Pod Insights Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance About this episode Are You Garbage presents comedian and podcast host Ian Fidance! This episode, no one is safe. You know Ian Fidance from stand up comedy, Bein' Ian with Jordan, Kill Tony, The Joe Rogan Experience, The Adam Friedland Show, First Date, Stavvy's World, Your Mom's House, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, Harland Highway and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show!
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Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.
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Transcript Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 H. Foley? Hotchi machi gang that back on the block tour is coming to a city near you. So grab the entire squad and come on out and see the boys stand up comedy and then we play a little are you garbage with the crowd. It's a good, good time.
0:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, we got Atlantic City, San Francisco, second show out in Portland, Seattle, Brea, California, Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Atlanta, Charlotte, Raleigh, Richmond, Baltimore, Philly, Rochester and Toronto. All tickets available at are you garbage.com.
0:24 H. Foley? Do it.
0:26 Speaker 02 Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley.
0:45 H. Foley? Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?
0:51 Speaker 01 Hey.
0:52 H. Foley? It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they have to agree to be classy.
0:56 Speaker 01 Ah.
0:57 H. Foley? They're just a big old piece of trash.
0:58 Speaker 01 Garbage.
0:59 H. Foley? I'm your host, H Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a new addition. She's up on the roof threatening to jump. Starting that bullshit early this year. I told her, jump. My cows is coming at you right next to me. Little too close, Kate puts, huh? He is the CEO of Are You Garbage?
1:22 Speaker 01 Trying to get away from the ashtray over here. This guy came rolling in like a three alarm soot fire. Hey buddy, lay off the peat, will you?
1:36 H. Foley? Hey, sweeping chimneys? He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international businessman and he's my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody.
1:46 Speaker 01 What up, gang? Shout out to you as always. Thanks for tuning in. Make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, full video available over there on Spotify, part of the creators program. Uh, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com/areyougarbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang.
2:01 H. Foley? Yes, sir. And how about a nice big shout out to our good pal back with us again today. He's family. He's absolute family.
2:09 Speaker 01 You can't get rid of me.
2:11 H. Foley? The meds aren't working. He just darted in from Penn Station.
2:15 Speaker 03 Yes.
2:16 H. Foley? He has enough luggage for the weekend that he had.
2:18 Speaker 03 Yes.
2:19 H. Foley? As if he was Ja Ja Gabor.
2:20 Speaker 01 I mean, that's crazy.
2:21 Speaker 03 I came from Ro- I went from Rochester to Los Angeles to Philadelphia to Delaware and now I'm here.
2:27 Speaker 01 Playing the big markets.
2:28 Speaker 03 Yes.
2:28 Speaker 01 Rochester, Delaware.
2:31 H. Foley? You look like you should be sold outside of a gas station. Put that up.
2:34 Speaker 01 What?
2:35 H. Foley? Ian Fidance, ladies and gentlemen. Our good friend. Ian Fidance is with us today.
2:41 Speaker 03 Hey, everybody.
2:42 Speaker 01 Thanks for coming, man.
2:43 Speaker 03 Thank you for having me, fellas.
2:45 Speaker 01 Always.
2:45 H. Foley? There's something very Bob Ross about you today, even more so.
2:48 Speaker 01 You have some good color or something. Did you go tanning?
2:50 Speaker 03 Thank you. I was in Los Angeles.
2:53 Speaker 01 Wow.
2:54 Speaker 03 And then walking around Philadelphia and then-
2:57 Speaker 01 What did you go to in Philly?
2:58 Speaker 03 Sat on the front porch, front steps of my mom's house, outside, sun's shining.
3:04 H. Foley? Power lines got you?
3:06 Speaker 01 Got zapped. What did you do in, uh, what'd you do in Philly? Any of the old haunts? Did you go around? Did you get any good food?
3:12 Speaker 03 Woo!
3:12 Speaker 01 What's a guy like you, you know, you're headlining a nice weekend down there?
3:16 Speaker 03 Thank, shout out everybody that came out.
3:18 Speaker 01 You go hand out flyers or something? What'd you do?
3:19 Speaker 03 It was, it was awesome.
3:21 H. Foley? He's barking.
3:21 Speaker 03 Packed it out.
3:24 Speaker 01 Hey, we're big fans of packing it out. Packing it out. It's not sold out, but it's packed out.
3:28 Speaker 03 Uh, not so- Close is sold out. Punchline. Close.
3:32 H. Foley? Host, host feature and headliner.
3:34 Speaker 03 Oh, me?
3:36 H. Foley? Save a little money.
3:36 Speaker 03 You got more money. Uh, I commuted from-
3:39 H. Foley? I'll bring myself up.
3:39 Speaker 03 I commuted from my mother's house in Delaware, kept the travel by after myself.
3:43 Speaker 01 Did you really?
3:43 Speaker 03 No. I stayed at the hotel.
3:46 H. Foley? The only guy to ask to pick up a waiting table station while he's working.
3:50 Speaker 01 Hey, guys, my feature's up. I can do some food running.
3:54 Speaker 01 I just won 15% of all gratuity.
3:56 Speaker 03 You know, I can park cars until about 30 minutes into the show, right?
3:59 Speaker 01 Just light them and I'll-
4:01 Speaker 03 Uh, what'd I do? Oh, I ate way too many cheese steaks.
4:05 Speaker 01 Where'd you go?
4:06 Speaker 03 Oh, I went to Campos. I got gyms at 2:00 in the morning. The late show was rough. Had to eat it away. And then I got Campos again and then Gino's, uh, last night in. I wanted to go to Steve Prince's Stakes, but I didn't have enough time. They let me do WMMR Friday morning at like 8:00 AM, which was awesome. And then I did some black show where it's for Fox Soul. And, uh, it was, it got a little feisty. I threw in some honey chow's in there.
4:37 H. Foley? What are you talking about?
4:38 Speaker 03 There's on Fox Philly 29.
4:41 H. Foley? There's a Fox Philly Soul Station?
4:43 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's, it's Fox 29.
4:45 H. Foley? He's up there line dancing.
4:49 H. Foley? Shoot.
4:50 Speaker 03 Shoot, da you. Shoot, da you. Shoot, it's Spindarella, y'all.
4:55 H. Foley? Now Ian fight dance with the weather. Man, they're trying to shit in this motherfucker.
5:01 Speaker 03 Gonna be some wind. You gonna have to keep your hats on.
5:04 H. Foley? About to bust out my shawl pants.
5:08 H. Foley? I apologize.
5:13 Speaker 03 They go, they go, Ian, what do you think about this Drake and Kendrick beef? And I go, fellas, I think that beef is expired.
5:21 H. Foley? Man, you the weirdest white motherfucker I ever met. God damn.
5:24 Speaker 03 Where'd we get this boy?
5:25 H. Foley? I said he was a comedian.
5:26 Speaker 03 Ah, this boy comes straight out the schu-.
5:28 H. Foley? Tattoos and turquoise jewelry, shit.
5:31 Speaker 03 Shit.
5:32 H. Foley? You jerky.
5:34 Speaker 03 Ian on my block.
5:35 H. Foley? I'm not fucking coming here like a seminal.
5:39 H. Foley? We have to cut this, right? What do we do? I'm sorry.
5:45 Speaker 03 Miss Ian, you a wild one. I said, old child, you don't even know.
5:53 Speaker 03 You bring the spice, I'll bring the flavor.
5:55 H. Foley? Now, I heard you like to get a little freaky deaky.
6:03 H. Foley? Instead of going, I heard you like to swing both ways?
6:07 H. Foley? Now I have here that you swing both ways?
6:09 Speaker 03 So it's a, you a switch hitter.
6:12 Speaker 03 You need a lord.
6:13 H. Foley? We would call that the DL.
6:19 H. Foley? Just a regular black guy trying to figure you out. Our next guest is going straight to hell.
6:26 Speaker 03 We had Miss Pat on the podcast and she was like, I ain't never been around something like this before.
6:33 H. Foley? Oh, my God.
6:34 Speaker 03 And I was like, but you have a gay daughter. She's like, but she ain't like you.
6:37 H. Foley? No.
6:44 Speaker 03 Tattoos ain't the only thing that's colorful.
6:48 Speaker 03 Come on now.
6:49 Speaker 01 So the weekend was good?
6:50 H. Foley? That was terrible.
6:50 Speaker 03 Weekend was good? Weekend was good. Went to the old Laugh House?
6:54 H. Foley? Did you?
6:54 Speaker 03 Boarded it up.
6:55 H. Foley? Oh.
6:55 Speaker 03 Yep. Me, Shaner and Drew Montana ended up getting coffee right across the street.
7:00 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
7:01 Speaker 03 So we were just telling old Philly stories and it was really fun and then I went to reap our records.
7:06 H. Foley? Sounds boring as shit. The whole weekend sounds like it.
7:09 Speaker 03 What do you want me to say?
7:10 H. Foley? We ate a bunch of cheesesteaks bombed on local TV.
7:13 Speaker 03 I didn't, I crushed on local TV. Let me tell you. They made a clip. They liked it a lot. Got caught in a rainstorm. What more do you want from me?
7:23 Speaker 01 Whoa.
7:24 Speaker 03 Got broken up with in between shows.
7:26 H. Foley? Ahhh, now we get to it.
7:29 Speaker 03 Yep, yep.
7:30 Speaker 01 Was this the?
7:31 H. Foley? Let the mania begin.
7:34 Speaker 03 Didn't sleep much. We're going off the rails on a new train. Bing-a-dang-a-ding-a-dag-a-ding-a-dag-a, call me back. Bing-a-dang-a-ding-a-dag-a-ding-a-dag-a, I know where you live.
