Pod Insights Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL) About this episode Here is a full episode from the Are You Garbage Patreon where Kippy & Foley figure out Prison! Join the AYG Patreon for weekly Hard Feelings and bonus episodes of Are You Garbage. Join the Army of Garbage. Thanks for watching. Love youse guys!
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Transcript 10,528 words · 4 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Speaker 00 Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
0:20 H. Foley? Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?
0:28 Speaker 02 Great.
0:28 H. Foley? It's that little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're good to be classy.
0:33 Speaker 02 Yeah.
0:34 H. Foley? Just a big old piece of trash.
0:35 Speaker 02 Trash, trash, trash.
0:36 H. Foley? I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new addition, but I gotta tell you folks, why is that flannel boy?
0:43 Speaker 02 Cause of the motherfucking...
0:44 H. Foley? Cause of the motherfucking...
0:45 Speaker 02 My bad Windex.
0:48 H. Foley? What? Blue sky all day. The motherfucking homies.
0:53 Speaker 02 What?
0:53 H. Foley? You son of a bitch, they're the goddamn homies. The fucking shareholders, the board members, the sleeper cells, the kippy's eyebrows.
1:01 Speaker 02 As I've been saying, the undercover agents and the undercover brothers.
1:05 H. Foley? Ooh, ooh, ooh. Here for a little bonus episode on the old Patreon-ish, gang.
1:10 Speaker 02 Sure.
1:10 H. Foley? Maybe we got a fun one for you. As I said, my co-host is coming at you from across the table, working the wood chipper today. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.
1:20 Speaker 02 What up, gang? Shout out to the motherfucking homies, dawg.
1:23 H. Foley? Makes you one of Rocco's looking at you in that shirt. Your Italian sausage was put in front of you. You been talking about it a lot lately? Yeah, I'm talking about?
1:32 Speaker 02 Had a tan, Jane?
1:33 H. Foley? Playing stupid with me now? They do sit-down now. Lambs Casino, not Ben.
1:39 Speaker 02 Are you done? That's a very H. Foley move, introduce me, then just hang out in my intro. Fucking just loiter and just take...
1:48 H. Foley? Say hi to the people. You're stalling on camera, you freeze up. Like fucking Tony Romo over here, say something. Jesus Christ.
1:59 Speaker 02 Man, you really are a ham dude. What okay, shout out to you, I fucking love you. Fucking hate my co-host at the moment.
2:07 H. Foley? Do ya?
2:08 Speaker 02 Well, you came, it's a bad day for you, for being honest with you.
2:11 H. Foley? I don't think that's true at all.
2:13 Speaker 02 Okay.
2:14 H. Foley? How is it a bad day for me?
2:16 Speaker 02 Luke, can you run down his statistics so far today?
2:19 Speaker 03 I'd say it's barely run of the mill, but he came in, insulted me.
2:23 Speaker 02 Right away, Kay showed up an hour and 12 minutes late.
2:26 H. Foley? I did not show up an hour and 12 minutes late.
2:29 Speaker 02 What time were we, what time, what time, no, what time were we supposed to be here? 10 a.m.
2:34 H. Foley? Buttons at 11 was, was what I got.
2:35 Speaker 02 And yes, but that means we show up at 10, we pow, we have a heater, we talk shit.
2:40 H. Foley? You guys got shit to do. I just come up to work when I show up and I usually just get yelled at.
2:45 Speaker 02 So you did come in, you did go up to work, we didn't start till 12:15. So there was the hour.
2:49 H. Foley? That's because you guys were talking.
2:50 Speaker 02 Uh, yeah, eh, okay, alright, sure.
2:53 H. Foley? About peanut butter or something like that, whatever you were talking about.
2:55 Speaker 02 There's about 12 talk to texts that I didn't need to hear that I've heard. About 15 reels.
3:00 H. Foley? I'm sorry, I'm conducting business.
3:02 Speaker 02 Are you coming to the show? That's what I get. Who are you coming with?
3:09 Speaker 02 Fucking something else, but I love ya.
3:12 H. Foley? Thanks buddy.
3:12 Speaker 02 I was talking to Luke.
3:14 H. Foley? Well, what do you, wait, wait, wait, what did, what did I insult you about?
3:17 Speaker 02 That's when you know you're wrong.
3:18 H. Foley? What did I insult you about?
3:19 Speaker 02 Came in late, said, oh, are these cameras stood up dickhead? That's exactly what he said.
3:24 H. Foley? Hey, got me there.
3:25 Speaker 02 It's good.
3:27 H. Foley? Oh, hold on a second.
3:28 Speaker 02 Uh, this big phone call.
3:29 H. Foley? Hang on.
3:30 Speaker 02 Big phone call we were warned about.
3:32 H. Foley? Hey buddy, what's going on?
3:33 Speaker 02 Alright. And we're back. Big man had to take care of some business.
3:38 H. Foley? Yeah, I, I, I.
3:39 Speaker 02 Uh, you know, I know you're on your heels.
3:41 H. Foley? I might have to jump on a call.
3:43 Speaker 02 What was that, the call?
3:44 H. Foley? That, that was, hey, I thought he was already done. Apparently just getting in there.
3:47 Speaker 02 Sure.
3:48 H. Foley? I gotta jump on a call.
3:50 Speaker 02 Okay.
3:50 H. Foley? My plant is sick. And I've had this plant for like eight years.
3:55 Speaker 02 The money plant?
3:56 H. Foley? It's all I got.
3:57 Speaker 02 Is it, is that the one?
3:59 H. Foley? Yeah, it might have spider mites, or.
4:02 Speaker 02 Were you kissing it?
4:04 Speaker 02 Gave it herpes.
4:05 H. Foley? Got a cold sore.
4:06 Speaker 02 Herpes and a bad attitude.
4:08 H. Foley? Um, I've had it since I was a baby. It's like six feet tall now. I don't got any kids. Um, it's spider.
4:16 Speaker 02 You don't?
4:17 H. Foley? No.
4:18 Speaker 02 Now your kid's got spiders.
4:19 H. Foley? But, and it was in a, it was in a pot. It was doing great. And then it's getting tall. She starts fucking busting my bone. We can't get change for it. You have to put it in a bigger pot. Put it in a bigger pot and sheer as shit. It's fucking going. Now it's going downhill and they don't, I don't know what it is. The leaves are turning yellow, but it's not because they're dry. So I don't know if we're overwatering it, underwater it, if there's a fungus in there. Was there not a good drainage in there? So, I mean, we're like freaking out about this. So I fucking, I found some fucking guy in Long Island City. That fucking does like, like he's like a vet for plants. I got him at the house right now.
4:58 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
4:59 H. Foley? The bird wearing something sexy.
5:01 Speaker 02 A little half phrase diskey.
5:03 H. Foley? Something like a watch on the ring cam later.
5:06 Speaker 02 Hey, damn. Oh.
5:07 H. Foley? So, oh, hold on.
5:09 Speaker 02 I mean, this is nuts.
5:14 H. Foley? That was not the call.
5:15 Speaker 02 I mean, what call are you waiting for from the guy?
5:18 H. Foley? That was her saying she's here.
5:19 Speaker 02 All right. So you're waiting for a call from?
5:21 H. Foley? He's gonna call, give me the report when she's done.
5:23 Speaker 02 But, well, she can't get the report and make a decision?
5:25 H. Foley? She has to say.
5:27 Speaker 02 But I mean, what do you, you don't know any, he's gonna go, hey, these are your options. And what are you gonna go? We're gonna run it through your botany filter? Only, only.
5:35 H. Foley? I wanna hear it from the source.
5:37 Speaker 02 Only plant you know are the chiba, dog. The kokabi.
5:40 H. Foley? Plus I wanna be able to tell if he's been smooching.
5:42 Speaker 02 Jesus.
5:43 H. Foley? If he's had a breath. You son of a bitch!
5:48 Speaker 02 Get your hands off my plant and start kissing my wife.
5:56 Speaker 02 Uh, God, gotta love ya. You're a unique brand of guy.
6:00 H. Foley? Anyway.
6:01 Speaker 02 Gary.
6:01 H. Foley? And I'm not the type of guy to fuck, you know, I just, I don't want to, I love this thing. I, this is, I, this is, I've had this thing, I, like, seven years, eight years.
6:10 Speaker 02 I remember it used to sit on the table when we would do Hard Feelings at your apartment. I hated going to that apartment, dude.
6:15 H. Foley? Now it couldn't, now it couldn't sit on it, now it's like six feet tall.
6:18 Speaker 02 That was crazy.
6:20 H. Foley? Plus, obviously, there's a superstition behind it.
6:22 Speaker 02 Sure.
6:23 H. Foley? Something happens in that plant, like Final Destination. Random two by four will come, dude.
6:30 Speaker 02 I'm holding it.
6:33 H. Foley? The Butterfly Effect. Wasn't that the same thing?
6:36 Speaker 02 Nah, I don't think so.
6:37 H. Foley? You sure?
6:38 Speaker 02 I don't think, I mean, well, I-
6:39 H. Foley? Wasn't he Cheating Death, Kutcher, in Butterfly Effect?
6:42 Speaker 02 Something like that. No, no, it was just, he would do something and then, well, it was one little thing, the ripples of that would change his, it was like different times or something like that.
6:50 H. Foley? Oh, really? He was a time traveler?
6:52 Speaker 02 I think it just showed him his, like, different worlds or something like that. I don't know. Who cares?
6:56 H. Foley? I'm a Topher Grace man myself.
6:58 Speaker 02 Really?
6:59 H. Foley? You didn't like Topher Grace?
7:02 H. Foley? He was good in a couple of things. Nah, it wasn't, who said he was an asshole?
7:05 Speaker 02 Oh, that was like a rumor running around. It was to the, wasn't he the, what, didn't Michael Cera play him in Judy's Game or whatever?
7:14 H. Foley? Judy's Game?
7:15 Speaker 02 Cera's Game? Wasn't he the famous-
7:18 Speaker 03 I think-
7:18 Speaker 02 Card player?
7:19 Speaker 03 I think it's reversed. Topher was playing Cera.
7:21 Speaker 02 No, it was Michael Cera.
7:22 Speaker 03 No, I think-
7:22 H. Foley? No, no, no.
7:23 Speaker 03 Topher was playing, acting as-
7:25 H. Foley? You're ta, you're talking about Ocean's, Ocean's Eleven, when they were doing the card games and all.
7:28 Speaker 03 Oh, he's talking about Molly's Game.
7:29 Speaker 02 Molly's Game.
7:30 H. Foley? Molly's Game?
7:31 Speaker 02 Find out who the, I think that was about Topher Grace.
7:33 H. Foley? Is that what Jessica Chastain?
7:35 Speaker 02 He was the, oh, I don't know names.
