, for sure.

• 27:35Dax Shepard?

  All right, well, good luck with everything. Thanks so much for telling us that story.

• 27:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, thanks, guys. Have a good day.

• 27:39Dax Shepard?

  All right, you take care.

• 27:42Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 27:43Dax Shepard?

  Oh my God, this is a trippy angle.

• 27:45Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 27:45Dax Shepard?

  It looks like you're upside down.

• 27:46Speaker 01

  It looks like you're lying down on your bed.

• 27:49Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, lying down.

• 27:52Speaker 06

  That would have been a good idea, actually, given my situation.

• 27:54Dax Shepard?

  Tell us about your situation.

• 27:56Speaker 06

  My closet is so tiny, so I have this duvet cover over my head. It's getting really warm in here. And then I have my laundry kind of drying rack. It's a very small space.

• 28:07Dax Shepard?

  Are you getting claustrophobic?

• 28:09Speaker 06

  No, no, I'm good, but I just realized that this is gonna be warm.

• 28:12Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, toasty. It's a pretty duvet.

• 28:15Dax Shepard?

  You're in Vancouver Island?

• 28:16Speaker 06

  I am on Vancouver Island. I'm in the Nymo, yeah.

• 28:18Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wonderful. And is your accent from there?

• 28:21Speaker 06

  No, good catch. I grew up in the UK. I'm a dual citizen, so I've lived the most of my adult life here in Canada.

• 28:28Dax Shepard?

  Okay, what age did you move to Canada?

• 28:30Speaker 06

  Well, I was born here, that's what's complicated.

• 28:33Dax Shepard?

  Let's get complicated.

• 28:34Speaker 06

  Therefore, I left again at 21.

• 28:36Dax Shepard?

  So you did a good 17 years there?

• 28:39Speaker 06

  I did my formative years there, yeah.

• 28:41Dax Shepard?

  And do you miss it? Do you have thoughts of moving back or no? You're happy?

• 28:45Speaker 06

  I love to visit, but I wouldn't move back. The quality of life is a lot better here.

• 28:48Dax Shepard?

  Good to know, for picking between locations. So you have a dinner party story?

• 28:53Speaker 06

  I do, and I've been waiting for this prompt for four years.

• 28:56Speaker 01

  Oh, this is great.

• 28:57Dax Shepard?

  Okay, what patience you've exhibited.

• 29:00Speaker 06

  Okay, so this takes place in 2022 in a town called Qualicum Beach. It's about 40 minutes up island from where I am right now. First of all, I have to give you some context on Qualicum. It's this lovely, kind of well-kept town, and it has one of the oldest average ages for a community in the whole of Canada. So it's a lot of retirees here. It's pristine, it's really pretty, it's really wholesome. There are no chain stores or chain restaurants. Nothing is out of place, like it's just a very quaint town.

• 29:30Dax Shepard?

  Is it rural or is it pretty built up?

• 29:32Speaker 06

  It's a small coastal town. It's like a string of like communities up the coast here, and then in the center of the island is more rural. So my dad's best friend had recently retired here, and he brought his wife with him, of course, and we'll call them Nathan and Susan, not because they've done anything wrong, but just because respectful.

• 29:49Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure.

• 29:51Speaker 06

  And I had never met them before, but my dad was really pressuring me to get together and spend time with them, which was very nerve-wracking for me, because that's just like a socially awkward situation as far as I'm concerned. Eventually, I get this text from Nathan saying, and it was a very formal text, it was written by like a letter, it was like, Dear Sarah, we would love for you and your husband to join us for dinner on this date at this time. It was very sweet, and I was kind of obliged to accept at this point. I would never have heard the end of it from my dad if I didn't. On the day of the dinner party, my now ex-husband and I, we'll call him Simon, were having a super stressful day. We had unexpectedly closed on a house, and we had to get the deposit to the other Realtor in a strangely accelerated fashion. And it was a Saturday, so the banks made it kind of hard. So we were playing a lot of Tetris with the banks.

• 30:35Speaker 06

  Simon took the brunt of that. By the time we left for dinner, we were just really like not in the mood at that point.

• 30:41Dax Shepard?

  To have dinner with strangers, yeah.

• 30:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, exactly. He had to kind of be on after this crazy day. And so I really didn't know anything about these people, except for the fact that he was very much a gin connoisseur. So we, of course, picked up a bottle of local gin to take with us, hoping that it would break the ice, make it that first interaction a bit easier. As it turned out, Nathan and Susan, they're just lovely, lovely people, gracious hosts. They had pre-dinner G and Ts, and then we had wine.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  Sounds lovely.

• 31:06Speaker 06

  We all sat down for dinner, and the context of the room is important for this story. So if you can imagine, at the back of the room is the kitchen, and then you have, parallel to that, like a big oversized island, and then again, parallel to that is a big farmhouse table, and then again, parallel to that is like the back of a sofa, and that kind of delineates between the kitchen, the dining, and the living room area. And beyond that sofa is another one, and massive windows out onto the street. Nathan had made dinner for himself. He was very proud of it. It was like a one-pan creamy pasta bake, you know, he'd throw the cheese and the pasta and everything in, throw it in the oven. So he put it down on the table in front of us, very proud and announced what he'd made. And given that Simon had had a specially stressful day, without much of a chance to

• 31:48Speaker 06

  sit down and eat, he loaded up his plate, which wasn't unusual, because he was a big guy, but like he was super active, trying to get all the protein in that he could.

• 31:56Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure.

• 31:57Speaker 06

  But he'd been off carbs for a while.

• 32:00Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay, all right.

• 32:01Speaker 06

  Yeah. And so this was like an epic, epic event for him. And I remember we were driving there, and he said, I'm gonna eat carbs today.