7:48 H. Foley? Trying to kill yourself with cheese whiz.
7:50 Speaker 03 Well, dude, it was funny. She broke, broke up with me via text in between shows and we thought it'd be funny to take a picture with me and a knife up to my neck and be like, "You need to talk to me right now. Rethink this."
8:02 Speaker 01 Who's the "we"? You and the other voices in your head?
8:05 Speaker 03 I thought I was at the comedy club. Turns out I was just on Twelveth Orange.
8:09 H. Foley? I'm sorry to hear that, man.
8:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, sorry.
8:12 H. Foley? Was this a new thing? Was it fresh? It'd have been a while?
8:14 Speaker 03 We met like two months ago.
8:15 H. Foley? Okay.
8:16 Speaker 03 At a whirlwind week in LA.
8:17 Speaker 01 This was the, you had, you had just met the last one when we did your podcast. You had just met said person.
8:23 Speaker 03 Yes, yes, yes, yes.
8:25 Speaker 01 You were razzing at the time for that.
8:26 Speaker 03 Yes, yes.
8:27 H. Foley? So it was a long distance thing?
8:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, but she came to visit New York. Really fun. And then when she went back to LA, she was like, "Look, like I..."
8:35 Speaker 01 You are weird.
8:38 Speaker 01 That apartment is grody.
8:40 Speaker 03 I got it cleaned.
8:41 H. Foley? I saw your Fox Soul segment.
8:45 Speaker 03 And I've never been more in love. So, yeah, she was like, "Look, I want to be like in a very committed relationship. I don't think we're gonna be compatible." And I was like, "All right." They like threw me off.
8:59 Speaker 01 The hell you even mean compatible?
9:00 Speaker 03 Two weeks later, I see her, it was great. We get back together, I asked her if she wanted to go steady, she said, "Yes." And then, uh...
9:09 H. Foley? Who live at my mom's?
9:10 Speaker 03 Broke up with me two days later.
9:13 Speaker 01 Hope you like cats.
9:15 Speaker 03 But there were like a lot of red flags. So when she was like, "Hey, this is it."
9:19 H. Foley? With you?
9:19 Speaker 03 I was like, "No, with her! I'm a green flag."
9:22 H. Foley? What?
9:22 Speaker 03 I'm a fun time guy. What did name a red flag about me? Can't see?
9:29 Speaker 01 Hey, cat got your tongue?
9:31 H. Foley? It starts and ends with the rings.
9:33 Speaker 03 These are good.
9:34 H. Foley? That's too much silver.
9:35 Speaker 03 No, it's not!
9:37 H. Foley? Are you hunting vampires?
9:38 Speaker 03 The rings are good, because when they come off, it means business.
9:43 Speaker 03 My eyes go black like a wing of crow.
9:45 H. Foley? Ian only fingers?
9:46 Speaker 03 Yeah.
9:48 H. Foley? Maybe that was something. Ah, do you have anything in her place that you have to go back and get?
9:54 Speaker 03 Just a bunch of minion stuff I gave her.
9:57 H. Foley? Red flag number two.
9:58 Speaker 03 She told me she really loved the minion rides at Universal.
10:01 H. Foley? Hey, I told you, I've never seen the movie, okay?
10:04 Speaker 01 I said they're kinda cute.
10:05 Speaker 03 I stole her a bunch of minion stuff and gave her one, and then the more I gave her, the more I had to be like, "Ah, this is a joke."
10:11 H. Foley? Are you gonna ask him for them back?
10:12 Speaker 03 Yeah, can I please have my minion bucket hat back, please?
10:16 H. Foley? You and the minions all in the car driving across country?
10:21 Speaker 01 He's in the backseat. He's not even driving.
10:26 H. Foley? I said left!
10:28 Speaker 03 We'll find her soon!
10:38 H. Foley? Can't think of why she decided to.
10:40 Speaker 01 Think about it. He asked her to go steady, she said okay, cause she didn't, she was afraid in the moment, and then he sent her a bunch of minions.
10:49 H. Foley? And then a picture with a knife up there.
10:51 Speaker 03 No, no, that was a joke, I didn't send it. Should I?
10:55 H. Foley? It was a gun.
10:55 Speaker 01 We were bouncing bits.
10:57 Speaker 03 Yeah, this was a bit.
10:58 H. Foley? Alright, well I'm sorry to hear that, pal.
11:00 Speaker 03 No, it's totally fine.
11:01 H. Foley? Well, look at this, you got, you got, you got the whole summer ahead of you.
11:03 Speaker 03 Look at that.
11:04 H. Foley? Freewheeling, single Ian.
11:05 Speaker 03 This is the summer of Ian.
11:06 H. Foley? Look out.
11:06 Speaker 03 Yes, I'm on the road.
11:08 H. Foley? No one's safe.
11:09 Speaker 03 Charles, Kentucky.
11:10 Speaker 01 Lock your door, lock your doors.
11:12 Speaker 03 By the way.
11:13 Speaker 01 Fucking Christ.
11:14 Speaker 03 I got tested, negative on.
11:21 Speaker 03 What is a spectrum?
11:23 Speaker 01 I don't know, but it ain't cable, baby.
11:27 H. Foley? This guy's direct TV, huh?
11:29 Speaker 01 Hey, someone go up there and move this guy's dish.
11:32 Speaker 03 Direct to video.
11:33 Speaker 01 Signals coming in fuzzy.
11:35 H. Foley? Ian don't work when it's raining.
11:38 H. Foley? It's all scrambled.
11:39 Speaker 03 When I work construction, I would call out when it rained. I don't like the rain.
11:44 Speaker 01 That's one thing you know about me.
11:46 H. Foley? Bye, guys.
11:47 Speaker 01 I don't like the rain.
11:49 Speaker 03 I don't like the rain, I don't like wet socks. Henny, it's not happening.
11:55 Speaker 01 I don't like wet socks.
11:56 H. Foley? These high heels are brand new.
11:58 Speaker 03 Dude, actually, the, uh, the guy.
12:00 Speaker 01 I gotta run in my stockings.
12:02 Speaker 03 The guy who I, uh, who taught me how to be a carpenter.
12:05 H. Foley? What's going on there, kid?
12:06 Speaker 01 You just wiped your face off.
12:09 Speaker 01 You just wiped all your features down two inches.
12:12 Speaker 03 I'm trying to grab my eyes, bring them to the front of my skull.
12:14 H. Foley? Etch and sketch finance, everybody. Get near a magnet, your whole face disappears.
12:19 Speaker 01 Stop shaking.
12:20 Speaker 03 The guy who taught me how to be a carpenter that I work construction with, he came to the gig, uh, Saturday night.
12:25 H. Foley? Nice.
12:26 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. He yelled out "Man John" at the end of my set.
12:29 Speaker 01 Was that your nickname on the job site?
12:30 Speaker 03 No, I used to do the Man John and put on the homeowner's clothes.
12:35 Speaker 03 That's a joke.
12:37 H. Foley? Ah, Ian. God love you.
12:38 Speaker 03 That's not funny.
12:39 H. Foley? So what do you have planned for the summer?
12:41 Speaker 03 I'm on the road every weekend, baby.
12:42 H. Foley? There you go.
12:43 Speaker 03 Let's go.
12:44 H. Foley? Look at that.
12:44 Speaker 03 All over.
12:45 H. Foley? Single?
12:46 Speaker 03 Single, ready to mingle, doing my thing, having fun.
12:51 H. Foley? Lot of cheesesteaks to eat.
12:52 Speaker 03 Lot of... I only eat that bad in Philly.
12:55 H. Foley? I eat bad in Philly too. I eat bad everywhere.
12:57 Speaker 03 I always eat bad in Philly.
12:58 H. Foley? Ladies and gentlemen, this just...
13:01 Speaker 03 Late breaking news, I'm fat.
13:04 Speaker 01 Hey.
13:05 Speaker 03 Sorry, sorry, sorry.
13:06 Speaker 01 We don't make those jokes around here anymore.
13:07 H. Foley? Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Let me just wipe my face off.
13:10 Speaker 01 It's weight challenge.
13:13 H. Foley? You're challenged, alright.
13:16 Speaker 01 What? It's eating challenge.
13:18 H. Foley? Yeah. We're trying to challenge you to hit a punchline.
13:24 H. Foley? That I will not do.
13:27 H. Foley? Just keep dumping ice on him.
13:30 H. Foley? Get in there!
13:36 H. Foley? I've had one miss before we broadcast.
13:39 Speaker 01 It was a big miss.
13:40 H. Foley? Yeah.
13:41 Speaker 03 Yeah, then you said I look like I'm sold outside of a gas station, whatever that means.
13:45 H. Foley? Alright, two. Two red flags.
13:48 Speaker 03 We're even.
13:49 H. Foley? I got a lot of them.
13:51 Speaker 03 Yeah, we all do.
13:53 H. Foley? Of course.
13:54 Speaker 03 Yeah.
13:55 Speaker 01 I'm pretty good.
13:56 Speaker 03 We're like the White House, with the flags flapping on the lawn.
13:59 Speaker 01 Okay, now you're on the bomb, horse. He's rubbing off on you.
14:02 H. Foley? You mean the UN?
14:04 Speaker 03 Do me a favor, edit.
14:09 H. Foley? How's your mom?
14:10 Speaker 03 She's doing well. She lost a lot of weight, we really had fun.
14:13 H. Foley? Ozempic?
14:14 Speaker 03 We stay up in, uh, no, the Wegovy.
14:16 H. Foley? Okay.
14:17 Speaker 03 It's like the off-brand.
14:18 H. Foley? Sure.
14:18 Speaker 03 But she, uh, do we stay up and watch like horror movies? We watched Evil Dead last night. It was very fun.
14:23 H. Foley? Really? With your mom?
14:24 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
14:25 Speaker 01 I feel like that would scare her.
14:26 Speaker 03 No, we like laughing at bad horror movies.
14:28 H. Foley? She grew up with Ian.
14:29 Speaker 03 So we, yeah, she's seen it all.
14:31 H. Foley? She gave birth to the scariest movie of all.
14:34 Speaker 01 She's like, "Hey, can you turn it up?" And his head spins around.
14:41 Speaker 01 She uh-
14:42 H. Foley? I watched the movie with you sitting on her shoulders like a parrot.
14:45 Speaker 01 Fuck!
14:47 H. Foley? No, I really got it.
14:48 Speaker 01 I mean Luke's, Luke's not even a comic, he's like, "This doesn't make sense."
14:52 H. Foley? You got a lot of fucking balls.
14:53 Speaker 03 His fingers are on fire doing live editing right now.
14:56 Speaker 01 Quick, dump the big man. He don't have it.
15:00 H. Foley? Go to commercial.
15:00 Speaker 01 Blame Ian, blame Ian satellite dick. Shit, just cuts to just me. Alright, uh, well the big man is, uh, currently on the fritz.
15:09 H. Foley? I got the yips. I really have a feeling I'm never gonna say anything funny ever again. I swear to god.
15:15 Speaker 03 You tried to throw an easy out the first, some kid's getting dunked in the outfield. Sidelines. The yips?
15:23 H. Foley? I'm like a catcher in the outfield. Fuck!
15:27 Speaker 01 Catcher in the end zone.
15:29 H. Foley? Damn it, that was good. Can I have that? Shit, I swear to god, I feel like I'm done.
15:35 Speaker 01 Out in left field with a hockey stick. That's pretty good.
15:40 H. Foley? I'm like a concession guy with no hot dogs.
15:42 Speaker 01 Cause you ate them.
15:42 H. Foley? Fuck!
15:47 Speaker 01 Closed for business. Alls we got is apples and bananas left, gang.
15:52 H. Foley? Like an astronaut who left his mask up.
15:59 H. Foley? See? I'm done.
16:01 Speaker 01 He'll never work in this town again.
16:03 H. Foley? Can I ask you this?
16:04 Speaker 03 Ask away!
16:05 H. Foley? Not be-
16:05 Speaker 01 How do you do comedy?
16:11 H. Foley? How do you become a headliner? Seriously.
16:15 Speaker 03 It hurts in between my ears.
16:19 H. Foley? I wanna ask you this respe- I'm asking you this respectfully. I'm not being dirty.
16:22 Speaker 03 Here we go.
16:23 H. Foley? Uh, just cause you said your mom lost a little bit of, you know, lost some weight. Does she, is she out there? Does she date? Does she?
16:29 Speaker 03 No.
16:29 H. Foley? No?
16:30 Speaker 03 No, she's 72.
16:31 H. Foley? She has a social life though, right?
16:32 Speaker 03 She does, yeah. Yeah, her and her friends go out to dinner. Um, she, actually, the first show Saturday, my, my buddy from high school drove her up to the gig. She hung out with all my old friends, it was great. She got all wrecked. Started smoking the pipe again. No, no, no. Dude, she got wrecked.
16:51 H. Foley? Drinking.
16:51 Speaker 03 Years ago when she saw me in Delaware. It was like during the pandemic. It was like the summer of 2021. She got, her friends kept feeding her drinks. She got hammered. I drag her out.
17:02 H. Foley? Did she drink?
17:03 Speaker 03 No, they were just like, Gail, you're nervous. Drink. And uh.
17:07 H. Foley? What was she nervous about?
17:08 Speaker 01 Ian's up there vomiting.
17:09 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'm up there at.
17:11 Speaker 01 Oh my God, he's got 38 minutes left.
17:13 H. Foley? You're worse than Foley.
17:14 Speaker 03 I was at the new Laugh House in Wilmington. It was like a buffet room. It was horrible. And she's in the back and I, they just did a write-up on me in the paper and I'm like, oh God, I had no.
17:27 Speaker 01 Locomaniac out on the loose. That's not a write-up.
17:31 Speaker 03 Dude, dude, they, they did a thing in Delaware like.
17:33 Speaker 01 Local man off his meds.
17:35 Speaker 03 Delaware's most influential, right? And, and I made the list.
17:39 Speaker 01 It's a place where the DuPonts are from.
17:41 Speaker 03 Dude, dude.
17:41 H. Foley? It's you and the guy that killed that wrestler.
17:44 Speaker 01 Which may, you may have been a part of.
17:46 Speaker 03 I have an alibi. I was seven. I was, so they did a list of Delaware's most influential and then Delaware's most influential artists. And I was at the bottom of the list and the guy on top was two twin brother rolly derby stars.
18:05 Speaker 01 That's a big act.
18:07 Speaker 03 I gotta learn how to skate.
18:09 H. Foley? Just behind the Mensen brothers. How was that?
18:12 Speaker 01 They're connected.
18:12 Speaker 03 Who's the Mensen brothers? The Menendez?
18:16 H. Foley? No, not the Menendez.
18:17 Speaker 03 Who's Mensen?
18:18 H. Foley? I made it up. I was improv-ing.
18:22 Speaker 01 No way. Never again.
18:26 H. Foley? Here's a suggestion. Quit comedy.
18:28 Speaker 03 You should try improving.
18:31 Speaker 01 Hey, I'll give you an occupation. Waiter.
18:34 Speaker 03 Fuck.
18:36 H. Foley? Man.
18:37 Speaker 03 Here's a suggestion. Hang it up.
18:41 Speaker 01 He's gonna be a big rope.
18:45 H. Foley? It's insulting.
18:48 H. Foley? I'm a heavy guy.
18:52 H. Foley? Kimmy, let's talk about Factor meals.
18:53 Speaker 01 Shout out to Factor, Factor, Factor.
18:55 H. Foley? Best in the business, those Factor meals. Hey, gang, let's be honest, summer's coming.
18:59 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
18:59 H. Foley? You know what I mean?
19:00 Speaker 01 Yeah.
19:00 H. Foley? You're gonna have a lot of, you're gonna have a big social schedule. You're gonna be going here, you're gonna be going there. You're not gonna have time to cook, so do yourself a favor, stay on the nutritional tip. Listen, I like them because they taste good, alright? I'm not selling nothing to you here. They're absolutely fantastic.
19:14 Speaker 01 Selling the flavor, baby.
19:15 H. Foley? They just happen to be good for you, alright? Home run Factor meals, two minutes, they're ready to go. Unbelievable recipes, get on it.
19:23 Speaker 01 Yes, uh, Factor powers your day with satisfying breakfast, on the go lunches, premium dinners, which I'm a big fan of, guilt free snacks and desserts. I've been, uh, we've been using, I started, I found Factor probably about five years ago when I was trying to just cut back. I eat a lot of pizza, I eat a lot of sandwiches.
19:39 H. Foley? Can I ask you something to break the fourth wall?
19:41 Speaker 01 Uh huh.
19:41 H. Foley? Have you had the breakfast?
19:43 Speaker 01 I don't think I have.
19:44 H. Foley? Buddy.
19:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, I'm talking about breakfast, but dinner, how you doing? Uh, guys, to get started, uh, go to factormeals.com/garbage50off. Oh, boy. And use code garbage50off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That's garbage50off at factormeals.com/garbage50off for 50% off plus free shipping. Do it.
20:05 H. Foley? Kit, what do you know about Brunt?
20:06 Speaker 01 Shout out to Brunt.
20:07 H. Foley? Gang, choosing work boots used to either mean that you had to sacrifice comfort or durability.
20:12 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:12 H. Foley? If they felt good, they didn't hold up.
20:14 Speaker 01 Nope.
20:15 H. Foley? And if they held up, they were uncomfortable.
20:17 Speaker 01 Yeah.
20:18 H. Foley? Feet are killing you at the end of the day. Well, let me tell you something, Brunt finally put that debate to rest because they made a work boot that could withstand the toughest job sites while feeling as comfortable as your favorite pair of sneakers.
20:32 Speaker 01 Yes, uh, these might be the most comfortable work boots on the planet, but they'll also deliver, deliver real performance on the job site.
20:39 H. Foley? Yeah.
20:39 Speaker 01 And if you know you can't be showing up to a job site looking like a bozo, everybody's gonna razz you. Not with Brunt, they were nice enough. I ordered a pair of Brunt.
20:47 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
20:47 Speaker 01 I started, they, they came, we opened them, holy heck, look at this. Ryan D got on a Brunt.
20:52 H. Foley? You got him.
20:53 Speaker 01 Luke started ordering a Brunt.
20:54 H. Foley? Luke's got him.
20:55 Speaker 01 Everybody's on the Brunts around here. Uh, the, the, uh, whether you need waterproof, safe, safety toe or soft toe, pull on or lace up, they've got you covered, the good folks over there at Brunt. Brunt isn't just about work boots. They offer a full range of high-performance gear built for tough jobs. From heavy-duty work pants to weather-resistant jackets. Brunt designs durable, reliable workwear to keep you protected and productive in any condition. Brunt didn't just make adorable work boots. They reinvented comfort for the hardest workers out there. For a limited time, our listeners get $10 off at Brunt by using code GARBAGE at checkout. Just head to bruntworkwear.com, use the code GARBAGE, and you'll be all set after the purchase. They'll ask you where you heard about them.
