Stoner Thoughts w/ Luis J. Gomez!

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Luis J. Gomez! You know Luis Gomez from Stand Up Comedy Legion of Skanks Podcast, The Regz, Story Warz, Kill Tony, The Joe Rogan Experience, The Adam Friedland Show, RAP Podcast, Jim Norton Can't Save You, The Tim Dillon Show and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: BetterHelp: When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/garbage. Promo Code: Garbage Pestie: Keep the bugs away with Pestie. Go to https://pestie.com/AYG for 10% off your order. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00H. Foley?

  Gang, let me really quick tell you what you might not know. The boys want to see you in Los Angeles for the Netflix is a Joke Festival in May, and we want to see you this week in Chicago, so grab your squad and come hang.

• 0:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, if you've never been to a live show, it's a good time. We do some stand-up, then we play AYG with the crowd. You've seen the clips, you get your garbage question read, we call you trash, we make fun of you. It's a good time, we celebrate, Army of Garbage, we love you.

• 0:21H. Foley?

  See you there. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are You Garbage?

• 0:28Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:29H. Foley?

  It's that little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that it's a good to be classy.

• 0:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:33H. Foley?

  You're just a big old piece of trash.

• 0:35Speaker 01

  Trash, trash, trash.

• 0:36H. Foley?

  I'm your host, Dave Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here, Ritoody's in the new addition, she got double pink eye.

• 0:41Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 0:42H. Foley?

  I'm glad she pulled that off. All right, whatever. Well, fuck myself, I guess. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan.

• 0:58Speaker 01

  What up, gang? Shout out to you, uh, thanks for tuning in. As always, make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, full video available over there on Spotify, and the boys are climbing the charts.

• 1:09H. Foley?

  Woo, wee.

• 1:09Speaker 01

  Not the top of the charts, nobody wants to be at the top.

• 1:11H. Foley?

  Nah, showing off.

• 1:12Speaker 01

  We don't want a target on our back, you know what I mean? The meaty part of the curve, right in the middle.

• 1:17H. Foley?

  That's right, see, average.

• 1:19Speaker 01

  Yes, and we're on tour right now. Get tickets at areyougarbage.com. I think we got Chicago this week, uh, Nashville sold out, and, uh,

• 1:26H. Foley?

  Bloomington, Indiana.

• 1:28Speaker 01

  Bloomington, Indiana, might be a few tickets left.

• 1:29H. Foley?

  And grab tickets, come see us out at the Netflix is a Joke Festival in May, out there.

• 1:34Speaker 01

  La La Land.

• 1:35H. Foley?

  Back to LA.

• 1:37Speaker 01

  Where it all went down.

• 1:37H. Foley?

  That's right. We don't talk about that. But, gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I'm an incredibly special guest, back with us again today. He's obviously family, of course. A little smoking before you got here, right?

• 1:51Speaker 02

  I did, I am very.

• 1:52Speaker 01

  You fucking Cheech and Chow.

• 1:53Speaker 02

  Let me say this, I stopped smoking.

• 1:55H. Foley?

  Talk about double pink eye.

• 1:56Speaker 02

  I stopped smoking on Christmas, that was my last time I smoked.

• 2:01H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 2:02Speaker 02

  And then we went to Mexico last week with the whole Gas Digital crew.

• 2:05H. Foley?

  Right.

• 2:06Speaker 02

  Um, we took all of our producers, all 20 producers to Mexico on vacation.

• 2:09Speaker 01

  You got a lot of fucking producers.

• 2:10Speaker 02

  It was pretty incredible.

• 2:11H. Foley?

  Cartel got nervous.

• 2:13Speaker 02

  You know, and, um, I started smoking with them, and then I've smoked every day since.

• 2:18H. Foley?

  Smug a little dooby, huh?

• 2:19Speaker 02

  But no, I'm gonna be sober again, but you're getting, it's rare, but you're getting a very stoned.

• 2:25Speaker 01

  I like that.

• 2:25Speaker 02

  Louis J. Gomez.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Although I do have to say, you're obviously, you know, you're on a, you're on a very tight ship with your body. A lot of times you're eating, cleaning, you're drinking.

• 2:32Speaker 02

  Oh, not now.

• 2:33Speaker 01

  I know, I know, but every time I see you, there's always a date, you know what I mean? It's always like, since, I haven't done that since Easter. And like, I haven't done whatever since, there's always a, you're always in a time.

• 2:44Speaker 02

  If I'm not declaring things publicly, then I can't, I can't hold myself accountable. I need the fans and my friends and other comedians to be like, dude, you said you wouldn't be fat by October, and here you are.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  I stopped doing that. Dude, you said you wouldn't be fat by October.

• 2:57H. Foley?

  Ladies and gentlemen, not just a comedian, not just a producer, not just, not just a business owner, of course, the Gas Digital Network, he is also an author of Knives and Spoons.

• 3:07Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 3:08H. Foley?

  Give it up for the birthday boy.

• 3:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:10H. Foley?

  Louis J. Gomez.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  I'm celebrating my birthday.

• 3:13H. Foley?

  Happy birthday.

• 3:14Speaker 02

  So how about you don't judge me for being high?

• 3:16H. Foley?

  No, what are you talking?

• 3:17Speaker 02

  Let me just fuck and get a little high, chill out with the boys, find out if I'm garbage again.

• 3:21H. Foley?

  You're not supposed to judge anybody in that state.

• 3:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:24H. Foley?

  When they're using.

• 3:25Speaker 02

  Are you, am I, are we finding out if I've become more garbage or less garbage since the last time I was here? How does this work?

• 3:32H. Foley?

  I haven't really thought that through.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  I mean, you think, we don't really have production meetings? We're like, just get Louis in here and have a good time.

• 3:39Speaker 02

  All right, well, we'll do that.

• 3:40H. Foley?

  Figure bring you, get you all smoked up, make fun of you for an hour.

• 3:43Speaker 02

  Well, I'm very excited to be back. I think I'm, uh...

• 3:46H. Foley?

  Can we have Louis's birthday present?

• 3:48Speaker 02

  We have a birthday present for me?

• 3:49H. Foley?

  We do. Bring her out here.

• 3:53Speaker 01

  It's your girlfriend.

• 3:54Speaker 02

  Oh, no.

• 3:55Speaker 01

  It's your trashy girlfriend.

• 3:57H. Foley?

  She's very lovely.

• 3:58Speaker 01

  A little lovely. I say that as a joke. She's, uh...

• 4:00H. Foley?

  Beautiful young lady.

• 4:01Speaker 01

  Okay, I don't know why you squeeze that in.

• 4:05Speaker 02

  Tight.

• 4:06Speaker 01

  With an ass that won't quit.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, she's a nice lady.

• 4:11Speaker 02

  No, she's very, she's very sweet.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  She is. She's very sweet. She's very...

• 4:15Speaker 02

  She's a little trash.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  She's very of the, of a girl I grew up with, I think. She should be cutting hair in Bucks County somewhere.

• 4:23Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 4:24Speaker 01

  That's all we had in stock. Now available in the store.

• 4:27H. Foley?

  But I will wear this.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  There you go.

• 4:29H. Foley?

  AYG.

• 4:33Speaker 01

  You don't have to put it.

• 4:34Speaker 02

  No, I want it on red.

• 4:35H. Foley?

  Ah, it looks good on you.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  That's not bad.

• 4:37H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 4:37Speaker 01

  Are you a hat guy?

• 4:38Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 4:39H. Foley?

  Ah, that looks really good on you.

• 4:40Speaker 02

  I used to be, uh, self-conscious about going bald.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 4:44Speaker 02

  So I used to wear a hat all the time, and then I just started shaving my head regularly.

• 4:48H. Foley?

  Would you ever go to the turkey thing and do all that?

• 4:51Speaker 02

  Uh, no. The turkey thing and do all that?

• 4:55Speaker 01

  That was the weakest sentence ever said. Would you ever go to the turkey?

• 5:00Speaker 02

  That was somebody who just peripherally heard the word turkey and hair, like conversations that other people had, but he never locked into really what it was.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  How do they get those things in your head? You don't want to commit that turkey was a place?

• 5:13Speaker 01

  Hey, would you ever do that turkey stuff?

• 5:14Speaker 02

  He wasn't a hundred percent positive.

• 5:16Speaker 01

  Not would you go to turkey, would you ever do that turkey thing?

• 5:19H. Foley?

  Turkey's a place in my goddamn America.

• 5:21Speaker 02

  He heard people talking about it, he's like, I think it's a place.

• 5:23Speaker 01

  But it's also a food. Turkey Institute. I can't be bogged down if they mean, if they mean the animals are giving hair trans-

• 5:31Speaker 02

  I'm gonna look like a fucking asshole for me to be the animal.

• 5:33Speaker 01

  He thinks you just get a bunch of feathers put in your head.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  Gobble gobble gang.

• 5:38H. Foley?

  The Boarshead Hair Transplant Turkey Institute?

• 5:40Speaker 01

  Swing and a miss.

• 5:41H. Foley?

  One too far.

• 5:42Speaker 02

  I looked like shit, dude, with, uh, with hair. It's long and curly and crinkly.

• 5:46Speaker 01

  You, uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, you look, you look very good with the, with the shaved hair.

• 5:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I look good.

• 5:50H. Foley?

  Louis?

• 5:50Speaker 02

  Yes, sir.

• 5:51H. Foley?

  Is it mashed potatoes or mashed potatoes?

• 5:55Speaker 01

  Wait, what?

• 5:56Speaker 02

  You just said the same thing.

• 5:57Speaker 01

  Am I?

• 5:59Speaker 02

  You just said the same exact thing.

• 6:00H. Foley?

  No, I said, is it mashed potatoes or mashed potatoes?

• 6:03Speaker 01

  That's a, that's a really good one.

• 6:05Speaker 02

  Mash, hold on. Hey, I'll take some mashed potatoes. Alright, so I think casually I would say, I would say mashed potatoes if I was just throwing it out.

• 6:13Speaker 01

  Who were you talking to in that sentence?

• 6:15Speaker 02

  But if I was writing it, I would write mashed potatoes.

• 6:17H. Foley?

  Sure, mashed potatoes.

• 6:18Speaker 02

  I would write mashed potatoes. I would say mashed potatoes. Every answer is gonna be in that form from now on.

• 6:23H. Foley?

  Gotcha.

• 6:24Speaker 02

  How I would say it versus how I would write it.

• 6:25Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 6:26H. Foley?

  Correct answer? Mashed potatoes.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course, yeah.

• 6:29Speaker 02

  Are you saying, is that, uh, that, are you asking me?

• 6:32H. Foley?

  You did it right.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  That was the right answer, you're saying?

• 6:34Speaker 01

  Oh, well, he says mash.

• 6:35Speaker 02

  No, I know, but I know, if you want me to tell you what the right answer is.

• 6:38Speaker 01

  Wait, who's on first, dude?

• 6:39Speaker 02

  Hold on. I thought you were asking me what I say.

• 6:43H. Foley?

  Uh huh.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  But if you, I can tell you what the correct answer is every time. Or do you want to know what I say?

• 6:47H. Foley?

  What's the correct answer?

• 6:48Speaker 02

  Mashed potatoes.

• 6:49H. Foley?

  And what do you say?

• 6:50Speaker 02

  Mashed potatoes.

• 6:51H. Foley?

  You are right!

• 6:52Speaker 01

  Wait, what?

• 6:53Speaker 02

  Three points.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  What? Is this a new show we're doing here?

• 6:57Speaker 02

  My girlfriend is gonna give you a handjob.

• 6:59H. Foley?

  Welcome back to Garbage Wars, everybody.

• 7:02Speaker 01

  Um, what was, I don't know if we ever did this with you, and I'd be curious to see. Uh, what was the name of the high school you went to?

• 7:11Speaker 02

  North Rockland High School.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  North Rockland High School. Let's pull that up and see if you are in the notable alum on Wikipedia.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  That's infuriating.

• 7:19Speaker 01

  Why?

• 7:19Speaker 02

  Cause I'm not, and I'm, and there is one more notable alum, and that is the-

• 7:25H. Foley?

  Probably a lot of fentanyl deaths you gotta get through.