• 32:08Dax Shepard?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, so exciting.

• 32:10Speaker 06

  He would often be testing out the latest fitness-related diet trends, and he didn't drink much, so he was very kind of health-conscious.

• 32:16Dax Shepard?

  Really quick, was that annoying?

• 32:18Speaker 06

  I think I just got used to it after a while.

• 32:20Dax Shepard?

  Okay, uh-huh, it became white noise. How's he eating this week? Okay.

• 32:23Speaker 06

  Yeah. Well, there would be like three-month stints, and then he'd take some data and do some workouts and test it.

• 32:29Dax Shepard?

  He's like a scientist on his body.

• 32:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, after a lot of like polite chit-chat, Simon gets up and goes to the bathroom, and he was a while in the bathroom.

• 32:38Dax Shepard?

  Sure.

• 32:38Speaker 06

  But he came back and fully loaded his plate up again with another full plate full of pastas.

• 32:44Dax Shepard?

  Things are getting a little messy. There's a lot of stuff to consume.

• 32:49Speaker 06

  And that's when things started to go off the rails, have to be honest. I hadn't noticed yet, but Susan turned to Simon and was like, are you feeling okay? And to be fair, he was looking a bit gray.

• 33:00Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 33:01Speaker 06

  He was like swaying a little bit, you know, like in a circular fashion, and we're like, oh no. So she suggested he just go sit on the sofa, right there, and we could all chat until you feel better, kind of thing.

• 33:11Dax Shepard?

  Well, he's a child.

• 33:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he did, he like went over there, and he kind of, his head kind of just went back against the back of the sofa, and he had his arms out, you know, like stretched out along the back of the sofa, and his head just like starts rolling back and forth, and I'm just like, what's going on? And then suddenly, he shouts, oh no! He violently like lurches forward and like projectile vomits across himself. The coffee table.

• 33:43Speaker 06

  It even hits the sofa beyond.

• 33:45Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy. He's a big boy, and he exploded.

• 33:49Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 33:51Dax Shepard?

  He popped.

• 33:52Speaker 06

  It just kept coming, like wide angle, violently spewing everywhere.

• 33:56Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 33:57Dax Shepard?

  Oh, no. What terrible dinner guests you guys are.

• 34:03Speaker 06

  I have never seen so much sick in my entire life.

• 34:05Speaker 01

  Ew!

• 34:07Speaker 06

  Regurgitated pasta was like everywhere.

• 34:11Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

• 34:14Speaker 06

  We were just in shock, we just like stood there watching in horror as this unfolded in front of us. And he eventually like rocked back into the back of the sofa, kind of moaning, and I just started, my first instinct was to apologize profusely. Simon was covered. The sofa he was on was covered.

• 34:30Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 34:32Speaker 06

  The silk rug in front of it was covered.

• 34:34Speaker 01

  No!

• 34:35Dax Shepard?

  He kind of is a baby a little bit, yeah.

• 34:38Speaker 01

  This is horrible.

• 34:40Speaker 06

  It was horrible. So Susan rushes over with a dustpan and like two like cake slicers, you know, that you slide a piece of cake out of a cake? And so she and I started like scraping the vomit off the carpet into the dustpan.

• 34:56Dax Shepard?

  Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy.

• 34:58Speaker 01

  This is...

• 34:59Dax Shepard?

  And Simon just sitting on the couch watching all this?

• 35:02Speaker 06

  He's like barely, barely conscious at this point. Meanwhile, Nathan had grabbed a bowl, and he's pushing the vomit off the coffee table into the bowl.

• 35:10Speaker 01

  Jesus.

• 35:13Speaker 06

  It's like, I just can't overemphasize how much of it there was.

• 35:16Dax Shepard?

  The volume, yeah.

• 35:17Speaker 06

  The sheer volume. And then came the problem of like how Simon was going to leave the house without spreading this any further.

• 35:26Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, he's gotta kind of get his clothes off.

• 35:29Speaker 06

  And so Nathan was just like, very sweet, and he said, how about I'm gonna go upstairs and get some workout gear, you can leave your clothes here, we'll wash them, then we'll do a swisheroo later.

• 35:38Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow, what a nice host.

• 35:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:40Speaker 06

  Lovely people. So he does that. I don't know what happened, but I turned around, and Nathan's there holding the clothes, and not far away from him is Simon facing the window, like completely naked.

• 35:54Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, did he get like...

• 35:56Dax Shepard?

  He's like on a peyote trip.

• 35:58Speaker 01

  Did he get like roofied? Yeah, what's going on?

• 36:01Speaker 06

  And like his pile of like vomit-covered clothes are on the floor next to him, and Susan's suddenly like, oh my God, and she like turns around to give him his quote-unquote privacy. The lights are on, it's dark outside, the curtains are not closed, and there's...

• 36:16Dax Shepard?

  A large naked man.

• 36:17Speaker 06

  This wholesome community beyond.

• 36:19Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 36:22Speaker 06

  So he gets dressed. Because it was so dramatic, it was just like, what is going on? We ended up all piling into their minivan and like driving 40 minutes down the road to emerge. We probably didn't need to, but there was nothing serious going on.

• 36:35Dax Shepard?

  When you had a debrief with Simon the next day, and you said, what happened in the trip to the bathroom? Do we know what happened in the trip to the bathroom?

• 36:43Speaker 06

  I think he just realized he wasn't feeling very well, and he had considered like trying to make himself be sick, which doesn't really make sense, because he came back and got more food.

• 36:51Dax Shepard?

  That's the real confusing part of the story, is the reload.

• 36:55Speaker 01

  What?

• 36:55Dax Shepard?