21:39 Speaker 01 Tell them the boys sent you, AYG boys. We love you and thanks for supporting the show.
21:44 H. Foley? How'd you get up here? You take the train, the bus?
21:47 Speaker 03 Amtrak.
21:48 H. Foley? Amtrak.
21:49 Speaker 01 Whoa, fancy. From Will. Mom dropped you off.
21:52 Speaker 03 Said goodbye, took the old Amtrak.
21:54 H. Foley? You ride up in the front with the conductor?
21:58 Speaker 03 No, but I've asked. No, but I'm carrying that, all that luggage.
22:03 H. Foley? Are you looking for a coal boy?
22:04 Speaker 03 Merch bag, I'm going through, I gotta...
22:06 H. Foley? The luggage is insane. Hold on, who has a neck pillow on a train?
22:11 Speaker 03 Huh?
22:12 H. Foley? You have a neck pillow out there.
22:14 Speaker 03 Dude, I went from Rochester, I flew up to Rochester, flew to Los Angeles, flew to fucking New York and took a train to Delaware. My mom picked me up, I drove to Philly. I've been in Philly all weekend, went to Delaware, and then now I'm back. I've been living out of suitcase for like three weeks.
22:32 H. Foley? Okay, I apologize.
22:33 Speaker 01 Good.
22:34 H. Foley? I didn't realize that you made a trip to LA.
22:36 Speaker 03 Yes.
22:37 H. Foley? So this was right before the breakup?
22:40 Speaker 01 You have to bring that up again? We were doing pretty well.
22:45 Speaker 03 I'm really gonna go there, Henry.
22:47 H. Foley? Oh, I'm not funny anymore. I gotta go dramatic. I gotta get you crying. How does that make you feel?
22:52 Speaker 01 He called you a punta.
22:53 Speaker 03 I'm, uh, yeah, I've been living out of suitcase for the past two, two and a half weeks.
22:58 H. Foley? Okay.
22:59 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:00 H. Foley? What do you have left? What's clean?
23:02 Speaker 03 I just did, I did laundry in Los Angeles and I did some laundry at my mom's house. And I'm quite a sweater. Do you guys have a machine here?
23:10 Speaker 01 You guys got a fluff and fold service?
23:13 H. Foley? Is there a creek nearby?
23:14 Speaker 01 I brought my instants.
23:16 Speaker 03 I got a washboard.
23:21 H. Foley? I just need a sturdy rock.
23:23 Speaker 03 It was nice, good time home.
23:25 H. Foley? Okay.
23:25 Speaker 01 That's nice.
23:26 H. Foley? All right. All right.
23:28 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:28 H. Foley? How was Rochester?
23:30 Speaker 03 Good.
23:30 Speaker 01 Beautiful town.
23:31 H. Foley? Comedy Carlson?
23:32 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:33 H. Foley? Love it.
23:33 Speaker 03 I'm doing a, uh, I'm doing a travel show where I go to different towns and I do people's jobs. So they teach me how to do the job and then I do the job. It's called Ian Do, An Odd Guy Doing Odd Jobs. Coming out on my YouTube page. YouTube.com slash Ian Fidance Comedy.
23:48 H. Foley? Don't turn on the Discovery Channel anytime soon.
23:51 Speaker 03 It's like Dirty Jobs meets A Simple Life.
23:53 H. Foley? I think it's just Dirty Jobs.
23:55 Speaker 03 No, cause he did a lot of jobs in one episode. This is one job.
23:59 H. Foley? Wait, this is a real thing? I thought you were joking.
24:01 Speaker 03 No, I'm telling you the truth.
24:02 H. Foley? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to laugh at your pitch.
24:04 Speaker 03 What?
24:04 H. Foley? But we're gonna pass.
24:07 Speaker 03 I put it out on your channel.
24:08 Speaker 01 We're all booked up for the 2025 season.
24:10 H. Foley? Dirty guy with dirty underwear.
24:11 Speaker 03 Dude, so WMMR is gonna let me come in and be a DJ. I'm gonna DJ with Jackie Bam Bam.
24:17 H. Foley? Wait, hold on.
24:17 Speaker 03 Remember him?
24:18 Speaker 01 Jackie Bam Bam's boy has the most Philadelphia.
24:21 Speaker 03 Yup.
24:21 Speaker 01 I'm Jackie Bam Bam. And he doesn't look anything like you think Jackie Bam Bam would look like.
24:25 H. Foley? Give me this pitch again, I thought you were joking.
24:27 Speaker 03 No.
24:28 H. Foley? What's the show?
24:29 Speaker 03 All the towns I go to.
24:30 H. Foley? Okay.
24:31 Speaker 03 I do a job.
24:31 H. Foley? To be a, to perform?
24:33 Speaker 03 Yes.
24:34 H. Foley? When you headline?
24:34 Speaker 03 Yes. I've been on the road every weekend since December.
24:36 Speaker 01 It sounded demeaning for some.
24:37 H. Foley? I did, I didn't mean it.
24:38 Speaker 03 I've been on the road.
24:39 Speaker 01 When you're out there doing skits, sketches.
24:40 Speaker 03 The pitch is, I'm on the road every weekend of my life. If I don't do something, I'm gonna put a gun in my mouth, so instead of killing myself, I end up finding out to do a job.
24:49 Speaker 01 Now, can we, well, I'll put that on the channel.
24:50 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Slow steps to suicide, starting in finance.
24:55 Speaker 01 Okay, so you did, so what'd you do in Rochester?
24:57 Speaker 03 In Rochester, I cut hair. So my buddy is a barber. He brought me to his shop.
25:03 Speaker 01 That's like a weird fetish thing.
25:03 Speaker 03 Taught me how to cut hair. I gave a guy a haircut, not good. Uh, I got my tattoo license in Appleton, Wisconsin. I tattooed a guy.
25:11 H. Foley? Who's filming this? Nobody.
25:12 Speaker 03 I have different.
25:13 Speaker 01 It's all up here.
25:15 Speaker 03 Once I get it to paper, it's animated.
25:21 H. Foley? It's stop motion.
25:22 Speaker 03 Dude, I did, uh, in Vegas, they opened up the BattleBots Arena to me and I got to fix. Lost to a robot. I got to tinker around with a robot and then I got to control the robot.
25:32 Speaker 01 So you've done a couple of these?
25:34 Speaker 03 I've done a bunch. I'm backlogging them so I can release them.
25:37 H. Foley? Who's filming them?
25:38 Speaker 03 I get different film crews. There's Red Stallion Media, these guys I use up in Maine, and then Patrick Holvert, do you know that guy?
25:45 H. Foley? Yeah, of course, he's fantastic.
25:46 Speaker 03 So he'll open for me and then come and film these things.
25:49 H. Foley? Very nice.
25:49 Speaker 03 And I'm having a blast, man. It's really, really fun.
25:52 H. Foley? So you've cut hair, you played with robots, you tattooed somebody.
25:56 Speaker 03 Yes, I worked.
25:57 H. Foley? You got your heart broken.
25:58 Speaker 03 I worked at a lobster shop. Look at you, little pulling at the heartstrings, motherfucker. Easy, you're eating the mic. We didn't have lunch. Is it cake?
26:10 Speaker 03 No, but it's just as good.
26:12 H. Foley? No, it's cake!
26:14 H. Foley? I'm sorry, I'm being an ass.
26:15 Speaker 03 So, uh, I'm gonna be a private detective in New York. Uh, dude, the funniest thing with the BattleBots is what you, I'm like controlling the bot in this huge arena and there's all these, it's like a Vegas show. I'm controlling this robot, I get one good hit and then the guy gets me in the corner and the wheels explode and in the edit, they go back to me tinkering with that robot. I go, what happens if you miss a screw? Miss a screw, miss a screw, and then it shows a robot explode again.
26:44 Speaker 03 It's better on film. Talk about holly weird, okay? Only in New York. You got a job out there and I'm in your town, hit me up, I'll do it, let's hang.
26:53 H. Foley? I'm actually looking for a private eye.
26:55 Speaker 03 It's very fun. Yeah?
26:57 H. Foley? Yeah.
26:57 Speaker 03 For what?
26:58 H. Foley? Find my penis.
27:00 Speaker 03 Oh my god. Dude, are you for real? Is that real? That was a gag.
27:09 Speaker 03 You need to find a private eye to find your timing. Oh my god. That was wild. You hang your punchlines down there too. What the fuck, Henry? Oh my god.
27:21 Speaker 01 Keep your jokes in your ball bag.
27:26 H. Foley? You know what the saddest thing is? I thought that was giving you. And I would've got it all back.
27:33 Speaker 03 You're gambling. You're betting against the house.
27:36 Speaker 01 You're chasing dead money.
27:37 Speaker 03 The house always wins.
27:38 Speaker 01 You're on the sheet chasing dead money.
27:41 H. Foley? Put it all on green.
27:42 Speaker 03 Oh god. Good god, you just... You're gonna pile scratch offs statistically.
27:48 Speaker 01 Oh, black cat, I wonder what that means?
27:51 H. Foley? That's good luck.
27:56 H. Foley? I always walk under pianos.
27:57 Speaker 01 Ladders.
28:01 H. Foley? What's piano, it's not as bad luck to walk under a piano.
28:04 Speaker 03 Those are the ones that fall on ya, you dumbass. Cartoons.
28:11 Speaker 03 Oh my god. Oh my god.
28:15 Speaker 01 That penis line was delivered like it was 1963.
28:20 Speaker 03 Dude, in the edit, can you do like my robot, make it go, "My penis, my penis, my penis."
28:26 Speaker 01 It's rubbing off on everybody. Well, who are you gonna try to find is a private eye?
28:32 Speaker 03 Oh, someone messa... So people message me, I have an email address.
28:36 Speaker 01 Like a whipragin'.
28:39 H. Foley? You really are a comedian.
28:41 Speaker 01 Well, you are in holly... You are in showbiz. Look, get me an email address, huh? This is bullshit.
28:49 H. Foley? You made a brag.
28:50 Speaker 01 I got an email address. Actually, you also explained it like I don't know what messages are. Somebody message me. Well, I have an email address.
28:59 Speaker 01 If your feeble mind to...
29:00 Speaker 03 The email is [email protected] . Email that.
29:08 Speaker 01 Rock and roll.
29:09 Speaker 03 Always funnier if he just makes noises.
29:20 Speaker 03 We found your lane!
29:22 Speaker 01 What?
29:23 Speaker 03 We found his lane!
29:26 Speaker 03 Oh god, I made eye contact with him, now I have it!
29:31 H. Foley? Soon, everyone will stink!
29:33 Speaker 01 You only got 24 hours to live. You better, you better get your spots in tonight after tomorrow.
29:38 H. Foley? I'm gonna go out and ruin comedy. I'm like Medusa.
29:43 H. Foley? The chick that with the... don't look at me like that, you don't know who Medusa-
29:46 Speaker 01 No, I have it.
29:47 Speaker 03 What does Medusa have to do with it?
29:49 H. Foley? Turns people to stone.
29:52 H. Foley? Supposed to say I have snakes in my underwear.
29:57 Speaker 01 Look, give me a pair of sunglasses. I don't wanna turn to rock.
30:02 H. Foley? You just turned to baloney.
30:03 Speaker 03 It's coming for you! It's coming for you!
30:07 H. Foley? I mean, I'm killing though!
30:08 Speaker 01 It's coming for us all.
30:10 Speaker 03 It's like the evil dead Necronomicon!
30:12 H. Foley? Maybe bad is the new good, huh?
30:14 Speaker 03 Oh, is that how you're playing it?
30:17 Speaker 03 That was me to the guy who fucked up his haircut. I go, "No, no, it looks good." It's a new style, lumpy!
30:26 H. Foley? Nah, chicks like it when your ears bleed.
30:28 Speaker 01 What?
30:29 Speaker 03 What?
30:31 Speaker 03 Mine are bleeding, listen to you!
30:34 H. Foley? Can I get a fucking protein bar or something?
30:37 Speaker 03 Yeah, that ain't gonna help, pal! Why don't you do a lap, come back? Me and KJ got it!
30:43 Speaker 01 So, I'm gonna get a 50cc's of root beer.
30:47 Speaker 01 That's how you do it!
30:48 H. Foley? I need a shower or something!
30:50 Speaker 01 I gotta eat.
30:52 H. Foley? That root beer wouldn't kill me.
30:54 Speaker 03 50cc's of root beer!
31:03 Speaker 03 Clear, it's two twinkies!
31:07 Speaker 01 Shit.
31:08 H. Foley? Now we all have it. Luke's the funniest guy in the room.
31:16 H. Foley? Switch seats real quick, Luke.
31:17 Speaker 01 I hyperventilated.
31:20 H. Foley? It's a serious broadcast, ladies and gentlemen.
31:22 Speaker 01 You were never a doctor for a day, were you? Whoa!
31:27 H. Foley? What the fuck? What was that? Why was he a doctor?
31:32 Speaker 03 Who's a doctor?
31:33 H. Foley? Oh, for a TV show?
31:35 Speaker 03 What?
31:36 H. Foley? Why would he be a doctor? What do you mean?
31:40 Speaker 03 For a day?
31:43 H. Foley? I think he's referring to your television program. Dirty Jobs.
31:46 Speaker 01 Unaired YouTube series.
31:50 Speaker 03 It's gonna be something.
31:51 H. Foley? Is it safe to say you don't have a distribution quite yet?
31:54 Speaker 03 Oh, I can't.
31:55 H. Foley? That's gonna be one of the jobs. You're gonna put it on the air.
31:57 Speaker 01 Just waiting for a hotspot.
31:58 H. Foley? Come on, that was okay!
31:59 Speaker 01 I didn't hear it. Where did we all sing? Let's take it from the top and go. You got a new tootie?
32:05 H. Foley? No, I said one of his jobs is-
32:06 Speaker 03 He cast out on the tootie. The tootie was the funniest thing. We started so high!
32:12 H. Foley? I was saying one of your jobs could be-
32:13 Speaker 01 We heard you the first time.
32:15 H. Foley? Oh, you did hear it? You did hear it?
32:17 Speaker 01 Oh, dude.
32:18 H. Foley? Oh, you stepped on it. That's what happened.
32:20 Speaker 01 I heard it the first time. I stepped on it the second time to save you and the program.
32:24 H. Foley? No, you didn't hear what I said.
32:26 Speaker 03 What? Say it again.
32:27 H. Foley? If I did, you'd be laughing.
32:28 Speaker 03 Say it again. Say it again. Say it again!
32:30 H. Foley? Otherwise, I'm gonna kill myself.
32:32 Speaker 03 Join the club!
32:36 H. Foley? I said one of the-
32:37 Speaker 01 You're not a doctor, are you?
32:39 Speaker 03 Only for a day?
32:40 H. Foley? I said one of the jobs he could be a studio executive and put the show on the air.
32:44 Speaker 01 Okay.
32:45 Speaker 03 Alright.
32:48 H. Foley? He's for everybody?
32:52 Speaker 03 You should try. I'll bring you along. One day, we can have you be a podcaster.
33:00 Speaker 01 Not on this show.
33:03 H. Foley? So you're gonna be a DJ, huh?
33:06 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'm a more me and Jackie Bam Bam.
33:09 H. Foley? That's awesome.
33:09 Speaker 03 Yeah.
33:10 H. Foley? Very cool.
33:11 Speaker 03 It's good, it's good.
33:12 H. Foley? Okay.
33:13 Speaker 01 Well, that's nice.
33:14 H. Foley? Sure.
33:15 Speaker 03 It's fun.
33:15 H. Foley? Yeah.
33:16 Speaker 03 Subscribe, youtube.com slash Ian5adscomedy. That's where it's going. I'm putting all my stand-up on there.
33:23 H. Foley? There you go.
33:24 Speaker 03 I, I made a mistake. I took my stand-up YouTube page I made at the podcast page when we started.
33:29 H. Foley? Okay.
33:30 Speaker 03 And so now I have nothing for stand-up, so I'm starting fresh.
33:33 H. Foley? Okay.
33:33 Speaker 01 Starting fresh. You'll get out there.
33:34 H. Foley? Why don't you just, I guess, you can't just use that page?
33:38 Speaker 03 Well, it's for everything with the podcast.
33:40 H. Foley? Sure.
33:40 Speaker 03 So I don't want to muddy that water, you know?
33:43 Speaker 01 Sure, I got you. Alright.
33:46 H. Foley? What are you looking at?
33:49 Speaker 03 I'm just in awe.
33:51 H. Foley? That's how bad I am.
33:52 Speaker 03 Good to be back together. I needed this.
33:56 H. Foley? He looked at me like, I remember you used to be funny.
34:00 H. Foley? It's all the weight I'm losing.
34:02 Speaker 03 What?
34:05 H. Foley? You haven't seen me in a while.
34:08 Speaker 03 That's what your penis said.
34:11 Speaker 03 Damn.
34:11 Speaker 01 Now that's comedy.
34:16 H. Foley? My penis is more of the guy behind the guy.
34:21 H. Foley? Let's get some questions.
34:22 Speaker 03 Dude, this is crazy. This is crazy.
34:25 Speaker 01 I think he's doing it on purpose. I thought he was doing it on purpose. Now I don't think he's doing it.
34:30 H. Foley? I'm just real desperate. I'm just really swinging.
34:35 H. Foley? I'm doing the same thing and expecting different results.
34:38 Speaker 03 That's the definition of insanity.
34:40 H. Foley? Yeah.
34:40 Speaker 01 Anybody would know you would.
34:42 Speaker 03 I'm an expert.
34:45 Speaker 01 Now let me come work with you.
34:48 H. Foley? That's something a crazy guy would say. Okay.
34:53 Speaker 01 What do you got?
34:54 H. Foley? What?
34:56 H. Foley? You throw it to me like that? Give me a heads up or something.
35:00 Speaker 03 In three, two, one. What do you got?
35:07 Speaker 01 Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back.
35:11 H. Foley? Gang, as you know, when you sign up for the old Patreon, you can have your question read on the air by Kevin Ryan.
35:17 Speaker 01 Cause Foley can't read.
35:22 H. Foley? This'll be my last episode.
35:28 Speaker 01 Somebody tell Tony I love her. Ah, man.
35:33 Speaker 01 What happened?
35:35 H. Foley? When?
35:36 Speaker 01 It's been over the last 25 minutes. It's like, we got so funny that we became unfunny, so like, we were going so hot, and it was burning so hot, that we flew too close to the sun, and now...
35:47 H. Foley? Speak for yourself.
35:49 Speaker 01 I'm killing it.
35:51 Speaker 03 He's holding this whole thing together.
35:54 Speaker 01 And I'm not even doing that good of a job.
35:56 Speaker 03 Where can I get my thread?
35:58 H. Foley? So you like to smoke cigarettes, huh?
36:03 Speaker 01 Yeah, I did tell, I saw Ian in the village outside the cellar, and I was like, oh, you wanna... He asked me for a cig or a light or something, and I said, "I quit," and his genuine reaction was, "What? Why?"
36:12 H. Foley? Oh, yeah.
36:14 Speaker 03 Same with you.
36:15 H. Foley? Yeah.
36:15 Speaker 03 I can't believe you guys are quitting on me. Crazy.
36:18 H. Foley? I've had a couple, I have to make that public.
36:20 Speaker 03 Yeah?
36:21 H. Foley? Yeah.
36:22 Speaker 03 What's the goal? Quit total, or just down to like, one a day?
36:25 H. Foley? I mean, I would say I've quit.
36:28 Speaker 03 But you've had a few.
36:29 H. Foley? Had a couple.
36:30 Speaker 03 That's not quitting.
36:31 H. Foley? Drunk chicks do that, they don't smoke.
36:33 Speaker 03 Are you a drunk chick?
36:34 Speaker 01 I am big. That's what you're into. I'll go home with you, if that's what you're asking.
36:39 Speaker 03 I'll cancel my gig this weekend.
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37:12 Speaker 03 See you later, Charleston.
37:13 H. Foley? Where are you this weekend?
37:14 Speaker 03 Charleston, South Carolina, Thursday, May 22nd.
37:17 H. Foley? Love Charleston.
37:17 Speaker 03 Atlanta, Georgia.
37:18 H. Foley? Can I give you a heads up?
37:19 Speaker 03 May 23rd, 25th, yes.
37:21 H. Foley? Um, have you ever been to Charleston?
37:23 Speaker 03 Never.
37:23 H. Foley? Okay. Good kid.
37:25 Speaker 01 You want some comedy advice?
37:26 Speaker 03 Yeah.
37:29 Speaker 03 Come on, Henry.
37:36 Speaker 01 Weird eye contact and strange timing. That's how you get laughs.
37:42 H. Foley? Yes, it is.
37:46 H. Foley? No, I was gonna say she crab soup.
37:48 Speaker 03 What?
37:49 H. Foley? She crab soup.
37:50 Speaker 03 What is that? Are you speaking Chinese?
37:54 H. Foley? You'll know her when you see her.
37:57 H. Foley? Alright, I'm back. I got ya. Huh? I know, that's what you're laughing at. I know when I see ya. When you see her? Huh? Gimme it, please.
38:06 Speaker 03 Gimme it, gimme it, gimme it!
38:08 H. Foley? That was it, right? You were laughing at that.
38:11 Speaker 01 Yeah, I was laughing that your timing was... Your timing was back.
38:17 Speaker 03 He can't even act like he's been here before. Please, tell me there was a laugh! For me! For me! The thing I said. You're laughing?
38:26 H. Foley? I'll host, I'll feature, whatever.
38:28 Speaker 03 I need this.
38:30 H. Foley? She crab soup. It's a type of soup.
38:32 Speaker 03 What are you talking about?
38:34 H. Foley? She crab soup.
38:35 Speaker 03 Yeah.
38:35 H. Foley? It's a type of soup down there. It's a she crab. It's like a bisque. It's delicious.
38:40 Speaker 03 Alright.
38:40 H. Foley? It's an unbelievable food scene in Charleston.
38:42 Speaker 03 Where do you go for it?
38:44 H. Foley? You go to Henry's.
38:45 Speaker 03 Henry's.
38:45 H. Foley? Yeah.
38:46 Speaker 01 I know, he's just making all this up. That guy's hilarious. He's the funniest chef I've ever seen in my life. You're gonna love him.
38:57 Speaker 03 He's losing weight?
38:58 Speaker 01 He's losing weight. He's got good teeth.
39:01 Speaker 03 He just quit cigarettes!
39:04 H. Foley? He has a couple. But listen, alright.
39:07 Speaker 03 Come on, she crab soup. Save five times.
39:10 H. Foley? The place is Henry's. It's in the French Quarter.
39:12 Speaker 03 Okay.
39:12 H. Foley? It's... They do an awesome, awesome she crab soup. If you wanna go to a real nice dinner, you go to, um...
39:18 Speaker 03 I'm only there for one day.
39:20 H. Foley? Oh.
39:20 Speaker 01 And he looks like this. You gonna have your tuxedo on ya?
39:27 Speaker 01 I don't know where to buy fireworks or something.
39:29 H. Foley? Midnight in the garden of good news.
39:31 Speaker 03 You gotta try He-Man lobster.
39:34 H. Foley? I was gonna say, I was gonna send you to Fig.
39:36 Speaker 03 Fig?
39:36 H. Foley? Yeah, food is good.
39:37 Speaker 01 That's for Henry.
39:40 H. Foley? They're gonna act like they don't know me.
39:42 Speaker 03 So are we.
39:46 Speaker 01 I'm gonna put this out on Ian's channel.
39:49 Speaker 01 Starting fresh.
39:53 Speaker 01 I just can't go out on the main AYG channel.
39:56 Speaker 03 I'll get a strike.
39:59 Speaker 03 I'll get my channel striked.
40:01 H. Foley? This is real access cable.
40:05 H. Foley? It's more of an infomercial.
40:06 Speaker 01 You're gonna strike that joke.
40:07 H. Foley? Listen to me.
40:08 Speaker 01 That's dumb too, what?
40:09 H. Foley? What, what, what, the infomercial?
40:10 Speaker 01 I am spiraling over here. I've lost all confidence somehow.
40:15 H. Foley? Listen to me.
40:17 H. Foley? If you're gonna go to dinner.
40:18 Speaker 03 I know, it's another food rack. Go, go.
40:21 H. Foley? Fig, it's really good.
40:22 Speaker 03 Fig?
40:23 H. Foley? Yeah.
40:23 Speaker 03 In Charleston.
40:24 H. Foley? Charleston.
40:25 Speaker 03 Charleston Fig.
40:26 H. Foley? Yes, delicious.
40:26 Speaker 03 Alright.
40:27 H. Foley? Unbelievable. And Henry's.
40:28 Speaker 03 Henry's?
40:29 H. Foley? Yeah, for the she crab soup.
40:30 Speaker 01 Stop by Hippies too.
40:33 H. Foley? Little Luke's.
40:38 H. Foley? Real judgmental.
40:41 Speaker 01 We, listen, we normally don't break the, we normally don't break the fourth wall. We could be at three and a half minutes or five hours right now. I've lost all.
40:50 Speaker 03 I don't know where I am.
40:51 Speaker 01 Guess at what minute we're at.
40:53 Speaker 03 I don't know where I am.
40:53 H. Foley? I genuinely feel like we've always been here.
40:55 Speaker 01 We're three people that have do this for a living for the last five years. What do you, what number do you think we're at?
41:01 H. Foley? I think we might have died when Ian came in and we are now in the seventh ring of hell.
41:09 Speaker 03 I, I'm, we're at, we're at what? Thirty-five minutes?
41:13 Speaker 01 Oh, I'll say forty-eight. It just says six, six, six.
41:23 Speaker 03 Thirty-seven minutes. Oh, Jesus Christ!
41:25 Speaker 01 There you go.
41:27 Speaker 03 Good god.
41:29 Speaker 01 Oh, man. What a fucking time warp, dude.
41:33 H. Foley? Let's go to a highlight reel or something.
41:35 Speaker 01 Cut to the ads.
41:36 Speaker 03 It's a rain delay.
41:40 H. Foley? Just play "There Will Be Blood" or something like that.
41:44 Speaker 03 I drank your she crab soup.
41:49 Speaker 01 I would have laughed at your joke if you gave it to me as a gift.
41:54 Speaker 03 I've abandoned my jokes!
41:59 Speaker 01 We're back, baby. We're back.
42:09 Speaker 03 I'm a vegetable oil man.
42:11 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
42:12 Speaker 03 What?
42:15 Speaker 03 Did I write that? Fuck!
42:17 Speaker 01 That's crazy.
42:18 H. Foley? You should've said peanut oil.
42:19 Speaker 01 I would have liked...
42:20 H. Foley? I don't know.
42:25 Speaker 03 I'm a tallow man. I'm a grease man.
42:29 Speaker 03 I'm a beef tallow man.
42:33 H. Foley? It's popular these days, beef tallow.
42:34 Speaker 03 I'm a mayonnaise man.
42:41 Speaker 01 You start beating him with a bowling pin.
42:45 Speaker 03 I'm finished!
42:50 Speaker 01 You guys are sign languageing each other?
42:54 Speaker 03 Let your boy say it! Say it!
42:58 H. Foley? Doug you.
43:01 Speaker 01 Wrong.
43:03 Speaker 01 What's the sign language for bombing?
43:07 Speaker 01 Wrap it up. Hey, Kate puts, will ya?
43:15 Speaker 03 Alright.
43:15 Speaker 01 So what are you up to this summer?
43:19 Speaker 01 Try the... Ladyboy soup.
43:23 Speaker 03 I'd love to. Email me. IanFida at 666.
43:31 Speaker 01 All the ladyboy crabs out there. Why don't you pinch me? That's IanFida at 666.
43:37 Speaker 03 I'm on ladyboy prep.
43:43 H. Foley? Oh, boy. Going down with the ship, folks.
43:46 Speaker 03 I got a travel show. I'm on the road.
43:50 H. Foley? That'll save us.
43:51 Speaker 03 Nothing else.
43:52 Speaker 01 Why don't we cut to a piece of that?
43:59 H. Foley? Put the Fox Soul Show on or something.
44:03 H. Foley? All right, now it's getting scary. All right. Kevin.