7:38 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's her.
7:39 Speaker 02 Yeah.
7:39 H. Foley? Love her.
7:40 Speaker 02 She's alright.
7:42 H. Foley? Zero Dark Thirty.
7:43 Speaker 02 Ah, zero kippy horny, you don't.
7:46 Speaker 03 No, it's Tobey Maguire.
7:48 Speaker 02 Tobey Maguire!
7:49 H. Foley? Tobey Maguire!
7:50 Speaker 02 Fucking nerds, like I don't fucking flex on them pussies.
7:52 H. Foley? You don't like Tobey Maguire either?
7:53 Speaker 02 Get outta here.
7:54 H. Foley? Spider-Man!
7:55 Speaker 02 Oh, only thing less likable than him is- You. That's all I got. I really-
8:02 H. Foley? I'm no Spider-Man.
8:03 Speaker 02 Really puttered out on that one.
8:05 H. Foley? Okay.
8:05 Speaker 02 Alright, let's fucking get into it. We're good, boys are going to jail.
8:08 H. Foley? What?
8:09 Speaker 02 Fucking turn states evidence. Fucking flipped on everybody. Somebody can get me Todd-
8:13 H. Foley? Jesus Christ!
8:14 Speaker 02 Somebody get me Todd Spodak on the phone. You know what I wanna, I wanna do, uh-
8:18 H. Foley? What do you wanna do?
8:19 Speaker 02 Nah, nothing. I was gonna say we should, we should-
8:21 H. Foley? You sound like a fun guy.
8:26 H. Foley? You're a real cool dude, huh?
8:27 Speaker 02 We should do an ep-
8:27 H. Foley? Yeah, I got you.
8:28 Speaker 02 We should do an episode where we wear headfo, like, headpieces.
8:31 H. Foley? Why?
8:32 Speaker 02 So we can use our hands.
8:33 H. Foley? I use my hands anyway. Down here.
8:38 Speaker 02 You got my thumb up my ass.
8:41 H. Foley? Got a butt plug right here.
8:42 Speaker 02 Waiting on a call.
8:44 H. Foley? By the way, this is behind-
8:48 H. Foley? This is, uh, this is on the Patreon, so we can talk about this. Have you seen the Instagram videos?
8:54 Speaker 02 Well, dude, you're a fucking lunatic.
8:58 H. Foley? Have you seen the Instagram videos where they got the girls in the, uh-
9:02 Speaker 02 Oh my god, don't finish that.
9:08 H. Foley? They got the girls in the, what's the, yoga pants? And they have the butt plug in and you can see the little light in there?
9:14 Speaker 02 Sure.
9:16 H. Foley? Man.
9:16 Speaker 02 Get you going?
9:19 H. Foley? Imagine that? Imagine being able to, who, who gets away with that?
9:23 Speaker 02 Whores, what do you mean?
9:24 H. Foley? No, but I mean, who has that kinda relationship where they're just doing fun things like that?
9:29 Speaker 02 I think most of them are porn stars doing it for the video.
9:32 H. Foley? I don't know, looks like regular gals to me.
9:35 Speaker 02 Yeah. What?
9:37 H. Foley? They're in like Home Depot and shit like that?
9:39 Speaker 02 You think whores don't go shopping?
9:44 Speaker 02 Are you gonna buy the butt plugs?
9:45 H. Foley? That's fun. Spicy.
9:47 Speaker 02 Hey, we'll do it-
9:48 H. Foley? You don't do nothing like that.
9:49 Speaker 02 We'll do it this weekend if you want to. Come pick me up. I'll put on something. I'll put on something risque for you.
9:57 H. Foley? Got a mag light up there?
9:58 Speaker 02 Keeps falling out.
10:02 Speaker 02 Things loose.
10:04 H. Foley? You got one of those lights that they use to stop the paparazzi? Like a lighthouse. Woo wee!
10:12 H. Foley? Huh. I love Topher Grace.
10:15 Speaker 02 Okay. That's neither here nor there. We're going to jail. All right?
10:20 H. Foley? Danny Masterson. He's in there.
10:21 Speaker 02 Oh, Jesus Christ.
10:25 H. Foley? Not a cool guy.
10:32 Speaker 02 You're fucking...
10:33 H. Foley? That's why Topher got a bad rap. They said he didn't like any of that crap around the set.
10:38 Speaker 02 And he grab ass.
10:39 H. Foley? Yeah, and he grab ass or nothing like that. He was professional.
10:42 Speaker 02 Okay.
10:42 H. Foley? That's what I was told.
10:44 Speaker 02 By who? Topher Grace.
10:46 H. Foley? Guy that plays Red? I'll tell you what happened.
10:49 Speaker 02 I love that guy.
10:50 H. Foley? Are you kidding me?
10:51 Speaker 02 He's somebody's brother, isn't he? Or cousin?
10:53 H. Foley? Let's quit screwing around.
10:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
10:55 H. Foley? So we're going to the can.
10:56 Speaker 02 We're going to the can.
10:57 H. Foley? Okay. This is how to survive?
10:59 Speaker 02 How to survive in prison.
11:01 H. Foley? I know how I'm gonna survive.
11:03 Speaker 02 Get my kneepacks and my butt plug and my yoga pants.
11:06 H. Foley? Woo wee!
11:07 Speaker 02 Little Suzie.
11:08 H. Foley? Okay.
11:09 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
11:10 H. Foley? Now where are we going? Federal? County?
11:12 Speaker 02 Federal.
11:13 H. Foley? Federal.
11:14 Speaker 02 Five years federal. That's the sentence. Fuck. Cause I feel like anything over, I don't know what...
11:19 H. Foley? Nonviolent crime.
11:20 Speaker 02 I killed a man.
11:21 H. Foley? They're fun guys.
11:23 Speaker 02 I'm partying too hard.
11:24 H. Foley? You killed a guy.
11:25 Speaker 02 What?
11:26 H. Foley? You get five years, you're a good lawyer.
11:28 Speaker 02 Todd Spodek.
11:29 H. Foley? There you go.
11:29 Speaker 02 Got me out.
11:30 H. Foley? Get you off.
11:31 Speaker 02 Uh...
11:31 H. Foley? What are the charges?
11:32 Speaker 02 I don't know. Something nonviolent, nonviolent crime.
11:36 H. Foley? That's not what I'm telling everybody when I get there.
11:38 Speaker 02 Skimming the, mine's cooking the books.
11:42 H. Foley? Okay.
11:42 Speaker 02 Yours could be eating them.
11:46 Speaker 02 This guy ate the whole nonfiction section.
11:51 H. Foley? Good luck finding out what happened to Harry Potter now, eh? Ah, that's fiction.
11:55 Speaker 02 That's fiction. Um...
11:57 H. Foley? These nonfiction books are thick.
11:59 Speaker 02 Sure.
12:00 H. Foley? Little mustard.
12:01 Speaker 02 What?
12:02 H. Foley? Uh, I thought I was eating them. Hold on.
12:06 Speaker 02 What do you want to go to jail for? If you did go to, what would it be for? Tax evasion.
12:11 H. Foley? Don't say that.
12:12 Speaker 02 What?
12:13 H. Foley? It's fucking crazy. I'm doing that shit. I'm fucking paying my back taxes.
12:17 Speaker 02 Uh, but you do it. I mean, I'm just saying, obviously not you now, but that is a world where that was the biggest thing hanging over your head.
12:24 H. Foley? I wouldn't have gotten that. What are you talking about? Would have been alright.
12:28 Speaker 02 Okay.
12:28 H. Foley? I'm paying it now.
12:29 Speaker 02 No one's, listen, you're getting defensive and weird about this and it's fine. I'm not saying you're not. But.
12:37 H. Foley? It's getting made fun of by the fucking suits about it.
12:40 Speaker 02 I know. You stay.
12:42 H. Foley? Tax debt I'm paying off like a dirtball.
12:44 Speaker 02 From fucking.
12:44 H. Foley? Hey, we're all jammed up.
12:45 Speaker 02 2004. Uh, whatever. What do you, then what do you want to go in for?
12:50 H. Foley? What do I, what, what, what am I telling people I'm in for?
12:53 Speaker 02 No. What do you think you, you H. Foley?
12:57 Speaker 02 Drugs. That's what it would be.
13:00 H. Foley? Am I moving weight?
13:01 Speaker 02 Not, you're trying, but you talked to a cop, right? It was clearly, this guy was wearing a uniform and you still sold to him.
13:06 H. Foley? Cause if it was, if, if it was like personal use, I wouldn't get five years.
13:09 Speaker 02 No, that's what I'm saying. You were, you were, you were behind, you were trying to, you were, you were a middleman in something. Okay. Hey, I know a guy, I know a guy, let me introduce you to him.
13:18 H. Foley? That was, that was real close to happening about 15 years ago.
13:22 Speaker 02 I did it one time. I got so scared.
13:23 H. Foley? Oh, it was all set up. It was all set up.
13:27 Speaker 02 I lied and said, I was like, I can't make it.
13:29 H. Foley? My roommates were going away and they, my, somebody wanted to.
13:34 Speaker 02 Finger you?
13:35 H. Foley? No, wanted to wrap some presents, if you know what I mean.
13:38 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
13:39 H. Foley? For the weekend. And the take wasn't great.
13:43 Speaker 02 Yeah.
13:44 H. Foley? Oh, I fucking freaked out about it. Luckily, he decided against it.
13:48 Speaker 02 Yeah, well, that would have been a real cool work environment.
13:53 Speaker 02 He goes to the bathroom, goes back, you're just ravaging all the presents. Fucking scumbag.
13:59 H. Foley? I thought you left.
14:00 Speaker 02 I thought you were, I thought you said these were for me.
14:03 H. Foley? I'm staying out in the hallway. Woo, woo, woo, quick out the window.
14:07 Speaker 02 Uh, so I gotta.
14:07 H. Foley? Nothing on that.
14:08 Speaker 02 I got a little bit of prison slang we gotta learn before we get there.
14:11 H. Foley? Yeah.
14:12 Speaker 02 Uh-huh. So we'll do, uh.
14:14 H. Foley? How do you say cup the bowls?
14:17 Speaker 02 I think that's just how you say it.
14:18 H. Foley? Okay. I got that down.
14:20 Speaker 02 Do you know what a shang? Shank is.
14:22 H. Foley? Come on, what am I, a fucking rookie? My cherry? Newbie, new fish? I know what a shank is.
14:28 Speaker 02 What is it?
14:29 H. Foley? Um.
14:32 Speaker 02 It's a handcrafted blade weapon.
14:34 H. Foley? Of course.
14:35 Speaker 02 Similar to a knife that's associated with prison inmates.
14:37 H. Foley? Yeah, toothbrush I'd use. I'd use on my fork.
14:43 H. Foley? I got one. Yeah, shank, I shank ya. And also a lamb shank, which is nice, but I don't love lamb. Or a veal shank. Kind of an asabuco.
14:53 Speaker 02 Do you know what brake fluid is? This is a pretty good one.
14:56 H. Foley? Do I know what brake fluid is?
14:57 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
14:58 H. Foley? Like, the actual definition?
15:00 Speaker 02 What am I, an asshole? No, what you do, you're gonna, you're gonna get got right away.
15:04 H. Foley? Um.
15:05 Speaker 02 In the joint, in the pen, brake fluid.
15:08 H. Foley? Brake fluid, something you drink.
15:11 Speaker 02 It's a term for psychiatric medicine.
15:14 H. Foley? Whoa.
15:14 Speaker 02 Throw the brake fluid at him. Oh, here we go, the big call, ah, the big call.
15:19 H. Foley? God damn it.
15:19 Speaker 02 What the fuck? Who is it?
15:23 H. Foley? Hello?
15:26 H. Foley? Gotcha, alright, let me go, I love you.
15:29 Speaker 02 Alright, one of the many phone calls has been completed yet again, and I listened to most of it, it was very unnecessary.
15:34 H. Foley? And I'm sorry, it's not, it wasn't the guy, it was her, so she was telling me the situation, not the guy, I guess she's not calling.
15:40 Speaker 02 Yeah, I wouldn't wanna call you either.
15:41 H. Foley? Said the plant's alright.
15:42 Speaker 02 Need a little bit of bug juice.
15:44 H. Foley? Give you some bug juice.
15:45 Speaker 02 Uh, alright, next one, what is a bug?
15:48 H. Foley? What is a bug? A packet of heroin.
15:51 Speaker 02 That's gonna be your guess for everything.
15:54 H. Foley? Uh, what is a sleeve of heroin?
15:56 Speaker 02 It's a person, like, uh, like, to describe a person.
15:59 H. Foley? Annoying person.
16:00 Speaker 02 That's pretty good, that, is it bugging me? This guy's a bug.
16:03 H. Foley? Uh, a bug, a bug.
16:05 Speaker 02 Is a prison staff member considered untrustworthy or unreliable?
16:09 H. Foley? Prison staff member?
16:11 Speaker 02 Yeah, I guess you gotta play ball a little bit, yeah.
16:14 H. Foley? Yeah, it's a whole ecosystem in there. Man, yikes.
16:18 Speaker 02 Do you know what, all?
16:19 H. Foley? Luke's taking his hat.
16:20 Speaker 02 All day.
16:21 H. Foley? Huh?
16:22 Speaker 02 All day.
16:23 H. Foley? All day, breakfast? I'm gonna get fucked up in this joint. All day.
16:29 Speaker 02 All day.
16:30 H. Foley? Yeah, like I'll do it all day.
16:33 Speaker 02 What? You can't just say it back to me.
16:35 H. Foley? I'm around all the time.
16:36 Speaker 02 No, I mean the life sentence. I'm doing all day.
16:39 H. Foley? Oh shit.
16:40 Speaker 02 That's dark dude. All night. Fuck that.
16:44 H. Foley? That's what I mean. I'm telling people I'm doing all day. Murder. Triple murder. Fucked guys up.
16:48 Speaker 02 Uh, who was? Who'd you kill?
16:49 H. Foley? Tony.
16:50 Speaker 02 So what? And what a triple murder. So Tony and who? You killed Tony three times?
16:54 H. Foley? And his two buddies.
16:55 Speaker 02 Okay, what were their names?
16:56 H. Foley? Rick and Steve.
16:57 Speaker 02 That's a crew rolling together, Tony.
16:59 H. Foley? Tony, Rick and Steve.
17:00 Speaker 02 What do they do?
17:01 H. Foley? They're Triads.
17:03 Speaker 02 So now you got the Triads after you?
17:05 H. Foley? No, we squashed it. I made a deal.
17:08 Speaker 02 What, what, what, what business?
17:09 H. Foley? They wanted me to kill them.
17:10 Speaker 02 What business did you have with the Triads?
17:13 H. Foley? Powder.
17:14 Speaker 02 Baby?
17:17 H. Foley? Yeah.
17:17 Speaker 02 Couple bug?
17:18 H. Foley? They were ripping off, they worked, they were in the Triads. They were ripping the Triads off. I got caught up in some shit.
17:22 Speaker 02 Aren't the Triads Chinese?
17:24 H. Foley? What?
17:24 Speaker 02 So Tony, Rick and Steve are all high, high end members of the Triads?
17:31 H. Foley? Why do you think they wanted them out?
17:36 H. Foley? It's Tony Yang by the way.
17:39 Speaker 02 Anthony Yang.
17:40 H. Foley? Tony Yang and uh, Rick and Steve Chan, the Chan Brothers. I don't think that was their real first names.
17:46 Speaker 02 They were twins, but they look alike.
17:50 Speaker 02 Couldn't tell them apart, I'm sorry.
17:53 H. Foley? They're good guys. Well, they weren't good guys, but I had to.
17:58 Speaker 02 But why? They were ripping you off?
18:01 H. Foley? They weren't ripping me off.
18:02 Speaker 02 Who were they ripping off?
18:03 H. Foley? They were ripping off the Triads.
18:04 Speaker 02 So you stepped in on the, on the Triads behalf?
18:08 H. Foley? That's why I'm protecting you, so don't fuck around. Or I'll fucking bug ya.
18:13 Speaker 02 You're already doing that. I got a, I got a fucking all day sentence of that.
18:19 Speaker 02 Fucking bugging me all day dude.
18:21 H. Foley? Shank ya.
18:23 H. Foley? With a bone. Yeah, that's what I'm in for.
18:27 Speaker 02 Okay.
18:28 H. Foley? I'm doing it all day.
18:29 Speaker 02 You should know this one.
18:30 H. Foley? What?
18:30 Speaker 02 A kite.
18:32 H. Foley? A kite?
18:33 Speaker 02 They're flying kites.
18:34 H. Foley? They're flying, I mean, they're bringing over shit.
18:36 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
18:37 H. Foley? They fly a kite over and drop the bag in the yard and you go pick it up real quick.
18:41 Speaker 02 This is all drugs with you?
18:42 H. Foley? What do you mean?
18:43 Speaker 02 I got a lot of time on my head.
18:45 H. Foley? Yeah, they dropped shit, they contraband.
18:47 Speaker 02 No.
18:47 H. Foley? Hold on, don't be giving it away, let me guess, you're gonna get me killed. Fucking asshole.
18:52 Speaker 02 I think you, I think you see Jerome's face when he killed the Tony and Rick and Steve Chan.
19:00 H. Foley? No. It's Tony Chan.
19:02 Speaker 02 That's a double cross, dude.
19:04 H. Foley? Tony Yang and the Chan Brothers. Rick and Steve.
19:09 Speaker 02 Where'd you, where'd you kill them?
19:11 H. Foley? Chinatown.
19:14 Speaker 02 Little Italy.
19:17 H. Foley? It's right, right on that side of Mulberry Street.
19:21 H. Foley? Yeah, that's where I did it. In an alley back there. With a katana sword. That's all I had with me.
19:28 Speaker 02 Alright. Alright.
19:31 H. Foley? Flying kites. They're flying kites.
19:34 Speaker 02 You know this one? It's a lot of rap lyrics.
19:36 H. Foley? Yeah.
19:36 Speaker 02 Learn from a kite.
19:38 H. Foley? Learn from a kite?
19:39 Speaker 02 Could you use it in a sentence, please? Country of origin?
19:45 Speaker 02 Guantanamo Bay. Sing, sing.
19:48 H. Foley? Flying a kite. They're flying a kite. Isaiah, use it in a sentence.
19:52 Speaker 02 Uh, I gotta, I think it's-
19:53 H. Foley? You got a real prison guard face, dude.
19:55 Speaker 02 It's a 50 cent, a real CO face. CO!
19:59 H. Foley? Kip is tossing cells.
20:03 Speaker 02 Open up that butthole.
20:08 Speaker 02 I got a kite from the pen telling me, it's in Many Men. I got a kite from the pen told me Tuck got knocked.
20:14 H. Foley? I got a kite from the pen. A letter.
20:17 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:17 H. Foley? That's pretty good.
20:19 Speaker 02 But they, you can like, letters down the cell as well. Like, flying kites to each other.
20:23 H. Foley? Oh, yeah?
20:24 Speaker 02 Yeah.
20:24 H. Foley? You're writing shit down? That's the first mistake.
20:26 Speaker 02 I ain't texting.
20:29 H. Foley? I ain't writing anything down.
20:30 Speaker 02 Okay.
20:31 H. Foley? Do my talking with my shivs.
20:32 Speaker 02 Oh, this one's pretty good. Ninja turtles.
20:36 H. Foley? Pooping.
20:38 Speaker 02 Drugs, a bag.
20:41 H. Foley? Ninja turtles.
20:42 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
20:42 H. Foley? Got killers. Boys are coming. Dudes that try to sneak away in the sewers.
20:49 Speaker 02 It's like Pictionary all over again.
20:51 H. Foley? Right?
20:52 Speaker 02 No. I don't think, I don't think that's happened enough to be a name for them.
20:56 H. Foley? Ninja Turtles.
20:57 Speaker 02 It's about the guards.
20:59 H. Foley? They wear masks.
21:02 Speaker 02 Dress in full riot gear.
21:03 H. Foley? Ah.
21:04 Speaker 02 Also known as, also known as hats and bats.
21:07 H. Foley? Hats and, I got hats and bats on.
21:08 Speaker 02 Fucking turtles coming down dude.
21:09 H. Foley? Ninja Turtles coming down.
21:11 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm. Mexicans got on boots. Shout out to Ali Siddique.
21:14 H. Foley? Ali Siddique.
21:17 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
21:18 H. Foley? Okay.
21:19 Speaker 02 Peels.
21:21 H. Foley? Peels?
21:21 Speaker 02 Yeah. P-E-E, P-E-E-L-S.
21:25 H. Foley? Peels.
21:25 Speaker 02 Peels.
21:26 H. Foley? Can you use it in a sentence?
21:28 Speaker 02 The boys got their peels on.
21:29 H. Foley? The boys got their peels, the little socks that have sticky things on them. They don't want to get mud in the cell.
21:34 Speaker 02 You know, hospital? I don't, I don't, I don't think the prisons are worried about their traction.
21:39 H. Foley? Flip flops.
21:40 Speaker 02 No.
21:40 H. Foley? Am I close?
21:41 Speaker 02 What's peels? Give me a, give me a, what are peels?
21:44 H. Foley? Orange peels.