  He just was so hungry for carbs. He was like, fuck it, I don't care, I still want to eat all these carbs. And then the next day, did he theorize, what, that it was alcohol-related, pasta-related, or did he think he had an illness?

• 37:08Speaker 06

  So what I think happened is that he had such a stressful day, and he hadn't had a chance to eat much or even drink much, so he was really dehydrated. He only had literally a couple of drinks, and then he ate all this food.

• 37:23Dax Shepard?

  He's like a puppy.

• 37:25Speaker 06

  Yeah, his body was like, um, no.

• 37:28Dax Shepard?

  We don't do this.

• 37:29Speaker 06

  Decided to, um, yeah.

• 37:32Dax Shepard?

  Save itself.

• 37:32Speaker 01

  Get rid of it.

• 37:33Dax Shepard?

  Oh, fuck. Were you ever invited back, other than to swap the clothes?

• 37:37Speaker 06

  They came to us.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  Oh, that's nice.

• 37:40Dax Shepard?

  I hope to God Nathan took a shit in the middle of your living room. Instead, we're even...

• 37:45Speaker 06

  I mean, we deserved it.

• 37:48Speaker 06

  But then every time after that, that he looked like he was going to burp or something, I was just like, oh no.

• 37:54Speaker 06

  You know, like when you have a cat that's kind of heaving, and you try and direct them off the carpet?

• 37:59Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, or a child that's sick, yeah.

• 38:01Speaker 06

  It was very traumatizing.

• 38:03Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Thing makes me think of all the times you have your kid in the bed, they're sick, you've got a trash can next to the bed, and for some reason, even that is just not enough.

• 38:10Speaker 01

  Too hard to get in there.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  Wow, that's a disaster. Simon, I mean, then you just like handed him the papers.

• 38:18Dax Shepard?

  You're like, you know what, this is, nah, I can't do this. I can't do these double dates anymore with you.

• 38:26Speaker 06

  We'll have no friends left at this rate.

• 38:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly.

• 38:29Dax Shepard?

  Oh, well, Sarah, you're so much fun, and you're so articulate, and you have a really wonderful vocabulary, and I enjoy all those things.

• 38:35Speaker 06

  Thank you.

• 38:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. Well, it's so nice to meet you, Sarah.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  Thanks for chatting with us.

• 38:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, you too. Thank you so much, this has been really exciting, and can I just give a quick shout-out?

• 38:43Dax Shepard?

  Oh, you can give many.

• 38:44Speaker 06

  My friend Summer helped me last night, I was panicked a bit with the tech. We did a practice call and tested these headphones that I grabbed from work, so I just wanted to say, thanks, Summer.

• 38:53Dax Shepard?

  Thank you, Summer.

• 38:53Speaker 01

  Well, thank you, Summer, you did perfect.

• 38:55Dax Shepard?

  You sound great.

• 38:56Speaker 01

  No technical problems whatsoever.

• 38:57Dax Shepard?

  Which is rare. We generally deal with a good six, seven minutes of technical issues before each. That's what you're spared in editing.

• 39:04Speaker 06

  Perfect.

• 39:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah. All right, well, be well, take care.

• 39:07Speaker 06

  Thank you too, bye.

• 39:08Dax Shepard?

  Bye.

• 39:10Speaker 01

  I liked her duvet.

• 39:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I liked her whole.

• 39:12Speaker 01

  It was pink.

• 39:12Dax Shepard?

  She had a good vibe.

• 39:14Speaker 01

  They kind of matched my pants.

• 39:15Dax Shepard?

  Are you getting more and more intrigued by Vancouver Island? I am. Like everyone we interview from there raves about it.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, I bet. It's great.

• 39:23Dax Shepard?

  And she's saying it's preferable to the UK. I certainly like the UK.

• 39:27Speaker 01

  I do too, but that feels personal.

• 39:36Dax Shepard?

  This episode is supported by Helix.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  Dax, is there anything better than crawling into a perfect bed on a cold fall night? Candlelit hoodie on, maybe even some rain outside. The dream.

• 39:50Dax Shepard?

  That's the dream. You just described one of my ideal fall nights.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  I know. And thanks to Helix, my bed actually lives up to the vibe. All I had to do was take the Helix Sleep Quiz and within two minutes, they match me to a mattress built for exactly how I sleep. I have a midnight mattress. It also has cooling technology.

• 40:09Dax Shepard?

  Ooh.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  Which I really.

• 40:11Dax Shepard?

  Increasingly so.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  I need it. I have to have it. And I heard that you're supposed to sleep at a cold temp.

• 40:18Dax Shepard?

  Hmm.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  Optimal sleep. It's very, very helpful.

• 40:22Dax Shepard?

  She is not wrong. I have one too, and it's been such a game changer for sleep. And I love that they make it so easy. Free shipping right to your door. And with their happy with Helix guarantee, you'll get a full 365 nights to try it. A whole year to live in that cozy. They've got over 20 mattress models, so no matter how you sleep, they've got one for you.

• 40:42Speaker 01

  And it's not just us saying it. Helix has been named the most awarded mattress brand by Forbes, Wired and more. You gotta try it for yourself.

• 40:49Dax Shepard?

  Go to helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com/armchair for 20% off site wide. Helixsleep.com/armchair. We get support by Peloton. You know that feeling when you're spiraling over a problem and you just can't figure it out? When that happens to me, I need a change of pace. And I've found that running is the best way. It takes my brain out of the driver's seat and I come back with a fresh perspective. Running can be freeing and cathartic and Peloton helps you feel all of that. And now that feeling fits wherever you need it with the new Peloton Tread Flex. It's movable and foldable, designed to fit your life.

• 41:31Dax Shepard?

  So next time you feel stuck, you can go for a run literally anywhere. Whether that's in your office, living room, or even the attic. Plus they have classes with expert instructors and programs to meet you at any level and keep you moving. Let yourself run. Explore the new Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you've thought about trying therapy with our long-term partner, BetterHelp, insurance options may now be available nationwide with an average copay for eligible members of just $23 per session. October 10th is World Mental Health Day, but you don't need a day on the calendar to give yourself permission to talk to someone. I've been in therapy for a long time and the stuff rattling around in my head always just quiets down

• 42:16Dax Shepard?

  the second I say it out loud. And it doesn't have to be some big life crisis. Maybe it's a work thing that's taking up too much space or hard relationship moment, or just a feeling that something's off. That's enough. That's worth talking about.

• 42:29Speaker 01

  You know, I love therapy more than anything. Gets me through. Often I'll want to cancel because I'm like, I don't really have anything to talk about. And then I'll go and I have some major revelation.

• 42:40Dax Shepard?

  You know, I was just talking to a friend who has just started it. And I said, one of the most powerful elements of it is just hearing yourself say out loud the thing that's been ruminating in your head and how different it sounds once it's out into the world. You gain perspective immediately just by hearing yourself say it.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, you do.

• 42:56Dax Shepard?

  If you've been waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with more than 125 health plan networks and eligible members have an average copay of just $23 per session with insurance. Don't have insurance or live outside the US? You can still get 10% off your first month. Do yourself a favor and just try it. Future you will be grateful. Visit betterhelp.com/dax to explore your payment options. That's better H E L P dot com slash Dax.

• 43:32Speaker 02

  Hi.

• 43:32Speaker 01

  Hi.

• 43:33Dax Shepard?

  You're so cute. Is it Sarah?

• 43:35Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 43:36Dax Shepard?

  Yes, Sarah, where are you?

• 43:37Speaker 02

  I'm calling from Massachusetts, central Massachusetts.

• 43:40Dax Shepard?

  Are we in the Berkshires there? What's happening in central?

• 43:43Speaker 02

  Not that far left. I'm more outside of Worcester.

• 43:47Dax Shepard?

  Oh, Worcester. Okay, wonderful. And are you from there or have you moved there?

• 43:51Speaker 02

  Moved here after college, found the love of my life. Now we live here, so.

• 43:56Dax Shepard?

  You followed a boy there?

• 43:57Speaker 02

  No, we met when we both were already here.

• 43:59Speaker 01

  Great correction.

• 44:01Dax Shepard?

  Is he from there though? No.

• 44:03Speaker 02

  Nope. We both just went to college here and this is where all of our people are.

• 44:07Dax Shepard?

  Oh, that's so fun. Where are you from originally?

• 44:10Speaker 02

  I'm originally from Illinois, which is where this story takes place.

• 44:13Dax Shepard?

  Okay. Do you want to tell Rob where? Cause it's fun for him to hear.

• 44:17Speaker 02

  I'm from Geneva, Illinois.

• 44:19Speaker 07

  Lake Geneva?

• 44:20Dax Shepard?

  Lake Geneva?

• 44:20Speaker 02

  No, that's Wisconsin. That's Wisconsin.

• 44:23Dax Shepard?

  You stupid.

• 44:24Speaker 02

  But that's what everyone asks. Everyone asks if it's Lake Geneva.

• 44:28Dax Shepard?

  It's just straight up Geneva.

• 44:30Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 44:30Speaker 01

  Is it the place Princess Diaries?

• 44:33Speaker 02

  Sometimes I also get Genovia.

• 44:35Speaker 01

  Genovia.

• 44:36Dax Shepard?

  Oh, wow.

• 44:38Speaker 01

  She's the princess of Genovia.

• 44:41Dax Shepard?

  Who is? A girl from?

• 44:42Speaker 01

  Princess Diaries.

• 44:43Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. But she's from this town in Illinois?

• 44:45Speaker 01

  No, she's from Genovia.

• 44:46Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 44:48Speaker 01

  She's a princess of Genovia.

• 44:49Dax Shepard?

  Okay, so sorry.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  I did one time have my husband tell someone very confidently that I was from Genovia.

• 44:55Dax Shepard?

  Hmm, that's nice. And what did you major in at this college?

• 44:59Speaker 02

  So I actually went to University of Vermont and then kind of everybody leaves there and goes to Boston, which is where the love story started. But I'm a special educator, so I study education.

• 45:10Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay. Wonderful. Okay, so you have a dinner party story.

• 45:14Speaker 02

  I do have a dinner party story.

• 45:16Dax Shepard?

  Again, I'm gonna say it again. It might be annoying. You're just terribly cute. It's like, I'm like working at Five O' Mousekowitz or something. You could be a cartoon character.

• 45:23Speaker 02

  Thank you so much. I work on a college campus and I get mistaken for a college student all the time.

• 45:28Dax Shepard?

  I would, yes, I would bet that.

• 45:30Speaker 01

  Congratulations.

• 45:31Dax Shepard?

  Yeah.

• 45:32Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 45:32Dax Shepard?

  You look 19 or 20. I don't know how old you actually are.

• 45:35Speaker 02

  I'm 30.

• 45:36Dax Shepard?

  30. You're gonna look outstanding when you're my age. Yeah.

• 45:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:44Speaker 02

  So this took place in Illinois, in Geneva, Illinois, which is a very small town. I like to say it's the last stop on the train from the city of Chicago before you hit just total cornfields. I was 10 years old, which brings us to December of 2005, when this story happens. And the other key player in this is my sister. Her name is Emily and she's two years younger than me.

• 46:07Dax Shepard?

  So she's eight and you're 10?

• 46:09Speaker 02

  Yes, exactly.

• 46:10Dax Shepard?

  And is it snowy there in the winter, in December?

• 46:12Speaker 02

  It is snowy. This was, I feel like a little more icy. Like the snow usually hits in January, but it's definitely cold. You don't want to be outside in December, which also factors into this story because my parents are having a dinner party in this story. And so my dad's job brought us to Illinois, but he was originally from Connecticut and my mom was originally from Virginia. So all of our family is up and down the East Coast. And so we moved to Illinois and we don't know that many people. But my mom, being Southern, loves to be a hostess, loves to have people over to our house and show hospitality to the max, Southern charm, all of that. And so my parents had a lot of dinner parties when I was growing up. And I remember me feeling like a kid, they are gonna have such a fun night.

• 46:57Speaker 02

  I'll get to hear them from either upstairs or downstairs because they usually would hire a babysitter to just keep an eye on us while they had all their couple friends over.

• 47:06Dax Shepard?

  Sure. Party, let's be honest.

• 47:08Speaker 02

  Exactly. It was a party. We lived on this square of a neighborhood that there was a park in the middle and then houses lining the square. And almost, I would say 50% of the houses around the square were adults. My parents aged with kids roughly around my sister and I's age.

• 47:27Dax Shepard?

  How fun.

• 47:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was a lot of people to invite over to these dinner parties. Usually they would have babysitters, but now I was 10 years old. This is the first dinner party I remember that my parents said, we don't need to hire a babysitter. You and your sister, you've got it handled. We'll be upstairs. You guys can go hang out in the basement while we're having our dinner party. And by basement, I mean it was fully finished. There was a bathroom, a little kitchenette and like our playroom was down there.

• 47:55Dax Shepard?

  Wood paneled walls?

• 47:56Speaker 02

  Yep, wood paneled walls, blue patterned carpet. It was very like Midwest. It was kind of like a circle. So you would go down the stairs in the middle and on one side was the playroom where we had all our toys, bathroom on the backside. And then the other side was, we called it the man cave for our dad, but I don't know that it was really ever used as that, but it had like a TV and a leather couch and a pool table.

• 48:20Dax Shepard?

  God, guys are so predictable. They gotta have a leather couch. Why do we have to have a leather couch?

• 48:26Speaker 02

  Not comfortable.

• 48:27Dax Shepard?

  No, none of them are. If you try to lay down and put your face on it and you're like, oh.

• 48:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, and they get cold. They don't get warm.

• 48:33Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, they're either sticky in the summer or freezing in the winter.

• 48:36Speaker 02

  We never really used the pool table because it came with the house. The last owners had it. And I guess it was gonna be so much trouble getting it out of the basement. They asked my parents if they wanted to keep it and they said, sure. But we didn't really use it. It was like a prop for my sister and I's games sometimes, but we didn't play pool.

• 48:52Dax Shepard?

  This is the story of all pool tables, which is fun.

• 48:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, they don't get used.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  It just kind of sits there and collects dust.

• 48:58Dax Shepard?

  And every guy wants one.

• 48:59Speaker 02

  So my parents are having this dinner party and they say, one of the couples that we're inviting is Matthew and William's parents, who were our neighbors down the street. These two young boys that were the same exact age as my sister and I. So William was 10 and Matthew was eight. And we would hang out a lot at the park in the middle of our houses, like tag, hide and seek. They had a trampoline, fun stuff outside. So my parents were like, well, what if we let those two come over? That way, that's kind of entertainment for the party. Parents are upstairs. Nothing could really go wrong. We're on cloud nine. Our parents order us pizza. We hear all the other couples coming in upstairs and get through like the tour of our playroom and we come to the.

• 49:44Speaker 02

  Realization that we don't really have a lot of toys for boys. We have dress up and Barbies and crafts and all of that stuff. We're a girl house, so we're kind of like, what should we do? We've already eaten our pizza. We don't really want to watch a movie just yet. It's too early in the night. So what should we do? And the boys are like, we want to play pool.

• 50:06Dax Shepard?

  Of course, it's in their genetic code. It's on the forty six chromosome.

• 50:10Speaker 02

  Yep. My mom taught my sister and I to be very good hostesses. You know, whoever's coming into the house, you have to do what they want to do. And so my sister and I like, okay, we don't know how to play pool, but fine. So I don't remember why, but I was the last to grab a pool cue from the wall. We had like a little rack of pool cues. And we had adult sized pool cues and then we had kid sized pool cues. And I was a kid, so I usually used the kid sized pool cue. But just to put it into perspective, at age ten, this pool cue probably came, if it was up on the floor, right about to my belly button.

• 50:44Dax Shepard?

  Oh, it's a tiny little guy.

• 50:46Speaker 02

  Yes, it's tiny, but it gives me more control because I really don't know how to play this game. And so the boys set it up and they put the balls on the table and they break it. And they're trying to teach us how to play pool. And my sister and I are just like not getting the hang of it. And after a few rounds, we're like, we really don't want to be playing this game. And so it starts to get that like kind of rambunctious. We're chatting on the side. We're like, how do we get these boys to stop wanting to play pool? We want to have a fun night. We're kind of over this game. And so I had this brilliant idea and I just said, I bet that I could jump over this pool cue and clear it.

• 51:26Dax Shepard?

  Oh.

• 51:27Speaker 01

  While it's standing upright?

• 51:29Speaker 02

  Mm hmm.

• 51:30Dax Shepard?

  So you're committing to jumping at the height of your belly button, basically?

• 51:32Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 51:33Speaker 01

  With the little.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  Yep, and if I clear it, we don't have to play this game anymore. We don't have to play pool. I get to pick what we're gonna play. And of course, boys love a bet.