44:07 Speaker 01 Wait, we're gonna switch to questions? None of, one of us has made a coherent sentence.
44:11 H. Foley? Do the weather, I don't give a shit what you do.
44:14 Speaker 01 Here's what's happening in your neck of the woods.
44:16 Speaker 03 It's hot, and on that side of the vents, it's cold.
44:20 H. Foley? Here's what's happening in your neck of the woods. You're watching a bad podcast.
44:28 Speaker 01 This is what's going out on YouTube.
44:31 Speaker 01 Nothing to go.
44:32 H. Foley? They got a birthday or something coming up?
44:35 Speaker 03 We're gonna see a fat chill coming in from the south.
44:38 Speaker 01 That's not bad. It should have been a fat cold front. Cause that ice, that mic is icy, fuck!
44:45 H. Foley? Fat cold sore.
44:46 Speaker 03 That ice is Mikey!
44:49 Speaker 01 I went to school with Ice Mikey.
44:52 H. Foley? What were you gonna say?
44:55 Speaker 01 He's talking to me?
44:56 Speaker 03 He's an old black comic from Philly.
44:57 Speaker 01 Hey, the weather's done, someone do the sports. I did my, I got my, I got the neck of the woods laugh. Dude, we are building this joke by joke every two minutes.
45:08 H. Foley? The Ians lost today, nine to two.
45:10 Speaker 01 Whoa.
45:13 Speaker 01 Follies went bankrupt.
45:16 Speaker 03 And the Follies are hitless again.
45:20 Speaker 03 Nine scoreless innings.
45:25 H. Foley? Luke, sing a song, will ya? We can do karaoke.
45:29 Speaker 03 He's just gonna...
45:30 H. Foley? We're having a good time.
45:31 Speaker 03 Sounds of silence.
45:33 H. Foley? Play taps.
45:37 H. Foley? Ian, comb your mustache or something, will ya?
45:40 Speaker 01 And now in our human interest piece, local wacko combs his mustache.
45:48 H. Foley? On a lighter side of things.
45:50 Speaker 03 You know, I just do it whenever I'm about to eat.
45:54 H. Foley? Ever see a grown man with lice in his mustache?
45:57 Speaker 03 Why eat the guy with the comb?
46:00 Speaker 01 It says Red X on it.
46:05 H. Foley? They're circus lice, don't worry.
46:08 Speaker 01 I don't even get it.
46:09 Speaker 03 What the fuck is going on, man? What is circus lice?
46:14 Speaker 01 Turn the lights down or something.
46:15 Speaker 03 You got a coat on, what's the matter with you?
46:19 H. Foley? He's going insane. He doesn't feel the heat anymore. You know, it was weird when you see a homeless guy wearing a winter coat in the summer?
46:25 Speaker 03 It's schizophrenia, they're always cold.
46:27 H. Foley? Yeah.
46:29 Speaker 01 Thanks for the lighter side of the news, gang.
46:36 Speaker 03 Everyone's switched seats now.
46:38 H. Foley? What's the market at right now?
46:40 Speaker 01 I just checked my phone, I forgot we were on a show. I genuinely pulled out my phone and went through my alerts. Anybody?
46:46 H. Foley? I'm calling ya.
46:47 Speaker 03 Get out!
46:49 Speaker 01 Keep yourself. Get the fuck out of there.
46:58 Speaker 03 Seen any good movies lately?
47:00 Speaker 01 Let's do plugs and get out of here.
47:02 Speaker 03 Movies do you like? Thirty-eight minutes.
47:05 Speaker 01 Thirty-eight?
47:07 H. Foley? We're going backwards.
47:10 Speaker 01 Fifteen, gang.
47:16 H. Foley? What are you having, coffee?
47:17 Speaker 03 Yeah.
47:19 H. Foley? You like ice?
47:22 Speaker 01 Right. Right, I need a cold water. And a couple of punchlines if you got them. You writing out there?
47:31 Speaker 03 Just come over here and knock me out. Just hit me right in the head. You have a rock you can smash into my skull?
47:40 Speaker 01 Get that ball peen hammer out.
47:42 Speaker 03 Just set the place on fire.
47:46 H. Foley? Thanks, D. Thanks, buddy.
47:49 H. Foley? I feel sweaty, stinky.
47:51 Speaker 03 I am so sweaty.
47:53 H. Foley? I feel gross.
47:54 Speaker 03 Yeah, you look it.
47:57 H. Foley? Good to see you, buddy.
48:00 H. Foley? Don't stop by, it's always fun having you. Ah, cousin Ian.
48:05 Speaker 01 My nose is running in, I'm sweating.
48:08 Speaker 03 Me too, man.
48:08 Speaker 01 It's like I had sheet crab soup.
48:13 H. Foley? Alright, I feel like we're gonna be zombies by the end of this podcast.
48:16 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'm not making it home.
48:19 Speaker 01 He got too much luggage.
48:21 H. Foley? Wait, why'd you make you a zombie?
48:22 Speaker 01 What?
48:23 Speaker 03 What?
48:23 Speaker 01 No, I got everybody's luggage.
48:25 Speaker 03 What's a luggage?
48:26 Speaker 01 Just back it out of it.
48:26 Speaker 03 What is that?
48:28 Speaker 01 Beep, beep, everybody back it out of it.
48:30 Speaker 03 What does too much luggage have to do with it?
48:33 Speaker 01 He said, "I'm not gonna make it home." I said, "Yeah, you got too much luggage." He thought I had to do something with whatever he was bombing with.
48:42 Speaker 03 Yeah, the zombies are made in the airport, they got all their luggage.
48:46 Speaker 01 Did you guys pack your own luggage?
48:50 Speaker 01 Sir, are these your ratty, tattered clothes?
48:52 Speaker 03 A zombie wouldn't even buy Foley, they're afraid they'd catch it.
48:57 Speaker 01 Oh god, we lost Ian. You look over, he's turning.
49:01 Speaker 03 I'm still in my mom's house.
49:05 H. Foley? Did your mom make anything when you were home? Did she cook anything?
49:08 Speaker 03 She made me pastina.
49:09 H. Foley? What's that, oh, did she?
49:10 Speaker 03 Yeah.
49:11 Speaker 01 Pasta for gay guys?
49:20 Speaker 01 And a little pastina for my little angel.
49:21 H. Foley? With a side of cock ring, huh? Come on, that was funny.
49:25 Speaker 01 What?
49:31 Speaker 01 Look, if you don't name this, this is episode pasta for gay guys.
49:35 H. Foley? Pasta is the little bitty pastas in like chicken soup.
49:38 Speaker 03 Yes.
49:39 H. Foley? You forget you're Italian.
49:40 Speaker 03 No.
49:41 H. Foley? Or human.
49:43 Speaker 01 One.
49:50 H. Foley? She doing pretty good?
49:51 Speaker 03 Uh huh, yeah.
49:53 Speaker 01 That's all I got.
49:54 Speaker 03 Ate it on the front step this morning, nice little...
49:56 H. Foley? She made it on the front step?
49:57 Speaker 01 Ate it. Why'd you eat it on the front step?
49:59 Speaker 03 Well...
50:04 H. Foley? Imagine walking by Ian's house and seeing him sitting up there eating soup.
50:08 Speaker 03 Dude, we were eating soup, drinking coffee, smoking, doing scratch offs on the front step.
50:13 H. Foley? You don't have like a table out there?
50:15 Speaker 03 No.
50:15 H. Foley? Right on a highway, right?
50:16 Speaker 03 Sit on the steps. No, we're in a neighborhood. What are you talking about? We live behind a highway.
50:22 Speaker 01 It backs up to an interstate.
50:25 H. Foley? I pictured you guys living in a lumberyard or something like that.
50:28 Speaker 01 Isle 90 depot. They're in the PVC fitting lot.
50:33 H. Foley? They're sitting in a tent. And dicks.
50:37 Speaker 01 No, I was going along, "Let's all be on the same side here."
50:40 Speaker 03 Well, yeah, we're all teammates.
50:41 Speaker 01 We gotta listen.
50:42 Speaker 03 We're all on the same team.
50:43 Speaker 01 This plane's going down and we all gotta work together to get it back up in the air.
50:46 Speaker 03 Well, we gotta put our oxygen on first before we can save anyone else.
50:50 Speaker 01 I didn't hate it.
50:51 Speaker 03 Thank you.
50:53 Speaker 01 You give him that?
50:54 Speaker 03 I will.
50:55 Speaker 01 Piece of shit. Good producer.
50:59 Speaker 01 You wanna do a question?
51:00 H. Foley? Yeah!
51:00 Speaker 03 Yeah, let's do it.
51:04 Speaker 01 So, how you guys doing? Um, alright, this one's from, "What are you, nuts?"
51:10 Speaker 01 How good is that?
51:14 Speaker 03 That's the name of the episode.
51:16 Speaker 01 Uh, this has to...
51:18 Speaker 03 Hire this man!
51:21 Speaker 01 Uh, you's ever go to the wrong party? I was at my brother's-
51:26 H. Foley? I'm at it right now.
51:28 Speaker 01 I was going to my brother's engagement party and saw a bunch of cars parked on the street and people outside, so I assumed this was the spot. I walked around a bit looking for my brother when I found out this party was a celebration of life. Turns out the engagement-
51:42 H. Foley? Oh shit, why's everybody look like somebody just died, huh? What the fuck?
51:46 Speaker 01 I know his sex life died, but hey.
51:52 Speaker 01 The engagement party was a half, a quarter mile down the road.
51:57 Speaker 01 That's a, that's a great one.
52:01 H. Foley? So it was a funeral?
52:03 Speaker 01 Celebration of life.
52:04 Speaker 03 Mm-hmm.
52:04 Speaker 01 Yeah.
52:05 Speaker 03 Wake.
52:05 Speaker 01 Bringing that back up.
52:08 Speaker 03 It's basically what this show is now.
52:12 H. Foley? We should all have quarters on our eyes.
52:14 Speaker 01 I had the debated bridge man.
52:17 H. Foley? Pay the bridge man!
52:22 Speaker 01 Bury me with my chains.
52:24 H. Foley? Get across the river to Unfunny Town.
52:26 Speaker 03 Oh buddy, you're the mayor?
52:28 Speaker 01 You're already there.
52:29 Speaker 03 You're already moved in.
52:31 Speaker 01 Easy pez lane.
52:32 H. Foley? I got two twenties on my eyes. Uh, what? Shit. What is going on?
52:39 H. Foley? Weird.
52:43 H. Foley? We, I think we might have all died. I, I honestly think that. Or I had a heart attack and I'm in hell alone.
52:49 Speaker 01 No, I'm right there with you, big guy.
52:54 Speaker 01 Fuck, my hell would be sitting next to Ian and he smells like heaters and I can't have one.
52:59 H. Foley? The three of us just bombing?
53:00 Speaker 01 Smells like heaters, WD-40 and Stetson.
53:04 H. Foley? And a little pastina.
53:06 Speaker 03 What's Stetson?
53:08 Speaker 01 There you go, that's comedy.
53:10 H. Foley? You know what Stetson is?
53:11 Speaker 03 Cologne?
53:12 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
53:13 Speaker 03 Oh.
53:13 H. Foley? Fucking play dumb with me.
53:14 Speaker 03 I thought you meant the Stetson hat.
53:15 H. Foley? Think we need this shit now, we're in a goddamn foxhole? Fucking get me some ammo.
53:19 Speaker 01 Stick your gun out the fucking, out the front and start shooting.
53:24 H. Foley? Fucking put the radio down, will you? Stop firing.
53:27 Speaker 03 It's Hendrix.
53:31 H. Foley? Uh, you would've sucked a nom.
53:32 Speaker 03 Oh my god.
53:33 H. Foley? You would've had everything, the headband, the fucking shit on the helmet. Smoking weed, dropping acid.
53:39 Speaker 01 First guy shot.
53:41 Speaker 03 Thinking I'm gonna rip a weed out of a shotgun, I just blow my head off.
53:50 H. Foley? Lieutenant?
53:52 Speaker 01 Hey, finance, how long you been here? It's his first day. He's all strung out.
53:58 H. Foley? He's got all the gear on.
54:00 Speaker 01 He's wearing a necklace of other people's teeth. Got these back at base.
54:07 Speaker 01 My dad's an orthodontist.
54:14 Speaker 01 That's how you pull out of a nosedive.
54:16 Speaker 03 I come with my own ears just to fit in. Necklace.
54:21 H. Foley? Got your own ears off.
54:25 Speaker 03 Got your own ears and fingers off.
54:29 Speaker 03 They tried to capture me. Another guy already got me.
54:34 Speaker 01 Man, we're gonna take this right up to... This one's gonna come right down to the wire, huh, gang?
54:38 Speaker 03 I'll get one.
54:40 Speaker 01 Luke just texted me, "We're at 50. Oh, wait, I mean 20." I almost fucking threw my... I almost threw the computer. Ah, god.
54:54 H. Foley? I'm eating that sandwich in a fridge.
54:58 Speaker 03 What kind of sandwich?
55:00 H. Foley? Huh?
55:00 Speaker 03 What kind of sandwich?
55:02 H. Foley? Uh, Italian.
55:06 Speaker 01 Are you a comedian?
55:10 Speaker 03 Let me try again. What kind of sandwich? Shit sandwich?
55:14 H. Foley? Still Italian.
55:17 Speaker 03 I'm not even trying anymore.
55:21 Speaker 03 I'm trying too hard.
55:27 H. Foley? We apologize.
55:27 Speaker 01 I genuinely don't think I can laugh. I don't know what has happened.
55:37 Speaker 03 Did we answer the question?
55:43 Speaker 01 I forgot... I can't even... I don't even know what I'm trying to say.
55:46 H. Foley? What, the "What is this nuts?"
55:50 Speaker 01 This one's from Dublin Dirtbag. "Ever pushed a bicycle while riding a bicycle." Man, I knew I shouldn't have gotten that.
55:57 Speaker 03 You're following up fucking...
56:00 H. Foley? Going to a funeral with that?
56:02 Speaker 01 You guys are talking about sandwiches and it's not even, not even true. Alright, let's just say we tried, you know? We, we fucking, we sat in, we sat in the pocket.
56:14 Speaker 03 We're nailing it.
56:15 Speaker 01 We threw fucking punches.
56:19 Speaker 01 You know?
56:20 Speaker 03 We're doing great. This is fun.
56:23 Speaker 01 Can't believe you let me die with that bicycle thing.
56:26 Speaker 03 What was that?
56:28 H. Foley? Calling a fire mission on our own position.
56:33 Speaker 03 What are you rapping now?
56:36 Speaker 03 Calling a fire position on our own position.
56:39 Speaker 01 Oh my god.
56:41 Speaker 03 If you're tuning in, please don't listen.
56:45 Speaker 03 Calling this one the Suicide Squad.
56:48 Speaker 01 That's really good.
56:52 Speaker 01 Fucking Al Qaeda, a bunch of suicide bombers.
56:56 H. Foley? My vest doesn't fit.
57:00 H. Foley? I gotta wear it like a blazer.
57:10 Speaker 03 Where are we going? Foley's about three clicks to the right. Cause you're a landmark.
57:18 H. Foley? We gotta take this Foley.
57:24 Speaker 01 Shit.
57:31 H. Foley? Say something, will ya?
57:32 Speaker 01 I tried with the bicycle.
57:34 H. Foley? They're paying for these.
57:35 Speaker 03 I can't breathe.
57:36 Speaker 01 I just forgot we were recording. I was thinking about that Bin Laden documentary.
57:41 H. Foley? I was thinking about that sandwich.
57:49 Speaker 01 You know, I mean, listen.
57:51 H. Foley? Yeah.
57:53 Speaker 01 That was fun.
57:54 H. Foley? Hey, literal Larry.
58:05 Speaker 01 I gotta go, I gotta be somewhere else.
58:09 H. Foley? Stay. I got another podcast to do.
58:15 H. Foley? I'm not supposed to be here. It's not my time.
58:20 H. Foley? I've got my whole life ahead of me.
58:21 Speaker 01 I feel like I'm in the upside down. We all forgot what we're doing.
58:26 Speaker 01 We're gonna wake up covered in goo.
58:28 H. Foley? Where's Millie Bobby Brown when you need her, huh?
58:35 H. Foley? Hey stranger, upside down.
58:39 H. Foley? It's a good show.
58:47 Speaker 01 Stop doing that, it's like removing the belt holes. That's what the fucking Reaper's gonna get me.
58:55 Speaker 01 It's a fucking telltale heart.
59:02 Speaker 03 Oh my god.
59:02 Speaker 01 You guys ever pushed a bicycle while riding a bicycle? Alright, let's wrap it up. I mean, listen, I don't know, what do you want from me? We're trying. We got our fucking asses handed to us. We went up there, we fucking all struck out.
59:14 H. Foley? Hey, everybody out there!
59:20 H. Foley? Ian, what do you got coming up?
59:25 Speaker 03 I got a travel show.
59:30 Speaker 01 What's that all about? And where can we find it?
59:35 Speaker 03 It's nowhere. It's nowhere. It's probably not even gonna go anywhere. I wasted so much money. For a thing I don't care about.
59:48 Speaker 01 Ah, yeah, that's so real.
59:50 H. Foley? I got this bullshit haircut for nothing.
59:54 Speaker 03 I'm working, I'm not even getting paid.
59:59 H. Foley? I wasn't at the punchline this weekend. I didn't have any cheesesteaks.
1:00:05 Speaker 03 There was no bust either.
1:00:10 H. Foley? I was just sitting down the steps like an asshole.
1:00:13 Speaker 03 My mom would let me in the house.
1:00:19 H. Foley? It's so funny that I can't laugh.
1:00:23 Speaker 03 Ian5dance.com for all my dates.
1:00:27 Speaker 01 Ian5dance666 at Gmail for all complaints.
1:00:33 H. Foley? Gang, we love ya. We'll see ya next week.
1:00:35 Speaker 01 Or maybe we won't.
1:00:37 Speaker 03 This is the end of the road.
1:00:40 Speaker 01 You might never see this episode. I don't know if we can release this. Right?
1:00:45 Speaker 03 What?
1:00:46 H. Foley? This is amazing!
1:00:47 Speaker 03 That was genius! What are you talking about? You gotta, you gotta play your cards.
1:00:53 H. Foley? I think that was the funniest thing we've ever done.
1:00:57 Speaker 01 Luke, tell me that lens caps are on.
1:01:00 H. Foley? Alright, see ya guys.
1:01:01 Speaker 03 What? You gotta end it! What are you doing? Why are you defeated?
1:01:06 H. Foley? Dude!
1:01:06 Speaker 03 This is great! We're having fun.
1:01:10 H. Foley? We'll see ya next week, guys.
1:01:11 Speaker 03 I'll be here.
1:01:13 Speaker 01 I won't.
Previous AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL) Next Pump & Dump w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley Page updated November 3, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated