Pod Insights Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast The Sweatpants Situation! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley About this episode Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show!
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Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.
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Transcript 12,926 words · 5 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 H. Foley? Oh baby, hey Texas, hey Florida. The boys are coming down to see ya. So grab your tickets, they're the only shows we're gonna be doing in Texas and Florida. So grab some tickets and come see us.
0:09 Speaker 01 Yeah, this March, we're gonna be at The Creek in the Cave in Austin, Texas. Uh, tickets are going fast, as well as SideSplitters in Tampa, Florida, baby. Listen, Tampa and Austin, two great, uh, comedy towns. Get those tickets, we'll see you there.
0:22 H. Foley? Yeah.
0:23 Speaker 02 Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
0:43 H. Foley? Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage? It's that little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out that you're to be classy.
0:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
0:54 H. Foley? And they're just a big old piece of trash.
0:56 Speaker 01 Garbage.
0:57 H. Foley? I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at ya on a gorgeous day. We're out back here with Toody's and a new addition. I caught her in the living room reading a little Kama Sutra.
1:05 Speaker 01 Okay.
1:06 H. Foley? You know what I'm talking about? You ever take a look at that thing?
1:10 Speaker 01 Uh, I have not, uh-huh.
1:12 H. Foley? Nice.
1:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:13 H. Foley? You don't know about all those positions and stuff, do ya?
1:15 Speaker 01 Oh, you do?
1:16 H. Foley? I know, yeah, yeah, of course.
1:19 Speaker 01 Sure.
1:19 H. Foley? Missionary man over there.
1:21 Speaker 01 Crouching tiger, hidden fad.
1:25 H. Foley? Like the wheelbarrow.
1:28 Speaker 01 You're the barrel?
1:29 H. Foley? Of course. I know. Paid a lot of money for that. My co-host is coming at ya from across the table, so we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, the homies, just the way we like it. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
1:43 Speaker 01 Hey, everybody.
1:45 H. Foley? Wasting away over there.
1:46 Speaker 01 Not really, I put a couple of pounds back on.
1:48 H. Foley? Did you put a couple back on?
1:49 Speaker 01 Had a lot of cheese steaks and pizza this weekend. Shout out to all the-
1:53 H. Foley? Did ya?
1:53 Speaker 01 Shout out to everybody for tuning in. Thanks, as always, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, full video available over there on Spotify.
2:00 H. Foley? Yes.
2:01 Speaker 01 Boys are- I'm in the charts.
2:03 H. Foley? Doing well in the charts.
2:04 Speaker 01 Doing well in the charts over there.
2:05 H. Foley? Last I saw, 27 on comedy and in the top 100 on all podcasts.
2:12 Speaker 01 People like the program.
2:14 H. Foley? It's a nice program.
2:14 Speaker 01 We have a popular program with a select area of dirtbags.
2:19 H. Foley? Yes, which we love and appreciate.
2:21 Speaker 01 Of course.
2:22 H. Foley? No?
2:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:23 H. Foley? Please.
2:23 Speaker 01 Please.
2:24 H. Foley? I was gonna say, speaking of love and appreciate, how about a little quick stop by the old corner office?
2:28 Speaker 01 We gotta hold on that. You are jumping the gun here.
2:32 H. Foley? Am I?
2:32 Speaker 01 Yeah. Have you too? Hey, are you a fan of the program?
2:35 H. Foley? I'm a big fan of the program. You? Not so much.
2:38 Speaker 01 You gotta check out www.patreon.com/Orion.
2:42 H. Foley? What's going on over there?
2:43 Speaker 01 You go over there. Maybe if you teed it up, I could've done it.
2:46 H. Foley? I am teed. That's my teed it up.
2:48 Speaker 01 Nah, nah, nah, nah.
2:49 H. Foley? I'm getting ready for the QVC episode.
2:51 Speaker 01 Um.
2:51 H. Foley? What happened, Kevin?
2:52 Speaker 01 Head over there to the Patreon.com. You get, at this point, you can get two episodes a week, every week moving forward, plus, what is it, five years of back?
3:02 H. Foley? Backlog.
3:03 Speaker 01 Four years. You join now, you get every episode we ever done over there on Patreon. If you join at the $10 level, which I gotta be honest with you, 90% of people are at the $10 level. 15,000 people strong over there.
3:13 H. Foley? That's the best value.
3:14 Speaker 01 The best value.
3:14 H. Foley? For your money.
3:15 Speaker 01 Listen, we have a lot of value-based shoppers out there. That's the best bang for your buck.
3:20 H. Foley? Especially this time of year.
3:21 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
3:22 H. Foley? Lot of value base. You know what I mean? You wanna give the consumer.
3:25 Speaker 01 Freebase. Oh, can we get a lightbulb?
3:29 H. Foley? I never got that.
3:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
3:32 H. Foley? I never, I never tried it.
3:34 Speaker 01 What, smoking crack out of a lightbulb?
3:35 H. Foley? I don't know if it's crack you smoke out of it.
3:38 Speaker 01 I don't know either.
3:39 H. Foley? Yeah. It's definitely not tobacco. Oh, I heard a ticker's going. What do you got, Luke? What do you smoke out of a lightbulb? Survey says.
3:47 Speaker 03 Survey says. Google is waiting.
3:50 Speaker 01 It's a picture of Henry.
3:51 Speaker 03 It is not possible because that involves the use of regulated goods and can be dangerous.
3:55 H. Foley? Oh, get outta here.
3:56 Speaker 01 AI, get outta here.
3:57 H. Foley? Somebody got their hands on him, huh?
3:58 Speaker 01 AI stinks. Yeah, what the fuck? AI, I don't even know how to smoke crack, and you're supposed to take over the world? Okay. Give me a break.
4:07 H. Foley? Luke Dempsey, everybody.
4:08 Speaker 03 Hey.
4:10 H. Foley? You're saying you're doing haze for Luke?
4:11 Speaker 01 I was saying hi to Lucas. We just so happened to sync up.
4:14 H. Foley? Very nice. Hey, buddy.
4:15 Speaker 03 We're synced up. Feeling the love today, boys.
4:17 H. Foley? Are ya?
4:17 Speaker 03 Yeah, we had a nice little powwow early. It feels like we're back in the swing of things.
4:22 H. Foley? We talked a little bit. Talked about film, television, things like that. The award season is going on right now.
4:27 Speaker 03 Sure.
4:28 H. Foley? You know?
4:28 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
4:29 H. Foley? We're not up for anything.
4:32 Speaker 01 We got shafted in the podcast, the Golden Globes podcast.
4:35 H. Foley? Bullshit.
4:36 Speaker 01 I mean, what do you, what do you gotta friggin' do?
4:38 H. Foley? Get the fuck outta here.
4:39 Speaker 01 All of a sudden, you know, famous people start podcasting, get recognized in the first three weeks? Meanwhile, we've been banging our head against the wall for 10 fucking years.
4:47 H. Foley? We should start our own podcast awards.
4:49 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
4:51 H. Foley? Yeah. Win them all.
4:54 Speaker 01 Guys, really, thank, I mean, just, I'm just, it's just an honor to be nominated.
5:01 H. Foley? I told you something the other day you didn't like.
5:04 Speaker 01 It's not that I don't like it.
5:06 H. Foley? Speaking of, uh, award season?
5:07 Speaker 01 Sure, that's just more of a Patreon, Patreon episode.
5:11 H. Foley? Yeah.
5:11 Speaker 01 And it's not more that I don't like it, it's more than...
5:14 H. Foley? Just that long-term, I had my eye on something in the back of my head. You know? Something in the future.
5:21 Speaker 01 Nobel Peace Prize.
5:25 H. Foley? How do you get one of those? How do you get that?
5:28 Speaker 01 I don't know.
5:28 H. Foley? And what kind of cash does that come with?
5:30 Speaker 01 I don't think anything.
5:31 H. Foley? What?
5:32 Speaker 01 Probably, you probably make your money on like the, like appearance speeches and stuff.
5:35 H. Foley? You get around the golf or something?
5:37 Speaker 01 That's what, that's what we gotta get into.
5:38 H. Foley? What?
5:38 Speaker 01 The big, the corporate world. Start like, hey, where you go?
5:42 H. Foley? I've been telling you that.
5:43 Speaker 01 No, you haven't.
5:43 H. Foley? Yes, I have.
5:44 Speaker 01 You've never told me anything.
5:45 H. Foley? I know, I said country, we should be getting more country.
5:47 Speaker 01 What?
5:48 H. Foley? I don't know. Do some shows at the Grand Ole Opry or something.
5:52 Speaker 01 Um...
5:53 H. Foley? You get 11 million kroner. What's a kroner?
5:56 Speaker 01 That's, that's defunct. Wait, you, that, the Swedes give that out?
6:00 H. Foley? Yeah. Wow. 11 million dollars? Uh, 1.7. 1.7?
6:07 Speaker 01 That ain't bad.
6:08 H. Foley? Fuck that. Against 11 million kroner? I go over there and spend the kroners.
6:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, hold on, Swedish fish.
6:16 H. Foley? Which aren't Swedish, by the way, I found out.
6:18 Speaker 01 Oh, thanks, yeah, yeah, yeah.
6:19 H. Foley? It's an American product.
6:20 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
6:21 H. Foley? Real ripoff.
6:22 Speaker 01 Um, they would just be fish if the Swedes, Swedish were selling them. The Swedish wouldn't call it Swedish fish.
6:27 H. Foley? Of course they would. They call them Swedish meatballs, don't they?
6:31 Speaker 01 I think we probably do.
6:32 H. Foley? No, that's a Swedish dish. I've had it over there.
6:35 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
6:35 H. Foley? You've never been to-
6:36 Speaker 01 Alright, welcome to the lying corner of the- Fenderland?
6:38 H. Foley? Yeah. It's a small town.
6:41 Speaker 01 A small town.
6:42 H. Foley? Switzerland. Where they make the chocolates.
6:45 Speaker 01 In Switzerland? We're talking about Sweden.
6:46 H. Foley? Oh, Sweden? I don't know Sweden. I thought you were talking about Switzerland.
6:50 Speaker 01 You're telling me they sell Swedish meatballs in Switzerland? In Fenderland, Switzerland?
6:53 H. Foley? Yes, Fenderland, Switzerland.
6:55 Speaker 01 I've been to Switzerland. Very expensive. Very expensive.
6:59 H. Foley? Whoa.
7:00 Speaker 01 500 kroner for lunch.
7:02 H. Foley? Is that true?
7:03 Speaker 01 No, they're on the euro, but it's very expensive.
7:04 H. Foley? Huh. They don't need nobody in Switzerland.
7:08 Speaker 01 What do you mean?
7:09 H. Foley? They're locked in. They got that, they got those mountains.
7:11 Speaker 01 The banks, too.
7:12 H. Foley? They got the banks, they got the mountains, they got all them hot broads. Blonde-headed broads. They don't need anybody.
7:18 Speaker 01 Guys ain't too bad either.
7:19 H. Foley? Tell everybody to go, yeah.
7:20 Speaker 01 Something you can bounce a quarter off of.
7:21 H. Foley? Hundred percent. Those skiing dudes. And they're good with the, with the nickel. They can ski and shoot. That's why nobody ever invaded-
7:28 Speaker 01 The Swiss can't? The Swiss, do the Swiss have guns?
7:31 H. Foley? Yeah, they got guns.
7:32 Speaker 01 Do they?
7:32 H. Foley? Yeah.
7:34 Speaker 01 Switzerland?
7:34 H. Foley? Big ones. Nine inches. I'm talking about the same thing.
7:40 H. Foley? Nobody ever invaded Switzerland during World War II because they got the Alps and they got all these tunnels and shit in there. It's impossible to get in there. Which, that's where I'm going if shit goes down.
7:48 Speaker 01 You're telling me, I, this is news to me, but what other countries in the EU have guns like that? Do the Switzer- this is the first I'm hearing of that. There'd be way more, if Switzerland had- What's the, what's the carry policy over there? They ain't got handguns.
8:02 H. Foley? No.
8:02 Speaker 01 Okay.
8:03 H. Foley? Rifles.
8:04 Speaker 01 Long gun.
8:06 H. Foley? Muskets. I said they could-
8:08 Speaker 01 I'll give you rifles.
8:09 H. Foley? They can shoot while they're skiing. They're very talented at shooting while they're skiing.
8:12 Speaker 01 Uh, what's the, what's the gun law?
8:14 H. Foley? Especially at the lodge after, uh-
8:16 Speaker 01 Did you ever see the crazy parties they do?
8:18 H. Foley? No.
8:18 Speaker 01 When I first started dating my wife, she was at one.
8:21 H. Foley? Oh. And I said, "What the heck is even this?"
8:25 Speaker 01 It's like real orgy vibes.
8:26 H. Foley? Real, they're all attractive.
8:28 Speaker 01 Not orgy, but like they, at the end, they have a, see if you can find it, it's like the, the Apres parties or something.
8:34 Speaker 03 Oh, the Apres ski parties.
8:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
8:35 H. Foley? Luke always knows.
8:36 Speaker 01 Hey, a fucking rich kid.
8:37 H. Foley? Yeah.
8:38 Speaker 01 He's over there at his Chateau de Dork.
8:40 H. Foley? Yeah. Chateau de Jerking Off by himself.
8:43 Speaker 03 Saint Moritz, it seems like.
8:44 H. Foley? Ooh, Saint Moritz.
8:46 Speaker 01 Saint Moritz.
8:46 H. Foley? Yeah, nice. Go skiing up there.
8:50 Speaker 03 I didn't know, the Swiss has a high rate of gun ownership, though, deeply tied to its militia system.
8:55 H. Foley? Told you. I don't wanna fuck with those guys.
8:57 Speaker 01 Fuck them pussies. Neutral ass fucking country, pick a side, pussies.
9:01 H. Foley? Oh, shoot it and bang your girl.
9:03 Speaker 01 Nah.
9:05 H. Foley? Yeah, close deals.
9:06 Speaker 01 Not messing with it.
9:08 H. Foley? Are they cut over there?
9:09 Speaker 01 Nah.
9:10 H. Foley? Nah?
9:11 Speaker 01 Not the ones I seen.
9:14 H. Foley? Couple of homegrown boys.
9:15 Speaker 01 Uh, you know, we did, we drove from, uh, Germany to Switzerland, and they stopped us and searched the car for meat.
9:23 H. Foley? "Yes, sir, you are too ugly to come into the country. Uh, your wife, on the other hand..."
9:27 Speaker 01 Had to pay a tax. They stopped and they were...
9:30 H. Foley? Eyebrow tax?
9:31 Speaker 01 I thought they were looking for fucking, you know, perks or something.
9:34 H. Foley? Sure.
9:34 Speaker 01 And I'm like, "What's this all about?"
9:35 H. Foley? I ain't done that shit in years, man!
9:37 Speaker 01 Meat, 'cause meat's so expensive that the other country is like, you can't smuggle meat in. But we did. We, we had some meat in a cooler.
9:44 H. Foley? Why?
9:45 Speaker 01 Fucking riding dirty with a couple of T-bones.
9:47 H. Foley? Moose?
9:48 Speaker 01 Um, what do you mean? No, they, they, they...
9:50 H. Foley? Hamburger?
9:51 Speaker 01 It's very ex, I don't know, it's very expensive there or something.
9:53 H. Foley? Why is meat expensive?
9:54 Speaker 01 I just said I don't know three times, I'm not sure. Taxes, I assume, it's a very high tax, uh, uh, country, I, I, I feel. I know it's very expensive, they have some sort of weird thing with meat. I didn't start talking to the fucking cop and say, "Hey, why is meat so expensive here?" I had hands on ten and two.
10:12 H. Foley? You know, they're doing, you know, you're doing...
10:13 Speaker 01 Fake passport.
10:13 H. Foley? Well, if that's what you're worried about, getting smuggled in.
10:16 Speaker 01 I said, "This is some fucking pussy-ish shit."
10:18 H. Foley? Yeah.
10:18 Speaker 01 I ain't got guns, they're fucking smuggling it.
10:20 H. Foley? Checking for burgers?
10:22 Speaker 01 "These Swedish meatballs are my own, I swear to God."
10:25 H. Foley? They're for, they're for personal consumption.
10:27 Speaker 01 Seven trump.
10:30 H. Foley? I like them. Speaking of things I like and don't like, I have a, a photograph...
10:35 Speaker 01 You!
10:36 H. Foley? I have a photograph to show you, um, if Luke would indulge me.
10:40 Speaker 01 This is pretty funny, I said, "Oh, did he send you a picture?" He goes, "Yeah, I don't know where you're going with it."
10:44 H. Foley? Something that has plagued me, something that has caused me, and a lot of other people around the, around the world...
10:52 H. Foley? Contemplation for most of my life. And the more that I think about it, the more that I cannot understand what is its function? You know, I'm a function guy.
11:02 Speaker 01 That's when I think of you, I think of function.
11:04 H. Foley? Yeah.
11:05 Speaker 01 I think of getting stuff done, efficiency.
11:07 H. Foley? Efficiency.
11:08 Speaker 01 Finderland, Switzerland.
11:09 H. Foley? Finderland, Switzerland.
11:10 Speaker 01 People.
11:11 H. Foley? Hot chicks.
11:11 Speaker 01 Long gun.
11:13 H. Foley? Big wiener.
11:14 Speaker 01 Uncut. Uh huh.
11:16 H. Foley? Yeah.
11:18 Speaker 01 Cause you're a doer, you're an operator.
11:19 H. Foley? I'm a doer. So what is the deal with that? You tell me. Obviously, it's a staged photograph.
11:27 Speaker 01 Was that your bathroom?
11:28 H. Foley? No, it's my kitchen. Yeah, it's my, no, it's where I do my, my, my small shows.
11:32 Speaker 01 Where's your belly button, dude?
11:34 H. Foley? It's below the, I'm a gentleman. It's underneath. That's not the point.
11:39 Speaker 01 That looks photoshopped.
11:44 Speaker 01 That looks, something's not right. Am I right? I seen you topless a lot.
11:48 H. Foley? Where's my belly button?
11:49 Speaker 01 I don't, something, this has been, this has been altered.
11:52 H. Foley? No, it has not.
11:53 Speaker 01 This is AI or something.
11:54 H. Foley? No, that's me. That's me in, in my bathroom, as it was, looks. You can see the hydrogen peroxide over there in the corner. I like to gargle with that. I gargle with a little, I put a little, a splash of hydrogen peroxide in my, uh, mouthwash and I gargle with it.
12:09 Speaker 01 I do a little of my coffee.
12:10 H. Foley? You do?
12:11 Speaker 01 I cut it a little bit.
12:11 H. Foley? Um, obviously, my belly, the way I look, my bathroom is not the issue. Okay, it is the string hanging from the sweatpants.
12:21 Speaker 01 There's something going on there. I don't know, the lighter, there's, there's some, there's something.
12:25 H. Foley? What?
12:26 Speaker 01 I don't know. But I, I seen you topless about 48 hours ago.
12:30 H. Foley? And what are you saying? I look too good there?
12:32 Speaker 01 It looks flat and wide. It looks like there's, it's been buffed out a little bit.
12:36 H. Foley? I've been losing a lot of weight.
12:37 Speaker 01 I know.
12:38 H. Foley? I'm down almost 50 pounds. Not that you would notice.
12:40 Speaker 01 I low, you know, don't, don't, don't, don't sandbag me like that.
12:45 H. Foley? A compliment, one way or the other?
12:46 Speaker 01 I compliment you all the time.
12:48 H. Foley? Plenty of times where my ass was right in front of you, could've gave it a little pinch, but you don't.
12:53 Speaker 01 Yeah, workplace. I'm not getting, I'm not getting strung up on charges.
12:55 H. Foley? So look, can you tell this?
12:57 Speaker 01 Is this the drawstring?
12:58 H. Foley? This is the drawstring that I'm concerned with. Now, granted, these are an old school pair of sweatpants that I got from a...
13:05 Speaker 01 Are they new, though?
13:06 H. Foley? Relative? No.
13:07 Speaker 01 Your dead dad.
13:08 H. Foley? I didn't say that. I didn't say that.
13:11 Speaker 01 I'm saying that.
13:13 H. Foley? Say whatever you want. It's a free country. Not in Switzerland, but here you can. Bring as much meat as you want.
13:21 Speaker 01 It's encouraged.
13:23 H. Foley? Strongly.
13:25 H. Foley? Look, can you tell me why they connect that string? Because I can never tie it. And they almost fell down when I was at a wrestling match a couple of weeks ago.
13:34 Speaker 01 Did you win?
13:37 H. Foley? Lost in the third.
13:39 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah, I get, listen, I never liked that either.
13:42 H. Foley? It sucks.
13:43 Speaker 01 It's one of those things.
13:44 H. Foley? Why?
13:44 Speaker 01 I battled with a pair of, with a, they were Old Navy and they had the, my whole, I would say for about five years of my life. My brother had a pair and I had a pair. Same ones, extra large and large.
13:58 Speaker 01 And I could sneak into the large and they were nice. But the extra large were a little big. I was about five years old. They were a little big.
14:09 Speaker 01 Husky boy.
14:12 Speaker 01 And I, they had this and I put the knot in them to keep them up because they kept sagging, because I'm buttless.
14:17 H. Foley? You have, you have to do like a fucking, like, like a sailor's knot.
14:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, like you're in the Navy or something. Yeah, you gotta, you gotta like, like you're, you're, you're putting like a laundry bag or something.
14:26 H. Foley? Yes.
14:28 Speaker 01 And I did it and it's got, I did it so it kept coming undone, so I like really, you know.
14:32 H. Foley? Tightened it up.
14:32 Speaker 01 And then I couldn't.
14:33 H. Foley? Couldn't get out of them.
14:33 Speaker 01 Couldn't get out of them, couldn't get them on either.
14:35 H. Foley? Worn for three years. Because here's the thing, that kind of sweatpants, the reason I wear those sweatpants is because, uh, well, I inherited them. Inherited them, I inherited.
14:45 Speaker 01 Was that in? You stole them technically.
14:48 H. Foley? A legal document? No.
14:51 Speaker 01 He didn't bequeath his.
14:52 H. Foley? No. And I made a vow that I wasn't gonna bring this up in, in the new year, but since you brought it up, I will.
14:57 Speaker 01 What did I bring up?
14:59 H. Foley? The passing of my father.
15:00 Speaker 01 No, I did not.
15:01 H. Foley? Yeah, you certainly did. Now you're lying.
15:04 Speaker 01 You said you got the.
15:05 H. Foley? You owe me three Swedish meatballs.
15:07 Speaker 01 And a couple of Swedish fish. And a Swedish fish.
15:12 H. Foley? There's a few of them in my, all, all, all his clothes have been transferred to my closet because I wouldn't let my mother throw anything out.
15:18 Speaker 01 Transferred like it's like you, like it's gold bricks.
15:21 H. Foley? Cause she wanted to-
15:22 Speaker 01 They've been transferred under lock and key. Would you have brings come and do the job? Shut up, they've been transferred. A lot of paperwork.
15:30 H. Foley? No, I had Patty do it.
15:33 H. Foley? Cause she wanted to throw all the stuff out. I said, "You're not doing that."
15:35 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
15:36 H. Foley? Not throwing anything out.
15:38 Speaker 01 Okay.
15:38 H. Foley? I don't let go. I hang on. Anyway, he has a bunch of those pairs of sweatpants that are from the 90s that I like because I like the actual sweatpants of them. Okay? And they make you look skinny. That's probably what you're seeing.
15:51 Speaker 01 I gotta push back on this. You were, I saw this, you were wearing, you wore them all weekend. You wore, not those, you wore a pair just like, you wore an old school pair of-
15:59 H. Foley? My Champion, black ones.
16:01 Speaker 01 Snow camo. It says Champions written in snow camo.
16:04 H. Foley? On a little piece of the thing, yes.
16:06 Speaker 01 It's a lot of snow camo.
16:07 H. Foley? I'm sorry, man.
16:07 Speaker 01 Thought you were in the Alps, I couldn't see you. Thought you were about to pull out a fucking-
16:10 H. Foley? And what do you have to say about them?
16:11 Speaker 01 I think we can get you cooler sweatpants. That fit better and look, you look like a guy who's going to physical therapy. Where-
16:22 Speaker 01 And I'm trying to help you-
16:23 H. Foley? A bad rotator cuff.
16:25 Speaker 01 A lot of doing a lot of these and stuff.
16:27 H. Foley? God. My mom is addicted to physical therapy.
16:30 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
16:31 H. Foley? I don't know what she's going for. Just get the goddamn knee replaced, Patty, will ya?
16:35 Speaker 01 But, who is, somebody was rolling around and we were complimenting them on their, uh, their athleisure wear. I think you would look pretty good in a nice, fitted, more sw- you know, not old school-
16:51 H. Foley? Who was wearing this?
16:51 Speaker 01 I forget who it was, somebody we were complimenting.
16:54 H. Foley? Stavi?
16:54 Speaker 01 Tommy, maybe? Someone, I don't know, this weekend.
16:57 H. Foley? This weekend?
16:58 Speaker 01 It doesn't matter. We were complimenting somebody.
17:00 H. Foley? Okay.
17:01 Speaker 01 Uh, on their pants and it made me, as you were wearing your medicinal sweatpants, and it made me think- You would look really good in like a more tailored, cut, cooler pant. May bring you to the 21st century a little bit, rather than 1990's champion snow camo sweatpants.
17:20 H. Foley? Okay.
17:21 Speaker 01 Is that a fair assessment?
17:22 H. Foley? It's a fair assessment. I'll give that to you.
17:23 Speaker 01 And then that's why you don't have to deal with this loop?
17:25 H. Foley? Yeah.
17:26 Speaker 01 You deal with like, you know, something nice, something cool.
17:28 H. Foley? A snap.
17:29 Speaker 01 Something.
17:30 H. Foley? Yeah. Gang, this episode is brought to you by BetterHelp.
17:32 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
17:33 H. Foley? 2026 doesn't have to be a new you.
17:37 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
17:37 H. Foley? Just a better version of you.
17:39 Speaker 01 Just a little bit of an incremental improvement.
17:42 H. Foley? And no bullshit.
17:44 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
17:44 H. Foley? That's something talk therapy has taught me is it's not a complete 180. It's a little bit of a better person the next day, the next day, the next day, the next.
17:53 Speaker 01 Rome wasn't built in a day.
17:55 H. Foley? Who said that?
17:56 Speaker 01 I don't know.
17:57 H. Foley? Anyway, back to BetterHelp, gang. Gang, do yourself a favor. If you gotta get stuff off your chest, get it off your chest with BetterHelp. It's a great way to start talk therapy. Kevin and I have both done it and we love it.
18:07 Speaker 01 Yes. Uh, BetterHelp has quality therapists. BetterHelp therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S. of A.
18:15 H. Foley? Ice.
18:15 Speaker 01 They have a therapist match commitment. BetterHelp does the initial matching for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps you identify your needs and preferences. And they have a 12-plus years of experience and industry-leading match fulfillment rate. Means we, they typically get it right the first time. I had done it. It's easy to get in. You get in and then you go, okay, this is that. You can change it. It's fantastic. Uh, they have over 30,000 therapists. You will find the one that's right for you. BetterHelp is one of the world's largest online therapy platforms and has served over 5 million people globally. BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/garbage. That's betterhelp.com/garbage. Do it.
18:55 H. Foley? Yeah. Gang, this show is sponsored by Liquid IV.
18:57 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
18:58 H. Foley? Let me say it again. This show is sponsored by our favorite Liquid IV.
19:03 Speaker 01 You ain't lying.
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19:13 H. Foley? So that's a mouthful.
19:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
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19:27 H. Foley? Woo.
19:28 Speaker 01 Uh, there's no energy drink jitters or crash. We, listen, we're an IV family. We, Liquid IV family. We go on the road, we got a bag of it, everybody wakes up. Listen, you're, you're out there running and gunning on the road. You got shows, you got traveling, you got buses, you got vans, you got cars. You get a little sluggish.
19:44 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
19:44 Speaker 01 Come showtime, everybody needs a little pep in their step. You gotta be hydrated, little bit of energy. And that's what Liquid IV's Energy Multiplier, sugar-free hydrating energy is all friggin' about. You know what I mean?
19:54 H. Foley? That it's absolutely delicious has nothing to do with it.
19:56 Speaker 01 It's just one stick and 16 ounces of water. It hydrates better than water alone. But you got a bottle of water, I take a little nip out, take a little off the top, dump it in there, shake it up, you're good to go. Powered by, uh, Live Hydroscience and optimized ratio of electrolytes, essential vitamins, and clinically-tested nutrients to turn ordinary water into extraordinary hydration.
20:15 H. Foley? Yep.
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20:45 H. Foley? Yeah, back to the show.
20:46 Speaker 01 Back to the show.
20:47 H. Foley? I don't like to draw string anyway.
20:49 Speaker 01 Nah.
20:50 H. Foley? Cause mine always go inside and that, you, you wanna talk about trouble.
20:54 Speaker 01 Losing that on a bathing suit?
20:55 H. Foley? Oh.
20:56 Speaker 01 Oh, man.
20:56 H. Foley? Well, I'll be busy for the next six hours.
20:58 Speaker 01 It's getting to get pantsed.
21:00 H. Foley? Oh, I would never.
21:02 Speaker 01 What?
21:02 H. Foley? I'm finding that.
21:03 Speaker 01 What?
21:04 H. Foley? I'm not leaving the hotel room until I found that. Are you crazy? I'm going out there with fucking loose draws? Cause I cut the fishnet out of the, out of the inside.
21:14 Speaker 01 How fresco.
21:14 H. Foley? So I got nothing in there.
21:16 Speaker 01 Uh-huh.
21:16 H. Foley? Yeah.
21:18 H. Foley? I go in for a cannonball. I'm coming up.
21:22 Speaker 01 I never, I never had that. My cousins, we'd be on the beach. All my cousins are athletic, obviously. I'm the black sheep of the, I'm the fat ass of the family.
21:30 H. Foley? Right.
21:31 Speaker 01 So they'd all be, and it was when board shorts hit. Board shorts without the net, like, you know, like surfer bo, and they were surfers. They surfed. So they'd be like, you know, I mean, there's cousins that are fucking Olympians.
21:46 Speaker 01 And they'd be.
21:46 H. Foley? What the hell happened to you?
21:47 Speaker 01 Sunkissed.
21:48 H. Foley? You're like Danny DeVito in Twigs. What happened to you?
21:52 Speaker 01 Hey, that guy got pussy.
21:53 H. Foley? He did. But hold on, that's because, because I saw a commercial with the two cousins.
21:58 Speaker 01 Me too. They were running them during the fucking game.
22:00 H. Foley? Yeah.
22:01 Speaker 01 Kids are getting fucking Blue Cross Blue Shil.
22:03 H. Foley? Stars in Philly.
22:04 Speaker 01 Blue Cross Blue Shil money. I can't even get nominated for a Golden Globe.
22:06 H. Foley? No kidding.
22:07 Speaker 01 The one just followed me back. Fucking jerk off.
22:12 H. Foley? But you got that.
22:13 Speaker 01 Had to earn it.
22:13 H. Foley? Your brother was a bit of an athlete.
22:15 Speaker 01 My brother was a very good athlete.
22:16 H. Foley? You got.
22:17 Speaker 01 Brother was very fast. I think he, at one point, he held the, he held some sort of record for the triple jump.
22:21 H. Foley? Your brother?
22:22 Speaker 01 Something.
22:23 H. Foley? The triple jump? Is that in Checkers? What are we talking about?
22:26 Speaker 01 The triple jump looks, no, King Me.
22:29 H. Foley? Bitch. The Marty Supreme of Checkers?
22:32 Speaker 01 He played in, he played.
22:33 H. Foley? Now that's the movie I want to see.
22:35 Speaker 01 That's the movie you were trashing.
22:42 Speaker 01 What about it? Danny was a good at, yeah, the triple jump's like you jump with your left foot, your left foot, then your right foot.
22:47 H. Foley? And then you jump into the sand?
22:48 Speaker 01 I think so.
22:48 H. Foley? Your brother could do that?
22:49 Speaker 01 It looks like you tripped. Danny was a very good, was very fast. Danny ran like the four bu, oh, he was, he was an anchor. He was.
22:56 H. Foley? Okay, so you got them. You got the two cousins that are professional soccer players. One's 14 and is a professional soccer player. Then you have another family where he's good, they're good at soccer.
23:07 Speaker 01 Another.
23:07 H. Foley? Right?
23:08 Speaker 01 So you have the Sullivan boys?
23:09 H. Foley? Yes.
23:10 Speaker 01 Then you have Chris Albright.
23:11 H. Foley? Yes, Chris Albright.
23:12 Speaker 01 Pull up Chris Albright.
23:13 H. Foley? You've been throwing that guy in my fucking face since I met you.
23:15 Speaker 01 Throwing him in your face. I mention him and you take it personally.
23:18 H. Foley? I have Olympians in my family. I don't go bringing them up every three seconds.
23:22 Speaker 01 Special.
23:24 H. Foley? Good looking kid.
23:25 Speaker 01 He was the Olympian. What's his pedigree?
23:27 H. Foley? Is he a Sullivan?
23:29 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:30 H. Foley? No kidding?
23:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, his mom. That's Aunt Patty's son.
23:32 H. Foley? Oh, is it?
23:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
23:34 H. Foley? Very nice.
23:35 Speaker 01 And also, I gotta mention, because he listens, shout out, no, Chris does not listen, he's too busy, he was like the, I think he's the gaffer over there at FC Cincinnati.
23:43 H. Foley? The New England Revolution, was that nightclub?
23:46 Speaker 01 He bounced in the early 2000s.
23:50 H. Foley? He's only, uh, four years younger than me.
23:55 Speaker 01 You guys accomplished about the same thing. International career, started in 99 to 2007. Guy had a hell, he was, he played for like 14 years. 1999 to 2013.
24:08 H. Foley? So more of the question, what happened to you? That you, you got a pretty good golf swing, I'll give you that. Right? You got a lot of touch.
24:17 Speaker 01 I don't, but sure.
24:18 H. Foley? You do, he does, he's very good.
24:20 Speaker 01 He won't give it to me. And he shouldn't give it to me.
24:23 H. Foley? He's never seen it.
24:24 Speaker 01 Yes, he has.
24:24 Speaker 03 We hit the sim together.
24:26 H. Foley? No, that doesn't count. You gotta be out there on the course with the dew on the grass and the hot dogs and the cart girls.
24:33 Speaker 01 Oh, man, shout out to a diesel.
24:35 H. Foley? You need the real feel.
24:36 Speaker 01 Uh huh, couple of, couple of, a little bit of swing juice.
24:41 H. Foley? Yeah, I tell you what, if I get this guy liquored up just to the perfect amount, I bet you he probably beats you the first time out.
24:49 Speaker 03 He does have like weird athleticism. The high kick I always think of.
24:52 Speaker 01 I'm pretty athletic, I'm just fat.
24:54 H. Foley? High kick? What high kick?
24:56 Speaker 01 I can kick right over your head.
24:57 H. Foley? Yeah.
24:57 Speaker 01 And it's well documented.
24:59 H. Foley? The karate kick?
25:00 Speaker 01 My high kick.
25:01 H. Foley? You're gonna do, I'm gonna hit you with a right.
25:03 Speaker 01 I'm not, hey, we're not, first of all, I'd slap the shit out of you.
25:06 H. Foley? No.
25:06 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
25:07 H. Foley? No facies.
25:07 Speaker 01 I'd hit you hard enough the fucking Swedish meatballs would go flying everywhere, like Sonic.
25:13 H. Foley? You gotta go back to that picture, huh?
25:16 Speaker 03 The rude.
25:16 Speaker 01 It's not on, they're not seeing it.
25:19 Speaker 01 But, uh, yeah, and then, so Chris's brother, he, he played at American, he had a full ride to American, their sister had a full ride to Loyola for lacrosse and soccer.
25:30 H. Foley? Was your sister an athlete?
25:32 Speaker 01 Uh, not great, no, she was very, uh,
25:34 H. Foley? Smart, though.
25:35 Speaker 01 Smart, very smart.
25:36 H. Foley? So what's the deal, man?
25:37 Speaker 01 I'm smart. I feel like I've done pretty well.
25:40 H. Foley? Guys who say I'm smart aren't smart.
25:42 Speaker 01 I mean, I'm not,
25:43 H. Foley? I say I'm smart.
25:43 Speaker 01 I'm not dumb. Right? I figured something out.
25:49 H. Foley? How to scam Uber Eats out of a
25:53 H. Foley? free set of egg bites.
25:55 Speaker 01 Um, yeah, and another one played, uh, like semi-prof, I think it was on the Philadelphia Kid.
26:00 H. Foley? But you didn't even play high school sports or college or anything. You didn't follow down that path.
26:05 Speaker 01 You barely did.
26:07 H. Foley? I'm not talking about me.
26:08 Speaker 01 I know, but you say it like you didn't even do this.
26:10 H. Foley? I come from an athletically disadvantaged family.
26:13 Speaker 01 That's all your family talks about.
26:15 H. Foley? And educationally disadvantaged family.
26:17 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
26:18 H. Foley? My brother's the only one in our family to finish college.
26:22 H. Foley? Out of my mom, dad, my brother, or my mom, dad, me and my brother. He's the only one, only college graduate in the Foley, nuclear Foley household.
26:32 H. Foley? My cousin's not going that great either.
26:35 Speaker 01 Or it on the street is.
26:36 H. Foley? One's still gotta take a couple of classes of Monco to finish out a degree at Penn State.
26:41 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
26:42 H. Foley? Should've done that a year ago. I yelled at him about it.
26:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, everybody is, uh, yeah, I come, I was definitely more of the, the physical black sheep. Uh, they all played, everybody played in high school. Like all, even my uncles are in like the North Catholic Hall of Fame and the, you know. Shout out to Uncle Aaron, Uncle Mike.
27:01 H. Foley? Your dad played semi-pro football.
27:03 Speaker 01 My dad played for-
27:03 H. Foley? Concha Hocken Steelers.
27:04 Speaker 01 Played for the, no, the, yeah, Somerton Spartans, I think, or something like that. Or Roxborough Spartans, something. It was for a neighborhood he wasn't even from.
27:12 H. Foley? Guys with a nickel bag of something in their living compartment.
27:15 Speaker 01 I think he played while like my brother was alive.
27:18 H. Foley? That's nice.
27:19 Speaker 01 Showing up like fucking black guys. They're probably just getting in a bar fights.
27:23 H. Foley? Do you have any information for me on why that strap, why that string is like that?
27:27 Speaker 01 Yes. Money.
27:28 H. Foley? Please, money?
27:29 Speaker 01 It's gotta be the, it's probably significantly cheaper.
27:32 Speaker 03 Cheaper, uh, they say the continuous loop for a cleaner look and easier management preventing dangling heads and, uh, loss during washing. They also say it's a safety, uh, concern for, prevents snagging on equipment during athletic activities.
27:45 H. Foley? What the fuck are you talking about? Those are sitting on the couch sweatpants.
27:52 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:52 Speaker 03 These are the findings.
27:53 Speaker 01 I mean...
27:54 H. Foley? Plus, that loop should be, would be more danger. You catch it on the going out the screen door, you're dead.
27:59 Speaker 01 That's supposed to be tucked in, right?
28:00 H. Foley? I guess so.
28:01 Speaker 01 I never could do...
28:02 H. Foley? Then it...
28:03 Speaker 01 So like, ath- like, these kinda s-
28:04 H. Foley? Fucking hang my nuts.
28:05 Speaker 01 Cool sweatpants.
28:09 H. Foley? Chollin'. Shit. Even put a pair of foot, fuck a piece of piano wire down there. What are you, nuts? Fucking strangling my guys out?
28:17 Speaker 01 Cast straight, yeah.
28:18 H. Foley? Like Sonny Corleone? You crazy?
28:20 Speaker 01 Take the cannoli. Um... Was it, was it socially acceptable to wear sweatpants to school when you were in high school? Probably not.
28:29 H. Foley? Yeah, it was. In high school? No. Middle school for sure. I had my maroon sweats that I would wear. I've told you that.
28:37 Speaker 01 Yeah, I wouldn't say so. I mean, I don't think you were banging at the head of the social, the social ladder.
28:41 H. Foley? You'd be wrong. I did it very well.
28:44 Speaker 01 In your maroon sweatpants?
28:45 H. Foley? A little bit.
28:46 Speaker 01 You're telling me there wasn't cool guys and fucking cool Levi's with-
28:49 H. Foley? Z Cavaricci?
28:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, something. You're sitting there in your maroon sweatpants, trying to hide a boner if I knew you.
28:56 H. Foley? They're slippery.
28:58 H. Foley? Smooth like silk. The hell do you want?
29:01 Speaker 01 There was one kid who wasn't allowed to wear sweatpants anymore.
29:05 Speaker 01 If you catch my drift. We were in junior high.
29:07 H. Foley? You?
29:09 Speaker 01 Call it the Kevin Ryan law?
29:12 Speaker 01 See, I'm accomplished!
29:14 H. Foley? How long? You take that thing down? Jesus Christ!
29:18 Speaker 01 Little piece of scotch tape'll do ya.
29:21 H. Foley? God.
29:23 Speaker 01 But, to go back to, I remember my cousins being on the beach and they'd be like... Like, six packs. And...
29:32 Speaker 01 They had like, the, the board shorts fell on their hip and the tan line was showing.
29:36 H. Foley? They weren't good on fat kids. Cause you had to go up.
29:39 Speaker 01 Up, under, or over, in and out. It's... It was, my ass, I got no ass.
29:44 H. Foley? You look like you were old school riding a longboard.
29:48 Speaker 01 Hanging ten.
29:49 H. Foley? Fucking Duke, what's his name over here?
29:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was tough. I mean, yeah. Trump is a fat kid, but...
29:56 Speaker 01 The, ah, the... Athletic wear wasn't built for us.
29:59 H. Foley? No. Which is that who it should've been built for? Lose a little weight.
30:06 Speaker 01 Um, but I remember when sweatpants hit, that, they, they became kinda cool. Like the non, uh...
30:14 H. Foley? The casual sweat.
30:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, kinda like the, without the elastic at the feet. More like a pant.
30:19 H. Foley? Oh.
30:20 Speaker 01 Sweat pant. Like the gap got into those, Old Navy got into those, they became kinda big.
30:23 H. Foley? Well, that was because that, the ones that I had, my maroon, which was, which was an outfit. It had, it had stripes going down. It looked like a Phillies warm-up, but it wasn't.
30:33 H. Foley? But they didn't have, uh...
30:34 Speaker 01 No one thought it was. When you said it looked like a Phillies warm-up, nobody thought it was a Phillies warm-up.
30:38 H. Foley? They didn't have, uh, uh, things at the bottom either. It was more of a pant.
30:43 Speaker 01 More of a slack.
30:44 H. Foley? Yeah. It didn't really fit.
30:47 Speaker 01 But...
30:47 H. Foley? I could wear underwear with those. They were too tight, cause my underwear would bunch up and stick out.
30:54 Speaker 01 Um, but when it came, when those cool sweatpants came in, I had a pair, and, uh, I never knew what to do with it, cause it was a tie, the drawstring, and it would come undone. So you would like put a bow in it, like you would bow it, or you would tuck it in, or what you, or it would hang a little bit. But I always, I always felt a, this is, these were light gray sweats too, which are tough on your package.
31:17 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
31:18 Speaker 01 It's, it's not the best...
31:19 H. Foley? Or lack thereof.
31:20 Speaker 01 Yeah. It's not the best, it's not the best billboard.
31:24 H. Foley? God damn it, I forgot my penis again.
31:26 Speaker 01 I left it in my locker.
31:28 H. Foley? Can I go to the bathroom?
31:32 Speaker 01 So what you did with the drawstring could draw attention to, uh, a 16-year-old dwainer in Spanish class, you know what I mean?
31:40 H. Foley? That's the kiss of death.
31:41 Speaker 01 You had to play it right. I've spent more time doing that than my hair.
31:47 H. Foley? Must've been wearing a Nazi uniform at that point. You're getting called out. I don't know. Figured it looked obvious. Did you ever sweeten back then?
31:56 Speaker 01 What, my, like, with like a roll of quarters or something like that?
32:00 H. Foley? You go roll of dimes? It's something.
32:04 Speaker 01 A roll of dimes is doing all right?
32:05 H. Foley? This would be middle school.
32:07 Speaker 01 Did I ever sweeten my package?
32:09 H. Foley? Yeah. Uh, we had a kid that did.
32:11 Speaker 01 With what?
32:12 H. Foley? English cucumber.
32:14 Speaker 01 What the fuck's an English... Ado!
32:16 H. Foley? Yeah, smaller cucumber.
32:16 Speaker 01 Look at me, Becca!
32:17 H. Foley? It's like a pickle cucumber. Yeah.
32:20 Speaker 01 Uh, no, I don't, that was never my, uh...
32:23 H. Foley? You got busted.
32:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, what did...
32:26 H. Foley? Embarrassing. Thing is, I saw it years later. Good.
32:30 Speaker 01 Thought cut?
32:31 H. Foley? Yeah.
32:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, maybe he's having fun with it. I mean, do people really think that's gonna?
32:35 H. Foley? Bring him in?
32:36 Speaker 01 Man, I remember.
32:37 H. Foley? This was the late 80s, 90s. Yeah.
32:40 Speaker 01 Sure.
32:41 H. Foley? Different rules back then.
32:42 Speaker 01 I remember the big-
32:42 H. Foley? Rockstars did it.
32:43 Speaker 01 The big- yeah, listen. Uh, sure.
32:48 H. Foley? Tight jeans?
32:49 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
32:49 H. Foley? Sticks, tickets?
32:50 Speaker 01 I've seen Rockstar. Stand up and shout.
32:53 H. Foley? Why, did he sweeten?
32:54 Speaker 01 I would.
32:56 Speaker 01 Jennifer Aniston running around? Sweet peaches.
32:59 H. Foley? I like the manager.
33:02 Speaker 01 Okay. Um... I remember I saw middle-aged black dude walking down Broad Street. Cowboy hat on, tight pair of jeans, and his unit was tucked down his leg, like it had made it past the crotch.
33:18 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
33:19 Speaker 01 And I caught eyes with this thing, and I was like, I like quadruple tucked. I couldn't, my brain couldn't compute. And he hit me with a, "All right, brother." I said, "How you doing?" "Mommy." "Wherever you're going."
33:32 H. Foley? What?
33:33 Speaker 01 "I'm on my way."
33:36 Speaker 01 Uh, oh, that's either here nor there. Package, no package, sweatpants, no sweat-
33:40 H. Foley? So, nothing really resolved on that?
33:42 Speaker 01 I don't think so. I think we gotta get you new gear. Yeah, I think, I don't think you can, I mean, you know. Those are, like I said, that's like-
33:49 H. Foley? I don't buy those answers, by the way. Is that from the same AI that didn't know how to smoke anything out of a lightbulb?
33:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:55 H. Foley? Cause I'm not trusting that idiot. Who you got over there?
33:59 Speaker 01 Gemini.
33:59 H. Foley? That's probably just some kid fucking typing that somewhere too, by the way.
34:02 Speaker 01 Somebody got caught. It was like just a bunch of dudes in India, like replying. Yeah, somebody got caught recently.
34:09 H. Foley? It's all bullshit.
34:12 Speaker 01 We got a Gosh darn Family episode on our hands. As you know, when you join the old Patreon-a, greatest website in the whole wide world, over 15,000 strong.
34:20 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
34:21 Speaker 01 15,278 to be exact from this moment right now.
34:26 H. Foley? Regiment.
34:28 Speaker 01 This one's from Crash Out Kim, $10 Trashmonger, first time writing in. "Are you garbage if you spray dry shampoo on your dirty socks to get another day out of them?"
34:37 H. Foley? I like that.
34:37 Speaker 01 "Doesn't happen often, but works in a pinch."
34:40 H. Foley? What do you know about this dry shampoo?
34:41 Speaker 01 Absolutely nothing.
34:42 H. Foley? Cause I'm in.
34:44 Speaker 01 Is it just like a, you know, a fret, like a zhuzh, just zhuzh it up?
34:49 H. Foley? I gotta be honest with you, I know you probably can't tell right now, cause I need a little color, and I really had to work on it, you know, from the summer and the fall, I wasn't getting, you know, really good night's sleeps, now I am. I've been very, very into my grooming and skincare routine, which this dry shampoo falls under. Like, did you know that there, if you blow dry your hair, you should spray it with some shit, before you blow dry it, so the heat doesn't damage it?
35:14 Speaker 01 Yeah, the girls do that, with like the heat resistant, whatever.
35:16 H. Foley? I got three different sprays I do, one of them's just salt water. It gives it more body.
35:21 Speaker 01 Crunch.
35:22 H. Foley? Yes. This dry shampoo, I'm a guy who doesn't wash his hair all the time.
35:26 Speaker 01 I never do.
35:27 H. Foley? Cause you're not supposed to.
35:28 Speaker 01 I, I mean, I could go months.
35:30 H. Foley? And be, can I smell it?
35:31 Speaker 01 Sure. Don't put any boogers in there. Oh, this might be, oh, it's sprayed with something.
35:41 H. Foley? It smells like a nursing home. It smells like days gone by. And it doesn't smell like anything. It doesn't have that grease smell.
35:49 Speaker 01 No.
35:50 H. Foley? But when you had that grease smell...
35:51 Speaker 01 I don't have thick hair, I've always had baby doll hair. Remember my buddy, I told him, my buddy just cut my hair, he goes, "You have hair like a baby."
35:58 H. Foley? Dickling.
35:59 Speaker 01 And I was, I was like 19, and like, my hair was still cooking.
36:02 H. Foley? How do you take something like that?
36:03 Speaker 01 What?
36:04 H. Foley? Punch in the face like that.
36:05 Speaker 01 I'm in a basement in North Philly, dude, I couldn't really argue with him.
36:09 H. Foley? Oh, well, you have a drug problem? How's that make you feel?
36:12 Speaker 01 Why are there any light bulbs in your house? Dude, he cut my hair, and then I went home, and he did it without a mirror, and I went home. It looked like I got, I rented a wood chipper, dude.
36:21 H. Foley? Cry on your eyesight.
36:22 Speaker 01 I was missing patches everywhere.
36:25 H. Foley? But I got that dry shampoo.
36:26 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
36:27 H. Foley? And it's great.
36:28 Speaker 01 Can you give me a rundown of exactly what it is?
36:30 Speaker 03 Uh, dry shampoo freshens hair by absorbing oil and sweat, extending time between washes, adding volume and save- volume and saving time.
36:37 Speaker 01 So it's like a not-
36:37 H. Foley? And a pleasing odor.
36:38 Speaker 01 Like a baby powder type thing. It absorbs, uh, not baby powder, but like the, the same.
36:43 H. Foley? I don't know.
36:44 Speaker 01 If you're sweaty, it's moisture, the baby powder absorbs it.
36:45 H. Foley? It's like Febreeze for your hair.
36:47 Speaker 01 Sure, but how does, how does liquid absorb liquid?
36:49 H. Foley? That's probably a lie.
36:51 Speaker 01 Okay.
36:51 H. Foley? Nobody's checking that shit. It just makes it smell good. And Tressame.
36:54 Speaker 01 Ooh la la.
36:55 H. Foley? Has a, uh, a hairspray fragrance. Which is great.
37:01 Speaker 01 So it's just cologne, like just fragrance?
37:03 H. Foley? Basically cologne for your hair.
37:04 Speaker 01 But they have. A hairspray has fragrance.
37:08 H. Foley? But that also sticks and does things. This is just the, the smell. So, and that smell is really good. I also have this feminine spray, Summer's Eve, that I spray on my, um.
37:19 Speaker 01 Vagina.
37:20 H. Foley? Nooks and crannies, just to keep everything dry and pH balanced for the boys.
37:24 Speaker 01 Obviously not when you're on your period though.
37:26 H. Foley? No, of course not. Got a yeast infection.
37:28 Speaker 01 Sure.
37:28 H. Foley? Um, but. You spray that on your socks. I can really see that.
37:34 Speaker 01 Listen, we travel a lot, obviously. This last run we went on, I wasn't in the best position starting, a short run, two day run. But I was, I was a little jammed up sock wise. I used the same pair of socks the whole trip.
37:46 H. Foley? That's funny, so did I.
37:47 Speaker 01 Traveled, they were brand new gold toes though. They held, the gold toes are nice. And I, I didn't overwear them. I took them off a lot.
37:54 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
37:56 Speaker 01 I, I, I placed them down when I was done. So probably the whole, I didn't wear them for most of the day.
38:01 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
38:02 Speaker 01 But I could've used a little fucking zhuzh up by day three, for sure.
38:06 H. Foley? It's funny you mention that, cause I got into a thing. I had showered.
38:10 Speaker 01 Shirts.
38:11 H. Foley? Rigorously.
38:11 Speaker 01 What?
38:11 H. Foley? Before we left.
38:12 Speaker 01 This is not-
38:13 H. Foley? And then we flew. Um, and I didn't shower before that show. And then the next morning, we traveled. And I didn't shower until that night. And I wore the same socks.
38:26 Speaker 01 That's not great for you, probably. But no showering, your shoes aren't in the best. I was at least had, I, I was jumping between new shoes and travel shoes.
38:35 H. Foley? These are brand new shoes.
38:36 Speaker 01 Okay.
38:37 H. Foley? Kevin?
38:37 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
38:38 H. Foley? Got them at Kohl's.
38:42 Speaker 01 You're a wild, you're a wild man, dude.
38:45 H. Foley? They're Amity's.
38:48 H. Foley? Belarusian for Adidas. Nice, you wouldn't know that I bought those at Kohl's?
38:53 Speaker 01 I do now that I see them. I never looked at them. They're tight. Those things are, they look like a ballerina.
38:58 H. Foley? Ones are, ones are nine, ones are twelve and a half.
39:02 Speaker 01 They're both laps.
39:04 H. Foley? Very painful. God, I remember when I figured that out as a kid. Cause I wore my shoes on the wrong feet for like a day and I couldn't understand. It was like, you know, probably I was in like before kindergarten, like when I was responsible for putting on my own shoes. I remember I did that once and I was like, what is wrong with these things? And then I realized that they go a certain way.
39:28 Speaker 01 Sure.
39:29 H. Foley? You know?
39:32 Speaker 01 He's getting smarter.
39:33 H. Foley? Struck out at that dance though.
39:36 Speaker 01 He kept going in a circle.
39:38 H. Foley? Couldn't do the hokey pokey for shit. Kim, let's talk about Chime.
39:42 Speaker 01 Chime!
39:43 H. Foley? As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick.
39:46 Speaker 01 You ain't lying, big man.
39:46 H. Foley? Things start adding up.
39:48 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
39:48 H. Foley? You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking, make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right, watch out for bank fees, all that kinda stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish, I could go back and say, hey, I wish I had Chime.
40:03 Speaker 01 I know. Listen, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is. Then you got these big corporate banks coming after you.
40:15 H. Foley? Overdraft fees.
40:16 Speaker 01 Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, that is, oh, oh, five, five dollars for this, ten dollars for that. They got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular, everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to $200 fee-free. Look at that. I know I need that, dog. Uh, right now you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage. That's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now, it only takes a few minutes.
40:57 H. Foley? Do it.
41:11 Speaker 04 When you shop Kroger delivery, you can expect the savings you love and fresh groceries delivered right to your door. From delicious produce to everyday essentials, enjoy the convenience of delivery and the trusted selection you've come to know from Kroger. Because bringing you fresh, quality groceries is what we do best. Right now, enjoy free delivery on orders of $50 or more with your digital coupon. Restrictions apply, see site for details. Kroger, fresh for everyone.
41:39 H. Foley? Great question.
41:43 Speaker 01 Yeah, this is from DL. Are you garbage if you won't buy Win for Life scratch offs? Because if you win, you think they're gonna kill you to avoid paying.
41:50 H. Foley? That's my kind of paranoia.
41:52 Speaker 01 That's the level of paranoia we're looking for here, dude. Just like that Win for Life, of course somebody be out to get ya.
41:58 H. Foley? Take the lump sum.
41:59 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah, that's what they, that's what, the one thing I remember from my, I was so bad. There's certain things I've learned that my brain can just not comprehend.
42:10 H. Foley? Sure.
42:11 Speaker 01 Economics and finance.
42:12 H. Foley? Oh, that's not good to hear.
42:14 Speaker 01 But, I'm not in charge of the economy.
42:16 H. Foley? You're in charge of my economy, which ain't doing well. Now it all makes sense.
42:21 Speaker 01 That's, you have made all of your own poor decisions.
42:25 H. Foley? But you're in charge, you're, okay, let me rephrase that.
42:26 Speaker 01 No, if I was in charge, you would not be in the position you're in.
42:29 H. Foley? Oh, that's true.
42:30 Speaker 01 I've, I've asked you to put me in charge, I've asked you to listen to me, to listen to my advice, to listen to my advice from the professionals that we pay, yet you refuse to, and you're in your current position.
42:41 H. Foley? That's how you ruin weekends.
42:43 Speaker 01 And you keep saying, "I just need a few more months."
42:46 H. Foley? Playing it smart's about the most dangerous thing a girl like I could do.
42:51 Speaker 01 Got two different shoes on right now.
42:54 H. Foley? That's from Moonstruck. Playing it safe is about the most dangerous thing a girl like you could do. Love that, Moonstruck. Folks, if you haven't seen it, check it out. Fantastic. Love that share.
43:06 Speaker 01 But those things I couldn't, the Win for Life, all that kind of, or the, the only one thing I remember from my finance class was a dollar today is worth more than a dollar tomorrow, always take the lump sum.
43:19 H. Foley? So what, so what's all this bullshit with people doing, uh, um, retirement funds? Get it now. If a dollar today is worth more than a dollar tomorrow.
43:28 Speaker 01 This is because the financial advisor is trying to make a retirement fund for you.
43:33 H. Foley? No, they have one.
43:34 Speaker 01 It is if you invest it.
43:36 H. Foley? In what?
43:37 Speaker 01 Anything. You ta- so.
43:40 H. Foley? I thought they had it invested.
43:42 Speaker 01 What? No, but that is your money.
43:44 H. Foley? Right.
43:44 Speaker 01 The retirement money is your money.
43:45 H. Foley? Right.
43:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, and you've put it in an account.
43:48 H. Foley? I haven't. He did.
43:49 Speaker 01 Yes, we're trying to. Conservatorship.
43:54 Speaker 01 The doll- they hold the dollar. The lottery holds a dollar till they give it to you in 35 years.
43:59 H. Foley? Okay.
43:59 Speaker 01 And a dollar in 35 years due to inflation is less than a dollar today.
44:03 H. Foley? I got you.
44:03 Speaker 01 If you take the dollar today, you can put it in a retirement account.
44:06 H. Foley? I got you.
44:07 Speaker 01 And it'll make you money. Meanwhile, it's sitting in their account and making them money.
44:10 H. Foley? Yeah.
44:10 Speaker 01 They're playing the markets. They're- they're- they're switching to yen overnight. That's what my dad always said. They're- they're your money. Ah, you think that's your money? They convert it to yen overnight and play the markets over there while you're sleeping. I said, "Listen, you don't have any money, okay?" They just repo the car. Shut up.
44:26 H. Foley? But they do, though.
44:27 Speaker 01 What?
44:28 H. Foley? They do that shit.
44:29 Speaker 01 Sure. Why do you- why do you care?
44:32 H. Foley? I don't know.
44:32 Speaker 01 Yeah.
44:33 H. Foley? I want to get into the Hong Kong yen. Get over there and mix it up a little bit. Wear them suits. Have late dinners.
44:40 Speaker 01 Is that what they do?
44:41 H. Foley? Yeah, that's what they do. Then they shoot themselves sitting on a park bench with a briefcase because it all goes south. Those guys work their asses off over there. That and Japanese stockbrokers? Those guys are on edge.
44:53 Speaker 01 I want to get in the tuna game.
44:54 H. Foley? Really?
44:56 Speaker 01 Black. Black market tuna.
44:58 H. Foley? Fish?
44:59 Speaker 01 What?
45:00 H. Foley? He said you don't eat tuna fish.
45:01 Speaker 01 I don't want to eat it. I want to get a fleet of boats. Go out there. Poach.
45:06 H. Foley? No, you know what we should do?
45:08 Speaker 01 You just took that serious? Nah, nah, nah.
45:11 H. Foley? No, we should go- we should take a fishing trip and go out and catch one of those huge tunas for like 200 grand.
45:20 H. Foley? What, that's stupid?
45:21 Speaker 01 I mean, you act like they're all- you can just catch them?
45:24 H. Foley? I saw a video of some lady calling by herself.
45:29 Speaker 01 Okay. What do you want me to do?
45:31 H. Foley? I want you to get us out there.
45:34 Speaker 01 Put that fish in a retirement fund.
45:36 H. Foley? Yeah.
45:36 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
45:37 H. Foley? Then we can sell it after our little meal.
45:41 Speaker 01 You show up, it's all bones.
45:44 H. Foley? It's a three hour trip back. Starving.
45:47 Speaker 01 Um.
45:48 H. Foley? And I would have it all because you wouldn't eat it. You don't like it.
45:50 Speaker 01 You'd have to pay me for my half, though.
45:52 H. Foley? I'm not gonna eat the whole goddamn thing. We're just gonna have lunch. You gotta, you gotta feel dressed it out there anyway.
45:59 Speaker 01 No.
45:59 H. Foley? You got that thing swimming around in the fucking boat?
46:02 Speaker 01 You don't swi- you don't, you brain them. You take a little, they sell like aluminum baseball bats, you fucking.
46:06 H. Foley? I don't wanna do that.
46:07 Speaker 01 They don't have central nervous systems.
46:09 H. Foley? Yeah, right.
46:09 Speaker 01 You don't think he'd do that to you if he had the chance? He'd have you strung up on a dock, selling you.
46:15 H. Foley? Come on, man, I'll let you go!
46:16 Speaker 01 He'd be doing that thing where he fucking sticks the thing in him, pulls out your meat to see how red you are.
46:21 H. Foley? Oh.
46:21 Speaker 01 Oh, man. Imagine that.
46:24 H. Foley? Ah! God damn it!
46:26 Speaker 01 What the fuck? I told you I'd play along.
46:28 H. Foley? Um, I wonder why they don't bring them back alive? And then sell them alive?
46:34 Speaker 01 I think you gotta get them on ice, right? They, they fucking, they salt them and ice them, I think, or something like that.
46:39 H. Foley? Or just carry them behind the ship in the water.
46:41 Speaker 01 You tote them backwards. The water goes in their gills.
46:44 H. Foley? Oh.
46:44 Speaker 01 Kills them.
46:45 H. Foley? Nah, I don't wanna do that.
46:46 Speaker 01 What do you mean?
46:47 H. Foley? I wanna keep them alive, I don't wanna kill them. And I wanna make some money off of them.
46:52 Speaker 01 You wanna kill them? What do you think they're gonna do with them? What do you think? They're gonna put them in a big aquarium? And feed them breadcrumbs?
46:59 H. Foley? Like the house in Green Mile?
47:00 Speaker 01 The Yakuza's gonna be eating them in 25 minutes.
47:03 H. Foley? Shit. Well, what are you gonna do? Can't stop the yen.
47:09 Speaker 01 Uh.
47:10 H. Foley? Alright.
47:11 Speaker 01 What do you got, Luke? I saw you tie, I saw you fucking clicking away over there.
47:14 Speaker 03 Yeah, they immediately freeze them as soon as they get them on the vessel. Send them to factories that use ultra-low temperatures to create sashimi-grade filets.
47:22 H. Foley? Mmm, sashimi. More of a sushi man, like a little rice.
47:29 Speaker 01 I don't touch the stuff, I'm a goddamn patriot.
47:33 H. Foley? Forget Pearl Harbor, huh?
47:36 Speaker 01 Uh, alright, let's see here. This one's from Blue Moon Bozo. Great name. $10 homie, never had one read. "Are you garbage if you had to get your tie tied for homecoming at the bar that your mom goes to because no one at the house knew how to tie a tie?"
47:48 H. Foley? Holy shit.
47:49 Speaker 01 Man.
47:49 H. Foley? She's not home taking pictures of ya? She's out at the bar getting sauced?
47:53 Speaker 01 Well, maybe she was there. She was at home and said, "The only people I know, the only guys I, gentlemen I know who would know how to tie a tie are at the bar." Either way.
48:02 H. Foley? Shout out to her.
48:03 Speaker 01 It's getting the job done, though, you know? I think, I remember, I forget, I forgot who tied tied, somebody, I think the guy had a tie mine. The photographer tied mine for, uh, my graduation pictures.
48:20 H. Foley? Where's your daddy, boy? He run off, sir. Hey, your mom over there?
48:26 Speaker 01 He's playing the, yeah, he's playing, he's playing the markets in Hong Kong. Uh...
48:30 H. Foley? I knew how to tie a tie from an early age. Dad taught me. Every morning. Brutal.
48:36 Speaker 01 Wake up, put your sweatpants on, one leg at a time, just like the rest of us.
48:39 H. Foley? He'd wake up and he'd sling right over the bed. Oh, man, that morning breath would hit ya like a fucking megaphone. Brutal. He'd tie it up, "Yeah, here." Keep it for a couple of days, then he'd get fucked up, come back, he'd try it again.
48:53 Speaker 01 I, I see that now with my, with my, with little Kipperino, in the middle of the night.
48:58 H. Foley? He's wearing ties?
48:58 Speaker 01 No, my breath will fucking, it'll smack him in the face a little bit, yeah. Hey, what do you want from me?
49:07 H. Foley? Adult-
49:07 Speaker 01 I'm parched!
49:08 H. Foley? Adult humans smell-
49:10 Speaker 01 He fucking woke me up at 3 in the morning, it's not like I-
49:13 H. Foley? Adult humans smell so bad to, uh, human children. It's crazy.
49:19 Speaker 01 Why do you, why do you say "human" so many times?
49:21 H. Foley? I don't know.
49:21 Speaker 01 Why don't you just say "adults" and "kids"?
49:22 H. Foley? I don't know.
49:26 Speaker 01 Fucking wacko?
49:29 H. Foley? I don't know.
49:29 Speaker 01 To human babies and offspring.
49:31 H. Foley? But I'm often curious what, uh, I've asked a couple of my cousins when they were, when they were younger. I was like, what do I smell like to you? Or what do I look like to you? Because, you know, their eyes are different.
49:43 Speaker 01 I gotta guess. Heaters and Swedish meatball.
49:47 H. Foley? Because when you're a kid.
49:48 Speaker 01 A little bit of sashimi.
49:49 H. Foley? Like they, they, you know, like, like you look like a younger guy to me. It's like when you watch football and you still think they're older than you, but not now. That Cooper Dejean, hey, young kid. Tight body on that guy too. Run you over. Anyway. I'm always curious about what I look like to younger eyes. Does that make sense? Like if I look like an old fat man.
50:15 Speaker 01 Nah, probably like, you know, young fucking jack athlete is what I.
50:19 H. Foley? That's not what I meant.
50:19 Speaker 01 Well, what do you mean?
50:20 H. Foley? I don't know.
50:20 Speaker 01 You just said if I look like an old fat man, you're overweight and you're 50 and you have gray hair.
50:26 H. Foley? No, when you put it like that.
50:27 Speaker 01 Oh, I don't know. It's like, yeah, I mean, talk about detached from reality.
50:30 H. Foley? You can forget about our fishing trip.
50:35 H. Foley? I'll catch the tune on my own.
50:36 Speaker 01 Uh huh. Hey, what do I look like to you? It's all fucking bugger.
50:41 H. Foley? I don't really give a shit, man. You're about to kill me. No, I'm not.
50:44 Speaker 01 You're biting them?
50:47 Speaker 01 Uh, yeah. Hachi machi gang. Um, all right. This one's from Anita Heater. Great name.
50:55 H. Foley? Fantastic.
50:55 Speaker 01 You ever get caught with a dryer sheet stuck on you somewhere? If so, when? Mine was a first date with my ex-wife.
51:01 H. Foley? Dryer sheet. You said dryer street.
51:05 Speaker 01 Okay.
51:05 H. Foley? I'm gonna let that one go.
51:10 H. Foley? Anyway.
51:10 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
51:11 H. Foley? I have had socks in my jeans. I've had females underwear in my jeans.
51:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, on you.
51:22 H. Foley? It's a joke, it's a joke.
51:24 Speaker 01 I remember the first time I ever saw that.
51:26 H. Foley? What, ladies underwear?
51:27 Speaker 01 A guy wearing ladies underwear.
51:28 H. Foley? About two weeks ago? A guy wearing ladies underwear?
51:31 Speaker 01 Uh huh. What year did we meet? Uh, yeah.
51:35 H. Foley? I've had on ladies underwear before.
51:37 Speaker 01 Sure.
51:38 H. Foley? You know?
51:39 Speaker 01 Whale tail.
51:40 H. Foley? Not, no.
51:41 Speaker 01 I've seen that video.
51:42 H. Foley? In a situation. I wasn't wearing it out of the house.
51:45 Speaker 01 Hey, Oscar De La Hoya, zip it.
51:47 H. Foley? Freaky.
51:48 Speaker 01 You ever see those pictures?
51:49 H. Foley? What are you gonna do?
51:50 Speaker 01 I know, but then he's like, listen, we've all done. His speech is pretty good. He's like talking on a podcast, like, listen, we've all done stuff to try to get a little bit of ass. And everybody's like, whoa.
52:02 H. Foley? He was partying a lot.
52:03 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
52:04 H. Foley? You get yacked up, you start doing freaky dick shit.
52:06 Speaker 01 I'm not, listen, I'm not judging him.
52:07 H. Foley? Still knocking the fuck out.
52:08 Speaker 01 He tried to like link it into like, he was talking to like five dudes, and they're like, you guys know, right? They're all like, what the fuck? Fucking cameras are rolling here, chief. Um, yeah, first time I saw a guy wearing a thong blew my mind.
52:21 H. Foley? Where'd you see that?
52:22 Speaker 01 It was hard as a rock.
52:23 H. Foley? Where?
52:24 Speaker 01 I'm kidding. Uh, at the X Games, he was a BMX guy, he was like a BMXer. And we, it was me, Pat, maybe like my boy Delly or somebody and, uh...
52:35 H. Foley? Was he, why was he wearing it? Comfort?
52:37 Speaker 01 I didn't fucking ask him, I, he's a, you know, either comfort or that's how he rolls.
52:40 H. Foley? Are there thongs for men? Maybe it's like an athletic thing.
52:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, you get them at Victoria's. It's not, it was not, listen, I, I got eyes on this thing. There's no way that made you do a backflip quicker.
52:50 H. Foley? It might have been a jockstrap.
52:53 Speaker 01 For the world's smallest cup, this thing was like dental floss.
52:57 Speaker 03 I mean, Foley fashion, yes, thongs are for men and widely available and gaining popularity. From basic G strings. And D bag styles for everyday wear.
53:07 H. Foley? Everyday wear. Right from the office to happy hour.
53:13 H. Foley? With your favorite guy. I'm with it.
53:16 Speaker 01 I'm not against it.
53:16 H. Foley? I like a jockstrap too. I mean, back in the day, guys used to wear them to swimming.
53:23 Speaker 01 Jock straps?
53:26 H. Foley? With a bathing suit over top. Wear like a pair of, pair of shorts.
53:30 Speaker 01 Huh?
53:30 H. Foley? Yeah.
53:31 Speaker 01 They'd wear a jockstrap?
53:34 H. Foley? With a ba- with, with a pair of basketball shorts and that's what you would swim in.
53:38 Speaker 01 What, what's a jockstrap do?
53:40 H. Foley? I don't know. It gives you a little support and it's not as clingy as underwear.
53:46 Speaker 01 Like, you know, like Marco Polo swim or like, uh, breaststroke swim? Like, are they competitively swimming?
53:52 H. Foley? No, no, leisure swim. Like at the pool.
53:55 Speaker 01 When was, what years was this?
53:57 H. Foley? Eighties? Go ahead, give it a Google.
53:59 Speaker 01 I'm not a guy, I'm just, I don't understand it, that's all. I'm not, I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just...
54:02 H. Foley? Well, jockstraps were more prevalent back then. You know, people actually wore them for, you know, athletic purposes. I don't know if anybody wears them now.
54:10 Speaker 01 I don't think so.
54:12 H. Foley? In the NFL, no. No one wears jocks.
54:15 Speaker 01 I think that, I think the big thing in hockey is no one wears a cup. Just crazy.
54:19 H. Foley? Oh, fuck that.
54:21 Speaker 01 That thing would liquefy your testes if you get hit. I'm sure that, I mean, I remember playing, not a lot of kids did.
54:27 H. Foley? Turned into a thing of gushers.
54:28 Speaker 03 Uh, I'm getting, Speedos were popular, jockstraps were for sports in the gym.
54:34 H. Foley? That's that bullshit Google or whatever you got.
54:36 Speaker 03 Yeah.
54:36 Speaker 01 I don't believe it on this one, though. I think somebody...
54:39 H. Foley? Well, can you say that, ask it if the, if the, uh...
54:42 Speaker 03 I asked in the eighties.
54:43 H. Foley? Ask if the popularity of jockstraps have gone down.
54:46 Speaker 01 No, I mean, that's for sure.
54:47 Speaker 03 Yeah.
54:48 Speaker 01 No one's saying that's not the case.
54:53 H. Foley? Hmm.
54:54 Speaker 01 I mean, was it, did people wear jockstraps without a cup? Or they were solely a cup in there?
54:59 H. Foley? Sometimes, I wore them without a cup. Sometimes they had ones that didn't have a cup holder in it.
55:04 Speaker 01 Then what's that do? Just keep you...
55:05 H. Foley? It keeps you tight. For, for, you know, it's not, because I think it was boxers. It gets you stretched more. Plus it juices up the ass a little bit, so when you're at fucking right feet, you let the broads know.
55:17 Speaker 01 Not for me.
55:18 Speaker 03 Keeps you open for business.
55:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, fucking pull your butt apart, dude. Fuck, I might concho this thing. Spread my butt apart and everything. Uh, yeah, they were like phased out by the time...
55:31 H. Foley? You couldn't have not liked them.
55:32 Speaker 01 I remember, I put one on once for hockey and I, it just like, when my fat...
55:36 H. Foley? Felt too sexy?
55:37 Speaker 01 My fa-
55:41 H. Foley? You stared hard in the mirror.
55:42 Speaker 01 Start wailing on my... Um, I remember my fat thighs, like the cup couldn't get down, you know, because my legs were rubbing. I didn't have a thigh gap. So it was just like, I think I had like a big cut. And I was just like, it was just so uncomfortable. And I'm like, this seems more trouble than it's worth. I got a small target to begin with, you know?
56:04 H. Foley? You goddamn crack shot that hit me.
56:06 Speaker 01 Have the DC sniper try to pop me one. Hey, you got out there, Eric Lindros?
56:12 H. Foley? Thanks for playing against Robin Hood. I'll be alright.
56:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, and I remember, and, but then no one really wore them. And I think then some of the hockey pants came with like a insert that you could just put the cup right in there. So it was more external than like, you know, part of you.
56:27 H. Foley? I didn't wear one on lacrosse. Because it was too, it hurt too much to run. Same situation. My thighs were too big and my dick was too small.
56:36 Speaker 01 I didn't say that. I want me with you. Shimi dick.
56:41 H. Foley? Trav, cut that.
56:44 Speaker 01 Uh, alright, let's see here. Um, this is, this one's wild and I've this is from Charles Cheese. Uh, $10 Wawa Soft Pretzel Never Had A Question Red. Working at a gas station, is it garbage to ask a customer to bum a heater after you sell them a pack?
57:01 H. Foley? Oh my god. Well, that's where you would do it.
57:04 Speaker 01 Right. I mean, I've, I've bought, I don't know,
57:09 Speaker 01 thousands of packs of heaters at this point. That's at some shady places.
57:14 H. Foley? Just steal a pack.
57:15 Speaker 01 No one's ever asked me. I get it though.
57:19 H. Foley? Just steal a pack. They're not gonna know. Who gives a fuck? A whole pack of cigarettes?
57:24 Speaker 01 Now they start tracking that because that's like the, the, the state taxes. They pay, those became like the most.
57:30 H. Foley? I thought that was a rule anyway. Give a pack, take a pack. Give a penny, take a penny.
57:37 Speaker 01 Um.
57:38 H. Foley? Although if I was the consumer, I would be like, you know, you gotta give me a Tootsie Roll or a nickel piece of gum or something.
57:46 Speaker 01 Really?
57:47 H. Foley? You got things back there to negotiate with?
57:50 Speaker 01 Huh.
57:51 H. Foley? You just bang me out for a $20 pack of cigarettes, now you're hitting me up for one? Talk to your manager.
57:58 Speaker 01 Yeah.
57:58 H. Foley? Of course I would give it to him.
57:59 Speaker 01 Yeah, I would, yeah.
58:01 H. Foley? Still want that piece of gum, though.
58:02 Speaker 01 Sure, something, piece of...
58:03 H. Foley? Double bubble?
58:04 Speaker 01 Reese's Pieces or something.
58:06 H. Foley? No, that's too much. It's gotta be a nickel candy.
58:09 Speaker 01 Reese's cop, I was thinking. I was thinking of a Reese's cop.
58:11 H. Foley? A little banger?
58:11 Speaker 01 Little bangers.
58:12 H. Foley? I'd do that for a peppermint patty. Of course, I'd do a lot for a peppermint patty. Anything I got in those women's underwear.
58:20 H. Foley? That was a Wawa.
58:21 Speaker 01 Um, yeah, I, listen, I think, I mean, I, I'm shocked it's never happened to me. I'd be more o- I'd be totally okay with it.
58:31 Speaker 01 My packet a little bit, I got you, buddy. I hit that, mind hitting that with the trash? There you go, take two.
58:36 H. Foley? Oh, there's a trade-off. Throw that in trash for me, that's good.
58:39 Speaker 01 But a lot, at a lot of questionable places, because of the lottery, there's a trash can typically right next to you.
58:45 H. Foley? Yeah.
58:45 Speaker 01 Anymore. The places in the city don't like doing it because people come in with like fucking Chinese food trash and throw it out. Yeah, it's like...
58:53 H. Foley? Um, what was I gonna say? I always give, when a homeless guy asks, I always give him two. Hey, take two, take one for later.
59:03 Speaker 01 It's not my prouder moment, but I, I, I didn't always give to the homeless guys. Depending on, uh, how quickly, I'd give them one to end the situation. If they came over and asked, depending on, I didn't know, depend. It all depended on an ocular assessment of the guy and how much of a problem this was gonna be.
59:25 H. Foley? Really?
59:26 Speaker 01 Because a lot of times, I mean, where were we? We were just in Rochester. There's the only homeless guy in the whole, this homeless guy clocked us from about three blocks away. Because it, there's nobody... You were sick.
59:36 H. Foley? No.
59:37 Speaker 01 There was nobody with, there was nobody walking around downtown Rochester. This guy clocked us and fucking beelined it and then just got, he was in the middle of our group. Trying to hit us with this and that, guy get this, guy get that. And I, I was one of those things where, in New York, they hit, a lot of times they'll hit you with one thing, hey, can you, yeah, I'm sorry, whatever, I'm working, can't do it. They respect it because they just go right on to the next guy. But there was nobody else walking downtown Rochester.
1:00:01 H. Foley? You're the only guys on the lot.
1:00:02 Speaker 01 Oh my god, this guy was not giving the sale up, dude. He hit us with 15, 20 different responses. How about this? Now how about that? How about this? How about that? I got nothing. You got Venmo. You got this.
1:00:13 H. Foley? Venmo?
1:00:15 Speaker 01 It was you.
1:00:17 H. Foley? I know you got it.
1:00:18 Speaker 01 Hit me up at H. at H. Foley. Um, yeah, but that's a great move. If you're in a jam, I took, that's gotta be the best job. That or like bouncer. Cause so many people are smoking cigs or buying cigs at bars and or gas stations.
1:00:35 H. Foley? And everybody wants to get tight with the bouncer.
1:00:38 Speaker 01 There you go. I'll be right back. I'm popping out.
1:00:40 H. Foley? One of the biggest things in our society, you want the bouncer to like you. Always. Which you, I would have-
1:00:48 Speaker 01 Why is that? Why do we want their approval?
1:00:51 H. Foley? Because they're, they beat you up. They're cool. They're dictating who goes in and who goes out. You look cool if they, if they're cool with you. You know what I mean?
1:01:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, but I'm saying why? Like I, I get, I get it, but like why does, and I'm, I'm, I fall victim to-
1:01:08 H. Foley? They're in a position of power.
1:01:09 Speaker 01 I know, but that's just in that fucking two by two.
1:01:12 H. Foley? I know.
1:01:13 Speaker 01 Why am I, and I'm saying, not you, me, why am I like, I want this guy to like me? Let me in a fucking bar. You don't want me in a bar? I'ma leave. I have plenty of bars around here I can go to.
1:01:22 H. Foley? Take my Reese's cups elsewhere. You, I would have to assume a lot of bouncers, you rubbed the wrong way.
1:01:29 Speaker 03 Depended where I was at in my night.
1:01:31 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
1:01:31 Speaker 03 Yeah. Later in, I was not their favorite customer.
1:01:37 Speaker 01 I don't, I don't think I've ever really been-
1:01:41 H. Foley? Disliked by a bouncer?
1:01:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:01:43 H. Foley? Yeah, me neither.
1:01:44 Speaker 01 I say not like, like, you know, I wasn't their favorite for sure, but like, and when we would get bounced or in like somewhat of a, you know, we were in college, somewhat of a scuffle of some kind or something like that, you know what I mean? A little, some shoving, some, you know, bumping uglies. Put my jar strap on and fucking square up.
1:02:02 H. Foley? I'll be right back.
1:02:04 Speaker 01 I'd come out dressed like Oscar De La Hoya.
1:02:10 H. Foley? Wonder Woman's about to kick your ass.
1:02:14 Speaker 01 I was always like, "Yeah, I get it." I've never argued to get back into a place. And we would, a lot of the, you know, early in our New York comedy career, we were down there in the Village.
1:02:24 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:02:24 Speaker 01 At those bars that are like real bridge and tunnel crowd. It's people on bachelor parties, it's people coming in for the night, just going. They go there to get fucked up and go bar hopping wherever they can get in.
1:02:33 H. Foley? The wagon wheel, whatever it's called.
1:02:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, there was all, Thunder Jackson's was one, the Peng Peculiar Pub, the fucking Red Lion, the Village Lantern, fucking all those kind of bars. Off the Wagon, Three Sheets, they're all just like get fucked up bars. We're like happy hour till midnight, you're like, "What the fuck?"
1:02:52 Speaker 01 Um, people would get thrown out and we'd be like waiting out front, smoking cigs between shows. And then like argue to get back in. And I've, and I get it, but I've just never been to the guy of like, "You physically have removed me from this thing. I'm gonna negotiate my way back in."
1:03:09 H. Foley? Come on, man.
1:03:10 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:03:10 H. Foley? Yeah, me either, I'm out. I've never been thrown out of a bar like that, I don't think.
1:03:14 Speaker 01 Yeah, me either.
1:03:16 H. Foley? Except for that one, and maybe once or twice.
1:03:19 Speaker 01 I remember getting fucking launched out of the Copa Banana on Penn's campus. They had Dollar Lion's heads.
1:03:27 Speaker 01 Pat grabbed a guy's ass. Pat De La Hoya'd somebody. And it turned into an all-out brawl.
1:03:37 H. Foley? That's just good, clean fun.
1:03:41 H. Foley? We've seen, during our time in the Village, we've seen a bouncer or two, uh...
1:03:45 Speaker 01 Murder a guy.
1:03:46 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:03:47 Speaker 01 Essentially, and he's like, "It's cool, I got a license." I'm like, "Not to do what you just did." The cops came and fucking...
1:03:53 H. Foley? Arrested him.
1:03:53 Speaker 01 All right, yeah, that was the last day we saw him.
1:03:55 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:03:55 Speaker 01 He's looking back, he's going, "I'm cool." We're like, "That guy's on his way to the hospital and you are going to Rikers." He came back the next day and apologized.
1:04:04 H. Foley? Yeah. I didn't mean to hit that guy's knuckles so hard with my face.
1:04:08 Speaker 01 I think his head was, hit the pavement.
1:04:10 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:04:10 Speaker 01 Um, it's a dangerous job.
1:04:13 Speaker 03 Those videos were so big and like I knew, I was like, "I'm the guy to get..."
1:04:17 Speaker 01 You'd be bodied, you'd be the guy getting suplexed.
1:04:20 Speaker 03 So I was quickly like, as soon as I got the shoulder tap, I was like, "Let's walk, just walk out the gate."
1:04:25 H. Foley? I completely understand.
1:04:26 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:04:27 Speaker 01 And listen, I'm a dirtbag in the sense of, they're the cops to me, in the sense of...
1:04:34 Speaker 01 Uh, listen, there's a set of rules at this bar. That guy's job is to enforce the rules.
1:04:39 H. Foley? Right?
1:04:41 Speaker 01 Back in the day, there'd be bars that you couldn't smoke in, that we would try to smoke in. Philadelphia.
1:04:47 H. Foley? Why?
1:04:47 Speaker 01 Cause I was a drunk fucking asshole. And they would go all the way upstairs, we'd be down in the... Other people would be doing it. And I wouldn't just be the guy to be like, I wouldn't be like ordering at the bar, like, can I get a fucking meatball sub? But you'd be in the basement of a certain bar, it'd be packed, you know, Erin Express or something like that. And it would be like, you tried not to get caught, but if you got caught, I'd go, "You got me red-handed." Whatever I was doing wrong, they gave me cat and mouse. They ultimately got me.
1:05:14 H. Foley? Toss you out.
1:05:15 Speaker 01 I'd leave, you know?
1:05:18 Speaker 01 Well, listen, there's plenty of Irish pubs I can go to, you know what I mean? Plenty of bars.
1:05:23 H. Foley? You think I could fucking strike out at any bar in town?
1:05:26 Speaker 01 I'm purping. I got the hiccups.
1:05:30 H. Foley? Plenty of broads slap me in the face. I don't need you.
1:05:36 H. Foley? I do have an order of wings coming though, they gonna be alright?
1:05:38 Speaker 01 You wrap them up to go.
1:05:42 H. Foley? Woo wee!
1:05:43 Speaker 01 Aw, man. Um, this is just a pro move, uh, this is from John V. Never had one read it. Is it garbage to splash water on yourself while washing your hands to cover up a pee stain that you got from finishing up in the bathroom? That's, that's the gentleman's thing. You come out with, I would even take it one step further.
1:06:01 Speaker 01 Have your hands a little wet, wait till you see your party, and then be like, "Fucking, no, no, ran out of paper towels, sinks, someone took this screen out of the sink to smoke crack in the bathroom." Should find the bouncer, kick them out of here. I would do that. You know what I mean?
1:06:17 H. Foley? A pee stain?
1:06:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:06:18 H. Foley? Luckily for me.
1:06:20 Speaker 01 Your shirt covers it?
1:06:21 H. Foley? My shirt covers it.
1:06:22 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
1:06:23 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:06:23 Speaker 01 Phil X.
1:06:26 H. Foley? A lot of pee stains?
1:06:27 Speaker 01 Wears khakis and every picture, he's got the little fucking quarter spot.
1:06:34 H. Foley? Little pee stain?
1:06:34 Speaker 01 Little, little, little dabble, do ya? It's just a tough look.
1:06:38 H. Foley? Yeah.
1:06:38 Speaker 01 It's just a tough fucking look. And listen, there's been times when you've been at the sink, you turn the water on and it blasts up, you're not expecting it. So it's believable.
1:06:47 H. Foley? Or as a heavier guy, you, you lean against the sink and don't realize it and your shirt gets that.
1:06:53 Speaker 01 That's easier though. You got pee in your belly button. You don't have a belly button. I've seen the photographic, photographic evidence. Uh, all right, we gotta wrap it up though, gang.
1:07:02 H. Foley? See my other sweatpants? Gang, we love you to death. Grab tickets to come see the boys, uh, the big tour.
1:07:08 Speaker 01 The big tour, ah, yes.
1:07:09 H. Foley? Starts in March.
1:07:10 Speaker 01 Yeah. Still, it's happening, still happening.
1:07:12 H. Foley? Happening.
1:07:13 Speaker 01 Take a little bit of a hiatus. We're coming back with, uh, starting in March with Austin and Tampa. We're doing a weekend down there at the creek and we're doing a weekend down there at one of our fave side splitters. Shout out to fucking Tampa, Florida. They're gonna be our only Florida shows for the year, so fucking...
1:07:28 H. Foley? Get them ticks.
1:07:28 Speaker 01 Get the Orlando, uh, South Florida, come up, make a weekend of it.
1:07:32 H. Foley? Please. We love you. We'll see you tomorrow. Peace.
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