• 7:28Speaker 02

  There's only one, I believe, and that's Flo, the-

• 7:32Speaker 01

  The progressive lady?

• 7:33Speaker 02

  The progressive lady.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  Oh, you ain't got cans like her.

• 7:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Now Flo's crushing it, dude. That bitch probably, look up also Flo's net worth.

• 7:39H. Foley?

  She's worth a hundred million dollars.

• 7:40Speaker 02

  Flo's worth more money than any of us will ever be worth.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  Sure. Well, what do you got?

• 7:46Speaker 03

  It's not that. It's North Rockland High School?

• 7:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:49Speaker 01

  It's not even on there?

• 7:51Speaker 03

  No, I'm getting it now.

• 7:52H. Foley?

  What's the high school mascot?

• 7:54Speaker 03

  What was the high school mascot?

• 7:55Speaker 02

  We were the North Rockland Red Raiders, so I think it's-

• 7:57Speaker 01

  The needles.

• 8:01Speaker 01

  The breaking and entering.

• 8:04Speaker 03

  Sadly, and wrongfully, Louis J. Gomez is not-

• 8:07Speaker 01

  Who else do you have on there?

• 8:08Speaker 02

  Not.

• 8:09Speaker 03

  There's a lot of soccer players, um, we got Flo, Stephanie Courtney, uh-

• 8:15H. Foley?

  It's a hot name, Stephanie Courtney.

• 8:16Speaker 03

  That is. That's kinda like a porn star name. Two first names, kind of, you know? Uh, we got Richard Human, a neo-conceptualist artist.

• 8:24Speaker 02

  A neo-Nazi.

• 8:26Speaker 01

  That's also Louis.

• 8:26Speaker 02

  Yeah. They can only have one neo-Nazi as a notable alum.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  Ah, what the heck?

• 8:31H. Foley?

  Notable skinheads?

• 8:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's insane.

• 8:34Speaker 01

  Okay, alright, not bad, not bad.

• 8:36Speaker 02

  No, yeah, they don't, they don't claim me.

• 8:38Speaker 01

  Okay, fair enough.

• 8:39H. Foley?

  When you sleep.

• 8:43Speaker 01

  Byron Allen.

• 8:46H. Foley?

  Louis, when you sleep, is there a nightlight anywhere in the, in the room?

• 8:52Speaker 02

  A nightlight, no.

• 8:54Speaker 01

  Is what, what, what, are you in complete black? Is the hallway light on? The door cracked? TV on? What do you got cooking?

• 9:00Speaker 02

  Um.

• 9:01H. Foley?

  Those are night terrors.

• 9:02Speaker 02

  So, no, what I usually do is, I can't fall asleep, or I'm sorry, I can't watch a movie when I like lie down. I can't. I will fall asleep in minutes.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  Okay, so, why don't you put a movie on?

• 9:14Speaker 02

  I have to put on a movie that I'm highly interested in, and if I do that, I will fall asleep just like that.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  If you're highly interested?

• 9:21Speaker 02

  I gotta be highly interested in that movie. I gotta really wanna see it with a limited amount of time. Yeah, one that I haven't seen, one that I'm like, I really wanna watch that one, then I'm like, here we go, Predator Badlands. Then I put my head into the pillow.

• 9:32Speaker 01

  Then you're out. Predator, dude, you are a monster energy drink in human form. Predator Badlands.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  It was good, actually.

• 9:40H. Foley?

  Movie, you mean like Robocop?

• 9:42Speaker 02

  Predator Badlands was actually pretty fucking solid.

• 9:44H. Foley?

  Dude, I tell you what, they're all good. That whole fucking, the whole alien predator thing, all the way through, I haven't seen one that's bad.

• 9:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:54H. Foley?

  I like the new Predator, well, do you know what's a good predator? The one with Adrian Brody. It's like, they're, they're all in a world, they get transported to a world, and they're all fighting each other.

• 10:03Speaker 01

  You're gonna put him to sleep.

• 10:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, that's, I don't want him in a different world, though. That's the, that's the only problem. You want them here. You want it to feel like the danger. It's like when they had like Jurassic Park and they like put him on the island of Manhattan, dinosaurs running around. It's like, that's the movie.

• 10:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I didn't watch it.

• 10:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I could, my family wasn't afford, I couldn't afford to go to fucking Costa Rica, wherever the Jurassic Park island was.

• 10:22H. Foley?

  You just wanted to see nice places.

• 10:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude, that's like fucking.

• 10:24Speaker 01

  Watching it burn down.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, you gotta like bring the dinosaurs here.

• 10:28Speaker 01

  For you to feel scared.

• 10:29Speaker 02

  Jason goes to Manhattan. I wasn't going to sleepwalking camp. It wasn't happening, dude.

• 10:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, no way I was going past Albany.

• 10:34Speaker 02

  My mom wasn't sending me to sleepwalking camp. It wasn't happening.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  I'm not, I'm not gonna make it to Schenectady this year. Holy shit, okay.

• 10:40H. Foley?

  We might ask you, I'm curious, how did you do at sleepovers? Were you good? Did the parents like you?

• 10:44Speaker 02

  Uh, no.

• 10:46Speaker 01

  Really? I feel like you're-

• 10:47Speaker 02

  I remember my friend John Hickey's parents. God, John Hickey's dad just passed away. God bless his soul. The sweetest guy, so, you know. Police sergeant up in Rockland County. His mom was great. They did like, they liked me until they didn't. And it was like, because we'd like, we all liked pro wrestling. And I was like, the biggest kid out of everybody, right? So, we'd have like, our own organization. You know, and I, we all had our own like, characters. And he had two little brothers, Justin and, uh, James Hickey. And they were-

• 11:12Speaker 01

  They had two little brothers?

• 11:13Speaker 02

  They were half our size. So, you could do the coolest shit to these little kids. So, we were like, literally, I mean, just, we'd take these like, six-year-old kids and just choke slam them through doors. And fucking just power bomb them onto concrete. And, uh, the amount of times that it hurt the little brothers and the parents were like, that kid can't come over anymore.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, that makes sense.

• 11:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  How old were you? Fifteen?

• 11:33Speaker 02

  Not even, dude.

• 11:34H. Foley?

  Last summer?

• 11:34Speaker 01

  Twelve.

• 11:35Speaker 02

  Twelve, yeah. Maybe. I remember I drew, um, with crayons on my, my ex-girlfriend's basement. I was like, sixteen years old. We were fucking already. And they had crayons, because she had a little sister. And I like, just started drawing on the wall. And the dad was like, he can never come to my home again.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  Get this feral boy out of my house.

• 11:55H. Foley?

  What, are you a toddler?

• 11:57Speaker 02

  It was crazy.

• 11:57H. Foley?

  You got flour all over you?

• 11:59Speaker 01

  Louis was here, spellbound.

• 12:01Speaker 02

  If my, if my son brought a friend over that drew with crayons on my basement wall, I would, I would, I would go to their house and I would beat up the father in front of the kid. I would start punching the father in the face and be like, this is what you made me do. That's the lesson that he would have to learn. Is that I have to fuck his dad up now. Because he drew with crayons on my fucking walls.

• 12:19Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 12:20H. Foley?

  Do you guys exchange money, uh, the, the parents, like, um, if like, i- i- if the kid does have somebody to sleep with, there's no, because I, I, can I write something or solve something? The parents kind of like, each pay for their shit now.

• 12:34Speaker 02

  Um, kind of, I don't know, I, I just-

• 12:37Speaker 01

  Like, if you're having a pizza party or whatever, or ju- I don't even, something. Are you going, are, are parents going Venmoing you like, forty, but, hey, here's for keeping Billy?

• 12:45Speaker 02

  But I don't ever take money from-

• 12:46H. Foley?

  Of course. You're on a tight ship.

• 12:48Speaker 02

  That's crazy. I'm not gonna, you know, you buy the kids some pizzas, you bring them out, uh, you know.

• 12:53Speaker 01

  I got a question. Have you ever Ven- have you and your girlfriend ever Venmoed each other?

• 12:57Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah. She hasn't, she's never Venmoed me, I'll tell you that much.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 13:05H. Foley?

  She'll say, "Hey, I need a couple of bucks."

• 13:06Speaker 02

  Well, I don't Venmo her. I, I, the number, it has to go on Zelle because the number's too big for Venmo. I have to get her fucking wiring information. But fuck, it takes 10 days to clear. The number this bitch wants.

• 13:21H. Foley?

  Have you ever used Western Union?

• 13:24H. Foley?

  Not for her.

• 13:25Speaker 02

  I thought you meant for her.

• 13:26Speaker 01

  I never.

• 13:27Speaker 02

  I have.

• 13:28H. Foley?

  Midnight run.

• 13:29Speaker 02

  I did use Western Union once.

• 13:30H. Foley?

  Man, that's a tough feeling.

• 13:31Speaker 02

  When I was in, uh, was it Amsterdam?

• 13:35Speaker 01

  Okay, that's a little, that's, you're in.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  But I ran out of money because of hookers and weed. It wasn't like.

• 13:40Speaker 01

  Dude, I didn't think, I didn't think you, I didn't think you spent it at the fucking Anne Frank Museum. I spent my money on hookers.

• 13:46Speaker 02

  Every time I went, dude, every time I went to Amsterdam, I'm like, "I'm going to the Anne Frank Museum, I'm going to the Van Gogh Museum, I'm gonna do it. I'm doing it." And every time, I spent all my money on hookers and weed. I never get there.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  I, I've only been one time and I, I went with my, with my wife.

• 14:02Speaker 02

  Oh, you guys would kill it there. You guys should go to a theater in Amsterdam. They love comedy there.

• 14:06Speaker 01

  I know, yeah, but we don't do that well overseas. It's a, it's a very, we didn't realize it's a very American-based show, yeah. It's all about how you fucking grew up.

• 14:14Speaker 02

  It's not like I do crazy well, but I saw a couple of shows in Amsterdam.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  I don't know. We're having trouble, we're having trouble with Chicago tonight.

• 14:20H. Foley?

  Who'd you ask for Western Union?

• 14:22Speaker 02

  Uh, my friend Katie. We were out in Amsterdam, just spent all of our money. We were staying in Utrecht, which is like another city, like 45 minutes away from Amsterdam. We were just trying to get into your Amsterdam. We didn't realize how far, I just didn't know how to travel yet. I was like 22 years old.

• 14:37Speaker 01

  I still don't.

• 14:38Speaker 02

  My mom died when I was on that trip, actually.

• 14:39H. Foley?

  Jesus.

• 14:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  Wow, that's your morning, yeah.

• 14:44Speaker 02

  Just wanted to blow everyone out. Hey, guys, just so you know.

• 14:47H. Foley?

  You'd ask for airfare to get back home?

• 14:49Speaker 02

  Nope.

• 14:50H. Foley?

  You're trying to re-up on the, on the.

• 14:51Speaker 02

  Well, I didn't find out until I got home because I had like a little Nokia cellphone. I, I couldn't get calls overseas. I didn't have whatever you needed to do that. So I found out when I got home.

• 15:01H. Foley?

  Jesus Christ.

• 15:02Speaker 01

  God damn.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  There's a chance I was inside of a prostitute when my mom died.

• 15:05H. Foley?

  Ooh, that'll give you something to think about.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  There's a chance that prostitute was female. I had a pretty good chance. I was in Amsterdam one time and I just went to, I popped my head down like the red light district. I was just like, let me just go see what it's like. And there was a guy getting-

• 15:19Speaker 02

  Oh, let me just go see what it's like.

• 15:20Speaker 01

  I swear to God, I was- Came in two seconds. I was with my wife and there was this guy getting pushed out of a, out of like a brothel. And he's like holding on to the door frame. He goes, "Just let me get a handjob." And I was just like, "Never be that guy."

• 15:31H. Foley?

  I respect the move.

• 15:32Speaker 01

  It's just bleeding.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, no, Amsterdam's a good city. It's a fun town.

• 15:36Speaker 01

  Uh, one question we've been doing as of recent, and I feel that you might have a few good answers on this.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  Please.

• 15:42Speaker 01

  What do you do to feel classy? It doesn't even have to be classy, but like maybe you-

• 15:47H. Foley?

  Man of high taste.

• 15:48Speaker 01

  Use the valet, or you had, is there a product or something that you have at the house? You're like, "I like using this." Could be a cutting board, a knife.

• 15:55Speaker 02

  I like this question.

• 15:55Speaker 01

  An air fryer, anything. What makes you go, "Ooh, this is nice. I like it."

• 15:59Speaker 02

  Well, I bought a second car for no reason.

• 16:01Speaker 01

  Bought a second car?

• 16:03H. Foley?

  You have the Audi?

• 16:04Speaker 02

  Well, I had the Acura.

• 16:05H. Foley?

  Alright.

• 16:06Speaker 02

  I had an Audi, totaled the Audi.

• 16:07H. Foley?

  Right.

• 16:09Speaker 02

  Got an Acura because I didn't deserve an Audi.

• 16:11H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  I was like, "I should, I don't deserve a German engineered car." I was like, "I'm too much shitty of a driver." I was like, then I was like, "I'm gonna buy this Acura TLX." Nick Rochefort.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  Shout out Nick.

• 16:21Speaker 02

  Recommendation. He's the man. Love Nick Rochefort. And, uh, I bought this Acura TLX. Used, just bought it cash. I was like, "That's that." I was like, "I'm gonna have this car till my son turns 16. He's 13 now." "I'll reward myself with a nice luxury car."

• 16:35Speaker 01

  Then?

• 16:36Speaker 02

  Yeah. If I can get into no accidents between now and then, learn my lesson, be a little bit less distracted, right? And then-

• 16:44H. Foley?

  Stop drawing on walls.

• 16:45Speaker 02

  Dude, it's, it snowed, uh, out in Jersey, where it snowed all over.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  Snowed at my house. It was crazy.

• 16:53Speaker 02

  It was a crazy snowstorm. You remember like the foot of snow we had?

• 16:56H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. It was like fucking three weeks ago.

• 16:58Speaker 02

  My whole house was fucking buried. The car was buried. This is the Acura. And, uh, I was like, "Fuck." So I go into the Acura, I open the door, I turn on the heat, full blast. I turn on the, the defroster's full blast. Me and my son, we dig out the entire driveway, the whole path. Um, you know, we'd have, it's like, this is like real shovels. This is some fucking old school.

• 17:17H. Foley?

  I got you.

• 17:17Speaker 02

  I, I don't have a fucking snow blower, none of that shit, dude. We, we shoveled that fucking car out, right? Uh, you know, an hour later, I go to move the car, you know, because the heat's on, the snow just kinda falls off.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  Right.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  So I back out. As soon as the snow fell off the windshield, it had a giant crack. Cause you can't go from freezing, ice cold, to heat blasting on the window. So then I started cursing. And I was like, this fucking piece of shit car. And I called, it was gonna be $1,200 to replace the windshield. And, uh, and then I was like, I was calling Nick Rosia for it, and he has such a funny point. Cause I was like, oh dude, I'm thinking about getting a car. And he said this on the Real Life Podcast. He was like, when a guy calls you up and says, I'm thinking about getting a car, that means he's 36 hours away from buying a new car.

• 17:57Speaker 01

  Dude, I bought a new car that same week and I saw that, and I was gonna call Nick and I saw that clip, I went, no fucking way. Cause he's gonna talk me out of what I wanna get.

• 18:05Speaker 02

  Well, that's exactly it. So then I was like, fuck this. Uh, I need a different car. I'm sick of driving around a shitty car. I haven't been in any accidents in 13 months. So I got myself the Audi Q8. So now I have my Audi. But then I put, brought my car in to get the windshield fixed. And I blacked out the tires and the windows. Very Puerto Rican look, this fucking blacked out Acura. And now they give it back to me and I'm like, that's a fucking hot car right there. I didn't even need the Audi. So now I have a second car.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  You put black rims on your car?

• 18:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:31H. Foley?

  So blacking out the car, that makes you feel rich?

• 18:35Speaker 02

  No, no, no.

• 18:35Speaker 01

  Having two cars.

• 18:36Speaker 02

  Having the second car for no reason was like a move. Spending a lot of money on a gym membership, you know? Uh, boarding, boarding before everyone else on a flight.

• 18:45Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 18:46Speaker 02

  Premier 1K, which I'm no longer Premier 1K. I was Premier 1K.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  United, that's perfect.

• 18:50Speaker 02

  United Premier 1K, I was. They bumped me cause I didn't spend enough money. They changed it. It used to be Miles flown. Now it's money fucking spent.

• 18:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:57Speaker 02

  Which is bullshit. Okay? But, here's what I have learned. You just walk up and they say Premier 1K.

• 19:04Speaker 01

  This guy's cracking the case.

• 19:05Speaker 02

  Guys, I'm telling you right now, they don't check. They don't.

• 19:08Speaker 01

  I've seen Delta bump people and go.

• 19:10Speaker 02

  Not Delta, United, not United.

• 19:11Speaker 01

  United, I mean.

• 19:12Speaker 02

  United, they.

• 19:13Speaker 01

  Flying with animals.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  They don't check. I'm telling you right now. And I was gonna keep on playing dumb. And even if I get caught, it's not like I get caught by the same person. I'll get caught, like, cool, alright, I guess I got caught. I'll wait till fucking group one is called now.

• 19:24H. Foley?

  Then you gotta walk.

• 19:25Speaker 02

  I'm still in group one. No, that's crazy.

• 19:28Speaker 01

  You're in group one.

• 19:28Speaker 02

  I'm in group one.

• 19:29Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 19:30H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 19:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, so that makes me feel good.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  You got TSA Pre-Check?

• 19:32Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:33Speaker 01

  You got Clear?

• 19:33Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:34Speaker 01

  You got Touchless?

• 19:35Speaker 02

  What?

• 19:35Speaker 01

  Touchless is new. You gotta get Touchless, dog.

• 19:37Speaker 02

  You guys are classy.

• 19:38H. Foley?

  This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

• 19:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:40H. Foley?

  Gang, we know BetterHelp is fantastic for all the things in your life. They're also fantastic if you're working through some financial stresses that you need to get off your chest. Talk to somebody, man. No matter what it is, whether it's big, whether it's small, you want to talk to somebody. And BetterHelp is a great way to step your foot into talk therapy. We love it, you'll love it. Talk it out.

• 20:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, money worries often bring anxiety, sleep disruption, and even depression. And one of the leading sources of conflict for couples this month. Can normalize the emotional weight of financial stress and remind people that struggling with money doesn't mean they failed. Sometimes it's just accessing the right kind of support. Money stress as from a child all the way up to when I was adult. You see it from your parents at it. I had, it's just, it's, it is a big, big, big point of contention in my life. Uh, it always has been. So, having somebody to talk to about that will fucking just shed a little bit of light and make things a little bit easier. You'll be sleeping a little better at night. And, uh, talk therapy has always been a fantastic tool in my life.

• 20:43Speaker 01

  Uh, when life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com/garbage. That's betterhelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash garbage. Do it.

• 20:52H. Foley?

  Do it. Okay, let's talk about Pesty.

• 20:54Speaker 01

  Pesty, gang.

• 20:55H. Foley?

  You know Pesty.

• 20:56Speaker 01

  I do, baby.

• 20:57H. Foley?

  You use it at the house, gang. If you got bug problems, you got infestation. What you want to do is you want to go to Pesty and kind of do it yourself.

• 21:04Speaker 01

  Listen, let me, let me take over.

• 21:06H. Foley?

  Am I talking out of my ass here?

• 21:07Speaker 01

  I just did it.

• 21:08H. Foley?

  Or are you taking control of your life with Pesty?

• 21:10Speaker 01

  I just did it four days ago.

• 21:12H. Foley?

  My man.

• 21:13Speaker 01

  Four days ago. Listen, they send it to you.

• 21:17Speaker 01

  Bug man. Uh, it's fantastic. They send it. It comes, they send the bag. You mix it with the water. You mix the little potion with the water. You put your little sprayer on top. Give you a little set of black gloves. I think it's two foot. You go around the perimeter of the house. It takes minutes. Minutes and you're good with the bugs. Get them out.

• 21:37H. Foley?

  That's great.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  It's not crazy toxic. It's, we were, it's kid and pet friendly. One, because we got a little cat, Bruno, and we got Hansy Ponzi.

• 21:45H. Foley?

  Sure.

• 21:46Speaker 01

  The pesticides they ship are fully registered and have been used in hospitals and schools all over the country. Pesty offers a 100% bug-free guarantee or your money back. If the bugs don't go away, you'll get a refund. The kit includes a sprayer, a mixing bag, pesticide, gloves, like I said, and instructions. Less than 10 minutes. It's so simple. It makes you feel like you're accomplishing something too. Gets rid of over 100 types of bugs from spiders to ants, roaches and scorpions, which, listen, I ain't got scorpions, but with Pesty, we definitely ain't gonna get them.

• 22:13H. Foley?

  Yikes.

• 22:13Speaker 01

  Uh, keep the bugs away with Pesty. Go to pestie.com slash AYG for an extra 10% off your order. That's Pesty, P-E-S-T-I-E dot com slash AYG for an extra 10% off. Do it.

• 22:24H. Foley?

  Yeah. Anything that makes you feel trashy, like you're like, fuck.

• 22:31Speaker 02

  The feeling that if I, if I were to walk into your home and you had cash on the table?

• 22:36H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 22:37Speaker 02

  I would think to steal it. I wouldn't steal it.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  You would go, how would I do that?

• 22:43Speaker 02

  I would just go like, whatever it is, like my, like an urge, like the same way if you see like a pussy and you're like, you wanna lick it?

• 22:49H. Foley?

  What?

• 22:50Speaker 02

  Like, that's the way I would-

• 22:51Speaker 01

  I'm not seeing pussies that much.

• 22:52Speaker 02

  Doggy, if you see a pussy, you wanna lick it. You're just like, I wanna lick that pussy. You go to a strip club, like, oh, I'd love to lick that pussy. You don't do it, because you're at a strip club, you'll get fucking kicked out and bounced, right? But the same, that same urgency-

• 23:02Speaker 01

  You gotta keep this guy on a short leash, dude. Hey, if you got cash, I'm gonna take you. You got pussies, I'm gonna lick it. You don't do it, because you're my friend. And I'm at a Hooters right now.

• 23:12H. Foley?

  I thought that was cool on TSA Pre-Checking, huh? I apologize.

• 23:15Speaker 01

  Hey, guys, I'm premier 1K.

• 23:16Speaker 02

  You know what I'm saying, doggy. You go to a strip club, you're like, if the pussy's right in your face, you're like, oh, I just wanna fucking give it a licorice. Your mind goes there.

• 23:21Speaker 01

  A licorice.

• 23:22Speaker 02

  A licorice. And your mind goes there. And the same thing-

• 23:25Speaker 01

  I didn't know you were Asian.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  If I see your, if I see money on your table and I'm at your house, like, my mind goes like, oh, I wanna take that money. And that, that is, will always be in me. You'll never get that out of me. And I don't, I would never steal.

• 23:35Speaker 01

  Two follow-up questions.

• 23:37Speaker 02

  Please.

• 23:37Speaker 01

  What is the-

• 23:38Speaker 02

  I'd steal from, you know, big businesses and airports, but not-

• 23:41Speaker 01

  Okay, what was the last thing you stole from? Probably an airport, then.

• 23:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, probably in airport.

• 23:47Speaker 01

  Okay, fair enough. Uh, what was the last strip club you were at? What was the name of it?

• 23:53H. Foley?

  Old Parks.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  That's called Cottonmouth.

• 23:57Speaker 02

  I haven't been to a strip club, uh...

• 23:59Speaker 01

  That's because I started dating my girlfriend.

• 24:00Speaker 02

  Babe, how long we been dating?

• 24:03Speaker 01

  Prior to that one.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  I haven't been to a strip club in at least four months.

• 24:05Speaker 01

  Do you have a...

• 24:06Speaker 02

  Four months.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  Four months. Do you have, do you have one from your past that you really liked?

• 24:09Speaker 02

  No, I went to a pretty good strip club in like, just one of these shitty towns, the last one. I don't remember what it was, but it was a straight up like, black strip club. Which is like, that's where you wanna go. Look, now I understand that this is gonna sound harsh, but I am brown, so I feel like I have a good perspective on this as a brown person. Like...

• 24:25Speaker 01

  Blur us out of this.

• 24:26Speaker 02

  White strippers are the best, obviously. Like, you wanna, if you're, if you had a bachelor party, if... Money's not an object.

• 24:34Speaker 01

  Not for a guy like you.

• 24:35Speaker 02

  Right, let's say money's not, money's not an object.

• 24:38Speaker 01

  Not when you're stealing cash.

• 24:39Speaker 02

  You're getting pure white strippers for your party. Beautiful, young, hot, white women. But those bitches come at a fucking high cost, right?

• 24:48Speaker 02

  You know, we, but, money is an object, so you gotta consider everything. Go to a black strip club, like the ghetto ass strip club. I remember after Skank Fest, we went to Hustler, Barely Legal Hustler Club. That who, that's who hosts the after-party at Skank Fest. The Barely Legal Club.

• 25:07Speaker 01

  I think we were sick that year.

• 25:11Speaker 02

  So, uh... We all had a sickness that weekend. No, and, but like, it was like, high-end, hot, white bitches. And I remember, I took my money and I fucking, uh, came over and I smacked it on her ass.

• 25:25Speaker 01

  She didn't like that.

• 25:26Speaker 02

  No, the security was like, "Whoa, you can't touch the strippers." I was like, "Can't touch the strippers? That's the whole thing. What are we doing?"

• 25:31Speaker 01

  Go down to the King of Diamonds, you can arm wrestle one of them.

• 25:34Speaker 02

  You go to a black strip club, doggy, I'm straight up, you could punch it into her fucking ribs. You put it, you put the money on the end of your fist and you just punch her square in the face. And she's like, "Thank you, baby." And they're all, they're all kinda funk, you know, funky and fucked up and like, what a ghetto ass strip club, though. They'll fucking, you can spit in their mouth for a dollar.

• 25:51Speaker 01

  Hey, all class, kid.

• 25:54Speaker 02

  Trust me.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Man, two cars, this guy's changed.

• 25:56H. Foley?

  How do you feel about Mr. Bean?

• 25:59H. Foley?

  Switch gears real quick.

• 26:00Speaker 02

  Um, I never liked Mr. Bean.

• 26:03H. Foley?

  Give you that.

• 26:04Speaker 01

  Too pompous.

• 26:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, whatever it was, whatever, the comedy didn't hit me.

• 26:08Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 26:08Speaker 02

  But I did like him in The Witches movie when I was a kid.

• 26:11H. Foley?

  The Witches movie?

• 26:12Speaker 02

  The Witches.

• 26:12H. Foley?

  Witches of Eastwick?

• 26:13Speaker 02

  Witches.

• 26:14H. Foley?

  I don't know.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  No.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  I don't know what that is.

• 26:16Speaker 02

  Witches, they, they remade it, uh, they remade it like maybe three, four years ago, but the original one was a little fat, British kid. Um, and then another little kid.

• 26:26H. Foley?

  Sarah Jessica Parker and, uh?

• 26:27Speaker 02

  No, no, no, you're just in me movies with witches.

• 26:30Speaker 01

  You're not talking about, what was it, Clarissa? No, what was the other one?

• 26:34Speaker 02

  Sabrina.

• 26:36Speaker 01

  Sabrina. Sabrina. It was Clarissa Explains It All, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, uh, what, what, come on, The Witches, it's, uh, with Angelica Huston.

• 26:44Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 26:45Speaker 02

  Nineteen, nineteen ninety, I'm gonna say.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  Nineteen ninety, family horror picture.

• 26:49Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 26:50Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah.

• 26:51H. Foley?

  It's not The Witches of Eastwick?

• 26:52Speaker 02

  Rowan Atkinson, yeah.

• 26:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, just The Witches.

• 26:54H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 26:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:55H. Foley?

  Angelica Huston was also in The Witches.

• 26:57Speaker 02

  And they, they turn into fucking, uh, they turn the kids into rats or mice. That's the thing they're doing is they're turning the kids into mice. You remember this movie?

• 27:03Speaker 01

  I do not.

• 27:03H. Foley?

  Did they remake it with Anne Hathaway?

• 27:05Speaker 01

  He's like eleven years old, this fucking kid.

• 27:06H. Foley?

  Did they remake it with Anne Hathaway?

• 27:09Speaker 01

  That's Devil with Prada.

• 27:10Speaker 02

  No, that might be the one. They might have me, they might have remade it with Anne Hathaway.

• 27:14Speaker 01

  They did.

• 27:15Speaker 02

  Say, yeah.

• 27:15Speaker 01

  In twenty twenty.

• 27:16H. Foley?

  Yeah, she was nasty in it. Great, she was great.

• 27:18Speaker 01

  Thirty year anniversary.

• 27:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, no, no, the, the original movie was horrifying.

• 27:23Speaker 01

  Huh.

• 27:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, they would turn into like horrible looking fucking witches and never turn you into a mouse.

• 27:28Speaker 01

  I, I miss that.

• 27:31Speaker 01

  Have, have you ever bought anything off Shark Tank?

• 27:39Speaker 02

  I mean, I think everyone has a, uh, the little face scrubber.

• 27:42Speaker 01

  Scrub daddies.

• 27:43Speaker 02

  Scrub daddies. We all have a scrub daddy.

• 27:45Speaker 01

  You're a squatty potty guy too, probably.

• 27:48Speaker 02

  No, I tried the squatty potty once. It didn't make me shit any better. It just made me feel like a. My feet, when legs were up in the air, like, it was insane, dude.

• 27:57Speaker 01

  Feels like someone's changing your diaper.

• 27:58Speaker 02

  Obviously you could bleep that, but they know what I, they know what I said.

• 28:01Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 28:02Speaker 02

  They know what I said.

• 28:03Speaker 01

  They know, they know.

• 28:03Speaker 02

  You put your fucking, yeah dude, it feels like somebody's changing your diaper.

• 28:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're a little too exposed.

• 28:08Speaker 02

  My knees up on my fucking tits, dude, it's insane.

• 28:10Speaker 01

  I need someone checking my six with that. I had diarrhea at one time, it came out like a fucking, it was wild.

• 28:16Speaker 02

  I got fucking tight hips, dude.

• 28:17Speaker 01

  Holy shit.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  I'm 44 years old today, my hips are tight as fuck. I would need, I would literally need to get a professional stretching before I use a squatty body. And the guy's a pedophile.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:27H. Foley?

  Is he?

• 28:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:28H. Foley?

  What the fuck?

• 28:29Speaker 02

  I assume.

• 28:30H. Foley?

  Damn it.

• 28:31Speaker 01

  You mean a guy who's interested in butthole, Delph? The little creek? Getting your legs up? Um, speaking of it, um, this one's from a few weeks ago from a listener. Do you keep the plunger next to the toilet?

• 28:41H. Foley?

  Ah.

• 28:41Speaker 01

  Or is it in a closet? Is it in the garage?

• 28:43H. Foley?

  I was trying to steal that as my own.

• 28:45Speaker 02

  In the, in the garage would be psychotic. You have to run to the garage when your shit is overflowing, dude? You need it right next to the toilet, doggy.

• 28:54H. Foley?

  Toilet brush?

• 28:56Speaker 02

  Toilet brush as well, that, that's in a container that shuts, like, you pull it out.

• 28:59Speaker 01

  That's classy.

• 29:00Speaker 02

  That's classy right there.

• 29:01H. Foley?

  How often do you use that toilet brush? Just when you clean the bathroom?

• 29:04Speaker 02

  Just when my girl's gonna come over.

• 29:06H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 29:06Speaker 02

  The only time, I have a cleaning lady that comes.

• 29:08H. Foley?

  Right.

• 29:09Speaker 02

  Right, so she cleans pretty good, but I'm-

• 29:11Speaker 01

  How often is she coming?

• 29:12Speaker 02

  Once a week.

• 29:13Speaker 01

  What's that cost you?

• 29:14Speaker 02

  Two hundred a week.

• 29:15H. Foley?

  It's not bad. You, you grease her, you gotta tip her?

• 29:17Speaker 01

  They set the price.

• 29:19Speaker 02

  That's it, tip her, tip her.

• 29:21H. Foley?

  Two hundred, what'd he say?

• 29:22Speaker 01

  Tipper over.

• 29:23Speaker 02

  Tipper gore, fuck off.

• 29:26Speaker 01

  I don't know why that was so funny. Tipper gore. Tipper gore, fuck off.

• 29:35H. Foley?

  I can't believe you made that poll.

• 29:37Speaker 01

  I didn't also tell you to go fuck off, it's super funny.

• 29:41H. Foley?

  The wife of the vice president from 20 years ago. Do a little reading, huh, big guy?

• 29:49Speaker 01

  Man, when he's stoned, he's in flow state.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  Dude, I'm fucking just like jazz music.

• 29:55Speaker 02

  Yeah dude, no, I, before my girl comes over, I'll clean the shit stains.

• 29:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:59Speaker 02

  You know, otherwise I'll let the cleaning lady take care of it.

• 30:01Speaker 01

  Now, when you're, if she's not there, right, and say, James isn't, it's just you, maybe, or the toilet you use in the master bed, whatever.

• 30:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:07Speaker 01

  Will you pee, if you pee on the seat a little bit, will you leave it if you know you're not coming back, or will you clean it right away?

• 30:12Speaker 02

  Depending on how, if we are one halfway to my cleaning lady coming. Anything on that half of the week, I'll just piss on the floor, I fucking just wipe my boogers on the mirrors. I'm not paying once a week for nothing, it's insane.

• 30:25Speaker 01

  You're a scumbag.

• 30:27H. Foley?

  Okay, how many bathrooms are in the house?

• 30:29Speaker 02

  Three bathrooms.

• 30:30H. Foley?

  Three bathrooms, one, you have a master bedroom, right?

• 30:32Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 30:32H. Foley?

  And then James, there's one in the hallway by the bedroom.

• 30:35Speaker 02

  He's got one in his bedroom as well.

• 30:36H. Foley?

  He has one, and then where's the third one?

• 30:38Speaker 02

  It's in the hallway.

• 30:39H. Foley?

  In the hallway of what?

• 30:40Speaker 02

  Yes, bathroom.

• 30:40H. Foley?

  Like near?

• 30:41Speaker 02

  Upstairs.

• 30:42H. Foley?

  Upstairs? No bathrooms on the first floor?

• 30:45Speaker 02

  No.

• 30:45H. Foley?

  Okay, let me ask you this.

• 30:47Speaker 01

  It's a split level home, right?

• 30:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:48H. Foley?

  Right, okay.

• 30:49Speaker 02

  It's a zigzag.

• 30:51H. Foley?

  I got you.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  A rolling vapor?

• 30:53H. Foley?

  I live in a, I live in a, I grew up in a split level home.

• 30:56Speaker 02

  My house is made of EZ whinders.

• 30:59Speaker 01

  Brawls.

• 31:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:01Speaker 01

  We'll live in a back.

• 31:02Speaker 02

  I live, I live in a bum.

• 31:06Speaker 01

  Man, this guy's high, he's good.

• 31:08H. Foley?

  Okay, you're having a party.

• 31:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:11Speaker 01

  What?

• 31:14Speaker 02

  Can I get another La Croix, these are, the orange ones are my favorite, dude. And I have cotton mouth like a motherfucker.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  Are we recording this?

• 31:21Speaker 02

  I took the subway to get here, that was fucking crazy. You guys take that subway still?

• 31:24Speaker 01

  Nah, not really.

• 31:26Speaker 02

  It's fucking bonkers, dude.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  It's wild.

• 31:28Speaker 02

  They still, they still just, it looks the same, they didn't change anything?

• 31:31Speaker 01

  Some of the cars, some of the cars, a lot of the cars have been updated, I take it with my son every now and then, my head's on a fucking swim.

• 31:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude.

• 31:37Speaker 01

  I like it.

• 31:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, see, fucking, these people are out of their minds, dude.

• 31:41H. Foley?

  Thank you, Luke.

• 31:41Speaker 02

  They need, they need Elon Musk to come and design a subway car, dude.

• 31:45Speaker 01

  You got it.

• 31:45H. Foley?

  Well, like that boring hole, I'm not getting in that thing. That thing, that, that, that ceiling's too low, you gotta stretch that out a little bit.

• 31:52Speaker 02

  Have a, what's, what's the Cybertruck? You should connect a bunch of Cybertrucks on the tracks.

• 31:57Speaker 01

  That's not a bad idea. That's not a bad idea, actually.

• 31:59Speaker 02

  No idea.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  It's company, I'll be writing this down.

• 32:04H. Foley?

  All right, you're having a party, you're having a Christmas party, okay? I come up to you.

• 32:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:10H. Foley?

  And I say, "Listen, man, I really gotta use the bathroom." "I don't wanna use the hallway one upstairs, cuz people are around."

• 32:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:17H. Foley?

  "Is there any way I could use your bathroom in your room?"

• 32:20Speaker 01

  Depends on the cleaning lady's coming.

• 32:23Speaker 02

  You.

• 32:24H. Foley?

  Let's say me.

• 32:25Speaker 02

  Anybody, or you.

• 32:25Speaker 01

  No, him specifically.

• 32:27H. Foley?

  "I mean, it's a hot chick, you're gonna let her do it?"

• 32:29Speaker 02

  You gotta shit.

• 32:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, he's not a chick.

• 32:31H. Foley?

  I'm not combing my hair.

• 32:33Speaker 01

  Here in there using his toothbrush.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  You gotta shit.

• 32:36H. Foley?

  Nah, I got a floss real bad.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  Yeah. He's got the crab rangoons are hitting him.

• 32:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, I would tell you, I would tell you to use my son's bathroom.

• 32:45H. Foley?

  Oh, I can't do that.

• 32:47Speaker 02

  I would, I'd be like, "James?"

• 32:49H. Foley?

  Baseball pictures and shit.

• 32:50Speaker 01

  You've been a naughty boy this year.

• 32:54Speaker 01

  The fat guy left you a lump of gold.

• 32:56H. Foley?

  That's even worse, man.

• 32:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, you probably take some massive shits. That's my problem, is like, you're gonna fuck up my plumbing, dude. You're gonna...

• 33:03Speaker 01

  Septic ten, we're gonna have a roofer rooter.

• 33:05Speaker 02

  Dude, I, dude, I took a shit one time at my son's mother's sister's place, right?

• 33:08Speaker 01

  It's like a riddle.

• 33:09Speaker 02

  Yeah. My son's mother's cousins, friends, best friends, teachers.

• 33:14H. Foley?

  Your son's mother's sister's?

• 33:15Speaker 02

  My son's mother's sister, so, yeah, she's nothing to me.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  That's a tough bitch, you think I...

• 33:21Speaker 02

  She's nothing to me. And I went to her place, it was during the holidays, dude, and I, I just, dude, I would, I would like binge, I would just, it was when my son's mother was pregnant. And when she was, I just, I, I weighed like 350 pounds, 340 maybe, when she was pregnant. I ballooned up, dude, and I, I would just eat so much, and then I would take these like, I would just eat, eat, eat, and then after like two, three days, it would all just come out. And it was psychologically, whenever...

• 33:45Speaker 01

  In seagull?

• 33:45Speaker 02

  There'd be a point when I would go, I was like, "Dude, this is enough, I gotta get back on my diet." And I would make a psychological connection, and then my body, my body would just go, "Okay, cool," and then...

• 33:53Speaker 01

  Like, spell it, yeah.

• 33:54Speaker 02

  Everything out. And I, I remember one time... It like, it like stuffed in the hole, like every bit of the hole was completely closed. Then it came out of the toilet like in a pile. It was like, literally, I'm talking breaching like-

• 34:08Speaker 01

  Like a termite hill?

• 34:09Speaker 02

  Breaching-

• 34:10Speaker 01

  It's like the emoji.

• 34:11Speaker 02

  So, talking, I mean, it's just so much-

• 34:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:15Speaker 02

  It was so much shit. And, uh, you gotta try to flush it, nothing, like, nothing, just water.

• 34:20Speaker 01

  Cause the wa- you create, you create a vacuum, the water can't get under-

• 34:23Speaker 02

  You got two flushes before it's now, the water's now to the top, so now you can't even plunge it-

• 34:28Speaker 01

  I know.

• 34:28Speaker 02

  Cause then the shit water spills over.

• 34:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's bad.

• 34:31Speaker 02

  You're like, you're, you got two, you got, the first time you do it, like, fuck, like, am I gonna do it one more time? And make it to where it's impossible to be plunged without getting shit water on the floor on my feet?

• 34:39Speaker 01

  I've gotten it right to that ledge and it's going down like, woo!

• 34:42Speaker 02

  Cause you need the aggression-

• 34:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, sometimes there's a slow leak in it and you go, thank God.

• 34:44Speaker 02

  But, you, with that much shit, this is disgusting, but they like it, with that much shit, you can't really plunge. Plunging is just gonna fucking, you know, it's gonna mash it even deeper into the hole.

• 34:53Speaker 01

  Mash.

• 34:53Speaker 02

  You have to create a hole, so the water can pass through. So, I went outside and I got a stick, like a long, a long stick from-

• 35:03Speaker 01

  Louis, where you going?

• 35:04H. Foley?

  I'm right back.

• 35:05Speaker 02

  No, I felt bad, I was like, you can't let me go in there, Beatrice, so I was like, this is insane, whatever just happened in there.

• 35:10Speaker 01

  Did you just tell Beatrice, or did you have her tell everybody?

• 35:13Speaker 02

  Of course, then she came back, no, I, I told her, then I came back and then everyone was just kinda like not looking at me.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 35:18Speaker 02

  And I had to like literally poke a hole all the way deep into the, to create enough-

• 35:23Speaker 01

  A suction, yeah.

• 35:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, suction.

• 35:25H. Foley?

  You gotta rip branch with leaves and shit on it.

• 35:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  What'd you do with the stick?

• 35:29Speaker 02

  It was Christmas, I put it under the tree. Had to give it to one of the kids.

• 35:34Speaker 01

  Uh-huh, okay.

• 35:36H. Foley?

  So, I'll take that as a no, that I couldn't use it?

• 35:37Speaker 02

  I don't even know what the question was.

• 35:39H. Foley?

  Can I use your bathroom if we're at a party and I, I needed to go?

• 35:41Speaker 02

  Uh, that would be my concern with you, but I, because you're my friend, I would have to say fine.

• 35:45H. Foley?

  Thank you, I appreciate that. That's a point for class.

• 35:48Speaker 01

  Classy guy.

• 35:49Speaker 02

  Classy.

• 35:50H. Foley?

  Kim, it's like about chime!

• 35:51Speaker 01

  Chime!

• 35:53H. Foley?

  As you know, baby, life comes at ya pretty quick.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  You ain't lying, big man.

• 35:56H. Foley?

  Things start adding up.

• 35:57Speaker 01

  Uh-huh.

• 35:57H. Foley?

  You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, if you're gonna do a little banking- Make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right, watch out for bank fees, all that kinda stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish, I could go back and say, "Hey, I wish I had Chime."

• 36:12Speaker 01

  I know. Listen, if you're out there, this is where Chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is, then you got these big corporate banks coming after ya.

• 36:25H. Foley?

  Overdraft fees.

• 36:26Speaker 01

  Overdraft fee, uh, monthly statement, that it. Oh, five dollars for this, ten dollars for that, they got their hand in your pocket. Not with Chime. Chime offers the most rewarding fee-free banking, all with no overdraft fees, no monthly fees, no minimum balances. You get 5% cash back on the Chime card in a category of your choice, like gas or groceries, all while building credit through regular everyday spending. And if you're ever in a pinch, SpotMe lets you overdraft up to $200 fee-free. Look at that, I know I need that, dog. Uh, right now you can join the millions that are already banking fee-free with America's number one choice for banking. Head to chime.com/garbage, that's chime.com/garbage. Sign up now, it only takes a few minutes.

• 37:07H. Foley?

  Do it.

• 37:08Speaker 04

  Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services and Chime Card provided by Chime's bank partners. Qualifying direct deposits required. Terms and limits apply. Go to chime.com/disclosures for details.

• 37:20Speaker 01

  You ever boof anything?

• 37:24Speaker 02

  Like a drug?

• 37:25Speaker 01

  Anything. Contraband, a drug, hampon covered in vodka.

• 37:30Speaker 02

  Not up my asshole, but I felt like weed in my ass crack plenty. When weed used to be illegal in New York. When you try to go to a concert, you roll a bunch of joints, put them in a bag, you put them like down your ass crack, up your balls a little bit.

• 37:44Speaker 01

  You taint them.

• 37:44Speaker 02

  Yeah. These drugs are tainted.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  Uh, have you ever seriously tried to beatbox or freestyle rap?

• 37:53Speaker 02

  Um...

• 37:55Speaker 01

  You're in a band.

• 37:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:57Speaker 01

  Doesn't mean he's beatboxed.

• 37:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, anybody who has ever had a microphone in front of them has tried to beatbox.

• 38:02Speaker 01

  Okay, earnestly?

• 38:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:04Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 38:06Speaker 02

  Let me hear you beatboxing.

• 38:08Speaker 01

  I...

• 38:08Speaker 02

  You can do it.

• 38:10Speaker 01

  Boom, ch, boom, ch.

• 38:12Speaker 02

  No.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  I don't really have it, if I'm being honest with you.

• 38:16Speaker 02

  You, that wasn't your best beatboxing.

• 38:18Speaker 01

  No.

• 38:22Speaker 02

  It's Seinfeld music?

• 38:24Speaker 01

  Sounds like someone's subwoofers out.

• 38:26Speaker 02

  What the fuck was that? Did you shit my bathroom? My master bathroom?

• 38:30Speaker 01

  Somebody get me a stick!

• 38:33Speaker 02

  That, that's the best you could do.

• 38:34Speaker 01

  That's not beatboxing, man. Do this thing.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  I'm not fu- I'm not Michael Winslow.

• 38:48Speaker 02

  You guys beatbox the same way girls make machine gun sounds?

• 38:53Speaker 02

  Pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew pew.

• 38:55Speaker 01

  How'd I can do good? First you go! What the fuck?

• 38:58Speaker 02

  That was pretty good.

• 38:59Speaker 01

  Holy shit, dude. I thought we were- I thought we were taking enemy fire. I thought I was in Iran for a minute.

• 39:05Speaker 02

  That was crazy.

• 39:06Speaker 01

  I was dude.

• 39:08Speaker 02

  That was good.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  Oh wow, we're gonna have to fix that in post.

• 39:12Speaker 02

  Guns, guns are loud, dude.

• 39:14Speaker 01

  Guns are great. I mean, you're making gun noises.

• 39:17Speaker 02

  Guns are great.

• 39:18Speaker 01

  Let's see, you beatboxed. You're really talking a lot of shit over there.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  What? DJ Limp Bizkit, what the fuck is that?

• 39:28Speaker 01

  You give it up for the Cottonmouth Kings, everybody. You got OCPD? That stinks, dude. OCPD? OCPD?

• 39:38Speaker 01

  Think your beat machine's off, dude. That was, that's wor- that was significantly worse than me, dude.

• 39:44Speaker 02

  No, but worse than you?

• 39:45Speaker 01

  Why the fuck?

• 39:46Speaker 02

  No!

• 39:46Speaker 01

  You got no volume. You gotta get in there. What's that? You got a hair in your throat?

• 39:55Speaker 01

  Piece of crab claw?

• 39:56Speaker 02

  No way, dude. It was better than Kevin's.

• 39:59Speaker 01

  I mean, you might've got there the second half. What, uh?

• 40:12Speaker 02

  You guys are high.

• 40:13Speaker 01

  I think I might be contact high.

• 40:15Speaker 02

  Oh shit.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  Girl slipped me a Mickey, I think.

• 40:18Speaker 02

  Maybe.

• 40:22H. Foley?

  You went there, the boys are all tied up.

• 40:26Speaker 01

  Uh, we go into your kitchen right now. We walk in. Where's the trash can? Can I see it or is it not visible?

• 40:32Speaker 02

  I don't wanna talk about it.

• 40:33Speaker 01

  Why?

• 40:33H. Foley?

  I bet he's got, I bet it's underneath the sink.

• 40:36Speaker 02

  It used to be.

• 40:37H. Foley?

  Whoa.

• 40:38Speaker 02

  My last house, it was like perfectly under the sink. Now, I have a drawer for it. I just don't, I don't have the mechanism, whatever. Not a lazy Susan, but whatever the mechanism is that makes it slide out. Yeah, yeah. Cause you open the thing and then fucking.

• 40:50H. Foley?

  It comes out.

• 40:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:52Speaker 01

  What's the problem?

• 40:53Speaker 02

  I don't have, like, I could.

• 40:54Speaker 01

  So you open your drawer?

• 40:55Speaker 02

  I have a thing where I have my recycling bins, which I'll just fucking, oh, I don't care. I'm not gonna recycle anymore. It's insane. This is like Premier 1K. You can just wa, they don't, they don't just tie up your garbage cans with your bottles. It doesn't even go to landfills or it doesn't go to recycling places.

• 41:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:11Speaker 02

  It goes to landfills.

• 41:12Speaker 01

  I know.

• 41:13Speaker 02

  I saw a YouTube video once that stated that. So now I believe that recycling is bullshit.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  I've seen them throw it all into the same fucking, same thing. I try, but it's like, I'm not going out of my way.

• 41:25Speaker 02

  I try, I tell, I do it in front of my son.

• 41:28H. Foley?

  That's good.

• 41:28Speaker 02

  Like this, I, like I, the same way I wash my hands after I pee. Like when my son's there, I'm like, this is what you have to do. But if my son's not watching, I don't even care if other people are there anymore. I've stopped caring at that point.

• 41:39H. Foley?

  Well, I feel like, I do that in the, in the airport. If I go in and pee, I'm not washing my hands.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm not touching my dick with your airport germs.

• 41:45H. Foley?

  Exactly. And I always just assumed that everybody assumes, oh, he must have, uh, uh, hand sanitizer.

• 41:51Speaker 02

  I also don't touch my dick when I piss at the airport. I flop my dick out. I.

• 41:56Speaker 01

  Are you going over the top?

• 41:58Speaker 02

  You calling me a fucking liar? What the fuck was that about? Why is your producer so aggressive? Laughing in my, in my face. Not like, oh, I'm laughing with him. This is like, I'm laughing at him.

• 42:07Speaker 01

  He's laughing at your tiny dick. Luke, get out of here.

• 42:09Speaker 03

  Perched up.

• 42:10Speaker 02

  Crazy, dude. No, I, I.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  Oh, you're in sweatpants?

• 42:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm in sweatpants. So like, traveling, whatever I travel in, you know, track pants. And I just let my dick flop out and then I piss. And then like a fire hose, it kinda like fills up.

• 42:24Speaker 01

  Gets a little, gets a little motion going.

• 42:26Speaker 02

  It's a little motion going.

• 42:27Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  And then I fucking, I flip it back up and leave.

• 42:30H. Foley?

  Huh.

• 42:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:31Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 42:31H. Foley?

  I gotta have a hand on there.

• 42:33Speaker 02

  You really?

• 42:33H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah. I pee all over myself.

• 42:35Speaker 02

  Really?

• 42:36H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  His foreskin grew back. He's gotta, he's gotta peel it back.

• 42:39H. Foley?

  I pee on my belt a lot. Like, I'll open it up and I'll put my things down, and my belt will be flapping right in front of my noodle, and I'll pee right on it and fuck it.

• 42:46Speaker 02

  That sucks. Then you gotta like, then you gotta wash your hands.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  My hands, dude. You would think.

• 42:54Speaker 02

  By the way, my sister wants to, fuck you.

• 42:57H. Foley?

  Shut up.

• 42:58Speaker 02

  I swear to God.

• 42:58H. Foley?

  Oh my God. I could be in the Gomez family?

• 43:00Speaker 02

  Easy. I mean, like that.

• 43:03H. Foley?

  Then you gotta let me shit in here.

• 43:04Speaker 02

  She's desperate, dude. My sister, you gotta take care of a little half-

• 43:07Speaker 01

  What was that conversation?

• 43:09Speaker 02

  She keeps on calling H. Foley daddy.

• 43:12H. Foley?

  Shut up.

• 43:13Speaker 02

  I swear to God.

• 43:14Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 43:16Speaker 02

  I'll call her right now.

• 43:17H. Foley?

  You know, I've always been jealous of, not jealous, envious of how nice your family life is.

• 43:23Speaker 02

  It's nice, see? She's gotta take care of a little half-Mexican, uh-

• 43:27H. Foley?

  How old's she?

• 43:28Speaker 01

  She have a-

• 43:28Speaker 02

  She's ten, so in like five, six years, she'll be ready.

• 43:30H. Foley?

  What's the, where's the, where's the dad? What's that story?

• 43:33Speaker 02

  He lives on the couch, but that's okay. I swear to God, he does.

• 43:36H. Foley?

  He does?

• 43:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:37H. Foley?

  I'm not dealing with that.

• 43:38Speaker 02

  No, no, no. This is what I'm saying. You put your foot down. You're the man of the house now.

• 43:42H. Foley?

  How big is he?

• 43:43Speaker 02

  He's a small guy. Small Mexican guy, dude.

• 43:45H. Foley?

  Oh. Get your shit.

• 43:46Speaker 02

  Call Ice on him. It's fucking hap- I told my sister to join Ice, take like a $50,000 signing bonus, and then remove her husband from the country. What a great fucking-

• 43:56H. Foley?

  How come she doesn't ask him to leave?

• 43:58Speaker 02

  She does. It's just been a thing. But if she had a man, a nice, strong man in the house?

• 44:02Speaker 01

  That's the wrong guy. You know?

• 44:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, you guys move to a better house.

• 44:06Speaker 01

  You know who would, who would fix this mess?

• 44:08H. Foley?

  You got some fucking cash.

• 44:09Speaker 01

  H. Foley.

• 44:10Speaker 02

  Foley's got some cash.

• 44:11Speaker 01

  That's the guy who's gonna clean all this up, and not fuck it up more somehow. You'll be on the couch with him.

• 44:16H. Foley?

  Fifty.

• 44:17Speaker 02

  No, you're not.

• 44:18H. Foley?

  Yeah?

• 44:18Speaker 02

  No, you're not.

• 44:19H. Foley?

  I just turned fifty.

• 44:19Speaker 02

  Are you fifty years old?

• 44:20H. Foley?

  Fifty years old.

• 44:21Speaker 02

  You are very youthful.

• 44:23H. Foley?

  Thank you.

• 44:24Speaker 02

  How old are you?

• 44:25Speaker 01

  Uh, thirty-nine.

• 44:26Speaker 02

  Thirty-nine. Fifty.

• 44:27H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 44:28Speaker 02

  It's what, my sister's only forty-six. A young broad for you.

• 44:30Speaker 01

  She's forty-six?

• 44:31Speaker 02

  Forty-six.

• 44:31Speaker 01

  Oh, fucking-

• 44:32Speaker 02

  Young broad for you.

• 44:33Speaker 01

  Fuck your dad. Robbing the cradle.

• 44:37Speaker 02

  His fucking mom, his chubby mom.

• 44:40H. Foley?

  What are we gonna do, thanks, has her cooking?

• 44:42Speaker 02

  Her cooking's pretty good, actually, yeah.

• 44:44Speaker 01

  What'd she do for a living?

• 44:46Speaker 02

  She's got fucking problems.

• 44:48Speaker 01

  So does he.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  Tell her to call, give him, give her, give him his number.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  I will, I'll give her, I'll give her your number. I'm like, Foley's interested. She's cute, dude, if you go to her Instagram, like, she's way hotter in those pictures than she is in real life. Just so you know, she's gonna try to trick you.

• 45:07Speaker 02

  This bitch is-

• 45:08Speaker 01

  Has she ever met him?

• 45:09Speaker 02

  Doggy, uh, maybe, she might have.

• 45:10H. Foley?

  Yeah, yeah, we met at, uh-

• 45:11Speaker 02

  Uh, backstage at, um-

• 45:13H. Foley?

  Story Warz.

• 45:14Speaker 02

  Story Warz.

• 45:14H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 45:15Speaker 02

  There we go, would you just give, would you fuck her at least?

• 45:17H. Foley?

  Well, I'm not, I'm not just fucker.

• 45:20Speaker 02

  Have sex with her.

• 45:20H. Foley?

  Not because she's not a lovely, beautiful, young lady. I'm not even, I've got you looking for me? That's all I-

• 45:26Speaker 02

  I want you to do it.

• 45:27Speaker 01

  He'd give you five grand, probably.

• 45:29Speaker 02

  Dude, I'll fucking give you an Acura.

• 45:33Speaker 02

  TLX with the fucking cracked windshield.

• 45:35H. Foley?

  You wouldn't need me to entice me, she's a lovely girl.

• 45:39Speaker 02

  It's got blacked out, it's got blacked out rims.

• 45:41Speaker 01

  He has a little Puerto Rican flag hanging though, you should get that, dude.

• 45:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, I really should. The Acura's-

• 45:48Speaker 01

  Be like an Uber driver.

• 45:48Speaker 02

  Super fucking, the most Puerto Rican car you're ever gonna see, this little Acura with the blacked out windows and blacked out tires.

• 45:54H. Foley?

  So she's Puerto Rican and your daughter's half Mexican?

• 45:56Speaker 02

  Uh, her daughter.

• 45:57H. Foley?

  Her daughter, half Mexican, half Puerto Rican?

• 45:59Speaker 02

  Puerto Rican Italian, that's what I am.

• 46:01H. Foley?

  You're Puerto Rican Italian, so the kid's Puerto Rican, Italian, and Mexican?

• 46:05Speaker 02

  Mexican, yeah.

• 46:05H. Foley?

  Who, that's a lot.

• 46:06Speaker 01

  And he can have a retarded stepdad.

• 46:11Speaker 02

  The, the daughter, I'll tell you right now, the daughter, if I were you, I would be like, you gotta get rid of the daughter.

• 46:16H. Foley?

  Yeah, you crazy?

• 46:17Speaker 02

  The daughter's, she's a nightmare.

• 46:18H. Foley?

  Why?

• 46:19Speaker 02

  My niece is just a me, some mean girl.

• 46:21H. Foley?

  I always compliment you on how sweet it is, you got, when you guys are all out to dinner.

• 46:25Speaker 02

  No, you just see pictures, you don't, like, you can't really understand what's happening. Like, this is the best photo of, like, just like a series of, like, horror shots. This little girl's a nightmare. But you can fucking hit her.

• 46:37H. Foley?

  No, I'm not hitting anybody.

• 46:39Speaker 02

  You can hit this little girl.

• 46:40Speaker 01

  At least hit to death.

• 46:41Speaker 02

  Are you gonna, are you gonna spank your kid?

• 46:43Speaker 01

  Uh, probably not, no.

• 46:44Speaker 02

  Probably not.

• 46:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I, I don't intend to.

• 46:47H. Foley?

  You don't spank kids.

• 46:48Speaker 01

  And I, and you're, you're one of the-

• 46:49H. Foley?

  You're a very good parent.

• 46:50Speaker 01

  I was, I was just talking about this the other day, you're one of the, uh, the main reasons as to, uh, I was just like, you're very, you were arguing with somebody on Twitter.

• 46:58Speaker 02

  She's very vocal about, just some, some fucking frog racist Nazi is like, hit your kids! She'll be like, alright. I take the bait every time.

• 47:07Speaker 01

  You do.

• 47:08Speaker 02

  I really do.

• 47:09Speaker 01

  I'm always like, I can always tell them, like, oh, Louis is at an airport or something, because it's just like fucking a barrage of arguments.

• 47:15Speaker 02

  You can't hit your kids. Would you hit your kids fully?

• 47:18H. Foley?

  No, never. No, I got hit. Not hit abusively, but I got-

• 47:23Speaker 01

  Would you hit your forty-six-year-old new girlfriend?

• 47:24Speaker 02

  Yeah, just smack my sister one, give her a fucking crack. She likes it, dude. She's old school. She's, I'll tell you what-

• 47:30Speaker 01

  You guys would be like-

• 47:31Speaker 02

  The beautiful part about a chubby forty-six-year-old is you're never getting me too. You can do whatever you want to her. I was talking, fuck, marry her first, quickly, marry her!

• 47:42H. Foley?

  I fake a heart attack.

• 47:45H. Foley?

  I'd be so lucky, she's lovely. Thank you.

• 47:49Speaker 02

  You'd be so lucky. Stop saying these things. Stop saying these things. She will fucking, she'll suck your cock. I really mean this.

• 47:58Speaker 02

  She looks like me with a wig, with white skin.

• 48:00H. Foley?

  I just thought you were very attractive.

• 48:06H. Foley?

  You ever had a fighter pilot's jacket? And I don't mean a bomber jacket, but it's gotta have like decals on it.

• 48:11Speaker 02

  Every jacket I wear is a bomber jacket.

• 48:15Speaker 02

  These fucking crowds stink!

• 48:19Speaker 01

  They're all your fans, you stink!

• 48:24Speaker 02

  Get with the program, you fucking dummies.

• 48:27Speaker 01

  I just worked in Tuscaloosa last weekend.

• 48:32H. Foley?

  Just in general, everybody. You never had like a, like when Top Gun came out, you never had a fighter jacket?

• 48:38Speaker 02

  No, I think I wanted one at one point. There was times I'd go to Bradley's and try on a fucking, remember Bradley's?

• 48:47Speaker 01

  I'd go to Forever Twenty-One and try on the bathing suits. Ah, God, Jesus Christ. Um, alright, let's see here. Have you ever had a voicemail that wasn't a normal voicemail where you're like, hello? Hello? I can't hear you. Ha ha, not here.

• 49:05Speaker 02

  I mean, I'm from the generation of fucking...

• 49:07Speaker 01

  That's not a generation.

• 49:08Speaker 02

  No, it's a generation thing, because you wouldn't have that, you wouldn't have that on here.

• 49:11Speaker 01

  I'm from the generation of pranksters and practical jokers.

• 49:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, dude. No, no, yeah, of course, for sure. We would do fun things on our answering machine. My mom would let us just record like dumb things.

• 49:22Speaker 01

  That was always...

• 49:24Speaker 02

  We do voices, like racist voices and shit. We're eating cats right now, like really like, just shitty jokes, like shitty racist jokes from the 90s. That was me and my sister.

• 49:32Speaker 01

  I was very, I mean, it was... She's got a good sense of humor, Hank.

• 49:35Speaker 02

  She's funny. My sister's a funny gal. She got big tits, dude. You know, she had a kid. She had a kid, so it's, you know. You gotta get her, did pay for her Pilates? I think she'll be all right. Get her to the gym.

• 49:47Speaker 01

  Or Pilates. Um, what, uh... Okay. That was always ve- I always wanted to, I was very indicative of the parenting, I feel, is if...

• 49:59H. Foley?

  Oh, yeah.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  The kids could leave the voice...

• 50:00H. Foley?

  The kids were on the voice machine.

• 50:01Speaker 01

  And could do whatever they want. It'd be fun. Like, me and my brother and sister would be like, "Hi, you've reached the Ryans." We, and then someone else would be like, "We can't get to the front." But to be doing, uh, me so horny jokes.

• 50:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:11H. Foley?

  Leave a message, bitch.

• 50:12Speaker 01

  That's crazy, dude.

• 50:14Speaker 02

  Yeah. We're, we're...

• 50:15Speaker 01

  It's like growing up on set of Jackass.

• 50:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:19Speaker 01

  Wow, that's, yeah.

• 50:20H. Foley?

  I just phoned your friend Louis's house.

• 50:22Speaker 01

  Did you have any ringback tones or anything? Like, if I called you and, like, you know, System of a Down would play, did you ever have that?

• 50:29Speaker 02

  I'm losing my mind. No, no, never had that.

• 50:33Speaker 01

  Okay. That was always expensive. That was always like $5.99 a month or something. I would never, I could never do.

• 50:39H. Foley?

  Let's say you're grocery shopping and you pick something up, and I don't know, let's say it's a, I don't know, loaf of Dave's Killer Bread, and you're walking around, then you realize at some point in the store, you don't want the Dave's Killer Bread. Are you putting that, you going back to the bread aisle and putting that away, or is that going on any shelf?

• 50:55Speaker 02

  It's going, I, I mean...

• 50:57Speaker 01

  He's probably throwing it at a bagger.

• 51:00Speaker 02

  It's going so deeply on Andy's show.

• 51:03Speaker 01

  He's gonna punt it at one of the cart guys.

• 51:05Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, I did, dude, I was at 7-Eleven yesterday. My son's like, buy me, he's got braces on, so he's like, buy me like a soft like treat, like something that I could have. Right, so I, I found like, um, they have these little seven day croissants, like they're packaged like in professional packaging, but they've been made within the past seven days, right? That's, they're pretty good, right?

• 51:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:21H. Foley?

  7-Eleven's really getting their shit together.

• 51:22Speaker 02

  So then I bring it up to the counter and then I have it and the guy's checking me out and um, I see right there, there's like a, like a cheesecake type of like, almost like um.

• 51:34H. Foley?

  Is it the round ones?

• 51:35Speaker 02

  No, it's like a loaf, it's like a loaf, um, you know, like pound cake, but it's pound cake with cheesecake.

• 51:40Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 51:40Speaker 02

  And I touch it and it's really spongy and soft. And I was like, oh, that's, that's what he has to have, right? And so I literally, in front of the guy, I just put the croissant.

• 51:54Speaker 01

  Also, 7-Eleven's small.

• 51:55H. Foley?

  Top of the UNICEF box?

• 51:57Speaker 02

  I mean, it's right.

• 51:58Speaker 01

  Shoves it in the coin.

• 51:59Speaker 02

  It's just so not where it goes. He's like, no, no, I'll take that, that's fine. And I was like, alright, will you? And then they gave me a bag. They didn't bag it, they just gave me the bag.

• 52:08H. Foley?

  I, dude, they did that to me at Wawa the other day.

• 52:10Speaker 02

  This is making me fucking mad right now, dude.

• 52:11H. Foley?

  What was that all about?

• 52:12Speaker 02

  Like, what the fuck? That's your, you got two jobs.

• 52:14H. Foley?

  Yeah.

• 52:14Speaker 02

  Bring it up and put it into a fucking bag.

• 52:16H. Foley?

  They did that to me at Wawa. I was like, can I get a bag? She's like, yeah. And I think they charged me for the bag.

• 52:21Speaker 02

  They charged you for the bag now, which is crazy.

• 52:22H. Foley?

  A nice red bag. And then she handed it to me.

• 52:25Speaker 02

  Bitch, bag it.

• 52:26H. Foley?

  Something.

• 52:27Speaker 01

  That's crazy. I, well, the different states have all different bagging policies now. Jersey, you gotta pay for.

• 52:34Speaker 02

  Jersey, you go to Kentucky, they give you three bags.

• 52:36Speaker 01

  Pennsylvania, you don't pay for.

• 52:37Speaker 02

  Three bags, like, here's a handful of straws, thank you very much.

• 52:40Speaker 01

  Dude, you go to, you go to fucking, uh, you go to Pennsylvania, you go to an Acme, they still go paper or plastic. Or both.

• 52:46Speaker 02

  I love that. Both. That's the way it is. I grew up with both. Paper and plastic.

• 52:51H. Foley?

  Oh, it's the fucking best.

• 52:53Speaker 02

  It's the most wasteful way to transport your groceries.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  No, it's the most, you're going from the car, it's gotta, listen, I bagged groceries for a long time. It fits the best in the cart, it fits the best in the trunk, it's the easiest to carry in the house.

• 53:05H. Foley?

  You always saved them too. We always saved them, made it, you used them.

• 53:08Speaker 01

  You fold them up with the plastic bag.

• 53:09Speaker 02

  Well, now you buy the bag, the idea is they're reusable, so you come back to the supermarket like a fucking homeless lady with a bunch of bags. Like, it's crazy.

• 53:17H. Foley?

  Talk about getting no pussy. You show them back up.

• 53:21Speaker 02

  Dude, I have so many fucking reusable cloth bags. I pick up my dog shit with them now.

• 53:27Speaker 01

  Louis is doing great.

• 53:28Speaker 02

  I'm not even kidding.

• 53:29Speaker 01

  You got an insulated bag?

• 53:30Speaker 02

  The other day, I didn't have any shit baggies and I went into the house and I grabbed, I was like, oh, I have all of these giant fucking cloth bags. And I use it to clean up dog shit out of my backyard and I just threw it away.

• 53:40Speaker 01

  Dude, I, when I was back, I was bagging groceries and this is in fucking 2004. So people bringing their own bags in 2004 was like.

• 53:48H. Foley?

  Oh, you were a hippie.

• 53:49Speaker 01

  On her, and dude, this, this, these, these single guys would roll up and then go, I go paper, plastic. And they go, I brought my own and hand you these musties.

• 53:57H. Foley?

  Oh.

• 53:57Speaker 01

  Dirty bags, like they had them, and I just remember looking at them like, you are a.

• 54:01H. Foley?

  Wait, regular bags?

• 54:02Speaker 01

  No, like tote bags, but they're like old and dirty. I just remember like, you are a cuck motherfucker.

• 54:07H. Foley?

  They always have like a pair in it, a book.

• 54:08Speaker 02

  The way you should do it, I, the more I think about it, dude, you should show up with fucking like roller laundry or um roller um luggage.

• 54:16Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 54:17Speaker 02

  That's the way you bag your groceries.

• 54:19Speaker 01

  A drag bag?

• 54:20Speaker 02

  Two, uh two, not even just one, just one of the oversized ones that you would have to check, put it all in there.

• 54:24Speaker 01

  Dude, they should, you should lock them if you're doing that.

• 54:27Speaker 02

  That is a good.

• 54:28Speaker 01

  You're not wrong.

• 54:29Speaker 02

  That's not a bad way to do it. Why, what is the difference? And I will use that.

• 54:33Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 54:34H. Foley?

  Walking out of the grocery store with a suitcase?

• 54:37Speaker 01

  Also, then you gotta walk around, you gotta walk around the grocery store with a suitcase.

• 54:42Speaker 02

  That is true, but that's actually great, dude.

• 54:44Speaker 01

  Got a big trip coming up.

• 54:45Speaker 02

  Well, now they have those supermarkets where you like literally just walk out with the stuff.

• 54:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:49Speaker 02

  Or, no, I'm sorry, no, it's in the, they have it at my shop right near me. The cart scans it when you put it in the cart.

• 54:55H. Foley?

  No shit?

• 54:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's pretty good. Futures here, dude. The future is fucking here. And then you go and you just literally, you, you scan the cart at the checkout and you pay at the checkout and that's that.

• 55:06H. Foley?

  That's pretty good. I know BJ's does something like that, don't they?

• 55:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, my sister does BJ's. I'm just letting you know, I'm gonna throw that out there, my friend.

• 55:14Speaker 02

  It's a double baggie, you know what I mean?

• 55:16Speaker 01

  I would recommend double bag.

• 55:17Speaker 02

  Paper and plastic.

• 55:22Speaker 02

  Paper bag over her head, plastic on your cock. Trust me, protect yourself.

• 55:29H. Foley?

  Oh, boy. How are you with the cart etiquette? Will you return your cart to the proper place? I'm guessing this is a no.

• 55:36Speaker 02

  It's all with my son. Like, if I'm with my son, I just make him do it. It's like, James, we have to... But if it's just me, I'll just push it off and try to aim it at a nice car and let it roll into a fucking...

• 55:45Speaker 01

  You ever seen those guys where they throw the magnet on it?

• 55:47H. Foley?

  Ah, it's so funny.

• 55:48Speaker 01

  I could see Louis fighting that guy in a parking lot.

• 55:51Speaker 02

  Don't fucking, don't film me. Don't try to make me look like a jerk off for your YouTube channel. I'll fuck you up, doggy. I'm gonna look so much worse than if I simply just take it.

• 56:01Speaker 01

  If you just take it, yeah.

• 56:03Speaker 02

  And I'm going to jail now.

• 56:05H. Foley?

  Shit.

• 56:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't want, I don't want to be your prank show. I don't want to be fucking... Don't fucking do any of that shit.

• 56:12H. Foley?

  He'd be perfect, bro. He'd lose it so quick.

• 56:15Speaker 01

  I'll fucking film it, man.

• 56:18Speaker 02

  They do, uh...

• 56:18H. Foley?

  It's illegal!

• 56:19Speaker 01

  It's, uh, like, I always said, "Don't film me," and always then tries to film back, too.

• 56:23H. Foley?

  Okay.

• 56:24Speaker 01

  "I'll film you."

• 56:25Speaker 02

  Did you guys do, uh... Did you do, uh, Digital Bazooka before?

• 56:28Speaker 01

  Digital Bazooka?

• 56:29Speaker 02

  It's a, uh, it's a prank show with, uh...

• 56:31Speaker 01

  Sounds like a sex movie.

• 56:32Speaker 02

  Drew Montana, um, it's, dude, it's fucking, it's really good.

• 56:36Speaker 01

  Dear tag Drew and, who was it? Drew and Naim?

• 56:38H. Foley?

  Naim.

• 56:38Speaker 02

  No, no, no, that's, uh, Drew and Dear Tag.

• 56:40H. Foley?

  Shout out to the boys.

• 56:41Speaker 02

  Drew and fucking, who was the other guy on it?

• 56:44H. Foley?

  I know, I know what you're talking about.

• 56:46Speaker 02

  I'm blanking now.

• 56:47Speaker 01

  Uh, James Moss?

• 56:48Speaker 02

  James Moss, yeah, dude, I'm sorry. I confuse him with Tristan Bowing all the time. Prank phone call, dude, and Josh Potter was on, dude, and they pranked me.

• 56:56H. Foley?

  This is a live show that they did.

• 56:57Speaker 01

  Oh, they got you?

• 56:58Speaker 02

  They got me, dude. Josh Potter called me. Dude, if you want to laugh, like, after this, just go watch Josh Potter, Digital Bazooka prank me. They told me that, uh, my, uh, it was a person from the neighborhood, like, community board type thing, and they were like, "Hey, your, your hedges are just, like, kinda like overgrown, and it's like you gotta really, like, keep them under control."

• 57:18H. Foley?

  That's awesome.

• 57:19Speaker 02

  And like...

• 57:19Speaker 01

  Just enough to make you lose it?

• 57:21Speaker 02

  Dude, I'm just like, "They're not actually," so...

• 57:23H. Foley?

  I'm actually looking at him right now.

• 57:25Speaker 02

  It's just such a snowball, and then I start getting like a scent on this guy. I was like, "This guy's not, he's not being honest about something, right?" He didn't have, like, the name of... I was like, "Where are these meetings?" I was like, "Who do I, I was like, "I need, let me talk to your boss." I was like, "I need to..." And I go and do a whole thing, dude, at one point, 'cause my, I live in that neighborhood, my sister lives in the neighborhood, my son's mother lives in the neighborhood, and... So.

• 57:45H. Foley?

  You guys all live in the same neighborhood?

• 57:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. Well, at the time, now I just bought a house like 10 minutes away, but, um.

• 57:49H. Foley?

  Oh, you bought a house?

• 57:50Speaker 01

  Congratulations.

• 57:51H. Foley?

  Congratulations.

• 57:52Speaker 02

  But I was like, uh, he was there, Josh Potter was just like, yeah, so the neighborhood just really, he's like, what do you mean the neighborhood? I am the neighborhood. I started yelling, I am the neighborhood. It's so bad, but it's really funny. But yeah, I bought a house in August.

• 58:05Speaker 01

  Very, congratulations.

• 58:06H. Foley?

  What's the name of the show again?

• 58:08Speaker 02

  Uh, Digital Bazooka.

• 58:10H. Foley?

  Digital Bazooka. Check them out. I love that. Shout out to the boys.

• 58:13Speaker 01

  Hey, congratulations on the new house. Very cool.

• 58:15Speaker 02

  Thank you, yeah, yeah.

• 58:15Speaker 01

  Have you, do you have to do any improvements to it?

• 58:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I, I was kinda freaking out. The, that cold front for like 16 days just fucked everything up. There was pipe freezing.

• 58:24Speaker 01

  I did, I had the same.

• 58:24Speaker 02

  My hot, my hot water heater was going out, the fucking HVAC, there was all these problems. And then I sat back and said, let me relax. And then it, you know, I realized that there was a lot of, when it's really cold, it's just, yeah.

• 58:37Speaker 01

  You lose the room. It can only, it can only work so much.

• 58:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I mean, it's, it's.

• 58:41H. Foley?

  Did you get it inspected and all that stuff?

• 58:42Speaker 02

  Of course, yeah, yeah.

• 58:43H. Foley?

  Roof's good?

• 58:44Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Roof's new.

• 58:44H. Foley?

  Hot water heater? New roof?

• 58:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, but it needs, I'm, I'm getting in like, this is boring.

• 58:48H. Foley?

  Did you lose the pool? Do you have a pool?

• 58:50Speaker 02

  No, I got a pool.

• 58:51H. Foley?

  You got a pool?

• 58:51Speaker 02

  We're opening the pool right now. I'm converting it into a heated saltwater pool as we speak.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 58:56Speaker 02

  As we speak, it's film.

• 58:57H. Foley?

  Why the fuck didn't you say that about being classy? You're talking about your Acura. You got a saltwater pool?

• 59:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, look, I'll show you. I'm fucking excited.

• 59:06Speaker 01

  That's sad.

• 59:06H. Foley?

  That's great.

• 59:07Speaker 01

  Above ground, are you soon?

• 59:10Speaker 02

  It's opened.

• 59:11Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 59:12H. Foley?

  Wow.

• 59:12Speaker 02

  It's all green, but we're, we're installing everything right now.

• 59:14Speaker 01

  You got a nice shed back there?

• 59:16H. Foley?

  That's nice green water, too.

• 59:17Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 59:18H. Foley?

  How many tadpoles you growing in there?

• 59:20Speaker 02

  Well, I mean, they just opened it.

• 59:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 59:22Speaker 02

  They gotta shock it, they gotta do all that stuff.

• 59:23Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 59:24H. Foley?

  Very nice.

• 59:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. It's gonna, it's coming together. God, these are all privacy trees. They look all browned out now, but they're gonna grow together and fuckin'.

• 59:31H. Foley?

  Invite me out there.

• 59:32Speaker 02

  Hundred percent. We'll do, maybe I'll do a 4th of July.

• 59:35Speaker 01

  Invite your sister, too.

• 59:36Speaker 02

  I will invite my sister. I'm telling you, she will suck your coffee.

• 59:39H. Foley?

  Stop it.

• 59:40Speaker 02

  I'm not even kidding, dude. It's terrible.

• 59:42Speaker 01

  Uh, I think I got, I mean, I think I got one more here. Uh, have you ever moved a mattress on top of your car?

• 59:51Speaker 02

  My mom used to get mattresses for us, like when somebody in the neighborhood would throw out their mattress, my mom would go, "New mattress for you guys."

• 59:59H. Foley?

  Oh my god.

• 1:00:00Speaker 02

  And that's how I live my life.

• 1:00:02H. Foley?

  From, from out of the, out of the curb at the trash?

• 1:00:04Speaker 02

  Out of the curb, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 1:00:06Speaker 02

  That's another trash thing, the same urge that I have for like stealing money, reading Hooker Pussy, is if I am driving down the street and I see like a fucking dresser,

• 1:00:17Speaker 01

  I'm the same way.

• 1:00:17Speaker 02

  I'll slow down, I'm like...

• 1:00:19Speaker 01

  Get eyes on it.

• 1:00:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:20Speaker 01

  I'm not gonna take it, but I'm gonna go...

• 1:00:21Speaker 02

  But I'm gonna, that's takeable.

• 1:00:22H. Foley?

  A dresser I give you.

• 1:00:23Speaker 01

  Is there any value to whatever? You're like, "Well, what is that?"

• 1:00:27H. Foley?

  But a mattress.

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  That's tough. Also like, look, you're, you're living a certain life where you just see another mattress on the side, you already go, "That's an improvement." "That's better than what I got."

• 1:00:34H. Foley?

  Have you ever had bedbugs?

• 1:00:36Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:00:37H. Foley?

  Never had bedbugs?

• 1:00:38Speaker 02

  Never had bedbugs.

• 1:00:38H. Foley?

  You're pulling mattresses, that's when you got lucky.

• 1:00:40Speaker 01

  I feel that was probably pre-bedbug. The bedbug was like...

• 1:00:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, when did the bedbugs, when did they even come out?

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  It was like early 2000s.

• 1:00:45Speaker 02

  Is that when they...

• 1:00:46H. Foley?

  What, what, bedbugs have been around for billions of years.

• 1:00:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, but the infestation in...

• 1:00:50H. Foley?

  Yes, I do.

• 1:00:50Speaker 02

  Billions.

• 1:00:51H. Foley?

  Billions.

• 1:00:52Speaker 02

  Billions of years.

• 1:00:52H. Foley?

  Bedbugs have been around for millions of years.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  You've chased it for millions of years.

• 1:00:55Speaker 01

  At least 15 years.

• 1:00:58Speaker 01

  I'm not saying, I know night-night don't let the bedbug, but I thought there was a big spark of them in New York.

• 1:01:02Speaker 03

  Major resurgence in New York City in the early 2000s, with a significant rapid surge of infestation starting in 2004.

• 1:01:10Speaker 01

  And you were living in New York around 2004.

• 1:01:13H. Foley?

  Yes, I was. I was around for the big wave of bedbugs.

• 1:01:16Speaker 01

  Found patience zero.

• 1:01:17Speaker 02

  Wait a minute, are you a bedbug?

• 1:01:19Speaker 01

  A bug man. We gotta wrap it up.

• 1:01:22H. Foley?

  Louis, congratulations on the new home.

• 1:01:25Speaker 01

  Very nice.

• 1:01:25H. Foley?

  On the new car.

• 1:01:26Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:01:27H. Foley?

  On your lovely, beautiful girlfriend.

• 1:01:29Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:01:29H. Foley?

  Who seems fantastic.

• 1:01:30Speaker 02

  Good girl.

• 1:01:31H. Foley?

  On all your success. Coming back from your trip.

• 1:01:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:34H. Foley?

  The brand new book, Knives and Spoons.

• 1:01:36Speaker 02

  44th birthday.

• 1:01:37H. Foley?

  Success of every happy birthday.

• 1:01:38Speaker 02

  Coffee, body brain coffee. Grab that body brain coffee, support your testosterone naturally.

• 1:01:42H. Foley?

  And here's the good news. You are still, without a doubt, 100% garbage.

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  Trash.

• 1:01:51H. Foley?

  Louis J Gomez, ladies and gentlemen. The birthday boy.

• 1:01:55Speaker 02

  Thank you, boys.

• 1:01:56Speaker 01

  Plug away, big guy.

• 1:01:57H. Foley?

  Plug away, big guy.

• 1:01:58Speaker 02

  Come see me live on the road, LouisSkanks.com. The Rattle Me This Tour coming to a city near you. Skank Fest tickets, April 20th. Presale sold out in three minutes.

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  Let's go.

• 1:02:06Speaker 02

  We are gonna sell out faster than we've ever sold out before. The boys are coming this year. New Orleans is the absolute fucking best venue for it. It's incredible. I don't see how we could possibly top last year, but it's gonna happen. Lots of fun people that have never been there before. Yo Kraden presents Skank Fest, skankfest.com. Use that promo code. There's no promo code, but get the tickets on April 20th at 2pm. Get my book and all that other stuff.

• 1:02:29H. Foley?

  Yes, sir. Thank you, Louis. Kip, what do you got for them?

• 1:02:31Speaker 01

  If you're listening to this when it comes out, this Thursday and Friday, we're in Chicago. And Bloomington, Indiana, Saturday in Nashville is sold out. And then we have LA for Netflix's Joke Fest. And then a bunch of other dates on the website. Get them at areyougarbage.com.

• 1:02:45H. Foley?

  Yeah. See you next weekend.