• 51:42Speaker 01

  Ugh, they do.

• 51:44Dax Shepard?

  Death to fine challenge.

• 51:46Speaker 01

  They love that.

• 51:48Speaker 02

  So now my sister and the two boys are like watching me and waiting for me to jump over this pool cue.

• 51:54Dax Shepard?

  Is your sister gonna hold it up vertical? Someone's got to hold it, right?

• 51:57Speaker 02

  That would have been really smart, but I'm ten. I think I can hold it myself while I jump over it.

• 52:04Speaker 01

  Literally impossible.

• 52:05Dax Shepard?

  It sounds more like a pole vaulting situation with too small of a pole.

• 52:09Speaker 02

  Yep, so they're all looking at me and I'm holding this pool cue upright. And I jump.

• 52:16Speaker 02

  And I land on it.

• 52:18Speaker 01

  No, I'm kind of impressed you get that high.

• 52:22Dax Shepard?

  What are you wearing?

• 52:23Speaker 02

  I'm wearing sweatpants, like a t-shirt. Yeah, goes right through the pants.

• 52:31Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 52:31Speaker 02

  And I'm on the ground. All I feel is the worst pain of my entire life.

• 52:37Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 52:40Speaker 02

  My hands do exactly what yours are, Monica, and they go straight to my crotch. And I am grabbing for dear life and I'm laying on the ground. And it kind of knocked the wind out of me. So for about thirty seconds, there's just me on the ground, not making much noise, and the three other kids staring at me in horror because there's blood pooling everywhere.

• 53:03Dax Shepard?

  Okay, I have to ask a hard question. The pool cue isn't.

• 53:06Speaker 01

  Let me ask, is it in you or is it on the ground beside you?

• 53:11Speaker 02

  It's on the ground beside me. There was a quick in and out.

• 53:15Speaker 02

  And after about thirty seconds of like catching my breath and in pain, I get out the words, get mom. And I make dead eye contact with my sister because the boys are just like.

• 53:27Dax Shepard?

  They're already planning how they're gonna say they don't know what happened.

• 53:30Speaker 02

  Exactly. We had nothing to do with it. She totally did it on her own.

• 53:35Speaker 01

  I mean, in this case, they would be right.

• 53:36Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, unfortunately.

• 53:37Speaker 02

  Mom comes downstairs. She's thinking that like, it's gonna be something silly, you know?

• 53:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, bumped her head.

• 53:45Speaker 02

  You're ruining the dinner party for nothing. And so she says she just comes down and sees blood and that was enough for her to be like, okay, jump into action. So she went back upstairs and she got my dad and said, you need to carry Sarah upstairs to the bathroom. We're gonna lay down some towels. Something happened. There's a lot of blood. Get her up to the upstairs bathroom. So they get me up so they can like look and see what's going on and quickly realize, we gotta go to the emergency room. The blood is not stopping and my mom says I was white as a ghost and I'm already a very pale little kid. So she was like, I knew something was wrong, but there's guests downstairs.

• 54:27Speaker 01

  Well, they gotta go.

• 54:28Speaker 02

  Yes, step one is getting the guests out of the house. So I remember my parents going down there and very kindly and calmly trying to be like, this was so great. We gotta cut this early. Sarah's not feeling so well.

• 54:43Dax Shepard?

  She has a hyperextended anus.

• 54:45Speaker 01

  Oh, anus?

• 54:46Dax Shepard?

  Well, I don't know, it could be either, right?

• 54:47Speaker 01

  No vagina, right?

• 54:48Dax Shepard?

  Well, we don't know yet.

• 54:48Speaker 01

  Oh, we're gonna find out?

• 54:50Dax Shepard?

  Could have been either.

• 54:51Speaker 02

  So she is like rushing people out of the door and I'm just laying on the bathroom floor, not sure how much time has passed, but hearing people leave. And then I think I remember my mom grabbing like a bag of a few like essentials, just depending how long we were gonna be at the emergency room. Now I'm in the car, still on a towel, feeling a little better, still bleeding, not as profusely. Luckily, this is where being from small town Illinois comes in handy because we get to the emergency room and it's about, I would say, two weeks before Christmas. So people are trying to be safe for the holidays, trying to make it through the holidays. So the emergency room was like dead empty. There was maybe like one or two other people, but I was walking into an empty emergency room and I'm the only kid.

• 55:34Speaker 02

  I do remember getting brought to a room first and them asking me to recount what I did and first off, feeling so embarrassed, like there's no amount of explaining.

• 55:43Dax Shepard?

  The stupidity of your actions now occurring to you as you say it out loud, yeah.

• 55:45Speaker 02

  Yes, yes. Why did I think I was gonna be able to jump over a pool cue that I was holding? I don't really know, but I'm explaining this and she's asking me questions about it, but she's also kind of asking questions like, are you safe? Are you okay?

• 55:58Speaker 01

  Right, of course. This sounds like an insane story someone told you to say.

• 56:04Speaker 02

  Luckily, there were witnesses and that was fine. They get me into my room pretty quick, but the second issue is that the doctor that can operate on children, he's gone home. He's like, it's late at night, it's the holidays. They were probably like, yeah, we're not gonna see any action, go home. So now I have to wait for the doctor to get there. And I don't remember much in that time, but I do remember watching Disney Channel and hearing those commercials like, and you're watching Disney Channel.

• 56:31Speaker 01

  Oh, a hundred percent.

• 56:33Speaker 02

  So I remember that and I remember my mom pulling the doctor into the hallway and asking like really upset, I know she's only ten, but will she ever be able to have children?

• 56:43Dax Shepard?

  Sure, sure.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  So it is the vagina.

• 56:45Speaker 02

  Catastrophizing. He tells her, she's gonna be able to have children, but basically she gave herself an epistomi. It's a nice tear between the vagina and the butthole to get a baby out, you know? You're having a hard time and I'm, I'm ten and I gave myself one of those.

• 57:03Speaker 01

  So wait, because it like.

• 57:05Dax Shepard?

  Stitches?

• 57:05Speaker 01

  Because it just didn't go in.

• 57:07Dax Shepard?

  It caught the edge, presumably.

• 57:10Speaker 01

  God.

• 57:11Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, and then kept going.

• 57:12Speaker 01

  I have to say though, I am impressed that you even got that high on the jump.

• 57:16Dax Shepard?

  Okay, yeah, there is some things to feel proud of in this story.

• 57:19Speaker 01

  Like that's pretty high to have to jump to even clip it.

• 57:22Dax Shepard?

  Well, kind of not though also, Monica, because you could just run and not even come off the ground.

• 57:26Speaker 01

  She was holding it.

• 57:27Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, but if she's trying to position it so she clears herself, I mean, she also wouldn't even need to jump.

• 57:32Speaker 01

  No, imagine like you're holding and then you're jumping from holding. There's a lot going on. I'm impressed.

• 57:39Dax Shepard?

  But she is holding it to her bottom so that she's clearing it.

• 57:42Speaker 02

  I probably let it right there.

• 57:43Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I think your instinct, I gotta clear this with my bottom, so I'm gonna position it right at my bottom and then I'm gonna fall onto it.

• 57:50Speaker 01

  I think you did a great job.

• 57:51Dax Shepard?

  I think you should have been an Olympian.

• 57:53Speaker 02

  I was a high jumper in another life maybe, but not this one. And the benefit was that since I was the only kid there, I remember getting so much like attention in the emergency room, like got a little stuffed animal teddy bear and a little reindeer and some candy. So I was in pain, but feeling pretty pampered.

• 58:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:13Speaker 02

  While my mom is like really stressed out.

• 58:15Dax Shepard?

  And the teddy bear definitely was covered in. What's that superbug?

• 58:19Speaker 01

  Oh, MRSA.

• 58:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, it was probably slathered in MRSA. Big absorbent teddy bear that's getting passed around to all the children. Did you receive stitches?

• 58:28Speaker 02

  I did. I underwent a surgery in the middle of the night that was pretty in and out, like an hour of stitches all the way up and then they dissolved.

• 58:36Dax Shepard?

  Do you know how many they gave you?

• 58:37Speaker 02

  I do think it was around a dozen.

• 58:40Speaker 01

  How was peeing after that?

• 58:43Speaker 02

  Bad.

• 58:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:44Speaker 02

  And so was just like being in any position other than laying down.

• 58:49Dax Shepard?

  Well, I also think when it's time to go duty, you're in trouble because that whole area is gonna expand.

• 58:54Speaker 02

  The pressure.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  Oh, no.

• 58:57Dax Shepard?

  Goodness.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  This is horrible.

• 59:01Dax Shepard?

  Kids do the darndest thing. Wait, boys?

• 59:04Speaker 01

  These boys.

• 59:05Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, wait, hold up.

• 59:05Speaker 01

  They want to play pool and they're not listening to the girl saying they don't want to play pool.

• 59:11Dax Shepard?

  I don't know if we can credit the boys in this one.

• 59:13Speaker 02

  Hey, I'd never been to the emergency room after playing Barbies, so.

• 59:16Speaker 01

  That's right, that's right. Although we had, did have that guy who got the Barbie stuck up his butt.

• 59:22Speaker 02

  Yes, I do remember that.

• 59:23Dax Shepard?

  That can go, that can also go wrong.

• 59:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, oh, that's awful.

• 59:27Dax Shepard?

  That's a really terrible. And were you then forbade from babysitting or did they let you go right back at it?

• 59:33Speaker 02

  I think my parents waited a good year before they hosted another dinner party. They were like, let other people be the host, not here.

• 59:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's fair.

• 59:43Dax Shepard?

  And then the boys, now did you go to school with them, I assume?

• 59:46Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 59:46Dax Shepard?

  And did they tell everyone?

• 59:47Speaker 02

  Luckily, no. Their mom and my mom were really good friends, so I think my mom probably was like, Sarah's so embarrassed. She feels so bad. And their mom probably said, if you say anything, because she was also a pretty stern southern lady.

• 1:00:00Speaker 01

  Oh, good for her.

• 1:00:01Dax Shepard?

  Back to the Lizzo episode, this could become an urban legend. No one would be just satisfied with the real story. They'd have to augment it to make it crazier.

• 1:00:10Speaker 02

  I did, after the fact, have a lot of nightmares that I would fall off of cliffs into a like pit of pool cue.

• 1:00:17Speaker 01

  Oh, that's so sad.

• 1:00:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, I would imagine you had a little vaginal PTSD. I'd almost be afraid for anyone to ever touch it after that.

• 1:00:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, like have you had children?

• 1:00:29Speaker 02

  Not yet, but I did have to see a pelvic floor therapist for that exact reason.

• 1:00:35Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah. That's wise.

• 1:00:37Dax Shepard?

  Should I see one?

• 1:00:39Speaker 01

  If you want.

• 1:00:42Speaker 01

  And I think you do want.

• 1:00:43Dax Shepard?

  It was a painful story, but it was also very adorable.

• 1:00:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're glad you survived.

• 1:00:48Speaker 02

  I'm glad I survived too. I always tell the story, my friends all know it, so it's a classic.

• 1:00:52Dax Shepard?

  It's a classic, classic Sarah.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  But my husband does want to say hi.

• 1:00:56Dax Shepard?

  Yes, of course, we'd love to meet him.

• 1:00:58Speaker 02

  He showed me your podcast and we've gotten in arguments about when he watches this show without me on car rides.

• 1:01:06Speaker 01

  Oh, that's nice.

• 1:01:07Dax Shepard?

  Hey, guys. Hello, how are you?

• 1:01:11Speaker 01

  How we doing?

• 1:01:12Dax Shepard?

  So good.

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  I didn't realize you guys are in the seats for the anonymous too. Yeah. Like where you guys are for the regular interviews. We're in our special seats.

• 1:01:20Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, where the guest normally sits, we pop a camera and a monitor. And when I say we, I mean, Rob does. And how are you liking your Massachusetts life?

• 1:01:29Speaker 01

  It's a great life. I'm from Northern California. I've been out here for a while now, though, so I'm a little bit more used to the cold, kind of. Feel like my hands get like purple every winter.

• 1:01:37Dax Shepard?

  Sure, swell up a little bit.

• 1:01:39Speaker 01

  Just a part of the lifestyle out here.

• 1:01:40Dax Shepard?

  And do you work at the university as well?

• 1:01:43Speaker 01

  I don't. I'm an IT recruiter, but she's a saint. Like, she does incredible work with universities.

• 1:01:48Dax Shepard?

  So we all know the term IT tech and we were watching Silo with the family the other day. And the girls asked like, what IT stands for? What is IT? And I'm like, well, it's the people that fix the computers and shit at work. And then I'm like, what does it stand for? And my guess, and hopefully you'll know, is I was like, is it something to do with telephones? Cause it's that old of an occupation. Like, is it instruments and telephones?

• 1:02:11Speaker 01

  Is it T for technology? Information technology. Yeah.

• 1:02:14Dax Shepard?

  Information technology.

• 1:02:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:16Dax Shepard?

  Great.

• 1:02:17Speaker 01

  That one's gonna make me sound great. Yeah, really good clip for you.

• 1:02:20Dax Shepard?

  You are a master at this. Do you watch the Mission Impossibles?

• 1:02:26Speaker 01

  Absolutely, classics.

• 1:02:28Dax Shepard?

  Right, and you know they work for the IMF, but do you know what that stands for?

• 1:02:33Speaker 01

  Something cool.

• 1:02:33Dax Shepard?

  Impossible Mission Force.

• 1:02:36Speaker 01

  But that's made up, right?

• 1:02:38Dax Shepard?

  Well, yeah, there's no such thing as the IMF.

• 1:02:39Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah, that's, yeah.

• 1:02:40Dax Shepard?

  But the whole movie are all eight of them. You keep hearing IMF, and I'm like, what does IMF actually stands for? And it's so on the nose, Impossible Mission Force.

• 1:02:50Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, they made that up in like the 90s. You know, it was a different time then. They were just throwing acronyms out there.

• 1:02:55Dax Shepard?

  Sure, just see what would stick.

• 1:02:57Speaker 01

  Just put Tom Cruise in front of it. Yeah, it's fine. No one will ask questions.

• 1:03:01Dax Shepard?

  Now, we think Sarah's among the cutest human beings we've ever met in our lives. And do you feel that way? Do you feel like, wow, I really got a unicorn?

• 1:03:08Speaker 01

  Are you kidding me? Of course, absolutely. And she's smart as hell, too, so. You got it all. Like, she's working on getting her, uh, doctorate in education right now. Sarah.

• 1:03:18Dax Shepard?

  What a champ.

• 1:03:19Speaker 01

  She's a beast.

• 1:03:20Dax Shepard?

  You know the second you saw her?

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. We met on good old Hinge. Nice.

• 1:03:25Dax Shepard?

  Oh, lovely.

• 1:03:26Speaker 01

  I love to hear those good stories. Success story on Hinge. I hear a lot of them, actually. Oh, you guys are cute.

• 1:03:31Dax Shepard?

  Yeah, we like you guys.

• 1:03:32Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:03:32Dax Shepard?

  All right, well, so nice meeting you.

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  It's a pleasure meeting you guys. I'm a OG fan.

• 1:03:36Dax Shepard?

  Oh, thank you.

• 1:03:37Speaker 01

  Which is great. Nice to meet you both.

• 1:03:38Dax Shepard?

  Well, stay super cute, you guys.

• 1:03:40Speaker 01

  Oh, well, thank you, Bill. You too. Bye.

• 1:03:44Dax Shepard?

  Take care.

• 1:03:44Speaker 01

  Bye. Bye.

• 1:03:46Dax Shepard?

  Oh, God, I love them.

• 1:03:46Speaker 01

  That used to be something you'd write in like your books, like, stay cute.

• 1:03:50Dax Shepard?

  Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

• 1:03:51Speaker 01

  Hugs.

• 1:03:52Dax Shepard?

  We would do the number two, too cute plus to be forgotten. Or too sweet to be forgotten.

• 1:03:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, there was always, yeah, stay sweet. Thank you.

• 1:04:03Dax Shepard?

  Good night, sweet pea.

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  No one wrote that.

• 1:04:05Dax Shepard?

  Okay.

• 1:04:06Speaker 01

  All right, I love you.

• 1:04:07Dax Shepard?

  That was wonderful. Love you.

• 1:04:10Speaker 07

  Do you wanna sing a tune or something? We have a theme song.

• 1:04:13Dax Shepard?

  Oh, okay, great.

• 1:04:15Speaker 07

  We don't have a theme song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of our cherries, we'll get some suggestions. On the fly, rhyme dish, on the fly, rhyme dish, enjoy.