21:45 Speaker 02 There you go. Where's all that good guessing now, huh gang? Huh? Where's all that good fucking guessing?
21:49 H. Foley? Envelopes.
21:50 Speaker 02 When he doesn't have my great writing to rely on, this is what he does.
21:53 H. Foley? Drawing. Envelopes.
21:56 Speaker 02 What?
21:56 H. Foley? Wearing envelopes on your feet.
21:59 Speaker 02 Peels. See, and you, he's a good guesser.
22:02 H. Foley? Hold on!
22:02 Speaker 02 It was my amazing artistic skill and forethought and, and, and, and quick wit.
22:09 H. Foley? Stop bringing up bullshit!
22:10 Speaker 02 To, to draw-
22:11 H. Foley? You're in the goddamn joint!
22:12 Speaker 02 To draw exactly what he needed to make the first guess and second guesses at 2-4. What is P? You said the word.
22:21 H. Foley? Flip flops.
22:22 Speaker 02 No. Orange.
22:23 H. Foley? Orange peels.
22:23 Speaker 02 What's orange in jail?
22:25 H. Foley? Jumpsuits.
22:26 Speaker 02 There you go. They got their peels on.
22:29 H. Foley? Oh, they got their-
22:29 Speaker 02 They're in the orange jumpsuits.
22:31 H. Foley? Orange jumpsuits. What would you do?
22:33 Speaker 02 What?
22:34 H. Foley? With the lap, they can have that fucking laptop.
22:38 H. Foley? Fucking Mr. Goddamn Know-It-All.
22:39 Speaker 02 I would, I mean, I'd probably have to-
22:42 H. Foley? What are you in for? You're cooking the books.
22:44 Speaker 02 Embezzlement.
22:45 H. Foley? So we're not going to fucking, we're not going Mac Security, right?
22:49 Speaker 02 They were big books I was cooking.
22:50 H. Foley? Go to a country club.
22:52 Speaker 02 It's still, I don't-
22:54 H. Foley? Aren't we?
22:54 Speaker 02 Country club's not federal. Yeah, no, we're doing Fed-
22:57 H. Foley? Yeah, it is. Where they swear, where they sent Jordan Belford?
23:01 Speaker 02 I'm not going to that pussy shit.
23:02 H. Foley? What? Well, you want the, you want the smoke?
23:04 Speaker 02 I want Pelican Bay. Send me, send me with the boys.
23:09 H. Foley? Give me liberty, you give me death.
23:12 Speaker 02 Lockup roll.
23:13 Speaker 03 Nah, country club prisons are private prisons for profit.
23:17 H. Foley? Ooh, so you have to pay for that?
23:20 Speaker 03 I, I don't think.
23:22 Speaker 02 No, they're just, they're, the, the government, they pay, the, the government pays them.
23:28 H. Foley? So it is federal?
23:28 Speaker 02 That was like those kids got, that was in Pennsylvania, they got trumped up fucking, that judge was taking kickbacks for sending kids to jail for like, stealing forty dollars out of, because you get, they get paid per head.
23:38 H. Foley? But hold, but just, but it's nicer there.
23:41 Speaker 02 Yeah.
23:42 H. Foley? Yeah, so why can't I go there? Nonviolent crime?
23:45 Speaker 03 Cause you killed Tony's TV.
23:47 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's not a nonviolent crime, it was triple homicide.
23:49 H. Foley? I didn't kill.
23:50 Speaker 02 You were in bed with the triax.
23:51 H. Foley? That's what I'm gonna tell people in there.
23:53 Speaker 02 You can't be trusted, I don't know what you're saying, I don't even know you anymore.
23:56 H. Foley? I wanna go to the country club though. Learn tennis.
24:00 Speaker 02 Um.
24:01 H. Foley? I'll work in the, what would you do there?
24:04 Speaker 02 You're a prison wolf.
24:06 H. Foley? What's that mean?
24:06 Speaker 02 It's pretty cool, right?
24:09 Speaker 02 There's a prison wolf, do you know what it is?
24:11 H. Foley? You're howling at the moon, blowing dudes.
24:14 Speaker 02 Yeah.
24:14 H. Foley? Is it?
24:15 Speaker 02 Prison wolf is an inmate is normally straight on the outside, but engages in sexual activity with men while in guard service.
24:22 Speaker 02 He's also, he's also a New York wolf too. Goddamn right.
24:27 H. Foley? Wait a minute. What would be your angle when you get there?
24:32 Speaker 02 I'd probably have to, I-
24:33 H. Foley? Where would you wanna work?
24:34 Speaker 02 I'd shoot to fade real, shoot to fade real quick.
24:37 H. Foley? What, shoot to fade, get a haircut?
24:40 Speaker 02 Take a little off the top.
24:41 H. Foley? You got a Gumby in there?
24:43 Speaker 02 Hey guys, now you gotta fight somebody.
24:46 H. Foley? No, I don't think that's the answer, that's-
24:48 Speaker 02 That is the answer.
24:49 H. Foley? The fucking movies dude.
24:51 Speaker 02 I-
24:52 H. Foley? First of all, you get your ass beat. And then you're gonna be the guy's bitch.
24:56 Speaker 02 No, but they were, you're respected for fighting.
24:59 Speaker 03 Yeah.
25:00 H. Foley? What the fuck do you, what are you talking about?
25:02 Speaker 03 That's what ASAP Rocky said when he was at Rikers.
25:05 H. Foley? Probably crying at lacrosse camp.
25:07 Speaker 03 I'll be in the country club prison.
25:09 H. Foley? Oh, father.
25:12 H. Foley? What do you got?
25:14 Speaker 02 What do you mean, what do I got?
25:16 H. Foley? You said you were looking up what to-
25:17 Speaker 02 Yeah, if you have, I think you gotta fight.
25:20 H. Foley? No.
25:20 Speaker 02 I'm telling you.
25:21 H. Foley? I'm gonna get a nice job in the hospital.
25:24 Speaker 02 Patch Adams.
25:28 H. Foley? Yeah, I'm doing something like that. So I'm untouchable. Something positive for the community.
25:35 Speaker 02 Yeah, cuz that's what they want. You in there bugging everybody.
25:38 H. Foley? I mean, I have a lot, I have a lot that I could, you know, bestow on, on, on people. How to be personable.
25:44 Speaker 02 How to kill your friends that you're dealing drugs with?
25:47 H. Foley? Alright, I wanna backpedal on that.
25:49 Speaker 02 Not a tough guy.
25:51 H. Foley? I'm not going the tough guy route. As soon as you mention the wolf thing.
25:57 Speaker 02 Script change. I don't go to fucking pound town.
26:05 H. Foley? Yeah, I would be like a counselor. Go in and get, be a counselor.
26:10 Speaker 02 You can't just become a counselor.
26:12 H. Foley? Yeah, you can.
26:13 Speaker 02 You gotta go to school. You didn't roll in school. Woodworking. Where would you wanna work?
26:18 H. Foley? Woodworking? What do you mean? I could teach acting. I could put on a play.
26:21 Speaker 02 You're in jail.
26:22 H. Foley? Yeah.
26:23 Speaker 02 Put on a play. Fucking, a double dildo show. What are you talking about? Put on a play?
26:32 H. Foley? Whoever sells tickets.
26:33 Speaker 02 Hey, simple, Jack.
26:41 H. Foley? My new play, Tear Gas. One man show.
26:44 Speaker 02 That's so bad, Tear Gas. Okay. I think you gotta fight.
26:56 H. Foley? I'm not fighting. Bitch it up.
27:00 Speaker 02 Find out if you have to fight your first day in jail. Well, you, you gotta fu- like, if someone steps to you. Yeah, if someone tries to, to, to, um, what you call the outside of, microaggression, you gotta fucking, you gotta stand up for yourself.
27:13 H. Foley? Then you get more time and all that stuff.
27:15 Speaker 02 Yeah, you go in the bathroom, you shoot the fade, they respect it.
27:23 Speaker 02 I'm shooting the pain. I'll fight myself.
27:27 H. Foley? Shooting and taking a dump?
27:30 Speaker 02 I get my hair's kicked and shit myself. Good thing I'm in the bathroom.
27:38 H. Foley? I'm blowing dudes.
27:41 Speaker 03 That's your job.
27:42 Speaker 02 Like a fat girl at a fucking Stinks concert.
27:48 H. Foley? Gentlemen.
27:50 Speaker 02 You got fucking Kool-Aid on your lips.
27:57 H. Foley? I like it. Set the mix signals.
28:02 H. Foley? Hang on a second. I think that I would be able to with my skillset, I would be able to go in and like organize like how Henry Duf- or uh, what's his name? Was it Henry Dufresne?
28:15 Speaker 02 Andy Dufresne. He was a high-end tax attorney.
28:18 H. Foley? He ran the library. I was like, Brooksie, I run the library. I'll raise a bird.
28:23 Speaker 02 I'll give you a bird. I'll be blowing a bird.
28:28 Speaker 02 Fucking eating bird all day, dude.
28:31 H. Foley? Yeah, some shit like that.
28:34 Speaker 02 Okay.
28:34 H. Foley? I'll teach people.
28:35 Speaker 02 They're gonna see your fat ass water and be like all over you, dude. This guy, this guy's got no self-discipline. He'll do anything for a piece of candy.
28:50 H. Foley? Do they have candy?
28:52 Speaker 02 It's funny you bring that up. I have a list of the commissary.
28:54 H. Foley? Ooh, alright, now we're talking.
28:56 Speaker 02 United States Penitentiary, Atwater, Californian, commissary shopping list. Way more on here than I ever, uh, expected. Um, you got your sodas.
29:09 H. Foley? Okay.
29:09 Speaker 02 You get 12-pack Pepsi Max.
29:11 H. Foley? A 12-pack?
29:12 Speaker 02 Pepsi Max.
29:13 H. Foley? Max, that seems a little...
29:15 Speaker 02 You can get Starry Lemon Lime or Mountain Dew Spark.
29:20 H. Foley? What's Mountain Dew Spark?
29:21 Speaker 02 I don't know.
29:22 H. Foley? Must be just some prison shit.
29:23 Speaker 02 Six bucks and 40 cents.
29:25 H. Foley? Six thousand forty cents for a 12-pack?
29:27 Speaker 02 It's not bad.
29:28 H. Foley? Better than Walmart.
29:31 Speaker 02 This place hates it. Oh man.
29:34 H. Foley? You got the Trojan out there?
29:37 Speaker 02 Who? Boys, I'd rather be in here with you guys.
29:43 Speaker 02 Mountain Dew Spark is just getting discontinued. Yeah, it's all like, it's all shit that Pepsi's getting rid of. Starry, drinking fucking winter Coca Colas in fucking August.
29:58 H. Foley? Is that cinnamon?
30:00 Speaker 02 We were with somebody, I was with somebody last night after spots and they grabbed, went to get pizza and they grabbed a...
30:05 H. Foley? Coca vanilla?
30:06 Speaker 02 Spiced. Oh, dude, we passed it around the table. It tasted like cough medicine. It was horrible. He went and was like, "I can't drink this, man." It was red. There's like a little pink at the top or something.
30:20 H. Foley? Tried to return it?
30:21 Speaker 02 He did. I was like, "Dude, go get another one. That's fucking, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna watch you drink this."
30:27 H. Foley? Is it like, like Christmas spice?
30:29 Speaker 02 Yeah, but it's like Robitussin. Somebody, I think Tom Casy said it's a little Robitussin. Well, got that tussin in him.
30:37 H. Foley? Alright, what else?
30:38 Speaker 02 I got a lot of stuff. Ice cream.
30:40 H. Foley? Okay, who's the manufacturer?
30:42 Speaker 02 Twix Ice Cream.
30:43 H. Foley? Ooh.
30:44 Speaker 02 M&M Ice Cream.
30:45 H. Foley? Okay.
30:46 Speaker 02 You got your electronics.
30:47 H. Foley? Electronics you can buy?
30:48 Speaker 02 You get a tablet, probably for reading, a radio, an MP3 player, or Casio watch.
30:55 H. Foley? No shit. Man, that stuff's probably getting traded, but having any of that stuff makes you a mark. I ain't gonna be walking around my fucking boombox somewhere.
31:04 Speaker 02 I mean, I don't think it's a boombox.
31:07 H. Foley? They steal your shit.
31:08 Speaker 02 You fucking prison wolf.
31:12 Speaker 02 Howling at the full moon tonight, boys.
31:14 H. Foley? Take my watch or my Pepsi Sparkle.
31:18 H. Foley? Yeah, fuck that. You don't go in flashy with that. It's a pack of Skittles, that's it. Keep it in your pocket.
31:23 Speaker 02 I don't know what year this is from.
31:26 H. Foley? I'd be eating them one at a time out of my pocket.
31:28 Speaker 02 You're doing that thing where you slow chew. You put it in and don't chew it right away.
31:40 Speaker 02 Yeah, that's.
31:43 H. Foley? Oh, man, I don't want.
31:44 Speaker 02 Let the tongue do the work.
31:48 H. Foley? Ah, that must be high stakes.
31:53 H. Foley? You're sitting. He's got skills.
31:55 Speaker 02 You're sitting there.
32:12 H. Foley? Yeah, come to you guys.
32:15 Speaker 02 You know, you know the chance?
32:18 H. Foley? You know what the fuck I mean? Bad toop.
32:28 H. Foley? Playing it real cool.
32:30 Speaker 02 You do this.
32:35 Speaker 02 Pass it off.
32:47 H. Foley? Okay. All right. What else?
32:49 Speaker 02 Food items.
32:50 H. Foley? Here we go.
32:51 Speaker 02 There's a lot, so I'm gonna run it down pretty quick.
32:54 H. Foley? This is, hold on, this is commissary or this is at the snack shop?
32:57 Speaker 02 This is commissary. This is what you can buy.
32:59 H. Foley? Okay.
32:59 Speaker 02 The snack shop? What do you mean?
33:01 H. Foley? I don't know.
33:01 Speaker 02 This is updated June 29th, 2023. All sales are final, too. Limited to one each unless otherwise noted.
33:09 H. Foley? Limited to one each? You can only get one?
33:11 Speaker 02 Of each.
33:11 H. Foley? Trading shit.
33:13 Speaker 02 Damn, they got a lot, dude.
33:15 H. Foley? Where the fuck is that? That's what I would do. I'd run that. Start some scam.
33:19 Speaker 02 No guy coming in is getting that job right away.
33:22 H. Foley? Yeah, I guess everybody would be all fucking.
33:25 H. Foley? Red will be in there.
33:27 Speaker 02 All day. Damn.
33:29 H. Foley? Yeah, Red doing it all day.
33:32 H. Foley? Man, he was good in that Morgan Freeman.
33:36 Speaker 02 Uh, what I loved about that movie was the book was about an Irish guy and they didn't change the name. So that line about why do they call you Red and he goes, "I don't know, I guess my freckles."
33:45 H. Foley? Yeah.
33:46 Speaker 02 It's like breaks that fourth wall.
33:47 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
33:48 Speaker 02 Anywho, you got jalapeno summer sausages, you got beef sausage, you got honey pepper turkey log, shredded pork chorizo, you got bumblebee tuna, you got shredded chicken breast, Chinese lum chung sausage. I'll be doing a voice in the triads.
34:10 H. Foley? I got a lum chung for everybody. Get back in their good graces. I'm gonna win a poo poo.
34:18 Speaker 02 Guys, let's put this all behind us.
34:21 H. Foley? Okay.
34:22 Speaker 02 You got a mackerel pouch.
34:24 H. Foley? Mackerel?
34:25 Speaker 02 Mackerel.
34:25 H. Foley? Ew, the fish?
34:26 Speaker 02 Yeah.
34:27 H. Foley? Ugh.
34:28 Speaker 02 You get jalapeno mackerel, oysters from Chicken of the Sea.
34:33 H. Foley? That's crazy.
34:34 Speaker 02 Flour tortillas, you can get rice and cheese, rice pepperoni slices. I'd be all over them fucking pep slices, dawg. You think they got Hormels in there? Woo. Kippy like a nice slice of pepperoni.
34:49 H. Foley? Get your shiv on ya?
34:50 Speaker 02 I don't care if it's pepperoni, I'm gonna have a slice.
34:56 Speaker 02 Kippy be eating.
34:58 H. Foley? I'm a good boy.
35:00 Speaker 02 You got Spam, you got mozzarella cheese stick. I think that's just like, you know, string cheese, jalapeno cheese, squeeze.
35:10 H. Foley? Squeeze cheese.
35:10 Speaker 02 A shredded beef pouch, a turkey stick, squeeze peanut butter, chili with beans, refried beans, chorizo refried beans.
35:22 H. Foley? What, they cook it in the cell?
35:23 Speaker 02 Yeah.
35:25 H. Foley? But if they're selling that stuff, why don't they give them stuff to cook with? Instead of doing it on a radiator and shit?
35:30 Speaker 02 I don't know. I think it's all probably cooked.
35:33 H. Foley? Okay.
35:34 Speaker 02 It's like MRE type stuff. Like it's already shredded chicken in a fucking pouch. I mean, there's, you know.
35:42 Speaker 02 Um, that's it for the food items. That's not bad. I mean, like, you can make a decent menu.
35:49 H. Foley? What?
35:51 Speaker 02 Any nudie mags?
35:54 Speaker 02 You know, the condiments. You got mayo, Dragon Express soy sauce, honey, sweet and sour, hot chili, cream cheese, lemon juice, jalapeno peppers, yellow chili peppers, Tito's hot dill pickles. I mean, this ain't... I've stayed at worse hotels. Ranch dressing packets, minced garlic, minced onions, soul seasoning.
36:15 H. Foley? Kill for having that at a Hampton's.
36:18 Speaker 02 Who's telling me?
36:19 H. Foley? Little mackerel pouch. That's crazy.
36:22 Speaker 02 Chips. You got your... You got jalapeno Cheetos, spicy Doritos, sweet and spicy Doritos, a lot of Doritos, pork rinds, Cheetos, hot fry. I got hot fries in jail. Cookies and crackers, snacks and nuts.
36:34 H. Foley? I feel you. If anybody sees you eating that shit, they're gonna beat the shit out of you.
36:37 Speaker 02 No, I think everybody's eating it. But the problem is you buy it and then they go and steal it when you're in the shower.
36:42 H. Foley? Yeah.
36:43 Speaker 02 You go, "I had three packs of fucking ramen there."
36:45 H. Foley? What am I gonna do?
36:46 Speaker 02 Shoot the fade.
36:46 H. Foley? Start woofing it.
36:50 Speaker 02 You're hiding your stuff. "Hey, someone stole my Cheetos." "All right, I'll blow it."
36:57 H. Foley? Man.
36:59 Speaker 02 Pretty nuts, dude. That's, uh...
37:01 H. Foley? All right, realistically, what would you want your job to be? I wouldn't want to work in a laundry room. I know that.
37:07 Speaker 02 Why?
37:08 H. Foley? The sisters would get you.
37:11 H. Foley? That'd get them robbing. Yeah, well, I want to do something, something good, something that I want to show value
37:20 H. Foley? so nobody would fuck with me. Like, working in like the...
37:22 Speaker 02 I got it. I know what I would do if there was.
37:26 H. Foley? With HVAC?
37:26 Speaker 02 Local radio. If there's like a... If there's an in-house radio show. I'm a broadcaster. I'm an entertainer.
37:33 H. Foley? There's no local radio show?
37:35 Speaker 02 I'd start one. Write a letter to the senator. He's got a couple of AOM airwaves in here. I'd make a podcast.
37:44 H. Foley? Start a pod in there?
37:45 Speaker 02 Start a pod. I'd be riffing on everybody.
37:48 H. Foley? Yeah, that shit...
37:49 Speaker 02 But fun. I get my ass kicked. Just called the wrong guy a prison wolf. It'd be all over me. Yeah. There's a few prison radio stations out there and podcasts. Yeah. Yeah. I, that's what I would do.
38:06 H. Foley? Man, we'd clean up in there.
38:07 Speaker 02 I'd tell some bits or something.
38:10 H. Foley? Hopefully we get sent to the same spot. We'd do it in there.
38:13 Speaker 02 I mean, if, if it was, listen, if it was me and you together in there, it'd be for the better of morale to let us fucking
38:18 H. Foley? Do our thing.
38:19 Speaker 02 Get in there and razz. You'd have to bring in new guy Luke too.
38:24 Speaker 02 Frame him.
38:27 H. Foley? Alright, it's not bad.
38:28 Speaker 02 Uh.
38:29 H. Foley? There you go. It'd be like royalty in there, shout outs, birthdays. Doing, uh, cameos.
38:36 Speaker 02 Can't forget a birthday though.
38:37 H. Foley? No.
38:38 Speaker 02 Oh, you're jammed up, they're looking all year for that.
38:41 H. Foley? The whole thing's birthdays, everybody in there.
38:45 H. Foley? Getting real cozy with the warden too. Start working in his office.
38:49 Speaker 02 Tough to get to though.
38:50 H. Foley? You think?
38:51 Speaker 02 The warden's not just, he's not taking office hours.
38:56 H. Foley? Those guys usually.
38:56 Speaker 02 I wanna see if they have porn.
38:59 H. Foley? No.
38:59 Speaker 02 What? No? You can't get your hands on a nudie mag?
39:02 H. Foley? I don't think so. Maybe somebody sneak it in.
39:05 Speaker 02 Sure.
39:06 H. Foley? Would you want them come visiting you?
39:09 Speaker 02 What?
39:10 H. Foley? Would you want them come vis- come visiting you?
39:11 Speaker 02 Who's them? My wife?
39:13 H. Foley? And her new husband.
39:15 Speaker 02 How you guys doing?
39:18 H. Foley? Heard you got a small dick.
39:20 Speaker 02 Is that him to me? Insult injury?
39:23 H. Foley? That'd be rude.
39:24 Speaker 02 Wow.
39:25 H. Foley? Back to the terms.
39:26 Speaker 02 Okay.
39:27 H. Foley? See if I can get some stuff down here, so I know what the hell's going on. I got the shiv. I got the bug.
39:33 Speaker 02 Stainless steel ride.
39:35 H. Foley? Stainless steel ride. The toilet.
39:39 Speaker 02 No, that's pretty good.
39:40 H. Foley? Pretty good though. Stainless steel ride, like R-I-D, not rod.
39:45 Speaker 02 Ride.
39:45 H. Foley? Ride. Um, I'll take you down on a stretcher.
39:51 Speaker 02 That's not bad.
39:52 H. Foley? Wheelchair.
39:52 Speaker 02 Gurney. That's so trashy. He's on a gurney.
39:58 H. Foley? If you're on a gurney, you ain't making it.
40:00 Speaker 02 You're, you're fucking jammed up.
40:05 Speaker 02 They took him out on a gurney. Stretcher. It's alright. When my mom says gurney, man, you got about 24 minutes to live. They took him out on a gurney.
40:18 H. Foley? You definitely don't give it the thumbs up, dude, you're fucked up.
40:24 Speaker 02 Took him out on a gurney. Took him, that's such a Philly trash, like trashy word in the Philly. Took him, and it's always whispered, "They took him out on a gurney."
40:33 H. Foley? That whenever the helicopter had to show up.
40:35 Speaker 02 They medevaced him.
40:36 H. Foley? They landed right there.
40:37 Speaker 02 That and the jewels of life. Get, they're gonna need the jewels of life to get you out of there.
40:45 H. Foley? I remember I didn't know what that was, and they used to make fun of me for eating so much when I was like, "Jesus, they called..." And like, I think when I finally saw, "That's goddamn rude."
40:55 Speaker 02 They called you the jaws of life?
40:57 H. Foley? Yeah. Like the jaws of life over there, and then I saw it on an episode of Cops, and I was like, "That's fucking mean." Things cutting through metal.
41:04 Speaker 02 I didn't like it. Cause I thought it ate the metal. Like it was ju- like, you know what I mean? And I was like, "Ah, it's just a big pair of scissors," you know what I mean?
41:13 H. Foley? But it kinda is.
41:14 Speaker 02 What?
41:15 H. Foley? It is a big pair of scissors.
41:16 Speaker 02 That's what it is.
41:17 H. Foley? Yeah.
41:17 Speaker 02 I thought the jaws, I thought it was like a machine that like ate, they're like ate the metal till you got, I didn't know. I was a young kid.
41:22 H. Foley? A robot? Um. Okay.
41:28 H. Foley? What is stainless steel ride? Wheelchair?
41:31 Speaker 02 Uh, death by lethal injection.
41:34 H. Foley? A stainless steel rug?
41:36 Speaker 02 It's the needle.
41:37 H. Foley? A stainless steel rug, riding the lightning? I'm not getting that.
41:42 Speaker 02 Who knows, you could turn, well, you could, it could go bad for you in there.
41:46 H. Foley? No, they don't, they don't give you, they don't give you a death penalty if you kill somebody in there.
41:51 Speaker 02 Yeah, they do.
41:52 H. Foley? And that's what you gotta do. Be a psycho. I don't wanna be in solitary, I'll give you some.
41:57 Speaker 02 No, you in solitary? The walls would give up.
42:04 H. Foley? You guys.
42:05 Speaker 02 What, where are you going?
42:07 H. Foley? Mm-mm. Yeah.
42:09 Speaker 02 Oh, god. I think there's only one or two mil. Uh.
42:13 H. Foley? Mil?
42:14 Speaker 02 More. Oh, what's roadkill?
42:18 H. Foley? That don't sound good.
42:18 Speaker 02 Can you get heaters in jail?
42:20 H. Foley? Yeah. Smoke cigs in there?
42:22 Speaker 02 I think that might've changed, though.
42:23 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah.
42:25 H. Foley? No. Gotta be able to smoke a cig.
42:27 Speaker 02 I, I'm, I'm, I see what you're saying, but also dude, like...
42:30 Speaker 03 I think it's state by state.
42:31 Speaker 02 Yeah.
42:32 Speaker 03 Uh, you can still buy tobacco and cigarettes on commissary in New York.
42:37 Speaker 02 Can you smoke in your jail cell, like? Can you just be cranking heaters?
42:43 H. Foley? Rikers looks scary.
42:45 Speaker 02 I had a buddy do some to- do a, do a couple, like overnights in there for like petty shit.
42:53 H. Foley? They just put everybody in there?
42:55 Speaker 02 Yeah.
42:55 H. Foley? Petty shit, petty shit? Or?
42:58 Speaker 02 You know them, no.
42:59 H. Foley? Violent?
43:00 Speaker 02 No.
43:00 H. Foley? Drugs?
43:02 Speaker 02 I forget exactly. Why are you trying to pin him down?
43:05 Speaker 03 You're banned from smoking in prisons, but you can buy them in some states.
43:09 Speaker 02 Yeah.
43:10 H. Foley? Wait, you're banned from smoking in prisons?
43:12 Speaker 02 Yeah. It's a fucking state building. They're going into fucking city hall and lighting up.
43:16 H. Foley? Can you smoke out in the yard?
43:17 Speaker 03 I don't know, but then a lot of like guards, I guess, like ask the union, the, for the prison guards like allows them to smoke. So then there's like some.
43:25 Speaker 02 Yeah, it's probably like one of those gray areas where it's like you can buy fireworks in Pennsylvania as long as you don't live like, you can't let them off or whatever.
43:32 H. Foley? So they're selling heaters, but you can't smoke them?
43:34 Speaker 03 Well, they're selling them for sexual favors, apparently.
43:38 Speaker 02 No, that's not.
43:38 H. Foley? Who's selling them?
43:39 Speaker 02 Not the.
43:39 Speaker 03 Inmates.
43:40 Speaker 02 Yeah, oh yeah.
43:41 H. Foley? Selling them to who?
43:42 Speaker 02 That's how you become a.
43:42 Speaker 03 Each other.
43:45 Speaker 02 I also don't think that many people are smoke, I mean, obviously still, but it's not like the seventies or whatever. Fucking everybody lighting up.
43:51 H. Foley? Right.
43:53 Speaker 02 Oh, God.
43:54 H. Foley? Well, I guess I go in there and get an education, start reading. Go Muslim.
43:59 Speaker 02 You would be annoying.
44:01 H. Foley? Go hardcore.
44:02 Speaker 02 You'd be annoying the shit out of your fucking cellmate. You want top bunk or bottom bunk? You gotta go bottom bunk.
44:08 H. Foley? Sure.
44:08 Speaker 02 I had nobody. Man. Are there a lot of fat guys in jail like that? I don't know where you're gonna search to find that. You know what I mean? But like.
44:18 H. Foley? I got a fat ass too.
44:20 Speaker 02 You're a bigger guy. Yikes. There's a riot? Usually it was a battering ram. Everybody get behind you.
44:30 Speaker 02 Cause there's some people that go to jail and lose weight. There's some people that come out fat. Cause like you're just sitting around eating all day.
44:35 H. Foley? Nah, I'd tighten it up.
44:36 Speaker 02 Uh, would you?
44:38 H. Foley? With that list, the snacks, yeah. I'm not eating fucking mackerel pouches. And I've seen those turkey sausages with the guy making the stuff.
44:45 Speaker 02 The smoked links.
44:46 H. Foley? That shit sucks. Spam I could get by, but I gotta have it grilled.
44:52 Speaker 02 You be talking on the toilet when you're in there?
44:54 H. Foley? No.
44:56 Speaker 02 Do you know that?
44:56 H. Foley? Yeah, I've seen that video.
44:58 Speaker 02 I love that video.
44:58 H. Foley? I can't poop in there. I can't poop to somebody watching me. I got, imagine my dumps in there? Jeez, they'd murder me just because of that. I got a bad gastrointestinal tract. Smelly.
45:09 Speaker 02 Uh huh.
45:09 H. Foley? Be pissing people off. What do you got?
45:12 Speaker 02 Thirty-five, on average, thirty-five percent of the population was overweight. Yeah, but that's, I mean, I'm overweight and I'm in Look at me, I'm in, I'm in great shape.
45:22 H. Foley? Would you start running game?
45:24 Speaker 02 What do you mean?
45:25 H. Foley? Trying to hoop?
45:26 Speaker 02 I'd shoot around. Yeah, but then it's like if I dunk on the wrong guy.
45:32 Speaker 02 I'd do a three sixty tomahawk on the fucking head of the Crips.
45:36 H. Foley? I don't want to embarrass you in front of your friend.
45:40 Speaker 02 Jammed up, had to join the Aryan Brotherhood.
45:42 H. Foley? Not work in the hospital.
45:44 Speaker 02 Is that the only white gang in prison? I think from what I know from TV, let me do a little research. I mean, because I
45:52 H. Foley? I don't think the Van Buren boys are in there.
45:54 Speaker 02 I'd want to join a gang, but clearly, obviously not that one.
45:57 H. Foley? You'd want to join a gang?
45:58 Speaker 02 For protection.
45:59 H. Foley? You'd have to do something.
46:01 Speaker 02 What?
46:01 H. Foley? I don't
46:03 Speaker 02 You gotta blow that fat guy and sell three.
46:05 H. Foley? Hello?
46:06 Speaker 02 Hello, Kevin?
46:09 Speaker 02 I don't
46:10 H. Foley? Is that it?
46:10 Speaker 02 It's gotta be it, which is, that's a, you can't
46:13 H. Foley? Could you join the other gangs? Like, can I get into the Crips or the Bloods or something?
46:17 Speaker 02 I know, I think it's true. I think in jail, it is like ninety-nine percent race.
46:23 H. Foley? Come on, fellas.
46:24 Speaker 02 Segregated, you know what I mean, like
46:25 H. Foley? We're not gonna be like this, we're all the same.
46:26 Speaker 02 I know, hey, guys, what the hell, huh? Couple of, just a couple of normal guys. Seems like all the other white gangs are a subsidiary of the Aryan Brotherhood.
46:35 H. Foley? Really?
46:35 Speaker 02 Yeah.
46:36 H. Foley? So you have to be racist? Ah, I don't want to do that.
46:41 H. Foley? It's not cool, man.
46:42 Speaker 02 Why, you already killed three Chinese guys.
46:44 H. Foley? Not because of that. I had my back against the wall.
46:49 H. Foley? You know?
46:50 Speaker 02 Yeah, that sucks. For white guys in jail. Cause that's the only one that's really based on not liking other races.
46:57 H. Foley? Yeah.
46:58 Speaker 02 The Crips are like, hey, we just don't like any, we just really like the Crips.
47:02 H. Foley? We're just not letting you in.
47:03 Speaker 02 Yeah. That's the-
47:06 H. Foley? Then I got all them wanting to kill you.
47:07 Speaker 02 I know, it's like, you get a handful of guys with you, but then you-
47:11 H. Foley? I wanna hang out with those guys.
47:13 Speaker 02 Alright. I got a couple prison survival guide rules.
47:18 H. Foley? Okay.
47:18 Speaker 02 Number one. So apparently, there are, I thought it was a Joe, it was like that fucking, uh, Kevin Hart, Will Ferrell movie? Like going to prison or whatever?
47:29 Speaker 03 Get Hard.
47:29 Speaker 02 Get Hard?
47:30 H. Foley? Not bad.
47:31 Speaker 03 Pretty good.
47:32 Speaker 02 There are prison consultants, that if, I guess if you're getting locked up, you go to these guys, and they fucking give you the rundown.
47:42 H. Foley? Listen. I'm gone.
47:44 Speaker 02 What?
47:44 H. Foley? I'm running. I'm out.
47:48 Speaker 02 Um-
47:49 H. Foley? South America.
47:52 H. Foley? Gone. Thailand, Bangkok. Hong Kong. I'm fucking slipping away. Fuck that.
47:59 Speaker 02 Okay.
48:00 H. Foley? I ain't going to Canada. I don't like the food.
48:04 Speaker 02 I don't like those French bucks.
48:06 H. Foley? Too cold.
48:07 Speaker 02 Um, never change the TV channel without asking other inmates.
48:10 H. Foley? Jesus Christ, I learned that from my dad. I gotta get a fucking consultant to do that? Change the channel? You crazy? I'm fucking rocking the boat.
48:21 Speaker 02 I had a buddy of mine, said he changed the channel. He was down in, uh, like Kate May courthouse, and there's a lot of Bloods down there, that live in like Wildwood proper, like all year round. And he goes, I didn't realize, he wasn't in there, he was in there, the guy, the same guy, like, whatever.
48:37 H. Foley? Who's touching the TV?
48:39 Speaker 02 He was in there by himself. And it was on. Nobody was in there when my buddy walked in, or whatever.
48:44 H. Foley? What the fuck?
48:44 Speaker 02 So, yeah, no. What the fuck? Changed the channel, and the guy came in, and he's like, as I was changing, I just fucking right in my fucking rib cage. Like from behind. He's like, I dropped.
48:57 H. Foley? Waiting for you.
48:59 Speaker 02 Set the trap, get him.
49:01 H. Foley? Damn.
49:02 Speaker 02 Yeah.
49:02 H. Foley? You're putting on cartoons or something like a-
49:05 Speaker 02 Rick and Morty. That's when I decided to stay in North Wildwood.
49:11 H. Foley? Rick and Morty. You guys ever see this?
49:16 Speaker 03 He's a pickle.
49:18 Speaker 02 This kid gets me every... That's a great line from... That's a great thing from, uh... Longest Yard. The real badass guy loves watching The View. And it cuts to Joey Bayheart and he's smoking his thing. He goes, "Where did she come up with this shit?"
49:34 Speaker 02 "Where did she come up with this shit?"
49:36 H. Foley? Okay. Don't touch the TV.
49:38 Speaker 02 Don't touch the TV.
49:39 H. Foley? Got it.
49:42 Speaker 02 Roger that.
49:49 Speaker 02 "Never reach across another inmate's food tray."
49:53 H. Foley? Okay.
49:55 Speaker 02 "Dining halls can hold hundreds of inmates at a time and are frequently where riots and disturbances jump off." This guy's using the lingo. "I was sitting in an inmate dining hall at a four-man table for lunch in Safford, Arizona. I watched in amazement as a newly arrived inmate sitting next to me reached across the table, uh, reaching over another inmate's food to grab a salt shaker." They got salt shakers? The inmate that'd be fucking winging them at people.
50:22 H. Foley? They got the olive oil on the thing?
50:24 Speaker 02 Yeah. "Smashed him in the head, knocking him out. Never reach across a food tray."
50:29 Speaker 02 "Never sit on another inmate's bunk without permission." I mean, you don't go to someone's house and lay in their bed.
50:34 H. Foley? Sure.
50:36 Speaker 02 You did it to me on the bus with your fucking dirty underwear.
50:39 H. Foley? It's true. You didn't do shit about it, did you, pussy?
50:42 Speaker 02 I should've blew ya.
50:44 H. Foley? That would've taught me.
50:45 Speaker 02 No, I did. I said, "Get the fuck off of... "Oh, I told you we were friends. I can't maneuver. I gotta..."
50:52 H. Foley? My ass cheeks were already in there. Don't matter. Rubbing it in.
50:56 Speaker 02 Give me stiff fucking pink eye.
50:57 H. Foley? Spread my butthole when I said on it.
51:02 H. Foley? Bare ass.
51:05 Speaker 02 All right. This is what you can take with you into prison. And what you have to leave behind. Most medications you're allowed to take.
51:13 H. Foley? Okay. I take my next of them.
51:17 H. Foley? Heartburn City.
51:18 Speaker 02 I think you can buy that in the commissary. You can buy all that. You can buy Tums and all that kinda stuff. They have like-
51:22 H. Foley? It's prescription.
51:23 Speaker 02 Oh, really?
51:24 H. Foley? Mm-hmm.
51:25 Speaker 02 Over-the-counter medications.
51:26 H. Foley? They have to supply all that shit, right?
51:28 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
51:30 H. Foley? Not getting there, I can't give you my heart medication, are they?
51:33 Speaker 02 Nah, that was actually a reason they don't want people smoking, cuz they have to pay for all the- Health. Medicare. Yeah, think about it, you get fu- yeah, that makes sense.
51:39 H. Foley? Get a cough, something like that.
51:41 Speaker 02 That cough? That'd be fucking, that'd be fucking two packs of Day Kipperino in there.
51:46 H. Foley? Trying to get some hospital time?
51:48 Speaker 02 Alright, it says, "Don't plan to bring, don't plan on bringing anything with you other than closed glasses and possibly a list of medications. Be further warned, don't try to sneak anything in. You will be thoroughly searched on your way in and very few things are worse than making a first impression than smuggling and contraband."
52:05 H. Foley? What about my wallet?
52:06 Speaker 02 Your wallet?
52:08 H. Foley? Credit card?
52:08 Speaker 02 Got your fucking meat wallet on you, bud.
52:10 H. Foley? That's my meat wallet.
52:11 Speaker 02 Your asshole.
52:17 Speaker 02 That's where you keep your belongings.
52:19 H. Foley? You mean my paca book?
52:26 H. Foley? Okay.
52:26 Speaker 02 Um, yeah, "Other than a single pair of whites." I don't know what that is. That shoes? A pair of glasses? Nah, I give you shoes. Yeah, "The prohibition extends to your leisure items as well. You will not be able to bring in games, cards, books, iPod, or anything, or any of that sort of stuff with you."
52:46 Speaker 02 "The first six to 12 hours, the first six to 12 hours will likely be some of your worst."
52:54 Speaker 02 "You won't go straight from freedom to DOC in most circumstances. After you are remanded to custody of Department of Corrections, you will be held at the county jail until they can transport you, blah, blah, blah. That makes sense." Yeah, like, until you get to prison.
53:07 H. Foley? Gotcha.
53:08 Speaker 02 It might take like 48 hours, whatever.
53:12 Speaker 02 When the day arrives for you to be transferred, you'll likely be woken up extremely early around 3 a.m. to be gathered and put on a... Oh, man, can't even get a good night's sleep. For the fucking worst day of your life, you're going in half-cocked. Fuck that.
53:25 H. Foley? What about my sleep apnea machine?
53:29 Speaker 02 See if you can... I don't know.
53:30 H. Foley? You have to.
53:31 Speaker 02 You don't have to.
53:32 H. Foley? I'll be cranky.
53:36 Speaker 02 I'm gonna be quite upset. I'll be in a bit of a mood.
53:40 H. Foley? Yeah, you gotta be able to take that in. It's a medical device. Prescribed by a doctor.
53:46 Speaker 02 Yes, if it's, uh, like, prescribed by a doctor, if you get a medical note.
53:50 H. Foley? Oh, man, trying to look tough in there with that on?
53:53 Speaker 02 I've seen you in it. It's a tough look. I don't think you'll be allowed one, though. You're a high-risk case.
54:00 H. Foley? Why?
54:00 Speaker 02 You gotta be a low-security risk to get a C.T.A.
54:04 H. Foley? Why am I high-security? I can't get over the fence.
54:05 Speaker 02 Took down three triads.
54:10 H. Foley? I see my reputation proceeds.
54:14 Speaker 02 All right, this is the one thing I had to... Finances and buying the necessities. Your weekly spending in prison has a hard cap of $100.
54:23 H. Foley? Where am I getting that? They give me that?
54:24 Speaker 02 People put it on your books.
54:26 H. Foley? To help you out?
54:27 Speaker 02 Outside guys put it on your books.
54:28 H. Foley? The government doesn't pay for that. What if I got nothing? I'd suck, get a soda.
54:33 Speaker 02 Well, you killed all the... You shouldn't have killed those triads. I'd put money on your books.
54:39 H. Foley? You would?
54:40 Speaker 02 Yeah.
54:42 H. Foley? 10?
54:42 Speaker 02 20. I'd float you 20. I want 30 in return, though.
54:47 H. Foley? Okay, that's good enough.
54:48 Speaker 02 I want some of them sausage links.
54:49 H. Foley? I'd put money on your books, too. Yes, I would.
54:52 Speaker 02 You wouldn't, you snake.
54:53 H. Foley? I would, too.
54:53 Speaker 02 You're probably the reason I'm sitting in jail.
54:55 H. Foley? I'd check in on the family as well. I didn't mean it like that.
55:00 Speaker 02 I didn't say anything.
55:01 H. Foley? Stop by and see your mom.
55:05 Speaker 02 Fucking rat.
55:09 Speaker 02 Trying to hook up with every female in my family.
55:17 Speaker 02 I stopped by your Aunt Patty's, too. Yeah, she's doing all right.
55:23 Speaker 02 Your Uncle John was there, so I left.
55:25 H. Foley? I'm out of here.
55:30 H. Foley? Okay. Alright, a hundred bucks a week?
55:35 Speaker 02 A day, I think.
55:36 H. Foley? A day? That ain't bad. You put a hundred bucks a day in here for me?
55:40 Speaker 02 Yo, weekly spending is a hundred bucks.
55:42 H. Foley? Alright, so at the end of the month, I get a four hundred bucks. That could keep me alive. Half of that for snacks and half of that for paying people off.
55:50 Speaker 02 You can't get your money. It's only, they're not giving you cash.
55:53 H. Foley? I'll let them get whatever they want.
55:55 Speaker 02 Oh, that, no, that's no good.
55:57 H. Foley? Why?
55:58 Speaker 02 The second they know, they second, they'll walk all over you. Slippery slope. This is the thing, you gotta fucking shoot to fade and you can't give nobody nothing. Then they know you're a whore. I'd rather be a prison wolf.
56:11 H. Foley? It's the same thing, isn't it?
56:12 Speaker 02 What?
56:13 H. Foley? Prison wolf.
56:14 Speaker 02 Yeah, but they'll step all over you. Cause you're a little bitch.
56:18 H. Foley? I don't know why you said it like that.
56:20 Speaker 02 You're trying to have sex with my hand.
56:21 H. Foley? Just trying to make friends.
56:23 Speaker 02 Yo, here's this, and that, and then they go, hey, you got money, then they lean it on you for fucking outside cash. They're extorting you on the outside, hey, my buddy Jimmy needs ten grand.
56:33 H. Foley? Where am I getting that? I'm in a joint.
56:35 Speaker 02 You got it on the outside, though.
56:36 H. Foley? I got nothing on the outside.
56:38 Speaker 02 You don't know that?
56:42 Speaker 02 Patty! Hey, listen. You familiar with Blue Bell, Pennsylvania?
56:47 H. Foley? Talk about a prison wolf.
56:51 Speaker 02 You see what I'm saying?
56:52 H. Foley? Yeah, I see what you're saying.
56:53 Speaker 02 They lean on you, once you go, I'll get, you give them an inch, they take a mile.
56:57 H. Foley? So I gotta go in there swinging?
56:59 Speaker 02 Yeah, you gotta fucking...
57:01 H. Foley? Work out a little bit before I go in there.
57:03 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
57:04 H. Foley? Get my steps back in.
57:09 H. Foley? Hey, you little bastard, you probably wouldn't even come visit me.
57:12 Speaker 02 I'd be there. Conjugal visits.
57:15 H. Foley? Alright. I'd be showcasing you around with a voice.
57:19 Speaker 02 Ladies, gentlemen.
57:20 H. Foley? Hundred bucks, what else?
57:22 Speaker 02 Violence can and will happen. I told you, man.
57:27 H. Foley? I know it can.
57:28 Speaker 02 You absolutely do not want to find yourself owing any money to anyone in prison. If you're going to gamble, make sure you can cover your debt.
57:35 H. Foley? Gamble?
57:36 Speaker 02 Oh, I'd be running a racket. I'd be cooking the books. Fucking talk about screwing people over.
57:42 H. Foley? Kippy's Casino?
57:44 Speaker 02 Other inmates can and will fashion weapons. Even if you keep your nose clean and stay far away from physical violence yourself, it still may encounter violence. Always be aware that prisoners are not as secure as we want to believe.
57:56 H. Foley? Of course.
57:57 Speaker 02 Yeah, you'll get got.
58:00 Speaker 02 But, one good thing about prison, you can watch the Super Bowl.
58:05 H. Foley? Oh, great.
58:06 Speaker 02 You got that going.
58:07 H. Foley? I wanna watch the Chiefs win again. Fucking dickheads.
58:11 Speaker 02 Alright, I got prison don't, no staring.
58:15 H. Foley? What if you like a guy? Trying to give him the sick.
58:18 Speaker 02 Oh.
58:21 Speaker 02 Doing the blowjob to him?
58:23 H. Foley? No staring.
58:24 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
58:25 H. Foley? Okay.
58:26 Speaker 02 Prison number two, don't ask why other inmates are in there.
58:30 H. Foley? Right.
58:32 Speaker 02 But when you get there, they're gonna check your papers.
58:34 H. Foley? Who's gonna?
58:35 Speaker 02 They run, they run your papers.
58:36 H. Foley? Who does? The other inmates?
58:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, the guys who run the fucking cell block.
58:41 H. Foley? What? What's a shot caller?
58:43 Speaker 02 You're looking at him though.
58:48 Speaker 02 Call that the gippy. Flatbread freak.
58:51 H. Foley? What's a shot caller?
58:52 Speaker 02 I couldn't do five years without a flatbread. I'd have to smug, I'd have to smuggle something in. I'd have to make my own turkey, smoked turkey sausage mackerel flatbread.
59:06 H. Foley? Put a little bit of jalapenos on it.
59:08 Speaker 02 Couple of poppers.
59:09 H. Foley? Okay. What's a shot caller?
59:12 Speaker 02 Somebody who calls the shots.
59:13 H. Foley? In prison?
59:14 Speaker 02 The big bosin of nof.
59:16 H. Foley? Some guy who runs the prison?
59:17 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah, shot caller.
59:19 H. Foley? Can I be friends with him?
59:21 Speaker 02 I'll think about it.
59:23 H. Foley? But then he gets got, then...
59:25 Speaker 02 Number two man gets it first.
59:27 H. Foley? Yeah?
59:28 Speaker 02 I don't know.
59:29 H. Foley? Just get me quick.
59:30 Speaker 02 Well, what were we saying? What did we just say? Before shot caller?
59:34 H. Foley? Don't ask what, look at your papers.
59:35 Speaker 02 Oh, they run your papers.
59:37 H. Foley? To see what he's in for.
59:38 Speaker 02 Yeah, and they run it up the flags, they run it up the flagpole. Either to the staff or someone on the outside to check to make sure it's all right. And if you have like charges, that says like...
59:49 H. Foley? Martha Stewart was okay when she got out?
59:51 Speaker 02 Yeah, they're just making sure you're not a chomo.
59:54 H. Foley? What's a chomo?
59:55 Speaker 02 Child molester. It sounds cooler than a child molester, right?
1:00:02 H. Foley? I get confused with the lingo? Yeah, I'm a chomo, what's up? From East LA.
1:00:07 Speaker 02 What's up, chomo?
1:00:10 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:00:10 H. Foley? Okay.
1:00:11 Speaker 02 So they run your papers, one to make sure you're not a child molester.
1:00:14 H. Foley? I could beat one of them up for them. Prove my worth.
1:00:17 Speaker 02 Kick your ass, kick, and then he blows you.
1:00:20 H. Foley? Hey, stop that!
1:00:25 H. Foley? You're laying on the ground. Get off of me.
1:00:31 H. Foley? Fucking prick.
1:00:32 Speaker 02 Too old for you.
1:00:35 H. Foley? Forty-eight, goddammit.
1:00:38 H. Foley? You can't get hard.
1:00:44 Speaker 02 Prison wall strikes again.
1:00:46 H. Foley? Alright, so they run your papers.
1:00:47 Speaker 02 Run your papers to make sure you're in for what you're in for. You didn't flip or turn state's evidence on someone else.
1:00:52 H. Foley? Fuck.
1:00:54 Speaker 02 Yeah, you're old. You're fucked, dude. Yeah. So they, and like, let's say you said-
1:01:00 H. Foley? I'm doing witness protection.
1:01:01 Speaker 02 Let's say, oh, I stole a car. They then, like, find out... They look to see if that charge makes sense and like, you know, oh, and then they go, nah, I pled it down to thi- It's like, they-
1:01:12 H. Foley? So in case you're a cop, undercover cop in there?
1:01:15 Speaker 02 Just in case you flee, yeah, whatever. They're just checking to make sure you are, you're valid, as they say.
1:01:19 H. Foley? So if I'm in, what if, what if I get them to think I'm an undercover cop in there, will they not fuck with me?
1:01:24 Speaker 02 I don't think that's a good idea.
1:01:25 H. Foley? I'll go to muster.
1:01:28 H. Foley? I got a uniform on.
1:01:30 Speaker 02 Hey, what's going on here, boys? Giving your notes clean? Uh... Would you get a tat? Prison tat? Pass the time?
1:01:38 H. Foley? What's the alcohol situation in there?
1:01:40 Speaker 02 What?
1:01:40 H. Foley? I don't know. Fucking... Alcohol wipes or something. Probably not the cleanliness thing. Want that shit? Something tasteful.
1:01:53 H. Foley? Open for business.
1:01:54 Speaker 02 I was so, like, in this, you've been beat up and molested. And you're like, I don't know. Get an alcohol wipe in here.
1:02:04 Speaker 02 That's, that seems icky.
1:02:07 H. Foley? Nah, I wouldn't get a tat.
1:02:09 Speaker 02 Okay, cool guy.
1:02:12 H. Foley? I'm definitely not getting that Aryan Brotherhood shit.
1:02:16 H. Foley? I gotta work when I get out of this. This Christ.
1:02:22 Speaker 03 You just gotta light up butt plug?
1:02:25 Speaker 02 You spend your hundred dollars a week on butt plugs?
1:02:28 H. Foley? Batteries for it? Clock's running.
1:02:31 Speaker 02 Keeps falling.
1:02:34 Speaker 02 Alright, we gotta wrap it up.
1:02:35 H. Foley? Is that it?
1:02:37 Speaker 02 Yeah.
1:02:37 H. Foley? So what's the moral of the story? We ain't making it.
1:02:41 Speaker 02 I'll make it.
1:02:42 H. Foley? How you gonna make it?
1:02:43 Speaker 02 I told you, I'm, I'll figure it out.
1:02:46 H. Foley? You probably, you wouldn't have, you'd be missing a couple of teeth. I think that little lax on my
1:02:51 Speaker 02 I'd get a, I'd get a, I'd get a teardrop real quick.
1:02:54 H. Foley? No, you didn't do that.
1:02:55 Speaker 02 Maybe a little fill in the hairline.
1:03:00 H. Foley? It's just that Indian ink. Doesn't even matter.
1:03:03 Speaker 02 It's running when I sweat. What's up, guys?
1:03:09 H. Foley? Yeah, keep your nose clean out there.
1:03:13 H. Foley? We love you. We'll see you next week.
1:03:14 Speaker 02 In turn states evidence.
Previous Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley Next The Bomb Squad w/ Ian Fidance Page updated November 3, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated